Thank you for pointing out how the phrase "invisible disability" centers how other people see your disability, not how visible it is to you. That really resonated with me, I hadn't thought of it that way before but it makes so much sense! I am not physically disabled and while I can easily mask my autism it affects every part of my life. I love that about myself and I wouldn't change it for the world but it doesn't make crowded rooms quieter or unexpected sensory overload less awful. If my disability is invisible, it's because you won't see me on my bad days. On my bad days I am hiding under the bedcovers trying to block out all the sensory input I can, I'm not going out there so people can pity me at their convenience! My autism is invisible. My headphones aren't. My comfy clothes aren't. My hand flapping, knitting, stress stimming and constant ear/nose/foot twitching aren't. My vocal stims aren't silent, they're suppressed. My masking only drops when I'm alone. I don't know where it ends and I begin. My crisis of identity is not the same thing as putting on a professional front to send an email, but I'm sure my therapist thought that would make me feel better. Being able to function in society doesn't change that doing so is a struggle. Thank you for making this. My disability is visible to me.
I have severe chronic pain, but I'm also very physically active and am a cleaner and walk about 5 miles a day at my job. People cannot fathom that you can be active and still be disabled. So on bad days where the pain is just unbearable and I just can't get things done people think I'm just being lazy.
I could've written this, it's so wild to see, and my god I just want to hug you and tell you how precious and strong you are, because I know how hard it is. Currently sitting with pain in my hands because the stress tics I get when stimming for grounding isn't enough have been so bad that I've overstretched all the tiny muscles. Yesterday I left my apartment for the first time in two weeks, but all I want to do is hide in my bed with my audiobooks and knitting project right now, can't eat because I don't have money to buy my safety foods. But if I meet someone on a good day, without my headphones and out of my comfort clothes, they won't have a clue. I've had people say "but you haven't gotten like a real diagnosis with a doctor, right?" when I tell them about the AuDHD, and then almost questioning surprise when I tell them I have. The "I don't know where it ends and I begin" hit me like a ton of bricks. How do you explain that to a neurotypical person? I don't even know how to control when I mask and when I don't, it's just an instant survival mechanism and it leaves me so confused about who I am, because I'm sure the masked version of me is a true part of me, but why does it have to be when it leaves me exhausted to the point where I sometimes have to recharge for a week after an evening with close friends? It can feel so lonely, feeling like nobody knows you and that you don't know how to let people know you. I don't want my needs to be invisible, I wish people could look at me and understand that I might not be able to be what they want me to be. Sorry for wall of text, it's just uncommon for me to see someone speak words that could've been my own. Also, I never learned how to summarise shit lmao, born to yap, forced to nap. Hit me up if you want someone to talk about knitting or other hobbies, or just if you want someone to talk to. No pressure though, of course! Sometimes you just have enough friends to fill your needs and that's valid. ❤
It is the product of an ableist society that the only language we have available to describe disability centers on how said disability affects others. I agree fully with the expressed sentiments on “invisible disability.” I also take particular issue with “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” autism. A person with “high-functioning” autism can’t actually function. All that label does is tell other people that they can treat me like a person, and it also means any issues I face around my disability are mine to face alone. My struggle not affecting you does not mean that I have the same capabilities in this society as a neurotypical person. Similarly to “invisible,” it minimizes my disability. And this is without getting into my issues with the word “functioning.” Likewise, “low-functioning” just means that anyone interacting with the person should expect to take extra time and resources in the interaction (I also find it sparks a sort of condescending sympathy, both for the person and those around them). The issue of identity is also something that I see relatively undiscussed (if it is, I am unaware of it), but that honestly might be my biggest issue with masking. I adapt constantly to the people around me; therefore, I don’t actually know who I would be independent of my surroundings. Many act as though there is a difference between one and their environment, so I feel there must be, but I cannot discern what it is for myself. If my identity is entirely fluid, always taking the shape of a container in constant flux-if it is not solid in any way-does it exist? If it does, how could it be defined? Its only constant characteristic is that it is inconstant. But, as you said, such struggles are invisible to the outside, so it sort of makes sense that discussion of it would be limited. It seems as a society we are becoming more aware of disability, so this gap in language might soon be bridged (I am appreciative of the categorization of autism by support needs, as opposed to ability to function in society), but it is for the moment a frustrating circumstance.
Thank you for saying this, you put into words what I couldn’t and I’m so grateful for your comment, what you said rings so true to how I feel about my own autism, thank you again💖🥹🥹
When you said 'it can all be true at the same time' I actually nodded at my screen. I struggle with depression every day, and wonder how others mostly see me as assertive and feisty
exactly!! as someone who’s lived with depressive episodes for a long time (and dealt with years of not-so-great experiences in psychiatry), I don’t think I’d be as assertive and feisty as I am now if I’d never been through that experience. Being faced with that kind of forces you to learn how to advocate for yourself, especially after reaching a point where you realize you don't want to just accept substandard care anymore. I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten to the place I am today (almost 3 years in remission) without fighting to find a treatment that actually worked for me without significantly impairing my quality of life. I’m proud of you for still being here, and I hope you know that it’s ok to be struggling. ♥️
Yup I hear you. Chronic pain and I work as a ft mental health nurse w mild cerebral palsy and 3 different autoimmune diseases. Ppl don't realise how hard it is energy wise. Sadly, I wouldn't even be able to get the disability support pension in Australia as I'm too 'functional.'
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So I don't normally comment on stuff, but I'm a teenager with cerebral palsy (due to a stroke). It didn't affect my cognitive function, and I was able to regain a lot of mobility. I don't tell anyone about it because I'm afraid of their judgment, but your content makes me feel really seen and understood. People wouldn't assume I'm disabled, so they don't really understand the struggle. Thank you ❤
@@gacha._.amethystxxother teenagers, man, they're brutal. And... Adults. Especially when they disagree with you. If you don't think people would judge, I'm happy for you.
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@@gacha._.amethystxx Unfortunately, a lot of people. I've been the punchline of jokes because I look slightly different while walking and I don't speak well. It's just taught me to treat people gently. I'm trying to spark the change I wanna see.
This made me feel normal. As a disabled person- who others would say has an “invisible” disability, I feel this so much. I put on a brave face so I don’t think people realize there are so many tasks I struggle with. Some people even make jokes about my struggles or the event that caused my disability. It’s so hard, but life is beautiful anyway. Some days can feel so impossible, but theres still so much joy.
My partner noticed me struggling to stand up because I have a fatigue disorder and he started freaking out a bit (we're both traumatized from my finding out I had a chronic illness bc it took my full deterioration before a doctor took me seriously) and I got SO mad and frustrated with struggling that I just blurted it out. "This isnt some terrible sign, I feel this way every fucking day, Im just not covering it up with pretending to check something on my phone and 'getting distracted'!! Just let me get up at my own pace, regardless of how painful it looks because its important to learn how to push through to do basic tasks! Just acknowledge my struggle and if its hard to watch, go in the other room, but do NOT act like its new." Broke his entire view of me. It took him days to digest it. He now just asks if I need help and hovers nearby if I decline it. He even steps into another room so I feel like he's not hovering, but I can see his shadow in the hall, right there and waiting for me.
"Struggling doesn't mean that you don't have your life figured out. It's something you're working with, that you can embrace and run with." Working with you, ST, and the team on this was such a pleasure. Getting a chance to help tell your story was an honor and getting a glimpse into the world you navigate daily was eye-opening for me on a very personal level. Hoping this film will help others like me become more aware of the many nuances of disability and resonate with all audiences. 🎉
There’s a quote I’m sure you’ve already heard… “art should disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed,” good on you for making good art. I can’t fathom being so reliant on others; it was already deeply hard for me to be reliant on someone else for transportation through my late teens… I am glad that the people who surround you are supportive, and I hope they remain so! Also, this is much less important, but your hair is very pretty :>
Watching this really hit hard for me. I never thought my autism was "disabling", but relating to so much that your mind experiences every day and hearing the words "non-disabled people never think about this" made me realise that being autistic is in fact an invisible disability. Disability is never on non-disabled people's minds, even if someone close has one. Watching the scene of you talking about your roommates refusing to help also hit hard. For them, its an inconvenience. For me, its my whole life. And others can't understand that.
My two older brothers have autism like you, so I completely understand how you feel. The stims, sensory issues, all the things that allistic people can filter out and take for granted, I've needed to see them struggle with firsthand. I've seen just how much I take the inner workings of my mind for granted compared to theirs; but I can't say I can imagine them any differently either. It's a beautiful part of them, one that allows them to be more creative and learn things outside the scope society calls "mainstream" (at least from my experience). One of them is 4 years older than me, and he's in training to try and get an internship for experience on a resume, machine work and such. He's very doting on our parents, a huge gentle giant, but he could also overpower both of them or all us younger siblings if we teamed up on him (for some reason). The other is my age, and he's learning editing & animation on Flipaclip and Kinemaster. He's a huge fan of animals, and can say the names of many animals in different languages, as well as identify all sorts of birds. They're both so carefree, and so different from each other despite their shared condition. They're so creative, and earnest, and determined (a bit stubborn sometimes, haha). They have this connection between them I'm not sure if I'll ever share with them, but we're all trying our best. Sending my sympathies and well wishes!
The background mental planning a lot of disabled people is a really important thing to highlight that most people are unaware of. It can really sap some of your energy.
Totally is, I've lost so much sight and booked a holiday for me and my son next year. I've since spent as much time on Google Maps looking at the Street View so I can get a vague idea of what's around us and where we can go. I still have well over 6 months before we go but this takes about 30+ minutes each night. That's before I even get to the planning of the next day
Hi Sarah, my name is Gabby and I’m a 16 year old visually disabled girl who’s a sophomore in high school. I was born with multiple eye conditions, a few being anirdia, nystagmus and stribismus. I found this short film so impactful and one of the first times I felt like someone actually understood what I was feeling. When you talked about crying due to your dependence on others, that resonated very deeply with me. I’ve had my conditions all my life, and they’ve rendered me legally blind. Because of this I have to rely on people for very simple actions, crossing the street can be difficult, as I can not see the crosswalk telling me when to walk, so I either need my phone to zoom in or a person with me. My depth perception is also very bad, causing me to fall and nearly injure myself often. I will never be able to drive, and all my friends are getting their licenses and it’s hard for me knowing that I will never have the privilege of driving myself and that I will need to rely on others to get around. I don’t want to be a burden to others, but my disability makes it so that I need others help quite often. But one of the worst things is the social cues or subtle face expressions that I miss simply because I can not see them. I could go on, and I’m beginning to learn that it’s okay to be sad about the things I’ve missed, and the things I won’t be able to do in the future. For a long time, my parents thought that they should just treat me like a ‘normal’ kid, they thought that it was would help me grow normally, but what this approach led to was me not understanding myself or my disability and feeling very overwhelmed and confused because I don’t know why I needed so many accommodations that other kids didn’t. But my disability does not make me weak, in fact I would argue that it has made me a resilient, social person, and I’m so happy that you acknowledge that in the film. It can be hard, when even my family does not understand how I feel. I feel so alone sometimes, but this film made me feel seen as a disabled girl. Thank you so much for making this, you have no idea how much it meant to me. 💕
I think it's important to have designated places, both real and virtual, where we can come together and share stories of our own personal struggles with disorders and disabilities and articulate to one another how we relate (with their personal battles), because I believe that these type of interactions often manifest authentic compassion. And I know firsthand how profoundly healing compassion can be, both when felt towards someone else and when received from another. On that note, I just want to say that I send you a heartfelt prayer - that you live a long life, full of love and joy, overflowing with fond memories of precious moments shared with friends and loved ones. May you continue to walk your life's path as the strong person that you apparently already are.
as an able bodied person this was very eye opening to watch. this is a very impactful, and wonderful short film. thank you for what you do, stay strong❤️
It would be great if colleges could pair students with disabilities with students in health majors. Students looking at futures in fields like(but not limited to) OT, PT and rehabilitation can learn alot and practice soft skills. Disabled student can get the help they need without feeling a burden. Not to mention the resulting friendships that can come about as a result.
