Hoist Up The Thing, from Cures What Ails Ya by The Longest Johns
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2020
- From the new album Cures What Ails Ya
Merchandise and Physical copies from thelongestjohns.com/shop
Digital copies available at thelongestjohns.bandcamp.com/ or other major digital retailers
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The Longest Johns
/ thelongestjohns
/ thelongestjohns
/ thelongestjohns
/ longestjohnsgaming
/ discord
www.thelongestjohns.com
open.spotify.com/artist/5k979...
I noticed the flag in the background, and thought to myself "that doesn't look quite like a flag, but like pants. Really tall pants". And then it hit me. They're the Longest Johns
.
wow
dick joke or alt name for jeans, hmmmmm.....
Omg
they didn't do that on purpose but DAM YOUR A FRICKING GENIUS.
@Platypus because flags like that are a real thing they used to do and its ver common in art
This is like the "trust me im an enginner" but a shanty
yeah it is
Yes xD
It reminded me of learning to fly FPV drones lol.
I’m a doctor....-ish
@@anti-popfpv4638 hahaha yeah totally get that. Worth the growing pains though.
I love how the "crew" sounds increasingly confused and fearful as the song goes on
I love the guy who yells "mommy!" near the end
first "thats not port" sounds mildly confused, like "huh? your the captain though"
Second sounds annoyed, like "come on dude, how do you not know this?"
Third sounds more frustrated like "oh ffs!"
Fouth sounds nervous like "seriously captain get this right were in trouble!"
fitth sounds panicked like something is going really wrong
and then they just seem to give up and say "screw it i need a drink"
The teacher: I'm choosing the groups so everyone participates on the project.
The kid she puts me with:
Me and my friends putting our 5 collective brain cells together
I feel this on a spiritual level.
"Turn hard to port!"
"This is sherry!"
That was probably the single finest final chorus change I've ever heard
"Turn hard to port"
The crew: wait a minute
Trust a fucking newbie to buy the wrong fortified wine. Shit had me laughing
non native english speaker here, can someone explain the joke? 😭
@headpfathousandsheepswool
“Port” means the left side of a ship (or a harbour where a ship can dock) but “port” is also the name of a type of fortified wine. The “this is sherry” joke comes from confusing the two, because sherry is also a type of fortified wine.
This is a very accurate depiction of me as an adult
Trust me I'm in control
The foods getting low and the beer has gone green.
Fresh out of college with grades straight from hell.
me too
Trust me I'm an adult!
Help, I need an adult and I am an adult!
When you assume the captain's identity and roll low on Deception, but the crew rolls even lower on Insight.
lol, imagine you roll a 2 thinking your screwed, only for the whole crew to roll a nat 1 XD
And this song has inspired an idea for a character to write. The nephew of a seasoned admiral, who believes being a captain is his birthright. I love this song.
that's kind of like flameheart jr. from sea of thieves, except even he was a decent captain
Captain used to be a noble title given to aristocrats so it has to have happened
“He’s a little confused but he’s got spirit”
That would be a hell of a D&D character. Couple of levels of rogue, couple of levels of bard.
@@hrishiv27 a bard who has high charisma but not skills in navel vehicles, and everyone is just convinced their a good captain even them
okay but can we talk about the line "All of the Grog goes right to my head!"?
Grog is watered-down rum, with a four-to-one ratio, made to make sure sailors wouldn't get drunk off their rum ration.
So this guy's so green he can't even handle alcohol when it's diluted in four times the liquid!
So, Grog isn't AS much of a knock-out drink ale or mead is?
@@sadlobster1 It varies based on what ratio is being used. There's no single established ratio, though one part rum to four parts water was what it started as when it was first introduced in the Royal Navy.
Even within the Royal Navy though, the ratio changed repeatedly over the years. Everything from one part rum to two parts water at the strongest to one part rum to six parts water at the weakest (though the latter wasn't standard, it was more of a punishment ration). Just how strongly it's mixed can also vary by country. For example, at least according to the US National Park Service, it could be as high as an outright 50/50 mix of rum and water.
For the 4:1 ratio though, and using somebody else's math because it's much too late for me to try math, you could expect the final product to land somewhere between 8% and 12% ABV. So, on average, it's somewhere between what most of us would consider a strong beer and a good wine.
