How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime | Mended Light
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime | Mended Light//
Have you ever wondered how childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime or how to deal with childhood trauma? We all have parts of our lives that we might experience while growing up, they may have affected us and we are seeing this now.
We often wonder how to get over childhood trauma, how does childhood trauma affects the brain or even how to heal subconscious trauma from childhood? Click the video as we go through each and break down the traumas and the affects, while touching on the solutions as well!
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• How Childhood Trauma A...
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great topic, but the music overwhelms the content and you speak swiftly further obscuring the meaning.
The piano is too loud.
great video, but yes, the music is way too loud...
Great videos, great info, but the background music is too loud in this entire series. I also don't think the music is even necessary.
I grew up in a Russian orphanage for almost 8 years. When it was time for me to be adopted, I wasn’t told what was going on, my adoptive parents did not speak my language. Because life in the orphanage was so harsh and limiting, my knowledge base was that of a toddler at age 8. I had no idea what parents were much less anything of the world. Think of the Disney movie Tangled. 9/11 had also occurred the day before so that added to the confusion. Upon arriving in America life was stressful and I had to learn a lot quickly. While my parents tried their best my home life was chaotic. Fast forward through years of therapy and trauma work and now I am in the process of trying to get a PhD in clinical psychology, my main emphasis being trauma and ptsd. I am so grateful for the perspective that my challenges afforded me. And now, it is an absolute privilege to walk along people as they heal from their past hurts. Thanks for providing quality trauma education and support to those in need!
You are amazing.
Wow I am so glad that you got adopted because if you had not I guess maybe you would have died in there. Congrats on your PhD. I am getting a masters in environmental sustainability and I was born into human trafficking slavery and was tortured for 30+ years as a slave. Then I was homeless for 5 years in order to escape and then in grad school for 5. Still here. About to graduate. Took longer because of the pandemic. My thesis was in what are the perceptions of people experiencing homelessness on nature to see if it can be used by them as a protective factor. Also nature therapy.
I am so happy for you that you have created happiness in your life now, it must have been tough with such a start in life, all warm wishes to you
You're awesome!
The part about reciprocity really spoke to me.
When I was 11 I wrote a poem (in my mother tongue German) which relates to this so much...
"I'm staring at the wall,
I'm starting to talk to it,
I'm reaching for it with one hand,
But it will never become alive."
There was no one reaching back. It breaks my heart how that was the reality for the 11 year old me. And still is the reality for so many children out there.
Thank you for sharing. That is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing! I'm a german too and wrote similar words at that age. Its comforting to know, I was not alone!
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. It gives me some comfort knowing there are others out there that like me wrote poetry to express themselves through their trauma.
As a person who never had a therapist (and probably never will) due to the relationship with the parental figures in their lives- thank you. I know this can’t replace a sit-down talk with another professional, but thank you for giving me the tools for self realization. I came here from your movie reviews on ‘Cinema Therapy’ (I would 100% recommend) because they were easy to digest and I found myself recognizing why I related to so many of those films; or seeing signs that are portrayed in movies line up with others in my life (Toxic Masculinity for my Sibling, for example). You are doing great work for not just me, but anyone who comes across either channels for even a moment. Thank you for taking time out of your days to create a nonjudgmental learning space in which others can find new perspectives in life, and no longer feel at a standstill due to the situations they find themselves in. Even when you get big, I’ll be watching for daily uploads. Thank you 💙
You are so welcome. Thank you for this. I'm so glad you're with us.
I second this
I grew up with an emotionally neglectful and sometimes abusive parent. I've been trying for years to overcome the innate sense of badness and worthlessness this has caused in my life, but it almost feels like I'm just trying to trick myself into believing a lie. I don't know how to deal with the undercurrent of self loathing that reemerges, despite being in therapy for almost a decade now. In relationships, I don't trust people with the real, vulnerable part of myself, yet I cling to people far too quickly. I often feel like the world has lost its luster, like nothing can ever fill me with wonder and awe. What might you advise on how to truly deal with the root of this emotional neglect and begin having a healthy relationship with myself?
My heart and support go out to you. The advice I would give is 1) Consider the source. The people who taught you to hate and reject yourself were not truly happy people. They were judgmental. They were narrow-minded. They were cruel. They were not an accurate judge of character. 2) Even though your negative perceptions about the world and yourself seem like reality, they are just perceptions. Challenge them. Push back. Recognize that, even though they seem real, they are not. You create who you are and how you respond to and see the world.
That's just the short, YT comments version :)
What helped me in part was realizing that the self-loathing and negative thoughts I would have is because of the way my parental figures would talk to me. At some point, I realized they are just human and can be just as damaged or misguided as any random person on the street. Then I figured out that I could either live my life reiterating that narrative to myself and letting my abusers have their opinion become my reality or I could start by altering my opinion of myself little by little and prove them wrong. I know this might not help you and every person's experience and the journey is different but maybe by my sharing the little bit that I have walked on my path, I can at least help you see things from a different light. Sometimes that helps. Wishing you all the best on your path.
Same. I always feel like I’m trying to lie to myself, I’ve kinda resorted to that what happened is my fault and that I deserved it. I mean if he truly loved me he wouldn’t abuse me right? I would have to have done something to deserve it.
I experienced a lot of emotional and verbal abuse from my father as a teenager. It took years for me to finally take a stand; it wasn’t until after I flunked a semester of college because I couldn’t bring myself to leave my apartment, that I realized my coping mechanism of shutting down was hurting me and my future. So over the holiday break I went home and confronted my parents, we got into a huge fight, my father wouldn’t accept any accountability, so I got on a bus and left and went back to my college apartment 6 hours away. My mother asked me to write her a letter explaining why I was so upset so I wrote both her and my father a letter explaining how I felt about everything and from that moment I completely cut my father out of my life. That was 15 years ago.
A year later my mother left my father. And over the next few years all of my siblings cut my father out of their lives as well. And after all these years my father still refuses to admit he ever did anything wrong.
I still feel guilty for not being able to protect to my siblings from him when I went away to college.
Even as an adult now its nearly impossible to have a normal interaction with any male authority. It makes work and life exceptionally challenging because I go into some combination of fight/flight/freeze/fawn.
I have almost no memory of childhood and as an adult I struggle with attention, memory, and being in a constant state of disassociation or numbness.
That would be a challenge Wendy. Thank you for sharing! If you haven't watched it yet, check out the videos, Can Trauma be Stored in the Body? ua-cam.com/video/TAsUBEw-YgM/v-deo.html and How to Deal with Triggers from Trauma ua-cam.com/video/6kdrJRIuGXY/v-deo.html These might be helpful on your healing journey.
I would second the request to go more into childhood emotional neglect and abuse. While I did experience mild sexual abuse as a kid, there was, and sometimes still is, pretty severe emotional abuse-- which I hate calling it that because it's usually not intentional.
