Got diagnosed with bpd 6 years ago in the military. Had no idea that my emotional deregulation was ruining my life and my career. I did 8 years in the navy and the way I was looked at and stigmatized after that diagnosis... Life shattering. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this channel today. I'm not alone and other people go through the emotional chaos that is so common. Makes me feel more accepted now and less stigmatized. Thanks for sharing!
What I like about Charolotte is that I can see that she genuinely wants to be the best person she can and has a desire to be as open as possible in order to help others who have a similar background. Thank you for posting these videos. BTW, she looks a lot better both physically and mentally from the first video I saw a couple of years ago.
No way. There is a complete lack of anything genuine coming from this woman. She is parroting what she's been told. There's a complete emotional disconnect from her bad behaviors. I wasn't entitled, I didn't feel entitled, I was mean to him...no I was entitled. I was abusive. I was ungrateful. All "spin" her body language as well. This is one of the most dishonest things I've seen in a while. No radical acceptance, no real truth telling. She's still a massive red flag. They just taught her how to "act" like someone who's in recovery. She's better at it now. False humility, false acceptance. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I think pretty borderlines have a very different experience of the world than those of us who don’t have the looks. I actually think sometimes this works against borderline patients, because the world tends to dismiss bad behavior more readily from a good-looking person. There’s not as much pressure from others to change. That just my outsider perspective, though. I have thought more than once that my lack of good looks and excess weight are one of the reasons I was forced to figure out things on my own re: treatment. I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re a pretty female, there are people who want to rescue you, and I think that dynamic keeps the borderline cycle going.
I'm a 75-year-old recovered borderline. I was 19 and very attractive when I first sought treatment. No one wanted to rescue me. Two of the therapists actually made inappropriate sexual comments to me during the course of therapy, for their own self-gratification. A third therapist tried to date me. No one wanted to rescue me. Most of the men I dated dropped me b/c of my crazy behavior.@@00st307-m
This is true. I don't know if it keeps the cycle going (I mean I guess it could) but pretty women get help and stuff given to them in an astonishingly unfair way that can sometimes actually work against them. I am considered unattractive by men and esp. since I gain weight. They will do literally nothing for me. It's interesting because when I see men with women who are attractive, it seems completely fake. Like they are only with them for their looks and so what kind of relationship is that... maybe all that us humans are truly capable of being as shallow as we are most of the time.
The more helpless you appear perhaps but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So I can’t co-sign on this label of “pretty” “borderliners” and it’s dangerous to apply these labels on people
I would like to say how much I appreciate Charlotte for her honesty and courage to talk about her personal experiences in all of her interviews and follow ups here. If no one has said it yet, we're proud of you Charlotte! Its an honor to learn about your life and your struggles with all that is and can be with BPD. I was in a relationship with someone who had BPD whom I loved very much. These interviews and various other content I've watched have helped to bring me some light, thank you!
@1:33 "If I were he, I wouldn't talk to me, either." A similar thought occurred to me about two years ago and it felt like a huge breakthrough. PS:Redheads rule.
I see parts of myself in things Charlotte says. I also see some aspects of my ex in her. Particularly when i split with her. It helps me understand that my ex may be aware of the harm she caused. As much as i dont want her to feel bad i want her to understand so her life can be better. Its so nice seeing Charlotte trying to make sense of "bad" behaviors in the past. I truely hope she is on a "good" path now.
Stunning humility. Coming so far to really look at yourself and endure guilt and shame. I can not even imagine the strength not to brake going this road.
We're all a work in progress. I've behaved in ways that were entitled and shitty in the past (especially as a teen) that I would not consider "me" as I am today. Yes, it was still me but I'm also not the exact same person I was 30 or 40 years ago. I view Charlotte's words in a similar light. Sometimes it takes years to see things clearly with hindsight and it can feel like it was another lifetime ago even though it is indeed still part of our history. I don't think some of the comments undermining her were necessary. I wonder why when someone is being vulnerable it can attract a desire to punish?
to be vulnerable I have to open up. So when I'm with someone in an intimate aka vulnerable situation (only place where deep love can emerge btw.) then all the shit comes up I didn't deal with in the past. This can feel like an overwhelming sense of helplessness, powerlessness and fear. In order to reestablish control, I punish the outside trigger (which is NOT the cause btw!). It is a deep deep dark self defence program. When I'm in this mode I struggle for my life internally which is not apparent on the outside. "We're all a work in progress." .... 100% correct! Don't let anybody fool you into thinking "We don't change anymore when we are grown-ups."
Seeing Charlotte now and seeing her in those older videos of, I think it was, 3 years ago is so life-affirming. To me, she's no longer grappling with herself and others to occupy and fight for her 'space' in the world. She's at ease. She talks about the same things but in a completely different way, from a different 'point of reference'. I would love to know whether it was through the therapy that Dr Jacob suggested or how she got there. Her journey has given me hope. I think what I've learned/am learning from this is that to manage, or recover, a healthy sense of self, it's not about wearing a 'normal' suit of 'one size fits all', but tailoring your suit to fit you; to realise and manage the 'pinch points' and find a way to be at ease, and with love and acceptance.
I wish that you could see yourself now and forgive yourself for the cigarette and other actions. Your sharing has allowed me to see how I have been drawn into a relationship with a narcissist. Your open description of your prior lifestyle helps me to have the non-judgementalness of narcissism that I need in order to be able to protect myself and get out. Thank you.
