You Do Good : We See Bad - Why?
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- #narcissist #narcissism #hgtudor
Why is it when you do something "good" for the narcissist, you are met with devaluing behaviour? What is driving that? Can you do anything about it?
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Walk away forever. Get out. Stay out. Forever.
They see anything good as competition to destroy.
What a mind f#ck when you’re going through it.
To destroy happiness is sick.
I have to share a narc story. I must.
Once I spent many hours cleaning clutter in our marital home basement. Cluttered pizza boxes and junk.
Oh I was so proud how I transformed the entire basement to a beautiful sitting room, free of pizza boxes n junk.
Took several long days of sweat and labor.
So when hub hub inspected the new living space, oh the shit hit the fan.
I was literally reprimanded for DAYS….
Days I was scolded in HOW I didn’t RIP the pizza boxes "Correctly" to put in our dumpster.
Mind you I PUT THE BOXES in the dumpster.
The dude was whacked.
I struggled for eons over WHY ripping pizza boxes and cleaning a huge basement was a demoralizing event.
Brought up redundantly afterwards many a time in his warped mind while warping mine.
No more!
With HGs brilliant education I am narc free w a full GOSO in place.
I’ll never look to that person ever again.
How could you want someone who was never real to begin with, and the reality is they are ABUSIVE!
Sounds like the insane ex I just divorced.
He would stand over me while I was cleaning , doing chores and criticize by telling me I’m not sweeping the dirt in garage the right way and instead of bothering to help he said “who’s going to pick these pieces trash up?” As he walks away.
He would manipulate and triangulate my kids to believe that because I was doing what most normal families do as a team …cleaning or decorating… buying things to fix up our home or things for the family clothes, toiletries, food,….that I was a bad person.. the enemy to be hated and disrespected.. I was wasting and spending the family money..
“how dare she clean and take care of our home
And my children “insane mentality
“She’s vacuuming and scrubbing baths on purpose!and expects us to help her”
Again, instead of working as a team and helping me teach my children the importance of these values he would punish me and say
“Come on kids ..hurry let’s get away from her.. she’s crazy “
It never mattered what i fixed for dinner, how much effort I put into it, or what i bought. I almost always had done it wrong, or gotten the wrong one. Now, i will make him text me a pic, with the SKU number on it, and i have given up on expecting any kind of praise or compliments. I used to ask him if dinner was okay. He said that i had to "wait for it," rather than "fishing for compliments," (and of course, he always took his sweet time, waiting for hours to say anything). I realized that he was trying to train me like his freaking dog. Now, I just fix whatever I'm going to fix, and he can take it or leave it. If he doesn't like it, he knows where the PB &J is.
mine was hoarder of crap he'd just buy just because he could. There wasn't even room for me in his house and he made sleep in the guest bedroom like 50 shades of grey . It was a sob too, sitting in his under ware on his lap eating oranges and throwing the paper towels on the floor.
A narc confessed to me that I could never be enough for him because he was seeking “the perfect partner.” I told him he’d forever be searching because no one is perfect.
It was never enough H.G....I Loved Him so much. He could have such a good life. I left 7 mths ago. Not a word between us. I recognize my Emotional Thinking when it happens....my remembering the good times, the Golden Period. Anytime I feel like breaking contact....I stop myself. Thank You for Your Videos. I regain the Truth and my balance.
You’re in love w you Nancy. The narc wasn’t real. He reflected you back to you. So you’re in love w you and not him. I learned this too. Sending you care love n strength to keep detoxing and going full GOSO.
Exactly❤
@@forensicbadassprofiling It is insane how they all use that same tactic and how effective it is.. essentially, you fall in love with the reflection of yourself that they achieve through mirroring. Ironically that was also the reason that ended my relationship with the narc, at some point I just felt like it was all fake and realized that this is just a form of manipulation. Forced myself to end it and I’m happy for that, but it’s been 9 months now and I still can’t get over her.
You give that good life to yourself they only become worse 💯 there not worth it take your time and find someone who can love you back without the drama and constant worry.
He who loves the least controls the relationship.
He who see the red flags has the power to go no contact.
There never was a « relationship». Only a onesided transaction.
Beeing in a relationship and playing power games= toxic
Seeing love as « weakness»= mental insanity and the core of narcissism
Narcissism is a disease that cannot be cured!
Everyone listening to HG either love or have loved a narcissist!!!
We are either imprisoned or we are escaping from being tortured!
