I don’t have Asperger’s. I have autism. I had a speech delay for a very long time. I also have a high iq. Which is probably the only reason why I am aware I have autism. I have never been diagnosed by any doctor I’ve ever seen. All of them were entirely incompetent. Because I was never diagnosed properly I think, most people I have known have hated me. I am fifty years old and I most people I love, hate me. This has understandably lead to suicidal ideation. Going so far as to join groups that fight for the right to death with dignity. I am aware of this hatred. I am unaware of what causes it. CBT just made me suicidal. I don’t understand how people like me go to college. I have tried to go to college. I have failed algebra eleven times. I have an iq of 160. I have asked for help over and over and over and over and over. I have done my best not to ‘be a victim’. I am very gullible. I have been married to drug addicts, narcissists and abusers. I don’t know how to effectively defend myself verbally so I have gotten a black belt. I have never hurt anyone, but people really like to lie about me because I don’t know how to defend myself. My daughter, who doesn’t know me blames me for abusing her because she says time out was abuse. But it’s not. I know that. I tell her that, but she doesn’t hear me. Nobody hears me. I worked so hard to speak and when I did everyone has always told me to shut up. Everyone. Everyone I love. You probably want me to shut up. I wouldnt’ be surprised. And then someone like this woman comes along and tells me that it’s my fault I’m a failure becasue I don’t have enough self efficacy. I guess that makes her feel good about herself. Good for her. So once again people who are loved do well and people who aren’t fail. Not really earthshaking. Next, she’ll be telling me that rich people do better in life.
I haven't listened the video yet. I understand your pain and frustration. I think that Dr.Tony might be a valuable source to see. I also have suicidal ideation, again. Things were starting to feel ok after a while but again this existential despair hit me and now I make debated in my head about reasons to live and reasons to die. In a way, I think that "this too shall pass" is a real thing. Probably the bad times will pass and each one has a certain age or period when life is actually without daily frustration and underneath sadness. Have you tried to find someone specialised in diagnosing autism in adults? Both my psychiatrist and psychologist said that I am not autistic or with Asperger's but I honestly think they didn't say I was because they many e knew that this identification will make me more withdrawn. After watching Dr.Tony's discourse on autism in women and girls I finally understood that I felt weird and outcastes and not properly integrated in this world because, I function different and what is different is hated at some point or another. I am highly functioning but I still feel weird most of the times and I always do everything I can to be liked just to be laughed at and left aside in the end. Hey, I don't know what to tell you. Life is tough but it can also be beautiful. I believe that you will find moments of happiness and hope soon. I am considering volunteering, that might be a great idea for you, if you like the idea. People are usually friendly and if not, helping others matters... Some are so isolated and sad and helpless that just a good word remains in their heart forever. Maybe the thought of people hating you is a trait in autism? I genuinely believed for years that the whole globe hated me and in every second I was expecting anything bad, without being able to escape the hate. It kinda ruined me tbh and now there are some parts of me that were naturally happy that will always remain dead with me mourning the moments of happiness and genuine good moods I had in my youth. Working or learning about new things help too. People will not accept voluntary dying. They don't understand the depth of despair of those who just couldn't hang in there. How are you now? :)
I agree with the other poster that Dr. Tony Attwood is VERY good. He is an autism expert in Australia and has a very respectful and people friendly attitude toward autistic people.
this was good. I watched the entire thing. thanks
Thank you
Tsuna-me", my autobiography looking back after finding I have Asperger's Syndrome. Dual-language, English/Italian
I don’t have Asperger’s. I have autism. I had a speech delay for a very long time. I also have a high iq. Which is probably the only reason why I am aware I have autism. I have never been diagnosed by any doctor I’ve ever seen. All of them were entirely incompetent. Because I was never diagnosed properly I think, most people I have known have hated me. I am fifty years old and I most people I love, hate me. This has understandably lead to suicidal ideation. Going so far as to join groups that fight for the right to death with dignity. I am aware of this hatred. I am unaware of what causes it. CBT just made me suicidal. I don’t understand how people like me go to college. I have tried to go to college. I have failed algebra eleven times. I have an iq of 160. I have asked for help over and over and over and over and over. I have done my best not to ‘be a victim’. I am very gullible. I have been married to drug addicts, narcissists and abusers. I don’t know how to effectively defend myself verbally so I have gotten a black belt. I have never hurt anyone, but people really like to lie about me because I don’t know how to defend myself. My daughter, who doesn’t know me blames me for abusing her because she says time out was abuse. But it’s not. I know that. I tell her that, but she doesn’t hear me. Nobody hears me. I worked so hard to speak and when I did everyone has always told me to shut up. Everyone. Everyone I love. You probably want me to shut up. I wouldnt’ be surprised. And then someone like this woman comes along and tells me that it’s my fault I’m a failure becasue I don’t have enough self efficacy. I guess that makes her feel good about herself. Good for her. So once again people who are loved do well and people who aren’t fail. Not really earthshaking. Next, she’ll be telling me that rich people do better in life.
I haven't listened the video yet. I understand your pain and frustration. I think that Dr.Tony might be a valuable source to see.
I also have suicidal ideation, again. Things were starting to feel ok after a while but again this existential despair hit me and now I make debated in my head about reasons to live and reasons to die. In a way, I think that "this too shall pass" is a real thing. Probably the bad times will pass and each one has a certain age or period when life is actually without daily frustration and underneath sadness. Have you tried to find someone specialised in diagnosing autism in adults? Both my psychiatrist and psychologist said that I am not autistic or with Asperger's but I honestly think they didn't say I was because they many e knew that this identification will make me more withdrawn. After watching Dr.Tony's discourse on autism in women and girls I finally understood that I felt weird and outcastes and not properly integrated in this world because, I function different and what is different is hated at some point or another. I am highly functioning but I still feel weird most of the times and I always do everything I can to be liked just to be laughed at and left aside in the end.
Hey, I don't know what to tell you. Life is tough but it can also be beautiful. I believe that you will find moments of happiness and hope soon. I am considering volunteering, that might be a great idea for you, if you like the idea. People are usually friendly and if not, helping others matters... Some are so isolated and sad and helpless that just a good word remains in their heart forever. Maybe the thought of people hating you is a trait in autism? I genuinely believed for years that the whole globe hated me and in every second I was expecting anything bad, without being able to escape the hate. It kinda ruined me tbh and now there are some parts of me that were naturally happy that will always remain dead with me mourning the moments of happiness and genuine good moods I had in my youth.
Working or learning about new things help too.
People will not accept voluntary dying. They don't understand the depth of despair of those who just couldn't hang in there.
How are you now? :)
ua-cam.com/video/-n6IWTRVGeg/v-deo.html
I agree with the other poster that Dr. Tony Attwood is VERY good. He is an autism expert in Australia and has a very respectful and people friendly attitude toward autistic people.
Das, was sie sagt, ist wirklich wichtig und hilfreich, aber die hohen Frequenzen ihrer Stimme sind störend.
Trying playing back at a lower speed
@@belindacullen-reid4595 had to do that as well, but even then.... oh boy, misophonia killed me