I have a family member who is a chronic alcoholic and now due to his violent domestic marriage. He’s in jail. He and his wife are violent now he’s in jail with a bail of $3000.00 cash in order to get out. He claims that he has $1000.00 cash and $2500 in credit card spending. We live in different states. He has asked me for the money and if he goes to his obligations of courts the money will be returned. The only time I’m contacted is only in crisis. I’m not sure who spoke of me possibly having money but it seems like this is a big “quick fix” bail out if I help him. The bail also goes over some daily spending limits of min. Trying to figure this hour has caused me great anxiety and heart palpitations (literally) He’s not been supportive of me in my great times of need. I would hate fo him to loose his job but I also don’t want to me the “fix it” person as these situations/crisis I was supportive before (excluding bail fees). I really don’t have it to spare but knowing I can get it back is promising. I just don’t real trust his alcoholism will be a factor. He was already out of jail to complete his alcohol testing. I’m so worried cause I don’t want to be selfish but I also do want to be the problem solver when his situations are preventable. I have a family to support and he has no children to car for.
if a family member or adult child wants to move back in with you, start a business and make that person run it. As long as the business makes money they can stay in your house.
I quit helping my family cause they refuse to change their spending habits. I helped my brother get a car payment up to date cause he fell behind by a couple of months, so that was $750.00 and then insurance was $240.00. What does he do? BUY LOTTO TICKETS INSTEAD OF PAYING US BACK. He lived in our house, let his cat poop in his room, made a mess so bad in our spare room, it took me a few days to even get it clean! He ended up still homeless to this day--leaving his cat behind, which if he don't claim it in another month, it goes to another home. My sister is in that same boat. One bad decision after another. My DAD thinks I am following suit, and I am NOT. I have not been homeless in over 8 years now, and have paid down my debts from $48K to just under 20K due to having only a part time job cause nobody wanted to hire a disabled Vet. I have had a roof over my head for those 8 years, I have a car that runs and gets me to work, which I started this job in August--and I have food in my pantry and frig, which makes it really nice NOT to have to ask for anything. God has blessed me quite well. But getting my Dad and other relatives to see this is like getting them to notice a mite on a brick wall. So I stopped calling them, I stopped helping them, and I walked away from their relationship. As Dave says--I am doing better than I deserve. I plan on being paid off and debt free as of October 2020 to include all car loans, credit debts, student loans, and even my husbands debts. By Oct 2023 I will have money saved to buy a house, have investments for retirement, and kids will be OUT of college by that time anyway. So living is looking real good right now, Lord willing. I told my kids I am done saying we are broke. I know when I started this budget thing, it was getting so tight, you could hear the pennies screaming for mercy. When all is said and done, I will be the FIRST MILLIONAIRE in my family and loving every moment of it. You cannot help family if you are still sinking in debt yourself!
The one word that comes to mind with many of these calls is: Enabling. You are harming someone when you simply offer a bail out, especially if there is no indication the person is willing to modify their negative behaviors.
I’m so beyond appalled and embarrassed how much money my father gave me, or paid my bills as an adult. I love him more than anything for his help but it’s truly embarrassing to think about my behavior in my 20’s and even 30’s. 😢 I couldn’t imagine having to support a financially irresponsible parent. Yikes.
Jennifer sounds like a stupid little girl in denial. She says her mother is a money screwup and won't change habits. This mother is the one who stole not her so who cares? Dave is wrong here. There's no reason to help her with money or preach to her . She needs to go to jail. No matching funds,no emergency money.
Dave - someday I want to give the crash course in senior survival. You can’t wait till “I’m retiring next month with no money”. Start about five years before retirement. I’m 77, live alone, had no opportunity for a pension since I ended up raising the kids alone. At 60, I got my name on every subsidized senior housing development. Kids are grown so every cent went to debt. Sell everything because you are scaling down. I have a beautiful garden apartment. $350 rent and utilities. No debt, 5 months emergency funds, car is paid off and my credit score is 822. My social security is $1557 net. I don’t qualify for food stamps or Medicaid. I’ve forgotten what a restaurant looks like and other than birthday and Christmas gifts for the grandchildren, spend nothing extra. But I’ve never asked my kids for anything nor expect it, but I want to yell at people “PLAN AHEAD “!!
I wouldn't tell future seniors to count on social security; I would consider that a bonus. The government/social scam is collapsing very quickly; people my age will certainly NOT have social security when I reach that stage, as most countries do not. Social security is something only a few generations got to enjoy, because they levied the futures of their children/grandchildren to get it. It's come due, now..... so I'm glad you're enjoying it. Your kids kids paid for it.
Dave is just too sweet to some people. I help someone out financially for 8 years and then I learn she lost her job due to theft, I'd be done right then. Then again, I doubt I'd be helping for 8 years unless she was disabled or something.
No Dave isn't sweet,he a weak SIMPing apologist for women in general. Jennifer is being a doormat here for wanting to ENABLE A THIEF, A SPONGE as well as a financial incompetent. The fact she gave her thief mother money for 8 years is part of the problem. Her mother needs to do jail time,pay restitution,learn some money skills and get a job. Jennifer shouldn't give this woman a dime. Letting her struggle will teach her how to be an independent adult in society,not a thieving beggar bum.
We lent our sister in law money, as she couldn’t pay the kids school fees. It was a years worth of fees. We asked her how she would Pay it back - and she agreed to 6 smalller payments each month (paid in 6 months)... then she didn’t pay a cent for 6 months, and saw they went on 3 small getaway breaks, bought tickets to an international show/singer, went out to restaurants. But when we asked what was happening with the agreement and payment - she said she’ll “try” start paying us back. Her problem is that she’s entitled and no one in her life makes her pay them back (mom and dad keep giving her money, she moved back home) - and she’s 44 next month
When she ask for him with school fee next year, tell her no. She should be saving up for next year’s school fee instead of taking trip s and eating out. Do not let her guilt trip you into giving it to her.