Also, if you ever want to try it, know that they usually mixed in something else to improve the taste (citrus was common, so were any spices they could get their hands on like cinnamon, etc.). JUST rum and water is definitely an acquired taste.
@@saintcynicism2654 That's cool. Thanks for teaching me something new today.
"Turn hard to port!" "ᵗʰᵃᵗˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵖᵒʳᵗ"
Arguably my favourite part(s) of the whole song
I've often wondered what happens when port is on the starboard side.
@@madbrowndog4887 the ship has to find a way to turn around, otherwise the anchor would wreak havoc on the pier
I just picture the poor crewman in question sliding down a pitching deck to the starboard side every time he says it!
This is literally how I learned the difference. Now I am stuck needing to do the whole 'that's not port' every time I take my canoe out.
“Turn hard to port!”
“This is sherry!”
Gets me every time!
Where is this? It seems so funny, but I can't find it and it isn't in the lyrics online. Am I just being deaf?
@@zoeorchid It comes up near the end of the song
@@zoeorchid
2:33 - it’s the backup vocal
"Fresh out of college with grades straight from hell." Yep, sounds just about right.
For all of us
This is definitely Stede Bonnet
you are SO right
[Verse 1]
Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,
I browsed for a trade at which I could excel.
An ad for a ship in need of some manning,
Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain.
[Verse 2]
What luck, says I, to find such good fortune!
A few white lies later, I ran down the pier.
Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two,
Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:
[Chorus]
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
[Verse 3]
I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said,
And all of that grog just goes right to my head.
Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh.
Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!
[Chorus]
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
[Verse 4]
We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen.
The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green.
There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck.
If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!
[Verse 5]
So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines
I see what it says but no clue what it means!
Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains,
Feign a bad back til we’ve landed again.
[Chorus]
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
[Chorus]
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
[Chorus]
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
[Verse 6]
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! (Huh?)
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! (BLOODY HELL!)
Turn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) Now I've got it! (Screaming)
Trust me, I'm in control! (MOMMY)
Trust me, I'm in control!
Describes perfectly what it feels like to get the first job after leaving uni with a master's degree in Theoretical Theory of Non-practical Thinking.
New comunity project: 10h version with the fans saying "that's not port"
Who's the lucky one that's gonna say "this is sherry!" ?
dibs
@Trinity agree to disagree
@@bugslut aye be doin the tibs
@@scavengerturtle5071 I don't understand but I'm still calling dibs
The only people to dislike this were the crew under the terrible captain XD
No wonder things were going wrong, they were a crew of 4...
@@thelostone7512 as of today it's 71
Man this new Pirates Who Don't Do Anything song is fantastic
Hey, Zonor, stop digging up my buried nostalgia will ya? The feelings are getting out!
Read the replied comment for nostalgia.
This feels more akin to the Straw Hat Pirates, to me; mostly Luffy
@@sadlobster1 I think this may have been how Buggy got his own crew after Roger.
I can't be the only one to constantly keep listening to this song. It's just so catchy
It gets stuck in my head..... A lot
Ayyye laddy I as well me boyo !
Just like Dave....
I'm sorry, I'll walk the plank myself
'I know exactly what I'm doing, trust me,' shanty edition
This is Stede's song now
I hope somebody understands me when I say:
this is exacly the Mighty Nein stealing a ship
To be fair, it's not like they intended to steal a ship
Such truth. 😂
It really is (everyone besides Fjord, that is, who sort of knew what he was doing?)
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING. This is just Travis trying to acrt like he knows ships
That is, unironically the first thing I said to my friend when I sent him this to listen to
Chords for this masterpiece, so you may share it with landlubbers around you.
D G D
Fresh out of college with grades straight from Hell
D A
I browsed for a trade at which I could excel
D G D
An ad for a ship in need of some manning
D A
Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain
G D
What luck, says I, to find such good fortune
A D D7
A few white lies later, I ran down the pier
G D
Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two
A
Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew
(Chorus)
G D
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
A D D7
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
G D
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
A D
Trust me, I'm in control!
And then for the third verse:
D G D
We've hit icy waters, no land to be seen
D A
The food's getting low, and the beer has gone green
A# Gm
There's murmurs of discontent under the deck
F A
If I don't act fast, it could be my neck!
Enjoy
Thank you!
Thank you
Ur cool
thanks bro
Are these uke chords??? Or guitar chords????
Our Flag means Death gang
Dave: "I AM A CATCH!"
