My family of origin prey on my personal issues like car troubles, leaky roof, and depression as a way to come in and fix the problem, then they feel I owe them emotional rights. They help fix a problem in my life by means of money. Then I owe them emotional self to be s doormat. If not, I'm ungreatful.
This video is my life! No one explains this ACOA quite like Jerry Wise. I look forward to all your videos, as I am always reassured that I am not alone. Thanks again!
Thank you. My husband and I both come from families such as this. It has caused so many issues within our marriage and in each of our personal lives. We were both the scapegoat rejected child in our families and now our children are being put in that role too. And you are right, moving away does not cut the cord of emotional hold they have on us. I wish we could afford to be counseled by you, but for now the videos are helping.
Jerry, I have watching your videos for a week! Studying bit by bit, I found it is so helpful to my current stage. The clouds above my head is clearer and clearer and I start to know what I need to do. God bless! So wonderful!
I'm 60, mom is 80. Recently, she actually said "I made you, so I own you...." I super cringed and set her straight as calmly as possible, but the phrase shined a spotlight on how her brain works. 🙄
Jerry, thank you for the great video. Something you said hit home, "Without you I'm not ok feeling". My wife and I struggle since our son, and wife, do not speak to us or allow us to see our 5 year old granddaughter. It's been a year and a half now. We see the older granddaughter thru her mother (2 different mothers here). Alienation from us I believe is what we have. We struggle in and out of depression. De-enmeshing comes with a cost I think sometimes. No communication at all is not the answer as you have said before. Just makes it worse we believe. thank you again for the being there. Your videos are a great help.
I do share your videos and ya!! I have gained more from your videos then 5 years of therapy. You hit exactly what the problem was and what to do. Ive looked around a lot at other videos and I have never found anything that was as, on the mark then your videos. Thank you
You are so right! Too much water can kill you! My brother died of water intoxication at the age of 37. I always tell my children that too much of anything can kill you - even water! Thank you so much for your awesome videos!!
And to possibly continue your analogy about the 20 gallons of water...if someone we love (like one of our children) marries into an enmeshed family, it is like that enmeshed family has to have ALL the water, and can't spare who they view as 'outsiders' a single drop.
Thanks for your work i had two immature self asorbed parents i feel more like an orphan had terrible relationshops with immature men wjo alsp had awful parenta and were also deprived of love and support when growing up i now do loving things for mysrlf but always feel guilty for being good to myself as i was taiught that i was unimportant and mot wanted my brother waa the one that waa nurtured he now neen given a flat he niw using to use as a deposit fir a house wjile i rent a slum
Thanks for your videos...I'm digging through them. This is a great supplement to the IFS therapy I'm already involved in. Question: How do you recover from enmeshment and severe-but-subtle codependency in the FOO when you work for the family business? The same person who holds the puppet strings of the family, is the person who writes your paycheck? This is not just a little mom-and-pop shop where I can leave and they get along fine without me. It's truly a family business, and a legacy I hope to continue building and pass along to any of my children who want to be a part of it in the future.
I am almost 40 years old and it's only since a few years ago that I began to understand how my family dynamics have molded me into who I am and all the emotional abuse I have taken. All the disapproval, undermining and contemptuousness. Oh yea and the covert incest from both my parents, I should have trusted my yike feeling and stood up when my dad would suck on my ear while I was studying, or woke up as a teenage with him hovering above my face smiling creepily. I should have known it wasn't right how my mother turned me into her surrogate partner after my fathers death and had to become responsible for her well being; all the while being neglected as a young adult never had the proper chance to mourn for a dead parent. Nobody checked on me and asked if I was ok.
12:05 Adult children can do this to parents too." Without you being who I want you to be I'm not okay" this makes things extremely difficult to not feel guilty and just open a vein. Then you say, what do you want me to do open a vein? Will that make you happy now?
Dear sir. You once in one of your videos spoke of a place that you attended to help you grieve. Could you tell me the name? My goal is to grieve past losses. Could you make (or direct me to) a video about clients who have repressed their memories. I find that I'm depressed (dysphoric) constantly and cannot feel love. I know that I need to experience catharsis but am stuck in a state of numbness. Please direct me to any of your videos or other's to help me get into this place of healing. Thank you and may God richly bless you and your center.
+MsGroovalicious Having been in your shoes for a very long time, I've found eft great for helping to heal those still bleeding wounds. Go to Brad Yates on You Tube. He's amazing and will show you the steps to get started on tapping points. He does the tapping slowly so there's no being overwhelmed with something new. It's gentle and easy. Please try this, it saved my life. Literally.
"aw, crisis or talking about someone else" "we'll stop that, lol" they know they are talking behind peoplle's back and wait till some one comes into room to start mumbling over the phone. This video is more about going with the flow, despite the word triangularation makes sense.Check out the center more directly.
You are very good at what you do. One of the best.
***** Thank you !!!
My family of origin prey on my personal issues like car troubles, leaky roof, and depression as a way to come in and fix the problem, then they feel I owe them emotional rights. They help fix a problem in my life by means of money. Then I owe them emotional self to be s doormat. If not, I'm ungreatful.
