I am so grateful that our community has you Ahmed. Your invasive thoughts must be incredibly overwhelming sometimes, but OH MAN when you dig deep, it’s immediately evident how your battle has forged you into an emotional juggernaut I mean it - this was so meaningful, every word of it
Warning to artists: Adam Duff now shows up on many art tuber's comment sections spouting platitudes and nonsense, because his channel is slowly dying due to his own bad decisions. He's manipulating you. For years Adam Duff has preyed on his own audience's emotional insecurities for profit. He shills for AI corporations, is completely obsessed with money (hence all the tech product reviews he does,) and deletes any dissenting comment he receives to maintain his image as some benevolent "art daddy." He is not. He is a predator. When he got called out for shilling AI, like he did when called Carla Ortiz a "bitch," tons of artists and arttubers commented. He didn't like the negative publicity he received, so he deleted his video, acted like it never existed, and then proceeded to cover it up and back pedal on his words. Young artists be warned. Adam Duff is not what he seems. He lies, he cheats, he scams, he emotionally manipulates. His comment here, and on other art tube videos like Steven Zapata's, are marketing. He is not genuine at all: he is here solely to gain visibility so that he can continue to profit off his manipulation. Do not trust Adam Duff. His entire business model is preying on the disenfranchised and depressed to create emotional dependency on his "product," and has confessed to being a narcissist outright. He does NOT care about you, he is a cultist that repeats "I love you" to trick you and deceive you. You have no idea how evil this man really is. His words are honeyed poison. Avoid him like the plague.
4:46 - Ah, Maladaptive daydreaming... Thinking about things from your past that shouldn't matter anymore and spending hours in your head making up scenarios or about future scenarios that also don't matter because they'll never happen. It's tough, but being present is the only way out. Also-- can relate to waiting to the very very very last minute to do something. Even if it turns out well, it's not as good as it should've been or it just feels like dumb luck saved you. It's nice to know someone else is dealing with it too and making progress. You already know, but yeah, let yourself have fun. Pointless fun. Good luck!
This sort of made me feel more justified in my recent art break. I felt like I was doing pretty well and starting to get some of the freelance art jobs that I was wanting and then WHAM I got fucking breast cancer. All I could do was put my work on hold and play video games. I haven't even gone through chemo yet. I was just sad and felt justified in just putting all my time into huge JRPGs and, oddly enough, crocheting instead of my actual work. All the while feeling guilty that I was shirking my responsibilities. Thank God the clients I'm working with are so understanding about the whole thing, but still. Anyway, I guess what I mean to say is I think i needed the time away just to process like my own mortality in a way I'd never done before. But lately I've been itching to get back to painting and I'm redoing old Meds Map lessons to shake the rust off. Anyway, thanks for helping me validate these last 4 months of down time for me. We all require time for maintenance and healing ❤
@royuchiha8297 thank you. I actually had an appointment yesterday and my doctor said the results of my pathology were good enough that I won't have to do chemo after all!
I'm turning 28 in a few months, and i have to say listening to your vids while i was 18-22 in college helped me mentally immensely. im not sure i ever commented that. ive been a freelance illustrator for the music industry since i graduated college, and so many things you said aided me on this journey. thank you so much ahmed!!
For what it’s worth, I think you’re great. The value you have created with your UA-cam channel alone is more than most people create in a lifetime. Life is tough, all you can do is brace for the ride and enjoy it the best you can. Keep your chin up bro, you don’t have to be more than you are.
This is uncannily relatable. CPTSD + ADHD is a real bitch. Pete Walker's book on CPTSD has been a huge help, but there's no replacement for genuine therapy and grief recovery. Thank you for being open and honest about all this, the more we normalize being transparent about our mental health the more people will feel encouraged to seek the help they need.
I'm glad to hear you're recovering, Ahmed! Shame really is one of the worst feelings, especially when your intentions are good. It’s such a heavy weight to carry, and it keeps you from achieving everything you’re capable of. When you approach life with a kind heart and solid reasons for your decisions, trust in yourself. You don’t need to listen to the imagined judgments of others. Who’s to say they know better than you? Often, you’re the one who truly understands what’s best for you. Life is too short to spend it worrying all the time. I have to remind myself of that too. Stay true to who you are and focus on enjoying the journey. Some people will love you for being yourself, and others won’t, and that’s perfectly okay. We’re not here to please everyone.
I enjoyed this video tbh. Have adhd too, and not gotten anywhere career-wise. So I kept working more, and more, and more, trying to get somewhere. Ended up working from I woke up to I went to bed, and it still never felt enough. Currently? Without a job, in a cabin in the mountains, working on a series of images, while trying to teach myself to not work all the time. Even if I want to. So this video... was... relatable. Not working is an important part of enjoying the work you do when you do it.
Your journey through this mirrors a lot of my own and I'm really glad to hear that you've found some light on the other side of the tunnel. I've done my own work and healing and it's definitely ongoing but hearing yours gives me a lot of hope as well.
Great video, definitely will help other people. Edit: Ultimate breathing exercise: scuba diving. Completely changed my concept of breathing and meditation. Even in a swimming pool just to start.
I understand the fear of how the things you say and post will be received. But I'm just so incredibly grateful to have you back. Thank you for letting us into your mind, Ahmed.
Amazing video. I found that my mental health suffered from not drawing in silence. Drawing while listening to a podcast, stream YT video whatever, just stole all dopamine I got from art. Even if its difficult, focus on drawing and dopamine will come. Also meditation is good, or a dopamine detox in general. Allow yourself to be bored! Really helps with anxiety, and also creativity
Our mental health is more important than likes views and subscriptions Often, content creators have unhealthy relationships outside the internet but are forced to be a persona that's not real. We must stay grounded and focus on what's important IE well-being and happiness. I pray 🙏 you get there Ahmed. No matter how dark it gets, there's always light at the end of the tunnel❤️
So glad you decided to do something like this one. A reasonable level of openness with personal experience is always so valuable for so many people. Good stuff, and thanks for sharing. 🙏
good chills. for serious health reasons i had to stop psychiatric meds last year. my ptsd symptoms significantly got worse and it's been a hard journey. also have adhd. i deeply relate to everything youre saying here. and i bought meds map because of your authenticity and moments you have discussed your emotional journey, which made me feel you were trustworthy as a teacher. not necessarily because of your skill, though you are very skilled! but that emotional intelligence and authenticity is Very Valuable to me. thank you for choosing to work on yourself and be yourself. this gives me hope!!
I love how transparent you are here and it really helps me as an artist not feel so alone in experiencing mental struggles. Social media can be so exhausting and keeping up on it makes me never want to draw sometimes. Just wanted you to know you’ve always been a giant inspiration to me and my art journey 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you for always sharing your work and thoughts with the world!
I feel you... I'm 22 and going trough this too, I finally started to see a psychatrist for a potential diagnosis and I'm hopefull for what's next ! I left art school because of the feeling of doing stuff in survival mode (and other stuff) and now it's been 2 years since and felt like I had to restart how I live, I'm focusing on myself now even if I've been doing so little stuff and I'm very tired :O Glad to have news !! hope you'll be okaay !
