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Getting Personal about Getting Personal
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- Опубліковано 20 тра 2024
- In which John discusses his secret for a happy marriage, what to share, and what to save.
The People story in question: people.com/joh...
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Got a John ad in front of a John video! John squared!
Wait, what was the ad for?! -John
@@vlogbrothers I got it too, something about treatmyocd
Me too, NOCD!
@@vlogbrothers I did, too! It was for your NOCD interview.
Me too! nocd ad
Hank & John: *give away pieces of themselves*
Nerdfighteria: *holds pieces gently*
Love this so much
some people think that squeezing things tightly is a show of affection, but that's because they don't see the bruises it can leave to do so.
“I had to have known I was feeding a content machine, right?” is something I feel deeply about social media.
The problem is that THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO FIND PEOPLE at this point, even in meatspace. This is all there is in a lot of ways. We like to pretend otherwise, but that's just no longer the case.
Ah, read this right as John said the line.
Came to say this exact thing. One of the issues of social media is image control and oversharing... finding, in the end, there is nothing left of you but real things you don't like and the parts you do like which belong to anyone with a facebook or instagram account.
Welcome to the internet, take a look around...
@@jcortese3300 Really? Even within the last few years, I've made new friends IRL. You have hobbies and interests, right? You can meet new people through those, for starters. Or through existing friendships. Or just by being actively engaged in your community. I have no reason to lie to you or to myself. But I suspect you'd probably quite like to rationalise your continued dependence on online platforms even while you understand there are some awful dynamics at play - am I wrong?
Cancer surviving sock designer is such a good line for a bio
++ I was about to comment exactly this! 😂😂
Makes it sound like the socks survived cancer 😅
It reads like the professions on an Onion voxpop article.
Better than a sock-surviving cancer survivor.
@@MrEnKaye or did the cancer survive the sock..
I used to think that I wanted to be a content creator. Thank you for gradually and consistently showing me why I never want to be famous.
One of my favourite lines by Bo Burnham: "if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it."
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Idk, the superficial adoration of millions that will never know me sounds like the perfect thing fill the self-worth shaped hole in my heart that I’m way too scared to fill with opening up to people. I’m not even joking honestly
@@redgreen2453 Only if you can also handle the negativity and hate from strangers.
@@sugarthekitty8689 oh I feel like I get that already
Came for a video about getting personal. Stayed for a top tier analysis by Alabama's third-best 17yo C-student economist in 1994.
Huh?
*Whoosh*
@@RenameUranus2Caelus it's an old call back!
@@RenameUranus2Caelus I could be wrong but yeah I don’t think John has talked about his high school Academic Decathlon performance on Vlogrothers in ten years or something. This was a DEEEEEEEP cut haha.
@@glennhower9265not that deep! I'm pretty sure it's on TAR. Cuz otherwise idk how I remember it 😅😅
@@glennhower9265 it was in the Anthropocene reviewed too
When Kris Kristofferson heard Joni Mitchell’s Blue album for the first time, his response was ‘Damn Joni, keep something for yourself.’
I genuinely thought you were referencing Fantastic Mr. Fox for too many seconds.
@@blairlucidI’m glad I’m not the only one whose mind goes there as soon as I hear the name Kristofferson.
Reminds me of the ever-so-slightly recent release of Spare, Prince Harry's memoir. All I could find online when it was released was people talking about how surreal, in both serious and comical ways, it was to everyone, since everyone thought Harry was oversharing to all extremes about every single detail of his life ever. (It also helps that Harry himself did the narration for the audiobook version, so if you got the audiobook, you get to actually _hear_ him saying all of this.)
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The idea of a two-person book club before dating is just so sweet, nerdy, and romantic that I had to pause, cover my eyes, and make nonsense sounds so as not to cry. I absolutely love that.
Particularly as I just re-watched The Jane Austen Book Club last night. Bonding over books. ❤
On some level, this resonates so much with me! On a muchhhh smaller scale, I came out to my students and school community when I started the first Pride club the school/org had ever seen. While I take pride in what I did, it did feel like a part of me was out there now - and I can never take it back. And it also gave people the impression that they could ask me more and infringe on more.
