Educate yourself on this! | Stephanie Lyn Coaching
Вставка
- Опубліковано 4 гру 2017
- NEW Narcissim Course is LIVE!!
👇👇👇👇
www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
►► WORK WITH ME!
www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
9 Weeks to Emotional Healing:
www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
The Heal and Rebuild BUNDLE: www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
The Self-Parenting Course:
www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
▼ THE PODCAST ▼
www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
👉INSTAGRAM - / stephanielyncoach
👉TIKTOK - vm.tiktok.com/ZMeg1m9pu/
👉FACEBOOK - / stephanielyncoaching
Thank you for your support!
www.Stephanielynlifecoaching.com
![Lp. Последняя Реальность #107 РОДНОЙ ДОМ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IK3QKzKUlHM/mqdefault.jpg)
I often cry when I think about how I let myself be emotionally abused by a person, I feel both sad and angry for letting myself be fooled by this person for several years. I think of the little girl within me and how all she wanted was to be loved, and I let her down by accepting this, I would never let anyone else’s little girl be treated this way, yet I let my own little girl go through it, l will never let her down again.
Wow.. I truly felt this😞
EXACTLY!!
I feel the same way, even 20 years later😔
Do not cry. It does not do you any good. Think about today
Anne Kenna well said. This post resonated with me. I’ve let my self down so many times because I wanted to be wanted. I wish you all the best your journey.
They don't love you, they love how much they can manipulate you.
Crazy Town Productions regardless of who it is
I just learned that he didn't love.I could not get that fact..I thought he loved me so much..I thought he was insecure and that he loved me..he is in love with himself and so vein!! Disrespectful beyond compare!!
Or they just love the idea of having you there by their side to feed em the attention they need and thus the reason they cant let u go when u leave, cuz they need everyone to accept them, enable them, and support them but but they cant do it in return.
They enjoy their POWER over their opponents. They get an INTOXICATING RUSH IN PLAYING A POWER GAME With the SWEET SOFT-HEARTED COMPASSIONATE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. THOSE Showing Mercy COMPASSION PEACE WARMTH Nurturing CARE With FORGIVENESS for their bulling powers. They are NOT DEEPLY HAPPY People. They do not KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. ITS NOT SEX. IT IS NOT HARM. HURT. DESTRUCT. DAMAGE. NOT Taking advantage of ANYTHING GOOD: BENEFICIAL. THEY NEED
They LOVE THE WAYS YOU LOVE THEM. LOVE THEM. THEY CAN NOT GET Enough of your ENERGY & SANITY to FEEL HAPPY LOVEABLE & GIVING LIKE YOU. They are envious & jealous OF YOUR LOVING GIVING POWERS. IT IS A GAME To them. Wishes & DESIRES TO GET TAKE & WIN WIN WIN!! King! A GOD figure powers. Complex minds. GAME GAME TIME. Good fortune
I've always said I'd rather someone hit me, because it's unmistakable. Emotional abuse is so insidious and harder to spot, being so used to it.
A perfect explanation.
and when dealing with some man that is a passive-aggressive behavior ! 🏃♂️ run !
Yess 🙁
Same
I use to say something similar to this all the time.
Healing starts with accepting they never loved you.
It explains everything.
That little sentence was huge.
Coming to this realization 😢
Well, damn. That is completely true.
It’s the hardest to accept but it really is the key! It destroys the illusion and it forces you to let go. Otherwise the lingering (and very false) hope keeps us around far longer.
are you THE jack dorsey?
Before him, I was a happy person, I cared about others, I had great sleep patterns. During "him" I started having panic and anxiety attacks, I would stress myself and usually overeat, I became obsessive and insecure, then I would hate myself for my look, I started blaming myself for any single thing that went wrong. After him, I have severe depression, I cry every day, I woke up several times during the night, Im constantly scared of pretty much everything, I hate my body, I hate my weakness and most of all, I hate the person I became. I just wanna move on with my life and be back to the happy person I used to be.
BeaCG you are loved, you are healing and joy awaits you. Will keep you in my prayers 💛
You will it takes time to heal and stay away from them..
Stay strong, you deserve happiness.
BeaCG you are telling my story! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I hope you're doing alright BeaCG
Get out of thses relationships before you waste the rest of your life! I have just broken up with my ex of 3 and half years. I was walking on eggshells all the time and always hoping he would change or be truly sorry but nothing. I was and still am scared of what he is capable of but I would rather be scared than waste my life and my happiness. Yes I still have feelings for him but I am trusting they will go one day! please , please get out now, they wont change!. Love yourself, thats what I am trying to do! Peace and blessings xx
Yvonne Forbes such amazing words! You should be so so proud of yourself!
Thank you Stephanie! Today has been tough as I am missing him. No wonder women keep going back. Trust me I am fighting it everyday! I know he will never change but what I cant get over is the feelings that I am feeling. I hope they go away soon! x
You absolutely got this! Listen to as many coaches and speakers as you can and start knowing an believing that you deserve BETTER!! Once you really live in that belief that you deserve a healthy partner and when you know what that should look like then you will not miss the abuse. Just focus on loving yourself!! When we doubt that what we want even exist is when we resort back to old ways or people that are not good for us because we don't want to be single. We often think being single is the worst thing in the world but it will allow you to focus on YOU, to love YOU and for you to get to a really great and healthy place so you can attract a healthy partner and an amazing relationship!
I am listening to your videos now. Stephanie many thanks agian, I appreaciate it.
Yvonne Forbes I completely agree I have wasted 32 of my life with this man I am still with him his a naccicisst sykopath path he has phsicall abused me emotional mentally abuses me èvan then strangly shokingly I have always loved him still do they destroy yu ruin yu they act like ther god over yu I cm from a Asian background
Signs Of Emotional Abuse:
1.) Constantly testing your boundaries (Controlling )
2.) Silent treatment
3.) Passive Agressive
4,) Disregard your feelings (Self obsorbed )
5.) Completely ignores you when you are speaking
6.) Manipulation (The abusers best friend, they are bullies)
7.) Gaslighting ( Causes you to second guess yourself)
My suggestion is to go No Contact with these toxic people and practice self love.... Wishing you the best! ❤
Thank you sooo much I'm dealing with a religious narcissist
Thank you
I'm 53 yrs old. I am just discovering this. Is it too late for me?
@@kimberlykerr6672 Discovering how to love yourself and to appreciate your boundaries and needs is never too late 🙏
Thank you for writing this💞
Yes the ignoring IS PURPOSELY DONE! Please please… When you FEEL something is wrong but you can’t “prove” it, keep listening to videos like this & pray! It will get better.
STONEWALLING is a decision 😢
5:15
@Lilly J Yasss Queen
and it will, use the you tube tutorials and get your smile back
No, it won’t get better.
They love to take advantage of you because they know you're emotionally vulnerable. They know you're gonna forgive them again and again and again. 😔💔
Gabriela, I agree. It's like a broken record. And so sad because they target very kind, giving people. Like they are emotional blood suckers draining every ounce of kindness and sanity from you.
Cat Whisperer It's the sad truth
And they take that 'forgiveness' as a license to abuse again and again.
as an empath she hurt me deeply,,,these people are dangerous
And they will say it’s your fault for what they did to you
You are spot on. I was abused for 25 years by a narcissistic person. I always was looking the other way because I knew how bad his childhood was. Then I just snapped one day & divorced him. He was stunned like it came out of the blue. In truth it was 25 years in the making. I'm remarried now & have never been happier, never knew life can be so amazing
Where should a 60 years old friend of mine look to find a husband? She wants to be married. She is full of life and happiness but she is alone on the other side of the world.
Do you guys have kids together? Was it hard with kids to walk away?
@@user-by1pv7sv5d having kids with the person makes it harder but its still important to protect your mental and emotional health and leave a bad situation
I’m so glad you where able to find happiness and free yourself from that person control
You give me hope!
I was emotionally abused. I was gaslighted ,invalidated, silent treatment, ignored in the relationship. I didn’t see boundaries. I now know the importance of setting boundaries. I was a codependent and working hard to recognize my self worth.
Same brother. It’s a rough road. Everything is being turned back on me. I know I was no saint in my codependent manipulations, but I was never willfully hurtful and only wanted to be heard and feel cared about. Now I question whether she is in fact narcissistic or just repeating learned behavior from her abusive childhood. Perhaps they’re one and the same. I still wonder if I (too?) am narcissistic.
