It's always made me feel invalidated, bc when most people talk about ptsd they're talking about veterans; but me feeling that way also made me feel guilty bc I didn't want to invalidate anyone especially a vet. There was a person who tried to say everyone has ptsd, but that's wrong. Everybody has trauma. A traumatic event can cause ptsd, but not everybody goes through what we do.
I got my C-PTSD from 1- my "aunt" doing extreme emotional abuse on me bc of my autistic traits, the 1st episode I still get flashes of the worst meltdown I had in my whole life, to the point I had almost passed out from stress, thankfully my other aunt saw her bullying me and saw me clearly in distress and took her to her home, but that's what she said to me (and basically confirmed to me this is real, bc I thought it was just something of my imagination) bc I don't remember anything more than flashes and occasional nightmares from these episodes, but that's enough to make me paralysed and have a crisis 2- my 1st relationship: he was extremely abusive to me, in the start we has a angel, but then he started criticising everything about me, even the way I wrote in the internet was a reason for critique - and then was the emotional abuse, the emotional control, him literally wanting me to cutting ties to my family, etc - and he was a very racist person, he was a disgusting human being overall and left me so many traumas, I still have flashbacks of some of the fights, I still hear his voice in my head criticising me or straight up screaming at me, I still have a lot nightmares of this relationship... Having one trauma is frightening af, having more than one is hell on earth
I first found out Autism existed in 2018. When I heard about it I was like "Why does this sound so much like me?" I just now got diagnosed with Autism in 2020. I know feel so much better about myself and know more about myself
I've suspected myself to be autistic back in 2015. My parents didn't think I had it. I started seriously considering it in 2019 after almost getting fired due to an unwritten social rule. This year, a therapist FINALLY noticed that ASD is a possibility. However, where I live, no one is doing evaluations and I'm so desperate for a diagnosis that I'm willing to go out of state during Covid to get evaluated so I can get work accommodations.
I just turned 20 about two months ago, started researching about autism [about a year ago], and I believe I'm on the spectrum. I'm glad that you could be diagnosed!
This reminds me of when my mom was diagnosing a person with autism and mom was chocked by the girls answers, because it was almost like she had prepared herself for the questions and knew the ''right'' answers and the girl even went something like this ''But wow, this is me!'' after answering a few of the questions
not related to mental health but when i was 11 i thought all newborns needed to have heart or lung surgeries in order to stay alive (my brother had lung problems and i had heart problems). it’s crazy how we just assume everything and anything is normal when we are kids. it really scares me
i was shocked when my friend had a baby newborn sister and she was born with no health issues. i thought everyone had some and needed surgery as a baby
Actually, it's not just when we're kids. If you're perceptive and practice self-awareness, you'll see that every single individual, including ourselves, is living with the constant assumptions that people feel and think in a similar fashion as us. To give you a good example, I've always known I had low self-esteem, it's been the normal in my own realm of reality. I have a friend who, for his own life, has suffered from high-self esteem issues, such as; Being overconfident, believing in his abilities too much. As someone who recognized that issue, he started trying to praise himself less for his achievements. When I saw his skills on certain online games we'd play together, I'd always praise him. He'd always reply with "It isn't that impressive", when it clearly was above-average performance. Me, having lived in the world of zero confidence, I needed to pick the habit of self-praising and self-loving. So, when my friend dismissed the compliments I gave, all I thought was that he needed more praise to get it through his head that he was indeed amazing.. because I had assumed so, that the issue was low-self esteem. He already knew he was amazing, however, his own issue required him to get off his high horse, so he needed the opposite of what I gave him. lol. Pretty funny, right? We only figured that out when we somehow got to the topic of it. It was the time I had realized, the way we judge the world itself is nothing but a mirror, a reflection of our own selves. I have more examples I could give, but I think this one can suffice.
True. I thought the world was just extremely loud. Movie theaters, music past a certain volume, people’s footsteps, every single noise around me. I’d get earaches and headaches if a noise was too loud. I thought I was being super annoying when I made really loud noises because if they hurt my ears, they had to hurt other peoples ears. Then I learned I have super sensitive ears. But then I noticed how much people touch each other. I figured they just got used to the painful, uncomfortable, prickly sensation. I couldn’t understand how a fly walking on someone or an itch didn’t drive them mad. I didn’t understand how people could actually touch something hot and not hurt their hands and I especially couldn’t believe it when they said it wasn’t hot. And when I brushed my teeth, it felt really bad. Super uncomfortable and I couldn’t understand how anyone could stand the feeling. And people thought I was crazy and kept telling me to do it anyways, even though it was extremely uncomfortable. Then I realized I had extremely sensitive skin and teeth. Then I learned about autism and now I hope to get tested and diagnosed
I used to think it was normal to learn how to speak abruptly at 3 and thought it was strange my sister could talk at 1/2. Nope, turns out I have autism
My mom used to scream at us to pick a tree or ditch for her to run into when we wouldn't behave in the car. I've only realized in the last few years how my mother's anxiety and tantrums have molded who I am.
2:12 Thank you OP for bringing awareness to other types of self harm. I always had trouble with banging my head against things on purpose. People only bring awareness to cutting, and I think that it's definitely important and all but other types happen a lot too so it's sad that people don't bring them up enough.
For a long time I didn't know "having something to look forwards to" was something healthy people use as a coping mechanism. I got so used to expecting to let myself down or be let down that I avoided ever getting mildly excited about anything. To the point that having hope that something would be good felt like a dangerous game. I realized that this is one of the many maladaptive coping mechanisms to abuse that I had normalized for so long it became almost part of my identity. If you identify with this that's a problem.
Luckily, despite my own mental illness I can never seem to seriously consider suicide. Instead whenever I am on the edge of a high place; I imagine myself jumping off the edge and landing like a superhero with absolutely no damage.
This is a really nice way of seeing things I am recovering from depression and I feel quite good but I think this will help me , when I was really badly depressed when I was in high places I always saw myself jumping and getting injured ,don't imagine this thing anymore but this is a really cool thought ,and if I imagine bad things again I will try to substitute them with this image instead
Well I'mma write here all the things I can relate to in this video: "Going from straight As to Cs and Ds" "Prolongued unmotivation" "Emotional regulation" "Thinking that 5h of sleep are enough" "Talking badly about yourself" (yeh I don't remember what it said exactly) "Feeling numb" "Drops in grades/work ethic" "Wanting to vanish" "Feeling like a burden" "Casual suicidal thoughts" "Feeling worthless" "Intrusive thoughts" "Staring off into space for hours and hours" "Random crying spells" "Feeling like you deserve to be unhappy" "Getting frustrated over something simple" "Being hyperaware of everyone" "Feeling like everyone is watching you" "Feeling like you're being watched" "Feeling like you're being judged constantly" "Imagining the worst possible caae scenario"
@@Critiqu3 thank you Honestly I haven't talked to one and I don't think I could, at least in a near future. I'm just a highschool freshman and half of this things are being unconsciously caused by my family. If I asked them to go to therapy they'd ask me what's wrong and would end up accidentally coming out with the risk of getting kicked out of my home the moment I turn 16 (in my country you can live alone at that age already) or 18. I hope you're doing well with your mental health and keep going to therapy if you already are, and if not that you'll start going
I dont understand why Insurance doesnt cover it in so many countries. Here in germany, i did two calls and had my appointment when i had my breakdown because of work, depression and childhood trauma resurfacing. I wish everyone could get the therapy they need for free.
@@YuubiTimberwolf yes!! That’s why I love more advanced country’s. People say the US is “great” but they don’t have things like these that people really need. (Not saying the US is good for nothing, but it sucks on that part. AND Health bills too)
It could just depend on what insurance you have? When I started going and we did paperwork, they told me they’d let me know after my first appointment how much I’d have to pay. I’ve been going for over a year now and no ones said anything to me about it lmao
As someone who has seen many therapists, good and bad, NHS funded 🙌, if you can’t afford it, buy self help books, seriously, you don’t have to have a therapist. Obviously if you can afford it, go for it! Definitely a better investment than clothes, holidays, new technology.. But if you take some good points from some books, as well as a “forgive yourself” attitude! and ask yourself “why do you think that is?, how do you think things could be better? What is a manageable change you can make?”, you can have the same benefit. Also schedule an ‘appointment’ with yourself, once a week spend an hour on a park bench somewhere, and work through these questions/ other issues in a notebook, commit to yourself and to that weekly “catch up/ touching base/ checking in”.
I remember realizing that immediately preparing myself for the worst thing a person could do when they come into view was not normal. I wasn’t diagnosed with anxiety until I was 20 when ptsd brought it into the light. I’m happy to say that I no longer do that.
BEING SO DEPRESSED YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE IS NOT NORMAL It isn't just "Oh, everyone has teenaged angst-" It's being suicidal, for the love of God PLEASE tell somebody. Edit: Also, there's a BIG difference between 'just being shy' and having anxiety. And your anxiety can be only in specific situations, not everyone has anxiety that's present all the time. I only feel anxiety in a social environment with my peers. I have no problem speaking to authority figures or on a professional matter, but if I actually have to befriend a person I suddenly want to cry.
Yes that is true however accutane an acne medication has side effects include suicidal thoughts so that can be a bit of a problem also angst isn’t being sad angst at least to my knowledge is that feeling you get in your gut that screams SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT RUN AWAY
I have no trouble with public speaking or making friends, but I can't go through a check out with a cashier without feeling anxious. Going through a self-checkout actually makes it worse, because I feel like someone is going to think I'm stealing something, or an item isn't going to scan correctly. The same goes for ordering food and trying to grab an item from a place where there are already a few people in or near that spot.
@@americaroleplayer not my medicine but it’s one of the more effective acne medications out there and what I’m trying to say is when doctors prescribe medication that makes people depressed it’s not hard to see why teenage depression isn’t taken seriously.
@@jameson1239 Yeah that's hella true. Probably why most (and yes ima use the stereotype) 14 year old girls always diagnose themselves with a mental disorder just because they feel a little sad or like to organize things. I have actual depression but the medicine they gave me made me feel HORRIBLE. Also, hormones. My mom blames my hormones for it a lot.. except, if my hormones have been causing this for the last 7 years, 24/7, I don't think that's normal.
Being at 5th grade level math at 16 can also be indicative of the education system failing the student. I used to tutor college level Algebra at a community college and there were far too many students in that class who really should have been in remedial math but were placed in Algebra simply because they had enough high school credits (they were passing when they shouldn't have but I'll get into why later.) I had to teach them how fractions worked....not because they had a learning disability but because no one had ever shown them how. They had never heard it related to pieces of a pie, which is the most basic way fractions are taught. Why were they slipping through the cracks?? Well, I also used to grade the state required standardized tests that each grade had to take to pass to the next grade. We were encouraged to pass students who didn't earn it because they would lose funding if too many tests came back marked with low scores. I quit because I couldn't bring myself to be so dishonest but the level of math I saw way too many high school students test at was heartbreaking. Teachers end up teaching how to pass the standardized test rather than helping the student learn the basic math, science and writing skills they will need for a successful life. The US school system is broken and it's mainly because of politics and money.
Absolutely. I'm 22 and just last year finally understood the concept of algebra after my husband had to teach it to me cause I'd never done it before then.
I don't understand why politicians think that cutting funding to low scoring schools will make the students smarter. They are just burying the problem. I feel like many of them don't realize that when they retire, it will be the students that are in charge. An educated society benifets all members of it.
Makes me just realise just how grateful I should be for living in the uk👁👄👁 Like always I’m always constantly being reminded how lucky I am to not be living elsewhere in the world No matter how many times I hear how pricy health care is over there, my mind is blown (love the NHS and thank God Trump’s gone cuz this dood and Boris bitch were planning stuff with healthcare and the country was so pissed and upset (me included- basically everyone here is broke:D) But we’re educated at such a high level and the system actually makes so much sense, I’m always so grateful for my teachers and how much time and effort they all put in for our futures🥺
I found out during psychology class about AHDH.. and got myself diagnosed at 19 with the unattentive type. :/ but a good YT channel i recently found is How to ADHD. 👌
My question is, do ADD and dyslexia just go hand in hand, because that's where I am. It's one hell of a one-two punch, and I was in therapy as a child and everybody missed it.
Let me guess female? Females don't get a diagnosis of ADHD or add (are classified as the same disorder) as much as men do because lots of people see it as a boys thing or don't recognize the less hyperactive and more inattentive symptoms. It's happening to me too and it kinda sucks that it took this long for me to get help. If you want to learn more search how to ADHD and it will bring you to Jessica's channel where she educates people on a very common disorder
Yeah I was tested for add\adhd in first grade but was untreated and wasn't even told until I was 20. I lived my entire life being told there wasn't anything wrong and that I had never really been tested so I just never really accepted it as a possibility.
It took years to get diagnosed with ADHD. My teachers never told my mom that I would get A’s on tests, and quizzes, but failed the class because I wouldn’t do projects, and/or homework. They thought I was just lazy but I literally thought it was boring and would do other shit
I was a child diagnosed with ADHD around 6, now in my thirties, and my school asside from letting me take my bmeds when I was still on them in those days, and somewhat tried to be patient with me... otherwise to memory they ignored my need for support systems, and after getting taken off the meds they more or less ignored my IEP altogether. With that said, I feel that pain though as school was rarely challenging unless it was too challenging, and by then nobody cared if they weren't paid specifically to do so... not to mention quoting involved few if any of the things they taught really...
The "adult problems shouldn't be your kids problems" one got me cause I can distinctly remember a point where my dad burst into my brothers' and I's room when we were all very young. Dad was drunk and freaking out telling us we're gonna lose the house and may be homeless, after that I started asking for less and less and still hurts to remember as an adult. You don't see the abuse as abuse when you're a kid but the questions it makes you ask yourself can remain for your whole life.
My father Had s Habit of asking me for advice for His cases ever since I was very Young He was an advisor for social workers and therapists. I am pretty good with Reading people when I am an Outsider looking into a systhem . . .but still IT was Not good for my wordview to hear all those Stories so Young, even If I felt flattered at my opinion beeing asked
that moment when you're starting to realize how much bs your family doesn't pay attention to. me: "I got these issu-" them: "no you don't stop looking for attention you're just being a bratty rebellious teen" ygfhowidjkfbhebhdqjsodwfenjkfwjokk
@@BassGal92 I think most people don’t wanna have kids is because we keep taking our kids and our lives for granted along with carrying the baggage of our childhood that we never learned to challenge or over come. That and issues that has never been taken into account of when addressed. A lot of toxic parents don’t do so and deny them and then wonder why their children’s attitudes the way they are and why they never really talk to them.
@@gypsy-nr9zd English class atleast not in middle and high school isn’t talking English if it was it would be way easier it’s typing it and remembering grammar rules and some people don’t to well with that I’m one of them it’s a pain for me to write something literally my hand cramps up if I have to write more then a paragraph at a time
That dyscalculia story is breaking my heart. I have dyspraxia , and it wasnt diagnoses until I was in late middle school because I had good grades, but I struggled so much with a lot of manual things, and writing in particular was sometimes a torture if I had to do it for too long. Please listen to children and their parents when they tell you something is wrong
I’ve never been diagnosed, I just found out as an adult, I reached out to my old school to let them know, they patted me on the head and said “ok”. You know because they never took me seriously. They are probably still abusing kids that can’t do multiplication...
@@beatrixthegreat1138 i'm sorry this happened to you... my best friend has discalculia and was never diagnosed which really hurt him too. I mean he works retail and they put him on the cash register and it took them like two years to realize he was awfully slow aat counting, so a lack of diagnosis can also hurt you in your adult life. I hipe you now have the proper tools to deal with it
Nearly everyone, yes. This is well established. Self-talk is a normal part of human development. Most people learn quite young to do so silently, but not always, and the ability to keep it silent can be lost by injury or disease.
. . . Yeah, I did Not think i was depressed cause I could Not remember Feeling differently and nothing Bad happened but at one Point I noticed that maybe thinking of ways to kill yourself was Not normal . . . But i needed to try until I was able to actually Look for a therapist
oh god I got diagnosed with dyscalculia like a month ago, everyone just thought I didn't focus, my teachers called me stupid... turns out it's not my fault after all
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I have no fucking clue why teachers (or in my case, my mom) would bully literal children and call them stupid. Like bruh you are an adult, please act like one. I guess these people grew old but never grew up
@@annacsetneki1817 maturity doesn't come with age, it comes from what you learn from your experiences, if you don't learn anything, you're not mature, plain and simple.
