Guy in VR Describes Growing Up in a Cult
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- Опубліковано 31 сер 2022
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A man who grew up in an evangelical cult described the things he saw, the ways he was mistreated, and the things he felt he needed to do. - Ігри
Henlo! its me Bag of Snails the guy in the video! Thank you everyone for watching everyone! it completely boggles my mind that 50 thousand people have clicked on this video let alone the people who watched the whole thing! I've been keeping up with the comments to this point and your words of encouragement mean the world, and thank you Azeal for setting the fundraiser for the Trevor Project! I never thought people would believe me if I spoke about my experiences so this experience has been very validating.
To the people whom this resonated with or heard something they felt they desperately needed to hear. Im glad you found this video and Im glad I made it. I reached out to Azeal both to raise money for charity and with the hope that my story could help someone.
If you want to hear my less terrible experiences (like almost dieing in China, or some of my wild road trip stories, like going back to the mohave for closure) be sure to pester Azeal! I promise most of them are funny!
Your story was very interesting to hear, and, from what I've seen in this video, I believe you're a great and wonderful person. I'm glad you shared this story, and watching Azeal's videos is amazing.
I would love to hear more of your stories, and sitting at my laptop for an hour was worth every second of it. I don't watch very long videos very often, but listening to other's people's stories in a kinda chill like manner, it's really nice, and I think the people, like yourself, who sit down and share these stories, these very real parts of their lives, it's probably pretty nice to talk about it and get it out of your system. I can only imagine it.
Getting to know the people out there through these videos is really nice, I don't have to worry about those silly stereotypes, or the whole thing of "majority of these people do this thing so it's the correct thing" meanwhile the lesser majority is just shot down, it's just so silly. I don't hear stories like yours, I always get to see these super popular stories of, tbh just propaganda.
I'm not sure if that makes sense? It's nice to hear the stories here on this channel, they're unique and they informational and they're chill and I honestly love it.
I hope your life is pretty chill right now, and whenever you have good moments that you cherish them, and you try to make your today the today that makes you happy.
(i said this before in the main comment section but i am curious and want to hear from the man himself.)
are you still in contact with your mother?
is she still in the cult?
did you ever confront her about any this?
A more lighthearted question that most in this comment section, but does the Forest Temple still scare the bejesus out of you?
Thank you so much. Didn't expect this to speak to me, but it hit hard with a lot of the trauma/gaslighting I've gone through. Especially at the end when you were talking about accepting who you are and feeling like you're this evil person. I was just talking about that today, how I feel like I'm this evil person, and anytime I hear about something bad I assume it's my fault(be it a murder on the news, Florida man, or WWII that happened before I was born) and tend to beat myself up for it. Haven't really figured out a solution yet, but it helps to know I'm not alone. (Though I wouldn't wish it on anyone) I don't think I'm a while person, we're broken a bit and have OSDD1b, and we fight internally a lot. But I'd like to be able to be as whole as I can be.
It's cool that you're into game design. I clicked on this for inspiration for a game I'm working on world building for. Maybe I can play one of yours someday!
I grew up in arizona as well! I was in tucson but not the main city, I was closer to the country bit of it, and yea everything there wants to kill everyone for whatever reason. I miss living there for sure especially the camping and night sky, but now I get to experience more stuff.
while I haven't had nearly as awful and traumatic experiences, I still felt stuff that you said, thanks for sharing!
"Trauma is like a carving in the side of a tree. No matter how much that tree grows, that carving will always be the same size. However, as time passes and the tree becomes larger, that carving becomes an overall smaller and smaller part of the whole tree."
That one happy little tree.
That's smart. I like that. Do you know who said it? I'd be interested to know. Thanks for sharing the quote.
I have to remember that one. That is profound AF.
When I first clicked on this video I only saw the first sentence of this comment. As I finished the video and actually clicked on the comments I saw the second sentence that was just waiting for me to read, and it was absolutely beautiful. Thank you
Absolutely poetic!
"You don't have to be fixed to be a complete human being" That touched me deeply. Thank you
💜
@@Azeal hello!
@@Azeal i pove your content
Hearing that I needed to be fixed for more than half my life really fucked with me. I had adhd as a child and they put me on so many pills and would keep upping the dosage and amount of pills and it started to make me feel so sick and have suicidal thoughts. Eventually stopped taking it on my own record cause i was sick of it and i felt so much better. Sadly the state wont allow me to drive till i get reevaluated because of the meds i took as a kid restricted me from driving.
@@Rey-wp3sb I'm autistic so I know what you mean. Although I don't have the exact same experience as you, I'm sick of people putting us on meds instead of just accompanying us while we grow up so we can become functional adults with useful tools to help us navigate day-to-day life
Hats off to this guy, he was able to actually fight the conditioning and brainwashing from the cult, great job.
