Such an interesting discussion. One of the messages I’m getting so far is how identity has become synonymous with labels. In other words, rather than being individuals who embody a package of personality and physical traits that are complex and need to learn how to navigate the world in that complexity, kids are being taught that labels tell you everything you need to be and do in one dimensional terms. We need to fight against this.
@@sladefidler yes! I actually just asked Ben a question about it through her Tumblr, hopefully she reads it and discusses on one of the next gnccentric video's. I think Eckhart Tolle's books and teachings would be soo useful to this whole process. I think part of the reason this has taken up is because people are so disconnected now from the feeling of their bodies, that they conceptualise their body. I think feeling the inner body would make a lot of these teens and dysphoric people get in touch with the reality of their body. I think this is a mind track that gets used by the pain body to explain any painbody feeling. They feel suffering -interpret it as feeling bad in their body - judge this as 'theres something wrong with me' - find trans ideology. If they could be exposed to the painbody concept instead it would actually help them. My 2c
Thanks for having us on Benjamin! I’d just like to clarify when I say “kids” i just mean under 18s. I’m an old fart at 23 now 🤣 I wish there were spaces for LBG minors to hang out together, without ever talking about sex, just being comfortable together, learning to accept and love the parts of themselves they maybe are scared or ashamed of.
You seem like a very nice person. I mean absolutely no offense here by saying this, but being LBG is a designation that corresponds directly to sexuality doesn't it? How could it not be about sex if sexuality is in the criteria for membership? The topic is barely avoidable amongst non LBG minors. It seems like a very confusing thing to wish for.
Till I listened to Ben I never questioned my support for trans rights and if I was turning a blind eye to behaviour that wasn't always positive. Ben really is so much braver than I could ever imagine being at her age.
GNC Centric how can they not talk about sex if the thing that they have in common is basically just sex orientation ? I think people need to live in the real word , and don’t close down in a sort of small minority pool . When I was younger I was always and only going to gay clubs , now I know I’ve missed out so many things , so many places to see , so many clubs and bars and people to meet . The lgbt community is a delusion . People need to hang out with people who have similar interests . Sex is not as important as society teaches us , there are many other things in life more important than sex or sexual orientation .
Why must you guys often have such expressly weird, non fitting names? It's very confusing, and makes it like, bizarrely hard to keep track, and honestly feels like you are just trying hard to be special in like a random, not inherently special way. Usually people try and be special in a way that is interesting, and/ or requires effort, like, they speak 10 languages, or are super knowledgeable about sth or other, or they do trailrunning, or are really funny or charming or whatever. This just feels so lame, and as if you are asking the interlocutor to actively engage with your randomly, crassly put on specialness.
31:30 THIS. Pornography exposure is a HUGE part of this. Pornography is NOT NORMAL. Pornography will ruin your mind. But kids today are taught to think that it IS normal and that they should think like that and even do that. What happens in pornography is totally unrealistic -- it is also rather commonly violent, abusive, and wildly asymmetrical (against women). Do NOT let your kids look at porn, and if you are looking at it yourself -- STOP. You'll see the effect it has on you once you stop.
Ben's face every time he says something and there's silence afterwards O _O' I feel like people make fun of Tumblr a lot but they don't realize it is a very dangerous place for young people. They are too isolated. One thing I would like to see explored is art communities, places like Deviantart and even on Twitter. They make accessibility to porn and kinks easier through drawings and artists are often more receptive to alternative ways of life. I've seen very young artists fall into very damaging ways to deal with sexuality because of what they are exposed to in those communities.
When I was younger there was a monthly drop-in social support group in my Australian city for same sex attracted young women aged 14-26. It got defunded quite a while ago. I miss it. I feel like I took it for granted, actually. I never expected all that stuff to more or less completely disappear. Now the same health service only provides similar group services for trans men. Sometimes I want to go along to it and try to explain what happened and that there aren't services for me any more.
I didn’t realise how homophobic the trans movement was until starting to watch these videos. As a woman I felt honestly very bitter towards the trans movement, because I can see resources being directed away from women and essentially back to men who are playing women. Taking away the things that women have, making it so women can’t be proud to be women, everything has to be neutral or inclusive and it’s like uh no. And finding out how also homophobic it is and taking resources away from the lgb community is very upsetting. I feel like we are regressing as a culture not progressing. And I would assume there are more lgb teens and young adults than transgendered teens and young adults, so for things to be defunded and those funds be totally redirected to only trans movements doesn’t make sense to me.
"Non binary pansexual is the new closet" 😂😂😂 Yes - you got it in one, Benjamin! The more people that can see this the better. It really sucks and is causing so much harm especially to younger lesbians.
Ahhh! Benjamin, what was the question Ben asked you just at the end? "Ben-... Benjamin, I have a question for you: Are you -"? But more importantly, thank you for this really great conversation. There is something about all three of you that is very genuine and open and inquisitive, and it's so heartening to hear this sort of discourse amid all the ideological discourse being propped up by seemingly well-meaning adults.
I really liked Sasha’s hypothesis around 37 mins on anxious young males possibly being a source of dysphoria. I’ve often speculated on that point, I think it’s likely a combined effect of that on some sort of neurological/endocrinological predisposition. That seems to be the running hypothesis for most mental illnesses (i.e. atypical levels of brain chemicals + trauma = incidence of a given illness). I know many trans people prefer not to think of being trans as a mental illness though I don’t personally see how that’s intrinsically bad. This was good conversation though, I enjoyed this episode.
Yeah the thing about podcasts is that they don’t have comment fields worth a damn. Join the conversation here anytime Michelle, your input is very much appreciated.
I've found myself on the Internet a lot since my teen years and even now (21) and I know it's because I do find myself isolated a lot. I think that's why I found sites like tumblr to be ones I gravitated to as a teen and thus it was easy to buy into every thing said there. I think if I had had help to interact with people in my real life, I could've avoided getting into the mindset of thinking I was nonbinary, but no one really knew that I struggled with social interaction. I'm trying my best to meet more people in real life, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to make anymore close friends.
Getting off social media was the best thing I ever did. It’s only been a couple months, I pop on here and there to post pictures mainly for family, but I don’t sit and scroll through or interact. I am very much in a bubble at home, I homeschool my son, I am home all day with my two kids, I don’t have any friends really, I have an amazing husband, I talk to my mum on the phone a lot… it’s enough for me right now. Being off social media has given me so much more calmness and made me less anxious and… negative. I stay on UA-cam tho lol. Social media is terrible for our health :/ and kids are literally being raised by the internet - and by predators.
I'm pretty sure she has one, just doesn't really post there:( I think she's active on Patreon though if I'm not mistaken, where she helps parents of trans kids? But yes, I'd love to see more content from Sasha as well, she's a delight to listen to.
I have to echo the sentiment about "Pride" events. I haven't gone to Pride in 17 or 18 years. For the last 10 years I've gone to the Origins board gaming convention downtown on Pride weekend. I could just walk outside the convention center & watch the Pride Parade, but I've never done it. Interestingly, my housemate, who is hetero, goes every year & I think she marches with some group! Pride used to be important for empowering closeted LGB people to come out, but it has been taken over by giant corporate sponsors & people parading their fetishes in public. I want nothing to do with it, & I wish they'd STOP. We had marriage equality & I've been fully integrated into society since the mid-90s & I KNOW that coming out in the U.S. today is much less hostile than 25-30 years ago when I did it. Integration is what I wanted, so I just didn't see a need for "Pride" events in recent years! What's there to be proud of now? I'm not ashamed, either. I just am, and I am me, and I am neither proud nor ashamed of my sexual orientation. I always thought that was the goal. So I'm disgusted by all the people who have used the LGBT community & society's pendulum swing toward tolerance to spread propaganda, sexualize children, violate the rights & safety of women, display their fetishes in public, & gaslight society about what is happening! It's interesting that Pride USED to be about NOT pretending. Now it's ONLY about pretending. Instead of being a place to be authentic; it's now a place for LARPing. If I could, I'd end Pride Parades & Festivals, not only for the sake of the children but for the sake of the LGB and the T communities themselves. I certainly don't want anyone associating ME w/ all the fetishes & inappropriate public behavior & the sexualizing of children!
