That was my thought as well. "I miscarried yesterday. The doctor said it was due to all the stress I was under. I blame you and your mother." And then block both of them.
@@Heydodoakskdkdjf She was already blasé about the baby from all the problem MIL was causing that it was better for her and the baby to terminate. I’m sure if MIL had kept her trap shut, the pregnancy would have progressed with a loving mother, but she killed that through her constant nagging and doubting. Personally, I would have told her if I wanted a parent that was constantly monitoring everything I did, including how long it takes for me to sh*t, I would have stayed at home with my own parents!
@@Heydodoakskdkdjfif there is a human with his DNA walking around, u are ALWAYS connected. Even if u give the kid for adoption, that kid would have wanted to connect with his bio family
Can you imagine someone standing outside the bathroom door knocking saying you are taking too long? Like WTF…can’t even take a crap without being hounded by the dogs!
@@stirrednotshaken4823I think MIL had a clue that OP would terminate ~~AND THANK THE GODS SHE DID!! NOT ONLY FOR HER MENTAL STATE, BUT FOR THE UTTER **HELL** OP AND THAT 'CHILD' WOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH~~UNTIL MIL & DADDY 'GOT RID OF' OP...
You can fall out of love in an instant. I was in love with my husband when he said he wanted a divorce. It threw me into a depression-like state. I begged him not to leave, as we had a two year old daughter. Then, I asked him to go to therapy. He said no. I finally asked if there was another woman? He said no again, that he just didn't want to be married to me. I felt horrible about myself as he said I was fat. Then I discovered through a friend that he had been seeing another woman even before he asked for a divorce. In that second I lost all love for him. I had been faithful, loving him so much, but he couldn't keep his pants on. We divorced. So, OP, don't let anyone else shame you for falling out of love. It takes trust to love someone and, if they destroy that trust, love will leave.
That's when you leave and take your child with you. He can go live his life. You can be happy on your own and cutting contact with him permanently. He doesn't deserve to be a father the POS.
@@diffsnicker That's so weird of you to lump all women together and put words in this random woman's mouth. You say that to her like she personally hurt you. Who said she'd ever say that about a man to begin with??? Not all women are the same just like you say "not all men", remember????? If it's not all men, then it's not all women. And what??? By your logic...apparently cheating when you have a wife and child is somehow "responsible"????? If anything, taking the kids and cutting contact *IS* responsible. The child doesn't need the influence of a shallow minded cheater. Why does he deserve a relationship with the kid he also betrayed by being a cheater????? Stop being delusional. You can't act like women are all bad and then proceed to be one of those guys who trys to take *EVERY* situation and try and make the man a victim every... single... time. How bout saving your bs for when a man is *ACTUALLY* a victim, y'know, like a normal person?????
Her dumbass husband drank the Kool Aid and turned on his wife thinking she cheated. He is a coward. She has every right to leave. It will only get worse
I suspect some of the people who were telling her not to end it also saw her as an incubator. Also that MIL was very controlling and husband allowed her to pay for everything, the home, the medical bills, WTF was he doing with his money as he supposedly was doing so well?
@IzzyPR2010 Having fun. Makes me think the cheating accusation was a smokescreen for OPs ex husband. OP was right to got through termination, no one in the story is fit to raise a child. OP may feel numb and empty now, but she'll get better with time. It's also sad to see how shallow people are when OPs ex friends only reached out about her pregnancy.
No, this is disgusting. She likely knew his mom was like this before she married him, some people will not be fake or hide their nature. She should take some accountability but y'all will coddling her bc she told one side of the story & begged for validation on the internet.
They may have been legally married, but nothing about that man felt like a husband. Felt like a little boy who couldn't cut the cord. He normalized the abuse of his mother. Even if she wasn't as bad as OPs family, it was still bad enough to be that trigger.
I’d never forgive my mom for not terminating me if I knew I was born in that situation. I’d be disgusted if I was blood related to that family 🤣 OP did the right thing
To not only not say anything to your mother but leave your wife in the dust is absolutely horrible. It's even more worse to ask immediately if its not even your son's.
The way OP just assumes she's the one at fault for how she feels is heartbreaking. She needs help and a lot of the things she said about herself makes it sound as if someone else said those things to her. I hope she gets the help she needs and the friends she deserves.
She likely knew his mom was like this before she married him, and there could have been signs they should not have been together from the beginning... But yes she's got low self esteem & begged for a pity party on Reddit, so she can dodge accountability & murder a child.
Yeah, how she kept saying that she's a person that's unwell. There were some classic signs here: like her saying that she had no friends of her own (all of her friends were his friends). Meaning that she was heavily dependent on her husband emotionally. Usually those who are abused don't have a supportive system of their own, and everything about their life is connected to the person they're dependent on.
@@geenhern She was right in not having the child. A child needs a healthy and supportive environment to grow up in. She was not in the right frame of mind or emotion to have and raise a child. Plus, she said that she started to feel disgusted about the pregnancy and her husband. She could have carried those feelings over to the child, and the child would grow up in a sh*tty environment with mom issues. Her husband is a grown man child: letting his mom pay for things so that he could spend his money for fun. He's not a man, and would not have been a good father to the child. Just imagine if the MIL does something to the child, and the child tries to tell him, he wouldn't do anything and would put the blame on the child, just like he did with the OP. The MIL shouldn't be a grandmother to anyone. The OP was right in saying that her MIL shouldn't be trusted with a child. The OP definitely has low self-esteem and needs to get therapy. It's clear that she didn't resolve her family trauma before getting into a relationship.
I feel really sad that OP thinks she is deeply unwell. Especially because of falling out of love. When a loved one betrays you in the way he did, it's shifts your fundamental understanding of who that person is. You may have to fall in love with them again, or you may realize you can't love who they actually are/who they "became" because it's too at odds with your own goals and life.
''He seemed very certain that he can keep her away until we get the results'' This right here, he didnt say he would keep her away, hes just saying he ''can'' not that he ''will'' Edit: yep hes full of shit like with the doctor appointment Glad shes better, i get the ppl saying she would regret it later, but its not up to them, shes right, if shes gonna hate the baby thats not a good enviroment for anyone. Also its totally normal to fell out of love with someone that fast, Love requires work, its like building a jenga tower, if a romantic partner does something really shocking its the same as taking out the base brick, stuff like these, or hitting a partner or kicking a dog right in front of you, actions have reactions.
I'm really glad she didn't keep the baby. The baby would've grown up in a sh*tty environment with a traumatized mom, man-child traumatized dad, and abusive grandmother. I'm tired of people thinking that having children despite bad circumstances is an honorable thing to do. I wonder if all of the abused children in the world would agree with that...
Ex-MIL will probably do everything she can to destroy OPs life. That sort of a See You Next Tuesday can't stand it when the abused gets away from them. "They're supposed to stay and be abused, dammit! That's the only reason they exist!"
That literally sums up the way abusive people think. The victims are supposed to stay and be abused. So, so glad she left. I'm also so glad she had the income to leave. This is why it's so important to be financially independent. So many women like her fall into the trap of being dependent on their husband, which makes it harder for them to leave even if they want to.
Hes a huge mummys boy ... He should of shut his mother down immediately, thats his family , a natural progression after marriage. Id definitely divorce
He's also just a man-child. He let's his mom pay for things so he can save money to have more fun. The mom paid for the flat, and he didn't bother telling the OP, and left the OP with his mom at the clinic. He's not a man.
