I love being wrong, it corrects my viewpoint and creates new possibilities. I think it's strange that people get mad or deny facts when they are wrong,. The truth is way better than being right.. IMO
It's not all that strange if you understand how the mind really works (or more precisely, the minds, taking neurodiversity into account). Facts or truth never interested them in the first place, they're into tribalism and what empowers them, and whether it's true or correct, they don't care. They'll gladly defend something completely mistaken as a way of defending their bro or sis who just uttered the stupidity. And attack you for saying a truth that doesn't suit them or that puts their mini-tribe in a bad light (in other words, threatens to lower their dominance rank), usually with a personal attack ("haha you're stupid") or with some insane pseudo-arguments.
@@ThomasDoubting5 It's because when they challenge views, it's in a hierarchical effort to best someone else and gain some advantage (moving up the ladder, impressing someone, ...). They project their characteristics on you, just like we sometimes on them. A lot of confusion stemls frm this projection, from not totally integrating the reality of neurodivergence/neurodiversity.
I've felt mistreated my whole life by peers and there was a period when, because of my cooking studies I was forced to stay in a very competitive environment. I was bullied throughout my school years so at 22 I decided that I wouldn't get the same treatment from anyone else. People literally trash talked every single person of the group while being in the same room and I really felt weighed down by this environment. I was "attacked" a lot, but that experience was kind of a verbal judo gym for me and I was very proud of myself when I arrived to firmly but politely tell a girl to stop interrupting me when I talked. The look on her face was priceless. By adopting that stance, gradually people stopped talking to me. I realised that to them I would have been nothing but someone to push around if I didn't do that. And between trying to win their favor, hoping that they would like me and respect me while being abused and being avoided but respected I definitely preferred the second. This thought still fills me with melancholy, but since I've had the same experience over and over with most neurotypicals I think I just need to accept the truth that I will never fit in within their groups. And that's okay. My life was very unhappy when I attempted to "become" one of them. It's very sad when a child is born gifted/aspie/asd in a family of neurotypicals who will force them to be "normal" instead than following their individualities. That child, especially if their parents forbid him to follow his interests and talents, will grow up very damaged, thinking they are stupid and useless. When my therapist told me that I was a gifted person and that she rarely gets patients like me I wouldn't even believe her. Thank you for your video, it really helped me shading some light over "why" people act like that with those they perceive as "different". It's because we actually are different, and no amount of self-sacrifice from our part will change that.
I'm really glad it was helpful to you, and thanks for commenting! That's one of the most intelligent and meaningful comments I've read, thanks for sharing. And I couldn't agree more... Even understanding all that, it still remains kind of painful, right? But at least, it makes sense, and it becomes possible to handle things. Have you seen my vid on prenatal testosterone? It'll interest you, check it out here and let me know your digit ratio, it's kind of my personal research for the moment: ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html.
@@khybot Yes, same here. I actually feel like I was thrown on a plent of neurotypicals and never fit in :) But there are definitely very good ways of handling all of this. There's no need to fit in, and many easy ways to handle NT in mutually beneficial ways once you understand how they tick. I'm finishing a book on that now, by the way, should be out soon, I'll update with a video on this channel.
That last paragraph describes my life very well. I was definitely gifted and also suffering from aspergers, I don't really think I'm smart anymore but I'm sure I once was. I always had a feeling I was "different" and not part of the group. It took me 15 years (I'm currently 17) to realize that I wasn't the broken one, they were, they are the ones who are trapped inside their limited minds. Still, I'm very depressed and I feel so alone, I never found anyone I could truly connect with my entire life and that hurts so much. Even if I did, I'm not sure I'd be capable of showing empathy or real care towards them anyways. I don't know, I just feel so lost and without purpose, I feel like an alien, I don't know what I want to do wih my life and I don't know if I like anything anyways. I just had to vent, sorry.
Thank you! ADHD / Borderline Asperger's here. You are completely right, they do not care. I need to find others like me. I am very lonely, 27 years old. I knew this was the case but never liked it, I picked up very early what was going on.
You're welcome :) Thanks for commenting! Have you seen my video on prenatal testosterone ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html Might be of great help in finding others like you.
It’s a bit more complex in the communities I interact with, generally speaking. The very act of fighting, in itself, is a loss for the intellectually gifted and often the ends of the neurotypical. It’s not a fight based on logic and reason. There is a need to be right beyond rationality that is usually not worth engaging in. Other times they don’t even seek truth, I believe because it’s something they fear more, almost as an existential threat to their reality, which I don’t want to disturb. I would prefer a physical fight over these not based or aimed towards any rational end. Great topic
Wow this makes so much sense, especially the bit about being "intellectually short sighted". I always say that all people (referencing neurotypicals specifically, and admittedly overgeneralizing) are biased, short sighted, and take as many intellectual short cuts as possible to avoid thinking about details. I think we are in agreement there. Thanks for this video, good information.
Abel, I am blown away by how you manage to put this into words. The conflict, although I'm engaging in it, because I have no choice, when I have to subsist amongst these individuals, feels hideous: chaotic, frantic, consuming, animalistic, uncivilised.
They're a less evolved subspecies of human, more primitive, barely functioning beyond myopic emotional instincts. They're probably an evolutionary dead-end, harboring a form of functioning that was successful tens of thousands of years ago. But it will take a long time to evolve them out of the gene pool.
This is like a very powerful quote, “Take it easy, but take it!” meaning that the best way to go by life is to not completely avoid our problems but rather confront it in a manner where the outcome can benefit you and everybody else.
Hi, I am a neurotypical person and I’m watching your video to gain further insight as to how neurodiverse people perceive and understand neurotypicals. Thank you for this video. I would like you to know that many of us neurotypicals do truly accept those who are neurodiverse. I honestly do care, and I strive to always do my very best to continue caring in a deep way about the neurodiverse people in my life. Thanks again.
@@Abel.Abelson As an asperger myself, I do not think that most neurotypicals are against us or that I need to be in the mindset of being "ready to fight" in their presence. I don't need to "handle" anyone, I just want to communicate with them. There are scientifically no "human sub-species", there are no races, and there are sub-species created by neurological differences, the differences - not matter how big they might feel - are not even close genetically to classify neurotypicals and us as "different species", even races do not exist. There is only one unified human specie. I can hardly believe that people around here can say that neurotypicals are like "animals" either. I'm not more intelligent than anyone, atypical or not. I'm *differently* intelligent. They have a much better social intelligence than most of us and they have a more balanced intelligence. This is not the representation I'm looking for.
@@jas_bataille We think they're like animals because they think more so with emotion than they do with logic which invariably leads to them being unpleasant or hostile towards us if we point out the flaws in their thinking. Neurotypicals don't necessarily have better social intelligence either: we can mask our autism, it's just draining for us to do so; they're designed to "fit in", but this isn't a desirable trait to have as our species advances technologically as it makes us tribalistic, and tribalism combined with advanced technology is dangerous which is why I believe human model 2 will be more independent mentally albeit be considered socially awkward and on some kind of spectrum ;D
As a miscellaneous being, my experience of neurotypicals started with my biological family. Using observation as a tool put me in the benefit of understanding human nature at it's totality. What makes them tick, what pleasures them, what saddens them, etc. A buffet of emotions set by a myriad of triggers. I call it the fox method. A fox is an analyst in a sense that its mentally taking notes as feedback to draw an conclusion. To make a response. Charisma, Calmness and Confidence alleviates the fear of them going into terror mode. Humans in general get scared of the unknown because it's unknown to their nature. By showing comfort, they show comfort. It's like a mirror effect. Big fan of your channel!
I am intelectually gifted, but I am not autistic, though as a ADHD person I can totally relate. I def. see things as you explained. Why you stoped to record, these videos are gold.
Thanks :) ! I stopped (temporarily) because I'm writing another book. Just stay subscribed and be patient (arguably hard for someone with ADHD :) ) and you'll hear from me here when it's ready.
Many symptoms can overlap - i have neither autism, nor adhd, nor a personality disorder - just complex trauma, both visual and logical skills - and thus i am as neurodiverse as it gets. I even have similar symptoms like the other states - in certain situation i avoid eye contacts, because my mirror neurons enable me to feel anything i see. I dont necessarily have a sensory overload though - besides of course the somatic sense. Its basically like telepathy with emotions. But i work in stem fields, i am working as programmer, statistics, data sciences.. But i might study psychology later. I have a 2 hour attentionspan, mostly due to daily meditations. The mental horizon of neurodivergent people is more like mine. In myself consciousness is not a spark with 1 thought at a time - its a procedural landscape. At least when im happy. When im unhappy, i become as split as most people are - but when im doing good, my left and right hemisphere synch up, and my consciousness engulfs my subconsciousness.. This interconnectedness is certainly also neurological. Yeah martial arts is good to learn to mentally stand up for yourself.. I am a horizontal person, i am not interested in dominating or submissive behaviours, so i always needed these skills so that the neurotypical persons understand where my boundaries are.. This is problematic because im only fixing my boundaries now - they had been eroded during my childhood.
@@thenaturalpeoplesbureau CPTSD and Autism have many many overlaps. The affects of long term Trauma literally change the plasticity of your brain. Me- Aspie, Adhd, Cptsd... ugh
@@charlesbradley7113 It is a sad state of affairs for us. But I am convinced things will get better for I feel we will become the dominant breed. Neurotypical tribalism kept us together in the wilderness, but now technology has reached an advanced state, Neurotypical tribalism threatens to end our species with nuclear war (also on a lesser note: creative thinkers will flourish more so alongside AI workforces than simple-minded doers whom excel at just following orders) ergo a new dominant neurology is required to unite the many collectivist factions by disposing of their political and/or religious dogma and replacing it with logic. This requires a logical neurotype that will be perceived disordered whilst Neurotypicality rules for logic is the stranger Neurotypicality thinks it knows: in other words, dogmatists don't realise they're dogmatists. For all interested, check out my Ebook on amazon. It's called *Autism: Epidemic or Evolution?* By me G. C. Timbrell.
That's literally what I need now. Today I was asking myself if I should just change my attitude and acting more 'emotionally intelligent', as I do need to live in this society and gather resources at the current stage. At the same time I was worrying about betraying myself. You video has given me an insight of how to balance between acting 'emotionally intelligent' and protect my integrity at the same time. Thank you.
Ran into this so many times. Some people will immediately perceive me as weak probably because I'm introverted and I don't make any effort to shows others what my own place in their stupid hierarchy should be. I get an immediate attack, I won't submit to their attempt at social domination, but I also won't participate in the kind of fight for power they're trying to initiate with me. This makes them extremely mad and I think from reactions I've seen over time they almost regard it as though I fooled or manipulated them - I didn't outwardly and loudly signal to them that I was equal to or above them in their imaginary hierarchy, so they assumed I was below, but then when they attacked me, my not caring about or yielding to, or even defending against their attack, I think is perceived as me acting as though I'm WAY above them. They get very mad.
wtf im not even autistic and this is an exact copy of my thoughts for so many years. The social hierarchy peacocking game is the most shallow moronic imbecile shit in the history of anything.
Along the same lines, I would describe my interactions with aggressive neurotypicals (Humans with a strong, active ego), as "extreme non-reactivity". Because what I find, is that essentially "It takes two to tango", and when you don't react in any type of self-defense to say an insult, then their entire narrative lacks a character to attack. Its like they are talking to nobody (me). So someone might be frustrated with their place in society, and their financial situation, and attack me with "Hey you are pretty short, so you can have this chair to stand on instead of me since there is only one chair" (While we are working). And I recognize this as a type of "invitation to argue". But I stay relaxed, and say "okay". And then I keep working. And 15 minutes later, they usually calm down and lose all will to fight. I find I become invincible in a way. And I have never in my life seen someone physically attack a person who is not attacking them back in some way first. People don't want to go to jail for having attacked someone who was just sitting there minding their own business, and talking factually and relaxed. In case of insane people or muggers, it is good to know some martial arts or have some weapon handy also. But my first line of defense is non-reactiveness. Or just agree with their attack "Yeah I guess I am shorter than you. Thats life". -And people lose all will to attack you.
The hilarious (and a bit frustrating at times) thing is they are too stupid to understand that not engaging =/= approval which might lead to them getting confused about the whole situation or your relation to them later. They might tell someone else you agreed with that they said and/or come up with all kinds of other false memories of you telling them things, might even start to like you a little XD. Some people who have been abusive have been so surprised once I completely dropped whatever was left of my mask toward them. "Hmm I did X to this person before and he/she didn't seem to mind..what's the issue all of sudden???". Not saying I disagree with anything you said; being non-reactive like you're describing has probably saved me much more headache than I'll ever know. Ultimately we can't control what anyone else thinks and it shouldn't matter to us either. They'll always continue to make up little stories in their heads.
At first I found "mentally shortsighted" so highly entertaining that I was laughing to myself but then I paused to consider it and it seems fitting and apt. You need to have both feet on the ground to be ready to tackle the world. If you're dependent on somebody else you cannot do it -financially, psychologically etc. Or it becomes very difficult. It's almost like freedom breeds freedom, you have to be capable to be capable in other dimensions of life so that you can stand up for yourself.
this video has brought me so much consolation. you explain it in a really official, proper way and it's great!! i have come to a point where i realised they're all the same in this way and there's no changing it with logical explanations. it just makes me more despairingly depressed and ill. just knowing there's someone out there that understands is just absolute serenity for me, otherwise i start thinking maybe i'm crazy, because of the amount of "friends" i have lost just from being honest - and by this i don't mean being rude (from a neurotypical's perspective!) i mean acknowledging their abuse/ letting them know when they ignored me or told me they know better when they couldn't possibly/ giving them some advice like 'when you're conscious you don't need outer things to change for you to feel better'. people have blocked me for questioning them. it's just so sad more than anything. i think about this problem so much that it's actually become my special interest. there's a tony attwood quote: "it seemed that other people's 'normality' was the road to my insanity". it's hard to keep going when you think you're the only one. you've given me hope in humanity. thank you. and also some really useful advice and motivation. i suppose we are their mirror because you see what's in your own head, and that's why they see stupidity in me. "thinking is hard, that's why most people judge" - carl jung. i am definitely going to check out your book, not only because i bet it's really interesting and useful (and funny!?), but because i appreciate what a challenging venture that can be in this society. it's true that they subconsciously react to you, so just a change in body language can help protect you and they won't even consciously know why. off to practise my punches and kicks now...
Hi there, thanks for letting me know it was meaningful to you. I'm glad I could be of some help! My book is more like a deep and personal, emotional exploration of all these topics, if that would interest you, do go ahead and check it out. Maybe the reviews of other readers can give you an idea of whether it would be helpful to you (see the Amazon page, link in the description)...
Remember this, the people who cancel youtubers for criticising the use of /[enter emotion short here], are the same people who WILL, and I repeat WILL, stab you in the back when you question them... Have a nice day.
Wow this is brilliant. I never realized this. Fight and negotiate with those people. I refused to ever stand my ground, as a kid, and I don't like convincing people they're wrong, or convincing my parents I should grow up already. Turns out it's literally a requirement with them. I love most of all having discussions exploring a topic, sharing ideas, whatifs, but everyone else just wonders what am I talking about. We need to meet more people like us.
When I negotiate obviously I think of the world, and both parties interests. It was an eye-opener when you said they only think for themselves. I thought as nice intelligent people we all watch out for each other.
