Tips For Autistic Parents| Purple Ella
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- Опубліковано 12 чер 2024
- Are you a parent who is autistic? I'm sharing my tips as an autistic mother of three. More below
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A little bit about me:
Hi I'm Purple Ella and my family is an autism family with three out of five of us on the autistic spectrum. I also have a connective tissue disorder (HSD). So life can be a challenge but also a lot of fun.
Helpful links
The National Autistic Society - autism.org.uk
Hypermobility Syndromes Association - hypermobility.org
I was 52 when diagnosed and I raised two boys alone as a single mom. They're in their early 30's now and don't talk to me. I didn't know back then that I had autism and I did everything wrong. I stayed stressed and angry all the time. I was no fun and I put too many demands onto them, insisting they do well in school, grow up fast and be responsible little adults. I was way too much! Every little thing felt like the end of the world to me, but now I realize that nothing was that important. I should have let up, laughed more and hugged them more but I didn't.
I guess I just want to remind anyone going through a hard time to try and remember what's really important. You may feel at the end of your rope but childhood goes by FAST and soon you will have plenty of alone time. It's okay not to be perfect. Perfect is the enemy of good. I wish someone had told me this back then.
Thank you for your important truth very inspiring
Thank you for this comment. I feel like I am doing everything wrong because my kid gets in trouble all the time at school and he just started.. But I show them love, cook for them, tell them Jesus loves them and so do I. But it really really bothers me my oldest being bad at school and I cant go 1 day without a bad report.
I feel your pain. We want our kids to succeed and eventually be able to take care of themselves. We worry for their futures, and they think we're overreacting. Could he be autistic, too? Just a thought.@@lovingautism91
If it’s ok to ask, how is it that your sons are not autistic(neurotypical) and you are on the high end spectrum? I didn’t know that could happen.
@@Adamestr they may be. I don’t know for sure but I think there’s a good chance. I reached out to my oldest and shared about my autism and let him know it can be hereditary. He didn’t have much to say. My sons are both in their 30s now, so the ball is in their court.
Spot on. As an autistic mom my biggest issue was what I thought I was supposed to do as a parent. And it did NOT work. I just torture myself and then ended up not being able to do it anyway
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
I feel so useless with how overwhelmed I get. I become snappy and feel like and angry person but I just seen the noise and pressure on my chest to stop. I feel very alone in this
Same here . Am feeling very overwhelmed 😢
Me too! Constant sensory overload and then i have a meltdown
You aren't alone. I'm there with you. Constantly trying to be better.
Girl same it’s so hard
I am so sorry you're going thru this. I went thru it as well. Darkest days of my life...it did get better over time. My son is 22 now. He's one of my best friends. Wouldn't change a thing. Hang in there ladies. It will get better. Get a swing.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm such an "angry mom" and I've learned I'm actually having meltdowns.
My husband the last few days has said I haven't left the couch curled up in blankets with headphones and I now know I'm just avoiding sensory overload.
I have three under 5 and the oldest is most likely high functioning also
Its constant screaming, house shaking on top of what I'm already doing, like trying to hear a video, or plan something and I'll have a meltdown.
I'm constantly feeling guilty about it because I know theyare just being kids playing tag but I still feel the stress even knowing it
Wireless earbuds are going to be my new best friend and I'm buying a weighted blanket for when I start to get overwhelmed
I really needed to hear this today, infact you hit the nail on the head in your first point.
Today I am struggling with slot of guilt because I am letting my son watch too much TV so I can get some space as I'm feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. I feel really sad and guilty. Thank you for this video, it has helped and I burst into tears in the first couple of minutes as it was such a relief to hear you speak my truth. Xx
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
Aaaah Ella - that cookie cutter mum thing really hit me. I cried.
So busy trying to be "A Mum" that I forgot to be me.
I can relate to you, I was just diagnosed autistic and since I'm a mum and I decided that a mum should be omnipotent, I stopped being me and the diagnosed helped me to see myself and allow to try to be more authentic. I hope you can get to be yourself and be happy with the mum you are
As a slightly autisitc mom... whos kids are now in their late 20's .... feel so ashamed of how i lost control... until i discoverd earplugs.... i felt so panicked when they would cry..or throw tempor tantrums..i had no tools or support like this wonderful video
Ear plugs are amazing
I so wish I'd know that I was autistic when my children were small and that I'd had access to something like this. Such great advice 🧡
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
yes please do a video on different age groups
I am a dad. A sole parent. Dealing with an abusive ex too. I needed to hear this.. thank you.