I really liked your discussion about asexuality and hypersexualization. I think in this discussion the unlimited access to pornography and the cultural normailization of it has an impact as well. As a teen I've "identified" (back in the days we just said "I feel") myself as asexual after terribile experciences with guys who constanlty watched porn. They could not sperate porn from real life sexualitiy and put me under pressure for not wanting to do stuff what they saw in their pornography. My desire was that they like/love me, so I let them pressure me and give in. I was so overwelmed by this expercience that I could not integrate this other than cutting sexuality completly out of my life. I had many friends that had similiar expericences. I think pornography in the teenage years is a very demaging thing for teens who consume pornography as well as for teens who will engage in sexual activity with a consumer. I also think that we underestimate the components of "wanted to be liked/loved" and confusing this with "liking of the act". In my opinion: thats how pornography is normalized. Young girls/boys, who felt pressured by porn-consumers, acting like loving it, they blunt to a degree, maybe engage in pornography themself and the circul goes on and on and on. Its a messed up thing.
The physical connection thing is also a learning thing. When you start doing something you don't really understand how much learning is involved in getting good at it. Once things begin to click, still early on, you realise you could spend your whole life learning it. It's why people get addicted to things like BJJ, which is like fighty chess - but it also gives you a really deep high after. The level of physical contact is extreme too. If you're in a safe club, learning to control your breathing while being smothered by someone's torso and thinking through your next move as you inch your way out of a position is some serious meditative shit.
I get something similar from a writing group over zoom... Sadly no wrasslin in the body, but plenty in the mind. I love it. Being rubbish at something with a bunch of generous people who are more than happy to help you understand stuff is just a gorgeous feeling. Way better than fake affirmation.
I have been somewhat baffled by the trend for some young women to gravitate towards a trans or non-binary identity rather than a lesbian one. Not belonging in any of those categories (and being older) I had assumed that being gay or lesbian was less fringe and that being trans would bring more problems than it would solve, unless that's really your only option. Learning about the internet subcultures through this series has helped me understand that they are filling a space that might otherwise be filled by older lesbian role models, and it's a sad disconnect. It's like the youth are reinventing the wheel but in a needlessly convoluted way. The point Sasha makes at 1:17 is something that has concerned me too, that older adults sometimes mistake the plethora of new gender-related categories for mental sophistication on the part of the youth and are afraid to question it, especially if they're in progressive circles and don't want to seem like ignorant squares.
I agree, I'm not sure why or how the disconnect happened. I also think that internalised homophobia and misogyny have taken hold of many women now. They simply can't see that the might be a lesbian, it's still felt as shameful or embarrassing by their unconcious. So they dissociate with their body and wish they were someone else. I also remember taking to a friend when I was 18 that "I wish I was a gay man". Soo many de-transitioned women seem to be saying this - that they identified as gay men. Why is the collective psyche of lesbian women connecting with this, how does it defend us from seeing the parts of ourself we hate, and connect to parts of ourself that we can accept. I think it is internalised misogyny mostly.
Yes anything female only is low status as so young women have received the message that being Lesbian us not only lame but it has been reduced to a porn category where women are "performing" so-called Lesbianism for a male audience. This is clearly NOT lesbianism which is 100% female and whose gaze is a female gaze. So young women are often not seeing healthy mature Lesbian relationships. They see weird expressions of what "lesbian" and just think "well, that's not me so I must be Trans or non-binary".
Absolutely agree with Ben on that through watching screens make the human psych make us feel dislocated from our bodies, we have evolved from a biological creature that lived in an ever changing world with little control over and used our bare bodies and tools for survival. Nowadays we deprive nature and live in such comfort and that psychological, medicinal and physical help is needed for survival for a lot of people.
The conversation about consent reminded me of this actually really good series that RadioLab did a few months ago, and, in particular, the 3rd installment that talks about women wanting to be good sports and also how consent does and does not work in the kink/BDSM community: www.wnycstudios.org/story/no-part-3 The practice of safety and consent in the BDSM community is initially presented as a possible model for how this could work well, and then somewhat dismantled and questioned, too.
Using the Asexual label has become shorthand for low libido, generally disinterested in sex and dating, an extension of mild misanthropy, etcetera. I've used it a lot myself at least online.
How do we get doctors and trans activists to watch these videos? There is only movement to affirm. there is no acknowledgment of how difficult it is coming of age at all nevermind in the digital era. Really well meaning people ( stopping trans kids from killing themselves) are also blocking treatment for other contributing factors like basic instability of youth, trauma, sexual assault, physical conditions such as other endocrine issues etc. i am afraid that radical trans activism is going to hurt trans and gay youth as well as anyone who questions the party line.
... I think, that the role of social media in this whole bussiness could not be overstated. As I understand it, most of these ROGD kids are either not willing to accept that they are gay, or they are straight - but gender-non conforming. I come from a small EU country, which is relativelly conservative, and in general less gay friendly than most of the US. The price you have to pay for coming out gay as a teenager is still quite high, yet there is no boom of trans kids of recent. I think, that this is to a large part due to the fact that these kids do not speak enough English, so that they would be able to engage on tumblr, etc. to any large degree. And speaking a language, that is spoken by only ca. 5 M people (it really is a small world after all - at least for us), they are much more likely to (even as a social outcast) communicate on the internet with somebody, that they will also meet/become friends in real life - which changes everything, as Ben said in the video. And as for the gender-non conforming girls, as a result of being a post-communist country, role models of not-at-all-girly female crane-operator, welder of tractorist are not that far away. I would say, that it would make an interesting sociological research to see, what are the rates of ROGD in English-speaking countries vs. countries, where poor levels of English prohibit efficient use of "international" social media by teenagers.
This conversation just makes me think about my life, what I have experienced what I felt like.. I am just so lucky man. Sadly I was taught that I am not ready for sexual activity at an early age .. Now as an adult I am still ..scared ..to do it with my boyfriend So ..Man I don't know how we can fix this. The conversation they are happening I am starting to believe it happens everywhere Right now in Jamaica, where I live all my life I have seen young women who act ..you know dominant nad tomboy. Now I am like " What if they were in America....They might think their ..trans.." But they are just... Very big girls who enjoy ..Girls. I went to an all girl school So I saw all sorts of women. The reason why i said I was lucky is because I wasn't really exposed to the hypersexual life style. Now I am on the internet and I see this EVERYWHERE. AS a teen or kid I didn't know fuck shit...so it's ..just so scary or how easy it is to really change a new generation. Because everyone online now is pansexual. I know when I was 16 you found few of them but now it's everyone. Everyone is trans, twitter is just the perfect place to go and see this happening. It's just sooooooo....WEIRD. I wasn't even thinking about sexuality as a teen. I just knew I like boys ..but I am not attracted to the ones around my community. Thinking about it..Teen Me would think I am asexual or a lesbian because girls were alot better to go at ..But now I have a boyfriend, I found someone I like ..I don't even think I should consider myself bisexual or a lesbian. It just makes me think about all the teens that are going through life not knowing better simply because they never met someone they really find themselves attracted to. It's ...Just so fucked.