Also, I wanted to thank you. Your videos here and on Cinema Therapy have kind of become my safe spaces where I can go when it gets to feel like too much.
You are so welcome. I'm sorry for what you've been through. I can tell you have great strength.
Dude, I so get it. When I was in kindergarten, my 4 y/o brother died. My family broke. Cracked into a million pieces. It was not dealt with well. My brain developed differently because of his death....and I professional help I finally received began much too late.
Dear Mr. Jonathan Decker. Your Cinema Therapy videos have gotten me through alot of despair and led me to this channel Mended Light. I'm so glad it did. This video in particular is very relatable. Unfortunately I started believing I had PTSD around the age of 12 or 13 during a rare time of peace in my life when I felt I had gone through a war and I felt I related so well to those who had been in actual battle. Without going into detail, my entire life has been one scary and intense situation after another like rapid fire or sometimes at the same time. But none of it ever fits on the lists for what counts as PTSD or as trauma. Not black or white, always different shades of gray. So I've always felt so guilty for feeling it as traumatic because it wasnt that bad in comparison to what other people have gone through... the stuff that actually qualifies as trauma . This is a huge reason I dont seek out help or anything. But I watch all your videos and they always help me through my day. They help me feel less alone and help learn how to cope with alot of things. I love watching you and Mr Alan in the Cinema Therapy videos, how you have such a great healthy friendship . It's so nice to watch you enjoy each others company and laugh and cry together. Its beautiful. I thankyou both for all the work you're doing. You've made alot of peoples days and youve changed alot of peoples lives. I deeply appreciate you. Much love
Danno, this made my day. I'm passing along to Alan. We love you and we're here for you. - Jonathan
I used to think the same, what I experienced wasn't as bad as others. I admit I was shocked when talking to my therapist she stated that's abuse, that's neglect... but I wasn't a punching bag, I wasn't locked in a closet...
Things don't haveto be severe to be traumatic.
If it was traumatic for you, then you go get therapy for you. Because you are worth it. :)
I write poetry to help me work through my trauma. Here’s a short one:
Containment
Asking me to function
As a mother
A wife
A human
Sometimes feels like
Pouring tea onto a shattered cup.
I may have once been able to grant your desire
To utilize me as a functioning object,
But that was before
The hammer used me first.
Thank you for sharing. That is soulful Chailis. It made me think of our video "Healing is like Kintsugi" ua-cam.com/video/xqo8usQjwtM/v-deo.html You don't always have to feel shattered. Healing is possible.
@@MendedLight thank you. I watched it, and I've heard of this analogy before, but it always felt trite to me. I have another poem comparing a survivor of trauma to an ancient statue that survived a warring culture's attempt to wipe the goddess from memory, but she remains. She may be shattered, armless, face broken, but she persists to prove her existence and defiance. I like that analogy better. I may be broken, but I will outlive my abuser and outlast the hatred and disbelief.
I write parody songs for the same reason. This one reminds me of how my mother treated me. Because she wanted me to be the mother she never had because her mom abused her so she parentified me. And she also raped me and told me I was meeting her lesbian urges like her husband or wife. Even though I was a child. And she was a grown up. And it was incest. Mostly I was her slave to sell to pedophiles. Rarely I was her daughter (almost never). A lot of times she saw me as an animal with fluids that could be eaten such as blood, milk even. Mostly blood. She couldn't see herself as a cannibal when she saw me as not human. Sometimes she saw herself as not human as well and rather more of a demon, immortal witch, vampire... she liked the idea of immortality, especially if it involved blood. As a child I did not know what sort of an entity she was. As a teen continuing into adulthood, I knew we were both human, and she's a cannibal. So yeah that happened. But it's hard to get people to believe it. I have some people in my life now, who believe it all. But for most of my life I haven't. I have disowned her and the rest of my family, since she is a dangerous sadistic psycho.
Your poem deeply moved me, @chailisrathbone835. Thank you so much for sharing it. I can relate.
I experienced fiscal, mental, emotional and sexual assault. My mom grew up in the same environment and had no tools to help and support me. I had two abusers in the family and no one to turn to. It taught me that no one is coming to save you so you need to be your own hero. I am now my mom's biggest protector and supporter. It took a long time, and him leaving/cheating on her and financially abusing her for her to finally leave him for real. I'm so proud of her. I have noticed that I am painfully clean and tidy. I don't have OCD, I won't have a reaction if things are not clean but feel better if it does. I don't trust anyone a 100%, because everyone is human and can let you down. I am the dominant person in the relationships. How ever I am impathic to their needs and feelings. I don't like crowds, and surprises. Trust is big. I am aware of my faults and the possible relation to my past. But I don't live there anymore. I work very hard to improve myself and to make sure I am not wearing shaded glasses while still making sure my boundaries are respected. Thank you for your videos, both on cinema therapy and this one. I think it's a brilliant way to reach individuals. 🥰
I’m in tears realizing a lot of my problems are a result of childhood trauma. It was trauma that was preventing me from being a completely present mother to my oldest child. It’s trauma that keeps me from remembering my entire 2nd & 3rd grade years (while still being able to remember my 3rd birthday party). I’m not “dramatic” in my overly emotional reactions nor am I an “attention-seeker.” I wasn’t “taking up space” in school for feeling numb. I just needed help.
Now I was able to overcome much of my trauma, being able to be present for my girls & feeling resilient. But recently, a similar tragedy struck my family & suddenly I’m back to where I started, feeling numb & burnt out. Is that normal?
Backsliding is normal when tragedy strikes again. The trick is to use the same strengths, supports, and skills to get up again instead of staying down. How are you holding up. It breaks my heart to know you're suffering again after all you've been through.
How has childhood abuse affected me? I am very sensitive to my needs being pushed aside- it makes parenting little people gently really hard sometimes. A tendency to overthinking. Hyperviligence, I think you called it, no one can sneak up on me unless I let them. I've noticed that I had offers of help over the years that I didn't hear At All. Only the people who know me exceptionally well seem to recognize when I'm really upset... fortunately I've gotten better enough that no one asks "What's wrong!?" when I'm having a good peaceful feeling day anymore. I am learning to check for reciprocal reaching out, so I'm not over-giving to people who don't care much about me. For years and years everything that went wrong was my fault even if it was no one's fault. I struggle to work on hobbies that matter to me-there a lot of things I have not done (or not progressed in)over the years to protect myself from criticism and to keep the activity clear from the possible threat. No one wants to relive trauma while doing their favorite things. Then there are the panic attacks and dizzy spells and so on.
The scary part to me is that I was told multiple times (by psychologists I bumped into) during highschool that I was coping Really Well. Yikes! I think most of us have no idea how much we are hurting.
I'm really grateful to this channel and Cinema therapy for getting me unstuck when my progress halted.
