You know from the heart, don't you? I believe in you, because it is heartfelt! And because you say interesting things to me. And to others (...). Ofcourse!
The quicker you get away from this abuse, the quicker you'll be able to heal. Please! Go No Contact. They are sick and can't change! Be good to yourself and Be Happy!!
He'd start a conversation by saying "I want to tell you how I'm feeling, I'm not blaming you"... Which sounds really clear, enlightened, and mature... And then proceed to spend 40 mins blaming me nonstop and he would claim MY SYMPTOMS of cpsd as HIS OWN to do it. He'd say "I don't know why, but after talking with you, I get shaky and nervous and feel confused. I'm not blaming you or anything but I just think we shouldn't talk for awhile until I figure things out." After a MONTH straight of him being a downright asshole anytime we'd talk on the phone... this is what he says to me!!! He copied what I said to him last time we talked and tried to make it all about me needing to change. Oh goodness these people are SICK. I definitely do need to change. I need to take personal responsibility to protect my heart, to stay away from this ridiculousness, to pray for all involved, and to focus on God and my goals because it's a circus act trying to have a productive conversation with this guy. It goes nowhere positive.
Yes, focus on God. We are not waging war agains flesh and blood, but the principalities of the air. Those are demons using him to attack you, so they can work through you as well, making you think it is him. They want us to fight other people, not them who are causing it. We need to take the word of God and the authority He has given us in Jesus name and intercede on these people's behalf. Then they shall be set free. Halleluyah! If you dont have Holy Spirit yet, ask for it. Then what you pray for in Jesus name shall be done to the glory of God. Bind the spirits and lose the blessings of God over Him, command them to leave him, quote scriptures - God's word separates between soul and spirit -, release Holy Fire. He is captive now, but shall be delivered. Amen.
Just be indifferent! Act as if nothing happened because they want you to cling to the toxic past they created because they know it'll keep hurting you.
We need to express our needs but also to set our boundaries. There are days when I need some alone time, other days I need more hugs. There are days when my husband feels squashed if I sit on him (literally) and days where he doesn't. His rocking chair doesn't have room for two but I like to squeeze myself in anyway sometimes. It's normal to feel cramped sometimes. We give what we can when we can, we express what we need, and sometimes what we can give is minimal and maybe less than the other needs, but in the grand scheme of things, it balances itself out. My husband knows I have little energy most often and will at times require reassuring. I know that he needs to me express my fears in a non-accusatory manner and in a sensitive manner that allows him to understand those fears exist not because of him. Together, we've been able to express and respect so many needs and evolve together. It's wonderful. This is something I did not have with the narc who promised everything and then told me I deserved nothing of it.
Empathy Hijackers! Soul Terrorists! Real relationships are exchanges of feelings and emotions and are based on respect. Thank you so much for your insights and warmth! xxx
I literally always felt like I've done something wrong or not up to standard. It was constant, inducing constant stress and fear of abandonment. And my response to it was always to try harder. It didn't help. Paradoxically after I was discarded, with no explanation and no contact, somewhat recovered, broke isolation and started building myself up again, and then got willingly hoovered back in (I was ignorant and naive), I started standing up for myself, because I experienced different treatment from other people. If she hadn't discarded me in the first place, she'd have had me - loyal and obedient slave she trained.
The pole always moves, you can never reach their standards they create for you. The whole idea is that what ever you do is not enough, so you need to give give give while they give nothing in turn just to appease them. Sick bastards.
Same here. 14 years of being an obedient slave. 😢 I'm sorry you were discarded and hovered back in. It's hard b/c we want to believe people can change! The people Narcs target have huge hearts! That's a good thing, having a big heart, but bad, too. We can have big hearts, be loyal but have firm boundaries as well. They will claim your boundaries are "mean", maybe even controlling....but don't fall for it. A person who respects themselves has boundaries~ and it's the best Narc repellent!
Did you ever express your feelings? That you felt that way? Did you have valid examples to backup the feeling that you were a "loyal and obedient slave"? Because being loyal, and I guess even "obedient" - which based on context means respecting her boundaries and being selfless - are positive things. Adding "slave" as a description to those positive behaviors is actually throwing up narcissist red flags. Furthermore, if that is the case just based on a strong narc vibe I'm getting / experience- narcs will get treated differently by others bc they mask up and put more into those relationships. They also aren't trying to create a future with you. So there are no responsibilities there. You can just go have fun and that's that. Way different and obvious as to why they'd "treat you differently"
Oh and your fear of abandonment and feeling like you're not enough - that's a deep rooted hurt that you have to work on yourself. Usually stemming from childhood.
My narcopath long-term boyfriend has said that same things to me. I guess I'm a little triggered by it and see what you wrote beyond surface level. This was 5 years ago though so I hope you're doing well now!
