Long ago I realized my "clingy" partner was the only person that was ever accepting enough of my intensity and independence to make me feel safe. He gets a totally different me because of that. I can stop being distant because I am okay with him. This was all a shock. I wasn't expecting it. I agree with her that I thought I didn't need all of this connection. I was wrong. I had no idea who I really was emotionally until I was safe.
@@ipoopd Fortunate, yes. I don't think relationship success is super predictable. It is too many years of making good decisions to be just luck, of course, but the protracted timetable means you have to try to be a good person much longer than some people are capable of. I don't think a lot of people know they can't pull it off until too late. My husband is an absolute peach. Love him and his kind loyalty so. so. so much. Also...the sex. Never underestimate the sex.
@neoloanderson6676 You totally missed what she said. There are different relationship styles. You are either clingy, or distant, or balanced. You're not clingy AND distant. That's like saying you are an apple and an orange. You can't be both fruits. You can't be both types, clingy and distant - they are two types that always end up together. Work on your listening skills.
@@lisahinton9682 You underestimate the abilities of my genetic make up, I am both apple and orange, I’m both fruits, sometimes I’m apple, sometimes I’m orange, sometimes I’m both, appange 🤔 😄. Frig sake, I love myself you know 😂😅
Same here. I've had so many guys get weird over it too. The ignoring games especially. When I like someone, I show it & let them reciprocate. If they suddenly back off, start to ignore me or decide they don't care to match my effort, I see it as a boundary or non-interest & I give the space they act like they want. Then they come back later on like "but-but where'd you go?" If you act like you don't like me, why tf would I stay? 💁♀️
@@lisahinton9682Late to the conversation, but you can definitely be both. This is the fearful-avoidant attachment style, also called the disorganized attachment style.
Just got out to a 13 year relationship and this couldn’t be anymore true, I wasn’t clingy but I showed my emotions much more than she did and she always took it for granted but that’s life, I’ve found someone since that truly appreciates me and it’s a weird feeling being with someone now who appreciates me the way I always wanted to be appreciated. I genuinely wish my past partner the best and that she finds the person she needs in her life that makes her happy and that she appreciates. I wish you all the best too in your relationships. Much love from Modesto, California.
@@IntensePeppersAnger, love, happiness, and yeah even sadness are emotions that men can easily display more than women, and with much intensity. But as OP says, he has a partner that values his emotional expression, and so could you if you allowed yourself and wanted that.
I am not clingy either but open with how I feel. Probably comes off as clingy. It makes me push them away when they don't reciprocate because it makes me scared of rejection
she just described it from one side important "hint" for clingy people .. don't overdo it, even if your partner isn't distant .. if you oversaturate his/her social battery, need for closeness to you, you will CAUSE him/her to seek alone time and the more you cling, the more you will cause that need of personal space and distance
So in this case I was the clingy person in our relationship. But he made me go through some painful rejections and humiliations bcs of my clinginess. So I lost my sense of hope to him so naturally slowly I drifted away until now I feel completely emotionally detached from him. Now he became the clingy one bcs, maybe you're right. He lost the constant validation of love and warmth from my old self.
@@amandaybarra3864if you're not married with this person, please reconsider about your relationship. "Is it worth it to lose your original self for this person?" Bcs the numbness is not just towards your partner who does this to you but it will be your default personality towards everybody else if you keep holding on like this. That's what happened to me, the moment it snapped, I became a cold person and I don't like it. And I can't just go back to the way I was bcs of the trauma that he gave me.
Those girls who genuinely wanna be with you, a bit clingy, they are the wifeys, don't let them go guys, having someone who compliments and wants to be with you feels too amazing
Finally someone see the truth. Only few realized the truth. When she treat you special and you treats her like an easy, invaluable, not good enough girl; because you are an insecure blind guy; you are loosing the one, you are loosing a real lady. Don’t be fool. Some people can see true deeply in you heart, but you think she is unworthy. Or she is not good for you or you feel no connection. Sorry you are missing one in a lifetime, again!! Lack of communication, lack of trust and insecurity and old myths, a lot of Macho power and a lot of ignorance. Don’t be selfish.
I am a woman in love with an avoidant. Call me clingy I guess but I can't help that I love one man and one man only. I love him very much and I know he loves me deep down but he pushes me away. Idk what to do sometimes I am so heartbroken when he goes distant I feel like I could die. I know he loves me deep down I know our connection is special and that is why it's so hard to walk away. I can't imagine opening my heart up to another guy. I am wifey no other woman will understand him like I do. Im afraid that he will push me away and i will have no choice but to leave one day and he won't realize how special I was before it's too late. I am afraid he will end up alone because he pushes people away.
@@ThePoeticPriestesshe probably lost the ability to properly pair bond/be vulnerable without anxiety driven second thoughts. You just need patience and to continue nurturing him, he will reciprocate, but it will take time. He needs to learn and understand you won't pull a 180° on him. Sorry you have to go through this, but it's just a symptom of this current society. If you really do love him as you say, I'm sure youll be patient.
As therapists and relationship experts we say this: Anxious attachment style vs avoidant attachment style. We don’t use terms as needy clingy, etc that place unnecessary judgement on both. There is a negative cycle that gets formed where one is the pursuer, one is the widhrawer so there’s a lot there. I’m not sure what is this lady’s background but as a marriage counselor, a sex positive therapist and a family therapist we conceptualise this dynamic very different. We help people have the relationships they deserve and want. We help them learn how to express their needs and values themselves so they can be valued by their partner, how to great them cycle, how to aim towards a safe space, a secure attachment style.