The last comment op made was a year ago and it seems she planned the divorce to start in January. Hopefully she got what she needed and is mentally safe by now
Good luck to him ever having a long lasting relationship or a woman who wants to have a baby with him because damn his mum will ruin everything for him and he’ll just let it happen every time, mummy’s boy clearly
Nope, glad op terminated the pregnancy otherwise she'd be stuck to those abusive people the rest of her life, let the lawyer handle everything from now on, the Op can move and start fresh somewhere else, she already didn't have a connection to the child growing inside of her so it was best she terminated the child and leave that scumbag of an ex, she can find someone who deserves her more, wishing her all the best.
@@JjJjJ200 MIL treated her horribly, and husband is still connected to her bu the umbilical cord. What kind of person stands outside the bathroom door and times how long you're in there, orders you around, and treats you with constant distain for no other reason than you are alive?
The mother in law and her husband were scums, sure, but she is no saint for killing an unborn child out of spite. I see why she married a loser, she’s no saint.
The people on Reddit who saw that this woman not only was being re-traumatized by this abusive behavior, but already had severe trauma responses from the abuse in her childhood, and were like "NO! GIVE BIRTH TO THIS ZYGOTE YOU FEEL DISGUSTED BY BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST TRAUMATIZED NOW!" are so dumb. She'd be MORE traumatized and probably wind up hating the child. Those people are awful. The husband and mother are complete trash.
Her PPD would have been terrible to the point she may have harmed herself. The environment was no place to bring a child into and her mental state wasn't in the right either
The people who protect other women’s pregnancies at all costs baffle me. You won’t be the one to raise the child, won’t be the one to support the child, and you won’t the one to explain that they’re a broken family because Mom didn’t want them, so you might as well just stfu
But the commitment cannot be achieved with a man. I’m not saying that her carrying it is not important, but both deserve credit. More so the woman than the guy. But the guy deserves to have some credit for it
It's also incredibly weird how despite a simple donation, a lot of the time, a man's opinion seems to be more important than the woman's opinion regarding the woman's own body. The donation was at the man's pleasure (s*x) and only takes a moment, but the pregnancy is at the woman's displeasure and lasts a long time. The difference between the effort is night and day.
she was definitely having a trauma response but I think she did the right thing, she was justified. Her ex husband knew about her history with abuse, knew that his mother was overbearing and rude, and he knew that demanding a paternity test and accusing her of cheating even though he was her first partner was completely wrong. I think the cherry on top was when he said he didn't know if he wanted to be married to her and when he started throwing insults at her, glad she got away from those sickos, her husband was an absolute coward, especially in the face of his mother, no man like that can do any good for a woman.
i am a vindictive vengeful person towards people who treat me badly. i would go and get the paternity test and have an appointment for termination scheduled the next day. after they read the results i would have revealed the pregnancy was terminated the next day and walked out of the house.
Story 1: Spineless husband; how dare you accuse your wife of acting guilty because she reacted negatively to the paternity test! You knew that she has been extremely faithful to you and the fact that your mother insisted on one is a slap to the face for someone who never cheated! If you had any brains and spine; you would know this!
As someone else had pointed out, there's a chance he was the one cheating and that's where all his money was going as "mommy" was the one paying all the bills.
@@JjJjJ200 She acted negatively because of the slap. And anyone would try to defend themselves against such accusations. If you were accused of doing something you didn't, would you just take it? No. You would try to defend yourself and deny it. And sure you can act nonchalant about it, but you would still feel somewhat hurt at the accusation even if you weren't cheating. Just because you react differently doesn't other people will act the same.
@@JjJjJ200that’s not a sign of cheating. You’re projecting how you’d react if you were guilty. Stupid people always look for confirmation bias instead of actual unbiased evidence. If ANY PERSON reacts “badly” to being accused of cheating, it’s either bc she was faithful & is hurt and insulted of being accused or they’re guilty. Reacting suspiciously & reacting poorly are different btw. One is subjective & the other isn’t.
I’m glad she prioritized herself & her mental wellbeing. She made the right choice. I can imagine how stuck she’d feel if she had a child. I literally can imagine bc I had a friend who had a similar situation. She was genuinely happy newly wed & fell pregnant. He expressed doubts bc they’d only had unprotected sex during the honeymoon. Well for religious reasons she had the child. She believed abortion was a sin. She resented the child & ended up committing suicide 3 years after the birth. She never got over her husband’s treatment & loss all trust in him. Motherhood only compounds the resentment & she couldn’t get a divorce (also a sin). In the end all that sacrifice was for nothing bc she committed suicide which is also a sin in her religion. All she did was suffer for three years and still ended up sinning and costing her life. It all seem pointless to me in the end and I felt really bad for her. I don’t know what happened to the child or the husband.
Did her husband not know how babies are made? That poor woman. It's horrible what happened to her mostly because of her husband's ignorance. Gosh I hope her kid is okay where ever he/she ends up
I am so angry at every person that ever surrounded OP, I WOULD HAVE LEFT CARNAGE BEHIND ALL OF THAT. My anger issues could never leave anyone standing if any mfs think they could get away with this crap. Lawsuits and free docking for everyone
Confused why MIL immediately came to the conclusion that OP cheated but guess I just don't understand crazy MIL logic. OP made all the smart choices especially getting away from those abusive aholes.
Some (not all ofc) of those crazy MILs have a semi inçestuous feelings towards their sons in which they project their dream husbands unto their sons and get jealous when their sons start dating and always think no one else but they are good enough for their son. It's very gross, but insane ppl exist.
My guess would be that MIL is stuck with an unfaithful husband she doesn't love, and that she's projecting. It's also fairly common if not healthy for "boy moms" to believe no potential partner is good enough for their sons. When the son chooses someone the mother doesn't like, they move to take control in other ways. People like the MIL don't seem to understand that just because they suffered at that same stage of life or are still suffering, that it doesn't give them the right to do unto others.
@@annechoyrocks Its not that, she most likely knew that OP was faithful. But planting that seed of doubt in her son's head got her exactly what she wanted, even if OP was faithful (which she was) and it was proven -- it was going to destroy their marriage regardless.
All I can really say is OP also needed some medical advice regarding her trauma. She will never move passed to that if she will always hide with her panic attacks. OP needed that badly.
No, she didn't. It would've been horrible for her, being tied to those monsters and bringing up a kid in that situation would've ended badly. Kids aren't 'fix all', they are responsibilities and people who need care and love. And their was no love or care in that situation.
@creepynugget6641 hence the more of a reason that she should seek psychological treatment. She didn't feel anything for the child, and even worse for herself, also. And the reason for that was because of her traumatic past.
@creepynugget6641 I understand her point of not wanting to bring the "child" to life, but I still will advise her to seek medical assistance about her mental health.
@@creepynugget6641 Where did they mention keeping the kid? She needs help dealing with her trauma. Tip toeing around the house, trying to make yourself invisible, making no sounds. That is NOT normal behavior to having had a fight the night before. It is a trauma response from her childhood that she needs to work out. Feeling numb. Having no feeling about anything. Clasic depresion. She's already having thoughts of "I must be defective" because of the numbness. As someone who has dealt with clinical depression from childhood, those thoughts can quickly turn into suicidal ideation and actual attempts verry, very quickly.
while im not for abortion myself this was the best option for OP a spiteful part of me would have wanted her to keep the baby away from mil and the ex in secret but with how she already described her own feelings and thoughts to the baby and the pregnancy over all it would not have been fair the baby ether so this was the best option in the end.
but even if she kept the baby the vultures would find one way or another to make her look like a psycho or very emotionally fucked mother and would have made op go really insane
My husband was unfaithful many times. I fell out of love after his first fling . I stayed because i had 2 small children and needed his money for them. Now i dont have to pretend any more. They are grown and independent.
Never marry a momma's boy. Mummy will always come first. What a spineless, thoughtless husband: OP did everything right, including the termiantion. She would have had no authority over her own child in that situation.