Wow!! Exactly! This happened most recently with a friend. What a surprise! and after 2 or so years of bliss. so subtle at first and i just kept trying to explain! endlessly all the while taking great digs from her. what a fool. now i understand. so exact. uncanny. They are textbook!? wow! Thank you for speaking in such clarity with complete detail and key tools to use, Amazing! Every point was needed. First 2 yrs was the best! Second two years puzzling and hurtful, a surprise every time! finally realized she's a covert narc and me empath. I love your delivery, so good to hear clearly and organize my thoughts differently, with the hope that i can protect my heart and emotions. So grateful to hear that there is something to focus on for the best way to talk and communicate truth, forgive later, but come out unscathed now. Knowing the tricks will probably help to avoid being triggered!!! yayyy, will share!
Lmao, just had yet another conversation like that with my on again, off again boyfriend. Yesterday we got in an argument and he took off at 7:00pm leaving me and his son at home having no idea where he was or when he’d be back. Eventually he showed up the next day at 7:30pm, stole the last $20 I had to buy food for our son, went and spent it on a pack of smokes, the came back at 8pm, later he told me he spent the night binge drinking and admits he didn’t spend it alone, but refuses to tell me who it was spent with, I can tell he see’s it as some sort of twisted game, he wants me to go “crazy” over who he was with which is why he doesn’t want to simply tell me. He wants to see that the suspense is killing me. He’s desperate for me to show any sign that I CARE that he may have been with another women. It’s a game. Then he had the audacity to tell me, that taking off for 24 hours on a drinking binge was MY fault, because everything I said to him during our argument made him do what he did....he says “yeah...but why did I do it? Why did I leave and not come back for 24 hours? You....you are why, it’s your fault I made that choice....if you hadn’t said what you said, I wouldn’t have lost my temper and left” its VERY frustrating. And I have said over and over “you made the choice...nobody made you do what you did, including anything I said or did” nope....doesn’t compute with these types of ppl...they are never to blame, always the victim in every situation. I tried counseling with him but he ended up manipulating the therapist. I also noticed a while ago a pattern where he likes to get on my good side, and be extra sweet just before a therapy appointment just to make sure I’m less likely to out him out of anger for the many of his disgusting behaviors. It really is a never ending circle and you cannot win no matter what you do.
karma Jives you are exactly right. I lived that same reality for 7 years before I finally got out. It’s been a struggle every day staying clean from that Narc. Worst habit I ever had. But I found myself through that repetitious painful cycle. Sometimes it’s through repetition (and oh how we know their ways never change) of suffering that we recognize we tolerate their disrespect because we don’t have any for ourselves. Us staying in toxicity is allowing ourselves to risk becoming contaminated. The Narc actually said to me once that I allowed him to easily cross my boundaries (walk all over me) because I didn’t respect my self and my own personal boundaries(they love a doormat the can smear all their shame on). I had always been known as a passive kind hearted push over. But the better version of myself that I discovered through all the insight Ive acquired is loving and respecting herself in a healthy balanced way. Lots of strong boundaries and respect for yourself. I hope you break the cycle and find the love for yourself that you’ll never get from him. Self respect is a repellent to their breed. Much luck and love.
This is my mother. When she didn't submit my financial aid packet for college and told me I was too stupid for college and I needed her to dictate my life( btw I paid all my fees on my own). Years later she threw in my face that I didn't go to college. I reminded her what she did. She blamed me. She said I obviously didn't want to go to college that badly. Because if I did I could have performed oral sex for the plane ticket money and became a stripper to pay for school.
And I really want to clarify that you have been extremely inspiring to me and you really had helped me a lot on this journey but part of that is to challenge me and challenge me in my thinking and also what I'm perceiving what I'm hearing and what I'm feeling which is part of my perception obviously what's the difference don't get me wrong it is instrumental to be able to work through all of this in other words the mental process because that leads to the emotional and the emotional leads to the manifestation of whatever it is that is going on and so I really think I'm onto something here I think there's no balance I think that were talking a lot but nobody's doing anything and so those people who are feeling they have done everything that they can and yet they know that alone they cannot accomplish what it is they desire because they have no support they don't have other people helping to raise them up because there hasn't been a place so my point is who better then those who have been through this who better than to just be there sometimes that alone is enough if a person like I said needs healing there so many different parts of that they need a safe and secure place to go they need a little time to heal without feeling forced back into the world a place where they can create a place where they can rest somewhere that is not safe in the way of having bars around them as if someone was coming after them and I know some narcissists are that dangerous are that volatile but you aren't helping the person to heal that only imply safety but it doesn't guarantee it person has to feel safe within themselves they have to have a place where they can gain their strength where they can gain a sense of clarity and I really really love the idea of kind of approaching women on this subject matter and there are a lot of Heavy Hitters out here women who are extremely successful and then there are some who are in the lower ranks but they also are successful on many levels and then there are people like me who are kind of hand to mouth but are still willing to give are still willing and able to give something you know if we were to set up something to help develop a place like Kickstarter or go fund me and a group of us here's where we're going to apply our efforts on each person does something and then we have to consider how we would keep that a float well for me the best idea is not to ask people for money but to generate it and that means that we would have to open up a couple of small businesses and be small businesses would be the way that we would grow ourselves and help our growing community I actually think I did contact you along these lines but definitely not something of this magnitude never mind you it doesn't have to be huge it can be very simple but I have certain skills and we all do I also have certain gifts and that's where my focus should be just like your