I'll never forget when he said "anything young girls like is considered cringe, name one thing a girl can like without getting bullied for" or something along those lines. I hate that I agree with somone as horrible as him, and I hate even more that it was all smoke and mirrors, hes basically the biggest "nice guy" ever, and what we thought was him joking around was him showing his true colors right under our noses. I hope everyone can heal and learn to let go, I know he helped us all through tough times but he isn't the Wilbur Soot who played Minecraft with his friends. It was all a persona
I used to see him just as Tommy saw him. I picked my guitar back up because of him. I wrote stories with tidbits of inspiration from him. I listened to music he recommended. I started wearing coats in hot weather. I grew up picking up different personalities to craft my own, little did I know they were mostly Wilbur’s. And when the news officially broke, I shattered.
same, i used to have white streaks in my hair and i would always wear coats because of him, it took me 7 months to take the streaks away and now they’re red, but every time i wash my hair and the blonde comes back i remember that deep down my whole personality is based on wilbur, i dont allow myself to smile because my smile looks like him, i thought i was the only one still thinking about him but your comment and this video comforted me, thank you
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon you shouldn't let him take over your life, smile and have fun, even though it feels wrong and bad right now, it will be over one day
@@NovaTheScreechingDragonThink of it this way, you're salvaging the traits of a person and no longer becoming like them, think of it as taking what he didn't deserve to express and enjoy and make it something worth it and think of the traits, hair dye, jackets, as things that are going to be now appreciated by someone who deserves to cherish it, as for your smile do not force yourself to hide it away because of someone else instead appreciate it because in the end it's a smile you deserve more than he does.
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon don't let him take away your smile. he does not deserve that. just because your smile looks like his, doesn't mean you are like him. you're you. and you're wonderful. and you're flawed. and i'm sure you light somebody's day. and, most of all, you are loved. there are people who care about you that want to see you laugh and smile and have fun. don't let him take that away from you.
I miss the old wilbur, I miss the guy who "fcked" a salmon, I miss the guy who wrote "My L'manburg", I miss the guy who blew up L'manburg, I miss the guy who "ate" sand, I miss the guy who made my favorite songs. I miss the guy who made me happy. I wish I was back in 2021-2022 when the time I was happiest with him. He was one of the most comforting person to me, even though he didn't know me. I idolized him so much, his music was the most comforting thing I've ever heard. Everytime I hear his name, I feel my stomach churning. I wish he never did the things he did, because he made me so happy.
Sadly, the thing people have to realize is that IS the same guy. He had already abused another woman by the time he posted in the DreamSMP. They aren’t different people, they are the same person because human beings are complicated. The idea that they are “too separate people” is accurate to our perceptions but not to the reality of abuse: people who act good, who do good things, who are seen as good people, who are funny and lovable, are someone else’s worst nightmare.
The damn irony to me of william gold. I don’t miss you. I miss the thought of what you were. those damn lyrics echo in my mind whenever i think of it all.
I had known him since Soothouse. I got into dsmp when he made his first video on it. But..I think what I miss the most about him is his music. It helped me a lot throughout the years. I remember listening to ycgma and sobbing to it. I remember it's all futile touching my heart. I remember first listening to it's golden hour on the cd I had bought and feeling like my soul was being lifted away from my body. I remember going to his first of the road to 100 tour and when that song played I reached into the golden lights and screamed the lyrics, feeling a spiritual experience that I had never felt before. I still have the shirt I got that day. I have his lmantooz, I have his cd, I have a lmanberg flag, I have the cosplay for his dsmp character I made in 2021. That cosplay helped me realize I was trans. I modeled my first short haircut after his. I can separate his dsmp character from him. I can still keep those things close. But his music...his music is his. And it hurts so much to look at that tour shirt still hanging above my bed and remember the ecstasy and understanding I felt in those golden lights, and not be heartbroken by how much of a facade it all was.
@@adumbooctopus1115 u can still listen to his music ppl have re uploaded! Even as a wss I’m listening to reposts bc who knows if he is actually an abuser?
Thank you for this. Some people say i’m being dramatic and that “he’s just a streamer, get over it.” but he wasn’t just a streamer to me. I miss who I thought he was, I really do.
your words here honestly fucking stole me for a few minutes, I don't think there's ever been a time that I've just sat staring at my monitor wide-eyed just over how much words touched me. I was completely disassociated just listening to that last part, like I was being directly spoken to, I really never thought I'd see the day that someone could understand so much about me just through a video, I feel so read... and honestly kind of like I'm going to cry.
ive been reading all these comments about my writing and how it got to people but this is the first one to seriously hit me hard. thanks for saying this dude it means a lot, hope you're doing well.
We miss Wilbur Soot, not William Gold. We miss the funny and kind guy who wrote "My L'Manburg", we miss the one who made us feel happy. (I'm so sorry, I'm crying again.) Update: You got 1K likes on a comment that makes me cry every time I re-read it. Thank you for your attention.
I was a longtime DSMP fan and Wilbur was one of my favs. To be honest, he inspired me so much about his writing and songs. "Your City Gave Me Asthma" was my top favorite of his. Now, I look back at those with such a bitter taste in my mouth. After Techno's passing, I had hoped that things won't get worse, and boy I was wrong. The things he did were nothing short of inexcusable. I still love the DSMP to bits and I try my goshdarn hardest to just see his character and not him. William Gold has no place in my mind. Wilbur Soot may have some but only in character. And I wish for those severely affected by this to have healed and moved on.
I was lucky enough, for a lack of better words, to give all my love to Technoblade, and not Wilbur Soot. Sure, Techno left early. And sure, it took me two years of tears, blood shed by broken glass, depression and therapies to get over it. But he hadn't changed. He stayed the funny, sarcastic, loving older brother of his fanbase, always reminding us how strong we are, how proud he was of us, how much he cared for us, with every single syllable genuine. We haven't gotten any reason to hate him, to hear his voice or see his channel with negative emotions, or to want to stop watching his videos all together. The death of both Technoblade and Alex stung for a long time, but we have the liberty of watching his legacy with nostalgia. The death of Wilbur Soot was chaotic, and his voice will forever be listened to with hatred, and grief over how easily he toyed with our feelings
I was NEVER in the dream smp / Wilbur fandom, but It feels lonely without you guys... Missing all the fanarts and video complications of dream and friends, its just not the same without you guys :(
Thank you. I think we’re grieving quietly because we were laughed at and judged when we celebrated our fandom loudly and while we didn’t care then, it all changed when the people judging us were (somewhat) right. I feel a lot of shame thinking back to my DSMP era, all the fanart I made and all the things I told my friends about it. And that while I was relatively late to the fandom. I can’t imagine how people feel who followed him and other false idols for years. Similarly to other comments, I find myself feeling a lot more hesitant to find new idols and generally distant from creators I still watch. It is sad that we shut our creativity down but we need time to process everything that happend and to find new sources of inspiration. A part of this fandom’s artists may have gone silent but some of us moved on to new fandoms, like EPIC: The Musical, or they started doing their own thing. If you miss our creations, go look! We’re still out there.
The pain that people who idolized formerly good people, is different. It's something that no one talks about, that no one wants to tackle. The pain of in less than a blink, you're forced to forget every time they made you smile, laugh, and forget about all that's wrong. That in less than a blink, you're expected to hate someone without any closure, without showing that you're hurt. I'm glad you found a way to express the pain, or found the people to cry with. Unfortunately I am surrounded by people who didn't think twice about canceling him. Who would judge me for being upset that I lost a safe space. But that's what he was to me, a place I thought was safe, governed by safe people. Before the announcement, I always questioned what his songs were about. Why they were so dark and narcissistic. Why, if not written by someone I respected, would sound utterly, absolutely, disturbingly, sick and twisted. I almost went to a lovejoy concert. But tickets sold out faster than I could find good seats- I suppose the universe wanted to shield me from a deeper attachment than I already had. I used to listen to YCGMA on loop to fall asleep almost every singly night. With every note and lyric still buried in my head, I rot in the grave of intangible grief I cannot share. Truth be told, I had always favored techno as opposed to wilbur. But after his passing, I looked to sbi for some sense of comfort and closure, or an outlet to express this grief I couldn't share with my family. I have hoodies, plushies, things I cannot imagine looking at without a tang of grief. I felt I was in mourning for year and more, and I still weep. But after Wilburs actions, I looked for other places for my mourning to hide. I tried not to stray too far, so I've found a new sense of life in places like hermitcraft, epic, Hamilton, or Charlie and Schlatt (he's the realist person I know). Not that I don't watch anything dsmp related, but just that both Wilbur and techno were such big parts of it all, that you can rarely find anything without them. If im honest, I can tell you it took over a year to actually pry myself away from technos channel, from my tears and mourning, and even attempt to fill the gap he left behind in my soul. He took some of the best parts of me with him. And he can never be replaced, but my heart has found solace in people like Geminitay (whom I've been watching for just as long as techno, basically a little before the duel). But I still look back on these almost four years of my life where this fandom wasn't as it is now. I still wouldn't have changed anything. I doubt anything Ill ever find will feel the same, so I'm glad I found it. But I'm glad I've moved on as well. Sorry for essay!! TLDR: Being hit with the Wilbur situation after what still felt like a fresh wound of technos passing, I had a hard time finding a way to feel alive again. And while I don't regret being part of the fandom, or the energy and time I devoted to it, I'm grateful I've found a way to move on. o7
I miss Wilbur. I don’t miss William, I don’t miss the horrible man he became. I do miss the guy who made me laugh when I was crying, the guy who was sweet to his friends. I miss my idea of him, I miss his character as a creator and as a Minecraft character. I don’t miss the abuser. I don’t miss the person who hurt a kind woman. I am so disappointed in him. It drove me crazy. He was my coping mechanism, he was my escape. Why’d he have to be like that? I still feel gross thinking about my DSMP era, especially because of him.
damn, I kinda liked wilbur as a youtuber, but not on the level some fans are. I stopped watching him way before the drama came out, but I was still surprised and shocked that the guy I thought was wholesome and sweet turned out to be the way he is. when I first saw this video, I thought "man, you guys cared too much" but thinking about it, I don't really blame you or the fandom for being sucked into that parasocial relationship. He did really well painting himself as a fun type of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, that kind of personality is almost intoxicating to follow. And it didn't help that he was cultivating that kind of fandom as well. I really hope that, for those of you that don't support him anymore, to not make the same mistake of idolizing someone so hard again. You can enjoy a youtubers content, but don't give into that idolization mindset a lot of people fall into
this makes me realize i haven’t.. truly processed all this. i haven’t quite sat down and asked myself how i feel about this, how i felt. i can say that i have moved on, that i no longer think about him. but i do. sometimes i still think to myself how a “man like him” could do things like that, but i never bother to give myself an actual answer due to how much it hurts. i still ache for his music, for the things he created. i wish i could hear his music without a pit forming in my stomach. i miss who i thought he was. who he was before it all came out. seeing and listening to someone who finally understands how much of an impact Wilbur. Soot. had is honestly so comforting in such an aching way. i do wish i could never think about him again, but i know that that’s not possible. i still love the dsmp, and will continue to, and i wish i could write down all i truly feel, yet this will suffice. fuck you william gold, but i miss you wilbur soot.
the fact this not only happend to me with wilbur but with melanie martinez too, both of them were artists that impacted my life in such a powerfull way, people i looked up to so much, i admired them, the melanie concert i went to was such a happy memory but now i look back at it and feel ashamed that i was that happy, my eyes get watery everytime i remember that my whole perspective on their music changed with the perception i had of them. i tried separating wilbur's music from him but separating the music from the artist is so much easier when the artist isn't such a big part of the experience
What did Melanie do? I remember there was the controversy around her allegedly r wording a friend but that was disproved, after that I haven't heard anything about her being bad.
Depends if Melanie is inno. As wss funny thing here as a crybaby. Melanie and her team FILTER comments. Lovejoy and wilbur DONT. One seems guilty the other doesn’t!
Yess wilbur and Melanie hit hard. I also had to deal with some of my favorite of all time youtubers (cody ko, Colleen Ballinger, Caroline konstnar, Mr beast, try guys, gus Johnson, nickisnotgreen, etc.)
I was lucky enough to never become parasocial with him, but man. I watched this guy for six years. I liked so much of what he did - the videos, the jokes, the music. And to just have to drop all of that at once was a lot harder than the average youtuber cancellation. I had planned AMVs with his songs, and with songs made about his character! Still, in a way, it was a lot easier to comprehend than most exposings. It wasn't as if he revealed a side of himself we hadn't seen before. I always thought he put on an unhinged, somewhat toxic persona, especially in some of his earlier songs, but turns out that was the real him all along
Thank you for making this. When I first heard about Shelby's story, I knew it was him too. There was no way it wasn't. In the coming days of his silence I found myself bitterly thinking Shelby should have never spoken. I caught myself on many occasions and scolded myself. She deserves closure, she deserves to speak, I was just upset that someone I had watched since Soothouse, since SMP Live, SMP Earth, finally Dream SMP and QSMP...was such a horrible person. I was trying to deflect it from him in my mind. When his statement came out, it just proved everything. I felt sick. I ranted to my friends, in open air really, to no one in particular, texting and crying. I caught myself asking "Why do I feel this strongly for someone like this I don't even know?" Many youtubers I used to watch, even as a child back in 2010, have been outed as abusers, lawbreakers...and yet Wilbur was the first person who took up this much brain space. Who made me cry this much. I still don't know why my mind latched onto him the most instead of others I had known longer, had a longer time to feel betrayed by. I found myself asking "how does Tommy feel? and Quackity? and Phil?" Because I thought my feelings didn't matter. I was one fan of millions who'd been betrayed, my sadness didn't matter in a sea of millions. But it did, and does. This has made me feel...disconnected from youtubers. From people I hold dear online. I didn't realize how parasocial I had gotten, even when I preached being parasocial to an unhealthy extent was bad. I find myself feeling duller for people. The constant thought of "I shouldn't get too involved, they could be exposed as a horrible person tomorrow when I wake up." It's not just Wilbur. Dozens of youtubers, from ages ago to recently, have been exposed as horrible people of all kinds. In this age where you can't even trust yourself sometimes, as well as the people you have to look up to? It's...hard. Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler, but then again, this is a space for our thoughts. Thanks again for this. I think I needed this. I tend to...suppress things and forget about them. my mind cuts off things so I don't feel the pain it's caused. We'll never get true closure, in a way of a real apology to Shelby or us, even when his career fails it won't be enough. But, we can learn to move on. Stay safe, everyone. Drink some water, eat some food, get good rest...Your feelings matter. You're strong. You can do this. I believe in you. You'll do great things. Feel free to add on below, you're safe here
With my newer intrests some part of my brain still whispers “what if they’re a bad person?” And then I go: “it’s a fictional character.” It is so utterly relieving to have my Hyperfixations not be attached to content creators (outside of hermitcraft, but honestly, hermitcraft is like- zero drama, it’s great) It feels like a weight has dropped off my shoulders to know that no one can accuse Ford Pines of being an abuser. I mean they can, but they’d be wrong. To truly *know* my favorite characters is so so incredibly relieving, to not be constantly worried that they might be cancelled or exposed- god it’s amazing. I haven’t let go of DSMP. I haven’t let go of techno especially. I still buy techno merch and wear my technoblade and Ranboo hoodies on a near daily basis. But god is it nice to have my current Hyperfixations feel so secure.
a lot of my inspiration to make this came from quinnamon and the passerine podcast, as well as the fact that i think we need more videos to help us all heal. i hope you're safe and that you know you're loved.
Sometimes I wonder what Technoblade would think if he was still around to see all of this go down. If he'd be just as disappointed as the rest of us, or if maybe he wouldn't be surprised at all. Just... Resigned.