One of the most important things I learned as I grew up was that 'Your first thought on something is what society has trained you to think, and therefore it doesn't matter.'
I am glad you're doing better. Thank you for taking time to talk about it. While not entertaining, it was informative, and I very much enjoyed listening to your voice!
I heard it phrased as "Your first thought is how you were raised, your reaction to that thought is who you are."
He had been brought up to think that girls dressing for the summer heat "deserved it", his reaction was "How fucked up is it to think that anyone could deserve that?" He may have been raised to be a monster, but it's clear that he's a good dude.
congrates you are the first comment :)
Too much of this sounds familiar as a former Jehova's Witness kid. Born defective, had to get a blood transfusion to survive, therefore I was demon-spawn from day one. Way too much of this is familiar and I admit I cried a bit hearing someone else go through this kind of thing and knowing there are hundreds of thousands of children living this life every day.
but you survived, and you are nothing of the sort -- you are human
@@Azeal Mmm. Sometimes that "Survived" thing is put in question. I felt some resonance with knowing I'm never going to be quite right because someone else buried this seed of doubt deep down somewhere and it never really stopped growing. Now its the practice of learning how to trim it back, and I am greatly respectful of this man's progress within himself. Its something I still struggle with and I'm twice his age.
Out of curiosity, what year did that happen? As far as I’m aware, if they treated you like a demon those weren’t proper witnesses.
@@SIRJACOBSTINE late 80ies, early 90's. The religion went through a couple transitions which my parents lived through. They were members for about thirty years before they saw how badly we were all being treated and finally left.
Jehovah's Witness is that way? Huh.
Well, they can spend some time in a year-round summer camp. Work will set them free.
"Spawn of Satan sounds so much cooler than Spawn from that guy Ted from down the hallway" lmao 🤣🤣
I forgot I said that 😭
Azeal legit needs a Pokedex entry.
Azeal. The Listening Fox Pokemon.
Azeals are very social creatures. They've been known to sit quietly around people, and listen to them, regardless of what is being said, but they gravitate to people who are sad.
They have azeal for understanding.
@@greatwavefan397 *Slow clap*
@@adampatterson2195 thank you thank you ☺️
Type? Fairy and Psychic?
@@sharkydumbass That works! Unless he’s a standalone in either type.
Better question is if he has an evolved form.
I was born into a cult. We lived in a nice apartment but we never had things like TV channels or went to school. lot of horrible things happen that are not Christain even though they say they are. It was more like strange rituals. we moved around a lot but they stayed in touch with each other online we kids were not aloud to be online. we didn't have anything other kids did. we had no phones or connection to the tv we only watched tapes or DVDs for schooling. we only went into the city at night or in the evening. I don't remember all the details of my life most of it is blurry. I escaped during the pandemic after my grandfather died. wish I had grown up another way but it is what it is.
Hope you will have a better life now
no fr thats what im sayin they say they r christians but in actuality they know rhey rnt and they j say that and give these fancy motivational speeches for power fame and money ://
i hope ur doin well now in life and that u have more freedom a
Excellent work getting out.
Too bad it's illegal to do the right thing, else I'd happily volunteer to make those heretics disappear.
@@Aqueox Ey, ease up on the heretic talk. That has had very, very real consequences. I am sure this individual wishes that their family got out, not unlifed. :(
I live in the Mojave desert (california part) and everything the dude described is accurate. From the brush to the animals it seems like everything wants to kill you. Even the plants. We have a cactus called the "teddy bear cactus". It literally jumps at you and grabs you.
I feel bad for this dude having to deal with all that at such a young age and I really hope he is doing better now
Edit: I think they also made him illegally move a protected plant (Joshua Trees). You need a permit to move them and also you need to have it facing the same direction because they are picky like that.
people never believe the jumping catci story.
@@malovent767678 is it not true?
Excuse me but THE CACTUSES GRAB PEOPLE?
@@azulathesunmoonsimp8939 it's a nasty type of cactus where the spiny fruit can easily become detatched,
and the spines are grown in a way where they are extremely springy and merely touching it can lauch into the air
(and into your skin). Barb first. And they grow in forest-grouping so if you hit 1, you hit many, they can cause other cactus to jump too.
It's part of how they germinate. They attach to mammals and get carried off into distant lands.
They don't really kill humans its just a huge pain in the arse to deal with and very painful.
They *do* kill birds that lose the ability to fly after. Other animals struggle to catch prey or stop from being preyed on themselves.
