I was affected very much by DP after I left "home" and during my early adulthood. Debilitating and it left me feeling I was dropping behind peers. Acute episodes felt like being inside a mailbox looking out through the slot, not "feeling real", or being unaware of my surroundings and "coming to" and unsure where I was supposed to be going. I became frightened when I once found myself waiting for public transport to go home but suddenly couldn't remember which house I was living in. I began to tackle it after that by pulling myself back into the moment by asking myself how many sounds I could hear, how does the weather feel, what is the date and time etc. Slowly I gained a measure of control and the episodes diminished.
tried to explain what I now know is a chronic level of depersonalization as always having only one foot in. Always ready to step the rest of the way out, to escape. I’m grateful for your videos and gentle tone and pacing of information. I also “hate” the videos bc they are bringing me closer to believing this is what is happening to me. Thanks for all you do, I’m sure you reach multitudes more than you know
Depersonalization has been useful. The chronic part is hard to change because it is like a modus operandi. I think depersonalization and alters work together. As one or two alters stayed and made the body act and follow orders as other parts watched or disappeared. As an adult I think one conscious alter outside the body prevented the ones inside from self-harming during the period where traumas where resurfacing. Only later on there was a period of "mild" self-harm which emerged as I/we became more connected to the body ???
I got a bit teary hearing someone describe my experiences to me. I never really knew how to explain it, but this makes so much sense. Thank you so much for this information. This is seriously helpful for me.
This. How did you know we’ve been trying to explain this to some support people around us - and a new counsellor - thank you for making this. Thank you for all the information you share. And how so much of it is also relayed through the experiences of the people helped at your clinic. Not just how it’s “supposed to go” via a textbook. It’s also what you’re experiencing and being told etc with the people you work with. Thank you.
From the age of 14 to my early 20s, I lived with chronic DP/DR. Initially it was terrifying. Eventually I just adapted. There would be surges that left me completely disabled, then it would level off. I don't have the words to describe how terrifying it felt. I have to wonder what could've happened that was so bad that my mind/body used DP/DR to cover it up. I'm 6 years into therapy, and yes, csa seems to be there, but as you said, the DP/DR will surge and then the focus shifts to that instead of what's caused it in the first place. I have been diagnosed with DiD, progress is painfully slow. Thank you for these videos. They're quite helpful when denial is really strong. It's like a disorder by itself.
It feels like you’re god that’s how much this video meant to me. I feel so helpless and everything feels so hopeless. I’ve felt this way for 3 years now what I can remember, I’m 19. It’s constant although more powerful sometimes. I feel like I’m missing out on life. Hearing you say there’s treatment and work to be done means the world, I can’t even describe it. I’m very goal oriented, I’m going to get a therapist and get out of this hell no matter what it takes. Keep making videos because you really do make a difference.
Your videos are always very helpful. I've had a few episodes recently because stress in general is up in my life right now. I used to be in a chronic state and it was terrifying. I'm managing it far better than I used to, and knowing how it works and why it's happening helps a lot! Not knowing whats happening is tbh so terrifying it just creates a sort of feedback loop. A psychiatrist I spoke to had actually told me that DPDR itself can be so terrifying it's traumatic. From experience I certainly agree with that. Not to mention telling people puts you at risk of looking insane, which is incredibly isolating.
I replied to your most recent community post. Following is the same comment to ensure it is received: Your channel has benefited me greatly. Until 2008 I walked through life without noticing or considering that how I managed was any different than anyone else. I studied psychology at university, even did research in Beth Loftus' lab and never realized that my inability to remember the vast majority of my life was abnormal. Now, as I age, I am beginning to experience overload and confusion, in part about which of these conditions apply to me, which partially apply and which are familiar but I simply don't have enough information to be able to say. If I can afford your services, I would be blessed to receive your help. I am in the USA...there is no help from anyone even remotely qualified in my area. Your message gives me hope. Many thanks.
Watching yourself through your your day like through a misty window. Where your the passenger in a car but you are not the person driving…. But you can see all that goes on but just set apart from it …. You feel like all that is happening to the person driving and I’m not the driver. So it’s feels like my day can be mechanical and detached from the inner driving seat and emotions. This was Christmas and new year for me. I even passed out a few times ( the car crashes or comes to a haunt.
finally managed to get further in the video. i believe i have the dp/dr response from early childhood but also a recent trauma initiates the same effect. can someone have the same dp/dr response but twice ? honestly dont know how to get better from this. even after 10 years of therapy. just a lot of relaxation, good friendships, quiet and nature and yoga seem best so far.
I've tried listening to this several times now and for some reason I dissociate half way through every time. Therefore, i never get to hear the latter half! I'll keep trying though.