No, he (narc) “escaped” from me, he deserted me after 38 yrs of marriage. For the third and last time.
that was not love that was a trauma bond it was when you don't know your worth narcissist enters to show you you are not that bad as you think yourself to be before the abuse you think there is no difference between you and the narc so you bond with them after the abuse you wouldn't dare to coz you are shown that you are better and you are stronger coz you don't need anybody to fluff yourself.
My ex went so far as to say "you only made those cookies to make yourself look good!" What a POS!
I drove 24 hours straight through to attend my Narcs Mother’s funeral and he said that I did it to make myself look good. That I did it for me. Look these people can’t fuck with me anymore at all. I see them clearly and I send them love but they do not get an ounce of my energy
Projection at its finest! Lol
Once, I made two kinds of cookies, just different ingredients, My boyfriend asked me what was in the 'other' kind of cookies. I simply laughed and said, "oh, those cookies, those were the hate filled cookies that I made just 4 you," Got a chuckle. There have been many times I got out of a pinch with dry humor. Another day he was desperate for me to stay and argue, I told him it just wasn't on my list today! I will win when I GOSO. Working on the plan now!
Imo narcissists DON'T WANT you to do (or be) any-thing other than the object they cast all bad upon. They aren't invested in seeing you any differently than as a human garbage dump. So they recruit others to help beat you down and then, after you're impacted negatively by their abuse or torture, they look at the bad condition you're in, and use that as their justification in a backwards form of logic that discounts all factors but the ones favoring their judgment that you're worthy of being treated like garbage because after being abused in such a subtle but twisted way, garbage is what you look like.
My mother's recurring complaint was I was the rebel of the family. Me with my 8 O Levels, 3 A Levels BA, Masters and career in librarianship! That I was a lovely little girl until it all changed when I was 13. That she wished she'd had two dogs instead of two kids. She gave me £10 once to 'get my hair done', but not to take it personally. At 26 I told her I was going travelling and the response was 'what have I done to deserve this? She then disowned me as her daughter because it was easier for her to think she didn't have a daughter than worry about me while abroad. The last time she started shrieking at me about some perceived slight, I told her she could no longer cause me pain and please stop shouting. I was 63 and she was 96. She died soon afterwards and the relief in our family was palpable,
I could not imagine going through life thinking like this. It sounds so exhausting
I left my covert, malignant, and physically abusive husband almost a year ago.
Mere words CANNOT express the VERY VALUABLE lessons I've learned from listening to these videos.
It helps me to CONTINUE to remember what he said, what he did, and what he put me through in our short (less than a year) marriage.
H. G.'s videos and information, continues to help me have ZERO EMOTIONAL thinking, and stay on course to achieve FULL healing and NARC FREE freedom...
THANK YOU H. G. ❣️❣️❣️
My Dear Darling Narc Mommy urgently requested my help after a recent hospital visit. She's 95. I stupidly thought that maybe, just a tiny speck of kindness would finally creak from her bones after flying to tend to her needs for 5 tedious nauseating weeks of her coy and vile attitude. With the help of good hearing and a recording device left under a chair anytime I went for a walk to refresh my mind, I got to hear how triple viciously she ripped me to shreds for anything and everything I did for her...she said 'I can't wait to get my kitchen back'......uh......she had asked me to come and cook for her while she could barely get out of bed. Thanks Mom. Won't be back anytime soon, this was the last straw. Her decrepit mocking of my weight and 'making a mess in her kitchen' (ridiculous bizarre jeering and I cleaned up after every meal I made, she sounded like an insane jealous rival, jeeze mom, i can't help it that i'm 30 years younger than you, I didn't ask to be born into your narc weirdness)......yep, the last straw came on June 7 when I flew far away from her soul-crushing slurs etc. Soaking up these vital info-studded audios of HG beforehand helped me take that last brave step of an empath toward NO CONTACT ever again, no matter any of her future deathbed theatrics. Cheers.
I remember making a beautiful candlelight meal for when he returned from his weekly travels and he exploded in a rage accusing me of trying to control him. I was trying to set a romantic mood and he was livid that I was trying to manipulate and control him. I didn’t do that again.
Another time I brought a picnic for when I picked him up from the airport. He didn’t want to eat in the car and wanted to pull off in a rural area. We stopped and he smashed his champagne glass and got out of the car, came around and opened my door and grabbed me out and threw me on the hood my head denting the hood and yelled is this what you want? He was angry and I quietly said no got back in the car and drove home. Again he was angry because he felt I was trying to control him. You are spot on about the control issue.