Just over a year ago, I discovered that a friend of mine had committed sexually abusive acts onto someone we both knew, on top of other things. They were a massive fan of Wilbur Soot and talked about him reverently. Watching his fans go through a sense of betrayal so closely to what I did, only a few months later made me feel a sense of kinship with his fan base that I never came close to feeling when my former friend talked about him and I watched his content with them. My heart really goes out to his former fans and his victims.
I’m slowly maturing past my MCYT phase and ditching my parasocialism but you’ve helped me finally let go. Healing takes time, and I’m glad there’s other ex-fans like me who are still taking their time. Just wanted to say thank you for giving your perspective and comforting the community. It may be hard moving past someone we thought we all knew, but we’ll get there eventually. We’re all gonna be alright.
this hit sm harder than i thought it would. i still adore lovejoy and wilbur’s work but i cannot listen to it without a pit in my stomach. he was someone i had trusted so much and him and his work helped me through a hard time in my life and it really hurts knowing it’s never gonna be the same but im proud of shelby and how far shes come :)
Wow oh wow. This described how I feel PERFECTLY. Wilbur was my favourite creator from the DSMP community for about two years, and I ended up caring way too much about him - he brought me so much comfort and happiness when I was feeling awful. He was the one who inspired me to start playing guitar, made me want to make music and be in a band, and his and Lovejoy's music became my favourite music ever. Whenever I felt anxious or sad or overwhelmed I would put on my Wilbur playlist and it would make me feel better. I remember the day I heard about Shelby's stream and how the whole day I had so much anxiety in my chest and I felt sick and disgusted all day. I wish that I had never allowed myself to care about him so much, but even now there are still other creators I care about to the same level. It hurts so much that someone I thought was so wonderful turned out to be horrible. I think I really pushed away how it made/makes me feel because I thought it was stupid to care so much, but watching this video really made me realise how much it has affected me. I don't know if any of what I said makes sense, but thank you for making this video, and I hope you and anyone reading this comment is doing okay. Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything.
I had joined the dsmp fandom quite late into the smp and I immediately fell in love with it. And the one person who I truly felt a somewhat connection with, (while I am deeply ashamed to say I had let myself become that parasocial with an artist) was “Wilbur Soot”. I would go on his vids channel and binge watch his videos, I would smile, laugh, giggle anytime I heard him say a funny joke, or just laugh in general. I would listen to his songs on repeat. I had let myself become so attached to a person who I didn’t even know. Who was across the world from me. Who had know clue who I was, and didn’t care. I had become so attached, I would lay in bed at night, thinking of when he would stream next, if he would release make more music. When Shelby’s video came out, I didn’t watch it. I didn’t even know what had happened. I hadn’t heard the name “Wilbur Soot” in a while, since I had slowly but surely forgotten all about him (though I still occasionally listened to his music). I only found out about everything from a friend of mine, she told me about Shelby’s video, and my heart, sank. She had told me how people had theorized that it was “Wilbur” and my heart sank even more. It sank because I knew it was most likely the truth. That the person I held so dearly to my heart, had abused someone. Soon after “Wilbur’s” statement came out (because that pathetic excuse of an apology does not deserve that title) me and my friend sat at the park, on a tire swing, and just talked about it. We talked about how upsetting it was to know that someone we both genuinely liked as a person, was someone who was such a bad person in return. I remember bawling my eyes out one night, maybe it wasn’t because of the whole situation, but it definitely was a factor to my crying. I remember soon afterwards feeling a deep, deep hatred for him. Also hating myself for ever liking him, feeling as if me previously enjoying his content made me, too, a bad person. It took at least a week of processing and thinking to realize that it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but his own. I do genuinely wish the world could go back to dsmp times, and everyone would be happier. But that’s not possible. Things change even if we don’t want them to, and we have to come to terms with that fact. It’s a sad reality, but the only reality we have. In all honesty, I take pity on people who still support him, who have decided to create their own reality of what happened, of who’s telling the truth. I don’t pity them, however, when they decide to hate on Shelby, because she didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not necessarily a Shelby fan, but it disgusts me to know that people will hate on a victim just because the said abuser is someone they like. I really do wish “Wilbur” comes forward, and tells us about William Gold, and who he is, and give a real apology, but I highly doubt it will happen.
(Some more I forgot to add) After everything had happened, I tried listening to some of his music again (pirated), to see how it make me feel. The second I heard his voice singing, I turned it off. I turned it off and sat on my bed, a pit in my stomach, a tight feeling in my chest. It just felt so wrong to even hear his voice. And while it was pirated, I felt wrong listening to it. I even attempted to watch a video of his, but also, the second I saw his face, heard his voice, I had to turn it off. I simply couldn’t watch, listen, or do anything in relation to that man.
I was mostly fine the entire video, and then the 'you are alive.' absolutely shattered me. I find my solace in the community that once was. In the people that too mourned a bond between someone who never felt that bond. Mouths after my anger after his post I mourned for the little boy with star eyes for a man who had never even knew of his existence. We /are/ alive, we /are/ here. And we did it because of ourselves, not because some man on the internet spoke hours into the night. To you, mandela, thank you. As I enter the end stages of my mourning for that young boy who aspired to be like a man who was nothing more than character, this video has given me that conclusion. The chapter has ended and my story will continue, not because some man on the internet spoke words through my breakdowns, but because I worked myself through the pain, and came out the other end.
I wasn't a diehard fan, but I admired his creativity, and his seemingly-caring facade. But seeing someone who you used to hold at such a high standard reveal themselves to have caused someone deep pain, it reminded me of my own past relationship. While I'm thankful to have never felt physical abuse, it was the emotional and mental toll, and the fear of not being able to exist outside of that relationship, those were all things that I resonated with from Shelby's story. Hell, his music and content were part of what got me through my own painful experiences. So to find out he had caused the same sort of pain (perhaps even worse) to someone else was a complicated sense of betrayal, but a valid one. Support victims. Never refuse to believe a victim's story just because you think you know the abuser better, that they would never do such a thing, that they were kind to you therefore they would never cause harm to anyone else. People will always surprise you.
I try to deny that I am not over him. I still have a parasocial relationship with him. I practically cried when I found out. When I first heard Your Sister was Right, I practically knew he was bad. But i thought he overcame his badness. But he's still bad. I want him to be ok. I dont call myself a wilbur supporter. I call myself someone who's just so biased that no one else can ever be on the same level as him. I find myself still watching his videos acting like he's not the same person as the horrible man who won't go to therapy. Watching his "im back" video- I didn't recognize him. My boyfriend is done with me going back and forth with "i hate him!" To "he's still happiness" I hope he changes for the better. I want him to be better. I want to be in another life where hes perfect. Theres so many little good things but its all overshadowed. Its been 8 months and it feels like 5 whole years of grief. I still am parasocial to him. But I'll never find joy like i did with him. I want answers. I feel like no one understands me because ill never let go of him when i know i should but i hate change. I hate it. He helped me through toxic friendships. I feel like im tied down to being stuck in a spiral of contradictory When i found out I cried till 3 am. Hugged my blanket I got on Christmas, listened to his music trying to justify his actions in my head. He makes me sick because he's practically an addiction. Sure the happiness lasts for a bit but when im in public I feel like I did something horrible. This video makes me want to cry because I genuinely don't know how to move on. But I have to. For my friends so I don't annoy them and put them in a bad mood. But I don't want to hate him because i still want to wait for a day where "he's better. He's better now."
you are so right about people who support Wilbur or shubble in this situation feel stuck because they want to know the truth, they want to find something they can’t. it’s gonna be like that, and it’s so hard to just move on when these are people you followed for so long.
You make a new sign of light for me to breach my eyes on. You helped me overcome him. You are right. He didn't save me, I saved myself. He was just a hobby to get my mind off of things. He doesn't know me, and he doesn't need to know me. But as long as I bring closure to my suffering. I know I saved myself.
I just cried so hard. Honestly, when I first heard the news I couldn't believe it, I wanted to hope it wasn't him like you I just, knew. For a while I stopped listening to his music, stopped praising Wilbur Soot and the person he was in my mind as he fucking disgusted me, to, my, core. To be someone that has experience with toxic people like this in my childhood, and to hear that news, changed me, SHIFTED me as a person, even if I may not had idolised him the same way you did. He's the reason I wrote, infact, his album "Mammalian sighing reflex" is the reason I picked up guitar at the beginning of this year, and yes I know how to play some bits of his music. The irony is that in fairly recent (within the last 4 years) experience with a toxic person my mother was dating his music, his album "Your city gave me asthma" and more specifically Jubilee line really did save my life, they really did help me. And I believed that. Now, I believe that his name, the fact that he wrote it, and the distain this knowledge gives his music is important to acknowledge, but it doesn't matter to me. I still listen to it. My interpretation of the sound, the words, what it means to me. I hate thinking about it, I hate that he did what he did but that cannot be changed. So, we move on, move forward, as a fandom we never die, we simply change, grow older, learn. We still loved those characters on our screens. We still laughed, screamed, and cried with them, and I treasure those memories, and that's okay. It's okay to treasure good memories, even if somebody involved isn't good. This is just how I see it all, but thank you for this video, it pushed me to write this, and I see it as important to write these things down.
i can't say i understand this form of parasocial relationship. sure, i cried over and didn't get catharsis for Technoblade's passing until this year, but it was never really parasocial in this sense. i just cried because he would never release another video again to brighten our days. it was more of a constant suddenly being gone instead of having my idolization of a person shattered.
Ah, I may not have been a Wilbur soot fan, but it hurts to see the fandom in shambles like this. Sometimes I wonder if this all wouldn't have happened if Techno survived. As soon as he was gone, almost all his friends went to shit... I'm a voice myself, and I want to extend condolences to all the former soot fans, as I know it hurts to watch someone you love die. I'm referring to Wilbur, not William.
two days ago I listened to "Mine/Yours" by Wilbur Soot for the last time. Then I removed it from my favorite song list forever. His music and songs reminded me of my dad when I was little. My dad would play the guitar, my mum would sing and play the piano and I would listen. Wilbur Soot was my favorite youtuber and streamer of all time. I'm glad I have moved on from that era of my life
I'm so glad you made this. This is exactly how I felt and still feel. Removing his music from my playlist hurt. I miss the golden days of the DSMP, where everyone had fun and enjoyed the content and the creators. When I heard this happened, I desperately hoped it wasn't true, but as time went on, I realized that it was true and the person I looked up to so much had disappointed not only me, but so many other people. It's less about being parasocial, but more about losing a person who was a comfort. I wish it never happened and I learned that I can't trust anyone to be perfect, cookie cutter people. People are flawed and unfortunately, many of them make disgusting decisions. And at the end of the day, we can't control nor prevent it. We have to move on. It's painful, but we can do it. I've never written a comment this long, but I've never been more relieved to see people have the same feelings as me. So thank you and I hope everyone is doing well ❤
I never knew the full extent of the rumours having moved on from the dsmp creators when the server ended and that was when I said goodbye to my obsession of those people. This helped me understand parasocialness as I never understood the concept. Sometimes I heard a song of wilburs and I remembered the time where I was at rock bottom but the community and the creators helped but then I remembered that the people they've been exposed to be they were then and I've now let go of all of it. I removed every song, edit and video of wilbur from the favouirtes and I'm fine
i still listen to his music and rewatch old streams. Of course its important to support and listen to victims but its so hard to let go of someone you have admired for years. To accept that your view of that person was shattered so suddenly
I stumbled upon this, watched, then had a cry I needed. Here are my words. I was a massive fan of Wilbur Soot when I first discovered him in 2021, around the end of the Disc War Finale on the Dream SMP. I immediately grew to love this man and his personality, his humor, and most of all his songs. When he streamed or appeared on someone else's videos, I dropped everything to watch. When I needed music to make me happy or help me get through bad moments, it was his. When he first spoke of starting a band all the way to being onstage for his band's first concert, I was there to support him. He had made himself out to be this fun, sweet guy who had a cheery personality and an amazing sense of humor, that kind of persona he built was easy to love and follow. I was happy and content to admire this man through a screen, who I never met and hence never met me. Now looking back on it, I see it for what it was, a parasocial relationship with someone who built his character out of manipulation and lies to get the masses to adore him. When it was revealed what he had done, I couldn't believe it at first despite all the signs screaming that it was him, but then Wilbur himself admitted to it and I broke. I never did and never will stand with someone who hurts others, I shouldn't have put so much faith in someone I never truly knew. I dropped him and his band, unsubscribed from everything and hid away my Lovejoy hoodie, but it hurt. They had become a part of my life and now they were gone. I can't turn to his music or videos without feeling disgust and guilt in me, and any videos of other streamers that has him in it left me angry, knowing he was just there smiling and laughing while doing the bad things he did. But as mentioned in the video, hoping for things to turn out differently won't change anything. Nowadays, I'm slowly moving on. Not completely and quickly, as it still stings, but I'm getting there. Not sure when, or how, but I'm determined to not let this haunt me. As the video said, I owe him nothing. Not my time, love, or devotion. I'll learn from this too, and do my best to keep from forming intensely parasocial relationships in the future that'll ultimately hurt me. William Gold is dead to me, and I'm slowly but surely letting go now. I'm healing, and I hope others will heal too. Those like me who held such deep admiration for this man, yet ultimately were hurt by what he did. We are not alone, we'll be alright. Thank you Mandela, for this video.
I was at work, actively listening to lovejoy when I checked twitter. I wanted to believe it wasn't him, not until there was some confirmation. Even still, now the song I had just been loving a few minutes ago made me feel sick. And then I found out it was him. It felt like some kind of a betrayal, even though I had nothing to do with the situation. Even now I've been fighting to make sure he isn't on my spotify wrapped because how often I listened to his music January-Febuary alone.
I know my situation isn’t the exact same especially since I have the ability to separate an author from a book. (I won’t go into the whole story it’s a mouth fulll). But I 10000 get where you are coming from. I didn’t listen to a lot of Wilbur’s music or his streams so I’m looking at this from an outsiders POV. It’s truly terrible so many people we look up to or create something we admire for so long….how those people can commit hanious acts of harm to others. It rly hurts I know it does. It will get better. Know that you are doing the right thing by supporting the victims and it’s ok to feel angry, sad, numb or just annoyed. We are all human and we all have the community we build. A little saying I will leave you with is this. “This is our world now” and in retrospect it’s always been our world. Hope you are doing ok get some sleep if it’s late at night
A final note. I do feel so bad cause unlike me You don’t really have those characters you can claim as your own. You don’t really have a story that is “for the Public.” Because it isn’t a fictional thing…well it is but it isn’t. If that makes sense. I’m sorry and I’m glad you guys are moving on 🫂💜
I used to think that "damn, will is prolific when it comes to writing" whenever i heard is own albums or lovejoy eps. I've been a fan of his community since the ogs but I was more invested in lovejoy as a band later on. But as a respected member of that community he was a part of, he was not just revered by me, he was adored by millions like or unlike me. But after the allegations, im a part of the community who's looking at the split spectrum of the whole situation, because we never got a definite response or proof from him or shelby. i haven't supported the man, but Ive not actually forgotten him either. He just exists. I just wish i could hear the songs or look at the videos as we all did before that day in February
How I found out was from a tik tok, the more research I did the more scared I got. I didn't want to believe it until it had been 100% confirmed. The day Wilbur had responded was the worst timing ever for me. I was meeting my long distance best friend for the very first time and had to push down the sadness of this news because I couldn't, and wouldn't let it ruin one of my happiest days.
It was tough not being able to fully process the news for a few days, until it finally weighed on me. My friends supported me while I cried in their arms about how I wished it wasn't true. Although this revelation caused me pain, I no longer feel anything towards it apart from a slight sting and yearning for the older days of the DSMP. I am happy now, I have become my own light, and I hope everyone here has too.