Being ready to fight brings peace. You can see it in our biology. Smiling is essentially showing ones teeth to say "look, I can hurt you". And because this didn't happen then, two people looking at each other with their teeth shining stay peaceful, smiling actually is a DNA encoded symbol of peace and friendship and not showing teeth is confrontative. I suppose the same is true for eye contact. I see you!!!! I am ready to fight!!!! So it doesn't happen. If you look somewhere else the neurotypical's predator comes out to eat you.
@@Abel.Abelson I suppose being ready to fight (smiling, eye contact) is also a sign of respect. You acknowledge that the other person is dangerous, which is reassuring them and flattering.
Very succinct description of basic differences between neuro divergent and neuro typical. I've always wondered why some people I know make it very difficult when they ASK me to assist and/or help them. It's like a battle, they want a solution to a problem but they get angry when I try to get them to change how they are trying to solve the problem.
Just stumbled across your channel. Great stuff. Will definitely check out more of your content. Was reading up a little on this as well right before watching. What really kills me is how serious, anxious and rigid it all seems. From the worldview of the NT that is. Everything seems so important to them down to the smallest wording, change in posture or facial gesture and so on. They feel such strong urge to correct any discrepancies they would rather destroy the entire vibe of a conversation than keep silent/make genuinely curious inquiries about it. YET a prevailing attitude I've experienced toward the "others" has been ridicule over how non-chill those people supposedly are in regular conversation. The NT will assume someone is bragging for example when the person is just trying to connect by sharing something about him/herself. They'll then roll their eyes and/or snicker and say something sarcastic while thinking "why can't he/she just relax and be cool like everyone else instead of trying to steal all attention". Isn't this type of criticism very ironic? Is it some sort of projection?
Yo... What you wrote just blew my mind... It all makes sense... Recently I was talking in a youtube channel live stream and trying to 'connect' by giving my 2 cents on the topics being discussed and a person called me a midwit, and I was like "what do you mean?" because it was a shock to me since everything I was saying was topical and should've went well with everyone. He replied "all you say is clichés that everyone here knew when they were 16". And that shit hurt, but I was like "does it matter if they're clichés if they're still true?" anyways it hurt because he was part of the community I thought I was a part of. I analyzed why he said all of that and it didn't make sense to me, I never said I was smart and his insult had some anger behind it. But now I get what happened after reading your comment... I was viewed as a competitor a social threat, essentially my behavior was deemed as a disruptive stance in the NT order. (I admit though that I was speaking too comfortably since I wasn't paying close enough attention to the conversational dynamics like the frequency of people's input, so I was arrogant without being aware).
I've only just discovered I'm high functioning autistic or aspergers not diagnosed but everything fits because I relate so much to you and other high functioning people. Thanks because it's not been easy especially with family they hate me
You're welcome, and thank you for your comments :) My book might interest you, I've had quite some reactions from people like you, who felt recognized... Which is always a great feeling, and sometimes even a necessity... You can check it out here: amzn.to/1TXD8OK
I’ve never understood neurotypicals in everyday conversations. A lot of it is just small talk and judgement. They try to establish a social hierarchy and set social positions based on every conversation. I’ve never had a sense of this, so it’s kind of a stupid concept to me. How would they possibly get anything done if they repeatedly my put social hierarchy above the task at hand? They talk despite their lack of substance.
As an empathizer, I often find it confusing when I see folks in my family (I don't get out much), fight over certain things, and refuse to even consider other positions. I often end up understanding both sides of the argument, thus making up my mind and taking sides difficult for me, and I can also see what both sides need to work on/improve upon. I am also capable of understanding my emotions, and why I feel the way I do about certain things. I am pretty good at calling out my own BS. Can anyone relate? Does this have anything to do with intellectual giftedness?
I think this has more to do with a "feminine" brain, cfr. my video on prenatal testosterone ("The two types of intellectual giftedness"). I'm very similar to your description myself. This doesn't as such make you "intellectually gifted" (and who gives a hoot anyway, giftedness is another one of those flawed concepts). "Intellectually gifted" simply means doing well on a certain type of test they dubbed "Intelligence Quotient Test", as far as I'm concerned it doesn't say much about intelligence anyway, and the kind of (very important) intelligence you describe, which is more in the lines of emotional intelligence, flexibility and low narcissism, is not taken into account in an IQ test.
@@Abel.Abelson IQ tests even correlate with the speed at which a person's neurons fire and accurately correlate with their creativity. Read about fluid intelligence and working memory; they're both things that are genetic and practical for real life in every moment in every situation 😁 But I think the real reason for what he's describing is a lack of bias. We aren't as impacted by biases, because biases exist for the sake of social cohesion, not improving our reasoning ability.
@@christiantaylor1495 I find what you're saying interesting. Can you elaborate further on what you mean by "biases exist for the sake of social cohesion, not improving our reasoning ability"?
@@christiantaylor1495 iq test most definitely do not have the ability to measure intelligence. if you really analyze it, this fact would be painfully obvious.
this came in at the perfect time, i have been disheartened at work because my ideas kept getting shot down. After seeing this i decided to go try out my ideas anyway, and it worked, so now im going to actually get some enthusiasm for my work back. thank you.
This guy is SOOOOOO on point wow. I really love this channel... And the subtle cuts in at least most of his videos where he doesn't miss a beat or show any change in his face... priceless
I find great value in your words from my perspective. I have Asperger Syndrome and had my IQ tested formally once; it was above average. I thought for a long time that i was superior in many ways than the average person; later i found out that this was a foolish and naive thought. Now i have a better comprehension of cognition and i can see neurotypicals in a better and more respectful way.
Thank you! I'm glad it resonates with you. Have a look at my books too, I think I'm a better writer than I am a video maker so they might very well interest you :) amzn.to/3paQsmz
I recently understood that I have to have the stance not to be harmed by others but also to be listened but also to be good to myself and to them. It is emotionally more difficult to have the stance when you do not know anyone other than yourself. Thank you very much. I understand.
Dear Abel, your video is ‘righting’ my brain. Just tonight I flashed back to 20 years ago when I was first thrust into the office politics of the working world. I experienced exquisite depression which weaved itself into facets of my life. Although it’s been a couple of years knowing that I’m Asperger, you succinctly explained the whys of my crisis in this video, and with such humor. Consider me subbed and following. Your fan, TC
Thank you for the insight. I totally see what you're talking about. I encounter this so much and I'm like, "I'm just not going to deal with you." I think people perceive that as being stuck up, but really, I hate dealing with petty stuff like that. So, your approach is really interesting. It's difficult for me, because I don't want to "stoop to their level" or "play their games," but it's perhaps impossible for them to even understand where I'm coming from. I've also read your book and have been doing a lot of research on giftedness and it's helped me understand myself and the world so much better. Thanks for the video and your thoughts.
Thanks for your kind comment :) If I can ask you a favor: please leave a review where you bought the book, it would be extremely kind and helpful of you! :thumbsup:
@@Abel.Abelson You're welcome. Thanks for writing such an honest, insightful book. I actually got your book from the Queens Library here in NYC, but I will leave a review on Goodreads. Thanks for writing your book. It's great to be able to hear from someone who has had similar experiences in coming to understand themselves as gifted.
I'm some kind of neurodivergent... I don't even know what I am, and I don't know my IQ... but I can relate to a lot of what I saw in this video, particularly for the "short-sightedness" part. To me, the most challenging has been the way typical people relate to rules and morality and the enormous peer pressure to break them... The way that's natural for me to think is... - Actions have consequences - There are rules that were established in order to prevent certain negative consequences. They must not be broken except for a very good reason... Breaking them causes a lot of guilt. - I wouldn't suspect others of breaking them... again except for very good reason... Most importantly, the entire system of rules and morality needs to make sense... You need to imagine what society as a whole looks like when the rules are followed - and when they aren't. But in my youth I discovered that this is not how most people see rules, moral principles, etc... - The rules exist just because, and consequences just happen. You don't think of those consequences, let alone connect the rules to the consequences. - There is no right and wrong, only cool and weird. Most rules are broken by some people most of the time. You must not break them any more - or any less - than anyone else. You don't even think of what they are... You don't even know what they are. You just do what others do, that's it! And no one's following any rules when no one's watching. - Depending on the surrounding culture, things that seem pretty egregious can be not only normalized... but even demanded of you... (e.g. physical violence for boys growing up in Russia, bribery in a lot of countries) - And ironically... things that are most offensive to others... aren't breaking any rules you'd find stated anywhere! They usually involve some variation on the theme of failing to pretend something is the way it "should" be even when everyone really knows it isn't but can't admit it. In Eastern cultures they call it "losing face"... As much as we pretend we don't have that concept in the west.... we do! We just do it differently. An almost-perfect simplistic illustration of that difference is the speed limit... My natural way of thinking when learning how to drive was something to the tune of: - The speed limit is 100 km/h. That's the fastest you can drive here safely... Drive faster than that and you'll endanger lives. - You must drive exactly at 100 km/h or less... and you wouldn't expect anyone to be speeding... unless there's an emergency. - If someone tailgates you, they are being "the bad guy" - let them pass you... So... here goes my first highway. 70 kph limit... everyone's doing 100... I'll lose my license if I get anywhere near the flow of traffic. Construction zone! 50kph. Traffic speed? Still 100. Like... is this some kind of bad dream? A car on my tail... Another one... Another one... hoooooonk! The real "rules" are: You go as fast as everyone else - that's it! Even the cops know everyone's speeding and will be somewhat tolerant.... But... you might still get a ticket - bad luck... But doing exactly the speed limit might be flirting with death in some places. And creating a dangerous situation on the road is perfectly justified to punish someone who doesn't go with the flow. I was expecting a certain percentage of people to speed.... but I couldn't even imagine *the majority* being willing to punish someone for *not breaking the rule*. In the social world... it gets even more like that.... from making promises you don't intend on keeping... to the never-ending labyrinth of rules around dating... where you don't see how anyone can possibly get a lasting relationship without ever risking being the bad person.
That's a long list of very perspicacious observations! I couldn't agree more. It's quite a challenge being a neurodivergent in a (by definition of course) neurotypical world, isn't it ;) I struggled decades with the whole thing, but now I'm really like surfing the waves for the most time. You should definitely check out my book "How to handle neurotypicals" bit.ly/neurotp, it's like written for you :) I'm not saying I have all the answers, but there are definitely a lot of important realizations and angles that, if I had had them earlier in life, things would have been so much easier - which is why I wrote the book, to help people like you get ahead of the curve faster... You can read the first part on Amazon, follow the link.
The only reason I'm watching this, is for my new friend who is gifted. She is an amazing, kind and beautiful person and understands me. On the other side, I don't and these videos help me connect more with her. Thank you💙
@@Abel.Abelson just finished the book, beautiful read, shit is all making sense now im finna cop the second one (diary of an ET) bless up my brother appreciate
This is absolutely fascinating. Im.getting so much insight. I have adhd and dyslexia. But not autism. So im not nerotypical but also not on the spectrum. But I feel like im learning more about my brothers and sisters almost. I get autistic people much better that nerotypical.
Same thing happened to me when I started working out. A classmate of mine that used to be physically intimidating in a way that every encounter felt like danger turned in to a great friend of mine.
Thank you so much for your videos, they go a long way towards helping me understand the neurotypical mind. (All neurotypicals are different, of course, but I'm generalising here.) In a complicated way, as well as getting frustrated with neurotypicals for caring about hierarchies, thinking I mean anything other than what I say etc, I feel sorry for these people. It sounds to me like such a depressing way to live, treating everyone and everything as a piece in a never-ending game of power. Even the people who think they've won this game continually worry about being overthrown.
I have many things to add to this topic from odd outside observations on my path. These concepts tie directly into spiritual concepts, esoteric teachings
Thank you so much, you just put into words what I was struggling, wondering and grieving about almost all my live. Seeing NT as just mentally short sighted, not evil, just some other type of human being, that really helps. I am kind of looking forward now to my next situation with a NT and I’ll try to be ready to fight, and ready lose! ❤
By chance I went to a free coaching that is focused on giftedness and high sensitivity. I went there to rule it out and opt for ad(h)d diagnostics or dogmatic / religious communities. Could not believe the guy diagnosed me on the spot and how he put all my frustrating, confusing and stressful life experiences into a context that made complete sense. I’ve been scared to accept this due to risking arrogance or narcissism. I’ve stumbled upon your videos and with every resonating connection I feel lighter, having more space in my mind and body. Thank you greatly for sharing your personal insights in such a precise and humble way 🙏🏻 all the best for you
No 'teacher' nor psychologist ever told me this, wonder why, because what you are talking about seems exactly as it is. Maybe perhaps they weren't teaching at all, nor trying to understand the mind. From personal experience, when I (tried) being nice to people, quite often I would get negative responses, like it would't fit in their small box, so yes lies and abuse seem to be the par in a paradigm of 'combativeness'. A really tiring paradigm to reside in, so its best to create a better one. May the real homo sapience stand up, as I would love to live in a society that doesn't have to put people into small boxes, but many people seem wanting to be in a small box.Dealing with many people can be quite difficult for me, but this information will help me. Even so I will still be on my own for the most time, as it still a massive energy drain. For the other part I look for people I can vibe with so to say. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you for your kind comment! I think most teachers/psychologists fall in the broad categories of either not really wanting to help, and/or not really understanding anything and just playing teacher/psychologist. You're definitely getting the point and are on the right track.
@@Abel.Abelson Thank you for the positive reinforcement. I think I've met both those kind of people. So it isn't really fair to be angry at them, or for that matter at myself. It's just difficult to find my own path in life, and to make it also one that crosses other paths of worth while endeavors. Everyone has their own demons I think. Some people fit together and some don't, so neither I or others (society) should force such things.
Yes, as a woman I don't relate to it as much but I can see how it is useful for men. In my experience, NT women are baffled by me and often intimidated, so I'm excluded from NT female friend groups. In order to be included you have to fake nice and fake friendly and fake fake fake. Can't do it.
Abel, I am currently at chapter 25 of Freeing and it is what I've been coping with these past few years. The entire book, thus far, seems ripped from my own life. Thank you for writing it since it is incredibly validating to have your inner truth mirrored. Cheers. Onto chapter 44 now and what you are describing is Personality Disintegration Theory. You'll want to look into K. Dabrowski and his TPD.
What really pisses off an Aspergers Fellow is when an Intolerant Neurotypical responds to your caring enough to Share Your Gift of KNOWLEDGE, With "Who Gives a !!!!!!!" When I do that Superb Job at the YMCA, taking the Good part of An Hour, to do a thorough Vaccuuming of the Barbell weightroom area, I think my Co Worker supervisors can Whole Heartedly appreciate this.
reading the title and seeing the thumbnail I thought we were supposed to punch them edit: ok I get the metaphor now also I loved the content... I often did this on my whole life, that's how I got through teenage years, in my young adult years (pre 30) I got along with mostly fawning recently I got back to a more distant and "gray rock" approach with people, I often saw NT people (back then I thought just "people", way before I even knew what autism was) were just really selfish, self-centered and always deceitful your words are really wise among us neurodivergent, thank you!
I ♥️ your videos. So right about being ready to fight. Like many neurodivergents I was either being walked over or trying to change the majority of the people I encountered. So many insights in these videos. Thanks 🙏🏼
As a grown up ADHD, BPD, 2E, OCD for real I found this very relatable to everyone around me. That completely explains why profitable discussions almost non existent. They all fight or negotiate even when you try just to help them to understand how things work or just helping them to see the situation better. Such a different species.