I feel like this is the clearest way you’ve explained that shift from black to white. Not that you care, 😂 but a great many people appreciate your work, HG!
he will certainly like the praise
@@bottlewaddle6677 sweet fuel 😏
A few years ago I was having coffee with a friend of about ten years. He'd had some kind of a complaint (imagined) against me and phoned me so I suggested we meet for coffee. That's when he started to lay out conditions that he expected me to maintain to satisfy him that I was a true friend. I've never heard the HG Tudor rule, 'When you know, you go' until this video, but there was an echo of the principle in my head that day over coffee. I said to my friend that he doesn't decide how I live my life and while I value our friendship I will not be dictated to. With that I stood up and said, 'If you decide we're friends get in touch, otherwise it ends here'. And I drove away. This video has put some of his behaviour before that coffee day into perspective.
One time I got the silent treatment because I answered the phone using her name rather than “babe” - apparently that’s how I normally answered it. I found out months later.
If you do everything right, they will make up a problem, even if it contradicts what they’ve told you.
Mine recently attempted to punch me in the mouth but I have a boxing background and slipped it and I just grabbed her and held her and she couldn’t hit me and sternly said “don’t ever get physical with me, I won’t live that way” this happened in front of my 18 year old daughter and now I’m told I attacked and abused her when she was just trying to push past me and accidentally almost hit my face. She’s said it so much that she now said I did it for no reason and that’s why she left for three weeks and is demanding an apology before she will come home. I’m moving her stuff to a storage space
@@anonymousbosch9265 Me and ex-narc got into an argument and after it died down, we walked past each other in our apt hallway, even though I was being kind to let her pass, she bumped me deliberately trying to get a rise while her kids was in the back room, I knew what she was doing and it took everything in me to not lose it
I was always asking my dad, What have I done wrong? And always apologising. I didn't mean to leave the light on, answer back, have a different opinion. Minor indiscretions but he always raged and I felt like a flawed person. As kids we used to buy him expensive cashew nuts for his birthday because they were his favourite treat. He said that he was sick and tired of receiving them and it showed how little thought we put into his gift. We were only young and I remember the confusion. He has continued to devalue me in adulthood by criticising my children with lies. He said to me recently as a putdown: I remember what you were like as a teenager. Yes dad, I stayed in my room to avoid you, I studied and went to university, played two musical instruments. I was a model teenager and yet I've had more than 50 years of devaluing! 🤣🤣 Always too busy to see me unless it is his idea. He uses all the tricks in the narcissist's handbook to devalue. His favourites are silent treatment and withdrawal. Outwardly he is a pleasant man and very well liked. He truly thinks he's perfect🤣
I’m sorry... it’s so crappy. I’ve realized I’ve known a lot of unsupportive people. It’s quite tiresome. I hope you enjoy your life as an adult.
I hate the silent treatment act.. my mom is queen of that one and the disgusted look on her face while she does it.. looks like she's got a piece of cat poop between her teeth when she grimaces like that. And she won't even tell me wtf i did wrong and God forbid i frigging approach (on eggshells of course) with a desire to address the issue . Smh
I cried when I was listening to you HG. I finally understood why my mother would treat me like she did. Found out last year when I found you channel that she is a narcissist but you explaining this I did realize so much why nothing was ever good enough. Thank you HG for saving me❤
If youre a normal or empath, get out now. They are ungrateful beings. They find fault with good deeds when they start to devalue you. Narcs are manipulative, argumentative and askewed people.
The missed phone call thing. The guilt trips that followed. Yes, I have been there.
Your treated as the neglectful abusive parent. Thus punishment occurs. You are reacted to as an internal mental image and if you as a person deviate from the internal image devaluation occurs because of the two differening perspectives. Know your not dealt with as the person standing before the narcissist but as the narcissists mental image and probably distorted view of you.
Dear HG, thank you for being honest, thank you for sharing that you can't placate a narcissist, you can't change them and the narcissist's behavior will not improve. By leaving the relationship, breaking off all contact and not checking on them (thinking they feel as miserable as you do). The narcissist will not feel miserable, they will move on and find their fuel w/someone else. I can't imagine how painful it must be for someone who has become romantically entwined or married to a narcissist. Be strong and move on.