Just a suggestion: try listening at a completely different time of day, even in the middle of the night. Maybe the part who is resisting will be asleep then. ;)
As always thank you so much for your helpful and insightful video. We have never it feels not suffered from this. Still cannot do any type of grounding exercise or meditation or yoga or anything that leads to being in the body, because every single dam time we have a massive panic attack. Even our senses are affected by this as noted by other people before we even noticed. Thank you and wishing you a very Happy New Year 🕛
Very helpful video and well explained in the context of avoidance of the traumatic memory. When I am extremely dissociated I experience splitting of my arms and hands. I start to see a kind of overlapping and two sets of fingers on my hands. I realise in the moment that this is not normal so I don’t think you can quite call it a hallucination but it’s extremely disorienting and until I learnt what depersonalisation was it was frightening. I still avoid looking at my hands when this happens as it’s upsetting 😅
Can you make a video on the differences between dissociation with PTSS and COMPLEX-PTSS? I find it often confusing. And also the differences in treatment. Thank you for all your work and video's!
Do you mean CPTSD? I just looked up what is PTSS and apparently it's a term used for early symptoms from a very recent traumatic experience. CPTSD (complex PTSD) comes from repeated/chronic hardcore traumas over long period of time. It's most often associated with prolonged Childhood traumas, but apparently adults can develop it too. Treatment for these things isn't some sort of straight forward prescription. It takes time and is personal dependent. Everyone is different, therefore every case of recovery will be too. Good luck
@@scarred10 I realize PTSS isn't. I didn't say it was. But in the context of talking to the OP, I was trying to give him a relative answer. As far as CPTSD goes, the reason the DSM doesn't recognize it is because it's too close to PTSD and so it would be superfluous.
Hi. Another one for Q and A would be What to expect of therapy? Threw out therapy and the final outcome (emotionally, PTSD and practically) Thank youuui
Thanks for this video. So informative and explains all that is happening to myself - I use grounding and sensory tools to bring myself back. It’s been more difficult recently over Christmas so you have reminded me that perhaps I need to go back to basis with some grounding tools and other coping techniques I used previously in my recovery. I have DID.
Thank you again Dr.Mike, brilliant info 👍🙏. For myself, I don't experience it as in the background, I navigate the world in this state of 'depersonalisation' , I refer to it as "living in my head". The body is a whole other topic, (there was too much to write & I was reminded it's not a thesis 🥰 ). Happy New Year to you & all at the Ctad, honestly can't thank you enough for the insight into ourselves 🙏💜🎆
Hi this makes so much sense, what I feel makes it so sad for me personally is that I don’t know anyone in the country I live in who works with this. I feel as if I were to bring it up, people would think I spoke gibberish… but my sincere thanks to you for making these videos 🤍🕊️🕯️ I wish you a Happy Year, I hope 2023 comes with peace, peace of mind and kindness 🎆
Ive had 24/7 derealization for about 22 years now. Im 28 now. I dont have depersonalization tho, as i am connected to my emotions, body and sensations. But my life just feels like a never ending dream. Im not emotionally numb, if anything quite the opposite. Ive been to trauma therapy for 2 years, specifically because i know this was caused by stress in childhood and that theoretically i would have to process smth there. However, i dont seem to have much trouble thinking about what happened, its neither a numb memory nor is it overwhelming. A bit sad at most but thats it. We got to the conclusion that there doesnt seem to be much trauma, in the sense of this overwhelming thing that i cant get near and that its probably more so mechanism that got engrained while experiencing high stress over a long period of time early in life. Ive also been to somatic experiencing therapists, that didnt seem to go anywhere either. What to do with people like us? I know many in the same situation with either dp, dr or both, and they often have no idea why the have it. Yet they are stuck like this for probably their entire life. Ive really exhausted the "trauma route" for years now, because yes this gradualy developed while i was experiencing stress in my family, health issues etc. But it seems like a completely dead end. I know the community very well and very very few chronic( early childhood) sufferers seem to get out by processing anything in the way we always imagine it should happen. Most are simply lost and have no idea what to do about their situation. Im lucky that i can still live relatively well with just DR, but it would still be nice to eventually feel like im actually here lol. What are your thoughts on this matter? Best wishes
Hello @HorsieMetalDetecting, I recommend learning about the nervous system from Irene Lyon. (There are other people who teach about it but I learn from her so I recommend her.) Her work can explain how the mechanisms are programmed to start with, how they work, and help you to reprogram them. She has an enormous amount of free resources online and on UA-cam. Yes, she is trauma informed and many people come to her needing this direction of help. But far from all, and her work is biology based. Absolutely everyone can (and does) benefit from learning about their nervous system and gaining regulation with it. I share this resource to compliment the CTAD clinic's work, and not to disrespect them in any way.