Family tend to take advantage of you and 8 out of 10 times they WILL NOT PAY YOU BACK. Why? Bc they don't feel like they have to...and the longer you let it go without asking the money back to more and more they see it as a "gift". I gave my dad $1,200 with the intent of getting it back (he's a doctor) and after 2 years of not saying anything I finally started asking for it back. It took another year of finally asking for it back and finally 3 solid months of aggressive asking to FINALLY have him start paying some of it back. I got the last of it back after another round of yelling. Needless to say I will not be loaning him any money ever again.
1200 to your dad? They probably thought it was a gift. My mom asked for way more skin care costing 2-3k each year before she passed away and my father got gift too. They paid for my schools and I never had student loan so the least I can do is buy them gift. But Never lend money to family only gift. If you can't gift then don't give, common sense 101
I would never urge my dad or mum to pay me back! Never, ever. They gave you birth and provided for you during all these years without ever asking you to pay it back.
I gave my dad almost half of my pay check and always bought the family food in college. When I finally asked and challenged dad, he said that he was getting out of debt and needed my help to even have a roof over our head. Things got real really quick, but now dad owns his own business. We do not give each other money anymore because it ruined our relationship. Money between families just makes family problems worse. My story is different though. My dad and I worked a lot of things out and just agreed to put any money grudges behind us and never give each other money again. Instead, when we go on vacation and stuff, I put in money and split the cost with my dad. We are not capable of going any way but dutch. We share money and split the cost of food when I go over to his place for a barbecue. My father no longer gives money to family either. He got a 20k loan from my aunt to start his business, but my aunt sort of said the loan was a gift. I am going to do the same thing with my son in the future.
Sadly, my wife and I are not on the same page with money. I have quit enabling her spending problem. Her disability check(not handicapped) which is $700 is gone within 7 days. We average 3-4 packages a week showing up to the house but her car is always needing gas and she can never help pay for anything. Financial misbehavior comes in all shapes and sizes.
I say that, but they act like they don't believe me and continue pleading their case. Then it gets to the point where I start to get sarcy and say something like "sure, let me pull it out of my butt for you or pick a few leaves off the money tree I have growing in the garden"
No. That's a complete sentence. Anyone who doesn't like that answer or won't take no for an answer is not someone you want to give money to in the first place
Trying to get my spouse to see this wooh you said a mouth ful. He’s the giver of the family and I had to bring him all the way back to reality when we married and I desperately want us to move away because his folks have a unhealthy dependency on each other smh
This was extremely helpful to me, I am going through a similar situation and its extremely difficult to know exactly how to handle it or even how to feel about it... thanks Dave!
I truly think every son and or daughter deserves to have keep their own money to have it for the family they will create. I could never as healthy and self-awared man ask my children for monetary help and here they are looking to me as their role model. That is why i sacrafrice and prepare for not just today but tomorrow so i would not be in these situations. If anything i want to pass my wealth forward and teach them how to maintain rather them pass it backwards.
I’m almost 50 and disabled. My dad helps me. I feel horribly guilty about it. My dad is so kind and hardworking. I should be the one doing things for him. And I do, when I am able. He knows I would be working if I could. I had my son at 18, busted my butt to get through college (with honors,) built a successful career, and sent my son to private school, all while raising him alone. Then my health tanked. If it weren’t for my dad, I don’t know what I would do.
What I would do: I would make mom sell everything possible, including the car. Have her move to the cheapest apartment available on a bus route. IF she is willing to do this, then I would give her a grocery card. NO CASH! This woman has been irresponsible w/ money for at least the last 8 years, and daughter has put up with it. Daughter needs to get tough.
Me too. Our family is fantastic. We help each other and noone takes advantage of anyone and everyone is there for each other . I feel for the people who do not have family .
Never a good idea to ever give money to someone. If they have rent or car payments due and you want to help, pay the landlord or the finance company directly. My bet is that you will learn their were asking for more than they owe. They wanted you to pay rent plus 300 for their pocket. They will ask why you don’t trust them.
honestly i really dont understand that mindset.. how can you feel entitled to take a family member's money? even with my parents growing up, i never expected money from them. makes me feel sick
@@nathanmcdaniel2557 Nathan I can relate. My dad asks me for money every month. I have become a bank. I have my own financial responsibilities and it is just too much. Im watching these videos now to get some advice on how to respond to the latest request.
My girlfriends sister is a crackhead, and has been asking her family for money forever and she is 38 years old..... still asking mom and dad and sisters for money..... she will never stop and we have just cut her off completely.... had to
Judgment Proof What would say to a relative who asks his grandmother for money when he can't pay bills? His girlfriend does same thing with her own mom. They have kids by the way.
TWDxKILL3R, Has anyone tried to get her to rehab at least one time? Its what she needs. She could also use God. He helps free peeps from addictions. Money just enables. Bad for both parties.
That is very good what you said regarding financing things I do t believe in. In my case, financing my grown grandchildren while they sleep around & make babies & try to manipulate me into giving to them when they know they way they are living in sin is completely against everything I believe & they know it & disregard my feeling for their lifestyle & keep sticking their hand out. 🤦♀️💔
Karylee Edvalson most jails charge inmates a daily fee and any court fines attached. As well with what they feed you having no money in prison is just like having no money on the street. You always need money wherever you are
My parents is not perfect like they hate saving and never have any expenses bookeeping, but they always keep promises to pay their debt. In Indonesia there are a sentences " when your relatives borrow your money, they won't ever giving your money back" . sadly for 90% people in here this is so true.
If they don't feel like they should ever have to pay you back, do *not* lend them money. That's how I like to think about it. I'd only ever help someone that acknowledges the money I gave them was never theirs.
Mother in law gets money from them. How pathetic. Role reversal. So much for being the example and demonstrating values etc to her son and daughter in law. She will just keep sucking more from them, not appreciate it and feel entitled to it. Wow. Feel for the family.
