'My Dad Did The Worst Thing IMAGINABLE!' | OTE Podcast
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- Опубліковано 4 вер 2022
- Rutherford is a professor who spent half his life tracking down his biological father John McBeth Finlayson - only to find he was the worst person imaginable. Rutherford was raised by adoptive parents in Toronto, where he had terrible childhood. After decades of nothing he managed to track down his biological mother, who told him who his father was. And that father… well perhaps I’ll let Rutherford explain.
• On the Edge with Andre...
Rutherford links:
www.theshadowof...
Andrew Gold links:
/ andrewgold1
/ andrewgold_ok
/ andrewgold_ok
#adoption #survivalstory #truecrime - Розваги
Would you want to meet your dad after finding that out about him?
I would meet him one time if he was in prison for life. Just to see what he was like. But only once and only if I was certain he would never get out of prison.
I'm adopted and it's a sad story but happy to have been taken away. Father committed suicide so can't talk to him and Mother is idk but who adopted me are amazing people. Saved my life.
This seems to be a mind-blowingly tragic story even with the scant description and it's going to be educational (I think) to hear and try to understand what has happened.
Would I want to meet such a Dad? I think it could depend on what point you are in your life, your desire to understand your genetic and social heritage, those early imprints on your brain, etc, etc. Personally I'm nosy and would want to get all the information...I have done that within my own circumstances (compassion for myself and the other person has led me there - but it could also be described as being foolhardy) while others are wiser and just steer clear...but we are on our own quests for understanding and they're not the same as another's processes.
It is so sad to think that he was adopted, and how good that could have been, but adopted into neglect and abuse.
Bloody hell but you find some really fascinating people and their stories.
No, I wouldn't. I'm an adoptive parent and know that not all birth family reunions are happy and some are even undesirable. My adult children have differing feelings about contacting and potentially meeting their birth families. One would like to, another is on the fence about it and the third has no desire to do so. If I knew that one of their birth parents had done something terrible like your guest's birth father, I would counsel them that contact would be unwise. It would take some serious mental fortitude to go ahead while knowing what the person had done.
@@tthappyrock368 interesting thank you! hope you come to the full episode Monday
Wow. What a story. As I listened, I was playing out my own family situation. I was the birth mother who gave up a child. Lots of backstory, but it was my love for him that I gave him up, I was not in the situation where raising a child was a good idea. I held him before I signed the papers. His father, a guy I met in college, signed them. When I signed them, I wrote a letter to him to be put on the outside of the "sealed" file, telling him the situation and that I loved him very much. I kept my address current for him, every time I moved or went through a divorce (twice), I wrote them and had them include that information. I knew he would eventually want to know. My kids were aware of the story and that there was another son. When I married my soulmate 30 years ago, I updated. I got a letter from the agency with photos of my son. I cried. He wanted to meet me. We had to go through a psychologist exam and then he flew down to meet me. He looks like my dad. He's now married to a wonderful woman and has three wonderful kids. I sat with his adopted mother at his wedding and we talked. She's a wonderful woman. I'm glad she took good care of him and made him the man he is today. I'm blessed to have him back in my life. He has contact with his birth father. That was a strain at first, I wouldn't tell him his name, not knowing if the guy wanted to let it out. I finally relented, got a call from a very angry man denying the parentage. But after the two guys did the DNA, I had told the truth (I knew I did) and his father is now in his life too.
Amazing interview. Thank you.
I too gave up my child. I wanted her to have what I couldn't give her. I found her 20 yrs ago. It's not been good, I wish I'd never found her. Watching this story I've come away feeling much like I'm the one who was adopted because she reminds me alot of his birthmother. I've decided like he did to sever my relationship with her. It's uncanny but after listening to him I feel I've made a good decision. I won't go into all she has done to me. Except to say she has managed to put a big wedge between my grandson me an his dad, my son. 5 times she has verbally assaulted me. Enough is enough,
Blessings to you
I‘m crying reading your story. I‘m happy for you all that you met and it all worked out. ❤️
Wow, you are an amazing woman and must be an excellent mother and mentor to all your children. ❤
Thank you for sharing this story. I'm so glad you and your son's adoptive mom are able to be friends. She must be lovely, just as you are. Much admiration and every good wish for you going forward!
@@rebeccafrakes9305I'm so sorry to hear of your outcome and situation. It must be very painful. I'm sorry your daughter has treated you this way. You do not deserve that.
Reading your description of how she's violated healthy boundaries by inserting herself into your relationships with other members of your family sounds much like Narcissistic behavior, as does her focus on herself above others, and her verbal tirades. These 3 items, taken together, sound like a lack of boundaries, intense preoccupation with self, and chronic rage, which are all common to people with Narcissistic tendencies.
If you have time & might like to learn more about this topic as well as how to shield yourself, please see Dr. Ramani Durvasala on UA-cam- she goes by just "Dr. Ramani" in all her videos. She's a PhD with 30 years work in this topic & she has amazing insights on all aspects of Narcissistic behavior.
A very digestible & comprehensive video I've shared with others is Mel Robbins interview with Dr. Ramani. It is a two part interview in Ramani's kitchen.
Ramani & Mel are both very down to earth. They normalize & validate how it feels to deal with extremely entitled or Narcissistic people. They manage to be clear and even make us laugh as they outline the concepts & strategies. This two part video is the best summary overview I've ever seen on the topic & it taught me a LOT.
There's also an excellent series of videos by "Dr. C." a kind & gentle counselor who teaches strategies for how to deal with extremely entitled or narcissistic people so we can maintain our boundaries, stay psychologically safe, & have some scripts ready when an entitled person says mean or untrue things. He has a series called "Midweek with Dr. C" & an upcoming video Tues Feb 14 with Dr Ramani and himself. His dog Gus is usually relaxing in the background of his videos. He makes me feel like I've gotten a big, encouraging hug as well as having learned a lot of helpful strategies.
I hope this doesn't sound bossy or intrusive. Dr. Ramani & Dr. C. have so much free content that's helped me, so I try to pass them on as a resource to others.
I hope either or both of these are helpful and I wish you every good thing as you work to move forward after some really hard events. Remember you are valuable and thank you for sharing your story. I don't have any personal background with adoption but I'm sure your post here will help others who do. Best wishes💙
I grieve for Rutherford's story of lack of love from his biological/ adopted mothers. Gratefully his healthy, love from his wife had taught him what love should look like. What a journey of healthy healing for him, and wanting to give his daughter a better family! Painful experiences but he chose not to live a life of bitterness!
Thank you for the kind words Debbie. I sent the link to him and hope he reads these lovely supportive comments.
Nor did he choose to be a victim as so many are wont to do these days.
What an amazing man. I hope he realizes he’s very special. To over come what he has been thro in such away that he now helps others with his story is remarkable.