Thank you for explaining depersonalisation so clearly and also helping me to understand why I hate my body. I don't want to look at it or care for it because in my mind, I blame it for what was done to me. I have no idea how to change this and it is easier for me not to think about it. Can you please post more information about dealing with depersonalisation?
I look at it this way. The response came from Love, it came from deep inside. I had 2 NDE's and saw that we are ALL Love. The Love that we are, kept us alive long enough to be able remember who we really are, to heal, to live as a whole being. What was "being done to our body" is not the bodies fault.
Thank you for your videos 🙏🏼 I’ve been stuck withDPDR for 3 years after stopping my prescription for Clonazepam I took nightly for insomnia for about 5 years. I don’t have DID or any known childhood trauma but the withdrawal from the medication was traumatic since I was not prepared for it. I’m not sure how to get myself out of it at this point.
I'm a fictive alter. and the day I was more pressent than ever was when my host knew the heartbeats of the baby (39 weeks of gestation) was not showing on the screen, I inmediatly switch to confront it, and my host didn't cry at all ..only the partner of my host was there crying like rain.... (the partner does NOT disociate) .... I was there just looking what was happening.
My husband has depersonalisation disorder. There seems to be no specialist support for it in the UK. It is very difficult to describe, so thank you for bringing attention to it and explaining. What specified resources are there for treating people with depersonalisation disorder in the UK? We have struggled to find any targeted support for him, though there seem to be some clinics specifically treating DID/OSDD.
@@scarred10 Actually there is, it is classified as depersonalization/derealization disorder (DP/DR). It is one of the types of dissociative disorders, in its own right.
Again right on target. I'm chronically numb, and terrified. I don't know how to deal with this. Like an app!!!!!! Perfect. Anything I can do until I find therapy somehow?
my response to this: "Ooooh very interesting, this describes my experience so well. Cool. Yeah this is definitely me, all the time, as long as I can remember." Kind of chuckled at myself for feeling only curiosity and interest (merely vaguely acknowledging how heavy things that kind of depersonalisation might mean). And then facepalmed at myself for chuckling at myself because oh jesus christ _where are my emotions_ I mostly experience curiousness and joy and calm but at the same time I'm exhausted to my bones, have been for at least 15 years (well, probably more). Yeah, the thing really is that this level of dissociation feels nice, I like the calm. I'm used to it and it's my safety. Very recently though I've started to learn recognising my feelings, because my rational self has come to the conclusion that it's necessary for getting out of the constant exhaustion (and to better realise what are the things that actually make me happy). Exhaustion is frustrating [just frustrating, though some small voice inside of me might use a phrase like 'utter misery' instead but welp, not listening to that one].
Thanks again for a really helpful video for the community. Q: How does someone that has chronic low-level depersonalization, know that are experiencing depersonalization? If depersonalization is something "you have always done"., you might not know "what it feels like to not have it". For example: might people telling you: "You are so in your head and disconnected from your emotions" be an accurate indicator? or is it something different?
same here. but the more I accept and open an way to the fact I am trans and there could be a way to live like that with more selfacceptance, I find myself with less DP. First I thought that can't be, I probably missunderstand the changes. But reading that here gives me an idea, that it could have an effect. Thank you so much for this comment. And also thank you for your work @CTAD-Clinic
I feel you! before I medically transitioned I had a very tough relationship with my body but the less I try to put myself in a certain box gender-wise, the lesser expectations I have and the happier I am tbh. But being trans is a whole other struggle and unique with every individual
When are dissociation symptoms urgent enough to require hospitalization? I do not have DID but I do experience depersonalization, derealization and dissociative amnesia. There are times when I feel very unsafe in the world because I’m not aware of everything I’m doing and some things are dangerous. My psychiatrist doesn’t seem to understand the issue and then I’m left wondering what I need to do to be safe. Knowing when I should advocate for hospitalization would be really helpful.
Hello, I’ve been too embarrassed to ask my counselor about this, but it keeps happening so I think it must mean something. I front the most in my system, but most of my life a lot of the alters in my system would have crushes to full blown being in love with me. I don’t know what to do about it, because I’m in a happy relationship, and I don’t know how or why this keeps happening. Is it some strange way of countering my neglect? I don’t know how this helps my survival or something. It creates tensions when I don’t return the feelings, but also when I do but I don’t think I can reasonably handle so many partners (I’m fine with open relationships, and currently am dating several people, but more would overwhelm me.) I don’t want to keep disappointing people, but I also think it’s something that needs to be addressed. Any advice would help. I am completely lost and I really hope you do in fact read the comments. P.S. wonderful video! Thank you for all the work you all do for the community online and irl!