Hey, I'm very thankful for this video. I've always struggled with pursuing my passions. I used to go to a rather prestigious high school in my country, but I was always closer to the bottom than the top of my class in subjects that mattered the most, like math, humanities, geography. I almost had to repeat a year 2 times because of failing maths, but my teacher acknowledged the fact that i tried to apply myself but it just didn't work out that well. Despite the fact that I was in a math oriented class, I was one of the only 2 people who didn't take extended maths on the SAT equivalent. After finishing high school i was eager to find my calling, because i was ashamed of myself. Many of my high school friends went on to study economics, law etc. at prestigious universities, and I just wanted to find a way to place myself as an equal among them. I enjoyed doodling and fashion design, which lead me to a fashion design school. When I was there, I was instantly humbled - I was the only person that didn't know how to use a sewing machine, I was not that good at art too. That lead me to feel embarassed at class, I would do the bare minimum when among peers and teachers, and would mostly work on my assignments at home, because I would always feel out of place. I was too scared to fail and work in front of other people, whom I perceived as better than me. I managed to hit my stride for a few projects, with which I would bring the whole class to a halt while presenting ( I would never however present progress on my designs, which was the main point of these classes anyway). I would be known as the guy who would turn in assignments at the last minute and go above and beyond. The thing was, the only time I was proud of myself was when presenting a project for critique, which I knew didn't need any. Other than that, the process brought me more stress than joy, and the stress would rise with every single assignment. When working on something i deemed important, I would be scared of failure and shamed at the prospect of not using my time effectively. I would place so much expectation on me that there was no part of me left to enjoy myself. The tension rose so high when i was working on my final exam project, creating a 6 outfit collection for the runway, from design to finished pieces, that I couldn't take it anymore. It was supposed to be such a big moment, such a real test that I resigned 2/3 of the way through my final semester. That assignment was too real, I had to commit completely both with my work and money (buying materials, sewing etc) and I didn't feel I was worthy - How could I, an impostor among my great classmates whose progress humbled me so much, rationalize spending my mother's money on this fever dream? After leaving my fashion design school so close to the finish line I wanted to treat art as more of a hobby - during that summer I was so relieved, I was really having a bunch of fun while drawing in my sketchbook for a while. I decided to study japanese studies, where again I would start from the bottom and move on to ace japanese classes to the point that I was in the running for a scholarship in Japan. Then again - the same feeling struck. What do I even hope to accomplish? I had to commit on my thesis pretty much a semester before anyone else, and so many people seemed much more motivated, much more interested in this field than me. I was one of 2 people nominated for the scholarship, with at least 50% chance of getting my masters in Japan. I remember we got an email with our nominations on a friday, and what followed was the worst weekend I've ever had - I couldn't drink, I couldn't eat, I felt like I was drowning in a hell of my own creation - and I just wanted to make it stop. On the following monday, I wrote an email to my teacher saying that I relinquish my nomination, and I never heard a word about it. My friend, who also applied, catched me and asked "whats going on? why did I suddenly receive the nomination? why did you do that?" and I didn't have an answer. To this day, I am ashamed of myself for this decision. I feel like I "finally had a chance to make something of myself", and I did nothing. My mom sometimes asks when will i go to japan for a vacation, and I always freeze. Nowadays started working at a pretty easygoing job, and I paint irregurarly. Once every few weeks I get a sudden jolt of motivation - that's when I enjoy myself the most. However, It quickly fades and usually in the middle of the painting i find myself once again drowning in negative thoughts. I am at such a moment now - I started an acryllic painting of an Elden Ring DLC screenshot, But after laying in first colors I got frustrated because it doesn't work. I think I will get there, but I can't bring myself to come back to painting it right now. I also started knitting a sweater - I pretty much finished the front, but doubts (will it be good?) got to me, and it lays unfinished. Sorry for the rambling but what I mean to say is - thank You for your work on Yourself, and thank You for talking about it. I feel like I'm not alone in my struggles, and if You got better, all of us struggling can come through the other side as well. I am incredibly grateful.
I used to binge watch all of your videos on youtube when I was learning to draw. I've been watching since I was a young teenager, now at the age of 24 I still have a ton of respect for you and the content that you've created. You're an inspiration Ahmed and you deserve to prioritise yourself. That being said, it's great to see you here again and hope to continue watching and supporting your content, no matter the pace. Create when you want to create and we will be here to support you
The whole damn video is healing for me -- thanks med I've been cutting back on UA-cam and UA-camrs and podcasts for a while Suddenly remembered you today, and this felt like a much needed check in, glad you're feeling good and more self secure than in the past
Thanks for sharing. I've been going through it, too, so this resonated with me. I think as artists, in particular, our best work happens when we're "happy" and content. Time is both our best friend and our worst enemy in times like these, as in time heals and helps with processing, but there's never enough of it. A thing that personally has helped me a lot, is learning to be aware of it when I start to overthink. Anyways, keep on keeping on.
art burnout is so real... thank you for being transparent. its very reassuring to know that someone i look up to is also going through it. glad youre back
I’m so glad to see you prioritising your mental health. I know it can be tough to talk about these things, but your willingness to be open about your struggles is really admirable. This video really resonated with me. Keep creating, Ahmed! We missed your art! Your fellow iraqi artist
im just glad you feel better and healed , yeah this life can kinda take a wild turn on how we percieve things and how our minds just twists them and the funny thing being how we can't even do something against it eventhough we are aware of it . anyway hope you always feel positive and ready to battle those inner demons .
Dad, you're back from the store!! In all seriousness, thank you for sharing such an introspective experience, it feels nice to know we're not alone when it comes to this mental block we gotta deal with. Burnout is especially so real, I can barely fill up a canvas anymore since work takes up all my mental energy. Analysis paralysis is a big one too. I've found that I need to make art becuae it makes ME happy, and not focus on doing it just to post. Going back to traditional media like ink pens in a sketchbook has brought back a lot of mojo for me. Hope to see more of you in the near future!
Thanks for sharing. Going through mental issues myself, but I went too far the opposite way. I stopped caring and almost all drive to try. Had all my physical sketch books stolen. Also AI came along and showed me it can do pretty much everything I can do, and better. Nearly got killed on the road just trying to survive a dead end job. I am physically fine, but lost the will to go on. Let my fire burn out. Relying on retired parents to keep me alive, and no idea what to do next, except get another dead end job, just so I can exist for the sake of existing. Life is a bitch sometimes. I'll start running and try to disconnect more and hope that helps.
Hey, Ahmed, just a quick message. I've got in contact with your art and teaching almost like 10 years ago. I'd like to thank you for your willingness to teach and accept the challenge of trying to express deeper thoughts and feelings. Thank you for that! Sending good energy towards you!