Fully agree. You work for 40+ years and dont have the dignity to save to be able to look after yourself. Instead you "expect" your kids and grandkids to look after you. " a good man leaves an inheritance to his childrens children", it is not supposed to be the other way round
Have been in a similar situation.. offered to pay for accom, meals & transport to/from work. That wasn’t good enough, she wanted the cash. I’m sorry, I don’t fund anyone’s bad habits but if they are genuinely stuck then they’d accept genuine help.
Dave what are your thoughts of talking to your family members about the dangers of loaning each money long before the opportunity ever arises so that the question doesn't even come up in the first place?
Not really necessary. You're very sorry, but you don't have the money. Of course it helps if you have a low- key lifestyle. You can't really say that if you live a flashy lifestyle.
Bad parents probably came from bad parents and it usually takes strength of character to break the cycle and do better for future generations. The mom didn’t have the strength of character to identify unhealthy behaviour and change but the daughter has so she should be sympathetic to her mom as a human but she doesn’t owe her anything cause she didn’t ask to be born.
She can go to welfare and apply for Public Assistance .. she'll get food stamps, insurance, bus tokens ,JOB COUNSELING . Mom needs to at least show the courts she's got a job... BEFORE CONVICTED .
I have a cousin who asked me for money 3 times already and she has 2 huge houses and just ask me for 300 dollars to fix her car, problem is I already said yes and I don't want to give her that money because she doesn't like to pay back
Judgment Proof no one is wondering where she got the 1500 from. The entire call was based off her stealing 1500 from her employer. Guess you didn't listen.
Yeah, my mother hasn’t been arrested but, I see bad financial behavior and I’m willing to let ember lose her home, if need be because I think that the way she sees it, I wouldn’t let her lose her home because I was to inherit it. But, the reality is that she’s decided to make me wait, while she lets my sister move into the other home my sister is to inherit, after my sister has mostly been absent for decades. The logistics are that I don’t expect my mother to move to convenience me, but I know what she’s doing... I would have “0” problem telling her to move in with my sister or to get an apartment. She’s been destroying the home from the inside out for years now anyway.
I am going through this with 2 friends and I honestly feel like I can’t breathe. One I haven’t spoken to in 2 years and out of no where she calls to see how I’m doing and a week later I emptied out half of my emergency fund to help her and the 3 kids. The other one I haven’t seen or spoken to in a year and a bit and she always needs $40 for gas and food. They both make more money than I do and I have to figure out how to release them both from my life without being mean. Any suggestions...?🙄
Distance yourself from them. Stop taking their calls. They are not adding value to your life, so let them go. I had a friend I went to High School with reached out after almost 20 years to ask for money to buy food. Her husband refused to work and she was the only one working. I sent her the money. Then 2 months later she asked for money again, I told her no. Some years pass and I got another message from her saying her father passed away and she needed money to help with funeral expenses. I sent her money out of the goodness of my heart. I haven’t heard from her and it’s been 3 years. I am not responsible for her bad decisions, nor should I feel guilty about my success. It’s not my job to take care of her
Start with, "I'm so sorry, I wish I could help, but I'm having trouble covering my basics." Don't explain it. Don't elaborate, just keep repeating that. Because you know what? If they make more than you then it's true. Giving them money is a luxury you can't afford.
Set boundaries for yourself and remind them of what you let them borrow and how much it was. Let them know of the sacrifice you made for them of love and friendship for them. Now, you money is tight for you and you're happy that you were able to help them when they most needed it. Now, you are in need and are happy they are earning more than you now. You are not trying to ruin your friendship, but you'll really appreciate their financial support to receive your payment back of what they owe you. It will help you get back on track financially and help keep the friendship that you showed them. Now it's their turn to show their friendship back towards you by paying you back your money that you need now. You definitely are not trying to ruin a friendship over money that would be so sad, but if it comes to that, then it won't be from your end. You did your part to kindly remind them and ask them when they will be able to pay you back the money you did your best to help them out with.
Yeah, it's gonna sound like a country song with that family. Supposed to have gone to court in December. Bet that's gonna be a Christmas to remember, especially if Mom gets convicted. Hope there are no grandkids to be affected by this.
I have a family member who is a chronic alcoholic and now due to his violent domestic marriage. He’s in jail. He and his wife are violent now he’s in jail with a bail of $3000.00 cash in order to get out. He claims that he has $1000.00 cash and $2500 in credit card spending. We live in different states. He has asked me for the money and if he goes to his obligations of courts the money will be returned. The only time I’m contacted is only in crisis. I’m not sure who spoke of me possibly having money but it seems like this is a big “quick fix” bail out if I help him. The bail also goes over some daily spending limits of min. Trying to figure this hour has caused me great anxiety and heart palpitations (literally) He’s not been supportive of me in my great times of need. I would hate fo him to loose his job but I also don’t want to me the “fix it” person as these situations/crisis I was supportive before (excluding bail fees). I really don’t have it to spare but knowing I can get it back is promising. I just don’t real trust his alcoholism will be a factor. He was already out of jail to complete his alcohol testing. I’m so worried cause I don’t want to be selfish but I also do want to be the problem solver when his situations are preventable.
you sound like you have a big heart. Do not fund his problems. You said he never contacts you otherwise. I think he sees you as his money train. Change that notion now, for your own sanity. Let him put on his own big boy pants.
AngieMusicArt Tough love is hard, and seems cruel, but is needful. It is loving to allow a person to experience the consequences of their actions, especially when the actions have been repeated & they are not learning. You must love them enough to let them hate you for a while.
I think church is the best thing. people have to realize that (believe in god or not) the cost of sin is death. and if you continue to sin nothing you do will fix the mistake. you can enjoy a simple poor life but sin will always lead to death. now if you repent and actually repent, there is hope. but you have to accept your shortcomings and carry your cross daily.
Very few ppl can give birth to u. I'm with ramsey, she needs to change. But the daughter sure has had difficult times too. I'd stick with my mother thru thick and thin.♡♡♡♡
I’d stick with her until she gives me reasons she doesn’t want to change. Children have to stopped being forced to stick around with unhealthy family dynamics and users just because it’s family
Not a good idea to hurt your own finances to aid a thief. . Don't let a known thief move in. . Her mom created her own problems. She'd not going to need to pay rent soon. She'd going to get a stay in the grey bar hotel.
