I caused the end of my first marriage. I was totally innocent when my 2nd ended. I still agonize over that first one! Forgiving one's self is incredibly difficult, but I have learned to be faithful no matter what. I MUST glorify Jesus with my life!
”See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority;“ Colossians 2:8-10 NASB1995
Disappointed to hear this justification of divorce. The idea that marriage is a contract between two human beings is a mere opinion with no basis in the Bible! Marriage is a mystery, in Paul’s letter, as it reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. The day Christ can abandon the church just because she doesn’t treat him right is the day Christians (and Christian ministers with a public platform like this) can divorce their spouse on grounds other than infidelity. Guys, God already made provision for our human weakness by giving ONE condition for the dissolution of the marriage due to one category of sin. Jesus wouldn’t abandon the church even if she were unfaithful to Him. Let’s not put words into God’s mouth and “expand on” His provisos for our own selfish benefits.
Robby, first let me say Jesus loves you brother. Most people commenting on this (including me) don’t know the details of your marriage relationship or divorce. We will be judged by the measure which we use to judge others, and I know I need / want all the grace possible from Jesus! So, I can certainly not pass judgment as it relates to your divorce. With that said, I listened to your video on divorce. Personally, I would encourage you to take it down. There are number of things you shared which I believe are unbiblical or not clear at minimum. We will be held accountable as teachers, and out of love for you, I genuinely encourage you to take down the video. Here are a few reasons (not all) why I suggest this. 1. God did NOT institute divorce as you claim. God instituted the marriage covenant. Mankind, because of sin and stubbornness wanted to break that covenant. Moses allowed it because of their ongoing stubbornness and hard hearts. The Jewish people and specifically the Rabbi then continued to twist and justify reasons for divorce basically permitting divorce all too often. This got so bad, that Jesus made a point to call them out on it and remind them of the significance of the covenant and that divorce should not occur except for marital unfaithfulness (meaning a serious offense) and that just leaving your spouse for lesser or any reasons (as many did and still do) that it wasn’t acceptable or what God intended even to the point of that person actually committing adultery if they married again. The Spirit of the law here is communicating how seriously marriage should be taken but many will watch your video and assume divorce is acceptable because they are unhappy or because their marriage is difficult. 2. You are at fault in claiming marriage is simply a contractual covenant and that divorce is acceptable when the contractual agreement is broken…. When vows are broken. If that is the case Robby, then every single married person has justifiable grounds for divorce because we all break vows in some way large or small at some point. We don’t always love and cherish each other. We are selfish, we screw up. God actually calls husbands to love their wives as He (Jesus) loves the church. How does Jesus love His church? It isn’t by walking away from the church when the church (body of believers as a whole or individually) break their commitment to God. God loves us through it…. He sanctifies the church. In what seems like an attempt to vaguely share about your personal situation and basically put it out there that you are divorced / getting married again, and to try to make justifications (whether justified or not) you open the door for people who don’t know the Word and trust your teaching to divorce because someone “breaks” the covenant at some point or because they are unhappy in their marriage…. Which many probably are at some point. 3. You vaguely touch on sex and how having sex is part of the contractual marriage covenant and withholding sex at some level is grounds for divorce. (Sex is very important and partners should share themselves physically with one another and grow in that relational area). Again though, you are so vague about it that you open the door for many to interpret that how they see fit and therefore divorce over their lack of sexual satisfaction. Robby, how often do people need to have sex to NOT break their marriage covenant? Is once per day enough? (For many it is not). How about once per week, once per month, once per quarter, once per year? What if the woman has sex but just lays there as a “duty”? Is she not still withholding affection? So is it grounds for divorce if she isn’t into it as much as the man wants or vice versa? What if the man won’t perform oral sex on his wife? Is he not withholding affection? Is that not grounds then for her to divorce him? I can guarantee your vague mention of this in your video will be taken how people see it from their paradigm and will justify divorce for all kinds of reasons related to sexual unsatisfaction in one way or another…. Not having sex everyday day, not fully filling sexual needs in some way, etc…. Since that is technically withholding if one person wants that and the other won’t comply. As a society, we certainly don’t struggle with not divorcing often enough or being too committed to each other. Do some stay in harmful marriage situations when they shouldn’t? Absolutely. However, there is more of an epidemic of divorce as opposed to an epidemic of people, staying in marriages…. Even in the church. Robby, if you feel your divorce has been justified or blessed by God, that is between you and God. But in an attempt to explain that (under the false pretense of a “teaching” Video) you are actually sharing what is borderline or even blatant false teaching. I agree with you that people should seek professional counseling and spiritual counseling as it relates to their marriage and the prospects of divorce. But your video basically shares unbiblical teaching that people will use to justify divorce for reasons they likely shouldn’t. I share this as someone who has lived through marriage and divorce. Also, as a side note, the abandonment that occurs when somebody walks from a marriage is not simply total financial abandonment, as in ancient history. While in our current US culture, there are laws to protect from total financial abandonment, it is a mistake to think that significant abandonment still does not occur. There is still financial harm. However, there is emotional and physical abandonment. It is a horrible thing, very real, very hard and very painful. It is not to be minimized simply because a woman may not become homeless in our current culture due to divorce. And yes, many women leave men and also abandon them emotionally and physically. Do as you see fit Robby, but as a brother in Christ I am simply sharing my perspective and opinion that this video you posted may do harm to many marriages that I know you don’t intend. God bless.
You are spot on. Thank you for wisely saying so clearly and empathetically what I was thinking. This video should be taken down because I do not believe that it adds to the divorce conversation in a biblical way at all.
@@vennie951- I just started the video, but I think the combination of the video and the commentary like the one above is important as a representation of the conversation. Infidelity and abandonment. I have a friend who left her husband because he was so emotionally abusive to her that she ended up in a mental hospital, suicidal, despite being a strong believer. I guess, strong as relative when you live with abuse. Gaslighting. And it was worse because her husband was a leader in the church, and no one listened to her careful cries for help. How does a woman honor commands that she honor her husband by not airing, his dirty laundry in public, only The wife is the victim? The tension of those two things drove her to suicide. Whether you call it, emotional, abandonment, and a good reason to divorce, or a situation where “loving your husband, from far away“ is advised, Getting out of a marriage like that can save a life. When I read scripture, very strictly, it does seem as though the issue is less with the divorce, and more with remarriage. And Women come out on the short end of the stick when it comes to being strict following scripture when it comes to remarriage. And I really don’t know very many people Who have divorced, and remarried, who obeying scripture about this. But in the case of people, like my friend, or those who have experienced Physical abuse from their husbands, or wives, separation is important, and there really is not a big difference between separation and divorce in modern culture, it has more to do with legal ramifications in the Culture that does not allow polygamist marriage is as were allowed in the old testament. I will be very interested in seeing how his story turns out, and how closely I agree with Other details in your comment. It’s certainly a very serious thing to consider.
@@bitrudder3792 I am heartened and humbled to see the discussions about this video. Your abused friend’s situation requires prayer, wise counsel and distance. After that, I’ve no real answer/advice re impact of divorce re remarriage.
RED FLAG: not taking any responsibility for the failed marriage as well as not showing grace to his long married wife who did have 6 or 7 children with. So looks like sex wasn’t the issue. And the crazy start: God created divorce …. Oh my!!!
Remarriage brings another depth to this topic. I think its possible your conviction and explanation is twisting and excusing compromising what the Bible clearly states. Carful not to over spiritualize and give place to deception.
@@RobbyDawkinsTo the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not. separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” So, the biblical rule is that there should be no divorce and, if a divorce does occur, no remarriage. 1 Corinthians 7:10
Except for sexual immorality. Also if an unbeliever leaves. In these cases the spouse is “unbound”, which means free. There is no longer a “binding” to a covenant that no longer exists. This is in the Bible. The person is as unbound and free to remarry as the widow is. This is what these words mean.
““For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”” Luke 16:18
3:26 "God instituted divorce in the law of Moses". False. Jesus clarifies this when He said Moses gave you a writ of divorce because of the hardness of your hearts. The "writ of Moses" (Divorce) was sin management of hard hearted rebellious people who were most likely not even Christians. There are many other examples of "sin management" where God establishes rules for sin to curb or prevent the compounding of sin to the point that the "cup of iniquity" becomes full and God's wrath is poured out. There was no "God sanctioned divorce" prior to Moses... which is 2500 years of no divorce approved of by God, but people divorced anyway and fornicated anyway... because of their rebellious hard hearted hearts. Most of the Israelites are in Hell because they weren't saved and they only followed the rules of God to avoid some of the consequences and because of peer pressure. So, don't think the "writ of Moses" is permission from God to divorce. Malachi 2 says God hates divorce and whatever God hates is sin. Jesus went on to say that from the beginning, "divorce" was never intended, so God does not approve of divorce. Also, Jesus went on to say that remarriage after divorce is adultery.... let that sink in and ask "Why is remarriage the sin of adultery after divorce?" Because you are still married in God's eyes. Romans 7 and 1 Cor. 7 both state that marriage is until death, so people like Robby Dawkins can sin all they want and appear to get away with it ... and justify their sin with eisegesis of the Word of God, but the only place where a "divorce" appears justified is in the case of the unbelieving spouse, who is unequally yoked to a believer, can't stand to live with a Christian and wants to leave. 1 Cor 7 says we can let them leave and remarry. But notice that Paul says that God commands not to separate and not to divorce in 1 Cor 7. So, Mr Dawkins, you don't have Biblical grounds for divorce just because the Bible mentions it and people do it. It is sin. One more example is the response of the disciples when Jesus explained divorce more clearly to them in private. They were sad and said it's better not to marry at all. Why would they say that if Jesus had permitted and allowed for divorce in the case of adultery? You get to trade her in for a new one and start over.... that's awesome!.... if it happened, but it didn't happen. They were sad because remarriage after divorce is sin and your only Biblical grounds is reconciliation and repentance of sin... not divorce. God hates divorce, so you can make up your own mind about what God thinks of ministers who promote and justify it. Divorce makes a mockery of God's faithfulness to us and the imagery of Christ and His bride the church.
I am totally agree with you. People like him uses scripture just for their benefits and he married girl like his daughter age this is sexual immorality.