Thank you for this video! Disabled community needs to reach more non-disabled people to show how we struggle every day with normal tasks, and still lead a "normal" lives. All the best to you❤
I’m autistic and when I title read the title my brain went “this video must be about how some disabled people have to push buttons to open doors” and I say I don’t take things literally
I’m not autistic but I thought the same thing! Probably because I saw her reel about being gentle with door buttons so they don’t break! Never thought about that before.
I love when you said "when we don't talk about disability, its like its something to be ashamed of or shouldn't think about. " This resonated with me, i have a physical disability since i was 2 and i think even my friends have no idea how to talk about it. I think my husband and kids are the only ones, to this day in my life that know its ok to talk about the good, bad, and everything in between.
Sarah Todd, thank you so much for making this. As someone who struggles with "invisible" disabilities every day, I finally feel seen. You're so right. My disabilities AREN'T invisible, they never were. Thank you for everything you're doing.
So I'm 42 but have massive damage to my c2/c3 and L2/l3 in spine from combat deployments. While I cannot understand what you have to endure I do have sympathy. Without being disrespectful to your early onset condition and what you lost.... I can't do thre things I used to do like skydiving, snowboarding, etc etc... watching this video and others like it gives me perspective and grounds me in relativity. I appreciate you doing this and your preserverance. You're very strong at how you approach life and i love to understand the struggles and determination of others. Thank you and keep kicking ass.
Oh my gosh Sarah Todd 🥺 My first word that came to my head is just…wow. Every word you said resonated with me and hit me so hard. I was born with a very rare terminal genetic mutation (well actually it’s 2 mutations on one gene 🧬 ) that caused me to be fully able-bodied and gradually decline to the point I am now where I am 27 and I am on hospice with around 3 months left to live. I went from being a kid and doing sports and activities with my friends to then needing a cane, and losing some arm function as well. Then I graduated to a walker, a manual wheelchair, an electric wheelchair and now, where I’ve been since February 2024, completely bedbound. Nobody will ever understand what it is like to slowly lose literally everything you could once do. To have to ask for help for LITERALLY everything. If I want a sip of water I need help. If I want to get my hair out of my face and in a bun, I need help. I have a bedside commode attached to the side of my bed but I need assistance to transfer on and off and someone to empty it. The embarrassment of a day when your tummy is upset and you have to keep asking for help from your caregivers for help transferring and then help emptying something that can feel really embarrassing. (my mom is now my full-time caregiver, my dad is my part-time caregiver, I have a palliative/hospice nurse practitioner that comes every day and my respiratory therapist that comes once a week to check if we need to adjust my oxygen). They never make me feel embarrassed in fact they comfort me with “this happens to everybody, it’s no big deal, I’m not even looking when I’m dumping it into the actual toilet and flushing it, literally I used to change your diapers for Pete’s sake this is nothing lol” My mom is my main caregiver and neither of my parents have EVER made be feel like a burden or complained about doing tasks for me…but yet I feel that way nonetheless. I feel bad that I have to wake them up in the middle of the night for something like needing an extra dose of a medication injection (I can administer the injection myself and I do unless it’s during a severe seizure in which obviously they inject for safety purposes and to stop the seizure, but I need help with opening the packet on certain supplies like gauze or bandaids or even the vials to draw up the medication into the needle and open the needle/syringe packets themselves because my hands, luckily do still function a fair bit, but have lost a lot of ability as well so opening a packet independently is not an option for me and ST I completely relate to that and just the frustration. Compounded with knowing they’re exhausted from literally either caring for me all day or in my dad’s case, working a very long shift doing hard labor as a welder and then helping out to give my mom a break after work too since he’s now our family’s only source of income and I feel so guilty and burdensome even though they come in and never complain and are so sweet…literally the Best family ever! But it still goes back to just knowing that feeling of needing help with literally everything and trying to put it off to a more “convenient” time and that’s just not always possible and it sucks. But So often when nobody is in the room and I’m alone I just break down because of the saves and frustration and grief and a bit of anger all wrapped into one. I went from not having a Single limitation to literally (TW TMI BLOOD 🩸 **I will put another caps lock with a thumbs up when the TMI TW is over**) coughing up golf ball size blood clots due to the clots that have taken over my scarred lungs, vomiting blood regularly too due to my disease attacking my digestive tract and causing tears all within it, and even chronic 2-4 times a day severe nosebleeds from my high flow oxygen -even with the doctors medicated cream to keep my nose from drying out and cracking like that (TW TMI OVER 👍🏻). I won awards for sports as a kid and now I can’t brush my hair or teeth or get dressed independently anymore let alone stand/walk. And now knowing I’m posing away soon and leaving behind all these amazing humans who love and support me and the grief and guilt that brings. I “know it’s not my fault” but the reality is the extreme grief and pain and heartbreak and sadness my loved ones will feel will be caused by MY death…ME. (the Canadian government is incredibly frustrating and our current Prime Minister has NOT AT ALL prioritized disabilities etc. My mom and dad should both be receiving a caregivers allowance from the government and I do receive disability pay monthly however it is so minute that it doesn’t even cover half the cost of my monthly medications that aren’t all covered by Canada’s pharmacare plan. It’s ridiculous but not the point so I won’t go off on a longer tangent than this current rant lol sorry) I’ve also been diagnosed with cPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) from 27 years of extreme medical trauma, some so serious it involved the court system and to this day I deal with panic attacks, nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks where I feel like everything is happening all over again and I’m back in that exact moment in my mind, intense memory episodes that occur out of the blue (kinda like a panic attack but less anxiety and more anger about the things that were done to me, etc.). To be honest, my specific mutation is so rare there’s only 29 recorded cases in history and only 7 currently alive now (soon to be 5 since I’m on hospice care. I was in a hospice Center but wanted to die in my own house so I’m on home hospice just to clarify if anyone was confused because this post is so freaking long and complicated and rambley to which I apologize). The oldest person with the disease in history is actually still alive and he is currently 39 but I believe also on palliative care/hospice although they call it different things as I live in Canada and he lives in the Netherlands. But I’ve basically been a medical Guinea pig since the day I was born and it’s caused so much damage mentally and physically. There’s not anywhere on my body that doesn’t have a scar or evidence of medical intervention 😢 Every emotion you described…I’ve felt in one way or another. The way you speak, your storytelling ability, all of it. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason personally. But I do believe that your disability has made you so much stronger than an able-bodied person could understand. There is so much strength in the vulnerability it takes to ask for help. And just a few final thoughts for any non-disabled people: 1) disabled is not a bad word lol it’s literally a descriptive word for what I am 2) I hate when people say “don’t let your disability define you”. Because while I am a lot more things than just disabled (like a mom to the cutest emotional support crested gecko 🦎 named Rook lol), my disability defines every decision I make in the day. So it’s a massive part of my identity and I’m okay with that. There’s still other parts that I’m proud of like I said, and things like being a daughter, being a conservationist and ecosystem enthusiast etc lol, but still, disability is intertwined in all of that so in a way it does define me 3) any variation of either saying this *to* a disabled person or *about* a disabled person “they never let their disability hold them back” 😤 the reality is, I truly believe that EVERYONE with a disability of any kind has had it impact their ability to achieve certain things. In other words, their disability has held them back. And while that’s so frustrating that the world is not more accessible etc. It’s the reality. My disability held me back from (for example, not actually personal) becoming a professional figure skater. It does happen and when you’re talking about someone and say that “they never let their disability hold them back from achieving every dream” it can make other disabled people feel crappy about themselves because maybe theirs did. 4) I don’t need pity. Me doing an every day task or just getting outside isn’t “an inspiration”, however, if my story inspires you because of my resilience through adversity or my achievements, etc., that’s very thoughtful to say ace encouraging All in all, Sarah Todd this was a brilliant snippet into the reality of life with a disability. It was beautiful and raw and emotional and real and so beautifully and eloquently shared. You have such a gift of storytelling. Your voice is soft but fierce and commands attention and your advocacy work (which I’ve been following since one of the very first mini docs posted on a different channel about your story) is something so commendable and you should be so proud of. I feel like you were born to make a difference in the world, and whether it’s through disability advocacy or whatever else you choose, the with better watch out lol. You are a fierce fighter and I’m sorry that you didn’t have a say in the thing that made you that strong (although I believe AFM or not you would’ve been a strong force to be reckoned with), but although you had no say in the matter, you just moved forward because that’s all you could do, you moved forward with the strength of a freight train barreling towards your dreams. Whatever you choose to do in the future, without a doubt, people will take notice! Thank you for this brilliant video and your raw courage in sharing the hard parts. There is so much beauty in vulnerability my dear making you pretty freaking gorgeous inside and out. Thank you for making me feel less alone and by sharing your disability experience it gave a voice to mine. Thank you Sarah Todd Hammer 🤍
Dam girl..this is tragic and amazing. I won't forget you when you'll be gone. You are just 11 years older then me but you are so intelligent and empathetic! I can't imagine what is it like to be in your state, this is a real bommer. wish you for the best! See you next life I guess?🤷🏼♀️🩵
@@SarahToddHammer lol I’m dying and I personally believe in Heaven which I’m trying to get into…I don’t have time to lie lol. So please know every word was genuine 🖤🦴🫁🦓🫀🤍
@@אוראוהדיין Why will she be gone? Maybe I missed that part but I sure hope her health situation doesn't mean she'll have a shorter life than she would have otherwise. I want her to have a long life and hopefully after that she is in heaven, which is where I'm planning to go too someday.
Love this! I run a chronic illness support group and what you spoke about is what we’ve been speaking about in our group with lack of control or being the elephant in the room even when asked about disabilities. Thank you for sharing, and I’m so glad I stumbled onto you! Definitely shared within the group ❤️ I hope you’re doing well. We spoke about grief with our disabilities a few hours ago and how that grief can manifest or show physically.
Wow… I’m a new adult and coming to terms with my disabilities that have taken a lot of my independence. When you said 2:48 I’m always think about my friends schedules. It hit me hard. I’m just thinking about the fact that I’ve never been able to do things on my schedule and I continue to rely on others. This was a huge eye opener. Thank you.
I loved this video - “struggling doesn’t mean that you don’t have your life figured … it’s something you can run with” It’s kind of beautiful that you have to rely on others, your community, to help you - it’s keeps you in contact - together.
I don't really fit in with everyone else who is commenting because instead of physical disabilities I have mental ones but some of the things you said in this are just so relatable to me. With choosing to be cold because putting on a coat is to hard for you was something that I can relate to but instead of a not having the ability to move your arms like others I have sensory issues so if I put on a coat that has just the wrong texture I am instantly on the verge of a meltdown.
This is so accurate, except for me I find coats constricting and tight and loud and very uncomfortable. I've only ever had a meltdown once, but I'd still rather just ditch the coat rather than deal with all that
Today I had an autistic meltdown from my coat but I have gotten better over the years about listening to myself so I was able to eventually fix the problem by borrowing my dads coat that is 2 sizes to big and is 8 years old so I had full movement and wasn't cold in the 41 degree weather (not Celsius the other one for temperature)
I really connected with what you said about needing to plan your day the night before. As someone with a disability, I also have to plan ahead just to get through each day, and hearing your perspective made me realize that most people don’t need to put in this extra effort. It reminded me of how much more energy it takes and that I should be kinder to myself when im feeling overwhelmed or extra exhausted. Listening to someone I can relate to made me feel seen, and I really appreciated that. Thank you.
I don’t have a physical disability like you, but your words really spoke with me. I have autism which to people looking at me would call an invisible disability. But to me it’s every day of my life, I cannot do most thing on my own, I can’t find a job because of my diagnosis, and I fear what I’ll do when I have to leave home. To me my ASD is far from invisible, and hearing your story brought me to tears, thank you for making this video
Sarah is an excellent speaker. Seeing Sarah I sense her qualities like self-awareness and and emotionally intelligence that are shown in this short film. Pressing Buttons is a treasure that shares Sarah's shinning pearls of wisdom and she herself is a rare gem.
I'm disabled myself only I am autistic, and a lot of people see it as a bad thing and something to be afraid. They don't see the person that you are inside when you are disabled, this video was really uplifting Sarah I look up to you and I hope one day to meet you. You are an inspiration.