I appreciate this video thank you. Ive been following you for what feels like a decade now. Ive been going through my own dark night. I really connect with what youre going through, especially with the active imagination and explosive narratives that can come up. I dont have anything more to say other than Im grateful you said all that, I feel less alone in that experience.
As a fellow person with ADHD who has experienced, is experiencing, and will experience a lot of similar things, I appreciate the hell out of you making this video and posting it. And going through the work, gathering the wisdom, passing it on. Anyone reading can take it from me, what the man is saying works and it helps a lot. And it's not a one-time thing. It's a process. It's maintenance. It's like cleaning the dishes. Life is in the little things and the upkeep and what you make of the moment as much as it is the grand narrative, if not a lot more. Thank you for reading, have a great day :)
@@solarydays hate to say this and not sound mean but no one has "general anxiety" if that were the case there would be pills like tylenol that could just wipe it away with a single dose. The stuff hes going through im still dealing with like how your own mind can be your worst enemy and undermine any achievements you've accomplished. I'm sure theres others in the comment sections that can relate to what hes going through as well its just surprising that someone i feel has accomplished so much can still struggle with the mental hurdles someone like myself deal with who gave up on anything near a pro art career
@@solarydays my takeaway is that you should take things easy. Take a break if you need it. Working on your mental health actually works! Anxiety can be tough, but you're not alone in this
Ahmed starting unity is something I would have never guess but I welcome it, it help me sanitize my relationship with video games into something positive
I'm experiencing something similar right now. It's a long way and sometimes it feels like an insurmountable part of who i am, but it's really a lot like a rouge-like game i guess. Your vids really help going forward. Thanks, Ahmed! You've been one of my main teachers and inspirations for digital drawing all these years.
I love this video so much, thank you for sharing and being a bit vulnerable with us. This is also so helpful because it reminds us we are not alone, at least for me its awesome to see that Im not the only one struggling with these things from an artist or human standpoint. Thank you 🤗 for this
Hello Ahmed, I think I speak for many of us young artist/poeple that follow you around, with saying a big big thank u. You are not only an great Artist who inspires and motivatews to push our passion further , but also an human beeing who just gives an clear view and picture of whats going on. This Video where you talk about ur inner demons helps me a lot on my journey to fight mine. this is what we need in ´times like these, where almost everything in the world of the internet is blured and way off from reality . You are giving me hope that well figure it out . Im really glad to see that u r leveling up on the boss fights with ur demons:) thank u Ahmed Best wishes from Cologne Germany Noah Matesic
Hey Med, I'm super glad you feel more healed and that you feel like coming back to making videos!! I have to say, I've learned so much from you during these years in my art journey and now watching this, I can see some similitudes with my way of thinking and worries sometimes. I can see the same pattern and it's almost like you're giving us the tutorial of how to deal with these negative thoughts, once you've gotten the experience of dealing with them. That thing about holding your breath tight when you're doing something creative felt a little to close to home and I can't believe I hadn't related it to the false narrative and anxious pressure we put on ourselves . You've helped me realize many things and given me really strong advice regarding all of this. Thank you for having the courage to be truthful and release this video and thank you for all the content that you've made so far and helped us many. Have a beautiful day!
That's why you are my favorite artist med, the fact you go into what's been affecting you in life is,I feel like each of us need to step away from certain things in life 🙏🙏
You described this whole thing beautifully, and with your mind map/drawing diagram. Really cool! Sounds like a lot of anxiety, and panic signals. I know how that is. But you are getting some space from it and I hope you continue to get some relief. You got this man. Take care of yourself.
Thank you for making this video, I am going through a very similar thing, feel like I'm frozen in a constant state of anxiety, fear and depression. I want to do something, I want to get better and be creative, but every morning I just get up and shut myself off.
hey man we dont know each other at all but i seriously am one of your viewers whos literal brain science has been changed for the better because of your videos. whether its been about art or about you and how your brain works, i’ve learned something from it everytime that just rewires my brain in a good way. im grateful that youve posted this video. im even more BEYOND grateful thay you saw you were in need of some change in your life and u took life by the balls and u did something to change it. right now, im putting my all to go through that change as well. thank you so much for this video. you didnt owe anyone any explanation but im so glad we got the chance to hear whats been on your mind.
also as an immigrant and adhd brainer who grew up on your videos ( its been 5 years and im 18 now!!!) this video helps so much more than you could ever know
How you went through University/College to get your degree ... man the parallels are unreal! Similar dread alarm system, waking up to internal monologue that's just hellbent on driving you nuts - Took many years of self-care, exercise (Thanks to our SKETCHFITTERS by the way!) , a few months of talking to a therapist and meeting my now wife... yeah, life is good. Calmness exudes from you now Ahmed, love to see it.
Hey Ahmed, great video. I appreciated the candid approach and your willingness to talk about your journey dealing with these issues that I think many of us can relate to. I walked up to you at lightbox this year to (awkwardly) thank you for the time and advice you gave me concerning art and some artists I was studying while in a random discord call we both happened to be in. I had trouble vocalizing the appreciation but I trust it came through. I just wanted to bring this up to reaffirm the idea that you don't need to expend effort to prove your "worth"; I'm sure that there are other people that still appreciate the seemingly small actions you've taken over the years. Looking forward to keeping up with your journey and to awkwardly thank you again whenever we happen to be in the same place.
Men, I've missed your videos. Good to see you're still here. :) This is all a bit too relatable. Both the anxiety, the numbness the old mind-demons that keep returning and the vampire survivors.
Im just glad to have you around. You've always been a positive influence on my journey. I've started going to therapy because of your advise and it has allowed me to move forward. So thank you.
what a vulnerable video, thanks for sharing man. u just like me fr, maybe that's why i gravitated to you as a person and as a fellow artist ever since a couple years ago. looking forward to more content in the future! ^__^
I recently realised I’ve been going towards something similar and it’s been terrifying, and I have an avoidant way of dealing with things. Thank you for this video Med, it’s been a relief somehow ❤
Man… thanks for sharing! I’ve had similar times in my life but in my case, not even my art or creativity can make it change anything (in fact most times it makes it worse cause of other people). Anyway, I’ve learned to deal with it and even if I don’t make it through art or videos or whatever, I’m glad I’m still here, just enjoying/surviving the journey!
Aaaw Med it sounds you where going through a lot. Know if you ever need someone just to listen I’m here for ya. I went through a ptsd myself years ago and I had to repackage all of my boxes unpack them and pack them again back up. It’s OK to live life and not care about things that don’t really matter, I’m happy to hear you’re taking steps in healing yourself. Big Hugs! P ❤
Welcome back! Med's map was the final piece of the puzzle for me to finally understand not just painting but also how to learn and develop on my own. Without it I'd have never connected all the dots. I see we have similar overthinking processes. Love the way you've visualised it, really struck a chord with me. I love these brain dump videos, you never know who's gonna resonate with you
Med, early in my art journey you helped guide me through understanding the process and it feels so good to hear your thoughts again. Still guiding me through the process of life. Thanks for taking the time to share this.