@@NEbluefire I agree. From talking to many doctors and to friends who are professional psychologists etc, etc, there are so many elements as to why some survive and some don't, and the quality of their survival.
My sibling's doctor was a particular specialist and they and other doctors said the odds were we should not be alive after such baby onwards experiences. It has been pointed out to us that genetically there is something/someone in our past and we inherited our survival from them. On top of that there are many other factors. I do sometimes get bitter due to the loss of being able to have a family, to be able to continue my career and to do the basic average things a "normal" person takes for granted due to the damage inflicted on my body by such abusers. To not mourn those things, to not have "bitterness", would perhaps be shutting off emotions and be "unhealthy" in itself.
I was very lucky in that up to the age of 4 we lived next door to a couple in their 80s who had always wanted a little girl but had never had children. I became their little girl and they taught me love and play and acceptance. I was able to then pass that on to my very lovely younger sibling...and so both of our lives were saved. I made a very amateur vid about it (like most of my vids, made from my bed). I don't go into how my neighbours saved my life but I go into the joy of that love. Perhaps I am just luckier than others. Here's a link to the vid...I'll put it up with gaps as sometime YT doesn't like sharing links...I dunno....but maybe others will see what I've said here and know that loving a child can change everything. https: //www. UA-cam. com/ watch?v= kbl9Y UGEpTw
@@NEbluefire That's kind of you. If the link doesn't work with the gaps removed it's called: 'Jehovah's Witnesses still conning children, plus my story'. x
I met a grown man who’s biological father treated him so horribly that he never wanted children because he feared becoming like his father. He was so gentle and soft spoken.
That's my case too, I have to say. My mother died when I was quite young and my father was horrible. I was always ashamed of him and afraid of becoming like him.
I’m so impressed with the human being Rutherford became. His intelligence, self awareness, decency and insight into the motivations of others would be remarkable even if he’d experienced a relatively “normal” childhood. That he somehow managed to evolve into such a person despite the ugly circumstances that defined both his biological and adoptive families makes me a little more optimistic about human nature.
fantastic comment, thank you gail
You can hear some of the "cost" in his voice. His achievements are truly remarkable. x
The "loveable" comment...wow...
So fits for me!....
If your own mother cant love you, who can???
@@AndrewGold1 this man is so well spoken. Extremely intelligent, obviously.
What a great insightful and articulate speaker. You can hear the hurt coming through still now after all this time but he has accepted his lot and fought through his past devaluation to become a loving partner, parent, and successful human being. Those of us who weren’t loved as a child can find future happiness and learn to value ourselves, and usually conclude eventually that we have to remove ourselves from those who would devalue us.
I took a 23 & me with my husband because his father was adopted at birth. His father never cared or wanted to know who gave him away but my husband always wanted to know. We did it for Christmas they had a special if you’d buy 2. My husband never found really anything, but I found out that my dad I grew up with wasn’t my bio dad. I met my bio dad, he never knew I existed. He is an amazing man. I feel like I’m so much like him in looks & our mannerisms but I felt absolutely destroyed. I felt for a good while that I was gonna have a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t mentally handle it. My mom & the dad that “ raised me “ both knew. I have three siblings older than me & one younger brother that I grew up with. I was kind of a middle child & im the only child that wasn’t for him. I remember as a teenager telling my mom that he treated me different. She’d make me feel crazy. She’d say it’s just your imagination. My mom was the only person that I felt I could trust 1000% & the person that was always their for me. I thank god she was a good mother to me but I feel like she cheated me & my bio dad out of a real relationship but she swore she did it to protect me. She said she could allow him to take me. She & my dad were broken up when I was conceived, then they got back together, several months later she found out she was pregnant. She told my dad that raised me the truth & they never told anyone. I think she hid the truth for so long that she never ever planned for me to find out. It’s been 3 1/2 years & I feel like I’m on a roller coaster that won’t stop ✋🏼 ❤😢 even though my bio dad is amazing I sometimes wish I would’ve never did that 23 & me 🙈 I have so much empathy for this man. You can tell he tries to be a good person. I can’t imagine the roller coaster ride he’s been on all his life.
I’m sure they never envisioned that DNA testing would become so common in the future. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time dealing with it. When something like this happens, it alters your complete identity and where you fit into the world. Once the shock wears off, I hope it’ll get easier to bear! Best wishes.
That has to really be earth shattering to you, to believe one thing all or most of your life, then find out there is a different truth. They should have sat you down before you were 18, with or without your siblings and been honest with you. It was wrong, but they probably thought they were doing what was best. It's hard to tell. If it continues to bother you, find a good therapist or maybe there is a group going through something similar. Times were also much different. I'm not making excuses, just trying to understand what the heck was going on. Who your father is, is kind of a big deal. I'm glad he was still alive and you had the opportunity to meet your bio-father and get to know him and maybe fill in some gaps as far as, who you favor and in what way. God bless and watch over you in your journey. It doesn't change you. You are still you ! And you seem like a lovely person. And having lost many special family members, and we have managed to create our own family of our dearest friends. 🧡🙏
Rutherford so eloquently describes his “parkour”. I’m very touched by both his rawness and wisdom… and the eternal question about Nature vs Nurture.
Thank you both for this conversation.
I would like to send Rutherford a big hug. He’s a good man. He brought himself up to be a good man. I hope he knows this.
I have immeasurable respect for Rutherford and his dedication to self healing. A further trauma I'd like to highlight is the one where children (young or old) in toxic families feel so alone in their complications.
My dad isn’t a good man, and I was trapped growing up with his brutality every day.
He had an daughter before he met my mom, and I remember when I was 18, I met her for the first time. It was the first time she met my dad since she was a toddler.
I felt *angry* that she was meeting my father and she thought he was so nice and all that. I was absolutely jealous of her ignorance of how violent and cruel he really was.
If I had the option to be her- it’s hard to say if I’d want to meet him, because I would not have known him to be brutal.
I guess I would have to meet the man, just to satisfy curiosity, but I’d maybe regret that? Usually curiosity beats caution in my life, and I usually learn lessons the hard way.
Thank you for sharing!
so sorry to hear that, and thanks for sharing!
Exactly!
I can see how this could happen. I've helped two people find their biological parents. One guy and one girl. When I found the guys biological sister, instead of her being thrilled to find her long lost brother she became jealous and competitive. She said this to her brother, "I wish I could have been raised in a loving family like you." She knew nothing about his adoptive family. His adoptive mother was kind of a simpleton. She was into food and soap operas. His adoptive father was a schizophrenic roaming around in trench coats hanging out in cemeteries at night. It wasn't exactly an ideal environment, but in spite of his adversity he became an achiever in life.
