Stop Telling Yourself Stories That Hurt You
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- Опубліковано 27 бер 2024
- The majority of the emotional stress people experience is self-induced. The good news is, this can also be managed fairly easily.
There are 2 specific factors to emotional stress, objective and subjective. Basically, there are things that happen to you, and then there are the ways you interpret what happen to you.
You cannot remove all emotional pain from your life, but you can significantly decrease it. I'm showing you how
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But I do care.
Mark Twain said, "The worst things in my life never happened to me."
He also said eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing could possibly go worse.
We suffer more in imagination than in reality. --Seneca
Love this!! ❤❤👍👍👍
@@user-im8xw6xh1l some suffer more in reality than imagination
No, I actually suffer more in reality... that's why I daydream
Bullshit. I never imagine being beaten and strangled by my husband.
That's so naive and unrealistic 😂
In short, "don't turn a feeling into a story".
Don't turn a THOUGHT into a story. ?
@@marlenechicoine4005 I think the feelings precede the thoughts, but they're less accessible/pre-cognitive/out of awareness, so the brain tries to deal with them by turning them into ruminations or stories.
Our brain can really form narratives
But that's how I cope
If we don't have a story it means we will not do the introspection and we will avoid something. This is a symptom of narcissism.
We'd better say "don't turn a feeling into a BAD story".
I heard it said, 'Don't believe everything you think.' 😮
The bible and other philosophical teachings say that you must bring you thought life into captivity. Because your mind has a will of its own. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
That’s wrong. Validate everything you think
@@atheistbewildered2987 What principles are you validating you thoughts on.???
Sure, gaslight yourself.
But then again I did lie to myself by thinking people liked me as much as I liked them or hard work and honesty will earn me respect.
@@sparklemotion8377 oh dear, giving up did me no good too you know?
Guess what the gaslighting you did to yourself is better than me saying "Dude you are a failure just stop trying"
I think it's a better approach to life just not trusting the thoughts of the brain.
But hardworking, honesty and being a good human being as a recipe to live a life? Hell yeah.
Keep your head up!
The worst thing is when we not only believe the stories we tell ourselves and make ourselves feel worse but when they become our identities and we don't know who we are without them. Then healing becomes a real challenge.
Is that like when feeling good and positive is a foreign feeling.??
And then we actually reinforce those stories through our behavior and choices
And this is exactly where I am
@@juggles5474 It takes approx 28 days to form a habit that can last a life time. Evern if you break the physical habit it can take another 30 days to break the physiological habit. but if that habit has been linked to dopamine response.?? up to a year to reprogram and replace with positive habits. And for a lot of guys doing it by themselves, that's a up hill battle.
But it's possible! ❤
I'm so depressed. I have no one. I need to move from a toxic living situation but I have financial anxiety about doing that. And so depressed its so hard to function. No one to be there for me.
I'm sorry you are feeling so low with depression. Perhaps reach out to someone like a Doctor. Or Get a referral to Counsellor. I do hope you receive the help you need to start feeling better and able to cope with your problem.Best wishes xx
@gazelle3635 you couldn't have said it better. I'm in the same situation. It IS my fault. I made my bed and now I have to live in it. I want a magic wand. 😢
@@koskap35if u don't have financial means and you are older there are not as many choices.
I'd LOVE to know what I "did wrong?!" I'm 53 years-old. I had a nice life until I got long haul Covid and had to move in with my parents. My father and I don't get along. Three years ago he started recording me on my phone. Just 'cuz. One day I tried to grab the phone out of his hand and my fingernail scratched him, making him BARELY bleed. He actually called the police on me. Since he's 77 years-old they deemed it ELDER ABUSE. I've been going to court now for THREE YEARS. I can't find a job. I can't even volunteer anywhere. So now I'm literally STUCK living with him.... can't find work. Have no money. My car just died on me. I've had depression and anxiety my whole life. This isn't making it better and I'm at a loss...
Same, friends! I’m stuck in a very toxic situation. Had to move back to my narcissistic mother and enabler of a dad bc of being BROKE! I literally considered going into prostitution so I don’t have to go back to the birth place of all my traumas but then I was like: yeah no. It’s so unfair that money controls our lives and influences our destiny. There are solutions but they are not the ones we would like. I guess the first step to get out of that 💩 is to first find a job where we are, even if it’s flipping burgers 12 hours a day. And find ways to cope with the stuff that makes us feel good (for me it’s music and watching musicals). You’ll feel so much better if you just leave the house during the day!!! Toxicity is like a rampant fungus. The more you’re around, the more it grows on you. And in you!!!
These videos have done more for me than therapy ever did.