focus should be on this because this is what you do so I want you to understand I'm not trying to discredit you I think what you do is very valuable if it wasn't I wouldn't have ever come here never mind the fact that I've actually returned and it was meant to be because I really don't feel like I need much outside help most everything I receive is from within but there is a reason cuz they're always is so maybe this is the time I don't know I also don't know where you are I'm in the United States be specific North Carolina we could do fundraisers there's so many different ways we do not need involvement by some parenting organization there are plenty of private sources wow this to me is very exciting the possibility I just know I can't do it alone so if it's a pipe dream then it's a pipe dream but I just really feel like this would definitely be moving in the right direction of course you never get anything right the first time around you know you have to keep evolving and you have to keep modifying it changing but the last thing in the world that I would want is to become clinical or sterile I just think it's too much I don't think that's what people need or want I think that's what other people want them to believe that they should break down the entire process and they should understand it to the point where they're almost Masters and they can actually go out and help other people with it and we're not actually dealing with the problem itself because it's going to continue to grow and we can't control they're for focusing on the problem instead of solution is counterintuitive
I'm really having trouble not getting confused about what is happening in my situation with this person... whether he is the abuser, narcissist, I'm not positive but I do know his behaviors have been abusive. Could anyone give some examples of what their narcissist says during projection or just some examples of what your narcissist or abuser does that she was saying in this video? It would really help me because I'm trying to hold onto myself and finding it really difficult right now. Concrete examples might help me relate and solidify to me what is really going on. It's confusing when I've reacted very poorly to his behavior, because it's a perfect way for him to come back and say I'm the abusive one... I have done some unhealthy things and we have both gotten physical with one another... I think we have both been in the wrong, I feel ashamed and bad about my behavior and want to apologize, but never can get a word in edge wise... I'm being told I'm the only one in the wrong when he just came into my apartment and yelled at me for an hour about how "awful" I am and how I'm crazy and how he doesnt like me etc. Very very confusing and would appreciate support and comments and input from those who have been through this and gotten out and recognized it for what it is. I know I will see it more clearly when I leave... But it's odd that I recognize that and at the same time cannot seem to internalize that what is happening to me is wrong no matter what has been done in the past by either of us... the behavior is still wrong and it's still abuse. I'm a codependent with some unhealthy behaviors and they have hurt others... but that's not what I intended and I'm healing and being honest and working through it. But it's gotten to the point where I feel like a fraud and it's hard to decipher the truth anymore. Thanks for reading and thanks for the input everyone.
From what I understand it all stems from their need for control over you : Warning signs are 1. their need to control, to manipulate you (for example doing something intentionally that winds you up emotionally then blaming you for reacting emotionally) 2. doing what they can to not let you have a sense of you being your own person with your own views and ways of being. 3. Another sign can be if you feel constantly judged, blamed and this can be subtle. Speak on the phone for example and after the conversation you feel less pleasant then you did before about yourself. 4. They are always the victim and always in the right somehow. X
So I'm going to say this because it's really important and I'm not trying to challenge you as in your knowledge or wisdom that you gained from your experience but I am going to say this because it's important so at the end of this video when everyone is done listening to what you have to say I highly encourage them to really plant the seed and carry it with them and see what germinates No one can do anything to you without your permission it doesn't have to be a verbal or written contract if you stay if you allow it if you give them the benefit of the doubt when your feelings are telling you to run like hell or shut the door and move forward without them then you are giving them permission because you are saying that you don't believe in your intuition and you believe that you have to be the better person because you're saying here a bad person with bad intentions and then you're supposed to be the opposite side of that coin which is a good person with good intentions but you're both playing the same game the only thing that's different is being tension and the good guy doesn't usually win because they're not experienced enough they don't have a Criminal Mind zero essentially dealing with a very well seasoned criminal in some cases like a grand narcissist like mine why would you give them an opportunity do you not have anything better to do do you not have any crafts or projects or you know causes that you can invest yourself in that actually bring fruit instead of rotten fruit? I really think it's not that complicated anymore now that I've been through it and finally discovered that it 50 years of age I was conditioned from the time I was brought into this world because my father is my original narcissist he's the one that groomed me for this but I stayed in self-bondage and I was never actually change anything I could have walked away at any time but I chose not to and the reason I did that is because I doubted myself and I held onto a archetype of being someone that wasn't going to better my life you know you can't give if you don't have so Focus your attention on having and providing for yourself all of the things that make you feel fulfilled and stop feeding the things that drain you and your resources whether their mental emotional physical or spiritual I really think it could be that simple now you're here do damage control for those people who repetitively self-sabotage who have a codependency and do not have their own Inner Strength so they look outside of themselves for that in this person who was personifying falsely someone that they are not and resources that they do not have and they use that opportunity to capitalize on what it is you have that they want and when they figure out they can't actually get it from you cuz it doesn't work like that and you can't just steal something from someone without actually earning it you will become Public Enemy Number One and then you will be a bullseye Yeah it comes from a deep fracture within and I'm just going to let you know whether or not you believe or whether or not you definitely know that you are in fact a Healer it is not your responsibility