Dr Mike theres something going on in my brain. Its like im split and part of me wants to listen and part of me won't allow me to concentrate and its exhausting and gives me a headache 😭
I hate being touched. Unless it's someone I trust and love, even then, I hate it. I trained myself to react when hugged or asked to hug family or friends. Ive slapped peoples hands away from me when touched unwanted.
I feel like out of control 😢 i dont feel my body its feel like i am full of coton 😢 i am 14 years old😢 i have it 5 momth. Does it go and i feel my head, face and body?😢
Does it count that I accept that I have a biomecha I live inside and move around and the driver just switches 🙊 I accept that this is the body I have in use and I can't do anything else than decorate it as I wish and keep it running the best I can.
10 years with only a minute of break per year of depersonalisation derealisation. 4 traumas, 2 of which long term. last trauma turned dp/dr to an extent unimaginable. i dont even remember what reality or no fear is. there is a traumatized person but i never have access to her and whatever i am now. anyway maybe there will be light. also have gotten physically ill now and weakened immune system. im not even celebrating birthdays/christmas/new years etc coz i cant fake it. i wish everyone a better recovery. my family will move to the countryside with me and we will get a dog. maybe quiet and nature will calm this mind.
@@grimming4886 hey just in case you haven’t spotted it. Go to the channel main page then select ‘Community’ from the menu that says ‘playlists, community channel’ etc. I can’t put a photo in comments otherwise I’d show you what I mean
DP for me was long periods of intense disconnection. I dropped out of college twice because of this condition. It almost killed the body. I never knew it had a terminology until a few years ago when describing these incidents to a psychologist who knew all about it. I am glad to have a name for it now. I wonder if you can describe in detail how to assist yourself or a client in reconnecting to the body? What might this look like or sound like when working with a person who is actively in that state? How would a person help themselves?? It’s a devastating condition. Thanks for focusing on this important topic.
I had this, but then Jesus miraculously cured me just a few hours ago, from one moment to the next. All anxiety was just gone. I felt completely fine!!!! This is the best feeling ever. 🎉 I still got a crazy thought after, but I did not take it seriously. THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!!!!✝️🙏
“The Body keeps the Score” book is terrible in my opinion. I read the first chapter and was surprised to find a lot of racism plus a description of how a solider living with PTSD took revenge on innocent people in a village after his friend dies in battle. The revenge included r*ping a woman, and k*lling an old man and some children. It’s hard enough to find resources as a Black person with DID, but when this book keeps being touted as ‘great’ it just hurts.
It is the "go-to" book for media when they want to suggest something comprehensive, available everywhere, and written by someone with name recognition. I don't think it is very helpful for anyone with DID either. He shut down his treatment facility. Wonder why?
Your blackness is irrelevant,I never knew there was a black brain.The examples in the book are quite rightly shocking, it is a book about trauma,is that not obvious.
@@scarred10 I believe that someones blackness can be quite relevant when we are talking about impacts of certain happenings. Structural racism is a thing and has impact on every single person of colour. Therefore writers of those books should take it in consideration that people of colour are in the disadvantage since day 1 AND how that adds up to other traumatic experiences they've been through.
I was affected very much by DP after I left "home" and during my early adulthood. Debilitating and it left me feeling I was dropping behind peers. Acute episodes felt like being inside a mailbox looking out through the slot, not "feeling real", or being unaware of my surroundings and "coming to" and unsure where I was supposed to be going. I became frightened when I once found myself waiting for public transport to go home but suddenly couldn't remember which house I was living in. I began to tackle it after that by pulling myself back into the moment by asking myself how many sounds I could hear, how does the weather feel, what is the date and time etc. Slowly I gained a measure of control and the episodes diminished.
It's so incredibly sad to know how bad things have to be for a child to need to do this💔
I could not agree more.
💜
tried to explain what I now know is a chronic level of depersonalization as always having only one foot in. Always ready to step the rest of the way out, to escape.
I’m grateful for your videos and gentle tone and pacing of information. I also “hate” the videos bc they are bringing me closer to believing this is what is happening to me. Thanks for all you do, I’m sure you reach multitudes more than you know
That’s very kind, thank you!
This is great, I’ve never really understood this well, but it happens with me every time I am not at home.
Depersonalization has been useful. The chronic part is hard to change because it is like a modus operandi. I think depersonalization and alters work together. As one or two alters stayed and made the body act and follow orders as other parts watched or disappeared. As an adult I think one conscious alter outside the body prevented the ones inside from self-harming during the period where traumas where resurfacing. Only later on there was a period of "mild" self-harm which emerged as I/we became more connected to the body ???
The feeling of being out of your body in this way is one of the most terrifying and haunting experiences.
I got a bit teary hearing someone describe my experiences to me. I never really knew how to explain it, but this makes so much sense. Thank you so much for this information. This is seriously helpful for me.