The Bible clearly says I the Lord hate divorce. The Pharisees tried to put the the blame on Moses for divorce, but Jesus told them it it was given/ allowed because of the hardness of their hearts (Those that no longer wanted their wives were probably cruel to them) The Bible says divorce is the same as cloaking yourself in violence
The only thing I disagree with is the sex part. I thank God my husband was patient with me. I had a hormonal imbalance from being put on birth control for ovarian cysts, not knowing what it would do to me. This was before marriage. We also waited for marriage, so you can probably understand how sad this was for me. Intercourse was not only painful for me, but I had zero desire. I kept that to myself for a long time because I was afraid to hurt my husband's feelings. I had no idea what was causing it, but I know the Lord spoke to me, and I immediately got off birth control. It's been three years, and my body still isn't normal. I'm currently seeing a naturopathic doctor and praying for my healing, as we haven't had any luck with getting pregnant after almost 6 years of marriage. My husband waited patiently until I was ready. Thank God my libido is so much better, but my husband went without. I do think a lot of women are dealing with similar issues and have no idea. I pray that men are patient with their wives when it comes to this. I won the jackpot of husbands if I don't say so myself. ❤
Thanks for sharing your story, you have a wonderful husband if he can love you in this difficult situation, as a man I can say it is pretty difficult for us. It shows there are many nuances in life and we shouldn't try to apply any general advice to people not knowing what they are going through. However, I think Robby was talking about something a bit different when a spouse withholds sex as a form of emotional abuse or manipulation - that's the worst case and when it continues over a prolonged period of time it becomes very damaging to the man and I can understand this might be the reason for divorce - but then I think the real reason is not lack of sex but toxic relations and lack of sex is just an outcome. When there is no sex in your marriage but love is present it is a different situation. Some Christians practice what is called "white marriage" when they commit to one another before God without sex and that works for them. When there is love and presence of God then sex is no longer such an important thing. But I'm glad things are improving for you and may your wonderful marriage flourish forever!
Yes your situation was different. Navigating physical situations can be difficult and takes both to support one another. This is not withholding what you could have given. But we could help one another. We do need to be one. What we don't want to accept is that God deals with us like this. Branches that don't produce fruit. Not abiding in the vine. Going back to the slave woman. God will let us go. Yes He has the power to restore, heal, overcome and offers it to us all, but if can't be forced and God will not be manipulated into accepting our hard stubborn hearts. It's scary but if we are not abiding in God. If we are not close to Him. Then we are in a state of separation and risking being found unfruitful as the dranch not in the vine
I feel like it may be a double standard to say that the information behind the divorce isn’t owed by a public minister. I feel like if part of the qualifications for a church overseer is to be the husband of one wife, with a house that’s in order, and an example to the flock, the reason for a minister having a divorce should be stated and standard - and probably agreed to by elders (a board? Whoever those accountability elders are should probably need to be named too). There are many preachers who have had affairs, left their spouses, got remarried to someone and jumped back into the pulpit. Should these voices be received again by a biblical standard? I don’t see it in scripture or the early church, personally. But how can anyone judge righteously if the preacher says the details are not owed to the public that he seeks to lead? If teachers are judged with greater strictness and we have to look at fruit not just doctrine…. How does anyone, especially a Christian leader in the Body get to say something like, “No, my fruit is personal. It’s no one else’s business.”?
I think you are making a good point. Robby is coming across very defensively, which is completely understandable, however I do think your point is valid. I think that the protection of all those involved is also a good point. I think this is the point that Robby is making. How do you suggest a way that both points can be satisfied?
@@Ken-nk5dc well like I said above, “protection” of all those involved is not “protection” but actually “privacy.” While the public may not need to know every gory detail, abuse or infidelity are the only two reasons for divorce and one of those reasons should have to be named … and because “abuse” is on a spectrum, those who are acting as spiritual accountability who were part of the decision making process should also have to be named for accountability of agreeing it was the right thing to do. These are public roles with public scriptural qualifications.
@@brebuxton I do think protection goes along with privacy. The reason for one can often be for the other I believe. I agree with what your point is in both of your comments. My point is exactly what are the details that you are thinking should be provided factually? So in the case of Robby for an example, what would it look like in what you are suggesting? Bre your hitting on some good points I think.
This “teaching” is reckless to the bride of Christ. I don’t trust church leaders -who don’t go home and love their wives and children -who nurture and care more about their platforms “in the name of Jesus”. It would be hard to feel close to a husband and father who chooses ministry over the real respectable work of being the Priest over his home. Let’s talk more about that. Sincerely, Pastors Wife.
You should speak to your husband about these feelings and bad behaviors he has with you and your children. I agree with you. Any minister who does what youre saying isn't obeying Scripture. Counseling helps as a place to process rather than here though. Praying for you both to heal and restore your family and marriage.
@@RobbyDawkins No I’m not processing my own pain in the comments, in fact, I felt an obligation to write to those reading the comments who may need to know this truth. It’s because I’ve been loved so well and my 4 children have been loved so well that I know when I see something that the world witnesses as less than Christian leadership. Therefore my heart is grieving for families in ministry who are losing their marriages and for people outside the Church that don’t see anything different about us.
So true about how men are treated. But in my experience, overall the Christian culture is to think the woman didn’t stay faithful because maybe she could have saved her husband. It’s such a heavy burden to place so flippantly on the woman. The same goes for men though.
As someone who knows you both it is difficult to hear you imply you're a victim of Stolkholm syndrome, and in an abusive situation. Certainly this implication will hurt your ex wife and that doesnt sit well with my Spirit.
As a person who doesn’t personally know him, I didn’t hear that. I did hear he spoke carefully and covered her. If he didn’t i wouldn’t have continued to listen. Peace.
Why did John the Baptist lose his head? That’s a huge detail and I’m sure from the level of moral character involved in that story, “legal grounds for divorce” were present if there was such a thing If you just can’t take it, leave, but you can’t remarry. Our God is a God of reconciliation and restoration, not a God of rights. Folks don’t follow this guy’s path to destruction, for your own sake, or for the sake of that person you claim to love as your second spouse. Ear tickler.
Robby, you're a public figure with a significant platform. I believe you owe the public an honest and fully transparent / vulnerable explanation regarding your divorce. Maybe this isn't something you're willing to do because it was blatant sin? I don't know. That being said, if she didnt cheat on you and wasn't abusing you, then most likely you just made a strategic decision to marry a younger woman for the perks.
I say this with all gentleness and humility…not as one who is perfect and can cast stones. However, it is important to understand that remarriage is as the sin of adultery. (Matt 19:9)
Right there is no other relationship that includes sex. You become one with a person through that person. Sexual sin is against your own body the scripture says . We need to follow the scripture not someone's excuse to remarry. It says you can separate that's OK but to remarry you need to look for the reasons in scripture you can remarry. I think he is speaking to much from his male gender ideas.
@@dysonwitwer6430 It does not follow that a desire to obey Christ would negate His forgiveness and redemption. Obedience is a heart of love’s response to the saving work of grace and forgiveness.
The Scripture is very clear that you aren't a candidate to remarry unless your spouse committed adultery, died or abandoned you. In each case the marriage covenant is broken or finished. Jesus was clear about this and so was Paul. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 gives an out to divorce "even if you do divorce you must remain single." Historically this has been seen as an out for those in toxic/ abusive relationships. Having spent over 40 years as a counselor or in ministry or both, I can agree with much you had to say, but your conclusion concerning the issue of remarriage isn't biblical and you need to cease teaching it.
This was one of the best teachings on divorce. Especially bringing the Jewish standards for divorce. I honor and respect you and your ministry. And very happy the Lord has blessed you with a wife.
I remained in my first, terrible marriage. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but I remained because I believed marriage was once and for life, as my vows asserted. That divorce was absolutely torturous, especially in that she took our three kids. My second, I remained again, because I believed marriage is once and forever. I made the very large mistake of compromising many of my biblically held beliefs. That ended just as terribly after 36 years. Lost history and again loosing the opportunities to love my two children who cut all ties with me. The Church responded in both cases with the adage "We kill our wounded", rather than being a comforting, compassionate place and a people who step in to help. Leaving long known relatives and friends, or having them cut me off, is a loss no one should endure; it is not modeled in The Kingdom. Being out of a relationship that daily ground me down is so refreshing. I've become more aware of how much of me that I'm regaining and that I had to repress for so long. I am so grateful for your message here. Again, you have "spoken the Truth in Love".
Great topic! I've heard many various interpretations on biblical divorce. My parents were divorced after 30 years of marriage... and when it happened I remember breaking down (at work) thinking that it would be easier if my dad had died instead of seeing him being drawn away into infidelity and sin. I'm glad you were able to find healing and wholeness in Christ, and may God do the same for your ex. 😇
I thank God for getting me out of bad marriage, and have NO DESIRE to ever be in another. My life is about me and my sons and our dog, and I’m good with that.
I disagree with divorce can be good! God hates it, period! People jump right into another relationship after divorce. Never giving God time to heal and repair a broken marriage! Divorce is always due to a hard heart! True Christians dont divorce! And especially never remarry because they know and trust Gods timing not ours! Only heathens and religious people divorce and remarry. A true beleiver will either wait on God to heal the marriage or remain unmarried!
How do you interpret Mark 10:1-16 then? I mean the words of Jesus saying that Moses allowed divorce because people’s hearts were hardened, but it has never been God’s vision for people… My intention isn’t to condemn the divorced. It’s just that saying that God has created divorce is falsehood. It’s not true.
You’re right about perfection of God and imperfection of people. But this is why you make the covenant before the perfect God so that you can count on His help.
This issue exposes the overly vigilant law oriented assumptions of the average Christian. It’s predictable that the same people saying that without an adulterous event the divorced must remain unmarried somehow miss the Lords statement that if you look on a woman (person) in lust you have already committed adultery. What these believers sometimes overlook is that in both cases Jesus is stating a condition, not a prohibition. He’s underscoring our need for his grace which needs to be applied to ALL of our sin, including divorce. In the case of Paul, he’s stating the will of God. He’s not saying that remarrying is the one sin not subject to the power of the blood of Jesus.Gods grace will redeem any sin with no exception . That’s why there are divorced Christians who are also redeemed, gifted, fruitful and God loving members in the body of Christ.
Assumptions are like opinions, neither are based on truth. Our misguided thoughts of the mind do go astray. Study the words of the Lord Jesus, be led by His Spirit and be transformed to a more informed way of thinking. Thank you Robby for sharing this heart felt message.
Robby, I got to tell you I hope you read this and send me a message. I love how God is always beside us, and when we need to hear, see, or experience anything, He leads us to it. Other than the long story that I hope I can share with you, tonight I struggled so hard with everything on my plate. Randomly, the algorithms were moved, and I was able to experience the video of you speaking to the pastor about the pillar of fire. Then, as I let it play, my UA-cam skipped and came to this video. When I tell you I am struggling, man, putting it so mildly. You said several things in this that I agree with. I do have some questions. Thank you, God, for letting Robby speak about this very close subject to me. I hope you let Robby message me, and I hope to be able to speak to him and gain another brother with you. Thank you, God, and it's your name. I pray, Amen.
My story is a bit different. I'm a little old lady now, but had two marriages to men who had convinced me they were mighty men of God ... until the wedding was over. I hung in there believing that God would do a work in each heart. I loved sex and that went well until they realized that I loved sex and then they started withholding sex and affection from me. Thru study and counsel, I now know that they needed to punish their mothers and other women that they perceived had done them wrong, by abusing me - and abuse they did. Long story but you would agree that God Himself miraculously delivered me from both of these men after being married to each of them 15 years - total 30 years. Thank you, Robby, you have gained great wisdom about the heart of God thru all of this.
This teaching is not what the Bible teaches. This teaching is the opposite of what biblically sound theologians and Bible teachers have taught in the church for thousands of years. This teaching Robby Dawkins is a case study of 2 Timothy 4:3-4 “itching ears not enduring sound doctrine…”. I’m not judging, I’m warning ⚠️. The consequences of this teaching according to scripture is “… adulterers not inheriting the kingdom of heaven”. 1 Corinthians 6:9.