My son is disabled and he has accomplished so much in his life, more than I could ever had imagined, just like you do! I am so proud of him. Wish you a wonderful life, with lots of fun and love ♥
I'm so moved by this short film. I also have a “silent” or “invisible” disability. I'm still crying, that says a lot about my life, even if the video isn't about me. That was beautiful. Thanks. PS. Don't rely on these comments that don't understand all this. Keep going.
I think there's a lot of people who see disabled people as unhappy because that's what you see a lot of on the internet. People who are unhappy are usually more of the squeaky wheel and get the Limelight much more. I am so glad that your channel is getting bigger and bigger. It is amazing to see how resilient and happy you are. My daughter is 17 and has down syndrome. She is only about four mentally so she does not mind having to depend on me for almost everything. All of us have choices to make every day. And we get to choose to either only be there for ourselves or to be there for others as well. And we can also be there for ourselves and be there for others. Both can be true at the same time. Thank you for sharing your story
The fact that the people who know us really well and even live with us and see how disability affects our lives everyday still don't get it is something I'm personally struggling with right now. Thank you for talking about that so openly
That scene was the best in your short film. The rest of it was good, and important in communicating the struggle of disability to a non-disabled audience, but it didn’t really give me anything new to think about (though I did appreciate your thoughts on the term “invisible disability”). That particular scene, however, did. I am immensely glad that you included it. Thank you.
I really like this, i am a disabled teen, and there is a chance that i wont be able to get a car because of seizures and tics, my parents dont really believe that i am unwell or sick, this video made me feel seen and really happy
Thank you so much for explaining how you are disabled person who is also a person apart from your disability. I would think it would be the difference between ‘you are your disability’ and ‘you have a disability.’ I admire your resilience but also see your frustration that even people who know you well might not consider the consequences of not helping you when you need help. It’s like you said-what do they think will happen once they have left (without providing help.) I wish you all the best in the future 🦋
I think it would be fair to say that having people around you who are empaths will be massively important to you. It’s good you give yourself credit for coping well and make the best of your situation. I can understand your frustrations. My clinical depression and PTSD can intrude sometimes into what I would consider a normal routine but at the same time, I look at some other individuals that do not have to deal with these things and I often fair better sometimes than they do so all things are relative. Just being content with being you is one of the most important things.
I'm legally disabled and have been for 12 years. While my disabilities are different, I have similar experiences, struggles, and feelings. My Lord Jesus Christ, my then boyfriend and now husband and parents have been my rock. Thank you for sharing about your journey. My disability's effect on others has been a real struggle for me. I hate that I can't travel like I used to, and my husband misses out on those experiences. I hate that I can't be outside unless a good shade, certain temperatures, certain humidity, and certain air movements occur. Which means that I can't participate or they have to change their plans. That is just one of many things that my disability affects. Hearing your story makes my experience less lonely. 🦋👩🦰
I am so happy that I have discovered your videos. I am a teacher and I am always trying to do the best for all children. You have opened my eyes to more accessibility and to think about other ways that I am able to fight for children and their needs. Thank you so much for sharing your life and how you have also fought for others in need. ❤
Thank you Sarah. You made me realised how beautiful this life really is. That ‘trivial’ story about you asking a different roommate to put on a top, feeling helpless and not knowing who can help you… I felt that. I have never gone through the same experience but somehow I can feel that pain, when I battled with depression a few years back in a psychiatric unit somewhere after the police brought me in. It’s such a weird thing, this life 😂 Thank you for reminding me again how amazing life is, keep shining bright Sarah!
i love that this can resonate with so many people. i do not have a disability that physically affects me, but you came across my shorts which led me to this amazing short film. i’m in medical school right now to become a nurse and i like to hear about stories such as this to understand patients when i am a nurse. especially if i do not know where they are coming from or have never experienced it. i think the last quote you mentioned was so motivating. in that you can run with struggle and it’s okay. i think that quote reaches the non disabled audience as well and spoke volumes to me. thank you for your story, ST.
honestly what blew my mind about this short film wasn’t the things you said about yourself, but the idea that able-bodied, neurotypical people wouldn’t have to think this way. everything i do needs so much energy dedicated to planning, so much thinking about other people and all the extra things i need to do in order to do something someone else might not even need a plan at all for. wild to consider that. i’ve always thought of ‘invisible disability’ as a term exclusively to describe one that others can’t see, but it is interesting to think about how much that centres people around you rather than yourself. it’s honestly a little like the experience of reading the dsm-v for autism (bear with me). the symptoms listed in the dsm are entirely what other people see, and nothing about how the person themself experiences things. it’s deeply strange to try and figure out what things mean that are written exclusively for people around you.
Wow! Thank you Sarah Todd for sharing your story. You are an inspiration. I know living with disabilities can be a challenge, specially with hidden disability. I remember a quote by Stephen Hawkins “Concentrate on the abilities your disability doesn't hinder and don't dwell on the things it interferes with. Be disabled physically, not in spirit” My 15 year son has been diagnosed with AFM 4 months ago and his been in ICU for 3 months. A month ago his been moved into a ward. The past 4 months have been really tough and challenging for us all, also being disabled myself. We are at the beginning of a very long journey. For his rehab we have been in a constant battle with the Neurologist and medics here in the UK as they don't know much about this condition.
This short film was incredible! I am physically able, and hearing the conversation centered around you better helped me understand your perspective. I love that you pointed out that it is okay for it to suck sometimes because that gives you the ability to cope and meet yourself where you are from moment to moment. You're an incredible, intelligent woman with a superpower to convey your experience extremely well!
I was raised to provide for others to earn respect and love. When I was diagnosed at 20, it didn't really dawn on me how much that kind of ideology would effect and hurt me. I often break down because I have to rely on others. I thought it was just because of that weird twisted upbringing. Seeing you properly tell the world that it's part of the reality of being disabled helps more than I can say. I've only been officially diagnosed for coming up on 3 years, and it felt like my life was over. I learned how to function without the disability, and now I'm relearning how to live all over again. My disability is only visible because I use a cane, but there's so much more to it that I keep from people. I keep it away because I feel like I'll scare people away with what helping actually entails. It's a matter of learning to take care of myself by learning how to ask for help. I'm terrified of asking and being told no because it's already so hard to ask. I immediately start assuming I won't get help and I panic. It makes it a big deal when it doesn't have to be. I suppose this is all apart of learning how to live with my disability, but it still sucks. I'm happy that kind of worry is being acknowledged. Thank you for this. Thank you so so much.
I came to this video from the short you made about the top-tying scene and even knowing it was coming, that scene did still make me pause and question my own opinions. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
You are a problem solver and think outside the box person. I can see you are very passionate and determined. When door is closed you try another. I've been watching you for a couple of weeks, and im so inspired by you. And im a 58 year old, old lady, 😂. I dont see a disabled young lady. I see a beautiful, strong, determined young woman thats not going to let anything or anyone stop her. ❤
Sarah, I’m also a disabled woman but live in a different country. I often hear people from the US say they get little to no government support. Where I live I only need to ask friends & family for day to day support on the odd occasion because we have pretty much free health care & I am entitled to funding for support staff & equipment. So saying, the level of planning we have to do is the same. It’s a never ending round of thinking ahead to ensure we’re safe, have what we need & can live the life we want. Resilience, creativity & adaptability are so necessary in our lives & I’m glad you have these qualities. I totally resonate with your comments on identity, reality checks, authenticity & being proud of who you are & your daily achievements. I wish you all the best in your studies & whatever goals you have for your life. ❤
I adore youtube for bringing out different perspectives to the forefront. Desperately needed to kindle the human condition. Just because someone lives a life differently than you... doesn't mean you have to shun them. Their reality does not need to make you uncomfortable.
I had double hand amputation last year and i relate to ur struggles so much, needing help getting dressed, having someone do my hair, i have to plan everything to make sure i can get dressed or eat, also the medical trauma(such a real thing). People will never understand like someone experiencing it. Even my bf who lives w me n helps everyday still makes suggestions that sound dumb to me cause im like how do u expect me to do that, he just doesn't think about it like i do. So glad i found ur channel, sending much love ❤
i have multiple sclerosis and had my first relapse this past january that took a lot of my ability in my arms and hands. its so hard to find anyone who understands. the fatigue, the inability to do this thing but not that. the pain, the weakness. relying on other people is something thats so hard to ask for and i try to asi for help as little as possible, even if it causes me physical pain and turmoil. im really glad i stumbled upon this video. thank you
Thank you for posting this and sharing about your life! I also have complicated feelings about “invisible” disabilities. I’m autistic, and I have ADHD and hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos. Those are “invisible” in that if you took a still image of me sitting down, most people wouldn’t notice anything amiss (maybe a doctor would notice the hypermobility if I’m supporting myself with my arms). But they do notice when they’re talking with me, or working with me, or just observing me. They don’t know it’s autism, ADHD, and hEDS, though. They talk to me and think “wow, she’s weird”, because they notice that there’s something weird but they can’t put their finger on it. They look at my room and think “she’s so messy,” because they can’t see how difficult it is for me to overcome my executive dysfunction and get things done. They see me sitting or lying down and they think “she’s very lazy”, because they can’t see how much my body hurts. They see me panting after a flight of stairs and think “she’s out of shape, she needs to work out,” because they don’t see how hard it is for me to get the air in and out of my lungs. My struggles aren’t invisible, it’s the causes that are, so when people see me struggling they judge me negatively instead of recognising that I’m doing the best I can.
Not making even the slightest comparison to your struggles. But I've had T1 diabetes for 40 years. It is the typical "invisible disability". It takes over every waking moment of my life. And every sleeping moment of my life.
4:06 i almost started crying here, I’m autistic with severe sensory issues. There’s been times i’ve been going to school and going without a jumper or sometimes coat is easier because putting that coat or jumper makes me want to throw up or tear my skin off. I’ve to plan outfits days in advance because otherwise i will get nauseous if a seam is in the wrong place. It’s more venting now. But meals are so horrible, that i’ve to revolve my day around can i eat, what do i have the energy to eat. This short story is so amazing, Sarah Todd you put so many of the things i needed to say to people into words better than i could ever do, this was amazing to watch
Hi Sarah as a physically disabled parson myself I can totally relate to everything u said thanks so much for making people understand batter about us and our community ❤from India 😊
Beautifully put. I have multiple chronic illnesses which went undiagnosed for most of my life since the symptoms were minor, then flared so bad at age 25 I was bedridden for years. Now I'm in my early 30s and to be physically capable of walking around and doing stuff there are SO MANY things I have to do daily to stay well. When people see me out and about I tend to look quite well, but they don't realize how much dedication and discipline goes into just being able to get out of bed. I have to have back up plans for my back up plans so my needs are getting met and the dominos don't start falling. The mental energy that goes into living life disabled is rarely acknowledged. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I have multiple disabilities and some affect me the exact same every day, others fluctuate, and a few only pop up every down and again but always seriously. Mine all came on in big waves starting with a bilateral hearing loss. It is the exact same 15 years later. But others are so stable and my symptoms vary. On the hard days, I’m stared at and my disability is “visible” and others you would never know and I’m stared at for using accessibility. I don’t think I’ve truly grieved. The grief of the old me hits more than I would like. The acceptance part is where I’m just not able to get to in the grieving process. I just try to bargain everyday and end up anger. Having content like this and being in the comments, really remind me that I’m not alone. There is an entire community waiting for me with open arms. Thank you for starting this difficult conversation that makes abled people so uncomfortable
You’re so awesome Sarah Todd! I think anyone can relate to accepting that some aspects of our lives do suck sometimes but that doesn’t mean we can’t find happiness and meaning ❤
You are so beautiful inside and out Sarah Todd! I have enjoyed watching you grow and mature in your AMAZING quest to enjoy your life to the fullest. You encourage and give knowledge and hope to others who are disabled as well as informing those of us who are not disabled to understand. You are a ray of sunshine in this world. God bless you. 💖
Thank you for sharing your story, Sarah. Watching your videos about people with disabilities has really broadened my perspective on the challenges and triumphs they and you experience. I’m currently working on my undergraduate thesis in architecture, focusing on designing spaces and architectural details that accommodate both people without physical disabilities and those with them. Your videos have helped me move past the stereotype that people with disabilities are limited or unhappy; instead, you’ve inspired me to invest more effort in creating accessible and inclusive designs. I now see how thoughtful architecture can benefit not only people with disabilities but everyone in the community.