I hope that these videos truly help you. For me though I'm currently doing ACT treatment with the VA and my therapist is the best I've ever had and I have more hope today than ever. I find these and other videos are a supplement for me during this time in therapy and I think they'll continue in that role post therapy. My point here isn't to argue with you but to say find what works for you and keep searching for your path to healing. I like these videos too and it's no surprise to hear others out there like and find them helpful as well. I'm feeling hopeful this morning and I hope you're feeling good and wish you well on your continued healing.
@@dalejones9150 that's great! I'm glad things are working out for you and that your mental health is improving.
@@dalejones9150 Many don't because like myself they feel its to late and they are to old. I don't know how you do it bro. I get on edge and dangerous when talking about the past and personal issues. For me that's up close and personal. Knife fighting territory.
Every therapist is different. This one always makes a lot of sense to me in ways that others haven't. It's just the luck of the draw.
@@unclewazza777I can assure you that there are still many days for me that I'm sure I'm NOT doing it. But my therapist keeps reminding me to take credit for the things I'm doing right and keep working baby steps toward truly living my values. I'm glad to be having this conversation and I hope it finds you well today.
I told myself stories for years that I was unlikeable based on a few instances of dysregulated CPTSD that haunted me. These were stories years ago people forgot even happened. When I stopped telling them, the stories stopped.
🎉🎉congrats !!! I / we matter !! 😊
And now you're the pied piper and draw crowds wherever you go?
Don't gaslight yourself. Trust what's true for you.
Beautifully put 🤗
But how when the things I tell myself about myself are true? 🙃
The brain CAN / will lie from emotional wound !! 😑😑 🙄
& KNOW WHAT gaslighting is!!, when it happens it could be easy to not notice !!
Easier said than done sometimes, especially when the 'truthful' things you've been told to believe about yourself for essentially your whole life turn out to be nothing but hot air & false convictions, with the only recompense available from that point of realisation onwards to try to be successful, because you sure as hell aren't going to receive an apology from anyone...mostly because the bulk of people, due to 'common sense', still seem to think you're faulty. Oh well, and as they say, it is what it is...which fortunately I know I'm not any longer, even if many others don't agree.
"being a pemissimic, cowardly worse case scenario negative person is an evolutionary necessity and defense mechanism" holy shit... you're so right. My mind is blown. I feel so validated, thank you ❤️
Such a great way of describing my brain 😂. I do try not to be that person, but my brain just does not want to comply.
“Why am I the way that I am?”
“Because one long winter my great great great grandfather didn’t store enough potatoes.”
@@DrScottEilers or one long winter my great great great grandfather did store enough potatoes while those around him didn't 😁. In my case my great great great (maybe another great or two) grandfather moved to South Africa for his breathing problems. Guess who now has breathing problems?
@@GingerBiPolarBear SAME
Being a 'VINO' is a real CON thing, for narcs, (they're 'Victims' In Name Only.)
I’m 31 and have never been in a serious relationship.
Unsurprisingly, this has caused me to draw some pretty negative conclusions about my datability and overall self worth.
When my family started making comments expressing their doubt at the prospect of my finding a wife, it validated all my doubts and fears in the worst way possible and led to it being the main driver of my depressive episodes, which usually revolved around the broader theme of feeling like a failure/behind in life in several aspects.
My father said something about it being particularly important for me to stay in good shape since I’m probably not gonna have kids to look out for me in my old age.
That comment threw me off the deep end into a depressive episode that lasted for weeks.
I say this to illustrate the point that words, no matter how untrue can impact you very deeply , and this goes triple for people who struggle with depression.
I'm very sorry that happened. Those comments from your family are very hurtful. Some people find their partner later in life. Men can have kids until they are much older.
IMO comments made by parents and family drive deep into us and are hard to see or iradicate because they sound like our own thoughts.
Some Czech psychologist noticed a thing about gender problem.
He had some client who transitioned twice in 4 years, from a man to a woman and then from woman to a man.
The psychologist learned from him that he hated his male body, being a male.
He found out.
The main reason of this problem, is that children feel un-accepted in both systems:
1. Children feel - unseen in the family system
- unheard
- unaccepted
2. Children feel - unseen in the education/school system
- unheard
- unaccepted
If kids feel un-seen, un-heard and un-accepted at home but also in school, it leads to some kind of low self-worth, and the kid is not able to accept himself or herself.
Therefore it leads to self-harming, and feeling lack, not knowing who I am, what is my purpose in life etc.
----------
From these conversations we may understand important things.
So people start talking to your kids in genuine way, (not what some television told you, but what your intuition tells you) so:
1. they feel seen
2. they feel heard
3. they feel accepted
Don´t force them to do football professionaly, if they love math and science,
don´t force them to do math and science, if they love football or baseball
listen what makes them most passionate, what profession is making them most happy,
make them feel they are loved accepted etc.
