How to Stop Feeling Insecure in a Relationship and Gain Confidence | Tom Bilyeu & Lisa Bilyeu
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
- Are you using your partner to overcome insecurities and selfishly get what you want? We’ve all been there at some point, and that’s okay. There are times when feeling insecure just happens and you need to work through those feelings. But how do you work through those feelings without destroying your relationship? Tom and Lisa share how they work through this situation and find ways to support each other, and discuss when it’s possibly time to seek professional help and more intense options to help your partner through insecurities when their behavior becomes irrational.
Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships.
SHOW NOTES:
Security | Being in relationship is with the security to be comfortable leaning on partner [0:35]
Irrational | Dealing with insecure behaviors that no longer makes sense for situation [3:31]
Get Help | When it’s time to get professional help and using cognitive behavior therapy [4:55]
Work Together | Helping your partner through their insecurities and doing the work [7:27]
Confidence | The danger of overly relying on your partner to help you with confidence [10:54]
2 Part Solution | Finding balance of leaning on you partner and doing work for yourself [12:44]
QUOTES:
“So being in a relationship is a sacrifice. The question is, what do you get out of the relationship that's worth all the sacrifices?” Tom Bilyeu [1:37]
“Like it was easy when it was easy. Now I get to earn my stripes on it's hard and I get to really find that connection again.” Tom Bilyeu [9:52]
“If I'm just relying on you to give me confidence and to make me feel okay with my insecurities, then I think it could be dangerous” Lisa Bilyeu [12:06]
“When someone's insecure or having trouble or feeling down or something like that, there's got to be a beautiful balance of love, support, emotional support but also pushing them to be better.” Lisa Bilyeu [15:56]
What tips and tricks do you use to feel more confident?
Always get some exercise in during the week…alone…music on ! Sweat it out! Feels great and then you look great ! Win win 💃🏼🕺🏼
So how I became more confident with my body for example was using sticky notes on my mirror (and other places too) with beautiful words. I felt so wrong reading it at first but slowly I started resonating.
Other things are exercise, self-love and confidence meditation and also "fake it until you make it"
I have BPD so we have this coping skill called: check the facts. The facts are my partner and I both have our own stuff to work on but we sacrifice what we can in order to go through life and experience it together. Falling back on the facts that have presented themselves thus far is what stops me from falling down the rabbit hole. Sometimes the insecurities still nag in the back of my mind but I know if I act on them I will only succeed in pushing my partner farther away physically and emotionally.
Omg Lisa looks so beautiful in this podcast... love her style overall but here ❤
its not your insecurities thats the issue, it’s your behavior while feeling insecure that causes problems. 💯💯
The insecurities are really painful for the person who's insecure too though. Both are toxic problems that eat away at relationships
Yep this is what causes self sabotage and creates a self fulfilling prophecy
We need to be careful to not project our past hurts and pains onto the person in front of you who has had no part in those hurts, as hard as it is, we need to use our actual experiences with this person to base our actions on not our traumas
I've had trauma in past relationships, and because of that. In my current relationship which is completely different, I'm still guarded and I have my insecurities flood my mind and Im terrified of completely putting down my wall.
work on it so they dont leave, i wish i had right away
What should I do... I'm in a completely vulnerable state right now. All the walls I tried to build are breaking down and I feel like telling him I love him so much to want space to work myself out.
She is so patient, He does not catch a breath.
And clearly loves to talk about himself!
My insecurities are so high that I start making stuff up on who my partner has been with or not
Even though she has not Gaven me no reasons
I’d say work on your self esteem and how you see yourself!
*5 things to quit right now:*
*1. Overthinking*
*2. Trying to make everyone happy*
*3. Living in the past*
*4. Worrying*
*5. Doubting yourself*
this is all i do right now it is driving me crazy
In conclusion, pick yourself up when you're hurting or having a bad day, and don't bother me with your pain... oh, and I'll love you as long as you're beautiful, then goodbye.
“I will make you feel, that all I see is the shared experience”
Thank you for this video. It calmed my moment down and reminded me of my coping skills. This is real love here talking about the real stuff.
I absolutely love how you two have taken on the task of being completely open and vulnerable. Holding each other accountable is a gift. Every relationship has its own obstacles based on the individuals, but being open to learning and growing while still being loving and supportive… it’s beautiful. Great material !! I enjoy watching your vids.