Not really. Didn't actually make sense. The initial premise was why the distant attract the clingy, but then goes to describe what distant individuals prefer. Which is actually an explanation of why the clingy attract the distant, not the other way around. And then it goes into how the distant break the relationship, but doesn't describe how the clingy deal with it in turn. It's a very one-sided and reverse explanation of the orginal concept she introduces. Very poor presentation.
@@thedarkemissaryI gotta say, The explanation was so quick that it was hard to compute... Slow it down and let's break it down... That would be my preference! The facial expression did make me laugh😂
17:54 This lady discussing about loving and losing friendships raises very important points. Losing friends or letting go of friends in some cases can constitute a most visceral pain that supersedes that of a break-up; but it is very necessary. The yoke of a friendship that does not serve your needs is extremely heavy to bear.
Someone actually stole my "Don't Tread On Me" flag. Would you consider that a case of my being trod upon by the thief? I find it rather funny. What do you think?
Lord yesss I have an history of attracting avoidant men. When I leave they always want to come back. They don’t do the work to maintain the relationship. They just know they miss the connection. I am healing me so the broken part is me won’t attract anymore emotional avoidant men. They are so hard to deal with.
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083shame, totally co dependent couples are the ones who celebrate 50+ years of marriage. Independent couples, celebrate Divorce(s).
My wife and I are both independent people and have been together for 6 years. No issues, we love each other, but also enjoy our independent time as well.
I think what she didn't realize is most of the time it has less to do with their attachment style, and more to do with the fact that they're similar in so many other areas. That is what actually keeps them together. They probably had the same childhood experiences and reacted differently, but can relate to each other because of that. The notion that opposites attract is not only overblown but romanticized as well which I personally never understood. Opposites attract but opposites don't stay together.
@@-glitch-8195so true I wish I could find a partner who would give me some space, sleep in seperate bedrooms (for health reasons), respect each other boundaries etc. I dont owe you 100% of my time and energy just because Im sleeping with you and we chose to be together.
It’s different, the avoidant type is emotionally unavailable and they can’t show love or emotional support even when you need them the most, that’s a worst part.
From a few years in therapy I know that you can also be both, because I am. When I like someone who is a bit distant/unavailable I become a bit clingy, and when I like someone who is clingy I become distant and eventually lose interest unfortunately. Therapists have told me that the solution is finding someone who is balanced, not clingy or distant. But that is so hard to find. :(
This is exactly explaining my mum and dad. Mum was clingy and dad was always work oriented but when dad got home mum would be talking his ear off even while he was reading and for some reason it worked very well. Dad loved mum but mum just needed someone to talk to and found that in my father. When mum was away seeing family though I could see dad really missed her company..He listened but the difference in emotional support was to clear to see lol.
I definitely feel like I’m in your mothers shoes 😅 but with me I feel at times he doesn’t want to talk so my feelings get a bit hurt and then I start to distant myself… on the other hand I’m glad to see your father appreciated your mom 😊
I think at our core we need to be self accepting and happy with ourselves FIRST before using someone else to fill any need. It can’t just be a mindset either, it has to be lived and felt
I don’t believe in been clingy or distant. Both are unhealthy in order for a relationship to work out. It’s about balance being able to enjoy being together yet at the same time giving each other enough space to grow as individuals.
A healthy amount of space is needed in any relationship give your partner a chance to miss u sometimes so when you spend time together it doesn't get stale.
This is absolutely facts. My girl clingy af and everytime I broke up with her 3 times. Everytime i did I would regret it like 2 days later. Now we’re together but I’m working on limiting my distance while also encouraging her to have her “me” time. Work in progress forsure
I have or had an avoidant attachment style, truth is we just don't like getting too close ( different people have reasons: sometimes it's overbearing , suffocating or sometimes it's fear of getting hurt or just pure indifference ). I've been the clingy one as well. They too do it for different reasons ( co dependency, validation seeking, loss of love anxiety, overly attached)
The avoidant thinks the person is clingy , when in truth they are displaying love and care . The avoidant doesn’t know how to love , so they label the other person as clingy as an excuse to run and hide.
@@michaeltagor4238 your still here??did anyone ask you to say chill twice? why are you on a comment talking about chill, maybe your the one who needs to chill
I'm a clingy person and literally every woman I've ever met was emotionally distant, meanwhile several of my friends (both male and female) complained about clingy partners so I thought that it was going to cause trouble later... it always did. I'd K to find someone as clingy as myself.
Y'all gone meet someone down the road and think... I shouldn't have been so naive or something else. I am in awe and truly blessed to be laced with some of the coldest knowledge in how a person or whoever should maybe internalize or think about in going forward.
I had this for 6 years. Until the day came that I opened up to her about anxiety I had been struggling with, she left. Guess I’m going right back to being closed off.
Am really sorry this happened to you. Its a painful thing to experience, but I hope you can heal one day. It hits home for me beacuse a close friend of mine opened up to his gf of 5 years about feeling less of man because he was struggling financially, and guess what, she left him a month later too.I don't understand women who think men dont struggle too sometimes.