Father of two boys on the opposite ends of the spectrum. This is a wonderful video!!! Thank you so much for posting it. It's so important to realize that the neighbors or strangers at the store or restaurant or even relatives that put off that negative vibe towards you because they assume you are doing everything wrong as a parent....they do not and really cannot understand. Do your best and screw those people, not only for your own sanity but as an example for your kiddos.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Thank you so much for this video. I am a mother of an autistic child and my own feelings of guilt after I lose my patience are what keep me awake at night wondering if I’m good enough to be her parent.
One thing that helps me cope with feeling like a bad mom is apologizing to my daughter if I feel guilty for something I said or did. She forgives easily, and I am always the first to say, “I forgive you,” whenever she expresses guilt. I love her endlessly. She is my greatest contribution to the world, and I could not be more proud of her and I’m so glad I’ve got resources like you to help me navigate. Also, that hand trick is a LIFE-SAVER!!
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
So incredibly timely! Thank you Ella. I now have a seven month old and Your videos about pregnancy and birth as an autistic mom helped me immensely and I will be recommending your channel to everyone I know this Autism Acceptance Month ♾
This has been really helpful, thank-you. I’m autistic and 4 months pregnant, and I’ve been worrying about a lot of things but knowing that there mothers out there who have struggled but are still good Moms is very reassuring for me x
Well, I'm crying - lol! Really needed this video about 3-4 years ago, but glad I found it now!! Just now realizing that I'm on the spectrum, and all those meltdowns and shutdowns (when my little was 2-4 years old especially) make a lot more sense now... I used to carry a lot of shame and guilt about my parenting (honestly, still working through that) but it's really helpful to know that there are other people having the same difficulties as I do, and that there are SOLUTIONS to these problems!!! OMG, I can reclaim my life and still do this well?!? What a gamechanger - thank you!!
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
You're so strong, Ella. Thanks, I needed to hear this today. Diagnosed after having both my kids, I'm starting to understand why motherhood has been extra challenging and am glad I'm far from being alone in my experience. Thank you for being genuine and for sharing your content.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
This made me cry. I just realized that I may be autistic this past week. And it makes so much sense. I have been diagnosed with 7 different mental health diagnosis over the years but I believe this is it. Thank you for your videos. Sharing your experience with me. It makes me believe that I am not alone and that others share my same struggles. 🙏😭❤️
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
Amazing wish I knew this when my kids were younger. Yes I swear as anASD ADHD woman with 2 on the spectrum one with ADHD. How much guilt I felt reinforced by their father about being a bad mum. I think your strategies are great - i hope mine help too. Headphones plural for me, for the overwhelmed child are always in my bag. We do a visual timetable and countdown activities with some success. For one child I draw a stick picture of the events for another I make a song “ I brush my teeth, teeth, teeth every morning every night…”. I use TV, movies, limited phone, tablet time to help us to have quiet downtime., i count to 5 for hugs then they know they have to let go. We all practice the hand of breathing to calm down. I use timers on my phone to give 2 min warnings and then transition “quacking sound alarm means school time”. I have brought getting ready in the morning down to do the 5 - shower, dress, breakfast, teeth and hair , shoes and socks. I use my phone to make reminders, to schedule events in calendar, to grocery list, to keep track of shoe sizes etc. and most importantly people listed in contacts are listed with details e.g Jane is in grade 1 with my daughter Mum is Rebecca and brother is Jack. So when I meet them I pretend I have an urgent text whilst I search for their name and kids, partners, how I know them so I am not caught out in conversation
The good stuff- I play actively at the park with them. I build Lego, we play board games, we use UA-cam to look up interesting facts together, we read together and make up,stories, investigate nature, explore get dirty etc. hope this helps other divergent families
Do you have any tips for actually sticking to the schedule? I know that we always do better when we use a schedule, but I am TERRIBLE at being consistent with them.
Create a schedule step by step. Once you mastered one step, take the next. Don’t rush into a massive schedule and then feel like you fail following it.