While this won't be published or get the clicks, it still becomes a topic for irl talks and discussions
I think part of what's hard is the impression that people, having received some information, can then seek or expect more. And that's not the people's fault; it's just a function of how we all behave in respect to content machines, whether online or off. -John
@@vlogbrothers True! Especially when you're surrounded by actual high-schoolers who have grown up with social media, and hence have a hard time understanding boundaries and personal space.
(Though, it's not all bad. The visibility and opportunities it opens up for conversation feels well worth it - at times)
Yeah I think this is why coming out is so hard even if it's just to close friends and family. It's a conversation you can't really take back that will irrevocably change other people's perception of you. Even if they are supportive you will now exist in a new category for them, and that can be really scary
@@AzeemaC I think it's important to remember that they probably *understand* boundaries and personal space even better than older generations do, they are just calibrated to a very different norm for those things.
I honestly hate that it is this way. Most of the time there is no reason for people to "come out", I don't need to know anything about a creator, teacher, colleague etc. sexualety to enjoy there content and I have never seen a straight persone "come out". I feel sorry that some people have this extra step they need to do, just because they are not born with "default settings". When I was a young person, it was hard enough to show up to family events with my girlfriend without the need to "come out", there should be more room for young people to make mistakes and try things out. I hope that your work with starting pride club will help to create a future where no one have to "come out".🤞
So a year ago I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. A non cancerous one (and I am OK) but it disrupted my life in ways I never expected. When I met folks old and new I was faced with the question: “Do I share this?” Sometimes I did and others times I did not but one of the reasons I did not was that it was tedious and time consuming sharing the in and outs of having a non cancerous brain tumor and I did not have the energy to make worried people feel better, especially since I was pretty sure I would be OK; at the same time time I felt some folks were owed an explanation on why I wasn’t my regular self. It became an interesting and never ending decision…to share? Or not to share?. On a side note you guys (Hank especially) were very helpful as the time line of my problem matched the time line of his cancer. Now I have to share why I am wearing brightly colored socks and why they are often mismatched…I guess these things never end.
Thank you for sharing. This is a reality of serious health issues that people don't consider until they are in the position themselves. I am so sorry for the difficulties and so glad that you are okay. But choosing whether to tell, because you don't want to deal with the other persons emotions about it is definitely a thing. Unfortunately, I was thrown into a health situation where I didn't get to choose much about the telling, the seriousness & suddenness made the choice for me, but I had to cut off some people I was close with because during the most difficult part of my life I did not need to be "managing" other people's emotional issues/reactions to my current health crisis. Yeah, I know it sucks. Try personally dealing with it. I witnessed this through my late husband's illness, but it's different when it's your own.
this is the most beautiful poem ive read in a while
It was the same with my cancer diagnosis. So hard to navigate. Hope things are better for you now.
I had a stroke in my eye leaving it with partial sight. I didn't want to explain it but I wanted to share with some folks as figuring it all out was the answer to "What have you been up to lately!". Wrote it up and emailed it to them before I was going to see them next. Worked out pretty good!
i’m autistic and recently diagnosed. knowing this about myself in adulthood has been a little hard, because of a phenomenon that’s basically a skill regression: in hiding my autistic traits, i used to hide a great deal of myself. i used to keep on going even when my body was faling apart and push past my limits. now i can’t do most of the harmful (to me) things i used to do, because i’m aware of the toll they have on my health. i lost the ability to hide myself, i lost a lot of skills i must relearn (some basic shit, too), just because my understanding of how my brain works changed. it’s such a weird and frustraiting phenomenon, but i just need to create new neural pathways to regain some skills and that’s it. it’s not a terrible thing, it’s barely even worth mentioning, but because i’m unble to do some shit i used to be able to do “just fine” before, now i’m always trying to decide whether or not i should share 1) the fact that i’m autistic and 2) how that knowledge has changed the way i function. but people still react kind of negatively to the “autism news” to begin with and i don’t have the energy for it. also don’t have the energy to explain it all in full to get people to understand, because i get it’s confusing. so it’s always a constant decision and i still have no clear answer for what to do.
