Why I Can't Stop Dating F*ckboys: Renae & Amanda | Ask ZULA | EP 2
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- Опубліковано 28 лип 2024
- "Fuckboys stop being so tasty!"
In this episode of Ask ZULA, Amanda digs deeper to find out why Renae is constantly attracted to fuckboys and also gets her to open up about past dating experiences and heartbreak.
Here are the timestamps of the topics covered during the episode:
0:00 - Intro
0:33 - Definition of a fuckboy
2:06 - Appeal of fuckboys
5:02 - Sharing about typical fuckboy behaviour
11:28 - Previous dating experiences
21:11 - Analyzing Renae's dating preference
24:38 - Tips and advice
27:19 - Conclusion
About Ask ZULA:
Ask ZULA is a brand new segment on the channel where we ask people in our office to share their life experiences as well as their perspectives on the talk of the town.
About ZULA:
ZULA is a website catered to Singaporean female millennials. We cover lifestyle, perspective and inspirational stories of women in Singapore.
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tinyurl.com/zuladatingform
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Host:
Renae Cheng - / renaecjc
Amanda Feng - / amandalpaca
Edited By:
Yeow Jia Yi - / yeowjiayi
Filmed By:
Leah Shannon - / mizchiefmagik
Yeow Jia Yi
Business & Sponsorship Enquiries:
hello@zula.sg
Hello guys! We hope you enjoyed the video. Dating is not easy nor straightforward, so we produced this video to analyze and discuss why certain people have different preferences. We hope you can respect the opinions of our hosts in the video and if you guys do see it differently, please share with us in the comments in a constructive way! Thank you (:
Amanda is a really great friend, level headed, gives great advices, expresses her disagreements without condemning Renae’s life choices
can only say that Amanda is a really good friend. imagine giving your friend tons of advice, and end up she still continue to do the same old thing again and again. it’s really very tiring.
it's ok lah. it happens to all humans at varying degrees. similarly, i lament about how large my ass is but i still continue to eat nutella out of the jar with a spoon.
I had to contain my laughter after reading this 💀
i love how amanda makes all the faces we are making behind our screens, but at the same time being a great listener and asking the right questions to renae.
Yes! She was spot on!😂😂😂
you'd think that as someone who's had so much bad experiences with f boys, they'd learn to treat themselves better. guess this is one of those cases where you see a steaming kettle, touch it, realise it's painful, yet spastically go back for more. i do applaud Renae for airing her views online though despite the potential flak it may draw. still, you do deserve better so please wake up
" What is the definition of insanity?" " Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again and expecting different results"
HAHAHA Amanda's facial expressions are aligned with the viewers, going from a wide spectrum of surprise, shock, and worry but still asking all the right questions after listening genuinely to Renae (like a concerned mother) HAHAHA Anyway I kinda get both sides of the "date fuckboy or nah" but for Renae's side.. definitely more toned down LELELEL
She wanna tame a tiger but when the tiger gets tame into a kitty she’ll find him boring 🤷🏻♂️
In short, its not a F*ckboy Renae wants. Just a confident, dominant, yet kind and mature guy.
I think Renae should look into relationship attachment styles. Fuckbois have an “avoidant” attachment style. And Renae has an “anxious” attachment style from what I see. So as an “Anxious” attachment style we would find people who have an “avoidant” attachment style because they give us the “butterflies” or “keep us on our toes”. And when they treat us nice on a few ocassions we will use that as an excuse to stay on longer. This is a very vague explanation but I think she should definitely look into this! :)
She should just date someone who is older, successful in his career, mature, and knows how to treat his woman well. Guys like this are very confident and can lead a woman well, since that is what she wants
rainier has left the chat
Yes, seeking people who are emotionally unavailable does often stem from childhood haha.
Sidenote, hope Renae and Amanda will be surrounded by people who genuinely treat them well, especially partner-wise.
I felt Amanda's "what was this whole episode for" oof
No matter what kind of man your lover is, he should never violate your rights and make you feel unworthy. Have some self respect ladies ❤️
I appreciate the honesty and clarity of voicing and respecting our personal preferences. This is very refreshing and I was laughing through out the video. No judgement and this is the type of conversation that it should be. Respect.
Someone needs a therapist
@@y.ello._.w no dude your friends are NOT your therapist
@@machine_yearning_ oops sorry... i’ll delete it then :)
Used to be the same but I'm so glad I've gotten past that phase and is now settled down! Believe that Renae will get there one day... just have fun for now!
Idk if this is rude, but if you got issues maybe just don’t date, until you sort yourself out? Kind of unfair for those that are genuinely nice people...
But shes only dating fuckboys so it shouldnt affect you?