Is great to see raw thoughts like this. Is what makes us humans. Thank you for sharing, and yesss :)) Appreciate it. Something I am trying to come in terms with too;
Appreciate the vulnerability in this. Most relatable thing I've seen in a while. The creative mind is a blessing and a curse. Really glad you're a bit better :) Take care
Just finished the video on my other account, lol. And here's to not caring! We're all different people even in a week, a month, a day. The more I look back, the more I realize my worries were all illusions. We all deserve to feel safe and have a break from our brains. And us creatives... oof, do we got through it, but at least we know we're not alone. Let this video be a testimony to that! Love ya man
There was this book I read and some of the things i always remember from it is the following 1. Our brains were wired to help us survive things and potential dangers, so it's literally job is to seek out ANY potential danger in the ancient times it may have looked like "a tiger around the corner" but today it looks like "she looked at me weird she hates me, I'm going tk stay away from her". We have to realize that we aren't always in that danger mode as we were in ancient times when there were wild beasts an dangers everywhere so the way to get over it is to let go of this mindset and use it when you really ARE in danger other than that you are going to feel burnt out and tired because imagine carrying a HUGE backpack with EVERYTHING you think you'll ever need, but you don't ever touch any of the things in the backpack, maybe one or 2 things but everything else is just weight. Another thing I always remember is Separate thoughts from thinking Thoughts always come into our heads we have no control over it think of it as something apart of the universe that just hits us sometimes. But it is when we begin to think too much on a though is where we crash Example: You are giving a presentation and the thought "I'm doing terrible" pops into your head, you can ignore it and continue or you can take that thought down the rabbit hole "I'm doing terrible" "I'm standing weird" "I didn't make enough slides" "What if I studder" The great thing about this is we don't have control over our thoughts, but we do have control over our own thinking
So glad to see you back, brother! Renewing the spirit's always worth its weight in gold. I totally feel that "tightness" you describe, it's almost like I'd be worried if I wasn't worried, you know? Take care, can't wait to hear/see more!
totally understandable. I made the mistake of getting myself into a position where im important and irreplaceable at work and my ability to take mental health days to deal with internal trauma shit has been seriously curtailed. I think this is why some people take up drugs. Lots of respect and love.
Awesome! Thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably the internal turmoil of your world. I watched you a bunch when I was in high school and ya know went insane and have been doing much of this work myself. I've been reading Complex PTSD by Pete Walker as of late and it has been amazing to see that we are not alone in this. Reparenting myself based on parenting books like Listen by Patty Wipfler, and joining, creating and being part of communities that are unconditionally loving. I'm happy that I started early but went through my own dark night accidentally accelerated by my curiosity of meditation. I was pretty cut off from my emotions then I did a Goenka Vipassana retreat where I meditated for 10-15 hours a day for 10 days straight. All my emotionally suppression techniques imploded and I was in an emotional flash back for months. I thought more meditation would be the "cure" as if there was something to cure and did 2 more retreats, bunch of zen stuff, only to realize ahh fucking shit I have to let my body do what it wants. Feel the shitty emotions and learn to love them, let my anger out (not at anyone but ya know yelling in my car punching my pillow) until I can do it without shame, grieve and grieve a bunch, learn about my nervous system from hypo to hyper arosal, all the fun stuff. I don't think I have made it that far but I'm pretty high functioning and there are magical fruits in this journey. I have such a rich inner world, I understand emotions and other people to a depth I wouldn't have otherwise, and I can relate and connect with people much better than the average person. Loading that bar to infinity!! Lets goo!!
I've been going through it too, I'm starting to feel like art isn't worth pursuing as a career anymore for people who aren't already established. It really hurts to accept it but the hope of being an artist became the market now, rather than actually trying to get artists to make it. At the same time jdk if im just not good enough or if im just not "lucky".
Glad to hear you're on the journey to deal with some of that trauma and anxiety, it's amazing you even went on here to talk about it. A lot of us go through similair stuff and get in our heads about it so it's very calming to hear your thoughts on the healing process and humbling to know even your favorite artist's struggle with their own demons. No need to prove yourself for us Med, you doing what's best for you is all that matters
Ahmed, thank you for sharing, it does require bravery to talk openly about one's mental health issues. It's great that you're doing better, hope that you'll continue to see the improvement and and will get to "feeling amazing" stage one day!
i appreciate your honesty. everytime you come back or make a video im alwaysa inspired and learn alot. do what you gotta do. thank you med for being honest with us. And thank you for not being a gimmick artists, they always waste people time or misguide people someway somehow.
For while when i wanted to draw or paint . Random miserable and bad thought jump in and overwhelm my whole mind . And i couldn't breathe right. Im still have it but like you said im trying to heal myself. Its very odd for me that we have to get over this pointless things to just feel normal again.
Gosh I can't explain quickly just how much I truly relate in my own latest season of life Ahmed but just know you're not alone and that you're loved 🙏❤️ Super glad you're taking time to look after yourself and reflect on whats troubling you, wishing you the absolute best 😊 💯
So happy to hear you managed to go through ADHD burnout! It's ain't easy journey and it sounds so sweet and motivating! Keep going and caring about your mental health 😉
Whoaaaaaa! What a pleasant surprise! Nice to see you again :) And what a badass journey you are going trough! It really does validate a lot for me so thanks for sharing. And I think you got meditation just right, keep just sittin and not knowing what to do :D
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
“The dark night of the soul calls forth the light within. And when the light of truth comes forth, the blind shall see once again.”
I am so grateful that our community has you Ahmed. Your invasive thoughts must be incredibly overwhelming sometimes, but OH MAN when you dig deep, it’s immediately evident how your battle has forged you into an emotional juggernaut
I mean it - this was so meaningful, every word of it
Warning to artists: Adam Duff now shows up on many art tuber's comment sections spouting platitudes and nonsense, because his channel is slowly dying due to his own bad decisions. He's manipulating you.
For years Adam Duff has preyed on his own audience's emotional insecurities for profit. He shills for AI corporations, is completely obsessed with money (hence all the tech product reviews he does,) and deletes any dissenting comment he receives to maintain his image as some benevolent "art daddy." He is not. He is a predator.
When he got called out for shilling AI, like he did when called Carla Ortiz a "bitch," tons of artists and arttubers commented. He didn't like the negative publicity he received, so he deleted his video, acted like it never existed, and then proceeded to cover it up and back pedal on his words.
Young artists be warned. Adam Duff is not what he seems. He lies, he cheats, he scams, he emotionally manipulates. His comment here, and on other art tube videos like Steven Zapata's, are marketing. He is not genuine at all: he is here solely to gain visibility so that he can continue to profit off his manipulation.
Do not trust Adam Duff. His entire business model is preying on the disenfranchised and depressed to create emotional dependency on his "product," and has confessed to being a narcissist outright. He does NOT care about you, he is a cultist that repeats "I love you" to trick you and deceive you. You have no idea how evil this man really is. His words are honeyed poison. Avoid him like the plague.