'The pleasure isn't in owning a sound byte about John Green's personal life, it is about having him share his thoughts about it, which are also personal, for 4min afterwards
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I'm so impressed with the ways you and Sarah (and Hank and Katherine too) have consistently protected your children's privacy. From way back when Henry was a squishy baby, you were very clear that you want his life to be his, to share or not as he wishes, when he's old enough to decide. I've always found it a little icky when influencer/public personality types involve their children (who don't yet have the agency to say no or understand what is happening) in their brand, but the vlogbrothers are a wonderful counterexample.
This reminds me of that conversation with one of my managers who shared that in her new mothers' group my mother had been talking about my circumcision. And there I go, feeding that into the content machine. Goodness.
@@rmdodsonbillsnow THAT'S awkward...
@@rmdodsonbillsI don't know if you need to consider the comments section of a Vlog Brothers vid "content". To me this space has always felt more like a community conversation space.
Hank's so successful for a long while I misunderstood and thought he was actually ace, and not just that he wanted to maintain that kind of space for his public persona 😅
Anyone remember when one of the few things he did featuring them was John cooking communist vegetables with 3 years old Henry? Those were the days...
John, I'm not sure I've ever told you this story, but early in vlogbrothers, when your wife was still the curator of the art museum, I saw you both sitting, waiting for a plane in Indianapolis. I considered coming to say something to you, but then I noticed that you and your wife were having a good conversation, and I decided that I was not going to interrupt that kind of moment. You deserve as much private life as you can muster.
This is really heartwarming
I watch these and immediately want to share them with my students. You feed the content machine with thought provoking ideas, questions, and stories. Thanks for feeding the machine with high quality organic Greens.
I suppose I do try to feed the content machine with something better than salacious (does that mean "salty"? hm) drivel. I guess I'll try to be more intentional about that.
very curious what you teach now and would of been giddy if my teacher pulled out any of the green brothers stuff. worlds colliding.
High quality organic Greens is now my favourite way to refer to John and Hank!
"Share yourself when it benefits others" is a phrase I can live by. Thank you, John. ❤
Personally, I think that saying should be just a little bit longer:
"Share yourself when it benefits others more than it harms you."
I think the point of this whole video is that there is always a cost, somewhere, whether you realize it or not, so you should always try to be aware of it and make sure you factor that into your decisions as well (and IMHO you should always try to do what is healthy for yourself too, not only think about what is good for other people).
@@foogod4237 this
Still trying to navigate relationships properly: 50th wedding anniversary is June 21, and we are still working at understanding each other and how to keep the relationship healthy. Keep growing - if you stop, you die. And congratulations on 18 years. Just keep going, one day at a time, and one day you may be at 50 years as well. It is easier than you think, but also harder than it sounds.
Thank you for paying attention to what you're paying attention to, John, and thank you for sharing your inside perspective on all of this. We're all getting to learn in the process 💚
He just dropped in to see what condition his condition was in
P.S. TAR is also back on my bedside table and I happened to reread the Bonneville Salt Flats last night, so that's the second time I've read/heard you quote Roth in 24 hours 😄
I'm almost done with TAR and this is the line I keep coming back to again and again and again. I'm so glad John shared that story with us...it's quite literally changing my life!
Very excited for this to spawn ten thousand articles about John Green's rules for sharing your personal life, and the cycle shall continue forevermore.
Glad that you're up and running again!
....ish. ;) -John
You posted a video a few years ago about the contender in the room and that is what helped me understand what my partner and I had been missing since we had kids. And that particular phrase makes so much sense, and did help me (us, our whole family, because I'm happier now). It probably feels different when you post on this channel versus become a headline, so I just want to say thank you for helping me understand what my husband couldn't articulate at the time.
The book club story is beautiful, life affirming, and inspiring. Thank you for sharing
John, stuff like your note at 2:20 about Nerdfighteria not being "public" is what makes helps make Nerdfighteria seem so intimate. DFTBA
A few years ago, an article about my family ran on a local news site. I didn't know the article had been written until it popped up in my LinkedIn feed because some of my former coworkers had seen the article and "liked" it.
I felt strange and unhappy about it because none of us had consented or even known about it. My family are not public figures. The article was very supportive and celebratory, and likewise everyone commenting on it said really nice things. I mention this story because even if the things shared are all good things, as they were in this case, you can feel exposed and protective of your loved ones.