I am so glad this has helped you!
This. How did you know we’ve been trying to explain this to some support people around us - and a new counsellor - thank you for making this. Thank you for all the information you share. And how so much of it is also relayed through the experiences of the people helped at your clinic. Not just how it’s “supposed to go” via a textbook. It’s also what you’re experiencing and being told etc with the people you work with. Thank you.
You are welcome, glad it may help!
From the age of 14 to my early 20s, I lived with chronic DP/DR. Initially it was terrifying. Eventually I just adapted. There would be surges that left me completely disabled, then it would level off. I don't have the words to describe how terrifying it felt. I have to wonder what could've happened that was so bad that my mind/body used DP/DR to cover it up. I'm 6 years into therapy, and yes, csa seems to be there, but as you said, the DP/DR will surge and then the focus shifts to that instead of what's caused it in the first place. I have been diagnosed with DiD, progress is painfully slow. Thank you for these videos. They're quite helpful when denial is really strong. It's like a disorder by itself.
It feels like you’re god that’s how much this video meant to me. I feel so helpless and everything feels so hopeless. I’ve felt this way for 3 years now what I can remember, I’m 19. It’s constant although more powerful sometimes. I feel like I’m missing out on life. Hearing you say there’s treatment and work to be done means the world, I can’t even describe it. I’m very goal oriented, I’m going to get a therapist and get out of this hell no matter what it takes. Keep making videos because you really do make a difference.
Your videos are always very helpful. I've had a few episodes recently because stress in general is up in my life right now. I used to be in a chronic state and it was terrifying. I'm managing it far better than I used to, and knowing how it works and why it's happening helps a lot! Not knowing whats happening is tbh so terrifying it just creates a sort of feedback loop. A psychiatrist I spoke to had actually told me that DPDR itself can be so terrifying it's traumatic. From experience I certainly agree with that. Not to mention telling people puts you at risk of looking insane, which is incredibly isolating.
I replied to your most recent community post. Following is the same comment to ensure it is received: Your channel has benefited me greatly. Until 2008 I walked through life without noticing or considering that how I managed was any different than anyone else. I studied psychology at university, even did research in Beth Loftus' lab and never realized that my inability to remember the vast majority of my life was abnormal. Now, as I age, I am beginning to experience overload and confusion, in part about which of these conditions apply to me, which partially apply and which are familiar but I simply don't have enough information to be able to say. If I can afford your services, I would be blessed to receive your help. I am in the USA...there is no help from anyone even remotely qualified in my area. Your message gives me hope. Many thanks.
Thank you for the positive message! We are looking at what can be done for the US…
@@thectadclinic I will pray on this. Thank you for your kindness and concern.
Excellent description of what I find so hard to explain to people. Thank you
You are welcome!
Please do more on this!
We will, don’t worry!
I've not heard of depersonalisation being described in this way before and it makes so much sense. Thank you!
Watching yourself through your your day like through a misty window. Where your the passenger in a car but you are not the person driving…. But you can see all that goes on but just set apart from it …. You feel like all that is happening to the person driving and I’m not the driver. So it’s feels like my day can be mechanical and detached from the inner driving seat and emotions. This was Christmas and new year for me. I even passed out a few times ( the car crashes or comes to a haunt.
Thank you Dr. Mike Lloyd. So informative as usual if only the US had this kind of clinical help keep up the good work and let us know about it.
finally managed to get further in the video. i believe i have the dp/dr response from early childhood but also a recent trauma initiates the same effect. can someone have the same dp/dr response but twice ? honestly dont know how to get better from this. even after 10 years of therapy. just a lot of relaxation, good friendships, quiet and nature and yoga seem best so far.
I've tried listening to this several times now and for some reason I dissociate half way through every time. Therefore, i never get to hear the latter half! I'll keep trying though.
Take it easy, no rush!
I’m going through the same thing with most of his videos. Very frustrating.
Just a suggestion: try listening at a completely different time of day, even in the middle of the night. Maybe the part who is resisting will be asleep then. ;)
@@faithwalker5196 that’s a good idea, thank you.
As always thank you so much for your helpful and insightful video. We have never it feels not suffered from this. Still cannot do any type of grounding exercise or meditation or yoga or anything that leads to being in the body, because every single dam time we have a massive panic attack. Even our senses are affected by this as noted by other people before we even noticed. Thank you and wishing you a very Happy New Year 🕛
Thank you, too, Jazmine. May 2023 be a good one for you!