I have always had difficulty with math always passed by a few points even by one point, I only had one teacher I ever understood and that was it. When it comes to numbers I run. just thought I'm bad at it and could never remember anything and now I hear about this as I'm thinking of learning math again so I can start college again now I have a bit of faith in myself to try and learn math again without thinking I'm useless.
It turned out that the reason why I had such trouble making friends in my life was because I had undiagnosed asperger's syndrome(mild version of autism)
i also have aspergers feel ya i was diagnosed at a young age but only told at 10 i don't really care because i dont really like talking to people anyway so it doesn't really affect me.
i am also lucky enough to have a good friend who we both suspect have it we are both practically identical other than he is a different gender and 3 years older
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents were fighting on a daily basis and I ended up with anxiety, depression, EDs, self-harming myself and being an addict from my teenage years until my 30's. I never understood why I was so broken. I thought that I had a pretty good childhood. It's my bf who said to me : ''I don't know how you survived to this.'' My bf was abused in his childhood and has PTSD from the army. And yet, he knows my parents, and he acknowledged my struggles. He had it worse, but he knows to recognize a shitty childhood when he sees it. It means a lot for me bc he basically helped me to get rid of the guilt/impostor syndrome and to acknowledge that no, my childhood wasn't normal and healthy. My parents never hurt me physically but mentally. They were not so bad parents, they were just too deep in their own issues and flaws to not drag me with them in their spiral of anger and hate. It's not normal to have parents who are fighting daily, it's not normal if your father starts to be distant and cold, it's not normal if your mother is mean and toxic with you.
The inability to say no or feeling bad for saying no to someone. That isn't normal. "No." Is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone
Just realised that being terrified of going out with my parents to meet their friends/relatives for fear of committing some social faux pas is not normal.
Sounds like narcissistic patents. Are they afraid your behaviour could humiliate them? My mom went through that and I partly did too, with my grandmother. Narcissistic parents see their children as an extension of themselves and not as their own individuals.
Oof, I felt this one. My parents would scold me if I ever "humiliated" them at social gatherings. As an introvert with social anxiety, parties are like hell but if I was ever "disrespectful" in any way, they'd go as far as call me a disappointment and an embarrassment.
If there is an ability, there is a disability. The first story reminded me of another. You've all heard of the inability to read, but did you know there's an inability to read words but not numbers? Likewise, there's one where you can read numbers but can't read words. Psychology is a clusterfuck. All you can do is hope any problem you has is a fixable one.
@@ziondoesrandomstuff3906 It would make price tags, times and phone numbers impossible though, as society normally uses numbers in digit form for a ton of stuff, so you can see the problem.
I've suffered from psychosis most of my life. And I couldn't get help until I was 13, because the school counselors convinced my parents I just "had an active imagination".
Can confirm that adults making their problems their kids’ problems is abuse. One of my dad’s go-to tactics was blaming me for their “financial ruin.” He would always talk about how if I wasn’t such a spoiled brat and didn’t have to have Christmas/birthdays (my birthday is Christmas Eve), they could afford nice things and pay the bills. He said that to me when I was 8…. It still hurts to this day
When I was in my mid 20s I saw a counselor at my wife's urging. He asked me how many fights I had been in. I told him "about 10." He said "that's kind of a lot. What grade were you in the first time?" I thought he meant fights as an adult. Apparently getting into a few fights per year as a child and 10+ as an adult is way above average. I thought it was normal.
Coincidentally, I stopped getting my nose broken in fistfights two-three times a year when I completely stopped imbibing alcohol. I haven't had a fist fight, an arrest or a broken nose in almost 40 years.
@@404-o9d My opinion, every man should be in 2 fights. One where you get your ass kicked. One where you handle things appropriately. Doesn't matter the order. You'll learn lessons from both. I'm 41 btw, haven't been in a fistfight in 10 years.
@@9HighFlyer9 Well, my opinon is that fighting is pointless and caveman behavior. I don't mean to sound demeaning, just lack of better wording. I was always a quiet person, maybe too quiet. I never did anything that deserved or required me getting my ass kicked, so my ass was never kicked. My life isn't really normal, to be truthful. I never liked conflict.. but bear in mind, I grew up in a very aggressive household. I was always witnessing loud, scream-like, anger-filled arguments, a few physical ones as well, and that was when I was only 5. I have two very older brothers who, in their own unique way, have extreme anger issues. My mother is short-tempered as well, and my father used to be as well (but not anymore). One might say that I'm speaking out of trauma, but I also think it's a matter of being civilized. There is literally no reason to get into a fist-fight, unless you don't know how to solve things with words. I'm surely not speaking on behalf of self-defense, or needing to protect someone. I'm speaking of purely psychological issues, inability to contain oneself. I really think you're wrong to believe every man should have gotten into some fist-fight before, sharing the same gender as someone doesn't mean everyone has the same values, mindset, or lifestyle as yourself. In a way, I was actually angered when you said "I believe men should.." I've lead a life where, people around me have set expctations of me, of how I should be, how I should act according to my gender, and other things that I can't bother to list. The thing is.. people are different. We're called "individuals" for a reason. I don't want to care what someone thinks I should do or feel, just because we have a common trait (gender). It's the same thing with homophobia, sexism, dress codes, etc. There is no certain way someone should be, that's just one's ideology. I hope I worded it in a way that didn't come off as offensive, I just felt pretty strongly for it.
@@404-o9d I'm sorry that you were raised in that environment. I'm all for being civilized and discussing things problem is that not everyone is. I assure you I never started any fights I was in. I also didn't always do everything I could to stop them and probably made the situation worse a few times. You mentioned self defense or defense of another. How would you do that, confidently I mean. When you've been punched in the face and learn that it's not that bad that's a great asset. That can give you the confidence to actually stand up for yourself or a loved one. If getting punched in the face can give you confidence imagine what actually winning a fight would do. I'm not suggesting you go and pick a fight with someone, that's just dumb. I'm all for you standing up for yourself though. Take some jujitsu classes or boxing or whatever is accessible to you. Anything that'll teach you to physically handle an aggressor.
not a therapist but i'm getting closer to becoming one and as someone with mental problems it's a really weird feeling displaying symptoms and thinking irrationally while knowing exactly what i'm experiencing and why
The third one hit really close to home. My brother and I are adults now and my entire family still always needs to walk on eggshells around him. I always thought that was normal, but now I need to look into it more.
20:22 the thing about casual suicidal thoughts got me. i could be standing at the edge of a balcony and i'll just think and imagine what it would look like if i jumped off. or when im walking and i see a car coming towards my direction, just like op im like "i could take a side step and be dead right now". random crying spells checks out with me, feeling worthless and i have to constantly give myself reasons as to why i have value, in this way i need to constantly be "watered" like a plant and praised constantly and if i don't get that my view of myself begins to change again. i stopped using social media that have to do with talking to friends because i feel like i have nothing to contribute to them and i decide my value based on how fast people replied me. random bursts of anger, i don't show them but i get angry over the littlest things, like my sister singing or one of my teacher's handwriting. i wish i could see a therapist or something cuz the way i feel right now i might be dead before 26
Intrusive thoughts come with several disorders. I have ocd, I get intrusive thoughts (compulsion part) due to that. There are other examples, this is just the 1 I experience.
chill bro, you are not alone i feel dat too. Always thinking i might die earlier than my friends are but now i know im not alone, somehow i can breathe freely now haha. lets keep on living!
I don’t know if it’s the same, but I imagine what people would be doing without me and for some reason it’s impossible to imagine anyone being devastated
Noted "Casual suicidal thoughts" I have same thought when I stood on balcony of my dorm and I think "what happen if I jump? Am I dead?" Or when I ride my bike on the road, sometimes I think "If I hit myself to the truck what will happen?" I dont recognize it as a suicidal thoughts Is it really suicidal? Or is it just me being weird?
Ask around there might be resources you are unaware of. I just resigned my self to never getting the help I need until I found out I did qualify for some aid in my doctors network and my counselor found a place a place that would test me.
I do telepsychiatry (literally a FaceTime to a therapist/psychologist) and it’s $90 per session if you don’t have insurance or if they don’t take it. It helped me a lot considering my anxiety wouldn’t let me do face to face therapy and they can prescribe you medication as well. I use Bregman MD if you’re interested, it’s cheaper and it just might be what you need
A few months ago actually, I was depressed because my brother constantly mentally abused me. I myself didn't even realize I was depressed. Now looking back on those days, I showed a lot of symptoms of depression. I remember I used to snap at people a lot, but then distance myself from my family. Whenever I was eating with my family, I would just stay quiet and not even pay attention to what they were talking about. I was always kinda quiet, but when it came to my family, I would always be very talkative. I myself didn't realize how depressed I was because I was always in my thoughts. Thankfully, my mom surely noticed and talked to me. She knew something was wrong, and I couldn't stop crying when I talked to her. After that, I finally got the help that I needed. Thank you, mom :')
The dyscaculia one rocked me. I was told I had a math disability by my counselors and teachers in an ARD meeting with my Dad. They never went into details but it finally makes sense. I can only go so high in math. My teacher worked extensively with me to even get to that point. I understood what I needed to do function wise but the actual completing it correctly on my end was near impossible. It all got so frustrating and overwhelming so quickly I would cry at times. I know enough to function in normal society. Far as computing beyond 5-6 grade math I get lost. This does not mean I'm uneducated. I did wonderful in every other topic. Especially reading. This makes me feel better because at least I'm not alone. I felt crazy telling people I had a math learning disability for certain issues, that I needed help. I can't read an analog clock on the fly to save my life btw. It is just a pretty wall decoration at that point. Side note: was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school and was retested again in middle school. This followed again in highschool (basically they were seeing if I was outgrowing it because they wanted me off the program because of "no child left behind" laws)
I would have been so much better off if my parents had tried harder to help me deal with my mental health issues when I was much younger. I had to unlearn extreme dissociation as a coping mechanism, fight through how wrong it felt to talk about my wants or problems, manually learn facial expressions and how to make eye contact, struggle through severe panic anxiety and fear of conflict, and relearn how to talk to people. I was never abused or anything(I love my parents and they love me), but there was a lot about mental illness and Autism in women that they just didn't understand when I was thirteen. That combined with severe chronic illness and the various traumas I've been through for unrelated reasons left me really struggling as a teen and now into my young adult years.
I feel that. Sort of. My friends and family know of my odd behavior and habits. They never suspected it was actually something wrong with me though. Doesn’t like loud noises? Sensitive ears. Doesn’t like human touch? Strange child. Doesn’t brush her teeth because she complains about the feeling? Do it anyways, I don’t care. Has special patterns when she walks? She’s just a little ocd it’s fine. Has to have certain things clean before she can do anything else? There goes that ocd again. Always orders the same thing? She just loves it. Won’t eat this certain food this way, but will eat it this way? That’s my weird child. Wants to shave her head because long hair makes her head hurt and she would feel better that way? She’s lost her mind! She doesn’t understand this super simple thing? She’s just a little slow sometimes. She uncontrollably cries often? What a crybaby. I could keep going honestly. There are just so many things that could’ve been noticed sooner had they put these things together. Now I’m 18, and I’m hoping to get tested for autism
I’m 33 with a 7th grade math education. I’ve been struggling to teach myself algebra because I want to go back to school. I even had a tutor at one point. It always felt like I always got to a certain point and a wall just came down. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’m on the world’s longest running prank show. Sure would have been nice to know about dyscalculia 20 years ago. 😑
I'm 33 and working toward my GED and I've had to teach myself grammar math above the basics and stuff because my school decided the best thing for students with learning issues was to put them in classes in which they already knew everthing so they would do well on tests.
Hell yea! Everyone always assumes if you do not suffer from dyslexia you are fine... Good for you to keep trying! What may help are those funny physical exercises where you connect your left side of the body with the right side. (Like tapping your chest with one hand and rubbing with the other. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/12/191209110513.htm) Somehow this triggers your brain into making different connections, and it may open some unused 'back doors'. I know that feeling almost like trying to hold water in your hands, and feel the numbers just slip away from your grasp, it sucks...
Went back to college in my 30's. Diagnosed w dyscalclia, adult adha & dyslexia. Found great math instructor that tutored school athletes. Only instructor that could explain math in a language I spoke. Took an additional years worth of math passing with A- twice. It can be managed if you find someone that is "bilingual" (speaks both your language & math). Best of luck. I wish you success
Why even teach yourself? When are you going to use algebra in your daily life anyway? Learn something of value to you, something you find enjoyable or interesting.
I thought happiness was a lie we all told each other. Finally diagnosed at 50 with cptsd due to child abuse. Have had EMDR therapy. Have been happy some times since. Still working on it
My mother made it my job to make her happy so she could emotionally regulate from the time I was a toddler. It wasn't until I was 40 that I realized nothing she'd said or done was normal.
@Abigale West honestly i don't care about likes..I just want people to know i love them and that they aren't alone because i know how much it can suck.. stay strong this quarantine and stay safe as well
10:00 this is why I hate the habit of saying "look at the bad in the world and be grateful you're not part of it". Well maybe I am but have not realized yet, something can happen to me and make me part of it, then what? I kill myself?
@@so9175 omg I remember when I did that every night when I was 8 bc I was so upset that I seemed to disappear from everyones lives and they just suddenly left and I didnt know why so I disciplined myself
As a minor in middle school this really helps, like I know I dont have depression, but I have ADHD and I dont know whether my behavior is from anxiety or just my disorder.
Thanks to this video, I finally figured out why I'm not allowed to cry. Childhood trauma response keeping me from feeling emotions for longer than a few minutes, and being told to cry quieter, or they'll give me something to *actually* cry about. So yeah. Thanks reddit!
My family has always mocked me if / when I cry. It got to the point that, when im triggered, I cant experience emotion. But then i break down and self harm. I have a constant voice that tells me im a burden, its all futile and I will die without amounting to anything. Another voice dissuades me to disappear. And calls me a coward when i decide not to take the pills i know we have in the cupboard.. Fantasies about killing myself have become weekly. The problem is, nobody notices. Im still an A student. Im an introvert. A mask is put on to protect my friendships. Im the phycologist for them. My parent expect the best out of me and scream me for every mistake. So I lie everyday and i supress emotions and insecurities. And still, a part of me says, "you deserve worse". So i distance myself because others will be better without me (and i dont want to take my anger out with them). I eat less and less (abt 1000-1500 cal a day) and sleep almost nothing. I sometimes binge and i have panik attacks at night, when thry cant hear me cry. Im not motivated and i dont know who i am. I hate the person i know. I feel either numb or everything at once. But that is only a small fraction of my day. Im fine. Im doing better than others. Others need me. I dont need help. Its all "normal". I have forgot what normal felt like. Im always nolstalgic, craving for something i cant remember. After 3 panik attacks on one week i asked for help. My mother consoled me but told me it was "normal". I didnt tell her about the self harm. But when i asked if i could get help she told me i was just calling for attention. Its all "normal teenage hormones". Asked my Dad and he told me the money they make isnt meant to be used on my dumb insecurities. I dont know if i'll last a lot more. You dont have to answer. Im sorry for ranting. Im so alone.
TLDR: The parents are always right. I am a direct product of this. Parents who believe that they are by default always correct and the children are always wrong when there is a disagreement. With both of my parent there was a major theme of "It's my way or the highway." It translates into more than just arguments. The parent chooses to micromanage everything. Constant lectures on how to complete tasks or what opinions you are allowed to have. Inappropriate levels of punishment for breaking the rules. Anything new or different was stifled and not allowed. Conversation is always uni directional. I always felt like I was stupid, my words had no power and my feelings didn't matter. I grew up thinking that this was totally normal and that there must have been something seriously wrong with me because I could never do anything right. No matter how hard I tried to fit he mold they cast I would always mess something up. It wasn't until years later that I realized that my parents didn't play with a logical set of rules. The reason why I couldn't do anything right was because the rules changed to suit their needs in the moment. In a normal parent/child relationship there is a loosening of the reigns as the child develops and learns to function on their own. Lots of control when the child is a toddler, a little more freedom as a grade schooler, even more as a teenager with an eventual letting go as the child becomes a young adult. With my parents the have never let go of the grade schooler phase. Like literally giving instruction to a 40-50 year old child as if they have no life experience. They still think it's ok to blow a gasket if one of their adult kids steps out of line. It's no wonder they are so miserable considering the way they drive off anyone that they think they have ownership of.