Many people withhold their own ‘good’ opinion or ‘benefit of the doubt’ UNLESS the other(s) reveal their intimate and ‘dirty’ secret; and if the other chooses not to, they punish them with bad assumptions. This is not okay. No one is entitled to your personal life, and certainly not the details of your marriage.
Well doneRobby. If a person has not gone through a divorce then they have no idea of the pain and separation experienced. I feel like the church is the most dangerous place I can take myself to. I have found out who my real friends are though.
When a video starts out with divorce is God's idea turn it off right away.. we as christians do not follow moses laws on this topic. Jesus upped the samdards.
As a divorcee and a widow who has remarried, I find those who say divorce is a death (and some say worse than death) have never had a spouse drop dead. You just don’t close the casket (as some have said). I don’t highly value the Rabbis’ comments. My Sr. Pastor cited Exodus 21:8-10. Also, I agree with the earlier commenter: ministers are held to a higher standard and thus he was too vague. He did mention the 4 “A”s (adultery, abandonment, addiction and abuse), but some of those (addiction and emotional abuse) start a slippery slope.
I was married for more than 26 years, my ex had a porn addiction for so many years. He left 8 months after my dad died. I agonized for years after he left for someone else. I withheld nothing, but he did not partner to support in every day tasks. We both worked outside the home. Many times, you don’t realize there’s abuse, until your years out. Now I just pray for whoever God brings next
This was a wonderful message! I was told by a minister once that, "sometimes the sin isn't in the divorce, but in the marriage", and gave scriptural evidence of the truth of the statement. I know 2 young men who need to hear this
Divorce is a sin and outside of God's will. Marriage that is equally yoked is pleasing and honorable to the Lord. Sinfully responding to conflict is where most people fail.
"marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews. There will be people who never divorced and judge and condemn those who have gone through divorce, condemning them. I also had a wrong pastor who said no divorce no matter what and you could never remarry ever until the other died. This is not what Jesus was saying. In the OT the adulterer was to be put to death. Shall we do that today so the other can be free....? What about if a married spouse lusts in their mind and heart towards another...? Jesus said thats also adultery in the heart, should they be killed....? Let us let God be the judge, and seek his will for us. For there may be some who divorced but shall be forgiven...and there may be those who were married 50 years, thinking they are righteous but on judgement day God will say to a spouse you committed adultery 1,478 times during your marriage, all the porn, the lusting, the sin that often beset you. You are guilty of adultery. And what shall your punishment be? And you thought for 50 years you were righteous while judging those divorced.
Many times I feel like I was forgotten by people in my church after my ex left. Sometimes even now-almost 8 years later-I feel forgotten, like an outcast or a leper. That some women think I’m after their husbands…mmm, no. I’ve been made an outcast and called names. One of my children doesn’t talk to me because of things my ex and the woman he left me for have lied about me. This was good message to hear.
I have also walked that road. I feel invisible in church settings. If I talk to a man at all I am then 'attempting to lead him astray'. I have no place in church other than to warm a seat and give $$. Both of which I rarely do any more. I give happily directly to missions that touch my heart and try to walk with God every day. He loves me. He loves you too and what counts for eternity is your relationship with Him. My God bless you in all of your goings in and comings out.
I don't honestly know yet what I think or how I feel about this. But, I listened to the whole thing, and I will definitely continue to take it to the Lord and dig into the Word about it. Clearly, you have traveled a difficult road while seeking to please God. So no matter where I ultimately land on this issue, I appreciate your call to compassion for the church. We have long been too quick to condemn our brethren instead of seeking God in prayer on their behalf. May He shine His light into the depths of all our souls. God bless you, brother.
I divorced last year and have been treated like an absolute leper in church circles ever since, never would have wanted it in a million years. A book I was reading on divorce quoted Myles Monroe saying how the Church is a hospital for those divorcing .I'm sure he was well meaning but I threw the book out. I rarely attend services and when I do its the same old story and treatment, I feel like I' m in no man's land. Thankfully, The Lord has always been there with me. Thanks for posting this, it sure is different and I was glad to hear some of these things, especially the assumptions and judgments made toward men. It's assumed the guy is an adulterer or some kind of pervert. Also that he doesn't care 1 iota about his kids. It blows my mind how the religious crowd is and it makes me wonder about the people I've been wasting my time with for 30 plus yrs
Sorry Richard. I know how hard divorce is to walk through. I pray you keep your eyes on the King through it all. I am praying you guard your heart and don't let offense in. It is a powerful tool that the enemy uses, especially in Christians. I have seen how the enemy has used it in my life, whispering junk in my ear. May we take every thought captive for Christ. God bless you brother.
My life is a testimony of being the result of: staying in a marriage where my ex husband had gone to have sexual relationship with his girlfriend and has not provide for the family for more than 10 years. The pastors kept on saying: "You have to stay in the marriage, God hates divorce." For 10 years I have tried to "save" my marriage and it was my ex who refuses marriage theraphy etc. On my 10,5 year God told me to take off my wedding ring as a sign of spiritual divorce. 4 months after that I filed for our physical divorce. My marriage has ended the moment his girlfriend called the house 10,5 years ago. I felt the spiritual shift and consequences of his infidelity. He slept with his girlfriend throughout my pregnancy with our child.
Amen. I am a pastor who is going through a divorce right now. It is so wonderful to finally hear another Christian who understands what I'm going through. In our case, it takes two to hold a marriage together, and two to break a marriage. I'm just as guilty as she is, and I can really relate to what you said at the 11 min. mark.
Thank you for your teaching on marriage/divorce. At the end of the day regardless, whether people should divorce or not, even after infidelity, Seek the Lord first, God knows everyone’s heart, you need a relationship with the Lord To give you wisdom and understanding. It’s not a black and white issue as most want to make it. It’s a heart issue. Agreed church has made an idol out of marriage, how many people do all of us know that truly love each other the way we are called to in marriage? Christian and non Christian, selfishness , self righteousness. No fear of the Lord. I suggest also Listen to Dan Mohler talk on the subject, We are called to be love, God is for marriage, 1st and foremost , But, if you are seeking divorce, seek Gods guidance and heart in the situation, first,.. it’s a quick way to ease immediate pain, but lots more pain comes through the process. God bless, thanks again, Robby, enjoyed the message.
Thank you Robby. I loved your message. It was spot on! I married young for all the wrong reasons, I married an older worldly man back in the late 70’s. We were married 27 years when my husband committed a crime. It was devastating and his actions destroyed our family. He took advantage of me and my insecurities, he threatened divorce as a way to control me because he knew I was terrified to be on my own. I had forgiven him over and over and still took him back only for him to continue the emotional gaslighting and abuse. I asked God for strength and to save my marriage. But, God had another plan. I called my husband’s bluff and told him if he wanted a divorce, then get all the paperwork ready and I’ll sign. After that he stopped threatening me. Then…things got much worse. One day I was sobbing…I heard God speak to me and ask me…”Do you trust me?” I responded, “Yes Lord, I trust you! Three times He asked me that question and each time I answered the same. He finally said to me…”Will you trust Me even when it seems like things are going in the opposite direction?” Again, I responded….”I will trust you!” Things got much worse indeed…He committed another crime, that was all over the news. It was humiliating, and embarrassing. And as if that wasn’t enough heartache he seduced a young girl in our church and took nude photos of her when I was out of town overnight for my work. Eventually my husband asked for the divorce, once again…even my adult kids had to tell me, “Mom, let him go, he’s going to continue to abuse you.” I signed and filed the paperwork, and sent it to the courts. I wanted so badly to save our marriage, but I knew. God had to pry my fingers off. For years I felt the guilt and shame of divorce…the scarlet letter sort of speak. He committed adultery with the world in my view. But I still felt the condemnation. God spoke to me…”Daughter, you couldn’t see what I could see… I removed him from your life, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus!” God knew…He protected me. I was blinded, I couldn’t see what was going on. To this day, I’ve never been more free of guilt and shame. 21 years later, I am thriving and serving the Lord. Sadly, my ex husband passed away 2019. His life went downhill…no fruit to speak of, just a legacy of devastation. I wish I could say he turned his life around after all of that, but he did not. Unless you’ve experienced the trauma of divorce, your judgment is null and void. God’s grace covers, and His mercy endures for ever.
Robby, thank you for taking the time to share your understanding on divorce. I personally have not yet gotten married, but this is a very relevant topic to me as I consider which woman I might want to pursue a marriage relationship with. In particular, verses like Matthew 19:9 and Mark 10:11-12 seem very pointed to me. I'm trying to understand if there is some cultural reason why the face value interpretation (at least from the perspective of a modern, Western understanding of what these verses say) is not the best understanding of them. I heard what you said about how divorce in biblical times was more like abandoning a woman, and modern laws make it so that is not the case, but I'm not sure that I totally understand your reasoning. This isn't a statement of disagreement at all. I just don't feel like I quite understand how a woman's state of being essentially abandoned would make it more like adultery for a second husband to marry her. It's more intuitive to me that marrying her after she was divorced would be more justifiable if she was in great need, as one who had been abandoned. Am I missing something? Again, my goal is to understand what you are saying for my own sake, not to pass judgment on you or others.
I've been separated from my wife for over a decade, I haven't filed because of what the bible says about divorce. Truth is it wasn't a christian marriage even though the vows were made under God almighty. A lot was done to each other by each other and I really want to move on. I've forgiven her and I hope she's forgiven me. This was an eye opener, especially for a guy who really doesn't want to be divorced and was holding on to the possibility of reconciliation even though logic says no.
Having been there also. I found that the only person I am accountable for is my self. To hold someone else to a legal dead marriage is manipulation. That's not God, that's witchcraft.
Robby, so sorry to see you believe divorce was God's idea. No need to listen to the rest of the message. Robby, you have fallen into a doctrine of demons. And until the church is willing to forsake all lies, it will continue to fall short in many truths. Praying for you brother.
Did you listen to his explanation of why he said that? It's because it is a part of the Law of Moses, in Deuteronomy 24 if I recall correctly. Do you find fault with that reasoning?
@@dagman85 divorce was not God’s idea. He allowed Moses to give them a concession because they would not obey. And he killed them all for it later. Because they harden their hearts in that wilderness. And he warns us in Hebrews not to do the same thing. Divorce is off the table with God and Christ. Which means remarriage after divorce is adultery. While there may need to be separation sometimes because of abuse, nothing terminates the marriage covenant but death. And this is clear in the scriptures.
@@nomadiscipler - the topic of your post was not remarriage after divorce, but whether or not divorce was God's idea. Let's keep the focus narrowed to that. The Bible does say that divorce was a concession made because of the hard hearts of the people, but I'm not aware of anywhere that it indicates the idea came from someone besides God. By the way, I mentioned Deuteronomy 24 earlier, but divorce is mentioned by God (at least in concept) as far back as Exodus 21:10-11. Also, in Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8, it says that God divorced Israel.