I just reflected on it some more. The commmon theme on the Internet is that the world is built by and for neurotypicals, and neurodivergents are at a disadvantage in it, and at times are oppressed. There are also many who accuse neurotypicals of being shallow and aggressive. As someone who is most likely neurodivergent and who has struggled with exclusion but has tried to see the other side, I dare to disagree (but maybe I'm wrong). It is true that neurotypicals have strength in numbers, and they have an advantage in some scenarios, like dating and the high-school popularity contests... But I would argue that... Most neurotypicals are not aggressive... but rather... they are feeling desperate and cornered in a system that, by and large, isn't friendly to them. Apart from negotiating with others or straight-up one-upmanship, they see no other ways to have their basic needs met. It is high-functioning neurodivergents and not neurotypicals that have been the architects of civilization for quite some time. They built "the system". Neurotypicals' advantage lies only in the aspects of life that still operate outside of "the system". This is not some malicious plot... it is merely a product of the fact that neurotypicals tend not to build systems - at all, and the neurodivergents who do have a hard time understanding what kind of system would be neurotypical-friendly, much like programmers who have no idea about the user-friendliness of software. The self-made young urban professional or enterpreneur you know with a nice Mercedes and a nice house probably isn't a neurotypical... but rather, a neurodivergent who can speak neurotypical as a second language at an upper-intermediate level. Just normal enough not to be excluded... with enormous advantages they know how to use - and hide if needed. The guy in tech support or at a cash counter, on the other hand, is probably a neurotypical. Neurotypicals live in a world where they are constantly being asked to perform mental operations their brains don't readily support - and they are judged by how well they can perform - or fake - them. This includes math (especially, algebra), complex academic or business writing, science, and even humanities. Think of the average university group project where one person does all the work, one other person helps a bit, and the other 3 have no clue... copy-paste things they don't understand and then cheat on the exam... They see no other way to get any answers right because they don't naturally think in the same abstractions as their neurodivergent professors... The only way they can get *anything* right is by cheating or memorizing thousands of examples... hoping that whoever made the exam will run out of ideas. IQ tests don't measure objective intelligence, which can't be uniquely defined, but rather the extent to which one's way of thinking is close to that of the system-builders. They were designed to predict specific outcomes - like academic achievement - as defined by the neurodivergents that designed both the tests and the education systems. They are not necessarily good predictors of achieving neurotypical goals - like, say, scoring a date, winning at sports or being the life of the party (which involves being able to connect with a lot of different people)... Also, neurotypical ways are not **objectively** less intelligent. For an AI researcher, it is far harder to build a robot that's good at soccer or at small talk than one that's good at integral calculus or searching through academic texts. However, the socioeconomic system rewards neurodivergent ways of thinking with good grades, promotions, compensation, etc. What is being rewarded is not always based on economic efficiency either... Objectively, "plagiarism" (using something that's already there, not reinventing the wheel) is probably the fastest, most cost-efficient way to get stuff done 9 times out of 10... but the system rewards those who can redo it from scratch - in the hopes that they will upgrade it - for better or for worse. Here are a few concrete examples of civilization's systems being neurodivergent: The law as we know it is a neurodivergent concept. It is based almost entirely on abstractions and rigid, impartial procedures divorced from experiences, feelings and emotions. Neurotypicals can feel randomly and unfairly punished for things that everyone does, breaking rules they might not even know exist. The closest thing we have to neurotypical law is English case law. But a fully neurotypical legal system would probably assign at least some validity to arguments like "he's guilty because look at his face! Soooooo creeeeeepy... and what was he doing alone downtown on a Friday night?". Corporations are a neurodivergent concept, again, an abstract entity capable of acting in the world only through those who act on its behalf. So are the socialist equivalents of corporations (state-owned entrprises, and even the state itself) - it isn't a left-or-right thing. Religions and secular belief systems are neurodivergent as well in their origin. Again, they are full of abstractions. Grace, salvation, theosis... The Holy Trinity... The Tao... Liberty... The free market... Distributive justice. Neurotypicals repeat the slogans that their tribe repeats, but they have no in-depth understanding of what those concepts even mean. And they are willing to attack other tribes defending different concepts... which the other tribes don't understand either... and yet their needs are much closer to those of the other tribe than to those of the people who wrote the slogans, even when the slogans were written with the best of intentions. It is only in recent years that neurotypical ways have become more front-and-center in society. Some examples: Unconditional self-confidence, "just being yourself" and asertiveness being seen as a key to career and personal success - rather than specific skills or self-discipline. The former is second nature to neurotypicals. The latter is far easier for high-functioning neurodivergents. The recent codification of sexual harassment is also neurotypical-oriented. There is no procedure to find out whether something is harrasment. You just have to feel it. Any interaction is harassment if it is unwelcome. Something as seemingly innocuous as smiling and saying hi - or a joke/compliment can be a crime if it is done too often (how often is too often?) or done once and is unwanted (how do you know what the reaction will be in advance?). Super easy to navigate for neurotypicals (they just feel it), very challenging for neurodivergents. It is very different from the rest of the law and corporate policies, but it is a good thing - it makes a lot of people feel a lot safer. What would it take to make it better? Policy-wise, I don't have the slightest idea... But direction-wise... my best guess is that it would take more neurodivergent neurotypical-whisperes and neurotypical neurodivergent-whisperers who try to understand the other side's needs - much like user experience experts in product design. The two would have to come together in building a more user-friendly civilization... Friendly to all neurologies. One where both neurotypicals and neurodivergents feel they can achieve good outcomes by acting in ways they understand.
I'm surprised to say, for a long comment like yours, that I agree for 95% :), and in general start from the same viewpoints. The only thing I would add or modify is that the neurotypical/neurodivergent spectrum is a fluid continuum, not a binary cut-off. You would probably agree with that, but when you say for instance that the succesful entrepreneur with the Mercedes is a neurodivergent that speaks neurotypical, I would say that he's somewhere in between the full neurotypical and the full neurodivergent. So he's still neurotypical enough to instinctively act and react like a neurotypical, so he fits in with his clients and neurotypical partners very well, but at the same time a tad neurodivergent which gives him a little edge. While, if you're more on the neurodivergent side of the spectrum, you're too weird for neurotypicals so you can't easily do business with them. Neurotypicals are definitely not aggressive as such and will always prefer a deal over a fight, and yes, neurodivergents make life very hard for them - which they respond to with deception, fakery, etc. Just like I probably would in their place. It all makes sense once you get it, and there's not really "evil" or malice in them, just coping strategies - which can be really annoying especially if you don't get what's going on. If you go a bit deeper in all of this, the real culprit of a lot of misery is the blank slate paradigm...
@@Abel.Abelson I agree about it being a spectrum... I personally see it as a multivariate probability distribution where the closer you are to the mean in any given direction, the higher the density (e.g. like a multivariate normal distribution). Being neurotypical basically means the difference between you and the average is not statistically significant... and where you draw the line is set arbitrarily... The distribution is real, the cut-off is a judgment call and a simplification (in fact, it becomes "more" or "less" statistically significant the closer/further you are to/from the mean). I also believe that one's position on the spectrum is not 100% fixed - it is a product of both nature and nurture - and also of deliberate choices... There are predispositions, but one can acquire certain neurotypical traits (like social skills or intuition) and neurodivergent ones (like math/logic) to some extent through experience or through deliberate practice. This is not scientific at all, just personal anecdotal experience... My predisposition is most probably toward neurodivergence... but ever since college, I've been trying to make myself more and more neurotypical.. (to... like... have a life... you know?). It is now much easier for me to socialize, but it came at a cost... It is also much harder for me to do algebra/calculus or to write complex sentences without typos everywhere... which felt much, much easier in my college days, when I could even speak in academic language.
@@curiousinquirer5539 Yes, exactly, a multivariate probability distribution. Regarding nature/nurture, I noticed that I put way too much weight in nurture, and not enough in nature before. But this can be personal of course. It is definitely a mix, but in my current opinion the nature part is heavily underestimated (because it's depressing at first sight to accept its importance, and people, including scientists, flee depression instinctively.) I know this trying to become neurotypical" very well from own experience. It's a survival strategy, but it comes with severe collateral damage and in my current opinion again, is not necessary. There are better alternatives, but they need to be accessed through some difficult processes (like deeply resolving issues with parents, etc.).
@@curiousinquirer5539 [PLEASE READ IF YOU WANT TO SERIOUSLY BROADEN YOUR AWARENESS] I respectfully disagree. Whilst it might not be NTs who designed the system, I am not convinced us HFAs did either: as far as I am concerned, the system has been built by psychopaths/sociopaths for psychopaths/sociopaths: it endures because the NT masses are too shallow mentally to see through it whilst us HFAs are still too much of a minority to crush it... as I suspect we one day will albeit maybe not for another 500 years or so. What you need to understand about NTs is that they think more so with emotion than logic. The reason why Nature designed them to be this way is because it is an efficient means of maintaining tribal cohesiveness. The NT child is taught by their tribe that act 1 is good and act 2 is bad thus the NT child associates a good emotion with act 1 and a bad emotion with act 2 even though in reality act 1 could be the bad act and act 2 could be the good act. This in turn prevents dissent from surfacing which minimizes challenges to authority and the consequence of group breakdown. This behaviour was once essential as we depended upon each other to a degree not known today due to being technologically insufficient whilst being confronted by the ravages of Nature. The downside to this behaviour arises thousands of years down the line (more or less where we're at now) because it makes one more predisposed to following political and religious dogma which in turn divides our species into collectivist factions (such as countries, parties, churches, etc) amid the presence of advancing military technology thus this state of affairs manifests as technological tribalism of which its wrath of nuclear war has the power to severely maim our species and massively contribute towards its extinction. As such, a "new" neurotype is required. This "new" neurotype thinks more so with logic than emotion. This "new" neurotype will be deemed mentally disordered or socially awkward at least whilst NTs are in the majority. This "new" neurotype is HFA (high-functioning autism aka Aspergers) and will serve the purpose of uniting the world with logic for as I like to say, "There are many dogmas therefore they will divide the beings that worship them and the beings will die, but there is only one logic therefore it will unite the beings that worship it and the beings will live." This is my hypothesis which you can read more about through to purchasing my amazon eBook *Autism: Epidemic or Evolution?* By me G. C. Timbrell. Because NTs think more so with emotion than logic, the psychopaths/sociopaths in control have developed a means of exploiting such. For example, the Left-Right paradigm is just a means of pitting the masses against each other and away from their oppressors whom are the government and corporations: in essence, the system is designed to milk the NT of power. Using media propaganda, the establishment provokes the masses so fiercely that they'll unconsciously give up all their power just to make sure the Left/Right wins and the Left/Right loses. Blinded by emotions, they are too busy squabbling with each other to recognise the implications of what they have created: a pyramidal system in which excessive amounts of power are bestowed upon an increasingly small group of financial elites. So the reason why we probably don't have cancer cures and infinite batteries is probably because government engages in black clandestine lobbying with corporations... because it can: the masses have given it so much power, it can engage in such obscene behaviour with immunity. It doesn't even seem to dawn on the masses that there doesn't need to be a Left/Right. The problem doesn't even exist. It's been created as a means of manipulating others. The masses generally teach their children to abide by other children yet they themselves feel the need to shoehorn "Natural Lefties/Righties" into Leftist/Rightist ideology. This doesn't need to happen: there is no reason why we can't abide by each other's differences but instead we have been taught to believe it's got to be the Left/Right in complete control - 100%, everything or nothing, total fucking selfishness, it has to be this way... I say such is primitive bullshit designed to herd the human animal that in many ways is proving to be little smarter than livestock. The masses generally hate the idea of the privileged using money to influence politics themselves because they consider it might makes right yet they themselves overlook how majority vote is in itself just another form of might makes right - it's the poor man's ticket to power, his boot to crush others with... in many ways, the majority of people are no better than the selfish 1%: neither money nor majority should dictate politics: logic should reign supreme. Another flaw associated with the system being the fact that the masses all seem to want small groups (such as Congress or Parliament) to rule our lives. A far better way of handling the legal system would be a debate system in which anyone (be they a member of government or hermit at the fringe of society) has the opportunity to make, modify or abolish laws depending on whom has the strongest argumentation at any given time. There are no doubt many profound minds beyond government (capable of intellectually dwarfing "official" lawmakers) that could revolutionize society, but they simply are not being adequately heard. The financial elite don't want a debate system because it would encourage people to think more so for themselves which is dangerous, at least for them, and would also give people the opportunity to expose the government for how flawed it is. HFAs probably don't rule science either. Science is a joke. Big Bang cosmology uses mathematical fabrications to shoehorn observed data into the standard model whereas Electric Universe cosmology (which the "debunkers" love to sink their pathetic teeth into) uses experimentation to match observed phenomena, and despite the fact that many prominent scientists signed a request for the establishment to fund other forms of cosmology, they have more or less been ignored. Why? Probably because the government has corporations whispering in its ear: Big Bang cosmology keeps things in a materialist paradigm and pretends the aether doesn't exist, so that certain scientific advances which could hinder the profits of pharmaceutical and energy industries aren't discovered. Many scientists are like parrots that simply refuse to look beyond their mainstream education: this sounds like many scientists are in fact NT. So aliens understandably have no interest in mingling with our juvenile species.
@@kingofaspergia4331 I didn't read all of that but big bang cosmology is not fabricated and science is not a joke. Neurotypicals as you put it actually do very well in science and politics because they form alliances and follow the current more easily. People who don't function well socially are isolated and their only way of obtaining relevance is by inventing something or breaking new ground, which is rarely done by neurotypicals who see that as a waste of energy to fight against the current. Being intelligent is a way for neurodivergent people to survive. If someone is rejected socially for having an atypical personality or unattractive genes then they are no use to the society and will be left to their own demise basically. There are a few neurodivergent people who work hard enough to obtain status by proving their use to the group in the sciences. This is overall much easier for them since they can be content with lack of physical touch or social interaction for their lives.
This analysis describes exactly my relationship with my wife. I continually assume that she has essentially the same range of understanding and perception that I have. In fact, her mental purview is limited to the immediate and proximate.
Don't fight them or their mentality. It's pointless. Let it be. They will adapt to what you say/how you say it, and find ways to use it to their advantage. Amazing consequences can grow from that.
Thank you. Not just for the advice on how to handle neurotypicals, but for the clear way of explaining intellectual shortsightedness. I've been asked multiple times what ut's like being gifted (although I never use that word due to the misleading image it gives). I've tried to explain it as having a larger image of everything. We see more factors, and more importantly, the connections between them. This probably makes sense to anyone who is watching this video, but I don't think any of them really got what I meant.
Well done for calling out people. I have encountered these issues so many times. I'm currently in the negotiation stage because they realise I'm to on point to bully I literally just call them out. I hope you don't mind I shared your video on my linked in I think it's time to start turning the tables.
I can't find words to describe what finding your channel means for me. I thought I was alone, living in a planet of mentally challenged people. Your books are on their way to me :) Thank you so much! Any thoughts of creating a divergent society..? Facebook group maybe..? It is so difficult to find divergent people in this world, at least it has been for me.