Thank you for your kind words Charlotte! I am so glad we can be a small part of supporting you on your healing journey. It's true, sometimes those who are struggling the most can seem so put together. If you haven't already, check out our videos, "Can Trauma be stored in the Body" ua-cam.com/video/TAsUBEw-YgM/v-deo.html and "How to Deal with Triggers from Trauma" ua-cam.com/video/6kdrJRIuGXY/v-deo.html. Those both might be helpful!
Hey Jonathan and the Mended Light team. I relate to SOOO much in this video. The thing that really helped me is taking martial arts with my daughter. (It is something I've wanted to do ever since I saw the original karate kid!!) There are so many surprising benefits to being on the mat. One is that you are learning and practicing defending yourself...which for me, over time, reinforced the idea that I am WORTH defending. Yelling during certain parts of forms (where we are required to 'kiyap' helped me find that "don't mess with me" voice that I had no idea I even had. Finally, my teacher told me one day, "Sarah, if someone puts hands on you without your permission, I EXPECT you to defend yourself." That might seem like common sense, but to me,, it was a mind-blowing concept and goes hand in hand with the idea that I'm worth defending and protecting. Four years of martial arts has made such a huge difference in my mental health and sense of worth.
Thank you for posting this!
At the moment, I almost wish I could go back to being numb and never thinking about what happened in the past. I know it’s better and healthier to face it, but the nightmares and panic attacks that come with facing it are difficult to deal with too.
It is indeed very hard to live through it all over again. Facing it gives the power back to you. But it is a battle and it is so hard.
Boy, I feel this! I long for the days of ignorance...
I'm 29, I still struggle with being able to sleep or being touched by someone who is not in my tribe. I don't trust anyone, I go back and forth between feeling nothing or being happy and sad and I don't understand it. Things that shouldn't matter make me flip out in either panic or anger. I only have three friends because I don't even want to take the time to get to know people. But even then I only do well one on one with people. I've spent so much time just willing myself to be all right and just push past my problems. And last year I had a SCAD heart attack. I know I should probably get help but I'm terrified that my childhood wasn't as bad as other's and that I should be able to be okay. I really appreciate this channel so much and the genuine kindness you have, thank you very much.
Thank you for making this video.
I was abused by my father for as long as I can recall... the abuse was mental, emotional, and some what sexual. I was the only one that was sexually abused by him... and I didn't tell anyone not even my mom till I was 18 for fear that my father would do something even more terrible... when I did finally start to tell people about what was going on... most of them didn't believe me or took my father's side. But I got out and I help my mom and younger sister get too.
Now i have been diagnosed with ptsd, depression, and anxiety. I see a therapist every 2-3 weeks and I manage my triggers/symptoms by working out, eating healthier, meditation, and helping support others getting out of their situations.
Thank you for making this channel and cinema therapy. You and Alan have basically turned into my UA-cam dad's lol thanks again. Please pass it on to Alan as well! Love you guys!
I'm so sorry for what you went through and I'm so glad that we can help in our small way.
Yes, UA-cam dads is an excellent description. Thank you for putting it into words. Jonathan and Alan not only talk about what healthy relationships look like, they also show us through their friendship. I wish my dad could have done that for me.
I am currently dealing with a lot of childhood trauma through therapy. I am also a 42 yo on dialysis because I didn't properly treat a strange kidney infection that almost killed me because at the time I was raised to believe I wasn't worth the effort it took to take care of myself. I was brainwashed into believing I was only worth sacrificing my life for others and nothing I possess was worth saving. Right now I'm learning the idea of loving myself can be balanced and not disgusting. And if I ever get a new kidney, I hope to have a love for myself to go with it.
Hit the nail on the head.this is so me.fidding someone to talk to is hard for me.i have a few places I might be able to .a few people to talk to but no theraptist.
My parents were violent with each other and with me, and my babysitter SA’d me repeatedly. Junior high was a reprieve as we built a family with a new man, but it high school I was in a 2.5 year abusive relationship on all fronts. My early 20s were derailed by my stepdad’s death, and my family’s resulting homelessness. Working at Amazon to save us nearly killed me.
Over the years, I’ve gone from dissociation and hallucinations, to psychogenic seizures and dizzy spells, all the while struggling with memory and focus problems that have made it impossible to meet my responsibilities. This has cost me every job I’ve ever had. After an accident left me bedridden, I even lost the spark to get up and play in the yard.
The most insidious part is, this damage to my faculties affects me even when I’m _not triggered._ Even when I think I’m safe, I make mistakes that other people interpret as ‘careless,’ and am punished accordingly.
Luckily, I’m pretty easy to get along with, so people have shown me that life is worth it for the love and support. I’m preoccupied with wholesome hedonism; I need fun and human connection to make it through the day, do my homework or even my dishes. If my cup is too empty, I just can’t move.
This is a great video, thank you! As a C-PTSD survivor of childhood trauma, I am a living example of what can happen. Unfortunately, my trauma was due to my brother's death at age four (I was five), and escaped into my own world after that. (I got the "she's too young to understand, she is resilient at her age." treatment) I then dealt with a lifetime of racism my white adoptive parents didn't know how to handle.
Surprise, surprise.....I ended up with diagnosed MDD, GAD and OCD on top of the PTSD. It's been a whirwind of mental health shit my entire adulthood. But once my PTSD was correctly diagnosed and I did EMDR treatments, the real healing began. I have been grateful for two rounds of it, but really need more traumas addressed with it.
Last spring I ended up in the psych ward. Recovery is not linear.
This is me, I outlined my experiences on the "Does bullying cause mental health problems?" video.
P.S. I think the audio could have been balanced better. As it is the music frequently overwhelms Jonathan's voice.
It seems that all my life(as far back as I can remember) I have struggled with depression and anxiety in some form or another. Childhood trauma has affected me in a sense that it is very hard for me to exress myself(verbally, physically, exc). It hasn't been easy finding ways to cope with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Sometimes I find my ways of coping don't always work. Everyone who knows me pretty well (family members, friends) they always commend me for "doing so well" despite all the stresses I go through on a daily basis. It has been extremely difficult trying to find ways to even express all of the thoughts, and emotions that I tend to think, and feel throughout my day, or to even just to let people know that I need help from time to time. I have really enjoyed watching your videos whether they are here on mended light or if they are on Cinema Therapy. You guys do such a good job. Thank you for being awesome!
If you relate to this and either cannot afford therapy or aren't ready to talk to a therapist yet, then try an EMDR app like I've been in therapy (CBT) but EMDR is honestly what finally got me out of survival mode. It was like an exorcism from being possessed by demons (my family and the trauma) sabotaging my life. Its basically following a visual cue and plugging in earphones for auditory cues and you can process the past as abstractly as you desire without risking retraumatization from recalling those memories. That's a risk in psychoanalysis type therapy. A diary that's like a private safe space also helps. There's just something about the subconscious act of your fingers guiding a pen over paper that tends to bring out deeper truths that the brain fog/cacophony of thoughts when stuck in survival mode obscures. Grounding exercises like counting slow deep breaths also help especially if you have trouble falling asleep. Take care and thank you Dr. Decker for spreading awareness!