Same here man! Stay up and live well!
Sounds just like me. Last 2 weeks working on it as that’s when I recognized I was co dependent
I went thru this long a go, you ladies I know it's scary and 75 % of women are killed when they are leaving because they dom't want to lose there victim. It's easy to have someone treat you like they love you. I used to wonder if it was the way I cooked, why he would put me down and calling me names
I was so glad to leave, I never thought I would be able to calmly tell him to go and I was the one that took my power back - I felt sooo good, I just wanted to yell it to the moon. It took me a lonģg time. You can do this, because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
This was exactly my last relationship. Gaslighting and put downs when he didn't have control. I was so depressed.
It’s exhausting feeling for years like you’re constantly in the wrong and making the relationship difficult. Never let anyone make you feel like you’re crazy or confused. Someone who truly loves you will never want you to feel this way.
I like that she made the point that emotional abuse doesn't haven't to be yelling or screaming. It can be a small sting, or they can say things like, "You're too emotional. You're too sensitive." Classic lines they use ALL the time.
I have been told I'm too sensitive a lot
Yeah, it’s gaslighting
"you can't take a joke, you're too serious, you never joke"
OR saying or doing something to hurt you on purpose, then saying "i was just joking, it's a joke" 🙄🙄🙄
Yes, they smile all the time but you get the stinger, that tiny little comment they know sets you off. Once you scream, you're the bad person.
The crazy thing is YOU have to ignore THEM to find your sanity. You have to behave like a narcissist to protect yourself.
Damn thats deep
So you become the abuser. Definitely different tactics then being an issue as well.
@@chasetrix2432 It's a strategy, not a way of life. You have to lie to them to protect yourself from them. I had to do this to escape a 13 year relationshit with a high narc trait "partner."
Right....you gotta act crazy with crazy people 😂😂😂
Oh how true..i often think ive become a mean person 'ONLY TO HIM"..i can love other's and genuinely care about people ..i have to protect myself from "HIM"
I would argue that you can be incredibly confident and know who you are and still be gas lit especially by master manipulators.
I agree! I was very confident and had a good self esteem but I wasn't good with maintaining boundaries
But now you know, knowing and having that knowledge gives you back the power that rendered you powerless in the first place.
It can happen to the best of us.
Yep, I used to be very confident but slowly got broken down
Absolutely true
I just want to tell anyone out there suffering due to the selfish and calloused actions of someone they trusted or even loved. That I hope you are strong enough to realize that when life has allowed you to experience extreme sorrow, pain, or darkness. That it ultimately is a gift. You have survived 100% of your worst days up until now. You keep going. Stay strong. I know it sounds paradoxical but isn’t life just one great mysterious irony anyway?
Thank you
❤
❤
I needed this video as much as I needed this comment today. Thanks.
Thanks I needed to hear this!
✓abusive people are reactive. The point of abuse is to control.
✓emotional abuse is difficult to spot as all the scars are in our mind.
✓an emotional abuser constantly tests your boundaries. They don't like the word 'no'.
✓emotional abusers seek out weak people who have poor boundaries and low self-esteem.
✓emotional abusers are passive aggressive. They say little digs. That is emotional abuse.
✓they always disregard your feelings, opinions.
Becky Queen Little digs, yessss. That is my mother.
Not all of us have low self-esteem. But definitely weak or non existent boundaries. He felt insecure because of my self-esteem. Loneliness is also an issue. Even people with healthy self-esteem can't deal with horrible affects of lack of support and foundation. They pick people with little to no support system. Not everyone has low self-esteem, but try living in this world alone majority of your time and see if that doesn't drive the most sane and independent person insane!
Thanks for this.
Laura Severi literally about to write the same thing : (
My daughter was murdered by her husband who then killed himself.
It is a terrible feeling to be emotionally abused. By the time it is identified so much damage has been done. thanks for sharing this info.
True. My friend was both mentally and physically abused. Both are bad but physical is worse.
I wouldn’t know. I’m not the type to get mental scars. I was in a mental abusive relationship for about 10 minutes. The guy literly said you can’t hang with any of your friends ever again and I have to make new ones and called me useless. I was like fuck no I’m out of here. I also don’t have a high tolerance for pain like at all. So that’s I think psychical would be worse. It’s different for each person.
So very sad but true! Currently trying to heal from being emotionally abused. You truly don’t realize it when it is happening. Made me think I was too sensitive, emotional and overreacting... made me feel like I was crazy. 😔 Now I depression and anxiety.
I’m so sorry you went through this too!! 😢
i think any type of abuse is at the same level they all affect you and change you
It depends on the person.
"No one has to believe you, but you."
That statement resonates with me. Thank you for these videos!
Having a narcissistic parent, I was raised to accept emotional abuse as "normal." I was told by a boyfriend (at 37 y.o.) I didn't have any boundaries and he felt like he could do anything he wanted at all times. That was an eye opener because I had no idea a) what boundaries were and b) that I was allowed to have them. I remember thinking that he may as well have been speaking to me in Greek. We broke up, I literally felt like I had shattered inside and got into therapy. Glad he's no longer in my life and really glad he made that comment because it led me to finally "meeting" myself.
❤️❤️❤️
He wasn’t
abusive; he was truthful telling you that you lacked boundaries. An abuser would not have told you, just used your inability to set them. Everything is not permissible! Respect is the foundation of civilization and all working relationships, not like, not even love. Respect for self and others. Glad you met yourself. Sometimes even put harshest critics move us away from them ( luckily) but towards ourselves. Good luck to you in 2022.
@@jeanettesdaughter I think they’re not saying that the boyfriend wasn’t abusive, but made them aware of potentially being open to allowing abuse in their life based on how they were raised. No where in there did they say the boyfriend was abusive.
Um yeah. That was gist of what I was saying. He was truth telling about boundaries and I learned what they were at that moment. However I did not give one iota of information regarding why I'm glad he's no longer in my life. Because that is no one's business but mine and his. So for you to tell me he was not abusive is based on your own suppositions. Especially since I did not say HE was abusive...or wasn't.
@@okay5488 Exactly. Thank you for comprehending my post.
I get zero validation to my feelings what so ever with him. I feel as if I’m talking to a wall all the time
Unicorn Dust please don’t stay. It doesn’t get better. People are essentially the same. Run!!
Unicorn Dust ps. I meant that people essentially STAY the same. Good luck x
AJ P 😔dammit. It’s hopeless then.
Unicorn Dust same. Anytime he does something wrong it’s a wall when you try to explain your emotions about the incident. It’s bordering on covert narcissism 🤦🏾♀️
Runnnnn
As a man, I handled gaslighting/emotional abuse pretty well. However, it does a number on you when you realize you are dealing with a very broken person. Just being in that presence is draining.
💯
I don't agree with you my son was never emotionally abused
And he emotionally abuses me....
He is 35 years old
He was given all the love and attention he is codependent.....
In my opinion
It is a mental issue
Thank you
Da835t,sounding very emotionally stable, and some aren't broken but seem devoid of repair, prone codependency, thanks for sharing,feeling in order to fully understand them,you empty yourself out, disemboweling, destabilizing, emotionally detaching just to give yourself and the marriage some chance, piecing back together ones ownself day by day,before waves of hurt and insults allow you to,always found so wanting, always so full of more and more nothingness.kindest regards otherwise dear Sir..David
It's hard to recognize it as a man. There really aren't any resources for you and if you bring it up, people think you're overreacting or pin you as the abuser. It consumes you.
Agreed 100%
For me, dealing with someone who continues to nit pick and just little comments here and there like muttering under your breath, mocking you or using your weaknesses against you really brings you down. You can ignore it as much as possible. Eventually it does get to you and you end up feeling unworthy of love. 💔
When they tell you you're too sensitive you start thinking "I need to prove them wrong, that I can handle this" ... Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. You don't need to keep doing something to prove you can do it.
Get away from them!
I was dating a guy for about 6 months and ended it recently. We were having discussions about myself moving in with him, but when I decided not to, all the red flags started coming out. I'm so relieved to be free of this toxic individual, and loving myself enough to not settle for that garbage behaviour.
I was in a similar ordeal a long time ago & i dated a woman for 4 1/2 months & i began to discover the red flags about her & i did'nt spoke to her in a week she called & started gaslighting me but i did'nt care i told her off & slammed the phone in her ears so i established a no contact policy towards her for life so i'm better off without her so never again.