Hey Gina, thank you! Well, who knows this here can be the beginning of a society 🙂. I don't think a society needs to be geographic at all cost. Thanks again! Do leave a review on Amazon of you like the books!
It's hard to hear what I am and explain people's reactions to me especially those that are 'normal. I'm a bad communicator either way and I guess in my 36 years this rehashing it with me had left people with their minds made up. There is a reason for everything protection or freedom, I don't know. I've had many head injuries, some that have left me in a coma for the day. Don't be afraid to not be too polite. The truth is whats needed. Where did everyone go in my life, I didn't want to be a dictator but I guess I had to do only what I knew! See how bad I suck at communicating!
Hey there, glad you liked it! If you connected with the video, you'll probably like my books, check them out if you're in need of a good read: "How to handle neurotypicals" bit.ly/neurotp, "Setting free the intellectually gifted" amzn.to/1TXD8OK and "I, the fly" amzn.to/2Ncnh27 Thanks for watching and commenting!
Sorry for the prob long, off topic text incoming. I had some breakthrough a few days ago, while staying at an Air BnB. I realized a photograph of a beach scenery hanging in the bathroom. I found it odd, the rest of the interior design didn't seem to match, maybe it had some personal meaning? Then it struck me: Beach is with water. Bathroom is with water. So Bathroom is with photo of beach scenery. I don't know how to convey the weight of my 'discovery', but it kinda freed me of trying to understand 'meaning' of neurotypical behaviour and choice making. It seems to be some rather basic, associative mechanism (which is making no sense for me). Thank you for your video. What a gem!
Glad I found this channel / video. IQ of 127 here... subject matter explains why i find social interactions / interpersonal relationship dynamics mentally draining.
Very seldomly, perhaps 1-2 times a year, I stumble on a video that is such insightful as this. Thank you Abel. I can recommend The Neurotypical Whisperers channel, he is also very insightful. May I ask, where did you get this wisdom? Book?
@@Abel.Abelson I have some theories of my own derived from my 30 years on this rock. One of them is that, kindness, which I thought could "buy" me respect in the past, actually is totally insignificant fot NTs. I have noticed that its totally ignored if they havent yet decided whether they respect you or not. Like they dont value your kindness. On the other hand it can actually be seen as one beeing manipulative or having an agenda. So first earn their respec, only after that your kindness will be valued :). Has that ever crossed your mind? Thanks.
@@keivankarem4195 Yes, of course, they value only power and personal advantage. On a side note, kindness aimed at earning respect is not really kindness, is it? ;) I'd be really interested in your digit ratio, see this video: ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html. It might also help you understand your own brain and mind, check it out!
@@Abel.Abelson"They value only power and personal advantage", that is very interresting, I would love to hear more. Thank you fot he link, Ill will definately let you know my digit ratio when I know it myself. Btw dont stop making videos! =)
I thought someone dropped me of on this planet as a sick joke, now I get why they do what they do finally. I would say more but the rest of the comment's here covers it all, many thanks for the video bringing clarity.
I definitely have challenges with the emotionally charged confrontational interaction feature of many NTs. I do not understand how they cannot separate emotions from reason when discussing differences. For me, it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about a mutually beneficial outcome. So, why do we have to play by their rules? Why not gently call them out on their selfish argumentative approach, and propose our way of thinking? At my age, I have no more f*cks to give about needless interpersonal drama.
Im I think what you would consider a neurotypical. My girlfriend has Asperger and in the four years that we have been together I've learned quite a lot and I very much appreciate different viewpoints. We do have differences that are rather incompatible and we try to deal with it. But I think there's no otherway than to accept that we think in a different way. I try to stay neutral with matters in general because I don't like picking sides. I feel like there's just too big of a chance Im wrong. I sometimes feel ashamed that I was born with the intellect I have (which is not high) and I've become more and more aware of my own shortsightedness which feels difficult to change too. My girlfriend also often mentions that she thinks a world where everyone would be autistic would probably be better. I don't completly agree with that at the moment but that might be a bias. I don't have a higher or lower opinion about highly intelligent/Asperger people in comparison to neurotypicals, but I feel like as a neurotypical, Im really alone because some other neurotypicals don't understand why I support some ways highly intelligent/Asperger people think and try to be as aware as possible, and on the other side Im never appreciated and accepted by highly intelligent people because Im a neurotypical and don't function like they do. Sorry for the long message:)
From what you describe, you might fall somewhere in between actually. I have noticed that it's a tough position to be in for those people. Maybe even more difficult than at the extremes, in a certain sense...
Wait...so I'm not the only one who notices this...I just ignore the little snide comments...I don't have time to engage...I'm already onto the next problem...
Yesterday I got your book "how to handle neurotypicals". You really are such an introvert! 😆 I never would have guessed from your videos this sense of humor and way of writing is you! I love it. I've waited so long to get it because I kind of wanted to see a couple of your videos first. I guess I'm always looking for "who are you" before I take a next step... like buying a book I guess 🙃 But the thing that was really holding me back was: I hate reading books. Really really really hate... When I was a kid I'd read the whole library of children's books. But as a teenager school forced me to read these "Dutch literary pearls" ... I hated reading anything after that. Some articles/ brochures I do still read if I have a goal I'd like to reach, but it still usually feels like I'm force feeding myself. Why am I telling you this? 😂 Because I started on your book yesterday morning and in the evening I was half way through it 🤯 so I think you've even helped me overcome my hate for books hahaha. Thanks I'm really enjoying the way you wrote it and the things I'm learning from it. And don't worry... I'll write a review once I've finished 🙃 (I see your requests everywhere in the comments ha ha I get it I get it.) 👍
Yes, I am really very very introverted. I'm so introverted I can hide into myself and simply go to work and function quite socially 🙂. My home is the square meter I'm standing in, it's very easy to get close, but very difficult to get in. I'm like the proverbial hermits that come out and beat you with a stick, and put you through all kinds of tests 🙂. Self-preservation I guess. I don't read books myself either, and if I do, I rush through them just to extract the information. Stopped reading fiction a long time ago, so it's really about absorbing info. Although I do watch a movie from time to time but very picky there too (but not in an "elite" fashion, I like Marvel for instance, in the end it's about neurodivergents and I like the practical approach to the theme). Thanks for buying my book, it's definitely a much closer encounter with me than any other kind, even in real life. Glad you liked it! That's really great. Oh, and do leave a review please 😄 😉.
@@Abel.Abelson just letting you know my review has been posted on Kindle, I really appreciated your book... thanks... ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Getting inside the mind of a true introvert and neurodivergent will help you to evolve from wide-eyed to empowered. Probably you'll find many thoughts and conclusions to be similar to yours, but never having someone to communicate them with makes you feel like you're the one who's wrong, stupid or weird. This book clears up everything you've been doubting about. No more question marks, but very clear exclamation marks! This book is written with a great sense of humor and is at the same time a giant wake-up call. From laughter to grief. From funny illustrations back to the harsh reality... this book takes you to all the places you've already visited but never realised they were true. This book takes you to all the places you've never visited and takes you by the hand like a big brother would. Take this from someone who hates reading: read it! :)"
I add that they quickly invent what I call "logical excuses" so that we neurodivergents (but actually also with other neurotypes, it's all a battle between them too) we do not reach advantages during the relationship (negotiation)
Also thank you so much, it's nice to have another view on how they function (our theories on the NT mind are pretty similar, just different words sorta) Also very helpful advice :) I think they don't think someone needs or wants something if they don't fight for it to an extent, hence you have to be pushy and insistent even sorta business-deal-ish to get your nedds and wants met. When it comes to tribalism, while we (autistic variants) might consider ourself to be the group atleast in the moment. Whereas neurotypicals see the group as themself atleast in the moment. (So for us it's "I'm part of this group" and for them it's "This group is an extension of me" or something like that, I hope the meanings behind my words are getting across). They will (to our definitions/perception) abuse those who won't do anything about it, and on some level I think this is because they don't recognize any distress (annoyance is different than distress for them) and so they don't stop doing it. NTs want someone who can lose without exacting revenge on the one who won the fight, and/or will sacrifice for the tribe. Checks out honestly, thanks again :D
i've been struggling to handle idiots, especially my parents ever since i was small, noone ever tried to understand what i meant by what i said, they always brushed it off by saying "ah let him be, he is still a child" or such excuses which deeply annoyed me as i couldn't argue back due to having asian parents... they would just always remove what i loved /what i got attached to every time i found a sense of purpose and would always mentally abuse me as if i was a stupid idiot with low I.Q. it took me 18 years to find you and i feel saved, tysm abel for your videos, finally i got someone i can relate to. nowadays i started being more quiet as in i try to not stand out too much, my grades went from As and Bs with no study to Fs with trolling, i draw peppa pig and stupid things on tests because they are just pointless and stupid imo.
Neurotypicals are really shortsighted. I'm clinically neurotypical but quite different from peers around me. I wont call myself socially awkward but im sometimes reserved. I socialize based on my comfort level and i'm not rude intentionally. I just want to left alone at certain times, but that is seen as very rude and insulting. In retaliation, neurotypicals use insults and abusive language to punish me for my "bad" behavior.
Abel, it seems that I have this battle of N.D. vs N.T. with mental health professionals all the time. The ones I've dealt with have extremely narrow ways of interacting with me. Most of these "professionals" have offered little to no useful tools on how to deal with the N.T. world. Do you have any recommendations on how to get useful help from N.T. mental health professionals? Thanks.
You won't really get useful help from them, if you ask me. First, either they are NT themselves so they don't have the helicopter view in this, or they are non NT that are sold to the idea that NT is the way for everyone. I recommend my book if course (link in description), otherwise I wouldn't have written it 😉, and it contains most of what you need to know to get you started in a whole other ballgame... Check it out, I'm truly convinced it will help you because it's exactly written to answer among others, the kind of questions you struggle with.
Sadly, this is so true. All I ever look to do is find the happy place for both parties, and it truly is rare that anyone looks out for others in negotiation applicable moments. Strangely, most people even take a defensive posture when you try to advocate for them within the bounds of your advocation for your own needs. They see it as you trying to manipulate them.
I agree with everything here, but I do feel like people who do not think this way will interpret it as arrogant and aggressive. Which is often what they think of what I say. That's what I'm trying to figure out, how to explain our differences in a way that they won't take as arrogant and aggressive.
self defence jaer that might be a good idear it could help with one's appearence in the eyes of other , i'm thinking if one is more confident it shows it's proberly good excercise aswell and that can't hurt an old gamer like me :) abel u say some interesting things i just found out(5 days a'go) i'm on the spectrum at the tender age of 37 and a half :) (bad humor is also humor) and wow mindblowing stuff , explains so much so quickly , i have to nap once or twice a day because i get tired from processing it all lol have a good one all and merry x-mas too
Very nice video, last parts were very good. When I was little, I thought if I didn't look like a threat, people won't hurt me. Unfortunately the opposite is true, generally what stops people from making harm is fear :/
I don't think I've found such an accurate reflection on youtube thus far and I have encountered some really profound youtube channels which have helped me quite a lot.
Is there a class in college or degree I can get learning about this stuff. I always thought these things I just never knew they had words or that there was others like me. Please contact me if you’d like to have one of those group discussions that strive to improve all in it verbally.
I´m neurotypical but this is something that I struggle with too. When I allow myself to think of people as winning oriented, I suddenly know my way out of a stressful situation that they create. It makes a lot of sense. Could you please make a video with more precise examples of fighting and standing your ground? It´s hard for me to imagine a constructive fighting scenario.
Maybe you're less neurotypical than you think? Yes, good request. I'm not really in a video making groove for the moment, am more writing when I have time, but when I do I'll certainly try to answer that. If not, remind me :)
Great concepts, I don't understand why neurotypicals always want an argument instead of discussing ideas and viewpoints to learn. Also with the ADD and high IQ I too can see in a 'different' way and somehow neurotypicals often need to be spoon-fed each step to see what I can see just like a picture, mostly I just give up and let them misunderstand me. Some people cannot even manipulate shapes, ideas, etc in their mind at all
Omg.
Thank you.
You're very welcome. Glad you liked it 😊. Check out my books also, if you liked the video, I'm sure you'll love the books! amzn.to/3paQsmz
I love being wrong, it corrects my viewpoint and creates new possibilities.
I think it's strange that people get mad or deny facts when they are wrong,. The truth is way better than being right.. IMO
It's not all that strange if you understand how the mind really works (or more precisely, the minds, taking neurodiversity into account). Facts or truth never interested them in the first place, they're into tribalism and what empowers them, and whether it's true or correct, they don't care. They'll gladly defend something completely mistaken as a way of defending their bro or sis who just uttered the stupidity. And attack you for saying a truth that doesn't suit them or that puts their mini-tribe in a bad light (in other words, threatens to lower their dominance rank), usually with a personal attack ("haha you're stupid") or with some insane pseudo-arguments.
@@Abel.Abelson Yep, 100%. When in doubt, they get the ad hominem out.. hehehe
Same here... People think I challenge thier views because I'm trying to best them but I want to Learn things
@@ThomasDoubting5 It's because when they challenge views, it's in a hierarchical effort to best someone else and gain some advantage (moving up the ladder, impressing someone, ...). They project their characteristics on you, just like we sometimes on them. A lot of confusion stemls frm this projection, from not totally integrating the reality of neurodivergence/neurodiversity.
I’m told that “being nice is better than being right” but like why is being wrong nice?
It's hard not to be bitter when dealing with NTs. But, with practice, one eventually forms a truce with themselves, and finds some semblance of peace.
Not me.
Best way to deal with normies, is by not dealing with them at all imo.
Not me.
@benjamin4930 The only way to win is to not play.
They can keep their no-win games to themselves.
I agree, and I am still bitter and resentful towards them. The combination of their lack of empathy and lack of intelligence is seldom tolerable.
This makes a lot of sense in traffic. Most NT drivers act very badly to other drivers and never feel shame about it.
I've felt mistreated my whole life by peers and there was a period when, because of my cooking studies I was forced to stay in a very competitive environment. I was bullied throughout my school years so at 22 I decided that I wouldn't get the same treatment from anyone else. People literally trash talked every single person of the group while being in the same room and I really felt weighed down by this environment.
I was "attacked" a lot, but that experience was kind of a verbal judo gym for me and I was very proud of myself when I arrived to firmly but politely tell a girl to stop interrupting me when I talked. The look on her face was priceless. By adopting that stance, gradually people stopped talking to me. I realised that to them I would have been nothing but someone to push around if I didn't do that. And between trying to win their favor, hoping that they would like me and respect me while being abused and being avoided but respected I definitely preferred the second.
This thought still fills me with melancholy, but since I've had the same experience over and over with most neurotypicals I think I just need to accept the truth that I will never fit in within their groups. And that's okay. My life was very unhappy when I attempted to "become" one of them. It's very sad when a child is born gifted/aspie/asd in a family of neurotypicals who will force them to be "normal" instead than following their individualities.
That child, especially if their parents forbid him to follow his interests and talents, will grow up very damaged, thinking they are stupid and useless.
When my therapist told me that I was a gifted person and that she rarely gets patients like me I wouldn't even believe her. Thank you for your video, it really helped me shading some light over "why" people act like that with those they perceive as "different". It's because we actually are different, and no amount of self-sacrifice from our part will change that.