Hey John! I was really young when I first read one of your books - An Abundance of Katherines. I was 12, and new to the Internet, and absolutely thrilled by Vlogbrothers and DFTBA activities.
One time, while watching one of your videos, I saw somebody comment some thing to the effect of “gosh, I just want to come over to your house unannounced and hang out with you guys! “ and you responded, kindly, but firmly, something to the effective “Hello. Do not do this.”
Obviously, I was 12, so brain was still cooking. But that really left an impact on me, because it was the first time I was jolted into realizing that someone whose content I enjoyed online was, himself, a person with a normal desire for privacy. I just so appreciate how much of a hand you and Hank have had in helping me grow up relatively responsibly on the Internet!
I remember this exchange!!
This is a great video about an important topic. I have been job hunting for about a year now, and the pressure to constantly be sharing about my life and my accomplishments and my failures on Linkedin or wherever, all in order to maybe be allowed to give away 1/3rd of my life to a corporation, it truly feels dehumanizing. This is a good reminder that I don't have to post anything, especially if I don't want to. Thank you.
Job hunting is agony, I feel ya
Good luck with the job hunt! I'm rooting for you.
LinkedIn becoming a social media space was the worst.
Why do you want the movie to do well? So the profit will benefit the people who worked hard on it. So the worthwhile things they support will benefit from that. So people will understand themselves more. So people will be entertained for a few hours (you know you're funny). You've fed the content machine with something uplifting and helpful that can only provide benefit, all the way down. It's eerie how much the words about relationships you said in this video benefited me. It brought me to such a realization that is truly life changing. I can't thank you enough. Of course I can't know what the cost will eventually be for you, but to me, the benefit was priceless.
I love that you said we care about each other! ❤️ A lot of people forget that when there long together..
As much as that is vague and intended to be virtually content-free, it is definitely valuable advice.
@@rmdodsonbills exactly. John has a way with words. He should really do something with that talent!
@@JosieThenFarmer Maybe if we all band together we can get him to write some... oh, I don't know... haiku? technical manuals? I'll keep thinking about it.
when I was a teenager, I used to live by 'don't make anything public you wouldn't be ok with future employers seeing', which served me quite well in terms of making moderate and thoughtful choices
now I just tell people in real life and that's all they get of me
I appreciate you sharing yourself because i can sense that you keep what is precious to you private. There is dignity in your sharing and dignity in my listening and thats why i like to listen to you.
Thank you for sharing yourself- and thank you for keeping safe what is precious to you!
I just want to say thank you for writing Turtles All The Way Down and for making it into a movie. I haven’t gotten to read the book yet, but I watched the movie and it is the best representation of ocd I have seen in media. There were several times I cried watching it because I felt so understood. I hope you are doing well :)
It certainly resonated with me, I'm happily married and while it wasn't a new paradigm or lens to view my relationship through, I hope it isn't for anyone who is married, it put into words one of the things I love about my wife so much. You should obviously treat everyone has an equal but with a spouse or committed partner there is no hiding, no pretense, no social rituals to exchange
This is something my mind has been grappling with as well - I am a writer, although young and yet unpublished, and I am still not in the clear with myself whether I want to publish under a pen name, and what parts about me I want to publish. I have written much, some of it so raw that even I myself am very careful to touch it, with thick gloves and quiet hands, and sometimes I want to scream it out into the world: both so I am heard, and so that those like me hear it and realise they're not alone. I want to talk about the pain I survived because I want to make the world brighter and safer for others going through the same. But you are right, there IS a cost. If I tell the world that I am a CPTSD survivor, and why, if I advocate for my people and stand up for kids like I once was, I can not take that back, and people will expect more, will turn their attention to me and ask questions and give remarks and feedback and everything.
I guess part of me wishes that I could give of myself only to those like me, and to those who truly want to learn, and to take myself back when I need to. And that's probably not feasible. But thank you, John, for speaking on the subject - I think, as I get older, I'll weigh the cost with the benefit, and then I'll decide what parts are mine to keep and what parts I want to give to the world.
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As someone who went through this. Pen name. I published under my real name and regretted it. Something about people who knew me and hated me reading my personal stories felt really awful. I pulled the books from publication despite selling over 100+ copies. Do a pen name.