You dodged a bullet. 🙏
@@sherriflemming3218I was just gonna type that!
He can tell me how he is feeling, he can tell me all the horrible things about me, he can jab me, block me, stonewall me, but when i try to talk to him and express my feelings, the typical response from him is.... "you are so insecure". then i get silent treatment. I finally ended it, i am no longer afraid of being alone... adios . and damn it feels good.
I’m in the same boat. I hope this worked out well for you from the bottom of my heart.
This is how I live on the daily, my feelings thoughts and mental health are completely disregarded but I know I’m not the problem.
I got stonewalled that much which killed me but I ended up becoming a master at giving it back
Also, many of these tactics are absolutely intentionally done. Do they do them to everyone? No. Do they do them in public? Usually not. Do they do them at the beginning during the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship? No. Emotional abusers put on different “faces” depending on who they’re speaking to and what they want. It’s absolutely deliberate.
missmerbella BINGO!!!
That is so correct. They do know and you can see it in their eyes. Specialy when they know that you love them, reaspect them and when you are living up to your hi morals and ethics. I grow up with abuse from day 1 and after age 6 I witness how my stepfather was killing my mothers mind and body. At age 13 I started to defend my mother and my brother and we did survive. My mom is 62 now and she is doing better. My brother is my pride and joy. Only me, I was not so lucky.... After everithing we went thru I was married to person that used me for everything and one day he just left without one word. Me and my son we are doing best to overcome. For my son it will be izzier becouse he is not alone and he is smart and strong boy. We love him very much. I just wish for me to be able to collect my broken pieces.... Becouse today I just feel
Lost and without energy to stand strong. Too many scars......
Gemini
missmerbella 1 million percent nailed it!!! 🙌🏼
@@anditsreyna020 what do u mean Gemini? cus my covert narsicist Jezebel...wife,is a Gemini ..I read there traits it sounds like a covert narsicist/Jezebel ...very weird
I got frosted out in my last relationship on a few different occasions, when I stood up for myself, made my physical or mental health a priority instead of giving into what he wanted me to do. Looking back I’m actually kinda proud of myself for standing up for myself.
Emotional abusers do not respect other people. They manipulate, control, diminish, shame, guilt, neglect, insult and feel contempt towards the people they need to get supply to regulate themselves. Every word in your talk Stephanie is to be memorised and applied in life. It is great advice. Thank you.
Exactly and well said Iza. Trauma bond.
Covert Narcissist Abuse Coercive Control---Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
Narcissistic Abuse Is Never Your Fault-- Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
8 Common Types Of Trauma Bonds - Dr Ramani podcast
If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman it's time to exit a relationship, pronto. You cannot fix heal or change an abuser. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
You deserve to be safe and healthy . ❤️
There are agencies and organizations to assist and support you. A safety plan and exit strategy with a trustworthy support system. 🤐
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In The Presence Of Danger Masterclass podcast Gavin De Becker
The Duluth Power And Control Wheel
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing From Trauma -;Dr Gabor Mate
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix (Imago)
Attached by Amir Levine
When our light is off inside we are left with a black hole within us, and that black hole consumes light energy, because these people chose "not to go there" and deal with the trauma of their childhood experiences they did not re-open their hearts door, and reconnect with their true being their light source, the child soul.
They then become like vampires, energy vampires, in fact we being brought up by people who were just like this, we were also lost and we learnt to drain the energy of others, as we had no other option, having had our light drained, we became energy vampires too.
When our hearts have hardened and our light is dimmed within the body, we grow up in that darkness, not knowing we are in the dark, until someone shines a light into that darkness, the light of true knowledge, when in a state of being dispirited we can either except that light, and use it to light our own flame within, and continue to seek that true knowledge within, in order for our spirit to grow, or like these people who hurt us, choose not to light up their own flame, but choose to feed on it instead, yet because they are black holes they can never be full, they cannot contain that light it is consumed into their black ho.
When in this state like a vampire they cannot see themselves, so they have no reflection, and have no in-sight into what they are doing, that darkness within them is also a form of matter, anti-matter, and if left in the body to grow becomes a thing, a monster within us, that is filled with all our unresolved pain and suffering we have ignored, that is what makes us act out, that is the force behind all the destruction, it also keeps the child soul captive, in a coop on a loop, repeating the abuse they endured on a daily basis. What light is left flowing through the gap of the door to their little hearts is feeding that dark entity within.
In order to get rid of the monster within, we need to be honest with ourselves, we need to choose to re-open our hearts door, so it can begin the cleaning up process, as its all energy, and we took on a lot of dark energy with all the abuse, and it distorted our inner waters, and our perceptions, the water within became blocked up, because we had to hold back our tears, all that dark energy needs to be flushed out, that's why we were given tear ducts, "There is no rainbow in the soul when there are no tears"
Those repressed inner waters holds all memories, all our experiences are recorded and memorised, as water has memory.
The DNA is our book of life our blueprint, that holds our life story, we can re-read that book, go back to the beginning to the very start, and re-write the story, we can make things right for the child we were, we the adult can be the mother, and give her all the love she never received, we can be with them to comfort them, to let them know they you are there to protect them now..
"I don't trust myself"
I said that years back when i was lost and on auto pilot dispirited, more than once, and now I know why, because i the adult had ignored who I was, I forgot all about the child soul i was suppose to be seeking, i got lost in my suffering and lured into the world outside of myself, and got lost, i thought i was the fictional self the child me had created to take her place in the body, i forgot all about her, i abandoned her, and continued to fill the body with crap, more pain on top off all the mud of the child's sufferings, she was buried beneath the mud and dark stormy stagnant waters, that had a monster living in it, no wonder she did not trust me.
It was the little girl inside me that did not trust me the adult who was now the abuser of her, "self hatred"
This journey is not easy, its defo worth every effort though, to find our precsious cargo, to reconnect with who we really are, to snap out of our self delusion that we were the fictional self that our ego mind created to act its role in this world wide stage, where "They are all actors and they play many parts"
To relight up our inner flame, to switch our light back on, to switch on our humanity, so we are not ravenous vampires devouring each other and being led by wolves in sheeps clothing,carrying uninvited hosts.
The energy centers in the body are doors, there is only one Door we ought to be opening, and that is the Door to our hearts, where to Light Frequency of all things living flows, that is what protects and guards those other doors, who comes in and where we go, as those other doors have entities in them, and they are the other unseen kingdoms, connected to the seven colour spectrums, the prism the rainbow, they lead to other dimensions, so when our light is off we are left unprotected from the influences of these other entities in the lower frequencies, as when our light is dim we vibrate on a lower frequency, i think that's why the world is experiencing a lot of weird phenomena as the masses are traumatised and on a lower vibration?
Seek and you shall find, what was lost and left behind
Hidden treasures there to find, our spirit that is loving and kind
Creative talents, to inspire and uplift, and a guiding light a spiritual gift
To the T this is behavior that my current partner has been doing. To make me doubt myself, destroy my self esteeem.
The best revenge is learning how to be the best and healthiest version of yourself, and enforcing boundaries like going "no contact" (so necessary for your growth)
I dated / had a friends with benefits (although wanted a more in the relationship) with a man I knew for many years. I finally got the courage to cut him off and tell him no contact. A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders! Best thing I could ever done for myself! Don't miss him!
Aukha bahut a, but karna painda kai vaar. Je bachhe involved hon ta doubly difficult
Living well is the best revenge.
I broke the no contact rule, and it was the stupidest idea that I have ever done. I was coping up for the first three weeks, but then I contacted him after finding out he has a new girl. I got jealous and now, moving on is a lot harder as I have been having intrusive thoughts of them talking together or doing the activities that we have done together before. It was a mental torture. It was worse than the first days of our breakup. I felt like a fool after him ignoring my reachouts, and just completely blocked him hours after.
Then I just accepted that we are done, but I'm still healing. The pain, anger, and disappointments are still here. I keep on reminding myself on how much he had emotionally-abused me, on how much emotionally destroyed I am because of what had happened. But I'm still thankful for him as I now know that I'm capable of loving genuinely, and I have learned about myself! Currently, I'm trying to cope up day-by-day. When the thoughts of them came, I will indulge myself in those feelings. I face them, let myself feel the pain, and try to remind myself that I have done my best, and that there is a good future for me and I don't have to worry about them as they are not in my future!