I'm really glad it was helpful to you, and thanks for commenting! That's one of the most intelligent and meaningful comments I've read, thanks for sharing. And I couldn't agree more... Even understanding all that, it still remains kind of painful, right? But at least, it makes sense, and it becomes possible to handle things.
Have you seen my vid on prenatal testosterone? It'll interest you, check it out here and let me know your digit ratio, it's kind of my personal research for the moment: ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html.
I feel like I grew up in a family of neurotypicals and never really fit in with them.
@@khybot Yes, same here. I actually feel like I was thrown on a plent of neurotypicals and never fit in :) But there are definitely very good ways of handling all of this. There's no need to fit in, and many easy ways to handle NT in mutually beneficial ways once you understand how they tick. I'm finishing a book on that now, by the way, should be out soon, I'll update with a video on this channel.
Beautiful message, thank you!!
That last paragraph describes my life very well. I was definitely gifted and also suffering from aspergers, I don't really think I'm smart anymore but I'm sure I once was. I always had a feeling I was "different" and not part of the group. It took me 15 years (I'm currently 17) to realize that I wasn't the broken one, they were, they are the ones who are trapped inside their limited minds. Still, I'm very depressed and I feel so alone, I never found anyone I could truly connect with my entire life and that hurts so much. Even if I did, I'm not sure I'd be capable of showing empathy or real care towards them anyways. I don't know, I just feel so lost and without purpose, I feel like an alien, I don't know what I want to do wih my life and I don't know if I like anything anyways. I just had to vent, sorry.
Thank you! ADHD / Borderline Asperger's here. You are completely right, they do not care. I need to find others like me. I am very lonely, 27 years old. I knew this was the case but never liked it, I picked up very early what was going on.
You're welcome :) Thanks for commenting! Have you seen my video on prenatal testosterone ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html Might be of great help in finding others like you.
@LouiseLog were you asking for help, it looks like you were, but I could be wrong.
It’s a bit more complex in the communities I interact with, generally speaking. The very act of fighting, in itself, is a loss for the intellectually gifted and often the ends of the neurotypical. It’s not a fight based on logic and reason. There is a need to be right beyond rationality that is usually not worth engaging in. Other times they don’t even seek truth, I believe because it’s something they fear more, almost as an existential threat to their reality, which I don’t want to disturb. I would prefer a physical fight over these not based or aimed towards any rational end. Great topic
Very insightful
Wow this makes so much sense, especially the bit about being "intellectually short sighted". I always say that all people (referencing neurotypicals specifically, and admittedly overgeneralizing) are biased, short sighted, and take as many intellectual short cuts as possible to avoid thinking about details. I think we are in agreement there. Thanks for this video, good information.
You're welcome, glad you liked it!
All high functioning autistics need to hear this. This is so helpful.
Thanks! Glad you found it helpful!
Abel, I am blown away by how you manage to put this into words. The conflict, although I'm engaging in it, because I have no choice, when I have to subsist amongst these individuals, feels hideous: chaotic, frantic, consuming, animalistic, uncivilised.
They're a less evolved subspecies of human, more primitive, barely functioning beyond myopic emotional instincts. They're probably an evolutionary dead-end, harboring a form of functioning that was successful tens of thousands of years ago. But it will take a long time to evolve them out of the gene pool.
This is like a very powerful quote, “Take it easy, but take it!” meaning that the best way to go by life is to not completely avoid our problems but rather confront it in a manner where the outcome can benefit you and everybody else.
Something like that... As long as the taking is fair, and not without limits, and the result is fair, I can agree :)
Hi, I am a neurotypical person and I’m watching your video to gain further insight as to how neurodiverse people perceive and understand neurotypicals. Thank you for this video. I would like you to know that many of us neurotypicals do truly accept those who are neurodiverse. I honestly do care, and I strive to always do my very best to continue caring in a deep way about the neurodiverse people in my life. Thanks again.
You're welcome. And thanks :) Just a thought: maybe you're not all that neurotypical, if you really think about it?
@@Abel.Abelson As an asperger myself, I do not think that most neurotypicals are against us or that I need to be in the mindset of being "ready to fight" in their presence. I don't need to "handle" anyone, I just want to communicate with them. There are scientifically no "human sub-species", there are no races, and there are sub-species created by neurological differences, the differences - not matter how big they might feel - are not even close genetically to classify neurotypicals and us as "different species", even races do not exist. There is only one unified human specie. I can hardly believe that people around here can say that neurotypicals are like "animals" either. I'm not more intelligent than anyone, atypical or not. I'm *differently* intelligent. They have a much better social intelligence than most of us and they have a more balanced intelligence.
This is not the representation I'm looking for.
@@jas_bataille We think they're like animals because they think more so with emotion than they do with logic which invariably leads to them being unpleasant or hostile towards us if we point out the flaws in their thinking. Neurotypicals don't necessarily have better social intelligence either: we can mask our autism, it's just draining for us to do so; they're designed to "fit in", but this isn't a desirable trait to have as our species advances technologically as it makes us tribalistic, and tribalism combined with advanced technology is dangerous which is why I believe human model 2 will be more independent mentally albeit be considered socially awkward and on some kind of spectrum ;D
Thank you, Rainy Midnight, for the compassion. When NTs replace emotion with compassion, they have the potential to understand so much more.
Hi Freaky GC, you’re most welcome. Wishing you all the best.
As a miscellaneous being, my experience of neurotypicals started with my biological family.
Using observation as a tool put me in the benefit of understanding human nature at it's totality. What makes them tick, what pleasures them, what saddens them, etc. A buffet of emotions set by a myriad of triggers.
I call it the fox method. A fox is an analyst in a sense that its mentally taking notes as feedback to draw an conclusion. To make a response.
Charisma, Calmness and Confidence alleviates the fear of them going into terror mode. Humans in general get scared of the unknown because it's unknown to their nature. By showing comfort, they show comfort. It's like a mirror effect. Big fan of your channel!
Yes, you have to approach them with arms in the air, and a face that screams "harmless".
I am intelectually gifted, but I am not autistic, though as a ADHD person I can totally relate. I def. see things as you explained. Why you stoped to record, these videos are gold.
Thanks :) ! I stopped (temporarily) because I'm writing another book. Just stay subscribed and be patient (arguably hard for someone with ADHD :) ) and you'll hear from me here when it's ready.
Many symptoms can overlap - i have neither autism, nor adhd, nor a personality disorder - just complex trauma, both visual and logical skills - and thus i am as neurodiverse as it gets. I even have similar symptoms like the other states - in certain situation i avoid eye contacts, because my mirror neurons enable me to feel anything i see. I dont necessarily have a sensory overload though - besides of course the somatic sense. Its basically like telepathy with emotions. But i work in stem fields, i am working as programmer, statistics, data sciences.. But i might study psychology later. I have a 2 hour attentionspan, mostly due to daily meditations. The mental horizon of neurodivergent people is more like mine. In myself consciousness is not a spark with 1 thought at a time - its a procedural landscape. At least when im happy. When im unhappy, i become as split as most people are - but when im doing good, my left and right hemisphere synch up, and my consciousness engulfs my subconsciousness.. This interconnectedness is certainly also neurological.
Yeah martial arts is good to learn to mentally stand up for yourself.. I am a horizontal person, i am not interested in dominating or submissive behaviours, so i always needed these skills so that the neurotypical persons understand where my boundaries are.. This is problematic because im only fixing my boundaries now - they had been eroded during my childhood.
@@thenaturalpeoplesbureau CPTSD and Autism have many many overlaps. The affects of long term Trauma literally change the plasticity of your brain.
Me- Aspie, Adhd, Cptsd... ugh
@@thenaturalpeoplesbureau you nicname lol 😂 I am sorry to read that, hope you will recover❤️
@@DedHedZed stay strong ❤️
You should write another book with more of these very interesting und useful explanations. They are like animals.
Thanks for the kind suggestion, I might :)
Thats exactly what I was thinking. A sad state of affairs for us.
@@charlesbradley7113 It is a sad state of affairs for us. But I am convinced things will get better for I feel we will become the dominant breed. Neurotypical tribalism kept us together in the wilderness, but now technology has reached an advanced state, Neurotypical tribalism threatens to end our species with nuclear war (also on a lesser note: creative thinkers will flourish more so alongside AI workforces than simple-minded doers whom excel at just following orders) ergo a new dominant neurology is required to unite the many collectivist factions by disposing of their political and/or religious dogma and replacing it with logic. This requires a logical neurotype that will be perceived disordered whilst Neurotypicality rules for logic is the stranger Neurotypicality thinks it knows: in other words, dogmatists don't realise they're dogmatists.
For all interested, check out my Ebook on amazon. It's called *Autism: Epidemic or Evolution?* By me G. C. Timbrell.
Well... we are animals after all, i wonder if a 300 iq person thinks the same about us xddd
@@kingofaspergia4331 Well a nice Utopia, but how will you handle the consequences potties in idiocrazy?
Won't they just overrun you?
That's literally what I need now. Today I was asking myself if I should just change my attitude and acting more 'emotionally intelligent', as I do need to live in this society and gather resources at the current stage. At the same time I was worrying about betraying myself. You video has given me an insight of how to balance between acting 'emotionally intelligent' and protect my integrity at the same time. Thank you.
Ran into this so many times. Some people will immediately perceive me as weak probably because I'm introverted and I don't make any effort to shows others what my own place in their stupid hierarchy should be. I get an immediate attack, I won't submit to their attempt at social domination, but I also won't participate in the kind of fight for power they're trying to initiate with me. This makes them extremely mad and I think from reactions I've seen over time they almost regard it as though I fooled or manipulated them - I didn't outwardly and loudly signal to them that I was equal to or above them in their imaginary hierarchy, so they assumed I was below, but then when they attacked me, my not caring about or yielding to, or even defending against their attack, I think is perceived as me acting as though I'm WAY above them. They get very mad.
This was hilarious and informative at the same time hehe
As someone who loves making people mad this is a massive win
This happened to me it’s so stupid 😭😭😭
@@alexdiaz4296 soooo stupid ugh
wtf im not even autistic and this is an exact copy of my thoughts for so many years. The social hierarchy peacocking game is the most shallow moronic imbecile shit in the history of anything.
Along the same lines, I would describe my interactions with aggressive neurotypicals (Humans with a strong, active ego), as "extreme non-reactivity". Because what I find, is that essentially "It takes two to tango", and when you don't react in any type of self-defense to say an insult, then their entire narrative lacks a character to attack. Its like they are talking to nobody (me). So someone might be frustrated with their place in society, and their financial situation, and attack me with "Hey you are pretty short, so you can have this chair to stand on instead of me since there is only one chair" (While we are working). And I recognize this as a type of "invitation to argue". But I stay relaxed, and say "okay". And then I keep working. And 15 minutes later, they usually calm down and lose all will to fight. I find I become invincible in a way. And I have never in my life seen someone physically attack a person who is not attacking them back in some way first. People don't want to go to jail for having attacked someone who was just sitting there minding their own business, and talking factually and relaxed. In case of insane people or muggers, it is good to know some martial arts or have some weapon handy also. But my first line of defense is non-reactiveness. Or just agree with their attack "Yeah I guess I am shorter than you. Thats life". -And people lose all will to attack you.
The hilarious (and a bit frustrating at times) thing is they are too stupid to understand that not engaging =/= approval which might lead to them getting confused about the whole situation or your relation to them later. They might tell someone else you agreed with that they said and/or come up with all kinds of other false memories of you telling them things, might even start to like you a little XD. Some people who have been abusive have been so surprised once I completely dropped whatever was left of my mask toward them. "Hmm I did X to this person before and he/she didn't seem to mind..what's the issue all of sudden???".
Not saying I disagree with anything you said; being non-reactive like you're describing has probably saved me much more headache than I'll ever know. Ultimately we can't control what anyone else thinks and it shouldn't matter to us either. They'll always continue to make up little stories in their heads.
At first I found "mentally shortsighted" so highly entertaining that I was laughing to myself but then I paused to consider it and it seems fitting and apt.
You need to have both feet on the ground to be ready to tackle the world. If you're dependent on somebody else you cannot do it -financially, psychologically etc. Or it becomes very difficult. It's almost like freedom breeds freedom, you have to be capable to be capable in other dimensions of life so that you can stand up for yourself.
this video has brought me so much consolation. you explain it in a really official, proper way and it's great!!
i have come to a point where i realised they're all the same in this way and there's no changing it with logical explanations. it just makes me more despairingly depressed and ill. just knowing there's someone out there that understands is just absolute serenity for me, otherwise i start thinking maybe i'm crazy, because of the amount of "friends" i have lost just from being honest - and by this i don't mean being rude (from a neurotypical's perspective!) i mean acknowledging their abuse/ letting them know when they ignored me or told me they know better when they couldn't possibly/ giving them some advice like 'when you're conscious you don't need outer things to change for you to feel better'. people have blocked me for questioning them. it's just so sad more than anything. i think about this problem so much that it's actually become my special interest.
there's a tony attwood quote: "it seemed that other people's 'normality' was the road to my insanity".
it's hard to keep going when you think you're the only one. you've given me hope in humanity. thank you. and also some really useful advice and motivation.
i suppose we are their mirror because you see what's in your own head, and that's why they see stupidity in me. "thinking is hard, that's why most people judge" - carl jung.
i am definitely going to check out your book, not only because i bet it's really interesting and useful (and funny!?), but because i appreciate what a challenging venture that can be in this society.
it's true that they subconsciously react to you, so just a change in body language can help protect you and they won't even consciously know why. off to practise my punches and kicks now...
Hi there, thanks for letting me know it was meaningful to you. I'm glad I could be of some help!
My book is more like a deep and personal, emotional exploration of all these topics, if that would interest you, do go ahead and check it out. Maybe the reviews of other readers can give you an idea of whether it would be helpful to you (see the Amazon page, link in the description)...
@@Abel.Abelson sounds great will do
Thanks so much for your lovely comment!
Remember this, the people who cancel youtubers for criticising the use of /[enter emotion short here], are the same people who WILL, and I repeat WILL, stab you in the back when you question them...
Have a nice day.
Wow this is brilliant. I never realized this. Fight and negotiate with those people. I refused to ever stand my ground, as a kid, and I don't like convincing people they're wrong, or convincing my parents I should grow up already. Turns out it's literally a requirement with them. I love most of all having discussions exploring a topic, sharing ideas, whatifs, but everyone else just wonders what am I talking about. We need to meet more people like us.
When I negotiate obviously I think of the world, and both parties interests. It was an eye-opener when you said they only think for themselves. I thought as nice intelligent people we all watch out for each other.
@@hufficag this has been such a difficult thing for me to learn. It contributed really hard to my depression for a long time
Really precious comment!
Being ready to fight brings peace. You can see it in our biology. Smiling is essentially showing ones teeth to say "look, I can hurt you". And because this didn't happen then, two people looking at each other with their teeth shining stay peaceful, smiling actually is a DNA encoded symbol of peace and friendship and not showing teeth is confrontative.
I suppose the same is true for eye contact. I see you!!!! I am ready to fight!!!! So it doesn't happen. If you look somewhere else the neurotypical's predator comes out to eat you.
Interesting, never thought of it that way, you might have a point there.
@@Abel.Abelson I suppose being ready to fight (smiling, eye contact) is also a sign of respect. You acknowledge that the other person is dangerous, which is reassuring them and flattering.