I am in a relationship with the same logic right now. Last month I stayed with my step-mom and her family for about a week over a disagreement really nobody was at fault for. My step-mom said that the mom is right as long as I'm under her roof. That I should swallow my pride until I'm 18. And I'm not the smartest person in the world but I'm like that's totally wrong and you're not helping. I have a plan for when I get older. All goes south, I'm filing a restraining order because I have a life I'm not living yet.
Feelings are always true and no one can take them away from you. And there can be different views on one thing. It is possible to agree to disagree. Life is a lot of times not about being right or wrong but just about different perspectives and those can coexist. Things I learned late in life. Hope you are doing better and are able to set your boundaries. 💫
Parents also dismiss ideas from kids because" they're young and dont know any better " but when someone older tells them the same thing they listen to them. It's so stupid
I am in therapy, for PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and OCD, no I am not like Monk, my rituals are mostly mental. I do if I get upset with family or friends and feel I might say something I will regret, I walk away for a bit until I am sure I am calm. Then I go back and finish the discussion. I do this because I when I get upset I tend not choose my words carefully. I have studied and speak a few languages. Sometimes I just have trouble finding nicer words in my native English. I never want to say something hurtful to those I love by speaking to bluntly and cruel Well, all of that is to say Therapy and finding the right Therapist, was the best thing I have done; outside of marrying my late wife. It really has made a major change in my life and my quality of life
I went through therapy for PTSD about seven years ago now, and I still have some of the mild symptoms and problems of PTSD still such as being paranoid and having negative thoughts about the future, but nothing serious like I did in the first few months after the event. If you have PTSD or think you might, get therapy.
@@robertgable9704 Yes you are right mine goes back to the late 60s to the 70s. It is taking a while but I am getting much much better. If you have trouble with your thoughts see a therapist
Oof, as someone with OCD as well, unknown on the PTSD front tbh, I definitely get why you had to specify. There's the stereotypes, which sometimes can be true, but aren't indicative of all cases of it. I personally have rituals to due with monsters I made in childhood, that, logically I know aren't real, but I can't comfortably say they don't exist, because they do, but only to me. I've never seen them, but you just feel them and it's this overwhelming panic. I have the most "stereotypical" symptoms with checking. I have to run a list in my head anytime I leave the house of everything I need, like 2-5 times, and I can't like check a page number or something without immediate doubt and having to recheck, only for it to happen again. I didn't even know this stuff wasn't just everyone having to spend like 20-30 minutes trying to write down one string of numbers but struggling because they can't trust their own brains, (ADHD short term memory definitely doesn't help.) or that everyone didn't have monsters that made them terrified to sleep for years/impeded on their day to day life. My own mother told me from a young age that it was normal so I would not tell people, which did the opposite, although I would've talked about it nonetheless as they were impactful in my younger years, but what it did do was make me doubt my capabilities to handle what I perceived as "normal" stuff. I used to barricade my door only a year or two ago. I have a lot of reoccuring dreams, often a mix of nightmares and neutral dreams all combined together, but sometimes it's just nightmares. As a kid, it was mostly nightmares, which only fueled my sleeping strike. I really wish the OCD stereotype wasn't a thing, because what that stereotype is, is perfectionism. I have perfectionism, and can testify, it feels VERY different than my OCD symptoms, at least personally.
Panic attacks daily, not having a sleeping schedule, constantly making sure everyone is happy, putting my emotions aside for someone else, self harm, susidedal thoughts, and trying to put 100 percent of me into more than 1 thing more like 15, is all things that are part of my daily routine and I've normalized and learned to live with. Not to add that I'm super smart and am dealing with school and slacking off and falling asleep during class and my grades are dropping TwT.
12:28 that was the main reason why I'm struggling with Burnout Syndrome right now, I'm too perfectionist at work and this played a huge role at making me extremely exhausted and having panic/anxiety attacks almost everyday
Other way around for me, I knew something was very different about me but therapists just tried to tell me I was imagining things and only had depression. Nope also have schizoid personality disorder and since I know this I was able to learn more and better coping mechanisms and my life is a lot easier and better. Just knowing that I was right and what I have was like someone took a huge weight off my chest.
I have hated birthdays because I HATE being on the spot... and the abuse from my so called grandmother, this was as a child 16 and under... Last year I had made a custom cake for my second cousin's 16th birthday... Everything was great and I was not to bad considering... Then the "Happy Birthday" singing started, full anxiety attack I went ice cold and couldn't move.... Fears and triggers are real do not let others hurt you.
I know this feel, I hated them since I was 8 because adults constantly hijacked it. I didn't have agency for "my day" and was punished for it. Yet then I had to deal with people doing that "Imma a be a jackass the whole month because their birthday is in it" Yet when I don't feel like doing shit for one day and or don't wanna share gifts they made me feel bad.
as a new year resolution (for 2020) I was gonna work on my mental health, was even willing to see someone. Then everything got shut down, and now I don't want to go because it don't want them to be like "ugh another teenager who is 'Depressed' because they can't hang with their friends" I have been getting a lot better on my own though, and I encourage anyone who thinks it might help to see a therapist! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful life!
I had a teacher when I had an AP class in 2020 who absolutely cared about all of his students , he pulled me out of class about 5 separate times and asked if I was ok, and what was going on, I still failed his class. But he never forgot my name and still cared about me even if I wasn’t in his class anymore , another teacher I had was in math, he cared about his students and when he would see people struggling, he would stop, slow down, and work everyone through it, or working one on one with them. It’s the small details, but with out them I probably wouldn’t be here today, I’m so thankful for them
When I was 14, I asked one of my new friends how often his parents beat him, He looked puzzled and said his parents don't beat him. I told the story to my mum, who said that kid was lying to make me feel bad. I'm 25yo now, even now, my mum does not acknowledge that beating me was an abnormal thing. She says, "You are what you are now because of how well I raised you, if I didn't do that, you'd be begging somewhere or something" EDIT: she's still my mum and I love her. Please don't talk shit about her...
My whole childhood I've been going through stuff that I later categorized as normal with my mother. But as I got old and wiser (mainly over the past 3 years) I have enlightened myself that I am in an physically/emotionally abusive relationship. I'm an only child with my only mother. I self diagnosed myself with PTSD, social anxiety, depression Episodes, and ADD. I diagnosed my mom with depression, anger issues, and that one disorder where she uses her problems to get sympathy from others. From what I can gather but I feel there's more. Nobody knows what's REALLY going on with me but ME. So, when I turn 18 a little less than a year from now, I'm getting myself a therapist/psychologist so I can repair myself but also offer my mom, one final time, mental help so we can repair our relationship because no matter what she did to me I'll always love her. If all fails I'm pressing a restraining order and never contacting her for as long as I'm alive because my life isn't over yet and I can't waste energy over wondering if she's going to yell and try to beat me over forgetting to wash dishes.
Ok. So. Two things: 1- diagnosing yourself and/or others when you’re not a trained professional is less than optimal. You may end up boxing yourself in with specific labels that don’t quite fit. Now, if you have noticed symptoms of certain diagnosable conditions in yourself, then absolutely bring them up with a professional and talk with them about it. Maybe you do have those conditions, maybe you don’t, or maybe you have something similar (or something that’s easily confused with what you think you have). 2- if there is abuse going on in your household, perhaps consider involving some kind of authority figure. Police, child services, a school counselor, etc. I understand that things can be complicated, but I just want to say that it is an option. 3- I really hope things improve for you. Don’t let other peoples sh💩tty behavior and sh💩tty attitudes hold you back from having the best life that you can. I’m really glad that you are already planning on seeking mental help as soon as you can. Don’t be afraid to shop around to find someone that’s a good match for you. If you’re employed, check out their Employee Assistance Program (EAP). They usually cover a certain amount of therapy sessions for you. One of my jobs covered six, another covered five. And definitely get that insurance. Really helps cut down the cost. If you find someone you like, it their prices are too high, ask if they have a sliding scale option. If I understand correctly, that means that they will charge you less if you make less income. A friend of mine brought it up with their therapist, and they ended up paying less then half of her normal rate. 4- all in all: best of luck ♥️ Edit: that was more than two things. My bad.
I can agree on the comment above me and would like to add one thing: - you are not responsible for the wellbeing of others. And you cannot forcefully change them. I am telling you that because I know the feeling. I grew up codepending on my narcissistic mother and always felt responsible for her wellbeing because she just likes to "enjoy" her suffering if you know what I mean. I tried to talk to her so many times about what would help me, what she could try to help herself but she often fails to do those things even though she agrees. It costs so much energy and leads to nothing. I had to let go of that responsibility that I should never have carried in the first place. The only thing I did was helping her to find a therapist that is experienced in trauma (bc I believe that is the source of her problem) bc she has no internet. Aside from that i am still cutting all those strings that kept us too close together and i have an amazing therapist who helps me. Your happiness is not dependent on your mother's happiness. You deserve to be happy. 🧡
The more I hear about anxiety and depression the more I think they're just the defaults for human minds. If you can manage to NOT be anxious or depressed for a long time you're a superhero. Maybe we all need to chill out a bit.
Everyone is stressed or sad sometimes, but if it's constant and affecting your quality of life, it’s not normal. Neutral is the default for healthy humans, maybe boredom. If you feel like anxiety and depression is just a default, either you are downplaying them as mental illnesses because _you're not always happy_ either, and you don’t comprehend the extent of these issues, or you're downplaying your own feelings and normalising signs of mental illness like the people in the video, in which case, get help.
Derkas Mightier well I hope my good intentions came across, I truly meant that if that is the case you may benefit from professional help and I recommend seeking it if possible.
@@JasminMiettunen lol after last year, I've been getting help for a while now. I was just giving you a heads up in case anybody decides to throw shade at you for your comment. Looks like it wasn't necessary.
My mother called me a Psychopath for suffering from chronic Depression for years without telling her until I Made an attempt, the only possible reason for me to do that could have been to deliberatly Hurt her in some twisted form of revange for some pretty offence. Like the only way I could possibly BE that cruel would BE, If I clinically cant feel empathy and feel good about hurting someone . . . Yeah, I did Not even ever blame her for my Depression or attempt, my Patents literally Had nothing to do with my mental health but yeah, that conversation with my mother was Not productive in anything but Not make me Trust her anymore. Ever since then I really struggles with emotionally connecting to her in a genuin way . . .
2:19 This resonated with me. I've hit since 8 and I'm near 17 now. I only realized that what I was doing was self-harm 2 years ago, through my own research. It was terrifying and lonely to realize what I was doing wasn't normal (alone), but at least I had some answers. I can't access therapy right now, but I talked to my school counselor for support. I'm about 7 months clean and counting. 💜 There is help, and there is hope for you. You can learn to stop, and you can heal and recover from your pain without hurting yourself. It was/is hard to break this routine I'd been suffering through for years. I thought it was impossible to get out of that rut, but it isn't. I believe in you and that you can get better with time. And you are absolutely worth it. You don't deserve that pain, and that hurt isn't going to help you in the long-run. I would know. And if you're hurting, please talk to someone you trust. Times are hard, and not everyone has available resources nowadays (I can relate), but here's something that helped me: Get a stress ball, a crumpled up piece of paper, an ice cube. Any unimportant, inanimate object you can use instead. You may not have it handy at all times, but it makes all the difference in redirecting the action. Sure, my stress ball's seen better days, but it really helps.
Not a therapist, but was diagnosed with DID. I always was told that it was probably just hormones and that it was going to go away when I was an adult. Eventually when it started to interfere with my life, my mom took me to a professional. And that’s how I was diagnosed with DID.
@@Ok-oj5vu Not really, but I have started to get it treated and I’ve made sort of a schedule for the personalities. Also, that’s not a personal question at all!
@@confused_shark2537 do you know how many personalities you have and do they have different names? ( I'm sorry for all those questions, but i'm just interested in other peoples stories)
Well I get like three hours of sleep so I really need to fix that (I go to sleep five or so hours before my alarm but I cat always wakes me up two hours before I alarm goes off)
My psychiatrist and psychologist ruined me, they told my parents everything to the point I learned how to act “normal” to convince my parents to stop taking me to them since they just made things worse
so, I never hang out with my friends because I feel like they'll be bored and I'll be awkward and they'll expect me to be the "entertainment." This has caused me to feel like I don't have any real friends because we never hang out outside of school. I've only had a few friends where we actually did. One of those lives across the nation and another one is still asking to hang out all the time. I would love to but don't trust myself to actually bring something to the table if that makes sense. I've never really said all this but I guess I do have to say it out loud because that's really how I feel. Thoughts like "Why would they want me there" or "It won't be very different if I wasn't there" "I'll just be silent the whole time" The friendship I really want is where we don't have to constantly be bringing entertainment and can just enjoy hanging out together doing whatever. That's why I think a roommate would be pretty cool. Anyone else feel like this?
Dude, try hanging out with people who have common interests or something, all you need is something to talk about. A few months back I thought that I should be the most interesting guy, who knows it all, or who can do everything or such, be the guy who makes everyone laughs. I too was silent most of the times in groups, but you know what I did, hang out with them, the more you stay in groups the more you know what to say and stuff. I also helps if you know the people in the group personally. one on one I know what we have in common and can talk about, be it a videogame, song, movie, sport, or most importantly other people. You don't have to gossip about people, maybe about their relationship and stuff, or some experience or some story or some feelings, find people who you have had some time with, people at school are perfect for this, you know your schoolmates just for knowing them, and you can talk to them about other people easily. I am sure that I have/had social anxiety and need to talk to someone about it, I will when I can, and don't take it to hell if you aren't able to do this easily, it takes time, I learnt much of this in span of three years or so. But most importantly talk to someone, please, open up to someone, opening up to someone really makes it easy for them to help you. g'day!
These kinds of threads are probably good for getting people to go get help. Maybe I should look for some about PTSD to help convince my uncle to get some, he described textbook PTSD after a bad wreck, but thinks it's fine since he's still willing to drive... But he also framed the things he said in terms that indicated he didn't want to be seen as a weak man...
@@JasminMiettunen I'm not sure that'd help. PTSD used to be covered in media as something primarily found in soldiers before doctors realized other people could get it, back when terms like 'shellshock' were used instead of an acronym for the full condition. Though it is a tactic to try, I'll keep it in mind next I see him.
17:32 Something like that happened to me in middle school. In elementary and intermediate for the most part I got straight A's and the occasional B. Then in middle school when the amount of classes I had increased and in proportion my amount of work, my grades plummeted. Up until that point I had always considered myself one of the smartest people in class, I'd even help other students if they were confused. I got retested and was kicked out of AIG because I wasn't smart enough anymore. All of a sudden I couldn't keep up and I was stressed constantly. My identity which a very large section of consisted of being proud of my intelligence was shattered. Eventually my parents figured out there might be something serious going on, got me professionally tested for a learning disability, turns out I have a really slow processing speed learning disability. Which I never would have guessed because I used to be able to answer math questions super quickly. So yeah, that's my story. I am in 11th grade now and still struggle but manage to get by. I'm not sure I ever got over it.
My Dad got tested as a kid back in the 70's or so due to him doing really badly in School (he got a 0 on a history test because the spelling was wrong) He was diagnosed with A Learning Disabiliy. That was it, his parent were never told what type of disability just that it was a learning disability ^^;
@@miriammiko22 Oh that's interesting. I never really wondered what that kind of testing would be like back then versus now. Or how the system might be different. My dad is VERY similar to me, especially in the way his mind works. And he thinks that he might have an undiagnosed learning disability the same as or really similar to mine. But doesn't currently care about it enough to find out.
My mom refused to believe that my heart was doing funny things. I had an Ed for a while, and born with a mild murmur. But somehow I developed atrial tachycardia. It took a good 6 months before my dad convinced her to take me to a cardiologist. Had heart surgery very shortly after being diagnosed.