@@dagman85 you’re taking metaphors God used to use something Israel could understand. God is not a man and Israel is not a woman. Please show me one scripture where God says that divorce is his idea or he commands the Jews to divorce their wives if they don’t want them
@nomadiscipler - is it a metaphor? Yes. But did God have a covenant relationship with Israel, much like a marriage? Also yes. Regarding whose idea divorce was, are you claiming that those verses were inspired by someone other than God, or that God was borrowing someone else's idea that He hadn't thought of first? Regarding a verse where God is commanding divorce, this is pretty close, as Ezra is commanding it in his role as priest: Ezra 10:10-11 NIV [10] Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, “You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel’s guilt. [11] Now honor the Lord, the God of your ancestors, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.”
I find it interesting that people are lashing out at Robby for this discussion. It just shows the ignorance of people and the chains they put on themselves when they don’t know the Bible. God himself is a divorcee. He divorced Israel in Jeremiah 3. Are you above God in so much that you are better than him in knowing what is right? He allows divorce and all you do is ask God to forgive you. You are free from it. If you don’t ask God for forgiveness, you’re not a Christian, then you follow under the law, it becomes adultery. We have the law of divorce and we have forgiveness under Jesus. It’s sad when people want to attack someone out of their ignorance. Maybe read your Bible for a change, like the whole Bible, not one verse and get free from ignorance. “My people perish for lack of knowledge" in Hosea 4:6.
I agree with your video. I also agree with all the ways men are viewed and treated in these situations. One thing you fail to realize and seem blind to is the whole separate set of horrible views and treatment of women in these situations. Women are often cheated on FAR more frequently than men (even in these modern times). Women are falsely assumed to be withholding sex when that’s not the case. Men ARE much more prone to physical bullying and assault, the kind that can and does cause deep physical damage, and then when sex doesn’t occur after those incidents, the woman is supposedly “withholding”. I worked in the courts for 30 years. There is no more vulnerable and unprotected group in the church and world than divorced woman. Unlike the man, she is often seen as unstable, desperate and sinful, even often when it is widely known that her husband was the adulterer. It is a special shame that women endure. There is a defilement that is often overlooked or minimized and ridiculed, and is mostly found in women. Bottom line is, divorce deeply harms men AND women, though in different ways. Your video is great but be careful in your words against women in these cases. Evil and unfairness is gender-blind. We all have our experiences and have known men and women who have suffered in these ways. We should pray for them, and for deeper understanding of ALL of their stories.
My son is a victim of his ice queen wife. And she left twice and returned twice, once pregnant by another. And a sexless marriage and no time spent together.
Only one Gospel: The Gospel of Reconciliation. Jesus Christ came into THEIR kingdom to reconcile fallen angels unto Himself. We are the fallen angels (ELOHIM) kept in DNA chains of darkness. If you do not confess being a fallen angel in Lucifer's kingdom, then you are an unbeliever. Unbeliever = those that claim to be made in the image of ELOHIM(gods). REPENT FALLEN ANGELS.
OUTRAGEOUS BLESSINGS ON YOU ROBBY🙏❣️ From a 70 year young divorced child of God THANK YOU for sharing this. I am sharing this to others who NEED to hear this!
Thank you so much Robby. I was not at fault for the destruction of my marriage, but I left in the wrong way. The way I left in combination with the typical assumptions you mentioned, made it easier for others to blame and criticize me. I’m sure I’ll heal some day. Thank you again
Hey Robbie. Sorry you’ve gone through that. My 15 year marriage ended 9 years ago. Truly it should have ended after a year. It was a colossal mistake. When it ended I suspected an emotional affair was going on but I learned from her that a month hadn’t passed and she was definitely sleeping with him. So, that gave me my biblical out - according to some. Anyway, God has a way with of working these things out for the good because 2 years later I met the woman of my dreams. It was the easiest relationship Ive ever had. We never fought. Which for me was so different. 6 years of marriage and it feels like we’ve been together for 30 (I mean that in a good way) Anyway, blessings to you and your wife. Congratulations! PS: it takes a LOT of courage to post this video. The religious ones are going to pounce on you.
Boy. There’s a number of you on here that sound like Dwight Schrute; so sure of the correct interpretation of scripture, so firm in your beliefs and convictions, but then again so was Peter before Jesus told him to get behind him. Giving an opinion on marriage/divorice in the manner you have done while lacking grace or compassion is NOT Jesus. Most of us don’t like to hold things in tension so we default to what makes us comfortable. Ergo, divorce is 💯 wrong or 💯 right. Just don’t forget the heart of how Jesus handled people when speaking (woman “caught” in adultery, woman at the well). Im going to go out on a limb here and say you might think you know, but you really just don’t know what you don’t know.
We need to know what the scripture says. If it lines up with God's word then it's of God if it goes against scripture then it's not of God. We can all read for ourselves what the word says concerning divorce.
Thank you…married for 44 years. Went through divorce. It’s painful. I was a death to you part gal. But I have to say, God delivered me from a very depraved man. I have forgiven him…but there is no contact.
Wow Robby, this was the best Scriptural Teaching on divorce that I have ever heard! Thank you so much for this, and as you were speaking, The Holy Spirit was shifting my understanding of the subject of divorce, to a more biblical understanding. I think I owe an apology to a good friend of mine. My husband and I have been married for 41 years, and I kinda held the view that if we could work it out, then everyone should be able to right? I literally started crying and had to repent for my very rigid view on this😭. This short teaching has definitely equipped me to be more understanding, compassionate, and HELPFUL to friends, and all men and women of God, that are going through this❤. P.S. Congratulations on your new marriage!
Everyone can choose to please themselves or God and hard hearted rebellious people choose to not forgive... which is sin. I'm not saying you can't have boundaries. Marriage is until death in Rom 7 and 1 Cor 7. For 2500 years prior to Moses, there was no "God approved divorce" because it was never intended, but to manage the sin of the rebellious people, Moses allowed the writ of divorce to prevent compounding of sin and the pouring out of God's wrath. If divorce was Ok, then remarriage wouldn't be considered the sin of adultery and the disciples would not have been sad when Jesus explained it further in private... when they said it's better then not to get married at all. Why would they respond this way if Jesus just gave them permission to trade her in for a new one? I have skin in this game. My wife left me which led to thousands of hours of study. We are quick to justify our flesh and ignore God's will. We should be compassionate to the hurting, but our help should be to encourage repentance in humility. If I've been bought with the blood of Jesus, then I don't have rights except to do the will of God. I don't have the right to "be happy" or to have all my fleshly wants and desires fulfilled (apart from God's will). This is an extremely touchy subject that is emotionally super charged. Hosea is an example of how we are to endure the pain and suffering of an unfaithful spouse.... like Jesus does with us. I will remain unmarried as long as my wife is alive with the hope of reconcilliation between us... two imperfect sinners. I have been bought and paid for and I have a duty to do things God's way ... which I fail at because it is often with a bad attitude like Jonah rather than love and kindness and the compassion that God wants us to have. That's a daily battle of dying to self.
@@sonnyh9774 Very well said on a very sensitive subject. Dan Mohler really hits this in his video "Best of Dan Mohler- Christian Marriage vs. Separation and Divorce?" As of today, I am single after my ex-wife has ended our relationship again. I am pressing into the Lord and listening. We are complete in Christ, not in any relationship. We are called to be a light in this world for Him in the midst of it all- no matter what others around us do. God bless you brother.
The only thing I'd like to say is this. If two people get married according to marriage terms other than what Jesus and His Apostles explained than Jesus does not recognize your marriage as being a marriage. The point being is that you can't divorce a person if you never married them in the first place. Most marriages are not recognized by Jesus. Just because some humans recognize your marriage doesn't automatically mean that Jesus does.
Thank you very much for sharing your heart for being vulnerable. You're right, divorce people aren't a second clase. I'm really sorry for what you and your family went through. Thank you for protecting your children's heart too.May the Lord bless you and your beautiful wife in this new journey. You're a blessing for the Kingdom ❤
Robby, thank you. Having walked that path myself, and my wife, I have always been hesitant to look too closely at the issue, although I’ve always been sure it is not the “unforgivable sin” many in the church seem to believe it to be. This has healed my soul-to say nothing of being the best teaching on divorce I’ve ever heard. Bless you and your family, particularly your new wife!
Robby, I feel this message is for me because I find myself guilty judging people who went through divorce, especially those who are spiritual leaders. I tend to think they did something wrong, they are bad people and inferior, have failed in life and should not be in a position of leading or teaching others as they are not good example. I usually don't tell anyone these thoughts out loud or share them online, I just find myself judging others harshly in my thoughts. The irony is that if my past deeds were to be revealed it would turn out that in many cases they were far worse than those of the divorced people I was judging. And the worst thing is that I would like to condemn those people and think they should receive severe punishment while I myself would like mercy and easy forgiveness from God and from everyone. It's easy for me to criticize what others do wrong while being blind to far greater dirt present in my own life. I'm grateful for your honest testimony because it helps me find compassion with people who have gone through divorce and be less judgemental. I am no expert in judging if your interpretation of what the Bible says about the divorce is true or not - I can see people have many different opinions. But what I'm certain about is that God allows us to experience the fruit of our own judgement sooner or later - as you judge others so you will be judged - I've experienced it personally many times. It's even as though it is a high priority for God that we have those experiences - even at the expense of suffering of many people around us. God wants us to love others and stop judging because we have no idea what others have gone through that led them to what they did and to what happened in their lives.
Bottom line...people have free will...2 people in a marriage & both have to be participating with each other & with God. Divorce is difficult, but sometimes necessary.
Wow you had your Pastors support. Nice. Rare. I filed because he abandoned us. My husband was told by one of our Pastor’s there is nothing morally or scripturally wrong having a woman “ friend” during the divorce!! Hidden Adultery #4 or 5.
I caused the end of my first marriage. I was totally innocent when my 2nd ended. I still agonize over that first one! Forgiving one's self is incredibly difficult, but I have learned to be faithful no matter what. I MUST glorify Jesus with my life!
Amen my dad went through the same. Glory to God
”See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority;“
Colossians 2:8-10 NASB1995
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We need to try deliverance first before we think of divorce!
I agree completely
Disappointed to hear this justification of divorce. The idea that marriage is a contract between two human beings is a mere opinion with no basis in the Bible! Marriage is a mystery, in Paul’s letter, as it reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. The day Christ can abandon the church just because she doesn’t treat him right is the day Christians (and Christian ministers with a public platform like this) can divorce their spouse on grounds other than infidelity. Guys, God already made provision for our human weakness by giving ONE condition for the dissolution of the marriage due to one category of sin. Jesus wouldn’t abandon the church even if she were unfaithful to Him. Let’s not put words into God’s mouth and “expand on” His provisos for our own selfish benefits.