to help this person it's actually much better for you to guard yourself and move away from this individual and cut off all ties when I say save I don't mean save yourself I mean save your resources and your gifts for those people who will benefit from it don't blindly give it away because you feel like that your role in this lifetime that's actually going to disable you from helping other people and eventually you'll be the person who needs help and I'm going to tell you right now the systems that are in place right now are not designed to help anyone they're not there to help you they're there to get you to sign all their government contracts and when the 30 days is up they want you out because they want to open up those beds even if the entire place is empty for a wave of abused people because they get lump sums they have contracts with the government and you are useless the moment you sign those papers and they will buried you even in your trauma to sign them so that they can turn around and start the abuse cycle all over again only it'll be done from the female narcissist who are operating under the guise of being a healing practitioner and facility And I promise you that anybody who's been through it will say to some degree that they did feel or did experience just that I'll tell you what with all the people that come to this Channel or other channels like it we should invest in putting together a program but each contributing something aside from our gifts to design a facility and that won't focus on the pain so much as creating a new life because I feel like all this let's talk about it stuff is almost like feeding that fire eventually you're going to have to do the work and spirit is your best guide your best healer and when you're creative you're tapped into that guidance and the answers will come instead of you focusing your attention on it and bringing more what you don't want to yourself by the law of attraction and keeping yourself stuck in a place that you're already gone from I mean it's something to think about I really feel we give our power away we really believe that there is an organization there is a agency where there is another person who is more equipped or better equipped to facilitate our healing and really all we're looking for is a safe secure place so we can actually do that and begin working on creating a new life but no one is thinking that way everyone is asking you to stay stuck stay right here and figure it out like that's going to change your life and I'm here to tell you after 2 years it hasn't changed my life it's changed my thinking but my life is still stuck and that's not okay and people know as a matter of fact all of the people at the places that I frequent and the people who come into my life because of my job which is a lot of people because I'm a driver they know and they don't care and when you're codependent you're looking for someone to show you that they care even if it's a kind word or some compassion you are not going to get that from people on the street because this is a very high narcissistic trait world we live in and it's not going to get any better it won't get any easier and you're going to see more people like us on the street without a place to live when we can come together and start something like for advanced people we could do you know a community of tiny homes give people a year once they get through that c-ptsd phase and they're able to kind of function somewhat on their own needing support it's kind of like Assisted Living then there be a support network and a safe secure place for them to be where they don't have to be worried and they don't have to live according to someone else laws and rules whenever you get the government involved they're going to take over because they're narcissist we're talking about the patriarchy surely we can do better than this we can't just always look out for ourselves and not think future forward I don't know you think about it I really feel like it's time to stop talking and it's time to start doing
Okay this is my third comment on this particular video but there's a woman here and I can't remember her name but I will post on one of your videos who actually talks about manipulative people and of course this falls under that category she talks about a lot of different subject matters that can be integrated with helping someone to heal from this type of stuff and unfortunately the world is getting harder to navigate for those people who are trying to keep their feet planted on Solid ground ground isn't solid anymore it's like quicksand my point was that she said if someone gives you an ultimatum if someone puts you on the spot and tries to disarm you or confuse you Gaslight you or what was the other thing reframe how things actually happened or what they really said in specific if they are giving you an ultimatum and you're going to get this a lot with a narcissist for sure cuz I did your reply if you're not certain or if they're telling you and it's going to be even a car salesman hurry up make a decision cuz time is running out we already know that time is really imaginary simply say no just say no and I have heard other people who actually have clinically studied narcissism that the fastest way to uncover a narcissist is to say no The thinking behind that was explained and it is this will automatically catapult them into a frenzy and then possibly a rage now you don't want to be poking a sleeping lion and have that Unleashed on you and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain yourself if you're not comfortable and you feel like this person is pressuring you into doing believing saying committing to something that you're not sure about you should automatically say no and I advise doing it with the utmost respect not because they have earned it but because you're trying to defuse a potential situation before even escalates and please don't ever feel like arguing is going to win you any points or any trophies because sometimes it can be that trigger for the narcissist that catapults them into a place where they become very deadly and dangerous it depends on the narcissist that you're dealing with and well there's always a first time for Discovery so isn't it like show and tell in kindergarten you don't want to come out swinging your bat but you do want to be standing there with it in the event you might need it it's better to be forearm so to speak and this is only metaphors but for those people who are involved with a narcissist and I know there's been studies that show psychotic people and alcoholics or under the influence are not affected in the least bit by pepper spray there are other tools that you can keep at your disposal in the event there's an emergency and I highly recommend it
You know from the heart, don't you? I believe in you, because it is heartfelt! And because you say interesting things to me. And to others (...). Ofcourse!
The quicker you get away from this abuse, the quicker you'll be able to heal.
Please!
Go No Contact.
They are sick and can't change!
Be good to yourself and Be Happy!!
It is hard to go fully no contact with children involved.
We need empathy for ourselves 🌹❣️🌹
Another piece of the puzzle falls into place.