He was hoping to find the sister he never had. Someone he could love and be close to. Instead he found an adversary. Just as he was starting to build a rapport with his bio father she tried to sabotage it. She told him that she was molested before the age of five but she wasn't going to name names. She all but did. She told him her father tried to smother her with a pillow and stick her head in the toilet. I guess trying to drown her. Then when the adoptee wrote his sister back to try and sympathize with her she took his letter and shared it with her father. Then her father angrily wrote the adopted son and said, "We received the letter." as if he was the one trying to cause problems. She tried to set him up.
Then she refused to give him photos of his mother. His mother committed suicide at age 52. He just wanted to see a picture of her. His sister claimed she had only one photo that she would send him but when it never arrived she said she left it on the back seat of her car and it blew out the window. A month later she said she was putting a family photo album together online but it would take three months to complete it. So he was excited and he waited and he waited and finally when the day came to see it she took satisfaction in telling him it was up, only for him to discover it was of her boyfriend's family not his. She pulled so many mean things on him that they are too numerous to mention here in this post before finally telling him not to call her cellphone ever again.
The bio father is the same, he's a charismatic game player. The family is full of deep dark secrets that no one is willing to share. They are all actors and musicians. His sister was married to a rock star and that didn't end well either. The only thing he gained from finding them are finally some photos from his mother's second husband. He's a famous musician too. He now knows about his genetics. He knows where all of his talent came from. He's a US patent holder, he has been published in history books and has performed on National TV and worked for Disney. He found out his bio mom spoke five languages and played seven musical instruments. His bio father has performed on National TV too. His uncle stared in just about every TV show imaginable including Star Trek. The bottom line is, his bio father may have been a bad character but things were going well between them before his sister interfered. He met his bio father once and they played chess. They are both masterful at the game. His sister had a chance to meet her brother but refused. He doesn't have a relationship with either of them today. Father and daughter have a sick twisted relationship of co-dependency. When the long lost brother/son showed up he caused an imbalance in their relationship. She calls her father "Papa bear" and he calls her "Lady bear." They treat the long lost brother/son as if he's dead. His parents were married when they adopted him out. They tried to adopt his two year-old sister too but his adoptive mother was into babies not toddlers. they treated them like a litter of puppies.
One last thought. I guess my point in this reply is I see it from both sides. I get it that you feel upset that your sibling only sees the good side of your father, that would irk anyone, especially with all that you have endured. I get it. But from the long lost siblings perspective this is new and exciting. A dream come true. I don't feel it's wrong that you burst her bubble, I just hope you don't lose sight of the precious gift you have found in the process. You found a long lost sister please don't let her slip away.
I am 73 and grew up in Toronto and remember the story of the murder at the Ford Hotel. It was horrific. Despite everything, Rutherford turned into a good and well adjusted person.
i’m amazed that he was able to become the person he is. it was difficult for him to talk about certain things in his life, so he is really very brave to talk about himself publicly. you are an excellent interviewer.
i have generalized anxiety. i am now having a rather bad anxiety attack. my father was psychologically abusive and my mom also stood by very often. now i’m getting a headache. i am 77 with much therapy. i just wanted to be “normal.” my therapist whom i chose, replaced my father emotionally, so i am really very surprised at my reaction. this is for people out there still responding to events in their lives. sometimes things just pop up. i can’t imagine how it is for him to deal with this. he is an incredible man. 🌹🌱
Thanks Alexa !
Mom sounds like a class A narcissist. It was a match made in heaven. Our adopted children had to be convinced that they were removed from their home for no fault of their own. We spent a LOT of time in therapy. Luckily, they all are semi-well-adjusted adults. And, we have 10 well-loved grandchildren.
‘Semi-well adjusted’ 😅 I couldnt help but giggle. That’s all we can hope for as parents lol. Bless your family and congrats on your grand babies.
There should be far better screening and much better screeners.
There is so much of this I can relate to. Never adopted out, but raised by a single mother who would deny knowing who my father is every time I asked. I remember growing up feeling like I was so unlovable because he didn't care enough to know me and the scars he left on her made her have a hard time showing emotions of caring and attachment. The empty hole in my life of not only knowing about him, but also not knowing even his name, what he looked like or how much I was like him. When I finally did figure it out (through various means and clues) I never have brought it up to her. She was willing to let me think she must have been such a slut as to have so many guys at the time that she wasn't sure which one it was -- all to protect me and herself from the God awful truth that she was repeatedly molested by her own father. No, I can't put her through the pain of that conversation. I can only understand what a horrible amount of guilt, shame and self-degradation she has gone through and love her all the more because, even though she wasn't properly equipped to deal with the situation, she didn't put me up for adoption or have an abortion that would've ended my life. I no longer blame her for the anger and self-destruction I felt as a young man. I no longer hang my head in shame when someone conversationally asks me about my father as I reply, "I don't know who he is or even his name." He's just lucky he died before I found out and confronted him to his face about how much of a despicable a person he was. Rutherford is so very right about the family that you choose to have and how they take precedence over toxic people you may by circumstances be related to. About the importance of your own mental and emotional healing. It's necessary if you are ever going to love and be loved, to find happiness.
Wow! I am so sorry. I am in awe of the wisdom and the empathy that you have developed in dealing with your mother's decision not to tell you what happened. All the best to you.
Amazing story, heartbreaking really. As we grow older we can (well hopefully) see our parents as the humans they are. You mum certainly had some inner strength making the decision to keep and raise you, I can only imagine the horrific trauma she went through. It sounds to me that you have inherited that inner strength and compassion she has and used that for your own healing journey.
Life is wild. Bless you and thankyou for sharing ❤
This was an unbelievably candid interview you could hear Rutherford’s struggle in his voice the whole time.However it’s wonderful that’s he continues to search for a resolution and peace through his own relationships and has abandoned the ones in his life that were not beneficial to him. 🕊
thank you for watching, and yes he's a lovely man
@@AndrewGold1 Nah Andrew thank you . You displayed a wonderful sense of class and composure while handling the sensitivity of the subject by showing the utmost respect for your guest , victims of such crimes and your viewers / listeners. I’m really grateful that you take on more difficult subjects with a humanistic perspective. It’s a rare trait in regards to online media.
@@Lyndanet aw thank you!!
@@LyndanetHave to totally agree with you ❤
He's so expressive of his biological mother flipping through his photo album. I don't even know this guy, but I'm fascinated with his stories and I'd love to see that photo album!
But he is so insightful of what his biological mother really is and thank goodness! What a piece of work she is...🙄
thanks sunflower! he's one of my favourite ever guests, hope you keep enjoying the channel
Being an adoptee myself I can relate to several of the things he brought up. The letter stating only the facts of your biological parents, nationality, age, height, weight etc. A few of their interests, schooling, work. The same facts of grandparents on each side. You end up reading it soo many times, hoping to see something you might have missed! Also, being fascinated at how your friends look like their parents and wishing you had those traits as well. Eventually having children that look like you is an absolute joy btw!!