I started this video thinking it was too long and i probably was gonna watch 5 mins... but it was such an interesting discussion. Apart from renae's gushing over fbois (which i do think she is exaggerating it to be entertaining), it was so.... ACCURATE. I'm dating someone like that and it's a slap to my face everytime they say something and it relates to me 100%. Thanks Renae for sharing so openly!
Ladies,
You don't need to rely on a guy to make you happy. Happiness comes from within. By being grateful with what you already have in life and practicing gratitude daily.
A real man understand sex isn't everything when it comes to satisfying a lady.
Comforting her, appreciating her for who she is, respecting her and taking care of her emotionally is also part of pleasing her.
I hope one day you will find your real man who is rich with such values, someone who is willing to grow old with you - spending both of your time and youth exploring the world together because at the end of the day - looks will fade and you won't forever be youthful. Choose wisely, make sure he is worth that one shot in your life and be the one that will be able to takecare of you until your old age.
Remember,
Quality over quantity.
Sincerely,
Real Men.
Yikes Renae just sounds like she has some deep-seated daddy issues, hope she eventually finds someone that can treat her right 😬
Somehow find myself resonating with Amanda & a lot of her points as well 🤔
*cough* rainer.
Here's the irony of life. U will marry someone you need (someone who is able to fill gaps in your life), not someone you want or desire.
"Its like finding a unicorn"
Yes, because they dont exist
I think it's good to give an unique perspective. (I am a fortune teller myself.) Long essay ahead, a bit luo shuo ah.
Renae's preference in dating is honestly not unique amongst my SG clients; many do like the ups and downs involved in dating such guys, and if you are indeed one who do not mind emotional outbursts from your other half (Could be good and bad) then this could work for you.
I think the problem does not lie with the fact that she believes that her other half will eventually calm down and become a good partner for life (People DO mellow, people do change, seen it with my eyes). Rather, she only finds whatever fulfills the best of her both worlds.
The 1st red flag for me was earlier on 5:26 and 6:15 respectively, Renae talks about her preference about guys with opinions & aggression but 5:40, she mentions about being firm on her own values, and that the guy's opinion needs to align with her... how can someone agree and disagree with you at the same time? Predictably, what she says after with her relationship with guys can be classified to 2 endings, the first with her ending up in a position where she ends up compromising due to her partner being more aggressive. The other, she becomes dissatisfied due to the lack of "aggression".
Are there cases where a good ending happens? Yes aplenty actually! (Even managed to attend some weddings myself) but the key deciding factor wasn't about whom the other half was. Rather, it is to compromise.
If you are with someone aggressive, do know that sometimes when he flares up without bending towards your will (and he will), it will not end up pretty if you flare up together with him. If you are with someone soft, how would your other half makes decisions if you keep enforcing your will on him? If you compromise and work something out, give it a bit of time and space, the results could be good on both sides.
Something that I advice my clients (And also mentioned here in the comments) is to list down and rank what you want from your partner. This way, it would be easier for you to identify and visualise what you want from your partner. That way, you can really priortise what you really want, and you need to make do with whatever's not that important.
Written a lot, (and I usually charge for this Haha) but I think this would be good advice for you, Renae and the rest of the community reading this.
All the best.
(EDIT: Amanda was really kind and though she may not have agreed with Renae totally, but I do see the rapport that one sees in friends. wishing you all the best, too! :))
thank you for your analysis! i agree with you and thanks for being a really constructive voice of reason.
this is literally comfort content, I'm so glad I found this channel omg
me immediately after this video: *googles vice documentary on edison chen*
I was echoing Amanda when she said "NO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!!" at the public caning part. hahahahaha It's not attractive to me.
And her reactions 😂 she was not comprehending / having it!!! hehehee
listening to this while doing homework ~
i used to eyecandy lots of handsome guys in my sch and looks was really important to me last time. however, I met my now boyfriend in sch and we just clicked really well even though he wasn't that handsome. I feel girls should have an open mind, make friends with guys first! DONT cut off guys who aren't your type. because you will never know, fate works in a funny way(:
Renae, pls get some help!! don't put yourself in situations like that!
Amanda, I can resonate with u. I cannot stand a guy who blows hot and cold.
When I see a guy like this, I drop him like a hot potato. Renae, u deserve a guy who treats u well and is proud to show you off to his friends. Remember, life is short and U deserve happiness! I wish u all the best in finding someone who gives you happiness.