I gave my brother a car once. He never said thank you and even seemed angry with me. Big sulk. Now I understand. Thanks HG
You should have told him you are welcome obviously you didn't deserve s*** nothing worse than ungrateful entitled disrespectful people who they are that is irrelevant
I built the long term girlfriend two salons and she said I was a selfish person for not building a third
🤣🤣🤣
Got my first Hoover from a Narc that ghosted me in the worst way 1 1/2 years ago!!!!!! You weren't lying HG, they ALWAYS come back. I truly can say by watching your videos for months healing through that period? My emotional thinking did not even kick in, because proudly since then I have been encountered by several narcissists and I cut that s*** off dead as soon as I recognized it. So my streak is over! I know how to tap into my own emotions now and to keep it 1,000 when I see the signs. You are a gift from God, no one breaks it down like you HG 💯🌟 thank God you're psychopathy decided to create a legacy 😂😂😂💯💯💯
I once bought some Chinese food and gave it to a homeless couple for the purpose of doing a good deed for my fellow man. I told my Narc mother what I did and was venomously told to never waste my money like that ever again.
So?
My friend was the same when I sent some money to UNICEF..got really nasty !!
Narcs are evil like the one that said "So?" in the comments section....pure evil and envious!!
I love this video. Just because we have an understanding now, it doesn't mean we can make it work. Can't have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. Period. GOSO!
'You never answer your phone'. I get this from a few people in my family. I explain me and my phone aren't attached at the hip, and I do answer more often than I don't.
I don´t think you have to justify yourself to them? That gives them power (or fuel). Yeah ... sometimes I don´t feel like talking. End of discussion.
@@snowfall7557 that's so true! It frustrates me so much when people say it.
My narc brother once had a full on meltdown (when in his 50s) because I hadn't seen his text due to the fact that my phone was charging! I saw him at our parents' house same day and he ripped into me, red-faced, bulging eyes, screaming at me, as soon as I walked through the door! I mean, who does that?
Great video, HG. I wish I had had this knowledge as a kid with my narcissistic mother and then future narcissistic boyfriends. But I got it now...GOSO.
I tried being complient wasn't easy but I did it. It did absolutely nothing to help the situation. Her behavior only got worse
Yep !!
Because they are only happy when they are miserable!
If you map out how u will talk or act or what you will cook, they hate it because 1. They're not in control
2. Deep down they know they are not worthy of anyone caring that much
3. They grew up in drama and trauma - so calmness, predictability, security all are foreign & BORING!!
I feel like they think they run the people in their lives as if they (the Narc) was the MC of the Gong Show...you never know how you will be able to talk, walk, be in a mood, have a discussion about, be in one place before the "GOONNNGG" goes off & the crook of the Shepherd's stick is around your waist.
Yes, this was my mother. My hair started turning gray when I was in my teens....
A narcissist looks for reasons to hate you, of course not legit reasons. I was married to a narcissist for 22 years every six months he went through I hate my wife I was painted black at that point like clock work never failed.
Was it because he was painting another woman white?
Donna 20years with me still there every 4 months in my house just wish I could stop the emotional thinking I only come across the word narcissist in 2018 been watching other videos on UA-cam learning & realised my life & confusion everyone else new about except me yes the other videos I have watched have helped but so glad I came across HG only about 2weeks ago now I understand there is nothing that will change it will only get worse so now trying hardest to save money to escape
Thank you, same here 15 years then discarded and now I'm all bad full time
My situation similar married 28 years and 4 children to a malignant narcissist alcoholic I divorced.
I discovered too late his insidious malevolent mental illness after enduring so much damage from his abuse neglect cheating and abandonments .
I was painted black because I was a threat to him being a caring loving empathetic parent
And person.
He had to make sure to punish me by counter parenting through maligning, sabotaging, undermining ,smear campaigning , triangulating my children and others against me by reframing and recreating his false delusional narratives.
I was told after buying his daughter $100 worth of clothes that I was trying to buy her love. Chastised for doing nice things. I never understood and finally I stopped trying to understand. Pretty painful people.
the art in your channel is beautiful. :)
My ex broke his collar bone. I came back to help him out around the house and with pets. ( I know - I’m dumb for doing it ). I bought bunch of groceries I know he’d enjoy and stuff that would be easy for him to prepare when I’m not around. I was told that I’m being fancy 🙄 he would push away his pets whenever they tried to sit on his lap cos it caused him pain. So when I saw the cat about to climb on his painful arm I called the cat to me - apparently that was controlling and caused him to walk out and make me feel like I did something wrong for trying to avoid him being in pain and to not have our pets to feel unloved or like they did something wrong again .. no matter what you do out of love and care it’s never good enough and you are gonna be told you are doing everything wrong. So you stop doing it and then you ‘ don’t care about me / don’t love me’ .. there’s no winning ..