"I've got forward momentum. There's no virtue in it. It's just a balancing act. I don't dare stop." - Miles Naismith Vorkosigan
Miles is the best bullshitter there is
@@ferrous719 Yeah, I think it was the line "Trust me I'm in control" that made me think of him.
Wow, I never expected to find a fan of the Vorkosigan saga in some random comment section!
@@teaartist6455 I never expected to find two more. . .
respect.
I'm almost nine year veteran of the US Army and I have followed my share of newly minted lieutenants.
Can confirm, this is 100% true.
“The Most Dangerous Thing In The World Is A Second Lieutenant With A Map And A Compass.”
As an active duty puddle pirate this song pretty accurately describes most junior officers that find themselves captain of a cutter
As a new Ensign in the navy, this is my anthem
My dad had the distinct (dis)honor as a 2nd Lt. to have to back an entire convoy out of dead end of a rice patty in Korea at night because he'd carefully marked out the route on a map... in red pen.
Thank you for your service
Trust me I'm in control
MOMMY
That is one of the best parts of the song mainly on how it perfectly describes middle-high school
I'm in college. That still sums up my life at the moment. Everything is out of control and I'm drowning in schoolwork. 😅
My 4-year-old son and I are in love with your songs and this basically describes my experience in trying to memorise the lyrics so we can sing them in the bath.
Wholesome shantying
This sounds like a play-by-play of the average captain on Sea of Thieves.
I'm using this for my DnD campaign where some of the players get on a boat across an arctic wasteland for the first time. Will be great. Gonna be playing it live.
Live where?
@@dor748 the DnD room, presumably.
The sailor's equivalent of "trust me I'm an engineer" xD
me playing sea of theves
Loool
@michael White open crew alot I guess😁
Thats how new players are i have 4 friends that are new its so fun
I love how the closed captions kind of just give up halfway through the song, then at the end it chimes in for the "Trust me, I'm in control" (incorrectly, but what can you expect)
This song has inspired my next D&D character.
I made one and this song describes him perfectly lmao-
As a survivor of many, many, pirate/sailing DnD adventures I have this advice; Don't, seafaring doesn't pay in any version of DnD.
No one: ...
Ensigns fresh out of the Naval Academy the moment they step on board a ship: "Trust me, I'm in control!"
I like to think this song is the canonical prequel to leave her johnny
Couldn't help thinking of the book Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch listening to this. A surprisingly similar premise.
The song of junior officers new out of Sandhurst XD
Anyone familiar with Critical Role campaign 2 realizes this is Travis Willingham the first time the Mighty Nein get on the pirate ship, and Travis realizes "Oh, Fjord (his character) is a sailor and I have no idea what the hell any of these words mean"
Since there's going to be an animated series based off Mighty Nein, in the future; I can already picture making Fjord AMVs with this song
Could you mabye sing this in sea of theives
Hello There
General Kenobi
General! It’s MAYBE! Your grammar gave me an anuerism
Yes please
This song in sea of thieves would be perfect
For anyone who isn’t there yet, this is adulthood in a nutshell. No one knows what they’re doing.
Rumor has it that the ship has been missing at sea for three months now. They sent the United States Coast Guard to check on the ship. When the Coast Guard got there, they found the ship going in circles in the middle of the Caribbean Sea with its anchor trailing in the water behind the vast clipper ship. They say that to this day, the captain had refused the Coast Guard's help because he said, "They are wrong. I know where we are. We are traveling...." He still doesn't know where they are traveling to.
All I could imagine is De Sardes cousin in greedfall trying to be a captain on the way to teer fradee XD
Turn hard to ‘port’ enough times and you’ve gone in a circle, no wonder they’re lost!!
Somehow I think someone on the evergreen ship took this song waaaaay too literally. Amazing song like all of your songs. Keep the great work
Absolutely beautiful as always! I love the idea of someone just winging being a captain.
All that comes to mind is internet historians storytelling of stede bonnet
I love the screams of terror at the end
If the ADHD doesnt make me abandon it I will write a book on the premise of this song that I've just realized is the shanty version of kindergarten cop
Me trying to be a pirate after listening to a few The Longest Johns songs
Had a some nutty captain on our team play this on one of Holdfasts naval servers.
Safe to say that our superior British tactics superseded anything the French Navy had planned.
