A Lesbian walks into a bathroom: A lesson on code switching | Lauren Hough | TEDxTysons
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- Опубліковано 30 бер 2020
- Author of viral essay “I was a Cable Guy”, Lauren Hough shares a skill every straight, white male should learn. Having grown up in a cult and served in the United States Air Force, Lauren knows a thing or two about code switching. Lauren Hough is the author of the viral essay, I Was A Cable Guy. Lauren was born in Germany and raised in seven countries, and West Texas. She’s been an Air Force Airman, a green-aproned barista, a bouncer, a bartender, a livery driver, and, for a time, a cable guy. Her work can be found in Granta, the Guardian, Huffington Post, Harper’s, and a forthcoming collection of essays from Vintage Knopf. She lives in Austin with her dog. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
5:07 "For men, their body itself is a defense. For women, our body's what we're trying to defend."
She put it so well. Bullseye!
RhythmAddictedState not 100 percent true I as a male have had to defend the carcass I am cruising around in. For the ladies who feel that way I hope we can show you we aren't all that way. Heck I am confused how one of you will fear me. And another will run to hide behind me from another man.
That statement makes absolutely no sense. Do you think men arent trying to protect their bodies?
Not to mention men use their bodies to protect women.
The odds of something violent happening to a women is alot smsller the violence happening to a man.
Lol oh boy
@@peternk7947 This is either overt trolling or genuine idiocy. It looks like someone read a very dated psychology book in high school and retained that part which would reinforce his innate prejudices and need to believe in his own natural superiority over those emotional neurotic women.
@yabucca If a complete stranger engages my space I would not have strange feelings or distorted perceptions, I would just ask that person to move and not make a big deal of it.
I know how she feels.
I’m a straight white woman, built like Serena Williams, but slightly taller. I tend to tie my hair back. I dress in jeans and pullover shirts, because it’s convenient, and because I divorced my vanity, years ago.
I can’t count how many times I’ve been called “Sir”. This, in spite of being very busty.
My code switching never works, though.
These experiences have, however, taught me not to attempt to “gender” someone.
09:05 "It probably doesn't occur to him that she will quit running. She will just decide that it is just not worth the risk. And she will miss it." So simple and so powerful at the same time. I wish men would understand what a profound impact their actions have on womens daily life.
J Endres I don’t think they well to be honest because I’m a man I get it but try telling that to the billions of men on the planet they’re not going to get it and sadly that’s the way it’s going to be
@@jordanmahonytheblindworld8483 I'm afraid you are right but I still have the hope that some men will understand and be more careful. The change of a whole society won't happen over night but every man counts ;-)
Wait. So are for or against code switching?
Watch yourself.
Why is it always a man's fault :( .. some people even project their own insecurities on us, as if we are responsible for what goes on in someone else's head...
OMG I just finished 'Leaving isnt the hardest thing' & I NEED MORE LAUREN.
Didn't want the book to end.
Best read I've had in a looong time.
I have autism, and for about the first 20 years of my life, acting like a normal person did not come intuitively for me. We fake normal behaviour until it is normal. But even though it's normal, social interactions, like saying hi to someone we cross on the start, they are incredibly taxing. The psychological aspect is really huge. We see someone coming, anticipate, prepare, watch for them to notice us, analyze their face for interest or lack there of, and if there's lack of interest we must refrain from starting and if there is interest we must master the correct thinking of a friendly nod, and then the timing of a timid friendly greeting, and the vocalization of the greeting can't be too faint or too loud.
Spending time with people we don't intimately know is also exhausting, wether we like this person or not. We are so self aware of ourselves analyzing of our behavior is "normal", we need to refrain from staring or avoiding eye contact and we can't blabber on about a subject if the other person isn't engaged with it.
I feel though that it must be said that people with autism(which in itself is a wide spectrum of similar conditions) come in many flavors and for a lot of them a lot of what I said would be contradictory, but I think that a lot of people will also relate to a great extent.
Also, a man using a women's toilet could have a perfectly ok reason to do so. Maybe ascertaining as to his reason and seeing if he's not harassing anybody is acceptable, but beating someone up for merely entering its just absurd. I'll come out and say it: I really hate macho type men.