I should comment on these as I see them… i spent most of the last 3 days watching your old vids, Benjamin, sharing some of them… trying to get some ideas. Good stuff
This will be a long post, I typed it up in google docs. I know its easy to put the blame on a community about boundaries. But I feel like boundaries is something people should be taught as a kid. I had a horrible set of boundaries due to my upbring. But I’ve met other people with parents who taught them boundaries and they have less issues than I do. I find too if you lack in boundaries or you get told when you were younger, your the reason why everyone is upset, or its your responsibility to make others happy. You start to fall into people pleasing. (In my experience I went into people pleasing) boundaries is something I think that should be regularly addressed, and it helps when your around others who want to build yours up. But I found for me - my biggest reason why I didn’t have any is because I wasn’t taught any. Also I did want to say - as a women, who is bisexual. It was always odd to have people try to force yaoi anime, and porn and fanfictions on me. I was told when I was younger, I’m not truly bi if I don’t watch and enjoy those things. Which simply never made sense to me. Because I don’t connect with to boys kissing, or having sex. I don’t have those parts. I’m a women who likes girls and boys. If I’m going to watch an anime that is gay, I’m going to be watching yuri. (Or shojo-ai as some people call it) As for kink - I find kink to be really hard. Tumblr really sensationalize the idea of being kinky. I think also this whole separate of like being not normal really drives it. I know vanilla for some people is like a joke/meme, but I’ve meant some people who are totally disgusted by non-kinky folk. I found too because kinky was super trendy, you’d get a lot of inexperienced “Doms” / “tops” as well. So not only do you have “bottoms” / “subs” who are inexperienced, but you have doms who have no idea what they are doing. They are just trying to copy what they see in pictures, or in porn. Wither it’s trying to spank someone with a belt and hitting the tail bone, or trying to do breath play and actually choking a person. I do agree as well there are a lot of vulnerable people who DO get into kink. I was vulnerable when I started. And I left a couple years ago because I decided this is a community I can’t be apart of it. It’s toxic for me. I also fall into the group of mentally ill people and when I was involved in kink, even more so on tumblr I was being abused and I thought it was normal, because everyone else would also be uploading pictures of big black bruises as well. SO I was like oh okay this is normal, or “oh okay subdrop is all good. The feelings of me being depressed or unsure of what I did wrong is totally normal.” I also noticed when I was in the kink community back in 2010-2012 there was a big push around punishments - and how if your being punished you can’t safe word, or safe words will be taken away (or ignored), or that people will try to push for the whole 24/7 kink relationships and I knew of a couple of people who signed contracts they thought were legally binding. (They aren’t) I do know the list your (Ben) talking about btw, And I agree with Ben, I feel like it was created to try and help people have the more embarrassing conversations. But for a lot of people it’s more of a match making thing, or even a “So how can you be into this, but not that?” It just adds pressure. I found there’s people who are also super immature and are in kink and they view it more as “me me me me me.” But I think too, kink can be introduced slowly. Your first night with someone, and being intimate with them, it doesn’t mean you gotta pull out all the kink gear and be like “Ready for a good kink time?” you can introduce stuff slowly, and when you see something you might be interested in, you can then have a chat about it. Also I did want to say when I was about 18, I first got attracted to kink, not because of porn, Idk - I used to find some porn really gross and kink porn I saw more so and was shown by others had to do with facials. (ick) ^^; I got attracted to it because I saw a lot of alternative models on tumblr, a lot of latex models as well. I think I also found out about latex due to goth stuff. Because I’d see goth photos of these really glossy pretty gloves and I found out they were latex, so I then went down that rabbit hole and would find more aesthetic things for my blog. I really liked reblogging more alternative stuff. Then I found models like Miss Mosh, and I found through the pinup community that Miss Mosh and Dita Von Teese were BIG inspos for a lot of people, and that path lead me to more and more glamourize kink models, and tumblr styled photographs. (There was also a lot of pink bondage and pink kink stuff on tumblr too.) Also for mental health and communities and stuff - I agree. I do see a lot on tumblr now, they are adopting the term “culture”to add to suffering. I feel like it also champions the pain, and it champions people who aren’t going to move forward and I feel like it also stops whatever progress people might have. Because than you also can’t be in this ingroup - if you work on recovery. Which I feel like keeps people stuck in this cycle of “I need help, but I can’t find help”. And I find too this will push more of the whole “But what if I don’t like who I become?!” fear, people do have. Because your self is now also plugged into the little box of being apart of depression culture, anxiety culture, ptsd culture, OCD culture. I mean if you apart of depression culture and you suffer from depression and you constantly get your stuff reblogged, and than one day you get help, your therapist and you agree to not use tumblr so much. You come back and your tumblr is a bit different now. And maybe you still post something like “Depression culture is knowing your depressed, but also knowing if you get up and do something you might feel a bit better”. You’ll most likely get demonised or be seen as a non true depressed person, or you were faking it the whole time, and people will call into question your diagnosis. Meanwhile you are diagnosed and your just talking about a skill you learnt, and now your around non-skillful people who don’t want you to also be skillful. I find too with mental health a lot of people do use their mental health as a way to identify themselves - like in blog descriptions. So you see a lot of “She/her, they/them, nonbinary, depression, anxious and hopeless, better off dead worthless piece of trash” And its like “yikes”, but also - I feel really sad for this person. Or I really wish I could help this person. (I stopped writing now because I realised this is two pages long. XD And I was like okay, I need to stop.)
This where the difference between individual vs structure really shows itself. All the individuals in the community are all for CONSENT. That's the big buzzword, right? That's a very individualistic concept, and of course it can be useful. But when the structure itself is premised on transgressing and breaking boundaries, consent becomes compromised, especially when children and teenagers are involved.
Gay sexuality is the LAST thing you want to assist you "discovering yourself". Its like dabbling in drugs for the firs time and started with cocaine and meth, or you first care is a 200 mph Ferrari. This was a great conversation. I am grateful I am straight, seriously.
Homosexual females are, objectively, at significantly less risk for many sexual health issues / physical harm as a result of sexual activity, so I'm not sure how you pulled this comment out of your ass. I suppose you're talking about boys?
Yeh, I think Christian morality is quite good for kids. You don’t have to stay Christian, almost almost everyone becomes atheist between 16-21 but you’ve still got the morality.
4:00 Young females using gay men as source of sexual information is misinformation. Yes! But even in "normal" culture,female sexuality is rare. I know many women read gay male erotica because it describes gentle pleasures and both people as protagonists, with details.
As someone who actually identifies as "asexual" (grey-a) it's definitely more low libido/drive and the like. I'm not interested so much as most, but for my potential partner I would (probably) indulge -- part of the relationship. I know one girl who claims asexuality because she is terrified of sex, yet dates. Being terrified is a fairly normal occurence though until you have experience. Unlike me, I don't like or care for sex or cannot feel that "level" of intense relationship. She will probably grow out of it. I won't. Lol. I know my preference. However... I have noticed sexuality in general has leaked out into the world way more than usual. In every way. I'm in no way a prude or in opposition to sex -- I have experimented and such. But wow. Everyone is prone to experiment when they are younger, and used to it was more with people closer their own age. Adding online discussions unchecked is dangerous. You don't know who your child/teen can be communicating with on such a delicate subject, let alone what your young one may be learning or understanding in a negative way or how old the other person is on the other side. And ages are often lies online. And potentially even meeting in person from these online discussions or getting hacked is possible. I get it now, many parents are separated or simply do not parent. You can't control all of social media in place of this, but you CAN monitor what your youth consumes in your own home, under your roof and with your boundaries. My parents did, but not overly so. I learned to be wary and yet respectful. I have met some awesome people I am in touch with. But also some terrible individuals who were predatory on an emotional level to the unsuspecting younger peers. My advice? Get offline. Meet local people your own age. Go to ballgames etc. and socialize. Discover your own thoughts. You need someone trusted to discuss this sort of thing. Not everyone online has your best interest at heart (trust me I had fell into a bad time). Very few will.