I haven’t searched for my bio family and I don’t intend to. If my bio mom was like his… my heart would be unbearably broken. For her not to be interested in his childhood photos… that just killed me. He was right, she just wanted a captive audience. I’m so impressed by how he was able to not let that break him! More than his criminal father even. I’m just gobsmacked by her narcissism. He was very smart to cut both of his mothers out of his life. He’s a strong man! And, aware enough to know he needed therapy to be the best father possible! You don’t hear that about men very often. My heart goes out to him for what he suffered through. Yet, I’m very happy to see he’s found the family that he needed all along! What an amazing interview!!
Glad this resonated with you!
Oh my gosh, that is my story exactly. I was so profoundly grateful that I wasn’t genetically related to the crazy, dysfunctional family raising me.
Wow ! Thanks for sharing Chris
What an interview! Andrew you’re a great interviewer allowing your guest time to answer at his own pace. And what an insightful, articulate man! Yes it was fortuitous that it took almost 2 decades before finding his biological parents. This interview leaves me asking many questions I’d not entertained before. Great interview 👏👏👏 I’ll definitely revisit this again and have shared it.
Thank you so much, sharing it is really helpful. He fascinated me too
I am 24 minutes in and you have just spoken about being convinced if you found out earlier that you would project those thoughts and fears of being like your father…Well This kind of thing happened to one of my kids at a teen shelter. I was the school liaison and working at the boys house just outside a major city so my “boys” were some wanna be gangster kids and a few actual gangsters who were just young. We had kids tough as iron (acted that way) but I knew they were all still kids and tried my best to help them. Anyway I got a call from the school office and they said one of my boys was upset could I come asap and pick him up. They didn’t know why-he wouldn’t tell them. I got there and he was holding if all in. I said nothing but drove him to the farthest end if the parking lot and then stopped and asked. “Can you tell me? I care.” And the Dam broke and he was in sobbing hysterics. “In social studies we have to watch the news…and do a daily report. I looked up and my Dad was on the news. They were saying he was charged with first degree murder! He was arrested! I just froze because I thought they would all KNOW! I look just like him but they never noticed maybe but how could they Not see? Hell I just started at this school and I am NOT going back! Never! Things were finally going good! Fuck! Fuck him! I hate him!” (at this I was actually a bit relieved) “But He DID it! He’s guilty! I know he is! What if I am just like him tho?! Am I gonna be a murderer?! We are the same!”. Anyway at this point I said “No You are NOT! Absolutely Not!” Anyway I held him as he cried and shook and reassured him that the kid I knew was nothing like that. Long story short-thank goodness I got there so quickly. I told him he was absolutely one of my favorite kids and I knew he had great things in him but that he didn’t even need to try and be different than he already was. Eventually we got him back in school. The kids never had noticed but between me and his support team he was prepared to handle any questions if someone ever brought it up. Life really kicks some people. I was one that was extremely abused so he became the only kid that I ever told about my own horrible, murderous father. “I am nothing like that asshole and you are not either! “. And you are not as well. We are not our bad parents.
You changed the course of his life I believe. One good person can do miracles.
Amazing commitment and work you are doing
I'm adopted and in the very opening the way he described what you feel and the way that you think especially if you didn't get treated very well is spot on
Thanks for this. I adopted my youngest son and this video has really clarified many thoughts that occured to me about how he may feel. Thanks you for this, in many ways its been a great comfort.
Glad it was helpful!
What he said about letting go of family members if they do not enhance the love in your circle is so true. I had to not talk to my older sister because she threatened my mental health.
Rutherford... God bless you for sharing your story. I hope you understand how healing it is to know others have lived difficult childhoods.
YOU ARE THE DEFINITION OF RESILIENCE!💞
Such an articulate guest. He lived looking for answers. Yet in the final analysis the most important answers were the ones that he found within him self. It is so sad to me thinking about his childhood. He was only one child, goodness only knows how many other children are out there experiencing similar childhoods. Heartbreaking.
I looked for my daughter and found her 7 years ago. Met up with her and things did not work out for me the way I thought it would. I felt I wasted 30 years of my life pining after my baby. I was a psychological mess. I struggled to carry on with my life wondering, not knowing. It was as if my life froze at the age of 19. My Narcissistic mother forced me to give her up. Long story. I must still tell my story on my channel. At this point I am still feeling so much shame.
Sorry to hear that Sonet. Why did things not work out with her ? Is there some hope of things working out ?
*Excellent interview with a very insightful gentleman with a deep story to share.*
*As one who worked in mental health I would say Rutherford's anger comes from*
*both nature and nurture.He got a double whammy of abuse.* 😾
*This is a "must listen to" for all seeking either their birth parents or their birth*
*children adopted out. It is truly a pandora's box. He speaks so lovingly of his wife*
*and daughter. What a great story with a happy ending.* 💫
thanks trudy!!
@@AndrewGold1 *I'm*
*getting caught up on all videos since*
*hurricane Ian shut the internet down for*
*so long Andrew!* 🥺
*PS...when I was 7 I loved my*
*grandpa. And then he went away on*
*"vacation."*
*I later discovered that he was in*
*prison for molesting children (little*
*girls.) I'm sure I dodged a bullet. Wow*
*I never saw him again...and would NEVER*
*want to see him ever.* 😮💨😤😡
@@TrudyPatootie oh wow!!
Just came over from the podcast to see that Andrew only has 15.5k subs! What on earth is going on?? This man's work is FASCINATING. He talks to the most engaging, interesting people. Its exactly the type of material I am interested - gritty, real, unfiltered. It seems like an injustice given that less deserving creators have far more subs. I've just subbed and hope more do too!
Aw thank you so much R R! ITs a good thing you didn’t come check six months ago, as I only had 1k subs! It’s growing now. But most people are audio-only listeners !
@@AndrewGold1 ahh I see. Well, from what I know about youtube, growth occurs in exponential bursts. Keep doing what you're doing and I'm sure youll see the results! Meanwhile, I'll keep watching and listening. :)
@@RR-xm9iu Thanks R R !
I agree 💯 Percent! I found Andrew only a few days ago. I was so impressed from half way into my first video I subscribed! I've been binge watching the past 2 days. As far as I'm concerned,this is one of the best, if not The best out there! The most interesting people and subjects and I'm a big fan!!!
It's doing much better now 😊
I was 29 the 1st time I looked at someone who was biologically related to me, my daughter. HOWEVER, I had a difficult delivery, and when I finally got to look at her, hold her, count her fingers and toes, I cried like a baby!!! The nurse was startled and asked me what was wrong. I said "I've waited my whole life to see someone who looks like me! I MADE A FREAKING PERSON FFS!! AND SHE LOOKS LIKE HER DAD!!!!" 😭
She quickly changed and became my twin, and my granddaughter is even more fascinating to me. She looks EXACTLY LIKE her mother. It's like having Chelsea growing up all over again! It's so cool and magical to someone who was adopted. 🤷🏼♂️
They always look like the Dad when they're born.