Yall can’t be fucking serious ! I’m glad she terminated the baby and divorced him because it felt RIGHT FOR HER ! It was a horrible situation … He’s a grown ass man and his mother is a gaslighter . She’s probably going through detachment because of the trauma she’s faced & now what she’s going through now ! He sucks and she should find someone who loves and supports her right
I’m glad she got rid of the baby. That baby would grow up in a toxic environment if she kept it. I hope she finds a partner and family who actually care about her and trust her. Edit: if you’re a pro-lifer. Do not interact with my comment. Y’all are genuinely annoying.
Basically they made you feel as unsafe as you did growing up. If you are going through a crisis and you feel numb it does not mean you don't feel anything. It means you are feeling so much you have basically burned it out. You need to wait until your system comes back online and don't make any decisions you cannot reverse when you feel numb or overwhelmed.
That advice is not helpful, especially in the case of pregnancy. Decisions usually have a time limit that is much sooner than the time it takes to work through your emotions. And when it comes to pregnancy, "not" making a decision IS a decision.
I'm actually glad that OP terminated, because from the sounds of it she may have ended up resenting the child, and have PTSD about pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood
I am just as angry at the people who felt OP should keep the pregnancy. So many of them didn't care about what she was going through and were so selfish as to diminish and dismiss it entirely. She even feels guilty about needing safety and distance from distrustful and manipulative people. Being treated this way is awful.
That poor OP. I worry bout her because even though she's free of her husband and her MIL at least living with them she is still working at the same location so if they want to make her life a nightmare they will still know how to find her. I truly hope they will leave her alone. Also, I hope the next woman that spineless worm of a STBX finds to bring home to his mommy is far more dominant than even she can handle and I sincerely hope that new woman rules over the two of these fools with an iron fist. I hope she takes every dime they have and controls every moment of their lives without mercy. I want them to miss OP's kindness and regret every moment of what they put her through and really understand what it was like to be her. As for OP, I hope she finds herself a fantastic new group of real friends that support her regardless of who she is dating or married to. I also hope she gets a better paying job and moves to a place where she can feel safe and financially stable without the need for someone else to take care of her and she will get the therapeutic assistance she might need. And lastly, I hope in time, when she is ready, I hope she will find a partner that will cherish her for the wonderful person she is and won't try to change her or manipulate her and they will go on to have a long healthy, happy and fulfilling life together full of joy and silly memories.
I've heard many stories along these lines. Emotional incest is a real problem that the current legal system does not account for. Sending that mama's boy back to where he came from was *never going to teach him any lessons!* In a just regime, he would have had his "mother privileges" revoked, i.e. he would have been banned from contacting his mother ever again.
Don't be fooled by conservative fearmonger lies. The vast majority of people who make that choice actually end up feeling relief, and after 5 years, approximately 95% say it turned out to be the best decision, not just the right decision. 19 versus 1, folks. That's a lot of No Regrets In The End.
Someone please check on OP- Maybe this situation is done with, but since it seems like a recent story I am very much concerned. I completely agree with and support her decisions, both with the divorce and termination, but it’s just something about her tone and wording throughout the last update that makes it feel as if she’s struggling a lot more than she’s letting on. She’s lost her friends, husband, pregnancy, and so on within such a short time period that regardless of if she wanted it or not, it is still bound to have a major effect on her mental wellbeing, and she seems to be falling into a state of dissociation and isolation.
The husband and the mother ...would have tried to get custody of the kid ..and take the kid away .if she would have gone thru with the pregnancy ....and the husbands mother put her son pedestal....no woman was good enuf for her son ...the mother never liked the sons wife ...and the son let his mother control his marriage ...it was right the wife got the divorce...because she had a spineless husband ..with his mom paying for the apt...so he could have more fun ....
Why are there so many mysogynists amongst the commentators here? I can't see why there are so many haters attacking a woman who suffered abuse her whole life and then made a bad marriage. Why is it all her fault that her family was abusive and that her husband also becsme abusive? Bullies instinctively know who make good targets and the targets don't recognise the bullies until it's too late. It seems also that bullies look for stories like this that they can push their mysogyny and hate onto.
Never marry a mama's boy! What a wimp. I probably would have done the same thing she did. But I'm curious about why she kept using words like scared and unsafe in regards to being alone with her mother-in-law. What did she think the woman was going to do? Is there a history of violence? I'd love to know what country this was in so we could look at the cultural differences. To me, an American, she took way too long to absolve herself of that situation.
I can understand why people would try to avoid termination if possible but honestly, sometimes its better. I grew up in an abusive household too, and my mother is not someone who shouldve ever had children. I'm an adult now and I'd say I'm sort of okay, but have so many lingering issues and mental health problems that I don't think I'll ever be able to fix. Yes, every child deserves a good life. But sometimes depending on the parents that chance of a good life was impossible from the start. Both the child and the parent would've been miserable forever.
Her MIL and husband sound dangerous to me. I would be worried about their even knowing where she works or staying in the same town. She has reduced much of the danger by terminating, though I could see the MIL going after her for doing that. These people sound like they come from a country/culture where the husband's family owns the wife and her offspring. Even the fact that the abortion clinic said she needed her husband's written consent make me wonder if she lives in a country where women don't have full rights. She should be very careful.
To everyone calling her "evil" for the termination..Uhmm do you love child abuse?Do you hate children? Do you want them to suffer?Because there is no way this child would have grown up in a loving home. And if you wish that upon anyone, especially an innocent child, YOU are the evil one.Existing for the sake of existance alone is barely living.
I hope OP continues to heal and that she stays NC with her ex and ex in law. Now that there’s no more link to them, I feel her life will get infinitely better.
I don't think so either. I'd think he'd sooner demand full custody of the child, let his mom raise the kid and always talk smack about the mother of the child. This really was the best option for OP.
Op needs to stop looking for someone to make her feel safe because safe is a relative term. She needs to focus on herself which includes working on her definition of safety. If it’s financial independence then she can work on herself. If it’s emotional or mental then she can work with a therapist or become a part of a woman’s group. She needs to build her strength instead of trying to marry into feeling secure.
You are better without these awful people in your life. Friends stay closer when you are going through a really tough time they don’t turn their backs on you. You are not weird, you are human. We are all different and we all have the right to say no, enough is enough. The person you married is a child still hanging on to his mother’s apron. He should have supported you. He’s also deceitful. Give yourself time to heal. You’re going to be fine. Also, that nurse has no right to be nasty to you, even if you are the worse person in the world she has no right to judge you. It’s called nursing.
Holy shit that husband is a piece of shit. Its insane that someone call themselves a man while not only they let their wife be awfully disrespected, but also deny to see that she was.
I fully believe you can fall out of love in an instant. And these are the kinds of situations I think it happens. I also think she made the best decision for both her and the baby. I believe if you can't give a baby a decent life then sometimes its just for the best if you are able. Her and the baby being tied to that man and his mother would have made them miserable. Not a good environment for a child. I hope she gets the healing she needs. She sounds like shes been surrounded by trash her whole life.
Never say that you had an abortion. Make sure you say that you miscarried from the stress of the MIL and the demands for the paternity test. I wouldn't want a baby under these circumstances either. Get away and be safe. Take care of yourself. Get counciling if you can afford it.
It is a trauma response honestly whenever time a man figure in my life don't protect me I immediately stop loving them even if it's my husband I deserve protection an even worse you are my partner I'm so glad you got rid of that baby wish I had that sense my mental health would be better today
She was absolutely right in terminating the pregnancy, she Is'nt mentally stable enough go take care of the babby neither is the father, the father is a mama's boy and the baby wouod be at the mercy of the controlling grandma, because kf that baby was born then she and the baby would be tied to them, it was for the best.