He'd start a conversation by saying "I want to tell you how I'm feeling, I'm not blaming you"... Which sounds really clear, enlightened, and mature... And then proceed to spend 40 mins blaming me nonstop and he would claim MY SYMPTOMS of cpsd as HIS OWN to do it. He'd say "I don't know why, but after talking with you, I get shaky and nervous and feel confused. I'm not blaming you or anything but I just think we shouldn't talk for awhile until I figure things out." After a MONTH straight of him being a downright asshole anytime we'd talk on the phone... this is what he says to me!!! He copied what I said to him last time we talked and tried to make it all about me needing to change. Oh goodness these people are SICK. I definitely do need to change. I need to take personal responsibility to protect my heart, to stay away from this ridiculousness, to pray for all involved, and to focus on God and my goals because it's a circus act trying to have a productive conversation with this guy. It goes nowhere positive.
Yes, focus on God. We are not waging war agains flesh and blood, but the principalities of the air. Those are demons using him to attack you, so they can work through you as well, making you think it is him. They want us to fight other people, not them who are causing it. We need to take the word of God and the authority He has given us in Jesus name and intercede on these people's behalf. Then they shall be set free. Halleluyah!
If you dont have Holy Spirit yet, ask for it. Then what you pray for in Jesus name shall be done to the glory of God. Bind the spirits and lose the blessings of God over Him, command them to leave him, quote scriptures - God's word separates between soul and spirit -, release Holy Fire. He is captive now, but shall be delivered. Amen.
This sounds familiar and hellish 😢
Just be indifferent! Act as if nothing happened because they want you to cling to the toxic past they created because they know it'll keep hurting you.
Wow!! “Relationship of one!” Makes total sense. Thank you for this great video and explanation!!
We need to express our needs but also to set our boundaries. There are days when I need some alone time, other days I need more hugs. There are days when my husband feels squashed if I sit on him (literally) and days where he doesn't. His rocking chair doesn't have room for two but I like to squeeze myself in anyway sometimes. It's normal to feel cramped sometimes. We give what we can when we can, we express what we need, and sometimes what we can give is minimal and maybe less than the other needs, but in the grand scheme of things, it balances itself out. My husband knows I have little energy most often and will at times require reassuring. I know that he needs to me express my fears in a non-accusatory manner and in a sensitive manner that allows him to understand those fears exist not because of him. Together, we've been able to express and respect so many needs and evolve together. It's wonderful. This is something I did not have with the narc who promised everything and then told me I deserved nothing of it.
Empathy Hijackers! Soul Terrorists! Real relationships are exchanges of feelings and emotions and are based on respect. Thank you so much for your insights and warmth! xxx
I literally always felt like I've done something wrong or not up to standard. It was constant, inducing constant stress and fear of abandonment. And my response to it was always to try harder. It didn't help. Paradoxically after I was discarded, with no explanation and no contact, somewhat recovered, broke isolation and started building myself up again, and then got willingly hoovered back in (I was ignorant and naive), I started standing up for myself, because I experienced different treatment from other people. If she hadn't discarded me in the first place, she'd have had me - loyal and obedient slave she trained.
The pole always moves, you can never reach their standards they create for you. The whole idea is that what ever you do is not enough, so you need to give give give while they give nothing in turn just to appease them. Sick bastards.
Same here. 14 years of being an obedient slave. 😢
I'm sorry you were discarded and hovered back in. It's hard b/c we want to believe people can change! The people Narcs target have huge hearts! That's a good thing, having a big heart, but bad, too. We can have big hearts, be loyal but have firm boundaries as well. They will claim your boundaries are "mean", maybe even controlling....but don't fall for it. A person who respects themselves has boundaries~ and it's the best Narc repellent!
Did you ever express your feelings? That you felt that way? Did you have valid examples to backup the feeling that you were a "loyal and obedient slave"? Because being loyal, and I guess even "obedient" - which based on context means respecting her boundaries and being selfless - are positive things. Adding "slave" as a description to those positive behaviors is actually throwing up narcissist red flags.
Furthermore, if that is the case just based on a strong narc vibe I'm getting / experience- narcs will get treated differently by others bc they mask up and put more into those relationships. They also aren't trying to create a future with you. So there are no responsibilities there. You can just go have fun and that's that. Way different and obvious as to why they'd "treat you differently"
Oh and your fear of abandonment and feeling like you're not enough - that's a deep rooted hurt that you have to work on yourself. Usually stemming from childhood.
My narcopath long-term boyfriend has said that same things to me. I guess I'm a little triggered by it and see what you wrote beyond surface level. This was 5 years ago though so I hope you're doing well now!
Wow!! Exactly! This happened most recently with a friend. What a surprise! and after 2 or so years of bliss. so subtle at first and i just kept trying to explain! endlessly all the while taking great digs from her. what a fool. now i understand. so exact. uncanny. They are textbook!? wow! Thank you for speaking in such clarity with complete detail and key tools to use, Amazing! Every point was needed. First 2 yrs was the best! Second two years puzzling and hurtful, a surprise every time! finally realized she's a covert narc and me empath. I love your delivery, so good to hear clearly and organize my thoughts differently, with the hope that i can protect my heart and emotions. So grateful to hear that there is something to focus on for the best way to talk and communicate truth, forgive later, but come out unscathed now. Knowing the tricks will probably help to avoid being triggered!!! yayyy, will share!