In short, never, ever break the no-contact rule, nor stalk him/her. It will definitely slow your healing process. STOP EVERY URGES THAT YOU ARE FEELING.
@@fluffyfelix539 how are you doing now? My ex did the same it hurts!
You’re helping me with my life. I’m only 21, and I can’t afford therapy rn, but Stephanie Lynn please continue making these videos!
Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Dr. Les Carter have great UA-cam channels on abuse and mental health 💕
same im scared to go there
Don’t let her convince you that you are a “victim,“ what she is describing is very vague, virtually everybody including you fits into these descriptions every now and again.
@@fruitbud what are you afraid of? Believe me these people are professionals and they expect you to be afraid and in some sort of “bad shape,“ people (typically) don’t go when everything is going terrific. For somebody to seek therapy they are probably having issues in their career, education, or with a romantic partner or (regard of age) their parents.
@@WATERS57 thank you sm
My personal time with God is helping me to discernment deceit and emotional predators now. I'm equipped with the shield of armour like Joan of Arc...not allowing injustice towards my mind anymore. Thank you lovely lady🌻you're so inspiring & intelligent
Very powerful. Sadly I'm in a very emotional abusive marriage. Trying hard to get out and do so safely. Thank you for putting it out there .
You can do it!!...I've been there!
Your a strong beautiful woman. You deserve better.
Same here Christina - mine is a Covert, Malignant Narc. I think he could at times, be dangerous. However, I will leave when I can afford it.
I’m in the same situation and I’m pregnant. I can’t decide what to do cuz I love him 😞. He always says that I’m his bad luck and he’s gonna be happy without me.
@@donavallisowmya leave him. You can do so much better. Follow Ana bey on youtube and level up to a man who sees your worth. You can become a women a high caliber and very successful.
Here is a tip: when you’re being yelled at, demeaned, being abused, take out your phone and discreetly record everything. I’m doing it in court.
What if they go after your phone and get on you trying to take the phone away.. Happened to me today:(
@Solveig St-Juste buy another record get help and run
@Solveig St-Juste I strongly suggest you tell someone what's going on older who you trust and if you've been physically assaulted or verbally I suggest you u eventually take it to court not acceptable behavior at all:)) xx
NO. In Pennsylvania, that would be a felony for violation of a wiretap law still on the books from the 1940s. Courts have ruled that a wire isn’t necessary for this to still be a violation, as the point being to eliminate non-consensual recordings. I suspect there’s a similar law in nearly every state. Check with local authorities before doing this. I could backfire in a BIG way.
@@daveh9803 some states have a one party agreement to recording. I know we do in AZ. As long as at least one person consents to being recorded, it's perfectly legal.
Empaths and Highly Sensitive people are perfect prey for narcs. We are selfless and they are completely selfish. It’s a perfect marriage.
Empaths and Highly Sensitive people are quite resilient. We get knocked down and keep coming back for more and more abuse. It becomes a cycle that the abuser thrives on that diminishes us at the same time.
The lesson for me was self reliance and putting myself first. No more care-taking, begin setting clear boundaries, and focusing on my own self care and wellbeing above all else.
Without our devoted participation the abuser is powerless.
😔
I’ve met an empath that used her ability to manipulate people. So not all empaths are innocent.
I felt your comment on a spiritual level. This is so true without the devotion narcissists are powerless
@@tammy8780 so true Tammy!
This is very true and the same thing has happened to me
I wish this was taught in schools so it would be easier to call emotionally abusive people out for verbal abuse already as a kid instead of suffering in silence for years and believing that it's all your own fault...
I feel my partner is emotionally abusive and it is plain to see to anyone BUT HIM! He thinks I am always over reacting and am making it all up in my head. If I cry for whatever reason he says "Why are you crying now? That's all you do is cry. You need to grow up!" Which crushes my spirit all over again. Sometimes crying is the only way to get those emotions out. He says I need to just let my childhood traumas go and not talk about it. When in reality talking about what hurts you is the only way to work through it and heal. Thank for this video. ☺️
They KNOW they are mistreating you, even if they may not know the specific label for what they are doing, they know they are treating you in a way that they would never accept back from you. Think about it. If you talked to him in the same manner, what would be his reaction? I don't advise doing it, just imagining it. Once you flip it and imagine how they would react if they were on the receiving end, then you can better imagine as well exactly how it was meant. If they didn't intend anything ugly, then they would take no offense if you said something similar back to them and in the same tone of voice, etc., but they would. Thus, they know it is abusive whether they label it that way or not. The comments you are getting about your crying are not just invalidating of your pain, they are cruel, full of anger and contempt, not to mention a complete lack of respect for you. You will know whether it is abusive by how it makes you feel. Believe in yourself, he has proven to be an unreliable witness. You don't need to let your childhood traumas go, you need to let him go. Best of luck to you.
We should be educated on this when we are in school growing up definitely.
I agree
Yes indeed the lack of education and knowledge are making healthy people fall in to a narcs , toxic and delusional people ....knowledge is power mm.... Stay bless y'all !!!!
Especially when we reach an age when we start dating or calling someone our boyfriend/girlfriend.
It’s part of your psychology class in high school.
Its not in Australia, it's only just touched on in university. I wish someone told me well before now.
The lack of respect is such a huge part of this, for me at least. Whenever I was disrespected I saw it not for what it was, but rather that I was doing something to make myself undeserving of respect.
I get the don t play the victim card... because I get so low about a fight or blow up . And then I sit there questioning myself did I cause that?
@@sharondurward9387 True, my ex would cause a tantrum, did not matter where, when and who is there (including my 2 kids) - then I would be blamed for it and told that I must stop btichin and moaning and making life all about me...left me confused...I have had enough now.
SAME!!!!!!!
can you pls help me, i think im losing my mind. He wanted me to leave all my friends just because he didnt like them, he used blame shame and guilt when i tried to get them back. He said that i hurt him and im disrespecting him when i want them back and when they are not good for me in his opinion. Do i really disrespect him when he wants me to leave all my potencional friends when he knows that i find it hard to make and keep friendships? he blamed me for everything possible and my every opinion is wrong and i need to get punishment to think the right thing
and i always tried to leave but i felt bad, came back and everything started again and in even worse way and i dont know how to handle it anymore
One of the important things she points out is that many of these things are not even done with malicious intent. I know many people who do some of these things, and have no interest in controlling others or trying to hurt people. They either cannot process how to express themselves, so they shut down, or they fear upsetting others, so they won't offer a counter opinion or just agree to please others, even if they disagree. Sadly it builds up their own self created resentment. When you actually get through to these people, you can see the sadness on their face or in their voice when they realize how they hurt other people through their actions. It's why, like she said, boundaries are so important.
I know you just described me 😢
"When people tell you who they are believe them the first time!"
My entire family since I was born. I finally got out of it this year. Here’s to emotional abuse survivors.
💛
I feel u on that!
I can relate😪 it’s like where are the positive ppl I can just be around all the time. My friends are the only positive normal ones👌
I can relate😪 it’s like where are the positive ppl I can just be around all the time. My friends are the only positive normal ones👌
🌟
Emotional abuse is life altering, it stays with you for life, i live it every day.
Yup! And it keeps rearing it's head. It's Complex PTSD
Yes, and once subjected to abuse, we become desensitized to it. Thus, we become vulnerable to experiencing maltreatment again, until becoming educated.
ain’t that the truth 😞
I just realized not too long ago I was(and still am) being emotionally abused by my boyfriend but yet I don’t know how to leave. I know it’s wrong but it’s not that simple to just throw everything away.
@@thesimsismylife9816, make an escape plan. The abuse gets worse, and your self confidence can be severely eroded. Leave while you're strong.
It’s amazing how many of these things are on a subconscious level. It took me a long time to realize my partner didn’t consciously know he was doing these things. That’s not to excuse the behavior or abuse but that’s what “tricked me”. I genuinely could tell that he didn’t know he was doing it. It’s so subconscious and learned from childhood.
Watch out. Look into Dr George simon. Ppl know EXACTLY what they are doing. Making excuses for their behavior only keeps the cycle going. It's a rude awakening but so neccessaty.
Which is why it's important to marry someone who is God inclined, not necessarily "religious". At least that person is open to the fact they may have something to learn from a Higher Power. Important to be equally yoked, as the Bible puts it. You can more easily call them on their abusive behavior and if they change or make repeated attempts, you stick around.