Because if you force child to do something else, they feel un-worthy, they feel like they failed, because they are prohibited to do things that they love doing.
And we may be almost certain that if a school or parent is forcing the child to be certain way, and not have their own thinking process and passion for something,
it means that the parents were raised the same way when growing up, therefore they treat their kids that way.....
.... they were unheard unseen unaccepted, when they followed their passion and purpose, in their teen-hood etc.
So tell your parents with compassion and empathy
I know you have your own agenda, because you were raised that way, you were forced to think certain way
but I know what is my passion, my true purpose.
@@alenaadamkova7617 I appreciate your insight and advice, and I'm not discounting its merit, but in my case the family condemnation only amplifies the agony because I'm already fixated and beat myself up over "missing the mark" on the areas of my life that they criticize me for.
It's not that our agendas are mismatched, they want the same things for me that I want for myself already. The perpetually single problem is one of several of which are not worth getting into here, but my single problem comes up the most and feels the most time-sensitive which amplifies the anxiety surrounding it.
It's usually the catalyst that opens the floodgates into prolonged negative thinking, and hyper-analyzing my entire life through the lens of "you're a failure". I go down the "where did I go wrong" rabbit hole a lot which I know isn't a productive thing to do, but we can't always help how we feel about ourselves.
Yes, and with depression it's 10x worse.!! I'm suffering terribly also...🙏
I'm having a depressive episode and I'm so angry at myself because I want to succeed so badly and I'm so close, but I'm falling apart at the finish line.
❤
Push harder. You are RIGHT THERE. Push on, my friend. You deserve happiness.
Our mind/heart/every cell “hear” everything we tell ourselves
So true. I've found out.
I blame myself for foolishly retiring from the career job I really loved!. I got anxiety and depression from this, and told myself with passion, how much I hated myself. Using the most hateful words.! I don't like anything anymore, not even hobbies I used to enjoy. It's like I hate myself so much now. I'm unable to forgive myself for all the mistakes ive made in my life. Im living in misery. Your comment was true. 😢
@@klanderkalyou were dancing into a depression. Get out of there. Now. Better your life. Stop crying.
@@truffaut650truffaut6 Thanks, If there were a switch to turn off the pain , and suffering, Anxiety sucks, insomnia sucks, depression Sucks!I would have flicked the switch months ago.
I didn't know . I thought everyday would be like " a day off".. I was wrong. 3 weeks after, days off weren't fun anymore. I wanted to go back to my routes, passengers, coworkers. I lost my purpose, identity , etc. Depression is so horrible.! It takes all desires to do anything . And , for example .. I loved to get coffee, workout, and go swimming EVERYDAY. With depression ... I lost interest and enjoyment for all. I don't even enjoy TV , music anymore???!!!. It's so unbearable living like this.
I WISH, I could just be normal as I was, doing the activities and hobbies I used to enjoy., and enjoying my young adult children , and friends, neighbors as before!
... I want to snap out of this.
I was told I'm grieving. My mental and physical health are declining too...! I don't want that either.
But,... the illness of depression just don't dissappear. I tried working out last week, but didn't enjoy and felt uncomfortable with no interest .. I went to the beach to try my swim as before. I wasn't even happy to be there??, I tried to swim... and just stopped, had no pleasure , or drive. That's how bad this depression is. I ruined my life by retiring from a job I loved of 30 years. I was institutionalized, and didn't know it.
Practical, non-patronising, no-bullshit, articulate, highly intelligent professional. I'm running out of space from bookmarking all your videos!
I agree
God, every single thing you said is going on in my head. I can’t imagine believing that I’m not a broken mess.
Me too.
Case in point - don't feed into the story
My psychiatrist called me out on the negative stories I tell myself just this morning. It was hard to hear, but she was right. I keep thinking I can't overcome my anxiety and depression because "Im different from everyone else." "I'm a freak." "There's something wrong with me..."
What you're saying, and more importantly, what I can actually take in, is that my distress is NOT MY FAULT. It's due to things that happened to me when I was too small to push back.
Thank you so much for this. I just found your channel - what a gift. Your compassion and wisdom shine through.
What you describe is how bullies work, they literally manipulate someone into causing problems for themselves. There's no sugarcoating it, bullies are evil. Bystanders also have a role, if they showed in no uncertain terms that bullying won't be tolerated in their midst, it would rarely happen as all bullies are bed wetters who wouldn't dare attack anyone without support. When onlookers ignore or show support for bullies they are giving the bully their approval whether they want to or not.
It's crazy that we had to be more risk-averse to survive, but now we have to be less risk-averse to thrive
When my husband left me after 20 happy years for a woman half my age (I was 10 years older than him), when I asked him why he said "if you don't know I'm not going to tell you."