My family! Especially my mother and brother....
Just found you -- really enjoying your delivery!
Thank you!
Lmao, just had yet another conversation like that with my on again, off again boyfriend. Yesterday we got in an argument and he took off at 7:00pm leaving me and his son at home having no idea where he was or when he’d be back. Eventually he showed up the next day at 7:30pm, stole the last $20 I had to buy food for our son, went and spent it on a pack of smokes, the came back at 8pm, later he told me he spent the night binge drinking and admits he didn’t spend it alone, but refuses to tell me who it was spent with, I can tell he see’s it as some sort of twisted game, he wants me to go “crazy” over who he was with which is why he doesn’t want to simply tell me. He wants to see that the suspense is killing me. He’s desperate for me to show any sign that I CARE that he may have been with another women. It’s a game. Then he had the audacity to tell me, that taking off for 24 hours on a drinking binge was MY fault, because everything I said to him during our argument made him do what he did....he says “yeah...but why did I do it? Why did I leave and not come back for 24 hours? You....you are why, it’s your fault I made that choice....if you hadn’t said what you said, I wouldn’t have lost my temper and left” its VERY frustrating. And I have said over and over “you made the choice...nobody made you do what you did, including anything I said or did” nope....doesn’t compute with these types of ppl...they are never to blame, always the victim in every situation. I tried counseling with him but he ended up manipulating the therapist. I also noticed a while ago a pattern where he likes to get on my good side, and be extra sweet just before a therapy appointment just to make sure I’m less likely to out him out of anger for the many of his disgusting behaviors. It really is a never ending circle and you cannot win no matter what you do.
karma Jives you are exactly right. I lived that same reality for 7 years before I finally got out. It’s been a struggle every day staying clean from that Narc. Worst habit I ever had. But I found myself through that repetitious painful cycle. Sometimes it’s through repetition (and oh how we know their ways never change) of suffering that we recognize we tolerate their disrespect because we don’t have any for ourselves. Us staying in toxicity is allowing ourselves to risk becoming contaminated. The Narc actually said to me once that I allowed him to easily cross my boundaries (walk all over me) because I didn’t respect my self and my own personal boundaries(they love a doormat the can smear all their shame on). I had always been known as a passive kind hearted push over. But the better version of myself that I discovered through all the insight Ive acquired is loving and respecting herself in a healthy balanced way. Lots of strong boundaries and respect for yourself. I hope you break the cycle and find the love for yourself that you’ll never get from him. Self respect is a repellent to their breed. Much luck and love.
Great videos Eva!
This is my mother. When she didn't submit my financial aid packet for college and told me I was too stupid for college and I needed her to dictate my life( btw I paid all my fees on my own). Years later she threw in my face that I didn't go to college. I reminded her what she did. She blamed me. She said I obviously didn't want to go to college that badly. Because if I did I could have performed oral sex for the plane ticket money and became a stripper to pay for school.
Helpful..Thank you! 😊
Thank you..very helpeful.
Thank you
And I really want to clarify that you have been extremely inspiring to me and you really had helped me a lot on this journey but part of that is to challenge me and challenge me in my thinking and also what I'm perceiving what I'm hearing and what I'm feeling which is part of my perception obviously what's the difference don't get me wrong it is instrumental to be able to work through all of this in other words the mental process because that leads to the emotional and the emotional leads to the manifestation of whatever it is that is going on and so I really think I'm onto something here I think there's no balance I think that were talking a lot but nobody's doing anything and so those people who are feeling they have done everything that they can and yet they know that alone they cannot accomplish what it is they desire because they have no support they don't have other people helping to raise them up because there hasn't been a place so my point is who better then those who have been through this who better than to just be there sometimes that alone is enough if a person like I said needs healing there so many different parts of that they need a safe and secure place to go they need a little time to heal without feeling forced back into the world a place where they can create a place where they can rest somewhere that is not safe in the way of having bars around them as if someone was coming after them and I know some narcissists are that dangerous are that volatile but you aren't helping the person to heal that only imply safety but it doesn't guarantee it person has to feel safe within themselves they have to have a place where they can gain their strength where they can gain a sense of clarity and I really really love the idea of kind of approaching women on this subject matter and there are a lot of Heavy Hitters out here women who are extremely successful and then there are some who are in the lower ranks but they also are successful on many levels and then there are people like me who are kind of hand to mouth but are still willing to give are still willing and able to give something you know if we were to set up something to help develop a place like Kickstarter or go fund me and a group of us here's where we're going to apply our efforts on each person does something and then we have to consider how we would keep that a float well for me the best idea is not to ask people for money but to generate it and that means that we would have to open up a couple of small businesses and be small businesses would be the way that we would grow ourselves and help our growing community I actually think I did contact you along these lines but definitely not something of this magnitude never mind you it doesn't have to be huge it can be very simple but I have certain skills and we all do I also have certain gifts and that's where my focus should be just like your focus should be on this because this is what you do so I want you to understand I'm not trying to discredit you I think what you do is very valuable if it wasn't I wouldn't have ever come here never mind the fact that I've actually returned and it was meant to be because I really don't feel like I need much outside help most everything I receive is from within but there is a reason cuz they're always is so maybe this is the time I don't know I also don't know where you are I'm in the United States be specific North Carolina we could do fundraisers there's so many different ways we do not need involvement by some parenting organization there are plenty of private sources wow this to me is very exciting the possibility I just know I can't do it alone so if it's a pipe dream then it's a pipe dream but I just really feel like this would definitely be moving in the right direction of course you never get anything right the first time around you know you have to keep evolving and you have to keep modifying it changing but the last thing in the world that I would want is to become clinical or sterile I just think it's too much I don't think that's what people need or want I think that's what other people want them to believe that they should break down the entire process and they should understand it to the point where they're almost Masters and they can actually go out and help other people with it and we're not actually dealing with the problem itself because it's going to continue to grow and we can't control they're for focusing on the problem instead of solution is counterintuitive
Wow you wrote a whole novel. No ones gonna read that , but I hope it made you feel better
Thank You...