I have got to see a music video for this
There is one put on you tube last Wed. They made a ship out of boxes. Video is hilarious :)
Im DMing a Pirate themed dnd campaign and I swear this song feels like it was written for our captain xD.
Never has a song so accurately described my life
Me & my freinds: waits until last minute to finish my part of school presentation
Me & my freinds trying to actually present it:
"Trust me i'm in control"
Ah, a song about adulting
Never thought I would ever hear a good AND funny shanty! Love the album!
This has inspired an encounter in one of my RPs. Our pirate crew may run into the crew of "The Thing" and their inept captain on a good encounter roll.
Did they?
Oh dear. I'm terrified for the crew. 😰
Lyrics for the lads!
Fresh out of college with grades straight from Hell
I browsed for a trade at which I could excel
An ad for a ship in need of some manning
Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain
What luck, says I, to find such good fortune
A few white lies later, I ran down the pier
Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two
Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
I can't sing the shanties, it has to be said
And all of that grog just goes right to my head
Whale meat is gross, and I miss a girl's laugh
Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
We've hit icy waters, no land to be seen
The food's getting low, and the beer has gone green
There's murmurs of discontent under the deck
If I don't act fast, it could be my neck!
So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines
I see what it says, but no clue what it means!
Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains
Feign a bad back til' we've landed again
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control! Come on
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (This is jail?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control! (ahh, help me!)
Trust me, I'm in control!
Every pirate captain captains pirates differently
This Is The Funniest Sea Shanty I've Ever Heard. Loved Every Second Of The Song
Trust me I'm in control, famous last words
I'm picturing an increasingly drunk and lost crew and a captain who has no clue what they're doing
POV: your friends got a random fps game at a game sale and you're trying to figure out what's going on.
i just want to say these song helped me through a very hard point in my life because i felt involved in a community and it made we feel welcome and loved, thank you to every one even if you have no clue who i am, thank you
Only Sean could get me to sit through a 6-minute ad for Coffee
I'm assuming this is in reference to a BRCC commerical. Those change based on your browsing history
This would be the result were I to command a vessel - hope it's a steamship, so I don't have to try to remember what all those little sails and ropes are called.
I love the pants flying as a flag in the background
They're the longest johns
I'm glad there's at least one TLJ song which relates to my actual level of seamanship
Basicly the gentleman pirate in a nutshell
Ok so I made a D&D character that is basically this song incarnate. A lizardfolk leaving his tribe and into the wider world who is now captain of a vessel but has no clue what he’s doing, or the rest of the party for that matter
Definitely me in Sea of Thieves.
I imagine this as a Disney song/musical
First time my mom heard this song, she was pounding the table and laughing so hard she was crying. And then she saw the music video . . .
Director of music: how much harmony Me: yes
This is literally me talking to my inner selfs and f#cking everything up in the real world.
If the capitan starts singing this somethings gona go wong
FINALLY a sailing song i can relate to
Ah, so you've met my supervisor.
Accurate assessment, but definitely an odd choice for writing a song.
“The expert”
Basically my whole Sea of Thieves experience.
Mummmmmyyyyyy
I’ve never related to a sea shanty more
This was my probably my favorite song to play in the back room at work both because I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing sometimes and because my boss seemed to have no practical understanding of what I did but tried to tell me how to do it anyway
I swear this was my first chief in the navy.
when you find someone who can do it for cheaper
oh this is *brilliant*
I just discovered the hidden treasure that is LITERALLY ANY sea shanty at 1.25 speed
not literally any, bones in the ocean at 1.25 speed is just speedrunning depression
The lengths people go to to pay off their student debt
When and how in hell do I like this kind of music, what is it sea shanty? Fuckin folk I dont know, all i know is that its really good.
This would definitely be me as a ship captain XD
Ultimate summary of the "when you lied on the resume and get the job" meme😆
a friend of mine asked me for advice on working out and i just sent him this video
Out of curiosity, what were those "few white lies"? Asking for a friend
He had no qualifications for anything at all, especially NOT a sea captain!!
@@Denley1526 Not what he asked
"We need someone with avid knowledge of theoretical physics"
"I have a theoretical degree in physics."
I'm listening to this every time i fly my long range rc wing at flight club. Those old men are so worried about what I'm doing.
one of the best songs I recently heard...but certainly the funniest one!
"Trust me, I'm the Doctor." Sea shanty version
"That's not port! Its sherry..."