Thank you for making this film Sarah it is a beautiful piece that helps me feel so seen as a disabled person myself thank you thank you !!!!! You put all the things I’ve always wanted to say to people in the best way possible
As someone who struggles with mental health and trying to figure out what I have, it’s nice to know others who have invisible disability or just disability in general speak out about their experience. It makes me feel less alone. I’m currently going through my grieving process.
I remember watching your short film a while ago, and truthfully, I had forgotten that i did, so I watched it again. The way it made me feel- I know this film will be one i revisit. It's relatable and for what it's worth it's comforting
Your light really shines through in this short film. Although you've been dealt a sh*t hand, you still seem to find a way to be positive. It's such a wonderful thing to see. I have ADHD, autism and two bulging discs which cause me pain daily. Having hidden disabilities can be so debilitating at times, but I've recently found that pushing through those barriers and putting myself first has helped me hugely. I commend you for your honesty, courage, transparency and for spreading positivity despite daily challenges you face. You seem like a wonderful woman, who I'd be honoured to call a friend.
I really appreciate you making this film. I know it wasn't for us, and it was for you, but it was educational and helpful nonetheless. I'm going to try my absolute best to start accommodating people more in my life, disabled or not, because damn do I understand how frustrating it can be to not be able to do something without help (not disabled, so not to the extent you or other people who don't have the same abilities as I do). Thank you so much again :))
Hi Sarah. ❤ First I just want to say, this is not me comparing my struggles to yours since I'm physically able bodied (sort of), I'm in awe of your strength and beauty and perseverance. I just want to say thank you so much for this. With AuDHD, clinical depression, tourettes and horrible anxiety, it rules every moment and aspect of my life, especially with the regression and grief that has hit me so hard after I turned 25 and the mask started slipping, but to others I'm just boring and inconsiderate for not showing up to things like I used to, and weird for eating the same thing everyday and still being extremely nerdy with the same hobbies I've always had instead of becoming more grown and dropping the things that are deemed childish. At the same time people can't connect a socially adept personality with the inability to work and having so much anxiety about things that you lock yourself in your apartment for weeks on end. I'm so, so tired, and I wish people would've taken me seriously when I was younger so I didn't have to resort to the worst thing a person with a mental disability can do - trying to force yourself back into the mould and fighting in silence. I've never known anything but being in survival mode, and when the big burn out came at 25, it took all the fight I had left and left me a husk, and at 28 I still haven't gotten better. It took my memories, my vocabulary, my ability to process information. I'm so scared to meet new people, because I don't want to have to explain why I sometimes just stop mid sentence and can't finish because I forgot a simple word like "fire", or if it's a bad tic day and I can't hide the audible ones, or the energy it will have to take to hide both the visible and the audible ones. I don't have a community that can help me when I get into an episode and stop taking care of myself for weeks, or that makes me feel loved and safe enough to just drop the mask and not hide my tourettes. I just wish I could be disabled without feeling disabled, and that it wouldn't feel so painfully obvious that, like you said, even the people that know me so well don't understand. I don't know, sorry for trauma dumping, the video just hit me so hard and the feelings came to a boil, you get so used to feeling lonely with these feelings that you just don't vocalise it very often, or it's that way for me anyhow, so I got a bit of word vomit. Anyway, point is, you're doing INCREDIBLE work shining a light on what it's like not living with the same privileges other people take for granted. You truly are amazing. I wish we didn't have to work so damn hard to live. ❤
I have late diagnosed autism disorder. The signs were always there but somehow missed I was a toe walker due to mild cerebral palsay and had a lisp. I grew up on the outside looking in, forgotten and exhausted. I'm disabled in the sense of my emotional regulation being stunted and how easily I experience trauma and absorb it to a painful degree. I'm burning out, I'm not sure Im going to get through my senior year of college. Thank you for making one of the most relatable videos I have ever seen
Hi I just wanted you to know that your video was amazing and made me feel less alone. I have dyslexia ( I know it’s not a real disability just a learning disorder) but I have always relied on people or technology for help with things like spelling or reading for an Extended period of time. I always use to get self conscious about it but knowing that other people need help too is just great so thank you ( I am in no way trying to compare having dyslexia to having paralysis or any other type of disability)
oh wow this was really informative as a non-disabled person; it really did have me thinking. i know its a little late sorry lol. but this was super awesome!
Great fillm❤ i became disabled when i was 16 alsi with a unique set of disabilities. One thingi really mourn about my able body life is how much less planning i had to do
I very much enjoyed this film as well the others you've posted showing the challenges and how greatly you've overcome the barriers in your day-to-day! Although, I'm not disabled, your statement of "mourning" your life before AFM came into your life resonated in my brain. You see I came down with a cancer in 2020 and the radiation for that cancer drastically changed my life for the worse causing me challenges every minute of every day and night. I too mourn my life pre-cancer and what it robbed me of. On the happier side I find myself rejoicing when I'm able to enjoy a part of my day but then sometimes I also become sad that I can't feel that enjoyment more often and for larger parts of the day. In the cancer community we also experience a sort-of PTSD, as you kind of described having yourself, about most things medical when they're happening to us. I'm not a pity party type of person as I'm sure you aren't either, but it's nice to hear your experiences and see how they could apply to my situation.
before I got sick, I didn't spend a second considering how I, society and the enviroment affects people with disablities. High curbs, narrow passages, things on high shelfs, heavy obejcts, having to stand and so much more were automatic non-issues. Then I got sick. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything for the first 4 years. My husband had to feed me because I didn't have the energy, strenght nor ability to grip a fork or spoon to feed myself. Eventually I got diagnosed with ME(cfs) and got sorted out and a wheelchair to make me more independent. Being locked up in your apprtment for 2,5 years, fully dependent on someone else really takes a toll on you. Today I pay close attention to everything. How high is the curb? Can I get over it with my power wheelchair? Does this store have wide enough iles for me to shop there? I need to shower, wash my hair and cook dinner. I can't do them all. Pick one. I can't go shopping on my own anymore since I'm having to bend my arm back to put stuff in the bag, which led to my shoulder getting messed up and completely unusable for over a year. I still don't have full range on motion in it. I can't risk damaging it more or doing something to my other shoulder. So I need someone with me to help put stuff in the bag. I just lost yet another part of my independence. People don't really consider such things and how important independence is for everyone, untill they're the ones in a wheelchair or don't have the use of their body anymore. I still mourn my previous life. I hate being dependent on others, but I don't have much of a choice so I just accept it as is. This is such an important discussion to be had with people. I wish people would think one step further and not have to find out the hard way. Experience is the mother of understanding and compassion. I wish we could take experience out of that equation.
you content makes me feels rlly really seen and understood sum people wouldn’t assume i’m disabled some people doesn’t not even assume as no disabled cause i’m a normally person
Thank you for this, I am chronically ill and have a chronic injury’ and a genetic disease. My situation is completely different to yours in so many ways, but so much of what you have said in this is so relatable to me. Thank you for spreading awareness.
This video was great and your message is awesome. As a fellow young woman in her 20s with a physical disability that is usually visible but can sometimes go unnoticed, I can relate to things you said. Children are resilient and it’s a good thing to because I think that’s one of the best things about disability that it fosters resilience and creativity. But as you mentioned it can also lead to not acknowledging or looking into this source/full extent of frustrations that being disabled in a society that so often has no idea what the experience actually is like.
What you’re talking about made me think about the concept of Forced Intimacy (for those who haven’t heard of it, it’s the way in which ableist society requires people with disabilities to participate in or reveal deeply personal experiences in order to be granted any amount of access. Mia Mingus has a blog article about this concept). Like, I feel the need to explain my disability to each of my professors in-depth just to justify my needs and accommodations (even though I shouldn’t have to and don’t legally need to). Just the idea that as disabled people, we have to rely on non-disabled people and them just not understanding (or being unwilling to understand) the impact that can have is so frustrating and creates a weird power dynamic. I guess non-disabled people having to recognize that not everyone is ecstatic at them “helping” us navigate a world that only caters to a very narrow range of bodyminds makes them uncomfortable, but I think it’s important to sit with that discomfort for a bit.
A lot of people who are disabled talk about how they don't want help because they want to be able to do things themselves, so it's quite the change seeing someone ask for help to do things because they can't really do them on their own. I feel bad that you really don't have someone that you can rely on to help you, I think it shows how selfish we as Americans are, always worried about ourselves and don't even think about that person who really needs our help
Two things really stuck with me: 1. Referring to your disability as invisible centers other people. I'm 34 now and got severe POTS when I was 29, and for the most part, random strangers might not notice it unless they paid attention. I felt guilty occupying disabled spaces/communities because I felt like I didn't deserve to be in them or like I was an imposter. A friend reminded me of all the extra considerations I have to make that non-disabled people never think about. My disability might be invisible to strangers who don't glance twice, but it's certainly not invisible to me. 2. "Struggling doesn’t mean you don't have your life figured out." I almost cried when you said this. I deeply struggle with this idea and the grief that comes with being disabled. I'm also a single mom, and there's so much grief and self-hatred that I can’t do things like other parents can do. I've made some recoveries and don't have seizures from it anymore, but daily life is still overwhelmingly, frustratingly challenging. Anyway, I'm so glad I came across your channel and found this video ❤
I became fully disabled in August 2024 from breast cancer that went to my brain. Had emergency brain surgery and now partially paralyzed on the left side, unable to walk and use my left arm very much. I am female age 47 and a mom of a teen daughter. It's hard for my family to understand daily needs or even making sure they done place items in the few walk paths of the house. It's hard for them to get used to my new reality. It's even harder for me. To go from walking to wheelchair is hard and it's hard to maneuver in my own wheelchair.
Wow! You are incredibly well spoken and have a gift for expressing deeply thought provoking ideas! It takes courage to speak the truth and I'm glad you are doing it! The world needs this light from all the bright and shining stars like you!
![HOW I BECAME PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wLNeLvO-AAY/mqdefault.jpg)
![DISNEY DISABILITY ACCESS SERVICE (DAS) UPDATES // My experience getting denied DAS [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pQTHjUWTpp8/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you for pointing out how the phrase "invisible disability" centers how other people see your disability, not how visible it is to you. That really resonated with me, I hadn't thought of it that way before but it makes so much sense!
I am not physically disabled and while I can easily mask my autism it affects every part of my life. I love that about myself and I wouldn't change it for the world but it doesn't make crowded rooms quieter or unexpected sensory overload less awful.
If my disability is invisible, it's because you won't see me on my bad days. On my bad days I am hiding under the bedcovers trying to block out all the sensory input I can, I'm not going out there so people can pity me at their convenience!
My autism is invisible. My headphones aren't. My comfy clothes aren't.
My hand flapping, knitting, stress stimming and constant ear/nose/foot twitching aren't.
My vocal stims aren't silent, they're suppressed.
My masking only drops when I'm alone. I don't know where it ends and I begin. My crisis of identity is not the same thing as putting on a professional front to send an email, but I'm sure my therapist thought that would make me feel better.
Being able to function in society doesn't change that doing so is a struggle.
Thank you for making this. My disability is visible to me.
I have severe chronic pain, but I'm also very physically active and am a cleaner and walk about 5 miles a day at my job. People cannot fathom that you can be active and still be disabled. So on bad days where the pain is just unbearable and I just can't get things done people think I'm just being lazy.
I could've written this, it's so wild to see, and my god I just want to hug you and tell you how precious and strong you are, because I know how hard it is. Currently sitting with pain in my hands because the stress tics I get when stimming for grounding isn't enough have been so bad that I've overstretched all the tiny muscles. Yesterday I left my apartment for the first time in two weeks, but all I want to do is hide in my bed with my audiobooks and knitting project right now, can't eat because I don't have money to buy my safety foods. But if I meet someone on a good day, without my headphones and out of my comfort clothes, they won't have a clue. I've had people say "but you haven't gotten like a real diagnosis with a doctor, right?" when I tell them about the AuDHD, and then almost questioning surprise when I tell them I have.