Bewildered is the perfect word. Thank you for making it all make sense.❤️
In a mine-field without a map.
this describes my experience so well. , i wish that i had known that at the time. It would have been so helpful.
Excellent. No one can ever be good enough because narcissist want perfection from alk but themselves.
.Well I lived with one for 30 yrs. every year he upped his game. He made me go to three counselors as he would say there was something wrong with me. All said I was in an abusive relationship which I soundly rejected as he never hit me. He took my daughter when she was going through puberty and filled her with lies against me. I never got to have a part in any of the arrangements of her wedding. He was repeatedly unfaithful and I never was. He claimed our daughter was not his. it went on and on and on and I was broken, bereft of any hope and even when I was discarded it did not stop. I now help others who had my experience as I truly believe without help you will not survive.
Gotta love the sweet talking perspective that is nothing more than narcissistic abuse.
Do narcissists have any desire for a long lasting relationship with anyone? Or do they only want short unhappy ones? Do they want to be so wretched that everyone around them are just waiting for them to die and won't check to see if they are still alive?
Start with the videos ‘Why The Narcissist Must Devalue You’ and ‘ Devaluation. If The Narcissist was Honest.’ These are under the playlist ‘The Dynamic With The Narcissist’ . This playlist will answer many of your questions.
My ex narc would give me sob stories about things going on in his life, he would t out right ask for help but he would in a round about way. And then when I helped him, he would start devaluing me. He would grow distant and cold until he needed something again. In almost 2 years we only had sex 3 times. All in the love bombing stage. He knows I hate it when he ghosts me or doesn’t return text for days. Recently it al came to a head again. Hadn’t returned a call or text in over a week. I sent him a text saying I was done. He text me back several days later finally and says only ,.. you wanna hang out. When I told him no and explained that I had already told me if he went distant again I was done… he replied “ you are a go against the current kinda person. The side of a Leo I can’t vibe with. Much love. Then blocked me .
A narcs inability to self reflect and have any accountability is so mind fucking
Amazing! I was reliving my whole relationship. When I would see his missed call my stomach would drop because I knew what was to come.
This explains some men I've dated and my brother's insane widow whom was impossible to get along with and perceived compliments as insults. I told her that her daughter looked so much like her. She said no she looks like her dad (my brother). I said but her eyes and dimples and mannerisms remind me of you. A year later during an argument she started she turned that entire exchange into I was saying my niece looked like her, nothing like my brother, and therefore he isn't the father and she should get a DNA testing for my niece to see if my brother us really the father. She also told both my niece and nephew that I don't think my brother is their bio father. None of which was ever said nor did I mean or imply any of that. So after my brother died (she drove him to his death, she made sure all three of his kids believed that I felt my brother hated them and wasn't their bio father, none of which I ever said, and turned his kids against me.
Thats horrible, what an insane and unforgivable thing to do to his kids, and to you by damaging your relationship with them! These people should never have kids, all theyre doing is damaging and ceating more future narcissists, who will then go and abuse and create more victims. And its so frustrating that nothing can be done to stop them, and no way to help the kids, usually. I was with my ex 12 years, been broke up over a year now, and he has destroyed my relationship with one of my sisters, turned people at work against me (we wk at the same place) damaged me to the point i couldnt hardly get up to go to work which resulted in me losing my apartment, and dam near lost my job. And like your situation, theres little or nothing that can be done about any of it because of the 'hold' he has on everyone and everything around me. My sister choses to stay 'friends' with him instead of keeping me in her life, after ive asked her for years to delete him from her phone, thers never been any reason for her to stay in touch with him, and neither of them ever give me a reason why, and they both say the same things. Shes just like him, and im only just now realizing im being damaged by not one, but Two narcissists that tag team against me. So now, i dont have contact with either of them, and they tell others that im crazy, im abusing drugs, and thats why my life fell apart, and who theyre telling believes them, and i have zero control over any if it. I wish so much i knew a lot sooner what i know now, could have saved myself a lot of grief and destruction. Tho our situations are different, i identified with the way you must have felt, and probly still feel. Its scary to think theres so many of them out there waiting to spread their evil, and has made me never want to marry, much less date ever again, yet i hate to think ill spend the rest of my life alone. But id rather be lonely than get tangled up with another monster. Be careful out there and watch out for these bastards, cuz their masters at fooling everyone that theyre good people.✌🏼
Narcissists are pure evil... Children are often caught in the crossfire and they are the ones that get hurt... How can a narcissist hurt their own children... They are truly evil to the core
@@jeanniebyer664 Have you thought of consulting a lawyer about the damage done to your reputation about the false drug abuse claims? First consultation is usually free, but you should double check. Just an idea of one way to fight back.