Link to app?
I was witness to a lot of domestic violence, and witnessed and experienced nearly constant emotional abuse or threats of violence throughout my childhood. I did not realize until I started getting older that my family situation was not normal, but now as a young adult it's suddenly hitting me harder than it ever did then and I'm having such a hard time trying to get out of survival mode.
Could you go more into detail on Childhood Emotional Neglect? I feel like there were a lot of small moments in my childhood that affected me, small enough to easily slip under the radar, but they've built up over time. Now I struggle with trusting in myself, loving myself, feeling worthy of the time and attention of others.. because what I know is to doubt myself, be hard on myself and step back for the sake of others.
That is a great idea for a future video. If you would like a free 15 min call with me (Jono) then you are welcome to book one through this link: go.oncehub.com/JonathanDecker
Do you have any tips for finding the right therapist? I call offices asking to for someone with specific specialties and I feel like it's brushed off and they tell me that all of the therapists and social workers can handle it. So far that hasn't proven true. What can I do to be more assertive in finding the right person to help me? Or, since you're in Utah, do you know any good therapists in the Salt Lake Valley who might be able to help me with my CPTSD?
Such a good question Katie! I think it might be worthwhile to do a video about this. If you are interested I would love to schedule a 15 minute call to see if any of our therapists would be a good fit for you go.oncehub.com/JonathanDecker We see clients online through hippa compliant video conferencing. Please let me know if you have any other questions I can answer!
I had lost hope in therapy and therapist after my last one where all I felt was unsafe, guilty and horrible. Thanks to you I see it all in a different light, it gives me hope that there are people who genuinely care. the other day I did visit mended light website which is a huge step for me hopefully one day I'll be able to dial in and be in therapy. Thank you so much Jonathan sir, I'm very grateful to you. Keep spreading the light. :)
Finding the right therapist is a huge thing. It is so great to hear that you are finding the videos helpful! Here's my (Jono) link if you want a free 15 minute phone call to discover if this is the pathway for you.
I don't know why I always have the urge to watch videos on childhood abuse/trauma, especially when it always leads me to crying like a baby
And this one especially made me cry harder because Jonathan definitely hammered it home with the numbing. I used to feel so much and now I don't really feel anything and when I do feel, I would randomly cry like someone killed my pet.
Because the crying lets out all the feelings that have been stuffed down and numbed down over the years. If watching videos like this helps you let down the walls and let some of it out safely, why wouldn't you? Just, if watching videos like this brings so much up that you then turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms (self-medicating, self-harm, disordered eating, suicidal thoughts) to stuff it back down after, maybe wait until you've been able to learn more, healthier ways of dealing or watch them when you have someone there to support you and help you keep yourself safe.
I experienced unsafe environments at church, home, and school. I was unable to defend myself and adults around me were useless leading to distrust.
I am 68 years old. I was sexually abused as a child by my stepfather. My mother was self centred and selfish. She knew what my stepfather was doing to me.. but she did nothing to stop it. I did inform my mother about it but again she did nothing. I left home when I was 16 right after my mother passed away. I was married 3 times. I have made so many mistakes with my life. I felt abandoned as a child and was clingy with my husbands. I left my 3rd husband because I felt he was not paying enough attention to my needs. He too suffers from CPTSD. Needless to say I did not cope well with my issues. At this time I meditate once a day. Usually in the evening. I tried what “The Crappy Childhood Fairy” but her ideas did not work for me. All she wanted was money. There aren’t many doctors out there who understand or want to treat CPTSD. 😢
I have cptsd and have nearly picked my nails off over the years, looking forward to meeting a therapist now that it's covered by Medicaid
I still cope the best when I cuddle my childhood stuffis even though I am too old for that.
They are SUPER comforting, no shame in that :)
When I was little, my family took me to China. We were in a shopping mall, my parents were shopping, and kinda forget I was there xD So I got lost in the large shopping mall, in a foreign country that I don't even understand the language xD After that I was too afraid to go any where on my own, I literally cling on my friend when we go out just to buy snacks xD I'm still afraid of going out on my own, but with Technology these day, I can use google map, and send location. So I felt a bit more secure, knowing I won't get lost, and someone knows where I am.
Wow that would be traumatic for a child for sure! Way to work through it and find what works for you, even though it still can be overwhelming.
I had a brief moment of what this would feel like as a child. I was in a book store with my mother and she walked two isles over not realizing I didn't follow her. I looked up from a book I was looking at and realized I was utterly alone it was so terrifying to me for the 10 seconds I could not find her. I can easily see how this experience would be incredibly traumatizing as I could not imagine how much more terrifying yours must have been for you.
This video is made for me. I have a lot of childhood trauma and working through recovery with a therapist now. Outside of therapy, I look at stuff like this to give me more tools and it helps. I feel so seen and cared for. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. Today I was thinking about how I have unconsciously shut off/hold people at arms length because of anxiety I wasn't even aware of from my childhood. Working on trying to understand that part of me and how I can healthily grow out of it so I can open up to people more and accept help when I need it.
I think when you talked about 'internalizing the trauma' it resonated a lot with me because I've been noticing that I went through a long time of survival mode until I was able to be on my own and got to a stable place outside of a super dependent/guilt fueled family dynamic. That's why I'm grateful I kept so many journals at my younger age because I'm finding it difficult to actually remember anything apart from despair I felt from then without all my own records/social media 'memories.' Again, thanks so much for helping me put to words feelings I didn't even know I had!
You're so welcome! It seems to me you've got a good head on your shoulders and are doing the work.
I need this so much!!!!!
We're here for you Lessia! I'm glad the video was helpful!
I have cptsd, this video fuckt me up a bit and called me out but I know that learning is half the battle. And I have a lot to work on.