Can confirm that’s how the Mojave is. I’ve played Fallout NV before. Kidding btw
Hi, I just wanted to say this video really opened my eyes and spoke to me in an incredible way. I was raised by an ex cultist and only in January had I gathered the courage to finally move out at 18 years old. It was because of your videos I learned my thought process was heavily influenced by cultist beliefs and watching this video made me realize I'm still being heavily affected by them. Like he says in the video, I still at times believe I'm possessed by demons and I cant shake the feeling that every little thing I do it out of pure evil. I like girls and I'm a trans man but I wonder to myself if god will smite me and send me to hell simply because of that but hearing the words from this video I realize how ridiculous that sounds. I'm always afraid of everything I do in fear of being yelled at but thanks to this awareness it makes it easier to try healing. Its things like this that help me get better, even if its little it helps alot. Thank you so much for this
Heyo its me from the video! Im glad this helps you, its the whole reason i wanted to speak. Just please remind your self everyday that deprogramming takes time, it doesnt happen over night. Learning to check your thoughts is a skill and takes practice. I learned that being able to entertian the idea i was wrong in an arguement and admit it helped a lot in my personal journey.
You are a man. and you are valid. I would reccomend looking at yourself in the mirror everyday and saying outloud to yourself "I am a man" the combination of visual and audio stimulation helps it sink into the deeper regions of the sub concious better. If you can associate a song with masculinity to listen to while you do it, all the better. This will also take time but i promise after the first couple of weeks you will start to notice a difference. just dont stop. remind yourself everyday that you are a man and you are valid.
Where can I meet other people who were raised by people who were taken advantage of by a cult because holy shit I never knew where to find people - I thought I was alone. I thought I was a monster, to justify everything that was done... jesus. We're not monsters or demons, not a one of us. FUCK those people that made us feel that way - @Panic Mania you deserved better, man. To say the least. sorry I'm mid-epiphany rn, if I'm a bit scattered. it's good to meet you guys and hear your story @Bag of Snails
@@malovent767678 thank you so much, I cant express how much hearing that meant to me. Literally in tears haha!
@@thepaladxn7802 Cult children need a support group because I had no idea I wasnt alone either and i was always too afraid to say anything
it spooks me how much i relate to the fear of being yelled at at any moment or being punished by a higher power
i used to be way more scared of the last one (around 2020, but it had been there for way before and still is with me sometimes). I whould be mentally begging for forgiveness if i said anything slightly out of line (bible-related words, sexual thoughts, etc... ). I still feel like that sometimes (like right now) but it used to be real bad. Like- all the fucking time lmao
i was never even in a cult idk why my brain is craycray
I truly wish only the worst for these kinds of people. Torturing a ten year old child so much that they are broken down into someone who contemplates murder, that's something that can never be forgiven or repented for.
I have immense respect for him not only for surviving this and not losing himself but also because he still keeps in contact with his mother apparently. That truly takes a strong person because no matter how much I'd love my mother, I wouldn't be able to look at her again without being reminded of this horrible thing.
"the worst thing an evil person can do to you is to make you one of them."
..After watching this, I honestly feel ashamed I EVER joked about something being a cult. This isn’t a weird religious thing, this is straight up child abuse.
Or just general abuse to every age
Mhm
Don’t worry about joking about cults. Don’t let people forget cults. Just call out the fucking cults: JWs, Mormons, etc - honestly all religions and dogmatic belief systems including political ones are cults.
Cults are not about religion.
Cults are about power.
Religion is just a means to power.
Cults can also be political or cultural.
Think of Trumpists or Marxist-Leninists for example.
@@AlexPantheryou got it super right, but most cults are about the money and the power, not just power.
Bro this one was really good. But prayers to the sanity of this man and I hope no one has to go through this anymore..
Hey shadow, thanks for the kind words :)
Maybe it’s just me, but it seems to me that this guy’s life was saved because of a video game. That’s badass.
More like the memories that the video game brought him back, no wonder cults wont allow those kinds of things cuz, out of sight out of mind so their victims dont remember who they were before all that craps they put them through
Seems legit.
Finally finished this entire video and my hat is off to this guy. You had no control over any of that BS and you walked away still smart enough to check yourself, continually deprogram, and recognize how to separate who you are from what was thrust upon you. Great job. Hope I get to talk to you in the discord server.
I’ve been gaslit from an extremely young age as well (in less extreme circumstances) but the way this guy describes your sense of self disintegrating are exact words that I have used to describe that feeling.
Like you learn to doubt yourself before anybody else does, so when someone starts telling you your version of the story is incorrect, it’s like you can literally feel your sanity and your sense of self, the version of you that perceives your truth, crumbling.
I’m really glad he’s been much better, and that him and his mom both made it out of there.
Even though I never lived through this, it gives me hope to hear stories about pulling through stuff like that.