The minefield analogy is an excellent way to illustrate what life is like being married to a narc. It really doesn’t matter how hard you try they’ll always be something that threatens the control, even the actual act of trying to placate the narc is eventually seen as a threat. Thank you for this HG
I wish all people, like you, could turn their weaknesses into a healing force for other people.
Shit. Is that how it works. It was always so confusing and this makes sense.
When I moved out to my own flat from the one I shared with my bf I quickly started to feel alive again as if a vampire sucking my life force had finally moved on to drawing someone else’s life energy away instead. It’s a surreal experience and makes my Christian faith stronger encountering these real life demons.
Control me??? Kmt. Hell no. No control here. No matter what u do it will never be enough
I have dodged the bullet many a time. Looking back everything you said had come to fruition. Twice I got knee deep but waded thru the muck. When I escaped it was a weight lifted off. Later the remorse came when there was no response. Pain and untrustfulness hit like a wave. Reinventing myself when the narc created my dreams he stole. The only remedy is No Contact & no looking back Ever. Kicked to the curb, good Riddance to bad rubbish, give 'em a taste of their own medicine. The hardest thing I do is dodging any narc in the future. Its amazing how many there are out there.
This was so enlightening- thank you HG
Great explanation of total insanity
'Treading on egg shells' is a term I would use. P.S. Victoria Sponge wins hands down 😆
Girl walking on eggshells means you’re soul, mind, heart, value, feelings, opinions, and life force is being crushed. . Sending you care n inspiration to leave that abuse and find your own value worth mind beliefs identity n life force. You deserve better n there’s so much better out in the world.
@@forensicbadassprofiling I'm not in an abusive relationship any more but thank you for your kind words. I got out of a difficult relationship when I was 21 so I know how it can feel in that dynamic. Thankfully I didn't waste too much of my life.
Thanks HG, I wish I had found you three years ago. My narc sister and father get on so well, and against me. My mind just doesn't go to the places theirs does. Difficult.
It seems like a damn if i do, damn if i dont! What u explain as golden rule of freedom is golden advice. What i always should have seen as red flag, even in golden or brons period, was their général lack of interest in your activities. Its a lack of interest only a narc has, questions are only asked to assert control. Not to empathetically or with true interest know. And This sense of ownership: like what ever i did for them, it was natural for them that i went so far out of my way to do so! You really do become their supplier. Not their partner. All those things were red flags, before they paint us black. But self love would have saved me from diving deep. And self respect. Dating has become so difficult...i dont know who's narc, dont have enough self love after abuse of narcs, and project the past on to the present, with desparation and a fear of separation because i realize time is passing me by...if i had a proper fatherly figure, i think none of This would happen. This advice u give should have been given by someone closeby. Not on the net! But thank u for reaching us all!
The things you wrote about self love and self respect... so true, and the lack of a father or proper father figure hit me like a ton of bricks, but don't be afraid, now we know, we learned our lesson, we are armed and battle hardened!
Can you speak on nightmares? I had dreadful nightmares that became more and more frequent while with him. No nightmares since going no contact 3 months ago. I’d wake up and feel dread, he would be staring at me, I felt like my face had been slapped, once his hand was over my face or he was manhandling me when I was asleep. Like he was tormenting me while I was asleep. Wouldn’t comfort me or talk about it. But nighttime became a nightmare. I didn’t antagonise him. I learned quickly that it wasn’t the way to go. What’s with them not wanting us to sleep? Surely it benefits their kind if we wake up in the morning with energy and sound sleep so we can handle the next day of torture. Or is it a form of gaslighting maybe? He’d ask me first what did I remember, which then made me question my memory anyway. But the dread I felt when waking in the night, and he was always doing something odd over me. I sleep soundly now with no nightmares or dread. I guess I’ve found my answer in what I’m writing here.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻
I can relate.