The "I don't know where it ends and I begin" hit me like a ton of bricks. How do you explain that to a neurotypical person? I don't even know how to control when I mask and when I don't, it's just an instant survival mechanism and it leaves me so confused about who I am, because I'm sure the masked version of me is a true part of me, but why does it have to be when it leaves me exhausted to the point where I sometimes have to recharge for a week after an evening with close friends?
It can feel so lonely, feeling like nobody knows you and that you don't know how to let people know you. I don't want my needs to be invisible, I wish people could look at me and understand that I might not be able to be what they want me to be.
Sorry for wall of text, it's just uncommon for me to see someone speak words that could've been my own. Also, I never learned how to summarise shit lmao, born to yap, forced to nap.
Hit me up if you want someone to talk about knitting or other hobbies, or just if you want someone to talk to. No pressure though, of course! Sometimes you just have enough friends to fill your needs and that's valid. ❤
It is the product of an ableist society that the only language we have available to describe disability centers on how said disability affects others. I agree fully with the expressed sentiments on “invisible disability.”
I also take particular issue with “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” autism. A person with “high-functioning” autism can’t actually function. All that label does is tell other people that they can treat me like a person, and it also means any issues I face around my disability are mine to face alone. My struggle not affecting you does not mean that I have the same capabilities in this society as a neurotypical person. Similarly to “invisible,” it minimizes my disability. And this is without getting into my issues with the word “functioning.”
Likewise, “low-functioning” just means that anyone interacting with the person should expect to take extra time and resources in the interaction (I also find it sparks a sort of condescending sympathy, both for the person and those around them).
The issue of identity is also something that I see relatively undiscussed (if it is, I am unaware of it), but that honestly might be my biggest issue with masking. I adapt constantly to the people around me; therefore, I don’t actually know who I would be independent of my surroundings. Many act as though there is a difference between one and their environment, so I feel there must be, but I cannot discern what it is for myself. If my identity is entirely fluid, always taking the shape of a container in constant flux-if it is not solid in any way-does it exist? If it does, how could it be defined? Its only constant characteristic is that it is inconstant.
But, as you said, such struggles are invisible to the outside, so it sort of makes sense that discussion of it would be limited. It seems as a society we are becoming more aware of disability, so this gap in language might soon be bridged (I am appreciative of the categorization of autism by support needs, as opposed to ability to function in society), but it is for the moment a frustrating circumstance.
Thank you for saying this, you put into words what I couldn’t and I’m so grateful for your comment, what you said rings so true to how I feel about my own autism, thank you again💖🥹🥹
@@MjsticCpybr This comment too-this right here🙏🏻 thank you both🥹💖💖
When you said 'it can all be true at the same time' I actually nodded at my screen. I struggle with depression every day, and wonder how others mostly see me as assertive and feisty
I’m so glad this resonated with you! 🩷
@@letsgetreal3076 yup, just because you're unwell/disabled, it doesn't mean you can't also kick ass.
I hear you!🫂❤️🩹
exactly!! as someone who’s lived with depressive episodes for a long time (and dealt with years of not-so-great experiences in psychiatry), I don’t think I’d be as assertive and feisty as I am now if I’d never been through that experience. Being faced with that kind of forces you to learn how to advocate for yourself, especially after reaching a point where you realize you don't want to just accept substandard care anymore. I don’t think I would’ve ever gotten to the place I am today (almost 3 years in remission) without fighting to find a treatment that actually worked for me without significantly impairing my quality of life. I’m proud of you for still being here, and I hope you know that it’s ok to be struggling. ♥️
Yup I hear you. Chronic pain and I work as a ft mental health nurse w mild cerebral palsy and 3 different autoimmune diseases. Ppl don't realise how hard it is energy wise.
Sadly, I wouldn't even be able to get the disability support pension in Australia as I'm too 'functional.'
So I don't normally comment on stuff, but I'm a teenager with cerebral palsy (due to a stroke). It didn't affect my cognitive function, and I was able to regain a lot of mobility. I don't tell anyone about it because I'm afraid of their judgment, but your content makes me feel really seen and understood. People wouldn't assume I'm disabled, so they don't really understand the struggle. Thank you ❤
I’m so glad this resonated with you 🩷
Lol who tf would judge you 💀
@@gacha._.amethystxxother teenagers, man, they're brutal. And... Adults. Especially when they disagree with you. If you don't think people would judge, I'm happy for you.
@@gacha._.amethystxx Unfortunately, a lot of people. I've been the punchline of jokes because I look slightly different while walking and I don't speak well. It's just taught me to treat people gently. I'm trying to spark the change I wanna see.
This made me feel normal. As a disabled person- who others would say has an “invisible” disability, I feel this so much. I put on a brave face so I don’t think people realize there are so many tasks I struggle with. Some people even make jokes about my struggles or the event that caused my disability. It’s so hard, but life is beautiful anyway. Some days can feel so impossible, but theres still so much joy.
My partner noticed me struggling to stand up because I have a fatigue disorder and he started freaking out a bit (we're both traumatized from my finding out I had a chronic illness bc it took my full deterioration before a doctor took me seriously) and I got SO mad and frustrated with struggling that I just blurted it out.
"This isnt some terrible sign, I feel this way every fucking day, Im just not covering it up with pretending to check something on my phone and 'getting distracted'!! Just let me get up at my own pace, regardless of how painful it looks because its important to learn how to push through to do basic tasks! Just acknowledge my struggle and if its hard to watch, go in the other room, but do NOT act like its new."
Broke his entire view of me. It took him days to digest it.
He now just asks if I need help and hovers nearby if I decline it. He even steps into another room so I feel like he's not hovering, but I can see his shadow in the hall, right there and waiting for me.
“Struggling doesn’t mean that you don’t have your life figured out” I love this. Thank you for this ❤
Thank you for watching!
"Struggling doesn't mean that you don't have your life figured out. It's something you're working with, that you can embrace and run with."
Working with you, ST, and the team on this was such a pleasure. Getting a chance to help tell your story was an honor and getting a glimpse into the world you navigate daily was eye-opening for me on a very personal level. Hoping this film will help others like me become more aware of the many nuances of disability and resonate with all audiences. 🎉
You are awesome, Adam! So thankful you took this project on. I wouldn't have been able to make it happen without you! Thank you endlessly!
There’s a quote I’m sure you’ve already heard… “art should disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed,” good on you for making good art.
I can’t fathom being so reliant on others; it was already deeply hard for me to be reliant on someone else for transportation through my late teens… I am glad that the people who surround you are supportive, and I hope they remain so!
Also, this is much less important, but your hair is very pretty :>
Watching this really hit hard for me. I never thought my autism was "disabling", but relating to so much that your mind experiences every day and hearing the words "non-disabled people never think about this" made me realise that being autistic is in fact an invisible disability. Disability is never on non-disabled people's minds, even if someone close has one. Watching the scene of you talking about your roommates refusing to help also hit hard. For them, its an inconvenience. For me, its my whole life. And others can't understand that.
My two older brothers have autism like you, so I completely understand how you feel.
The stims, sensory issues, all the things that allistic people can filter out and take for granted, I've needed to see them struggle with firsthand. I've seen just how much I take the inner workings of my mind for granted compared to theirs; but I can't say I can imagine them any differently either.
It's a beautiful part of them, one that allows them to be more creative and learn things outside the scope society calls "mainstream" (at least from my experience). One of them is 4 years older than me, and he's in training to try and get an internship for experience on a resume, machine work and such. He's very doting on our parents, a huge gentle giant, but he could also overpower both of them or all us younger siblings if we teamed up on him (for some reason). The other is my age, and he's learning editing & animation on Flipaclip and Kinemaster. He's a huge fan of animals, and can say the names of many animals in different languages, as well as identify all sorts of birds.
They're both so carefree, and so different from each other despite their shared condition. They're so creative, and earnest, and determined (a bit stubborn sometimes, haha). They have this connection between them I'm not sure if I'll ever share with them, but we're all trying our best.
Sending my sympathies and well wishes!
The background mental planning a lot of disabled people is a really important thing to highlight that most people are unaware of. It can really sap some of your energy.
Totally is, I've lost so much sight and booked a holiday for me and my son next year. I've since spent as much time on Google Maps looking at the Street View so I can get a vague idea of what's around us and where we can go. I still have well over 6 months before we go but this takes about 30+ minutes each night. That's before I even get to the planning of the next day
Hi Sarah, my name is Gabby and I’m a 16 year old visually disabled girl who’s a sophomore in high school. I was born with multiple eye conditions, a few being anirdia, nystagmus and stribismus. I found this short film so impactful and one of the first times I felt like someone actually understood what I was feeling. When you talked about crying due to your dependence on others, that resonated very deeply with me. I’ve had my conditions all my life, and they’ve rendered me legally blind. Because of this I have to rely on people for very simple actions, crossing the street can be difficult, as I can not see the crosswalk telling me when to walk, so I either need my phone to zoom in or a person with me. My depth perception is also very bad, causing me to fall and nearly injure myself often. I will never be able to drive, and all my friends are getting their licenses and it’s hard for me knowing that I will never have the privilege of driving myself and that I will need to rely on others to get around. I don’t want to be a burden to others, but my disability makes it so that I need others help quite often. But one of the worst things is the social cues or subtle face expressions that I miss simply because I can not see them. I could go on, and I’m beginning to learn that it’s okay to be sad about the things I’ve missed, and the things I won’t be able to do in the future. For a long time, my parents thought that they should just treat me like a ‘normal’ kid, they thought that it was would help me grow normally, but what this approach led to was me not understanding myself or my disability and feeling very overwhelmed and confused because I don’t know why I needed so many accommodations that other kids didn’t. But my disability does not make me weak, in fact I would argue that it has made me a resilient, social person, and I’m so happy that you acknowledge that in the film. It can be hard, when even my family does not understand how I feel. I feel so alone sometimes, but this film made me feel seen as a disabled girl. Thank you so much for making this, you have no idea how much it meant to me. 💕
I think it's important to have designated places, both real and virtual, where we can come together and share stories of our own personal struggles with disorders and disabilities and articulate to one another how we relate (with their personal battles), because I believe that these type of interactions often manifest authentic compassion. And I know firsthand how profoundly healing compassion can be, both when felt towards someone else and when received from another.
On that note, I just want to say that I send you a heartfelt prayer - that you live a long life, full of love and joy, overflowing with fond memories of precious moments shared with friends and loved ones. May you continue to walk your life's path as the strong person that you apparently already are.
Do a TED talk. You and your story are so captivating. You are so amazing and inspiring.
Aw thank you so much! I hope to one day 🩷
@@SarahToddHammer You will.
as an able bodied person this was very eye opening to watch. this is a very impactful, and wonderful short film. thank you for what you do, stay strong❤️
I’m so glad you enjoyed it 💕
It would be great if colleges could pair students with disabilities with students in health majors. Students looking at futures in fields like(but not limited to) OT, PT and rehabilitation can learn alot and practice soft skills. Disabled student can get the help they need without feeling a burden. Not to mention the resulting friendships that can come about as a result.
Fantastic idea. Even med and nursing students
Great idea 🫶🏻
Thank you for this video! Disabled community needs to reach more non-disabled people to show how we struggle every day with normal tasks, and still lead a "normal" lives. All the best to you❤
I’m autistic and when I title read the title my brain went “this video must be about how some disabled people have to push buttons to open doors” and I say I don’t take things literally
This is literally exactly me. Autistic and thinking she's actually pushing buttons
this is actually a really good metaphor haha
pressing the disability door button and pressing buttons in the sense of being irritating
interesting title and conveys alot
I’m not autistic but I thought the same thing! Probably because I saw her reel about being gentle with door buttons so they don’t break! Never thought about that before.
Hahaha you hit on where part of the title comes from! Pushing door buttons for accessibility and people pressing my buttons hehe -- very metaphorical!
I love when you said "when we don't talk about disability, its like its something to be ashamed of or shouldn't think about. " This resonated with me, i have a physical disability since i was 2 and i think even my friends have no idea how to talk about it. I think my husband and kids are the only ones, to this day in my life that know its ok to talk about the good, bad, and everything in between.
Sarah Todd, thank you so much for making this. As someone who struggles with "invisible" disabilities every day, I finally feel seen. You're so right. My disabilities AREN'T invisible, they never were. Thank you for everything you're doing.