This lady is fabulous, see when women don’t lie and tell the truth men can learn a lot from them. I truly believe when you love people you only want the best and I feel like this lady truly cares for her supporters
I guess that I am somewhere in the middle. I learned from my childhood, how to read the room and the subtle emotions of others. I am naturally affectionate and attentive but if the other person gives subtle hints that they are not up for it, I distance myself quickly to give them space and time to themselves. I tell them that I am going to do that so it's not confused with me being upset. I don't get upset by their unexpected need for solitude. I recognize that everyone needs some just like me. I make myself busy in another place until they come to me for attention. I think I am this way because there was lots of nurturing from my extended family that I didn't receive from my narcissistic mother. I was traumatized by her but loved and cared for by many others at the same time. I have some mommy issues but I have been able to work through them and heal for the most part. As for daddy issues, well, I have none of those. You can't miss what you never had in the first place. He is somewhere out there in this world doing what he does and I grew up feeling nothing towards him in any direction. We have and will always be total strangers. I am not sad about this as it was his choice to have it be this way. If he wants to find me, he can.
Lol nailed it 💯 When I first met my man I let him know upfront I’m Very clingy and now tears and years later when I tell him I’m leaving him because he’s too unemotionally attached, he fell to pieces! 😅 the glue that holds it together
Fearful avoidant here and it's a beautiful hell because you get to be both. When you get fearful, you sometimes get clingy, and other times become the avoidant. It's never-ending going back and forth. You basically adopt the opposite strategy of whatever your partner tries to provide to help you. Eventually it so tiring you just flee to get your sanity back. I think ideally a partner needs to provide solid trust and consistency to you so you stop doing this, but this is seen as unreasonable relational work by most people.
@emilyb5557 what the hell is an FA ? NO, I'm a NORMAL person. I'm not a degenerate. I know you degenerates assume everyone is like you. I'm not in your weird little club. I'm a normal person.
I agree with that 100%. Only a clingy partner can offer the validation one needs although that kind of relationship can bring trouble and there could be some chances of codependency.
Definitely not narcissism. Being avoidant is just a way of attaining balance. Just like how a clingy person fills that need by wanting more of someone. And its really what she said, its due to a deeper issue. Trauma shapes how people act especially romantically.
It is a coping mechanism, not narcissism. It can appear that way but, more often than not, they’re in pain and live in fear that their heart will be crushed if they open up too much.
Thats another story, avoidant are able to truly love they are just afraid of opening up. Narcissist/co-dependent are a “good” match for the same reasoning but very different outcomes and relationships
@@ladyfl0wers you're the only salty one here. And yes, avoidant behavior in relationships is narcissistic if the avoidant person purposely uses avoidance to manipulate and control others, causing them to behave as "clingy" when they otherwise aren't. Your lack of experience/education isn't my problem. Have a nice day :)
My guess is that he would be the distant person, but I think it's deeper than what she's saying. I think the "distant" person needs authenticity. They might be just as superficial as you and addicted to sugary attention, which is why they break down when you leave, but I think very exclusive types of people are hard for me to interact with because they want everything to be authentic and then you also can't gas them up because they do tend to be admirable, more focused people.
I had some experiences in life where i met the clingy and the avoidant woman. Yes it's true that when she's avoidant you get your time and space, i said i need this, it's perfect. But then i come to realise that i entered a relationship to feel loved and to really feel that she's there. It made me miss my clingy girlfriend, it made me realise what i lost. Yes she was always calling me about what i was doing and where am i and how was i, but not hearing these wprds from the avoidant girlfriend is just like reading a blank page. i enjoyed my life much more with my clingy girlfriend before, i didn't know i lost something until she's gone. I should've fixed it, accepted it or blend it with myself. It's safe to say for me that these type of person is the wifey or husband type. We just don't like too much love, because it felt too easy. If you have a needy girlor boyfriend and you love her or him, talk to them, tell them to minimize it, that it's not healthy in the relationship. They will try to change... if they really love you
His expressions scream that he is surprised and is also being enlightened with the info. He is processing it, but he looks overwhelmed by so much info at once.
In psychology, this is called "attachment style" (estilos de apego). It's pretty interesting, my team is currently working on establishing a correlation between attachment style and risky sexual practices, like promiscuity.
I am the distant partner and as a woman, guys are use to women clinging to them. So when they meet me, there’s a conflict of “your not drooling over me” n I’m like “I’m not that type” I show interest but I am not running after anyone…..
I think it depends on why someone is distant I’m usually busy n when I’m free I just wanna relax. Clingy people tend to feel entitled to being in my face 24/7 365. It’s okay when it’s your kids but when it’s grown folks it’s annoying.
I was just talking to my shrink about this. Sometimes people find a reason--any reason--to push someone away who they know is getting emotionally close. Often, this kind of person will feel rage at any slight, real or imagined. The person they really like goes from all-good to all-bad. It's called "splitting." A person with this personality will then run. I've been in this dynamic before. But I'm working on it. Clinging isn't necessary. True love is giving so that the other person feels free. Of course, someone with narcissistic traits (or both) will leave to punish the person they believe has wronged them.
It's correct because you see with people who left a toxic realtionship. They say I don't want, need, just friendship. But they love the attention. The guy initially gives it and she likes it but then she gets tired of it and leaves and says I need my space. The guy slows pulls away because he's trying to make a connection and cares about her and wants something but she leaves. He leaves and then she literally goes and finds him and draws attention again. This keeps happening. This is the game. She wants it but if it's a good guy, she gets bored and freaks out because she's used to the game and drama. The guy isn't.
That’s not how I work, at least. I’m not emotionally needy and I genuinely find solitude to be absolute bliss. I’m definitely not looking for the opposite of that in a woman. I think emotional neediness, constant need for attention and validation are horrible character traits to have. Anyone really who presents a distraction to the particular way I like to live my life and how I spend my time isn’t going to get much attention from me.