Very helpful video and well explained in the context of avoidance of the traumatic memory. When I am extremely dissociated I experience splitting of my arms and hands. I start to see a kind of overlapping and two sets of fingers on my hands. I realise in the moment that this is not normal so I don’t think you can quite call it a hallucination but it’s extremely disorienting and until I learnt what depersonalisation was it was frightening. I still avoid looking at my hands when this happens as it’s upsetting 😅
Can you make a video on the differences between dissociation with PTSS and COMPLEX-PTSS? I find it often confusing. And also the differences in treatment. Thank you for all your work and video's!
Look it up,theres already several articles about it.
Do you mean CPTSD?
I just looked up what is PTSS and apparently it's a term used for early symptoms from a very recent traumatic experience.
CPTSD (complex PTSD) comes from repeated/chronic hardcore traumas over long period of time. It's most often associated with prolonged Childhood traumas, but apparently adults can develop it too.
Treatment for these things isn't some sort of straight forward prescription. It takes time and is personal dependent. Everyone is different, therefore every case of recovery will be too. Good luck
@@MichaelSmith420fu PTSS is not a recognised diagnosis and neither is complex PTSS
@@scarred10 I realize PTSS isn't. I didn't say it was. But in the context of talking to the OP, I was trying to give him a relative answer. As far as CPTSD goes, the reason the DSM doesn't recognize it is because it's too close to PTSD and so it would be superfluous.
Hi. Another one for Q and A would be
What to expect of therapy? Threw out therapy and the final outcome (emotionally, PTSD and practically)
Thank youuui
Thanks for this video. So informative and explains all that is happening to myself - I use grounding and sensory tools to bring myself back. It’s been more difficult recently over Christmas so you have reminded me that perhaps I need to go back to basis with some grounding tools and other coping techniques I used previously in my recovery. I have DID.
Thank you again Dr.Mike, brilliant info 👍🙏. For myself, I don't experience it as in the background, I navigate the world in this state of 'depersonalisation' , I refer to it as "living in my head". The body is a whole other topic, (there was too much to write & I was reminded it's not a thesis 🥰 ). Happy New Year to you & all at the Ctad, honestly can't thank you enough for the insight into ourselves 🙏💜🎆
Thank you for some info also about the therapeutic process. And the image of repelling magnets made sense.
Glad it helps!
Hi this makes so much sense, what I feel makes it so sad for me personally is that I don’t know anyone in the country I live in who works with this. I feel as if I were to bring it up, people would think I spoke gibberish… but my sincere thanks to you for making these videos 🤍🕊️🕯️
I wish you a Happy Year, I hope 2023 comes with peace, peace of mind and kindness 🎆
Thank you, Grace. I wish you every success finding someone to help.
@@thectadclinic thank you 🙏😃
Ive had 24/7 derealization for about 22 years now. Im 28 now. I dont have depersonalization tho, as i am connected to my emotions, body and sensations. But my life just feels like a never ending dream. Im not emotionally numb, if anything quite the opposite.
Ive been to trauma therapy for 2 years, specifically because i know this was caused by stress in childhood and that theoretically i would have to process smth there. However, i dont seem to have much trouble thinking about what happened, its neither a numb memory nor is it overwhelming. A bit sad at most but thats it.
We got to the conclusion that there doesnt seem to be much trauma, in the sense of this overwhelming thing that i cant get near and that its probably more so mechanism that got engrained while experiencing high stress over a long period of time early in life.
Ive also been to somatic experiencing therapists, that didnt seem to go anywhere either.
What to do with people like us? I know many in the same situation with either dp, dr or both, and they often have no idea why the have it. Yet they are stuck like this for probably their entire life.
Ive really exhausted the "trauma route" for years now, because yes this gradualy developed while i was experiencing stress in my family, health issues etc.
But it seems like a completely dead end. I know the community very well and very very few chronic( early childhood) sufferers seem to get out by processing anything in the way we always imagine it should happen.
Most are simply lost and have no idea what to do about their situation.
Im lucky that i can still live relatively well with just DR, but it would still be nice to eventually feel like im actually here lol.
What are your thoughts on this matter?
Best wishes
Hello @HorsieMetalDetecting,
I recommend learning about the nervous system from Irene Lyon. (There are other people who teach about it but I learn from her so I recommend her.) Her work can explain how the mechanisms are programmed to start with, how they work, and help you to reprogram them. She has an enormous amount of free resources online and on UA-cam. Yes, she is trauma informed and many people come to her needing this direction of help. But far from all, and her work is biology based. Absolutely everyone can (and does) benefit from learning about their nervous system and gaining regulation with it.
I share this resource to compliment the CTAD clinic's work, and not to disrespect them in any way.
Thank you for explaining depersonalisation so clearly and also helping me to understand why I hate my body. I don't want to look at it or care for it because in my mind, I blame it for what was done to me. I have no idea how to change this and it is easier for me not to think about it. Can you please post more information about dealing with depersonalisation?