I am so glad you resonated with this, thank you for sharing! 💕
So I'm 42 but have massive damage to my c2/c3 and L2/l3 in spine from combat deployments. While I cannot understand what you have to endure I do have sympathy. Without being disrespectful to your early onset condition and what you lost.... I can't do thre things I used to do like skydiving, snowboarding, etc etc... watching this video and others like it gives me perspective and grounds me in relativity. I appreciate you doing this and your preserverance. You're very strong at how you approach life and i love to understand the struggles and determination of others. Thank you and keep kicking ass.
Thank you so much for your kind words!
@SarahToddHammer late reply but your an inspiration so no need to thank me. You good people in this world.
Oh my gosh Sarah Todd 🥺
My first word that came to my head is just…wow. Every word you said resonated with me and hit me so hard.
I was born with a very rare terminal genetic mutation (well actually it’s 2 mutations on one gene 🧬 ) that caused me to be fully able-bodied and gradually decline to the point I am now where I am 27 and I am on hospice with around 3 months left to live.
I went from being a kid and doing sports and activities with my friends to then needing a cane, and losing some arm function as well. Then I graduated to a walker, a manual wheelchair, an electric wheelchair and now, where I’ve been since February 2024, completely bedbound.
Nobody will ever understand what it is like to slowly lose literally everything you could once do. To have to ask for help for LITERALLY everything. If I want a sip of water I need help. If I want to get my hair out of my face and in a bun, I need help. I have a bedside commode attached to the side of my bed but I need assistance to transfer on and off and someone to empty it. The embarrassment of a day when your tummy is upset and you have to keep asking for help from your caregivers for help transferring and then help emptying something that can feel really embarrassing. (my mom is now my full-time caregiver, my dad is my part-time caregiver, I have a palliative/hospice nurse practitioner that comes every day and my respiratory therapist that comes once a week to check if we need to adjust my oxygen). They never make me feel embarrassed in fact they comfort me with “this happens to everybody, it’s no big deal, I’m not even looking when I’m dumping it into the actual toilet and flushing it, literally I used to change your diapers for Pete’s sake this is nothing lol”
My mom is my main caregiver and neither of my parents have EVER made be feel like a burden or complained about doing tasks for me…but yet I feel that way nonetheless. I feel bad that I have to wake them up in the middle of the night for something like needing an extra dose of a medication injection (I can administer the injection myself and I do unless it’s during a severe seizure in which obviously they inject for safety purposes and to stop the seizure, but I need help with opening the packet on certain supplies like gauze or bandaids or even the vials to draw up the medication into the needle and open the needle/syringe packets themselves because my hands, luckily do still function a fair bit, but have lost a lot of ability as well so opening a packet independently is not an option for me and ST I completely relate to that and just the frustration. Compounded with knowing they’re exhausted from literally either caring for me all day or in my dad’s case, working a very long shift doing hard labor as a welder and then helping out to give my mom a break after work too since he’s now our family’s only source of income and I feel so guilty and burdensome even though they come in and never complain and are so sweet…literally the Best family ever! But it still goes back to just knowing that feeling of needing help with literally everything and trying to put it off to a more “convenient” time and that’s just not always possible and it sucks.
But So often when nobody is in the room and I’m alone I just break down because of the saves and frustration and grief and a bit of anger all wrapped into one. I went from not having a Single limitation to literally (TW TMI BLOOD 🩸 **I will put another caps lock with a thumbs up when the TMI TW is over**) coughing up golf ball size blood clots due to the clots that have taken over my scarred lungs, vomiting blood regularly too due to my disease attacking my digestive tract and causing tears all within it, and even chronic 2-4 times a day severe nosebleeds from my high flow oxygen -even with the doctors medicated cream to keep my nose from drying out and cracking like that (TW TMI OVER 👍🏻). I won awards for sports as a kid and now I can’t brush my hair or teeth or get dressed independently anymore let alone stand/walk. And now knowing I’m posing away soon and leaving behind all these amazing humans who love and support me and the grief and guilt that brings. I “know it’s not my fault” but the reality is the extreme grief and pain and heartbreak and sadness my loved ones will feel will be caused by MY death…ME.
(the Canadian government is incredibly frustrating and our current Prime Minister has NOT AT ALL prioritized disabilities etc. My mom and dad should both be receiving a caregivers allowance from the government and I do receive disability pay monthly however it is so minute that it doesn’t even cover half the cost of my monthly medications that aren’t all covered by Canada’s pharmacare plan. It’s ridiculous but not the point so I won’t go off on a longer tangent than this current rant lol sorry)
I’ve also been diagnosed with cPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) from 27 years of extreme medical trauma, some so serious it involved the court system and to this day I deal with panic attacks, nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks where I feel like everything is happening all over again and I’m back in that exact moment in my mind, intense memory episodes that occur out of the blue (kinda like a panic attack but less anxiety and more anger about the things that were done to me, etc.). To be honest, my specific mutation is so rare there’s only 29 recorded cases in history and only 7 currently alive now (soon to be 5 since I’m on hospice care. I was in a hospice Center but wanted to die in my own house so I’m on home hospice just to clarify if anyone was confused because this post is so freaking long and complicated and rambley to which I apologize). The oldest person with the disease in history is actually still alive and he is currently 39 but I believe also on palliative care/hospice although they call it different things as I live in Canada and he lives in the Netherlands. But I’ve basically been a medical Guinea pig since the day I was born and it’s caused so much damage mentally and physically. There’s not anywhere on my body that doesn’t have a scar or evidence of medical intervention 😢
Every emotion you described…I’ve felt in one way or another. The way you speak, your storytelling ability, all of it. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason personally. But I do believe that your disability has made you so much stronger than an able-bodied person could understand. There is so much strength in the vulnerability it takes to ask for help. And just a few final thoughts for any non-disabled people:
1) disabled is not a bad word lol it’s literally a descriptive word for what I am
2) I hate when people say “don’t let your disability define you”. Because while I am a lot more things than just disabled (like a mom to the cutest emotional support crested gecko 🦎 named Rook lol), my disability defines every decision I make in the day. So it’s a massive part of my identity and I’m okay with that. There’s still other parts that I’m proud of like I said, and things like being a daughter, being a conservationist and ecosystem enthusiast etc lol, but still, disability is intertwined in all of that so in a way it does define me
3) any variation of either saying this *to* a disabled person or *about* a disabled person “they never let their disability hold them back” 😤 the reality is, I truly believe that EVERYONE with a disability of any kind has had it impact their ability to achieve certain things. In other words, their disability has held them back. And while that’s so frustrating that the world is not more accessible etc. It’s the reality. My disability held me back from (for example, not actually personal) becoming a professional figure skater. It does happen and when you’re talking about someone and say that “they never let their disability hold them back from achieving every dream” it can make other disabled people feel crappy about themselves because maybe theirs did.
4) I don’t need pity. Me doing an every day task or just getting outside isn’t “an inspiration”, however, if my story inspires you because of my resilience through adversity or my achievements, etc., that’s very thoughtful to say ace encouraging
All in all, Sarah Todd this was a brilliant snippet into the reality of life with a disability. It was beautiful and raw and emotional and real and so beautifully and eloquently shared. You have such a gift of storytelling. Your voice is soft but fierce and commands attention and your advocacy work (which I’ve been following since one of the very first mini docs posted on a different channel about your story) is something so commendable and you should be so proud of. I feel like you were born to make a difference in the world, and whether it’s through disability advocacy or whatever else you choose, the with better watch out lol. You are a fierce fighter and I’m sorry that you didn’t have a say in the thing that made you that strong (although I believe AFM or not you would’ve been a strong force to be reckoned with), but although you had no say in the matter, you just moved forward because that’s all you could do, you moved forward with the strength of a freight train barreling towards your dreams. Whatever you choose to do in the future, without a doubt, people will take notice!
Thank you for this brilliant video and your raw courage in sharing the hard parts. There is so much beauty in vulnerability my dear making you pretty freaking gorgeous inside and out. Thank you for making me feel less alone and by sharing your disability experience it gave a voice to mine.
Thank you Sarah Todd Hammer 🤍
Dam girl..this is tragic and amazing. I won't forget you when you'll be gone. You are just 11 years older then me but you are so intelligent and empathetic! I can't imagine what is it like to be in your state, this is a real bommer. wish you for the best! See you next life I guess?🤷🏼♀️🩵
What an incredibly sweet comment, thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
@@SarahToddHammer lol I’m dying and I personally believe in Heaven which I’m trying to get into…I don’t have time to lie lol. So please know every word was genuine 🖤🦴🫁🦓🫀🤍
@@אוראוהדיין Why will she be gone? Maybe I missed that part but I sure hope her health situation doesn't mean she'll have a shorter life than she would have otherwise. I want her to have a long life and hopefully after that she is in heaven, which is where I'm planning to go too someday.
@@אוראוהדיין you’re the sweetest! Sending all my love
Love this! I run a chronic illness support group and what you spoke about is what we’ve been speaking about in our group with lack of control or being the elephant in the room even when asked about disabilities. Thank you for sharing, and I’m so glad I stumbled onto you! Definitely shared within the group ❤️ I hope you’re doing well. We spoke about grief with our disabilities a few hours ago and how that grief can manifest or show physically.
Wow… I’m a new adult and coming to terms with my disabilities that have taken a lot of my independence. When you said 2:48 I’m always think about my friends schedules. It hit me hard. I’m just thinking about the fact that I’ve never been able to do things on my schedule and I continue to rely on others. This was a huge eye opener. Thank you.
Thank you, as a physically disabled person …. I’m so glad you talked about some of my own feelings and thoughts 😢😊
Thank you so much for watching ❤️
I loved this video - “struggling doesn’t mean that you don’t have your life figured … it’s something you can run with”
It’s kind of beautiful that you have to rely on others, your community, to help you - it’s keeps you in contact - together.
I don't really fit in with everyone else who is commenting because instead of physical disabilities I have mental ones but some of the things you said in this are just so relatable to me. With choosing to be cold because putting on a coat is to hard for you was something that I can relate to but instead of a not having the ability to move your arms like others I have sensory issues so if I put on a coat that has just the wrong texture I am instantly on the verge of a meltdown.
This is so accurate, except for me I find coats constricting and tight and loud and very uncomfortable. I've only ever had a meltdown once, but I'd still rather just ditch the coat rather than deal with all that
Today I had an autistic meltdown from my coat but I have gotten better over the years about listening to myself so I was able to eventually fix the problem by borrowing my dads coat that is 2 sizes to big and is 8 years old so I had full movement and wasn't cold in the 41 degree weather (not Celsius the other one for temperature)
Pants are really uncomfortable for my behind-the-knee eczema, I can totally understand preferring being cold to wearing uncomfortable jackets.
I really connected with what you said about needing to plan your day the night before. As someone with a disability, I also have to plan ahead just to get through each day, and hearing your perspective made me realize that most people don’t need to put in this extra effort. It reminded me of how much more energy it takes and that I should be kinder to myself when im feeling overwhelmed or extra exhausted. Listening to someone I can relate to made me feel seen, and I really appreciated that. Thank you.
I don’t have a physical disability like you, but your words really spoke with me. I have autism which to people looking at me would call an invisible disability. But to me it’s every day of my life, I cannot do most thing on my own, I can’t find a job because of my diagnosis, and I fear what I’ll do when I have to leave home. To me my ASD is far from invisible, and hearing your story brought me to tears, thank you for making this video
Sarah is an excellent speaker. Seeing Sarah I sense her qualities like self-awareness and and emotionally intelligence that are shown in this short film.
Pressing Buttons is a treasure that shares Sarah's shinning pearls of wisdom and she herself is a rare gem.
Aw thank you! I go by Sarah Todd or ST; Sarah is not my name :)
I’ve been following you for over a year now-just want you to know you are such a bright light of joy in this world. Thank you for sharing your story❤️
I appreciate your kind words, thank you for watching!
I'm disabled myself only I am autistic, and a lot of people see it as a bad thing and something to be afraid. They don't see the person that you are inside when you are disabled, this video was really uplifting Sarah I look up to you and I hope one day to meet you. You are an inspiration.
I am so Proud of you. Never be afraid to ask for help or speak up and let your voice be heard.