This is seriously no joke me and my boyfriend. I am so clingy with him he doesn’t understand he’s my fave person in the whole 🌎 😭 he says i annoy him sometimes and he’ll tell me to leave and then 5 min later he texts me he wants me to go back later. This helps me understand him so much. So i don’t have to take it so personal thank you for this amazing information. I love being clingy with him 💜
Love ----- I Mean True Love, Real Love ----- Can Cripple Us. It Can Make Us Miserable, and Even Dangerous To Those We Love. It Can Make Us Jealous, Clingy, Overprotective, Guilt-ridden, and Even Vengeful. But Appreciation is Pure. It's The Kind Of Love That Can Let Us Step Away, and Even Watch a Loved One Suffer, When Suffering is What They Need.
Full episode here: ua-cam.com/video/8g0rMB6quiQ/v-deo.html
My wife.
😮why you starring😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
Why do you look so shocked 😂
you are a wonderful human being
Bro literally phoning it in with an AI bot of himself
Bro was starring into her soul lmfaooo
(Edit : Thank you so much for 5.2k likes, yall cool as hell❤)
Nah I can’t unsee it now
He looks like this constantly for some reason 😅
He is the clingy and she is the distant
He is a great listener, love his interviews, you can tell when hes interested cus his eyes really open wide 😂
😂 I looked away from my phone to then see someone muggin’ me hard. I’m so happy I wasn’t alone in seeing the intensity of his stare. 😳
His face is the face I make when a conversation 6 years ago starts making sense.
😂
Best comment! We all felt it
OMG😅 FACTS 😂 I just didn't know how to say it!!!! You Nailed it!!!
Hahaha
😂
The shrooms just kicked in didn’t they Chris? 😅
@BigD. both
😂😂😂
😂🎉😂🎉😂🎉
He's listening to this chick and he's thinking "BAD TRIP.. BAAAD TRIP!!"
Lmaoooo…. That’s great👍🏽👍🏽😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Chris: "F*ck, I'm way too high for this"
too
😂😂🤣
Dude i'm sober and still i didn't comprehend what she said😂
😂😂👍
😂😂😂😂😂
I’m sorry, but… That guy, randomly popping up, not blinking is killing me😂
The random guy is whose short you just watched, the lady is the guest in his podcast...
And yess its absolutely hilarious how high he looks 😂😂
He’s TRYING to be sexy🤣🤣
Right I thought I was trippin on why he looks like that.*😂
That Chris .... The host
Scary 😂
Long ago I realized my "clingy" partner was the only person that was ever accepting enough of my intensity and independence to make me feel safe. He gets a totally different me because of that. I can stop being distant because I am okay with him. This was all a shock. I wasn't expecting it. I agree with her that I thought I didn't need all of this connection. I was wrong. I had no idea who I really was emotionally until I was safe.
Sometimes hard to justify that wait time. You sound very fortunate
@@ipoopd Fortunate, yes. I don't think relationship success is super predictable. It is too many years of making good decisions to be just luck, of course, but the protracted timetable means you have to try to be a good person much longer than some people are capable of. I don't think a lot of people know they can't pull it off until too late. My husband is an absolute peach. Love him and his kind loyalty so. so. so much. Also...the sex. Never underestimate the sex.
No she not correct. You were just not that type of person.
People conflate traumatised cope with truly independent people.
If only this could've been communicated with my Ex before she broke things off 4 days after my Dad's funeral
@@Adam_Bosscoe if only she was omniscient and knew youd hold his death over her. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
It’s true I’m clingy and distant, I’m clingy when I like you, but if the energy isn’t reciprocated, I keep it moving.
@neoloanderson6676 You totally missed what she said. There are different relationship styles. You are either clingy, or distant, or balanced. You're not clingy AND distant. That's like saying you are an apple and an orange. You can't be both fruits. You can't be both types, clingy and distant - they are two types that always end up together. Work on your listening skills.
@@lisahinton9682 You underestimate the abilities of my genetic make up, I am both apple and orange, I’m both fruits, sometimes I’m apple, sometimes I’m orange, sometimes I’m both, appange 🤔 😄. Frig sake, I love myself you know 😂😅
Same here. I've had so many guys get weird over it too. The ignoring games especially. When I like someone, I show it & let them reciprocate. If they suddenly back off, start to ignore me or decide they don't care to match my effort, I see it as a boundary or non-interest & I give the space they act like they want. Then they come back later on like "but-but where'd you go?"
If you act like you don't like me, why tf would I stay? 💁♀️
@@lisahinton9682Late to the conversation, but you can definitely be both. This is the fearful-avoidant attachment style, also called the disorganized attachment style.
It's not true
Just got out to a 13 year relationship and this couldn’t be anymore true, I wasn’t clingy but I showed my emotions much more than she did and she always took it for granted but that’s life, I’ve found someone since that truly appreciates me and it’s a weird feeling being with someone now who appreciates me the way I always wanted to be appreciated. I genuinely wish my past partner the best and that she finds the person she needs in her life that makes her happy and that she appreciates. I wish you all the best too in your relationships. Much love from Modesto, California.
thank-you much love to you
If you show more emotion than your girl, that ish ain't gonna work
@@IntensePeppersAnger, love, happiness, and yeah even sadness are emotions that men can easily display more than women, and with much intensity. But as OP says, he has a partner that values his emotional expression, and so could you if you allowed yourself and wanted that.
Damn..