As someone who has been married for 7 years now, my answer is this... Don't expect a guy to change just because he is married. No. It doesn't work this way. Most likely, he would remain almost the same from before marriage. Similarly, for a woman as well.
omg sis..... never knew i needed this episode to validate my preference for fboys *sheepish grin*
Honestly liking emotionally unavailable men is bc there’s a deep rooted feeling of horrible self worth, u like these men cos of the “chase” and that one day, u are “good enough” or “worthy enough” for the fuck boy to prove to yourself that you’re worthy.
to ranae: if u manage to find a guy who treats u right, ull eventually (and not forcefully want to) settle down with him and want to change for him. if u havent settle down means they arent the one :-).. jiayou
Renae, u deserve better :( i understand how u feel, and I don't judge u. have an open mind! don't be stuck with the mindset that nice guys are boring! nice guys can have the naughty boys vibes under(; jiayous Renae
For a long term relationship
1) What is the best way to integrate the boyfriend and family together? I am really not used to sharing my private life with my parents but I want them to spend more time with my boyfriend as well.
2) What is the best way to maintain my sense of self while still in a relationship? That I don't depend on my boyfriend for his opinions and don't get worried that I am making a mistake if I do not follow what my boyfriend says. Dont get me wrong, he is not the domineering type hahaha it is what I think.
Wow Amanda is so logical,
These two are my favourite from zula
love their friendship sm
Kudos to Renae who's being open and honest with her thoughts although they are very peculiar. At the end of the day, she's not encouraging people to date fuckboys, and I'm fine with that.
Potentially some advice here: Honestly I used to really like fuckboys until I met my current (and first) boyfriend. Everytime I do end up getting interested in fuckboys it's always heartbreak one way or another. My boyfriend is a whole game changer. Before we met, I actually wrote a whole list of physical and non-physical traits that I like/want/need in my partner, as well as red flags. Like I literally forced myself to list down 10 for each category and when my then "date" came along I realised he was a perfect fit to the list.. Idk man, hopefully this can help some people out there who are trying to align their future goals and short term date types.
Lol I can relate to Renae emotionally but when it comes to acting it out in the end I end up as mostly Amanda.... I think! I haven't dated anyone in a long time..... but fuckboys are usually attractive.... cannot lie..
My relationship question/dilemma is I am scared to date(??)
It's time to WAKE UP, Renae📣. No point wasting ur time on those unworthy fboys! They will not make caring husbands nor good fathers!! Like d saying goes: Leopard does not change its spots. A fboy will not change for u!!!
If u really wish to settle down with kids, get a NICE man n fantasize him to b ur FBOY👌.
Fboys will bring sadness more than joy to U. So pls eliminate them fm ur life right now, Renae 🙏.
Hvg watched so many of ur clips, I find tat U r an intelligent & charismatic bae💖. U definitely deserve a GREAT Guy.... like Rainier?! 😄😆👍👍
Amanda, you're such an amazing friend and giving such good advice👏 Also people need to know that we can't change others but we can change ourselves.😄
Nobody changes for anybody ever. People change because they want to change for themselves.
I'm
Kind off worried for Renae
I don't want her to go through like, pain, every single day because of break ups, or if the guy treats her like shit.
I do want her to settle down with a good man, that can align with her values and treat her well.
Well
If she likes the pain then...
I have no words.
16:41 hell nooo!!!! my reaction with Amanda is exactly the same
Amanda and Rainer is so patient loll
I never were attracted to fukboys. I more like Amanda. I always wanted a nice, stable guy, who respects and will not hurt your feelings, esp with those mind games or what not. What I've learned from my last relationship is that ignoring is really immature. If there are any conflicts, we should really talk it out with our partner. To me fukboys are just playing around with ppl's feelings and not serious.
rainier better be taking notes!!
I totally feel u Renae!!! :”) Really understand where you’re coming from and I’m so glad that you have friends who don’t judge you and instead, they stand by with you and be there for you when you’re upset!
Just wanna ask personally for you, how did you get through those painful breakups? Because it all sounds rly tough and you really did go through a lot psychologically :”)
so to sum it up ranae juz wants someone who is wild, knows what they want, confident, mature, kind, knows hw to tap into their inner child to have fun like a silly kid and will not ask too much Q. and juz do it str8 up from point A to B
a close friend of mine has the same type of what renae's into. it's funny and scary at the same time, bcs she only dates them bcs it's exciting to her..but she always ended up crying :/
So now when I see Renae in the public with a guy, my first impression will be that guy must be a fkboy. 🤔
relate to renae so much right now, i feel so called out
Not used to Asian women on UA-cam being so candid. This was a great conversation.
Maybe she might have some underlying issues leading to this desire she has?
social worker's thought process^
Hahahahaha. I assure you I am not. Hope she lives the best of her life - whatever it may mean for her.
consider this pairing: renae and bolin 👀 lmao the residential ah beng and both of them forever alluding to piak piak 💀🤡
so is rainier not f boy enough thats why rainae is not dating in real life 🥺
Simple. Because Renae lied and made up stories obviously by the way she speak and avoiding eye contact to the camera. A sign of people telling lies.
Lol she’s obviously using it for clout
@@peachesandcream8975 not funny.