When the allegations were released I didn’t know much about shubble so she felt like a stranger to me. My family was about to leave for a road trip so I cried silently in the backseat the whole time. I blasted his songs on my headphones so loud that afterwards I couldn’t hear the people around me and I couldn’t think because they were playing over and over in my head. I felt so betrayed and mad at myself for not seeing it coming. When he released his newest song I was in a hotel room with my brother. I couldn’t stop myself from watching it. I cried that night.
Lovejoy was one of the few bands that I could name as a favourite artist and would consider going to a concert for, but now I can’t listen to it without feeling disgust, it’s been tainted by the knowledge of what he’s done. Ironically Wilbur announced Lovejoy was coming to Australia right after it came out, and my first thought was if this had happened, it probably would’ve been my first music concert. It’s a little bittersweet, knowing the few other bands that are my favourite will probably not come here, and so that may have been my one and only concert, but I couldn’t touch his music without thinking of what he did. Sometimes I miss his songs or his videos but I know that even if I watched/ listened to them I would not be able to enjoy it.
Bro this video is so real. When i heard about the news, i didn't feel sad, angry, or anything. I felt confused n numb. I'd loved his songs so much, especially mammalian sighing reflex. That album really helped me through my most devastating times. Idk what 2 say about this, but 4 some reason i wanted 2 still listen to his music but i was afraid to do so. So I kept pushing away him n his music for quite a while but the feeling to listen 2 msr n his other songs again was STRONG. But honestly thank you for making this video. I hope 2 all ex-fans of wilbur soot are okay and well.
This video was so good i cant even put it in words. It made me feel things i thought i had forgotten, it gave me motivation to write again, to process my emotions properly instead of sucking them into the evergrowing black hole in my mind, that gets bigger every time it finds something to nourish itself off and that took over myself for the last months. Please write more and if you are ready share it with us, i will wait for it and im sure others will love it as much as i do. Youre really talented, we're in this together and we're gonna be fine
This is a really lovely video, gives me a small amount of validation. Had a similar experience with a different UA-camr a few yrs ago now, I still yearn for the old days and I’m still learning to also let it go. I also loved Wilbur too, but I’m also fortunate to have not been so attached either. I learned my lesson from the first time.
To be honest with you i remember about two months before the situation went public i had been purposely not watching him, i just had a gut feeling and then i listened to a song of his and he immediately became a comfort streamer just two months before Shubble came out and said everything he had done. i started crying almost instantly, even though i had only been watching him for a short amount of time the news hit me like a truck. Support Victims always. People who still support wilbur actually shock me.
i miss wilbur soot. i 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 wilbur soot. but i despise william gold. i don't have the right to hate william gold, since he never hurt me. but saying that is a lie. he didn't directly hurt me. he 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 me. he 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 me. i thought he was better than that. no. i 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 he was better than that. william gold. you disappoint me. wilbur soot. where are you? we miss you. we miss your content. we miss who you 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚.
My favourite hoody was merch of his, i got it for free, but i still dont like wearing it. It is the most comfi one i own, but i dont wanna walk around with it. His streams were what brought me and my brother closer togheter, and then we kinda lost that. We are still close, but we haven't done something with just the 2 of us in ages.
This video made me cry more than the Shelby vid, im one of the people who still after months on end cant come to terms with the fact that he did those bad things, i think this video might of saved me from the spiralling back and forthness that is this reality; that the man who helped me, got me off my feet and made me go outside when I hadn’t been out of bed for weeks, did those horrible, awful, disgusting, inexcusable things. I think i finally have. Thank you x
I miss his music so fucking much. I cant listen to it anymore, but i used to connect with it so much. Not just lovejoy, but his solo music too. I went to his concert, i watched all of his minecraft videos. I too fell into that parasocial relationship. This was the one youtube controversy that actually affected me. It hurt a lot. I miss wilbur soot. But no more. This controversy definitely humbled me 🫤. I fully support shelby ❤
Out of all the DSMP members, I wasn’t as emotionally connected to him, but I still respected him greatly as an artist. He inspired me to peruse theatre and write stories and after everything that happened, I lost a lot of motivation to do any of that. I never even realized how much I relied on him to motivate me until afterwards. Since then I’ve slowly started focusing on other aspects of inspiration but nothing has ever really felt quite the same, but maybe it’s for the best.
I’m glad that i naturally fell out of the fandom in general by the time we all found out about everything. The parasociality was a lot duller for me then. But he was my favorite streamer from the dsmp, aside from techno. My first gender affirming haircut was trying to mimic Wilbur’s hair. I loved Ghostbur and went to my first con on my own cosplaying him. I made a lot of art for the dsmp and most of it was of Wilbur’s character. I loved his normal youtube videos too, and they were comfort videos even after i fell out of the dsmp fandom, and i loved Lovejoy and made art for the band as well. it just sucks. I cleaned my room recently because i was moving for collage and i found so much art of him. I just threw it all away.
I havent listened to lovejoy's new songs. I am dying to listen to them but I dont think I could do it. Its like a constant push and pull, both at the same time It killed me when I didnt buy lovejoy's tickets in their Australia tour. I know it was a good thing not supporting him, but it hurt so bad and I ache with regret overit every day cause seeing Wilbur and his mates live was my biggest damn dream. I discovered him during the prime of my adolescence, so I dont ever think I can get rid of that prescence that helped build me and make me who I am. It sucks :(( I miss Wilbur Soot (Not William Gold)
Thank you for this, stranger online. I really needed this. I feel so deeply embarrassed even thinking about talking about this with my social circle, because yeah, in the end he is “just a streamer” but I felt so betrayed. Obviously I didn’t know the guy, I never thought I did, but his online persona was something so special, so comforting to me. It was the guy I took so much inspiration from, the one I watched countless hours of content, the one I admired so much. I didn’t know him, but the rare instances where he talked about his mental health made me feel heard, and mainly, seeing someone I thought so highly of made me think that I could be someone as amazing as I thought he was when I was in a dark place. It sucked, so bad, and the way he handled it was like he just twisted the knife in my back. He handled it so cowardly, he hid away, posted a (possibly AI generated) half-ahhed apology and then pretended nothing ever happened? I felt embarrassed. All my friends knew how much I adored the persona he put out, so when everything went down they came to ask me “hey, did you see what he did?” and I felt just humiliated. Years and years of waiting for the notification of his streams, his UA-cam channel, his twt account, the music he made. The way his characters made me feel seen, the way his music made me feel heard, it was special to me. I’m still so hurt, and I think I haven’t allowed myself to process it because of how embarrassing it sounds from an outsider’s perspective. I’m doing okay, but I don’t find joy in watching any content creators the way I used to, it’s like he killed that little part of my personality, and I’m still mourning it. And I’m mourning the dsmp as well. Maybe I’m just scared of the fact I’m growing up, I suppose. I’m an adult now, and things are hard, and I don’t have the same things I had to use as comforts I had back when I was 14 and watching the L’manberg streams, and that scares me. I will miss it, and I don’t think I’ll ever quite stop loving the memories from that time, but as scared as I am, I’m growing, and I will do my best. This turned into a huge ramble, but I feel so much lighter finally letting it out. Everything still hurts, but I know I’ll be okay
I’m autistic, and I’ve lived my life hyper-fixating on either UA-camrs or irl people, and ever since the allegations I haven’t had that peace, or felt comfortable having hyperfixations. I wish I had someone to talk to about all of it without the same feeling you described. Thank you for this video
I understand that; I’m autistic too, and even though my hyperfixation wasn’t for Wilbur himself, it was basically for everything around him. So many things are tainted now. But I understand
I'm sad that a bad man made you loose interest in the idea of having your interests themselves. I don't think you should think about it this way you should be able to hyperfixate, I get what you mean kind of because a series I'm super hyperfixated on was ruined :/. I hope you can feel comfortable with it soon
the topic of wilbur is a strange one to me. he once brought me comfort and safety he helped me grow closer to a former love of mine and we both listened to his music and fell deeper and deeper in love with each other. the timing of everything that happened somehow coincided with the loss of this former love almost like they bounced off one another. now i cannot look at one without thinking of the other. in a way im happy it all came crashing down at once as it taught me that its never the end of the world. we grieve, we get up, we move on. time heals.
If I'm honest, I was never a direct fan of Wilbur, I knew about him but never saw his content, apart from animations or collaborations with other streamers, but since September 2023, I had a friend who had Wilbur on a pedestal, he was her idol, he was her savior and he was her inspiration for the person she wanted to be, I listened to every comment and idea she had when she talked about Wilbur, it was always the moment when hypothetically Wilbur came up in the conversation, I remember one time she wore a coat that looked a lot like Wilbur's character, and I let her know, since then I always told her the things I saw about Wilbur, even things that reminded me of Wilbur and had nothing to do with him, but since February we let go, We stopped being friends, I was in a very bad state at the time, but I kept seeing Wilbur or watching his content from time to time but not for long, because it would remind me of her, but when Shelby's testimony came out, I was already feeling much better since the breakup of our friendship at that time, and of course I was surprised "how someone could do such a thing to another person", I didn't know it was Wilbur, at least not at the time, but when I found out, I remember trying to catch my breath in the moment, I was already talking to other people at the time, and I talked to them about it, I remember crying a little bit at the time, but my thoughts were going to her 'how was she dealing with this?', I still don't know, but she stopped wearing a lot of clothes that reminded us of Wilbur, Although I'm not sure if that's the case, and watching your video gave me an idea of the struggle she may have endured, as well as letting me know the possible outcome of my parasocial relationship with a streamer right now. I'm sorry for my bad English, I had to use the translator at times.
thank you for this collection of thoughts; it really speaks to the way i felt those months ago and how i cant even watch anything related to the dream smp anymore. it hurts to do so and i havent accepted that, only ignored it. you wrapped everything up so nicely and so neatly. fantastic writing...
TW: mention of unaliving myself and problems with food. A few years ago, I was struggling to stay alive. I didn’t have anything I wanted to live for, I just didn’t want to be around anymore. I had this idea that no one would miss me, that people would smile at my grave. I found something to distract me from the things around me, Wilbur. I felt so happy watching his videos, his streams and I loved his music. Wilbur ment so much to me, he was like a god, I would’ve given my life to save his. When I found out who he really was, I cried. And I cried so much. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function. Now I’m surrounded by better people, I’m getting the help I should’ve gotten so many years ago. I no longer want to disappear, I want people to look at my art and get a feeling that they’re not alone in this world. I’m happier, I might not be healthier, but I want to live. I struggle more than I ever have but when I’m happy I’m filled with so much more joy, I feel loved. Wilbur didn’t make me feel loved, he made me feel like I was allowed to exist. Now I feel like I’m supposed to exist. I have let go, I found out letting go wasn’t that hard for me, it was healthy, I got away from this made up world where Wilbur was god and I was just another grain of sand on a beach. Yes I miss watching his videos and listening to his music, I remember feeling happier when I saw he had posted a new video, but I still felt empty. The world is so much more beautiful than the internet, people are horrible but nature is everything. I feel peaceful when I’m outside, a few years ago going outside would mean making sure my phone was charged so I could make sure that if Wilbur uploaded I could watch it. I didn’t have anyone to talk to back then, I never tried to find anyone, cause I had Wilbur right? Now I have two best friends who I can’t imagine living without, they mean so much to me. I will forever thank myself for letting go, I am so happy now. I may not be able to eat every day and I might have depressive episodes or bad breakdowns, but now I have people who care about me, people who will make sure that I know that I matter. This might be all over the place, and it doesn’t all make sense. But it helped writing all this, it helped me feel more comfortable about the fact that yes, I did worship a bad person, I didn’t know who he really was and that wasn’t my fault. I’m happier now.
Thank you for making this video and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to such a wide audience. I miss Wilbur. The one whose songs I'd practice on my guitar for class, the man who, when compared to, made me feel so confident, the man who I found entertainment in watching on cold nights after school when all I wanted to do was forget the world. The DSMP used to be one of my biggest comforts, now I can't watch it without feeling so much disgust at the mere idea of someone running into him. I used to love "Sex Sells" and their cover of "Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy", but now just hearing his voice makes me feel sick to my stomach. Every memory I have with him in it is tainted by the sins he committed unbeknownst to us, and I'll never get them back.
I felt/feel that exact same way. I've been needing content like this...when the Dream allegations came out I was like "...what?" And started bawling. to this day I don't know who to believe and I genuinely think it all went downhill when Techno died. That was the start of my depression. It's been three years and I still mourn for everything that's been taken away from me. When the George and now Karl allegations dropped recently I spiraled just like I did for Wilbur, my grades started to slip and my depression took over me in a way I wish it never did, and made me do something irreversible on my skin on school grounds. It took me a while, and I still cry about it because when the people you use to escape your horrible reality BECOME what you wanted to escape, what you were running away from (abuse and pedophilia), that hurts. Thank you for this, it helped me see I'm not alone in the grieving process of what was once a great fandom, wish I could've joined earlier or at least have a friend who's as into the dsmp still, but this video helped me come feel like I'm not alone, and for that I thank you. I like the characters, fanart, and fanfics, but sooner or later I got to accept that I do not like the people, it was only the idea of them that I love. It's tough, but I'm planning to fight till the very end, until my depression comes to terms and accepts that this is not healthier than what is going on inside my house walls. I really can't thank you enough.
TW heavy subjects I Miss Wilbur, his music and content got me through a horrible abusive relationship, so to find out that he had hurt someone the way I had been hurt left me Distraught. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that someone who helped me through that would be like that. Anytime I think of him I feel an uncomfortable about of pain and betrayal even though he’s a stranger. I fully support Shelby but I miss Wilbur, or I miss who I thought he was anyways.
Watching this Video was, no, IS the very first time i cried about the whole thing. Mabey its because i had already gone through that same sickening crying stage with way to many of the people in that circel and i just couldnt handel it mentaly anymore but... back then i just deleted everything that had to do with him off of my phone because even the thought of him made me sick. Listening to his music brought me a sense of comfort and belonging that i havent felt with any type of music since, but i just couldnt bare to listen to it all, knowing what i know now. Wilbur soot was such a big role Model to me back then. He was someone people jokingly called a "man writen by a women" and as a trans guy with very little positiv male role models... i admired that about him... i used to think "how can i be more like him?" and I hoped people woud see me the way i saw him one day... as someone they are proud to look up to. As someone they turn to. At the time this whole Situation seemd imposable to have happend in my eyes.. but Listening to Shelby made it clear to me how deeply the person i looked up to, the person i saw to for comfort, the person i admired... had hurt another humanbeing... I just felt incredibly lost Im definitly doing better now then i did back then. but i do feel myself longing for what used to be... even if it was all fake. or making myself feel guilty for ever even looking up to him.. But the past is something i would never change. Even if he himself is a horrible person, the lessons he tought me are things i still look to... even if the person who tought them was never. truly. Real.
I teared up barely a few minutes through the video. I am so ashamed and disappointed... I lost my best friend too sometime ago. I found myself listening to his songs with both nostalgia, disgust and shame but those songs hurt so comfortably. Those lyrics felt so relatable and I found myself questioning if I was this awful too. Sorry I didn't watch the full video before commenting
Thank you for the video. I wasn't in the fandom for long, but i enjoyed some of hs songs and respected his storytelling in his ARG. And since he was British (so am i) and his ARG had one of my favourite London landmarks the O2 arena i felt a connection to him. It sucks when someone i respected so much to be so disgusting. One song he had i listened to back to back for a week because it was a good song. Now, i just feel guilt over watching and respecting him and not seeing the signs as if i could have known. My heart goes out to Shelby ❤
It has been some time since my mind came back to Wilbur. When I first heard of Shelby's stream I was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I was clinging to the fact that she never name dropped him ,that he would never do such a thing. But now that I think more about it. I was aware. So aware but in such a state of denial that it took me seeing his response for me to finally comprehend what he did. We all thought that his persona was the one who wrote the lyrics when really it was the man entertaining us in front of our screen. Great acting I must say or maybe I was a fool for not seeing through him. Now I'm stuck with bits of his songs playing on loop inside my mind and it makes me so angry that William took away that enjoyment of listening to Your New Boyfriend, the catharsis of Your City gave me asthma and the impact Lovejoy had on me. I wish to forget that name already and let that era be gone. Besides all this personal complaint of basically not being able to listen to some songs anymore this video is well made and has resonated quite a lot with me and thank you for making a video like this. I hope everybody will have a wonderful time on this world no matter what hardships they might face. Suport the victims.