You can’t just throw money at people who will not change. There’s not enough money on the planet to help them and you’re not helping them. You’re participating in their insanity. You’re not helping them get dignity. You’re not helping them have a future. Thanks 🙌
My boyfriend's brother in law has been leeching him off every week he asks for 500$ and cause of it my boyfriend stays in alot of stress and the thing is he never pays him back.. he feels entitled to his income. There's a point of helping somebody but this is just too much. And my boyfriend says if i don't pay him i feel like he's gonna treat my sister wrong and it's just too much headache. Idk any solution.
I hate to say this. I know people fall on hard times. I had that happen to me with one of my siblings. She has asked me for money time and time again and usually it is not what she says it for. Be careful. Most of the time it is a ploy to guilt trip you to give them money.
2:13 "She admitted it to the police. So hopefully, that will help her somehow." How does handing the prosecutor a slam dunk case help her out? I would think a plea deal is off the table at this point as she's already practically plead guilty... I don't understand why people think that talking to the police is helpful when they are under investigation for a crime. "Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." Nowhere in your Miranda rights does it say that speaking to the police will HELP you... It doesn't say "anything you say can be used against you... Or maybe help you? You'd better just keep talking and we'll figure that part out later. I'm sure it will work out."
Depending on the type of crime It’s much better to admit to a crime than take it to court. In a situation like this they KNOW she stole the money so she did the right thing by admitting it.
I would tell your mother to go to the welfare dept. They are obligated to help her find a job.The day she goes they will give her cash aid, medical insur. and food stamps. If she can't get a job when she goes on interviews, she still keeps cash aid, medical, and food stamps until she gets a job. Also tell them that you are only loaning her the money because if you say you gave it to her, they may not give her all the benefits right away.
Unless you have a child under 5 there is no medical or cash aid. If she has NO income they'll give her about 150 in food stamps and possibly 70$ a month for 2 months. Welfare was done away with by Clinton years ago. You're on your own now unless you have kids.
no, stop giving her money. She's an adult. She's your mother wouldn't poor example she's showing for her children. She needs to make her own own way in life.
Whatever you do.....DON'T let your unemployed family move in with you!
I have a family member who is a chronic alcoholic and now due to his violent domestic marriage. He’s in jail. He and his wife are violent now he’s in jail with a bail of $3000.00 cash in order to get out. He claims that he has $1000.00 cash and $2500 in credit card spending. We live in different states. He has asked me for the money and if he goes to his obligations of courts the money will be returned. The only time I’m contacted is only in crisis. I’m not sure who spoke of me possibly having money but it seems like this is a big “quick fix” bail out if I help him. The bail also goes over some daily spending limits of min. Trying to figure this hour has caused me great anxiety and heart palpitations (literally) He’s not been supportive of me in my great times of need. I would hate fo him to loose his job but I also don’t want to me the “fix it” person as these situations/crisis I was supportive before (excluding bail fees). I really don’t have it to spare but knowing I can get it back is promising. I just don’t real trust his alcoholism will be a factor. He was already out of jail to complete his alcohol testing. I’m so worried cause I don’t want to be selfish but I also do want to be the problem solver when his situations are preventable. I have a family to support and he has no children to car for.
if a family member or adult child wants to move back in with you, start a business and make that person run it. As long as the business makes money they can stay in your house.
@@AngieMusicArt DO NOT DO IT! Don't feel guilty. You are not responsible for his actions. God bless you.
@@ShiaGirl18 yup
@@AngieMusicArt can we get an update. did u bail him out
Wow. It really makes me appreciate my parents.
I quit helping my family cause they refuse to change their spending habits. I helped my brother get a car payment up to date cause he fell behind by a couple of months, so that was $750.00 and then insurance was $240.00. What does he do? BUY LOTTO TICKETS INSTEAD OF PAYING US BACK. He lived in our house, let his cat poop in his room, made a mess so bad in our spare room, it took me a few days to even get it clean! He ended up still homeless to this day--leaving his cat behind, which if he don't claim it in another month, it goes to another home. My sister is in that same boat. One bad decision after another. My DAD thinks I am following suit, and I am NOT. I have not been homeless in over 8 years now, and have paid down my debts from $48K to just under 20K due to having only a part time job cause nobody wanted to hire a disabled Vet. I have had a roof over my head for those 8 years, I have a car that runs and gets me to work, which I started this job in August--and I have food in my pantry and frig, which makes it really nice NOT to have to ask for anything. God has blessed me quite well. But getting my Dad and other relatives to see this is like getting them to notice a mite on a brick wall. So I stopped calling them, I stopped helping them, and I walked away from their relationship. As Dave says--I am doing better than I deserve. I plan on being paid off and debt free as of October 2020 to include all car loans, credit debts, student loans, and even my husbands debts. By Oct 2023 I will have money saved to buy a house, have investments for retirement, and kids will be OUT of college by that time anyway. So living is looking real good right now, Lord willing. I told my kids I am done saying we are broke. I know when I started this budget thing, it was getting so tight, you could hear the pennies screaming for mercy. When all is said and done, I will be the FIRST MILLIONAIRE in my family and loving every moment of it. You cannot help family if you are still sinking in debt yourself!
i guess they teach you that in the military: Eyes forward heads up
Keep it going, there will be rainy days or monsoons but you will be prepared.
@@mappy-5934 Nope, military don't teach you anything about money, contracts, or anything money related.
@@deborahelliott8460 it was more of an analogy. Attention= head up eyes forward??
Don't let family move in because they never move out!
Good job...keep at it you got it.
Thank you Dave, for your sound wisdom on this tough issue.
The one word that comes to mind with many of these calls is: Enabling. You are harming someone when you simply offer a bail out, especially if there is no indication the person is willing to modify their negative behaviors.
Yes! Absolutely!
So true
I’m so beyond appalled and embarrassed how much money my father gave me, or paid my bills as an adult.