I've never once left a comment on any UA-cam video, but have been watching vlogbrothers since 2011. I felt compelled to say that your story with Sarah did indeed resonate with me on a very deep level. My husband suddenly passed away at 30 years old in March, after 8 years together and 5 months of marriage. I think he would have also been drawn to this idea of "having another contender in the room" -- we always felt like we were in a true "partnership" but often spoke about how the term "partners" never felt deep or emotional enough to really convey the deep sense of symbiosis and alive-ness that your Roth quote does. It very much reminds me of the song "Being Alive" from the musical Company, distilled into a few words. Also, I think we would have been inspired by this video to do our own two-person book club, and I'm honestly surprised that we had never thought to do that before.
Anyway, thank you, John, for helping me find new and beautiful words through which to think of my time with my husband (and for tolerating this very personal comment on your video about getting personal).
I’m so glad the video brought to mind happy memories for you, and I’m so, so sorry for your loss.
May his memory bring blessings
I totally understand this! I started at a very young age being a public speaker about my disability. My field of work now has to do with that disability. I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it is a fine line of what to share publicly and what not to, even though I know that what I have shared has helped people.
Hank Green, "Cancer surviving sock designer". I guess that sums up the last year for him pretty well.
Sounds like a medieval title, lol. "Hank, survivor of cancer and designer of socks"
Your visibility helped me a lot, so did TATWD. As I experience OCD myself you’ve been inspiring me, and I just really appreciate that. Thanks for making it okay for me to feel this way
Love your perspective, it's like a breath of fresh air in a sea of sameness.
I've used that quote from the human strain a lot when someone asks me what partner ship means to me. Thank you for sharing that story as you have because it does mean a lot to me.
I shared a photo of me graduating college in a Discord server yesterday. In the photo, I blocked out my face, but it's still me in front of a recognizable landmark on my college campus. I've met several of the people on the server in-person, and I think of it as a very welcome space, but it still very much dances the line between how much sharing is appropriate. I didn't even get anything out of it except the acknowledgement of some friends and strangers. We as a society still have not figured out what crosses the line in the modern era between public and private, but at least you (the Greens) have made enough of a professional framework to assess how much you are willing to give.
On the note of me graduating college this week, I do also want to take a minute to say thank you. I've been around the community since middle school, and that community has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I can trace at least half of everything I currently do, professionally or just for fun, doing back to my decision to watch my first vlogbrothers video 9 years ago.
Congrats on your graduation!🎉
I think what's most impressive about vlogbrothers is that after all these years, you both still try. You care about the content you make here, and you want it to be at LEAST good, but often fulfilling or helpful or thoughtful. Thank you both.
I don't even have a big platform and I feel this hard. Just being openly Ace invites people to speculate about the nature of my marriage and I don't like the idea of them making assumptions about my husband because of something I said about myself.
Super cool to get a NOCD ad before this video! Yay for a John ad and then a John video!
I am genuinely flattered and touched to be part of a group that John feels safe sharing things with that he would not necessarily want the public public to know. Thank you for trusting us, John ❤️
I’m always so grateful for the pieces you choose to give to us. I may be a consumer in this content machine, but your words and stories mean a great deal to me ❤️ being “in the public eye” is literally a nightmare concept to me and I appreciate all of the sacrifices you make to entertain and inspire us
Important decisions and questions. Yes. I recently told a friend that I really hate the "error" part of "trial and error."
And there are lots of areas of life that are like this - where is the line? You keep trying and doing your best and learning from it all.
I love you so much, John. You don't know me and that's okay. The things that you have shared unto the world have impacted me in so many profound ways. I do pray for the best for you and your family. God bless you
TADWD book tour in 2017 was before my mother was diagnosed w schizoaffective disorder. Reading this book as a teen trying to deal w her own developing mental health issues and her mother’s, I can’t tell you how much it meant. Please know for one girl in South Dakota, finding a signed turtle at a rest stop was enough to show me I wasn’t alone where I was. Isolated, but not alone.