Hope you’re living your best life now ❤
Your cadence is especially delicate in this video HG. Very sleep inducing, in a good way of course.
Passive aggressive BS, absolutely crazy to live with.
This is really good. Thank you HG.
This answers so many questions
HG Brilliant! Thank you ❤
Thank you so much for this. I love the subtle variations and angles in every scenario. I know it might feel tedious to you to go over the same thing over and over but considering your audience and those we are trying to help, this constant repetition of the those points is invaluable. Thank you again.
You are most welcome.
Woah. You just answered an almost 20 year old question of mine I’d totally forgotten about. I called my then boyfriend just to wish him a good night and tell him I loved him, and he utterly blew up at me for no reason and I didn’t understand what I could have possibly done wrong. This was it! Wow, incredible to have this clarity! I ended up breaking up with him over that because I realized it was terribly toxic and I didn’t have to try to work things, I could just leave - and so I did.
I went to see my sister overseas. I bought her a perfume and skincare bundle from Estée Lauder costing several hundred dollars. I threw in a few of my samples and perfumes that I didn’t use but had been tried. She didn’t say thanks. I was at the airport and I thought I’d ring and say bye. She lost it at me and abused me for giving her “used” products. It was so hurtful.
Wow, these mosters have a lotta nerve, dont they?!? I wish i had this info and knowledge of narcissism 10 years ago, that would have spared me a hella lot of grief, torture, pain and depression over not only losing my evil satan narc bf, but also finding out one of my sisters is also an evil satan narc, and they have both been tag team abusing me for years. She has chosen to keep him in her life and not me, after pleading her for said years to 'lose' his number, and she never would, yet they both read from the same script and say they've never messed around. Shes always been the biggest man-basher in any convo, yet id cry and tell her about things while i was with him and shed never bash him or take my side on anything. Was talking to a wall. Be thankful your sister lives overseas, i wish mine did. Best of luck to you ✌🏼
@@jeanniebyer664 wow I’m so sorry she sounds like a mind f**k. It’s so confusing when all you want is a normal sister relationship but they act so mean and crazy. You haven’t done anything wrong and she should respect your wishes! I pray she comes to her senses and chooses to be better to you, it does sound like they may be together. ❤️
Its best not to bother yourself with whatever their behaviour is. You know they're just messed up knobs who behave inexplicably. Well you could try to figure out whats going on but its really not worth it to waste your mind like that. I just think "oh yeah, he is being a dick again cos thats what he does" and move on to thinking about something else. You can train yourself to not think about their behaviour.
So you have decided to stay with him? How long have you been in this relationship?
Yeah, I did that for awhile in my relationship and it helped a bit but since he needed reactions for his fuel, he kept upping his game and did worse and worse things...putting me in greater and greater harms way. He kept risking my life as he dished out his punishments. So no contact is really the ONLY option unless they're a side character in your life (neighbor, co-worker distant cousin) that you can't escape from but can at least use grey rock at those times.
@Satsumamoon We were all so serious delving into the depths of HG's lens and then I came upon your post and while the rest of us were under control,it's pretty obvious you are a free spirit. Thank you,I laughed till I cried because you were so direct and funny.
Fab explanation of narcissism HG. Empaths don't feel what you feel , but aware narcissists like yourself don't feel what empaths feel. Knowing what you know, why would you expect
Oops that the next empath may be different? Only the very vulnerable / insecure empath would put up with this behaviour. The aware narcissist surely knows that, so fuel would only be from those types of empaths?
Walk AWAY and don’t play x thank You
They are so not worth all this bs!
Thank you once more H G. I view the persons who were in my life as if they are mentally off. I am finally free thanks to you. Nobody deserves power or control over me especially when they are deranged.
Cheers
Must Always come First. Thankyou HG. ❤️🌻
Das ist genau das was uns "Opfer" so tief verunsichert...😢
This reminds me of how I behaved in my teenage years. I can kinda understand how he gets upset. The thought process is familiar. Flashbacks. I am not like that now, of course.
Something similar used to happen when I would make an elaborate made-from-scratch dinner for the narcissist I was with... one of the only things that seemed to please him to me.