Very succinct description of basic differences between neuro divergent and neuro typical. I've always wondered why some people I know make it very difficult when they ASK me to assist and/or help them. It's like a battle, they want a solution to a problem but they get angry when I try to get them to change how they are trying to solve the problem.
Just stumbled across your channel. Great stuff. Will definitely check out more of your content.
Was reading up a little on this as well right before watching. What really kills me is how serious, anxious and rigid it all seems. From the worldview of the NT that is. Everything seems so important to them down to the smallest wording, change in posture or facial gesture and so on. They feel such strong urge to correct any discrepancies they would rather destroy the entire vibe of a conversation than keep silent/make genuinely curious inquiries about it. YET a prevailing attitude I've experienced toward the "others" has been ridicule over how non-chill those people supposedly are in regular conversation. The NT will assume someone is bragging for example when the person is just trying to connect by sharing something about him/herself. They'll then roll their eyes and/or snicker and say something sarcastic while thinking "why can't he/she just relax and be cool like everyone else instead of trying to steal all attention". Isn't this type of criticism very ironic? Is it some sort of projection?
Yo... What you wrote just blew my mind... It all makes sense...
Recently I was talking in a youtube channel live stream and trying to 'connect' by giving my 2 cents on the topics being discussed and a person called me a midwit, and I was like "what do you mean?" because it was a shock to me since everything I was saying was topical and should've went well with everyone. He replied "all you say is clichés that everyone here knew when they were 16".
And that shit hurt, but I was like "does it matter if they're clichés if they're still true?"
anyways it hurt because he was part of the community I thought I was a part of. I analyzed why he said all of that and it didn't make sense to me, I never said I was smart and his insult had some anger behind it.
But now I get what happened after reading your comment... I was viewed as a competitor a social threat, essentially my behavior was deemed as a disruptive stance in the NT order.
(I admit though that I was speaking too comfortably since I wasn't paying close enough attention to the conversational dynamics like the frequency of people's input, so I was arrogant without being aware).
I've only just discovered I'm high functioning autistic or aspergers not diagnosed but everything fits because I relate so much to you and other high functioning people.
Thanks because it's not been easy especially with family they hate me
You're welcome, and thank you for your comments :) My book might interest you, I've had quite some reactions from people like you, who felt recognized... Which is always a great feeling, and sometimes even a necessity... You can check it out here: amzn.to/1TXD8OK
I will endeavor to read your book in the future.. Keep up the good work.
@@ThomasDoubting5 Thanks :)
I’ve never understood neurotypicals in everyday conversations. A lot of it is just small talk and judgement. They try to establish a social hierarchy and set social positions based on every conversation. I’ve never had a sense of this, so it’s kind of a stupid concept to me. How would they possibly get anything done if they repeatedly my put social hierarchy above the task at hand? They talk despite their lack of substance.
As an empathizer, I often find it confusing when I see folks in my family (I don't get out much), fight over certain things, and refuse to even consider other positions. I often end up understanding both sides of the argument, thus making up my mind and taking sides difficult for me, and I can also see what both sides need to work on/improve upon. I am also capable of understanding my emotions, and why I feel the way I do about certain things. I am pretty good at calling out my own BS. Can anyone relate? Does this have anything to do with intellectual giftedness?
I think this has more to do with a "feminine" brain, cfr. my video on prenatal testosterone ("The two types of intellectual giftedness"). I'm very similar to your description myself. This doesn't as such make you "intellectually gifted" (and who gives a hoot anyway, giftedness is another one of those flawed concepts). "Intellectually gifted" simply means doing well on a certain type of test they dubbed "Intelligence Quotient Test", as far as I'm concerned it doesn't say much about intelligence anyway, and the kind of (very important) intelligence you describe, which is more in the lines of emotional intelligence, flexibility and low narcissism, is not taken into account in an IQ test.
@@Abel.Abelson I disagree, since my ratio points to more testosterone but I relate to what is said by the commenter to a T.
@@Abel.Abelson IQ tests even correlate with the speed at which a person's neurons fire and accurately correlate with their creativity. Read about fluid intelligence and working memory; they're both things that are genetic and practical for real life in every moment in every situation 😁
But I think the real reason for what he's describing is a lack of bias. We aren't as impacted by biases, because biases exist for the sake of social cohesion, not improving our reasoning ability.
@@christiantaylor1495 I find what you're saying interesting. Can you elaborate further on what you mean by "biases exist for the sake of social cohesion, not improving our reasoning ability"?
@@christiantaylor1495 iq test most definitely do not have the ability to measure intelligence. if you really analyze it, this fact would be painfully obvious.
this came in at the perfect time, i have been disheartened at work because my ideas kept getting shot down. After seeing this i decided to go try out my ideas anyway, and it worked, so now im going to actually get some enthusiasm for my work back. thank you.
This guy is SOOOOOO on point wow. I really love this channel... And the subtle cuts in at least most of his videos where he doesn't miss a beat or show any change in his face... priceless
I find great value in your words from my perspective. I have Asperger Syndrome and had my IQ tested formally once; it was above average. I thought for a long time that i was superior in many ways than the average person; later i found out that this was a foolish and naive thought. Now i have a better comprehension of cognition and i can see neurotypicals in a better and more respectful way.
Thank you! I'm glad it resonates with you. Have a look at my books too, I think I'm a better writer than I am a video maker so they might very well interest you :) amzn.to/3paQsmz
I recently understood that I have to have the stance not to be harmed by others but also to be listened but also to be good to myself and to them.
It is emotionally more difficult to have the stance when you do not know anyone other than yourself.
Thank you very much. I understand.
You're very welcome! Thanks for commenting!
Dear Abel, your video is ‘righting’ my brain. Just tonight I flashed back to 20 years ago when I was first thrust into the office politics of the working world. I experienced exquisite depression which weaved itself into facets of my life. Although it’s been a couple of years knowing that I’m Asperger, you succinctly explained the whys of my crisis in this video, and with such humor. Consider me subbed and following. Your fan, TC
Thank you for the insight. I totally see what you're talking about. I encounter this so much and I'm like, "I'm just not going to deal with you." I think people perceive that as being stuck up, but really, I hate dealing with petty stuff like that. So, your approach is really interesting. It's difficult for me, because I don't want to "stoop to their level" or "play their games," but it's perhaps impossible for them to even understand where I'm coming from.
I've also read your book and have been doing a lot of research on giftedness and it's helped me understand myself and the world so much better. Thanks for the video and your thoughts.
Thanks for your kind comment :) If I can ask you a favor: please leave a review where you bought the book, it would be extremely kind and helpful of you! :thumbsup:
@@Abel.Abelson You're welcome. Thanks for writing such an honest, insightful book.
I actually got your book from the Queens Library here in NYC, but I will leave a review on Goodreads. Thanks for writing your book. It's great to be able to hear from someone who has had similar experiences in coming to understand themselves as gifted.
I'm some kind of neurodivergent... I don't even know what I am, and I don't know my IQ... but I can relate to a lot of what I saw in this video, particularly for the "short-sightedness" part.
To me, the most challenging has been the way typical people relate to rules and morality and the enormous peer pressure to break them...
The way that's natural for me to think is...
- Actions have consequences
- There are rules that were established in order to prevent certain negative consequences. They must not be broken except for a very good reason... Breaking them causes a lot of guilt.
- I wouldn't suspect others of breaking them... again except for very good reason...
Most importantly, the entire system of rules and morality needs to make sense... You need to imagine what society as a whole looks like when the rules are followed - and when they aren't.
But in my youth I discovered that this is not how most people see rules, moral principles, etc...
- The rules exist just because, and consequences just happen. You don't think of those consequences, let alone connect the rules to the consequences.
- There is no right and wrong, only cool and weird. Most rules are broken by some people most of the time. You must not break them any more - or any less - than anyone else. You don't even think of what they are... You don't even know what they are. You just do what others do, that's it! And no one's following any rules when no one's watching.
- Depending on the surrounding culture, things that seem pretty egregious can be not only normalized... but even demanded of you... (e.g. physical violence for boys growing up in Russia, bribery in a lot of countries)
- And ironically... things that are most offensive to others... aren't breaking any rules you'd find stated anywhere! They usually involve some variation on the theme of failing to pretend something is the way it "should" be even when everyone really knows it isn't but can't admit it. In Eastern cultures they call it "losing face"... As much as we pretend we don't have that concept in the west.... we do! We just do it differently.
An almost-perfect simplistic illustration of that difference is the speed limit...
My natural way of thinking when learning how to drive was something to the tune of:
- The speed limit is 100 km/h. That's the fastest you can drive here safely... Drive faster than that and you'll endanger lives.
- You must drive exactly at 100 km/h or less... and you wouldn't expect anyone to be speeding... unless there's an emergency.
- If someone tailgates you, they are being "the bad guy" - let them pass you...
So... here goes my first highway. 70 kph limit... everyone's doing 100... I'll lose my license if I get anywhere near the flow of traffic. Construction zone! 50kph. Traffic speed? Still 100. Like... is this some kind of bad dream? A car on my tail... Another one... Another one... hoooooonk!
The real "rules" are:
You go as fast as everyone else - that's it! Even the cops know everyone's speeding and will be somewhat tolerant.... But... you might still get a ticket - bad luck... But doing exactly the speed limit might be flirting with death in some places. And creating a dangerous situation on the road is perfectly justified to punish someone who doesn't go with the flow. I was expecting a certain percentage of people to speed.... but I couldn't even imagine *the majority* being willing to punish someone for *not breaking the rule*.
In the social world... it gets even more like that.... from making promises you don't intend on keeping... to the never-ending labyrinth of rules around dating... where you don't see how anyone can possibly get a lasting relationship without ever risking being the bad person.
That's a long list of very perspicacious observations! I couldn't agree more. It's quite a challenge being a neurodivergent in a (by definition of course) neurotypical world, isn't it ;)
I struggled decades with the whole thing, but now I'm really like surfing the waves for the most time. You should definitely check out my book "How to handle neurotypicals" bit.ly/neurotp, it's like written for you :) I'm not saying I have all the answers, but there are definitely a lot of important realizations and angles that, if I had had them earlier in life, things would have been so much easier - which is why I wrote the book, to help people like you get ahead of the curve faster... You can read the first part on Amazon, follow the link.
@@Abel.Abelson Thanks a lot! You have some very interesting materials.
@Curious Inquirer I absolutely love this comment and completely agree with everything you've said.
I've never looked at it this way....but it kinda makes sense the more I realize how society is set up.
You should definitely read my book "How to handle neurotypicals" then ;) bit.ly/neurotp
Thank you for this video, it makes me feel so much more equipped to deal with neurotypical people.
Hey Lise, fabulous! If you're interested in the subject, my book "How to handle neurotypicals" bit.ly/neurotp is definitely the next stop ;) !
The only reason I'm watching this, is for my new friend who is gifted.
She is an amazing, kind and beautiful person and understands me.
On the other side, I don't and these videos help me connect more with her. Thank you💙
I'm glad to have been of help! Have a great time with your friend :)
Merci Abel, i just bought your "How to handle neurotypicals " book and will resume my boxing training again. Appreciate
Thank you! Good for you! Looking forward to your review on Amazon (if you liked it of course ;) )!
@@Abel.Abelson just finished the book, beautiful read, shit is all making sense now im finna cop the second one (diary of an ET) bless up my brother appreciate
This is absolutely fascinating. Im.getting so much insight. I have adhd and dyslexia. But not autism. So im not nerotypical but also not on the spectrum. But I feel like im learning more about my brothers and sisters almost. I get autistic people much better that nerotypical.
I'm autistic and feel the same about ADHD and dyslexic people!
Same thing happened to me when I started working out. A classmate of mine that used to be physically intimidating in a way that every encounter felt like danger turned in to a great friend of mine.
Thank you so much for your videos, they go a long way towards helping me understand the neurotypical mind. (All neurotypicals are different, of course, but I'm generalising here.) In a complicated way, as well as getting frustrated with neurotypicals for caring about hierarchies, thinking I mean anything other than what I say etc, I feel sorry for these people. It sounds to me like such a depressing way to live, treating everyone and everything as a piece in a never-ending game of power. Even the people who think they've won this game continually worry about being overthrown.
I have many things to add to this topic from odd outside observations on my path. These concepts tie directly into spiritual concepts, esoteric teachings
Thank you so much, you just put into words what I was struggling, wondering and grieving about almost all my live. Seeing NT as just mentally short sighted, not evil, just some other type of human being, that really helps. I am kind of looking forward now to my next situation with a NT and I’ll try to be ready to fight, and ready lose! ❤
By chance I went to a free coaching that is focused on giftedness and high sensitivity. I went there to rule it out and opt for ad(h)d diagnostics or dogmatic / religious communities. Could not believe the guy diagnosed me on the spot and how he put all my frustrating, confusing and stressful life experiences into a context that made complete sense. I’ve been scared to accept this due to risking arrogance or narcissism. I’ve stumbled upon your videos and with every resonating connection I feel lighter, having more space in my mind and body. Thank you greatly for sharing your personal insights in such a precise and humble way 🙏🏻 all the best for you
Learned so much about myself and my relationships in so little time it is shocking
Your voice and face have been guiding me through many difficult days. Thank you for your help.
This speaks so much wisdom . Thanks man.
You're welcome :) Thanks for the kind comment!
you are so brave for saying this.. you so so pure... i hope to meet people like you in my life very soon. i love you
No 'teacher' nor psychologist ever told me this, wonder why, because what you are talking about seems exactly as it is. Maybe perhaps they weren't teaching at all, nor trying to understand the mind.
From personal experience, when I (tried) being nice to people, quite often I would get negative responses, like it would't fit in their small box, so yes lies and abuse seem to be the par in a paradigm of 'combativeness'. A really tiring paradigm to reside in, so its best to create a better one. May the real homo sapience stand up, as I would love to live in a society that doesn't have to put people into small boxes, but many people seem wanting to be in a small box.Dealing with many people can be quite difficult for me, but this information will help me. Even so I will still be on my own for the most time, as it still a massive energy drain. For the other part I look for people I can vibe with so to say. Thank you for making this video.
Thank you for your kind comment! I think most teachers/psychologists fall in the broad categories of either not really wanting to help, and/or not really understanding anything and just playing teacher/psychologist. You're definitely getting the point and are on the right track.
@@Abel.Abelson Thank you for the positive reinforcement. I think I've met both those kind of people. So it isn't really fair to be angry at them, or for that matter at myself. It's just difficult to find my own path in life, and to make it also one that crosses other paths of worth while endeavors. Everyone has their own demons I think. Some people fit together and some don't, so neither I or others (society) should force such things.
This is a fair breakdown of one aspect of masculinity.
Yes, as a woman I don't relate to it as much but I can see how it is useful for men. In my experience, NT women are baffled by me and often intimidated, so I'm excluded from NT female friend groups. In order to be included you have to fake nice and fake friendly and fake fake fake. Can't do it.
It's not just neurotypical men who do this. Neurotypical women are the same.
Abel, I am currently at chapter 25 of Freeing and it is what I've been coping with these past few years. The entire book, thus far, seems ripped from my own life. Thank you for writing it since it is incredibly validating to have your inner truth mirrored. Cheers.
Onto chapter 44 now and what you are describing is Personality Disintegration Theory. You'll want to look into K. Dabrowski and his TPD.