What a cop-out.
This was the big trauma that changed my whole life.
It's better off not knowing anyway.
You are correct.
I’m sorry people seriously suck!
Let's see how long that lasts.....
He was right. You can't see you took him for granted.! You forget Men age like a good wine while waman age like milk. You forgot that once your fertility had gone so has your SMV. The younger women gives him a future he could never have with you.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
As a habitual over-thinker, it will be great to get some helpful strategies.🙉
Yes, very useful! Thanks so much, Doctor!😊
I am always over thinking everything to the point of distraction. It is very annoying to others, but I think I have to do it so I make sure I get things right. Kinda like OCD added on.
@@janetslicer3637 Oh, that can be a difficult one. Mine is more anxiety-based, and random thoughts or thoughts about what I'm afraid to do. Ugh! I hope these strategies can help us both.😊❤️
@@pickledherring8759 I am sorry, but I did laugh out loud when I saw your name "pickled herring." Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it but I loved your name even more! ♥️
@@janetslicer3637 🤣 No sorry needed! I picked it because it does sound kind of silly, even though it's a real thing. Never had it myself, just heard it before and sounded like a good username. Glad I made you laugh! 😄 ♥️
why am i constantly overthinking? these past few months i feel like i’ve been plagued with some sort of illness reassuring delusions and convincing myself that thinking the worst of any situation is the actual reality. i can’t escape this and i’m so desperate to just let it go..
I’m so desperate for change…what I want and feel capable of are worlds apart. This is so tremendously relatable.
I am actually genuinely trapped in a situation I cannot escape.
this is how i feel also, but we can escape.
Are you in danger or what’s going on?
Your approach to mental health is so refreshing and honest. And i cannot tell you how much it meant to me to hear a mental health doctor say he didn't like being alive all the time and that he had to work at feeling good about existence. I cannot tell you how validating that was ❤
It seems like a lot of times peoples personal trauma is invalidated by other people. What I mean is that people often seem to say things that make it not ok to feel bad about some event. Like "there is always a person out there who suffered a really bad trauma and so since theirs was so much worse your trauma isnt valid".
It's almost like human competitiveness about who is the bigger victim.
Well, I get the feeling that our brains and bodies dont really recognize so much the extent or degree ones residual trauma as a result of an external event. But rather something bad happens, we feel trauma, and that feeling is not necessarily proportional to the degree of the bad event. For example, does it hurt more or less to loose a job with a $20 / hour pay check or a $40/ hour pay check... In other words, it doesn't hurt twice as much....
Another example, Does it hurt more to be divorced or widowed?
Does a 20 marriage ended hurt 10x more than the ending of a 2 year marriage?
I dont think the brain and body recognizes the extent of a bad feeling proportionally.
Therefore: Since A person who fails an important test in school may be experiencing as much pain and sorrow, in a physical sense, in a moment, as a person who was just had a spouse die or that the degree of the loss may not be proportionally reflected in the level of pain experienced. A persons pain is valid regardless of the degree of the trauma that caused it.
I just dont know how to say it in English right.
Beautiful display of humanity and compassion right here. Wish more people were like you; never change.
Stay in the feeling, really feel it, without adding any storyline to it.
Wow. Yes, as a seven year old not allowed to go to the next grade...I was a 'failure'. For nearly seventy years it unfolded as you say. Self rejection, the inability to acknowledge most successes, a pattern of quitting just before completing a task, etc. Your examples are crystal clear for me...and helpful. I have notes on all of the suggested strategies; and will add them to my skillset. Thanks.
That's horrible I'm sorry that happened to you... What a fucked up system... we're not failures! ❤️
Don't believe everything you tell yourself. You're only repeating inherited other people's personal denial
God bless you ❤
For me, it was 4th grade and I'm nearly 60. @stevec404 I haven't finished watching and those statements ring true to me as I'm self reflecting this weekend & throughout Spring.
I've been in therapy for more than a decade and I have blamed myself for a long time for not getting better. Because I was given skills that I just couldn't use or that my emotions and beliefs and thoughts managed to render useless.
I always thought there was something wrong with me because these therapists seemed unable to help with these obstacles. They only knew how to teach the therapy, not troubleshoot it. Or maybe they really thought I just wasn't trying hard enough-something I believed and sometimes still believe about myself.
Seeing my current therapist has turned that on its head because she's the first one to directly tell me otherwise. She does DBT, in which therapists are taught that therapy doesn't fail clients, therapists do.
That concept is something I still find hard to believe but even the possibility my continued suffering isn't my fault or due to an innate flaw has offered a lot of relief.