Robby, first let me say Jesus loves you brother. Most people commenting on this (including me) don’t know the details of your marriage relationship or divorce. We will be judged by the measure which we use to judge others, and I know I need / want all the grace possible from Jesus! So, I can certainly not pass judgment as it relates to your divorce. With that said, I listened to your video on divorce. Personally, I would encourage you to take it down. There are number of things you shared which I believe are unbiblical or not clear at minimum. We will be held accountable as teachers, and out of love for you, I genuinely encourage you to take down the video. Here are a few reasons (not all) why I suggest this. 1. God did NOT institute divorce as you claim. God instituted the marriage covenant. Mankind, because of sin and stubbornness wanted to break that covenant. Moses allowed it because of their ongoing stubbornness and hard hearts. The Jewish people and specifically the Rabbi then continued to twist and justify reasons for divorce basically permitting divorce all too often. This got so bad, that Jesus made a point to call them out on it and remind them of the significance of the covenant and that divorce should not occur except for marital unfaithfulness (meaning a serious offense) and that just leaving your spouse for lesser or any reasons (as many did and still do) that it wasn’t acceptable or what God intended even to the point of that person actually committing adultery if they married again. The Spirit of the law here is communicating how seriously marriage should be taken but many will watch your video and assume divorce is acceptable because they are unhappy or because their marriage is difficult. 2. You are at fault in claiming marriage is simply a contractual covenant and that divorce is acceptable when the contractual agreement is broken…. When vows are broken. If that is the case Robby, then every single married person has justifiable grounds for divorce because we all break vows in some way large or small at some point. We don’t always love and cherish each other. We are selfish, we screw up. God actually calls husbands to love their wives as He (Jesus) loves the church. How does Jesus love His church? It isn’t by walking away from the church when the church (body of believers as a whole or individually) break their commitment to God. God loves us through it…. He sanctifies the church. In what seems like an attempt to vaguely share about your personal situation and basically put it out there that you are divorced / getting married again, and to try to make justifications (whether justified or not) you open the door for people who don’t know the Word and trust your teaching to divorce because someone “breaks” the covenant at some point or because they are unhappy in their marriage…. Which many probably are at some point. 3. You vaguely touch on sex and how having sex is part of the contractual marriage covenant and withholding sex at some level is grounds for divorce. (Sex is very important and partners should share themselves physically with one another and grow in that relational area). Again though, you are so vague about it that you open the door for many to interpret that how they see fit and therefore divorce over their lack of sexual satisfaction. Robby, how often do people need to have sex to NOT break their marriage covenant? Is once per day enough? (For many it is not). How about once per week, once per month, once per quarter, once per year? What if the woman has sex but just lays there as a “duty”? Is she not still withholding affection? So is it grounds for divorce if she isn’t into it as much as the man wants or vice versa? What if the man won’t perform oral sex on his wife? Is he not withholding affection? Is that not grounds then for her to divorce him? I can guarantee your vague mention of this in your video will be taken how people see it from their paradigm and will justify divorce for all kinds of reasons related to sexual unsatisfaction in one way or another…. Not having sex everyday day, not fully filling sexual needs in some way, etc…. Since that is technically withholding if one person wants that and the other won’t comply. As a society, we certainly don’t struggle with not divorcing often enough or being too committed to each other. Do some stay in harmful marriage situations when they shouldn’t? Absolutely. However, there is more of an epidemic of divorce as opposed to an epidemic of people, staying in marriages…. Even in the church. Robby, if you feel your divorce has been justified or blessed by God, that is between you and God. But in an attempt to explain that (under the false pretense of a “teaching” Video) you are actually sharing what is borderline or even blatant false teaching. I agree with you that people should seek professional counseling and spiritual counseling as it relates to their marriage and the prospects of divorce. But your video basically shares unbiblical teaching that people will use to justify divorce for reasons they likely shouldn’t. I share this as someone who has lived through marriage and divorce. Also, as a side note, the abandonment that occurs when somebody walks from a marriage is not simply total financial abandonment, as in ancient history. While in our current US culture, there are laws to protect from total financial abandonment, it is a mistake to think that significant abandonment still does not occur. There is still financial harm. However, there is emotional and physical abandonment. It is a horrible thing, very real, very hard and very painful. It is not to be minimized simply because a woman may not become homeless in our current culture due to divorce. And yes, many women leave men and also abandon them emotionally and physically. Do as you see fit Robby, but as a brother in Christ I am simply sharing my perspective and opinion that this video you posted may do harm to many marriages that I know you don’t intend. God bless.
100% this
Holy moly this guy just laid down some truth.
You are spot on. Thank you for wisely saying so clearly and empathetically what I was thinking. This video should be taken down because I do not believe that it adds to the divorce conversation in a biblical way at all.
@@vennie951- I just started the video, but I think the combination of the video and the commentary like the one above is important as a representation of the conversation.
Infidelity and abandonment. I have a friend who left her husband because he was so emotionally abusive to her that she ended up in a mental hospital, suicidal, despite being a strong believer. I guess, strong as relative when you live with abuse. Gaslighting. And it was worse because her husband was a leader in the church, and no one listened to her careful cries for help.
How does a woman honor commands that she honor her husband by not airing, his dirty laundry in public, only The wife is the victim? The tension of those two things drove her to suicide.
Whether you call it, emotional, abandonment, and a good reason to divorce, or a situation where “loving your husband, from far away“ is advised, Getting out of a marriage like that can save a life.
When I read scripture, very strictly, it does seem as though the issue is less with the divorce, and more with remarriage. And Women come out on the short end of the stick when it comes to being strict following scripture when it comes to remarriage. And I really don’t know very many people Who have divorced, and remarried, who obeying scripture about this. But in the case of people, like my friend, or those who have experienced Physical abuse from their husbands, or wives, separation is important, and there really is not a big difference between separation and divorce in modern culture, it has more to do with legal ramifications in the Culture that does not allow polygamist marriage is as were allowed in the old testament.
I will be very interested in seeing how his story turns out, and how closely I agree with Other details in your comment. It’s certainly a very serious thing to consider.
@@bitrudder3792 I am heartened and humbled to see the discussions about this video. Your abused friend’s situation requires prayer, wise counsel and distance. After that, I’ve no real answer/advice re impact of divorce re remarriage.
RED FLAG: not taking any responsibility for the failed marriage as well as not showing grace to his long married wife who did have 6 or 7 children with. So looks like sex wasn’t the issue.
And the crazy start: God created divorce …. Oh my!!!
Remarriage brings another depth to this topic. I think its possible your conviction and explanation is twisting and excusing compromising what the Bible clearly states. Carful not to over spiritualize and give place to deception.
So if you divorce and remarry it’s not adultery? The bible says exactly that.
Ruth, did you listen to the podcast?
And you’re wrong. The Bible doesn’t say that.
@@RobbyDawkinsTo the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not. separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” So, the biblical rule is that there should be no divorce and, if a divorce does occur, no remarriage. 1 Corinthians 7:10
Except for sexual immorality. Also if an unbeliever leaves. In these cases the spouse is “unbound”, which means free. There is no longer a “binding” to a covenant that no longer exists. This is in the Bible. The person is as unbound and free to remarry as the widow is. This is what these words mean.
““For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.””
Luke 16:18
3:26 "God instituted divorce in the law of Moses". False. Jesus clarifies this when He said Moses gave you a writ of divorce because of the hardness of your hearts. The "writ of Moses" (Divorce) was sin management of hard hearted rebellious people who were most likely not even Christians. There are many other examples of "sin management" where God establishes rules for sin to curb or prevent the compounding of sin to the point that the "cup of iniquity" becomes full and God's wrath is poured out. There was no "God sanctioned divorce" prior to Moses... which is 2500 years of no divorce approved of by God, but people divorced anyway and fornicated anyway... because of their rebellious hard hearted hearts. Most of the Israelites are in Hell because they weren't saved and they only followed the rules of God to avoid some of the consequences and because of peer pressure. So, don't think the "writ of Moses" is permission from God to divorce. Malachi 2 says God hates divorce and whatever God hates is sin. Jesus went on to say that from the beginning, "divorce" was never intended, so God does not approve of divorce. Also, Jesus went on to say that remarriage after divorce is adultery.... let that sink in and ask "Why is remarriage the sin of adultery after divorce?" Because you are still married in God's eyes. Romans 7 and 1 Cor. 7 both state that marriage is until death, so people like Robby Dawkins can sin all they want and appear to get away with it ... and justify their sin with eisegesis of the Word of God, but the only place where a "divorce" appears justified is in the case of the unbelieving spouse, who is unequally yoked to a believer, can't stand to live with a Christian and wants to leave. 1 Cor 7 says we can let them leave and remarry. But notice that Paul says that God commands not to separate and not to divorce in 1 Cor 7. So, Mr Dawkins, you don't have Biblical grounds for divorce just because the Bible mentions it and people do it. It is sin. One more example is the response of the disciples when Jesus explained divorce more clearly to them in private. They were sad and said it's better not to marry at all. Why would they say that if Jesus had permitted and allowed for divorce in the case of adultery? You get to trade her in for a new one and start over.... that's awesome!.... if it happened, but it didn't happen. They were sad because remarriage after divorce is sin and your only Biblical grounds is reconciliation and repentance of sin... not divorce. God hates divorce, so you can make up your own mind about what God thinks of ministers who promote and justify it. Divorce makes a mockery of God's faithfulness to us and the imagery of Christ and His bride the church.
I am totally agree with you. People like him uses scripture just for their benefits and he married girl like his daughter age this is sexual immorality.
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100% correct!
The Bible clearly says I the Lord hate divorce. The Pharisees tried to put the the blame on Moses for divorce, but Jesus told them it it was given/ allowed because of the hardness of their hearts (Those that no longer wanted their wives were probably cruel to them) The Bible says divorce is the same as cloaking yourself in violence
And had i not gotten a divorce myself and my kids would have wound up dead... so there's that.
@@allanarudd6895You don’t make claims like that.
The only thing I disagree with is the sex part. I thank God my husband was patient with me. I had a hormonal imbalance from being put on birth control for ovarian cysts, not knowing what it would do to me. This was before marriage. We also waited for marriage, so you can probably understand how sad this was for me. Intercourse was not only painful for me, but I had zero desire. I kept that to myself for a long time because I was afraid to hurt my husband's feelings. I had no idea what was causing it, but I know the Lord spoke to me, and I immediately got off birth control. It's been three years, and my body still isn't normal. I'm currently seeing a naturopathic doctor and praying for my healing, as we haven't had any luck with getting pregnant after almost 6 years of marriage. My husband waited patiently until I was ready. Thank God my libido is so much better, but my husband went without. I do think a lot of women are dealing with similar issues and have no idea. I pray that men are patient with their wives when it comes to this. I won the jackpot of husbands if I don't say so myself. ❤
Thanks for sharing your story, you have a wonderful husband if he can love you in this difficult situation, as a man I can say it is pretty difficult for us. It shows there are many nuances in life and we shouldn't try to apply any general advice to people not knowing what they are going through. However, I think Robby was talking about something a bit different when a spouse withholds sex as a form of emotional abuse or manipulation - that's the worst case and when it continues over a prolonged period of time it becomes very damaging to the man and I can understand this might be the reason for divorce - but then I think the real reason is not lack of sex but toxic relations and lack of sex is just an outcome. When there is no sex in your marriage but love is present it is a different situation. Some Christians practice what is called "white marriage" when they commit to one another before God without sex and that works for them. When there is love and presence of God then sex is no longer such an important thing. But I'm glad things are improving for you and may your wonderful marriage flourish forever!
Yes your situation was different. Navigating physical situations can be difficult and takes both to support one another. This is not withholding what you could have given. But we could help one another.