1:08:50 This reminded me of my absolute favourite quote, from someone who existed as an anonymous internet persona until he deleted himself from the internet 10 years ago. I think this has something to do with how we see identity: "when you don't create things, you become defined by your tastes rather than ability. your tastes only narrow & exclude people. so create." -Why the Lucky Stiff
Sasha! @ 43:00 you are so correct on every level. I feel that your nervousness about what will happen is actually already happening and it is completely correlated with the proliferation of smartphones and social media. I just watched Benjamin's two part of the Evergreen situation (great work, by the way. Your distillation is very poignant). I think it's the same thing... Social media + "wokeness" is causing severe social destabilization that is being nudged along by very sick people that hate Western civilization and are willing to cause great suffering on a massive scale.
22:07 When Ben says that homosexuality and heterosexuality doesn't need to be an identify because they are first of all facts and they are just what people are she makes a very important point that Benjamin doesn't seem to really get, maybe because his way of thinking is more influenced by the categories of identity politics than he thinks.
@@BenjaminABoyce That could get harry.... or furry :) Seriously though, you could interview a furry with just a photo of them up and have them do the interview with no costume, or, if they are willing, just do a regular interview. It would be interesting.
How does “non binary” make people feel more secure socially? I mean, I understand how it does, if you feel like heterosexuality is the norm, but subjectively, it seems topsy-turvy to me. I want people to identify themselves clearly, if I’m dating, so that I don’t waste my time. If a woman is a lesbian, I want to know that as soon as possible. And why would I judge them for that? That’s crazy. I have no idea why people would want to soften their orientation. But that may be only because gayness is something I’m used to. I can’t speak for every environment of course.
I need to set something straight here: fursuiting is not something most do for kink reasons and being a furry doesn't immediately mean that someone is practicing or even interested in kink. It is true that kink is very prominent within furry communities but that does not mean that the communities exist FOR kink and most furries, those involved in kink included, usually have a genuine interest that goes far deeper than sexual gratification. All this being said I still definitely would not advocate bringing your children to a pride parade.
@Bob Dobalina As in the case of the kink issue you are generalizing one aspect of the community to the entire community. You don't have to get it or like it or go anywhere near it if you don't want to but it's a lot more than you're assuming. Even for those who do that is that wrong if they're also productive, responsible individuals outside of the hobby?
As someone in the non-West, I have to say this is one of the strangest phenomena yall have produced. I simply can't wrap my head around it, whether it's sexual or not.
@Bob Dobalina To my knowledge this has happened exactly once when there are regular furry conventions across multiple countries with thousands of participants. I also don't see how the majority being men suddenly means that it's more likely for there to be predatory behavior involved.
Isn’t this what the ddlg people say about their kink🤦🏼♀️ the way they’ve been able to spread it all over the internet and in public is because ‘it’s not always a kink’ or ‘it’s not always sexual’.
The way i view it their are 2 types of sexuality sex and gender, im a trans man attracted to only biological women so my sexuality is based soley on sex (yes i say im hetrosexual) but my hetrosexual girlfriend would have gender attraction as she would date men and trans men. I dont think its transphobic to not date trans people as most the population has sex based attraction. I think it would make the conversation around trans people easier if we spoke more about sexuality like this. Because i think labeling my girlfriend as a lesbian just because she dates someone who was born female is a bit weird when she has never seen me naked or touched that area of me (downstrairs i mean as ive had top surgery) so she doesnt interact with the female parts of my body so it doesnt seem right to call that lesbian. But thats just 1 trans mans view so what do i know.
You are homosexual and your girlfriend is bisexual attracted to masculine women and men but not feminine women and men. She is not hetero and you're not hetero and that is ok. You are a biological female that is attracted to other females which makes you homosexual. It's fine that you live as a man but you are not a biological male.
@@mystuff8579 when you reply to a comment from 2 years ago thats now so outdated that i am not hetro anymore (i wasnt 2 years ago either i just dont like the word bisexual) but im now dating a man. You could call him not gay but ive just come back from a festival and the people that tried to chat me up were gay men and not lesbians. Brb im off to go laugh with my boyfriend about the fact you would call our relationship hetrosexual, considering hes the bottom aswell its just extra funny.
OK next time one of these videos is up I'm turning it into a drinking game. I will take a shot every time the word "community" is used. Potential Kidney and Liver donors please reply below.
@Jake Dean By "some of these people" you mean some fursuiters, right? Yeah, you're right. It's sexual to a minority of them. 10% or something Nurse outfits and uniforms are for sure sexual to A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE (more so than fursuits). Does that mean kids shouldn't be around nurses and police officers?
... i guess it depends on the setting - the furries I met at fantasy/sci-fi conventions were very much OK, and more-or-less 50/50 M/F. I could imagine, that the pride could attract a much different sort of furries.
Benjamin, we need the answer! Are you?!
Yes. I indeed am.
LOL.. you cut it there on purpose, didn't you?
@@BenjaminABoyce Whew. I can rest easy now.
@@BenjaminABoyce HAA I KNEW IT!
@@BenjaminABoyce this was hilarious :D
Such an interesting discussion. One of the messages I’m getting so far is how identity has become synonymous with labels. In other words, rather than being individuals who embody a package of personality and physical traits that are complex and need to learn how to navigate the world in that complexity, kids are being taught that labels tell you everything you need to be and do in one dimensional terms. We need to fight against this.
I agree with this opinion, how would you label it so I know how to identify myself with it?
Stereotypes 101. Eckhart Tolle talks deeply about identity. I wish I heard his name mentioned more within these topics.
@@sladefidler yes! I actually just asked Ben a question about it through her Tumblr, hopefully she reads it and discusses on one of the next gnccentric video's. I think Eckhart Tolle's books and teachings would be soo useful to this whole process. I think part of the reason this has taken up is because people are so disconnected now from the feeling of their bodies, that they conceptualise their body. I think feeling the inner body would make a lot of these teens and dysphoric people get in touch with the reality of their body. I think this is a mind track that gets used by the pain body to explain any painbody feeling. They feel suffering -interpret it as feeling bad in their body - judge this as 'theres something wrong with me' - find trans ideology. If they could be exposed to the painbody concept instead it would actually help them. My 2c
@@VolcanicPenguin j,v
I’m glad Sasha and Ben joined you on the podcast at the same time. Both of their content has helped me as a gnc detransitioned woman
Thanks for having us on Benjamin!
I’d just like to clarify when I say “kids” i just mean under 18s. I’m an old fart at 23 now 🤣
I wish there were spaces for LBG minors to hang out together, without ever talking about sex, just being comfortable together, learning to accept and love the parts of themselves they maybe are scared or ashamed of.
You seem like a very nice person. I mean absolutely no offense here by saying this, but being LBG is a designation that corresponds directly to sexuality doesn't it? How could it not be about sex if sexuality is in the criteria for membership? The topic is barely avoidable amongst non LBG minors. It seems like a very confusing thing to wish for.
Till I listened to Ben I never questioned my support for trans rights and if I was turning a blind eye to behaviour that wasn't always positive. Ben really is so much braver than I could ever imagine being at her age.