I wish you would do a series on PARENTAL ALIENATION! I’m so happy you mentioned this not many therapists don’t even know about this brutal abuse that affects millions of people. I wish you would do a series on it and how to deal the trauma of this!!!!
I am really struggling.
Have tried everything
I have tried so many strategies but I am really struggling. I really do not know what to do. I don’t know how much more I can cope.
I feel the same way, i feel so tired. I don't know how much i can sustain
@@stewartkatz6119 Hi. Me, too. I just TOLD ( not asked! TOLD!) my primary care doctor to refer me to a psychologist & FAST! And in meantime, I texted 988 & they have a telechat & calling, too. It's THE crisis line in U.S. ...are you in U.S.?
I am not kidding, I'm going to get 988 tattooed on me! They're very helpful 💙
@@stewartkatz6119 also, do you have a friend or anyone you trust? Can you ask them to just listen, I mean, really hear you? Even if all you can manage is to tell someone you're really struggling, it's a HUGE step forward for you & I swear it's so worth it.
And YOU are worth it 💙 You are not alone, though it may feel so. But I promise, you're not. Please reach out?
And please let me know that you have or will, please?
We both can get help & support 💙💙💙
@@stewartkatz6119 - This from a fellow sufferer...and survivor.
"Never quit - Never surrender" (Galaxy Quest). Binge this mans channel. Whatever your core situation is, there are fantastic channels like this one to open our minds to the truth...and educate as to strategies for improvement.
This is why the manifesting community can be so dangerous. Some will tell you (especially under the Neville Goddard banner) that you create your reality so all of those horrible experiences of rejection and abandonment were created by YOU. “I believed he’d reject me so he did.” Instead of empowering me, that “everyone is you pushed out” BS sent me into an even worse depression thinking that I attracted this into my life and am responsible for EVERYTHING.
Yeah..."self fulfilling prophecy" I hate that idea.."you don't believe in yourself, so that means you won't succeed." If this was true I'd have never succeeded at anything, I'm surprised I have a job because I didn't think I was capable or competent...I hated myself then and still do now, but that really didn't change the fact that I marched into that restaurant, introduced myself, and inquired about a position, and now I'm bussing tables working twice a week and my boss is the best in the world! I have skills and people tell me I'm a hard worker.
@@claireschweizer4765 I still struggle with hating myself so I feel you there. But yes, I still got what I wanted for the most part in life, partly due to hard work, partly due to the few friendships I’ve had, despite feeling awful about myself. There are kind people in this world and not so kind people and my powers of “manifestation” have nothing to do with that. Yes I can control my reactions and my “story” as Scott said, but I didn’t create my childhood trauma.
@@claireschweizer4765 believing in yourself & hearing yourself are two separate things & exist on their own spectra. one who doesn't believe in themselves at all wouldn't even consider applying for the job because that don't see any efficacy. you believe more than you believe you do.
When the allied troops entered Dachau camp they fed the people in there all the wrong food. Their unskilled food program-kindness killed more than it saved.
Everything useful can only be absorbed one 'bitesized piece' at a time.
@@RachelAnnie Exactly ❤️
I have had a lifelong history of trauma and due to that I have no self esteem, think everyone hates me, and am very emotional. I have a persecutory complex and cannot see the good in anything.i also have multiple chronic illnesses that have left me disabled and my life is not mine anymore.
Don't believe everything you think. Question it. What else could be the reason? Still learn and be brave. But even through that show yourself love.❤❤❤
But then that leads to rumination
@@Heyu7her3 Considering painful situations is not ruminating. It's healing so you can benefit and let go💖
O my god I’ve never seen anyone hit it on the head like you do. Everything I’ve heard you say on each video is what I needed to understand all my life. Im 70 now, and have had to learn most everything you’re saying, oh so painfully. You verbalize e everything that is in hundreds of pages of my journal writing over the years, trying to figure things out so I can stand to be alive.
I am 75 I agree 100%. Thank you Scott from the bottom my heart
Me too.!! I'm suffering so horribly, everything he said, and why.
Is me.
I have depression and anxiety, which makes it worse.
Im,... in a very dark place in my life now.... 😢
I'm out of words (and that doesn't happen often 😅). Thank you for this video and thank you for this channel. You almost always make me smile or even laugh. Please, don't ever change your style of telling stories and explaining things. 🤗 It's something... I don't know... It makes me feel understood (even though the information goes the other way round). And that is a rare experience for me, to really feel understood. I think it has something to do about your sense of humour and all that. I'm not even depressed (I think 😂) but I get so much from your videos. ❤
I really appreciate you saying this
"stop hitting yourself" the video
This could not have come at a more critical time for me, thank you! I will watch it repeatedly during my personal crisis just now.
Mom survived the Holocaust. She was in danger for years.