@@miriam4460 great advice
@@miriam4460 thank you! 😭😭
Set schedule but be flexible, each contact with your child is a learning opportunity! If you miss a day, just get back to it as soon as possible. Don’t give up
Routine is everything!
Thank you for your kind words at the end there. I'd forgotten that "good enough" is "good enough". This idea of perfect parenting is an unliveable ideal for everyone. I'm a late life mum with self-diagnosed ASD (currently too expensive for my assessment). My boy has recently diagnosed with ADHD with a formal assessment for ASD yet to be undertaken. I've been feeling like a bit of a failure as a mum lately.
Being a person with, possibly, PDA, as much as I love routines, I am terrible at keeping to them. My executive functioning can't always cope with it by myself, even with constant reminders. There's only one routine I manage to keep consistently with my son is the dinner to bedtime routine. Anything else is consistently a butterfly's breath!
I learned that a parenting technique I was naturally doing is what is called the "Circle of Security" technique. This method which is giving our kids a secure base to go out from and explore, then come back in when they need you. It has given myself and my son a beautiful relationship (so far; he's not a teen yet LOL) with less sensory stress for the both of us. If you haven't done this course, I would definitely recommend it.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
Can you pleease consider a video like this again for single autistic parents? I have no support system and my family treats me like the black sheep. They do not know the extent of my diagnosis and I'm just always drowning. I have 0 friends as an adult and spend time crying in closets when the sensory overload from Blippi and Cocomelon and fire trucks and alarms and everything become too much
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
I'm an autistic college student and probably 10-15 years away from having children, but watching the video makes me really feel like it will be possible someday! Thank you for sharing your experiences and tips!
Pretty sure this is a literal life saver !! I'm considering having a child right now as a co-parent and I'm in panic mode about all the things I can think about, especially if the child turns out to be autistic. At the same time that almost worries me less than the alternative because I don't think I'm equipped for a neurotypical child with needs like inviting their entire class home for a party ^^ But this video alone is giving me a real glimpse of hope because for me when I think children (aside from the fact that I adore them and they also love me cuz I get their needs) is screaming little things and my brain exploding. So I am already using plugs for myself but felt like it would be bad to use them to protect yourself from your own child in a way, but all your solutions are just absolutely genius ! Especially the hand thing my other insane panic. You should get a prize for that, really !! I mean all the millions people invest in "curing" autism and that one solution could actually cure the meltdowns and breakdowns of actual millions of parents and save other millions in therapy later for the children of overwhelmed parents!! I mean you're right not just for autistic people, but people everywhere, calm and happy parents result in happy healthy children.
That tip about hands for being allowed to talk is genius, I'm totally gonna use it. Thanks !
Headphones! I use over the ear headphones!
I just got through a week of wearing them, even though they were broken ( I even SLEEP in them! 🤦♀️). I feel like people are putting hot knives in my ears, and grinding like nails on a chalkboard, when I don't have them on! 😖
Thank you SO MUCH for these videos! 🦋❤🌈
I felt so lost and ALONE before I found you!
Thank you!!!
I love you!!! ❤🦄🦋🧃🌈
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I’ve been searching for this sort of video for 2 weeks There’s not much out there for autistic moms and how to cope with that. Thanks ❤
- Something I have been doing with my 12-year-old that helps is to tell him that I love him and that I am FOR him and not AGAINST him. I tell him often that I want to help him to happy a happier day and make the right decisions. For some reason, he often thinks that because I need to tell him to stop doing something he is enjoying doing to do a house chore for instance, or shower or whatever, that I am just messing his day up and making it hard for him. When the opposite is true. I am trying to HELP him to take care of himself so he can have a good future when I am not around anymore and he is on his own.
- Going out for a walk together and discuss any issues we are having during a nice calming walk helps a lot.
- Always giving them hope that they will continue to grow and mature is imperative. There is nothing worse than losing hope for an autistic person or anyone for that matter. Showing that we have faith in them no matter how many times they mess up is truly important.
- Apologizing then WE mess up teaches them how to apologize when they do.
