Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
Mirroring, observing, curiosity, exploring the inner world, asking open ended questions, an effort to want to drop into deeper levels of consciousness, "finding ocean", skill needed to ask and respond, back and forth, feeling of play/flow with another person all allow us to feel seen and to see another. See, know, hear and understand another person How does one learn these skills? It seems most people are either not interested or not skilled. How does one find another person, outside a therapy relationship , with this level of communication skill and caring?
i can't believe that i have never received this growing up that i needed to watch this multiple times just to understand what he was really talking about. i've always wanted deeper connections but i too had no idea how to create it or recognize it.
Lisa, I hear you. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful and offered clarity. Since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Now I understand why I feel so uneasy when I sometimes meet a moments when someone shows me I am seen or heard I am so not used to this that is totall emotional breakdown for me. That is why I do not like it yet miss iṭ I am Adult Child of Alcoholic father with NPD I thought that I am ok worked this out through buddhism (never been in therapy) and that my marriage is not perfect but ok (cuz so much better than my parents nightmarish marriage) I didn't know that I was trained by my childhood to tolerate emotional unavailability in my husband and all boyfriends I ever had counting in a narcisstic one. Thank you that was really eye opening.
I find I am quite capable of sharing in this manner but when I inquire to others they don't do the same, even if they express an interest in me. It feels a lot like rejection when they don't respond at the same level. I feel unseen when I can't see them isn't that odd? Eventually it feels like pulling teeth and I want to give up because it doesn't feel good.
Thank you so much Alan, this was really helpful. I was feeling like I haven’t felt seen in certain relationships lately and wanted to get clear on what it means to feel seen. This resonated so deeply and I also ended up learning so many new tricks to use in my coaching practice as well. Looking forward to trying these out with my clients in the future 🙏🏽
Gaby, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I love that you offer words of kindness in those okay but needed situations. I do this best I can in my profession as well. People dont say nice, encouraging or insightful things to eachother much anymore. (As if keeping info to ones self gives a leg up)
Wow- I do that all the time. I 'see' people. I never want someone to feel excluded or ostracized, even if I don't particularly like them. A hard skill to find in others. I even see it out in public where people act all for themselves (could be blocking a doorway) and your standing right beside them and their oblivious. My response has always been, I am invisible? Lol
It's amazing to me, how I could be in a store and other people walk into me, push me, like I'm not there, cut me off , I could go on. I'm short, but I don't think it's the problem
Great food for thought, and definitely something I would like to try some day. That being said, I can't imagine every conversation being like this deeper digging. I remember when a friend wanted to do NVC (Non-Violent Communication) with me. She basically expected me to respond exactly with NVC wording, etc. It was just too much for a "casual conversation". It also felt very forced. So, I think it's a balance: having the more superficial conversations, and also intermittently doing this kind of deeper questioning. When it comes to friendships and romantic partners, I can sense that doing this deeper questioning all the time may become wearisome. Would love to know your thoughts on this, Alan. I am so glad the woman saw you on your lunch break, Alan. Those kinds of interactions are true gifts on life's journey. Many people are afraid to "see and acknowledge" others in their distress. It takes courage and strength to reach out like that to a stranger.
GREAT VIDEO!!!! & MOST IMPORTANT!!!... Explaining the terms used (by Therapists) & Used in Help Videos!!! Thank You Alan!!! A MUCH NEEDED & Valuable Video!! God Bless!!🙌🙌❤️
I need to improve my listening skills and this video gave me the reason why it would be a good thing. Thank you. Do you have any resources on reflective listening?
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
Mirroring, observing, curiosity, exploring the inner world, asking open ended questions, an effort to want to drop into deeper levels of consciousness, "finding ocean", skill needed to ask and respond, back and forth, feeling of play/flow with another person all allow us to feel seen and to see another. See, know, hear and understand another person
How does one learn these skills? It seems most people are either not interested or not skilled. How does one find another person, outside a therapy relationship , with this level of communication skill and caring?
i wanna know too. It seems they are very few and far between...