My both brothers died from Muscular Dystrophy. They were declining and died.
So I have left over anxiety from all that.
I just was listening to dr chris palmers book chapter on genetics and mental health. He referenced interesting studies abt children of holocaust survivors, it seems the parents trauma can affect their children's health, even tho they're born later.
@@samada33You are correct. The book “The Body Keeps the Score” is an excellent book that explains this scientifically. Trauma is absolutely genetic.
WoW. Thank you. I stressed badly for weeks, trying to prevent from loosing my career job that i really loved for decades. Once i lost it... i went into a shock. I couldn't handle it. I got Anxiety, insomnia,.. and severe depression. I don't like anything in life now?, i don't enjoy activities or hobbies i once enjoyed. I ruminate 24/7 on my mistakes for not having my job anymore. I have extreme guilt, and self blame/hate. Im really suffering every dsy. I don't like living anymore. ( cannot believe im like this ).... im unable to snap out of this.
I am sorry this happened to you. Please try to remember that you are still you, with all the skills, the talent and the dedication that someone else will value. There is absolutely no one who never made a mistake or a bunch of them, the difference is that some get anyway with shit easier than others. And that is some reality I still struggle to accept, because I never get anyway with anything.
@cristinabhatia9296 Thank you... appreciate those words. I'm unable to accept my mistake, because it threw away my life. I just want back the daily routines I had. I loved getting ready for work, going to work in my classic car , hanging out with all my coworkers and friends, then,.. getting my Bus,, and starting my routes, picking up my passengers,.! I have horrible depression now. I really feel I ended my life, by foolishly retiring,.. just because a couple of my friends were, and they convinced me to join them..... that was so stupid of me.
@@klanderkal I saw my dad going through something similar when he had to go into early retirement because of some health issues. His whole world was at work, he was even raising cats and a dog at the small factory he worked at. The only way I could help was to keep him hopeful about the future and keep him making plans by buying a piece of land outside the city and starting to build a small house with a garden. I am not saying you should do exactly the same, I was thinking about something you always wanted to do, but never had the time or the energy for. Like volunteering for something you are passionate about. Have you tried something like that?
@@cristinabhatia9296 Thank you for replying and caring 🙏, I went into deep depression. I cannot handle not working at my job. I have really no interest in doing anything else. Depression stole my hopes, dream's, desires away. I've never volunteered b4. Sorry to say, my job and hobbies were my life. Now, in my mental state, I somehow lost interests in all my beloved hobbies and activities.
I'm a VW' fanatic since high school, many of my coworkers are the same, ... We all get together, work on our bugs, hangout at work, etc..
Now. , I don't even drive it, nor have interest in putting in New motor we built, or the race tranny I had for it. I just can't believe., how my life completely changed... 180.
It's unbearable to live life without my job life. And... the mental illnesses it's brought on. Sorry for all this dread and negativity. T.Y.💐
Start asking yourself what is this trying to teach me,
not why is this happening to me❤ things that seem dark may be happening for us to discover parts of ourselves we couldn’t see before.
Blessss❤
That helps sometimes
I am stressed. My job closed and we were laid off. I am a 61-year-old healthy RN; Masters degree. But...I have applied for over 50 jobs and been rejected. How am I supposed to feel when I have responsibilities, student loan, and my goal in life is/was to help people. I would help my family if I was dead and they get the life insurance. That is what the truth is in my life.
But then you can’t help all the people you should have by carrying on as a nurse
Keep going! They probably know you're very experienced and won't take any bs. Younger nurses have been sounding off about how bad health admins have become. You'll find a facility that will appreciate your professional experience _and_ life experience ❤
Newish job. I feel like I know my job pretty good after 90 days but my trying hasn’t been good, there’s no written work flows in a folder or online. 90 day review didn’t go well but they extended my probation another 30 days, about when the other girl comes back from maternity leave. I had everything riding on this job to get my life back together, now it’s hard to even motivate myself to brush and floss my teeth (I do it) I stopped doing everything else and going places. But today I did apply for another job.. I’m trying but I’m so tired. I’m worried I will just collapse at this job not because of the job itself but the heavy scrutiny and criticism from my supervisor and fear about my mounting debt. I sat in my car in the parking lot just staring at the cement wall filled with dread at the idea of going in.
Good for you on applying for another job!! That’s really difficult to do when going through what you’re currently experiencing. Give yourself credit for still taking care of yourself even when you don’t feel like it. I hope your employment situation is looking up and your anxiety level has gone down. Hang in there!
@@suebehr507 thank you. I should know something in the next week or so about this job, but now I’m wondering if I even want to stay in it. I have a 2nd interview with the other job I applied for. It’s far from here and I’ll likely have to take a pay cut and have roommates but it might be worth it to be a part of a team that actually wants me there.