4:46 - Ah, Maladaptive daydreaming... Thinking about things from your past that shouldn't matter anymore and spending hours in your head making up scenarios or about future scenarios that also don't matter because they'll never happen. It's tough, but being present is the only way out.
Also-- can relate to waiting to the very very very last minute to do something. Even if it turns out well, it's not as good as it should've been or it just feels like dumb luck saved you.
It's nice to know someone else is dealing with it too and making progress. You already know, but yeah, let yourself have fun. Pointless fun. Good luck!
Damn, this actually has a name. I've been daydreaming like this for years...
You’re part of my calm space here on UA-cam ♥️
This sort of made me feel more justified in my recent art break. I felt like I was doing pretty well and starting to get some of the freelance art jobs that I was wanting and then WHAM I got fucking breast cancer. All I could do was put my work on hold and play video games. I haven't even gone through chemo yet. I was just sad and felt justified in just putting all my time into huge JRPGs and, oddly enough, crocheting instead of my actual work. All the while feeling guilty that I was shirking my responsibilities. Thank God the clients I'm working with are so understanding about the whole thing, but still. Anyway, I guess what I mean to say is I think i needed the time away just to process like my own mortality in a way I'd never done before. But lately I've been itching to get back to painting and I'm redoing old Meds Map lessons to shake the rust off. Anyway, thanks for helping me validate these last 4 months of down time for me. We all require time for maintenance and healing ❤
hope you are doing well. You got this
@royuchiha8297 thank you. I actually had an appointment yesterday and my doctor said the results of my pathology were good enough that I won't have to do chemo after all!
I'm turning 28 in a few months, and i have to say listening to your vids while i was 18-22 in college helped me mentally immensely. im not sure i ever commented that. ive been a freelance illustrator for the music industry since i graduated college, and so many things you said aided me on this journey. thank you so much ahmed!!
For what it’s worth, I think you’re great. The value you have created with your UA-cam channel alone is more than most people create in a lifetime. Life is tough, all you can do is brace for the ride and enjoy it the best you can. Keep your chin up bro, you don’t have to be more than you are.
This is uncannily relatable. CPTSD + ADHD is a real bitch. Pete Walker's book on CPTSD has been a huge help, but there's no replacement for genuine therapy and grief recovery. Thank you for being open and honest about all this, the more we normalize being transparent about our mental health the more people will feel encouraged to seek the help they need.
I'm glad to hear you're recovering, Ahmed!
Shame really is one of the worst feelings, especially when your intentions are good.
It’s such a heavy weight to carry, and it keeps you from achieving everything you’re capable of.
When you approach life with a kind heart and solid reasons for your decisions, trust in yourself.
You don’t need to listen to the imagined judgments of others. Who’s to say they know better than you?
Often, you’re the one who truly understands what’s best for you.
Life is too short to spend it worrying all the time. I have to remind myself of that too.
Stay true to who you are and focus on enjoying the journey.
Some people will love you for being yourself, and others won’t, and that’s perfectly okay. We’re not here to please everyone.
All right, right on Med!
I enjoyed this video tbh. Have adhd too, and not gotten anywhere career-wise. So I kept working more, and more, and more, trying to get somewhere. Ended up working from I woke up to I went to bed, and it still never felt enough. Currently? Without a job, in a cabin in the mountains, working on a series of images, while trying to teach myself to not work all the time. Even if I want to. So this video... was... relatable.
Not working is an important part of enjoying the work you do when you do it.
Your journey through this mirrors a lot of my own and I'm really glad to hear that you've found some light on the other side of the tunnel. I've done my own work and healing and it's definitely ongoing but hearing yours gives me a lot of hope as well.
never realized how little I breath when I draw, glad you're back cartographer
Great video, definitely will help other people.
Edit: Ultimate breathing exercise: scuba diving. Completely changed my concept of breathing and meditation. Even in a swimming pool just to start.
Whether you're back or not,your impact is felt in many artists lives regardless ❤be human as we all are,God bless
I understand the fear of how the things you say and post will be received. But I'm just so incredibly grateful to have you back. Thank you for letting us into your mind, Ahmed.
Amazing video. I found that my mental health suffered from not drawing in silence. Drawing while listening to a podcast, stream YT video whatever, just stole all dopamine I got from art. Even if its difficult, focus on drawing and dopamine will come. Also meditation is good, or a dopamine detox in general. Allow yourself to be bored! Really helps with anxiety, and also creativity
Our mental health is more important than likes views and subscriptions
Often, content creators have unhealthy relationships outside the internet but are forced to be a persona that's not real.
We must stay grounded and focus on what's important IE well-being and happiness.
I pray 🙏 you get there Ahmed. No matter how dark it gets, there's always light at the end of the tunnel❤️
So glad you decided to do something like this one. A reasonable level of openness with personal experience is always so valuable for so many people. Good stuff, and thanks for sharing. 🙏
good chills. for serious health reasons i had to stop psychiatric meds last year. my ptsd symptoms significantly got worse and it's been a hard journey. also have adhd. i deeply relate to everything youre saying here. and i bought meds map because of your authenticity and moments you have discussed your emotional journey, which made me feel you were trustworthy as a teacher. not necessarily because of your skill, though you are very skilled! but that emotional intelligence and authenticity is Very Valuable to me. thank you for choosing to work on yourself and be yourself. this gives me hope!!
I'm glad you're okay and there wasn't a literal tiger around the corner. ^_^
I love how transparent you are here and it really helps me as an artist not feel so alone in experiencing mental struggles. Social media can be so exhausting and keeping up on it makes me never want to draw sometimes.
Just wanted you to know you’ve always been a giant inspiration to me and my art journey 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you for always sharing your work and thoughts with the world!
Love your courage to talk about your healing journey: THAT takes courage!!! Especially on such a public platform.
I see you (digitally, your story, recognition)
I feel you... I'm 22 and going trough this too, I finally started to see a psychatrist for a potential diagnosis and I'm hopefull for what's next !
I left art school because of the feeling of doing stuff in survival mode (and other stuff) and now it's been 2 years since and felt like I had to restart how I live, I'm focusing on myself now even if I've been doing so little stuff and I'm very tired :O
Glad to have news !! hope you'll be okaay !
Hey, I'm very thankful for this video. I've always struggled with pursuing my passions. I used to go to a rather prestigious high school in my country, but I was always closer to the bottom than the top of my class in subjects that mattered the most, like math, humanities, geography. I almost had to repeat a year 2 times because of failing maths, but my teacher acknowledged the fact that i tried to apply myself but it just didn't work out that well. Despite the fact that I was in a math oriented class, I was one of the only 2 people who didn't take extended maths on the SAT equivalent.
After finishing high school i was eager to find my calling, because i was ashamed of myself. Many of my high school friends went on to study economics, law etc. at prestigious universities, and I just wanted to find a way to place myself as an equal among them. I enjoyed doodling and fashion design, which lead me to a fashion design school.