Sounds like a sociopath.
mischa wolf What @William Vos, ignore these people. Thank you very much for sharing and I can relate as well, as someone who isn’t even officially diagnosed. Everything you said rang true to me, it’s incredibly taxing.
@Saul Statman
@jamison lamkin
Thank you both for the positive response. Take good care of yourselves in these strange times.
@karan
@william vos
You're allowed to hate us, or think two quite different things are the same thing. Personally I think life is too short to hate things. Not everybody with autism is very likeable, I won't deny that. But I would like to see that people postpone their judgments of individuals until after getting to know them. Im not talking about this comment section or forums online per se but people are far too complex and 3 dimensional to be defined by a single lable.
Thank you for your time and have a nice day.
On every thread one can play the game "Spot the Prat". How predictability boring.
To take a low blow at someone brave enough to admit having a complex psychological / neurological condition just reveals the base mentality such individuals have.
Andie Morgan What so you mean?
I liked how real and relatable the speaker was. I learned a lot, thank you!
Me too. This is one of those videos worth watching more than once.
Hahaha she's so relatable she called people a55hol3s for giving her book 4.5 stars out of 5 and then doxxed them for it. This person is absolutely horrible
I thought it was kinda funny how a lot of folks in the audience felt too awkward to fully laugh where as anyone else in her similar boat wouldn’t have a problem too; I found her jokes super funny and loved how she powered through and gave such great examples 💖
Edit: That ending was such a shock though! I can’t believe she had to go through that 😖
I recently started to realize that just as I'm afraid when someone is walking behind me, other people are afraid when I walk behind them. When I am walking and notice someone is in front of me, I either get on the grass to let them know I plan to pass them, or cross the street.
It didn't occur to me that I should do that until I realized I look over my shoulder, and feel nervous when someone is behind me.
I am 22 male and i feel the same , is it ok?
Kyle honestly I’ve never related to something more
@@akashsahu933 I dont see why not after all everyone has to worry for their own safety and were all human its only natural we feel the same in some cases
always a good move to move over to the grass to let people know you are passing. I have also noticed that on occasion when you do this the person or people in front of you will notice and may even thank you for it. they may stop and feel comfortable to talk talk to you and connect with you a stranger in a way both parties would not normally expect. The smallest gestures can have the most profound effects.
That's common sense!!! The problem is, they don't teach that in school!!
Its a matter of developing the hability to read body language... i always know when someone is afraid of me after i learned that. I even change lanes so girls feels safe when i'm walking pass a girl alone at night so she knows i mean no harm...
Thank you for that on behalf of all the other women who feel uncomfortable and even afraid.
I give them a creepy, calm smile if they happen to look behind them. If I'm feeling particularly bored, I sprint towards them, pass them and continue walking on the same side of the street, a few meters in front of them.
@@genericusername8337 wow badass man, you must have an amazing life
@@edward2803 No, not badass at all. I just like messing with people, like the white knights in this comments section.
It's all about having a bit of insight and consideration.
Thank you for illustrating it ain't rocket science.😄
I have to say I'm intrigued as to why some people are so threatened by this talk? She's not telling anyone how to act or what to believe etc. All she is doing is sharing her experience and saying that a little bit of consideration goes a long way. I would feel awful if I scared someone or made them uncomfortable and as long as it was reasonable I would do what I could not to scare them. The content of her talk is easier to relate to when you think about how you would feel if it were someone you loved was scared by a stranger? Would you tell that person to get over it and toughen up or would you wish that they hadn't been scared and that perhaps the stranger had been more aware in how they came across?
We live in a society. The minute we start thinking only about ourselves we lose the best of us. A tiny gesture can mean the world to someone else even if you don't understand it.
Great speech. This spoke to me.
I was harrassed so much as a child for being different I ended up spending most of my teens and twenties desperately trying to avoid being noticed, because being noticed was where the trouble always started... I'd never speak up, or complain. I got so good at vanishing that people would sometimes walk right into me in public (still happens). I even developed an aversion to taking opportunties or any behavior that would call attention to myself... even when I needed something, like a raise, or some basic consideration, it was always easier to not stand up for myself. Now past age 50, I'm still fighting these fears.