GNC Centric how can they not talk about sex if the thing that they have in common is basically just sex orientation ? I think people need to live in the real word , and don’t close down in a sort of small minority pool . When I was younger I was always and only going to gay clubs , now I know I’ve missed out so many things , so many places to see , so many clubs and bars and people to meet . The lgbt community is a delusion . People need to hang out with people who have similar interests . Sex is not as important as society teaches us , there are many other things in life more important than sex or sexual orientation .
Why must you guys often have such expressly weird, non fitting names? It's very confusing, and makes it like, bizarrely hard to keep track, and honestly feels like you are just trying hard to be special in like a random, not inherently special way. Usually people try and be special in a way that is interesting, and/ or requires effort, like, they speak 10 languages, or are super knowledgeable about sth or other, or they do trailrunning, or are really funny or charming or whatever. This just feels so lame, and as if you are asking the interlocutor to actively engage with your randomly, crassly put on specialness.
31:30 THIS. Pornography exposure is a HUGE part of this. Pornography is NOT NORMAL. Pornography will ruin your mind. But kids today are taught to think that it IS normal and that they should think like that and even do that. What happens in pornography is totally unrealistic -- it is also rather commonly violent, abusive, and wildly asymmetrical (against women). Do NOT let your kids look at porn, and if you are looking at it yourself -- STOP. You'll see the effect it has on you once you stop.
@@ricodelavega4511 I think you made my point.
ric vegas what the fuck? Get lost bro
Ben (GNC-centric) is SO SMART. OMG! To be that aware and thoughtful at such a young age! Fantastic discussion. More, more. :)
Make sure to check out her channel (in the description). Here’s our previous chat: ua-cam.com/video/QAMar22S0ck/v-deo.html
I agree, I think she is so amazing, she boggles my mind!
Ben's face every time he says something and there's silence afterwards O _O'
I feel like people make fun of Tumblr a lot but they don't realize it is a very dangerous place for young people. They are too isolated. One thing I would like to see explored is art communities, places like Deviantart and even on Twitter. They make accessibility to porn and kinks easier through drawings and artists are often more receptive to alternative ways of life. I've seen very young artists fall into very damaging ways to deal with sexuality because of what they are exposed to in those communities.
oh, and Sasha is great as always :^D
When I was younger there was a monthly drop-in social support group in my Australian city for same sex attracted young women aged 14-26. It got defunded quite a while ago. I miss it. I feel like I took it for granted, actually. I never expected all that stuff to more or less completely disappear.
Now the same health service only provides similar group services for trans men. Sometimes I want to go along to it and try to explain what happened and that there aren't services for me any more.
I didn’t realise how homophobic the trans movement was until starting to watch these videos. As a woman I felt honestly very bitter towards the trans movement, because I can see resources being directed away from women and essentially back to men who are playing women. Taking away the things that women have, making it so women can’t be proud to be women, everything has to be neutral or inclusive and it’s like uh no. And finding out how also homophobic it is and taking resources away from the lgb community is very upsetting. I feel like we are regressing as a culture not progressing. And I would assume there are more lgb teens and young adults than transgendered teens and young adults, so for things to be defunded and those funds be totally redirected to only trans movements doesn’t make sense to me.
"Non binary pansexual is the new closet" 😂😂😂
Yes - you got it in one, Benjamin! The more people that can see this the better. It really sucks and is causing so much harm especially to younger lesbians.
as a mother of a new teenager that is going through this part of development, I am so grateful to find these discussions. thank you all
Ahhh! Benjamin, what was the question Ben asked you just at the end? "Ben-... Benjamin, I have a question for you: Are you -"?
But more importantly, thank you for this really great conversation. There is something about all three of you that is very genuine and open and inquisitive, and it's so heartening to hear this sort of discourse amid all the ideological discourse being propped up by seemingly well-meaning adults.
I really liked Sasha’s hypothesis around 37 mins on anxious young males possibly being a source of dysphoria. I’ve often speculated on that point, I think it’s likely a combined effect of that on some sort of neurological/endocrinological predisposition. That seems to be the running hypothesis for most mental illnesses (i.e. atypical levels of brain chemicals + trauma = incidence of a given illness). I know many trans people prefer not to think of being trans as a mental illness though I don’t personally see how that’s intrinsically bad. This was good conversation though, I enjoyed this episode.
I listen to these as podcasts now... but still try to click the videos for analytics’ sake. Thanks for doing such awesome work Ben!
Yeah the thing about podcasts is that they don’t have comment fields worth a damn. Join the conversation here anytime Michelle, your input is very much appreciated.
Benjamin A Boyce 😃 Thanks!! I honestly get excited when there’s a new Boyce of Reason for my drive to work... this week is awesome! So prolific!
Benjamin, you don’t understand how much talks like these have helped me. Thank you so much.
I've found myself on the Internet a lot since my teen years and even now (21) and I know it's because I do find myself isolated a lot. I think that's why I found sites like tumblr to be ones I gravitated to as a teen and thus it was easy to buy into every thing said there. I think if I had had help to interact with people in my real life, I could've avoided getting into the mindset of thinking I was nonbinary, but no one really knew that I struggled with social interaction. I'm trying my best to meet more people in real life, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to make anymore close friends.
Keep putting yourself out there, you’ll be surprised by the intimacy you find.
You will. Just one small step at a time and doing things you like.
I see Sasha Ayad, I like. I see gnc centric and unlike so that i can like again. this one is gonna be interesting...
Getting off social media was the best thing I ever did. It’s only been a couple months, I pop on here and there to post pictures mainly for family, but I don’t sit and scroll through or interact. I am very much in a bubble at home, I homeschool my son, I am home all day with my two kids, I don’t have any friends really, I have an amazing husband, I talk to my mum on the phone a lot… it’s enough for me right now. Being off social media has given me so much more calmness and made me less anxious and… negative. I stay on UA-cam tho lol. Social media is terrible for our health :/ and kids are literally being raised by the internet - and by predators.
Want Dr Sasha to start own YT channel!
I'm pretty sure she has one, just doesn't really post there:( I think she's active on Patreon though if I'm not mistaken, where she helps parents of trans kids? But yes, I'd love to see more content from Sasha as well, she's a delight to listen to.
Sasha is so sweet,you can see how much she cares. 💛
I have to echo the sentiment about "Pride" events. I haven't gone to Pride in 17 or 18 years. For the last 10 years I've gone to the Origins board gaming convention downtown on Pride weekend. I could just walk outside the convention center & watch the Pride Parade, but I've never done it. Interestingly, my housemate, who is hetero, goes every year & I think she marches with some group! Pride used to be important for empowering closeted LGB people to come out, but it has been taken over by giant corporate sponsors & people parading their fetishes in public. I want nothing to do with it, & I wish they'd STOP. We had marriage equality & I've been fully integrated into society since the mid-90s & I KNOW that coming out in the U.S. today is much less hostile than 25-30 years ago when I did it. Integration is what I wanted, so I just didn't see a need for "Pride" events in recent years! What's there to be proud of now? I'm not ashamed, either. I just am, and I am me, and I am neither proud nor ashamed of my sexual orientation. I always thought that was the goal. So I'm disgusted by all the people who have used the LGBT community & society's pendulum swing toward tolerance to spread propaganda, sexualize children, violate the rights & safety of women, display their fetishes in public, & gaslight society about what is happening! It's interesting that Pride USED to be about NOT pretending. Now it's ONLY about pretending. Instead of being a place to be authentic; it's now a place for LARPing.
If I could, I'd end Pride Parades & Festivals, not only for the sake of the children but for the sake of the LGB and the T communities themselves. I certainly don't want anyone associating ME w/ all the fetishes & inappropriate public behavior & the sexualizing of children!