I am not clingy either but open with how I feel. Probably comes off as clingy. It makes me push them away when they don't reciprocate because it makes me scared of rejection
she just described it from one side
important "hint" for clingy people .. don't overdo it, even if your partner isn't distant .. if you oversaturate his/her social battery, need for closeness to you, you will CAUSE him/her to seek alone time and the more you cling, the more you will cause that need of personal space and distance
she got him hooked lol
( o )/\( o )
The eyes looool
😐
Line, sinker and bait and the whole rod....😂
The clingy
So in this case I was the clingy person in our relationship. But he made me go through some painful rejections and humiliations bcs of my clinginess. So I lost my sense of hope to him so naturally slowly I drifted away until now I feel completely emotionally detached from him. Now he became the clingy one bcs, maybe you're right. He lost the constant validation of love and warmth from my old self.
This is what I'm going through
@@amandaybarra3864if you're not married with this person, please reconsider about your relationship. "Is it worth it to lose your original self for this person?"
Bcs the numbness is not just towards your partner who does this to you but it will be your default personality towards everybody else if you keep holding on like this.
That's what happened to me, the moment it snapped, I became a cold person and I don't like it. And I can't just go back to the way I was bcs of the trauma that he gave me.
Chris looking like he just lost $500K at the track 😂
Omg 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Dude ive been in this shit for hours and this id by far the funniest comment ive read
Hahahahha
😂😂😂
Hahahahahahahaha funniest shit I heard in a long time
Those girls who genuinely wanna be with you, a bit clingy, they are the wifeys, don't let them go guys, having someone who compliments and wants to be with you feels too amazing
Finally someone see the truth. Only few realized the truth.
When she treat you special and you treats her like an easy, invaluable, not good enough girl; because you are an insecure blind guy; you are loosing the one, you are loosing a real lady. Don’t be fool. Some people can see true deeply in you heart, but you think she is unworthy. Or she is not good for you or you feel no connection. Sorry you are missing one in a lifetime, again!! Lack of communication, lack of trust and insecurity and old myths, a lot of Macho power and a lot of ignorance. Don’t be selfish.
I am a woman in love with an avoidant. Call me clingy I guess but I can't help that I love one man and one man only. I love him very much and I know he loves me deep down but he pushes me away. Idk what to do sometimes I am so heartbroken when he goes distant I feel like I could die. I know he loves me deep down I know our connection is special and that is why it's so hard to walk away. I can't imagine opening my heart up to another guy. I am wifey no other woman will understand him like I do. Im afraid that he will push me away and i will have no choice but to leave one day and he won't realize how special I was before it's too late. I am afraid he will end up alone because he pushes people away.
@@ThePoeticPriestesshe probably lost the ability to properly pair bond/be vulnerable without anxiety driven second thoughts. You just need patience and to continue nurturing him, he will reciprocate, but it will take time. He needs to learn and understand you won't pull a 180° on him. Sorry you have to go through this, but it's just a symptom of this current society. If you really do love him as you say, I'm sure youll be patient.
@@jomalu2537you are very right. She was clingy and I was distant. Now she is distant and I am clingy. It's kinda painful
@@ThePoeticPriestesshow can I became avoidant
As therapists and relationship experts we say this:
Anxious attachment style vs avoidant attachment style. We don’t use terms as needy clingy, etc that place unnecessary judgement on both. There is a negative cycle that gets formed where one is the pursuer, one is the widhrawer so there’s a lot there. I’m not sure what is this lady’s background but as a marriage counselor, a sex positive therapist and a family therapist we conceptualise this dynamic very different. We help people have the relationships they deserve and want. We help them learn how to express their needs and values themselves so they can be valued by their partner, how to great them cycle, how to aim towards a safe space, a secure attachment style.
Aside from those crazy faces, this was an excellent interview, she's super insightful.
Well, not really. It’s pretty basic info that you can find all over UA-cam.
Not really. Didn't actually make sense. The initial premise was why the distant attract the clingy, but then goes to describe what distant individuals prefer. Which is actually an explanation of why the clingy attract the distant, not the other way around. And then it goes into how the distant break the relationship, but doesn't describe how the clingy deal with it in turn.
It's a very one-sided and reverse explanation of the orginal concept she introduces. Very poor presentation.
Boringly mundane generalizations which give many outs if you're off
@@thedarkemissaryI gotta say, The explanation was so quick that it was hard to compute... Slow it down and let's break it down... That would be my preference! The facial expression did make me laugh😂
She's very baised
17:54 This lady discussing about loving and losing friendships raises very important points. Losing friends or letting go of friends in some cases can constitute a most visceral pain that supersedes that of a break-up; but it is very necessary. The yoke of a friendship that does not serve your needs is extremely heavy to bear.
I am Chris's facial expression...😮
😂
😂😂😂 yeah what happened there?
Someone actually stole my "Don't Tread On Me" flag. Would you consider that a case of my being trod upon by the thief? I find it rather funny. What do you think?
@@Terry_of_Astoria no step on snek, no tek from snek.
Looks possessed haha
Lord yesss I have an history of attracting avoidant men. When I leave they always want to come back. They don’t do the work to maintain the relationship. They just know they miss the connection.
I am healing me so the broken part is me won’t attract anymore emotional avoidant men. They are so hard to deal with.
Me too. It took me years.. i am no longer clingy or codependant 🎉
Same. Gotta let go. It’s my time & my turn! 😁💜🦋🌹✌️🙏🏽💎
Blessings! 🎉
Good luck with the beta bucks then...
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083shame, totally co dependent couples are the ones who celebrate 50+ years of marriage. Independent couples, celebrate Divorce(s).