I agree that BPD and NPD are very similar if not identical in many aspects, the only difference i can see is premeditated intentional words and actions with NPD vs reactive defensive or attacking words and actions for BPD, which really is a massive difference if you suffer from BPD, to neurotypical people they will never know as no one is a mind reader they will just see manipulation and entitlement and all the other similarities between the two
The actions of those with NPD are not premeditated and intentional in most cases. In fact, the entire basis of our current understanding of NPD and pathological narcissism generally focuses on it's defensive/compulsive patterning, not an intentional/conscious wish to control. Intentionality of behavior is a separate dimension, and is moreso an adaptation to the underlying borderline structure rather than a key aspect of the narcissistic organization in particular.
I'm sorry if any of that sounded aggressive in any way, it wasn't my intent. I am, however, very concerned with what I interpret as a compulsive need for people suffering from BPD, other PDs, and general mental health concerns to differentiate themselves from NPD. I think it's a doom spiral of sorts: NPD's clinical and analytic understanding is much more nuanced than the understanding of the DSM and the lay public, which essentially says that narcissism is "the bad people disorder". Naturally people want to distance themselves from being called bad people, but instead of saying "we're not bad people", people say "we're different from NPD, NPD means that you intentionally harm people, or you act in ways that are overtly cruel, etc." It reinforces the belief, and the cultural reality, that NPD is kind of a bucket where we toss the worst people we know with no respect for what NPD and narcissism actually means, which if you read most analytic works on the subject since the 1960's, is much more empathically understandable and clearly delineated from abusive behavior, which isn't exclusive to or exemplary of narcissism.
For me the most valuable gift (among many) a borderline has is a (compulsory) strong access to their inner child, which a lot of grown-ups lose out of "rationality" / frustration (look into their eyes! They have dead shark-eyes!) Keep it Charlotte! It is your life energy! The wonder, the joy, the big eyes to see this biiiiiiig beautiful and amazing World and Love. All the very best to you from an ex of a borderline ❤
Hi Charlotte, Nice to see another video from you. I think I've seen most of your past videos. You strike me as a nice, decent, intelligent and attractive person with a really shitty childhood that caused you deep wounds and because of that, you behaved badly at times. The fact that you can look back and see what you did things that hurt others is huge. A lot of people, esp. narcissists, can't ever see or admit that maybe they hurt others or that their behavior was wrong. As far as entitlement, I don't know. I don't know if your family was wealthy but if they were, having a sense of entitlement is kind of a given at least as far as what I have seen. We are a product of how we were raised and who are parents were more than anything. If I had to guess on the nature nurture thing, I'd say we're 80 percent nurture and 20 percent nature and within nature is also genetics, so yeah, what family we come from is a huge determinant of who we become. Those of us from crappy family have a rough road. I've gone on too long. Take care. W
If I could expand on your nature, nurture conjecture, which is interesting. I’m wondering if within each individual the percentage of nature versus nurture is different based upon each individual.
@@gebak18 I don't know. That's probably true about the ratio being different for different for different people, esp. in the nature side of it. There could be changes in the brain that heavily influence someone that someone with a "normal" brain would not be dealing with. Seems like people who come from abusive families suffer horribly in one way or another and it aggravates whatever personality defects they may have been born with...?
Everything she says about herself that’s positive she follows it up with the EXACT opposite of herself. “Like I’m a good person but I did this so I must be a bad person.
I'm 70 and recovering from being hit by a car, but even if i was 100% my philosophy is no more high maintenance people in my life. good people do not feel or act entitled. the moment i pick up on a sense entitlement, I'm out of your life. too old to play therapist for people who really don't eveñ want to be better.
said in my head but i understand you meant the bpd validation seeking. yes highly possible in general bpd scenarios, but also maybe not. bpd is just sad:( mentalisation based therapy and dbt is great for it. @@ElanaVital83
so many comments here note they feel she is beautiful, but it makes me wonder...is she really significantly more attractive than most - or is it her presentation of personality? we all know/see people who are not "classically gorgeous" but their inner spirit makes them nearly irresistible. her manner on camera clearly shows how truly difficult this has all been for her her whole life, and she says she routinely considers/questions her own ability to perceive things accurately. like caught in a web of their own making, on a level. thus most kind people are likely to feel almost protective of her, certainly if they see some of themselves in her struggles. also, most agree that beauty/wealth/power is a distinct advantage in life. when in possession of those "assets", it makes being borderline even more embarrassing and maddening. guilt like you refuse to make the most of yourself. she has a wonderful vocabulary and probably leans towards being intellectual. she's also self-deprecating in a way that shows contrition to me, not manipulation. i wish her so well on her journey to feeling balanced and safe.
You are still acting from borderline functioning, not from narcissistic functioning, even though it may look very similar. BPD and NPD are different and you can't have both at the same time.
Maybe take a minute before you do black and white thinking about whether the word "entitled" is ALL GOOD or ALL BAD and instead reflect on what are the next positive steps you could take in your own life - and let Charlotte live hers
Entitlement has many qualities. In a video here on the channel I think professor Diana Diamond breaks it down quite well. Not all entitlement is bad. Narcissism (healthy) is something we all have as humans but all humans do not suffer from NPD.
I think Charlotte is way too hard on herself here and it's not productive. Yes, it's good for her to own her part but calling herself names and categorizing herself as a bad person will not help her recover. Charlotte needs to see her worth. She's a survivor and she reacted the way she did because it helped keep her alive. Being cruel to others isn't the best most productive way to stand up for yourself or take care of yourself but it was the only skills she had at the time. Cause if she didn't have those skills, however destructive or negative they may be - where would she be? She developed that personality disorder not because she was bad but because she is a survivor.