Mr. Adler, thank you ❤️
As someone who has tended to overshare, and who has a somewhat small Twitch channel, but not so small that I don't run into this same feeling, thank you John. I want to think more carefully about what I'm comfortable sharing and giving away of myself in exchange for attention or a broader platform. I know some of the painful things I've shared with my own little community have helped others know they are not alone in their experiences - but I do still feel that desire to keep enough life for myself.
I love how you framed privacy and the personal cost of selling something that relates to your self image... It is so much more than algorythms and security, which already is a lot.
I feel like we are continuously giving part of ourselves. Part of yourself at work for a paycheck. Part of yourself with your friends for acceptance. For me. Every conversation i have a part of myself had been given in exchange
Sharing yourself personally online definitely feels like throwing your own identity to the wolves sometimes. Terminally online people on Twitter will belittle your choices and actions; news agencies will sensationalize and sanitize your experiences. The story you hoped to tell may turn into a different story you have no control over. Thanks for talking about this John, even though it's kinda meta because now I know you have a lot of the same thoughts about this that I do
I love that you had a book club of 2!
Also, I totally respect keeping a chasm between public & private. Having moments like this where you review what was said (and how and to whom) probably is why you’ve successfully kept your privacy. Kudos!
Thank you John (and Hank) for showing me what a truly happy and healthy relationship can be. I've not had a good track record with relationships but hearing and understanding things like mutual generosity, and being another contender in the room with someone, give me hope that I can do better and be happy. Thank you
You are so eloquent, John. I have learned to appreciate holding things back -both in real life and online because as you say, you can’t buy it back. For what it is worth, what you’ve shared about OCD has resonated with me and I thank you for that.
Sharing yourself even with the people in your life opens you up to the possibilities of pain and happiness, but not leave you in limbo. And as someone who lives in limbo out of fear I hope everyone can learn and have healthy boundaries with others and themselves
The benefit *is* higher than the cost! Thank you so much 🙏 for everything but especially talking about your OCD.
Your book did help me understand my daughter better. It also helped open conversations with her about her feelings. Thank you ❤
As someone who also feeds the content machine in some ways, this got me thinking. When I share something, I want to help others. But my own private experience of mental illness, for example, is also important and may need to be protected more.
I have kind of experienced this at a very minuscule level. Whenever I show people my drawings or paintings, I feel like said painting or drawing doesn't belong to me anymore. People have opinions on them, and they share their thoughts, which often make me change my mind on how I feel about my work. I don't blame them. I'm the one who shared my work, and honestly, I enjoy letting other people into my world, but I also hate how my mind isn't strong enough to not be influenced by what other people think of something it created.
these are the ethical quandaries had by a reasonable person within a society in which a market logic is coming to dominate everything. in which everything and anything can be commodified, including people’s personal lives.
I like to do this too when coworkers or acquaintances ask me questions about anything where they clearly want a dramatic juicy or salacious answer. Just make it as PG and banal and wholesome as possible it’s the politest way of taking the wind out of their sails and keeping private what you would like to keep private.
Every time I share on social media (especially pictures, or something tied to my name), I can't help but feel as if I am performing. I am turning my life into a performance, even one that most people don't care about enough to click on. My life feels then like I'm living it to be viewed, and I hate that thought, so I take it down immediately. I don't want to let the machine influence how I live or how I present myself and I feel like it does inherently. I commend anyone who has a good balance of authenticity to sharing. Even just chatting to friends I struggle with it, and I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable enough to share much at all
It's so reassuring that you are so careful and reflective with your sharing and your marriage.
Thank you for always being yourself and being willing to share parts of you with us, it means a lot 💖 especially for those of us who have been following VB for a long time and seeing your journey unfold. You're doing a good job John.
You didn't "give it away." You shared it with us. ❤ Thank you so much for speaking about the content machine because it can gobble you up and spit you out before you even realize it's in the room with you.
I mean, if he feels it as a loss, then it was given away. No need to challenge his perspective.
Thank you for feeding the content machine. Tonight I saw The Mountain Goats live because of your content, your content is impactful in so many wonderful ways.
Again with the brilliant timing Mr Green 😊
I'm exploring new parts of myself through a new connection I made recently and letting friends know about the new parts of myself I'm finding and exploring is scary cause once I've told them the things I can't take them back, I can't unsay them and because they're on social media messages mostly I can't pretend I didn't say them either.