I really liked your discussion about asexuality and hypersexualization. I think in this discussion the unlimited access to pornography and the cultural normailization of it has an impact as well. As a teen I've "identified" (back in the days we just said "I feel") myself as asexual after terribile experciences with guys who constanlty watched porn. They could not sperate porn from real life sexualitiy and put me under pressure for not wanting to do stuff what they saw in their pornography. My desire was that they like/love me, so I let them pressure me and give in. I was so overwelmed by this expercience that I could not integrate this other than cutting sexuality completly out of my life. I had many friends that had similiar expericences. I think pornography in the teenage years is a very demaging thing for teens who consume pornography as well as for teens who will engage in sexual activity with a consumer. I also think that we underestimate the components of "wanted to be liked/loved" and confusing this with "liking of the act". In my opinion: thats how pornography is normalized. Young girls/boys, who felt pressured by porn-consumers, acting like loving it, they blunt to a degree, maybe engage in pornography themself and the circul goes on and on and on. Its a messed up thing.
Benjamin straight trollin us with that cut off point 😂
The physical connection thing is also a learning thing. When you start doing something you don't really understand how much learning is involved in getting good at it. Once things begin to click, still early on, you realise you could spend your whole life learning it. It's why people get addicted to things like BJJ, which is like fighty chess - but it also gives you a really deep high after. The level of physical contact is extreme too. If you're in a safe club, learning to control your breathing while being smothered by someone's torso and thinking through your next move as you inch your way out of a position is some serious meditative shit.
I get something similar from a writing group over zoom... Sadly no wrasslin in the body, but plenty in the mind. I love it. Being rubbish at something with a bunch of generous people who are more than happy to help you understand stuff is just a gorgeous feeling. Way better than fake affirmation.
I have been somewhat baffled by the trend for some young women to gravitate towards a trans or non-binary identity rather than a lesbian one. Not belonging in any of those categories (and being older) I had assumed that being gay or lesbian was less fringe and that being trans would bring more problems than it would solve, unless that's really your only option. Learning about the internet subcultures through this series has helped me understand that they are filling a space that might otherwise be filled by older lesbian role models, and it's a sad disconnect. It's like the youth are reinventing the wheel but in a needlessly convoluted way.
The point Sasha makes at 1:17 is something that has concerned me too, that older adults sometimes mistake the plethora of new gender-related categories for mental sophistication on the part of the youth and are afraid to question it, especially if they're in progressive circles and don't want to seem like ignorant squares.
I agree, I'm not sure why or how the disconnect happened. I also think that internalised homophobia and misogyny have taken hold of many women now. They simply can't see that the might be a lesbian, it's still felt as shameful or embarrassing by their unconcious. So they dissociate with their body and wish they were someone else. I also remember taking to a friend when I was 18 that "I wish I was a gay man". Soo many de-transitioned women seem to be saying this - that they identified as gay men. Why is the collective psyche of lesbian women connecting with this, how does it defend us from seeing the parts of ourself we hate, and connect to parts of ourself that we can accept. I think it is internalised misogyny mostly.
Yes anything female only is low status as so young women have received the message that being Lesbian us not only lame but it has been reduced to a porn category where women are "performing" so-called Lesbianism for a male audience. This is clearly NOT lesbianism which is 100% female and whose gaze is a female gaze. So young women are often not seeing healthy mature Lesbian relationships. They see weird expressions of what "lesbian" and just think "well, that's not me so I must be Trans or non-binary".
Absolutely agree with Ben on that through watching screens make the human psych make us feel dislocated from our bodies, we have evolved from a biological creature that lived in an ever changing world with little control over and used our bare bodies and tools for survival. Nowadays we deprive nature and live in such comfort and that psychological, medicinal and physical help is needed for survival for a lot of people.
Ben, you don’t sound like an old person. Just one whose wise beyond her years! I know. I AM and old person!
The conversation about consent reminded me of this actually really good series that RadioLab did a few months ago, and, in particular, the 3rd installment that talks about women wanting to be good sports and also how consent does and does not work in the kink/BDSM community: www.wnycstudios.org/story/no-part-3
The practice of safety and consent in the BDSM community is initially presented as a possible model for how this could work well, and then somewhat dismantled and questioned, too.
Using the Asexual label has become shorthand for low libido, generally disinterested in sex and dating, an extension of mild misanthropy, etcetera. I've used it a lot myself at least online.
Three lovely humans.
How do we get doctors and trans activists to watch these videos? There is only movement to affirm. there is no acknowledgment of how difficult it is coming of age at all nevermind in the digital era. Really well meaning people ( stopping trans kids from killing themselves) are also blocking treatment for other contributing factors like basic instability of youth, trauma, sexual assault, physical conditions such as other endocrine issues etc. i am afraid that radical trans activism is going to hurt trans and gay youth as well as anyone who questions the party line.
... I think, that the role of social media in this whole bussiness could not be overstated. As I understand it, most of these ROGD kids are either not willing to accept that they are gay, or they are straight - but gender-non conforming. I come from a small EU country, which is relativelly conservative, and in general less gay friendly than most of the US. The price you have to pay for coming out gay as a teenager is still quite high, yet there is no boom of trans kids of recent. I think, that this is to a large part due to the fact that these kids do not speak enough English, so that they would be able to engage on tumblr, etc. to any large degree. And speaking a language, that is spoken by only ca. 5 M people (it really is a small world after all - at least for us), they are much more likely to (even as a social outcast) communicate on the internet with somebody, that they will also meet/become friends in real life - which changes everything, as Ben said in the video. And as for the gender-non conforming girls, as a result of being a post-communist country, role models of not-at-all-girly female crane-operator, welder of tractorist are not that far away.
I would say, that it would make an interesting sociological research to see, what are the rates of ROGD in English-speaking countries vs. countries, where poor levels of English prohibit efficient use of "international" social media by teenagers.
This conversation just makes me think about my life, what I have experienced what I felt like..
I am just so lucky man.
Sadly I was taught that I am not ready for sexual activity at an early age ..
Now as an adult I am still ..scared ..to do it with my boyfriend
So ..Man I don't know how we can fix this.
The conversation they are happening I am starting to believe it happens everywhere
Right now in Jamaica, where I live all my life I have seen young women who act ..you know dominant nad tomboy.
Now I am like " What if they were in America....They might think their ..trans.." But they are just... Very big girls who enjoy ..Girls.
I went to an all girl school So I saw all sorts of women.
The reason why i said I was lucky is because I wasn't really exposed to the hypersexual life style. Now I am on the internet and I see this EVERYWHERE.
AS a teen or kid I didn't know fuck shit...so it's ..just so scary or how easy it is to really change a new generation. Because everyone online now is pansexual. I know when I was 16 you found few of them but now it's everyone. Everyone is trans, twitter is just the perfect place to go and see this happening. It's just sooooooo....WEIRD.
I wasn't even thinking about sexuality as a teen. I just knew I like boys ..but I am not attracted to the ones around my community. Thinking about it..Teen Me would think I am asexual or a lesbian because girls were alot better to go at ..But now I have a boyfriend, I found someone I like ..I don't even think I should consider myself bisexual or a lesbian. It just makes me think about all the teens that are going through life not knowing better simply because they never met someone they really find themselves attracted to. It's ...Just so fucked.
@Michael Jackson Lalaloopsy Barbie A year later and it just seems to be going on and on and on
Wow. I just love this discussion. Such thoughtful participants and articulate statements!
I should comment on these as I see them… i spent most of the last 3 days watching your old vids, Benjamin, sharing some of them… trying to get some ideas.
Good stuff
This will be a long post, I typed it up in google docs.