We do need to be one. What we don't want to accept is that God deals with us like this.
Branches that don't produce fruit. Not abiding in the vine. Going back to the slave woman. God will let us go. Yes He has the power to restore, heal, overcome and offers it to us all, but if can't be forced and God will not be manipulated into accepting our hard stubborn hearts.
It's scary but if we are not abiding in God. If we are not close to Him. Then we are in a state of separation and risking being found unfruitful as the dranch not in the vine
I feel like it may be a double standard to say that the information behind the divorce isn’t owed by a public minister. I feel like if part of the qualifications for a church overseer is to be the husband of one wife, with a house that’s in order, and an example to the flock, the reason for a minister having a divorce should be stated and standard - and probably agreed to by elders (a board? Whoever those accountability elders are should probably need to be named too). There are many preachers who have had affairs, left their spouses, got remarried to someone and jumped back into the pulpit. Should these voices be received again by a biblical standard? I don’t see it in scripture or the early church, personally. But how can anyone judge righteously if the preacher says the details are not owed to the public that he seeks to lead? If teachers are judged with greater strictness and we have to look at fruit not just doctrine…. How does anyone, especially a Christian leader in the Body get to say something like, “No, my fruit is personal. It’s no one else’s business.”?
Yes!!
I agree with this 100%.
I think you are making a good point. Robby is coming across very defensively, which is completely understandable, however I do think your point is valid.
I think that the protection of all those involved is also a good point. I think this is the point that Robby is making. How do you suggest a way that both points can be satisfied?
@@Ken-nk5dc well like I said above, “protection” of all those involved is not “protection” but actually “privacy.” While the public may not need to know every gory detail, abuse or infidelity are the only two reasons for divorce and one of those reasons should have to be named … and because “abuse” is on a spectrum, those who are acting as spiritual accountability who were part of the decision making process should also have to be named for accountability of agreeing it was the right thing to do. These are public roles with public scriptural qualifications.
@@brebuxton I do think protection goes along with privacy. The reason for one can often be for the other I believe. I agree with what your point is in both of your comments. My point is exactly what are the details that you are thinking should be provided factually? So in the case of Robby for an example, what would it look like in what you are suggesting?
Bre your hitting on some good points I think.
This “teaching” is reckless to the bride of Christ.
I don’t trust church leaders -who don’t go home and love their wives and children -who nurture and care more about their platforms “in the name of Jesus”. It would be hard to feel close to a husband and father who chooses ministry over the real respectable work of being the Priest over his home. Let’s talk more about that.
Sincerely, Pastors Wife.
You should speak to your husband about these feelings and bad behaviors he has with you and your children. I agree with you. Any minister who does what youre saying isn't obeying Scripture. Counseling helps as a place to process rather than here though. Praying for you both to heal and restore your family and marriage.
@@RobbyDawkins No I’m not processing my own pain in the comments, in fact, I felt an obligation to write to those reading the comments who may need to know this truth. It’s because I’ve been loved so well and my 4 children have been loved so well that I know when I see something that the world witnesses as less than Christian leadership. Therefore my heart is grieving for families in ministry who are losing their marriages and for people outside the Church that don’t see anything different about us.
So true about how men are treated. But in my experience, overall the Christian culture is to think the woman didn’t stay faithful because maybe she could have saved her husband. It’s such a heavy burden to place so flippantly on the woman. The same goes for men though.
The cross weighed as much as a refrigerator. I'm bearing a heavy burden for me and my wife right now
As someone who knows you both it is difficult to hear you imply you're a victim of Stolkholm syndrome, and in an abusive situation. Certainly this implication will hurt your ex wife and that doesnt sit well with my Spirit.
As a person who doesn’t personally know him, I didn’t hear that. I did hear he spoke carefully and covered her. If he didn’t i wouldn’t have continued to listen. Peace.
Why did John the Baptist lose his head? That’s a huge detail and I’m sure from the level of moral character involved in that story, “legal grounds for divorce” were present if there was such a thing If you just can’t take it, leave, but you can’t remarry. Our God is a God of reconciliation and restoration, not a God of rights. Folks don’t follow this guy’s path to destruction, for your own sake, or for the sake of that person you claim to love as your second spouse. Ear tickler.
So good
Robby, you're a public figure with a significant platform. I believe you owe the public an honest and fully transparent / vulnerable explanation regarding your divorce. Maybe this isn't something you're willing to do because it was blatant sin? I don't know. That being said, if she didnt cheat on you and wasn't abusing you, then most likely you just made a strategic decision to marry a younger woman for the perks.
I say this with all gentleness and humility…not as one who is perfect and can cast stones. However, it is important to understand that remarriage is as the sin of adultery. (Matt 19:9)
Right there is no other relationship that includes sex. You become one with a person through that person. Sexual sin is against your own body the scripture says . We need to follow the scripture not someone's excuse to remarry. It says you can separate that's OK but to remarry you need to look for the reasons in scripture you can remarry. I think he is speaking to much from his male gender ideas.
If your interpretation of this scripture is correct, God does not forgive or forget sin
@@dysonwitwer6430
It does not follow that a desire to obey Christ would negate His forgiveness and redemption. Obedience is a heart of love’s response to the saving work of grace and forgiveness.
The Scripture is very clear that you aren't a candidate to remarry unless your spouse committed adultery, died or abandoned you. In each case the marriage covenant is broken or finished. Jesus was clear about this and so was Paul. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 gives an out to divorce "even if you do divorce you must remain single." Historically this has been seen as an out for those in toxic/ abusive relationships. Having spent over 40 years as a counselor or in ministry or both, I can agree with much you had to say, but your conclusion concerning the issue of remarriage isn't biblical and you need to cease teaching it.
Thank you for talking about this … sometimes leaders don’t tell people what’s going on and it leads to a lot of confusion and speculation
This was one of the best teachings on divorce. Especially bringing the Jewish standards for divorce. I honor and respect you and your ministry. And very happy the Lord has blessed you with a wife.
He had one. Didn’t need another.
I remained in my first, terrible marriage. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but I remained because I believed marriage was once and for life, as my vows asserted. That divorce was absolutely torturous, especially in that she took our three kids.
My second, I remained again, because I believed marriage is once and forever. I made the very large mistake of compromising many of my biblically held beliefs. That ended just as terribly after 36 years. Lost history and again loosing the opportunities to love my two children who cut all ties with me. The Church responded in both cases with the adage "We kill our wounded", rather than being a comforting, compassionate place and a people who step in to help. Leaving long known relatives and friends, or having them cut me off, is a loss no one should endure; it is not modeled in The Kingdom.
Being out of a relationship that daily ground me down is so refreshing. I've become more aware of how much of me that I'm regaining and that I had to repress for so long.
I am so grateful for your message here. Again, you have "spoken the Truth in Love".
Great topic! I've heard many various interpretations on biblical divorce. My parents were divorced after 30 years of marriage... and when it happened I remember breaking down (at work) thinking that it would be easier if my dad had died instead of seeing him being drawn away into infidelity and sin. I'm glad you were able to find healing and wholeness in Christ, and may God do the same for your ex. 😇
I thank God for getting me out of bad marriage, and have NO DESIRE to ever be in another. My life is about me and my sons and our dog, and I’m good with that.
I disagree with divorce can be good! God hates it, period! People jump right into another relationship after divorce. Never giving God time to heal and repair a broken marriage! Divorce is always due to a hard heart! True Christians dont divorce! And especially never remarry because they know and trust Gods timing not ours! Only heathens and religious people divorce and remarry. A true beleiver will either wait on God to heal the marriage or remain unmarried!
How do you interpret Mark 10:1-16 then? I mean the words of Jesus saying that Moses allowed divorce because people’s hearts were hardened, but it has never been God’s vision for people… My intention isn’t to condemn the divorced. It’s just that saying that God has created divorce is falsehood. It’s not true.
You’re right about perfection of God and imperfection of people. But this is why you make the covenant before the perfect God so that you can count on His help.
This issue exposes the overly vigilant law oriented assumptions of the average Christian. It’s predictable that the same people saying that without an adulterous event the divorced must remain unmarried somehow miss the Lords statement that if you look on a woman (person) in lust you have already committed adultery. What these believers sometimes overlook is that in both cases Jesus is stating a condition, not a prohibition. He’s underscoring our need for his grace which needs to be applied to ALL of our sin, including divorce. In the case of Paul, he’s stating the will of God. He’s not saying that remarrying is the one sin not subject to the power of the blood of Jesus.Gods grace will redeem any sin with no exception . That’s why there are divorced Christians who are also redeemed, gifted, fruitful and God loving members in the body of Christ.
Assumptions are like opinions, neither are based on truth. Our misguided thoughts of the mind do go astray. Study the words of the Lord Jesus, be led by His Spirit and be transformed to a more informed way of thinking.
Thank you Robby for sharing this heart felt message.
Is this for real?
Right?!
😢 I wish it was t. This teaching is completely unBiblical
Robby,
I got to tell you I hope you read this and send me a message. I love how God is always beside us, and when we need to hear, see, or experience anything, He leads us to it. Other than the long story that I hope I can share with you, tonight I struggled so hard with everything on my plate. Randomly, the algorithms were moved, and I was able to experience the video of you speaking to the pastor about the pillar of fire. Then, as I let it play, my UA-cam skipped and came to this video. When I tell you I am struggling, man, putting it so mildly. You said several things in this that I agree with. I do have some questions. Thank you, God, for letting Robby speak about this very close subject to me. I hope you let Robby message me, and I hope to be able to speak to him and gain another brother with you. Thank you, God, and it's your name. I pray, Amen.
My story is a bit different. I'm a little old lady now, but had two marriages to men who had convinced me they were mighty men of God ... until the wedding was over. I hung in there believing that God would do a work in each heart.
I loved sex and that went well until they realized that I loved sex and then they started withholding sex and affection from me.
Thru study and counsel, I now know that they needed to punish their mothers and other women that they perceived had done them wrong, by abusing me - and abuse they did.
Long story but you would agree that God Himself miraculously delivered me from both of these men after being married to each of them 15 years - total 30 years.
Thank you, Robby, you have gained great wisdom about the heart of God thru all of this.
This teaching is not what the Bible teaches. This teaching is the opposite of what biblically sound theologians and Bible teachers have taught in the church for thousands of years. This teaching Robby Dawkins is a case study of 2 Timothy 4:3-4 “itching ears not enduring sound doctrine…”. I’m not judging, I’m warning ⚠️. The consequences of this teaching according to scripture is “… adulterers not inheriting the kingdom of heaven”. 1 Corinthians 6:9.
Many people withhold their own ‘good’ opinion or ‘benefit of the doubt’ UNLESS the other(s) reveal their intimate and ‘dirty’ secret; and if the other chooses not to, they punish them with bad assumptions. This is not okay. No one is entitled to your personal life, and certainly not the details of your marriage.
Is this your way of justifying your divorce?
He's really stroking his flesh
Well doneRobby. If a person has not gone through a divorce then they have no idea of the pain and separation experienced. I feel like the church is the most dangerous place I can take myself to. I have found out who my real friends are though.
I am sincerely do not understand this.