I always found his presence calming, but I was never a true fan. However, Sorryboys helped me through a *lot.* I'll never forget those days, and I'll miss them dearly for a while...
I was never a wilbur soot fan and I forgot about this only a week after because I didn't pay that much attention to it but that part three hit me somewhere I forgot I had. You're a poet
Wilbur was people’s comfort, to get away from abuse of the real world, when he was outed as an abuser I can’t imagine how many people lost and idol, someone who they viewed as the their safe space, I was never the biggest fan, I watched a couple videos and such but a close friend of mine loved him, for my friend he was his comfort. He still supports Wilbur but I try to look pass that and see the reason why they got so attached to him. I will always love and support my friend but I wince at the love and support of Wilbur.
im primarily a dream/dteam fan, but god i loved wilburs vibe and music so much and its just. gutwrenching to know who he really was. i still love his dsmp character. i will not let a horrible person rob me of a character that brings me joy. but good god, man. a solemn o7 to the wilbur fans. i hope you guys are healing ok.
Sadly, a reality that I’ve learned is that people are just.. what they make them self to be. And as much as we want to believe they’re our idols, they’re just people we’ve learned to see through rose colored glasses. Wilbur’s human. What he did was wrong. But he’s still human. Sad as it may be. I hope he can get better.
I’ve seen far too many people on twitter alone call shubble a wh//re, an attention seeker, and a b//tch. I cannot even search shubble’s name on tumblr without seeing posts of her being called/tagged as “shelbitch”. I’ve seen people flexing that they got blocked by her as if it’s a badge of honor to be that hateful and resentful. what makes me so sad about it is how so many wilbur supporters are girls (or are at the least fem-aligned) themselves. women and girls especially nowadays are so susceptible to internalized misogyny. I think alot of Wilbur fans in particular are subliminally mirroring this inner hatred of their gender onto shubble, shaming her for the “crime” of going against a man. to see so many people resort back to misogynistic victim blaming mentalities is so frustrating to me. Shubble herself said to just leave his fans alone- that she doesnt stand behind any harassment sent. i just wish they’d give her that same grace. to have some humanity :/ sorry for my yapping. I wouldn’t really say that im an ex-Wilbur fan since I only really watched him for a short period of time in 2018-2019 during his soothouse era. IDEK anymore, it’s just crazy to me how an entire fandom can flip overnight :(
and then people wonder why survivors of abuse don’t come forward or accuse all of them of lying. it’s so sad that people would risk their own morals to defend someone they don’t know and who doesn’t know them. I know it’s hard y’all but please, I can assure you it was harder for Shelby.
This really hit home, but as much as it hurts, it is true. He’s a horrible person, but he was a pinnacle of my darkest moment and was what seemed to be the only light. I don’t need that anymore, I’m not that kid who got in from school and watched all the YLYL vods, I’ve matured. And that’s okay, I don’t need him anymore…and I don’t think I ever did…
I was not affected by the news as heavily as others, although that doesn't really under value my own feelings. I was in shock like many others when the news came out, I had moved on from the fandom with many pleasant memories and for all of that to be shattered so easily tainted by a taste a bitterness because of one person. I was angry. Sad. and emphatic for those who were more affected. I promised to myself the first song I'll learn on the piano would be portrait of a blank slate, now I can't listen to the song without being reminded of his actions. I like to think I have moved on from the news. Accepted I did not know the person behind the screen. But sometimes I long for the time before. What if it had never happened. I forget about him sometimes. Bu then it just creeps back into my mind and makes my whole day go down. Despite that, I don't dwell on it. I still read dsmp fanfics involving his character just to spite him. The character he created is no longer his, it's ours. the fandom's. I sincerely hope those affected can and will recover. We miss who were thought Wilbur was, not who he is. It's okay to miss the days before and it's okay to still mourn until now.
I was there since Soothouse. Listening to those videos was like listening to a group of friends I didn't exactly have but wanted. I didn't care much for his music ventures but really started listening to it when he did the e-girl series (major red flag those songs). I watched dsmp through him but I was mainly a tommy, techno, philza watcher. I watched all the animations from SAD-ist , I engaged with it all. I nearly bought merch of his too because I too love windows 95 era clothes and orca. When his shop opened I liked how creative it was to do doodles on it and listen to his music while you shop. I was so heavily invested in the storylines he would create for dsmp - I started watching around the election era even though I saw Tommy's original video where he joined for the first time but didn't think much of it and when on with my life until it got so big I couldn't ignore it. All my favourite minecraft streamers were there, Skeppy and BBH, Philza, Fundy, Foolish, Tommy, Tubbo and... Wilbur. I thought to myself, if I were to date a guy, thats probably my type. Sarcastic, a little goofy, artsy, really hiding that depression of being an adult now. And for a while that was my type - I was dating knockoff versions of Wilbur Soot. I liked his minecraft content. I liked his random skyblock series, which inspired me to download it to play it myself. I still play it but I prefer to acknowledge that he didn't make it, someone else did. When he announced he was in a band called Lovejoy, I thought sure, I'll give it a listen. I liked their songs they released and thought, would be nice to hear them on mainstream radio or go to a concert. I never got to go to one so maybe I was saved. I think I was in the demographic of being an adult who liked Wilbur Soot because we had the same humour but I would not class myself as a screaming parasocial child. I knew better than that. The last time I watched a Wilbur Soot video, I was in Venice with a boyfriend who loved me but I didn't love him anymore because I felt awful the whole time I was holiday with him. I missed home, I missed my mum, and her cooking so I stuck on Wilburs videos to find something familiar. A week later we broke up. And all the shit went down on the internet about Wilbur. For the first time, I stopped to read the drama. Surely it couldn't happen to a creator I thought was chill. Not him. Everyone guessed it was him but I was like surely not, and then he spoke up. And shit hit the fan. Suddenly he became taboo. The songs I enjoyed listening to sounded like his confession. I didn't know where to turn. I suddenly needed to know what the others thought about this. Tommy, who looked up to him was on tour in America but he knew. He went silent and passed it off as having a bad week/month. Philza barely talked about it. I feel like he probably led the pr front on it for his younger friends knowing how hurt they must be that someone they looked up to , that hundreds and thousands if not millions looked up to could betray everyone like that. The separation of fans was clear, wilbur stans who blamed Shelby, and wilbur fans who did not claim their saviour. I was of the latter. I hovered over that unsub on all his accounts. I remembered how much joy his content brought during the dark times in covid. I pressed that button. I hoped lovejoy would drop him or at the very least find a way out of their contract with him. And they surprised me yet again. They kept him. They doubled down and decided to keep going. They knew they could prey to the wilbur stans who blamed Shelby because they were louder and would buy tickets. I had to unfollow them all. It hurt the most to unfollow Ash because I liked their stuff with James Marriot (who I think has dropped Wilbur). Its november 2024, the dsmp is dead, techno - Alex - is actually dead, no one wants anything to do with the server because of who owns it - for a lot of people its a trigger for bad memories and for some its a bittersweet nostalgia trip. And after all that, I worry about the younger ones amongst us. How are you taking it? Do you need therapy? Because I certainly do. I feel like something has been ripped away from me and I can't have it back because I would feel ashamed and hurt all over again.
Brilliant video! Although I've never been into the DSMP, this video hit SO close to home for me since I felt the same things regarding another UA-camr. Back in late winter, Chugaaconroy got into into a MASSIVE controversy, but even though it was resolved months ago since Emile sent out a doc to address everything levied towards him, the feeling of finding out about all the allegations levied towards him and how severe they were, how his fans, friends and colleagues reacted to it and how disgusted and ashamed they were... it genuinely broke my heart to see someone who I watched for ages being portrayed in such a negative light. It even got to the point where if I saw the TheRunawayGuys (a LP channel Emile's a part of) pop up on my feed or even see a thumbnail with his face in it in, I felt this massive pit in my stomach. I just looked back on Emile's and TRG's content with such a bitter taste in my mouth for 3 months, and I'd just think "THIS sick bastard was the man I admired all this time? This was the man who inspired me to be more comfortable in myself? This was the man who encouraged me to be more open in my hobbies?" Thankfully, Emile gave his side of the story back in April and was able to disprove a lot of claims levied against him, but remembering how it all broke down and reading about the shit he went through in that document still saddens me today...
i remember, maybe on the 22nd of February, or around then, i was on call with my friend. hes often on twitter, and he randomly brought up that people were accusing wilbur to be shubbles abuser. i responded with oh, or something like that, and then moved on. it was stuck to my mind the whole time, i didnt think it was a huge group, i thought it was maybe 10 people who thought he was. i opened twitter before going to bed and the top of my feed was a thread on it. i scrolled through it, i didnt read it properly, i refused to believe that it was him, and closed twittee, i think while crying. i didnt watch shelbys vod at the time, i couldnt bare to follow what couldve been false allegations on my favourite creator, om twitch, youtube, and spotify. i had multiple friends if met or gotten closer to through his music, i adored his content and was lowkey obsessed. that night I played a spotify playlist, it was either a ws+lj+james marriott playlisr, just ws+lj or a normal one of my playlist, which had a lot of his music in. i stayed awake, listening to the lyrics and how they would match up to him previously being with shelby. i was extra aware because i had seen a reuploaded video of him and his then girlfriend in 2016 or 2017, where they travel across europe. the song since i saw vienna was about her, as they went to vienna, austria together in that video. i also got a lot of my likes, or atleast they were boosted, through his. i started loving maps and little things about countries, aswell as playimg instruments like guitar and i started liking musicals and my indie and midwestern emo, or depressive folk and acoustic taste in music more. anyway, being fully aware of that, i heard the lyrics 'i still remember that coyote hanging out in the shade', which, i believe, coyotes were in parts od the usa, where shubble lives. i didnt want to believe that he couldve been a bad person, ignoring all the signs and excusing them. im pretry sure id go on twitter a lot, making arguments about how shelby tols us not to speculate, whcih i domt know if that was misinformation that was made up, and that we should wait for wilbur to actually respond. he did, maybe a week later. reading the paragraphs, i was looking for some sort of proof that he was good, not that he was manipulating the audiance or that there could be lies. i scrolled down to the replies and saw all the people calling him out on awful and dishonest his response was, i then realised that he didnt feel bad, the people pointing out every flaw in the words wilbur had come up with. i blocked him everywhere i could remember him being, i finally watched shubbles vos, i think i cried during it. spotify is a bit weird and plays blocked artisrs, so i had to remove every single song from all the playlists, and they were in loads of playlists, multiple times over, up to 10 times, maybe more, of all his music being in a singular playlist. thankfully, there was an update on how you could add sonfs ro spotify playlists brfore, so unticking a song from a playlist would remove the entirity of the song, no matter how many times it was in there. i havemt stopped thinking about him, the vile things he fidn to people like shelby, niki and alice, and every other person out there. everyday i think about him atleast once, it doent help when im constantly watching qsmp vods, over and over, which means i still hsve to watch the ccs tslk positive about him and to him whenever he was there. atleast i gained a friend specifically because we both enjoyed his music, thankfully, me and that person have a very similair music taste, in styles and artists. he'd introduced me to, my now favourite artist, seb lowe, who I've now met! me, that specific friend, and another one of my close friends who has even closer music taste to mind, saw seb lowes band live, so atleast i got the best night of my life, a good friend and a favourite music artisrs out of that happening :) (i do not support wilbur soot at all, and i feel bad for the support id slightly given him without the full understanding of what shelby had actually been through within the ~week time span of shubble opening up and wilbur replying)
This hits close to home. Not only because I also admired him as a creator. And related to his own struggles of Health Anxiety and feeling like a bad person. I thought "If he thought he was bad and changed, I should be able to do the same." But this whole thing made me feel like I, myself, was wrong also. That I was maybe the same somehow, without me even knowing. I am a disappointment. I am in a better position than one of my friends yet I still whine and whine about being miserable despite the fact that I don't know what true misery is. Yet I feel stuck. Despite the fact that the only thing standing in my way is me. My mind. I don't want to be like him. I don't want to never learn from my mistakes. I don't want that to be the only thing I am. I want to do what he wasn't able to do. Actually get better, actually acknowledge my mistakes, and learn. I know the bad things I did. He didn't even think he did something wrong. Or, he lied. Either way, at least I know I'm still better than him. Despite being an unknown person in the void of the internet.
thank you for posting this. with everything going on right now in my private life and in the us, where i live unfortunately, ive been dragged down into one of the worst depressive episodes ive been in. a few weeks ago when i was feeling my lowest i was desperately searching for any sort of music that might feel right to listen to, so i was just listening to my liked songs. i think it was jubilee line that came up, and i froze. i haven't listened to his music much other than accidents just like this one, and every time it just shocks me to remember that he's still out there. i listened to the song, and for some awful reason it was the only song that I'd listened to that day that felt just right. i listened to it again today. and i feel awful. he's an awful person but he is one of the few artists who's music is really helping me right now. i dont know what to do.
I was there in pogtopia when it happened, I had dedicated my life and all my love for man I never knew. I knew there would be times he fucked up and did something negative but I was more then willing to forgive him for it if he tried to change. 4 years of my life were solely held together by the idea that a man could genuinely care for other and care for craft and make something beautiful and be flawed. I held on so hard so that one day when a man could come to me and make me believe that men could saved from horrible places and mistakes as long as I could forgive. But I cant forgive anymore. Time after time after time now I’ve watched every single person I’ve ever felt fond of be pulled out and away me and I start drowning again. Why can’t my love that I have so much of be used for and spent on people who’ll care. And everytime, they end up hurting more then just me but so much more. Especially Shelby. Because her abuse was not mistakes, they were not accidents. They were not forgivable. I hate that now I cannot see love ahead of me. No person I can enjoy with my heart open again. There’s no one left in the world that can make me love more than him, but. I cannot forgive. And that’s the worst part.
If I had a nickel for every time a UA-camr and / or twitch streamer I liked who did art related content (music painting etc) got exposed for a abusive relationship with their partner who was a smaller content creator, I’d have two nickels, wich isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.
While I don't personally care about any of this situation and still watch his old videos because they make me happy, I do hope that you all recover and that none of you feel like this again
I'll never forget when he said "anything young girls like is considered cringe, name one thing a girl can like without getting bullied for" or something along those lines.
I hate that I agree with somone as horrible as him, and I hate even more that it was all smoke and mirrors, hes basically the biggest "nice guy" ever, and what we thought was him joking around was him showing his true colors right under our noses.
I hope everyone can heal and learn to let go, I know he helped us all through tough times but he isn't the Wilbur Soot who played Minecraft with his friends. It was all a persona
I used to see him just as Tommy saw him. I picked my guitar back up because of him. I wrote stories with tidbits of inspiration from him. I listened to music he recommended. I started wearing coats in hot weather. I grew up picking up different personalities to craft my own, little did I know they were mostly Wilbur’s. And when the news officially broke, I shattered.
Same :/
same, i used to have white streaks in my hair and i would always wear coats because of him, it took me 7 months to take the streaks away and now they’re red, but every time i wash my hair and the blonde comes back i remember that deep down my whole personality is based on wilbur, i dont allow myself to smile because my smile looks like him, i thought i was the only one still thinking about him but your comment and this video comforted me, thank you
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon you shouldn't let him take over your life, smile and have fun, even though it feels wrong and bad right now, it will be over one day
@@NovaTheScreechingDragonThink of it this way, you're salvaging the traits of a person and no longer becoming like them, think of it as taking what he didn't deserve to express and enjoy and make it something worth it and think of the traits, hair dye, jackets, as things that are going to be now appreciated by someone who deserves to cherish it, as for your smile do not force yourself to hide it away because of someone else instead appreciate it because in the end it's a smile you deserve more than he does.