@angelmoonie I absolutely love when people say “it’s a fetus not a baby”. It reminds me when one politician said that we should have not forbidden cutting off dogs’ tails for non-medical/cosmetic reasons, because “they are animals, not people” so it’s OK.
Instead of marrying anyone she should seek help for her mental issues, because she is not okay at all. She was absolutely right to terminate or she would end up being tied to those people for the rest of her life. And mentally not well mother isn't good for a child in a lot of cases. She chose the best option. She shouldn't seek escape in men. Nearly all men and even a lot of women raised in patriarchal families lack empathy towards girls and women. They don't perceive women as humans, they see girls and women as subhumans, sl*ves, servants and property. Especially if they are religious, they sell and buy girls. So she made the wrong choice by even dating before resolving her psychological issues.
When OP got rid of her baby: OMG the mom and husband suck, but OP's no better for getting rid of it! 😡 If OP chose to risk her life to give birth and give her baby away: not another kid in the system! How could you be so cruel?! 😡 If OP chose to be a single mother: Well you should've kept your legs closed, should've chose better, what are you doing now the baby won't have a father 😡 People would complain regardless of what OP did, but I’m glad she made the best decision for herself. Risking her health to give birth and becoming a single mother would've made her life unnecessarily harder.
"I dont think it's normal to fall out of love this quickly" actually I think one would argue it can be that easy. you felt like you were threatened and the love that was in your heart was replaced by fear and loathing. it seems people have forgotten the saying, "there is a fine line between love and hate" emotions shift faster then the sun moves. youre not evil or cruel or anything negative for experiencing something all humans experience and if they havent then they are lucky. also everyone who told OP that her not wanting to be pregnant was just a trauma response, if every single time she has a clear mind and see's her baby bump and feels nothing?? shes not having a trauma response her mind and body are telling her "you dont want this" if youve never been pregnant I dont really feel like you can give any "you should keep it its just a trauma response" the pain of being pregnant and knowing you cant terminate even though thats waht you really want is how so many children have mothers who shit all over their dreams and look towards them with disgust and even abandon them. so no its a great thing OP did what she needed to do so that when true motherhood came her way if thats something she even wanted again after this. it wouldve happened the right way and those children would be born into love and happiness, not bitterness and contempt.
things like this are why I can't demonize fetus deletus man. I hope she'll be okay I know that sounds bad, and I am still early into the video so I may edit this comment if I change my mind, but rn I'm just like... her situation is shit, I don't blame her at all
And btw, even he was a victim and was too manipulated, it doesnt change the fact that he also acted like an asshole. No one is responsible for others trauma and is totally okay to walk away when you’re being affected by that.
Just a reminder to everyone: You have the right to refuse to donate the use of your organs to anyone & anything, including after your own demise, but also *before* your demise. This includes the use of the uterus, etc. Additionally, pregnancy impacts the body like a nine-month-slow car crash would, causing major physiological changes, and of course includes the risk of demise. People have the right to refuse to put themselves through any of that. ESPECIALLY if the one person who is supposed to be supporting & help caring for them...does not.
She should’ve said “yeah, I’ll get the paternity test for you the same day I go in to abort it and take our divorce papers in to the court house. Now get out and take your overgrown child with you.”
I say just take the test then get the results. No matter what the results are just head out. You can hire a lawyer and get divorced. Sounds like this whole situation triggered some past traumatic event from your life. If you feel like you need to leave then do what makes you happy. How your husband and his mother ganged up on you wasn't right. You husband should have simply asked for a paternity test. It didn't have to be what they made it. The implications of cheating hurt your feelings. To the point where you flipped a switch and no longer wish to be married.
I would act like a character in my fav tv show (Mad Men): - I had your baby and gave it away I’d love to see them trying to find the kid for a while before telling them the truth. I’d handle any legal issues if necessary, I’d love the circus
How is it sexist to expect the person who promised to protect you to protect you? And for everyone who's getting mad at women like her for not keeping the child: As someone who has a kid (wasn't my choice) with a man who wildly mistreated and then left me, no. You are NOT obligated to chain yourself to a person like that for your whole life! And no child deserves to have a parent like my ex or the man in this story.
shes better than me i would have told the mum that her living there caused me enough stress to misscarrige
Miscarry, keep the baby in secret, and never put his name on the birth certificate.
@@Heydodoakskdkdjf nah then she would still be tied to him. what do you think will happen when the kid asks where their fathers at?
That was my thought as well. "I miscarried yesterday. The doctor said it was due to all the stress I was under. I blame you and your mother." And then block both of them.
@@Heydodoakskdkdjf She was already blasé about the baby from all the problem MIL was causing that it was better for her and the baby to terminate. I’m sure if MIL had kept her trap shut, the pregnancy would have progressed with a loving mother, but she killed that through her constant nagging and doubting. Personally, I would have told her if I wanted a parent that was constantly monitoring everything I did, including how long it takes for me to sh*t, I would have stayed at home with my own parents!
@@Heydodoakskdkdjfif there is a human with his DNA walking around, u are ALWAYS connected. Even if u give the kid for adoption, that kid would have wanted to connect with his bio family
They agreed that she wouldn't have to see his mom.
Next thing she knows: the MIL moved in.
I'm glad OP is running for the hills
Can you imagine someone standing outside the bathroom door knocking saying you are taking too long? Like WTF…can’t even take a crap without being hounded by the dogs!
@@stirrednotshaken4823 Precisely - Abusive parents, are whom do that. Same case with me, as soon as I could I dipped the heck out of the family house!
@@stirrednotshaken4823I think MIL had a clue that OP would terminate ~~AND THANK THE GODS SHE DID!! NOT ONLY FOR HER MENTAL STATE, BUT FOR THE UTTER **HELL** OP AND THAT 'CHILD' WOULD HAVE GONE THROUGH~~UNTIL MIL & DADDY 'GOT RID OF' OP...
You can fall out of love in an instant. I was in love with my husband when he said he wanted a divorce. It threw me into a depression-like state. I begged him not to leave, as we had a two year old daughter. Then, I asked him to go to therapy. He said no. I finally asked if there was another woman? He said no again, that he just didn't want to be married to me. I felt horrible about myself as he said I was fat. Then I discovered through a friend that he had been seeing another woman even before he asked for a divorce. In that second I lost all love for him. I had been faithful, loving him so much, but he couldn't keep his pants on. We divorced.
So, OP, don't let anyone else shame you for falling out of love. It takes trust to love someone and, if they destroy that trust, love will leave.
That's when you leave and take your child with you. He can go live his life. You can be happy on your own and cutting contact with him permanently. He doesn't deserve to be a father the POS.
Now that you know what it's like quit asking men what they did to make their wives cheat.
@@michellealjunaidi8471yikes. Amber alert much? Or are you not responsible and accountable cause you're a woman?
@@diffsnicker That's so weird of you to lump all women together and put words in this random woman's mouth. You say that to her like she personally hurt you. Who said she'd ever say that about a man to begin with??? Not all women are the same just like you say "not all men", remember????? If it's not all men, then it's not all women.
And what??? By your logic...apparently cheating when you have a wife and child is somehow "responsible"?????
If anything, taking the kids and cutting contact *IS* responsible. The child doesn't need the influence of a shallow minded cheater. Why does he deserve a relationship with the kid he also betrayed by being a cheater?????
Stop being delusional. You can't act like women are all bad and then proceed to be one of those guys who trys to take *EVERY* situation and try and make the man a victim every... single... time. How bout saving your bs for when a man is *ACTUALLY* a victim, y'know, like a normal person?????
@@diffsnickerwhat a miserable person you are
Her dumbass husband drank the Kool Aid and turned on his wife thinking she cheated.