You ever have to win a fight with a guy who has 140 lbs on you then have the cops come in your room and threaten to arrest you
Yeah no. As soon as I heard that he left you in the desert at night alone, my immediate thought was that he just tried to kill you. I've heard so many stories back home on the Rez of people that just go missing out there and never come back. If a cat or small dog runs away, after night falls, it can be assumed that Coyotes got them. If you lose a person at dawn during May to August, by 4pm-6pm you can be pretty certain that they probably won't be moving anymore from heat exhaustion or dehydration. If you're lucky, then it's winter in the warmer parts of the Sonoran Desert and you'll be ok until night falls but if you're able to move around then so can the rest of the wildlife. If there's one thing that both Alaska and Arizona share, it's that the wild can and *_Will_* find any way it can to kill you. It's not just the plants and animals but the environment and nature itself
I've had a manipulative family and honestly i don't even know exactly how manipulative they'd be considered from an outsider's perspective, my mind isn't much detached from this mentality yet. But for some reason i really relate to some of his thoughts, about being a monster, about being a worthless no one whose only purpose in life is to torment the family and cause problems to everyone, that if i didn't control myself i could lose control at any given moment, that i had to do everything they told me otherwise there would be consequences, that i needed to be perfectly the way they wanted me to be.
As of now i understand the harm that my family caused to my mental health, but even so i still believe that i will never be able to change the fact that i'm a monster, if i simply let go and be myself i'll end up destroying something precious. All i can do is be kind and empathetic towards everyone, always help the next one regardless of background, and always find a solution so that they can be in peace again. I always wanted to be a hero ever since i was a kid, and i'll uphold my morals until the end.
He's endured for long, but he's fought and managed to get his life back on track, and i hope he eventually overcomes his inner demons.
Thank you so much for the kind words, even if our experiences differ i empathaize with your pain. I've been working on trying to loosen the iron fist i have on myself. letting myself be upset or angry. Its scary but i genuinely believe anger is a healthy emotion to have, its just important not to get carried away. I've seen anger and spite used as incredible tools to get things done that otherwise seemed impossible. I some times joke that i became a better person purely out of spite for the cult.
The thought of being in a cult is terrifying to me because there is no "What would I do or say in this situation" because you are broken. You cannot change the narrative by yourself. You are effectively a background character in the leader's story. Your story is over. I keep trying to find what makes someone human at it's core, and those things are what keep me from an answer. Maybe nothing makes you human. Circumstances define you, but those circumstances can separate you from the rest of humanity.
I have never wanted to give someone a hug through a screen so badly. I feel so sorry about what he’s gone through :/
exactly man, i just wish i could hug this guy
I can tell just by the mention of the tent, "faith healing", and "holy ghost" that this was probably a pentecostal cult. My mom used to go to tent revivals in the 90s.
I grew up pentecostal too, although not in nearly as physically demanding of an environment as this guy did (standard church where most of the abuse is either psychological or dealt by parents after some "encouragement" from other members).
As an apostolic pentecostal and someone who was assigned female at birth (AFAB), I wasn't allowed to cut my hair, wear makeup, wear pants, or do like a billion other things most normal kids my age would.
It was really hard for me as a queer person because of the harsh stances on biblical gender roles and purity culture, I thought I was somehow "wrong" or "dirty" or "messed up" for being bisexual.
I grew up with a lot of trauma which I won't be disclosing (outside of cult-related trauma) so I've always struggled with my mental health, which the pentecostal church also deems as a moral failing or a sign that you simply "have a lack of faith".
Combine those two traits of mine and you have a disaster waiting to happen. And it did. I'm honestly lucky to still be here writing this because the kind of rhetoric they often spout is practically designed to make someone's mental health spiral.
Sometimes it still feels like people still don't take me seriously, or try to convince me that what I went through "wasn't that bad", or even that it never happened at all just because they perceived my year-long mental breakdown as typical teenage angst and/or laziness. Thankfully I do have a small group of friends outside the cult now that have been there for me. It's been hard.
Hope it gets better try to reach out to more ppl and seek therapy!
If you ever want to talk i can give you my twitter information.
Hello an Orthodox Christian here I hope you are doing well now both physically and mentally, I am also sorry for all of Christianity having these bad members because they don't deserve that religion if they treat others like crap . Remember they don't deserve you you deserve way better.
Remember that degeneracy is not tolerated. Fix it.
@@Aqueox What do you mean?
There is so much to say, but I'll put it plainly: After listening to this entire episode, I'm really inspired to stand up for myself and say something, and I really hope others do too. A literal life-changing podcast for a lot of people. So glad to hear you're doing better, have a great rest of the summer.
“You don’t have to be fixed to be a whole human being.”
That quote was very helpful for me. Thank you!