This is 🎯👏🏼💖
I'm really having trouble not getting confused about what is happening in my situation with this person... whether he is the abuser, narcissist, I'm not positive but I do know his behaviors have been abusive. Could anyone give some examples of what their narcissist says during projection or just some examples of what your narcissist or abuser does that she was saying in this video? It would really help me because I'm trying to hold onto myself and finding it really difficult right now. Concrete examples might help me relate and solidify to me what is really going on. It's confusing when I've reacted very poorly to his behavior, because it's a perfect way for him to come back and say I'm the abusive one... I have done some unhealthy things and we have both gotten physical with one another... I think we have both been in the wrong, I feel ashamed and bad about my behavior and want to apologize, but never can get a word in edge wise... I'm being told I'm the only one in the wrong when he just came into my apartment and yelled at me for an hour about how "awful" I am and how I'm crazy and how he doesnt like me etc. Very very confusing and would appreciate support and comments and input from those who have been through this and gotten out and recognized it for what it is. I know I will see it more clearly when I leave... But it's odd that I recognize that and at the same time cannot seem to internalize that what is happening to me is wrong no matter what has been done in the past by either of us... the behavior is still wrong and it's still abuse. I'm a codependent with some unhealthy behaviors and they have hurt others... but that's not what I intended and I'm healing and being honest and working through it. But it's gotten to the point where I feel like a fraud and it's hard to decipher the truth anymore. Thanks for reading and thanks for the input everyone.
Kate Grace If they make you feel like crap and disrespect you ...its abuse.
From what I understand it all stems from their need for control over you : Warning signs are 1. their need to control, to manipulate you (for example doing something intentionally that winds you up emotionally then blaming you for reacting emotionally) 2. doing what they can to not let you have a sense of you being your own person with your own views and ways of being. 3. Another sign can be if you feel constantly judged, blamed and this can be subtle. Speak on the phone for example and after the conversation you feel less pleasant then you did before about yourself. 4. They are always the victim and always in the right somehow. X
So I'm going to say this because it's really important and I'm not trying to challenge you as in your knowledge or wisdom that you gained from your experience but I am going to say this because it's important so at the end of this video when everyone is done listening to what you have to say I highly encourage them to really plant the seed and carry it with them and see what germinates
No one can do anything to you without your permission it doesn't have to be a verbal or written contract if you stay if you allow it if you give them the benefit of the doubt when your feelings are telling you to run like hell or shut the door and move forward without them then you are giving them permission because you are saying that you don't believe in your intuition and you believe that you have to be the better person because you're saying here a bad person with bad intentions and then you're supposed to be the opposite side of that coin which is a good person with good intentions but you're both playing the same game the only thing that's different is being tension and the good guy doesn't usually win because they're not experienced enough they don't have a Criminal Mind zero essentially dealing with a very well seasoned criminal in some cases like a grand narcissist like mine why would you give them an opportunity do you not have anything better to do do you not have any crafts or projects or you know causes that you can invest yourself in that actually bring fruit instead of rotten fruit? I really think it's not that complicated anymore now that I've been through it and finally discovered that it 50 years of age I was conditioned from the time I was brought into this world because my father is my original narcissist he's the one that groomed me for this but I stayed in self-bondage and I was never actually change anything I could have walked away at any time but I chose not to and the reason I did that is because I doubted myself and I held onto a archetype of being someone that wasn't going to better my life you know you can't give if you don't have so Focus your attention on having and providing for yourself all of the things that make you feel fulfilled and stop feeding the things that drain you and your resources whether their mental emotional physical or spiritual I really think it could be that simple now you're here do damage control for those people who repetitively self-sabotage who have a codependency and do not have their own Inner Strength so they look outside of themselves for that in this person who was personifying falsely someone that they are not and resources that they do not have and they use that opportunity to capitalize on what it is you have that they want and when they figure out they can't actually get it from you cuz it doesn't work like that and you can't just steal something from someone without actually earning it you will become Public Enemy Number One and then you will be a bullseye
Yeah it comes from a deep fracture within and I'm just going to let you know whether or not you believe or whether or not you definitely know that you are in fact a Healer it is not your responsibility to help this person it's actually much better for you to guard yourself and move away from this individual and cut off all ties when I say save I don't mean save yourself I mean save your resources and your gifts for those people who will benefit from it don't blindly give it away because you feel like that your role in this lifetime that's actually going to disable you from helping other people and eventually you'll be the person who needs help and I'm going to tell you right now the systems that are in place right now are not designed to help anyone they're not there to help you they're there to get you to sign all their government contracts and when the 30 days is up they want you out because they want to open up those beds even if the entire place is empty for a wave of abused people because they get lump sums they have contracts with the government and you are useless the moment you sign those papers and they will buried you even in your trauma to sign them so that they can turn around and start the abuse cycle all over again only it'll be done from the female narcissist who are operating under the guise of being a healing practitioner and facility