I can’t be sure thus is childhood trauma, but since I’ve grown up with parents who did bring me up using more traditional methods such as the eldest being expected for the example and having the most responsibility, I know there’s a likely chance that’s played a part in my ability to properly deal with stress and set realistic goals for myself instead of being an overachiever. Ever since I was able to recognise these issues I’ve been working on myself to improve and be kinder to myself but I also know it’s a long and difficult battle and I still have plenty of issues I need to deal with. I’ve buried it deep down and learnt to cope but now I’m in the process of unearthing this trauma and tackling it so I stopped feeling so stressed, I’m able to emotionally cope better with situations where I become stressed and constant feelings of stress no longer feel normal. I’m fortunate I’m a pretty self-aware kid, so I’m able to not only recognise flaws in myself that I can improve on but also be able recognise when I am in the wrong and when I’m not. I’m also fortunate I was able develop these coping mechanisms and gradually improve while I work towards finally feeling some sense of peace because my parents learned and changed as the raised me and my younger siblings, and they were able to recognise I mentally wasn’t okay, so I was able to actually go to therapy again and get more help now that I’m older and able to properly deal with these issues. Thanks to my loving parents, even though I did deal with depression as a child I was able to get help and figure out what was going on with me during my first year of high school (which is year 7 over in Australia). I’m still in school but I’d say I’ve definitely improved and mended some of the issues I was coping epithet before I started therapy. Apologies if this is too much, I just felt I’d share my situation because I know that things happening in my childhood have had some long term effects on how I act today and not all of those effects have been positive, so I can’t be sure if this is childhood trauma at least in the way it’s described in the video.
Thank you for the vulnerable and real response. Our families of origin play a key role in shaping us, whether there's childhood trauma or not. Our choices, other relationships, and experiences along the way continue to mold us.
To all people who think it is not possible - start healing ,it is possible.
LoL what do you call it when you start a video where you go okay I feel like I relate to this but towards the middle you go "nope, just a spoiled whiny self centered brat who couldn't cope with having to be the oldest of 7" based on the synptoms being read. Unless it's that I fall into the overly needy clingy category. I would get heard but usually it was after I'd lost my mibd all over a situation. I still can't talk about hard things without crying (I would get teased for that occasionally. Oh there she goes again. She cried at the drop of a hat) and then being angry and embarrassed about crying.
Thank you so much for your video! It is so needed.
This video was so powerful for me, I cried when you said about all the consequences childhood trauma have throughout a persons life. This has helped me accept that the emotional neglect and scary experiences I had as a child have led to so many of my problems as an adult and knowing that is a step towards making positive changes.
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience - I'm so happy that this video has helped you make that step! All the best for your journey moving forward
I cried watching this- 2.33
consent is important whether you're 9 or 29.
So thats why I'm nowhere near sleepy at 3:30 in the morning. That's cool.
I’m a child sexual abuse survivor (relative), my childhood was violent, mentally ill parent, another neglectful parent. Entered into a very abusive relationship with a narcissist in my late teens.
Thankfully I got out. But these traumas color and impact my life subtly every day. Sometimes not so subtly.
Therapy has helped. Building healthy relationships has helped. It’s constant work but life has gotten so much better.
Holy sh. Someone sees me and finally understands me.
You are welcome here :)
I'm in a weird position where my therapist says I'm experiencing genuine PTSD-like symptoms (flashbacks, flinching/wincing), but they're over very mundane events such as waving at someone who wasn't waving at me or saying something stupid to a friend. It also happens with completely imaginary events in my mind, such as an argument with a coworker that never happened.
This causes me serious distress and I don't know why it's so heavy.
What is this?
Thank you for the always amazing content
Being an advocate... I truly wanted that for a long time. I dreamt of it since my early teens. As I have grown and started healing (finally away from the abusive person) the desire has only grown deeper. Thank you. 💚
This video in particular has reminded me of many things I know but also reminded me of who I am (and fight to accept bc I fight to see my worth) and who I want to continue to grow towards being
Could you guys do a video on Parentified Children??
I went thrpugh child abuse for a decade, got cptsd and there are some ways I react differently in situations. Like always feeling Im doing something wrong/ easily thinking peoole hate me. Its hard a lot of the,times to have to keep telling the brain its not true
I can see how the abuse you experienced can make you feel like that now. I am glad you are telling yourself that it's not true that people hate you, etc. Keep doing that, it's important! If you want to talk about any of this with Jonathan, you can book in a free minutes discovery call using this link: www.go.oncehub/JonathanDecker
He is very understanding and nice to talk to 😊
@@MendedLight thank you for the offer ❤ luckily I don't need it. I've been going to a psychologist for 2yrs now and he has been a great help! I definitly can do way more today than I could do two yrs ago. :)
no wonder im not where i should be, due to the constand puttdowns and lack of reciprication from my mother/primary couldent care less er, i struggle to know when im cared for am permanantly hopless and stressed and it is not a strech to say i have health issues because of it. days most days i wish i wasent here (my faith prevents suicide) or see myself hurting myself, good days i only have these thoughts a couple of times. i am getting councelling, i am a really strong person even though this bad start lead me into abusive relationships, not being in one helps, though i am lonley lots. i bite the skin around my fingernails till it bleeds almost every day, my bp is high, even though i am carefully monitered after a stress related heart surgery, i eat chocolate to help cope with the emotional lows and sleeping through the night a pipe dream
I have been told I'm a sociable and agreeable person, so why am I single? What they don't know is how alone I feel when not many people around me understand what it's like to live as I do. When it's so hard not to believe that little voice in my head that constantly finds reasons to find me unworthy. How can I explain to regular people that aren't interested in psychology topics or self improvement that I get triggered when they give me unsolicited advice? Simple benign annoyances trigger me. That being triggered means attacks of self shame, ruminating and isolation because I don't feel safe interacting with anyone. That dealing with that brings me painful memories that I'd rather do anything than feel. I am in therapy, it has taken me a long time to tolerate myself grieving. I know that therapy is for life, but I have hope when I find examples of success like in Pete Walker's books. It's just so unfair that I'm the one left to pick up the pieces to even hope for a modicum of social life, when they (my family) are the ones that get to have that togetherness even in their dysfunctional ways. Getting out and stopping the multi-generational pattern of abuse is really hard, but it's worth it. I'll do it for all the abused children in my family, including myself, but I also include my parents here, since they themselves were abused.
I'm so sorry. That is so hard and so unfair. Would they be open to you telling them what your experience is like?
Might not be relevant anymore, but the music sometimes overtakes Jonathan's voice, so sometimes it's a bit difficult to hear him speak. Might also be the CPTSD, too, that's making it so the sound seems unbalanced. I'll own that too.
Thank you for the feedback. It is very helpful.
I agree, from a production standpoint, the music seems equal to or louder than your voice to the point of it being distracting.
This is a poem I wrote when I was about 13. I think it speaks for itself
I'm the person you don't see,
That you don't notice,
That you ignore.
No one sees me.
No one looks at me.
They simply look through me.
I am nothing to them.
I can see everyone around me.
I can hear everything being said.
But they don't hear me.
They don't see me.
I am invisible.
I feel as though
I am pressed against a glass.
I am aware of everything,
But I cannot get to it.
I cannot touch it.
I try to talk to you,
You don't hear.
I scream,
Nothing comes out.
I am suffering,
But you don't see that.
I am lost.
I am hopeless.
I am nothing.