I look at it this way. The response came from Love, it came from deep inside. I had 2 NDE's and saw that we are ALL Love. The Love that we are, kept us alive long enough to be able remember who we really are, to heal, to live as a whole being. What was "being done to our body" is not the bodies fault.
Thank you for your videos 🙏🏼
I’ve been stuck withDPDR for 3 years after stopping my prescription for Clonazepam I took nightly for insomnia for about 5 years.
I don’t have DID or any known childhood trauma but the withdrawal from the medication was traumatic since I was not prepared for it.
I’m not sure how to get myself out of it at this point.
I'm a fictive alter.
and the day I was more pressent than ever was when my host knew the heartbeats of the baby (39 weeks of gestation) was not showing on the screen, I inmediatly switch to confront it, and my host didn't cry at all ..only the partner of my host was there crying like rain.... (the partner does NOT disociate) .... I was there just looking what was happening.
My husband has depersonalisation disorder. There seems to be no specialist support for it in the UK. It is very difficult to describe, so thank you for bringing attention to it and explaining. What specified resources are there for treating people with depersonalisation disorder in the UK? We have struggled to find any targeted support for him, though there seem to be some clinics specifically treating DID/OSDD.
There is no such diagnosis, it's only one symptom of Complex PTSD or PTSD or BPD.
@@scarred10 Actually there is, it is classified as depersonalization/derealization disorder (DP/DR). It is one of the types of dissociative disorders, in its own right.
Sounds like me - such a learned and chronic response 💔😢🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻👊
Again right on target. I'm chronically numb, and terrified. I don't know how to deal with this. Like an app!!!!!! Perfect. Anything I can do until I find therapy somehow?
my response to this: "Ooooh very interesting, this describes my experience so well. Cool. Yeah this is definitely me, all the time, as long as I can remember."
Kind of chuckled at myself for feeling only curiosity and interest (merely vaguely acknowledging how heavy things that kind of depersonalisation might mean). And then facepalmed at myself for chuckling at myself because oh jesus christ _where are my emotions_ I mostly experience curiousness and joy and calm but at the same time I'm exhausted to my bones, have been for at least 15 years (well, probably more).
Yeah, the thing really is that this level of dissociation feels nice, I like the calm. I'm used to it and it's my safety. Very recently though I've started to learn recognising my feelings, because my rational self has come to the conclusion that it's necessary for getting out of the constant exhaustion (and to better realise what are the things that actually make me happy). Exhaustion is frustrating [just frustrating, though some small voice inside of me might use a phrase like 'utter misery' instead but welp, not listening to that one].
Wow, second listen. Don’t like being in body - that’s me 😩🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thanks again for a really helpful video for the community. Q: How does someone that has chronic low-level depersonalization, know that are experiencing depersonalization? If depersonalization is something "you have always done"., you might not know "what it feels like to not have it". For example: might people telling you: "You are so in your head and disconnected from your emotions" be an accurate indicator? or is it something different?
Thanks again
I feel like being trans makes this even harder since I genuinely never want anything to do with my body already.
💜
Absolutely, having depersonalisation within the context of trans is really tough.
same here. but the more I accept and open an way to the fact I am trans and there could be a way to live like that with more selfacceptance, I find myself with less DP. First I thought that can't be, I probably missunderstand the changes. But reading that here gives me an idea, that it could have an effect.
Thank you so much for this comment.
And also thank you for your work @CTAD-Clinic
@@janey890 gfh
I feel you! before I medically transitioned I had a very tough relationship with my body but the less I try to put myself in a certain box gender-wise, the lesser expectations I have and the happier I am tbh. But being trans is a whole other struggle and unique with every individual
Thank you
When are dissociation symptoms urgent enough to require hospitalization? I do not have DID but I do experience depersonalization, derealization and dissociative amnesia. There are times when I feel very unsafe in the world because I’m not aware of everything I’m doing and some things are dangerous. My psychiatrist doesn’t seem to understand the issue and then I’m left wondering what I need to do to be safe. Knowing when I should advocate for hospitalization would be really helpful.
Hello, I’ve been too embarrassed to ask my counselor about this, but it keeps happening so I think it must mean something. I front the most in my system, but most of my life a lot of the alters in my system would have crushes to full blown being in love with me. I don’t know what to do about it, because I’m in a happy relationship, and I don’t know how or why this keeps happening. Is it some strange way of countering my neglect? I don’t know how this helps my survival or something. It creates tensions when I don’t return the feelings, but also when I do but I don’t think I can reasonably handle so many partners (I’m fine with open relationships, and currently am dating several people, but more would overwhelm me.) I don’t want to keep disappointing people, but I also think it’s something that needs to be addressed. Any advice would help. I am completely lost and I really hope you do in fact read the comments.