That's a great comment! When dealing with threatening behavior, I get overly defensive too, and it's something I struggle with. This comment really made me see things from a different angle, focusing on growth, than sulking in self-critique and shame. I think this comes so much from that fear of being labeled as the 'bad b,' just like Charlotte called herself. Nobody wants to be the villain, we all want to be the hero in our own story. But then there's this problematic behavior like this, that gets judged, not just by others but by Charlotte herself as well, leaving no room for the hero narrative and replacing it with shame and self-hate. It feels very black/white. I also agree that this kind of approach isn't productive, even if it might seem 'fair' at first. It only perpetuates the splitting behaviors. It's a relief to be able to forgive yourself and commit to doing better in the future. That's why when I discovered Jesus and just Christianity it was incredible. No one is perfect, what matters is what we do withh those mistakes, Jesus loves everyone anyway. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!~
What’s interesting to me is how these outbursts were directed towards individuals in relatively “subordinate” positions / roles to her at the time (retail assistant, server) and this power imbalance in relationships and dynamics has been structure and dynamic has been discussed a lot in the older wave of intersectionality and internalized misogyny. It’s one thing to “snap” at a bully that has held power over you but someone in a subservient position suggests far more complexity beyond acting in survivor mode. 6:26
@@juliana.illustrations i was piqued by learning that as borderlines face love & disappointments, they not only compartmentalize people into "wonderful" and "horrible", they also apply that to themselves and their own behavior. it's not like they don't realize how far short of the mark they themselves are. which then adds more burden and confusion to try to deal with. what a great line you have there, "...sulking in self-critique and shame", which can be a go-to when you are so exhausted from trying to figure everything out to live a stable life. you are literally trying to feel any "agency" over your own brain and life.
@@moringaottawa your astute comments should always be considered. in Charlotte's case she mentioned several times in several ways that she has come to believe she harbors traits of entitlement and elitism. and that assesment of herself clearly disappoints her. she seems to understand that behaviors like that are repellant. possibly when she acted so poorly to others she was at her own wit's end, exhausted and when faced w/ being hurt (by rudeness) or told to comply (cigarette) she felt like "what NOW..." doesn't excuse her choices to behave badly to an innocent bystander at all, i understand. anger and BPD go together like peanut butter and jelly, sadly.
It's sad when women can't see how beautifully they are ageing.........very sad part of trauma or society causing you to see yourself through a cracked lense
Interesting!, she speaks like my ex-wife. She uses a lot the pattern "I think this is white, or maybe black, I don't know". She tries hard to make a point but it seem she didn't know exactly what her point was. PD: This is not a critic, just an observation
I'm glad this connection is at least being addressed, but while the video edit was approved by the person interviewed it IS an *edit*, and at the end of the day we won't see how a person shows up in the context of their life even if there are specific situations they are disclosing. I think the collateral damage is impossible to measure. It no doubt takes people a long time to come to a point of psychological literacy, and perhaps honesty, and meanwhile or before that point there's a lot of so called help that simply doesn't measure up. In my experience the most accessible form is simply 12 Step groups that doesn't even deal with addictions but attempt to wrestle with psychological matters, with which it seems just too easy to focus on others and basically frame oneself as the victim while actually taking responsibility for even present behavior is highly questionable. Throw enough people who are perhaps not even clear about a diagnosis (or something beyond the self diagnosis of the groups identification) and can only see it as a stigma rather than helpful information together in a group, along with a framework that really doesn't sufficiently explain what they have going on then it's not hard to see the dysfunction can be exponentially compounded, at best the social network remains at a superficial level following little more than a ritual. With this information, (the kind on this channel) I think there's a little hope. Without it, I think the level of psychological literacy that's out there is really kind of in the stone ages, and whether it's personality disorders or something else that ignorance will inevitably cause damage. Those offering a solution when really not understanding nearly enough are also diverting peoples attention away from real solutions and education in favor of a simple answer, but it is unfortunately one that doesn't add up and is simply insufficient even if people like it and want to believe it is enough.
I have to change my comment. Today when I hear the three letters BPD or the term EUP, or I see behavior which is OK for infants but not for adults …. I run away as far as I can. Not because I want to punish the person. It’s 2 years ago since we separated and literally now I feel how much energy she was seeking out of me. Energy which I do need for myself. Therefore; my advice, to all people who socialize with a BPD personality, is … runnnnnnnnnnnn….. Without the suffering, the pain she will never see a therapist on her own behalf. My Ex did choose to act out rude, in the sense of that she already was able to mentalize a little bit. And … did this little insight made her to change, searching for Therapy? Noooopeeee. If she ever would ask me to come back in my life? I would appreciate an apology. I properly couldn’t trust her ever again… she destroyed a lot of feelings inside me which I had to relearn in Therapy to ever trust a new person again. I may would say no to a friendship offer and I would wish her nothing but the best for her life….
Its essentially an oral fixation. You see people as sources that are supposed to gratify your needs. The world is a breast. A baby has the right for all that the mother has. Its a constant look for the perfect all good breast. And the means are exactly that of a baby, you try to control the breast omnipotently. This is also why eating disorders are so common with people with BPD, as its an oral fixation.
That tracks for me! Add on top of that that my mom was a young parent and didn’t breast feed me or was emotionally available. Add a NPD dad and it’s not surprising at all I got BPD.
interesting. I heard from a book that my thirst for knowledge/certainty is me trying to make my own breast. Accepting uncertainty, not-knowing, etc. seems to be the balm. LEtting go of my thirst for omnipotence.