I know its easy to put the blame on a community about boundaries. But I feel like boundaries is something people should be taught as a kid. I had a horrible set of boundaries due to my upbring. But I’ve met other people with parents who taught them boundaries and they have less issues than I do. I find too if you lack in boundaries or you get told when you were younger, your the reason why everyone is upset, or its your responsibility to make others happy. You start to fall into people pleasing. (In my experience I went into people pleasing) boundaries is something I think that should be regularly addressed, and it helps when your around others who want to build yours up. But I found for me - my biggest reason why I didn’t have any is because I wasn’t taught any.
Also I did want to say - as a women, who is bisexual. It was always odd to have people try to force yaoi anime, and porn and fanfictions on me. I was told when I was younger, I’m not truly bi if I don’t watch and enjoy those things. Which simply never made sense to me. Because I don’t connect with to boys kissing, or having sex. I don’t have those parts. I’m a women who likes girls and boys. If I’m going to watch an anime that is gay, I’m going to be watching yuri. (Or shojo-ai as some people call it)
As for kink - I find kink to be really hard. Tumblr really sensationalize the idea of being kinky. I think also this whole separate of like being not normal really drives it. I know vanilla for some people is like a joke/meme, but I’ve meant some people who are totally disgusted by non-kinky folk. I found too because kinky was super trendy, you’d get a lot of inexperienced “Doms” / “tops” as well.
So not only do you have “bottoms” / “subs” who are inexperienced, but you have doms who have no idea what they are doing. They are just trying to copy what they see in pictures, or in porn. Wither it’s trying to spank someone with a belt and hitting the tail bone, or trying to do breath play and actually choking a person. I do agree as well there are a lot of vulnerable people who DO get into kink. I was vulnerable when I started. And I left a couple years ago because I decided this is a community I can’t be apart of it. It’s toxic for me. I also fall into the group of mentally ill people and when I was involved in kink, even more so on tumblr I was being abused and I thought it was normal, because everyone else would also be uploading pictures of big black bruises as well. SO I was like oh okay this is normal, or “oh okay subdrop is all good. The feelings of me being depressed or unsure of what I did wrong is totally normal.” I also noticed when I was in the kink community back in 2010-2012 there was a big push around punishments - and how if your being punished you can’t safe word, or safe words will be taken away (or ignored), or that people will try to push for the whole 24/7 kink relationships and I knew of a couple of people who signed contracts they thought were legally binding. (They aren’t)
I do know the list your (Ben) talking about btw, And I agree with Ben, I feel like it was created to try and help people have the more embarrassing conversations. But for a lot of people it’s more of a match making thing, or even a “So how can you be into this, but not that?” It just adds pressure. I found there’s people who are also super immature and are in kink and they view it more as “me me me me me.”
But I think too, kink can be introduced slowly. Your first night with someone, and being intimate with them, it doesn’t mean you gotta pull out all the kink gear and be like “Ready for a good kink time?” you can introduce stuff slowly, and when you see something you might be interested in, you can then have a chat about it.
Also I did want to say when I was about 18, I first got attracted to kink, not because of porn, Idk - I used to find some porn really gross and kink porn I saw more so and was shown by others had to do with facials. (ick) ^^; I got attracted to it because I saw a lot of alternative models on tumblr, a lot of latex models as well. I think I also found out about latex due to goth stuff. Because I’d see goth photos of these really glossy pretty gloves and I found out they were latex, so I then went down that rabbit hole and would find more aesthetic things for my blog. I really liked reblogging more alternative stuff. Then I found models like Miss Mosh, and I found through the pinup community that Miss Mosh and Dita Von Teese were BIG inspos for a lot of people, and that path lead me to more and more glamourize kink models, and tumblr styled photographs. (There was also a lot of pink bondage and pink kink stuff on tumblr too.)
Also for mental health and communities and stuff - I agree. I do see a lot on tumblr now, they are adopting the term “culture”to add to suffering. I feel like it also champions the pain, and it champions people who aren’t going to move forward and I feel like it also stops whatever progress people might have. Because than you also can’t be in this ingroup - if you work on recovery. Which I feel like keeps people stuck in this cycle of “I need help, but I can’t find help”. And I find too this will push more of the whole “But what if I don’t like who I become?!” fear, people do have. Because your self is now also plugged into the little box of being apart of depression culture, anxiety culture, ptsd culture, OCD culture.
I mean if you apart of depression culture and you suffer from depression and you constantly get your stuff reblogged, and than one day you get help, your therapist and you agree to not use tumblr so much. You come back and your tumblr is a bit different now. And maybe you still post something like “Depression culture is knowing your depressed, but also knowing if you get up and do something you might feel a bit better”. You’ll most likely get demonised or be seen as a non true depressed person, or you were faking it the whole time, and people will call into question your diagnosis. Meanwhile you are diagnosed and your just talking about a skill you learnt, and now your around non-skillful people who don’t want you to also be skillful. I find too with mental health a lot of people do use their mental health as a way to identify themselves - like in blog descriptions. So you see a lot of “She/her, they/them, nonbinary, depression, anxious and hopeless, better off dead worthless piece of trash” And its like “yikes”, but also - I feel really sad for this person. Or I really wish I could help this person.
(I stopped writing now because I realised this is two pages long. XD And I was like okay, I need to stop.)
Thanks for sharing, Sae
@@BenjaminABoyce Your welcome =)
Thanks for expanding on this stuff, I appreciate it!
That bit you wrote about, where unskilled people don't want you to be skilled, is a perfect description of codependent relationships.
This where the difference between individual vs structure really shows itself. All the individuals in the community are all for CONSENT. That's the big buzzword, right? That's a very individualistic concept, and of course it can be useful. But when the structure itself is premised on transgressing and breaking boundaries, consent becomes compromised, especially when children and teenagers are involved.
Splendid from the get-go .... the tough questions that are so sorely needed and so few dare to ask!
Really important discussion about the real stuff which anyone involved with young people need to be following.
this video makes me feel depressed yet less alone
It all comes down to critical thinking.
Gay sexuality is the LAST thing you want to assist you "discovering yourself". Its like dabbling in drugs for the firs time and started with cocaine and meth, or you first care is a 200 mph Ferrari. This was a great conversation. I am grateful I am straight, seriously.
Homosexual females are, objectively, at significantly less risk for many sexual health issues / physical harm as a result of sexual activity, so I'm not sure how you pulled this comment out of your ass. I suppose you're talking about boys?
Excellent video!
Maybe the christians were right all along and people basing their identities on their desires doesn’t end well.
Hmm. What's that referring to with regards to Christianity?
Yeh, I think Christian morality is quite good for kids. You don’t have to stay Christian, almost almost everyone becomes atheist between 16-21 but you’ve still got the morality.
Flirtation is a beautiful thing!!
4:00 Young females using gay men as source of sexual information is misinformation. Yes! But even in "normal" culture,female sexuality is rare. I know many women read gay male erotica because it describes gentle pleasures and both people as protagonists, with details.
As someone who actually identifies as "asexual" (grey-a) it's definitely more low libido/drive and the like. I'm not interested so much as most, but for my potential partner I would (probably) indulge -- part of the relationship. I know one girl who claims asexuality because she is terrified of sex, yet dates. Being terrified is a fairly normal occurence though until you have experience. Unlike me, I don't like or care for sex or cannot feel that "level" of intense relationship. She will probably grow out of it. I won't. Lol. I know my preference.
However... I have noticed sexuality in general has leaked out into the world way more than usual. In every way. I'm in no way a prude or in opposition to sex -- I have experimented and such. But wow.
Everyone is prone to experiment when they are younger, and used to it was more with people closer their own age. Adding online discussions unchecked is dangerous. You don't know who your child/teen can be communicating with on such a delicate subject, let alone what your young one may be learning or understanding in a negative way or how old the other person is on the other side. And ages are often lies online. And potentially even meeting in person from these online discussions or getting hacked is possible.