My mother gave me up at birth. This interview resonated strong with me! ❤
thanks Be Light. Glad it struck a chord, and hope you're keeping well!
This would be so hard to find out & deal with. It’s huge but boy he has handled it so well - respect ✊
He absolutely has, thanks Heather!
Wow, well interviewed Andrew. What a life this Gentleman has had, so happy to hear he has a wife n daughter. I can empathize as my dad (now deceased) was involved in a genocide during the 1950s, he told me during his last month's as was terrified of dying n meeting any Hell's there may be....I loved him so much it really battered my head for about 40yrs n tears still flow!!!
Wow Lisa thanks for sharing that. Which genocide was that? I’m writing a book about the psychology of secrets and have a passage about deathbed confessions. So I’m fascinated. And sorry to hear about it too as it must be painful for you
HE Was very high up in the army sent to Kenya to hunt down the Mou Mou. If an African village helped the police in any way the Mou-Mou would burn the village down. If the village helped the Mou-Mou he Military police would burn the village down/ talk about being between a rock n a hard place/ I have many storys, the worst being, my dads n his men had gone on a patrol for a few days n upon there return my dad found his pregnant partner murdered nailed to a table with fetas cut out of her stomach, having been left there for a few days in that heat, well you can imagine . My dad obviously lost the plot went outside n opened fire, killing man woman n children. He was discharged n sent back to England. EPISODE QUIETEND up n my dad never quiet human afterwoods!!!!!! From the age of 3 he was sent to a boarding school trained to become a Commisioned officer, Upon leaving school he went straight into the army police, so untll he married my sadistic mother he had never been involved in a family life setting which caused him many other problems. On another occasion in Kenya a township was imprisoned off, the White Fathers went against orders n advice entered the township to preach the word of the Lord, it all kicked off n my dads men had to go in n save the W.f. Each n every W.f. Managed To Escape hurt but Alive But All my dads men, whom he had trained n was as close to a family he had had till then were butchered . During all my school days the only two days i was kept away from school was when the W.F were touring local schools preaching their stuff.
@@lisagilbert6265 what an emotional story! I can’t imagine the emotions this must have sent through you hearing these stories. Thank you for sharing it on here.
You were protected until you were 37 years old finding out about your biological father. You were already established in who you were and strong enough to know the truth.
Well said about the identity of the adoptee. Yes, at 65 I am still having an identity crisis. I chose my husband's family's identity even though my adopted family was mostly functional. But I always felt so disconnected. My relationship to my adopted family ended with my grandmother as I had no connection to the ancestors who I was not related to. My birth family rejected me and continues to reject me. My husband is Jewish so I became Jewish also. Except I am not really Jewish either. Same as you, my first child was the first person I met who was related to me. My biological mother suffers from depression, so do I. Yes, my self-esteem is very very low. I wait for every person I know to decide they don't like me and reject me. Most often they do. Oh gosh, so true. I started with two families in a way and ended with none except the one I created. You are an inspiration.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will try to look after myself and my children and grandchildren.
Phew! Well it was providential that in the end Rutherford escaped these two abusive women. He should be soo proud of having overcome his fears and to have built his very own happy and supportive family.
Absolutely right Julia
As a Brit I always know a Canadian if they say "out and about" - and I love the way they say it. 🤗
Exactly me too. I learned it in a Sabrina episode when I was a kid
@*Healing+Grace* Lol. For me it's not that particular phrase but just that "ou" sound such as in "roundabout" etc. It's just soooo cute.
We do indeed have some strange dishes in the UK such as 'spotted dick', though I've never tried that myself.
@*Healing+Grace* Thanks for the UA-cam link. I have a friend here from Glasgow and she tries to teach me Glaswegian. It's entirely crazy! This ancient comedy sketch has us both cracking up as it's really true: ua-cam.com/video/a0rgETg2Hoo/v-deo.html
Interesting that Lucy in your link says that she has an influence of Estuary English. It has crept in everywhere and very evident in her accent. When I was a kid Estuary English was completely looked down upon but now it's accepted. I can turn it on and off but in my everyday speech its influence is there. I can't say I'm the biggest fan but it is going to keep growing.
Ooout and aboout is how I hear it as an American
I thoroughly enjoyed Rutherford's account of his experiences and way of dealing with them. It's hard enough finding out about our biological parent's failings, but having such an abusive adoptive parent on top of that must have been beyond anything I can imagine. I'm so glad he's got a loving family group now.
I wasn't adopted. However, I was found by my bio father's family. Like the adopted man I was a scapegoat for my family on all sides. I am very different and better off, those who raised me did not get victory. Bravo Sir!
I thoroughly enjoyed this interview as horrible as Rutherford's life was. Amazing person he became through his own research and the support of family and counselling. A lot of us in the era missed out on nurturing and it certainly does have its effect in our lives. This man had triple trauma. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for watching !
Fascinated with this story for several reasons. I was not adopted, but never saw my sperm donor of a father after he and my mother divorced (when I was 2). He wasn't an abusive monster, just a man who married too young and couldn't or wouldn't mature into a responsible husband and father.
Without getting into all the long story details, he knew where we lived but never asked for visitation. I toyed with the idea of contacting him at times, but realized it would not turn out well.
I knew that he remarried and had 3 more children, but rarely gave it much thought.
During the past 4 years, both of my parents died. I was curious about my half-siblings, and did some Facebook searches. I particularly wanted to know about my sister, and did find her page. I messaged her, careful to explain that I had no agenda beyond wanting to know the siblings I had never met. I also assured her that I would respect her decision if she did not wish to communicate with me. Months passed. I never got a reply.
Perhaps she no longer looked at her messages. More likely, she did not want a stranger,(wIth whom she shared DNA) to enter her life. It shouldn't have, but it hurt. I don't understand why anyone would not at least be curious about an unknown relative.
Glad you enjoyed !!
I love your channel! I found it through the interviews you have done about Scientology. Now I've watched videos of yours about other subjects. One of the things I really appreciate about you is that I can see on your face that you are fascinated and absorbed by the conversation you are having with the guest on your show. I find them fascinating too!
Wow, thank you leslie! And I really do think you're right - I am just gleeful and excited to speak to such interesting people. It's exactly what i want to be doing!
@@AndrewGold1 I don't blame you! I love talking to interesting people and when I do I ask so many questions that I have to be careful that the conversation doesn't become too much like an interview--I just get so curious!! I want to know more and more and more. I can ask questions for hours if someone has the patience to answer them!