I subscribe to what u wrote!
Greetings from Romania 🇷🇴.
Bullies are everywhere .
@Scribbli Chheery : You are *not* society. You are one individual. Your *opinion* is only that, an opinion. Therefore it is simply an idea, and not necessarily a reality. A _"society"_ consists of many different people, and that is why we make the distinction. Your personal views are not that of society, regardless of the fact that some other may share your views. Please try to be less egotistical. If you do, life for *you* will be better too, as well as society at large.
Robert Scott I’m fighting them too, hang in there brother and thanks for sharing.
Thank you.
You just opened my eyes to the real reason I can be so wimpy.
I’ll have to work on that.
(I’m 59 this year)
as a trans woman who has experienced both sides of this, i have a lot of thoughts on this. living as a man i was aware of the threat i posed to women walking or jogging by themselves. i would often change my route to ease their fears. it was frustrating and hurtful, constantly feeling scary and worrying about how I'm perceived. it honestly sucked, and i dont miss it, but it beats fearing for your life.
Lmao who’s here from goodreads 😭🤚
Bruh I thought I'd be the only one please
Cis white male here, this made me cry
Could've left the identity politics out of it and just said "This made me cry", but no: Everybody definitely *needs* to know which group you represent, because that affects the validity if your opinion. We're not individuals after all, no, we're simply members of various groups. Why did you leave out your age, profession, nationality and political orientation?
@@genericusername8337 i thought it was relevant, so i added it, i don't think my profession, nationality or political orientation are relevant. i could have added that i am straight since i feel thats relevant too...
generic username generic username i don't think it was about him trying to make his comment "valid". the video was largely about identities and assumptions of identities. we would have taken a slightly different message if he said he was trans or old or a young girl or whoever else, but since the lady in the video painted white men as antagonists, it gives a clearer message than if he said it without the identity.
@@lotsofteabutnonetodrink5843 The assumption here is that since she said white men are the villains (which is odd, because rates of violence against women are higher in india and africa, for example), pointing out that you are a white male as well would make you look better. It's irrelevant. Identity politics is toxic. All of these issues can be solved without such a laserbeam focus on who is this and who does that, instead just addressing the issues themselves. Creating problems out of thin air is another thing that should be toned down.
generic username I don't understand why you think it's irrelevant. The commenter is expressing that not everyone of that category behaves and thinks in the way the woman painted them. She's actually apart of the problem by continuing the sexism and racism but anyway.. I agree that identity politics are toxic but the fact of the matter is that a lot of society care a lot about it since it affects them or they have been conditioned to care. I think part of the issue is that laser beam focus, but then it becomes a circular issue because people care about it since it affects them...Imo it seems like the real issues are pushed aside to leave room for whatever political agenda is on top. Now I'm just curious, but you said these issues can be solved without such a laser beam focus on who is who and who does what, and how creating problems out of thin air should be toned down.. Isn't that kind of what your first comment did? What is the problem with someone saying what they are? This question might be answered if you explain how it's irrelevant in this context, but it case it wasn't then I'd like to know
Get it together, control it , conceal don't feel. Great presentation.
Thank you for this interesting and thought provoking talk Lauren. The aspects I relate to most is the experience within toilets (UK), the code switching I would be asking for is not from those who look like me but from those who don't.
I am off to watch this again; food for thought. Thank you
M’y baby did the Arabic subtitles 😍😍😍
gggggggggggg
Yasen Emad ggggg🥰🥰❤️
Very well said! 💯
Wow this woman has some great points!♡♡♡
She doxxed people and called them 4ssh0l3s for giving her book 4.5 star reviews (out of 5). Which btw is an incredibly high review score. She was convinced her book only deserved 5 stars and called her fans names because of it.
@@godofchaoskhorne5043 What was the book called?