Hope, one day.
seems mainly therapists behave like this lol
Thank GOD you are here.
i can't believe that i have never received this growing up that i needed to watch this multiple times just to understand what he was really talking about. i've always wanted deeper connections but i too had no idea how to create it or recognize it.
Lisa, I hear you. I'm glad to hear this video was helpful and offered clarity. Since you liked this video you might also be interested in taking The Four Attachment Distress quiz to find out your response to relationship stress: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Now I understand why I feel so uneasy when I sometimes meet a moments when someone shows me I am seen or heard I am so not used to this that is totall emotional breakdown for me. That is why I do not like it yet miss iṭ I am Adult Child of Alcoholic father with NPD I thought that I am ok worked this out through buddhism (never been in therapy) and that my marriage is not perfect but ok (cuz so much better than my parents nightmarish marriage) I didn't know that I was trained by my childhood to tolerate emotional unavailability in my husband and all boyfriends I ever had counting in a narcisstic one. Thank you that was really eye opening.
This is great! Please do more videos on the road to healing and what healthy attachments and relationships should look and feel like!
I find I am quite capable of sharing in this manner but when I inquire to others they don't do the same, even if they express an interest in me. It feels a lot like rejection when they don't respond at the same level. I feel unseen when I can't see them isn't that odd? Eventually it feels like pulling teeth and I want to give up because it doesn't feel good.
Thank you so much Alan, this was really helpful. I was feeling like I haven’t felt seen in certain relationships lately and wanted to get clear on what it means to feel seen. This resonated so deeply and I also ended up learning so many new tricks to use in my coaching practice as well. Looking forward to trying these out with my clients in the future 🙏🏽
Gaby, Thank you for valuing my material. I’m glad this one resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
I love that you offer words of kindness in those okay but needed situations. I do this best I can in my profession as well. People dont say nice, encouraging or insightful things to eachother much anymore. (As if keeping info to ones self gives a leg up)
Thanks so much for this video, as it helps to develop a vocabulary and get out of feeling confused and stuck in old patterns.
Wow- I do that all the time. I 'see' people. I never want someone to feel excluded or ostracized, even if I don't particularly like them. A hard skill to find in others. I even see it out in public where people act all for themselves (could be blocking a doorway) and your standing right beside them and their oblivious. My response has always been, I am invisible? Lol
It's amazing to me, how I could be in a store and other people walk into me, push me, like I'm not there, cut me off , I could go on. I'm short, but I don't think it's the problem
Great food for thought, and definitely something I would like to try some day. That being said, I can't imagine every conversation being like this deeper digging. I remember when a friend wanted to do NVC (Non-Violent Communication) with me. She basically expected me to respond exactly with NVC wording, etc. It was just too much for a "casual conversation". It also felt very forced. So, I think it's a balance: having the more superficial conversations, and also intermittently doing this kind of deeper questioning. When it comes to friendships and romantic partners, I can sense that doing this deeper questioning all the time may become wearisome. Would love to know your thoughts on this, Alan.
I am so glad the woman saw you on your lunch break, Alan. Those kinds of interactions are true gifts on life's journey. Many people are afraid to "see and acknowledge" others in their distress. It takes courage and strength to reach out like that to a stranger.
With the right person, it comes and goes in waves... just as everything else
I loved what the lady did. I could... *Feel* the raw emotion (coming thru the pixels/audio). Thank you for sharing, Alan :-)
Beautiful and clear explanation. Thank you for this, it is really helpful!
Thank you for all your videos. 💙
GREAT VIDEO!!!! & MOST IMPORTANT!!!... Explaining the terms used (by Therapists) & Used in Help Videos!!! Thank You Alan!!! A MUCH NEEDED & Valuable Video!! God Bless!!🙌🙌❤️
I need to improve my listening skills and this video gave me the reason why it would be a good thing. Thank you. Do you have any resources on reflective listening?
I recommend NVC :)
What if you mirror for people and it irritates them such that they shut down the conversation?
I Knew You Were A Prophet! Amen Thank You For Helping The Hopeless
🌜❤🌛