That so aptly sums up the feelings of childhood trauma survivors. Hugs
It's nice to watch these videos, and learn what I have and that there is a way to fix it. What I did as a child was becoming numb, everybody would freak out over blood or an accident, I wouldn't, not till I was alone and knew no one was around me. How I coped with it was that I would draw. The characters would reflect the feelings I had and what I felt was me. My profile picture is one of those. I would cut myself and harm myself in other ways as well. The time where I started on the path of healing was when I married my husband, he would be there and would move my hands away from me and would place them upon his own skin. He would tell me that he'd rather be hurt than to see me hurt myself. Later on, I would see what is called a "foundationst." (I think they're like a life coach: I don't know what else to think of them as) And I was able to be helped logically, but never mentally. I now plan on going to a therapist that is covered by my insurance. I'm tired of having these emotions come out of nowhere. I want to be in charge of my life.
Your journey inspires me, your art looks amazing (based on your profile pic), and your husband sounds like a great man.
Thank you for this series. Some of these videos are hard to watch because they hit home, but I appreciate having sources like this out there to help me face my triggers and educate myself about my trauma and adaptive behaviours.
I wish I knew how to get past the fact I never got justice. I doubt I ever will. Never got justice or help.
I’m so glad you’re doing these videos! I honestly had no idea that it was so widespread. I remember having to say to my friends “I have PTSDfromchildabuse” like one word, because otherwise I’d constantly get the “...but, you aren’t a soldier?”
People who think only soldiers get it have no idea what they're talking about.
My parents were so overwhelmed and helpless and struggled so much with their own mental health. It was so hard for so many years. Now that I'm an adult, of course we don't have the same kind of conflicts anymore. The hardest part for me is that I hate those people who beat me and said mean things to me and made my life and that of my siblings so hard for such a long time. But I still love my parents. I sometimes wish they were these monsters so I could just be angry with them but they're not. So where do I go with my anger now? Where do I go with my helplessness and my pain?
Thanks for this video. While my family tried very hard to be there for me, I was the youngest in a large family. There was occasionally some stuff come up that I felt was hard. I was pretty sensitive and ended up suppressing my emotions quite a bit. I go about halvsies on trauma symptoms. I didn't realize I was unhappy at all until about 25, and by then I was already pretty messy emotionally. I've struggled with emotional regulation and had environmental sensitivities all my life. My family is pretty puzzled, because for them everything was idyllic. Oh, here's a question: if you try and try and reframe the trauma as something that's going to help you, yet you're still struggling with finding that identity and purpose and *believing* it fully, how do you help yourself along on that path?
Video idea: How to let go of trauma (concrete steps)
On it!
@@MendedLight Thank you very much!
You said "flatness"! That's the first time someone has mentioned it! "The flatness" was something I was terrified of as a kid. I was sick as a kid and had a hallucination that I was engulfed in flat nothingness, and it was going to consume me. It became a recurring fear. I'm still scared when I recall it. My Dad didn't hear me as a kid, or growing up, he ignored and dismissed me. I remember having a fit of rage when I was 13/14 because of it. It was so invalidating and frustrating. You know that scene in Harry Potter where Harry yells at Dumbledore to "look at me!" Like that. I always felt that he ignored or belittled me because I wasn't good enough. But that's not true.
"I have fought my way here to the Castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great. You have no power over me", responds the naive character Sarah to David Bowie's Goblin king character from the movie Labyrinth.
I would suggest that all sufferers of childhood neglect and abuse watch this feel good movie. The quote is poignant to all sufferers.
I wish I found you sooner. I could have better understood myself before I claimed I truly understood him.
Is it normal for your brain to remember certain parts of childhood traumatic events and other parts to be blank? I have had this question for a while now but I never felt comfortable talking about it. I found this video very helpful and it really helped me feel like I was not alone, thank you.
Very normal. Repressed memories happen all the time.
Yup. I have that, too, and my psychiatrist said that it's normal.
I had an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive mother, and an emotionally absent father. Angry and/or disappointed facial expressions, raised voices (shouting/yelling or screaming) and even realizing the possibility that someone might get upset with me over something causes me to feel extremely anxious, which is why I tend to overthink things. I didn't notice until I was an adult how quick my temper is. My moods can shift in an instant, and it's weird to experience, to say the least.
I have relatives (around my age) who have been diagnosed with things like Bipolar, severe anxiety, depression and ADHD. But knowing the childhoods we all had, I'm beginning to wonder...
All in all, I think the worst thing my parents ever did to me was when they realized I tried to OD (shortly before my 14th birthday) and, rather than taking me to the hospital, they told me to "wake them up if I start to feel funny," even though we were all going to bed. Because my mom was too embarrassed, they decided to take their chances that I might not wake up the next morning than take me to the hospital to make sure I'd be all right. And the one time one of my siblings brought it up, my mom snapped at them. That was when I was convinced that neither of my parents really cared about me. At least, not as long as I wasn't doing things exactly as they expected me to, without ever complaining. All my mom cared about was herself, and my dad didn't care enough to take us away from her.
No one mentions poverty. Racism, or bullying as traumatic experiences in childhood
I’ve come here from one of your recent videos and I just want to say I’m proud of how far you’ve come in your video quality. Here it feels like listening to an ad but your more recent videos feel like talking with a friend. You’ve come pretty far
Prolly to the shock of no one, my therapist was definitely right that I have cptsd.
…it’s just so humiliating that it’s from years of bullying, that I wasn’t able to be as resilient as my parents and school faculty demanded I should be, that I’m still so terrified to go anywhere alone and Won’t unless I have to, that I just can’t trust that people actually like me vs wanting to make me their pity project or exploit/manipulate. It’s so so hard to trust anyone, especially when my parents “well intentionally” conditioned me to NEVER trust myself, and scolded me for being bullied by teachers too until I just…flattened emotonally (unless my lid flips anyway…)
thank you a lot for this video!! it spoke to me so much, i've cried while watching it.
i grew with emotionally abusive narcissistic mother and alcoholic aggressive when drunk father.
my mother criticised and diminished everything about me: my body (even though i was skinny kid and teen, she saw fat girl), my acts (i do nothing good enough), my emotions ("you're just can't react", "you're a psyco" she said), all my choices just for being mine.
she wanted to have a doll for daughter, choose my outlook and my life.
she normalised abuse in all forms to me. even when once (i was 14) my farther attacked me while he was drunk, choked me, she said then "we will laugh about it later" and never called the police or divorced his ass.
that all led to me thinking: i'm unworthy, i'm hydrous, fat, no one can like me truly, i'm a bad person.
though my 20-25 i was pretty aggressive, i had so much suppressed anger which i was unable to direct to the source of it, my mother.
i wish that time that people saw me as a aggressive person and just never approach me, while inside i was socially anxious.
i was myself scared of people, so angry all the time, i hated to talk to my mother but proceeded to be her loyal dog as she taught me to be until 29.
at 29 i found my third therapist with whom i've made a breakthrough, and i broke that cycle of generational trauma, which i didn't want to pass to my daughters.
now i'm 32 and i'm an advocate, 3 years in therapy, healed trauma, such growth.
i took myself from my mother and returned it to me.
it was and is hard, but so worth it, cause now i feel free! i'm happy and grateful. i sure have different moments, i have my ups and downs, but it's such on a different level.
and your channel helps me even more, i've gained so many insights on relationships with my husband, with my kids. thank you so much!!!!!