*That's not how the joke goes*
True, except that these things are not at all a joke.
lmaoooo
even just being in the closet still makes u code switch bc u act differently w the people who know vs the people who dont
Dank u wel x Thank you xx
Wow this is sincerely one of the best ted talks i have ever seen!
this was so informative and helps my awareness. *thank you*. And, honestly, yes - I am petite, and anyone larger causes me to become much more aware - particularly if they appear to be male as I know I cannot overpower them... I will try to be more observant, and again - really appreciate your insights.
The solution to this any many other problems or mainly knowing the higher reality that this whole world is an your tribe which you love unconditionally without any demands, expectation and with full empathy. See any situation without your ego and full empathy and love, you will never lose.
This is the great message of hinduism, and thats the beauty of spirituality
@Eriko. Oy now a days philosophy is more like being creative with thoughts instead of observing the problem impartial enough that it vanishes on its own and the solution is the only sight you are left with. Trust me life in all its aspects is more blissful than anyone can ever imagine in all its aspects, we just have to tune in right.
@Eriko. Oy i am talking this stuff after years of thinking and roaming through all kind of philosophies of my own until i finally reach the untimate, god i am lucky hehe
Excellent, very informative commentary
She was profound! 👏💓 I love the message. 🐧
Every time I walk into a room now I say “ I am not a threat” then I code switch to a werewolf works every time
well now I feel horrible about myself
This is too true. My family was on a trip to Cuba with my brother-inlaws' family a few years ago; one relative of theirs, in his 50s, on the trip went over and was speaking to some girls in their 20s, who were fairly attractive. They looked uncomfortable, and I told my Dad to call the guy over, as he was creeping them out. My Dad seemed to think that the girls would tell him to leave, or leave themselves; making me realize just how oblivious he was to what women deal with.
I created a woman. Best believe I'll stand up for you
i thought the title was a twist on the *a guy walks into a bar* joke
Great talk about code switching.
Thank you. Yes there are many times that men do things that can look like they're being threatening. They stand in your space or block the doorway and wonder why the atmosphere has dropped from friendly to frosty.
I'm sorry to hear that. That is not something I would do.
@Karan I have no idea what Simp means but I hope it's not hateful because I sure didn't mean anything hateful. As a matter of fact I found the broadcast to be very interesting and the speaker was sincere. After all, that's how we learn and understand about others trials and tribulations. AND, I'm responsive and enjoy others point of view. -keith
keith norris keith, kudos to you! i have respect for you. i live around a few men who could learn a thing or two from the way you handle things!
@@liwolfsohn Honestly, it's how I was raised. I don't know how many times my Mother and Grandmother told me, "Keith, It's the little things that count." And I believe that applies to just about anyone you know. The biggest problem I have today is how jaded people are. And wow, if you say something they don't like (especially on the internet,) look out, they'll come at you with guns a blazing. Seriously, we need to get back to basics with our people skills, I think we would all be much happier. Hey "no name" thank you for your kind comment. Be Well, -keith
@onion hey say yo I appreciate your response. I would have felt really bad If I found the meaning online and thought someone thought that way about me. Honestly, I truly enjoy all kinds of people and "try" to understand everyones point of view. I believe I have lived an interesting life in my 77 years with no plans to stop yet.:-) Again, thanx for your reply -keith
The 400+ who didn't like this talk are very likely the men she's talking about.
or they are woman who dont need to be babied.
@@Shortyyz respectfully, i think you missed the point
@@CDeniseG Respectfully i think you missed the point... she clearly wants it to be safer for woman and minorities which is great, but the way she is implying it will be better is if white men stop beeing aggressive or scary. il let you know a little fact about white men, they come in different shapes and sizes. some are scary some are kind. the problem is not white men but the fact that woman, children and some menn are weaker and its nature. instead of saying men should smile more (which i obviously agree that they should) the fact is woman need to "grow a pair".
Personally speaking I think it would be best if we didn't have to "code" switch at all.
Why? Shouldn't we take other people's sense of safety and comfort into account?
But it’s instinctual...
Yeah, why should we reject the gender given to us by God himself? I've been trying to figure out what this whole thing is about for years.
@@AndromedaChaceTo clarify, I'm saying it would be nice if we as people didn't need to change who we are to ensure safety or achieve a certain outcome in life because of ones pre-judgement of them.