My 10 year old is the same, but he has always had these challenges since birth. I used to try to make him do things and constantly remind him, but he would meltdown. I learned from my husband to not try to force him, but give him plenty of time to prepare. As someone with ASD traits (undiagnosed) it is tough because I'm not always sure if I will actually go where I said I was going to go (I might be too overwhelmed). But, I have seen that when I tell him what we're going to do and give him time to prepare himself mentally and even choose what he's going to wear, he does a lot better. I've learned that timing is key. I can't get him to shower at night. He is already too tired and overstimulated. Also, if he's in the middle of playing a game, I can't get him to clean up his room.
that hand-laying trick is very good ... wish I had known that 15 years ago ... ! :)
This was actually really helpful to get some clarity. I'm a 24 year old autistic mother to 4 daughters and my 5 year old is autistic with ADHD and it can be very tough to handle her and myself. I'm constantly feeling like I'm letting her and my family down and I have some issues with the unmasking process
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
I'm an Aspie Mum of two Aspie children (12 and 15). Any tips you might have regarding the "terrible" preteen and teen stages... My daughter (almost 16 now) is doing so much better and maturing a lot in many ways, YAY!! She has already gone through that terrible stage, so to speak, when everything and everyone (except her) is wrong. She still has ups and downs of course but things are so much better. My son (12) is now going through a very intense time since the beginning of the year. Not easy! I have cried so many tears in desperation not knowing what to do to help him stay calm and free of meltdowns. Transitioning from one thing to the next is very hard for him, especially when asked to stop what he is doing to do something such as showering, getting ready to go out, etc. His executive functioning is very poor and struggles to get anything done without easily getting distracted. I have to constantly remind him to look at his "to do list". Any tips you might have in general would be great!
You will NEVER know how much I needed this video. Wow...thank you!
I'm an autistic mom with twin boys both with ADHD, I love them very much but we are opposites, literally 100% of the time it's sensory overload (extremely loud, short attention span, hyperactive, excessive talking, very physical, and defiant, everything is so amplified from a neurotypical child) to where I shut down (I also have health issues). It makes me feel like a bad mom but I'm trying above and beyond every day, nobody sees it, but I feel comfort I'm not the only one, there must be a reason God put us opposites together.
Something as simple as earplugs CHANGED my life and parenting completely. I can't recommend them enough.
Thank you for making this video Ella. I really needed to hear it right now xx
Thank you for this! Appreciate any and all videos on this topic. I only recently learned that I'm autistic and really wish I knew earlier. I feel guilty for letting my son use technology too much sometimes. What I do is monitor it; his phone is connected to mine through Google Family Link. You can lock it or block certain apps, set time limits, and more. I have him break up his time so that he has to pick other things besides tech, like reading, art, music, playing with Legos, etc. Everyone tells me what a great kid he is, which I see as well, so I try to remind myself that we all have different abilities and I'm trying my best.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
Thanks P.E.
This is why I subbed to you. As mum to a 10 month old I really needed this.
I thought you were using the PE as an acronym for physical education there-
Not only I have Autism, but my Mom also has Autism. She gets mad and overwhelmed for the littlest things. Like sometimes when I talk to her, she would get angry, and she gets angry for other things for no reason. And small things like phone notifications and lots of little things makes her all like "What the heck is that?!" all like scared.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
@@edwinhill413 No problem.
I needed to hear every word today, thank you so much posting this video. I cried a few times, definitely advice all autistic parents need to hear. So nice to hear you relate to so many of us and offer great solutions. Absolutely love at the end when you said every parent is the perfect parent for their child.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
@@edwinhill413 just fyi, I think you may have posted your comment on the wrong video ♥️
Nice to meet you Ella! Subscribed because of the title alone :D Father of an amazing 4 year old soon to be 5 here in a couple of monts son. He is autistic, nonverbal, and has the mind of a 2.5 year old. We celebrate every difference and milestone in my house. I just deeply want to be the remaining percent of the families of special needs children that make it. Its somewhere between 68 to 74% of families that dont.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Thank you so much for this. I’ve shared it with family. As someone in his late 50s on the spectrum I can fully attest to the wisdom shared here!
Thank you for this. Found out I'm going to become a Dad and it's been such an emotional rush. Feels like my hearts going to burst. Can't wait.
Thank you for this video. You've relieved a lot of my guilt, shame and anxiety.