Some people don't realize what they are doing fully for sure. My former partner had an extremely abusive childhood and would gaslight and silent treatment me all the time. But I truly believe that he went into a child-like "trauma brain" response and would shut down most of the time. It was so so hard. Because he didnt get what he was doing, and then I would have to explain to him over and over how what he was doing was hurtful, and then his shame would kick in and he would say "Im never going to be good enough for you", leading me to have to reassure. So I could never just be mad, I had to be a teacher too, and it was exhausting and so so deeply painful.
My mother has been physically and mentally abusing since I was a kid , when I was 15 she said " i wish i killed you when you were in my womb " . That line scarred me for life . She never loved me unconditionally , yes. Never . My whole life till today was like rapunzel's story . I'm 20 now, she still physically and mentally abuses me if I don't do it her way . And if I still don't listen to her , then both of my parents abuse me together, but just like rapunzel's story , I would break free and spread love to everyone I come in contact with . Pain , but I won't let it turn into hate . This soul of mine will never break. 🤙🏼
My “mother” told me same thing but hundreds times
How sad parents tell their offspring these things, God Bless yall.
I think the hardest part is knowing that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, yet still having such a hard time detaching myself from my feelings for that person. I finally blocked my abuser and have hope that one day it will hurt less. I am now working on being able to find validation within myself, and not rely on others for my happiness by taking it day by day. Thank you for your insight. I can’t tell you how much relief I have gotten just from this video.
How are you doing?
@@charlottehessley8349 he’s reached out 3 times in the past year (apologizing, wanting to be friends, etc. but clearly it’s for his ego) and each time I’ve been able to respectfully tell him to not contact me anymore. I feel nothing towards him. Blocking him was the best thing I could have done for myself. It helped me recognize what a horrible person he was, and how I would never want someone like that in my life.
I'm here. I can't . I still cry. I've broken up. He came visited me again and then blocked me after then posted gory images and now just ignoring me and just I want this over
Emma I don't rely on validation from others either girl!
It is called a trauma bond.
When u said the silent treatment. I immediately understood.
Same
Same
I’ve experienced this a lot
(Sigh) Is there hope that they’ll change their ways?
The universal narc language
Thank you for this! Especially the point about just ignoring you when you talk to them! Would place food down for him and he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. I’d ask him a QUESTION…no response. It was always so unsettling to me but I didn’t realize how emotionally abusive this was.
So immature and controlling
Same here Yasmin. It's dehumanizing & degrading. However - once I started learning about all of their (Narcs) dirty little tricks & that they do them ON PURPOSE 🤯, the light bulb turned on & my rose colored glasses came off. I dove into so many videos from Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani on UA-cam & I learned so much. It was easy to completely emotionally detach from him at that point. The fact that someone would be so damaged inside that they would intentionally be so awful/cruel to someone they had professed to love is unforgivable in my book. I don't want to be with someone like that. I was so naive that I didn't even understand that his: Silent Treatments; his Selective Amnesia; his Projections & Gaslighting, his Selective Hearing & Lies by Omission were all just his "games" & ways to manipulate me & to keep me confused & off balance. Stephanie Lynn's advice is really good & she feels like having a really good, smart ally in your corner.
@@mdee860 Oh my goodness, all those “selective” elements you listed. Just too familiar. I’m so sorry you had to experience that but happy that you’ve overcome! I’ll checkout those names you listed, thank you 💜
@@yasminf3249 - 😘 Wishing you peace & serenity. Knowledge is the key. PS: I was very angry when I first started to comprehend how he had manipulated me, but that too, will pass. Best thing to do is to understand why I/you/we fall for these people in the 1st place. That's the 🔑 🗝 to breaking the chain.
@@mariahconklin4150 - 👏👏👏 Yes, just another way to punish & manipulate. Narcs suck the air out of any room.
It took me almost 10 years to realize what I was going thru was emotional abuse. I always knew something was off. The sad part is that I was a happy confident person when it started, I just never knew I needed boundaries. One day it started to click after years of therapy and 3 medications later. I am finally free. I still have to see this person as we have a family together but I see good consistent changes in them no matter how slow it is. I am on a healing journey for my children and myself and I feel much stronger!
Be the best version of you and live a life with no need of hiding secrets and you are a success!
I cried watching this. This made me realize so many things about myself and my relationship and I was not expecting for it to get this deep. Definitely breaking up with my boyfriend.
Did you?
Hope you have by now....?
I'm thinking of breaking up too...its hard we've been together over 5 years now.. he just doesnt realize what hes doing & its pushing me away & I'm tired of it.
@@PgirlRangerz you should please... You even sound exhausted. It's not gonna be easy but hey, nothing good comes easy...
Once you do so, it would actually feel like you haven't been breathing for sooo long.. Keep educating yourself on how to go about it..
It might be over 5 years now, but do u really wanna spend the next 5 with him? If no, then do it now! If you don't, you just might end up spending the next 10 before you know it
You can. Trust me, it may not seem like it at first but it's like the best best thing you'll ever do for yourself and you won't even be able to deny it.
I'm so passionate about this. Muah! I wish you the best!
I just broke up with mine about 2 months ago. I'm already looking and even feeling younger.. And also learning a lot about myself. It's amazing how much things the pain I endured is teaching me.
Um.. I read something that empowered me.. "the most courageous thing that you will ever do is to let go of what is hurting your soul" and "sometimes, you have to break your heart to heal your soul"..
I truly wish you the best and hope you don't procrastinate too long. Muah! My prayers are with you. 💕💕
@@tundeawosika4594 You dont know how much your words help me.🙏🏽 That's very sweet of you & I've made up my mind. I'm talking to him now about matter of fact. But I just wanted to reply because I really appreciate your help & advice. Im glad you're happier now too! You sound more free & wise lol You're amazing & thank you so much for your comment💜
I was in an emotional abusive relationship. I'm. FREE now!Life WITHOUT certain people in it is BEST.
I’ve been with two narcissist who literally had amazing parents. But we also have to deal with growing up, high school, peers, college, bad marriages etc ….As a psychology major I always thought it was the first 5-years that were so important. And it is, But I now feel it’s life, genetics and other things that take place. And yes, a small thing like not feeling validated is so big! TY FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM. YOU ARE AMAZING♥️
Yup. Have a female relative who was given the world growing up. I've never met such a dangerous liar.
I come from 2 loving parents, raised me properly. That's how I know this dude is narcisstic, he had 2 chick's who had 2 parents and blew it 2 times.
Thank you for making this video, Stephanie.
I have been with the same man for 27 years, married 19. I am 44. I recognized the red flags early on, but I always made excuses for it, or he would minimize what was happening so I couldn’t see it for what it was and is. I am ashamed of being in this relationship and embarrassed to speak about it. You will see why. I sound like a complete fool for tolerating this. I am aware. I rarely ever talk about it. This video described everything that has happened to me and I feel compelled to finally speak. In my relationship am shamed on a daily by my husband. Yesterday, I was called the C word, the day before a B, a loser, stupid, trash, useless, dumb B, you name it. I am compared to other women and what they do for a living and how much money they make. If I stick up for myself he mocks me and calls me dramatic, a victim, pathetic, even woke. He would accuse me of looking at other men and push me down in public places, down a ditch, in closets, he would choke me, and kick me. He constantly watches porn, lost two wedding rings, one of them he lost at a bar, he would say it is because he didnt like wearing one. Hit on my friends and actually grind on them, hit on waitresses right in front of me hug them and put his hand on her ass, make inappropriate sexual remarks around other women. After 5 years being together he did not know my birthday- I dont mean he just forgot it on the day, I mean did not know when it was. When I would say how hurtful this was he would say I was selfish for making it a big deal and why does it matter. I felt bad and ashamed and selfish for wanting him to celebrate me. After 8 years of being married he did not know when our wedding day was or how long we had been married. He is not dumb he is educated and capable of remembering. He chooses not to care. He tells me I am not a good cook. After I have worked, taken kids to school and cleaned the house he would say in a nasty tone “what did you do all day?” If I say what I did he will say it doesnt even look clean-Just to let me know it isn’t good enough. When I was 8 months pregnant and we had a 3 year old, he was mad that we needed groceries and said “why didn’t you get off your fat ass and walk to get them while I was at work?” i am 5”4 I weighed 125 when I got pregnant and only gained about 30 lbs. If I protest how he talks to me and how he treats me he will berate me and stonewall me for days, weeks and up to a month because he knows it bothers me. I rarely hang out with people because I dont want anyone to see. I dont know how to end this. When I say I want to divorce he threatens me and says I will end up with nothing. I have spent 27 years loving this man, being devoted and faithful for nothing. He has made my life a living hell and I have no doubt divorcing him will be no different. People like this don’t and won’t change. Do not waste your life like I have. Take my heed- Walk away at the first sign of disrespect.