What really pisses off an Aspergers Fellow is when an Intolerant Neurotypical responds to your caring enough to Share Your Gift of KNOWLEDGE, With "Who Gives a !!!!!!!" When I do that Superb Job at the YMCA, taking the Good part of An Hour, to do a thorough Vaccuuming of the Barbell weightroom area, I think my Co Worker supervisors can Whole Heartedly appreciate this.
reading the title and seeing the thumbnail I thought we were supposed to punch them
edit: ok I get the metaphor now
also I loved the content... I often did this on my whole life, that's how I got through teenage years, in my young adult years (pre 30) I got along with mostly fawning
recently I got back to a more distant and "gray rock" approach with people, I often saw NT people (back then I thought just "people", way before I even knew what autism was) were just really selfish, self-centered and always deceitful
your words are really wise among us neurodivergent, thank you!
I ♥️ your videos. So right about being ready to fight. Like many neurodivergents I was either being walked over or trying to change the majority of the people I encountered. So many insights in these videos. Thanks 🙏🏼
As a grown up ADHD, BPD, 2E, OCD for real I found this very relatable to everyone around me. That completely explains why profitable discussions almost non existent. They all fight or negotiate even when you try just to help them to understand how things work or just helping them to see the situation better. Such a different species.
I guess you could put it as they think in first person where as we think in third person.
Yes, very well put. Although I'd maybe say I tend to think in plural, "we"?
Dabrowski calls it "subject-object in oneself"
I just reflected on it some more. The commmon theme on the Internet is that the world is built by and for neurotypicals, and neurodivergents are at a disadvantage in it, and at times are oppressed. There are also many who accuse neurotypicals of being shallow and aggressive.
As someone who is most likely neurodivergent and who has struggled with exclusion but has tried to see the other side, I dare to disagree (but maybe I'm wrong).
It is true that neurotypicals have strength in numbers, and they have an advantage in some scenarios, like dating and the high-school popularity contests...
But I would argue that...
Most neurotypicals are not aggressive... but rather... they are feeling desperate and cornered in a system that, by and large, isn't friendly to them. Apart from negotiating with others or straight-up one-upmanship, they see no other ways to have their basic needs met.
It is high-functioning neurodivergents and not neurotypicals that have been the architects of civilization for quite some time. They built "the system". Neurotypicals' advantage lies only in the aspects of life that still operate outside of "the system". This is not some malicious plot... it is merely a product of the fact that neurotypicals tend not to build systems - at all, and the neurodivergents who do have a hard time understanding what kind of system would be neurotypical-friendly, much like programmers who have no idea about the user-friendliness of software.
The self-made young urban professional or enterpreneur you know with a nice Mercedes and a nice house probably isn't a neurotypical... but rather, a neurodivergent who can speak neurotypical as a second language at an upper-intermediate level. Just normal enough not to be excluded... with enormous advantages they know how to use - and hide if needed. The guy in tech support or at a cash counter, on the other hand, is probably a neurotypical.
Neurotypicals live in a world where they are constantly being asked to perform mental operations their brains don't readily support - and they are judged by how well they can perform - or fake - them. This includes math (especially, algebra), complex academic or business writing, science, and even humanities. Think of the average university group project where one person does all the work, one other person helps a bit, and the other 3 have no clue... copy-paste things they don't understand and then cheat on the exam... They see no other way to get any answers right because they don't naturally think in the same abstractions as their neurodivergent professors... The only way they can get *anything* right is by cheating or memorizing thousands of examples... hoping that whoever made the exam will run out of ideas.
IQ tests don't measure objective intelligence, which can't be uniquely defined, but rather the extent to which one's way of thinking is close to that of the system-builders. They were designed to predict specific outcomes - like academic achievement - as defined by the neurodivergents that designed both the tests and the education systems. They are not necessarily good predictors of achieving neurotypical goals - like, say, scoring a date, winning at sports or being the life of the party (which involves being able to connect with a lot of different people)...
Also, neurotypical ways are not **objectively** less intelligent. For an AI researcher, it is far harder to build a robot that's good at soccer or at small talk than one that's good at integral calculus or searching through academic texts. However, the socioeconomic system rewards neurodivergent ways of thinking with good grades, promotions, compensation, etc.
What is being rewarded is not always based on economic efficiency either... Objectively, "plagiarism" (using something that's already there, not reinventing the wheel) is probably the fastest, most cost-efficient way to get stuff done 9 times out of 10... but the system rewards those who can redo it from scratch - in the hopes that they will upgrade it - for better or for worse.
Here are a few concrete examples of civilization's systems being neurodivergent:
The law as we know it is a neurodivergent concept. It is based almost entirely on abstractions and rigid, impartial procedures divorced from experiences, feelings and emotions. Neurotypicals can feel randomly and unfairly punished for things that everyone does, breaking rules they might not even know exist.
The closest thing we have to neurotypical law is English case law. But a fully neurotypical legal system would probably assign at least some validity to arguments like "he's guilty because look at his face! Soooooo creeeeeepy... and what was he doing alone downtown on a Friday night?".
Corporations are a neurodivergent concept, again, an abstract entity capable of acting in the world only through those who act on its behalf. So are the socialist equivalents of corporations (state-owned entrprises, and even the state itself) - it isn't a left-or-right thing.
Religions and secular belief systems are neurodivergent as well in their origin. Again, they are full of abstractions. Grace, salvation, theosis... The Holy Trinity... The Tao... Liberty... The free market... Distributive justice. Neurotypicals repeat the slogans that their tribe repeats, but they have no in-depth understanding of what those concepts even mean. And they are willing to attack other tribes defending different concepts... which the other tribes don't understand either... and yet their needs are much closer to those of the other tribe than to those of the people who wrote the slogans, even when the slogans were written with the best of intentions.
It is only in recent years that neurotypical ways have become more front-and-center in society.
Some examples:
Unconditional self-confidence, "just being yourself" and asertiveness being seen as a key to career and personal success - rather than specific skills or self-discipline. The former is second nature to neurotypicals. The latter is far easier for high-functioning neurodivergents.
The recent codification of sexual harassment is also neurotypical-oriented. There is no procedure to find out whether something is harrasment. You just have to feel it. Any interaction is harassment if it is unwelcome. Something as seemingly innocuous as smiling and saying hi - or a joke/compliment can be a crime if it is done too often (how often is too often?) or done once and is unwanted (how do you know what the reaction will be in advance?). Super easy to navigate for neurotypicals (they just feel it), very challenging for neurodivergents. It is very different from the rest of the law and corporate policies, but it is a good thing - it makes a lot of people feel a lot safer.
What would it take to make it better? Policy-wise, I don't have the slightest idea... But direction-wise... my best guess is that it would take more neurodivergent neurotypical-whisperes and neurotypical neurodivergent-whisperers who try to understand the other side's needs - much like user experience experts in product design. The two would have to come together in building a more user-friendly civilization... Friendly to all neurologies. One where both neurotypicals and neurodivergents feel they can achieve good outcomes by acting in ways they understand.
I'm surprised to say, for a long comment like yours, that I agree for 95% :), and in general start from the same viewpoints.
The only thing I would add or modify is that the neurotypical/neurodivergent spectrum is a fluid continuum, not a binary cut-off. You would probably agree with that, but when you say for instance that the succesful entrepreneur with the Mercedes is a neurodivergent that speaks neurotypical, I would say that he's somewhere in between the full neurotypical and the full neurodivergent. So he's still neurotypical enough to instinctively act and react like a neurotypical, so he fits in with his clients and neurotypical partners very well, but at the same time a tad neurodivergent which gives him a little edge. While, if you're more on the neurodivergent side of the spectrum, you're too weird for neurotypicals so you can't easily do business with them.
Neurotypicals are definitely not aggressive as such and will always prefer a deal over a fight, and yes, neurodivergents make life very hard for them - which they respond to with deception, fakery, etc. Just like I probably would in their place. It all makes sense once you get it, and there's not really "evil" or malice in them, just coping strategies - which can be really annoying especially if you don't get what's going on.
If you go a bit deeper in all of this, the real culprit of a lot of misery is the blank slate paradigm...
@@Abel.Abelson I agree about it being a spectrum... I personally see it as a multivariate probability distribution where the closer you are to the mean in any given direction, the higher the density (e.g. like a multivariate normal distribution).
Being neurotypical basically means the difference between you and the average is not statistically significant... and where you draw the line is set arbitrarily... The distribution is real, the cut-off is a judgment call and a simplification (in fact, it becomes "more" or "less" statistically significant the closer/further you are to/from the mean).
I also believe that one's position on the spectrum is not 100% fixed - it is a product of both nature and nurture - and also of deliberate choices... There are predispositions, but one can acquire certain neurotypical traits (like social skills or intuition) and neurodivergent ones (like math/logic) to some extent through experience or through deliberate practice.
This is not scientific at all, just personal anecdotal experience... My predisposition is most probably toward neurodivergence... but ever since college, I've been trying to make myself more and more neurotypical.. (to... like... have a life... you know?). It is now much easier for me to socialize, but it came at a cost... It is also much harder for me to do algebra/calculus or to write complex sentences without typos everywhere... which felt much, much easier in my college days, when I could even speak in academic language.
@@curiousinquirer5539 Yes, exactly, a multivariate probability distribution. Regarding nature/nurture, I noticed that I put way too much weight in nurture, and not enough in nature before. But this can be personal of course. It is definitely a mix, but in my current opinion the nature part is heavily underestimated (because it's depressing at first sight to accept its importance, and people, including scientists, flee depression instinctively.)
I know this trying to become neurotypical" very well from own experience. It's a survival strategy, but it comes with severe collateral damage and in my current opinion again, is not necessary. There are better alternatives, but they need to be accessed through some difficult processes (like deeply resolving issues with parents, etc.).
@@curiousinquirer5539 [PLEASE READ IF YOU WANT TO SERIOUSLY BROADEN YOUR AWARENESS]
I respectfully disagree. Whilst it might not be NTs who designed the system, I am not convinced us HFAs did either: as far as I am concerned, the system has been built by psychopaths/sociopaths for psychopaths/sociopaths: it endures because the NT masses are too shallow mentally to see through it whilst us HFAs are still too much of a minority to crush it... as I suspect we one day will albeit maybe not for another 500 years or so.
What you need to understand about NTs is that they think more so with emotion than logic. The reason why Nature designed them to be this way is because it is an efficient means of maintaining tribal cohesiveness. The NT child is taught by their tribe that act 1 is good and act 2 is bad thus the NT child associates a good emotion with act 1 and a bad emotion with act 2 even though in reality act 1 could be the bad act and act 2 could be the good act. This in turn prevents dissent from surfacing which minimizes challenges to authority and the consequence of group breakdown. This behaviour was once essential as we depended upon each other to a degree not known today due to being technologically insufficient whilst being confronted by the ravages of Nature. The downside to this behaviour arises thousands of years down the line (more or less where we're at now) because it makes one more predisposed to following political and religious dogma which in turn divides our species into collectivist factions (such as countries, parties, churches, etc) amid the presence of advancing military technology thus this state of affairs manifests as technological tribalism of which its wrath of nuclear war has the power to severely maim our species and massively contribute towards its extinction. As such, a "new" neurotype is required. This "new" neurotype thinks more so with logic than emotion. This "new" neurotype will be deemed mentally disordered or socially awkward at least whilst NTs are in the majority. This "new" neurotype is HFA (high-functioning autism aka Aspergers) and will serve the purpose of uniting the world with logic for as I like to say, "There are many dogmas therefore they will divide the beings that worship them and the beings will die, but there is only one logic therefore it will unite the beings that worship it and the beings will live." This is my hypothesis which you can read more about through to purchasing my amazon eBook *Autism: Epidemic or Evolution?* By me G. C. Timbrell.
Because NTs think more so with emotion than logic, the psychopaths/sociopaths in control have developed a means of exploiting such. For example, the Left-Right paradigm is just a means of pitting the masses against each other and away from their oppressors whom are the government and corporations: in essence, the system is designed to milk the NT of power. Using media propaganda, the establishment provokes the masses so fiercely that they'll unconsciously give up all their power just to make sure the Left/Right wins and the Left/Right loses. Blinded by emotions, they are too busy squabbling with each other to recognise the implications of what they have created: a pyramidal system in which excessive amounts of power are bestowed upon an increasingly small group of financial elites. So the reason why we probably don't have cancer cures and infinite batteries is probably because government engages in black clandestine lobbying with corporations... because it can: the masses have given it so much power, it can engage in such obscene behaviour with immunity. It doesn't even seem to dawn on the masses that there doesn't need to be a Left/Right. The problem doesn't even exist. It's been created as a means of manipulating others. The masses generally teach their children to abide by other children yet they themselves feel the need to shoehorn "Natural Lefties/Righties" into Leftist/Rightist ideology. This doesn't need to happen: there is no reason why we can't abide by each other's differences but instead we have been taught to believe it's got to be the Left/Right in complete control - 100%, everything or nothing, total fucking selfishness, it has to be this way... I say such is primitive bullshit designed to herd the human animal that in many ways is proving to be little smarter than livestock. The masses generally hate the idea of the privileged using money to influence politics themselves because they consider it might makes right yet they themselves overlook how majority vote is in itself just another form of might makes right - it's the poor man's ticket to power, his boot to crush others with... in many ways, the majority of people are no better than the selfish 1%: neither money nor majority should dictate politics: logic should reign supreme. Another flaw associated with the system being the fact that the masses all seem to want small groups (such as Congress or Parliament) to rule our lives. A far better way of handling the legal system would be a debate system in which anyone (be they a member of government or hermit at the fringe of society) has the opportunity to make, modify or abolish laws depending on whom has the strongest argumentation at any given time. There are no doubt many profound minds beyond government (capable of intellectually dwarfing "official" lawmakers) that could revolutionize society, but they simply are not being adequately heard. The financial elite don't want a debate system because it would encourage people to think more so for themselves which is dangerous, at least for them, and would also give people the opportunity to expose the government for how flawed it is.
HFAs probably don't rule science either. Science is a joke. Big Bang cosmology uses mathematical fabrications to shoehorn observed data into the standard model whereas Electric Universe cosmology (which the "debunkers" love to sink their pathetic teeth into) uses experimentation to match observed phenomena, and despite the fact that many prominent scientists signed a request for the establishment to fund other forms of cosmology, they have more or less been ignored. Why? Probably because the government has corporations whispering in its ear: Big Bang cosmology keeps things in a materialist paradigm and pretends the aether doesn't exist, so that certain scientific advances which could hinder the profits of pharmaceutical and energy industries aren't discovered. Many scientists are like parrots that simply refuse to look beyond their mainstream education: this sounds like many scientists are in fact NT.
So aliens understandably have no interest in mingling with our juvenile species.
@@kingofaspergia4331 I didn't read all of that but big bang cosmology is not fabricated and science is not a joke. Neurotypicals as you put it actually do very well in science and politics because they form alliances and follow the current more easily. People who don't function well socially are isolated and their only way of obtaining relevance is by inventing something or breaking new ground, which is rarely done by neurotypicals who see that as a waste of energy to fight against the current. Being intelligent is a way for neurodivergent people to survive. If someone is rejected socially for having an atypical personality or unattractive genes then they are no use to the society and will be left to their own demise basically. There are a few neurodivergent people who work hard enough to obtain status by proving their use to the group in the sciences. This is overall much easier for them since they can be content with lack of physical touch or social interaction for their lives.