Thank You Ella. You helped me so much. Your videos means lot to me. I am new here and your openness helped me feel kind of “normal” THANK YOU!!!!
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Thank you so much for this video, especially for what you said at the end about being best mother for your child. I actually cried with relieve, it was so good to hear it from someone. I have never been diagnosed with autism buy I find that I have many traits that are associated with autism. I get very easily overwhelmed, and I expearience sensory overload daily with my children. I loved the idea with the earplugs. I'm definately going to try it! Thanks so much again!
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I tried the "Hand Trick" with my son and he LOVES it! I think he was craving this connection as well. He's ADHD+Autistic, like me. THANK YOU!
This has actually helped me. I’m autistic and I really want to be a parent one day but I thought that I couldn’t due to being autistic.
I loved all of this!! So much positivity! 💕 I was assessed and told I'm not on the spectrum, that I do present traits, but not worth investigating. So much of what you say rings true to me. I bought ear defenders and that has saved me from having a meltdown so often! It's just so frustrating to be denied a diagnosis because I feel like a lost duck. Anywho. For me breastfeeding is overwhelming, especially since I have two on the go. 😅
I've gotten different opinions from different professionals involved with me.
My referral fell through but I think I'm still finally on a waiting list for a waiting list.
Kathy Bramley oh dear, a waiting list for a waiting list. Hopefully things pull through.
Tip for breastfeeding or chestfeeding people with sensitive skin or Sensory issues etc, get the $23aud together and GET A NIPPLE SHIELD from your pharmacy. They can make learning this and the start of feed/settling so much more possible.
yes please break it down into age groups...i have a 4, 6, & 8 yr old...i melt down when they fight and it's hard for me with all the different noises at the same time. i feel so bad about struggling with play time too...have a hard time with imaginary play and i feel so much guilt for not being able to engage in the way they need me to...i feel like i just cook and clean and then hide in the bathroom and i hate myself for it (though i can always engage artistically!) i also shut down when more than one person is talking to me at the same time....really looking forward to trying the hand trick...thanks so much! idk how to explain it to them either....they know my brain works differently but i'm afraid they think it's just a cop out
Wow. Totally get your comment. Been hiding in the bathroom for 10 years . However I have now learned that if hiding to get some space to defuse my overload makes me able to carry on then that's how it's got to be . I dobt feel guilt anymore . I accept I have to look after myself to be able to look after them . You can only give what you are capable of. They will live you anyway and one day will be old enough to understand. No guilt . We are only being the best we can be and that is enough . It's ok to hide x
Thank you so much. 🙂 I found this a year later but I needed it right now at this time.
Huge respect...🙏🏻❤
You are my hero. Thank you for this video.
Thank you!
Forgive me for ranting: I am a Father, i've got aspergers (gonna shorten it to AS), and since my firstborn daughter came to the world 3½ years ago my life have been a roller coaster ride. My AS makes me go into agry mode all the time, and I hate myself for it because i don't want to be angry. My mental health was so bad that I even suffered from depression, and had thoughts of suicide. I've been working with it all the time, thou i cant afford any kind of coach. Now 3 weeks ago my wife and daughter moved to a different apartment, because my wife and some government-child-services( I live in Denmark) was afraid that it'll affect my daughters mental health and growth. I'm both devastated useless and at a complete loss of what to do. And all the effort I put into it( even if I failed I still tried) feels wasted and unappreciated. Im extremely sensitive to noise and stress, which have been a trigger.
Very little parents do will ever be appreciated. That's an unfortunate part of the deal.
Try making yourself follow anger rules. Under no circumstances yell, name call, or hit/push. Because no matter what they are doing, if you do that you are 100%in the wrong.
Thank you so much!
Thanks so much you helped me alot sometime I am hard on myself as a mom you lift my heart God bless you.
Thanks so much for this!
Thank you for this.
I totally agree
The better you are the better the parents you are
Don’t try to be perfect
Thank you!!
phew! so glad to have found you , very positive and honest..
That last part. Thank you.
Thank you for this ! Xxx
Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
I love the hands on my hand tip. I’m going to try this out. Noise is my biggest trigger..
Mama this is everything I needed 💚💖💜💙 thank you thank you!!
Thank you 😁
Not a father, but this was a very reassuring video. Thank you very much.