If he hasn't already, I hope he'll consider persuing an ancestral DNA test accompanied by genealogical research. He may find a rewarding connection to those who came before his bio parents and even if it's many generations in the past, he would likely find some ancestors with admirable traits and stories to pass on
Hey that's a very good idea , Also its often true that genes skip a generation and we can have traits of others ancestors,,,
@@julzhepburn3688 His Bio mother was a covert narcissist - this poor man had 2 nutcases as ‘mothers’. So glad his wife was just what he was searching for - & when he said that she ‘mothered’ both he & his child was understandable.
What an interesting man Rutherford is. To have been able to process all of his life events with such insight and intelligence, and to have come through to become an incredible man with such depth is quite an achievement.
He's become such an empathetic adult, despite his formative life of abuse. I'm so glad he found a wonderful woman to marry and loves his daughter.
I was blessed with an amazing father. He never shouted at us, instead being a calming influence on my siblings and I. He and I had an incredible bond. He taught me so much and was always there to help with homework. I have a good singing voice and played leading roles in school and other productions. Dad was always willing to take me to rehearsals. Both parents were always near the front for all the productions. I played violin in a youth Orchestra and they were my cheer leaders.
I don't know if I would have wanted to meet an absent father, especially considering his crime.
His abuse is why he is so empathic. It is a survival skill.
Rutherford suffered greatly and am so glad that he found his way through. His biological mother was all about her. I had such a mother - all about appearances, all about how others perceive us etc. She was a broken and wounded child running amuck in an adult’s body. Like Rutherford I had struggled with intense emotional responses and found it difficult to regulate. Like Rutherford I got my shit together when I had my daughter so that she could grow up in a healthy environment and broke the cycle of abuse that was prevalent in my maternal family. My biological father died when I was 4 - my step father was a wonderful man and father and thank god for him. I agree with Rutherford’s choice not see his biological farther. Agree with him for distancing himself from his own biological mother too and for cutting ties with his adoptive family. He discovered he was worth more and focused his efforts with the wonderful family he created.
This story is very gripping.I have a very similar story and I feel such admiration for you overcoming such circumstances. You came to many of the same conclusions that I had to face. Letting go was the best solution . Building your own. It took a long time but I had similar good fortune of finding the most loving life partner. You are living proof that we humans can over come terrible things . I don't mind the scars anymore, physical and emotional, as they are reminders to never treat another human the way I was treated.
I think it was an incredibly smart move not to alert his father of his existence.
I met my fathers side in my 30’s, it was amazing to see people who looked like me and even medical similarities, it was amazing. I lost one aunt soon after meeting her. It exposed me to the lies we were fed as children.
I met an amazing man who I married and gave my children a much better life, I have struggled along the way, my kids can’t relate to my upbringing, this is good and bad.
I don’t have anything to do with my siblings, was in foster care and kids homes. I stick with the family I made, and those I find like a brother, sister parent I quietly use them as guides, I don’t tell them bcos it will curse the relationship. I can relate to this man!
You are so right about that being a performance for her rather than your own reading of events. For you it was a discovery of your own adoptive experience. For her like so many others it was about discovering only what they expect will happen from an imagined adoption experience, and a specific outcome they already had in mind, probably before you were even put up for adoption. That’s why the pics of the actual experiences did not interest them as much as you matching some preconceived notion.
I am an adoptee who thanks to a school giving out my address over the phone, was faced with reuniting with what was said to be my birth family in 1988. It took a few years of long distance phone bills waiting for them to get done yelling at other children in the background, before realizing why I no longer wanted contact with them in 1995. I have had a number of issues regarding my personal safety during these interactions that have been met with tremendous hostility from agencies I have tried to report to. Again because of what people EXPECT an adoptee to be. My heart goes out to you and your story.
FWiW...Rutherford's own story is very complex and multi-layered. For myself being brought up in a biological family where both parents were at the extreme end of abuse it is so sad he got taken from one dangerous place to another abusive place when it could have and should have been so different.
Our father was someone who, from when we were babies, would take us right up to the edge of death before stopping. Our mother was a willing instigator and then would blame us. It damaged our bodies so much that we have not been able to have children...within the insanity Rutherford has been through, however, I am so glad he HAS been able to create his own family. I know that his family's love can keep helping him as he works through his legacies.
Like Rutherford, I recently got ways to help/reconnect with my mother as she entered upon fragilities due to age...I tried to help by using third parties (there were no others to help as she had alienated them all) and I just got abused further by her.
It can be so hard as I know I would do anything to help my mother...but I will not /cannot allow her to destroy me further. I did try to help from a position of knowledge, love and maturity but that is not always possible with some people.
Rutherford was let down by 3 parents. I so hope his REAL family keep getting the opportunity to provide the balm and support needed for the future healing of all... but it ain't easy. x
Absolutely right. Thanks
OMG, your story made me cry. Bless you for being the greater person in this life. You are very courageous. Not sure if I could be like that.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I understand what it's like to deeply love an abusive parent but you are doing the right thing by going no contact. My abuser tormented me to the point I became suicidal. The abuse went on for 46 years. I finally realised he will never change, he doesn't love me, he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. Survival is the right choice, but I know the guilt and pain that comes with walking away. I hope you know you are on the right path and begin to heal.
Perhaps you could help some other sad old lady who has no caring family and would be more deserving and appreciative?
@@DutchessForever Aw, thank you. Believe me, I can be a right old ratbag as well. With her my own reactions do go back and forth. 😉
Rutherford my heart goes out to you, I fully understand what you went through.I had to cut myself off from my biological family. I like you madey own family.my mother was physically and mentally abusive. I didn't meet my bio dad at 37 yrs old. He loved next door to me for 5 yrs. I didn't even know what he looked like! My husband had talked to him all the time because he worked days and I worked double shifts(2nd and 3rd) saving for a home. When my mother got lung cancer I was the only one out of my siblings that were not mistreated that was there for her. Two weeks after she passed If found out he was right here. He was in jail most of my life. But when he was out he didn't even try to see me, because his parents didn't like myother for the fact she came from the wrong side of the tracks! They also convinced him to wait until I was of age so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He never once tried to contact me. He ended up married and was raising 2 girls that weren't his and had a son and daughter with her and was doing well for himself. I met h at age 20 at my mother's house. He totally ignored me and his grandson, and handed me his business card before he left. He lived in California at the time and came home for his father's funeral. I called his mother's house and she wasn't going to put h on the phone. I never saw him again untily mother passed. Oh he also was happy to see me then, because he was in I'll health. I bought j groceries and paid for his medication and brought him to my home for family dinners hoping he would at least show interest in his grandsons. Never happened. Moved out of state and paid his way for visits to my home and would send him money to help him out. When he visited he stayed drunk and never answered my question of why he never answered my letters I sent through the years or try to find me.I was very easy to find because I'd lived in the same area prior to moving out of state after I found him
Never got an answer. Ironic that I took care of 2 people that never took care of me! I married and built my own family as Rutherford did. I raised my 2 bio son's and my husband's 4 from 3 previous marriages plus 3 step grandchildren. Like Rutherford I was going to be the opposite of what I endured withy children
I was married over forty years until my husband passed on. I can say with honesty I have a kind heart and have always helped whoever needed it. But I've been used just about every time,,! But I can't change my nature,but one by one I've had to cut family members out of my life after giving too many chances.