This was very relatable because it’s so frustrating having to ask for something that people don’t understand.
My son is disabled and he has accomplished so much in his life, more than I could ever had imagined, just like you do! I am so proud of him. Wish you a wonderful life, with lots of fun and love ♥
Thank you so much! 🩷
I'm so moved by this short film. I also have a “silent” or “invisible” disability. I'm still crying, that says a lot about my life, even if the video isn't about me. That was beautiful. Thanks.
PS. Don't rely on these comments that don't understand all this. Keep going.
I think there's a lot of people who see disabled people as unhappy because that's what you see a lot of on the internet. People who are unhappy are usually more of the squeaky wheel and get the Limelight much more. I am so glad that your channel is getting bigger and bigger. It is amazing to see how resilient and happy you are. My daughter is 17 and has down syndrome. She is only about four mentally so she does not mind having to depend on me for almost everything. All of us have choices to make every day. And we get to choose to either only be there for ourselves or to be there for others as well. And we can also be there for ourselves and be there for others. Both can be true at the same time. Thank you for sharing your story
The fact that the people who know us really well and even live with us and see how disability affects our lives everyday still don't get it is something I'm personally struggling with right now. Thank you for talking about that so openly
Thank you for watching!
That scene was the best in your short film. The rest of it was good, and important in communicating the struggle of disability to a non-disabled audience, but it didn’t really give me anything new to think about (though I did appreciate your thoughts on the term “invisible disability”). That particular scene, however, did. I am immensely glad that you included it. Thank you.
I really like this, i am a disabled teen, and there is a chance that i wont be able to get a car because of seizures and tics, my parents dont really believe that i am unwell or sick, this video made me feel seen and really happy
Thank you so much for explaining how you are disabled person who is also a person apart from your disability. I would think it would be the difference between ‘you are your disability’ and ‘you have a disability.’ I admire your resilience but also see your frustration that even people who know you well might not consider the consequences of not helping you when you need help. It’s like you said-what do they think will happen once they have left (without providing help.) I wish you all the best in the future 🦋
Aw thank you so much! 🩷
I think it would be fair to say that having people around you who are empaths will be massively important to you. It’s good you give yourself credit for coping well and make the best of your situation. I can understand your frustrations. My clinical depression and PTSD can intrude sometimes into what I would consider a normal routine but at the same time, I look at some other individuals that do not have to deal with these things and I often fair better sometimes than they do so all things are relative. Just being content with being you is one of the most important things.
You are right! Empathy is a very important quality to me and something I look for in my friends. I’m glad my film resonated with you.
I'm legally disabled and have been for 12 years. While my disabilities are different, I have similar experiences, struggles, and feelings. My Lord Jesus Christ, my then boyfriend and now husband and parents have been my rock. Thank you for sharing about your journey. My disability's effect on others has been a real struggle for me. I hate that I can't travel like I used to, and my husband misses out on those experiences. I hate that I can't be outside unless a good shade, certain temperatures, certain humidity, and certain air movements occur. Which means that I can't participate or they have to change their plans. That is just one of many things that my disability affects. Hearing your story makes my experience less lonely. 🦋👩🦰
I am so happy that I have discovered your videos. I am a teacher and I am always trying to do the best for all children. You have opened my eyes to more accessibility and to think about other ways that I am able to fight for children and their needs. Thank you so much for sharing your life and how you have also fought for others in need. ❤
Thank you Sarah. You made me realised how beautiful this life really is. That ‘trivial’ story about you asking a different roommate to put on a top, feeling helpless and not knowing who can help you… I felt that. I have never gone through the same experience but somehow I can feel that pain, when I battled with depression a few years back in a psychiatric unit somewhere after the police brought me in. It’s such a weird thing, this life 😂 Thank you for reminding me again how amazing life is, keep shining bright Sarah!
Aw thank you so much 🥹 (Also, I go by Sarah Todd or ST 🥰)
i love that this can resonate with so many people. i do not have a disability that physically affects me, but you came across my shorts which led me to this amazing short film. i’m in medical school right now to become a nurse and i like to hear about stories such as this to understand patients when i am a nurse. especially if i do not know where they are coming from or have never experienced it. i think the last quote you mentioned was so motivating. in that you can run with struggle and it’s okay. i think that quote reaches the non disabled audience as well and spoke volumes to me. thank you for your story, ST.
Aww thank you so much for watching and for your kind words! I’m so glad you enjoyed it 🩷
honestly what blew my mind about this short film wasn’t the things you said about yourself, but the idea that able-bodied, neurotypical people wouldn’t have to think this way. everything i do needs so much energy dedicated to planning, so much thinking about other people and all the extra things i need to do in order to do something someone else might not even need a plan at all for. wild to consider that. i’ve always thought of ‘invisible disability’ as a term exclusively to describe one that others can’t see, but it is interesting to think about how much that centres people around you rather than yourself. it’s honestly a little like the experience of reading the dsm-v for autism (bear with me). the symptoms listed in the dsm are entirely what other people see, and nothing about how the person themself experiences things. it’s deeply strange to try and figure out what things mean that are written exclusively for people around you.
Wow! Thank you Sarah Todd for sharing your story. You are an inspiration. I know living with disabilities can be a challenge, specially with hidden disability.
I remember a quote by Stephen Hawkins “Concentrate on the abilities your disability doesn't hinder and don't dwell on the things it interferes with. Be disabled physically, not in spirit”
My 15 year son has been diagnosed with AFM 4 months ago and his been in ICU for 3 months. A month ago his been moved into a ward. The past 4 months have been really tough and challenging for us all, also being disabled myself. We are at the beginning of a very long journey.
For his rehab we have been in a constant battle with the Neurologist and medics here in the UK as they don't know much about this condition.
This short film was incredible! I am physically able, and hearing the conversation centered around you better helped me understand your perspective. I love that you pointed out that it is okay for it to suck sometimes because that gives you the ability to cope and meet yourself where you are from moment to moment. You're an incredible, intelligent woman with a superpower to convey your experience extremely well!
Thank you so much 🥹🩷
I was raised to provide for others to earn respect and love. When I was diagnosed at 20, it didn't really dawn on me how much that kind of ideology would effect and hurt me. I often break down because I have to rely on others. I thought it was just because of that weird twisted upbringing. Seeing you properly tell the world that it's part of the reality of being disabled helps more than I can say.
I've only been officially diagnosed for coming up on 3 years, and it felt like my life was over. I learned how to function without the disability, and now I'm relearning how to live all over again.
My disability is only visible because I use a cane, but there's so much more to it that I keep from people. I keep it away because I feel like I'll scare people away with what helping actually entails.
It's a matter of learning to take care of myself by learning how to ask for help. I'm terrified of asking and being told no because it's already so hard to ask. I immediately start assuming I won't get help and I panic. It makes it a big deal when it doesn't have to be. I suppose this is all apart of learning how to live with my disability, but it still sucks. I'm happy that kind of worry is being acknowledged.
Thank you for this. Thank you so so much.
I came to this video from the short you made about the top-tying scene and even knowing it was coming, that scene did still make me pause and question my own opinions. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences
You are a problem solver and think outside the box person. I can see you are very passionate and determined. When door is closed you try another. I've been watching you for a couple of weeks, and im so inspired by you. And im a 58 year old, old lady, 😂. I dont see a disabled young lady. I see a beautiful, strong, determined young woman thats not going to let anything or anyone stop her. ❤
Sarah, I’m also a disabled woman but live in a different country. I often hear people from the US say they get little to no government support. Where I live I only need to ask friends & family for day to day support on the odd occasion because we have pretty much free health care & I am entitled to funding for support staff & equipment.
So saying, the level of planning we have to do is the same. It’s a never ending round of thinking ahead to ensure we’re safe, have what we need & can live the life we want. Resilience, creativity & adaptability are so necessary in our lives & I’m glad you have these qualities. I totally resonate with your comments on identity, reality checks, authenticity & being proud of who you are & your daily achievements. I wish you all the best in your studies & whatever goals you have for your life. ❤
I adore youtube for bringing out different perspectives to the forefront.
Desperately needed to kindle the human condition.
Just because someone lives a life differently than you... doesn't mean you have to shun them. Their reality does not need to make you uncomfortable.
I had double hand amputation last year and i relate to ur struggles so much, needing help getting dressed, having someone do my hair, i have to plan everything to make sure i can get dressed or eat, also the medical trauma(such a real thing). People will never understand like someone experiencing it. Even my bf who lives w me n helps everyday still makes suggestions that sound dumb to me cause im like how do u expect me to do that, he just doesn't think about it like i do. So glad i found ur channel, sending much love ❤
i have multiple sclerosis and had my first relapse this past january that took a lot of my ability in my arms and hands. its so hard to find anyone who understands. the fatigue, the inability to do this thing but not that. the pain, the weakness. relying on other people is something thats so hard to ask for and i try to asi for help as little as possible, even if it causes me physical pain and turmoil. im really glad i stumbled upon this video. thank you
Thank you for posting this and sharing about your life! I also have complicated feelings about “invisible” disabilities. I’m autistic, and I have ADHD and hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos. Those are “invisible” in that if you took a still image of me sitting down, most people wouldn’t notice anything amiss (maybe a doctor would notice the hypermobility if I’m supporting myself with my arms). But they do notice when they’re talking with me, or working with me, or just observing me. They don’t know it’s autism, ADHD, and hEDS, though. They talk to me and think “wow, she’s weird”, because they notice that there’s something weird but they can’t put their finger on it. They look at my room and think “she’s so messy,” because they can’t see how difficult it is for me to overcome my executive dysfunction and get things done. They see me sitting or lying down and they think “she’s very lazy”, because they can’t see how much my body hurts. They see me panting after a flight of stairs and think “she’s out of shape, she needs to work out,” because they don’t see how hard it is for me to get the air in and out of my lungs. My struggles aren’t invisible, it’s the causes that are, so when people see me struggling they judge me negatively instead of recognising that I’m doing the best I can.
Not making even the slightest comparison to your struggles. But I've had T1 diabetes for 40 years. It is the typical "invisible disability". It takes over every waking moment of my life. And every sleeping moment of my life.
4:06 i almost started crying here, I’m autistic with severe sensory issues. There’s been times i’ve been going to school and going without a jumper or sometimes coat is easier because putting that coat or jumper makes me want to throw up or tear my skin off. I’ve to plan outfits days in advance because otherwise i will get nauseous if a seam is in the wrong place. It’s more venting now. But meals are so horrible, that i’ve to revolve my day around can i eat, what do i have the energy to eat.
This short story is so amazing, Sarah Todd you put so many of the things i needed to say to people into words better than i could ever do, this was amazing to watch
Hi Sarah as a physically disabled parson myself I can totally relate to everything u said thanks so much for making people understand batter about us and our community ❤from India 😊
Beautifully put. I have multiple chronic illnesses which went undiagnosed for most of my life since the symptoms were minor, then flared so bad at age 25 I was bedridden for years. Now I'm in my early 30s and to be physically capable of walking around and doing stuff there are SO MANY things I have to do daily to stay well. When people see me out and about I tend to look quite well, but they don't realize how much dedication and discipline goes into just being able to get out of bed. I have to have back up plans for my back up plans so my needs are getting met and the dominos don't start falling. The mental energy that goes into living life disabled is rarely acknowledged. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I have multiple disabilities and some affect me the exact same every day, others fluctuate, and a few only pop up every down and again but always seriously. Mine all came on in big waves starting with a bilateral hearing loss. It is the exact same 15 years later.
But others are so stable and my symptoms vary. On the hard days, I’m stared at and my disability is “visible” and others you would never know and I’m stared at for using accessibility.
I don’t think I’ve truly grieved. The grief of the old me hits more than I would like. The acceptance part is where I’m just not able to get to in the grieving process. I just try to bargain everyday and end up anger.
Having content like this and being in the comments, really remind me that I’m not alone. There is an entire community waiting for me with open arms.
Thank you for starting this difficult conversation that makes abled people so uncomfortable
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you so so much for sharing this and creating this video.