@@Luis-xv3ct found the mansplainer 🤡
@@xxhunnyplaysxx never intended for it to be funny. Trying to state facts
rainae has left the chat?
Amanda's facial expression is always so on point hahaha!
guess different people have different preferences on who’s right (or feels right) for them. 🤷🏻
Is she not together with rainer?
Bad feels for Rain
how am i renae and amanda at the same time? ufffffffff =.=''''''''
Renae, next thursday 7pm city hall. See you there!
I can see myself in Amanda. She knows her worth and worth of others too. Neither take shit nor give shit!
Rainier's got PUBLIC CANING!(he claimed in d Relationship Dilemma 2.0).
Msg for Rainier : Pls continue to behave like a fboy when u r with Renae n she'll b attracted to u😅. So our fav tsl ship, #RAINAE❤️ can continue to sail ⛴️....
I've dated a "f*ckboy" for 4 years, finally broke off with him and found a "boring" guy from a dating app, and made that "boring" guy less "boring" ;) so my tip, get a "boring" guy and make him more "f*ckboy"-ish! Hahaahahahhaha
seriously Renae neeeds help ! I really hope she is kidding !
OMG RENAE just get you a strong independent man who knows a woman well. Trust you will get that same level of confidence BUT it's fun without the heartbreak and you won't get bored. You're just dating non-fuckboys you arent attracted to thats why you are bored. But there's loads of strong independent man who will take the rein once you let them know you like it like that
make a goodboy have the positive traits of a fckboy is the solution
fun fact! chesticles are the chest harness for a go pro camera :)))))
Amanda wants the control while Renae wanted to be controlled. Isn't it?
Rainier be Christian Grey
Renae, just accept Rainer already!!!
not renae being messy k
Masochist alert.
Go and watch Alpha Male Strategies - AMS or MJ Getright and you'll know why she behaves this way.
Renae, look out for guys of the ENTJ or ESTJ mbti type, they will be very on-brand for you
More like ESTPs lmao. Epitome of f boys.
Like recognise like. Superficial people look for superficial traits. Nothing surprising here.
Probably has some kind of broken family with lack of values and father figure. Seeking men that would treat her like shit because deep down she feels she deserves to be treated like shit, probably caused by the low self worth. Getting treated like shit reaffirms the sense of familiarity and affirmation that gives her comfort.
Seek therapy.
Oh no Renae 💀 pls hddhhshs ! I agree with Amanda on every level! I hate people who are show offs and think they are everything 😡
Well I would like to give a suggestion. How about a guy that is sincere but also understands that Renae seeks someone that treats her certain ways which most people including herself would consider it bad. Then her fantasy of the guy changing can actually come to pass because the guy basically gradually become what he actually is all along. So if any guys out there who want to be there for Renae, do what is necessary and stop being boring.😠
This is absolutely psychotic but this episode is why Renae is my favourite :) unrelatable, charismatic queen.
what does this episode show?when there is a demand there will be supply, some guys turn to bad boys and behave like an ass because girls like it.(not all)it only afterward do girls get hurt time and time again and start questioning where are the nice guys when in reality they are all around but they choose to ignore them because they are "boring" from what I've learned so far from my experience treat your bros nicely and just treat females like shit. treat them well and they find you boring, be an ass and they think you're a jerk, might as well enjoy it right?
take a shot every time they said like
I think I learnt something in this video haha 🤣
if you cant change your mindset bout good guys being boring or educate them or guide them way to excite u etc, get ready to keep changing fckbois or end up in a mess with 1. UNLESS, you have the capability to make a fckboy good and loyal but then if they change to good also chances of being boring is there as well
Wow probably need a scuba suit and goggles to watch this episode.
when renae said somerset mrt station, I CAN LEGOT AGREE W HER SO MUCH LEH. like the amt of fkboys u see thr is unlimited
obsession w fkboy is just indescribable
Think ranae is confused. Fuck boys don’t have “heart of gold”, she actually likes a good guy with a dominant/ assertive personality.
I need an Amanda in my life!!! Haha. Im such a Renae
HAHAHHAHAHAHA this girl is fking hilarious i love it
Oh man... I'm like Renae, same kind of end goal but same kind of likes for bad bois too LOL. But more toned down, I'm not as extreme (🤣) I guess it's not fukbois we are looking for, but just a confident, outgoing guy who is also kind and mature internally?... Ok v hard to find HAHAHA. Like what my friends always say "u like guys who seem like fukbois but are not that's why u r still single. Such guys dont exist" 😳😞
Hahaha renae is so Scorpio 😂
You need help
Renae is interesting in a weird way lol
Basically, Renae doesn't love herself enough. However, I can still empathize with her coz I'm looking for a nice guy to be in a rship with but unfortunately, most nice guys are boring and I hate fuckboys so yeah fml