@@timmyspov But you must be aware of more than just your own perspective. If a majority of people perceive you in a certain way, you have to take that into account and adjust.
Code switching is an art form, just ask any sucessful business person or politician
This is SUCH a powerful TED talk. Thank you for the education. I can only imagine how utterly exhausting this must be.
its only exhausting because she is pathetically weak and cries about her own lifestyle decisions and wants to be a victim.
How can you seriously not see the hypocrisy and straight up generalizations of all of her talking points!?
I don't usually watch videos that are recommended to me by the UA-cam algorithm but I'm really glad I watched this one. You are a wonderful speaker and I'm going to share this with friends. I'm also going to look for other videos where you have spoken. You have that combination of raw intelligence and compassion coupled with a great sense of humor.
thank you
ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS I’VE EVER SEEN ON YT. To hear someone that doesn’t look like me, speak to the exhaustion of code switching gave me some hope. It made me feel seen. Thank you
What a thumbnail XD
Allow me to add another group to those who learn to code switch. Autistic individuals, regarless of gender, race, ect... we have to learn to code switch to survive society.
Very good perspective talk, thank you for this as a white imposing male.
You good sir are a part of the solution. Thank you for having the strength of compassion and the courage to be introspective. What a great example of positive masculinity you set.
Wow. That's the truth, even if you are not aware of it!!
It's important to remember that we are all unaware of certain things. That is why celebrating diversity and having tolerance are so incredibly important to society.
She looks like Darren Till
Why am I opinion people that are blind and visually impaired have to colour swatch it’s what we do every day when were angry sad we change our motions we put on the smile you make people know that yes we have stuff going on but we’re not a tractor them that we can’t hurt them because one day I fear that there will be a blind person he will do the wrong attitude all the wrong behaviour and because of this he will get shot or she will get shot
well said!
These commends in itself is already pretty telling.
Thank you! This was so well done. I can't wait for your book!
Thanks Lauren Hough. I'm 56 and a Trans guy. I have lived IT ALL. Bless you and stay safe.
@The Muckler Muckling take off the pink dress and don't kid yourself. My wife loves me.
Lori Morse what does your wife have to do with their comment?
you probably don't need to hear this from me, but you're totally valid. rock on.
Nice I'm 18 and a trans man. 😎
Great talk
This applies to all people
@@Nougatiineuh while pointing the finger at white men.
Intersectionality on full display
Thank you!
Great talk!
Good talk
Problem is “people who look like you”
tend to believe that this is their world.
I’m glad you’ve gained so much empathy.
Be safe🌹
Its everyone's world though why would you say that we think its ours
@@God-qi1fr because you do. Maybe not you personally but the world favours men in so many ways. In example 90% of all medicines is only tested on men because as the sistem claims,women have periods and thus it's harder to tailor medication and do thorough testing. This is the reason why sadly most medication is not successful in treatment for women. And we represent half the population. Sad
Great listen
Wow! Such an emotional speech. Thank you for this Lauren. Such an eloquent speaker ♥️♥️
so good
amazing talk, thank you
Thank you Lauren!
Powerful
yeah see the biceps on her?
I hear what she is saying, people read you and others and get impressions. But its on them.. Don't blame others because you 'feel' something.. If you code switch to get along, great for you, but it is your choice. But its not required, to make others 'feel'. They own their feelings, you own yours.
"I have the right to extend the barrel of my gun to where it doesn't quite chip your tooth" is a rather primitive way to live.
Humans are communal animals and it is wrong to focus on self. If you accidentally make someone feel bad "That's on you" is a way less evolved response than, "Sorry".
Richard Caldwell it shouldn't be the fault of the perceived to be perceived, especially when it comes down to the perceiver's personal beliefs. if someone perceives one thing as bad, regardless of if it is, why should that person change or apologize for basically existing? the speaker of this video has had to do that for most of her life it seems, and now she wants others to face the same discomfort as her. i don't think the answer is to blame others and make them change, or to force others to accept that they can be perceived in a bad light because someone said so. making someone say sorry isn't exactly better than primitive
@@richardcaldwell6159 So its my fault? How? What are you telling me?