Are you crazy woman! You are only 44, that is so young. You have already said he won’t change. Start loving yourself. Of course he will be bad in a divorce, but are you any better now. And what about what your children are learning from him. Act the same, while you make plans, that way you can control when you leave! You have a lot of living to do. He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself now, so start self love. You have wasted your time loving someone who doesn’t love you. I know I’ve been doing the same, with a Narc, so my heart goes out to you. These people only care about themselves!!!!
I have been there for 37 years! I got out! I'd say to you RUN! As fast as you can! If you have to plan a getaway then start! You are worth so much more than you realize right now! 🙏🙏
He is a Abusive Bully! He is a Coward inside. The ONLY reason he IS Bullying you IS Because You are allowing him to. Giving him permission to treat You like this. Wake up & understand his threats are because He knows! You believe them. He is a Coward. Exposing a Bully IS the Best! Thing you can Do. Love Yourself & Your kids enough to GET out & Cut off ALL associations with this Bully, & Predator !!
I pay attention to what ppl DONT say. That tells me much more about them.
Lara O'neal Yes Smart.
Interesting. True.
I've cut off these kind of people, but its like they are completely shocked n play the victim when I'm done being there's. Lol
Tough stuff, isn't it? .... Lonely and liberating at the same time.
Amen!!!!!
Mirror, mirror on the wall which Narc Will play my roll. I'm in shock of hoe many people were brought up by these kinds of parents? Without love and understand your needs..Sick! Get the hell away, today! You only can help them' if they admit they have to change. But, it's lost energy.
Yes I understand that about they act like a victim of.
chui 1 ...it’s amazing how they turn the tables on you...that’s gaslighting and I’ve been gaslit for 23 years...I’m an expert on how it feels...in one word....it’s...DEVASTATING...
Emotional abuse is all too common in families and often "covered up" to present a "perfect" family to outside society. Many emotional abusers can "cover up" their behaviour by being able to "hide" behind their high power job. Emotional abuse can also simply be ignored by others simply because they are "dumb struck" by successful other people and neither want to or feel able to "call it out". May those being emotionally abused have the strength and courage to believe in themselves and reject what someone else is trying to "impose" on them. Many thanks for this video.
Thank you so much for making these videos. I woke up to how I was being abused and how at times I have been emotionally abusive. It really helps to have examples and to name the behavior. I have felt the words and actions first from family and then in a work environment which was very toxic. As I get older, I realize looking back just how abusive some family members were and still are. Thank you so much for the education. I see so much toxicity in work environments. As you become more aware of the sometimes subtleties of emotional abuse, it makes it much more difficult to be around when you start to wake up to it. Then, you have to set boundaries, enforce them or exit situation or relationship. Again, appreciate so much all your effort and work in making and sharing these videos.
Emotionally abusive people are very insidious and don't usually show their true selves in the beginning. You can spend YEARS wishing "that person" you fell in love with comes back!!! If this is the case you find yourself in you need to look into cognitive dissonance. It's freaky how the mind deals with things!! The person you fell in love with doesn't exist!!!
Karen Wellington absolutely!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching I learned cognitive dissonance as a young child dealing with a nightmare childhood, being a child I of course didn't know what the separation of soul to body was. The breakthrough of the realization he doesn't exist is what saved me!! As rabbit holes go I was down pretty deep, 17 years of abuse, three years after leaving only to have my 15 year old son that I left his father because he started abusing him now wants to live with him. Heartbreak beyond belief, unfortunately we cannot make our kids who we wish they were. We can only set the example and hope they follow you're teachings. Teenagers want what they want when they want it, sad thing is his hard lesson will be in believing his father can or will provide for him.
Karen Wellington omg same here....17 yrs my 2 children his stepchildren going along with him for the benefits he bribes them with after having abused for years. Hurts so much
C H sorry for you're pain.
Karen Wellington ...Am struggling so bad with letting go of that wish for that fake self to come back....cos it always would briefly. But since he s been back after discard cos I insulted (apparently) him and his narc daughter...I only get the angry hateful devaluing mocking version. Don't know whether the other is ever coming back. I will lose everything I have worked for for 18 years and lose my beloved animals and gardens that were my sanity. How do I be Ok?
i’m getting out of a 7 year relationship and engagement for 6 months.... i’ve finally woken up to all the emotional abuse, everything u say hits home. constantly getting the silent treatment,being ignored, feelings disregarded. strangers being treated better than me, sarcasms used to insult, being told no one will ever love me like he does, everything is all my fault, i will never find anyone like him, if i speak how i feel then he gets angry and somehow i end up apologizing to him, gas lighting me, calling me psychotic, saying harsh cruel things. getting told that he has been cheating on me from multiple sources. walking on egg shells all the time, revolving my day around his mood swings. one day he’s so nice to be around and the person i love the next day he’s belittling me. afraid to say anything that bothers me because i don’t want to get the silent treatment, constantly threatening to break up with me over any thing he is upset about. i can’t not believe the of my life, the person i thought was my soul mate is doing this to me. i was so codependent on this man he made me feel like i needed him that i was nothing without him and he always punished me by breaking up with me. he has so many double standards, he can have female friends but i can’t have male friends, he can add females on snap chat and instagram but if i do i’m screwing them. He makes himself appear to others as such a great guy, a do gooder, considerate helpful, and pure hearted. no one knows his true colors but me. he is a narcissistic personality as well. how did it take me so long to wake up? i am currently dealing with these gaping open wounds i just want to heal and find myself again.
Catherine Harris I know this feels like a lot but trust me you need to be thankful that you woke up. There are so many people that never wake up to this abuse and live their whole lives in terrible relationships. Abusive relationships!
How you can heal and really start to get to it even better place is to dive into healing from codependency and learning how to love yourself. Those two things will completely turn your life around. You will be able to attract a healthy partner into your life going forward.
Catherine Harris woah, that’s hella time.
Am so sorry you had to go through all this. I did experience same. The last year. Am still doing all my best to get over it all.
Catherine Harris I know this seems overwhelming but regardless of how long it took you to awaken be thankful that you did because there are tons of people that never do and are still in the midst of abuse. I would also say be really patient with yourself during this process. Healing and moving on is not something that happens magically overnight but as long as you are doing what you need to do to really heal you 100% will get there. 💗
Catherine Harris
You are so brave. My heart goes out to you.
Catherine Harris I just got out of the same exact situation much shorter time though. I felt every single way you felt. I hope you heal & find yourself 🙌🏽
This woman is a Godsend.Thank you so much for these informative points.
I know this was posted a few years ago but I wanted you to know this is one of, if the, best vids on the topic I have ever watched. So concise , flowing and full of truths. Fantastic communication style and content. Thank you.
This sounds like my ex. He literally did everything you said. I thought I was crazy because I was so upset by the way he ended our two year relationship and how he treated me. When I tried to hold him accountable, he deflected it back to me. He recently married a 20 year old girl....dear God he is going to mess her up....I swear. I almost thought about warning her (innocent and naive like I was).
I didn't realize how much trauma I sustained until after being away from him for over 2 months. That's when I realized that my feelings of hurt were deeper than normal. I went straight away to counseling and started seeking help. There is hope and healing. It's not something you just "get over". Hang on and keep those who truly love you in your court. Blessings.
"Many of them can't handle their own emotions, so they react." - Spot on (imho).
FACTS!!!
Thank you for posting this. I’m in an emotionally abusive relation ship with a narcissist. You just confirmed what I have been thinking about my relationship for awhile now. He has made me feel like I’m over emotional and has been gaslighting me for years and making me feel like I’m crazy and I believed it. I also think my mother was as well. That one I didn’t realize until this video too. Thank you.
Read Cali Connleys book on how she got out and rebuilt her entire life.