Right now the positive effect for me, my friends and the new connection I've made is worth the cost, but the cost is still there.
Thank you for summarising the thought spiral inside my head so eloquently 😊
You are an educator, John. Share richly and fully of yourself; it is your destiny and your passion. Your wife supports your destiny and your passion. Do not let the fear of monetization or self promotion diminish the truth of your essence. Both can coexist and serve the other to the betterment of all.
Right after the video ended I immediately rewatched it. This resonates deeply with me. Thank you for sharing.
Watching this after John has taken a break really puts the idea of giving of ourselves into prospective.
About getting personal about getting personal about getting personal about getting personal about getting personal about getting personal about getting personal about...
It's personal all the way down!
I sang this to the tune of We’re Here Because.
@@shannonkatherine we made a song together 😆 I love this community
How many layers of getting personal does it take before it stops being personal?
The day these exchanges between John and Hank come to an end will be a sad day indeed. Thanks for the you you’ve shared.
I had a post roll ad after this video that was John taking on a program about his experience with mental health in relation to the movie. It really reinforced the message. Any number of people could get that ad and are given a very intimate view of a person, one that as Nerdfighters who have that view pretty often i think it’s really easy to underestimate that.
Over the last four years, I've often went back to that video when thinking about my own relationships. Makes you think about how much a spokesperson for a coffee company can affect people.
I know you may be feeding the content machine but I got to watch the movie this weekend and it’s perfect. It made me feel all the things the book did years ago and I fell in love with the characters all over again and I cried, again, because of that relatable feeling of “I just don’t want to be in my own head anymore” and the overwhelming feeling of hope despite it all. Thank you for enduring the machine and creating beautiful art that means so much to me
this is something I have been thinking about and talking about in therapy as I have started making art about a painful divorce. The desire to be seen and heard and speak authentically and openly which was something I was not able to do for years, in contrast with my desire to save some pieces for myself. It's all pieces I will never be able to put back into the box, and I have to really think about what pieces I share.
"You know yourself what you are worth in your own eyes; and at what price you will sell yourself. For men sell themselves at various prices." - Epictetus
Hank and John are still making awesome content since Brotherhood 2.0! 🎉
Respecting each other in a marriage is so vitally important. I recently read something that said when one spouse rolls their eyes at something the other spouse says or does, that’s a strong indicator that the relationship will not survive. And I think there is a lot of truth to that. How can a couple stay together if they view each other with contempt? Celebrating our 30th anniversary this summer.
I can tell I'm getting ready to be myself again because I am ready to listen to John's deep reflections again.
Welcome back, excellent Nerdfighter!
I am eternally grateful to both of you for your willingness to share your lives with us. I'd like to believe that the cost of sharing, at least in this case, is an investment in whoever hears what is shared.
I am a 45 yo woman that grew up in Lakeland, Fl. (we are close in age and grew up not far away from each other) Our similarities have been a point of interest for me ever since I found you.
John, You have helped me figure out I have OCD... I was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school. I have a lot of distressing things my brain does and I had always thought that maybe it was just the ADHD or who knows.
I really appreciate how you share your issues with the world, because it has helped me find answers as to why my brain does all *this* to me.
Related, I think that this is one reason why VTubing has helped a lot of otherwise fairly introverted people define an explicit line of the version of themselves that they share with the content machine vs. the things the keep personally. For me, that's always a facet of the Internet since the time of Internet handles & avatars, but it's especially important in the contexts where those lines are less overtly defined between the public & private versions of ourselves.
What does VTubing mean, please?
@@geeksdo1tbetter Essentially it's live streaming that uses face/body tracking to map movements to a digital 2D or 3D avatar rather than broadcasting an actual camera feed (the term originated in Japan with VTuber as a fusion term for "Virtual UA-camr").
It mainly gained a significant foothold with Western audiences & streamers during the pandemic. Any rudimentary animation of the avatar while speaking even if it's not mapped 1:1 from a camera still typically falls under the same category. The only minor differentiation you might see is that just using a static PNG image for the avatar without _any_ animation may fall under the casual term, PNGTubers (because it lacks all of the components of expressiveness or motion from the streamer which are a VERY active part of the Live2D & 3D models) but it's generally all brought under the same umbrella.