I thought it was the fist line of a joke I was waiting for a punchline.
Excellent talk!
That was amazing. Thank you.
Thank you, Lauren. I’m so tired of always looking over my shoulder. I’m tired of knowing in my soul that I am prey.
I agree, this is the most dangerous issue to America right now!
Beautiful talk. Thank you.
I don't think straight white guys with a gun are so much a threat (at least in Ohio), but it's like being well trained in self defense, you carry yourself with confidence. That being said, I conceal, I don't carry it on my hip. More than likely you see more open carry in the west, as in Texas. As a white male, I feel like I have to defend myself (not with the gun,) to often because of the male bashing these days, and probably in similar ways she does. All that being said, I enjoyed her presentation. She makes very good and though provoking points. I want to be clear, I am not bashing anyone, just expressing some of my frustrations as a white man in today's society. The world is becoming more and more complicated to live in. Personally, I believe it's because we as people are trying to be "to diversified." In my 77 years I have found most people tend to want to be with like minded people. What do you think? -keith
Male bashing 😂😂😂
This is very interesting, as a Polish dude living in Canada, in a multicultural city, I never even thought about this idea of "code-switching" .. I don't care about what Canadians or other immigrants think of me... And I never "code-switched" ever because it is unnecessary. Imagine living in a society that so weak and timid that people are even afraid of offending each other. I can't imagine that people are so insecure that they practice changing their behaviour to feel safer, or to conform to someone else's insecurities. That would only make people even more weaker and more insecure. Just be yourself, no one should change their behaviour just to make up for other people's insecurities, that is ridiculous. You don't have to code-switch at all, don't avoid trouble, conquer it, grow a spine and toughen up, just be yourself and be proud of yourself. Don't live in a life of fear. Thank you for the Ted Talk though, it's a new perspective on how some people think in your diverse societies. I hear Canadian politics always pushes notion "diversity is a strength".. but after watching this it makes me wonder, 'diversity' could be a life of fear.
I agree with you, thank you for your perspective, I think that this mentality that she is describing is specifically for people that are afraid of being different in society and have a fear of not belonging. That could reflect their personal insecurities. I think these kind of people are also the type of people that would try to control your speech and your own personal freedoms or thoughts.
It wasn’t about insecurities, it’s about the fact that in most places (like the american south) you being beaten or killed for being different is a real possibility, though I understand where you’re coming from, it isn’t the reality we face, it’s about surviving
@@abigailmaturana741 the could and is are two different things. I understand most of you need to find an excuse, but being afraid without actual proof does represent insecurity. As per example, the walking behind a woman, happened to me as well, but she stopped and I'd passed her. However, the issue was hers to begin with, and not in me walking 10 meters at the same pace with her after meeting at a crossing. If you feel insecure in your south or elsewhere, or walking alone, opening the door to strangers, then take precautions instead of wrongfully blaming for the most part other "middle aged white men". Because kidnapping, beatings and killings do happen, but at a much lower rate than hate-spewing you people do. And hate-spewing does amplify the occurrence of these things you want to avoid.
Emm N. oh honey... there is so much proof, you can actually easily google them, look up Hate Crimes or Lynching k?
@@abigailmaturana741 oh sweety, labeling unknown men you meet on the streets predators, killers etc is not proof. Now going on the internet and talking about these people as being something they're not, that's proof you should get your head checked.
XOXO Ty for this- Love to you ☆♡☆♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hi
@@fayizmukkam2147 Yo ;)
@@AmberAmber name please
@@fayizmukkam2147 My name? Elektra.
@@AmberAmber nice. And I want to study English. Could you help me?
I do feel the sentiment and agree with what's been said. We all should try to ensure that our presence doesn't make the people around us feel unsafe but saying that all white men are doing it and putting the whole problem on our shoulders is wrong this is a universal thing, everyone should be aware of this not just "the white men"
cool
Fake
Why are you pretending to be MrBeast????