When we seen or lived domestic abuse at home is hard to identify it as an adult in a relationship. Emotional abuse is too familiar to be recognized. I know because that is my story too😢 . Now in a relationship that is abusive in many ways .Trying to break away but can’t find the courage to run free.
Work is one of the few things that bring meaning to life
1. Testing boundaries
2. Silent treatment
4. Passive aggressive
5. Disregard your feelings/needs/opinions (not holding space)
6. Ignore you when you're speaking
7. Manipulation (shaming & guilt then insult)
8. Gaslighting
Worth the watch, I just wanted to write it out.
I don't give a dam what caused it in them, how they got that way, no interest in it. I want them out of my life and to stay away from me, period.
8 is the age of accountability
Amen
@@brandonsonmaysers9795 Accountability for what? Making logical decisions? Paying Bill? Reason and common since?
@@eveharris30 he was saying that 8 is the age of taking accountability for YOUR ACTIONS. Owning up to your mistakes. Admitting you did or said something wrong. Obviously not for any of what you said 🙄 you sound like an offended shit starter.
Right Exspecialy when they know what they do n keep doing it with disregaurd that. We have a right to be treated as we treat them.
Stephanie,
I appreciate you sharing your knowledge and trying to help others.
That's what it's all about. People helping people.❤❤❤
I love how eloquent and articulate you are in explaining. Thank you! I guess I grew up with a narcissistic tendency father and co-dependent mother. He rules the household. No one can break it even my mother. I never had a chance to voice out my opinion, feelings because I will be labeled as ungrateful and disrespectful child. All of us his children. I’m 28 y/o now and working as a nurse. A profession he chose and wants for me. I only realized everything now because I met a covert narc guy.
553 narcissists disliked the video 😂😂
Great channel 👍🏻
Keep it up, I appreciate your work 🌷🌹
THIS IS SO TRUE. BAHAHA
lol
It’s 880 now
No, some people want someone who gets to the point and doesn't seem to love to listen to themselves talk.
i just realized that i respond to abuse by being abusive back.
lacie george I kinda did this too at the very end. I got so angry and hurt that he did those things to me that I started to fight back. I think of it as self defense. It might not be the right thing to do, but I did it. And even then, I'm not sure that what I did really was abuse. It was mostly yelling (sometimes I did yell, but I mostly didn't actually yell) at him that he hurt me and that I didn't get any kind of love or respect back from him.
Same and it only made me feel worse
Same at the end, its called reactive abuse, they push you so far that you crack, I had no coie what was going on at the time, if i had known it was abuse i wouldnt of reacted the way i did but that's why emotional abuse is insidious, they van turn it all around on you in the end when you react, it's pure evil x
@@vikki-leec6169 I agree. Reactive abuse seems right at that time but we feel guilty coz we have become just like our abuser and that's what they're trying to prove that, "we" are the bad ones.
Same :( . It's common to become like our abusers
This is a person who has a lot of love for herself and people. People around her must be so happy. All that's said in the video is 100% relatable and pertinent.
I was so naive to this for years I am so glad I am learning this now and have discernment now what has been going on and now I can detect it now right away.
There’s times I feel so sad and depressed I cry my self to sleep I have no friends because of him I don’t express my feeling to no on but my self. I hide my emotions from my family. No one knows how you feel at times because we are good at hiding and denying it.
Carolina Alvarez so very sorry you have to go through this. For me, just thinking about the freedom and happiness that awaits me beyond the toxic relationship has been helping in my healing. You deserve happiness. For you, I wish to Christ freedom and all the joy and peace you rightfully deserve💛
😓😓
These videos are a good place to communicate and share with others who understand ❤️
I encourage abuse counselling
Wow I’m dealing with this now 💔
Very true. I had a coworker tell me that i always seemed happy. Wow. Little did he know what was going on in the inside
When somebody’s love hurts 😔 and you feel drained and on edge, it’s likely emotional abuse.
Abusive personalities are created in childhood, as learned behaviour that they have come to think is the norm. Their emotions were not validated in childhood. They seek out people who are co-dependent or have weak boundaries. The relationship is like a one way street to them, where they are running the show. Threatening and nasty behaviour = nit picking bullying behaviour results when they don’t get what they want.
Knowing your boundaries, setting boundaries and enforcing them is the way to fend off an emotionally abusive person. When you are self loving ❤️you will stand in how you feel and trust yourself.
💯 perfectly stated
💯 Especially the park about how they act when they don’t get what they want
Who knows, maybe your partner is sincere and will change. After all, nobody’s perfect, right?They even promised to marry you. So is it worth it?
Marriage after infidelity is a tricky proposition. But if you love the person, forgive and forget, move on and live happily ever after. Just like in the movies. Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart, especially, if you think you've reached the end of the road. There's no easy path to divorce.
So is it worth forgiving someone who cheated on you? Of course. Do it, living with hate is not a good way to live.
Is it worth forgetting about it? No. Your experiences in life make you stronger (and hopefully smarter). It's time to examine your feelings about yourself and your marriage. It is understandable that you are hurt by what your husband did. However, he has apologized for it and stopped his relationship with her for you. Now, it is up to you to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It gives strength to move on.
At this point you might have tried marriage counseling and probably hire a good lawyer, to best find the truth for proof in court I suggest you google search" hubtechhack ethical” to help you get proof from your partners device remotely for evidence. Sometimes it's worth saving a relationship and sometimes it isn't. Only you know the answer to the question of whether you should get a divorce or you're better off staying married.
Very well said🙌🙌🙌
You have just described my husband. It hurts to know that I’ve been living this way for do long.
Not everyone who is passive aggressive is an emotional abuser. Also none of us are 100% healthy. We all are a little bit narcissistic too. So we do need to take responsibility for how we are behaving too. Although once in a toxic relationship most of us will start behaving in "toxic" ways. It's really hard to unravel it when you're in it!
I am so glad I am learning boundaries and enforcing them now, thank you Stephanie for this!
Thank you so much. I am age 57 and I’ve lived all my life allowing this.
Better late than never. I would tell my story but there’s not enough space.
What’s a blast is knowing I am living whatever years I have left under a different banner.
Freedom!!!!
Armando Farinas is like to know your story since you seem to be a male? Im a male in an abusive relationship with my wife.
I hope you are super happy. That's a long time to suffer. And Armando, I hope you were able to find happiness and peace.
Isn't she great?
Thank you for sharing because I am 51 years old and just leaving my husband of 17 years after living this way thinking this is normal My Story 2 is too long to tell thank God for freedom
Yay!!!!!
I think the idea of narcissists being emotionally abused as children can fool some people to sympathize with them. Many researches have proven that a lot of narcissists have turned out to be that way because of being the "golden child" in the family. They were spoiled and treated as the special one, they are taught any behavior is okay, as long as they can benefit from it. So I hope people won't actually think of "the poor abused narcissist" because that's not necessarily the case. These are people who experience pleasure manipulating others and have no empathy to understand how other people feel. Go no contact and never look back.
Vassy Rng what everyone must remember is that this is a personality disorder. The chances of someone recovering from this disorder and realizing they are manipulative and abusive is slime to none. You can have sympathy for someone but that sympathy cannot go so far as to put that person first and you second.
of course this is what happens to us (all that are or were in these bullshit situations) in my case both parents are narcs (..so hard) and I am definitely NOt like them and will never be. Maybe they were in horrible situations too I don't know about their past life but it's of course not my fault and they have chosen their path to be mean. NOt me.
Narcs are very conscious of what they do even though sometimes it looks like it isn't.
I totally agree! Oh poor me ! Pity me ! But YOU must let go & forgive ! It's different ! 😒
Right or how they say that they are so insecure underneath that also can lead to giving them undue empathy....when the truth is they just may just feel superior.
So true someone who is happy with themselves doesn’t mind the silent treatment. I love it when negative people give me the silent treatment. This has happened to me my feelings my needs don’t matter you have been so helpful to me this week . Thankyou so much love your page . My feelings don’t matter in my family I’m none exsistent they matter but I don’t . You’ve made my week so peaceful.
Stephanie, you are a blessing to the world. God bless you too!
I experienced for 22 years. My husband was a pastor. Somehow, I thought I was deserving or responsible. Still recovering 17 years after divorce.
melody pogue,you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Sadly religious people can be the worst abusers. They make it look like their actions are sanctioned by God.