This was an amazing find. I, too, have had the experience of being with the wrong family. The way he spoke of his experience, for lack of better word and deep meaning, was spot on with me. I have not yet found my biological people. He has given me a relatable story, lived experience, that I could not possibly articulate in the way he has told his story. This has given me a release and perspective that I otherwise have not heard and fully relate to. Thank you so much, and God speed to you for your endurance and clarity, graciousness to what you have overcome, and made for yourself.
Bless this man. So much hardship. I hope he can continue to overcome this.
Thanks for watching and commenting! And me too!
You've taken two great generational steps in one lifetime! Growing away from a child-rearing system that Alice Miller calls 'Soul Murder' in one of her books. Similarly, I knew only what NOT to do to my child, but otherwise I tried to blunder on the side of kindness and love. Congratulations for your growth! Keep on learning - our tragedies teach us much, but are buffered by underlying joy, if we're lucky.
I feel privileged to have your guest share his life. Thankyou both!
Oh my goodness 😔 The reason the father had access to the poor boy he molested & killed is so heartbreaking.
What a cruel world it can be 😓
Very wise man, because he is aware that we don't own anything to the biological or adoptive parents if they don't mean well to us
absolutely !
Wow. My own search was somewhat painful, but also necessary. I was also an adult when I found answers. I'm glad I already had a strong sense of who I was. I was able to reject some hurtful discoveries that would have otherwise rocked my identity.
You have decided to be a remarkable person.
thanks for sharing marti !
Have watched this several x...helps me heal...bless you and thank you
An absolutely fascinating story ! Wow. There seems to be many lessons one can glean from this.
Great respect for this man who has managed to find his way in spite of so much adversity.
Glad you enjoyed it!!
I'm so sorry you've delt with so much pain. You seem like a really good man and deserve all good things in life.
God bless this man’s heart. The older I get, the more I understand just how much pain is embodied in this world.
His explanation of his " mind" at the time. Very attuned to his sense of self♥️
Such a wonderful interview. Thank you both.
Ah thank you renee
I was taken away from my incubator,/mother,at birth being adopted by a great couple, my "mother" was on her 3rd husband w third kid in belly at age 24....i was age 5...a pos judge gave me back to her for me to be verrrrrry abused and the nanny cook and maid to their spawn till I escaped Hell just 2 weeks into 17...to go on and marry 3 pos because it felt familiar...my life wouldve been a lot different except that pos judge thought he knew the answer...had the adoption gone thru and theydve wanted to meet later, Id have been horrified at the differences in those two groups of people...I am now at age 70.....
wow thank you for sharing that!
Thank you for sharing ,I would like to think it be different these days but I’m not so sure .sending you a hug 🤗
@P Jj Thank you for sharing. Bless your ❤
@@maggsdaly5123 TY 💘
The hardest lesson for many of us is that we are attracted to what feels familiar-that familiarity is a red flag waving at us to run away.
What a wonderful human being. I don't often look at someone online and think, "I could be friends with you."
Wow that was an incredible story! Thank you for sharing.. I'm 55 and apparently my father left when I was 3 and I have no desire to meet him and he has never reached out🤷 🤗🇦🇺💕
What a lovely man to come out of a bad upbringing. I salute him. Thank you for the advice at the end it just gave me the confirmation of knowing that I too did the right thing by letting go of my father. Gold dust of advice. Have a great healthy happy life now for yourself Rutherford. 🦋🦋
You are really good interviewing people ! You are very genuine, compassionate, and ask great questions, and have a good sense of humor. My heart really goes out to this guy. He is so intelligent and introspective, and also has a good sense of humor.
Aw thank you !!
I can imagine you grow up angry when your adoptive mother is violent. Add being adopted it’ll give you the feeling: Nobody wants me. My experience is that most mothers give their child up for adoption cause they want their child a better life than they can provide. Mostly it’s out of selflessness and the birth mothers suffer the rest of their lives. But then there’re people who are unable to love. Narcissists.
Rutherford! Wow. I’m just laying here absorbing and thinking so much from what you’ve shared. Thank you enormously
Wonderful!
Oh dear. I feel like the luckiest person ever born. I felt like that during my very nice and normal childhood as well, but after watching this--well. All good wishes toward this man, and toward all of you who might be searching for answers
Well said!
When you grow up in an abusive family and its all you know you do have to be aware of your anger issues and go the other way. You think being cruel is correct and you have to work from childhood to find another way and actively work on it.
Every single one of your interviews is a punch in the gut and an eye-opener. Thank you, Andrew!
thanks stella!
So very sad. Amazing that this man has overcome so much to become a fully actualized human being. My brother and I were both adopted (unrelated) and truly had idyllic lives with amazing parents. Neither of us had or have any interest in searching out our bio-families and both of us feel very grateful to our bio moms for giving us an opportunity at life. I truly can’t imagine life like this man has had.
Thanks Cassie and I’m pleased to hear about your feelings
Such an inspirational story. I’m happy he is a happy healing man today. I wish him nothing but a safe and balanced life. And Andrew-wonderful job with your interview. You ask some candid and kindly questions. And you really allow your guests to answer at their own pace which allows a much better insight.
Thank you for making my relationship with my mother feel ….. better if judged on a bell curve! I’m happy you have a family of your own. Grateful for your generous sharing.
What a wonderful man!
Andrew, every one of your interviews has covered real interesting and meaningful topics, the guests seem to all be so intelligent and with a great sense of humor. This channel is great. I'm so glad he was able to make the right choices in putting his well-being first. I appreciate how honest he is about his struggles with anger and his family background. What a life, he's had. Bless this man!
Glad you enjoyed it!
How old was this guy when he was adopted? As a adopted mother of 2 female siblings who were removed from their biological home along with 2 brothers, their ages were 5,4,2,and 6months, I can only says I would never adopt again and don't recommend adoption, foster care yes, adoption no. My girls are now in their thirties but could never get over their past making it the most unrewarding experience of my entire life. I had to cut them both out my life for my own safety. They came from an extremely abusive environment and genes are very strong and they choose to embrace the behavior of their biological parents and wanted to bring it into my home as adults which wasn't ok. It has been over 10 years and my heart is still broken and I expect it will never heal 💔 they were my children in my heart, unfortunately I wasn't their mother 💔 😔.