Exactly
My wife and I are both independent people and have been together for 6 years. No issues, we love each other, but also enjoy our independent time as well.
Same with us, and we have been married for ages. We both need space.
I think what she didn't realize is most of the time it has less to do with their attachment style, and more to do with the fact that they're similar in so many other areas. That is what actually keeps them together. They probably had the same childhood experiences and reacted differently, but can relate to each other because of that. The notion that opposites attract is not only overblown but romanticized as well which I personally never understood. Opposites attract but opposites don't stay together.
@@-glitch-8195so true I wish I could find a partner who would give me some space, sleep in seperate bedrooms (for health reasons), respect each other boundaries etc. I dont owe you 100% of my time and energy just because Im sleeping with you and we chose to be together.
Sounds like you both have a secure attachment style, which is ideal.
It’s different, the avoidant type is emotionally unavailable and they can’t show love or emotional support even when you need them the most, that’s a worst part.
From a few years in therapy I know that you can also be both, because I am. When I like someone who is a bit distant/unavailable I become a bit clingy, and when I like someone who is clingy I become distant and eventually lose interest unfortunately. Therapists have told me that the solution is finding someone who is balanced, not clingy or distant. But that is so hard to find. :(
Bro is hypnotized 😂
you are a wonderful human being
The capacity for closeness is the key to the success of any relationship, because it determines how much a person is able to love!
When u say capacity for closeness. Can u explain I'm curious to understand
Chris, you look like you're tweaking, Broski.
you are so right, LOL
He’s def on speed
Hes in love
He absolutely has to be. I’ve seen cokeheads with calmer eyes than that.
Tweaking on attraction
Chris was looking like he was about to get clingy there for a second. That shit had me on the edge of my seat 😂
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
This is exactly explaining my mum and dad. Mum was clingy and dad was always work oriented but when dad got home mum would be talking his ear off even while he was reading and for some reason it worked very well. Dad loved mum but mum just needed someone to talk to and found that in my father. When mum was away seeing family though I could see dad really missed her company..He listened but the difference in emotional support was to clear to see lol.
That’s beautiful bro, happy you got to experience that type of love
I think your dad was quiet and more of a stoic, not emotionally distant.
@@tegathemenace well put and you are exactly right with that statement. I take that as a compliment too so appreciate the kind words. God bless
I definitely feel like I’m in your mothers shoes 😅 but with me I feel at times he doesn’t want to talk so my feelings get a bit hurt and then I start to distant myself… on the other hand I’m glad to see your father appreciated your mom 😊
@@veronicagonzalez9226 if he's always been like that since you met him, that's just his nature
I’m glad the comments section validated all my thoughts, and then some. Thank you internet.
O shit
That hard cut to this man staring into my soul was unnerving lol
He saw you eat that fry you dropped in the car when you thought you were alone 😅
I think at our core we need to be self accepting and happy with ourselves FIRST before using someone else to fill any need. It can’t just be a mindset either, it has to be lived and felt
💯
Holy shit I just had the best laughing fit in months when I saw his face and ran to the comments, thank you for giving me a good laugh
me too. haven’t laughed like this in a while
Same 😅😂 i needed that laugh
Me too I am crying of laughter hahahahha
Me too ,watching this a year after and lmao😂 🤣🤣
This woman is absolutely amazing. If she only knew how she has helped me. May God bless both of you.
I don’t believe in been clingy or distant. Both are unhealthy in order for a relationship to work out. It’s about balance being able to enjoy being together yet at the same time giving each other enough space to grow as individuals.
A healthy amount of space is needed in any relationship give your partner a chance to miss u sometimes so when you spend time together it doesn't get stale.
This is absolutely facts. My girl clingy af and everytime I broke up with her 3 times. Everytime i did I would regret it like 2 days later. Now we’re together but I’m working on limiting my distance while also encouraging her to have her “me” time. Work in progress forsure
Chris on the microdose 👁️👄👁️
I'm chackling 😂😂😂 💀
nice
I have or had an avoidant attachment style, truth is we just don't like getting too close ( different people have reasons: sometimes it's overbearing , suffocating or sometimes it's fear of getting hurt or just pure indifference ).
I've been the clingy one as well. They too do it for different reasons ( co dependency, validation seeking, loss of love anxiety, overly attached)
Brilliant.
Chris's face is hilarious😂😂😂😂
Yeah but if u put two anxious together one is going to start getting more clingy and the other more avoidant
True. A lot of avoidants are covert anxious. Their avoidance is a coping mechanism. Not their true attachment style.
@@-glitch-8195they are called fearful avoidant
That has traits of both anxious n avoidant
The avoidant thinks the person is clingy , when in truth they are displaying love and care . The avoidant doesn’t know how to love , so they label the other person as clingy as an excuse to run and hide.
oh SNAP! He didn't hear a word she just said LOL!
I’m an avoidant who is finally dating another avoidant. Working great for us. The amount of freedom I/we feel and give each other is wonderful. 😊
This woman is drop dead gorgeous! and with that english accent!.. 😍wow! Chris can't even hide it,his eyes are popping out!🤣
saying this again so you can see it, chill 😂
@@michaeltagor4238 your still here??did anyone ask you to say chill twice? why are you on a comment talking about chill, maybe your the one who needs to chill
@@cheeseman417 *you're
@@michaeltagor4238 saying this once... cuz clearly you need attention but don't actually deserve it
tell me again. beauty n brains.