Worst part for me is that I often don’t remember a trauma, only that I know that something bad happened and when a therapist asks I just 🤷🏻♀️ “no idea just feel panic” my brain dumps anything triggering or traumatic out immediately before I can process it. I often describe it as “a closet full of skeletons in a home I don’t live in anymore” I know that the skeletons are there, but I have no way of accessing them.
Are there any books you would recommend to us to help start the process of healing from childhood trauma?
My therapist recommended Nicole Lepera's book but I am unsure of her holistic approach. I would love to know your recommendation :-)
I don't usually comment on videos, and I know this is an older one, but I'm so grateful for it.
I was in a severely abusive relationship with a friend around the time I was 9-10, which is a dynamic I don't see discussed very often. I am now an autistic adult, but had no idea at that age. I recently opened up about some specific incidents to my family, and a question I get asked often is: Why didn't you tell us?
For me personally, the answer to that question is simply, I was young and didn't know what to say. I didn't even realize that I was in an extremely damaging relationship. It took me years to call my trauma what it is. I downplayed it for so long because my bullying didn't look like typical bullying on TV or the bullying many people discuss. I was also unaware at the time that autism even existed, and couldn't decipher what were normal struggles and what were not. So when I finally did open up about my difficulties in an effort to receive a diagnosis, friends and doctors took one look at me and said "no" because I presented normal.
Over the past two years, I finally connected with a therapist for the first time and really opened up. Sadly, she recently left but amazing videos like these keep me going. I've processed some of my trauma, but it'll never go away completely. Sometimes I just have really bad days and being able to click on a video and feel valid and uplifted is an indescribable gift.
Thank you so much for making these and sharing your almighty wisdom with us. 😂
Correcting the word from "effects" to "affects" would probably be wise. Effect is usually a noun, meaning the result of a cause. Affect is usually a verb, meaning to influence. Effect can be a verb meaning to bring about (for example to effect change) but that's not what is meant here. You aren't talking about bringing about health, but influencing health.
I didn't recognize or accept that I had been abused until I was in my 30s. I have had anxiety and self harm behaviors my whole life. I have no memory of a time when I was not hurting my skin and hair. I always feel like I can't get enough air, and I am afraid of NOT being afraid. I am afraid that if I am not constantly grateful for EVERYTHING all at once, and not constantly afraid of loosing people/things/heath, that those things will be taken from me as punishment. The worst is that I am afraid to get therapy, because I know that others have been hurt much worse than me. I am afraid of wasting money on therapy, because I don't want to take resources away from my family/kids. The good thing is that I am self aware enough that I am NOT passing on my child hood to my kids. I am trying to treat them the way I wish I was treated, and helping them to develop healthy thinking habits. I just wish I could relax.
I grew up with a manipulative mother, and violent, gaslighting and belittling older siblings. I was horribly beaten and abused all throughout my life until I was twenty-two. I was sexually harassed and abused from the time I was ten. I have developed trauma, chronic depression and anxiety from all these experiences, I have also grown and learnt a lot about who I am and life in general. I'm luckily very resilient, but I had to be, if I constantly let the horrible things beat me I'd never get back up. And if I don't get up, who will feed the cat? Have things to live for, things to get up for. Find ways of accepting and learning from the trauma and find something that you're passionate about to keep you going. There will always be something worth living for.
I have adhd and high functioning autism and when i was a kid it was really strong, because of that i couldn't socialize properly and as a result i was pretty much the outcast everywhere. I've found that my coping mechanism is both humour and just pushing away any sense of vulnerability or strong emotion.
Growing up, I went through a lot of emotional abuse, and some physical and sexual abuse. Throughout my childhood, I was made to believe that I would only be valid if I went through something "serious." As a younger kid i used to hope that something traumatic would happen to me because maybe then i would be validated. And then it happened, many things over and over, and I would try to talk and shine through what i was feeling because I was a kid looking for some compassion and part of me always knew i wasn't going to get it, but i still hoped. Every single time i was met with the same cold look and the same appathy with no remorse. It took me a long while, but i slowly started to realize how many traumatic experiences my family had put me through. I tried to speak up about it when i was 14, and by family locked me away from people and society, they spent 3 months trying to convince me that i was a mentally insane psychopath and that i deserved to die and suggested suicide for me, and even threatened to kill me. They brainwashed me and kept me locked in a room. They told anyone i was ever close with that i was insane and made sure anyone i could possibly talk to for help thought that too. I've always been hyper vigilant and still am, i jump at noises, anytime i see someones facial expression just ever so slightly different, i assume that they're mad at me and that they hate me to the death. I can't ever focus on even the things I enjoy because in the back of my mind I'm always looking out for footsteps and for a possibility of danger i need to run and hide from, because i was never physically story strong enough to fight back (my dad was professionally trained on 4 fighting styles).
It took me a long time but i finally started to accept that my family maybe they could change, but they don't want to. They will never change and they will never take accountability. I spent years trying to get them to understand what they did was wrong, and one night i realized that they already knew. Every time they hit me for no reason, every time they tried to put me down and threaten me, every thing they took away, they were grown adults and they made those decisions for themselves. I was told that when I'd get older i would understand. I'm 16 now. I'm not an adult but i am older. The older i get the less i understand how someone could look at another person and do what my parents did to me. It took me way too long to accept that what i went through was trauma
What if the abuse was kind of your own fault? Mom had the habit of lining us all up and saying "If the person who did this doesn't admit to it, I'm going to whip you all." the only sister that would have anything to do with me would start getting upset, so I'd take the blame and get the belt, and she went till exhausted, so I had welts for days. So when Mom asked "Why did you do that?" all I was left with was "I don't know"(the last one, I waited till she wore herself out, then I copied a movie and started with a slow laugh. I think it scared her enough, she never beat me again). Of course as older, I now realize that the only person that really knows I didn't do it was the one that had done it. The others don't know the truth. And that probably colored how they saw me. Mom didn't like me much anyway. I realize now most of us were probably unwanted accidents, but do you tell the kid?
How do you deal with an older sister who insists on introducing you(60) as "the baby of the family"? Christmas gifts were always jokes and demeaning, to the point of leaving them unopened.