And I promise you that anybody who's been through it will say to some degree that they did feel or did experience just that I'll tell you what with all the people that come to this Channel or other channels like it we should invest in putting together a program but each contributing something aside from our gifts to design a facility and that won't focus on the pain so much as creating a new life because I feel like all this let's talk about it stuff is almost like feeding that fire eventually you're going to have to do the work and spirit is your best guide your best healer and when you're creative you're tapped into that guidance and the answers will come instead of you focusing your attention on it and bringing more what you don't want to yourself by the law of attraction and keeping yourself stuck in a place that you're already gone from I mean it's something to think about I really feel we give our power away we really believe that there is an organization there is a agency where there is another person who is more equipped or better equipped to facilitate our healing and really all we're looking for is a safe secure place so we can actually do that and begin working on creating a new life but no one is thinking that way everyone is asking you to stay stuck stay right here and figure it out like that's going to change your life and I'm here to tell you after 2 years it hasn't changed my life it's changed my thinking but my life is still stuck and that's not okay and people know as a matter of fact all of the people at the places that I frequent and the people who come into my life because of my job which is a lot of people because I'm a driver they know and they don't care and when you're codependent you're looking for someone to show you that they care even if it's a kind word or some compassion you are not going to get that from people on the street because this is a very high narcissistic trait world we live in and it's not going to get any better it won't get any easier and you're going to see more people like us on the street without a place to live when we can come together and start something like for advanced people we could do you know a community of tiny homes give people a year once they get through that c-ptsd phase and they're able to kind of function somewhat on their own needing support it's kind of like Assisted Living then there be a support network and a safe secure place for them to be where they don't have to be worried and they don't have to live according to someone else laws and rules whenever you get the government involved they're going to take over because they're narcissist we're talking about the patriarchy surely we can do better than this we can't just always look out for ourselves and not think future forward I don't know you think about it I really feel like it's time to stop talking and it's time to start doing
Okay this is my third comment on this particular video but there's a woman here and I can't remember her name but I will post on one of your videos who actually talks about manipulative people and of course this falls under that category she talks about a lot of different subject matters that can be integrated with helping someone to heal from this type of stuff and unfortunately the world is getting harder to navigate for those people who are trying to keep their feet planted on Solid ground ground isn't solid anymore it's like quicksand my point was that she said if someone gives you an ultimatum if someone puts you on the spot and tries to disarm you or confuse you Gaslight you or what was the other thing reframe how things actually happened or what they really said in specific if they are giving you an ultimatum and you're going to get this a lot with a narcissist for sure cuz I did your reply if you're not certain or if they're telling you and it's going to be even a car salesman hurry up make a decision cuz time is running out we already know that time is really imaginary simply say no just say no and I have heard other people who actually have clinically studied narcissism that the fastest way to uncover a narcissist is to say no
The thinking behind that was explained and it is this will automatically catapult them into a frenzy and then possibly a rage now you don't want to be poking a sleeping lion and have that Unleashed on you and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain yourself if you're not comfortable and you feel like this person is pressuring you into doing believing saying committing to something that you're not sure about you should automatically say no and I advise doing it with the utmost respect not because they have earned it but because you're trying to defuse a potential situation before even escalates and please don't ever feel like arguing is going to win you any points or any trophies because sometimes it can be that trigger for the narcissist that catapults them into a place where they become very deadly and dangerous it depends on the narcissist that you're dealing with and well there's always a first time for Discovery so isn't it like show and tell in kindergarten you don't want to come out swinging your bat but you do want to be standing there with it in the event you might need it it's better to be forearm so to speak and this is only metaphors but for those people who are involved with a narcissist and I know there's been studies that show psychotic people and alcoholics or under the influence are not affected in the least bit by pepper spray there are other tools that you can keep at your disposal in the event there's an emergency and I highly recommend it
Ever heard of married narcissistic men blaming new wife to his family for everything he doesn’t do ?