Went to therapy for years to help work through my ED, childhood abuse and my anxiety. Thought I was doing fine until my abuser showed up at my work and I lost it. Now I’m realizing that I haven’t gotten better but I’m barely treading water. Yay....time to go back to therapy
Oh, I have dyscalculia too! It affects your lefts/rights, calendar reading, time reading, sometimes mixing up numbers like people with writing/letter conditions mix up letters. It's so weird. I write my numbers backwards often too.
The couples counsellor listing the common issues they've see - I was ticking off all if those, in my head, as things experienced with my ex. It was impossible to have a conversation with him about his insecurity, because he would project everything onto me and demand that I change XYZ to appease him. Unsurprisingly the goal posts always moved to keep me anxious and scared of upsetting him. I could never win. My only option was to shut him out and physically remove myself from the conversation.
Anyone else finds the idea of themself dying funny? Like yesterday I was waiting for the train and thought “what if I just fell from the platform and got hit by the train and died?” and I literally laughed for 30 mins internally
Is there a reason why I feel like I'm faking my insecurities? It's like 1/3 of my brain is like " you have this, and this, and this" while the rest of my brain is saying " your over exaggerating, you don't have this problem, your fine"
Maybe ADHD? I was diagnosed as an adult and it was such a relief to get a diagnosis. It has different symptoms from person to person maybe look into diagnostic criteria and see if any seem to fit
I am a high-functioning autistic followed by social and generalized anxiety, but since this was discovered very early and is high-functioning I act like any other person almost all the time. I only really have mental breakdowns (as in I break into tears but nothing else,) when I'm inhumanly uncomfortable and/or if I'm having a highly offensive argument with someone in person. The main problem though, is that a decent amount of things in this video are a part of me, but every time I went to a therapist because of such I either couldn't explain enough or anything they specialized in wasn't one of the problems I was facing. The two that stand out is that I was once a very light sleeper and once even woke up to the sound of my own snore, but I now sleep very heavily and
Did you ever think of making note cards to help you communicate? I do that when going to an MD because I will forget something I wanted to ask. If you really have trouble you could even write it out like you would a speech and recite from your notes. If that is still too much for you then possibly just hand over the cards with an explanation at the beginning that it's how you are comfortable communicating.
@@9HighFlyer9 Surprisingly enough, I do occasionally forget what I was planning on saying; I guess it's more common than I think. Now that I think about it, I won't plan on commonly using cards in that way unless it's a highly important discussion. If you ask me, high-functioning autism makes a person *smarter.* If you're high-functioning like I am it's very easy to overcome, and the way you think differently tends to end up pointing you towards science.
My psychologist dismissed my paranoia. Really made me hate mental health professionals even more. It was to the point where I wouldn't (and still do) refuse to take medication because I feared that it would control/read my thoughts read/poison me. I even dissociated daily at the time. That isn't normal behavior for a 14-year-old kid who lived upper-middle-class, had great friends, and at worst got bad grades. I HATE therapy. I haven't gone in almost a year. The waiting rooms put me on verge of panic attacks. I know therapy is important and can help, but after visiting over 7 different doctors from the 7th grade, I don't think it's working. I don't have as extreme symptoms anymore. It only becomes unmanageable when I'm stressed. I've kinda accepted it.
Therapy doesn't work for everybody, but the people who benefit from therapy feel the need to be obnoxious smug jerks tom everyone else. Therapy made me worse off.
11:50 - I didn't realise that it wasn't normal to be verbally, emotionally and physically abused while my sister was doted on as the golden child who could do no wrong, even as she deliberately lied to get me into more trouble. Right up until I was nearly in secondary school (11 years old) I thought that was normal - just as normal as finding your parent passed out in an alcoholic stupor. Fun times.
@@JasminMiettunen I do have a therapist, yes. If you have the means to do so, I definitely would recommend. It's hard work, but worth it. I appreciate your concern.
*me casually realizing my minimal sleeping hours and how my parents guilt trip me and blame me for everything isn't normal along with all the other problems I could potentially have* Well this has been a wake up call, or more of a go get some fucking sleep call
This is going to sound odd or like common sense, but if you see/hear/feel things that others do not see/hear/feel, tell a professional: those are very likely hallucinations. When I first began getting seen for my mental health, it never occurred to me to say anything about what I saw and heard that others didn't until I happened to mention one of the hallucinations in passing to a very close friend. They had never manifested in a way that really interuptted my life, and they had been around since I was very young, as long as I can remember, so I never knew it wasn't normal until someone told me.
@@olivia-sy3rv wait if you can. If you can't, check your local laws/ask a medical professional about them if you can because some places have different rules when it comes to medical stuff. For example, where I live, age of majority is 18, but I could sign for my own immunizations and some other stuff at 12.
I only realised I might be Autistic in my mid 50s, when I finally said something to others I was shocked to learn most people thought I was, still never been diagnosed as too old now to bother but just being aware others don't think the same way as me has made a huge difference in my life.
I'm a 22 year old trans guy. I was a social outcast at school and only was really friends with autistic and otherwise neurodivergent AKA "weird" kids. I never knew why until I hit late high school, when my counselor suggested that this might be because I probably have autism. Simply because of the fact that I was born with a vagina and seen as "too smart", I was glazed over and never given a diagnosis, even when I displayed clearly problematic behavior. IE. flipping my shit because I was overstimulated, or growling at other kids because they wouldn't leave me alone. I even attended therapy for this, but I eventually learned that if I stopped doing these things, that I wouldn't have to sit through therapy and be overstimulated whenever the train came by (which was during nearly every appointment :/). As I said, I am 22. I am still seeking an official diagnosis, but many specialists who are qualified to diagnose autism only work with children, or have absurdly long waiting lists. It would have been much easier to get a diagnosis as a child, but all of the signs were just flat out ignored. Please take your children to a therapist as early as possible if you think something is off. Seek a diagnosis if possible. Don't believe lies such as mentally ill and or autistic people aren't smart, that girls can't be autistic, etc. It will save your kid so much time and effort later in life when they need to seek help then because their undiagnosed issues are causing major problems.
I finally got diagnosed with ADD when I was 18/19 because I went and forced my doctor to administer a test since my mother was convinced I couldn't have it. My older brother has Asperger's and ADHD with some other minor stuff like oppositional and obsessive/compulsive tendencies etc, and my younger brother is very ill physically and also has ADHD, oppositional tendancies/disorder and a learning disability. I was told growing that I couldn't have it because I had to be the healthy child. Ignoring my fibromyalgia, migraine and asthema diagnoses, and my ridiculously long list of allergies and intolerances, and my frequent bouts of croup, gastrointestinal problems and ear infections. She still pretends like I have nothing to complain about and nothing to affect my daily life. I'm sure the doctor actually misdiagnosed my ADD as well, because on the rare times my fibromyalgia is good I do get quite unreasonably hyper, and inspire of the constant lethargy and soreness, I do fidget relentlessly and constantly have to have my hands and/or feet in motion. And I also have huge issues with sensory and texture that she doesn't accept, eating it a struggle for me because of it and certain other things. My older brother with his Asperger's will only eat about 20-30 items due to the texture and taste, and she accepts that, same with him being super specific about clothes and bedsheets, etc. He hates showering and though he couldn't put it into words well he understood and felt the same way when I described how it feels when stuff rubs on my teeth or there's a grating/squeaky texture/sound. It makes me feel like I want to die, it feels like a violation of my very soul, I can feel it in my bones and every fiber of my body screaming for it to end, it gives me shivers and goose bumps just to think of, let alone experience. It is so awful I've actually had panic attacks at the dentist where I almost passed out from it (Also have anxiety and probably PTSD from the childhood treatment of that same douchy dentist that played into it). But my mother refuses to accept those reasons and experiences if they come from me. I also discovered from watching a reddit video that I have Disgraphia, a writing disorder that I still struggle with that often accompanies ADD & ADHD. But none of my disorders affected my academic performance significantly because I was bullied ruthlessly and became an outcast & introverted loner who loved learning and knowledge nonetheless so I had plenty of time to make up for the constant little distractions and phasing out since I didn't have much social responsibilities, I was always done early and very high quality work because of it, part of the reason for her denial I think. My father disagreed with her and could see me struggling but couldn't do much to help since she's a narcissist who's impossible to reason with. And I'm not sure if my social issues are from my past traumas and upbringing, or from an actual disorder like my older brother's. 🤷♀️ I had major mood issues as a teenager that my mother treated with medication rather than send me to a psychologist like I eventually asked. The medication did help, when I didn't take it, I was actually afraid of how mean and cruel I was, even towards myself, like an evil being was in control of me set out to hurt everyone slightly opposed to me and even myself, and I was just a passenger who could barely control it or rein it it, it was scary. As I got older (late teens & early 20s) I began doing more research into psychology and self help and started working on myself. I've been off those meds for at least 12 years now, I realized that I likely had depression and pulled myself out slowly (actually Marie Kondo was a HUGE part of that surprisingly) and have learned to recognize the signs of myself slipping back into it and how to stop myself falling deeper and how to pull myself back out. I'm happier now than I have been since before age 5. And more consistently. However something else I've noticed is that unlike everyone else who gets super excited about stuff or seems to find great joy from things they can't help but express, I don't feel that most times, even the things I really love when feeling or expressing them, feels like a 5 or 6 out of 10 at most compared to other people's 8 or 10. Food is similar, I find it boring and tedious, but dislike a lot of foods and so don't try things that may be more exciting 😕. If I had to describe it it's like my entire world is either gray or very muted colours. Maybe it has something to do with always being mocked or told that I was wrong for liking the things I did or feeling the way I did, or maybe it's something else entirely, I'm not sure, but it can be depressing and confusing when I think about it in detail at times. My entire life and body are a huge conundrum it would seem. 😅
About the dyscalculia. This has shed some light to me in a way. Looking back, since 5th grade I was never ever great at math without help. Yet later on, I was able to study well in Biology and Anatomy and Physiology in college as well as many other classes passing them with B's and A's. I think that teachers need to gain a better understanding about Dyscalculia before making a judgment as well as getting the whole classroom to believe a student is challenged in some way. Its completely unfair to the student(s) and obviously makes the whoever they are made to feel dumb and then they'll start to believe something is wrong with them when its not necessarily true.
The one about the family members having to keep other family members appeased is so relatable. We always had to do that with my mom, and I thought most families were like that. When I started to be allowed to hang out at other kids' houses, I noticed that thie behavior wasn't the norm. By highschool I was practically begging therapists to believe me but I was always the problem. Sorry to vent but yeah, definitely relatable.
I remember the first time it really hit me that a lot of my mothers behaviour wasn’t okay. I was recounting to a therapist some of the verbal abuse I had experienced. Specifically being called a “stupid little bitch” from the time I was 9. All the therapist said was “she speaks to you that way?” In the softest kindest voice and It just kinda broke something in me. It clicked, her behaviour was not my fault and was not appropriate.
"normal amount of panic attacks a day"
i dont think your supposed to have panic attacks daily
I don’t think you’re supposed to have them that often or at all
Well shit.
Well what do I do now
@@chrisistired6083 get professional help
Well sh-
You ever be tired but not like "I'm going to sleep" tired, but more like "I hate everything, I just wanna lay in bed and not do anything" tired?
As someone who used to stay in bed and just lay there for 2 days straight if possible back on my worst days during teenage years... I feel ya.
Then you take a 5h "nap" and when you wake up you feel dissociated asf
nigga that’s called depression
@@hazee03 why are you using the n word?
@@olly2027 hey it’s the middle class guy right?
You don't need to be a veteran to have experienced severe trauma or PTSD.
Literally any event in your life can cause PTSD
Non-vet here. Can confirm. Was diagnosed with Complex PTSD almost a year ago. Yes, by a licensed, certified psychologist.
Yeah
It's always made me feel invalidated, bc when most people talk about ptsd they're talking about veterans; but me feeling that way also made me feel guilty bc I didn't want to invalidate anyone especially a vet.
There was a person who tried to say everyone has ptsd, but that's wrong. Everybody has trauma. A traumatic event can cause ptsd, but not everybody goes through what we do.
I got my C-PTSD from 1- my "aunt" doing extreme emotional abuse on me bc of my autistic traits, the 1st episode I still get flashes of the worst meltdown I had in my whole life, to the point I had almost passed out from stress, thankfully my other aunt saw her bullying me and saw me clearly in distress and took her to her home, but that's what she said to me (and basically confirmed to me this is real, bc I thought it was just something of my imagination) bc I don't remember anything more than flashes and occasional nightmares from these episodes, but that's enough to make me paralysed and have a crisis
2- my 1st relationship: he was extremely abusive to me, in the start we has a angel, but then he started criticising everything about me, even the way I wrote in the internet was a reason for critique - and then was the emotional abuse, the emotional control, him literally wanting me to cutting ties to my family, etc - and he was a very racist person, he was a disgusting human being overall and left me so many traumas, I still have flashbacks of some of the fights, I still hear his voice in my head criticising me or straight up screaming at me, I still have a lot nightmares of this relationship...
Having one trauma is frightening af, having more than one is hell on earth
"People think 5 hours of sleep a day is ok"
Me watching this at 2 am: *Interesting*
/watches in haven’t slept in 27 hours/
Ya'll are getting sleep?
If I get like 3 hours at the most I am content
I don’t sleep. I fall asleep any 6 in the morning
3:13
“They’re just being honest” and “Youre Just too sensitive” and “That’s just how he is”, words that hide a lot of abuse.
I first found out Autism existed in 2018. When I heard about it I was like "Why does this sound so much like me?" I just now got diagnosed with Autism in 2020. I know feel so much better about myself and know more about myself
I'm 28 and I believe I'm also on the spectrum
I've suspected myself to be autistic back in 2015. My parents didn't think I had it. I started seriously considering it in 2019 after almost getting fired due to an unwritten social rule. This year, a therapist FINALLY noticed that ASD is a possibility. However, where I live, no one is doing evaluations and I'm so desperate for a diagnosis that I'm willing to go out of state during Covid to get evaluated so I can get work accommodations.
I don’t think I have it but I do have food texture issues, clothing texture issues, and sound sensitivity.
I just turned 20 about two months ago, started researching about autism [about a year ago], and I believe I'm on the spectrum. I'm glad that you could be diagnosed!
This reminds me of when my mom was diagnosing a person with autism and mom was chocked by the girls answers, because it was almost like she had prepared herself for the questions and knew the ''right'' answers and the girl even went something like this ''But wow, this is me!'' after answering a few of the questions
not related to mental health but when i was 11 i thought all newborns needed to have heart or lung surgeries in order to stay alive (my brother had lung problems and i had heart problems). it’s crazy how we just assume everything and anything is normal when we are kids. it really scares me
i was shocked when my friend had a baby newborn sister and she was born with no health issues. i thought everyone had some and needed surgery as a baby
Actually, it's not just when we're kids. If you're perceptive and practice self-awareness, you'll see that every single individual, including ourselves, is living with the constant assumptions that people feel and think in a similar fashion as us.
To give you a good example, I've always known I had low self-esteem, it's been the normal in my own realm of reality. I have a friend who, for his own life, has suffered from high-self esteem issues, such as;
Being overconfident, believing in his abilities too much.
As someone who recognized that issue, he started trying to praise himself less for his achievements. When I saw his skills on certain online games we'd play together, I'd always praise him. He'd always reply with "It isn't that impressive", when it clearly was above-average performance. Me, having lived in the world of zero confidence, I needed to pick the habit of self-praising and self-loving. So, when my friend dismissed the compliments I gave, all I thought was that he needed more praise to get it through his head that he was indeed amazing.. because I had assumed so, that the issue was low-self esteem.
He already knew he was amazing, however, his own issue required him to get off his high horse, so he needed the opposite of what I gave him. lol. Pretty funny, right?
We only figured that out when we somehow got to the topic of it. It was the time I had realized, the way we judge the world itself is nothing but a mirror, a reflection of our own selves.
I have more examples I could give, but I think this one can suffice.