@wileyann9449 I read the comments you posted with interest. I took a job about 15 months ago. It was the first of two offers I got in the same week. Since I accepted the first one before the second offer came in, I felt it was wrong to renege and go for the second job. It was one of the few times I did not follow my gut when I really should have. My 1year review was so bad, they put me on a *_"performance improvement plan"_* (PIP), which is a sign of soon to be fired. It's eating at me because I've been in my industry for over 30 years, have been successful in all previous jobs, but this current manager refused to see my value. Over the last few months, I have worked 60+ hour weeks, and am exhausted from trying and being annoyed. So ready to throw in the towel, but I have a mortgage (over $2k monthly) that I cannot afford and selling the house, which could be an option to recover some $, will take long to sell and actually get money in hand. It sucks because I wanted to retire in my early-mid 50s, but during Covid, the company where I was had mass layoffs and I'm back financially where I was in 2005. But then I ask myself _"how much are my happiness and sanity worth?"_
I hope your job search was fruitful and you're in a better situation. 🤞🏼
I didn't realize I had been telling myself a story about things that had happened a few times to me, and that I was fully expecting them to happen again. And of course, it would be because of a deficiency in me! The analogy of "celebrity deaths" was very effective.
Great point, and explanation , about how we immediately blame ourselves for other's mood, actions, etc.
Appreciated the explanation about why our brains seem to lean toward the negative; I'd never thought about that possibility.
As all your videos, this is packed with helpful perspectives. Thank you, and I hope you feel better soon!
“Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true”.
Radically challenge your defeating thoughts. Much love, fam. ❤
What I gleamed from this video was, 'Everything you tell yourself, is just a theory that YOU have crafted about yourself. It may not necessarily be true, so don't believe it as if it were the truth.'
Very insightful video, as a person who struggles with dealing with the negative self-talk, this feels like yet another tool for me use to work around my own biases about myself.
Thank you, Dr.
I have ocd, hocd, pocd. I just left a store anxious because I felt I couldn’t be normal around kids. I hate this anxiety and when I am this anxious it’s hard to think normally, guess my phone was listening to me talk to myself about this …
That’s like saying it’s my fault my cells decided to get cancer
Mine can be as simple as seeing a close friend/ family have a bad mood and suddenly my mind tried to find any possible mistake that I have done and blame myself. Eventually it led me to having a bad mood and I couldn't stop thinking about it.
That is just the simplest case that happens quite often. And being a HSP male, I can easily pick up subtle cues if people are speaking to me differently or if they have a slight change of behaviour.. I hate this habit...
The problem with this advice is sometimes there are some situations that you can't just think your way out of. Sometimes instead of trying to find answers, learn the art of detachment and letting go
Thank you...yes, I am definitely my own worst enemy! YES, everything is a crisis...unfortunately.
Stories we tell ourselves. We have a great deal of evidence and personal experiences to support these, whether they are positive or negative. We’ve known ourselves a long time. We know our flaws and our strengths.
We are also the most biased sources of information on the topic of ourselves and have potentially collected every shred of “evidence” from a place of confirmation bias about the accuracy of things we already believed or have been told
I look at life the same way !from the age of 7 I lost all desire to have any ambition it was slapp out ot me,I remember every negative event and often, any conversation word for word,
At the age of 67
I now have time to look back over a loser, life.
Would have, should have ,cou have,?I can't wait to move on and take 2.
This really hit me hard unexpectedly. Nail on the head and gave me a reality check
The combination of worst case scenario and people pleasing made up a majority of my life until age 40 from my upbringing and my job.
"Every moment of emotional distress that you experience has two layers to it there is the objective reality of the events you experienced and then there is the subjective internal interpretation of those events."
"just keep searching" that is amazing advice. It's a great way to keep your mind open and I definitely need that when looking at my past experiences I used to blame myself for.
Typically, i do not adopt "tag-terms", however, the latest one "raducal acceptance" is becoming a bit of a mantra. Just the words alone are reminder to exhale.
I like the perspectives here and found this helpful, but it also seems invalidating to some of the real emotions that people have in situations. You can take away the theories of the story of a break-up, but the emotions around losing someone in your life who you really enjoyed or maybe could see a future with is real and I have found it’s incredibly important to acknowledge those emotions and experience the real grief. I think that keeping the narrative realistic is important so we don’t get caught up in emotional spirals, but also to make sure we don’t ignore the realistic grief of situation and not over correct towards logic.
Today my mind felt like it was shards of broken glass ….better now
This video gave me such an enlighten. the things that the other person tells us are not always true, so don't blame ourselves for everything, because when things happen, we can not always know the “real” reason.