So glad!
All I can say is that I’m glad he’s safe and getting the support he needs
Agreed
Holy shit it's so weird to hear that this happened in/near the town you live in.
I'm in the town he mentioned at the start, and there are so few towns (let alone towns or communities that small) within 80 miles of here that I could probably pin down where this happened if I tried and that is terrifying. It's so,, weird when you go into these stories expecting it to be fully removed and then the entire thing happened within 100 miles of you.
(Also yes this area is still kinda known for underground meth production, although I haven't seen it nearly as much as he says)
My Step mother swore up and down that I was Lucifer himself but in my case should be herself but I got fed up to he point I almost got myself renamed Lucifer just to mess with her.
Lucy
That was a gigachad move , messing with a false Christian like that is really funny atleast to me.
@@zeropsaft You know what's better?
Locking up heretics and having them work or be executed, based on their crime.
57:19 Listening to this guy talk about the radio reminds me of the time I discovered Shortwave radio bands back in high school and learning that, during the daytime, the radiation of the sunlight hitting earth actually eats up the radio waves we use for music, where only denser waves can truly flourish like FM waves. At night, however, since there's no sunlight, the less dense waves can actually bounce off of the ionosphere to reach way farther distances, so the plausibility of actually catching a drive-in movie all the way from Mexico using an AM band is actually viable.
Ah cults, when a sadist learns psychology and sees how long he can boil the frog
He didn’t deserve this, and it’s so incredibly sad that he could do absolutely nothing.
I’m glad you found your way to reality. That is such an incredible feat, and you should be very proud of how far you’ve come.
I was bullied as a kid.. both by teachers and the people around me .. I've had teachers tie me to chairs, beat me and break paddles on my butt in front of the class.. slam me into lockers.. and I was bullied by family members, friends, enemies.. that led me down a path of 43 years of old school karate training.. I've never been in a fight since high school.. minus when I worked in jail/prison .. I've since gone back to have talks with former abusive teachers.. bullies and so on.. funny how they all think they didn't anything wrong.. I'm like .. I'm 53 years old and still processing my life of being bullied.. well.. no one does that anymore.. and they're worthless lumps of turds.. PEACE!
Damn, I was lucky that my 7th grade teacher only verbally abused me and told the class to keep bullying me in hopes I kill myself. Hearing that puts a lot into perspective.
@@DHTheAlaskan I was in elementary school in the early 70's.. schools were awful back then..
@@beedoubleu no doubt
time to get your revenge
Have you tried to do emotional reframing? It does wonders!
I was born into a cult, they came off as very normal nice people, so my parents (with 4 children) decided that they wanted to move there, y'know small homeschool people with a religious base and a really good community and lots of friends... it sounded amazing, but after a while, they started letting us into more of what they really believed in... Nathan (the "leader") believed he was apart of the whole "father, son, holy spirit" thing, and that his calling in life was to create a "great Nation" that was supposed to rule over the world and "purify the world of its sin". There were a ton of little cottage-like houses, a small school kind of building, and an almost church thing. The men we called "father" (so like- "Father Nathan") and now looking back that was because of their need for power, the men would abuse their wives, and so every night at 10pm the lights would go off everywhere, and then started everyone's personal lives... past that 10pm mark, the men would abuse their wives, the women would get drunk, and there was a lot of physical abuse and stuff like that. As children we got yelled at a lot, like for example, my brother was climbing a tree and a branch broke, my brother ended up getting hurt but instead of anyone helping him, (gonna call this man Mr. Lean) Mr. Lean ran out and started yelling at my brother and he even picked up the stick and hit my brother with it. That was a lot for my parents to hear, but even after that, we stayed in the village. I was, fortunately, a very young child and so I spent most of my time sleeping, but countless amount times I would hear yelling and screaming, and just, anger. Finally when I was about 4 we moved, but what that did to my siblings, I will never fully be able to know, I got the least amount of trauma from this experience, but my siblings have much more. They made friends and a life, with their friends out there, and then just in an instant, they moved across the country and never saw any of those people again... I wish I could say that The Village was the most traumatic experience I've endured, but it's only the tip of the iceberg. Now, almost 10 years later, I have mostly moved on, my family has kept in contact with some of the Village People, but most went insane and are in mental institutions, nobody knows where Nathan is, and I don't ever want to see him again.
Anyways thanks for reading all of this, I have a couple more stories that I'm willing to share in case anyone wants to know.
I'm sorry you went through that. I'm willing to listen to any stories you are willing to share.
It's crazy how common it is. I too was literally dragged and dropped off on a cult doorstep in my early 20's. Thankfully at the time I had just finished therapy. And these people went under the guise of a "therapy substitute". Needless to say they didn't quite care for me and my harsh words when I "wasn't playing the game correctly". That's the short version to say the least lol.