You were not entitled or spoiled and people throw the word privilege around when they haven't experienced it. Maybe you were lucky. I would not blame you for any of that. We all do sh&tty things. You have no need to apologize for having nice things or being privileged. You suffered just as much as anyone else. Money and privilege doesn't buy happiness. People REALLY need to digest that reality.
Sigh 😞 this is exhausting. Just because one isn’t aware of her privilege doesn’t mean anything. Daily mobility is a privilege in itself that many aren’t aware of until they get an understanding of how important it is for human survival. Drinking potable water etc. Nothing wrong with being more self-aware while also allowing yourself to still be in the moment and enjoy life - this is coming off as projected guilt.
As a non-pretty privileged BPD - it’s interesting to see she’s *still* not taking full responsibility - with the comments “that’s not me”. Yes it was you, girl! That side *is* a part of you 🤷🏻♀️ hope she realizes, bc that’s a huge blind spot for the behaviors to return.
Yeah. She is a piece of work. She has the psychological language to speak about her past in terms of recovery, but I’ve seen enough of her interviews on here that I do not believe she is what she thinks she is. She displaces blame, she splits off her behavior from herself, she still hangs out with past abusers. I’ve heard numerous interviews where she basically just blames everybody else for her problems. I’m always confused when I see so many people talking about how amazing she is in the comments. Yes, I think she is a full person with good and bad traits, but I watch these videos and feel like I’ve been conned. Just watching her speak leaves me with an odd feeling every time
@@cjgeminitarot6836I think "she is a piece of work" is a pretty harsh statement to make. I think there's clear evidence of her wanting to engage and improve. Blaming people like you say she does can definitely be fair sometimes, and other times it's not, but we also don't always get the balance right. There's only so much we can glean from these snippets anyway, and even if there are pointers it feels unfair to make these comments in a way that it is a personality condemning attack rather than anything constructive. People with BPD can sometimes engage in bad behaviours or have maladaptive ways of thinking, but writing people off is not just.
@@BittersweetMayhem who diagnoses her? If you had 10 different psychiatrists or psychologists do an assessment on her, do you think they would all come to the same conclusion of BPD, smartass?
Agreed. She's way too skillfully introspective. In my experience with BPDs, they do nothing but blame other people for every single thing that goes wrong in their world. They take zero accountability. They bristle under even the slightest criticism. They lie, they deny, they project. This woman may have been spoiled and entitled, but she doesn't give off the BPD vibe at all. She's too self-aware. But to be fair, neither of us have ever tried to break up with her. That's the real test. Will she or will she not hit me with her car and then try to set me on fire?
It's definitely there throughout every video with her. BPD also lies on a spectrum. But if kicking a window in to the point of near amputation in response to DV dynamics she kept cycling within doesn't strike you as such, I don't know what to tell you.
I am blown away by the lack of self awareness pretending to be self aware. Every time she had an opportunity to fully embrace the fact that she was an entitled , spoiled person she backpedaled along with that cadence and the closed off body language are red flags. This is 75% performative. In fact, these people learn how to fake the natural emotions so well anyone not paying VERY close attention might be bamboozled. When she talked about her ex, she didn't believe what she was saying. She doesn't truly believe she should be alone, she still feels entitled to his attention, time and energy, it's phoned in. I was mean to him? No you ABUSED him. You felt entitled. Your love was transactional. Radical honesty is the only way to heal. This woman is STILL putting on a show and it oozed out from the screen. I don't believe these people will EVER be in a truly loving relationship. Nope.
It's not her dad. It's the whole society. And it's not her personal attitude or personality disorder. It's society's preferential treatment of young women. It was natural and rational for her to feel that way.
Yes very true especially in this day and age of social media , women are bound to become NPDs and good one among them will become BPDs .....Simply remain away from them , Remember yours story is no different you are just a data a tiny spot on a bar graph of astonishingly high divorce rates
Got diagnosed with bpd 6 years ago in the military. Had no idea that my emotional deregulation was ruining my life and my career. I did 8 years in the navy and the way I was looked at and stigmatized after that diagnosis... Life shattering. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this channel today. I'm not alone and other people go through the emotional chaos that is so common. Makes me feel more accepted now and less stigmatized. Thanks for sharing!
What I like about Charolotte is that I can see that she genuinely wants to be the best person she can and has a desire to be as open as possible in order to help others who have a similar background. Thank you for posting these videos. BTW, she looks a lot better both physically and mentally from the first video I saw a couple of years ago.
No way. There is a complete lack of anything genuine coming from this woman. She is parroting what she's been told. There's a complete emotional disconnect from her bad behaviors. I wasn't entitled, I didn't feel entitled, I was mean to him...no
I was entitled. I was abusive. I was ungrateful.
All "spin" her body language as well. This is one of the most dishonest things I've seen in a while. No radical acceptance, no real truth telling. She's still a massive red flag. They just taught her how to "act" like someone who's in recovery. She's better at it now. False humility, false acceptance. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I think pretty borderlines have a very different experience of the world than those of us who don’t have the looks. I actually think sometimes this works against borderline patients, because the world tends to dismiss bad behavior more readily from a good-looking person. There’s not as much pressure from others to change. That just my outsider perspective, though. I have thought more than once that my lack of good looks and excess weight are one of the reasons I was forced to figure out things on my own re: treatment. I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re a pretty female, there are people who want to rescue you, and I think that dynamic keeps the borderline cycle going.
I agree 100%. This was not my experience w BPD.