I love him more than anything for his help but it’s truly embarrassing to think about my behavior in my 20’s and even 30’s. 😢
I couldn’t imagine having to support a financially irresponsible parent. Yikes.
Jennifer sounds like a stupid little girl in denial. She says her mother is a money screwup and won't change habits. This mother is the one who stole not her so who cares? Dave is wrong here. There's no reason to help her with money or preach to her . She needs to go to jail. No matching funds,no emergency money.
Dave - someday I want to give the crash course in senior survival. You can’t wait till “I’m retiring next month with no money”. Start about five years before retirement. I’m 77, live alone, had no opportunity for a pension since I ended up raising the kids alone. At 60, I got my name on every subsidized senior housing development. Kids are grown so every cent went to debt. Sell everything because you are scaling down. I have a beautiful garden apartment. $350 rent and utilities. No debt, 5 months emergency funds, car is paid off and my credit score is 822. My social security is $1557 net. I don’t qualify for food stamps or Medicaid. I’ve forgotten what a restaurant looks like and other than birthday and Christmas gifts for the grandchildren, spend nothing extra. But I’ve never asked my kids for anything nor expect it, but I want to yell at people “PLAN AHEAD “!!
I wouldn't tell future seniors to count on social security; I would consider that a bonus. The government/social scam is collapsing very quickly; people my age will certainly NOT have social security when I reach that stage, as most countries do not. Social security is something only a few generations got to enjoy, because they levied the futures of their children/grandchildren to get it. It's come due, now..... so I'm glad you're enjoying it. Your kids kids paid for it.
Dave is just too sweet to some people. I help someone out financially for 8 years and then I learn she lost her job due to theft, I'd be done right then. Then again, I doubt I'd be helping for 8 years unless she was disabled or something.
No Dave isn't sweet,he a weak SIMPing apologist for women in general. Jennifer is being a doormat here for wanting to ENABLE A THIEF, A SPONGE as well as a financial incompetent. The fact she gave her thief mother money for 8 years is part of the problem. Her mother needs to do jail time,pay restitution,learn some money skills and get a job. Jennifer shouldn't give this woman a dime. Letting her struggle will teach her how to be an independent adult in society,not a thieving beggar bum.
What a stupid decision, steal $1,500 which ended up costing you over 10 or 20 times more that, stupid just stupid!
We lent our sister in law money, as she couldn’t pay the kids school fees. It was a years worth of fees. We asked her how she would
Pay it back - and she agreed to 6 smalller payments each month (paid in 6 months)... then she didn’t pay a cent for 6 months, and saw they went on 3 small getaway breaks, bought tickets to an international show/singer, went out to restaurants.
But when we asked what was happening with the agreement and payment - she said she’ll “try” start paying us back.
Her problem is that she’s entitled and no one in her life makes her pay them back (mom and dad keep giving her money, she moved back home) - and she’s 44 next month
When she ask for him with school fee next year, tell her no. She should be saving up for next year’s school fee instead of taking trip s and eating out. Do not let her guilt trip you into giving it to her.
Family tend to take advantage of you and 8 out of 10 times they WILL NOT PAY YOU BACK. Why? Bc they don't feel like they have to...and the longer you let it go without asking the money back to more and more they see it as a "gift". I gave my dad $1,200 with the intent of getting it back (he's a doctor) and after 2 years of not saying anything I finally started asking for it back.
It took another year of finally asking for it back and finally 3 solid months of aggressive asking to FINALLY have him start paying some of it back. I got the last of it back after another round of yelling. Needless to say I will not be loaning him any money ever again.
This is why I never loan out more money than I'm prepared to NEVER get back.
1200 to your dad? They probably thought it was a gift. My mom asked for way more skin care costing 2-3k each year before she passed away and my father got gift too. They paid for my schools and I never had student loan so the least I can do is buy them gift. But Never lend money to family only gift. If you can't gift then don't give, common sense 101
LoOoL Very true. I dont loan money to my parents or siblings. I gift it. If I dont have it I just say "sorry I cant right now"
I would never urge my dad or mum to pay me back! Never, ever. They gave you birth and provided for you during all these years without ever asking you to pay it back.
I gave my dad almost half of my pay check and always bought the family food in college. When I finally asked and challenged dad, he said that he was getting out of debt and needed my help to even have a roof over our head. Things got real really quick, but now dad owns his own business. We do not give each other money anymore because it ruined our relationship. Money between families just makes family problems worse. My story is different though. My dad and I worked a lot of things out and just agreed to put any money grudges behind us and never give each other money again. Instead, when we go on vacation and stuff, I put in money and split the cost with my dad. We are not capable of going any way but dutch. We share money and split the cost of food when I go over to his place for a barbecue. My father no longer gives money to family either. He got a 20k loan from my aunt to start his business, but my aunt sort of said the loan was a gift. I am going to do the same thing with my son in the future.
Sadly, my wife and I are not on the same page with money. I have quit enabling her spending problem. Her disability check(not handicapped) which is $700 is gone within 7 days. We average 3-4 packages a week showing up to the house but her car is always needing gas and she can never help pay for anything. Financial misbehavior comes in all shapes and sizes.
I highly agree with Dave on this. Help her to help herself, if she's willing, but she must perform, not just play victimhood!
At least her mother raised a wonderful daughter, so she must have done something right.
Tell friends and family asking for money this, "Sorry to hear that. If I had the money I would give it to you, I just don't have it."
I need to use this because I'm sick and tired helping everyone else and no one would help me if I ever need it.
Gonna use this thank you
I say that, but they act like they don't believe me and continue pleading their case. Then it gets to the point where I start to get sarcy and say something like "sure, let me pull it out of my butt for you or pick a few leaves off the money tree I have growing in the garden"
No.
That's a complete sentence. Anyone who doesn't like that answer or won't take no for an answer is not someone you want to give money to in the first place
This is why families are best separated by distance and only visits on holidays etc.
Agree 100%
Indeed!
Totally agree.