It might honestly be worth just Googling the term "VTuber" since there's some technical nuance to it that may be of interest, and it's something that's probably a lot easier to understand by just seeing it.
Thats so very sweet. Thank you for sharing that little bit of your marriage ❤
When in doubt, remember, Keep it Simple. 🥰 You've got it right IMO.
Vulnerability all the way down
I think this is the best explanation for why celebrities keep certain aspects of their lives, relationships, etc. private. I know paparazzi and even some fans view celebrities lives NOT being private as sort of a payment for fame, and for certain types of celebrities, I somewhat agree with that, but my hope would be that granted this insight, everyone (probably too much to ask for paparazzi) would understand boundaries a little better.
Thanks to you and your brother for all y'all share. Thanks for allowing us into your lives a bit so we don't feel as alone, and so y'all can sell socks for a great cause... and thanks also for modeling the respect you show for your families.
John, you seem worried in this video. I hope you are okay. The pieces of yourself you have shared with the world have done unmeasurable good. I hope the price hasn't been too high for you. I have been able to share clips of the TATWD movie with friends and family to show them a little piece of myself in a way I couldn't do before the movie. It has been a huge help to me - I am one of those people who have benefited from you sharing yourself with the world. I wish there were a way I could give back.
I would argue that telling and sharing our stories gives them weight and meaning. The human experience is a shared experience and our stories are what allows that to happen. I feel as though the commodification of those stories is a separate, and real, issue.
But another way of framing that experience, one that I think speaks more to the human elements:
You were asked by a person what the secret to a successful partnership was and you shared a story that contained the advice you would give and were given. You are a story teller, and a remarkably generous one
I think we are all at risk of allowing the fact that our humanness is monetisable convice us that is it's only value.
Keep telling stories, you are helping, as everyone to is brave enough to share their stories is helping. Thank you all
I respect your privacy so much. You guys are truly some of the best role models on this platform
John, I know that you would say I'm just a guy talking about things, but thank you, as always, for your wisdom and for your willingness to pay that price to help others.
Your vulnerability helped me find the courage to ask for help and finally get a diagnosis that opens up new, hopefully more helpful therapy options. Thanks for doing the hard things.
John, you just can’t help by have incredibly clever and touching ends to your monologues 😅. Thanks for helping make and promote the movie. It was difficult for me to watch (his often do people with OCD get to see a visual representation of their brains on TV?) but I’m going to make sure everyone in my life that matters watches it, so they can better understand me and better understand OCD in general. ❤
This is why I use Instagram and UA-cam "passively" as I like to call it. I follow other people (both friends and content creators), I like posts, occasionally I'll comment on one. But I don't post anything myself. Personally this is how I feel comfortable right now. Which might change over time, who knows.
I like when public figures keep clear boundaries and make it obvious what they will/won’t share. It makes it feel like we’re /both/ conscious participants in the parasocial relationship. I like the knowledge that it’s something the person has thought about - sometimes when a person seems to/tries to give the impression that they are sharing all of themselves/their lives with their audience, I can feel as an audience member that I am sometimes unwittingly intruding into something. I find this especially true for public figures who share unredacted photos and more-than-basic information about their kids, because I feel that I am intruding on that child’s right to privacy and agency. Personally, as someone who is not a public figure but is on the internet and is aware of its unpredictable nature, you have truly made me aware of the joy and peace of deleting things. I love it. But there are things I will never share online, and I think being able to consider what you do and don’t want to share, and being able to resist peer pressure, is an important part of being ready to engage with any part of the back-and-forth of the social internet. Good to see you back, John :)
peer pressure! that's a great frame
I speed John videos up to x1.5 speed, and somehow seems even more authenticly frantic
Thank you for sharing g and sharing. Please feel free to stop or continue at your comfort level.
Thank you for creating Nerdfighteria!! I also watched your new movie and loved it.
It took me 20+ minutes to finish this5 minute video because i kept on having to pause and think about that quote and applying it to my own relationship. Thank you John for always challenging me to re-examine things I think I already know.
As me and my good friend like to say, everything in life is all about balance. The question you bring up about how much should be kept private vs. how much should be given away is some good food for thought. Thank you.