True. I thought the world was just extremely loud. Movie theaters, music past a certain volume, people’s footsteps, every single noise around me. I’d get earaches and headaches if a noise was too loud. I thought I was being super annoying when I made really loud noises because if they hurt my ears, they had to hurt other peoples ears. Then I learned I have super sensitive ears. But then I noticed how much people touch each other. I figured they just got used to the painful, uncomfortable, prickly sensation. I couldn’t understand how a fly walking on someone or an itch didn’t drive them mad. I didn’t understand how people could actually touch something hot and not hurt their hands and I especially couldn’t believe it when they said it wasn’t hot. And when I brushed my teeth, it felt really bad. Super uncomfortable and I couldn’t understand how anyone could stand the feeling. And people thought I was crazy and kept telling me to do it anyways, even though it was extremely uncomfortable. Then I realized I had extremely sensitive skin and teeth. Then I learned about autism and now I hope to get tested and diagnosed
I used to think it was normal to learn how to speak abruptly at 3 and thought it was strange my sister could talk at 1/2. Nope, turns out I have autism
@@amberb.6395 Ah. My sister is the same, but without the sensitive ears. She's fine with brushing her teeth but will scream if you poke her arm.
My mom used to scream at us to pick a tree or ditch for her to run into when we wouldn't behave in the car. I've only realized in the last few years how my mother's anxiety and tantrums have molded who I am.
Good God....that must've been horrible...
That's awful. I'm sorry.
No amount of anxiety can justify what your mom did to you.
And now you’re an adult. Time to stop blaming mommy for everything. Get help.
Actually,
Same.
My mother's anxiety is what shaped me,
Bit it's alright, i love her,,
But,,
How are you doing now??
2:12 Thank you OP for bringing awareness to other types of self harm. I always had trouble with banging my head against things on purpose. People only bring awareness to cutting, and I think that it's definitely important and all but other types happen a lot too so it's sad that people don't bring them up enough.
For a long time I didn't know "having something to look forwards to" was something healthy people use as a coping mechanism. I got so used to expecting to let myself down or be let down that I avoided ever getting mildly excited about anything. To the point that having hope that something would be good felt like a dangerous game. I realized that this is one of the many maladaptive coping mechanisms to abuse that I had normalized for so long it became almost part of my identity. If you identify with this that's a problem.
apparently “normal people” haven’t cried in like 6 years.
I let some of the mental illness leak out through my tear ducts almost every day. It actually seems to help.
@@EmilyElfmore-bk5it Exactly but I guess some people are really happy with their lives
I'm 25 years old and cried 2 days ago because I accidentally stepped on a snail, how do people go 6 years?
Is that actually normal? I don't tend to cry, but damn, that's a lot of time
@@hidinginthecommentsss Those shells cut like razor blades! Sorry for your foot.
Luckily, despite my own mental illness I can never seem to seriously consider suicide. Instead whenever I am on the edge of a high place; I imagine myself jumping off the edge and landing like a superhero with absolutely no damage.
Or with feather fall 3 boots on.
Noice
This is a wholesome comment 💕
This is a really nice way of seeing things I am recovering from depression and I feel quite good but I think this will help me , when I was really badly depressed when I was in high places I always saw myself jumping and getting injured ,don't imagine this thing anymore but this is a really cool thought ,and if I imagine bad things again I will try to substitute them with this image instead
@@killerloop66 I'm glad this helps you!
Well I'mma write here all the things I can relate to in this video:
"Going from straight As to Cs and Ds"
"Prolongued unmotivation"
"Emotional regulation"
"Thinking that 5h of sleep are enough"
"Talking badly about yourself" (yeh I don't remember what it said exactly)
"Feeling numb"
"Drops in grades/work ethic"
"Wanting to vanish"
"Feeling like a burden"
"Casual suicidal thoughts"
"Feeling worthless"
"Intrusive thoughts"
"Staring off into space for hours and hours"
"Random crying spells"
"Feeling like you deserve to be unhappy"
"Getting frustrated over something simple"
"Being hyperaware of everyone"
"Feeling like everyone is watching you"
"Feeling like you're being watched"
"Feeling like you're being judged constantly"
"Imagining the worst possible caae scenario"
Dude, you wanna a hug that shit sounds horrible
@@sircharles7310 actually yes-
@@moonkafu2157 my friend I send virtual hug because that's sounds pretty shitty and I know it ain't easy when you feel alone
I relate to a lot of these things, and I also send hugs your way (>'-'
@@Critiqu3 thank you
Honestly I haven't talked to one and I don't think I could, at least in a near future.
I'm just a highschool freshman and half of this things are being unconsciously caused by my family. If I asked them to go to therapy they'd ask me what's wrong and would end up accidentally coming out with the risk of getting kicked out of my home the moment I turn 16 (in my country you can live alone at that age already) or 18.
I hope you're doing well with your mental health and keep going to therapy if you already are, and if not that you'll start going
Damn, imagine being able to afford therapy.
I dont understand why Insurance doesnt cover it in so many countries.
Here in germany, i did two calls and had my appointment when i had my breakdown because of work, depression and childhood trauma resurfacing.
I wish everyone could get the therapy they need for free.
@@YuubiTimberwolf yes!! That’s why I love more advanced country’s. People say the US is “great” but they don’t have things like these that people really need. (Not saying the US is good for nothing, but it sucks on that part. AND Health bills too)
It could just depend on what insurance you have? When I started going and we did paperwork, they told me they’d let me know after my first appointment how much I’d have to pay. I’ve been going for over a year now and no ones said anything to me about it lmao
As someone who has seen many therapists, good and bad, NHS funded 🙌, if you can’t afford it, buy self help books, seriously, you don’t have to have a therapist. Obviously if you can afford it, go for it! Definitely a better investment than clothes, holidays, new technology.. But if you take some good points from some books, as well as a “forgive yourself” attitude! and ask yourself “why do you think that is?, how do you think things could be better? What is a manageable change you can make?”, you can have the same benefit. Also schedule an ‘appointment’ with yourself, once a week spend an hour on a park bench somewhere, and work through these questions/ other issues in a notebook, commit to yourself and to that weekly “catch up/ touching base/ checking in”.
Where I live therapy can be accessible, if only the waiting lines aren't sooo long
I remember realizing that immediately preparing myself for the worst thing a person could do when they come into view was not normal. I wasn’t diagnosed with anxiety until I was 20 when ptsd brought it into the light. I’m happy to say that I no longer do that.
I used to do that too. It was so damaging.
I am happy for you. Congrats
Wait, why is that bad? I do that all the time, it's called being prepared.
BEING SO DEPRESSED YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE IS NOT NORMAL
It isn't just "Oh, everyone has teenaged angst-" It's being suicidal, for the love of God PLEASE tell somebody.
Edit: Also, there's a BIG difference between 'just being shy' and having anxiety. And your anxiety can be only in specific situations, not everyone has anxiety that's present all the time.
I only feel anxiety in a social environment with my peers. I have no problem speaking to authority figures or on a professional matter, but if I actually have to befriend a person I suddenly want to cry.
Yes that is true however accutane an acne medication has side effects include suicidal thoughts so that can be a bit of a problem also angst isn’t being sad angst at least to my knowledge is that feeling you get in your gut that screams SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT RUN AWAY
I have no trouble with public speaking or making friends, but I can't go through a check out with a cashier without feeling anxious. Going through a self-checkout actually makes it worse, because I feel like someone is going to think I'm stealing something, or an item isn't going to scan correctly. The same goes for ordering food and trying to grab an item from a place where there are already a few people in or near that spot.
@@jameson1239 ngl, all I'm learning from that is that if your medicine makes you want to die, maybe you should try a different medicine.
@@americaroleplayer not my medicine but it’s one of the more effective acne medications out there and what I’m trying to say is when doctors prescribe medication that makes people depressed it’s not hard to see why teenage depression isn’t taken seriously.
@@jameson1239 Yeah that's hella true. Probably why most (and yes ima use the stereotype) 14 year old girls always diagnose themselves with a mental disorder just because they feel a little sad or like to organize things. I have actual depression but the medicine they gave me made me feel HORRIBLE.
Also, hormones. My mom blames my hormones for it a lot.. except, if my hormones have been causing this for the last 7 years, 24/7, I don't think that's normal.
Being at 5th grade level math at 16 can also be indicative of the education system failing the student. I used to tutor college level Algebra at a community college and there were far too many students in that class who really should have been in remedial math but were placed in Algebra simply because they had enough high school credits (they were passing when they shouldn't have but I'll get into why later.)
I had to teach them how fractions worked....not because they had a learning disability but because no one had ever shown them how. They had never heard it related to pieces of a pie, which is the most basic way fractions are taught.
Why were they slipping through the cracks?? Well, I also used to grade the state required standardized tests that each grade had to take to pass to the next grade. We were encouraged to pass students who didn't earn it because they would lose funding if too many tests came back marked with low scores. I quit because I couldn't bring myself to be so dishonest but the level of math I saw way too many high school students test at was heartbreaking. Teachers end up teaching how to pass the standardized test rather than helping the student learn the basic math, science and writing skills they will need for a successful life. The US school system is broken and it's mainly because of politics and money.
Absolutely. I'm 22 and just last year finally understood the concept of algebra after my husband had to teach it to me cause I'd never done it before then.
I don't understand why politicians think that cutting funding to low scoring schools will make the students smarter. They are just burying the problem. I feel like many of them don't realize that when they retire, it will be the students that are in charge. An educated society benifets all members of it.
No, if that was the case, everyone in that school or district would be at a 5th grade level at 16...
Makes me just realise just how grateful I should be for living in the uk👁👄👁
Like always
I’m always constantly being reminded how lucky I am to not be living elsewhere in the world
No matter how many times I hear how pricy health care is over there, my mind is blown (love the NHS and thank God Trump’s gone cuz this dood and Boris bitch were planning stuff with healthcare and the country was so pissed and upset (me included- basically everyone here is broke:D)
But we’re educated at such a high level and the system actually makes so much sense, I’m always so grateful for my teachers and how much time and effort they all put in for our futures🥺
@@kimtaehyung3265 Dude, you can get arrested for having the wrong opinion in the UK, how is that good?
Didn't get diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia until this year I'm 18 years old 🤦♀️
I found out during psychology class about AHDH.. and got myself diagnosed at 19 with the unattentive type. :/ but a good YT channel i recently found is How to ADHD. 👌
My question is, do ADD and dyslexia just go hand in hand, because that's where I am. It's one hell of a one-two punch, and I was in therapy as a child and everybody missed it.
Let me guess female? Females don't get a diagnosis of ADHD or add (are classified as the same disorder) as much as men do because lots of people see it as a boys thing or don't recognize the less hyperactive and more inattentive symptoms. It's happening to me too and it kinda sucks that it took this long for me to get help. If you want to learn more search how to ADHD and it will bring you to Jessica's channel where she educates people on a very common disorder
ua-cam.com/play/PLvq9Tp5JZ8oCeV3YNlcWEi3ptdzmSHWzc.html
Yeah I was tested for add\adhd in first grade but was untreated and wasn't even told until I was 20. I lived my entire life being told there wasn't anything wrong and that I had never really been tested so I just never really accepted it as a possibility.
It took years to get diagnosed with ADHD. My teachers never told my mom that I would get A’s on tests, and quizzes, but failed the class because I wouldn’t do projects, and/or homework. They thought I was just lazy but I literally thought it was boring and would do other shit
You claim to not be lazy but said you didn't do homeworl because it was boring
@@Leiwi yes because I only did things that I thought challenged me. Allowed me to hyper focus on the problem
@@alexisgeiser4387 so you chose to not do homework just the same as being lazy and not choosing to do the homework
@@Leiwi thankfully it shows you genuinely know nothing about a clinical diagnosis for ADHD otherwise your jabs might have weight or meaning. ^_^
I was a child diagnosed with ADHD around 6, now in my thirties, and my school asside from letting me take my bmeds when I was still on them in those days, and somewhat tried to be patient with me... otherwise to memory they ignored my need for support systems, and after getting taken off the meds they more or less ignored my IEP altogether. With that said, I feel that pain though as school was rarely challenging unless it was too challenging, and by then nobody cared if they weren't paid specifically to do so... not to mention quoting involved few if any of the things they taught really...
The "adult problems shouldn't be your kids problems" one got me cause I can distinctly remember a point where my dad burst into my brothers' and I's room when we were all very young. Dad was drunk and freaking out telling us we're gonna lose the house and may be homeless, after that I started asking for less and less and still hurts to remember as an adult. You don't see the abuse as abuse when you're a kid but the questions it makes you ask yourself can remain for your whole life.
My father Had s Habit of asking me for advice for His cases ever since I was very Young He was an advisor for social workers and therapists. I am pretty good with Reading people when I am an Outsider looking into a systhem . . .but still IT was Not good for my wordview to hear all those Stories so Young, even If I felt flattered at my opinion beeing asked
that moment when you're starting to realize how much bs your family doesn't pay attention to. me: "I got these issu-" them: "no you don't stop looking for attention you're just being a bratty rebellious teen" ygfhowidjkfbhebhdqjsodwfenjkfwjokk
Fuck, felt that
Hopefully future generations of parents will take mental health issues seriously, but no one wants to have kids anymore, so :/
oof
@@BassGal92 I think most people don’t wanna have kids is because we keep taking our kids and our lives for granted along with carrying the baggage of our childhood that we never learned to challenge or over come.
That and issues that has never been taken into account of when addressed. A lot of toxic parents don’t do so and deny them and then wonder why their children’s attitudes the way they are and why they never really talk to them.
Me: Hey Dad I just learned why the Dr diagnosed me with major depression
Dad: Stop Self Diagnosing -_-
Me: but I'm not??
"good grades everywhere except english and math"
my d's in english last year like: oop-
Whell i have a problem with history
How do u get nearly an F in English? You speak it!
@@gypsy-nr9zd English class atleast not in middle and high school isn’t talking English if it was it would be way easier it’s typing it and remembering grammar rules and some people don’t to well with that I’m one of them it’s a pain for me to write something literally my hand cramps up if I have to write more then a paragraph at a time
@@jameson1239 theres also stuff like run-on sentences which some people tend to do whenever they dont know how to start off or end an sentence.
@@tacticalfluke247 yes I’m aware and but it’s UA-cam comments section not a formal essay
That dyscalculia story is breaking my heart. I have dyspraxia , and it wasnt diagnoses until I was in late middle school because I had good grades, but I struggled so much with a lot of manual things, and writing in particular was sometimes a torture if I had to do it for too long. Please listen to children and their parents when they tell you something is wrong
I’ve never been diagnosed, I just found out as an adult, I reached out to my old school to let them know, they patted me on the head and said “ok”.
You know because they never took me seriously.
They are probably still abusing kids that can’t do multiplication...
@@beatrixthegreat1138 i'm sorry this happened to you... my best friend has discalculia and was never diagnosed which really hurt him too. I mean he works retail and they put him on the cash register and it took them like two years to realize he was awfully slow aat counting, so a lack of diagnosis can also hurt you in your adult life. I hipe you now have the proper tools to deal with it
@@blackandbluemadness7965 no I just gave up and look for jobs that don’t require much math or let’s me use a calculator.
@@beatrixthegreat1138 i mean that's one way to do it lol as long as it doesnt hinder you
@@blackandbluemadness7965 jury’s still out on that... but I’ll think of something
Everyone talks to themselves. Some of us do it aloud. This helps engage more of your brain and can help you find solutions better
I try to normalize it as well.
@@oneesandada379 I feel like if ppl don’t do this they’re weird
I talk to myself and the voices talk back lmao
Some consider it an indicator of creativity and intelligence, however arguing with yourself is a different situation
Nearly everyone, yes. This is well established. Self-talk is a normal part of human development. Most people learn quite young to do so silently, but not always, and the ability to keep it silent can be lost by injury or disease.
Me: "I'm suicidal everyday, so no worries, it's normal"
Hope youll get better soon bro... Hang in there
. . . Yeah, I did Not think i was depressed cause I could Not remember Feeling differently and nothing Bad happened but at one Point I noticed that maybe thinking of ways to kill yourself was Not normal . . .
But i needed to try until I was able to actually Look for a therapist
oh god I got diagnosed with dyscalculia like a month ago, everyone just thought I didn't focus, my teachers called me stupid... turns out it's not my fault after all
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I have no fucking clue why teachers (or in my case, my mom) would bully literal children and call them stupid. Like bruh you are an adult, please act like one. I guess these people grew old but never grew up
@@annacsetneki1817 maturity doesn't come with age, it comes from what you learn from your experiences, if you don't learn anything, you're not mature, plain and simple.