Wow, powerful dialogue!! A wonderful example of the negotiation between 2 people to work through difficult issues. I especially liked hearing about the "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" tool to literally be able to change the neuroplasticity in your mind so that a new behavior can replace a destructive one. I'd LOVE to see you guys do a talk with more examples of either you or others doing this successfully. Again, loved the whole discussion! Thank you for making this incredibly practical information so easily available.
I'm 6:10 CBT is great advice. I'm actively doing this.
I love her hair like this.
This is one of the most powerful conversations I’ve heard, at the perfect timing! Thank you both! 🙏🏾💜
I find it weird that he is so set in the idea that he can’t possibly find his wife beautiful as she ages. 🤷🏼♀️
He's basing it off of what he's read about relationships in general 🤷🏻♀️
He said that?
The fact that that’s what you pulled from this entire video honestly says everything about your mindset & negativity. Hope you come out of it & truly better yourself.
Take care of my appearence, mental health, do things for myself, eat what I want but also what's good for my body, spend time alone, work on myself
I find everything he said to be weird. He is a bundle of very frightening red flags.
Confidence is like money. Its hard to keep and easy to lose.😂
I don’t know these two people on an individual basis so this may be wildly out of context, but I get the sense that he’s not a particularly patient or empathetic man
Not a criticism at all, but I get the vibe of limitations in these areas
Do you guys think beauty goes away? As in - at some point your fundamentally not beautiful anymore after you reach a certain age? Just curious. I’ve heard Tom say something similar before and wanted to get your thoughts on this. Love you guys! Love the podcast.
Yeah.. this is strange to me. My stepdad very clearly still thinks my almost 60 year old mother is very hot! And she is lol! 😆
It’s in the eye of the beholder right?
Here are my 10 extra tips to INCREASE your daily manifestations that I’ve learned over the years..👇🏾
1. Practice gratitude every morning. When you wake up, list everything that you are grateful for and feel that gratitude in your core. Feel free to write things down in a journal so it is easy for you to remember.
2. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. Every time you feel a negative thought coming on, make a positive spin on it right away.
3. Take ownership for things that happen in your life. It's easy to blame others however you will feel much better when you realize that most issues stem from us.
4. ALWAYS believe that good things are about to happen. By being open to new possibilities you are inviting abundance into your life.
5. Remember that like attracts like so you get back whatever you put out, whether it is good or bad. So do good AND received good.
6. Meditate for five minutes a day. During this time focus on how you want your life to be; but place your focus on how you feel AND feel that feeling as if you have already accomplished those goals.
7. Step outside of your comfort zone. Stop playing it safe and make that decision to finally go for your dreams.
8. Focus on activities that make you feel truly happy. When you are truly happy you have the best vibrational frequency to manifest your desires.
9. Avoid the naysayers and surround yourself with people who only lift you higher. Downers will be downers, don't let them drag you into their misery.
10. Don't be afraid to dream and know that you are always supported by the universe.
Hope this helps!
- Your Friendly Neighborhood Coach
🎉🙏🙋🏼♀️ soooo good!!!
I cannot get through listening to this guy talk oh my god
Your videos are so insightful and full of excellent tips and information!, I feel so blessed to be able to watch this at home, in Argentina, and learn from it to be and feel better. Thank youu for making them!
Wonderful, helpful and profound as always 🙏🏻💖🌹
I honestly don’t think that their relationship is as strong as they make it to be. I think they have so many issues and both are so head strong.
I bet these two have a lot of problems and they sit there and try to “coach “
Us in relationships.
Am i a bad person for having my wall up?
Anybody else get an ad on what to do if your significant other is cheating before this video?
This is good
*You can't always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes you have to dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been...*
Does cognitive behavior therapy work on ocd?
your what ifs are literally me being insecure
I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve this content !!!!!
I have a question... first off I love you guys and all your videos help so much! But I am in a long term relationship for 6 years now, I discovered my dream and passion about 2 1/2 years ago. My fiancé and I both made it a goal of ours to accomplish this dream of ours (as he wants it too) but I feel as if I'm putting in all of the effort and work and just carrying him along. I'm realizing this now and its draining. He doesn't have the ambition or drive to do anything really, whereas I'm the type of person to push myself and accomplish my goals. So now I feel as if I'm carrying dead weight and I love him but I feel as if I need to cut the tie in order to achieve my goals. What would you do if you feel your chained down or held back because of your significant other? (with no sign of them changing)
I want to know the answer to this as well, 8 year relationship trying to get significant other into growth mindset or to gain ambition at all.