Sometimes, I feel almost certain that Im an evil person and that I deserve everything that Im going through. Its got to be me, Im the common denominator
I have a creative mind. I tend to view life through an existential lens. This is a good reminder to just let life flow and not try to psychoanalysis every little bit of it and make it a painful experience.
Thanks again for this doc Scott...the one truth i struggle with is. .. your life is the direct result of the decisions you've made...😬
Yes,.... my life is the results of my horrible decisions. And, they just kept happening. Recently I did 4 in a row, that were extremely devastating to me..! I stressed so bad, I got anxiety, insomnia,... and severe depression.
Now,... I just blame myself with self hate, and horrible negative self talk.
My life is ruined.
And,... now im suffering.
I cannot forgive myself because I kept hating on myself.
I really need to find away to do a 180 fast.
🙏
I regret not finding you sooner. You are describing my life… and you know what the best part is?
Well, you’re in your 40s. That helps me believe life is livable with a mental illness that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life 😌
This is a huge issue for me and I've been trying to break out of it recently but it's so difficult. My mind has made up a false reality that is validated by the actual events. It's hard to convince myself that the story isn't true because the evidence does support it. The movie Shutter Island is somewhat the kind of thing I'm talking about.
i feel your pain.. i’ve dug my self so deep in this rabbit hole of delusions that with all the evidence i convinced myself to be correlated to my trauma, i’ve stuck myself in a thick depression. i just want to let go. i’m so tired
Thank you so much...been in therapy for yrs and you tell me more in 20 minutes than all the time I have spent in someone's office!
Yes I don’t believe it was my fault. I believe that I was only nine years old and I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know to ask for help to go to school and ask for help or to and my stepdad. A lot of times didn’t believe me my mom tried to smother me with the pillow took a knife to me in the kitchen she dressed up and all black like a nun with a veil and would wear that around the house and scare the crap out of me. I was adopted and by nine years old my life was hell I just thought it was normal. I did finally leave school and get a job and got married. I told my husband everything that happened and he was the only one he was a Vietnam veteran and he passed away in an accident but he was the only one that I trusted he loved me for my whole life so you can’t blame yourself you have to go on when you’re a kid you don’t know I never had him good platform to start with. Thanks for your video. I try not to go back and relive it ❤
I was taken aback by the thing you said at the beginning. That situations like grief and job loss you can only deal with by doing something addictive?? For one that doesn't sound like something you would normally say. For two, aren't those also just story-related?! Sounds ridiculous to suggest that "Hey sucks to be you, go do something addictive."
And then later in the video... So if you don't apply meaning to anything, what's the point of doing or deciding on anything? If you can't trust anything anyone says anymore, what's the point of this life? A person tells me they did x because y, I just don't believe them anymore?
Something that helps me reprogram my brain is saying “I am in a safe space where I can express myself freely and lovingly” I felt soo safe after 5 days of doing this that I accidentally farted in class as if I was at home 😢😂😅.
So helpful. Thank you! I actually really appreciate the 'nihilistic' reality that people will treat you like crap. Coming to a place of acceptance about that is helping me redirect my thoughts, so that I don't place the blame on myself 🙌🏻
That was great! Much thanks.
Deaths of friends/loved ones certainly happen in threes. And I don't blame myself for all the crappy things that have happened to me (and neither should anyone else), life is crap. End of.
I needed to hear that today Dr. Scott. Thank you so much!
Needed this today.
Amazing. Truly helpful!
It's my mother's voice making snide comments about my life in my head. Working on excorcising the demons ..... 😂 She called a lot of things demonic, took me forever to realize it was all in her head, and she was trying to convince everyone else that her reality was the true reality.
just subscribed. thank you for the helpful content!
Thank you))) makes life easier
DANG also let me add (bc this happened to me) i blamed myself for being conned by a sociopath and abused for many reasons and one reason also: the MANIFESTING bullshit. i thought i had manifested and attracted abusers and that really destroyed me.
Thank you!!
Wow! I was meant to hear your video today. It is a Godsend.
Thank you very much, great points.
Thank you so much!! I love your videos!! You gone me hope!!
Thx for this❤ very useful
🙏Thank you Dr.Scott!
Dynamite video! VERY GOOD info..! Thank You!
You always have useful advice. Thanks!
This is so helpful thank you
You are so incredibly helpful, thank you 👐🏼
Thanks Scott. I needed to hear this.
Love your videos man, thank you so much 🫂
Always well said and explained. Thank you.
Thank you for this wonderful video 🙏
Also if i could find fault in myself, i could then fix myself.
Thank you Dr. Scott
This is excellent.
Excellent video!!❤
thank you very much. i needed this.
Thank you 1000x!
This makes a lot of sense, thank you
Great video, needed to hear this today - thank you.