Baby I think
I think he dodged a bullet not being brought up by his biological parents. Unfortunately his adoptive mother was a a nightmare as well, but it may have forged his personality I think in a good way, as he is a great person now with his own family. He has been able to get through it positively, albeit went through hell growing up...but it has made him who he is today. Great podcast! I wish him all the best!
thanks lana !
I was an only child and probably somewhat spoiled, both my parents were nutty....but in a good and fun way. I can't imagine what this poor gentleman's young life must have been like. It's so terribly sad.
Great interview again Andrew, thank you.
Fascinating conversation! Rutherford is such an inspiring man. My heart breaks for the childhood that he endured, children do not deserve this. I hope he can write a book on this if he hasn’t. Where he came from and the journey to understand his identity is actually quite inspiring. Despite his potential biology and the abuse he endured, he has chosen to be the best person he can be for himself and his own family! This story could really help so many people. No matter what cards we have been dealt, we always have a choice as to what we do with them.
Agreed! Thanks Molly!
I was adopted when I was 2 months old. I love my family, but I always imagined my bio parents were movie stars. They've never looked for me and I've never looked for them. Mostly because, even though my dad died when I was 23, I had no interest in losing more people from my life. Losing Dad was difficult for sure.
What an interesting story! I wasn't adopted but I've helped two people find their biological families. One for a women in her 20s and the other for a guy in his 30s. The last one is by far the most complex but interesting story, so I will save it for last. Re: the woman, she was in search of her biological father. Her mother had been involved with three different guys/teens when she became pregnant and wasn't sure who the father was so she chose the one she thought would be the best father for her child. (crazy I know) Anyway, so the guy she chose to be the father turned out wasn't the father because when he was in the military he discovered that he was sterile and unable to father a child. So in a strange sort of way she turned out to be a blessing in disguise and he loves her as if she were his own.
In saying that, I found her biological father too. He too was receptive. As it turned out he was married but without any children because his wife couldn't conceive. So my friend was a welcome surprise/gift to both her bio father and his wife, and the man who raised her who she still considers to be "dad" was friends with her bio father back in HS so they are both "cool" with it. Now she has two fathers who love her:-) I think I should post this and start a new comment regarding the adopted man. It's quite the story! I'll post it later:-)
Wow fascinating thanks
@@AndrewGold1 I was just ready to send you my second story when the page locked up and I lost everything I had written. I can't go through it again. At least not right now, lol, maybe later. I can't believe it. (sigh)
This is such an insightful interview, and I have now subscribed to your channel because you seem to know how to interview a person very well, and this is a topic I think is well worth covering!
I love how this man came to the understanding that nature versus nurture is not an either/or circumstance; it's always a bit of both.
This is something I dwell on a lot in discussions with people who seem to think everything in life is an either/or proposition. There are always at least three perspectives to everything!
How beautiful that he found peace, despite the revelations he discovered about both his father and mother. 💕🙏
Thank you for the kind words Kathryn!
This man's story is 🤯. I'm happy he is/seems well adjusted and loving.
Wow Andrew. This was a very good interview. I’m so glad he has found out what he needed and found peace. I didn’t know my father in any way. The story mom told me from a really early age is he fell off a boat and drowned. I know he left right after I was born. I was told when I was a teenager that I had a couple hour conversation with him. I remember talking to a man for a very long time. This was from a friend of my mom and father when they were together. I remember the man being very nice. He died a couple months later on the street in California. Homeless and an alcoholic. No family claimed him. The state took care of his burial. Throughout the years I’ve created my own family. I always had my mom and brother. I’ve just kind of collected the others. I love them all. Super interview. 😊
Thanks Zoe !!
OMG... as an adopted child I understand and get this.
Thank you for this story! You are such a masterful interviewer! Your first talent is in giving the guest a sense of relaxed space. Your second is in perfectly choosing the right number, and sequence, of words to ask. Then you sit back a bit and let the guest talk. You lead them from beginning to appropriate end, and give us the viewers a FULL sense of the true drama before us! I will proceed to another interview of yours.....after I can take a deep breath to process the story of John McBeth Finlayson. WOW!
thank you leslie, what a lovely, lovely message for me to read before bed!
I posted a story from four days ago. I am not exactly sure where it is, as I am woefully technologically inept, so please forgive my disjointed post locations.
That's gotta rough to find out that you're dad is a really bad criminal
absolutely!
I found out family information when I was 50. About my mother’s childhood. She told me she was adopted by her uncle. After her father deserted the family. Her aunt told me after her death that that wasn’t true. She was sold to her uncle.
This struck me a severe emotional blow. Sometimes we should leave things be.
I feel such empathy for him as well as amazing respect of his achievements!♥️✌️
Late to add a comment here as I'm a pretty new sub and still catching up, but wow, what a gripping story. This was such an articulate and I envision an undoubtedly painfully told story. I'm so glad Rutherford has found the clarity and happiness he was seeking. "Out and about here from British Columbia".
If you decide to not have children, you are the very first person in your DIRECT lineage to make that decision.
As an adopted child (now adult) this episode resonated so so much with me. Thanks for sharing this story
"I'm bored"...nobody could make that up. Incredible.
I know ... i kind of wish he had screamed at her - and told her som hard truths - at that point.
@@mailill If you had it would have shut the whole thing down and I don't think she would have had any kind of epiphany. Better you should know, for sure, just how empty she was and is.
Thank you so much for making this extremely interesting video. All the best to you both.
Thank you Elizabeth !!
This adoptee's rethoric skills are most impressive. His reading must have been extensive, from a very early age.
❤ what an teaching time you had from those people. I had family like that. The best thing I learned was that they couldn’t love, so I blessed them and moved on!
Rutherford talking about inheriting his father’s scarily frightening temper was fascinating. Gave me James Fallon vibes lol
Yes absolutely. Also my first ever episode with a Westboro Baptist defector. Similar thing
@@AndrewGold1 ooh I’ll have to watch that one, thanks
@Wonder woman 100% agree and I see it too! 😲😲 This man is very intelligent, but measured, like he exerts terrific control over how he expresses himself. Turn that over and you got a raging bull. Psychopathy/sociopathy is both genetic and (usually) environmental. I have it in my family too.
@@AliciaM5555 that’s interesting! In what way have these traits manifested in your family would you say?
@@wonderwoman5528 lot's of cluster b disorders in my family big time, trauma, addiction and abuse. Including me but I've been in therapy and doing so much better after a long journey out of hell. 🙏🌹
A fascinating and insightful interview. Thank you
Thank you Barbara !
huge respect for you.------ you are who you're meant to be---- youre exceptional
thanks vivien!! he's amazing!