Your videos are truly a godsend
Free yourself by their terms
1. Let them do your work
2. Trying to escape is not on your terms
3. Let them get rid of you
4. Pretend everything is bad or in love
5 Pretend you can't live without.
If I treat her like complete CRAP and constantly tell her she's not good enough, I'd still get devalued? 😂
I DID fight back, and suddenly he was the victim of my AWFUL treatment of him. Poor thing, he was SO mistreated by me! He could never quite work out that it was he, in fact, that was terrible, and abusive to me, and everyone around him. Insanity!
yes, so might as well just be a total asshole with a narcissist, then go out the door and stay out!
She will devalue you and probably disengage from you just after, until the wounding fade away, it may takes days weeks or months
I've discovered that I am damned if I do or don't. The only thing acting a fool did for me is make me feel bad cuz he has no feelings to hurt.
@@dragonclaws9367 go for the pride..that works a treat,they imagine insults where there are none let alone actually doing it..crap in bed and a small whatsit go down well 😆😆
I thought this topic would center on why when I do anything good that doesn’t benefit the narc himself, I get negative comments about it. (I.e., baking an apple pie to bring to Thanksgiving dinner=Why do you have to be the only one who does this?) or (Why do you have to host a holiday again, let the others do it). All these decades of thinking I would be admired, instead what I was doing was loathed by him.
Absolutely brilliant
All to familier.How many time I was wondering if Im nuts or my X is forgetting what he likes.All make sence.
All too familiar with the preference changes of a narcissist. It’s crazy making.
Not if you refuse to think about it.
Brilliant analogy, HG!
Thank you.
I feel this. I feel a non-narcissist will never truly be able to see a narcissist for what they really are and that will always be the non-narcissist's downfall - no matter how many HG Tudor videos they listen to. I don't quite know what it is, it is almost like it is always on the tip of my tongue, but I can never quite say the words.
That was my question too! Great answer. I know now that I didnt understand white/black perception.
Women should be like the children, seen but not heard, much less valued? Only The Ultra deserves the title good in their minds? God like creatures within themselves. True Lovers of Self.
They are like the Knights who say knee ..appease me 😅
Thus is so helpful!!
I was in a Dom-Sub relationship with a narc. I asked my ex narc to get into a 24-7 power exchange relationship before he started to devalue me. He still berated me and punished me emotionally despite agreements that he would use only certain physical punishments.
My eyes are open
GOSO saved my life and sanity.
Yupe.. lolylol... He is stalking me for over a year...assshhhh.. I started to be less worry of it.. healing process.. yes narc don't want you to forget about them.. and the bad moments started to drifting away from me.. I feel it's time to another Hoover action soon.. I hope I will able to shut the door of front of his 👃 before he will open his mouth lol 😅😂..but i don't feel save right now...base of my driftings 🌊..... Need to be careful now.. do my best to stay away from him how much and long I can... Problem is with my location.. I can't change my location 😭..I'm dreaming about it....
I loved him like no other … yet he had me triangulated the entire 2 years I was with him, and I didn’t even know until months after he was gone. He went straight from my home to hers. While w/ me, he raged, abused mentally, physically and emotionally … in every way. I finally walked away a year ago today … Valentine’s Day. Emotional thinking is simply the way I think. I am aware of it now, however … trying to contain it. Sad today, though.
GREAT Video as all your Great Videos !🔥🔥🔥
That is because he is a Narcissist, and he is telling us how 'his kind' operates
Is too much nonsense🤷♀️ with narcissist🏃♀️
This is a great title. I’ve wondered why they cannot regulate their own positive emotions. What does regulating positive and negative emotions mean? What does co-regulating emotions mean? Very helpful video!! Thank you 🙏
Because self hate
For real tho thats why I CUT they punk ass off. My whole narc fam and parentally alienated grown narc children. Whew!!! Life Is So Good Without them.😁🌟💫✨🤗 Narc free living is Amazing!!
The point: 'WE' do not good because we are blind. 'YOU' see bad because you are blind too. 'We and you' is called splitting, a narc trait. There's no we and you.
Why can't the narcissist ever just tell us what we've done wrong? Why can't they tell us what they're thinking? Wouldn't it be so much easier this way???
Because most narcissists do not know what they are and do not know the real reason why they behave as they do. As for those of us who are aware, we are not going to tell you because that would be handing control to you and that would be a moronic thing to do.
Beware, never think ahead, never contingency plan, never take the initiative, it isn't appreciated. It is living in limbo really. You need to get out, get your own life, if it is your boss, look for another means of employment.
Great HG! 😍
i love you HG
New to the channel. Am I the only one who can hear his voice scolding for some imagined wrong?
Yes. Welcome.
My favorite narcissist