When I was there, I was instantly humbled - I was the only person that didn't know how to use a sewing machine, I was not that good at art too. That lead me to feel embarassed at class, I would do the bare minimum when among peers and teachers, and would mostly work on my assignments at home, because I would always feel out of place. I was too scared to fail and work in front of other people, whom I perceived as better than me. I managed to hit my stride for a few projects, with which I would bring the whole class to a halt while presenting ( I would never however present progress on my designs, which was the main point of these classes anyway). I would be known as the guy who would turn in assignments at the last minute and go above and beyond. The thing was, the only time I was proud of myself was when presenting a project for critique, which I knew didn't need any. Other than that, the process brought me more stress than joy, and the stress would rise with every single assignment.
When working on something i deemed important, I would be scared of failure and shamed at the prospect of not using my time effectively. I would place so much expectation on me that there was no part of me left to enjoy myself. The tension rose so high when i was working on my final exam project, creating a 6 outfit collection for the runway, from design to finished pieces, that I couldn't take it anymore. It was supposed to be such a big moment, such a real test that I resigned 2/3 of the way through my final semester. That assignment was too real, I had to commit completely both with my work and money (buying materials, sewing etc) and I didn't feel I was worthy - How could I, an impostor among my great classmates whose progress humbled me so much, rationalize spending my mother's money on this fever dream?
After leaving my fashion design school so close to the finish line I wanted to treat art as more of a hobby - during that summer I was so relieved, I was really having a bunch of fun while drawing in my sketchbook for a while. I decided to study japanese studies, where again I would start from the bottom and move on to ace japanese classes to the point that I was in the running for a scholarship in Japan. Then again - the same feeling struck. What do I even hope to accomplish? I had to commit on my thesis pretty much a semester before anyone else, and so many people seemed much more motivated, much more interested in this field than me. I was one of 2 people nominated for the scholarship, with at least 50% chance of getting my masters in Japan. I remember we got an email with our nominations on a friday, and what followed was the worst weekend I've ever had - I couldn't drink, I couldn't eat, I felt like I was drowning in a hell of my own creation - and I just wanted to make it stop. On the following monday, I wrote an email to my teacher saying that I relinquish my nomination, and I never heard a word about it. My friend, who also applied, catched me and asked "whats going on? why did I suddenly receive the nomination? why did you do that?" and I didn't have an answer. To this day, I am ashamed of myself for this decision. I feel like I "finally had a chance to make something of myself", and I did nothing. My mom sometimes asks when will i go to japan for a vacation, and I always freeze.
Nowadays started working at a pretty easygoing job, and I paint irregurarly. Once every few weeks I get a sudden jolt of motivation - that's when I enjoy myself the most. However, It quickly fades and usually in the middle of the painting i find myself once again drowning in negative thoughts. I am at such a moment now - I started an acryllic painting of an Elden Ring DLC screenshot, But after laying in first colors I got frustrated because it doesn't work. I think I will get there, but I can't bring myself to come back to painting it right now.
I also started knitting a sweater - I pretty much finished the front, but doubts (will it be good?) got to me, and it lays unfinished.
Sorry for the rambling but what I mean to say is - thank You for your work on Yourself, and thank You for talking about it. I feel like I'm not alone in my struggles, and if You got better, all of us struggling can come through the other side as well. I am incredibly grateful.
I used to binge watch all of your videos on youtube when I was learning to draw. I've been watching since I was a young teenager, now at the age of 24 I still have a ton of respect for you and the content that you've created. You're an inspiration Ahmed and you deserve to prioritise yourself. That being said, it's great to see you here again and hope to continue watching and supporting your content, no matter the pace. Create when you want to create and we will be here to support you
RETURN OF THE KING WE JUST ARE HAPPY YOU ARE ALIVE
Thanks for reflecting, opening up and letting the thoughts flow. We all need to see what healing can look like.
The whole damn video is healing for me -- thanks med
I've been cutting back on UA-cam and UA-camrs and podcasts for a while
Suddenly remembered you today, and this felt like a much needed check in, glad you're feeling good and more self secure than in the past
Thank you Med for being real and human on this platform. All the best for your journey to come!
Thanks for sharing. I've been going through it, too, so this resonated with me. I think as artists, in particular, our best work happens when we're "happy" and content. Time is both our best friend and our worst enemy in times like these, as in time heals and helps with processing, but there's never enough of it. A thing that personally has helped me a lot, is learning to be aware of it when I start to overthink. Anyways, keep on keeping on.
art burnout is so real... thank you for being transparent. its very reassuring to know that someone i look up to is also going through it. glad youre back
I’m so glad to see you prioritising your mental health. I know it can be tough to talk about these things, but your willingness to be open about your struggles is really admirable. This video really resonated with me. Keep creating, Ahmed! We missed your art! Your fellow iraqi artist
im just glad you feel better and healed , yeah this life can kinda take a wild turn on how we percieve things and how our minds just twists them and the funny thing being how we can't even do something against it eventhough we are aware of it . anyway hope you always feel positive and ready to battle those inner demons .
Dad, you're back from the store!!
In all seriousness, thank you for sharing such an introspective experience, it feels nice to know we're not alone when it comes to this mental block we gotta deal with. Burnout is especially so real, I can barely fill up a canvas anymore since work takes up all my mental energy. Analysis paralysis is a big one too. I've found that I need to make art becuae it makes ME happy, and not focus on doing it just to post. Going back to traditional media like ink pens in a sketchbook has brought back a lot of mojo for me. Hope to see more of you in the near future!
Thanks for sharing. Going through mental issues myself, but I went too far the opposite way. I stopped caring and almost all drive to try. Had all my physical sketch books stolen. Also AI came along and showed me it can do pretty much everything I can do, and better. Nearly got killed on the road just trying to survive a dead end job. I am physically fine, but lost the will to go on. Let my fire burn out. Relying on retired parents to keep me alive, and no idea what to do next, except get another dead end job, just so I can exist for the sake of existing.
Life is a bitch sometimes. I'll start running and try to disconnect more and hope that helps.
Hey, Ahmed, just a quick message. I've got in contact with your art and teaching almost like 10 years ago. I'd like to thank you for your willingness to teach and accept the challenge of trying to express deeper thoughts and feelings. Thank you for that! Sending good energy towards you!
I appreciate this video thank you. Ive been following you for what feels like a decade now. Ive been going through my own dark night. I really connect with what youre going through, especially with the active imagination and explosive narratives that can come up. I dont have anything more to say other than Im grateful you said all that, I feel less alone in that experience.
As a fellow person with ADHD who has experienced, is experiencing, and will experience a lot of similar things, I appreciate the hell out of you making this video and posting it. And going through the work, gathering the wisdom, passing it on. Anyone reading can take it from me, what the man is saying works and it helps a lot. And it's not a one-time thing. It's a process. It's maintenance. It's like cleaning the dishes. Life is in the little things and the upkeep and what you make of the moment as much as it is the grand narrative, if not a lot more.