He is a coward. She has every right to leave. It will only get worse
I'm glad OP got away. Call me crazy, but part of me thinks OP's ex and his mom just wanted her to be an incubator for them. The vibes are off.
I suspect some of the people who were telling her not to end it also saw her as an incubator. Also that MIL was very controlling and husband allowed her to pay for everything, the home, the medical bills, WTF was he doing with his money as he supposedly was doing so well?
@IzzyPR2010 Having fun. Makes me think the cheating accusation was a smokescreen for OPs ex husband. OP was right to got through termination, no one in the story is fit to raise a child. OP may feel numb and empty now, but she'll get better with time. It's also sad to see how shallow people are when OPs ex friends only reached out about her pregnancy.
@@nicksuazo4377agreed. He was cheating
No, this is disgusting. She likely knew his mom was like this before she married him, some people will not be fake or hide their nature. She should take some accountability but y'all will coddling her bc she told one side of the story & begged for validation on the internet.
@@geenhernY'all will do anything to blame women for being abused 🙄
They may have been legally married, but nothing about that man felt like a husband. Felt like a little boy who couldn't cut the cord. He normalized the abuse of his mother. Even if she wasn't as bad as OPs family, it was still bad enough to be that trigger.
Having a baby to such a husband would be a lifelong nightmare.
I’d never forgive my mom for not terminating me if I knew I was born in that situation. I’d be disgusted if I was blood related to that family 🤣 OP did the right thing
To not only not say anything to your mother but leave your wife in the dust is absolutely horrible. It's even more worse to ask immediately if its not even your son's.
My deceased mother in law did this. He told her i was pregnant and she said...is it yours? If hr had demanded a test i would have left him.
@@fivelittlemonkees I'm sorry that happened. I do hope things are going well now-a-days!
@fivelittlemonkees I know exactly how that feels
"Can you give me updates on the pregnancy?"
"Yeah, I ended it"
LMFAO
🗿
The way OP just assumes she's the one at fault for how she feels is heartbreaking. She needs help and a lot of the things she said about herself makes it sound as if someone else said those things to her. I hope she gets the help she needs and the friends she deserves.
She likely knew his mom was like this before she married him, and there could have been signs they should not have been together from the beginning... But yes she's got low self esteem & begged for a pity party on Reddit, so she can dodge accountability & murder a child.
reddit was probably the worst place to turn to, too. literally an incel haven
@@geenhern Nope, no child there, just a fetus with hubby's garbage genes.
Yeah, how she kept saying that she's a person that's unwell. There were some classic signs here: like her saying that she had no friends of her own (all of her friends were his friends). Meaning that she was heavily dependent on her husband emotionally. Usually those who are abused don't have a supportive system of their own, and everything about their life is connected to the person they're dependent on.
@@geenhern She was right in not having the child. A child needs a healthy and supportive environment to grow up in. She was not in the right frame of mind or emotion to have and raise a child. Plus, she said that she started to feel disgusted about the pregnancy and her husband. She could have carried those feelings over to the child, and the child would grow up in a sh*tty environment with mom issues.
Her husband is a grown man child: letting his mom pay for things so that he could spend his money for fun. He's not a man, and would not have been a good father to the child. Just imagine if the MIL does something to the child, and the child tries to tell him, he wouldn't do anything and would put the blame on the child, just like he did with the OP. The MIL shouldn't be a grandmother to anyone. The OP was right in saying that her MIL shouldn't be trusted with a child.
The OP definitely has low self-esteem and needs to get therapy. It's clear that she didn't resolve her family trauma before getting into a relationship.
I feel really sad that OP thinks she is deeply unwell. Especially because of falling out of love. When a loved one betrays you in the way he did, it's shifts your fundamental understanding of who that person is. You may have to fall in love with them again, or you may realize you can't love who they actually are/who they "became" because it's too at odds with your own goals and life.
''He seemed very certain that he can keep her away until we get the results''
This right here, he didnt say he would keep her away, hes just saying he ''can'' not that he ''will''
Edit: yep hes full of shit like with the doctor appointment
Glad shes better, i get the ppl saying she would regret it later, but its not up to them, shes right, if shes gonna hate the baby thats not a good enviroment for anyone.
Also its totally normal to fell out of love with someone that fast, Love requires work, its like building a jenga tower, if a romantic partner does something really shocking its the same as taking out the base brick, stuff like these, or hitting a partner or kicking a dog right in front of you, actions have reactions.
Imagine if OP kept the baby. OP would've been in labor and MIL would've been in the room 'coaching' OP.
CRITICIZING how OP handled labor.
Blaming OP for having a c section instead normal birth
Taking the baby as soon as he or she was born. They wouldn't need OP anymore.
The mil would’ve been in the morgue if I were op, just saying.
I'm really glad she didn't keep the baby. The baby would've grown up in a sh*tty environment with a traumatized mom, man-child traumatized dad, and abusive grandmother. I'm tired of people thinking that having children despite bad circumstances is an honorable thing to do. I wonder if all of the abused children in the world would agree with that...
Ex-MIL will probably do everything she can to destroy OPs life. That sort of a See You Next Tuesday can't stand it when the abused gets away from them. "They're supposed to stay and be abused, dammit! That's the only reason they exist!"
That literally sums up the way abusive people think. The victims are supposed to stay and be abused. So, so glad she left. I'm also so glad she had the income to leave. This is why it's so important to be financially independent. So many women like her fall into the trap of being dependent on their husband, which makes it harder for them to leave even if they want to.
Run!! Get away from these abusers!!! Divorce!! He didn't even protect you from his crazzy mother!! This will just continue!! Protect yourself!!
Hes a huge mummys boy ... He should of shut his mother down immediately, thats his family , a natural progression after marriage. Id definitely divorce
He wanted mommy’s ninny and money
He's also just a man-child. He let's his mom pay for things so he can save money to have more fun. The mom paid for the flat, and he didn't bother telling the OP, and left the OP with his mom at the clinic. He's not a man.
The last comment op made was a year ago and it seems she planned the divorce to start in January. Hopefully she got what she needed and is mentally safe by now
She's never going to be mentally safe. She is a certified nut job.
Good luck to him ever having a long lasting relationship or a woman who wants to have a baby with him because damn his mum will ruin everything for him and he’ll just let it happen every time, mummy’s boy clearly
Also he had the audacity to mention he was wanting a divorce but is mad when OP followed through with it 🥴
Nope, glad op terminated the pregnancy otherwise she'd be stuck to those abusive people the rest of her life, let the lawyer handle everything from now on, the Op can move and start fresh somewhere else, she already didn't have a connection to the child growing inside of her so it was best she terminated the child and leave that scumbag of an ex, she can find someone who deserves her more, wishing her all the best.
Gaslight much? Oh you think I'm cheating well then you're abusive...i think the reaction proved she was cheating.
@@JjJjJ200 reaction isn't a proof. the parental test prooved that she didnt cheat
@@JjJjJ200 MIL treated her horribly, and husband is still connected to her bu the umbilical cord. What kind of person stands outside the bathroom door and times how long you're in there, orders you around, and treats you with constant distain for no other reason than you are alive?
@@meangengar8053 The test didn't prove she didn't cheat, just that he was the father.
The mother in law and her husband were scums, sure, but she is no saint for killing an unborn child out of spite. I see why she married a loser, she’s no saint.
The people on Reddit who saw that this woman not only was being re-traumatized by this abusive behavior, but already had severe trauma responses from the abuse in her childhood, and were like "NO! GIVE BIRTH TO THIS ZYGOTE YOU FEEL DISGUSTED BY BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST TRAUMATIZED NOW!" are so dumb. She'd be MORE traumatized and probably wind up hating the child. Those people are awful.