Is it normal that a police officer has to take time off his day to go to a elementary school?
Just send them to the secretary slap em with a cold pack and send them back to class, i'd say. Giving them a private prison trip sounds unnessesary, a waste of community funds and the officers time.
Also obligatory: Fucking hell, that is just child abuse.
I talked to my mother about this, aparently he was at the school that day to try and get her to go out with him. I had no clue that the local DEA agent had been sweet on my mom at the time and we had a solid laugh!
@@malovent767678 Ah, a dating expert, i see. ^^
Just from the title and the thumbnail, im already surprised about how this could even happen. It shows that there are so many things that can go on, and that almost anything is possible to happen to anyone. Thanks Azeal for spreading awareness!
Out of context, "They told me I was a demon" sounds like a line from an anime.
Poor Thoma. Never knew his life was so tough 😔
Azeal thank you for bringing us content like this I really appreciate that your doing all of this to keep people informed and broaden our horizons and I thank you for that
"and I remember standing there."
I then proceed to get 2 ads 😢
Also, horrible trauma... Sorry man!
May luck be with you man!
"...and realizing"
"YOU WERE JUST LIKE ME"
"TRYING TO MAKE HISTORY!"
@@greatwavefan397
Oh, I didn't even see this.
Idk, or don't remember, what that quote is from lol.
15:14 as someone who has lived in arizona their whole life this is 100% true, we have awful heat waves and the animals and plants (ex:cacti) are pretty dangerous
I had to watch twilight once because I lost a game of wii bowling.
I still rage to this day when Bella's dad tells her that forks Washington is more dangerous than phoenix Arizona
Help I’m crying the thoma avatar is killing me
Speaking up and defending yourself being seen as negative? Sounds a lot like the American public school system. They'd punish you in public schools for throwing a punch back as to defend yourself. It's ridiculous.
I'll never be able to look at Thoma the same again
oh that is why they send him to Inazuma and becomes servant of Kamisato household
😐
The last couple minutes were really well said, I've had my own demons to wrestle and I've always thought of myself as a broken person. It really put things into a healthier perspective
Same I've always thought in the back of my mind that I am A Monster and a demon that I should be these things but I'm not nobody's perfect everyone has flaws and are broken in some ways and need help with these things and I am a flawed person and need help sometimes as well in ways I have accepted myself but not exactly completely still working on it.
This video just shows how messed up our world can be sometimes, I've had rough things happening in my life but this is on a whole new level, hope he's doing better now ❤️.
Exactly! I agree with you Shaman! There's so much evil going on in this world, But there can be good things happening and you can do good things for people etc.
I saw Thoma and decided to watch. I don’t know what to say about this whole thing. It was very hard to hear, the treatment this guy went through is… rough. Terrifying. Well, one thing I’d like to say is a quote from a character, “if you don’t know how to save others, how will you save yourself?” And i dont know if that applies here, but i remembered it near the end of the video.
Your story resonated with me deeply. Thank you for showing me that there's even a point to having the desire to speak my own story someday in some semblance of full, because this is the first time I've seen there are people who will listen to the type of story that it is, told in this type of long-form spoken presentation, other than in private to really fricking good friends I have and have had throughout my life. I thought I had to do art to do share it more - you know, obfuscate the facts of the matter, make vague short aesthetic references and metaphors until somebody finally hears what kind of pain I've been in, because that is one of my deepest desires is just to be heard and understood. Thankfully, between some really good friends and people like you doing stuff like this... maybe I might be able to too. That means a lot. So thank you for having the courage to do what you just did.
I joined a cult in college I don't remeber any part of it. I was there for a year before leaving. I was told my depressed girlfriend was the reason why I was doing "bad" in the cult. I found I have dissociative identity disorder this year, because of the cult. I still wish I never joined. I have flashbacks too things they did. Like when they showed up at my work when I was alone. All I remeber was they blocked the only entrance. And I blocked out the rest.
That was extremely powerful. I have so much love for this dude. I wish him all the best in life. Thank you for sharing his story!