Thank you for sharing this! I'd like to know more about dealing with parental meltdowns and shutdowns when you have little children.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
thanks for sharing...I really appreciate it. I am a dad of a 15y.l autistic son. This video is much welcome
Wow thanks so much for this video I really felt all that you have shared just two weeks on from an ADHD assessment that turned into a possible autism diagnosis for myself it has been such a profound and interesting journey my boy is 7with sensory processing differences sending love xx
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
THANK YOU
Your a inspiration for the autistic adults
Your tips are sooo helpful
Thank you very much 😘😉👍
This video is great. I wish the earplugs worked for me, but I have a sort of hypersensitivity, and makes me extremely uncomfortable to have earplugs in. It works better to have earmuffs, but they are huge and I feel sort of weird having them all the time. It also stresses me, because I might not be hearing something important.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
clear and helpful video, thanks :)
I love this
Amazing advice
How do get past the struggle with executive functioning thing in order to get on a schedule and whatnot? Every day seems overwhelming because everything is chaotic.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Thanks so much for this! I’m on the spectrum and we’re expecting our first baby next month.
I’d love to hear any tips specifically for newborns.
Meanwhile take care of yourself and dare to be different seem widely applicable as we figure this out. 👍🏻
Bottom shuffling to move babies up and down stairs with stuff. Safer. Not rushing through doorways - my first used to crane their head back to bump a doorway if I used to miss the frames for once. :-( Having travel cots in different places in the house to place a baby safe is good. Also whilst motherese, high-pitched sound, is sometimes soothing and developmentally valuable, being relaxed and talking normally can be too and is less waring; and vocal games with sounds like beatboxing or deliberately mirroring can be almost like interactive stimming but very valuable for both of you. Although my children are now 12 and 14 and I'm not quite diagnosed, my comments cover this stuff at greater length. x
Yes please on the age groups
Love this video! I’m very recently self-diagnosed and likely my kids are on the spectrum, too.
Your herbs has work wonders in my family.
Thanks for the help Dr Oyalo for saving my son from autism spectrum with your herbs. Your herbs is the best.
I'm DEFINITELY going to use that hand trick when I have kids! I even get on edge when I hear other people's children in public do the "Mum! Mum! Mummy!" thing, it drives me nuts!
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I loved this video
Hello i wish you could put out what listnings eletronic you used?
I am happy I found you
Great video!
I would like to see that video
very helpful and inspiring for those autistic parents #awesomeparents
I am 40 years old and raising a 5 year old autistic son. The further we walk down this path the more I am believing that I may very well be autistic myself. I get so overloaded with sensory issues and I also have compulsory issues that I have dealt with all my life that flare up with young child antics.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I didn't see the link for the earplugs you use but would like to have it!
www.flareaudio.com/collections/ear-protectors I have the isolate mini
Please explain more I have a 5 year old and 3 year old who are level 2
Autistic or not, this is so helpful!
My fiance doesn't want to be that I have challenges,he says I do not discipline my child because I don't want to. I promise it is not I don't want to. And I want to tell him well I don't have time to be with a person who is not supportive,who does not not believe me,who wants to make me feel like I'm a piece of crap. I do have autism,I do have adhd,I do have epilepsy. And in my home I am very alone in many ways.
Please make that video
I love you
My Tips. (long post/thread alert)
Intro.
I have two children with wildly differing disabilities, that still look like autism in different ways (only one is diagnosed; the other had neonatal sepsis that caused brain injury, but has quite an autistic presentation) - I'm not diagnonsed though assessed all through childhood inconclusively and different 'experts' say different things at different times, currently on a waiting list for a waiting list, I think. I'm one of the people who might have asked for the advice. I've been a mess. But having notched up quite lot of experience one way or another, that I like to think may be valuable to some degree, might as well share. Apologies for any stereotypes or sharp differences that seem to emerge. And take this with a pinch of salt/as not from on high. Because I have been in and out of contact with social services since I self-referred due to massive PND/postnatal OCD. They weren't worried I was a danger in the way I thought then, nor that I & we cared, but it's been the practical stuff. They don't and can't take your kids away just like that, except in the most extreme circumstances or the worst off-piste wrongful set up. It's been more about being understood and helped right. They escalated more than we would have liked, and were not always the most help. But we have managed to hold on. So far. Our children our doing exceptionally well in many ways. I don't know whether to credit us with that or not. That's not to say there isn't many things I regret or think shouldn't haven't happened. My children aren't perfectly adjusted either. But they are doing well.