The husband and mother are complete trash.
Her PPD would have been terrible to the point she may have harmed herself. The environment was no place to bring a child into and her mental state wasn't in the right either
The people who protect other women’s pregnancies at all costs baffle me. You won’t be the one to raise the child, won’t be the one to support the child, and you won’t the one to explain that they’re a broken family because Mom didn’t want them, so you might as well just stfu
A woman commits to a lifetime of body changes and care with a pregnancy. A man gives a genetic donation and wants praise for conception.
But the commitment cannot be achieved with a man. I’m not saying that her carrying it is not important, but both deserve credit. More so the woman than the guy. But the guy deserves to have some credit for it
It's also incredibly weird how despite a simple donation, a lot of the time, a man's opinion seems to be more important than the woman's opinion regarding the woman's own body. The donation was at the man's pleasure (s*x) and only takes a moment, but the pregnancy is at the woman's displeasure and lasts a long time. The difference between the effort is night and day.
Come on, what credit?
@@aleksandrakowalczyk6043 I don’t know. Like the genetic material he dumped in her. The stuff needed to make the baby
Ikr
she was definitely having a trauma response but I think she did the right thing, she was justified. Her ex husband knew about her history with abuse, knew that his mother was overbearing and rude, and he knew that demanding a paternity test and accusing her of cheating even though he was her first partner was completely wrong. I think the cherry on top was when he said he didn't know if he wanted to be married to her and when he started throwing insults at her, glad she got away from those sickos, her husband was an absolute coward, especially in the face of his mother, no man like that can do any good for a woman.
i am a vindictive vengeful person towards people who treat me badly. i would go and get the paternity test and have an appointment for termination scheduled the next day. after they read the results i would have revealed the pregnancy was terminated the next day and walked out of the house.
Savage, but justified
Same
OMG saaameee
killing a child cause your vindictive. i see. what did the child do to deserve that?
Well, they're not born yet.
@@RodneyRichards-rk3ud
Story 1: Spineless husband; how dare you accuse your wife of acting guilty because she reacted negatively to the paternity test! You knew that she has been extremely faithful to you and the fact that your mother insisted on one is a slap to the face for someone who never cheated! If you had any brains and spine; you would know this!
As someone else had pointed out, there's a chance he was the one cheating and that's where all his money was going as "mommy" was the one paying all the bills.
If she acted that negatively she probably was cheating. No excuse for the slap but definitely was cheating.
@@JjJjJ200 She acted negatively because of the slap. And anyone would try to defend themselves against such accusations. If you were accused of doing something you didn't, would you just take it? No. You would try to defend yourself and deny it. And sure you can act nonchalant about it, but you would still feel somewhat hurt at the accusation even if you weren't cheating. Just because you react differently doesn't other people will act the same.
@@JjJjJ200that’s not a sign of cheating. You’re projecting how you’d react if you were guilty. Stupid people always look for confirmation bias instead of actual unbiased evidence. If ANY PERSON reacts “badly” to being accused of cheating, it’s either bc she was faithful & is hurt and insulted of being accused or they’re guilty. Reacting suspiciously & reacting poorly are different btw. One is subjective & the other isn’t.
So glad she’s out. There was something very very wrong with ex and his mother. Restraining order asap.
I’m glad she prioritized herself & her mental wellbeing. She made the right choice. I can imagine how stuck she’d feel if she had a child. I literally can imagine bc I had a friend who had a similar situation. She was genuinely happy newly wed & fell pregnant. He expressed doubts bc they’d only had unprotected sex during the honeymoon. Well for religious reasons she had the child. She believed abortion was a sin. She resented the child & ended up committing suicide 3 years after the birth. She never got over her husband’s treatment & loss all trust in him. Motherhood only compounds the resentment & she couldn’t get a divorce (also a sin). In the end all that sacrifice was for nothing bc she committed suicide which is also a sin in her religion. All she did was suffer for three years and still ended up sinning and costing her life. It all seem pointless to me in the end and I felt really bad for her. I don’t know what happened to the child or the husband.
Did her husband not know how babies are made? That poor woman. It's horrible what happened to her mostly because of her husband's ignorance. Gosh I hope her kid is okay where ever he/she ends up
I am so angry at every person that ever surrounded OP, I WOULD HAVE LEFT CARNAGE BEHIND ALL OF THAT. My anger issues could never leave anyone standing if any mfs think they could get away with this crap. Lawsuits and free docking for everyone
Confused why MIL immediately came to the conclusion that OP cheated but guess I just don't understand crazy MIL logic.
OP made all the smart choices especially getting away from those abusive aholes.
Some (not all ofc) of those crazy MILs have a semi inçestuous feelings towards their sons in which they project their dream husbands unto their sons and get jealous when their sons start dating and always think no one else but they are good enough for their son. It's very gross, but insane ppl exist.
MIL is probably a former cheater, so she assumed everyone cheats.
My guess would be that MIL is stuck with an unfaithful husband she doesn't love, and that she's projecting. It's also fairly common if not healthy for "boy moms" to believe no potential partner is good enough for their sons. When the son chooses someone the mother doesn't like, they move to take control in other ways. People like the MIL don't seem to understand that just because they suffered at that same stage of life or are still suffering, that it doesn't give them the right to do unto others.
@@annechoyrocks Its not that, she most likely knew that OP was faithful. But planting that seed of doubt in her son's head got her exactly what she wanted, even if OP was faithful (which she was) and it was proven -- it was going to destroy their marriage regardless.
@robins2819 then she's evil.
I pray she found her happiness this time. May she find true love, supportive friends and loving family
She should have reported that office asking about husband consent. She or others there need to be fired, or at least blacklisted with bad reviews.
All I can really say is OP also needed some medical advice regarding her trauma. She will never move passed to that if she will always hide with her panic attacks. OP needed that badly.
No, she didn't. It would've been horrible for her, being tied to those monsters and bringing up a kid in that situation would've ended badly. Kids aren't 'fix all', they are responsibilities and people who need care and love. And their was no love or care in that situation.
@creepynugget6641 hence the more of a reason that she should seek psychological treatment. She didn't feel anything for the child, and even worse for herself, also. And the reason for that was because of her traumatic past.
@creepynugget6641 I understand her point of not wanting to bring the "child" to life, but I still will advise her to seek medical assistance about her mental health.
@@creepynugget6641 Where did they mention keeping the kid? She needs help dealing with her trauma. Tip toeing around the house, trying to make yourself invisible, making no sounds. That is NOT normal behavior to having had a fight the night before. It is a trauma response from her childhood that she needs to work out.
Feeling numb. Having no feeling about anything. Clasic depresion. She's already having thoughts of "I must be defective" because of the numbness. As someone who has dealt with clinical depression from childhood, those thoughts can quickly turn into suicidal ideation and actual attempts verry, very quickly.
while im not for abortion myself this was the best option for OP a spiteful part of me would have wanted her to keep the baby away from mil and the ex in secret but with how she already described her own feelings and thoughts to the baby and the pregnancy over all it would not have been fair the baby ether so this was the best option in the end.
but even if she kept the baby the vultures would find one way or another to make her look like a psycho or very emotionally fucked mother and would have made op go really insane
@@shireensheikh953 yeah i already thought of that just dint mention it.
Story 1: I am glad that OP is going to divorce her toxic, spineless, narcissistic husband and in-laws!
My husband was unfaithful many times. I fell out of love after his first fling . I stayed because i had 2 small children and needed his money for them.
Now i dont have to pretend any more. They are grown and independent.
Never marry a momma's boy. Mummy will always come first. What a spineless, thoughtless husband: OP did everything right, including the termiantion. She would have had no authority over her own child in that situation.