I understand the programing part. My parents are basically cultist and always tried to take full control over me. Luckily I was a really smart kid and realized they were really hateful and full of shit and dangerous for having behaviors of trying to program me. I always just put guards up and ignored most things, but every once in a while they would chip something away, they would get to me in some little way, and then just do something that would shatter all trust I had and made me realize multiple times they never would ever change or get better, and would push harder and harder with this programing. At 16 I realized putting up guards and defenses wasn't enough, I had to go on the offensive I had to become as hostile as possible to make them want nothing to do with me to stop their attempts at brainwashing me directly. It worked. It took until 17-18 or so where my depression cleared up and life basically started. But as life goes on I have experiences where I realize that old programing still exists in many parts. I though I got rid of most of it, I had one relationship where they directly took control of it and started manipulating me and gaslighting me, my aunt had to step in and directly stop it by telling me I could go back to her place (was 21 at the time 22 nearing 23 now) and get kicked out of my aunts, or stop going. I was trying to break up with this woman for a long time she wouldn't let me and would pull me back in. So the ultimatum was the key. I've had to deal with my parents a little bit lately but we mostly ignore eachother, but randomly they start up something and it pulls me in then afterwards I just sit there like "Fuck the damn programing is stillll there." I face other extreme hardships but, I'm myself not my parents clone or anyones perfect person, I'm happier than I've ever been, and I've improving myself more than I've ever had. Theres tons more to like my everything but I only wanted to share my similar experence.
I just wanna know one more thing. That cult leader. What was she thinking. Did she really know how terrible she was for other people? How she was destroying their lives? What pushed her into this? Why did she kept doing this? And how is it possible that things like this go unnoticed?
I appreciate that you bring these rarely discussed topics to light
OMG I WAS SCROLLING THROUGH MY FRIENDSLIST AND YOU WERE THERE TYSM I LOVE YOU KEEP UP THE GREAT CONTENT
I'm glad he's okay now. He's been through so much.
i can't say anymore than what's already been said, but i'm very thankful you shared this ^ it was an eye opener to how horrible these types of environments can be, especially to how young you were when you went through all that
all in all, i wish you all the best, man, and thanks again for sharing your story ^^
Every video of yours comes out at a perfect time. It happened before and in this case this came out while i’m doing an ADS speech for speech team on cults. I’m using the one that my mother and grandmother were in for most examples but this is a very good sources for how cults isolate and attack.
I can not express how important it was for me to hear this today. This gives me hope that I can get past my own trauma and even helped put into words some of the this I've had trouble explaining to therapists.
This mirrors my partners experience of being in a small country town soooo closely - and he wasnt even in a cult!
Isolated places can just be this vicious and terrible in general... his family was the weird one for supporting their children and not putting them through hell. He always considered himself lucky for that, even through the bullying from the few other kids and adults, that his parents were so understanding and kind to him.
"I had to thought check myself or else I might be a trumper" lol wth. Kinda took a lot of the seriousness out of the conversation. But I guess a laugh was needed.
This gotta be one of the most interesting, touching and inspiring interviews I've ever seen. Kuddos for working on yourself to get better and for sharing this story
this interview and the messages at the end have given me more hope than years of therapy did. thank you
There's still one thing that you learned in there that never went away. An unshakable spirit.
It's ok to not be okay. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to grow and heal.
as someone who was raised in a similar fashion, I really feel for you brol
Jesus. I always feel so bad for these people because people like me have lived such easy lives and they get put through such bullshit.
“You don’t have to be fixed to be a whole human being”
The way Arboretum hit at the end almost made me cry, i love Forhill
Good music taste :D
Surviving a traumatic cult in the mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter
Thank you Azeal and Bag of Snails for this story. I loved listening to it. It gave me validation and reassurance and hope for better future for all of us who suffered(or suffer still) abuse. ❤
This has to be the most fucked up story I've ever heard, this poor guy has been through so much at such a young age by a complete psychopath of a person. I hope he goes on to live the life he deserves.
Dude this was so interesting to listen to- like holy shit I want to talk to that guy myself and learn even more!
I love listening to these types of stories, and ngl the guy who was "featured" in this video has a super nice voice. I could totally fall asleep listening to him just ramble on about anything
Thanks for uploading this. I watched this a while ago. I was in a cult as a child as well and this it's good to see I'm not alone. Although I'm sorry others experienced this.
thank you so much for sharing ur story.
don't worry just wanted to vent out a bit. :)
i just wanted to get something off my chest coz there was a part in the vid where it kinda hit home for me.
When he mentioned hypervigilance anxiety and explained it a bit i had a wave of shock hit coz i never really realized i had hypervigilance anxiety coz i always thought it was how most people would process things or sometimes i just thought i was over thinking... so when i realized that it was a type of defense mechanism i had a small flashback of when my mom's family members used to verbally abuse me and i'd just sit there and take it because as a kid i thought i was just being scolded but as i grew older i feel so sorry for my younger self who soon would make conversations in my head and would see if i can win in the convo but would always lose and in the and till this day i sometimes catch myself degrading myself for others so that they don't have to do it for me to save myself from being hurt by what they say which is really fcvked up now that i think about it
I genuinely couldn’t stop laughing for like 10 mins because their avatar thingy is Thoma lmao
I'm so sorry but the Thoma avatar made me smile a bit
Thanks for sharing your story, I wish you well in your internal journey away from a traumatic world
Thanks, Bag of Snails, I really needed that end part. Thanks and I hope you get better in the long run!