Thank you for reading, have a great day :)
happy to hear your progress in your healing!
so so much of what you listed from start to finish is stuff im dealing with now, thanks for sharing and hope you can get through some of the struggles
@@solarydays hate to say this and not sound mean but no one has "general anxiety" if that were the case there would be pills like tylenol that could just wipe it away with a single dose. The stuff hes going through im still dealing with like how your own mind can be your worst enemy and undermine any achievements you've accomplished. I'm sure theres others in the comment sections that can relate to what hes going through as well its just surprising that someone i feel has accomplished so much can still struggle with the mental hurdles someone like myself deal with who gave up on anything near a pro art career
@@solarydays my takeaway is that you should take things easy. Take a break if you need it. Working on your mental health actually works! Anxiety can be tough, but you're not alone in this
@@solarydays yeah you could say it's a given, but sometimes you're too busy doing what you're doing you forget to take a break
@@solarydays yeah, mentally. I think this is why people get burnout
Ahmed starting unity is something I would have never guess but I welcome it, it help me sanitize my relationship with video games into something positive
this gives me hope. Missed you man. Of all the things to have in common with one of the people I look up to. 😅
Glad you're taking care of yourself. ❤
This is super insightful. Thank you.
I'm experiencing something similar right now. It's a long way and sometimes it feels like an insurmountable part of who i am, but it's really a lot like a rouge-like game i guess. Your vids really help going forward. Thanks, Ahmed! You've been one of my main teachers and inspirations for digital drawing all these years.
I love this video so much, thank you for sharing and being a bit vulnerable with us. This is also so helpful because it reminds us we are not alone, at least for me its awesome to see that Im not the only one struggling with these things from an artist or human standpoint. Thank you 🤗 for this
Hello Ahmed, I think I speak for many of us young artist/poeple that follow you around, with saying a big big thank u. You are not only an great Artist who inspires and motivatews to push our passion further , but also an human beeing who just gives an clear view and picture of whats going on. This Video where you talk about ur inner demons helps me a lot on my journey to fight mine. this is what we need in ´times like these, where almost everything in the world of the internet is blured and way off from reality . You are giving me hope that well figure it out . Im really glad to see that u r leveling up on the boss fights with ur demons:) thank u Ahmed Best wishes from Cologne Germany Noah Matesic
Hey Med, I'm super glad you feel more healed and that you feel like coming back to making videos!! I have to say, I've learned so much from you during these years in my art journey and now watching this, I can see some similitudes with my way of thinking and worries sometimes. I can see the same pattern and it's almost like you're giving us the tutorial of how to deal with these negative thoughts, once you've gotten the experience of dealing with them.
That thing about holding your breath tight when you're doing something creative felt a little to close to home and I can't believe I hadn't related it to the false narrative and anxious pressure we put on ourselves . You've helped me realize many things and given me really strong advice regarding all of this. Thank you for having the courage to be truthful and release this video and thank you for all the content that you've made so far and helped us many. Have a beautiful day!
That's why you are my favorite artist med, the fact you go into what's been affecting you in life is,I feel like each of us need to step away from certain things in life 🙏🙏
You described this whole thing beautifully, and with your mind map/drawing diagram. Really cool! Sounds like a lot of anxiety, and panic signals. I know how that is. But you are getting some space from it and I hope you continue to get some relief. You got this man. Take care of yourself.
My brain is also fucking me really bad most of the time, videos like this are always a pleasure to watch. Big hugs
Thank you for making this video, I am going through a very similar thing, feel like I'm frozen in a constant state of anxiety, fear and depression. I want to do something, I want to get better and be creative, but every morning I just get up and shut myself off.
hey man we dont know each other at all but i seriously am one of your viewers whos literal brain science has been changed for the better because of your videos. whether its been about art or about you and how your brain works, i’ve learned something from it everytime that just rewires my brain in a good way. im grateful that youve posted this video. im even more BEYOND grateful thay you saw you were in need of some change in your life and u took life by the balls and u did something to change it. right now, im putting my all to go through that change as well. thank you so much for this video. you didnt owe anyone any explanation but im so glad we got the chance to hear whats been on your mind.
also as an immigrant and adhd brainer who grew up on your videos ( its been 5 years and im 18 now!!!) this video helps so much more than you could ever know
Hearing this was helpful. I minimized my art making and engaging online for the last few years to focus on my health.
Apple in the background is a paid actor 😂, glad your back and figuring out all these things on your own terms, very inspiring.
How you went through University/College to get your degree ... man the parallels are unreal! Similar dread alarm system, waking up to internal monologue that's just hellbent on driving you nuts - Took many years of self-care, exercise (Thanks to our SKETCHFITTERS by the way!) , a few months of talking to a therapist and meeting my now wife... yeah, life is good. Calmness exudes from you now Ahmed, love to see it.
Hey Ahmed, great video. I appreciated the candid approach and your willingness to talk about your journey dealing with these issues that I think many of us can relate to.
I walked up to you at lightbox this year to (awkwardly) thank you for the time and advice you gave me concerning art and some artists I was studying while in a random discord call we both happened to be in. I had trouble vocalizing the appreciation but I trust it came through. I just wanted to bring this up to reaffirm the idea that you don't need to expend effort to prove your "worth"; I'm sure that there are other people that still appreciate the seemingly small actions you've taken over the years. Looking forward to keeping up with your journey and to awkwardly thank you again whenever we happen to be in the same place.
Men, I've missed your videos. Good to see you're still here. :)
This is all a bit too relatable. Both the anxiety, the numbness the old mind-demons that keep returning and the vampire survivors.
I watched this whole video. It was interesting because it was like you were describing me. Thanks for sharing Ahmed, and welcome back!
Inner work is hard stuff, props to you for doing it.
Im just glad to have you around. You've always been a positive influence on my journey. I've started going to therapy because of your advise and it has allowed me to move forward. So thank you.
You do look better and healthier, good job, man! What you say is making sense and relatable
what a vulnerable video, thanks for sharing man. u just like me fr, maybe that's why i gravitated to you as a person and as a fellow artist ever since a couple years ago. looking forward to more content in the future! ^__^
Glad to see you doing well, my man! Keep on shining
Proud of you med. This year has definitely been a year of growing and letting go. Looking forward to more vids and insight.
I recently realised I’ve been going towards something similar and it’s been terrifying, and I have an avoidant way of dealing with things. Thank you for this video Med, it’s been a relief somehow ❤
Very cool video man. Been there.
Man… thanks for sharing! I’ve had similar times in my life but in my case, not even my art or creativity can make it change anything (in fact most times it makes it worse cause of other people). Anyway, I’ve learned to deal with it and even if I don’t make it through art or videos or whatever, I’m glad I’m still here, just enjoying/surviving the journey!
Aaaw Med it sounds you where going through a lot. Know if you ever need someone just to listen I’m here for ya. I went through a ptsd myself years ago and I had to repackage all of my boxes unpack them and pack them again back up. It’s OK to live life and not care about things that don’t really matter, I’m happy to hear you’re taking steps in healing yourself. Big Hugs! P ❤
Welcome back! Med's map was the final piece of the puzzle for me to finally understand not just painting but also how to learn and develop on my own. Without it I'd have never connected all the dots.