@@NovaTheScreechingDragon don't let him take away your smile. he does not deserve that. just because your smile looks like his, doesn't mean you are like him. you're you. and you're wonderful. and you're flawed. and i'm sure you light somebody's day. and, most of all, you are loved. there are people who care about you that want to see you laugh and smile and have fun. don't let him take that away from you.
I miss the old wilbur, I miss the guy who "fcked" a salmon, I miss the guy who wrote "My L'manburg", I miss the guy who blew up L'manburg, I miss the guy who "ate" sand, I miss the guy who made my favorite songs. I miss the guy who made me happy. I wish I was back in 2021-2022 when the time I was happiest with him.
He was one of the most comforting person to me, even though he didn't know me. I idolized him so much, his music was the most comforting thing I've ever heard. Everytime I hear his name, I feel my stomach churning. I wish he never did the things he did, because he made me so happy.
Even as a wss even hearing the word wilbur makes me wanna cry :(
Sadly, the thing people have to realize is that IS the same guy. He had already abused another woman by the time he posted in the DreamSMP. They aren’t different people, they are the same person because human beings are complicated. The idea that they are “too separate people” is accurate to our perceptions but not to the reality of abuse: people who act good, who do good things, who are seen as good people, who are funny and lovable, are someone else’s worst nightmare.
Dude, you actually put into words what I was feeling
this shattered me goodbye
I hate, that I understand every reference
The damn irony to me of william gold.
I don’t miss you. I miss the thought of what you were.
those damn lyrics echo in my mind whenever i think of it all.
"what's this? the consequences of my actions now?" are ones that are ingrained into me.
Same. Oh same.
I had known him since Soothouse. I got into dsmp when he made his first video on it. But..I think what I miss the most about him is his music.
It helped me a lot throughout the years. I remember listening to ycgma and sobbing to it. I remember it's all futile touching my heart.
I remember first listening to it's golden hour on the cd I had bought and feeling like my soul was being lifted away from my body. I remember going to his first of the road to 100 tour and when that song played I reached into the golden lights and screamed the lyrics, feeling a spiritual experience that I had never felt before.
I still have the shirt I got that day. I have his lmantooz, I have his cd, I have a lmanberg flag, I have the cosplay for his dsmp character I made in 2021. That cosplay helped me realize I was trans. I modeled my first short haircut after his.
I can separate his dsmp character from him. I can still keep those things close. But his music...his music is his. And it hurts so much to look at that tour shirt still hanging above my bed and remember the ecstasy and understanding I felt in those golden lights, and not be heartbroken by how much of a facade it all was.
@@adumbooctopus1115 u can still listen to his music ppl have re uploaded! Even as a wss I’m listening to reposts bc who knows if he is actually an abuser?
Thank you for this. Some people say i’m being dramatic and that “he’s just a streamer, get over it.” but he wasn’t just a streamer to me. I miss who I thought he was, I really do.
this reminds me, of some time i was in school, last year a kid saw my lockscreen it was technoblade and he said and i quote ''he's dead get over it.''
@ That’s so insensitive. I’m so sorry that happened.
your words here honestly fucking stole me for a few minutes, I don't think there's ever been a time that I've just sat staring at my monitor wide-eyed just over how much words touched me. I was completely disassociated just listening to that last part, like I was being directly spoken to, I really never thought I'd see the day that someone could understand so much about me just through a video, I feel so read... and honestly kind of like I'm going to cry.
ive been reading all these comments about my writing and how it got to people but this is the first one to seriously hit me hard. thanks for saying this dude it means a lot, hope you're doing well.
@@its.the.mandela.effect you too
We miss Wilbur Soot, not William Gold. We miss the funny and kind guy who wrote "My L'Manburg", we miss the one who made us feel happy.
(I'm so sorry, I'm crying again.)
Update: You got 1K likes on a comment that makes me cry every time I re-read it. Thank you for your attention.
AGHGH REAL
As a previous fan as well, I agree.
Yeah same
Same.. same broski.
Yes :(
I was a longtime DSMP fan and Wilbur was one of my favs. To be honest, he inspired me so much about his writing and songs. "Your City Gave Me Asthma" was my top favorite of his.
Now, I look back at those with such a bitter taste in my mouth. After Techno's passing, I had hoped that things won't get worse, and boy I was wrong. The things he did were nothing short of inexcusable. I still love the DSMP to bits and I try my goshdarn hardest to just see his character and not him.
William Gold has no place in my mind. Wilbur Soot may have some but only in character. And I wish for those severely affected by this to have healed and moved on.
I was lucky enough, for a lack of better words, to give all my love to Technoblade, and not Wilbur Soot. Sure, Techno left early. And sure, it took me two years of tears, blood shed by broken glass, depression and therapies to get over it. But he hadn't changed. He stayed the funny, sarcastic, loving older brother of his fanbase, always reminding us how strong we are, how proud he was of us, how much he cared for us, with every single syllable genuine. We haven't gotten any reason to hate him, to hear his voice or see his channel with negative emotions, or to want to stop watching his videos all together. The death of both Technoblade and Alex stung for a long time, but we have the liberty of watching his legacy with nostalgia. The death of Wilbur Soot was chaotic, and his voice will forever be listened to with hatred, and grief over how easily he toyed with our feelings
I was NEVER in the dream smp / Wilbur fandom, but It feels lonely without you guys... Missing all the fanarts and video complications of dream and friends, its just not the same without you guys :(
Thank you. I think we’re grieving quietly because we were laughed at and judged when we celebrated our fandom loudly and while we didn’t care then, it all changed when the people judging us were (somewhat) right. I feel a lot of shame thinking back to my DSMP era, all the fanart I made and all the things I told my friends about it. And that while I was relatively late to the fandom. I can’t imagine how people feel who followed him and other false idols for years. Similarly to other comments, I find myself feeling a lot more hesitant to find new idols and generally distant from creators I still watch.
It is sad that we shut our creativity down but we need time to process everything that happend and to find new sources of inspiration. A part of this fandom’s artists may have gone silent but some of us moved on to new fandoms, like EPIC: The Musical, or they started doing their own thing. If you miss our creations, go look! We’re still out there.
The pain that people who idolized formerly good people, is different. It's something that no one talks about, that no one wants to tackle. The pain of in less than a blink, you're forced to forget every time they made you smile, laugh, and forget about all that's wrong. That in less than a blink, you're expected to hate someone without any closure, without showing that you're hurt. I'm glad you found a way to express the pain, or found the people to cry with. Unfortunately I am surrounded by people who didn't think twice about canceling him. Who would judge me for being upset that I lost a safe space. But that's what he was to me, a place I thought was safe, governed by safe people. Before the announcement, I always questioned what his songs were about. Why they were so dark and narcissistic. Why, if not written by someone I respected, would sound utterly, absolutely, disturbingly, sick and twisted. I almost went to a lovejoy concert. But tickets sold out faster than I could find good seats- I suppose the universe wanted to shield me from a deeper attachment than I already had. I used to listen to YCGMA on loop to fall asleep almost every singly night. With every note and lyric still buried in my head, I rot in the grave of intangible grief I cannot share. Truth be told, I had always favored techno as opposed to wilbur. But after his passing, I looked to sbi for some sense of comfort and closure, or an outlet to express this grief I couldn't share with my family. I have hoodies, plushies, things I cannot imagine looking at without a tang of grief. I felt I was in mourning for year and more, and I still weep. But after Wilburs actions, I looked for other places for my mourning to hide. I tried not to stray too far, so I've found a new sense of life in places like hermitcraft, epic, Hamilton, or Charlie and Schlatt (he's the realist person I know). Not that I don't watch anything dsmp related, but just that both Wilbur and techno were such big parts of it all, that you can rarely find anything without them. If im honest, I can tell you it took over a year to actually pry myself away from technos channel, from my tears and mourning, and even attempt to fill the gap he left behind in my soul. He took some of the best parts of me with him. And he can never be replaced, but my heart has found solace in people like Geminitay (whom I've been watching for just as long as techno, basically a little before the duel). But I still look back on these almost four years of my life where this fandom wasn't as it is now. I still wouldn't have changed anything. I doubt anything Ill ever find will feel the same, so I'm glad I found it. But I'm glad I've moved on as well.
Sorry for essay!! TLDR:
Being hit with the Wilbur situation after what still felt like a fresh wound of technos passing, I had a hard time finding a way to feel alive again. And while I don't regret being part of the fandom, or the energy and time I devoted to it, I'm grateful I've found a way to move on.
o7
god… you expressed my emotions exactly. I wish I could listen to wilbur soots music without feeling discomfort from William golds actions.
I miss Wilbur. I don’t miss William, I don’t miss the horrible man he became. I do miss the guy who made me laugh when I was crying, the guy who was sweet to his friends. I miss my idea of him, I miss his character as a creator and as a Minecraft character. I don’t miss the abuser. I don’t miss the person who hurt a kind woman. I am so disappointed in him. It drove me crazy. He was my coping mechanism, he was my escape. Why’d he have to be like that? I still feel gross thinking about my DSMP era, especially because of him.
damn, I kinda liked wilbur as a youtuber, but not on the level some fans are. I stopped watching him way before the drama came out, but I was still surprised and shocked that the guy I thought was wholesome and sweet turned out to be the way he is.
when I first saw this video, I thought "man, you guys cared too much"
but thinking about it, I don't really blame you or the fandom for being sucked into that parasocial relationship. He did really well painting himself as a fun type of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve, that kind of personality is almost intoxicating to follow. And it didn't help that he was cultivating that kind of fandom as well.
I really hope that, for those of you that don't support him anymore, to not make the same mistake of idolizing someone so hard again. You can enjoy a youtubers content, but don't give into that idolization mindset a lot of people fall into
Two words to describe this video.
Beautifully written.
this makes me realize i haven’t.. truly processed all this. i haven’t quite sat down and asked myself how i feel about this, how i felt. i can say that i have moved on, that i no longer think about him. but i do. sometimes i still think to myself how a “man like him” could do things like that, but i never bother to give myself an actual answer due to how much it hurts. i still ache for his music, for the things he created. i wish i could hear his music without a pit forming in my stomach. i miss who i thought he was. who he was before it all came out. seeing and listening to someone who finally understands how much of an impact Wilbur. Soot. had is honestly so comforting in such an aching way. i do wish i could never think about him again, but i know that that’s not possible.
i still love the dsmp, and will continue to, and i wish i could write down all i truly feel, yet this will suffice. fuck you william gold, but i miss you wilbur soot.
the fact this not only happend to me with wilbur but with melanie martinez too, both of them were artists that impacted my life in such a powerfull way, people i looked up to so much, i admired them, the melanie concert i went to was such a happy memory but now i look back at it and feel ashamed that i was that happy, my eyes get watery everytime i remember that my whole perspective on their music changed with the perception i had of them. i tried separating wilbur's music from him but separating the music from the artist is so much easier when the artist isn't such a big part of the experience
What did Melanie do? I remember there was the controversy around her allegedly r wording a friend but that was disproved, after that I haven't heard anything about her being bad.
Depends if Melanie is inno. As wss funny thing here as a crybaby. Melanie and her team FILTER comments. Lovejoy and wilbur DONT. One seems guilty the other doesn’t!
@@cadincebacon723she has been allegedly being a 🍇Ist :)
Yess wilbur and Melanie hit hard. I also had to deal with some of my favorite of all time youtubers (cody ko, Colleen Ballinger, Caroline konstnar, Mr beast, try guys, gus Johnson, nickisnotgreen, etc.)
@@cadincebacon723the screenshot of her "admitting she was lying" was faked.
I was lucky enough to never become parasocial with him, but man. I watched this guy for six years. I liked so much of what he did - the videos, the jokes, the music. And to just have to drop all of that at once was a lot harder than the average youtuber cancellation. I had planned AMVs with his songs, and with songs made about his character!
Still, in a way, it was a lot easier to comprehend than most exposings. It wasn't as if he revealed a side of himself we hadn't seen before. I always thought he put on an unhinged, somewhat toxic persona, especially in some of his earlier songs, but turns out that was the real him all along
Thank you for making this. When I first heard about Shelby's story, I knew it was him too. There was no way it wasn't. In the coming days of his silence I found myself bitterly thinking Shelby should have never spoken. I caught myself on many occasions and scolded myself. She deserves closure, she deserves to speak, I was just upset that someone I had watched since Soothouse, since SMP Live, SMP Earth, finally Dream SMP and QSMP...was such a horrible person. I was trying to deflect it from him in my mind. When his statement came out, it just proved everything. I felt sick. I ranted to my friends, in open air really, to no one in particular, texting and crying. I caught myself asking "Why do I feel this strongly for someone like this I don't even know?" Many youtubers I used to watch, even as a child back in 2010, have been outed as abusers, lawbreakers...and yet Wilbur was the first person who took up this much brain space. Who made me cry this much. I still don't know why my mind latched onto him the most instead of others I had known longer, had a longer time to feel betrayed by. I found myself asking "how does Tommy feel? and Quackity? and Phil?" Because I thought my feelings didn't matter. I was one fan of millions who'd been betrayed, my sadness didn't matter in a sea of millions. But it did, and does. This has made me feel...disconnected from youtubers. From people I hold dear online. I didn't realize how parasocial I had gotten, even when I preached being parasocial to an unhealthy extent was bad. I find myself feeling duller for people. The constant thought of "I shouldn't get too involved, they could be exposed as a horrible person tomorrow when I wake up." It's not just Wilbur. Dozens of youtubers, from ages ago to recently, have been exposed as horrible people of all kinds. In this age where you can't even trust yourself sometimes, as well as the people you have to look up to? It's...hard.
Sorry, I'm a bit of a rambler, but then again, this is a space for our thoughts.
Thanks again for this. I think I needed this. I tend to...suppress things and forget about them. my mind cuts off things so I don't feel the pain it's caused. We'll never get true closure, in a way of a real apology to Shelby or us, even when his career fails it won't be enough. But, we can learn to move on.
Stay safe, everyone. Drink some water, eat some food, get good rest...Your feelings matter. You're strong. You can do this. I believe in you. You'll do great things.
Feel free to add on below, you're safe here
With my newer intrests some part of my brain still whispers “what if they’re a bad person?” And then I go: “it’s a fictional character.”
It is so utterly relieving to have my Hyperfixations not be attached to content creators (outside of hermitcraft, but honestly, hermitcraft is like- zero drama, it’s great)
It feels like a weight has dropped off my shoulders to know that no one can accuse Ford Pines of being an abuser. I mean they can, but they’d be wrong.
To truly *know* my favorite characters is so so incredibly relieving, to not be constantly worried that they might be cancelled or exposed- god it’s amazing.
I haven’t let go of DSMP. I haven’t let go of techno especially. I still buy techno merch and wear my technoblade and Ranboo hoodies on a near daily basis. But god is it nice to have my current Hyperfixations feel so secure.
a lot of my inspiration to make this came from quinnamon and the passerine podcast, as well as the fact that i think we need more videos to help us all heal. i hope you're safe and that you know you're loved.
i cannot thank you enough for making this video
Sometimes I wonder what Technoblade would think if he was still around to see all of this go down. If he'd be just as disappointed as the rest of us, or if maybe he wouldn't be surprised at all. Just... Resigned.
Just over a year ago, I discovered that a friend of mine had committed sexually abusive acts onto someone we both knew, on top of other things. They were a massive fan of Wilbur Soot and talked about him reverently. Watching his fans go through a sense of betrayal so closely to what I did, only a few months later made me feel a sense of kinship with his fan base that I never came close to feeling when my former friend talked about him and I watched his content with them. My heart really goes out to his former fans and his victims.