@@hekaterinedragon8776 i know that, but i still have no idea why it's so hard to accept the fact that not everyone is neurotypical
I have always had difficulty with math always passed by a few points even by one point, I only had one teacher I ever understood and that was it. When it comes to numbers I run. just thought I'm bad at it and could never remember anything and now I hear about this as I'm thinking of learning math again so I can start college again now I have a bit of faith in myself to try and learn math again without thinking I'm useless.
@@hasinahsallih9015 that's very strong!! I completely believe in you
It turned out that the reason why I had such trouble making friends in my life was because I had undiagnosed asperger's syndrome(mild version of autism)
i also have aspergers feel ya i was diagnosed at a young age but only told at 10 i don't really care because i dont really like talking to people anyway so it doesn't really affect me.
i am also lucky enough to have a good friend who we both suspect have it we are both practically identical other than he is a different gender and 3 years older
Feel ya! Diagnosed a little bit less than a year ago, at 21y.o.
I’m autistic (Asperger’s) there’s no such thing as “mild autism” but autism is a spectrum.
@@cherryblossom5239 I was diagnosed this year at 26 years old.
13:09 There's an old saying "Perfection is the enemy of finishing"
More like the enemy of starting.
We say: "perfect is the enemy of good enough."
How i struggle with perfectionism, it's a nightmare, you notice things that people can't even begin to see
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My parents were fighting on a daily basis and I ended up with anxiety, depression, EDs, self-harming myself and being an addict from my teenage years until my 30's. I never understood why I was so broken. I thought that I had a pretty good childhood. It's my bf who said to me : ''I don't know how you survived to this.'' My bf was abused in his childhood and has PTSD from the army. And yet, he knows my parents, and he acknowledged my struggles. He had it worse, but he knows to recognize a shitty childhood when he sees it. It means a lot for me bc he basically helped me to get rid of the guilt/impostor syndrome and to acknowledge that no, my childhood wasn't normal and healthy. My parents never hurt me physically but mentally. They were not so bad parents, they were just too deep in their own issues and flaws to not drag me with them in their spiral of anger and hate. It's not normal to have parents who are fighting daily, it's not normal if your father starts to be distant and cold, it's not normal if your mother is mean and toxic with you.
The inability to say no or feeling bad for saying no to someone. That isn't normal. "No." Is a complete sentence. You don't have to explain yourself or your feelings to anyone
Not a good advice for relationships Dude.
That's just not true. 😂 smh
Im no where near being a psychologist thats why i dont comment on this askresdit thread. Some of those people should do that too
@Lettuce I believe it's Huey from Boondocks!!
Yep.
@Lettuce no its boondocks my guy
@@geraldine83901 yeah
@@aryaa7334 you having that dream where you make the white people riot boy?
Just realised that being terrified of going out with my parents to meet their friends/relatives for fear of committing some social faux pas is not normal.
Well fuck
Seems normal to me
Sounds like narcissistic patents. Are they afraid your behaviour could humiliate them? My mom went through that and I partly did too, with my grandmother. Narcissistic parents see their children as an extension of themselves and not as their own individuals.
Welcome to the club. T-shirt?
Oof, I felt this one. My parents would scold me if I ever "humiliated" them at social gatherings. As an introvert with social anxiety, parties are like hell but if I was ever "disrespectful" in any way, they'd go as far as call me a disappointment and an embarrassment.
If there is an ability, there is a disability. The first story reminded me of another. You've all heard of the inability to read, but did you know there's an inability to read words but not numbers? Likewise, there's one where you can read numbers but can't read words. Psychology is a clusterfuck. All you can do is hope any problem you has is a fixable one.
I think I'd much prefer not being able to read numbers as they can at least he put into a written format instead of like eight instead of 8.
@@ziondoesrandomstuff3906 It would make price tags, times and phone numbers impossible though, as society normally uses numbers in digit form for a ton of stuff, so you can see the problem.
You said the same thing twice.
@@bethdibartolomeo2042 Shit, I actually did. Thanks for telling me.
Its called dyscalculia
I've suffered from psychosis most of my life. And I couldn't get help until I was 13, because the school counselors convinced my parents I just "had an active imagination".
Can confirm that adults making their problems their kids’ problems is abuse. One of my dad’s go-to tactics was blaming me for their “financial ruin.” He would always talk about how if I wasn’t such a spoiled brat and didn’t have to have Christmas/birthdays (my birthday is Christmas Eve), they could afford nice things and pay the bills. He said that to me when I was 8…. It still hurts to this day
When I was in my mid 20s I saw a counselor at my wife's urging. He asked me how many fights I had been in. I told him "about 10." He said "that's kind of a lot. What grade were you in the first time?" I thought he meant fights as an adult. Apparently getting into a few fights per year as a child and 10+ as an adult is way above average. I thought it was normal.
Coincidentally, I stopped getting my nose broken in fistfights two-three times a year when I completely stopped imbibing alcohol. I haven't had a fist fight, an arrest or a broken nose in almost 40 years.
I've never been into a fist-fight before and I'm 19
@@404-o9d My opinion, every man should be in 2 fights. One where you get your ass kicked. One where you handle things appropriately. Doesn't matter the order. You'll learn lessons from both. I'm 41 btw, haven't been in a fistfight in 10 years.
@@9HighFlyer9 Well, my opinon is that fighting is pointless and caveman behavior. I don't mean to sound demeaning, just lack of better wording. I was always a quiet person, maybe too quiet. I never did anything that deserved or required me getting my ass kicked, so my ass was never kicked. My life isn't really normal, to be truthful. I never liked conflict.. but bear in mind, I grew up in a very aggressive household. I was always witnessing loud, scream-like, anger-filled arguments, a few physical ones as well, and that was when I was only 5.
I have two very older brothers who, in their own unique way, have extreme anger issues. My mother is short-tempered as well, and my father used to be as well (but not anymore).
One might say that I'm speaking out of trauma, but I also think it's a matter of being civilized.
There is literally no reason to get into a fist-fight, unless you don't know how to solve things with words.
I'm surely not speaking on behalf of self-defense, or needing to protect someone. I'm speaking of purely psychological issues, inability to contain oneself.
I really think you're wrong to believe every man should have gotten into some fist-fight before, sharing the same gender as someone doesn't mean everyone has the same values, mindset, or lifestyle as yourself.
In a way, I was actually angered when you said "I believe men should.."
I've lead a life where, people around me have set expctations of me, of how I should be, how I should act according to my gender, and other things that I can't bother to list. The thing is.. people are different. We're called "individuals" for a reason. I don't want to care what someone thinks I should do or feel, just because we have a common trait (gender). It's the same thing with homophobia, sexism, dress codes, etc.
There is no certain way someone should be, that's just one's ideology.
I hope I worded it in a way that didn't come off as offensive, I just felt pretty strongly for it.
@@404-o9d I'm sorry that you were raised in that environment. I'm all for being civilized and discussing things problem is that not everyone is. I assure you I never started any fights I was in. I also didn't always do everything I could to stop them and probably made the situation worse a few times.
You mentioned self defense or defense of another. How would you do that, confidently I mean. When you've been punched in the face and learn that it's not that bad that's a great asset. That can give you the confidence to actually stand up for yourself or a loved one. If getting punched in the face can give you confidence imagine what actually winning a fight would do.
I'm not suggesting you go and pick a fight with someone, that's just dumb. I'm all for you standing up for yourself though. Take some jujitsu classes or boxing or whatever is accessible to you. Anything that'll teach you to physically handle an aggressor.
"I have a normal amount of panic attacks every day. 15."
Seems about right... that you ended up here.
Idk why I'm laughing but it shouldn't be funny.
It's the same way I talk about my suicidal ideations. "I'm suicidal everyday so no worries"
I don't appreciate you calling me out like that
not a therapist but i'm getting closer to becoming one and as someone with mental problems it's a really weird feeling displaying symptoms and thinking irrationally while knowing exactly what i'm experiencing and why
you're studying to become a therapist? I'm proud of you because we need therapists especially more in a time like this more than before!
The third one hit really close to home. My brother and I are adults now and my entire family still always needs to walk on eggshells around him. I always thought that was normal, but now I need to look into it more.
I understand that just walking away doesn’t solve the problem, but when I feel myself getting to heated, I walk away, calm down, then reengauge.
20:22 the thing about casual suicidal thoughts got me. i could be standing at the edge of a balcony and i'll just think and imagine what it would look like if i jumped off. or when im walking and i see a car coming towards my direction, just like op im like "i could take a side step and be dead right now". random crying spells checks out with me, feeling worthless and i have to constantly give myself reasons as to why i have value, in this way i need to constantly be "watered" like a plant and praised constantly and if i don't get that my view of myself begins to change again. i stopped using social media that have to do with talking to friends because i feel like i have nothing to contribute to them and i decide my value based on how fast people replied me. random bursts of anger, i don't show them but i get angry over the littlest things, like my sister singing or one of my teacher's handwriting. i wish i could see a therapist or something cuz the way i feel right now i might be dead before 26
How come you can't look for help? I'm not from USA so sorry for my ignorance
Intrusive thoughts come with several disorders. I have ocd, I get intrusive thoughts (compulsion part) due to that. There are other examples, this is just the 1 I experience.
chill bro, you are not alone i feel dat too. Always thinking i might die earlier than my friends are but now i know im not alone, somehow i can breathe freely now haha. lets keep on living!
I don’t know if it’s the same, but I imagine what people would be doing without me and for some reason it’s impossible to imagine anyone being devastated
Noted "Casual suicidal thoughts"
I have same thought when I stood on balcony of my dorm and I think "what happen if I jump? Am I dead?"
Or when I ride my bike on the road, sometimes I think "If I hit myself to the truck what will happen?"
I dont recognize it as a suicidal thoughts
Is it really suicidal? Or is it just me being weird?
I'm 22, was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at 15, now I think I have ADD but do you know how much it costs to find out? $2000.
Ask around there might be resources you are unaware of. I just resigned my self to never getting the help I need until I found out I did qualify for some aid in my doctors network and my counselor found a place a place that would test me.
I do telepsychiatry (literally a FaceTime to a therapist/psychologist) and it’s $90 per session if you don’t have insurance or if they don’t take it. It helped me a lot considering my anxiety wouldn’t let me do face to face therapy and they can prescribe you medication as well. I use Bregman MD if you’re interested, it’s cheaper and it just might be what you need
Damn, I am way too poor to have any of that assessed!
*adhd
Shouldn't have watched this before bed, now I'm reminiscing about all my buried problems
same
You're not alone
Try around dinner time next time
Jaja
A few months ago actually, I was depressed because my brother constantly mentally abused me. I myself didn't even realize I was depressed. Now looking back on those days, I showed a lot of symptoms of depression. I remember I used to snap at people a lot, but then distance myself from my family. Whenever I was eating with my family, I would just stay quiet and not even pay attention to what they were talking about. I was always kinda quiet, but when it came to my family, I would always be very talkative. I myself didn't realize how depressed I was because I was always in my thoughts. Thankfully, my mom surely noticed and talked to me. She knew something was wrong, and I couldn't stop crying when I talked to her. After that, I finally got the help that I needed. Thank you, mom :')
The dyscaculia one rocked me. I was told I had a math disability by my counselors and teachers in an ARD meeting with my Dad. They never went into details but it finally makes sense. I can only go so high in math. My teacher worked extensively with me to even get to that point. I understood what I needed to do function wise but the actual completing it correctly on my end was near impossible. It all got so frustrating and overwhelming so quickly I would cry at times. I know enough to function in normal society. Far as computing beyond 5-6 grade math I get lost. This does not mean I'm uneducated. I did wonderful in every other topic. Especially reading. This makes me feel better because at least I'm not alone. I felt crazy telling people I had a math learning disability for certain issues, that I needed help. I can't read an analog clock on the fly to save my life btw. It is just a pretty wall decoration at that point.
Side note: was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school and was retested again in middle school. This followed again in highschool (basically they were seeing if I was outgrowing it because they wanted me off the program because of "no child left behind" laws)
Things they can’t help with.
1: That number that the bank keeps telling you about because you can’t pay your bills.
and what they don't tell you is that you get what you pay for with free care....basically nothing lol
How about how they won't fail to document your sessions? 😒
I would have been so much better off if my parents had tried harder to help me deal with my mental health issues when I was much younger.
I had to unlearn extreme dissociation as a coping mechanism, fight through how wrong it felt to talk about my wants or problems, manually learn facial expressions and how to make eye contact, struggle through severe panic anxiety and fear of conflict, and relearn how to talk to people.
I was never abused or anything(I love my parents and they love me), but there was a lot about mental illness and Autism in women that they just didn't understand when I was thirteen. That combined with severe chronic illness and the various traumas I've been through for unrelated reasons left me really struggling as a teen and now into my young adult years.
I feel that. Sort of. My friends and family know of my odd behavior and habits. They never suspected it was actually something wrong with me though. Doesn’t like loud noises? Sensitive ears. Doesn’t like human touch? Strange child. Doesn’t brush her teeth because she complains about the feeling? Do it anyways, I don’t care. Has special patterns when she walks? She’s just a little ocd it’s fine. Has to have certain things clean before she can do anything else? There goes that ocd again. Always orders the same thing? She just loves it. Won’t eat this certain food this way, but will eat it this way? That’s my weird child. Wants to shave her head because long hair makes her head hurt and she would feel better that way? She’s lost her mind! She doesn’t understand this super simple thing? She’s just a little slow sometimes. She uncontrollably cries often? What a crybaby. I could keep going honestly. There are just so many things that could’ve been noticed sooner had they put these things together. Now I’m 18, and I’m hoping to get tested for autism
I’m 33 with a 7th grade math education. I’ve been struggling to teach myself algebra because I want to go back to school. I even had a tutor at one point. It always felt like I always got to a certain point and a wall just came down. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’m on the world’s longest running prank show. Sure would have been nice to know about dyscalculia 20 years ago. 😑
I'm 33 and working toward my GED and I've had to teach myself grammar math above the basics and stuff because my school decided the best thing for students with learning issues was to put them in classes in which they already knew everthing so they would do well on tests.
Hell yea! Everyone always assumes if you do not suffer from dyslexia you are fine...
Good for you to keep trying! What may help are those funny physical exercises where you connect your left side of the body with the right side. (Like tapping your chest with one hand and rubbing with the other. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/12/191209110513.htm) Somehow this triggers your brain into making different connections, and it may open some unused 'back doors'.
I know that feeling almost like trying to hold water in your hands, and feel the numbers just slip away from your grasp, it sucks...
Went back to college in my 30's. Diagnosed w dyscalclia, adult adha & dyslexia. Found great math instructor that tutored school athletes. Only instructor that could explain math in a language I spoke. Took an additional years worth of math passing with A- twice. It can be managed if you find someone that is "bilingual" (speaks both your language & math). Best of luck. I wish you success
Why even teach yourself? When are you going to use algebra in your daily life anyway? Learn something of value to you, something you find enjoyable or interesting.
I thought happiness was a lie we all told each other. Finally diagnosed at 50 with cptsd due to child abuse. Have had EMDR therapy. Have been happy some times since. Still working on it
My mother made it my job to make her happy so she could emotionally regulate from the time I was a toddler. It wasn't until I was 40 that I realized nothing she'd said or done was normal.
Stay strong everyone
You can do this
You can be healthy
You can be happy
You can keep living!
I’m proud of you 👍
@Şahanşah Bnoarg well okay then
@Abigale West honestly i don't care about likes..I just want people to know i love them and that they aren't alone because i know how much it can suck.. stay strong this quarantine and stay safe as well
@Isha it is no problem I hope you are safe this holiday season and remember you are loved
Thank you! You are a good person! Have a Great day!
Thank you
10:00 this is why I hate the habit of saying "look at the bad in the world and be grateful you're not part of it". Well maybe I am but have not realized yet, something can happen to me and make me part of it, then what? I kill myself?
that moment when i have like 90% of those.... but i am in therapy for mental illness so it checks out
Same but hitting my head on the wall trying to get help.
@@so9175 omg I remember when I did that every night when I was 8 bc I was so upset that I seemed to disappear from everyones lives and they just suddenly left and I didnt know why so I disciplined myself
As a minor in middle school this really helps, like I know I dont have depression, but I have ADHD and I dont know whether my behavior is from anxiety or just my disorder.
Thanks to this video, I finally figured out why I'm not allowed to cry. Childhood trauma response keeping me from feeling emotions for longer than a few minutes, and being told to cry quieter, or they'll give me something to *actually* cry about. So yeah. Thanks reddit!