XP Tip 1.
Reading. Sounds & songs. Play diet/play menus. ≈ mutually therapeutic!
Intro
Things that you try to help speech/development fot your children based on intuitively weaving advice and your own experience and thought together can genuinely be helpful and can also be calming bonding stuff for you. And many of your coping skills can be developmentally and emotionally healthy shared with kids. Especially important if your children have potential autism or other disabilities. An maybe very different needs. Set pieces can work better than schedule.
1A
Curling up with a book is one of them. Repeated familiar books are both very good for vocabulary and Autism friendly. Establish book reading as a calming set piece routine at random points when you seem to need to need it and as early as possible and more a well as at bedtime with a song, with newborns, because as well as helping with your own stability and they can use it to try and help you calm down too. My son as a toddler approaching me with a book when I was upset (I had quite severe PND) was not entirely inappropriate parentification! Although sometimes I've worried about it anyway. The "That's not my" books by usborne were the source of my daughter's first clear word despite sepsis related brain damage. My son child is gifted but sometimes harder to entertain and keep on an even keel on family outings or when needing to help his sister but taking a book has been useful; reading, like TV, is another way a child can entertain and regulate themselves, it's portable and never loses charge. When they were very small I used to aim for 3 books a day besides bedtime. Although I felt like I was falling apart, that was an achievement.
1B
Rhythm and high pitched sounds are soothing for all children. You may need to experiment. But I used to watch the sounds my children found the most soothing and the ones they found stimulating and the ones they found easiest to say and beatbox or make rhythms with them in a very unsophisticated way, not trying to be proper beatboxing. And we also used to have car music that fit.
But I really enjoyed the very simple beatboxing with pheonemes and later clothing items which I did.
This is basically stimming. But it's also speech and interaction positive, like things that get recommended but with a little touch more neurodiverse brilliance.
The pheonemes were different sounds you say on your mouth moving backwards. And there was also things like coughs and non verbal interjection. Gradually building up to whole words like items of clothes. Sat in IKEA restaurant soothing a fractious non toddling child by singing about purple boots and noses. We also sang a lot of nursery rhymes and songs and I made up songs for different routines. And I think that helped me too. Like I say, it's all basically stimming in a slightly more socially acceptable format. Though it really embarasses my son now if my daughter wants it.
But we moved onto child friendly musicals and rock music and novelty songs and all the old cheesy hits. Chesney Hawkes. The Monkees. The sound of music. The John Denver songs that get featured in anime. Old favourites. Sometimes my daughter's Frozen fixation, or the need to talk in silly voices for basic tasks is annoying but overall glad that we have it. Plus being able to break into bohemian rhapsody or Abba or Bon Jovi at any given moment and have your children quite often join the singalong is cool. As well as useful. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all built out of coping strategies at school performances because I find it quite awkward.
1C
use play and development prompts but on your terms and try to keep them manageable. I knew some of the stuff I should be doing but had difficulty choosing an activity and getting started. I genuinely felt overwhelmed just by the ideas in my head, like one of them had to be the most right one.
I had a box of cards with suggested activities which I found helpful earlier on, it was from ELC, I don't know if it's available now, a play diet; used to get me started in a similar way there were also ages and stages leaflets for the HV and nursery. I did not use them religiously but they were prompts, like an easy menu of ideas.
Some the best early support for all of us was a playworker from the family center. I don't know if such roles are available but if you can, U recommend. She was happy, warm, fun, down to earth, listened well, built sensory tents with space blankets and made rice crispy cakes with coco pops to help the chocolatey intensity be satisfactory.