I’m slowly maturing past my MCYT phase and ditching my parasocialism but you’ve helped me finally let go. Healing takes time, and I’m glad there’s other ex-fans like me who are still taking their time. Just wanted to say thank you for giving your perspective and comforting the community. It may be hard moving past someone we thought we all knew, but we’ll get there eventually. We’re all gonna be alright.
this hit sm harder than i thought it would. i still adore lovejoy and wilbur’s work but i cannot listen to it without a pit in my stomach. he was someone i had trusted so much and him and his work helped me through a hard time in my life and it really hurts knowing it’s never gonna be the same but im proud of shelby and how far shes come :)
Wow oh wow. This described how I feel PERFECTLY. Wilbur was my favourite creator from the DSMP community for about two years, and I ended up caring way too much about him - he brought me so much comfort and happiness when I was feeling awful. He was the one who inspired me to start playing guitar, made me want to make music and be in a band, and his and Lovejoy's music became my favourite music ever. Whenever I felt anxious or sad or overwhelmed I would put on my Wilbur playlist and it would make me feel better.
I remember the day I heard about Shelby's stream and how the whole day I had so much anxiety in my chest and I felt sick and disgusted all day. I wish that I had never allowed myself to care about him so much, but even now there are still other creators I care about to the same level. It hurts so much that someone I thought was so wonderful turned out to be horrible. I think I really pushed away how it made/makes me feel because I thought it was stupid to care so much, but watching this video really made me realise how much it has affected me.
I don't know if any of what I said makes sense, but thank you for making this video, and I hope you and anyone reading this comment is doing okay. Feel free to reach out to me if you need anything.
I had joined the dsmp fandom quite late into the smp and I immediately fell in love with it. And the one person who I truly felt a somewhat connection with, (while I am deeply ashamed to say I had let myself become that parasocial with an artist) was “Wilbur Soot”. I would go on his vids channel and binge watch his videos, I would smile, laugh, giggle anytime I heard him say a funny joke, or just laugh in general. I would listen to his songs on repeat. I had let myself become so attached to a person who I didn’t even know. Who was across the world from me. Who had know clue who I was, and didn’t care. I had become so attached, I would lay in bed at night, thinking of when he would stream next, if he would release make more music.
When Shelby’s video came out, I didn’t watch it. I didn’t even know what had happened. I hadn’t heard the name “Wilbur Soot” in a while, since I had slowly but surely forgotten all about him (though I still occasionally listened to his music). I only found out about everything from a friend of mine, she told me about Shelby’s video, and my heart, sank. She had told me how people had theorized that it was “Wilbur” and my heart sank even more. It sank because I knew it was most likely the truth. That the person I held so dearly to my heart, had abused someone. Soon after “Wilbur’s” statement came out (because that pathetic excuse of an apology does not deserve that title) me and my friend sat at the park, on a tire swing, and just talked about it. We talked about how upsetting it was to know that someone we both genuinely liked as a person, was someone who was such a bad person in return.
I remember bawling my eyes out one night, maybe it wasn’t because of the whole situation, but it definitely was a factor to my crying. I remember soon afterwards feeling a deep, deep hatred for him. Also hating myself for ever liking him, feeling as if me previously enjoying his content made me, too, a bad person. It took at least a week of processing and thinking to realize that it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but his own. I do genuinely wish the world could go back to dsmp times, and everyone would be happier. But that’s not possible. Things change even if we don’t want them to, and we have to come to terms with that fact. It’s a sad reality, but the only reality we have.
In all honesty, I take pity on people who still support him, who have decided to create their own reality of what happened, of who’s telling the truth. I don’t pity them, however, when they decide to hate on Shelby, because she didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not necessarily a Shelby fan, but it disgusts me to know that people will hate on a victim just because the said abuser is someone they like.
I really do wish “Wilbur” comes forward, and tells us about William Gold, and who he is, and give a real apology, but I highly doubt it will happen.
(Some more I forgot to add) After everything had happened, I tried listening to some of his music again (pirated), to see how it make me feel. The second I heard his voice singing, I turned it off. I turned it off and sat on my bed, a pit in my stomach, a tight feeling in my chest. It just felt so wrong to even hear his voice. And while it was pirated, I felt wrong listening to it. I even attempted to watch a video of his, but also, the second I saw his face, heard his voice, I had to turn it off. I simply couldn’t watch, listen, or do anything in relation to that man.
I was mostly fine the entire video, and then the 'you are alive.' absolutely shattered me. I find my solace in the community that once was. In the people that too mourned a bond between someone who never felt that bond. Mouths after my anger after his post I mourned for the little boy with star eyes for a man who had never even knew of his existence. We /are/ alive, we /are/ here. And we did it because of ourselves, not because some man on the internet spoke hours into the night.
To you, mandela, thank you. As I enter the end stages of my mourning for that young boy who aspired to be like a man who was nothing more than character, this video has given me that conclusion. The chapter has ended and my story will continue, not because some man on the internet spoke words through my breakdowns, but because I worked myself through the pain, and came out the other end.
I wasn't a diehard fan, but I admired his creativity, and his seemingly-caring facade. But seeing someone who you used to hold at such a high standard reveal themselves to have caused someone deep pain, it reminded me of my own past relationship. While I'm thankful to have never felt physical abuse, it was the emotional and mental toll, and the fear of not being able to exist outside of that relationship, those were all things that I resonated with from Shelby's story. Hell, his music and content were part of what got me through my own painful experiences. So to find out he had caused the same sort of pain (perhaps even worse) to someone else was a complicated sense of betrayal, but a valid one.
Support victims. Never refuse to believe a victim's story just because you think you know the abuser better, that they would never do such a thing, that they were kind to you therefore they would never cause harm to anyone else. People will always surprise you.
I try to deny that I am not over him. I still have a parasocial relationship with him. I practically cried when I found out. When I first heard Your Sister was Right, I practically knew he was bad. But i thought he overcame his badness. But he's still bad. I want him to be ok. I dont call myself a wilbur supporter. I call myself someone who's just so biased that no one else can ever be on the same level as him. I find myself still watching his videos acting like he's not the same person as the horrible man who won't go to therapy. Watching his "im back" video- I didn't recognize him. My boyfriend is done with me going back and forth with "i hate him!" To "he's still happiness"
I hope he changes for the better. I want him to be better. I want to be in another life where hes perfect. Theres so many little good things but its all overshadowed. Its been 8 months and it feels like 5 whole years of grief. I still am parasocial to him. But I'll never find joy like i did with him. I want answers. I feel like no one understands me because ill never let go of him when i know i should but i hate change. I hate it. He helped me through toxic friendships. I feel like im tied down to being stuck in a spiral of contradictory
When i found out I cried till 3 am. Hugged my blanket I got on Christmas, listened to his music trying to justify his actions in my head. He makes me sick because he's practically an addiction. Sure the happiness lasts for a bit but when im in public I feel like I did something horrible.
This video makes me want to cry because I genuinely don't know how to move on. But I have to. For my friends so I don't annoy them and put them in a bad mood. But I don't want to hate him because i still want to wait for a day where "he's better. He's better now."
you are so right about people who support Wilbur or shubble in this situation feel stuck because they want to know the truth, they want to find something they can’t. it’s gonna be like that, and it’s so hard to just move on when these are people you followed for so long.
You make a new sign of light for me to breach my eyes on. You helped me overcome him. You are right. He didn't save me, I saved myself. He was just a hobby to get my mind off of things. He doesn't know me, and he doesn't need to know me. But as long as I bring closure to my suffering. I know I saved myself.
I just cried so hard. Honestly, when I first heard the news I couldn't believe it, I wanted to hope it wasn't him like you I just, knew. For a while I stopped listening to his music, stopped praising Wilbur Soot and the person he was in my mind as he fucking disgusted me, to, my, core. To be someone that has experience with toxic people like this in my childhood, and to hear that news, changed me, SHIFTED me as a person, even if I may not had idolised him the same way you did. He's the reason I wrote, infact, his album "Mammalian sighing reflex" is the reason I picked up guitar at the beginning of this year, and yes I know how to play some bits of his music. The irony is that in fairly recent (within the last 4 years) experience with a toxic person my mother was dating his music, his album "Your city gave me asthma" and more specifically Jubilee line really did save my life, they really did help me. And I believed that. Now, I believe that his name, the fact that he wrote it, and the distain this knowledge gives his music is important to acknowledge, but it doesn't matter to me. I still listen to it. My interpretation of the sound, the words, what it means to me. I hate thinking about it, I hate that he did what he did but that cannot be changed. So, we move on, move forward, as a fandom we never die, we simply change, grow older, learn. We still loved those characters on our screens. We still laughed, screamed, and cried with them, and I treasure those memories, and that's okay. It's okay to treasure good memories, even if somebody involved isn't good. This is just how I see it all, but thank you for this video, it pushed me to write this, and I see it as important to write these things down.
i can't say i understand this form of parasocial relationship. sure, i cried over and didn't get catharsis for Technoblade's passing until this year, but it was never really parasocial in this sense. i just cried because he would never release another video again to brighten our days. it was more of a constant suddenly being gone instead of having my idolization of a person shattered.
Ah, I may not have been a Wilbur soot fan, but it hurts to see the fandom in shambles like this. Sometimes I wonder if this all wouldn't have happened if Techno survived. As soon as he was gone, almost all his friends went to shit... I'm a voice myself, and I want to extend condolences to all the former soot fans, as I know it hurts to watch someone you love die. I'm referring to Wilbur, not William.
It was so dramatic at the start lol but the end was well said
two days ago I listened to "Mine/Yours" by Wilbur Soot for the last time. Then I removed it from my favorite song list forever. His music and songs reminded me of my dad when I was little. My dad would play the guitar, my mum would sing and play the piano and I would listen. Wilbur Soot was my favorite youtuber and streamer of all time. I'm glad I have moved on from that era of my life
I'm so glad you made this. This is exactly how I felt and still feel. Removing his music from my playlist hurt. I miss the golden days of the DSMP, where everyone had fun and enjoyed the content and the creators. When I heard this happened, I desperately hoped it wasn't true, but as time went on, I realized that it was true and the person I looked up to so much had disappointed not only me, but so many other people. It's less about being parasocial, but more about losing a person who was a comfort. I wish it never happened and I learned that I can't trust anyone to be perfect, cookie cutter people. People are flawed and unfortunately, many of them make disgusting decisions. And at the end of the day, we can't control nor prevent it. We have to move on. It's painful, but we can do it. I've never written a comment this long, but I've never been more relieved to see people have the same feelings as me. So thank you and I hope everyone is doing well ❤
I'm pretty glad I never got into DSMP, losing the *music* and the memory of his earlier stuff hurts enough
I loved his writing. He inspired me so much and then I found out he obviously doesn't respect women. It sucks
I never knew the full extent of the rumours having moved on from the dsmp creators when the server ended and that was when I said goodbye to my obsession of those people. This helped me understand parasocialness as I never understood the concept. Sometimes I heard a song of wilburs and I remembered the time where I was at rock bottom but the community and the creators helped but then I remembered that the people they've been exposed to be they were then and I've now let go of all of it. I removed every song, edit and video of wilbur from the favouirtes and I'm fine
i still listen to his music and rewatch old streams. Of course its important to support and listen to victims but its so hard to let go of someone you have admired for years. To accept that your view of that person was shattered so suddenly
I stumbled upon this, watched, then had a cry I needed. Here are my words.
I was a massive fan of Wilbur Soot when I first discovered him in 2021, around the end of the Disc War Finale on the Dream SMP. I immediately grew to love this man and his personality, his humor, and most of all his songs. When he streamed or appeared on someone else's videos, I dropped everything to watch. When I needed music to make me happy or help me get through bad moments, it was his. When he first spoke of starting a band all the way to being onstage for his band's first concert, I was there to support him. He had made himself out to be this fun, sweet guy who had a cheery personality and an amazing sense of humor, that kind of persona he built was easy to love and follow. I was happy and content to admire this man through a screen, who I never met and hence never met me. Now looking back on it, I see it for what it was, a parasocial relationship with someone who built his character out of manipulation and lies to get the masses to adore him.
When it was revealed what he had done, I couldn't believe it at first despite all the signs screaming that it was him, but then Wilbur himself admitted to it and I broke. I never did and never will stand with someone who hurts others, I shouldn't have put so much faith in someone I never truly knew. I dropped him and his band, unsubscribed from everything and hid away my Lovejoy hoodie, but it hurt. They had become a part of my life and now they were gone. I can't turn to his music or videos without feeling disgust and guilt in me, and any videos of other streamers that has him in it left me angry, knowing he was just there smiling and laughing while doing the bad things he did. But as mentioned in the video, hoping for things to turn out differently won't change anything.
Nowadays, I'm slowly moving on. Not completely and quickly, as it still stings, but I'm getting there. Not sure when, or how, but I'm determined to not let this haunt me. As the video said, I owe him nothing. Not my time, love, or devotion. I'll learn from this too, and do my best to keep from forming intensely parasocial relationships in the future that'll ultimately hurt me.
William Gold is dead to me, and I'm slowly but surely letting go now. I'm healing, and I hope others will heal too. Those like me who held such deep admiration for this man, yet ultimately were hurt by what he did.
We are not alone, we'll be alright. Thank you Mandela, for this video.
I was at work, actively listening to lovejoy when I checked twitter. I wanted to believe it wasn't him, not until there was some confirmation. Even still, now the song I had just been loving a few minutes ago made me feel sick. And then I found out it was him. It felt like some kind of a betrayal, even though I had nothing to do with the situation. Even now I've been fighting to make sure he isn't on my spotify wrapped because how often I listened to his music January-Febuary alone.
I know my situation isn’t the exact same especially since I have the ability to separate an author from a book. (I won’t go into the whole story it’s a mouth fulll). But I 10000 get where you are coming from. I didn’t listen to a lot of Wilbur’s music or his streams so I’m looking at this from an outsiders POV. It’s truly terrible so many people we look up to or create something we admire for so long….how those people can commit hanious acts of harm to others. It rly hurts I know it does. It will get better. Know that you are doing the right thing by supporting the victims and it’s ok to feel angry, sad, numb or just annoyed. We are all human and we all have the community we build. A little saying I will leave you with is this. “This is our world now” and in retrospect it’s always been our world. Hope you are doing ok get some sleep if it’s late at night
To go into a bit more detail….yes it was another man who was an abuser. It’s truly a vicious cycle. I’m giving your fandom a big hug right now. 🫂🫂
A final note. I do feel so bad cause unlike me
You don’t really have those characters you can claim as your own.
You don’t really have a story that is “for the Public.”
Because it isn’t a fictional thing…well it is but it isn’t.
If that makes sense. I’m sorry and I’m glad you guys are moving on 🫂💜
this is such a beautiful video.
i had almost the exact same experience as you, I just hope this situation will get better somehow.
this is all of my thoughts, it’s so real.
I used to think that "damn, will is prolific when it comes to writing" whenever i heard is own albums or lovejoy eps. I've been a fan of his community since the ogs but I was more invested in lovejoy as a band later on. But as a respected member of that community he was a part of, he was not just revered by me, he was adored by millions like or unlike me. But after the allegations, im a part of the community who's looking at the split spectrum of the whole situation, because we never got a definite response or proof from him or shelby. i haven't supported the man, but Ive not actually forgotten him either. He just exists.
I just wish i could hear the songs or look at the videos as we all did before that day in February
Validation feels nice, this video is so comforting (also your voice is beautiful!!!)
i was a fan since SootHouse. I've been a fan for that long. i'm still not over it.
How I found out was from a tik tok, the more research I did the more scared I got. I didn't want to believe it until it had been 100% confirmed. The day Wilbur had responded was the worst timing ever for me. I was meeting my long distance best friend for the very first time and had to push down the sadness of this news because I couldn't, and wouldn't let it ruin one of my happiest days.