I'm a 75-year-old recovered borderline. I was 19 and very attractive when I first sought treatment. No one wanted to rescue me. Two of the therapists actually made inappropriate sexual comments to me during the course of therapy, for their own self-gratification. A third therapist tried to date me. No one wanted to rescue me. Most of the men I dated dropped me b/c of my crazy behavior.@@00st307-m
This is true. I don't know if it keeps the cycle going (I mean I guess it could) but pretty women get help and stuff given to them in an astonishingly unfair way that can sometimes actually work against them. I am considered unattractive by men and esp. since I gain weight. They will do literally nothing for me. It's interesting because when I see men with women who are attractive, it seems completely fake. Like they are only with them for their looks and so what kind of relationship is that... maybe all that us humans are truly capable of being as shallow as we are most of the time.
The more helpless you appear perhaps but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So I can’t co-sign on this label of “pretty” “borderliners” and it’s dangerous to apply these labels on people
@@moringaottawa labels in general suck.
I would like to say how much I appreciate Charlotte for her honesty and courage to talk about her personal experiences in all of her interviews and follow ups here. If no one has said it yet, we're proud of you Charlotte! Its an honor to learn about your life and your struggles with all that is and can be with BPD. I was in a relationship with someone who had BPD whom I loved very much. These interviews and various other content I've watched have helped to bring me some light, thank you!
@1:33 "If I were he, I wouldn't talk to me, either." A similar thought occurred to me about two years ago and it felt like a huge breakthrough. PS:Redheads rule.
I see parts of myself in things Charlotte says.
I also see some aspects of my ex in her.
Particularly when i split with her.
It helps me understand that my ex may be aware of the harm she caused.
As much as i dont want her to feel bad i want her to understand so her life can be better.
Its so nice seeing Charlotte trying to make sense of "bad" behaviors in the past.
I truely hope she is on a "good" path now.
Charlotte is looking so well. I hope she is doing well.
Stunning humility. Coming so far to really look at yourself and endure guilt and shame. I can not even imagine the strength not to brake going this road.
We're all a work in progress. I've behaved in ways that were entitled and shitty in the past (especially as a teen) that I would not consider "me" as I am today. Yes, it was still me but I'm also not the exact same person I was 30 or 40 years ago. I view Charlotte's words in a similar light. Sometimes it takes years to see things clearly with hindsight and it can feel like it was another lifetime ago even though it is indeed still part of our history. I don't think some of the comments undermining her were necessary. I wonder why when someone is being vulnerable it can attract a desire to punish?
to be vulnerable I have to open up. So when I'm with someone in an intimate aka vulnerable situation (only place where deep love can emerge btw.) then all the shit comes up I didn't deal with in the past. This can feel like an overwhelming sense of helplessness, powerlessness and fear. In order to reestablish control, I punish the outside trigger (which is NOT the cause btw!).
It is a deep deep dark self defence program. When I'm in this mode I struggle for my life internally which is not apparent on the outside.
"We're all a work in progress." .... 100% correct! Don't let anybody fool you into thinking "We don't change anymore when we are grown-ups."
Charlotte is always nice to listen too
Always a joy to see Charlotte. Thank you :) UPD: she IS beautiful!
I greatly appreciate her honesty and vulnerability in sharing her experience. ❤
Please bring Charlotte back. She's so endearing. What a lovely lady.
Seeing Charlotte now and seeing her in those older videos of, I think it was, 3 years ago is so life-affirming. To me, she's no longer grappling with herself and others to occupy and fight for her 'space' in the world. She's at ease. She talks about the same things but in a completely different way, from a different 'point of reference'. I would love to know whether it was through the therapy that Dr Jacob suggested or how she got there.
Her journey has given me hope. I think what I've learned/am learning from this is that to manage, or recover, a healthy sense of self, it's not about wearing a 'normal' suit of 'one size fits all', but tailoring your suit to fit you; to realise and manage the 'pinch points' and find a way to be at ease, and with love and acceptance.
I have watched all episodes , so inspiring. Thank you 🤩
I wish that you could see yourself now and forgive yourself for the cigarette and other actions. Your sharing has allowed me to see how I have been drawn into a relationship with a narcissist. Your open description of your prior lifestyle helps me to have the non-judgementalness
of narcissism that I need in order to be able to protect myself and get out. Thank you.
Charlotte, yes you ARE beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story. You've helped me more than you'll ever know by telling your story.
Thank-you so much for continuing to share your journey and inspire me❤️
You ARE gorgeous, Charlotte!
She seems more sincere in this one vs. the others I've watched.
Thank you Charlotte your stories really hit home. So helpful ❤
I agree that BPD and NPD are very similar if not identical in many aspects, the only difference i can see is premeditated intentional words and actions with NPD vs reactive defensive or attacking words and actions for BPD, which really is a massive difference if you suffer from BPD, to neurotypical people they will never know as no one is a mind reader they will just see manipulation and entitlement and all the other similarities between the two
The actions of those with NPD are not premeditated and intentional in most cases. In fact, the entire basis of our current understanding of NPD and pathological narcissism generally focuses on it's defensive/compulsive patterning, not an intentional/conscious wish to control. Intentionality of behavior is a separate dimension, and is moreso an adaptation to the underlying borderline structure rather than a key aspect of the narcissistic organization in particular.