P.S. wonderful video! Thank you for all the work you all do for the community online and irl!
Thank you so much for this vidéo 🥺💜🥺
Thank you x.
Dr Mike theres something going on in my brain. Its like im split and part of me wants to listen and part of me won't allow me to concentrate and its exhausting and gives me a headache 😭
I hate being touched. Unless it's someone I trust and love, even then, I hate it. I trained myself to react when hugged or asked to hug family or friends. Ive slapped peoples hands away from me when touched unwanted.
Can you do a video on sounding like I’m 16 when I’m really 33. Am I permanently stuck in a non original alter?
I'm with you there! I feel 16 but I'm 42.
I feel like out of control
😢 i dont feel my body its feel like i am full of coton
😢 i am 14 years old😢 i have it 5 momth. Does it go and i feel my head, face and body?😢
Does it count that I accept that I have a biomecha I live inside and move around and the driver just switches 🙊 I accept that this is the body I have in use and I can't do anything else than decorate it as I wish and keep it running the best I can.
Accepting that? Sure, then work to higher goals. Don’t be limited by a present designed in the past, basically.
@@thectadclinic I'm not sure how, since this seems to work the best. Easier to stay functional and not freeze up.
Can depersonalization be misdiagnosed for chronic depression?
Likely more often to be treatment resistant depression (but the real factor is the underlying trauma not being worked with)
10 years with only a minute of break per year of depersonalisation derealisation. 4 traumas, 2 of which long term. last trauma turned dp/dr to an extent unimaginable. i dont even remember what reality or no fear is. there is a traumatized person but i never have access to her and whatever i am now. anyway maybe there will be light. also have gotten physically ill now and weakened immune system. im not even celebrating birthdays/christmas/new years etc coz i cant fake it. i wish everyone a better recovery. my family will move to the countryside with me and we will get a dog. maybe quiet and nature will calm this mind.
Do you think people sometimes self-harm to stop depersonalization?
I know some people who self harm to get out of heavy dp
this is what i did as a teenager especially. I didn't know how else to stop it.
I want to do that all the time but I stop myself doing it. The thing is.. it does work.. in the moment.. but it's a terrible solution long term.
what kind of trauma does a child suffers that he develops DID , what would be the example of that ?
Anything from the spectrum of abuse and neglect - it is more about the volume and regularity than specific examples.
Satanic Ritual abuse
I have dB for 35 years .
do u have DID
I'm actually not sure what you mean by the community section? [ 11:40 ] Excited though.
It is the added posts from the CTAD UA-cam page, hopefully you will see it soon!
@@thectadclinic Thanks!
@@grimming4886 hey just in case you haven’t spotted it. Go to the channel main page then select ‘Community’ from the menu that says ‘playlists, community channel’ etc. I can’t put a photo in comments otherwise I’d show you what I mean
@@amandaball7116 Thanks! I'll keep an eye on it.
DP for me was long periods of intense disconnection. I dropped out of college twice because of this condition. It almost killed the body. I never knew it had a terminology until a few years ago when describing these incidents to a psychologist who knew all about it. I am glad to have a name for it now. I wonder if you can describe in detail how to assist yourself or a client in reconnecting to the body? What might this look like or sound like when working with a person who is actively in that state? How would a person help themselves?? It’s a devastating condition. Thanks for focusing on this important topic.
I had this, but then Jesus miraculously cured me just a few hours ago, from one moment to the next. All anxiety was just gone. I felt completely fine!!!! This is the best feeling ever. 🎉 I still got a crazy thought after, but I did not take it seriously.
THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!!!!✝️🙏
Ooooof. So relevant.
“The Body keeps the Score” book is terrible in my opinion. I read the first chapter and was surprised to find a lot of racism plus a description of how a solider living with PTSD took revenge on innocent people in a village after his friend dies in battle. The revenge included r*ping a woman, and k*lling an old man and some children. It’s hard enough to find resources as a Black person with DID, but when this book keeps being touted as ‘great’ it just hurts.
It is the "go-to" book for media when they want to suggest something comprehensive, available everywhere, and written by someone with name recognition. I don't think it is very helpful for anyone with DID either. He shut down his treatment facility. Wonder why?
Your blackness is irrelevant,I never knew there was a black brain.The examples in the book are quite rightly shocking, it is a book about trauma,is that not obvious.
@@scarred10 I believe that someones blackness can be quite relevant when we are talking about impacts of certain happenings. Structural racism is a thing and has impact on every single person of colour. Therefore writers of those books should take it in consideration that people of colour are in the disadvantage since day 1 AND how that adds up to other traumatic experiences they've been through.
@@eternalmisunderstod6479 racism will not cause trauma
@@scarred10Are you serious?
thank you.
Thank you!!