I hope op leave because abuse isn't ok
Yall can’t be fucking serious ! I’m glad she terminated the baby and divorced him because it felt RIGHT FOR HER ! It was a horrible situation … He’s a grown ass man and his mother is a gaslighter . She’s probably going through detachment because of the trauma she’s faced & now what she’s going through now ! He sucks and she should find someone who loves and supports her right
The emotional incest was crazy
The people telling her to keep it weren't looking after her best interests at all.
Glad she had the termination
I’m glad she got rid of the baby. That baby would grow up in a toxic environment if she kept it.
I hope she finds a partner and family who actually care about her and trust her.
Edit: if you’re a pro-lifer. Do not interact with my comment. Y’all are genuinely annoying.
not only that but that baby would forever keep her tied to the husband and the MIL, i’m glad she’s free
@ omg I didn’t even think of that. You’re right.
"I’m glad she butchered her baby" OMG
@@archita7944 You are so right!
I remember when I was 15, my parents adopted my little brother. He's a High School Principal now... shame on all of you....
Basically they made you feel as unsafe as you did growing up. If you are going through a crisis and you feel numb it does not mean you don't feel anything. It means you are feeling so much you have basically burned it out. You need to wait until your system comes back online and don't make any decisions you cannot reverse when you feel numb or overwhelmed.
That advice is not helpful, especially in the case of pregnancy. Decisions usually have a time limit that is much sooner than the time it takes to work through your emotions.
And when it comes to pregnancy, "not" making a decision IS a decision.
I would have divorced the moment he allowed his mother to treat me this way
BRO I LOVE YOU. I ACTUALLY MOVED TO UA-cam AFTER ALL THESE YEARS FOR YOU
Please don't bind yourself to that Mama's Boy!
She doesn't have to bind herself. She could just give up custody or give the child up for adoption if the husband didn't want to keep the baby.
Nevr bind yourself to a daddy's girl.
@@Larchkty0324
Listen to the story again
"deleting the fetus" ok damn she preformed the fetus deletus
I'm actually glad that OP terminated, because from the sounds of it she may have ended up resenting the child, and have PTSD about pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood
I am just as angry at the people who felt OP should keep the pregnancy. So many of them didn't care about what she was going through and were so selfish as to diminish and dismiss it entirely. She even feels guilty about needing safety and distance from distrustful and manipulative people. Being treated this way is awful.
I feel so much sympathy for this woman
That poor OP. I worry bout her because even though she's free of her husband and her MIL at least living with them she is still working at the same location so if they want to make her life a nightmare they will still know how to find her. I truly hope they will leave her alone. Also, I hope the next woman that spineless worm of a STBX finds to bring home to his mommy is far more dominant than even she can handle and I sincerely hope that new woman rules over the two of these fools with an iron fist. I hope she takes every dime they have and controls every moment of their lives without mercy. I want them to miss OP's kindness and regret every moment of what they put her through and really understand what it was like to be her.
As for OP, I hope she finds herself a fantastic new group of real friends that support her regardless of who she is dating or married to. I also hope she gets a better paying job and moves to a place where she can feel safe and financially stable without the need for someone else to take care of her and she will get the therapeutic assistance she might need. And lastly, I hope in time, when she is ready, I hope she will find a partner that will cherish her for the wonderful person she is and won't try to change her or manipulate her and they will go on to have a long healthy, happy and fulfilling life together full of joy and silly memories.
I've heard many stories along these lines. Emotional incest is a real problem that the current legal system does not account for.
Sending that mama's boy back to where he came from was *never going to teach him any lessons!* In a just regime, he would have had his "mother privileges" revoked, i.e. he would have been banned from contacting his mother ever again.
Don't be fooled by conservative fearmonger lies. The vast majority of people who make that choice actually end up feeling relief, and after 5 years, approximately 95% say it turned out to be the best decision, not just the right decision. 19 versus 1, folks. That's a lot of No Regrets In The End.
Super happy to actually see people supporting OP lol
It's not something you see everyday hdhdhf
Yeah, I came into these comments nervous but folks have been good. Wishing OP all the very best, and the husband and MIL everything they deserve.
No one can protect you but you. Safty is up to you. Just you. You control your own future.
If you don't feel safe.... Leave.
Someone please check on OP- Maybe this situation is done with, but since it seems like a recent story I am very much concerned. I completely agree with and support her decisions, both with the divorce and termination, but it’s just something about her tone and wording throughout the last update that makes it feel as if she’s struggling a lot more than she’s letting on. She’s lost her friends, husband, pregnancy, and so on within such a short time period that regardless of if she wanted it or not, it is still bound to have a major effect on her mental wellbeing, and she seems to be falling into a state of dissociation and isolation.
The husband and the mother ...would have tried to get custody of the kid ..and take the kid away .if she would have gone thru with the pregnancy ....and the husbands mother put her son pedestal....no woman was good enuf for her son ...the mother never liked the sons wife ...and the son let his mother control his marriage ...it was right the wife got the divorce...because she had a spineless husband ..with his mom paying for the apt...so he could have more fun ....
Why are there so many mysogynists amongst the commentators here?
I can't see why there are so many haters attacking a woman who suffered abuse her whole life and then made a bad marriage. Why is it all her fault that her family was abusive and that her husband also becsme abusive? Bullies instinctively know who make good targets and the targets don't recognise the bullies until it's too late. It seems also that bullies look for stories like this that they can push their mysogyny and hate onto.
Never marry a mama's boy! What a wimp. I probably would have done the same thing she did. But I'm curious about why she kept using words like scared and unsafe in regards to being alone with her mother-in-law. What did she think the woman was going to do? Is there a history of violence? I'd love to know what country this was in so we could look at the cultural differences. To me, an American, she took way too long to absolve herself of that situation.
I can understand why people would try to avoid termination if possible but honestly, sometimes its better. I grew up in an abusive household too, and my mother is not someone who shouldve ever had children. I'm an adult now and I'd say I'm sort of okay, but have so many lingering issues and mental health problems that I don't think I'll ever be able to fix. Yes, every child deserves a good life. But sometimes depending on the parents that chance of a good life was impossible from the start. Both the child and the parent would've been miserable forever.
I’m glad OP is free and that she did the right thing. Ex and MIL would’ve made a child’s life miserable, anyway.
The way that mil is acting its like she is projecting her own possible wrongs.
Her MIL and husband sound dangerous to me. I would be worried about their even knowing where she works or staying in the same town. She has reduced much of the danger by terminating, though I could see the MIL going after her for doing that. These people sound like they come from a country/culture where the husband's family owns the wife and her offspring. Even the fact that the abortion clinic said she needed her husband's written consent make me wonder if she lives in a country where women don't have full rights. She should be very careful.
To everyone calling her "evil" for the termination..Uhmm do you love child abuse?Do you hate children? Do you want them to suffer?Because there is no way this child would have grown up in a loving home. And if you wish that upon anyone, especially an innocent child, YOU are the evil one.Existing for the sake of existance alone is barely living.
Foster systems are also extremely harmful to children. Most are subject to abuse by those who should protect them.
@@chrisi308 Exactly. Let alone the feeling of rejection, when you see others getting adopted, but you aren't. Nothing can prepare you for that.
I hope OP continues to heal and that she stays NC with her ex and ex in law. Now that there’s no more link to them, I feel her life will get infinitely better.
I suppose the husband wouldn't have let her give the baby up for adoption.
I don't think so either. I'd think he'd sooner demand full custody of the child, let his mom raise the kid and always talk smack about the mother of the child. This really was the best option for OP.
She choose the right thing
Pretty much
Op needs to stop looking for someone to make her feel safe because safe is a relative term.