He is justifying divorce
“The man who divorces his wife and marries another is an adulterer” - Jesus. “Divorce your wife and marry another” - Robby Dawkins.
When a video starts out with divorce is God's idea turn it off right away.. we as christians do not follow moses laws on this topic. Jesus upped the samdards.
Thank you. I needed this.
As a divorcee and a widow who has remarried, I find those who say divorce is a death (and some say worse than death) have never had a spouse drop dead. You just don’t close the casket (as some have said). I don’t highly value the Rabbis’ comments. My Sr. Pastor cited Exodus 21:8-10. Also, I agree with the earlier commenter: ministers are held to a higher standard and thus he was too vague. He did mention the 4 “A”s (adultery, abandonment, addiction and abuse), but some of those (addiction and emotional abuse) start a slippery slope.
I was married for more than 26 years, my ex had a porn addiction for so many years. He left 8 months after my dad died. I agonized for years after he left for someone else. I withheld nothing, but he did not partner to support in every day tasks. We both worked outside the home. Many times, you don’t realize there’s abuse, until your years out. Now I just pray for whoever God brings next
You can believe for a miracle but not the restoration of your marriage?
One of your best videos Robby. Thank you.
This was a wonderful message! I was told by a minister once that, "sometimes the sin isn't in the divorce, but in the marriage", and gave scriptural evidence of the truth of the statement. I know 2 young men who need to hear this
Divorce is a sin and outside of God's will. Marriage that is equally yoked is pleasing and honorable to the Lord. Sinfully responding to conflict is where most people fail.
"marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews. There will be people who never divorced and judge and condemn those who have gone through divorce, condemning them. I also had a wrong pastor who said no divorce no matter what and you could never remarry ever until the other died. This is not what Jesus was saying. In the OT the adulterer was to be put to death. Shall we do that today so the other can be free....? What about if a married spouse lusts in their mind and heart towards another...? Jesus said thats also adultery in the heart, should they be killed....? Let us let God be the judge, and seek his will for us. For there may be some who divorced but shall be forgiven...and there may be those who were married 50 years, thinking they are righteous but on judgement day God will say to a spouse you committed adultery 1,478 times during your marriage, all the porn, the lusting, the sin that often beset you. You are guilty of adultery. And what shall your punishment be? And you thought for 50 years you were righteous while judging those divorced.
Many times I feel like I was forgotten by people in my church after my ex left. Sometimes even now-almost 8 years later-I feel forgotten, like an outcast or a leper. That some women think I’m after their husbands…mmm, no. I’ve been made an outcast and called names. One of my children doesn’t talk to me because of things my ex and the woman he left me for have lied about me. This was good message to hear.
I have also walked that road. I feel invisible in church settings. If I talk to a man at all I am then 'attempting to lead him astray'. I have no place in church other than to warm a seat and give $$. Both of which I rarely do any more. I give happily directly to missions that touch my heart and try to walk with God every day. He loves me. He loves you too and what counts for eternity is your relationship with Him. My God bless you in all of your goings in and comings out.
I am 28 years long divorced and not remaried!
Jesus gave me the key for supernatural shastity. Believe it or not !! It is possible!
I don't honestly know yet what I think or how I feel about this. But, I listened to the whole thing, and I will definitely continue to take it to the Lord and dig into the Word about it. Clearly, you have traveled a difficult road while seeking to please God. So no matter where I ultimately land on this issue, I appreciate your call to compassion for the church. We have long been too quick to condemn our brethren instead of seeking God in prayer on their behalf. May He shine His light into the depths of all our souls. God bless you, brother.
I divorced last year and have been treated like an absolute leper in church circles ever since, never would have wanted it in a million years. A book I was reading on divorce quoted Myles Monroe saying how the Church is a hospital for those divorcing .I'm sure he was well meaning but I threw the book out. I rarely attend services and when I do its the same old story and treatment, I feel like I' m in no man's land. Thankfully, The Lord has always been there with me.
Thanks for posting this, it sure is different and I was glad to hear some of these things, especially the assumptions and judgments made toward men. It's assumed the guy is an adulterer or some kind of pervert. Also that he doesn't care 1 iota about his kids. It blows my mind how the religious crowd is and it makes me wonder about the people I've been wasting my time with for 30 plus yrs
Sorry Richard. I know how hard divorce is to walk through. I pray you keep your eyes on the King through it all. I am praying you guard your heart and don't let offense in. It is a powerful tool that the enemy uses, especially in Christians. I have seen how the enemy has used it in my life, whispering junk in my ear. May we take every thought captive for Christ. God bless you brother.
@@dr.johnmadden8845 Thank you
My life is a testimony of being the result of: staying in a marriage where my ex husband had gone to have sexual relationship with his girlfriend and has not provide for the family for more than 10 years.
The pastors kept on saying: "You have to stay in the marriage, God hates divorce."
For 10 years I have tried to "save" my marriage and it was my ex who refuses marriage theraphy etc.
On my 10,5 year God told me to take off my wedding ring as a sign of spiritual divorce. 4 months after that I filed for our physical divorce.
My marriage has ended the moment his girlfriend called the house 10,5 years ago. I felt the spiritual shift and consequences of his infidelity. He slept with his girlfriend throughout my pregnancy with our child.
I'm glad you are free. Blessings to you and your child.
Amen. I am a pastor who is going through a divorce right now. It is so wonderful to finally hear another Christian who understands what I'm going through. In our case, it takes two to hold a marriage together, and two to break a marriage. I'm just as guilty as she is, and I can really relate to what you said at the 11 min. mark.
Thank you for your teaching on marriage/divorce.
At the end of the day regardless, whether people should divorce or not, even after infidelity,
Seek the Lord first, God knows everyone’s heart, you need a relationship with the Lord
To give you wisdom and understanding. It’s not a black and white issue as most want to make it.
It’s a heart issue.
Agreed church has made an idol out of marriage, how many people do all of us know that truly love each other the way we are called to in marriage? Christian and non Christian, selfishness , self righteousness. No fear of the Lord.
I suggest also Listen to Dan Mohler talk on the subject, We are called to be love,
God is for marriage, 1st and foremost , But, if you are seeking divorce, seek Gods guidance and heart in the situation, first,.. it’s a quick way to ease immediate pain, but lots more pain comes through the process.
God bless, thanks again, Robby, enjoyed the message.
Thank you Robby. I loved your message. It was spot on!
I married young for all the wrong reasons, I married an older worldly man back in the late 70’s. We were married 27 years when my husband committed a crime. It was devastating and his actions destroyed our family. He took advantage of me and my insecurities, he threatened divorce as a way to control me because he knew I was terrified to be on my own. I had forgiven him over and over and still took him back only for him to continue the emotional gaslighting and abuse. I asked God for strength and to save my marriage. But, God had another plan. I called my husband’s bluff and told him if he wanted a divorce, then get all the paperwork ready and I’ll sign. After that he stopped threatening me. Then…things got much worse.
One day I was sobbing…I heard God speak to me and ask me…”Do you trust me?”
I responded, “Yes Lord, I trust you! Three times He asked me that question and each time I answered the same.
He finally said to me…”Will you trust Me even when it seems like things are going in the opposite direction?”
Again, I responded….”I will trust you!”
Things got much worse indeed…He committed another crime, that was all over the news. It was humiliating, and embarrassing. And as if that wasn’t enough heartache he seduced a young girl in our church and took nude photos of her when I was out of town overnight for my work. Eventually my husband asked for the divorce, once again…even my adult kids had to tell me, “Mom, let him go, he’s going to continue to abuse you.” I signed and filed the paperwork, and sent it to the courts. I wanted so badly to save our marriage, but I knew. God had to pry my fingers off.
For years I felt the guilt and shame of divorce…the scarlet letter sort of speak. He committed adultery with the world in my view. But I still felt the condemnation. God spoke to me…”Daughter, you couldn’t see what I could see… I removed him from your life, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus!” God knew…He protected me. I was blinded, I couldn’t see what was going on. To this day, I’ve never been more free of guilt and shame. 21 years later, I am thriving and serving the Lord.
Sadly, my ex husband passed away 2019. His life went downhill…no fruit to speak of, just a legacy of devastation. I wish I could say he turned his life around after all of that, but he did not.
Unless you’ve experienced the trauma of divorce, your judgment is null and void. God’s grace covers, and His mercy endures for ever.
Robby, this is fantastic.
Robby, thank you for taking the time to share your understanding on divorce. I personally have not yet gotten married, but this is a very relevant topic to me as I consider which woman I might want to pursue a marriage relationship with. In particular, verses like Matthew 19:9 and Mark 10:11-12 seem very pointed to me. I'm trying to understand if there is some cultural reason why the face value interpretation (at least from the perspective of a modern, Western understanding of what these verses say) is not the best understanding of them. I heard what you said about how divorce in biblical times was more like abandoning a woman, and modern laws make it so that is not the case, but I'm not sure that I totally understand your reasoning. This isn't a statement of disagreement at all. I just don't feel like I quite understand how a woman's state of being essentially abandoned would make it more like adultery for a second husband to marry her. It's more intuitive to me that marrying her after she was divorced would be more justifiable if she was in great need, as one who had been abandoned. Am I missing something? Again, my goal is to understand what you are saying for my own sake, not to pass judgment on you or others.
I've been separated from my wife for over a decade, I haven't filed because of what the bible says about divorce. Truth is it wasn't a christian marriage even though the vows were made under God almighty. A lot was done to each other by each other and I really want to move on. I've forgiven her and I hope she's forgiven me. This was an eye opener, especially for a guy who really doesn't want to be divorced and was holding on to the possibility of reconciliation even though logic says no.
Having been there also. I found that the only person I am accountable for is my self. To hold someone else to a legal dead marriage is manipulation. That's not God, that's witchcraft.
Robby, so sorry to see you believe divorce was God's idea. No need to listen to the rest of the message. Robby, you have fallen into a doctrine of demons. And until the church is willing to forsake all lies, it will continue to fall short in many truths. Praying for you brother.
Did you listen to his explanation of why he said that? It's because it is a part of the Law of Moses, in Deuteronomy 24 if I recall correctly. Do you find fault with that reasoning?
@@dagman85 divorce was not God’s idea. He allowed Moses to give them a concession because they would not obey. And he killed them all for it later. Because they harden their hearts in that wilderness. And he warns us in Hebrews not to do the same thing. Divorce is off the table with God and Christ. Which means remarriage after divorce is adultery. While there may need to be separation sometimes because of abuse, nothing terminates the marriage covenant but death. And this is clear in the scriptures.
@@nomadiscipler - the topic of your post was not remarriage after divorce, but whether or not divorce was God's idea. Let's keep the focus narrowed to that. The Bible does say that divorce was a concession made because of the hard hearts of the people, but I'm not aware of anywhere that it indicates the idea came from someone besides God.
By the way, I mentioned Deuteronomy 24 earlier, but divorce is mentioned by God (at least in concept) as far back as Exodus 21:10-11. Also, in Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8, it says that God divorced Israel.
@@dagman85 you’re taking metaphors God used to use something Israel could understand. God is not a man and Israel is not a woman.