On a seperate note, I sometimes find going with the flow and tidying up later is easier than getting into an escalation trap with a determined child. Particularly when it comes to baking and crafts. We have had to get support around making rules and putting limits on it. And of course the oven and hob unsupervised was always a limit, though gradually moved with time. The microwave is a lot safer than the hob or oven for early cooking adventures. A combination oven is our oven by chance but it's worked out well. We haven't burnt the house down. And a degree of freedom mixed with supervision and more failproof environments has also allowed them to develop interests and skills that I might have otherwise been accidentally repressing. My daughter has SLDs, global delay, but at 14 she can now bake and cook several types of edible recipies independently. Might not be the same for everyone. I feel much guilt about her development and not being like a superparent some of the other coffee morning mum's at special school or people you see on forums seem like. And it might be the same general heritage that makes her brother gifted but I might have been some use to her. I know cooking is an independence skill and an enriching interest for her.
Childproofing; coping with housework; physical and behaviour management; and dealing with and if you can choosing professionals: these are whole other categories.
XP-based tip 2 - Childproofing, child-friendly and defensive parenting might look different in an autism friendly house.
It's a process and everyone learns as they go. You're perhaps not going to have the most angular, dangerous, fragile or fussy objet d'art and pot pourri laden house anyway, since dyspraxia and sensory processing issues are common subordinate symptoms and standalone frequently (but defo not always either way) co-morbid conditions. But when my children broke a set of shelves in the living room we just lived with piled up books. No point putting another climbing challenge up until they were past that stage. If you're too attached to looking just so or caring what people think it can be a problem, setting yourself up for conflict/dangerspots. The gap/space/overlap/discussion between discipline and defensive parenting - ugh! But it's better to build in success/minimal efforts required if you can,m because focus issues can mean free-range parenting is more the tendency. Moving fractious small children around and other bits and pieces between floors can be best done going slowly with bottom shuffling on the stairs. Also having travel cots with big sides to have a safe space to place a baby or toddler is good. Going with the flow can be valuable, but some things like magnetic cupboard locks, gas-tap covers, stair-gates you really have to bite the bullet on even if they're quite unpleasant additional stressors to navigate. But you maybe don't need everything everyone says is 'essential' all the time. You also might be aware of dangers and threats and be able to research technical solutions and discussions in a way which others aren't. We don't need plastic socket covers - my husband works in IT and knows this and the OFSTED advice changed about a decade ago: but that didn't stop up having to be in a meeting around that time with social services, my husband doing a demo of the internal jaws which the earth pin opens on the live parts, and how some versions of socket covers can actually circumvent this safety feature if turned upside down! I don't know if my husband is diagnosable but he didn't care, he was going in there and showing them! Anxieties and confidence of others is a really bizarrely sensitive thing to us, sometimes.
Shelves and boxes and junk rooms with locks on to store stuff in - these are useful. As are bags hung from coathooks. And places you can go and hide whilst they are safely engaged elsewhere, other than the bathroom. Also bathroom locks are a definitely arguable debate. You'll need to stay calm when public toilet locks go wrong/know the trick with the ones with the coin-slot on the outside; but bolts or anything that could get stuck with the on the inside, definitely worth being cautious over.
There are code locks you can get which are one way door handles- you can open from the inside so they are friendly & safe for kids who are old enough to be on the inside of but need a code to get into - this helps us protect my son's room from invasion by his sister and keeps a lid on some arguments, gives him a safe zone. It might not be a solution other parents would try but we needed it.
Conversely, I did enjoy the picture in some parenting book the HV gave us which had a parent sat in the playpen.
XP-based tip(s) 3. Housework is a mindfulness exercise; experts like Marie Kondo (decluttering) and the FlyLady (cleaning routines) are not incompatible with each other, have their usefulness, but also their limitations, so do with them as you will; expectations and the profligate advice of other people are similar, there's a lot of myths and different opinions out there about what mothers and parents should or shouldn't be able to do or understand easily; it's all about the parameters and the patterns and the focus but it's hard to define or solve with an algorithm, particularly if you have exec function difficulties and/or PDA traits, but trying to do it intellectually is a good avoidance/self-torture exercise (lists etc don't work for everyone!); people will give you 'don't worry, you're fine' supportive answers that are also self-protective or chippier 'pull your socks up' 'it's not rocket science' advice or a bit of both which doesn't always feel right.
Please give tips of raising a girl age 8-9 years old.
But smart tips i agree
So I could use some advice. My kid is 1 now so I have plenty of time but how do I explain meltdowns and days where my symptoms are worse to her when she's old enough to get that something's...different? Is that the word I'm looking for?
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on UA-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
💙💙💙