I'm a clingy person and literally every woman I've ever met was emotionally distant, meanwhile several of my friends (both male and female) complained about clingy partners so I thought that it was going to cause trouble later... it always did.
I'd K to find someone as clingy as myself.
Chris has to be on something here. Wtf 😂
Y'all gone meet someone down the road and think... I shouldn't have been so naive or something else. I am in awe and truly blessed to be laced with some of the coldest knowledge in how a person or whoever should maybe internalize or think about in going forward.
This is another way I’ve noticed my relationship differs from others’. Me and my partner are have pretty much the same mix of clinginess and distance.
Probably because you’re both securely attached. Consider yourselves lucky
Chris trying not to blink, in case she finds out how close to home it hit 😂😂😂
I had this for 6 years. Until the day came that I opened up to her about anxiety I had been struggling with, she left. Guess I’m going right back to being closed off.
Did you ever see that Friends episode where Bruce Willis "opens up" to Jennifer Aniston? Hope it gives you a good laugh!
Am really sorry this happened to you. Its a painful thing to experience, but I hope you can heal one day. It hits home for me beacuse a close friend of mine opened up to his gf of 5 years about feeling less of man because he was struggling financially, and guess what, she left him a month later too.I don't understand women who think men dont struggle too sometimes.
Please don't let that spoil what you can have!...
Not everyone is the same. Don't lose faith. Do not let anyone take that from you ❤️
This lady is fabulous, see when women don’t lie and tell the truth men can learn a lot from them. I truly believe when you love people you only want the best and I feel like this lady truly cares for her supporters
I guess that I am somewhere in the middle. I learned from my childhood, how to read the room and the subtle emotions of others. I am naturally affectionate and attentive but if the other person gives subtle hints that they are not up for it, I distance myself quickly to give them space and time to themselves. I tell them that I am going to do that so it's not confused with me being upset. I don't get upset by their unexpected need for solitude. I recognize that everyone needs some just like me. I make myself busy in another place until they come to me for attention. I think I am this way because there was lots of nurturing from my extended family that I didn't receive from my narcissistic mother. I was traumatized by her but loved and cared for by many others at the same time. I have some mommy issues but I have been able to work through them and heal for the most part. As for daddy issues, well, I have none of those. You can't miss what you never had in the first place. He is somewhere out there in this world doing what he does and I grew up feeling nothing towards him in any direction. We have and will always be total strangers. I am not sad about this as it was his choice to have it be this way. If he wants to find me, he can.
Everytime it cuts back to him, hahahah 🤣 Can't help but laugh. The gaze is just so intense!! Love it!
Chris looks like he's high, and he's trying to hold it together 🤣
😂😂😂
Lol nailed it 💯
When I first met my man I let him know upfront I’m Very clingy and now tears and years later when I tell him I’m leaving him because he’s too unemotionally attached, he fell to pieces! 😅 the glue that holds it together
Chris on some major disco biscuits
Funniest phrase I’ve heard in awhile totally borrowing it-better get that copyrighted 😂😂😂😂
Fearful avoidant here and it's a beautiful hell because you get to be both. When you get fearful, you sometimes get clingy, and other times become the avoidant. It's never-ending going back and forth. You basically adopt the opposite strategy of whatever your partner tries to provide to help you. Eventually it so tiring you just flee to get your sanity back. I think ideally a partner needs to provide solid trust and consistency to you so you stop doing this, but this is seen as unreasonable relational work by most people.
I'm the distant one but then I met my distant husband, im the clingy one
Are you an FA? Tend to swing depending on partner. See PDS thais gibson for lots of FA in relationships
@emilyb5557 what the hell is an FA ? NO, I'm a NORMAL person. I'm not a degenerate. I know you degenerates assume everyone is like you. I'm not in your weird little club. I'm a normal person.
I agree with that 100%. Only a clingy partner can offer the validation one needs although that kind of relationship can bring trouble and there could be some chances of codependency.
They need it, they just want it on their terms and they don't want to have to give it in return.
True Narcissists.
Nope..completely different terms you're mixing up here...don't be salty...get over it and look for someone healthy
Definitely not narcissism. Being avoidant is just a way of attaining balance. Just like how a clingy person fills that need by wanting more of someone. And its really what she said, its due to a deeper issue. Trauma shapes how people act especially romantically.
It is a coping mechanism, not narcissism. It can appear that way but, more often than not, they’re in pain and live in fear that their heart will be crushed if they open up too much.
Thats another story, avoidant are able to truly love they are just afraid of opening up.
Narcissist/co-dependent are a “good” match for the same reasoning but very different outcomes and relationships
@@ladyfl0wers you're the only salty one here. And yes, avoidant behavior in relationships is narcissistic if the avoidant person purposely uses avoidance to manipulate and control others, causing them to behave as "clingy" when they otherwise aren't. Your lack of experience/education isn't my problem. Have a nice day :)
Two amazing folks getting together to learn
Bro his face, I’m dead
😂😂😂😂
Same here my bad😂
This Video is very TRUE on several levels.
My guess is that he would be the distant person, but I think it's deeper than what she's saying. I think the "distant" person needs authenticity. They might be just as superficial as you and addicted to sugary attention, which is why they break down when you leave, but I think very exclusive types of people are hard for me to interact with because they want everything to be authentic and then you also can't gas them up because they do tend to be admirable, more focused people.
She was quoting the book “Attached”. Great book!
Chris looked called out af
Sounds like a rational, well thought-out reaction to "How to be sure I never get what I want or need."