I get it now, many parents are separated or simply do not parent. You can't control all of social media in place of this, but you CAN monitor what your youth consumes in your own home, under your roof and with your boundaries. My parents did, but not overly so. I learned to be wary and yet respectful. I have met some awesome people I am in touch with. But also some terrible individuals who were predatory on an emotional level to the unsuspecting younger peers.
My advice? Get offline. Meet local people your own age. Go to ballgames etc. and socialize. Discover your own thoughts. You need someone trusted to discuss this sort of thing. Not everyone online has your best interest at heart (trust me I had fell into a bad time). Very few will.
I sure hope the experiences they talk about are rare.
I wonder if that is why Nunneries were established in past centuries.
And I thought "coming of age" was difficult (and it was!) in the 70's... good grief!
There were already 8 dislikes 18 min after the video was uploaded. A group of haters do that on purpose without even listening to the content.
I noticed that too. Quite unique for my channel.
@@BenjaminABoyce Not really, I've watched that really carefully on your channel, there's a bunch of people disliking SOME of your videos in advance :)
1:08:50 This reminded me of my absolute favourite quote, from someone who existed as an anonymous internet persona until he deleted himself from the internet 10 years ago. I think this has something to do with how we see identity:
"when you don't create things, you become defined by your tastes rather than ability. your tastes only narrow & exclude people. so create."
-Why the Lucky Stiff
Good talk!
Sasha! @ 43:00 you are so correct on every level. I feel that your nervousness about what will happen is actually already happening and it is completely correlated with the proliferation of smartphones and social media. I just watched Benjamin's two part of the Evergreen situation (great work, by the way. Your distillation is very poignant). I think it's the same thing... Social media + "wokeness" is causing severe social destabilization that is being nudged along by very sick people that hate Western civilization and are willing to cause great suffering on a massive scale.
22:07 When Ben says that homosexuality and heterosexuality doesn't need to be an identify because they are first of all facts and they are just what people are she makes a very important point that Benjamin doesn't seem to really get, maybe because his way of thinking is more influenced by the categories of identity politics than he thinks.
Anybody else desperate to know what the question at the end was? 😂😂
"are you bisexual ?"
Benjamin, might an interview with a furry be fruitful? I've no idea.
I don’t even know how the audio would work in such a situation.
@@BenjaminABoyce Curiously.
@@BenjaminABoyce That could get harry.... or furry :)
Seriously though, you could interview a furry with just a photo of them up and have them do the interview with no costume, or, if they are willing, just do a regular interview. It would be interesting.
Allergies or furballs might be an issue for the voice.
Aren't there any furries that have mastered the art of human-speak? Hmm.. pronouns might be an issue, too.
THERE! ARE! FOUR! LIGHTS!
i just couldn’t get past the first few minutes i identified as bored
Imagine how much time could be saved if you didn't have to rattle off acronyms every time
I'm asexual (or sex-phobic). Some might call me incel but my kids and ex-gf's would disagree. (I think)
Did furries get started at 90s raves? I remember the randoms wearing a Tigger suit or something akin to that. Usually happy hardcore or trance fans.
How does “non binary” make people feel more secure socially?
I mean, I understand how it does, if you feel like heterosexuality is the norm,
but subjectively, it seems topsy-turvy to me.
I want people to identify themselves clearly, if I’m dating, so that I don’t waste my time.
If a woman is a lesbian, I want to know that as soon as possible.
And why would I judge them for that? That’s crazy.
I have no idea why people would want to soften their orientation.
But that may be only because gayness is something I’m used to.
I can’t speak for every environment of course.
Great interaction with different life experiences from each of you.
Great talk!
Ty
I need to set something straight here: fursuiting is not something most do for kink reasons and being a furry doesn't immediately mean that someone is practicing or even interested in kink. It is true that kink is very prominent within furry communities but that does not mean that the communities exist FOR kink and most furries, those involved in kink included, usually have a genuine interest that goes far deeper than sexual gratification.
All this being said I still definitely would not advocate bringing your children to a pride parade.
@Bob Dobalina As in the case of the kink issue you are generalizing one aspect of the community to the entire community. You don't have to get it or like it or go anywhere near it if you don't want to but it's a lot more than you're assuming. Even for those who do that is that wrong if they're also productive, responsible individuals outside of the hobby?
As someone in the non-West, I have to say this is one of the strangest phenomena yall have produced. I simply can't wrap my head around it, whether it's sexual or not.
@Bob Dobalina To my knowledge this has happened exactly once when there are regular furry conventions across multiple countries with thousands of participants. I also don't see how the majority being men suddenly means that it's more likely for there to be predatory behavior involved.
Isn’t this what the ddlg people say about their kink🤦🏼♀️ the way they’ve been able to spread it all over the internet and in public is because ‘it’s not always a kink’ or ‘it’s not always sexual’.
Ben is in deed a gorgeous young woman! Also, love the Sinead O'Connor tribute (I see it like that) with the bold head! :)
Ty 😋
I'm not a fan of censorship but kids are kids, if I got my kids a phone/computer, there's probably one site I'd block. Tumblr.
TikTok and Twitter are just as bad. Maybe worse at this point :/
The way i view it their are 2 types of sexuality sex and gender, im a trans man attracted to only biological women so my sexuality is based soley on sex (yes i say im hetrosexual) but my hetrosexual girlfriend would have gender attraction as she would date men and trans men. I dont think its transphobic to not date trans people as most the population has sex based attraction. I think it would make the conversation around trans people easier if we spoke more about sexuality like this. Because i think labeling my girlfriend as a lesbian just because she dates someone who was born female is a bit weird when she has never seen me naked or touched that area of me (downstrairs i mean as ive had top surgery) so she doesnt interact with the female parts of my body so it doesnt seem right to call that lesbian. But thats just 1 trans mans view so what do i know.
You are homosexual and your girlfriend is bisexual attracted to masculine women and men but not feminine women and men. She is not hetero and you're not hetero and that is ok. You are a biological female that is attracted to other females which makes you homosexual. It's fine that you live as a man but you are not a biological male.
@@mystuff8579 when you reply to a comment from 2 years ago thats now so outdated that i am not hetro anymore (i wasnt 2 years ago either i just dont like the word bisexual) but im now dating a man.
You could call him not gay but ive just come back from a festival and the people that tried to chat me up were gay men and not lesbians.
Brb im off to go laugh with my boyfriend about the fact you would call our relationship hetrosexual, considering hes the bottom aswell its just extra funny.
Oh, Sasha is discussing this now! Good!
OK next time one of these videos is up I'm turning it into a drinking game. I will take a shot every time the word "community" is used. Potential Kidney and Liver donors please reply below.
Ecclesiastes.
Child safeguarding - it's a thing! Or at least it should be.
Ben doesn't seem to understand what fursuiting's all about.
@Jake Dean By "some of these people" you mean some fursuiters, right? Yeah, you're right. It's sexual to a minority of them. 10% or something
Nurse outfits and uniforms are for sure sexual to A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE (more so than fursuits). Does that mean kids shouldn't be around nurses and police officers?
@Bob Dobalina Grown men and women in fursuits provide entertainment.
It's pretty much the same as cosplay.
... i guess it depends on the setting - the furries I met at fantasy/sci-fi conventions were very much OK, and more-or-less 50/50 M/F. I could imagine, that the pride could attract a much different sort of furries.
Fucking Tumblr
Benjamin needs to get Dr Will Powers on you tube . 1500 trans clients make Dr power a bit of an expert .
30 min and its down the toilet