You guys have to have the same kind of goals in life. If not in my opinion it'll never work. Ask him straight forward if he wants to accomplish this goal, and explain to him why you're asking him again. If he says yes and he doesn't seem to put in the work, then you have your answer. Typically, actions speak louder than words especially in relationships. For example, if you want kids and he says he does but his actions show otherwise. It can eventually create a strain on the relationship, years can go by and you may end up having resentful feelings because you decided to have kids with someone who deep down inside may not have wanted them to begin with. If that happens, you almost have no one else but to blame but yourself because he showed you those red flags from the beginning and you decided to ignore them. (I have been in a very similar situation)
@@jennymarie4073 I see.. thank you so much! Yeah I mean.. you hit the nail on the head with the kids scenario also because that’s our situation as well. And I know he’s going through other issues right now but at the same time I want to achieve my goals and dreams and what I wanna do. Without having to feel guilty.
@@waifujenn yeah relationships are hard I give you this advice because I have definitely been there first hand. But just remember you have to focus on yourself and he has to focus on him. You guys can't pour out of an empty cup. Just because you guys may need space now doesn't mean it's permanent but maybe you guys just need to grow separately before you guys can grow together.
Great video! I
Always great advice that everyone can learn from. I watch every video, please never stop haha
Hello L&T, I really enjoyed this video and agree with everything apart from beauty fading. - I definitely believe that you don’t need to have plastic surgery to maintain youthful, physical beauty. X - Apart from that - All content - Amazing!! 👍🏽😃🌈🌟
PS In a situation where a partner received a facial disfigurement - Katie Piper is the only person I know off who could relate - and she’s still beautiful. X😃🌈💝X
Thank you so much for sharing !
Dang, I hope my husband still find me attractive when Im older 😅
I'm losing a 20 year friendship I don't know but is the worst feeling ever being disconnected and now I feeling like a stranger in a marriage is not what I was going to do I am trapped and I've got broken heart syndrome and I can't move and I have too many people that are destroying my life I'm in a snake pit nobody hears me I just wanted my business and bring him as other partner and he won't do anything with me anymore I think it's dead the love is dead I believe all I get is letters in lies I married this I sacrificed everything to lose everything do you have any answers for me for this I hate my life so much Lisa I'm in Missouri worst place ever I did not like people out here at all all they are is demons and alcoholics drug addicts untreated mental health and my heart is destroyed ever this man I can't even move I've lost my rock and of story I've lost my partner I've lost everything and I don't know what to do but I don't want to be in Missouri living the trench I hate being alone I've done enough for everybody and I'm done playing games do you have any recommendations of where to live and go where I can smile and laugh again I need out of this toxic environment I'm done doing it all personally total nightmare into narcissist I'm trying to change and go with God I don't know about anybody else I'm trying to have a business everybody rejects all my good positive plans I always hit a dead-end road out here I need new motivation in new people immediately this is like an evacuation I was only with him and we were in love I thought maybe in Puerto Rico until we came back here and lost everything
I don’t want to be that anymore
"We got work to do"
What to do when the other partner is always critical and strives for perfection in you while you're getting help for insecuties?
This is terrible. I couldn’t even finish listening to this man.
Why? I’d like to know as I also don’t like this guy. It’s either his vibe or just the way he talks or his exaggerated expression? I don’t know why? Why we like some people but dislike others? 🤔
I’m re-listening to what he says he’d do with an insecure partner. I think his suggestions are not really practical and almost clinical- easy to say and very tough to do. Maybe he should give advice to guys rather than women? Can’t say that he exudes empathy.
But what about if your a guy that isnt rich or doesnt have social status and girls just throw you away?
I was just talking with my friend about this just this morning. Money really has nothing to do with it. That said you can’t just be a slob that does nothing all day, doing nothing to better your situation if it needs help, but if you are actively trying to at least get basic needs met, and you are emotionally aware of yourself and your partner, are supportive, understanding, able to communicate, and healthy on an emotional level- money doesn’t matter.
Preparation for soul mates for their harmonious heavenly union after their spiritual work on themselves are complete
Is this old? Lisa looks 10 years Younger
She does. She looks cute!
bro he said so much but nothing at the same time. worst advice ive ever heard
I don’t know these two people on an individual basis so this may be wildly out of context, but I get the sense that he’s not a particularly patient or empathetic man
Not a criticism at all, but I get the vibe of limitations in these areas