I am not I am just say I support for these people
Get your own identity
I just typed out a good half a page explaining what its all like from a white mans point of view with a few explanations to some of the things mentioned here about white men but I dont see the comment anywhere after I refreshed to check. If anyone has questions about white men feel free to ask with a reply ill answer as soon as I see it.
TheArmedDodo are white men deserving human rights?
Sure, please explain to me as a woman how hard it is for you to be out and about in the world as a white man. Please tell me how you feel threatened and how it's scary and certainly explain to us, all of us how hard it is for you. I really want to understand your point of view. You feel that you have a right to be aggrieved, I think it's important for all of us to understand why.
@@user-dz8pg5sw6s they have all of the human rights, why would you ask that question? I don't mind that they have them, I would like to have them too
These liberals cant take criticism. I fear that blood will be shed if this goes on for much longer, dodo.
@@user-dz8pg5sw6s
No
What's supposed to be the message here? Men shouldnt go outside anymore, because they are a constant threat to women? This is ridiculous. Not far from my house there is a small, dark, 1.5m wide alley ( I have to go through to get to the town's center, supermarket etc.) Am i not allowed to take that alleyway anymore? It happened multiple times that people (women and men) decided to run ahead if i was walking behind them or decided to wait for me to go all the way through before entering themselves. I'm a big guy (1.9m, 90kg) and i usually wear dark clothes. Am i obligated now to smile all the time, wear rainbow outfits and take a 20 minute detour only so that my paranoid fellow citizens can feel safe and secure 100% of the time? If you dont feel secure in public practise martial arts, buy a (self defense) weapon or stay at home, but don't try to tell other people what to do when they haven't done anything worng.
tzzui A little empathy goes a long way
The message is show the people around you that you are not a threat, because too many people have been hurt by threats, and threatening people act just like you
I completely agree with you, tzzui
Crazy Straw why should people show others they are not a threat? wouldn't this just be abused by actual predators to deceive a victim? as a gender nonconforming woman, i really think the solution is to just be aware of your surroundings and be prepared to defend yourself if necessary. if you're paranoid about anyone meeting a stereotype of someone that COULD cause harm, that's a problem that will follow you until you die. making other people change isn't going to solve the actual issue here
😂 What. Code switch.. its adapting to the situation pretty simple cognitive strategy in all forms of life not just humans.
👍👍👍
Can any one help me
With what honey?
divi I wanna develop my language
@@zahraasaad3048 talk more
@@zahraasaad3048 Start by listening to music and watching tv shows you like in that language. If you can, try singing along to the music. Don't worry too much about tone and pitch. The rythm will help with the pronunciation.
If you're religious, try praying out loud in other languages. Jesuit priests often translated the Lords Prayer into other languages.
Kyle I wanna frind to talk with you
Very dry sense of humour!
everyone code switches, conservative, bible thumping white males do too - its not as apparent if they are the majority in your current social setting. . I am sorry for anyone's experience with hate, discrimination, or being afraid. Love your neighbor as your self - consider others feelings and POVs more often.
Сделайте пожалуйста субтитры, прошу
Hello from California. Внизу справа от экрана. Нажмите значок шестеренки: > Subtitles\CC (1) > English (auto generated) > Subtitles/CC (1) English (auto generated) > Auto Translate > Russian
Извините за гугл переводчик ^-^
Aylbdr Madison thanks 🙏.
I mean what?
What part of this did you find confusing? If you explain we'll try to help you out.
There like ratio makes me really question the types of people watching these talks
Technology, Entertainment, Design. Why do TED talks keep forcing themselves into silly topics ?
@onion hey say yo It's a silly topic in any society. TED was about future-building ideas, great minds and design to inspire people.
Now it's about genderfluid and the alphabet squad.
Let's hear about actual issues, like climate change, pollution, energy consumption, 3rd world countries development (did you know that : to increase kids literacy and schooling in 3rd world countries, the best help is not books and building materials for the schoole ... it's vaccines.) and other actual issues.
This "i don't feel good in bathroom" talk is basically the least important thing ever, and at the very least, not what TED was about.
this is hilarious =D thank you for the laugh!!!!