At the ages of 5 and 6, my older brother sexually abused me. I have a very good memory so I can't forget it. Since then I have been terrified of men even my father who's done nothing to hurt me. I have seen and heard my brother when he's not there, had dreams about him, never have spoken to anybody besides my family not even relatives ( I think it was misdiagnosed as SM ), fears of people embarrassment and shame. I find that when thoughts about it or something that triggers thoughts, I escape into my head to forget about it and life, the only thing that snaps me out of that is when one of my siblings hit me with something when they are tired of yelling at me I can stay like for hours. Haven't gotten good sleep since it happened 7 years ago, have been emotionally numb since than can only feel happiness sometimes though I feel anger and can't calm myself down. Can hardly focus on school. Never seen a therapist before, my sister sometimes talk to me about (it happened to her too) but I just dissociate, I guess. 😥😥
How has childhood trauma affected me? In every single way possible. What it has helped me with is that I became very empathetic which allows me to experience a deeper layer of life and connect and build deeper relationships relatively fast. The trauma has also driven me to learn MMA and take everyday practical steps to stay safe that many people don’t consider to do. It’s something I wish I didn’t have but also something that has helped me become a deeper person and learn beautiful things about spirituality. It’s hard to figure out if I can trust my thinking or if it’s the trauma thoughts but I know it’ll get easier with time.
So someone once gave me some advice on how to heal from trauma and well.... it was bad advice.
They said that when the bad memories come focused instead on good memories.
This ended up ruining the good memories because then everytime I thought of the good ones I also thought of the bad ones. Association.
Don't do this.
Instead I have found that bringing the bad memories to mind willfully and allowing myself to experience it and then think about what is different has really helped.
The bad memories don't pop up so much.
Of course this is after I have already forgiven the person responsible. True forgiveness is a balm for the one giving it. It allows you to let go of bitterness.
I was abused sexually as a small kid, like fivish, and I did kind of have trouble sexually growing up, I never had any boyfriends, I thought sex was disgusting even when I was like 17 I thought sex was just consensual violence and degradation, there was one guy that tried to touch me like that I had a seizure almost instantly because I'm an epileptic, I didn't get very scared around women though and I wanted to have a full life and know what enjoyable sex was like so I decided to do it with another woman. It actually went really well for about a year but I'm a very sensitive person and I often cry after sex, I'm just emotionally overwhelmed, and my partner felt like she was abusing me or something because I was crying, she wasn't, but one day we decided to go rougher and I had a seizure right in her arms and after that she decided to break up with me.
Has much as a love my grandma she scares me sometimes. The most tragic thing that happened to my family was my uncles death on Dec 12 1996. The reason why the date is so important is that my birthday is Dec 12 he died on my 3rd brithday. He was walking at 2:22 am and was hit by a drunk driver. We found out at 6 am I think but after that my family changed I don't know my family when we were whole. I only know th broken family we became after that date. On Dec 12 1997 my older sister who was 9 at the time was crying but I was little I just turned 4 but birthdays in my little head was supposed to be happy days not sad ones and I ask asked she way was she crying but she didn't want to answer but I kept pushing until she snaped that our uncle died the year before. I ran to my mom crying and momma got angry with my sister and my grandma looked at me and said that it was my fault that he died because if he hadn't tried to be there for my birthday he would still be there and she kept repeating it over and over wore black on my brithday. And other things as well I've had internalized that message even with the rest of my family telling me it wasn't my fault. I'm trying to stop but when I see her I still feel that way sometimes. I'm so sorry for my rant but I'm so tired of hurting. I'm tired of my family hurting because of this and I'm scared to talk about to someone that can take away my family I have a young nephew who I'm so scared will be taken away because of this. I know its its not healthy but I'm scared.
I also cannot afford therapy and I'm scared for the reasons listed above
I love the video and the message you have, but what should people do when they may have repressed trauma?
My relationship with my partner has recently ended and she believes that everything I did during it is a result of childhood trauma that I have repressed, since I can't even think of anything truly traumatic.
How do I even begin to deal with something like that?
Im sorry, bjt the background music is way too loud and distracting..
I feel like I am just going through the motions every day. Is this because of childhood trauma?
I feel like healing completely is not really possible. Maybe coping can occur, but the trauma is always there and at unexpected times can come back to haunt.
Hi, i loved this video, and it brought a lot of information on something so important. I can't say i had a bad childhood, with all the people around having much more worse, but i relate a lot on what you said. And i wish you give more concrete example on how to cope and heal. Nice sentences there, but i know that i'm lunatic, and i know that when i start to hear the bad voices telling i'm not good enough, i'm not enough, i don't know how to battle them. Please make another video on the subject, please?
Its taken what feels like a long time to get here but I've gotten better with noticing when my body doesn't feel safe. Not just physically but more so all the other ways, emotionally and mentally. I got into the habit of chanting to myself that I am safe until I feel my body start to calm back down. Then once I calm down I ask why I felt like I wasn't safe, then I address it if I'm ready to in that moment. If not I shelf it until I am, but I don't wait too long. Alot of the time I realize its something that reminded me of my childhood and trigged me.
I hope I am not too late to get a reply. Here is my question for you: How can people with moderate/severe intellectual disabilities heal from this kind of childhood trauma? I want to help my loved one but heal but I have no idea how and we can't find a therapist who can help a special needs individual heal from trauma.
I'd like to see you therapize Phoebe Buffet from Friends; abandoned by her father, her mother commits suicide, she looses touch with her twin sister, she becomes homeless... Yet, she the silly, upbeat, happiest of the friends, neither concerned with career or social reputation. I would love to see a therapists view on her lifestyle and life choices.
That would be super fun!
This really hit close to home for me as every day was a struggle for the first 25 years of my life with a divorced mom who married an abusive step dad. Now, as an adult, i suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression and CPTSD. Avoidance has always been key and raised voices are definitely a trigger. I'm finally starting to associate what my step dad called "laziness" as a fear of failure just to be yelled at again. I have a very long way to go and I still navigate my days like minefields, but it's getting better.
It causes me to self sabotage when things are going good, but endure when things are bad...
Try reading The body keeps the score. It makes the case for holistic approaches to healing
And I'm scared constantly, half the time I wake up with an anxiety attack, every 5th thing under the sun reminds me of her, I deal with suicidal ideation, a history of self harm, 9 failed suicide attempts, fantasies of revenge I'll never act on, 5 alters that I know of, and all of my dreams are nightmares containing flashbacks of the most violent things she did to me like the waterboarding or suffocation. 4 years later I still anticipate my escape just being a dream 🙃
Basically name the category of abuse, I got it. Thank God for weed, mental hospitals, and therapy otherwise I wouldn't be here tbh 😅
But on the bright side I found my real mom and she's better now and she never stopped looking for me and said she loves me. I never knew how much I wanted a mom to say I love you and mean it 🥺
Keep showing up for yourself Ryann! You are worth it! Kudos to you for staying and trying each and every day.
i’ve rewatched this video so many times. thank you
A very good video but the music was a bit too loud, drowning out your voice.