It was tough not being able to fully process the news for a few days, until it finally weighed on me. My friends supported me while I cried in their arms about how I wished it wasn't true.
Although this revelation caused me pain, I no longer feel anything towards it apart from a slight sting and yearning for the older days of the DSMP. I am happy now, I have become my own light, and I hope everyone here has too.
When the allegations were released I didn’t know much about shubble so she felt like a stranger to me. My family was about to leave for a road trip so I cried silently in the backseat the whole time. I blasted his songs on my headphones so loud that afterwards I couldn’t hear the people around me and I couldn’t think because they were playing over and over in my head. I felt so betrayed and mad at myself for not seeing it coming. When he released his newest song I was in a hotel room with my brother. I couldn’t stop myself from watching it. I cried that night.
Lovejoy was one of the few bands that I could name as a favourite artist and would consider going to a concert for, but now I can’t listen to it without feeling disgust, it’s been tainted by the knowledge of what he’s done. Ironically Wilbur announced Lovejoy was coming to Australia right after it came out, and my first thought was if this had happened, it probably would’ve been my first music concert. It’s a little bittersweet, knowing the few other bands that are my favourite will probably not come here, and so that may have been my one and only concert, but I couldn’t touch his music without thinking of what he did. Sometimes I miss his songs or his videos but I know that even if I watched/ listened to them I would not be able to enjoy it.
Bro this video is so real. When i heard about the news, i didn't feel sad, angry, or anything. I felt confused n numb. I'd loved his songs so much, especially mammalian sighing reflex. That album really helped me through my most devastating times. Idk what 2 say about this, but 4 some reason i wanted 2 still listen to his music but i was afraid to do so. So I kept pushing away him n his music for quite a while but the feeling to listen 2 msr n his other songs again was STRONG.
But honestly thank you for making this video. I hope 2 all ex-fans of wilbur soot are okay and well.
This video was so good i cant even put it in words. It made me feel things i thought i had forgotten, it gave me motivation to write again, to process my emotions properly instead of sucking them into the evergrowing black hole in my mind, that gets bigger every time it finds something to nourish itself off and that took over myself for the last months. Please write more and if you are ready share it with us, i will wait for it and im sure others will love it as much as i do. Youre really talented, we're in this together and we're gonna be fine
This is a really lovely video, gives me a small amount of validation.
Had a similar experience with a different UA-camr a few yrs ago now, I still yearn for the old days and I’m still learning to also let it go. I also loved Wilbur too, but I’m also fortunate to have not been so attached either. I learned my lesson from the first time.
To be honest with you i remember about two months before the situation went public i had been purposely not watching him, i just had a gut feeling and then i listened to a song of his and he immediately became a comfort streamer just two months before Shubble came out and said everything he had done. i started crying almost instantly, even though i had only been watching him for a short amount of time the news hit me like a truck. Support Victims always. People who still support wilbur actually shock me.
i miss wilbur soot. i 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 wilbur soot.
but i despise william gold. i don't have the right to hate william gold, since he never hurt me. but saying that is a lie. he didn't directly hurt me. he 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 me. he 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 me. i thought he was better than that. no. i 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 he was better than that.
william gold. you disappoint me.
wilbur soot. where are you? we miss you. we miss your content. we miss who you 𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚.
My favourite hoody was merch of his, i got it for free, but i still dont like wearing it. It is the most comfi one i own, but i dont wanna walk around with it. His streams were what brought me and my brother closer togheter, and then we kinda lost that. We are still close, but we haven't done something with just the 2 of us in ages.
This video made me cry more than the Shelby vid, im one of the people who still after months on end cant come to terms with the fact that he did those bad things, i think this video might of saved me from the spiralling back and forthness that is this reality; that the man who helped me, got me off my feet and made me go outside when I hadn’t been out of bed for weeks, did those horrible, awful, disgusting, inexcusable things. I think i finally have. Thank you x
I miss his music so fucking much. I cant listen to it anymore, but i used to connect with it so much. Not just lovejoy, but his solo music too. I went to his concert, i watched all of his minecraft videos. I too fell into that parasocial relationship. This was the one youtube controversy that actually affected me. It hurt a lot.
I miss wilbur soot. But no more. This controversy definitely humbled me 🫤. I fully support shelby ❤
Out of all the DSMP members, I wasn’t as emotionally connected to him, but I still respected him greatly as an artist. He inspired me to peruse theatre and write stories and after everything that happened, I lost a lot of motivation to do any of that. I never even realized how much I relied on him to motivate me until afterwards. Since then I’ve slowly started focusing on other aspects of inspiration but nothing has ever really felt quite the same, but maybe it’s for the best.
I’m glad that i naturally fell out of the fandom in general by the time we all found out about everything. The parasociality was a lot duller for me then. But he was my favorite streamer from the dsmp, aside from techno. My first gender affirming haircut was trying to mimic Wilbur’s hair. I loved Ghostbur and went to my first con on my own cosplaying him. I made a lot of art for the dsmp and most of it was of Wilbur’s character. I loved his normal youtube videos too, and they were comfort videos even after i fell out of the dsmp fandom, and i loved Lovejoy and made art for the band as well. it just sucks. I cleaned my room recently because i was moving for collage and i found so much art of him. I just threw it all away.
I havent listened to lovejoy's new songs. I am dying to listen to them but I dont think I could do it. Its like a constant push and pull, both at the same time
It killed me when I didnt buy lovejoy's tickets in their Australia tour. I know it was a good thing not supporting him, but it hurt so bad and I ache with regret overit every day cause seeing Wilbur and his mates live was my biggest damn dream.
I discovered him during the prime of my adolescence, so I dont ever think I can get rid of that prescence that helped build me and make me who I am. It sucks :((
I miss Wilbur Soot (Not William Gold)
Thank you for this, stranger online. I really needed this. I feel so deeply embarrassed even thinking about talking about this with my social circle, because yeah, in the end he is “just a streamer” but I felt so betrayed. Obviously I didn’t know the guy, I never thought I did, but his online persona was something so special, so comforting to me. It was the guy I took so much inspiration from, the one I watched countless hours of content, the one I admired so much. I didn’t know him, but the rare instances where he talked about his mental health made me feel heard, and mainly, seeing someone I thought so highly of made me think that I could be someone as amazing as I thought he was when I was in a dark place. It sucked, so bad, and the way he handled it was like he just twisted the knife in my back. He handled it so cowardly, he hid away, posted a (possibly AI generated) half-ahhed apology and then pretended nothing ever happened? I felt embarrassed. All my friends knew how much I adored the persona he put out, so when everything went down they came to ask me “hey, did you see what he did?” and I felt just humiliated. Years and years of waiting for the notification of his streams, his UA-cam channel, his twt account, the music he made. The way his characters made me feel seen, the way his music made me feel heard, it was special to me. I’m still so hurt, and I think I haven’t allowed myself to process it because of how embarrassing it sounds from an outsider’s perspective. I’m doing okay, but I don’t find joy in watching any content creators the way I used to, it’s like he killed that little part of my personality, and I’m still mourning it. And I’m mourning the dsmp as well. Maybe I’m just scared of the fact I’m growing up, I suppose. I’m an adult now, and things are hard, and I don’t have the same things I had to use as comforts I had back when I was 14 and watching the L’manberg streams, and that scares me. I will miss it, and I don’t think I’ll ever quite stop loving the memories from that time, but as scared as I am, I’m growing, and I will do my best. This turned into a huge ramble, but I feel so much lighter finally letting it out. Everything still hurts, but I know I’ll be okay
I’m autistic, and I’ve lived my life hyper-fixating on either UA-camrs or irl people, and ever since the allegations I haven’t had that peace, or felt comfortable having hyperfixations. I wish I had someone to talk to about all of it without the same feeling you described. Thank you for this video
I understand that; I’m autistic too, and even though my hyperfixation wasn’t for Wilbur himself, it was basically for everything around him. So many things are tainted now. But I understand
I'm sad that a bad man made you loose interest in the idea of having your interests themselves. I don't think you should think about it this way you should be able to hyperfixate, I get what you mean kind of because a series I'm super hyperfixated on was ruined :/. I hope you can feel comfortable with it soon
the topic of wilbur is a strange one to me. he once brought me comfort and safety he helped me grow closer to a former love of mine and we both listened to his music and fell deeper and deeper in love with each other. the timing of everything that happened somehow coincided with the loss of this former love almost like they bounced off one another. now i cannot look at one without thinking of the other. in a way im happy it all came crashing down at once as it taught me that its never the end of the world.
we grieve, we get up, we move on.
time heals.
If I'm honest, I was never a direct fan of Wilbur, I knew about him but never saw his content, apart from animations or collaborations with other streamers, but since September 2023, I had a friend who had Wilbur on a pedestal, he was her idol, he was her savior and he was her inspiration for the person she wanted to be, I listened to every comment and idea she had when she talked about Wilbur, it was always the moment when hypothetically Wilbur came up in the conversation, I remember one time she wore a coat that looked a lot like Wilbur's character, and I let her know, since then I always told her the things I saw about Wilbur, even things that reminded me of Wilbur and had nothing to do with him, but since February we let go, We stopped being friends, I was in a very bad state at the time, but I kept seeing Wilbur or watching his content from time to time but not for long, because it would remind me of her, but when Shelby's testimony came out, I was already feeling much better since the breakup of our friendship at that time, and of course I was surprised "how someone could do such a thing to another person", I didn't know it was Wilbur, at least not at the time, but when I found out, I remember trying to catch my breath in the moment, I was already talking to other people at the time, and I talked to them about it, I remember crying a little bit at the time, but my thoughts were going to her 'how was she dealing with this?', I still don't know, but she stopped wearing a lot of clothes that reminded us of Wilbur, Although I'm not sure if that's the case, and watching your video gave me an idea of the struggle she may have endured, as well as letting me know the possible outcome of my parasocial relationship with a streamer right now.
I'm sorry for my bad English, I had to use the translator at times.
thank you for this collection of thoughts; it really speaks to the way i felt those months ago and how i cant even watch anything related to the dream smp anymore. it hurts to do so and i havent accepted that, only ignored it. you wrapped everything up so nicely and so neatly. fantastic writing...
TW: mention of unaliving myself and problems with food.
A few years ago, I was struggling to stay alive. I didn’t have anything I wanted to live for, I just didn’t want to be around anymore. I had this idea that no one would miss me, that people would smile at my grave.
I found something to distract me from the things around me, Wilbur.
I felt so happy watching his videos, his streams and I loved his music. Wilbur ment so much to me, he was like a god, I would’ve given my life to save his.
When I found out who he really was, I cried. And I cried so much. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function.
Now I’m surrounded by better people, I’m getting the help I should’ve gotten so many years ago. I no longer want to disappear, I want people to look at my art and get a feeling that they’re not alone in this world.
I’m happier, I might not be healthier, but I want to live.
I struggle more than I ever have but when I’m happy I’m filled with so much more joy, I feel loved. Wilbur didn’t make me feel loved, he made me feel like I was allowed to exist. Now I feel like I’m supposed to exist.
I have let go, I found out letting go wasn’t that hard for me, it was healthy, I got away from this made up world where Wilbur was god and I was just another grain of sand on a beach.
Yes I miss watching his videos and listening to his music, I remember feeling happier when I saw he had posted a new video, but I still felt empty.
The world is so much more beautiful than the internet, people are horrible but nature is everything. I feel peaceful when I’m outside, a few years ago going outside would mean making sure my phone was charged so I could make sure that if Wilbur uploaded I could watch it.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to back then, I never tried to find anyone, cause I had Wilbur right? Now I have two best friends who I can’t imagine living without, they mean so much to me. I will forever thank myself for letting go, I am so happy now. I may not be able to eat every day and I might have depressive episodes or bad breakdowns, but now I have people who care about me, people who will make sure that I know that I matter.
This might be all over the place, and it doesn’t all make sense. But it helped writing all this, it helped me feel more comfortable about the fact that yes, I did worship a bad person, I didn’t know who he really was and that wasn’t my fault.
I’m happier now.
hey I’m happy for you. I’m glad you found joy and friends and an interest in life outside the internet :) best of luck stranger
@ thanks!! I hope you have some great friends aswell!! Best of luck to you aswell!!
Thank you for making this video and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to such a wide audience.
I miss Wilbur. The one whose songs I'd practice on my guitar for class, the man who, when compared to, made me feel so confident, the man who I found entertainment in watching on cold nights after school when all I wanted to do was forget the world. The DSMP used to be one of my biggest comforts, now I can't watch it without feeling so much disgust at the mere idea of someone running into him. I used to love "Sex Sells" and their cover of "Privately Owned Spiral Galaxy", but now just hearing his voice makes me feel sick to my stomach. Every memory I have with him in it is tainted by the sins he committed unbeknownst to us, and I'll never get them back.
What a waste of my first ever concert experience …
I felt/feel that exact same way. I've been needing content like this...when the Dream allegations came out I was like "...what?" And started bawling. to this day I don't know who to believe and I genuinely think it all went downhill when Techno died. That was the start of my depression. It's been three years and I still mourn for everything that's been taken away from me. When the George and now Karl allegations dropped recently I spiraled just like I did for Wilbur, my grades started to slip and my depression took over me in a way I wish it never did, and made me do something irreversible on my skin on school grounds. It took me a while, and I still cry about it because when the people you use to escape your horrible reality BECOME what you wanted to escape, what you were running away from (abuse and pedophilia), that hurts. Thank you for this, it helped me see I'm not alone in the grieving process of what was once a great fandom, wish I could've joined earlier or at least have a friend who's as into the dsmp still, but this video helped me come feel like I'm not alone, and for that I thank you. I like the characters, fanart, and fanfics, but sooner or later I got to accept that I do not like the people, it was only the idea of them that I love. It's tough, but I'm planning to fight till the very end, until my depression comes to terms and accepts that this is not healthier than what is going on inside my house walls. I really can't thank you enough.
TW heavy subjects
I Miss Wilbur, his music and content got me through a horrible abusive relationship, so to find out that he had hurt someone the way I had been hurt left me Distraught. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that someone who helped me through that would be like that.
Anytime I think of him I feel an uncomfortable about of pain and betrayal even though he’s a stranger. I fully support Shelby but I miss Wilbur, or I miss who I thought he was anyways.
Watching this Video was, no, IS the very first time i cried about the whole thing.
Mabey its because i had already gone through that same sickening crying stage with way to many of the people in that circel and i just couldnt handel it mentaly anymore but... back then i just deleted everything that had to do with him off of my phone because even the thought of him made me sick.
Listening to his music brought me a sense of comfort and belonging that i havent felt with any type of music since, but i just couldnt bare to listen to it all, knowing what i know now.
Wilbur soot was such a big role Model to me back then. He was someone people jokingly called a "man writen by a women" and as a trans guy with very little positiv male role models... i admired that about him... i used to think "how can i be more like him?" and I hoped people woud see me the way i saw him one day... as someone they are proud to look up to. As someone they turn to.
At the time this whole Situation seemd imposable to have happend in my eyes.. but Listening to Shelby made it clear to me how deeply the person i looked up to, the person i saw to for comfort, the person i admired...
had hurt another humanbeing...
I just felt incredibly lost
Im definitly doing better now then i did back then. but i do feel myself longing for what used to be...
even if it was all fake.
or making myself feel guilty for ever even looking up to him..
But the past is something i would never change. Even if he himself is a horrible person, the lessons he tought me are things i still look to... even if the person who tought them was never. truly.
Real.
i didn't even watch Wilbur, but I'm crying with this video.
I teared up barely a few minutes through the video. I am so ashamed and disappointed... I lost my best friend too sometime ago. I found myself listening to his songs with both nostalgia, disgust and shame but those songs hurt so comfortably. Those lyrics felt so relatable and I found myself questioning if I was this awful too. Sorry I didn't watch the full video before commenting
The writings are getting to me and I realized I bottled up so much I forgot. Until it was coming back to me
The day I got that book for my birthday I cried. I was so so happy.