I see we have similar overthinking processes. Love the way you've visualised it, really struck a chord with me.
I love these brain dump videos, you never know who's gonna resonate with you
Thanks for sharing! There is some helpfull info for me! And it arrived in a pefrect moment. Thanks Ahmed! You are strong dude and great artist!
Med, early in my art journey you helped guide me through understanding the process and it feels so good to hear your thoughts again. Still guiding me through the process of life. Thanks for taking the time to share this.
Is great to see raw thoughts like this. Is what makes us humans. Thank you for sharing, and yesss :)) Appreciate it. Something I am trying to come in terms with too;
Appreciate the vulnerability in this. Most relatable thing I've seen in a while. The creative mind is a blessing and a curse. Really glad you're a bit better :) Take care
Just finished the video on my other account, lol. And here's to not caring! We're all different people even in a week, a month, a day. The more I look back, the more I realize my worries were all illusions. We all deserve to feel safe and have a break from our brains. And us creatives... oof, do we got through it, but at least we know we're not alone. Let this video be a testimony to that! Love ya man
Relatable. Thanks for speaking on it!
oh I related to a lot of this. thank you so much for sharing.
There was this book I read and some of the things i always remember from it is the following
1. Our brains were wired to help us survive things and potential dangers, so it's literally job is to seek out ANY potential danger in the ancient times it may have looked like "a tiger around the corner" but today it looks like "she looked at me weird she hates me, I'm going tk stay away from her". We have to realize that we aren't always in that danger mode as we were in ancient times when there were wild beasts an dangers everywhere so the way to get over it is to let go of this mindset and use it when you really ARE in danger other than that you are going to feel burnt out and tired because imagine carrying a HUGE backpack with EVERYTHING you think you'll ever need, but you don't ever touch any of the things in the backpack, maybe one or 2 things but everything else is just weight.
Another thing I always remember is
Separate thoughts from thinking
Thoughts always come into our heads we have no control over it think of it as something apart of the universe that just hits us sometimes. But it is when we begin to think too much on a though is where we crash
Example:
You are giving a presentation and the thought "I'm doing terrible" pops into your head, you can ignore it and continue or you can take that thought down the rabbit hole
"I'm doing terrible"
"I'm standing weird"
"I didn't make enough slides"
"What if I studder"
The great thing about this is we don't have control over our thoughts, but we do have control over our own thinking
So glad to see you back, brother! Renewing the spirit's always worth its weight in gold. I totally feel that "tightness" you describe, it's almost like I'd be worried if I wasn't worried, you know? Take care, can't wait to hear/see more!
totally understandable. I made the mistake of getting myself into a position where im important and irreplaceable at work and my ability to take mental health days to deal with internal trauma shit has been seriously curtailed. I think this is why some people take up drugs.
Lots of respect and love.
Awesome!
Thank you so much for sharing so vulnerably the internal turmoil of your world. I watched you a bunch when I was in high school and ya know went insane and have been doing much of this work myself.
I've been reading Complex PTSD by Pete Walker as of late and it has been amazing to see that we are not alone in this. Reparenting myself based on parenting books like Listen by Patty Wipfler, and joining, creating and being part of communities that are unconditionally loving.
I'm happy that I started early but went through my own dark night accidentally accelerated by my curiosity of meditation. I was pretty cut off from my emotions then I did a Goenka Vipassana retreat where I meditated for 10-15 hours a day for 10 days straight. All my emotionally suppression techniques imploded and I was in an emotional flash back for months. I thought more meditation would be the "cure" as if there was something to cure and did 2 more retreats, bunch of zen stuff, only to realize ahh fucking shit I have to let my body do what it wants.
Feel the shitty emotions and learn to love them, let my anger out (not at anyone but ya know yelling in my car punching my pillow) until I can do it without shame, grieve and grieve a bunch, learn about my nervous system from hypo to hyper arosal, all the fun stuff. I don't think I have made it that far but I'm pretty high functioning and there are magical fruits in this journey. I have such a rich inner world, I understand emotions and other people to a depth I wouldn't have otherwise, and I can relate and connect with people much better than the average person. Loading that bar to infinity!! Lets goo!!
Bravo Sir on taking a well earned break
Good to hear you are getting better :) I am very glad you are back :)
Relating to this so hard. Glad things are better and great message for anyone else going through this.
Sending love! I just reminisced about your paintings of these demons which represent all these fears today!
Thanks for sharing and I wish you well on your conscious journey. I hope we can be a positive part of it.
I've been going through it too, I'm starting to feel like art isn't worth pursuing as a career anymore for people who aren't already established. It really hurts to accept it but the hope of being an artist became the market now, rather than actually trying to get artists to make it. At the same time jdk if im just not good enough or if im just not "lucky".
Deeply resonate with much of what you spoke about. Hope you are well, Ahmed. Peace.
Glad to hear you're on the journey to deal with some of that trauma and anxiety, it's amazing you even went on here to talk about it. A lot of us go through similair stuff and get in our heads about it so it's very calming to hear your thoughts on the healing process and humbling to know even your favorite artist's struggle with their own demons.
No need to prove yourself for us Med, you doing what's best for you is all that matters
Ahmed, thank you for sharing, it does require bravery to talk openly about one's mental health issues. It's great that you're doing better, hope that you'll continue to see the improvement and and will get to "feeling amazing" stage one day!
i appreciate your honesty. everytime you come back or make a video im alwaysa inspired and learn alot. do what you gotta do. thank you med for being honest with us. And thank you for not being a gimmick artists, they always waste people time or misguide people someway somehow.
I'm glad you feel better and it is nice to have you back on UA-cam.
Hope you're doing alright man, maybe it's time to touch base with Steven for a drawing meditation, would be a cool episode
For while when i wanted to draw or paint . Random miserable and bad thought jump in and overwhelm my whole mind . And i couldn't breathe right. Im still have it but like you said im trying to heal myself. Its very odd for me that we have to get over this pointless things to just feel normal again.
nice to hear your voice again
Gosh I can't explain quickly just how much I truly relate in my own latest season of life Ahmed but just know you're not alone and that you're loved 🙏❤️ Super glad you're taking time to look after yourself and reflect on whats troubling you, wishing you the absolute best 😊 💯
So happy to hear you managed to go through ADHD burnout! It's ain't easy journey and it sounds so sweet and motivating! Keep going and caring about your mental health 😉
I can’t tell you how you feel, but I can say is that you are not alone. One day at a time.
i know EXACTLY how you feel/felt. i wish you the best of luck with keeping on top of it!
Whoaaaaaa! What a pleasant surprise! Nice to see you again :) And what a badass journey you are going trough! It really does validate a lot for me so thanks for sharing. And I think you got meditation just right, keep just sittin and not knowing what to do :D
This is really insightful and good to hear. Glad to have you back 🎉