My family has always mocked me if / when I cry. It got to the point that, when im triggered, I cant experience emotion. But then i break down and self harm. I have a constant voice that tells me im a burden, its all futile and I will die without amounting to anything. Another voice dissuades me to disappear. And calls me a coward when i decide not to take the pills i know we have in the cupboard.. Fantasies about killing myself have become weekly. The problem is, nobody notices. Im still an A student. Im an introvert. A mask is put on to protect my friendships. Im the phycologist for them. My parent expect the best out of me and scream me for every mistake. So I lie everyday and i supress emotions and insecurities. And still, a part of me says, "you deserve worse". So i distance myself because others will be better without me (and i dont want to take my anger out with them). I eat less and less (abt 1000-1500 cal a day) and sleep almost nothing. I sometimes binge and i have panik attacks at night, when thry cant hear me cry. Im not motivated and i dont know who i am. I hate the person i know. I feel either numb or everything at once.
But that is only a small fraction of my day. Im fine. Im doing better than others. Others need me. I dont need help. Its all "normal". I have forgot what normal felt like. Im always nolstalgic, craving for something i cant remember.
After 3 panik attacks on one week i asked for help. My mother consoled me but told me it was "normal". I didnt tell her about the self harm. But when i asked if i could get help she told me i was just calling for attention. Its all "normal teenage hormones". Asked my Dad and he told me the money they make isnt meant to be used on my dumb insecurities. I dont know if i'll last a lot more. You dont have to answer. Im sorry for ranting. Im so alone.
Some have said that some men are messed up because men aren't supposed to cry or even vent somehow.
TLDR: The parents are always right.
I am a direct product of this. Parents who believe that they are by default always correct and the children are always wrong when there is a disagreement. With both of my parent there was a major theme of "It's my way or the highway."
It translates into more than just arguments. The parent chooses to micromanage everything. Constant lectures on how to complete tasks or what opinions you are allowed to have. Inappropriate levels of punishment for breaking the rules. Anything new or different was stifled and not allowed. Conversation is always uni directional.
I always felt like I was stupid, my words had no power and my feelings didn't matter. I grew up thinking that this was totally normal and that there must have been something seriously wrong with me because I could never do anything right. No matter how hard I tried to fit he mold they cast I would always mess something up. It wasn't until years later that I realized that my parents didn't play with a logical set of rules. The reason why I couldn't do anything right was because the rules changed to suit their needs in the moment.
In a normal parent/child relationship there is a loosening of the reigns as the child develops and learns to function on their own. Lots of control when the child is a toddler, a little more freedom as a grade schooler, even more as a teenager with an eventual letting go as the child becomes a young adult. With my parents the have never let go of the grade schooler phase.
Like literally giving instruction to a 40-50 year old child as if they have no life experience. They still think it's ok to blow a gasket if one of their adult kids steps out of line. It's no wonder they are so miserable considering the way they drive off anyone that they think they have ownership of.
@Baby Nunu Thank you
I am in a relationship with the same logic right now. Last month I stayed with my step-mom and her family for about a week over a disagreement really nobody was at fault for. My step-mom said that the mom is right as long as I'm under her roof. That I should swallow my pride until I'm 18. And I'm not the smartest person in the world but I'm like that's totally wrong and you're not helping. I have a plan for when I get older. All goes south, I'm filing a restraining order because I have a life I'm not living yet.
Feelings are always true and no one can take them away from you. And there can be different views on one thing. It is possible to agree to disagree. Life is a lot of times not about being right or wrong but just about different perspectives and those can coexist.
Things I learned late in life.
Hope you are doing better and are able to set your boundaries. 💫
Parents also dismiss ideas from kids because" they're young and dont know any better " but when someone older tells them the same thing they listen to them. It's so stupid
I am in therapy, for PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and OCD, no I am not like Monk, my rituals are mostly mental.
I do if I get upset with family or friends and feel I might say something I will regret, I walk away for a bit until I am sure I am calm. Then I go back and finish the discussion. I do this because I when I get upset I tend not choose my words carefully.
I have studied and speak a few languages. Sometimes I just have trouble finding nicer words in my native English. I never want to say something hurtful to those I love by speaking to bluntly and cruel
Well, all of that is to say Therapy and finding the right Therapist, was the best thing I have done; outside of marrying my late wife. It really has made a major change in my life and my quality of life
I went through therapy for PTSD about seven years ago now, and I still have some of the mild symptoms and problems of PTSD still such as being paranoid and having negative thoughts about the future, but nothing serious like I did in the first few months after the event.
If you have PTSD or think you might, get therapy.
@@robertgable9704 Yes you are right mine goes back to the late 60s to the 70s. It is taking a while but I am getting much much better. If you have trouble with your thoughts see a therapist
I am glad you are better now!
I agree on how much therapy can change your life. 😊
Best wishes 💫
@@piiinkDeluxe Thank you and I am doing better
Oof, as someone with OCD as well, unknown on the PTSD front tbh, I definitely get why you had to specify. There's the stereotypes, which sometimes can be true, but aren't indicative of all cases of it. I personally have rituals to due with monsters I made in childhood, that, logically I know aren't real, but I can't comfortably say they don't exist, because they do, but only to me. I've never seen them, but you just feel them and it's this overwhelming panic. I have the most "stereotypical" symptoms with checking. I have to run a list in my head anytime I leave the house of everything I need, like 2-5 times, and I can't like check a page number or something without immediate doubt and having to recheck, only for it to happen again. I didn't even know this stuff wasn't just everyone having to spend like 20-30 minutes trying to write down one string of numbers but struggling because they can't trust their own brains, (ADHD short term memory definitely doesn't help.) or that everyone didn't have monsters that made them terrified to sleep for years/impeded on their day to day life. My own mother told me from a young age that it was normal so I would not tell people, which did the opposite, although I would've talked about it nonetheless as they were impactful in my younger years, but what it did do was make me doubt my capabilities to handle what I perceived as "normal" stuff. I used to barricade my door only a year or two ago. I have a lot of reoccuring dreams, often a mix of nightmares and neutral dreams all combined together, but sometimes it's just nightmares. As a kid, it was mostly nightmares, which only fueled my sleeping strike.
I really wish the OCD stereotype wasn't a thing, because what that stereotype is, is perfectionism. I have perfectionism, and can testify, it feels VERY different than my OCD symptoms, at least personally.
i’ve been considering going back to therapy over the past year or so now. this was the push i needed. thank you, genuinely
Panic attacks daily, not having a sleeping schedule, constantly making sure everyone is happy, putting my emotions aside for someone else, self harm, susidedal thoughts, and trying to put 100 percent of me into more than 1 thing more like 15, is all things that are part of my daily routine and I've normalized and learned to live with. Not to add that I'm super smart and am dealing with school and slacking off and falling asleep during class and my grades are dropping TwT.
almost cried at “if you’re getting by in your life but are miserable, get help” part
I guess it’s saying something
12:28 that was the main reason why I'm struggling with Burnout Syndrome right now, I'm too perfectionist at work and this played a huge role at making me extremely exhausted and having panic/anxiety attacks almost everyday
Other way around for me, I knew something was very different about me but therapists just tried to tell me I was imagining things and only had depression.
Nope also have schizoid personality disorder and since I know this I was able to learn more and better coping mechanisms and my life is a lot easier and better. Just knowing that I was right and what I have was like someone took a huge weight off my chest.
I have hated birthdays because I HATE being on the spot... and the abuse from my so called grandmother, this was as a child 16 and under... Last year I had made a custom cake for my second cousin's 16th birthday... Everything was great and I was not to bad considering... Then the "Happy Birthday" singing started, full anxiety attack I went ice cold and couldn't move.... Fears and triggers are real do not let others hurt you.
I know this feel, I hated them since I was 8 because adults constantly hijacked it. I didn't have agency for "my day" and was punished for it. Yet then I had to deal with people doing that "Imma a be a jackass the whole month because their birthday is in it" Yet when I don't feel like doing shit for one day and or don't wanna share gifts they made me feel bad.
as a new year resolution (for 2020) I was gonna work on my mental health, was even willing to see someone. Then everything got shut down, and now I don't want to go because it don't want them to be like "ugh another teenager who is 'Depressed' because they can't hang with their friends"
I have been getting a lot better on my own though, and I encourage anyone who thinks it might help to see a therapist! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful life!
I had a teacher when I had an AP class in 2020 who absolutely cared about all of his students , he pulled me out of class about 5 separate times and asked if I was ok, and what was going on, I still failed his class. But he never forgot my name and still cared about me even if I wasn’t in his class anymore , another teacher I had was in math, he cared about his students and when he would see people struggling, he would stop, slow down, and work everyone through it, or working one on one with them. It’s the small details, but with out them I probably wouldn’t be here today, I’m so thankful for them
When I was 14, I asked one of my new friends how often his parents beat him,
He looked puzzled and said his parents don't beat him.
I told the story to my mum, who said that kid was lying to make me feel bad.
I'm 25yo now, even now, my mum does not acknowledge that beating me was an abnormal thing.
She says, "You are what you are now because of how well I raised you, if I didn't do that, you'd be begging somewhere or something"
EDIT: she's still my mum and I love her. Please don't talk shit about her...
Ghost your mom
@@kita3638 He can always say, she made him do it.
Never talk to her again. She deserves it
Ghost your mom
Holy crap! I thought that was normal.
Ooof "if he didn't eat that much" that one hit close to home.
My whole childhood I've been going through stuff that I later categorized as normal with my mother. But as I got old and wiser (mainly over the past 3 years) I have enlightened myself that I am in an physically/emotionally abusive relationship. I'm an only child with my only mother. I self diagnosed myself with PTSD, social anxiety, depression Episodes, and ADD. I diagnosed my mom with depression, anger issues, and that one disorder where she uses her problems to get sympathy from others. From what I can gather but I feel there's more. Nobody knows what's REALLY going on with me but ME. So, when I turn 18 a little less than a year from now, I'm getting myself a therapist/psychologist so I can repair myself but also offer my mom, one final time, mental help so we can repair our relationship because no matter what she did to me I'll always love her. If all fails I'm pressing a restraining order and never contacting her for as long as I'm alive because my life isn't over yet and I can't waste energy over wondering if she's going to yell and try to beat me over forgetting to wash dishes.
Ok. So. Two things:
1- diagnosing yourself and/or others when you’re not a trained professional is less than optimal. You may end up boxing yourself in with specific labels that don’t quite fit. Now, if you have noticed symptoms of certain diagnosable conditions in yourself, then absolutely bring them up with a professional and talk with them about it. Maybe you do have those conditions, maybe you don’t, or maybe you have something similar (or something that’s easily confused with what you think you have).
2- if there is abuse going on in your household, perhaps consider involving some kind of authority figure. Police, child services, a school counselor, etc. I understand that things can be complicated, but I just want to say that it is an option.
3- I really hope things improve for you. Don’t let other peoples sh💩tty behavior and sh💩tty attitudes hold you back from having the best life that you can. I’m really glad that you are already planning on seeking mental help as soon as you can. Don’t be afraid to shop around to find someone that’s a good match for you. If you’re employed, check out their Employee Assistance Program (EAP). They usually cover a certain amount of therapy sessions for you. One of my jobs covered six, another covered five. And definitely get that insurance. Really helps cut down the cost. If you find someone you like, it their prices are too high, ask if they have a sliding scale option. If I understand correctly, that means that they will charge you less if you make less income. A friend of mine brought it up with their therapist, and they ended up paying less then half of her normal rate.
4- all in all: best of luck ♥️
Edit: that was more than two things. My bad.
I can agree on the comment above me and would like to add one thing:
- you are not responsible for the wellbeing of others. And you cannot forcefully change them.
I am telling you that because I know the feeling. I grew up codepending on my narcissistic mother and always felt responsible for her wellbeing because she just likes to "enjoy" her suffering if you know what I mean. I tried to talk to her so many times about what would help me, what she could try to help herself but she often fails to do those things even though she agrees. It costs so much energy and leads to nothing.
I had to let go of that responsibility that I should never have carried in the first place.
The only thing I did was helping her to find a therapist that is experienced in trauma (bc I believe that is the source of her problem) bc she has no internet. Aside from that i am still cutting all those strings that kept us too close together and i have an amazing therapist who helps me.
Your happiness is not dependent on your mother's happiness. You deserve to be happy. 🧡
The more I hear about anxiety and depression the more I think they're just the defaults for human minds. If you can manage to NOT be anxious or depressed for a long time you're a superhero. Maybe we all need to chill out a bit.
Everyone is stressed or sad sometimes, but if it's constant and affecting your quality of life, it’s not normal. Neutral is the default for healthy humans, maybe boredom. If you feel like anxiety and depression is just a default, either you are downplaying them as mental illnesses because _you're not always happy_ either, and you don’t comprehend the extent of these issues, or you're downplaying your own feelings and normalising signs of mental illness like the people in the video, in which case, get help.
@@JasminMiettunen I agree with you, but the phrase, "get help" can really come across as confrontational, especially when not said in person.
Derkas Mightier well I hope my good intentions came across, I truly meant that if that is the case you may benefit from professional help and I recommend seeking it if possible.
@@JasminMiettunen lol after last year, I've been getting help for a while now. I was just giving you a heads up in case anybody decides to throw shade at you for your comment. Looks like it wasn't necessary.
@@Ougerosity598 plus you can't just get help you have to have the Money and the time and the will.
parents: _being selfish about my life decision and cause me depression + self harm_
also parents: "why you dont talk to us anymore?"
My mother called me a Psychopath for suffering from chronic Depression for years without telling her until I Made an attempt, the only possible reason for me to do that could have been to deliberatly Hurt her in some twisted form of revange for some pretty offence. Like the only way I could possibly BE that cruel would BE, If I clinically cant feel empathy and feel good about hurting someone . . .
Yeah, I did Not even ever blame her for my Depression or attempt, my Patents literally Had nothing to do with my mental health but yeah, that conversation with my mother was Not productive in anything but Not make me Trust her anymore. Ever since then I really struggles with emotionally connecting to her in a genuin way . . .
2:19
This resonated with me. I've hit since 8 and I'm near 17 now. I only realized that what I was doing was self-harm 2 years ago, through my own research. It was terrifying and lonely to realize what I was doing wasn't normal (alone), but at least I had some answers.
I can't access therapy right now, but I talked to my school counselor for support. I'm about 7 months clean and counting. 💜 There is help, and there is hope for you. You can learn to stop, and you can heal and recover from your pain without hurting yourself. It was/is hard to break this routine I'd been suffering through for years. I thought it was impossible to get out of that rut, but it isn't. I believe in you and that you can get better with time. And you are absolutely worth it. You don't deserve that pain, and that hurt isn't going to help you in the long-run. I would know.
And if you're hurting, please talk to someone you trust. Times are hard, and not everyone has available resources nowadays (I can relate), but here's something that helped me: Get a stress ball, a crumpled up piece of paper, an ice cube. Any unimportant, inanimate object you can use instead. You may not have it handy at all times, but it makes all the difference in redirecting the action. Sure, my stress ball's seen better days, but it really helps.
Not a therapist, but was diagnosed with DID. I always was told that it was probably just hormones and that it was going to go away when I was an adult. Eventually when it started to interfere with my life, my mom took me to a professional. And that’s how I was diagnosed with DID.
What is DID
Dissociative identity disorder. It basically makes people have multiple personalities.
@@confused_shark2537 do you have the ability to choose what personality is like in charge? Or is that a too personal question
@@Ok-oj5vu Not really, but I have started to get it treated and I’ve made sort of a schedule for the personalities. Also, that’s not a personal question at all!