THE SIGNS ⚠️ IGNORED BY IGNORANCE . THE TRUTH WILL WAKE YO EYES UP 👀 🥱🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🐎🦓📌
Hoping you are stringer today ♡
Melody, I put up with it for 47 years. He finally died a month ago. I am finally free. I am glad you didn't wait. What a brave, courageous beautiful woman u are. You have a ❤. God bless you. Stop telling yourself that any of it was your fault. I wish u peace ✌. You have earned it.
It is NOT a sign of lacking self love, self esteem, or being co-dependent to become involved with these type of people.
When abusers groom their partners...they condition them to want to assume the best in them...give them second chances...not think the worst in their intentions and actions/comments. If people haven't had the experience of dealing with emotional abusers...they just don't know.
Amazing video though. It should be taught in schools....
Actually it is a sign of lack self love because someone who has self love and high self esteem has healthy boundaries. Remember people only abuse you or use you if you let them.
@@rainbow9987 bull/sht. Yo can have self love and still want a relationship to work out enough to give them second chances. It becomes a conflict of whether to believe them or not.
You eventually have to decide NOT to believe them in order to walk away
Coach Stephanie, thank you for another great video. Especially this one. What you are discussing about emotional abuse is what I went through with my mother. She, herself, was emotionally closed off and didn't know how to emotionally love me and my siblings. Also she never taught us how to deal with our emotions. For me, personally it has effected me here all the way into my adulthood. Recently I have lost friendships do to not being able to handle and manage my own emotions.
Since I have learned about much of this I have done a clean up in my life and I cut myself off from even family members because I now stand up for myself. Thanks for your videos! God bless you!!!!
This person always looks for those who have low self-esteem, low self worth. I know, I've been there.
Which was me. Still healing but def. Understanding my worth and selff esteem
Not always. The one loophole mine took advantage of was pregnancy (created in last week together) diminished my work capacity as a massage therapist, and then 4 months after her birth my health further crashed. Took advantage of a vulnerable situation.
I don’t think that’s always true. They choose people who are naturally loving and caring because they want to exploit that.
Omg I feel he preyed on me
i dont have low self esteem or low self worth and i still attract this person but i only allow it a few months
Here in japan emotional abuse is recognize by the law, need to have attny. , if it settled the victim will recieved a payment what we call isha ryo. FEW people knows this law.
Japinay poako thats amazing that there are laws in place to protect people.
Japinay poako that‘s interesting.
This is why I keep saying the Japanese are brilliant minds! I'm so glad to hear that! I live in Greece and women specifically, despite their so called freedom and rights, can't even find justice when they're beaten to a bloody pulp or raped in front of police officers.
Wow, that is impressive.
That’s amazing! I live in Japan and never heard of this! Thank you 🙏🏼
My mind is so blown by how she hit everything on the dot, that I had to go through with someone I wish I saw this sooner
Your videos are amazing and binge watching them is getting me through a really hard time. Thank you Stephanie
I think when a person uses their partner's past against them....that is emotional abuse. Calling someone crazy bc they feel, think or react differently from u is emotional abuse....
I just learned something. That's called gaslighting. Thanks.
I totally agree with this!
I just got out of a relationship who I dedicated my life to for almost a year and he knew about my past with depression and suicidal tendencies, and when I would try to talk to him about my feelings (which he was the only person I had left because he messed with my head and I ended up not being friends with those I once was friends with), and he would continue to tell me that he should kill himself and I'd be better off without him...
Same
Shawna Satchell thank you for sharing that
I was told my family doesn't want me and called crazy every minute.. then that led to more violent battery, say murder attempt on the last occasion by strangulation.. all this because I say no and I stand my grounds sometimes, however, I'm a teacher and very empathetic, always finding him excuses because of how hard his life was and trying to help and fix it! lol! he is gone now.
The part where you mention the importance of validation made a ton of sense. If a child doesn't feel validated by their parents growing up, they'll seek it when they're older and that's where people can start to fall short on really forming their own boundaries, being sure of their choices and loving themselves.
Love you so much for sharing this. ❤. They manipulate and make you feel guilty. I hope a lot of millennials watch this so they don't make the mistakes I made. It is soul crushing when you don't love who you are, you just never see all the controlling signs. Particularly from your "loved" ones
Thank you so much for this video! I never knew how to define “gaslighting” before but the word has stuck in my mind for about a year now for some reason. You explained it so well- and now I have some knowledge to have some power against it. Empowering people is so important. I can see both sides of the coin from this video- things I’ve experienced and also things I need to work on too- so it’s very valuable info to me! I appreciate you!
Don't forget they blame you for everything and can't have accountability for their own actions, thank you for this. I'm on my way out I'm planning and praying. Good luck ladies/men just remember your feelings matter.
OMG you just described my former wife.
NoPCsHere you described my ex husband
What if they say?, who loves you[ i need sex but im waiting, your the one for me)&or, my feelings are hurt don /;&*ou care? Thjere iuz a thin line between truth neediness integrity n manipulation)]., please please teach on boundaries and wants.
I am in tears listening to this because this person has crossed the line in all these
Pack hide your stuff. Act normal! Get out fast quiet, go far, lose number and never look back. Shut down all social media. Tell no one-run!!!!
Extremely helpful in understanding my brother's and sister in relation to my abusive disrespectful father. It's such a waste of life when people don't take the responsibility to work on their stuff and empower, regain and heal themselves!
Thanks for your good council. Emotional neglect from a mother and emotional tyranny from a father is devastating to a child. It is with you every day of your life. But with people like you we can understand better what is going on inside and learn to deal more kindly with ourselves or love ourselves. .....and consequently do the same for others.
My mom was very emotionally abusive, and she would single me out in a group of people and point out my "faults." My mother in law did this right at the table during Christmas Dinner, and all these feelings came right back. I've had hard feelings and haven't spoken to her since. From now on Christmas dinner will be at MY house and she isn't invited. That was the last time I am going to be the ChristmAss!
M Paxton how to make knitted fabric
M Paxton My m i l was the same. Great that you are choosing a better Christmas day in the future. I put up with unpleasant, family dinners every Christmas until she passed away 30 years later. It's great you have made the decision and hope you don't suffer for it.
Hope you can get away from the relationship...you're wasting your life and deserve a better one, you only live once ...good luck.
M Paxton 🙏🏾♥️
Sadly, you not along... It took me 40 years to do what you did because I loved her. It's not an easy decision; but it comes to the point:" Enough is enough"...
5 years from 2013 to may 2019 with a total manipulator. I was blinded. I always thought it was my fault. I had no boundaries or self confidence/ worth. I now feel disgusted by myself that i allowed him to control me. I wasted years on personal goals. Graduated college but had 0 focus when finding a job. He will put me down. I felt unloved and never supported. I am tryingg to forgive myself and connect with god. But what you said at the end i became co dependent due to my parents. I am finally aware. I will keep healing thank you
yes - I had 7 years with an abuser - and it's very easy to see all the things you've missed because of it. I was totally isolated and not allowed to work even. The main thing is understanding what the lesson was in all of this and knowing you have the power to change your life going forward. Sounds like you are doing amazing! Well done x
@@freedomfromconditioning2055 i have my days of course filled with anger and regrets. At the same time i am learning to take full responsibility. It is what i allowed. And i am in the process everyday realizing how much I gave to someone when I recieved guilt and blame. Its going to be a journey but i am relieved that I finally became aware. God is number one. Becoming aware and understanding what went wrong and forgiving yourself is key. I am meditating and practicing self love and taking more time for me. Also planning to see a therapist. Everyone's process is of course different. But we as woman sometimes are too giving, too worthy to attract these "men" in our lives. Some may never realize it until its too late. I hope all woman realize their true power within.
marwa. you're on the right track. trust, it WILL get better, and calling on god is one of the absolute best things you can do
@@kidsister316 thank you for that lovely comment. God is number one 👌
I've been with my husband since June 2013 and have allowed myself to be trapped now by marriage and we have 2 kids with a 3rd due in Feb. How did you escape ?
Stephanie just wanted to add a comment here cause your channel really helped me get out of some situations. Watching this for the first time back then I just understood what I was going through what I couldn't explain. Learning about this is really important and I'm very thankful to you ❤️💐
That was amazing, thanks so much! I finally understand that my husband of 39 years has been emotionally abusive. Much of the time I just thought it was me because of my awful childhood and codependence, etc. I'm so grateful to you.