You’re so awesome Sarah Todd! I think anyone can relate to accepting that some aspects of our lives do suck sometimes but that doesn’t mean we can’t find happiness and meaning ❤
You are so beautiful inside and out Sarah Todd! I have enjoyed watching you grow and mature in your AMAZING quest to enjoy your life to the fullest. You encourage and give knowledge and hope to others who are disabled as well as informing those of us who are not disabled to understand. You are a ray of sunshine in this world. God bless you. 💖
Thank you so so much! Thankful for your support ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story, Sarah. Watching your videos about people with disabilities has really broadened my perspective on the challenges and triumphs they and you experience. I’m currently working on my undergraduate thesis in architecture, focusing on designing spaces and architectural details that accommodate both people without physical disabilities and those with them. Your videos have helped me move past the stereotype that people with disabilities are limited or unhappy; instead, you’ve inspired me to invest more effort in creating accessible and inclusive designs. I now see how thoughtful architecture can benefit not only people with disabilities but everyone in the community.
Thank you for making this film Sarah it is a beautiful piece that helps me feel so seen as a disabled person myself thank you thank you !!!!! You put all the things I’ve always wanted to say to people in the best way possible
You have a beautiful and inspiring story of being a survivor...and smiling while being kind.
As someone who struggles with mental health and trying to figure out what I have, it’s nice to know others who have invisible disability or just disability in general speak out about their experience. It makes me feel less alone. I’m currently going through my grieving process.
The cinematography in this film is amazing 💕 I loved this it was truly incredible and very well made and written
I remember watching your short film a while ago, and truthfully, I had forgotten that i did, so I watched it again. The way it made me feel- I know this film will be one i revisit. It's relatable and for what it's worth it's comforting
I’m so glad you enjoy it 🩷
You are a true gem,
Miss Sarah Todd!!! 💖
You’re a beautiful communicator thank you for being so vulnerable sharing your experience. You’re a fantastic storyteller & writer❤
Your light really shines through in this short film. Although you've been dealt a sh*t hand, you still seem to find a way to be positive. It's such a wonderful thing to see. I have ADHD, autism and two bulging discs which cause me pain daily. Having hidden disabilities can be so debilitating at times, but I've recently found that pushing through those barriers and putting myself first has helped me hugely. I commend you for your honesty, courage, transparency and for spreading positivity despite daily challenges you face. You seem like a wonderful woman, who I'd be honoured to call a friend.
Adhd is considered a disability and i used to get yelled at for things i couldnt control, it honesty sucks.
You are amazingly and honest. Very incouraging!!
Great film! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us.
Thank you so much for watching! 😊
I really appreciate you making this film. I know it wasn't for us, and it was for you, but it was educational and helpful nonetheless. I'm going to try my absolute best to start accommodating people more in my life, disabled or not, because damn do I understand how frustrating it can be to not be able to do something without help (not disabled, so not to the extent you or other people who don't have the same abilities as I do). Thank you so much again :))
Hi Sarah. ❤ First I just want to say, this is not me comparing my struggles to yours since I'm physically able bodied (sort of), I'm in awe of your strength and beauty and perseverance. I just want to say thank you so much for this. With AuDHD, clinical depression, tourettes and horrible anxiety, it rules every moment and aspect of my life, especially with the regression and grief that has hit me so hard after I turned 25 and the mask started slipping, but to others I'm just boring and inconsiderate for not showing up to things like I used to, and weird for eating the same thing everyday and still being extremely nerdy with the same hobbies I've always had instead of becoming more grown and dropping the things that are deemed childish. At the same time people can't connect a socially adept personality with the inability to work and having so much anxiety about things that you lock yourself in your apartment for weeks on end.
I'm so, so tired, and I wish people would've taken me seriously when I was younger so I didn't have to resort to the worst thing a person with a mental disability can do - trying to force yourself back into the mould and fighting in silence. I've never known anything but being in survival mode, and when the big burn out came at 25, it took all the fight I had left and left me a husk, and at 28 I still haven't gotten better. It took my memories, my vocabulary, my ability to process information. I'm so scared to meet new people, because I don't want to have to explain why I sometimes just stop mid sentence and can't finish because I forgot a simple word like "fire", or if it's a bad tic day and I can't hide the audible ones, or the energy it will have to take to hide both the visible and the audible ones. I don't have a community that can help me when I get into an episode and stop taking care of myself for weeks, or that makes me feel loved and safe enough to just drop the mask and not hide my tourettes.
I just wish I could be disabled without feeling disabled, and that it wouldn't feel so painfully obvious that, like you said, even the people that know me so well don't understand. I don't know, sorry for trauma dumping, the video just hit me so hard and the feelings came to a boil, you get so used to feeling lonely with these feelings that you just don't vocalise it very often, or it's that way for me anyhow, so I got a bit of word vomit.
Anyway, point is, you're doing INCREDIBLE work shining a light on what it's like not living with the same privileges other people take for granted. You truly are amazing. I wish we didn't have to work so damn hard to live. ❤
I have late diagnosed autism disorder. The signs were always there but somehow missed I was a toe walker due to mild cerebral palsay and had a lisp. I grew up on the outside looking in, forgotten and exhausted. I'm disabled in the sense of my emotional regulation being stunted and how easily I experience trauma and absorb it to a painful degree. I'm burning out, I'm not sure Im going to get through my senior year of college. Thank you for making one of the most relatable videos I have ever seen
You’ve got this! You’re almost there!❤
Amazing short film - super educational and important. Thank you for creating this and sharing this!
Thank you for watching! I’m so glad you enjoyed it 💖
Hi I just wanted you to know that your video was amazing and made me feel less alone. I have dyslexia ( I know it’s not a real disability just a learning disorder) but I have always relied on people or technology for help with things like spelling or reading for an
Extended period of time. I always use to get self conscious about it but knowing that other people need help too is just great so thank you ( I am in no way trying to compare having dyslexia to having paralysis or any other type of disability)
oh wow this was really informative as a non-disabled person; it really did have me thinking. i know its a little late sorry lol. but this was super awesome!
Thank you for watching! 😊
Great fillm❤ i became disabled when i was 16 alsi with a unique set of disabilities. One thingi really mourn about my able body life is how much less planning i had to do
I very much enjoyed this film as well the others you've posted showing the challenges and how greatly you've overcome the barriers in your day-to-day! Although, I'm not disabled, your statement of "mourning" your life before AFM came into your life resonated in my brain. You see I came down with a cancer in 2020 and the radiation for that cancer drastically changed my life for the worse causing me challenges every minute of every day and night. I too mourn my life pre-cancer and what it robbed me of. On the happier side I find myself rejoicing when I'm able to enjoy a part of my day but then sometimes I also become sad that I can't feel that enjoyment more often and for larger parts of the day. In the cancer community we also experience a sort-of PTSD, as you kind of described having yourself, about most things medical when they're happening to us. I'm not a pity party type of person as I'm sure you aren't either, but it's nice to hear your experiences and see how they could apply to my situation.
I love this! I was born with osteogenesis imperfecta which often can be invisible to many. Thank you for being you!
before I got sick, I didn't spend a second considering how I, society and the enviroment affects people with disablities. High curbs, narrow passages, things on high shelfs, heavy obejcts, having to stand and so much more were automatic non-issues. Then I got sick. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything for the first 4 years. My husband had to feed me because I didn't have the energy, strenght nor ability to grip a fork or spoon to feed myself. Eventually I got diagnosed with ME(cfs) and got sorted out and a wheelchair to make me more independent. Being locked up in your apprtment for 2,5 years, fully dependent on someone else really takes a toll on you. Today I pay close attention to everything. How high is the curb? Can I get over it with my power wheelchair? Does this store have wide enough iles for me to shop there? I need to shower, wash my hair and cook dinner. I can't do them all. Pick one. I can't go shopping on my own anymore since I'm having to bend my arm back to put stuff in the bag, which led to my shoulder getting messed up and completely unusable for over a year. I still don't have full range on motion in it. I can't risk damaging it more or doing something to my other shoulder. So I need someone with me to help put stuff in the bag. I just lost yet another part of my independence.
People don't really consider such things and how important independence is for everyone, untill they're the ones in a wheelchair or don't have the use of their body anymore.
I still mourn my previous life. I hate being dependent on others, but I don't have much of a choice so I just accept it as is.
This is such an important discussion to be had with people. I wish people would think one step further and not have to find out the hard way. Experience is the mother of understanding and compassion. I wish we could take experience out of that equation.
you content makes me feels rlly really seen and understood sum people wouldn’t assume i’m disabled some people doesn’t not even assume as no disabled cause i’m a normally person
Thank you for this, I am chronically ill and have a chronic injury’ and a genetic disease. My situation is completely different to yours in so many ways, but so much of what you have said in this is so relatable to me. Thank you for spreading awareness.
This video was great and your message is awesome. As a fellow young woman in her 20s with a physical disability that is usually visible but can sometimes go unnoticed, I can relate to things you said. Children are resilient and it’s a good thing to because I think that’s one of the best things about disability that it fosters resilience and creativity. But as you mentioned it can also lead to not acknowledging or looking into this source/full extent of frustrations that being disabled in a society that so often has no idea what the experience actually is like.
I’m so glad it resonated with you! Thank you so much for watching ❤️
ST, you are so inspiring!!! ❤
I am such a big fan of yours. You are brave, funny and beautiful.
What you’re talking about made me think about the concept of Forced Intimacy (for those who haven’t heard of it, it’s the way in which ableist society requires people with disabilities to participate in or reveal deeply personal experiences in order to be granted any amount of access. Mia Mingus has a blog article about this concept).
Like, I feel the need to explain my disability to each of my professors in-depth just to justify my needs and accommodations (even though I shouldn’t have to and don’t legally need to).
Just the idea that as disabled people, we have to rely on non-disabled people and them just not understanding (or being unwilling to understand) the impact that can have is so frustrating and creates a weird power dynamic. I guess non-disabled people having to recognize that not everyone is ecstatic at them “helping” us navigate a world that only caters to a very narrow range of bodyminds makes them uncomfortable, but I think it’s important to sit with that discomfort for a bit.
A lot of people who are disabled talk about how they don't want help because they want to be able to do things themselves, so it's quite the change seeing someone ask for help to do things because they can't really do them on their own. I feel bad that you really don't have someone that you can rely on to help you, I think it shows how selfish we as Americans are, always worried about ourselves and don't even think about that person who really needs our help
Two things really stuck with me:
1. Referring to your disability as invisible centers other people. I'm 34 now and got severe POTS when I was 29, and for the most part, random strangers might not notice it unless they paid attention. I felt guilty occupying disabled spaces/communities because I felt like I didn't deserve to be in them or like I was an imposter. A friend reminded me of all the extra considerations I have to make that non-disabled people never think about. My disability might be invisible to strangers who don't glance twice, but it's certainly not invisible to me.
2. "Struggling doesn’t mean you don't have your life figured out." I almost cried when you said this. I deeply struggle with this idea and the grief that comes with being disabled. I'm also a single mom, and there's so much grief and self-hatred that I can’t do things like other parents can do. I've made some recoveries and don't have seizures from it anymore, but daily life is still overwhelmingly, frustratingly challenging.
Anyway, I'm so glad I came across your channel and found this video ❤
I became fully disabled in August 2024 from breast cancer that went to my brain. Had emergency brain surgery and now partially paralyzed on the left side, unable to walk and use my left arm very much. I am female age 47 and a mom of a teen daughter. It's hard for my family to understand daily needs or even making sure they done place items in the few walk paths of the house. It's hard for them to get used to my new reality. It's even harder for me. To go from walking to wheelchair is hard and it's hard to maneuver in my own wheelchair.
I love and appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this doc. ❤️
Thank you so much 🩷
This whole world could benefit from hearing what you have to say, whether disabled or not. When is the Ted Talk coming!!!
Thank you so much, Flo 🥹❤️ Hopefully eventually hahaha
You are one brave and strong woman
Wow! You are incredibly well spoken and have a gift for expressing deeply thought provoking ideas! It takes courage to speak the truth and I'm glad you are doing it! The world needs this light from all the bright and shining stars like you!
Thank you for watching! 💖
Thank you for your advocacy and education.
It is hard to be disabled. I'm glad you are happy despite being disabled
It can be difficult, yes! But it can also be beautiful ❤️
Thank you 🙏 Sarah for sharing your story ❤😊