I'm sorry if any of that sounded aggressive in any way, it wasn't my intent. I am, however, very concerned with what I interpret as a compulsive need for people suffering from BPD, other PDs, and general mental health concerns to differentiate themselves from NPD. I think it's a doom spiral of sorts: NPD's clinical and analytic understanding is much more nuanced than the understanding of the DSM and the lay public, which essentially says that narcissism is "the bad people disorder". Naturally people want to distance themselves from being called bad people, but instead of saying "we're not bad people", people say "we're different from NPD, NPD means that you intentionally harm people, or you act in ways that are overtly cruel, etc." It reinforces the belief, and the cultural reality, that NPD is kind of a bucket where we toss the worst people we know with no respect for what NPD and narcissism actually means, which if you read most analytic works on the subject since the 1960's, is much more empathically understandable and clearly delineated from abusive behavior, which isn't exclusive to or exemplary of narcissism.
Agree@@mwomcast
@@mwomcastexactly! Thanks so much for this contribution.
For me the most valuable gift (among many) a borderline has is a (compulsory) strong access to their inner child, which a lot of grown-ups lose out of "rationality" / frustration (look into their eyes! They have dead shark-eyes!)
Keep it Charlotte! It is your life energy!
The wonder, the joy, the big eyes to see this biiiiiiig beautiful and amazing World and Love.
All the very best to you from an ex of a borderline ❤
Charlotte, you are amazing 😊
Hi Charlotte, Nice to see another video from you. I think I've seen most of your past videos. You strike me as a nice, decent, intelligent and attractive person with a really shitty childhood that caused you deep wounds and because of that, you behaved badly at times. The fact that you can look back and see what you did things that hurt others is huge. A lot of people, esp. narcissists, can't ever see or admit that maybe they hurt others or that their behavior was wrong. As far as entitlement, I don't know. I don't know if your family was wealthy but if they were, having a sense of entitlement is kind of a given at least as far as what I have seen. We are a product of how we were raised and who are parents were more than anything. If I had to guess on the nature nurture thing, I'd say we're 80 percent nurture and 20 percent nature and within nature is also genetics, so yeah, what family we come from is a huge determinant of who we become. Those of us from crappy family have a rough road. I've gone on too long. Take care. W
If I could expand on your nature, nurture conjecture, which is interesting. I’m wondering if within each individual the percentage of nature versus nurture is different based upon each individual.
@@gebak18 I don't know. That's probably true about the ratio being different for different for different people, esp. in the nature side of it. There could be changes in the brain that heavily influence someone that someone with a "normal" brain would not be dealing with. Seems like people who come from abusive families suffer horribly in one way or another and it aggravates whatever personality defects they may have been born with...?
6:42 I believe her re: empathy.
Her emotions are confusing to her, her happy emotions are mixed with her anger but she can probably only understands the anger emotion,
Very relatable. Appreciate this content.
Appreciate you. -P
Thanks for sharing about this!
Ah! I missed this one, can't wait to hear what's discussed :)
Brave doing this. Thank you.
I love this so much. thank you
Everything she says about herself that’s positive she follows it up with the EXACT opposite of herself. “Like I’m a good person but I did this so I must be a bad person.
pretty ≠ beauty ≠ attractiveness ≠ youth
They all somewhat relate to each other but manifest differently
I'm 70 and recovering from being hit by a car, but even if i was 100% my philosophy is no more high maintenance people in my life. good people do not feel or act entitled. the moment i pick up on a sense entitlement, I'm out of your life. too old to play therapist for people who really don't eveñ want to be better.
5:34 she’s very self aware though 5:53
In my experience a sufferer's actions can be either reactive or premeditated depending on the complexity of their catastrophication.
1:24 1:44 hmm now I need to know the whole story
6:07 some people would pay good money for a scene like that but there's a time and a place😅
when she said she's not gorgeous......and all the interviews i see of her, i keep saying how Gorgeous she is.....
That could be why she said it😏
said in my head but i understand you meant the bpd validation seeking. yes highly possible in general bpd scenarios, but also maybe not. bpd is just sad:( mentalisation based therapy and dbt is great for it. @@ElanaVital83
so many comments here note they feel she is beautiful, but it makes me wonder...is she really significantly more attractive than most - or is it her presentation of personality? we all know/see people who are not "classically gorgeous" but their inner spirit makes them nearly irresistible. her manner on camera clearly shows how truly difficult this has all been for her her whole life, and she says she routinely considers/questions her own ability to perceive things accurately. like caught in a web of their own making, on a level. thus most kind people are likely to feel almost protective of her, certainly if they see some of themselves in her struggles. also, most agree that beauty/wealth/power is a distinct advantage in life. when in possession of those "assets", it makes being borderline even more embarrassing and maddening. guilt like you refuse to make the most of yourself. she has a wonderful vocabulary and probably leans towards being intellectual. she's also self-deprecating in a way that shows contrition to me, not manipulation. i wish her so well on her journey to feeling balanced and safe.
thank you.
Charlotte!
You are still acting from borderline functioning, not from narcissistic functioning, even though it may look very similar. BPD and NPD are different and you can't have both at the same time.
4:31 WELP yikes
Maybe take a minute before you do black and white thinking about whether the word "entitled" is ALL GOOD or ALL BAD and instead reflect on what are the next positive steps you could take in your own life - and let Charlotte live hers
Entitlement has many qualities. In a video here on the channel I think professor Diana Diamond breaks it down quite well. Not all entitlement is bad. Narcissism (healthy) is something we all have as humans but all humans do not suffer from NPD.
I think Charlotte is way too hard on herself here and it's not productive. Yes, it's good for her to own her part but calling herself names and categorizing herself as a bad person will not help her recover. Charlotte needs to see her worth. She's a survivor and she reacted the way she did because it helped keep her alive. Being cruel to others isn't the best most productive way to stand up for yourself or take care of yourself but it was the only skills she had at the time. Cause if she didn't have those skills, however destructive or negative they may be - where would she be? She developed that personality disorder not because she was bad but because she is a survivor.