I went through something similar, it hurts but at the same time it’s refreshing to see that I’m not alone. Anyone who’s gone through this, there’s always someone there for you. Take care
The statement about not needing to be fixed to be a whole human, I really needed to hear that. Thank you.
that rain seems like the calm in the midst of a hurricane, nay, a nuclear catastrophe, in the weight of this scenario
and yes i know ive done like three comments but dude this video is so informative and so wild that people are like this and its just
maybe its the storytelling this guy seems cool
also hes a game designer or something that is awesome its super cool
What a good guy. Thanks for yet another touching video Azeal
36:00 Cool that he's a game designer. Watching this for inspiration for a game I'm working on. (Mostly writing & world building rn. Just started learning Unity on Monday)
I really want to know why this guy has the Thoma model. Great video and harrowing but inspiring story, thank you both!
I think that part about the door is like the ultimate test of trust. If his mother locked the door, she doesn't feel safe around him but if she left it unlocked, means she completely trusts him.
So much of this mirrors my life experiences, and it's both comforting and painful to know that I'm not the only one still trying to recover from mental conditioning more than a decade after getting out.
We wont fully recover from these events in our lives, but that doesn't make us any less human. It doesn't make us bad. It gives us a perspective that is different, knowledge of ourselves that is a little deeper than average, skills and ideas we can grow and expand to help others.
I'm a game dev too, I hope to see your work up and out there sometime. Thank you for sharing your story.
You meet the most truly amazing, inspiring, and interesting people. Love what you do!!
Thank you , as someone still struggling with weakness and feeling like a monster , this gave me A new perspective , thank you
I was never raised in a cult but I was taught with similar teachings like this guy that I still struggle with today. I have issue wondering if I am a monster though everyone including my family think I'm a pretty good person. It's quite damaging
This story would probably be amazing as a movie
Thomas (genshin) as a cult leader?! I am so sorry for you, hope your life brings joy to your life
I need to actually play genshin again so i can pull this character i've just been using the avatar without knowing who it is, he just seemed like a good boy lol
The voice fits him very well.
as someone who grew up in a cult, this video is so important to me
I'm glad you made it out 🧡
59:47 This has been the largest cathartic relief I have heard in so long, this made me cry with how this entire point in their life was, this was so beautiful
thanks for sharing. My condolences on your past and congratulations on your accomplishments.
this made me cry I dont completely of the resoning for it but it did, and I hope you keep doin lots better then beforee
This video helped me alot in rethinking my situation
Thank you
I'm so glad!!
I don't really watch VRC videos even though I play the game a ton, but I always occasionally come back to these style of videos
There's something really comforting about these, even with subjects like this, which I guess comes from the fact that I constantly just listen over my friends and chuckle occasionally (constantly)
Something people don't get from watching videos like these is the amount of EFFORT that goes into the simplest tasks like adding cuts and having text overlayed, mostly from the fact of having to do that for an entire HOUR of video, which is seriously incredible for my ADD brain to comprehend. you probably spend a lot of time on these, and the purpose of this comment is to say, "you're doing amazing work, I couldn't even get close to this even if I tried, amazing, oh my god, I would give money if I had any!" I know there's almost ALWAYS a few harsh comments so I wanted to balance it out a little.
Also are you supposed to be a cat or a mouse I am going insane
My Uncle was in the army 1978-1984. In 1981 I think, he was stationed in El Paso. One night he (Sergeant and Squad Leader) went out with his squad into the hills to camp out for the night. He told me that they left only 30 mins after setting up camp due to all of the coyetes and rattles they heard.
Wow this was a moving story. The trama and messages in this just hit so hard and I’m so happy he is doing so much to move forward with them.
In no shape or form can I compare myself to what you've gone through...
I just wanted to write that this feeling of being a monster, a constant danger to the ones around you, is so relatable. I've been feeling that way for my entire life, fr. And even though I've come to learn in the last 4 years or so that most people around me had and did what I thought was monstrous and what made me a demon since childhood, I still can't shake off this feeling, and still continue to lie and act as if I'm "clean".
(hm it might sound like I'm talking about drugs, but no lol, I just don't think of my story as a "story" that much for going into detail)
listening to the stuff in this video makes me... shall we say, excruciatingly angry and ever so slightly murderous. If I could have been there I feel like I would have defended him. Sadly I was not there and I could not protect this man when he was experiencing possibly the worst time of his existence. I hope all who read this have a pleasant day and please, be nice to all you meet and try to protect others who are going through tough times.