Being clingy and being emotionally connected are absolutely different things
I'm always relieved when the clingy person leaves. I never miss them. They're overwhelming and manipulative and I can't be manipulated.
He's like...are you clingy. I feel like I want you to be clingy to me. 😂
I love the way you put your stuff together Sadie well said!!
I had some experiences in life where i met the clingy and the avoidant woman. Yes it's true that when she's avoidant you get your time and space, i said i need this, it's perfect. But then i come to realise that i entered a relationship to feel loved and to really feel that she's there. It made me miss my clingy girlfriend, it made me realise what i lost. Yes she was always calling me about what i was doing and where am i and how was i, but not hearing these wprds from the avoidant girlfriend is just like reading a blank page. i enjoyed my life much more with my clingy girlfriend before, i didn't know i lost something until she's gone. I should've fixed it, accepted it or blend it with myself. It's safe to say for me that these type of person is the wifey or husband type. We just don't like too much love, because it felt too easy. If you have a needy girlor boyfriend and you love her or him, talk to them, tell them to minimize it, that it's not healthy in the relationship. They will try to change... if they really love you
Did you feel like your clingy girlfriend’s love was insincere because it was easy? And did that affect your trust?
His expressions scream that he is surprised and is also being enlightened with the info. He is processing it, but he looks overwhelmed by so much info at once.
Chris the whole time : 👁️👄👁️
you are a wonderful human being
In psychology, this is called "attachment style" (estilos de apego). It's pretty interesting, my team is currently working on establishing a correlation between attachment style and risky sexual practices, like promiscuity.
Dude looked surprised 😂
This is true. Im currently dealing with an avoidant who is now pushing me away again
Yes, I switch roles in every relationship.
FA (fearful avoidant?) Look at pds thais gibson videos - FAs tend to switch btw avoidant snd anxious depending on what end of spectrum partner is on.
@@emilyb5557 Thank you
I am the distant partner and as a woman, guys are use to women clinging to them. So when they meet me, there’s a conflict of “your not drooling over me” n I’m like “I’m not that type” I show interest but I am not running after anyone…..
I think it depends on why someone is distant
I’m usually busy n when I’m free I just wanna relax. Clingy people tend to feel entitled to being in my face 24/7 365. It’s okay when it’s your kids but when it’s grown folks it’s annoying.
Some distant people are just socially awkward. N fit the bill for what your describing.
Lol I'm the clingy one. We've been together 16 years and we're more solid now than ever before.
I was just talking to my shrink about this. Sometimes people find a reason--any reason--to push someone away who they know is getting emotionally close. Often, this kind of person will feel rage at any slight, real or imagined. The person they really like goes from all-good to all-bad. It's called "splitting." A person with this personality will then run. I've been in this dynamic before. But I'm working on it. Clinging isn't necessary. True love is giving so that the other person feels free. Of course, someone with narcissistic traits (or both) will leave to punish the person they believe has wronged them.
Damn, this hit home.
Which end of it are you on?
He’s on a low key smiling cos
he knows he’s been found out
Clingy is a strong word to describe someone. That is actually invested in learning to love someone. I hope she can find another word.
He looks hypnotized.
It's correct because you see with people who left a toxic realtionship. They say I don't want, need, just friendship. But they love the attention. The guy initially gives it and she likes it but then she gets tired of it and leaves and says I need my space. The guy slows pulls away because he's trying to make a connection and cares about her and wants something but she leaves. He leaves and then she literally goes and finds him and draws attention again. This keeps happening. This is the game. She wants it but if it's a good guy, she gets bored and freaks out because she's used to the game and drama. The guy isn't.
That’s not how I work, at least. I’m not emotionally needy and I genuinely find solitude to be absolute bliss. I’m definitely not looking for the opposite of that in a woman. I think emotional neediness, constant need for attention and validation are horrible character traits to have. Anyone really who presents a distraction to the particular way I like to live my life and how I spend my time isn’t going to get much attention from me.
She’s talking about Attachment Theory and what you just defined is a flavor of what’s called “Avoidant Attachment.”
@@stephenvankleeck4801 ya but sometimes I have woman come over to lick peanut butter off my feet, so not too avoidant.
she just explained my relationship
This is seriously no joke me and my boyfriend. I am so clingy with him he doesn’t understand he’s my fave person in the whole 🌎 😭 he says i annoy him sometimes and he’ll tell me to leave and then 5 min later he texts me he wants me to go back later. This helps me understand him so much. So i don’t have to take it so personal thank you for this amazing information. I love being clingy with him 💜
Man’s infatuated, don’t blame him. 😂
What a beautiful explanation
Avoidant = hookups only. Anxious = long term relationships only.
You could say that was an eye opener!
Alot of us made that same face 😂
Yo this is the best comedy I’ve seen in a while 😂😂😂 She’s saying things that make a lot of sense but his expression makes it absolute comedy gold 😂
Chris falling in love in real time…
She hit the nail on the head something I had to work through
Chris has found his match 🥰
Love ----- I Mean True Love, Real Love ----- Can Cripple Us. It Can Make Us Miserable, and Even Dangerous To Those We Love. It Can Make Us Jealous, Clingy, Overprotective,
Guilt-ridden, and Even Vengeful. But Appreciation is Pure. It's The Kind Of Love That Can Let Us Step Away, and Even Watch a Loved One Suffer, When Suffering is What They Need.
Chris is falling in love!!
Good responses Chris.
Yo why does Chris look so healthy. I'm curious what supplements he's on or something he looks very alert focused and high energy all the time
Adderall.
Lmaoo😂😂😂😂