That's a great comment! When dealing with threatening behavior, I get overly defensive too, and it's something I struggle with. This comment really made me see things from a different angle, focusing on growth, than sulking in self-critique and shame. I think this comes so much from that fear of being labeled as the 'bad b,' just like Charlotte called herself. Nobody wants to be the villain, we all want to be the hero in our own story. But then there's this problematic behavior like this, that gets judged, not just by others but by Charlotte herself as well, leaving no room for the hero narrative and replacing it with shame and self-hate. It feels very black/white. I also agree that this kind of approach isn't productive, even if it might seem 'fair' at first. It only perpetuates the splitting behaviors. It's a relief to be able to forgive yourself and commit to doing better in the future. That's why when I discovered Jesus and just Christianity it was incredible. No one is perfect, what matters is what we do withh those mistakes, Jesus loves everyone anyway. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!~
What’s interesting to me is how these outbursts were directed towards individuals in relatively “subordinate” positions / roles to her at the time (retail assistant, server) and this power imbalance in relationships and dynamics has been structure and dynamic has been discussed a lot in the older wave of intersectionality and internalized misogyny. It’s one thing to “snap” at a bully that has held power over you but someone in a subservient position suggests far more complexity beyond acting in survivor mode. 6:26
@@juliana.illustrations i was piqued by learning that as borderlines face love & disappointments, they not only compartmentalize people into "wonderful" and "horrible", they also apply that to themselves and their own behavior. it's not like they don't realize how far short of the mark they themselves are. which then adds more burden and confusion to try to deal with. what a great line you have there, "...sulking in self-critique and shame", which can be a go-to when you are so exhausted from trying to figure everything out to live a stable life. you are literally trying to feel any "agency" over your own brain and life.
@@moringaottawa your astute comments should always be considered. in Charlotte's case she mentioned several times in several ways that she has come to believe she harbors traits of entitlement and elitism. and that assesment of herself clearly disappoints her. she seems to understand that behaviors like that are repellant. possibly when she acted so poorly to others she was at her own wit's end, exhausted and when faced w/ being hurt (by rudeness) or told to comply (cigarette) she felt like "what NOW..." doesn't excuse her choices to behave badly to an innocent bystander at all, i understand. anger and BPD go together like peanut butter and jelly, sadly.
It's sad when women can't see how beautifully they are ageing.........very sad part of trauma or society causing you to see yourself through a cracked lense
here here ! bravo
Interesting!, she speaks like my ex-wife. She uses a lot the pattern "I think this is white, or maybe black, I don't know". She tries hard to make a point but it seem she didn't know exactly what her point was.
PD: This is not a critic, just an observation
BPD is very different to NPD.
I'm glad this connection is at least being addressed, but while the video edit was approved by the person interviewed it IS an *edit*, and at the end of the day we won't see how a person shows up in the context of their life even if there are specific situations they are disclosing.
I think the collateral damage is impossible to measure. It no doubt takes people a long time to come to a point of psychological literacy, and perhaps honesty, and meanwhile or before that point there's a lot of so called help that simply doesn't measure up. In my experience the most accessible form is simply 12 Step groups that doesn't even deal with addictions but attempt to wrestle with psychological matters, with which it seems just too easy to focus on others and basically frame oneself as the victim while actually taking responsibility for even present behavior is highly questionable. Throw enough people who are perhaps not even clear about a diagnosis (or something beyond the self diagnosis of the groups identification) and can only see it as a stigma rather than helpful information together in a group, along with a framework that really doesn't sufficiently explain what they have going on then it's not hard to see the dysfunction can be exponentially compounded, at best the social network remains at a superficial level following little more than a ritual.
With this information, (the kind on this channel) I think there's a little hope. Without it, I think the level of psychological literacy that's out there is really kind of in the stone ages, and whether it's personality disorders or something else that ignorance will inevitably cause damage. Those offering a solution when really not understanding nearly enough are also diverting peoples attention away from real solutions and education in favor of a simple answer, but it is unfortunately one that doesn't add up and is simply insufficient even if people like it and want to believe it is enough.
I have to change my comment. Today when I hear the three letters BPD or the term EUP, or I see behavior which is OK for infants but not for adults ….
I run away as far as I can.
Not because I want to punish the person.
It’s 2 years ago since we separated and literally now I feel how much energy she was seeking out of me. Energy which I do need for myself.
Therefore; my advice, to all people who socialize with a BPD personality, is … runnnnnnnnnnnn….. Without the suffering, the pain she will never see a therapist on her own behalf.
My Ex did choose to act out rude, in the sense of that she already was able to mentalize a little bit. And … did this little insight made her to change, searching for Therapy?
Noooopeeee.
If she ever would ask me to come back in my life? I would appreciate an apology.
I properly couldn’t trust her ever again… she destroyed a lot of feelings inside me which I had to relearn in Therapy to ever trust a new person again.
I may would say no to a friendship offer and I would wish her nothing but the best for her life….
Its essentially an oral fixation. You see people as sources that are supposed to gratify your needs. The world is a breast.
A baby has the right for all that the mother has.
Its a constant look for the perfect all good breast. And the means are exactly that of a baby, you try to control the breast omnipotently.
This is also why eating disorders are so common with people with BPD, as its an oral fixation.
This is fascinating.