She needs to focus on herself which includes working on her definition of safety.
If it’s financial independence then she can work on herself.
If it’s emotional or mental then she can work with a therapist or become a part of a woman’s group.
She needs to build her strength instead of trying to marry into feeling secure.
You are better without these awful people in your life. Friends stay closer when you are going through a really tough time they don’t turn their backs on you. You are not weird, you are human. We are all different and we all have the right to say no, enough is enough. The person you married is a child still hanging on to his mother’s apron. He should have supported you. He’s also deceitful. Give yourself time to heal. You’re going to be fine. Also, that nurse has no right to be nasty to you, even if you are the worse person in the world she has no right to judge you. It’s called nursing.
Holy shit that husband is a piece of shit. Its insane that someone call themselves a man while not only they let their wife be awfully disrespected, but also deny to see that she was.
First time I heard someone said deletus the fetus in a Reddit story lol
I fully believe you can fall out of love in an instant. And these are the kinds of situations I think it happens. I also think she made the best decision for both her and the baby. I believe if you can't give a baby a decent life then sometimes its just for the best if you are able. Her and the baby being tied to that man and his mother would have made them miserable. Not a good environment for a child. I hope she gets the healing she needs. She sounds like shes been surrounded by trash her whole life.
Never say that you had an abortion. Make sure you say that you miscarried from the stress of the MIL and the demands for the paternity test. I wouldn't want a baby under these circumstances either. Get away and be safe. Take care of yourself. Get counciling if you can afford it.
She can say what she likes, we need to normalise abortion by talking about it more.
It's sad that the husband and mother in law destroyed this family by hiding their true natures until a conception occurred. Despicable.
I would have told them not until baby is born for the paternity test. And get out.
You will survive this trauma . You are stronger than you think. I am sending you positive thoughts and prayers .
It is a trauma response honestly whenever time a man figure in my life don't protect me I immediately stop loving them even if it's my husband I deserve protection an even worse you are my partner I'm so glad you got rid of that baby wish I had that sense my mental health would be better today
She was absolutely right in terminating the pregnancy, she Is'nt mentally stable enough go take care of the babby neither is the father, the father is a mama's boy and the baby wouod be at the mercy of the controlling grandma, because kf that baby was born then she and the baby would be tied to them, it was for the best.
and that a reason to kill a child? shes worse then them.
@@RodneyRichards-rk3ud she herself said she wasn't fit or stable. So what's your point?
Also, she got rid of a fetus, not a baby
@@Lala-moonie fit or stable is irrelevant. a fetus is a baby..
@angelmoonie I absolutely love when people say “it’s a fetus not a baby”. It reminds me when one politician said that we should have not forbidden cutting off dogs’ tails for non-medical/cosmetic reasons, because “they are animals, not people” so it’s OK.
@@RodneyRichards-rk3ud HER BODY~~****HER CHOICE!!!****
Instead of marrying anyone she should seek help for her mental issues, because she is not okay at all. She was absolutely right to terminate or she would end up being tied to those people for the rest of her life. And mentally not well mother isn't good for a child in a lot of cases. She chose the best option. She shouldn't seek escape in men. Nearly all men and even a lot of women raised in patriarchal families lack empathy towards girls and women. They don't perceive women as humans, they see girls and women as subhumans, sl*ves, servants and property. Especially if they are religious, they sell and buy girls. So she made the wrong choice by even dating before resolving her psychological issues.
The background video on this is nauseating. Its enough to cause a seizure in an epileptic patient.
Stop all that crying, and handle your business. Cry later!!!
I wish I could give this woman a hug and a crumbl cookie 🍪
She's way better than me.
I would've done the paternity test. THEN I would've got an abortion.
She did that
Fetus Deletus!
OP sounds neurodivergent, she isn't weird - she is unlucky to have not been loved or respected by others, but not by herself.
All I'm imagining is if this story took place in Texas 😰
abortion is illegal in Texas so it has to be another country
💀 op would have to plan a secret trip across states and worry if her snitches to the cops that op is flee states to abort
When OP got rid of her baby: OMG the mom and husband suck, but OP's no better for getting rid of it! 😡
If OP chose to risk her life to give birth and give her baby away: not another kid in the system! How could you be so cruel?! 😡
If OP chose to be a single mother: Well you should've kept your legs closed, should've chose better, what are you doing now the baby won't have a father 😡
People would complain regardless of what OP did, but I’m glad she made the best decision for herself. Risking her health to give birth and becoming a single mother would've made her life unnecessarily harder.
Woman can't choose what they want for pregnancy because of judgemental people
It's lije op could never win
"I dont think it's normal to fall out of love this quickly" actually I think one would argue it can be that easy. you felt like you were threatened and the love that was in your heart was replaced by fear and loathing. it seems people have forgotten the saying, "there is a fine line between love and hate" emotions shift faster then the sun moves. youre not evil or cruel or anything negative for experiencing something all humans experience and if they havent then they are lucky. also everyone who told OP that her not wanting to be pregnant was just a trauma response, if every single time she has a clear mind and see's her baby bump and feels nothing?? shes not having a trauma response her mind and body are telling her "you dont want this" if youve never been pregnant I dont really feel like you can give any "you should keep it its just a trauma response" the pain of being pregnant and knowing you cant terminate even though thats waht you really want is how so many children have mothers who shit all over their dreams and look towards them with disgust and even abandon them. so no its a great thing OP did what she needed to do so that when true motherhood came her way if thats something she even wanted again after this. it wouldve happened the right way and those children would be born into love and happiness, not bitterness and contempt.
things like this are why I can't demonize fetus deletus man. I hope she'll be okay
I know that sounds bad, and I am still early into the video so I may edit this comment if I change my mind, but rn I'm just like... her situation is shit, I don't blame her at all
And btw, even he was a victim and was too manipulated, it doesnt change the fact that he also acted like an asshole. No one is responsible for others trauma and is totally okay to walk away when you’re being affected by that.
Just a reminder to everyone: You have the right to refuse to donate the use of your organs to anyone & anything, including after your own demise, but also *before* your demise. This includes the use of the uterus, etc. Additionally, pregnancy impacts the body like a nine-month-slow car crash would, causing major physiological changes, and of course includes the risk of demise. People have the right to refuse to put themselves through any of that. ESPECIALLY if the one person who is supposed to be supporting & help caring for them...does not.
Nope don't waste your breath.
I would have had the test done and then terminated it.
i would give the results, the divorce paper.. and the termination all at once
She should’ve said “yeah, I’ll get the paternity test for you the same day I go in to abort it and take our divorce papers in to the court house. Now get out and take your overgrown child with you.”
I say just take the test then get the results. No matter what the results are just head out. You can hire a lawyer and get divorced. Sounds like this whole situation triggered some past traumatic event from your life. If you feel like you need to leave then do what makes you happy. How your husband and his mother ganged up on you wasn't right. You husband should have simply asked for a paternity test. It didn't have to be what they made it. The implications of cheating hurt your feelings. To the point where you flipped a switch and no longer wish to be married.
I hope OP's ex NEVER gets married again
I would act like a character in my fav tv show (Mad Men):
- I had your baby and gave it away
I’d love to see them trying to find the kid for a while before telling them the truth. I’d handle any legal issues if necessary, I’d love the circus
How is it sexist to expect the person who promised to protect you to protect you? And for everyone who's getting mad at women like her for not keeping the child: As someone who has a kid (wasn't my choice) with a man who wildly mistreated and then left me, no. You are NOT obligated to chain yourself to a person like that for your whole life! And no child deserves to have a parent like my ex or the man in this story.
In this case, having the baby would be unfair to it. Her hatred would be overwhelming