Trying to get my spouse to see this wooh you said a mouth ful. He’s the giver of the family and I had to bring him all the way back to reality when we married and I desperately want us to move away because his folks have a unhealthy dependency on each other smh
"There's not enough money in the planet to help her." Exactly. She has to change her behavior and attitude first.
This was extremely helpful to me, I am going through a similar situation and its extremely difficult to know exactly how to handle it or even how to feel about it... thanks Dave!
Lisa Galindo God bless you, I’m sure it’s very difficult! Am praying for you that things will get better soon.
Same here Lisa I have been dealing with it for years and it is just never enough.
@@juliedurden5237 thank you so much!!
@@robo5391 I understand and hope things get better for you!!
I truly think every son and or daughter deserves to have keep their own money to have it for the family they will create. I could never as healthy and self-awared man ask my children for monetary help and here they are looking to me as their role model. That is why i sacrafrice and prepare for not just today but tomorrow so i would not be in these situations. If anything i want to pass my wealth forward and teach them how to maintain rather them pass it backwards.
I’m almost 50 and disabled. My dad helps me.
I feel horribly guilty about it. My dad is so kind and hardworking. I should be the one doing things for him. And I do, when I am able.
He knows I would be working if I could.
I had my son at 18, busted my butt to get through college (with honors,) built a successful career, and sent my son to private school, all while raising him alone.
Then my health tanked. If it weren’t for my dad, I don’t know what I would do.
What I would do: I would make mom sell everything possible, including the car. Have her move to the cheapest apartment available on a bus route.
IF she is willing to do this, then I would give her a grocery card. NO CASH! This woman has been irresponsible w/ money for at least the last 8 years, and daughter has put up with it. Daughter needs to get tough.
My family is far from perfect, but these stories are crazy. I'm glad to have at least a decent family. Thank goodness....
Me too. Our family is fantastic. We help each other and noone takes advantage of anyone and everyone is there for each other . I feel for the people who do not have family .
Then why are you on here. 🤔. Lier
I think that this Woman's Mother is irresponsible and selfish! Keeps making the same bad choices over and over again! Need boundaries here!
Don’t do it. EVER. You do it once, they’ll expect it in perpetuity. “You did it before, why not nooooow?!”
Omg so true
Never a good idea to ever give money to someone. If they have rent or car payments due and you want to help, pay the landlord or the finance company directly. My bet is that you will learn their were asking for more than they owe. They wanted you to pay rent plus 300 for their pocket. They will ask why you don’t trust them.
1000
Help a friend out before you help any family member cause a family member will burn you deeper longer and harder than any friend will
honestly i really dont understand that mindset.. how can you feel entitled to take a family member's money? even with my parents growing up, i never expected money from them. makes me feel sick
My family keeps asking me for money. I’m getting sick of being their bank
Just say no
Easy to say, they make me feel guilty and call me greedy if I don't lend them money.
@@nathanmcdaniel2557 Nathan I can relate. My dad asks me for money every month. I have become a bank. I have my own financial responsibilities and it is just too much. Im watching these videos now to get some advice on how to respond to the latest request.
@@Eveningbreeze721 the leeches keep asking till u make it clear u wont be a fool of a welfare check for them any longer
@@Eveningbreeze721 Just say no otherwise they will think they can ask you all the time
My girlfriends sister is a crackhead, and has been asking her family for money forever and she is 38 years old..... still asking mom and dad and sisters for money..... she will never stop and we have just cut her off completely.... had to
Judgment Proof What would say to a relative who asks his grandmother for money when he can't pay bills? His girlfriend does same thing with her own mom. They have kids by the way.
TWDxKILL3R, Has anyone tried to get her to rehab at least one time? Its what she needs. She could also use God. He helps free peeps from addictions. Money just enables. Bad for both parties.
Your girlfriends sister should hook up with my brother. He is a 48 year old low life in same boat.
she get better?
That is very good what you said regarding financing things I do t believe in. In my case, financing my grown grandchildren while they sleep around & make babies & try to manipulate me into giving to them when they know they way they are living in sin is completely against everything I believe & they know it & disregard my feeling for their lifestyle & keep sticking their hand out. 🤦♀️💔
Well in jail she won't need any money. She will have roof and meals.
Yup, rent, water and lights are taken care of. Won't have to worry about running out of food. Gas for the car -- what car?
Karylee Edvalson .... and free cable tv
Karylee Edvalson That's the problem! Wants something for nothing. Has a sense of entitlement
@@lovethemflowers what car? 😂😂😂
Karylee Edvalson most jails charge inmates a daily fee and any court fines attached. As well with what they feed you having no money in prison is just like having no money on the street. You always need money wherever you are
Yeah, I came here looking for advice helping my mom and I realize my situation is pretty tame.
My parents is not perfect like they hate saving and never have any expenses bookeeping, but they always keep promises to pay their debt.
In Indonesia there are a sentences " when your relatives borrow your money, they won't ever giving your money back" . sadly for 90% people in here this is so true.
Fear is always a great motivator.
My daughter uses my grandkids to make me feel guilty to give her money.
QueenBee Bargains Because you let her
I'd say that Mr Ramsey covered that too....put gas in the car, buy food etc....but dont give cash.
You need to toughen up and stand up for yourself
My sister is doing this to me right now with my nephew and this whole stimulus thing.
That’s terrible. I’ve seen this!
Love your show Dave!!
This was very good advice.
I pray that my relatives to have the same determination as i am to make some good money
If they don't feel like they should ever have to pay you back, do *not* lend them money.
That's how I like to think about it. I'd only ever help someone that acknowledges the money I gave them was never theirs.
Top class answer 👍
Mother in law gets money from them. How pathetic. Role reversal. So much for being the example and demonstrating values etc to her son and daughter in law. She will just keep sucking more from them, not appreciate it and feel entitled to it. Wow. Feel for the family.