This bonobo analogy blew my mind and RESONATED in a way I've NEVER felt... THANK YOU
This analysis describes exactly my relationship with my wife. I continually assume that she has essentially the same range of understanding and perception that I have. In fact, her mental purview is limited to the immediate and proximate.
would you say that the neurotypicals are overly concerned about saving face for their ego
I would definitely say so. The "overly" is completely relative, of course, to them it's just right and only normal.
Don't fight them or their mentality. It's pointless. Let it be. They will adapt to what you say/how you say it, and find ways to use it to their advantage. Amazing consequences can grow from that.
Be objective and rational isn't there straight!
From life experience I know this its truth.
This insight was helpful, thank you kindly.
Fabulous! Thanks for your kind comment!
Thank you. Not just for the advice on how to handle neurotypicals, but for the clear way of explaining intellectual shortsightedness.
I've been asked multiple times what ut's like being gifted (although I never use that word due to the misleading image it gives). I've tried to explain it as having a larger image of everything. We see more factors, and more importantly, the connections between them.
This probably makes sense to anyone who is watching this video, but I don't think any of them really got what I meant.
Well done for calling out people. I have encountered these issues so many times. I'm currently in the negotiation stage because they realise I'm to on point to bully I literally just call them out. I hope you don't mind I shared your video on my linked in I think it's time to start turning the tables.
I can't find words to describe what finding your channel means for me. I thought I was alone, living in a planet of mentally challenged people. Your books are on their way to me :)
Thank you so much!
Any thoughts of creating a divergent society..? Facebook group maybe..? It is so difficult to find divergent people in this world, at least it has been for me.
Hey Gina, thank you! Well, who knows this here can be the beginning of a society 🙂. I don't think a society needs to be geographic at all cost. Thanks again! Do leave a review on Amazon of you like the books!
It's hard to hear what I am and explain people's reactions to me especially those that are 'normal. I'm a bad communicator either way and I guess in my 36 years this rehashing it with me had left people with their minds made up. There is a reason for everything protection or freedom, I don't know. I've had many head injuries, some that have left me in a coma for the day. Don't be afraid to not be too polite. The truth is whats needed. Where did everyone go in my life, I didn't want to be a dictator but I guess I had to do only what I knew! See how bad I suck at communicating!
OMG, this was such an insightful video and I love this way of looking at it because the world can be extremely frustrating! You are legend!
And I’ve just bought your book! Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for your very kind words 🙂!
I'm a 15 male and have a iq over 130 and everything is so accurate wierd that you don't have alot of views and subs ur so on point
Hey there, glad you liked it! If you connected with the video, you'll probably like my books, check them out if you're in need of a good read: "How to handle neurotypicals" bit.ly/neurotp, "Setting free the intellectually gifted" amzn.to/1TXD8OK and "I, the fly" amzn.to/2Ncnh27 Thanks for watching and commenting!
Fiar, caring, thoughtful...I wish more people were like that. Almost nobody I know is like that. Very unfortunate.
Sorry for the prob long, off topic text incoming. I had some breakthrough a few days ago, while staying at an Air BnB.
I realized a photograph of a beach scenery hanging in the bathroom. I found it odd, the rest of the interior design didn't seem to match, maybe it had some personal meaning? Then it struck me: Beach is with water. Bathroom is with water. So Bathroom is with photo of beach scenery.
I don't know how to convey the weight of my 'discovery', but it kinda freed me of trying to understand 'meaning' of neurotypical behaviour and choice making. It seems to be some rather basic, associative mechanism (which is making no sense for me).
Thank you for your video. What a gem!
Glad I found this channel / video. IQ of 127 here... subject matter explains why i find social interactions / interpersonal relationship dynamics mentally draining.
Very seldomly, perhaps 1-2 times a year, I stumble on a video that is such insightful as this. Thank you Abel. I can recommend The Neurotypical Whisperers channel, he is also very insightful.
May I ask, where did you get this wisdom? Book?
Life :)
Thanks for the kind comment!
@@Abel.Abelson I have some theories of my own derived from my 30 years on this rock. One of them is that, kindness, which I thought could "buy" me respect in the past, actually is totally insignificant fot NTs. I have noticed that its totally ignored if they havent yet decided whether they respect you or not. Like they dont value your kindness. On the other hand it can actually be seen as one beeing manipulative or having an agenda. So first earn their respec, only after that your kindness will be valued :).
Has that ever crossed your mind? Thanks.
@@keivankarem4195 Yes, of course, they value only power and personal advantage.
On a side note, kindness aimed at earning respect is not really kindness, is it? ;)
I'd be really interested in your digit ratio, see this video: ua-cam.com/video/OmbEaBfzKFk/v-deo.html. It might also help you understand your own brain and mind, check it out!
@@Abel.Abelson"They value only power and personal advantage", that is very interresting, I would love to hear more.
Thank you fot he link, Ill will definately let you know my digit ratio when I know it myself. Btw dont stop making videos! =)
I thought someone dropped me of on this planet as a sick joke, now I get why they do what they do finally. I would say more but the rest of the comment's here covers it all, many thanks for the video bringing clarity.
You're very welcome, thanks for commenting! (Check out my books on Amazon, they'll probably speak to you too...)
This is one of the most insightful, helpful and useful thing I've ever been in contact with. Thank you so much!!!
I definitely have challenges with the emotionally charged confrontational interaction feature of many NTs. I do not understand how they cannot separate emotions from reason when discussing differences. For me, it’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about a mutually beneficial outcome. So, why do we have to play by their rules? Why not gently call them out on their selfish argumentative approach, and propose our way of thinking? At my age, I have no more f*cks to give about needless interpersonal drama.
Im I think what you would consider a neurotypical. My girlfriend has Asperger and in the four years that we have been together I've learned quite a lot and I very much appreciate different viewpoints.
We do have differences that are rather incompatible and we try to deal with it. But I think there's no otherway than to accept that we think in a different way. I try to stay neutral with matters in general because I don't like picking sides. I feel like there's just too big of a chance Im wrong.
I sometimes feel ashamed that I was born with the intellect I have (which is not high) and I've become more and more aware of my own shortsightedness which feels difficult to change too. My girlfriend also often mentions that she thinks a world where everyone would be autistic would probably be better. I don't completly agree with that at the moment but that might be a bias.
I don't have a higher or lower opinion about highly intelligent/Asperger people in comparison to neurotypicals, but I feel like as a neurotypical, Im really alone because some other neurotypicals don't understand why I support some ways highly intelligent/Asperger people think and try to be as aware as possible, and on the other side Im never appreciated and accepted by highly intelligent people because Im a neurotypical and don't function like they do.
Sorry for the long message:)
From what you describe, you might fall somewhere in between actually. I have noticed that it's a tough position to be in for those people. Maybe even more difficult than at the extremes, in a certain sense...
"they can not care for what they not see" 7:17
Excellent video and insights, thank you.
Wait...so I'm not the only one who notices this...I just ignore the little snide comments...I don't have time to engage...I'm already onto the next problem...
Yesterday I got your book "how to handle neurotypicals". You really are such an introvert! 😆 I never would have guessed from your videos this sense of humor and way of writing is you! I love it.
I've waited so long to get it because I kind of wanted to see a couple of your videos first. I guess I'm always looking for "who are you" before I take a next step... like buying a book I guess 🙃 But the thing that was really holding me back was: I hate reading books. Really really really hate... When I was a kid I'd read the whole library of children's books. But as a teenager school forced me to read these "Dutch literary pearls" ... I hated reading anything after that. Some articles/ brochures I do still read if I have a goal I'd like to reach, but it still usually feels like I'm force feeding myself.
Why am I telling you this? 😂 Because I started on your book yesterday morning and in the evening I was half way through it 🤯 so I think you've even helped me overcome my hate for books hahaha.
Thanks I'm really enjoying the way you wrote it and the things I'm learning from it. And don't worry... I'll write a review once I've finished 🙃 (I see your requests everywhere in the comments ha ha I get it I get it.) 👍
Yes, I am really very very introverted. I'm so introverted I can hide into myself and simply go to work and function quite socially 🙂. My home is the square meter I'm standing in, it's very easy to get close, but very difficult to get in. I'm like the proverbial hermits that come out and beat you with a stick, and put you through all kinds of tests 🙂. Self-preservation I guess.
I don't read books myself either, and if I do, I rush through them just to extract the information. Stopped reading fiction a long time ago, so it's really about absorbing info. Although I do watch a movie from time to time but very picky there too (but not in an "elite" fashion, I like Marvel for instance, in the end it's about neurodivergents and I like the practical approach to the theme).
Thanks for buying my book, it's definitely a much closer encounter with me than any other kind, even in real life. Glad you liked it! That's really great.
Oh, and do leave a review please 😄 😉.
@@Abel.Abelson just letting you know my review has been posted on Kindle, I really appreciated your book... thanks...
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"Getting inside the mind of a true introvert and neurodivergent will help you to evolve from wide-eyed to empowered.
Probably you'll find many thoughts and conclusions to be similar to yours, but never having someone to communicate them with makes you feel like you're the one who's wrong, stupid or weird. This book clears up everything you've been doubting about. No more question marks, but very clear exclamation marks!
This book is written with a great sense of humor and is at the same time a giant wake-up call. From laughter to grief. From funny illustrations back to the harsh reality... this book takes you to all the places you've already visited but never realised they were true. This book takes you to all the places you've never visited and takes you by the hand like a big brother would.
Take this from someone who hates reading: read it! :)"
Oh wow that's so fabulous, thank you very much! And glad you liked it until the end 🙂. Thank you!
Avoided and Respected is the liberating thing you can ask for.
You have your Own time and you can own it.
I add that they quickly invent what I call "logical excuses" so that we neurodivergents (but actually also with other neurotypes, it's all a battle between them too) we do not reach advantages during the relationship (negotiation)
Also thank you so much, it's nice to have another view on how they function (our theories on the NT mind are pretty similar, just different words sorta)
Also very helpful advice :)
I think they don't think someone needs or wants something if they don't fight for it to an extent, hence you have to be pushy and insistent even sorta business-deal-ish to get your nedds and wants met.
When it comes to tribalism, while we (autistic variants) might consider ourself to be the group atleast in the moment.
Whereas neurotypicals see the group as themself atleast in the moment.
(So for us it's "I'm part of this group" and for them it's "This group is an extension of me" or something like that, I hope the meanings behind my words are getting across).
They will (to our definitions/perception) abuse those who won't do anything about it, and on some level I think this is because they don't recognize any distress (annoyance is different than distress for them) and so they don't stop doing it.
NTs want someone who can lose without exacting revenge on the one who won the fight, and/or will sacrifice for the tribe.
Checks out honestly, thanks again :D
I like your speech, very clear.
Thank you :)
i've been struggling to handle idiots, especially my parents ever since i was small, noone ever tried to understand what i meant by what i said, they always brushed it off by saying "ah let him be, he is still a child" or such excuses which deeply annoyed me as i couldn't argue back due to having asian parents... they would just always remove what i loved /what i got attached to every time i found a sense of purpose and would always mentally abuse me as if i was a stupid idiot with low I.Q. it took me 18 years to find you and i feel saved, tysm abel for your videos, finally i got someone i can relate to. nowadays i started being more quiet as in i try to not stand out too much, my grades went from As and Bs with no study to Fs with trolling, i draw peppa pig and stupid things on tests because they are just pointless and stupid imo.
Resonated on another level
Fabulous! Check out my books! amzn.to/3paQsmz
Every single aspect.....so utterly perfect!! Thank you
Neurotypicals are really shortsighted. I'm clinically neurotypical but quite different from peers around me. I wont call myself socially awkward but im sometimes reserved. I socialize based on my comfort level and i'm not rude intentionally. I just want to left alone at certain times, but that is seen as very rude and insulting. In retaliation, neurotypicals use insults and abusive language to punish me for my "bad" behavior.
Abel, it seems that I have this battle of N.D. vs N.T. with mental health professionals all the time. The ones I've dealt with have extremely narrow ways of interacting with me. Most of these "professionals" have offered little to no useful tools on how to deal with the N.T. world. Do you have any recommendations on how to get useful help from N.T. mental health professionals? Thanks.
You won't really get useful help from them, if you ask me. First, either they are NT themselves so they don't have the helicopter view in this, or they are non NT that are sold to the idea that NT is the way for everyone. I recommend my book if course (link in description), otherwise I wouldn't have written it 😉, and it contains most of what you need to know to get you started in a whole other ballgame... Check it out, I'm truly convinced it will help you because it's exactly written to answer among others, the kind of questions you struggle with.
Sadly, this is so true. All I ever look to do is find the happy place for both parties, and it truly is rare that anyone looks out for others in negotiation applicable moments.
Strangely, most people even take a defensive posture when you try to advocate for them within the bounds of your advocation for your own needs. They see it as you trying to manipulate them.
I agree with everything here, but I do feel like people who do not think this way will interpret it as arrogant and aggressive. Which is often what they think of what I say. That's what I'm trying to figure out, how to explain our differences in a way that they won't take as arrogant and aggressive.
self defence jaer that might be a good idear
it could help with one's appearence in the eyes of other , i'm thinking if one is more confident it shows
it's proberly good excercise aswell and that can't hurt an old gamer like me :)
abel u say some interesting things
i just found out(5 days a'go) i'm on the spectrum at the tender age of 37 and a half :) (bad humor is also humor)
and wow mindblowing stuff , explains so much so quickly , i have to nap once or twice a day because i get tired from processing it all lol
have a good one all and merry x-mas too
Glad you like it, thanks! Check out my books too, for in between gaming and self-defense training ;) amzn.to/3paQsmz
Very nice video, last parts were very good. When I was little, I thought if I didn't look like a threat, people won't hurt me. Unfortunately the opposite is true, generally what stops people from making harm is fear :/
I don't think I've found such an accurate reflection on youtube thus far and I have encountered some really profound youtube channels which have helped me quite a lot.
LMAO you have to fight. or negotiate. HAHAHAHAHA OH YA I KNOW THAT MUCH BY NOW sir! I LOVE YOU! thank you thank you keep sharing.. you help us so much
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD! im not the only one
Is there a class in college or degree I can get learning about this stuff. I always thought these things I just never knew they had words or that there was others like me. Please contact me if you’d like to have one of those group discussions that strive to improve all in it verbally.
You'll love the new book I'm working on! Stay tuned, I'll update on that in a few weeks if all goes well!
I know what you mean. They cannot see beyond their own experience.
I´m neurotypical but this is something that I struggle with too. When I allow myself to think of people as winning oriented, I suddenly know my way out of a stressful situation that they create. It makes a lot of sense.
Could you please make a video with more precise examples of fighting and standing your ground? It´s hard for me to imagine a constructive fighting scenario.
Maybe you're less neurotypical than you think?
Yes, good request. I'm not really in a video making groove for the moment, am more writing when I have time, but when I do I'll certainly try to answer that. If not, remind me :)
@@Abel.Abelson Thank you for the reply! I hope your video making groove will soon come back, love your content.
Great concepts, I don't understand why neurotypicals always want an argument instead of discussing ideas and viewpoints to learn. Also with the ADD and high IQ I too can see in a 'different' way and somehow neurotypicals often need to be spoon-fed each step to see what I can see just like a picture, mostly I just give up and let them misunderstand me. Some people cannot even manipulate shapes, ideas, etc in their mind at all