The topic is all about how we treat each other no matter how different we are from each other and taking into account other people's comfort zones..As a Muslim myself I relate a lot of these guidelines already written by God for us, but we as humans try to see what works for us first before we realise the actual truth. But Believe me, if you end up in a social situation with a Good Muslim or Christian, you're probably gonna be treated comfortably the way you appear to them, which is one of the logical reasons why it's forbidden in Islam for a male to dress as a female and vice versa.
Another reason why I'm saying this is that I don't think I've never heard of another Mammal species choosing similar gender as the attractive part, which is within our nature to be attracted to the opposite cause this is how we give birth and raise fine people that later would take part of a society that Hopefully would have good well mannered as the majority.
Technology, Entertainment, Design. What does this come under?
Clearly not second. She worked for cable company, so tech then?
Cringe
Cool content keep it up support please
I don't like some parts where it seems like overall message is "it's all straight white man's fault!", but apart from that, I think that it's really great speech. I'd like to notice, that a lot of people of colour are guilty of such behaviour, too and most of man (white, too) aren't dangerous. I always found it funny, how this lefties circles are all about not generalizing, but they're just doing the same, but towards people, from which they expect being generalized. If you want people to change and realize that their doing wrong, maybe first not make them feel attacted. Still, grate message. Peace ✌🏻
...Did you mean *attacked?
...Did you mean *great?
👍🏽💯🤔
@@user-mj8nf2vp7q yes, I'm not a native speaker
@@lostbuthopefull8788
...I would never have guessed.👍🏽💯🙄
*💪BREAK THE CHAlN💪*
Stay home..stay Safe
Like from kerala,INDIA
..കമന്റ് തൊഴിലാളി കീ......
7210
Nancy Colon Anderson Andrew
"Colon"? Seriously?
Anders from workaholics. She was funny.
Yes code switching is adapting to the dominant culture, wherever u r. as she says it is a matter of survival.
If you lived on the island of Lesbos in a completely female dominated society, men would always code switch. If the women on the island were women of color, white men in particular would have adapt. But we live in America. We r all trying to figure it out.
Have you ever met a white tourist
I'm not sure what she means by code switching, but it seems like she just means keep your distance and be friendly?
Also as somebody who fears pretty much everybody on the street, male or female, how do you suppose I curb my fear of the women I pass? Tell them off? Get big and buff, and therefore appear as a threat to them? I dunno, but being white and male certainly doesn't automatically make me feel safe.
I would encourage you to check out the video again. She did a very thorough job of explaining code swtiching...multiple times.
You mentioned being a white male and experiencing fear of people. Do you see the irony of why people code switch in this situation? Your situation is relative.
Scared of Richards!!??
Because one doesn't like a certain body part (penises in this case) does not even remotely imply they fear said body part.
That wasn't even slightly clever btw just juvenile, especially considering your user name. But it is an apt name for you personally, on that much we can agree.
@@aylbdrmadison1051
Well Ali
Thank You Soo Much!!
Umm..... If you're really not scared of of Ol Owsley Maby you shud start with Smthin Small n Work ya way up.....
Life's a learning process- perhaps even you could learn to Love!!
1 Love
@@aylbdrmadison1051
O But I Think in You're case It says You're TERRIFIED OF ROOSTERS DOLL.
THOU PROTEST WAY TOO MUCH.
ROTMFFLMMFAO@U
clowns
She is so hot
meow meow I agree
Maybe code switch to look like the beautiful girl you are so you're not afraid! Is the term code switch new? I feel like most of this information is called common sense! Don't we all as human beings code switch? I want to fit into this crowd, so I act like this or I want to fit into that group so I act like that. All this talk in our society about "be you". "Be who you are". Code switching is like the opposite of this. Common sense says... "Dude, knock and back away from the door!" Common sense says, "I look dangerous, I should probably stop following that girl while we're both running to the same place." In my kindest possible way I'm asking to define the difference... Is the term "Code Switching" just a definition for "Common Sense"?
Apparently, a lot of grown men have no "common sense" then. Let her dress and act the way she wants, she does not want yours or anyone's approval to not be "the beautiful girl" you want her to be. She is a grown WOMAN, not a girl.