When I had to put it away, I cried much harder.
Thank you for the video. I wasn't in the fandom for long, but i enjoyed some of hs songs and respected his storytelling in his ARG. And since he was British (so am i) and his ARG had one of my favourite London landmarks the O2 arena i felt a connection to him. It sucks when someone i respected so much to be so disgusting. One song he had i listened to back to back for a week because it was a good song. Now, i just feel guilt over watching and respecting him and not seeing the signs as if i could have known. My heart goes out to Shelby ❤
It has been some time since my mind came back to Wilbur. When I first heard of Shelby's stream I was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I was clinging to the fact that she never name dropped him ,that he would never do such a thing. But now that I think more about it. I was aware. So aware but in such a state of denial that it took me seeing his response for me to finally comprehend what he did. We all thought that his persona was the one who wrote the lyrics when really it was the man entertaining us in front of our screen. Great acting I must say or maybe I was a fool for not seeing through him. Now I'm stuck with bits of his songs playing on loop inside my mind and it makes me so angry that William took away that enjoyment of listening to Your New Boyfriend, the catharsis of Your City gave me asthma and the impact Lovejoy had on me. I wish to forget that name already and let that era be gone.
Besides all this personal complaint of basically not being able to listen to some songs anymore this video is well made and has resonated quite a lot with me and thank you for making a video like this. I hope everybody will have a wonderful time on this world no matter what hardships they might face. Suport the victims.
I always found his presence calming, but I was never a true fan. However, Sorryboys helped me through a *lot.* I'll never forget those days, and I'll miss them dearly for a while...
I was never a wilbur soot fan and I forgot about this only a week after because I didn't pay that much attention to it but that part three hit me somewhere I forgot I had. You're a poet
Wilbur was people’s comfort, to get away from abuse of the real world, when he was outed as an abuser I can’t imagine how many people lost and idol, someone who they viewed as the their safe space, I was never the biggest fan, I watched a couple videos and such but a close friend of mine loved him, for my friend he was his comfort. He still supports Wilbur but I try to look pass that and see the reason why they got so attached to him. I will always love and support my friend but I wince at the love and support of Wilbur.
The which to asking “William gold” was gut wrenching
im primarily a dream/dteam fan, but god i loved wilburs vibe and music so much and its just. gutwrenching to know who he really was.
i still love his dsmp character. i will not let a horrible person rob me of a character that brings me joy. but good god, man. a solemn o7 to the wilbur fans. i hope you guys are healing ok.
Sadly, a reality that I’ve learned is that people are just.. what they make them self to be. And as much as we want to believe they’re our idols, they’re just people we’ve learned to see through rose colored glasses. Wilbur’s human. What he did was wrong. But he’s still human. Sad as it may be. I hope he can get better.
I’ve seen far too many people on twitter alone call shubble a wh//re, an attention seeker, and a b//tch. I cannot even search shubble’s name on tumblr without seeing posts of her being called/tagged as “shelbitch”. I’ve seen people flexing that they got blocked by her as if it’s a badge of honor to be that hateful and resentful.
what makes me so sad about it is how so many wilbur supporters are girls (or are at the least fem-aligned) themselves. women and girls especially nowadays are so susceptible to internalized misogyny.
I think alot of Wilbur fans in particular are subliminally mirroring this inner hatred of their gender onto shubble, shaming her for the “crime” of going against a man. to see so many people resort back to misogynistic victim blaming mentalities is so frustrating to me.
Shubble herself said to just leave his fans alone- that she doesnt stand behind any harassment sent. i just wish they’d give her that same grace. to have some humanity :/
sorry for my yapping. I wouldn’t really say that im an ex-Wilbur fan since I only really watched him for a short period of time in 2018-2019 during his soothouse era.
IDEK anymore, it’s just crazy to me how an entire fandom can flip overnight :(
and then people wonder why survivors of abuse don’t come forward or accuse all of them of lying. it’s so sad that people would risk their own morals to defend someone they don’t know and who doesn’t know them. I know it’s hard y’all but please, I can assure you it was harder for Shelby.
this is beautiful, I’m terribly sorry you’ve had to mourn in this way
This really hit home, but as much as it hurts, it is true. He’s a horrible person, but he was a pinnacle of my darkest moment and was what seemed to be the only light. I don’t need that anymore, I’m not that kid who got in from school and watched all the YLYL vods, I’ve matured. And that’s okay, I don’t need him anymore…and I don’t think I ever did…
I was not affected by the news as heavily as others, although that doesn't really under value my own feelings. I was in shock like many others when the news came out, I had moved on from the fandom with many pleasant memories and for all of that to be shattered so easily tainted by a taste a bitterness because of one person. I was angry. Sad. and emphatic for those who were more affected. I promised to myself the first song I'll learn on the piano would be portrait of a blank slate, now I can't listen to the song without being reminded of his actions. I like to think I have moved on from the news. Accepted I did not know the person behind the screen. But sometimes I long for the time before. What if it had never happened.
I forget about him sometimes. Bu then it just creeps back into my mind and makes my whole day go down. Despite that, I don't dwell on it. I still read dsmp fanfics involving his character just to spite him. The character he created is no longer his, it's ours. the fandom's.
I sincerely hope those affected can and will recover. We miss who were thought Wilbur was, not who he is. It's okay to miss the days before and it's okay to still mourn until now.
I was there since Soothouse. Listening to those videos was like listening to a group of friends I didn't exactly have but wanted. I didn't care much for his music ventures but really started listening to it when he did the e-girl series (major red flag those songs). I watched dsmp through him but I was mainly a tommy, techno, philza watcher. I watched all the animations from SAD-ist , I engaged with it all. I nearly bought merch of his too because I too love windows 95 era clothes and orca. When his shop opened I liked how creative it was to do doodles on it and listen to his music while you shop. I was so heavily invested in the storylines he would create for dsmp - I started watching around the election era even though I saw Tommy's original video where he joined for the first time but didn't think much of it and when on with my life until it got so big I couldn't ignore it. All my favourite minecraft streamers were there, Skeppy and BBH, Philza, Fundy, Foolish, Tommy, Tubbo and... Wilbur. I thought to myself, if I were to date a guy, thats probably my type. Sarcastic, a little goofy, artsy, really hiding that depression of being an adult now. And for a while that was my type - I was dating knockoff versions of Wilbur Soot. I liked his minecraft content. I liked his random skyblock series, which inspired me to download it to play it myself. I still play it but I prefer to acknowledge that he didn't make it, someone else did. When he announced he was in a band called Lovejoy, I thought sure, I'll give it a listen. I liked their songs they released and thought, would be nice to hear them on mainstream radio or go to a concert. I never got to go to one so maybe I was saved. I think I was in the demographic of being an adult who liked Wilbur Soot because we had the same humour but I would not class myself as a screaming parasocial child. I knew better than that. The last time I watched a Wilbur Soot video, I was in Venice with a boyfriend who loved me but I didn't love him anymore because I felt awful the whole time I was holiday with him. I missed home, I missed my mum, and her cooking so I stuck on Wilburs videos to find something familiar. A week later we broke up. And all the shit went down on the internet about Wilbur. For the first time, I stopped to read the drama. Surely it couldn't happen to a creator I thought was chill. Not him. Everyone guessed it was him but I was like surely not, and then he spoke up. And shit hit the fan. Suddenly he became taboo. The songs I enjoyed listening to sounded like his confession. I didn't know where to turn. I suddenly needed to know what the others thought about this. Tommy, who looked up to him was on tour in America but he knew. He went silent and passed it off as having a bad week/month. Philza barely talked about it. I feel like he probably led the pr front on it for his younger friends knowing how hurt they must be that someone they looked up to , that hundreds and thousands if not millions looked up to could betray everyone like that. The separation of fans was clear, wilbur stans who blamed Shelby, and wilbur fans who did not claim their saviour. I was of the latter. I hovered over that unsub on all his accounts. I remembered how much joy his content brought during the dark times in covid. I pressed that button. I hoped lovejoy would drop him or at the very least find a way out of their contract with him. And they surprised me yet again. They kept him. They doubled down and decided to keep going. They knew they could prey to the wilbur stans who blamed Shelby because they were louder and would buy tickets. I had to unfollow them all. It hurt the most to unfollow Ash because I liked their stuff with James Marriot (who I think has dropped Wilbur). Its november 2024, the dsmp is dead, techno - Alex - is actually dead, no one wants anything to do with the server because of who owns it - for a lot of people its a trigger for bad memories and for some its a bittersweet nostalgia trip.
And after all that, I worry about the younger ones amongst us. How are you taking it? Do you need therapy? Because I certainly do. I feel like something has been ripped away from me and I can't have it back because I would feel ashamed and hurt all over again.
Brilliant video! Although I've never been into the DSMP, this video hit SO close to home for me since I felt the same things regarding another UA-camr. Back in late winter, Chugaaconroy got into into a MASSIVE controversy, but even though it was resolved months ago since Emile sent out a doc to address everything levied towards him, the feeling of finding out about all the allegations levied towards him and how severe they were, how his fans, friends and colleagues reacted to it and how disgusted and ashamed they were... it genuinely broke my heart to see someone who I watched for ages being portrayed in such a negative light. It even got to the point where if I saw the TheRunawayGuys (a LP channel Emile's a part of) pop up on my feed or even see a thumbnail with his face in it in, I felt this massive pit in my stomach.
I just looked back on Emile's and TRG's content with such a bitter taste in my mouth for 3 months, and I'd just think "THIS sick bastard was the man I admired all this time? This was the man who inspired me to be more comfortable in myself? This was the man who encouraged me to be more open in my hobbies?" Thankfully, Emile gave his side of the story back in April and was able to disprove a lot of claims levied against him, but remembering how it all broke down and reading about the shit he went through in that document still saddens me today...
i remember, maybe on the 22nd of February, or around then, i was on call with my friend. hes often on twitter, and he randomly brought up that people were accusing wilbur to be shubbles abuser. i responded with oh, or something like that, and then moved on. it was stuck to my mind the whole time, i didnt think it was a huge group, i thought it was maybe 10 people who thought he was. i opened twitter before going to bed and the top of my feed was a thread on it. i scrolled through it, i didnt read it properly, i refused to believe that it was him, and closed twittee, i think while crying. i didnt watch shelbys vod at the time, i couldnt bare to follow what couldve been false allegations on my favourite creator, om twitch, youtube, and spotify. i had multiple friends if met or gotten closer to through his music, i adored his content and was lowkey obsessed. that night I played a spotify playlist, it was either a ws+lj+james marriott playlisr, just ws+lj or a normal one of my playlist, which had a lot of his music in. i stayed awake, listening to the lyrics and how they would match up to him previously being with shelby. i was extra aware because i had seen a reuploaded video of him and his then girlfriend in 2016 or 2017, where they travel across europe. the song since i saw vienna was about her, as they went to vienna, austria together in that video. i also got a lot of my likes, or atleast they were boosted, through his. i started loving maps and little things about countries, aswell as playimg instruments like guitar and i started liking musicals and my indie and midwestern emo, or depressive folk and acoustic taste in music more. anyway, being fully aware of that, i heard the lyrics 'i still remember that coyote hanging out in the shade', which, i believe, coyotes were in parts od the usa, where shubble lives. i didnt want to believe that he couldve been a bad person, ignoring all the signs and excusing them. im pretry sure id go on twitter a lot, making arguments about how shelby tols us not to speculate, whcih i domt know if that was misinformation that was made up, and that we should wait for wilbur to actually respond. he did, maybe a week later. reading the paragraphs, i was looking for some sort of proof that he was good, not that he was manipulating the audiance or that there could be lies. i scrolled down to the replies and saw all the people calling him out on awful and dishonest his response was, i then realised that he didnt feel bad, the people pointing out every flaw in the words wilbur had come up with. i blocked him everywhere i could remember him being, i finally watched shubbles vos, i think i cried during it. spotify is a bit weird and plays blocked artisrs, so i had to remove every single song from all the playlists, and they were in loads of playlists, multiple times over, up to 10 times, maybe more, of all his music being in a singular playlist. thankfully, there was an update on how you could add sonfs ro spotify playlists brfore, so unticking a song from a playlist would remove the entirity of the song, no matter how many times it was in there. i havemt stopped thinking about him, the vile things he fidn to people like shelby, niki and alice, and every other person out there. everyday i think about him atleast once, it doent help when im constantly watching qsmp vods, over and over, which means i still hsve to watch the ccs tslk positive about him and to him whenever he was there. atleast i gained a friend specifically because we both enjoyed his music, thankfully, me and that person have a very similair music taste, in styles and artists. he'd introduced me to, my now favourite artist, seb lowe, who I've now met! me, that specific friend, and another one of my close friends who has even closer music taste to mind, saw seb lowes band live, so atleast i got the best night of my life, a good friend and a favourite music artisrs out of that happening :)
(i do not support wilbur soot at all, and i feel bad for the support id slightly given him without the full understanding of what shelby had actually been through within the ~week time span of shubble opening up and wilbur replying)
This hits close to home. Not only because I also admired him as a creator. And related to his own struggles of Health Anxiety and feeling like a bad person. I thought "If he thought he was bad and changed, I should be able to do the same." But this whole thing made me feel like I, myself, was wrong also. That I was maybe the same somehow, without me even knowing. I am a disappointment. I am in a better position than one of my friends yet I still whine and whine about being miserable despite the fact that I don't know what true misery is.
Yet I feel stuck. Despite the fact that the only thing standing in my way is me. My mind.
I don't want to be like him. I don't want to never learn from my mistakes. I don't want that to be the only thing I am.
I want to do what he wasn't able to do.
Actually get better, actually acknowledge my mistakes, and learn.
I know the bad things I did. He didn't even think he did something wrong. Or, he lied. Either way, at least I know I'm still better than him. Despite being an unknown person in the void of the internet.
thank you for posting this. with everything going on right now in my private life and in the us, where i live unfortunately, ive been dragged down into one of the worst depressive episodes ive been in.
a few weeks ago when i was feeling my lowest i was desperately searching for any sort of music that might feel right to listen to, so i was just listening to my liked songs. i think it was jubilee line that came up, and i froze. i haven't listened to his music much other than accidents just like this one, and every time it just shocks me to remember that he's still out there. i listened to the song, and for some awful reason it was the only song that I'd listened to that day that felt just right.
i listened to it again today. and i feel awful. he's an awful person but he is one of the few artists who's music is really helping me right now. i dont know what to do.
I was there in pogtopia when it happened, I had dedicated my life and all my love for man I never knew. I knew there would be times he fucked up and did something negative but I was more then willing to forgive him for it if he tried to change. 4 years of my life were solely held together by the idea that a man could genuinely care for other and care for craft and make something beautiful and be flawed. I held on so hard so that one day when a man could come to me and make me believe that men could saved from horrible places and mistakes as long as I could forgive. But I cant forgive anymore. Time after time after time now I’ve watched every single person I’ve ever felt fond of be pulled out and away me and I start drowning again. Why can’t my love that I have so much of be used for and spent on people who’ll care. And everytime, they end up hurting more then just me but so much more. Especially Shelby. Because her abuse was not mistakes, they were not accidents. They were not forgivable. I hate that now I cannot see love ahead of me. No person I can enjoy with my heart open again. There’s no one left in the world that can make me love more than him, but. I cannot forgive. And that’s the worst part.
If I had a nickel for every time a UA-camr and / or twitch streamer I liked who did art related content (music painting etc) got exposed for a abusive relationship with their partner who was a smaller content creator, I’d have two nickels, wich isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.
While I don't personally care about any of this situation and still watch his old videos because they make me happy, I do hope that you all recover and that none of you feel like this again
Thank you
I feel relieved, but sad in a way knowing im not alone in this. My heart still aches too.
3:15 im happy u didnt call it an apology, because it wasnt. it was a statement sharing his side of the story. it never was meant to be one