@@confused_shark2537 do you know how many personalities you have and do they have different names? ( I'm sorry for all those questions, but i'm just interested in other peoples stories)
thinking that 5 hours of sleep is okay
me on 5 hours of sleep atm: 👁👄👁
Nice pfp heh
Healthy adults: "Children need st least 9 hours of sle--"
_Three, take it or leave it"_
Well I get like three hours of sleep so I really need to fix that (I go to sleep five or so hours before my alarm but I cat always wakes me up two hours before I alarm goes off)
Been like that since 2nd grade baby😋
I'm on 0 hours, wdym
My psychiatrist and psychologist ruined me, they told my parents everything to the point I learned how to act “normal” to convince my parents to stop taking me to them since they just made things worse
New irrelevant fear unlocked. I wasn’t gonna go to any psychiatrist or anything but now I’m scared to go cuz of this.
so, I never hang out with my friends because I feel like they'll be bored and I'll be awkward and they'll expect me to be the "entertainment." This has caused me to feel like I don't have any real friends because we never hang out outside of school. I've only had a few friends where we actually did. One of those lives across the nation and another one is still asking to hang out all the time. I would love to but don't trust myself to actually bring something to the table if that makes sense. I've never really said all this but I guess I do have to say it out loud because that's really how I feel. Thoughts like "Why would they want me there" or "It won't be very different if I wasn't there" "I'll just be silent the whole time" The friendship I really want is where we don't have to constantly be bringing entertainment and can just enjoy hanging out together doing whatever. That's why I think a roommate would be pretty cool. Anyone else feel like this?
Dude, try hanging out with people who have common interests or something, all you need is something to talk about. A few months back I thought that I should be the most interesting guy, who knows it all, or who can do everything or such, be the guy who makes everyone laughs. I too was silent most of the times in groups, but you know what I did, hang out with them, the more you stay in groups the more you know what to say and stuff. I also helps if you know the people in the group personally. one on one I know what we have in common and can talk about, be it a videogame, song, movie, sport, or most importantly other people. You don't have to gossip about people, maybe about their relationship and stuff, or some experience or some story or some feelings, find people who you have had some time with, people at school are perfect for this, you know your schoolmates just for knowing them, and you can talk to them about other people easily.
I am sure that I have/had social anxiety and need to talk to someone about it, I will when I can, and don't take it to hell if you aren't able to do this easily, it takes time, I learnt much of this in span of three years or so. But most importantly talk to someone, please, open up to someone, opening up to someone really makes it easy for them to help you. g'day!
These kinds of threads are probably good for getting people to go get help.
Maybe I should look for some about PTSD to help convince my uncle to get some, he described textbook PTSD after a bad wreck, but thinks it's fine since he's still willing to drive... But he also framed the things he said in terms that indicated he didn't want to be seen as a weak man...
Maybe point out how it's common that military people have PTSD, like you’re not a weak man if you do, because big strong soldiers have it too?
@@JasminMiettunen I'm not sure that'd help. PTSD used to be covered in media as something primarily found in soldiers before doctors realized other people could get it, back when terms like 'shellshock' were used instead of an acronym for the full condition. Though it is a tactic to try, I'll keep it in mind next I see him.
Many people won't seek counseling because it seems weak. Well, not everybody can win a fight by themselves, and they ought to recognize it.
17:32 Something like that happened to me in middle school. In elementary and intermediate for the most part I got straight A's and the occasional B. Then in middle school when the amount of classes I had increased and in proportion my amount of work, my grades plummeted. Up until that point I had always considered myself one of the smartest people in class, I'd even help other students if they were confused. I got retested and was kicked out of AIG because I wasn't smart enough anymore. All of a sudden I couldn't keep up and I was stressed constantly. My identity which a very large section of consisted of being proud of my intelligence was shattered. Eventually my parents figured out there might be something serious going on, got me professionally tested for a learning disability, turns out I have a really slow processing speed learning disability. Which I never would have guessed because I used to be able to answer math questions super quickly. So yeah, that's my story. I am in 11th grade now and still struggle but manage to get by. I'm not sure I ever got over it.
My Dad got tested as a kid back in the 70's or so due to him doing really badly in School
(he got a 0 on a history test because the spelling was wrong)
He was diagnosed with A Learning Disabiliy.
That was it, his parent were never told what type of disability just that it was a learning disability ^^;
@@miriammiko22 Oh that's interesting. I never really wondered what that kind of testing would be like back then versus now. Or how the system might be different. My dad is VERY similar to me, especially in the way his mind works. And he thinks that he might have an undiagnosed learning disability the same as or really similar to mine. But doesn't currently care about it enough to find out.
My mom refused to believe that my heart was doing funny things. I had an Ed for a while, and born with a mild murmur. But somehow I developed atrial tachycardia. It took a good 6 months before my dad convinced her to take me to a cardiologist. Had heart surgery very shortly after being diagnosed.
Went to therapy for years to help work through my ED, childhood abuse and my anxiety. Thought I was doing fine until my abuser showed up at my work and I lost it. Now I’m realizing that I haven’t gotten better but I’m barely treading water. Yay....time to go back to therapy
Oh, I have dyscalculia too! It affects your lefts/rights, calendar reading, time reading, sometimes mixing up numbers like people with writing/letter conditions mix up letters. It's so weird. I write my numbers backwards often too.
4:30 that's part of my list. Try getting anywhere with no motivation.
The couples counsellor listing the common issues they've see - I was ticking off all if those, in my head, as things experienced with my ex. It was impossible to have a conversation with him about his insecurity, because he would project everything onto me and demand that I change XYZ to appease him. Unsurprisingly the goal posts always moved to keep me anxious and scared of upsetting him. I could never win.
My only option was to shut him out and physically remove myself from the conversation.
Anyone else finds the idea of themself dying funny? Like yesterday I was waiting for the train and thought “what if I just fell from the platform and got hit by the train and died?” and I literally laughed for 30 mins internally
I do this so much lol
I think laughing about it is a coping mechanism
I always imagined my death would come from getting eaten from an alligator for some reason. 😕
Lmao. They almost had me believing in this until they said _"free clinic"_
In some countries there is free health care and free counseling tho
? Plenty of countries provide access to free mental health care for their citizens.
@@youneverseeanoldmaneatinga7416 he's living the american dream
Is there a reason why I feel like I'm faking my insecurities? It's like 1/3 of my brain is like " you have this, and this, and this" while the rest of my brain is saying " your over exaggerating, you don't have this problem, your fine"
Maybe ADHD? I was diagnosed as an adult and it was such a relief to get a diagnosis. It has different symptoms from person to person maybe look into diagnostic criteria and see if any seem to fit
The good old imposter syndrome. It is common with adhd because you doubt yourself and minimize.
I am a high-functioning autistic followed by social and generalized anxiety, but since this was discovered very early and is high-functioning I act like any other person almost all the time. I only really have mental breakdowns (as in I break into tears but nothing else,) when I'm inhumanly uncomfortable and/or if I'm having a highly offensive argument with someone in person. The main problem though, is that a decent amount of things in this video are a part of me, but every time I went to a therapist because of such I either couldn't explain enough or anything they specialized in wasn't one of the problems I was facing.
The two that stand out is that I was once a very light sleeper and once even woke up to the sound of my own snore, but I now sleep very heavily and
Did you ever think of making note cards to help you communicate? I do that when going to an MD because I will forget something I wanted to ask. If you really have trouble you could even write it out like you would a speech and recite from your notes. If that is still too much for you then possibly just hand over the cards with an explanation at the beginning that it's how you are comfortable communicating.
@@9HighFlyer9 Surprisingly enough, I do occasionally forget what I was planning on saying; I guess it's more common than I think. Now that I think about it, I won't plan on commonly using cards in that way unless it's a highly important discussion.
If you ask me, high-functioning autism makes a person *smarter.* If you're high-functioning like I am it's very easy to overcome, and the way you think differently tends to end up pointing you towards science.
My psychologist dismissed my paranoia. Really made me hate mental health professionals even more. It was to the point where I wouldn't (and still do) refuse to take medication because I feared that it would control/read my thoughts read/poison me. I even dissociated daily at the time. That isn't normal behavior for a 14-year-old kid who lived upper-middle-class, had great friends, and at worst got bad grades. I HATE therapy. I haven't gone in almost a year. The waiting rooms put me on verge of panic attacks. I know therapy is important and can help, but after visiting over 7 different doctors from the 7th grade, I don't think it's working. I don't have as extreme symptoms anymore. It only becomes unmanageable when I'm stressed. I've kinda accepted it.
For some people, therapy doesn't work for them. I'm one of those people.
@@BassGal92 yeah,,, it's hard to manage
Therapy doesn't work for everybody, but the people who benefit from therapy feel the need to be obnoxious smug jerks tom everyone else.
Therapy made me worse off.
11:50 - I didn't realise that it wasn't normal to be verbally, emotionally and physically abused while my sister was doted on as the golden child who could do no wrong, even as she deliberately lied to get me into more trouble. Right up until I was nearly in secondary school (11 years old) I thought that was normal - just as normal as finding your parent passed out in an alcoholic stupor. Fun times.
I hope you have gotten help and someone to talk to about these experiences
@@JasminMiettunen I do have a therapist, yes. If you have the means to do so, I definitely would recommend. It's hard work, but worth it. I appreciate your concern.
I'm glad someone touched on ASD, cause I was like "this definitely ain't normal for the way my brain works"
*me casually realizing my minimal sleeping hours and how my parents guilt trip me and blame me for everything isn't normal along with all the other problems I could potentially have*
Well this has been a wake up call, or more of a go get some fucking sleep call
This is going to sound odd or like common sense, but if you see/hear/feel things that others do not see/hear/feel, tell a professional: those are very likely hallucinations.
When I first began getting seen for my mental health, it never occurred to me to say anything about what I saw and heard that others didn't until I happened to mention one of the hallucinations in passing to a very close friend. They had never manifested in a way that really interuptted my life, and they had been around since I was very young, as long as I can remember, so I never knew it wasn't normal until someone told me.
i told my mom a few years ago and she threatened to sanction(I think that’s the word) an exorcism. yeah, im waiting until im 18 now.
@@olivia-sy3rv wait if you can. If you can't, check your local laws/ask a medical professional about them if you can because some places have different rules when it comes to medical stuff. For example, where I live, age of majority is 18, but I could sign for my own immunizations and some other stuff at 12.
Depression sometimes causes me to stop showering which feeds the depression. A viscous cycle that feels really good when broken
Welp, I'm going to take my family's advice and go see a therapist now
I only realised I might be Autistic in my mid 50s, when I finally said something to others I was shocked to learn most people thought I was, still never been diagnosed as too old now to bother but just being aware others don't think the same way as me has made a huge difference in my life.
Holy heck. All this did was show me that I really need professional help man. I relate to so much of this abuse and behavior
I hope you get it sooner than later.
I'm a 22 year old trans guy. I was a social outcast at school and only was really friends with autistic and otherwise neurodivergent AKA "weird" kids. I never knew why until I hit late high school, when my counselor suggested that this might be because I probably have autism.
Simply because of the fact that I was born with a vagina and seen as "too smart", I was glazed over and never given a diagnosis, even when I displayed clearly problematic behavior. IE. flipping my shit because I was overstimulated, or growling at other kids because they wouldn't leave me alone. I even attended therapy for this, but I eventually learned that if I stopped doing these things, that I wouldn't have to sit through therapy and be overstimulated whenever the train came by (which was during nearly every appointment :/).
As I said, I am 22. I am still seeking an official diagnosis, but many specialists who are qualified to diagnose autism only work with children, or have absurdly long waiting lists. It would have been much easier to get a diagnosis as a child, but all of the signs were just flat out ignored.
Please take your children to a therapist as early as possible if you think something is off. Seek a diagnosis if possible. Don't believe lies such as mentally ill and or autistic people aren't smart, that girls can't be autistic, etc. It will save your kid so much time and effort later in life when they need to seek help then because their undiagnosed issues are causing major problems.
I finally got diagnosed with ADD when I was 18/19 because I went and forced my doctor to administer a test since my mother was convinced I couldn't have it. My older brother has Asperger's and ADHD with some other minor stuff like oppositional and obsessive/compulsive tendencies etc, and my younger brother is very ill physically and also has ADHD, oppositional tendancies/disorder and a learning disability. I was told growing that I couldn't have it because I had to be the healthy child. Ignoring my fibromyalgia, migraine and asthema diagnoses, and my ridiculously long list of allergies and intolerances, and my frequent bouts of croup, gastrointestinal problems and ear infections. She still pretends like I have nothing to complain about and nothing to affect my daily life. I'm sure the doctor actually misdiagnosed my ADD as well, because on the rare times my fibromyalgia is good I do get quite unreasonably hyper, and inspire of the constant lethargy and soreness, I do fidget relentlessly and constantly have to have my hands and/or feet in motion. And I also have huge issues with sensory and texture that she doesn't accept, eating it a struggle for me because of it and certain other things. My older brother with his Asperger's will only eat about 20-30 items due to the texture and taste, and she accepts that, same with him being super specific about clothes and bedsheets, etc. He hates showering and though he couldn't put it into words well he understood and felt the same way when I described how it feels when stuff rubs on my teeth or there's a grating/squeaky texture/sound. It makes me feel like I want to die, it feels like a violation of my very soul, I can feel it in my bones and every fiber of my body screaming for it to end, it gives me shivers and goose bumps just to think of, let alone experience. It is so awful I've actually had panic attacks at the dentist where I almost passed out from it (Also have anxiety and probably PTSD from the childhood treatment of that same douchy dentist that played into it). But my mother refuses to accept those reasons and experiences if they come from me.
I also discovered from watching a reddit video that I have Disgraphia, a writing disorder that I still struggle with that often accompanies ADD & ADHD. But none of my disorders affected my academic performance significantly because I was bullied ruthlessly and became an outcast & introverted loner who loved learning and knowledge nonetheless so I had plenty of time to make up for the constant little distractions and phasing out since I didn't have much social responsibilities, I was always done early and very high quality work because of it, part of the reason for her denial I think. My father disagreed with her and could see me struggling but couldn't do much to help since she's a narcissist who's impossible to reason with.
And I'm not sure if my social issues are from my past traumas and upbringing, or from an actual disorder like my older brother's. 🤷♀️
I had major mood issues as a teenager that my mother treated with medication rather than send me to a psychologist like I eventually asked. The medication did help, when I didn't take it, I was actually afraid of how mean and cruel I was, even towards myself, like an evil being was in control of me set out to hurt everyone slightly opposed to me and even myself, and I was just a passenger who could barely control it or rein it it, it was scary. As I got older (late teens & early 20s) I began doing more research into psychology and self help and started working on myself. I've been off those meds for at least 12 years now, I realized that I likely had depression and pulled myself out slowly (actually Marie Kondo was a HUGE part of that surprisingly) and have learned to recognize the signs of myself slipping back into it and how to stop myself falling deeper and how to pull myself back out. I'm happier now than I have been since before age 5. And more consistently.
However something else I've noticed is that unlike everyone else who gets super excited about stuff or seems to find great joy from things they can't help but express, I don't feel that most times, even the things I really love when feeling or expressing them, feels like a 5 or 6 out of 10 at most compared to other people's 8 or 10. Food is similar, I find it boring and tedious, but dislike a lot of foods and so don't try things that may be more exciting 😕. If I had to describe it it's like my entire world is either gray or very muted colours. Maybe it has something to do with always being mocked or told that I was wrong for liking the things I did or feeling the way I did, or maybe it's something else entirely, I'm not sure, but it can be depressing and confusing when I think about it in detail at times. My entire life and body are a huge conundrum it would seem. 😅
I hope you’re doing better now. Also, screw your mom.
About the dyscalculia. This has shed some light to me in a way. Looking back, since 5th grade I was never ever great at math without help. Yet later on, I was able to study well in Biology and Anatomy and Physiology in college as well as many other classes passing them with B's and A's. I think that teachers need to gain a better understanding about Dyscalculia before making a judgment as well as getting the whole classroom to believe a student is challenged in some way. Its completely unfair to the student(s) and obviously makes the whoever they are made to feel dumb and then they'll start to believe something is wrong with them when its not necessarily true.
The one about the family members having to keep other family members appeased is so relatable. We always had to do that with my mom, and I thought most families were like that. When I started to be allowed to hang out at other kids' houses, I noticed that thie behavior wasn't the norm. By highschool I was practically begging therapists to believe me but I was always the problem. Sorry to vent but yeah, definitely relatable.
I remember the first time it really hit me that a lot of my mothers behaviour wasn’t okay. I was recounting to a therapist some of the verbal abuse I had experienced. Specifically being called a “stupid little bitch” from the time I was 9. All the therapist said was “she speaks to you that way?” In the softest kindest voice and It just kinda broke something in me. It clicked, her behaviour was not my fault and was not appropriate.