That tracks for me! Add on top of that that my mom was a young parent and didn’t breast feed me or was emotionally available. Add a NPD dad and it’s not surprising at all I got BPD.
interesting. I heard from a book that my thirst for knowledge/certainty is me trying to make my own breast. Accepting uncertainty, not-knowing, etc. seems to be the balm. LEtting go of my thirst for omnipotence.
Freud
I've seen you everywhere with this psychoanalytic stuff. It's a ridiculous theory.
1:25 f*ck me. this is hard to hear.
You were not entitled or spoiled and people throw the word privilege around when they haven't experienced it. Maybe you were lucky. I would not blame you for any of that. We all do sh&tty things. You have no need to apologize for having nice things or being privileged. You suffered just as much as anyone else. Money and privilege doesn't buy happiness. People REALLY need to digest that reality.
Sigh 😞 this is exhausting. Just because one isn’t aware of her privilege doesn’t mean anything. Daily mobility is a privilege in itself that many aren’t aware of until they get an understanding of how important it is for human survival. Drinking potable water etc.
Nothing wrong with being more self-aware while also allowing yourself to still be in the moment and enjoy life - this is coming off as projected guilt.
@@moringaottawa If you are exhausted, take a nap.
You learned so much about BPD. Add a dollar and that might get a bowl of soup.
🖤✨
🥰
As a non-pretty privileged BPD - it’s interesting to see she’s *still* not taking full responsibility - with the comments “that’s not me”. Yes it was you, girl! That side *is* a part of you 🤷🏻♀️ hope she realizes, bc that’s a huge blind spot for the behaviors to return.
Yeah. She is a piece of work. She has the psychological language to speak about her past in terms of recovery, but I’ve seen enough of her interviews on here that I do not believe she is what she thinks she is. She displaces blame, she splits off her behavior from herself, she still hangs out with past abusers. I’ve heard numerous interviews where she basically just blames everybody else for her problems. I’m always confused when I see so many people talking about how amazing she is in the comments. Yes, I think she is a full person with good and bad traits, but I watch these videos and feel like I’ve been conned. Just watching her speak leaves me with an odd feeling every time
Oh, stop it.
@@WillIam79-c7fgatekeeping?
@@cjgeminitarot6836that's a lot of assumptions based on what you think.
@@cjgeminitarot6836I think "she is a piece of work" is a pretty harsh statement to make. I think there's clear evidence of her wanting to engage and improve. Blaming people like you say she does can definitely be fair sometimes, and other times it's not, but we also don't always get the balance right. There's only so much we can glean from these snippets anyway, and even if there are pointers it feels unfair to make these comments in a way that it is a personality condemning attack rather than anything constructive. People with BPD can sometimes engage in bad behaviours or have maladaptive ways of thinking, but writing people off is not just.
"Accountability is key."
"I don't want to say I was entitled..."
*Proceeds to explain how she was, in fact, entitled*
Amazing. 😂
Not the first woman to use looks and charm to manipulate men.
No offense - but It is difficult for me to believe that she has BPD. Not seeing it.
Well she doesnt need you to diagnose her thanks
@@BittersweetMayhem who diagnoses her? If you had 10 different psychiatrists or psychologists do an assessment on her, do you think they would all come to the same conclusion of BPD, smartass?
Agreed. She's way too skillfully introspective. In my experience with BPDs, they do nothing but blame other people for every single thing that goes wrong in their world. They take zero accountability. They bristle under even the slightest criticism. They lie, they deny, they project. This woman may have been spoiled and entitled, but she doesn't give off the BPD vibe at all. She's too self-aware. But to be fair, neither of us have ever tried to break up with her. That's the real test. Will she or will she not hit me with her car and then try to set me on fire?
It's definitely there throughout every video with her. BPD also lies on a spectrum. But if kicking a window in to the point of near amputation in response to DV dynamics she kept cycling within doesn't strike you as such, I don't know what to tell you.
But there is a thing called therapy and - I think maybe more important - good friends who will show you how to be better person@@floydello8558
I am blown away by the lack of self awareness pretending to be self aware.
Every time she had an opportunity to fully embrace the fact that she was an entitled , spoiled person she backpedaled along with that cadence and the closed off body language are red flags. This is 75% performative. In fact, these people learn how to fake the natural emotions so well anyone not paying VERY close attention might be bamboozled. When she talked about her ex, she didn't believe what she was saying. She doesn't truly believe she should be alone, she still feels entitled to his attention, time and energy, it's phoned in.
I was mean to him? No you ABUSED him. You felt entitled. Your love was transactional. Radical honesty is the only way to heal. This woman is STILL putting on a show and it oozed out from the screen. I don't believe these people will EVER be in a truly loving relationship.
Nope.
what do you mean by "these people"? People who have bpd?
It's not her dad. It's the whole society. And it's not her personal attitude or personality disorder. It's society's preferential treatment of young women. It was natural and rational for her to feel that way.
How do you think Karens are made?
@@ElanaVital83 in the Karen-factory, part of the Willy Wonka empire.
@@lorenzrosenthal119 I'm buying Slugworth candy from now on
Yes very true especially in this day and age of social media , women are bound to become NPDs and good one among them will become BPDs .....Simply remain away from them , Remember yours story is no different you are just a data a tiny spot on a bar graph of astonishingly high divorce rates
@@ElanaVital83 lol :)
Mmm...my BS detectors are tingling with this one...
whys it BS
@@fluffykittens123-qy5lyShe comes off manipulative
Why does this channel keep using this client; she's not all that relatable. Dont you have someone else already.
I agree. She doesn't seem right somehow, like she's saying this stuff because she knows they'll pat her on the head for it.