Fully agree. You work for 40+ years and dont have the dignity to save to be able to look after yourself. Instead you "expect" your kids and grandkids to look after you. " a good man leaves an inheritance to his childrens children", it is not supposed to be the other way round
Have been in a similar situation.. offered to pay for accom, meals & transport to/from work. That wasn’t good enough, she wanted the cash. I’m sorry, I don’t fund anyone’s bad habits but if they are genuinely stuck then they’d accept genuine help.
I would give her a free ride to a homeless shelter...once u become a criminal your on your own
Good idea! Maybe she'll be open to learning.
You must really love your mother.
Is that how y'all treat your parents in America? Geez
@@petittall557
Criminal parents yes
All these negative comments must be immature kids, so I don't bother. I'd do everything for my 2 parents.
My family is looking very good after this call.😂
Dave what are your thoughts of talking to your family members about the dangers of loaning each money long before the opportunity ever arises so that the question doesn't even come up in the first place?
Not really necessary. You're very sorry, but you don't have the money. Of course it helps if you have a low- key lifestyle. You can't really say that if you live a flashy lifestyle.
Bad parents probably came from bad parents and it usually takes strength of character to break the cycle and do better for future generations. The mom didn’t have the strength of character to identify unhealthy behaviour and change but the daughter has so she should be sympathetic to her mom as a human but she doesn’t owe her anything cause she didn’t ask to be born.
Love this thanks Dave
She can go to welfare and apply for Public Assistance .. she'll get food stamps, insurance, bus tokens ,JOB COUNSELING .
Mom needs to at least show the courts she's got a job... BEFORE CONVICTED .
Best idea here.
I have a cousin who asked me for money 3 times already and she has 2 huge houses and just ask me for 300 dollars to fix her car, problem is I already said yes and I don't want to give her that money because she doesn't like to pay back
ed secce Then why are you giving it ? Tell her that you're sorry but something came in and you needed the money yourself.
ed secce 2 houses??? How many do you have? if. less than 2 then no money!
It’s ok to change your mind about any decision
what do you mean she needs money she has $1500. tell her to use that
You know it's gone! LOL!
Judgment Proof no one is wondering where she got the 1500 from. The entire call was based off her stealing 1500 from her employer. Guess you didn't listen.
LOL!
😂
@@0annonymous Jeff Zimmerman is being sarcastic duh...
Mom need to apply at Wal-Mart or McDonald
Good luck, even they have standards and someone convicted of stealing from an employer is below theirs.
Poor girl. I feel so bad to hear this.
why give a criminal embezzler money? don't enable - only help when she's willing to change.
The first question to ask would be "Where is her money going? What exactly caused her to take money?"
Yeah, my mother hasn’t been arrested but, I see bad financial behavior and I’m willing to let ember lose her home, if need be because I think that the way she sees it, I wouldn’t let her lose her home because I was to inherit it. But, the reality is that she’s decided to make me wait, while she lets my sister move into the other home my sister is to inherit, after my sister has mostly been absent for decades. The logistics are that I don’t expect my mother to move to convenience me, but I know what she’s doing... I would have “0” problem telling her to move in with my sister or to get an apartment. She’s been destroying the home from the inside out for years now anyway.
I am going through this with 2 friends and I honestly feel like I can’t breathe. One I haven’t spoken to in 2 years and out of no where she calls to see how I’m doing and a week later I emptied out half of my emergency fund to help her and the 3 kids. The other one I haven’t seen or spoken to in a year and a bit and she always needs $40 for gas and food. They both make more money than I do and I have to figure out how to release them both from my life without being mean.
Any suggestions...?🙄
Don't answer their calls.
Practice saying "No." with a period at the end of it.
Distance yourself from them. Stop taking their calls. They are not adding value to your life, so let them go.
I had a friend I went to High School with reached out after almost 20 years to ask for money to buy food. Her husband refused to work and she was the only one working. I sent her the money. Then 2 months later she asked for money again, I told her no. Some years pass and I got another message from her saying her father passed away and she needed money to help with funeral expenses. I sent her money out of the goodness of my heart. I haven’t heard from her and it’s been 3 years. I am not responsible for her bad decisions, nor should I feel guilty about my success. It’s not my job to take care of her
Start with, "I'm so sorry, I wish I could help, but I'm having trouble covering my basics." Don't explain it. Don't elaborate, just keep repeating that. Because you know what? If they make more than you then it's true. Giving them money is a luxury you can't afford.
Set boundaries for yourself and remind them of what you let them borrow and how much it was. Let them know of the sacrifice you made for them of love and friendship for them. Now, you money is tight for you and you're happy that you were able to help them when they most needed it. Now, you are in need and are happy they are earning more than you now. You are not trying to ruin your friendship, but you'll really appreciate their financial support to receive your payment back of what they owe you. It will help you get back on track financially and help keep the friendship that you showed them. Now it's their turn to show their friendship back towards you by paying you back your money that you need now. You definitely are not trying to ruin a friendship over money that would be so sad, but if it comes to that, then it won't be from your end. You did your part to kindly remind them and ask them when they will be able to pay you back the money you did your best to help them out with.
She made her choice to lead a life of crime - she thought she'd get away with it.
Exactly. This is how my mom was
As the world turns wit Mr. Ramsey. 😢😞
Good grief...apparently helping her mom didn't help before. It won't now
$1500 is probably a drop in the bucket! Further investigation would find out that there is more missing funds!
Well, if she gets convicted and goes to prison, she won't have to worry about her rent or bills for that matter lol
Yeah, it's gonna sound like a country song with that family. Supposed to have gone to court in December. Bet that's gonna be a Christmas to remember, especially if Mom gets convicted.
Hope there are no grandkids to be affected by this.
If first offense she's not going to prison for 1500
Lol, maybe that's what she was looking for from the embezzlement 😆 🤣
I’m also wondering if there is more to the story... such as a gambling addiction.
True. Addiction alarms.