Please show me one scripture where God says that divorce is his idea or he commands the Jews to divorce their wives if they don’t want them
@nomadiscipler - is it a metaphor? Yes. But did God have a covenant relationship with Israel, much like a marriage? Also yes.
Regarding whose idea divorce was, are you claiming that those verses were inspired by someone other than God, or that God was borrowing someone else's idea that He hadn't thought of first?
Regarding a verse where God is commanding divorce, this is pretty close, as Ezra is commanding it in his role as priest:
Ezra 10:10-11 NIV
[10] Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, “You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel’s guilt. [11] Now honor the Lord, the God of your ancestors, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives.”
I know that both men and woman are judged unjustly.
Yahuah divorced Yashar'el and Yahudah for adulteries. See Jeremiah 3:8
👎🏼
Thanks this very helpful I’m going to watch again because it is very different perspective.
Thanks Robby, your hard messages like this one help so many of us heal
Thank you Robby for the insightful teaching.
How did you understand that your new wife is the one? Did God tell you?
No
I find it interesting that people are lashing out at Robby for this discussion. It just shows the ignorance of people and the chains they put on themselves when they don’t know the Bible. God himself is a divorcee. He divorced Israel in Jeremiah 3. Are you above God in so much that you are better than him in knowing what is right? He allows divorce and all you do is ask God to forgive you. You are free from it. If you don’t ask God for forgiveness, you’re not a Christian, then you follow under the law, it becomes adultery. We have the law of divorce and we have forgiveness under Jesus. It’s sad when people want to attack someone out of their ignorance. Maybe read your Bible for a change, like the whole Bible, not one verse and get free from ignorance. “My people perish for lack of knowledge" in Hosea 4:6.
SO well spoken! Thank you for this.
Is this guy divorced and remarried? Sounds like it. I could be wrong.
Did you even listen to the full episode?
You clearly didn’t finish the episode…
Well said pastor Robbie! Thank you for sharing your heart & these biblical truths.
Thank you Robby!Shalom and Blessings from Prague❤We love you❤
Jesus said moses permitted it. Then he says i say unyo you except for fornication
Thank You for your honesty. This message blessed me greatly. May God bless you and your family!
I agree with your video. I also agree with all the ways men are viewed and treated in these situations. One thing you fail to realize and seem blind to is the whole separate set of horrible views and treatment of women in these situations. Women are often cheated on FAR more frequently than men (even in these modern times). Women are falsely assumed to be withholding sex when that’s not the case. Men ARE much more prone to physical bullying and assault, the kind that can and does cause deep physical damage, and then when sex doesn’t occur after those incidents, the woman is supposedly “withholding”. I worked in the courts for 30 years. There is no more vulnerable and unprotected group in the church and world than divorced woman. Unlike the man, she is often seen as unstable, desperate and sinful, even often when it is widely known that her husband was the adulterer. It is a special shame that women endure. There is a defilement that is often overlooked or minimized and ridiculed, and is mostly found in women. Bottom line is, divorce deeply harms men AND women, though in different ways. Your video is great but be careful in your words against women in these cases. Evil and unfairness is gender-blind. We all have our experiences and have known men and women who have suffered in these ways. We should pray for them, and for deeper understanding of ALL of their stories.
My son is a victim of his ice queen wife. And she left twice and returned twice, once pregnant by another. And a sexless marriage and no time spent together.
Thank you for teaching on this topic. God bless you!
Thank you Robbie.
Only one Gospel:
The Gospel of Reconciliation.
Jesus Christ came into THEIR kingdom
to reconcile fallen angels unto Himself.
We are the fallen angels (ELOHIM) kept in DNA chains of darkness.
If you do not confess being a fallen angel in Lucifer's kingdom, then you are an unbeliever.
Unbeliever = those that claim to be made in the image of ELOHIM(gods).
REPENT FALLEN ANGELS.
OUTRAGEOUS BLESSINGS ON YOU ROBBY🙏❣️ From a 70 year young divorced child of God THANK YOU for sharing this. I am sharing this to others who NEED to hear this!
Thank you so much Robby. I was not at fault for the destruction of my marriage, but I left in the wrong way. The way I left in combination with the typical assumptions you mentioned, made it easier for others to blame and criticize me. I’m sure I’ll heal some day. Thank you again
Oh and this is not Brett, this is his wife Maria.
Hey Robbie. Sorry you’ve gone through that. My 15 year marriage ended 9 years ago. Truly it should have ended after a year. It was a colossal mistake. When it ended I suspected an emotional affair was going on but I learned from her that a month hadn’t passed and she was definitely sleeping with him. So, that gave me my biblical out - according to some. Anyway, God has a way with of working these things out for the good because 2 years later I met the woman of my dreams. It was the easiest relationship Ive ever had. We never fought. Which for me was so different. 6 years of marriage and it feels like we’ve been together for 30 (I mean that in a good way)
Anyway, blessings to you and your wife. Congratulations!
PS: it takes a LOT of courage to post this video. The religious ones are going to pounce on you.
This is very insightful and greatly appreciated. Thank you for sharing. Grace and peace to you and your family Robby.
Boy. There’s a number of you on here that sound like Dwight Schrute; so sure of the correct interpretation of scripture, so firm in your beliefs and convictions, but then again so was Peter before Jesus told him to get behind him. Giving an opinion on marriage/divorice in the manner you have done while lacking grace or compassion is NOT Jesus. Most of us don’t like to hold things in tension so we default to what makes us comfortable. Ergo, divorce is 💯 wrong or 💯 right. Just don’t forget the heart of how Jesus handled people when speaking (woman “caught” in adultery, woman at the well). Im going to go out on a limb here and say you might think you know, but you really just don’t know what you don’t know.
We need to know what the scripture says. If it lines up with God's word then it's of God if it goes against scripture then it's not of God. We can all read for ourselves what the word says concerning divorce.
Stop playing victim and justifying what is clearly wrong. God loves you.
Great job brother!!!
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤
Thank you…married for 44 years. Went through divorce. It’s painful. I was a death to you part gal. But I have to say, God delivered me from a very depraved man. I have forgiven him…but there is no contact.
Very good...thank you!
Wow Robby, this was the best Scriptural Teaching on divorce that I have ever heard! Thank you so much for this, and as you were speaking, The Holy Spirit was shifting my understanding of the subject of divorce, to a more biblical understanding. I think I owe an apology to a good friend of mine. My husband and I have been married for 41 years, and I kinda held the view that if we could work it out, then everyone should be able to right? I literally started crying and had to repent for my very rigid view on this😭. This short teaching has definitely equipped me to be more understanding, compassionate, and HELPFUL to friends, and all men and women of God, that are going through this❤.
P.S. Congratulations on your new marriage!
Everyone can choose to please themselves or God and hard hearted rebellious people choose to not forgive... which is sin. I'm not saying you can't have boundaries. Marriage is until death in Rom 7 and 1 Cor 7. For 2500 years prior to Moses, there was no "God approved divorce" because it was never intended, but to manage the sin of the rebellious people, Moses allowed the writ of divorce to prevent compounding of sin and the pouring out of God's wrath. If divorce was Ok, then remarriage wouldn't be considered the sin of adultery and the disciples would not have been sad when Jesus explained it further in private... when they said it's better then not to get married at all. Why would they respond this way if Jesus just gave them permission to trade her in for a new one? I have skin in this game. My wife left me which led to thousands of hours of study. We are quick to justify our flesh and ignore God's will. We should be compassionate to the hurting, but our help should be to encourage repentance in humility. If I've been bought with the blood of Jesus, then I don't have rights except to do the will of God. I don't have the right to "be happy" or to have all my fleshly wants and desires fulfilled (apart from God's will). This is an extremely touchy subject that is emotionally super charged. Hosea is an example of how we are to endure the pain and suffering of an unfaithful spouse.... like Jesus does with us. I will remain unmarried as long as my wife is alive with the hope of reconcilliation between us... two imperfect sinners. I have been bought and paid for and I have a duty to do things God's way ... which I fail at because it is often with a bad attitude like Jonah rather than love and kindness and the compassion that God wants us to have. That's a daily battle of dying to self.
@@sonnyh9774 Very well said on a very sensitive subject. Dan Mohler really hits this in his video "Best of Dan Mohler- Christian Marriage vs. Separation and Divorce?" As of today, I am single after my ex-wife has ended our relationship again. I am pressing into the Lord and listening. We are complete in Christ, not in any relationship. We are called to be a light in this world for Him in the midst of it all- no matter what others around us do. God bless you brother.
The only thing I'd like to say is this. If two people get married according to marriage terms other than what Jesus and His Apostles explained than Jesus does not recognize your marriage as being a marriage. The point being is that you can't divorce a person if you never married them in the first place. Most marriages are not recognized by Jesus. Just because some humans recognize your marriage doesn't automatically mean that Jesus does.
I can't judge your choice in your divorce. Everyone must make their own choice according to their faith and conscience.
Been there! I am definitely loved and blessed by Jesus! Divorced and Qualified by HIM! (Remarried )
Thank you very much for sharing your heart for being vulnerable. You're right, divorce people aren't a second clase. I'm really sorry for what you and your family went through. Thank you for protecting your children's heart too.May the Lord bless you and your beautiful wife in this new journey. You're a blessing for the Kingdom ❤
Robby, thank you. Having walked that path myself, and my wife, I have always been hesitant to look too closely at the issue, although I’ve always been sure it is not the “unforgivable sin” many in the church seem to believe it to be. This has healed my soul-to say nothing of being the best teaching on divorce I’ve ever heard. Bless you and your family, particularly your new wife!
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Robby, I feel this message is for me because I find myself guilty judging people who went through divorce, especially those who are spiritual leaders. I tend to think they did something wrong, they are bad people and inferior, have failed in life and should not be in a position of leading or teaching others as they are not good example. I usually don't tell anyone these thoughts out loud or share them online, I just find myself judging others harshly in my thoughts. The irony is that if my past deeds were to be revealed it would turn out that in many cases they were far worse than those of the divorced people I was judging. And the worst thing is that I would like to condemn those people and think they should receive severe punishment while I myself would like mercy and easy forgiveness from God and from everyone. It's easy for me to criticize what others do wrong while being blind to far greater dirt present in my own life. I'm grateful for your honest testimony because it helps me find compassion with people who have gone through divorce and be less judgemental.
I am no expert in judging if your interpretation of what the Bible says about the divorce is true or not - I can see people have many different opinions. But what I'm certain about is that God allows us to experience the fruit of our own judgement sooner or later - as you judge others so you will be judged - I've experienced it personally many times. It's even as though it is a high priority for God that we have those experiences - even at the expense of suffering of many people around us. God wants us to love others and stop judging because we have no idea what others have gone through that led them to what they did and to what happened in their lives.
Bless you! Praise God!
Bottom line...people have free will...2 people in a marriage & both have to be participating with each other & with God. Divorce is difficult, but sometimes necessary.
Standing in agreement with you Robby! Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable.
Wow you had your Pastors support. Nice. Rare. I filed because he abandoned us. My husband was told by one of our Pastor’s there is nothing morally or scripturally wrong having a woman “ friend” during the divorce!! Hidden Adultery #4 or 5.