I have a family member who is a chronic alcoholic and now due to his violent domestic marriage. He’s in jail. He and his wife are violent now he’s in jail with a bail of $3000.00 cash in order to get out. He claims that he has $1000.00 cash and $2500 in credit card spending. We live in different states. He has asked me for the money and if he goes to his obligations of courts the money will be returned. The only time I’m contacted is only in crisis. I’m not sure who spoke of me possibly having money but it seems like this is a big “quick fix” bail out if I help him. The bail also goes over some daily spending limits of min. Trying to figure this hour has caused me great anxiety and heart palpitations (literally) He’s not been supportive of me in my great times of need. I would hate fo him to loose his job but I also don’t want to me the “fix it” person as these situations/crisis I was supportive before (excluding bail fees). I really don’t have it to spare but knowing I can get it back is promising. I just don’t real trust his alcoholism will be a factor. He was already out of jail to complete his alcohol testing. I’m so worried cause I don’t want to be selfish but I also do want to be the problem solver when his situations are preventable.
you sound like you have a big heart. Do not fund his problems. You said he never contacts you otherwise. I think he sees you as his money train. Change that notion now, for your own sanity. Let him put on his own big boy pants.
AngieMusicArt Tough love is hard, and seems cruel, but is needful. It is loving to allow a person to experience the consequences of their actions, especially when the actions have been repeated & they are not learning. You must love them enough to let them hate you for a while.
Like Dave says. You have to be tough, "I will not participate in your misbehaviour".
Saying no now is much easier than saying no when you have done it several times. No now will stop future begging.
I would never reward bad behavior.
give what you can, not what they want.
Good news is if she goes to jail she doesn't have to worry about food or shelter
I think church is the best thing. people have to realize that (believe in god or not) the cost of sin is death. and if you continue to sin nothing you do will fix the mistake. you can enjoy a simple poor life but sin will always lead to death. now if you repent and actually repent, there is hope. but you have to accept your shortcomings and carry your cross daily.
Indeed
Very few ppl can give birth to u.
I'm with ramsey, she needs to change.
But the daughter sure has had difficult times too. I'd stick with my mother thru thick and thin.♡♡♡♡
No of us asked to be born that was her parents choice
I’d stick with her until she gives me reasons she doesn’t want to change. Children have to stopped being forced to stick around with unhealthy family dynamics and users just because it’s family
These lazy money monglers makes me sick
Not a good idea to hurt your own finances to aid a thief.
.
Don't let a known thief move in.
.
Her mom created her own problems.
She'd not going to need to pay rent soon. She'd going to get a stay in the grey bar hotel.
I'm here because I had enough 😢
She admitted it to the police, so she lost the court case before it began.
"She is remorseful, but...." When a statement is followed by "but," it kind of negates the statement.
You can’t just throw money at people who will not change. There’s not enough money on the planet to help them and you’re not helping them. You’re participating in their insanity. You’re not helping them get dignity. You’re not helping them have a future.
Thanks 🙌
I HOPE PEOPLE AT LEAST HELP FEED THIER FAMILY WITH THE BASICS
My boyfriend's brother in law has been leeching him off every week he asks for 500$ and cause of it my boyfriend stays in alot of stress and the thing is he never pays him back.. he feels entitled to his income. There's a point of helping somebody but this is just too much. And my boyfriend says if i don't pay him i feel like he's gonna treat my sister wrong and it's just too much headache. Idk any solution.
Itsyourgurlmoon 5 don’t marry that boyfriend
How are you Dave?
Better than he deserves.
maybe when she's looking for a new job she can use her previous employer as a reference...
so take care of your parents
How old is she, i will move the earth for my queen
They scare you with suicide attempts if you dont give money. What to do? My Anxiety is too high.
I hate to say this. I know people fall on hard times. I had that happen to me with one of my siblings. She has asked me for money time and time again and usually it is not what she says it for. Be careful. Most of the time it is a ploy to guilt trip you to give them money.
Gambling addiction? Tough situation when it’s mom.
So she's not ashamed of embezzling, but she seems to be embarrassed about getting caught.
2:13 "She admitted it to the police. So hopefully, that will help her somehow."
How does handing the prosecutor a slam dunk case help her out? I would think a plea deal is off the table at this point as she's already practically plead guilty...
I don't understand why people think that talking to the police is helpful when they are under investigation for a crime.
"Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law."
Nowhere in your Miranda rights does it say that speaking to the police will HELP you...
It doesn't say "anything you say can be used against you... Or maybe help you? You'd better just keep talking and we'll figure that part out later. I'm sure it will work out."
Depending on the type of crime It’s much better to admit to a crime than take it to court. In a situation like this they KNOW she stole the money so she did the right thing by admitting it.
@@UA-camUzername I can tell you must have quite a number of years under your belt as a lawyer.
Taking responsibility owning up adulting
She should keep stealing until she gets thrown in prison. Then she’ll have a place to live.
Jennifer, this was ALL DUE TO YOUR MOTHERS' Decisions. YOU OWE HER NOTHING. Tell her, Oh well.....
Drug addiction?
I would tell your mother to go to the welfare dept. They are obligated to help her find a job.The day she goes they will give her cash aid, medical insur. and food stamps. If she can't get a job when she goes on interviews, she still keeps cash aid, medical, and food stamps until she gets a job. Also tell them that you are only loaning her the money because if you say you gave it to her, they may not give her all the benefits right away.
Unless you have a child under 5 there is no medical or cash aid. If she has NO income they'll give her about 150 in food stamps and possibly 70$ a month for 2 months. Welfare was done away with by Clinton years ago. You're on your own now unless you have kids.
Tell them you are broke too. Boom fixed your problem!
Just so you know, her admitting it to the police is not going to help her out.
She’s sorry she got caught. This is addict behavior
Don't do it. They for the streets
Poor Poor Pitiful me,. Need to stay away from those people
Mom needs to spend some time in the pokey, IMO.
What's fun is giving family 6000 dollars then they tell other family that your mooching off them.
no, stop giving her money. She's an adult. She's your mother wouldn't poor example she's showing for her children. She needs to make her own own way in life.
Moms an dad love the I took care of u feed gave you a home
Go, to, JAIL!!
Judge people is hard because human kind fails
:55 seconds voice clearly changes, lied...totally knew about the crime