Emotional rights- love it! Access Denied 🙅
Dear Jerry, Thank you for taking the time to publish these very helpful videos.
This video is my life! No one explains this ACOA quite like Jerry Wise. I look forward to all your videos, as I am always reassured that I am not alone. Thanks again!
Thank you. My husband and I both come from families such as this. It has caused so many issues within our marriage and in each of our personal lives. We were both the scapegoat rejected child in our families and now our children are being put in that role too. And you are right, moving away does not cut the cord of emotional hold they have on us. I wish we could afford to be counseled by you, but for now the videos are helping.
Jerry, I have watching your videos for a week! Studying bit by bit, I found it is so helpful to my current stage. The clouds above my head is clearer and clearer and I start to know what I need to do. God bless! So wonderful!
I'm 60, mom is 80. Recently, she actually said "I made you, so I own you...."
I super cringed and set her straight as calmly as possible, but the phrase shined a spotlight on how her brain works. 🙄
“That’s your opinion”
Jerry,
thank you for the great video. Something you said hit home, "Without you I'm not ok feeling". My wife and I struggle since our son, and wife, do not speak to us or allow us to see our 5 year old granddaughter. It's been a year and a half now. We see the older granddaughter thru her mother (2 different mothers here). Alienation from us I believe is what we have. We struggle in and out of depression. De-enmeshing comes with a cost I think sometimes. No communication at all is not the answer as you have said before. Just makes it worse we believe. thank you again for the being there. Your videos are a great help.
I do share your videos and ya!! I have gained more from your videos then 5 years of therapy. You hit exactly what the problem was and what to do. Ive looked around a lot at other videos and I have never found anything that was as, on the mark then your videos. Thank you
This was fantastic and it hit home. I made boundaries and was frozen out/ shunned/ostracized. They did me a big favor. ...
Great video Jerry, I think I'm starting to catch on. I'll be working on it.
You are so right! Too much water can kill you! My brother died of water intoxication at the age of 37. I always tell my children that too much of anything can kill you - even water!
Thank you so much for your awesome videos!!
Thank you for this video. It shines a different light on understanding family dynamics.
And to possibly continue your analogy about the 20 gallons of water...if someone we love (like one of our children) marries into an enmeshed family, it is like that enmeshed family has to have ALL the water, and can't spare who they view as 'outsiders' a single drop.
I am grateful for your clear explanation. Your videos are very helpful. I am studying them each day. Journaling helps.
Thanks for your work i had two immature self asorbed parents i feel more like an orphan had terrible relationshops with immature men wjo alsp had awful parenta and were also deprived of love and support when growing up i now do loving things for mysrlf but always feel guilty for being good to myself as i was taiught that i was unimportant and mot wanted my brother waa the one that waa nurtured he now neen given a flat he niw using to use as a deposit fir a house wjile i rent a slum
Excellent video. Thanks so much!
You are looking good. What a change. Good work.
Thisssss. Thanks for making this. I always wondered about the listening issue -- like why don't they seem to hear anything I say? This makes sense.
Very good analogy
This guy is an awesome-dressed man! I have the exact same dress shirt!
Thanks for your videos...I'm digging through them. This is a great supplement to the IFS therapy I'm already involved in.
Question: How do you recover from enmeshment and severe-but-subtle codependency in the FOO when you work for the family business? The same person who holds the puppet strings of the family, is the person who writes your paycheck? This is not just a little mom-and-pop shop where I can leave and they get along fine without me. It's truly a family business, and a legacy I hope to continue building and pass along to any of my children who want to be a part of it in the future.
I am almost 40 years old and it's only since a few years ago that I began to understand how my family dynamics have molded me into who I am and all the emotional abuse I have taken. All the disapproval, undermining and contemptuousness. Oh yea and the covert incest from both my parents, I should have trusted my yike feeling and stood up when my dad would suck on my ear while I was studying, or woke up as a teenage with him hovering above my face smiling creepily. I should have known it wasn't right how my mother turned me into her surrogate partner after my fathers death and had to become responsible for her well being; all the while being neglected as a young adult never had the proper chance to mourn for a dead parent. Nobody checked on me and asked if I was ok.
12:05 Adult children can do this to parents too." Without you being who I want you to be I'm not okay" this makes things extremely difficult to not feel guilty and just open a vein. Then you say, what do you want me to do open a vein? Will that make you happy now?
Thank you so much. This is very helpful.
Dear sir. You once in one of your videos spoke of a place that you attended to help you grieve. Could you tell me the name? My goal is to grieve past losses.
Could you make (or direct me to) a video about clients who have repressed their memories. I find that I'm depressed (dysphoric) constantly and cannot feel love. I know that I need to experience catharsis but am stuck in a state of numbness. Please direct me to any of your videos or other's to help me get into this place of healing. Thank you and may God richly bless you and your center.
+MsGroovalicious Having been in your shoes for a very long time, I've found eft great for helping to heal those still bleeding wounds. Go to Brad Yates on You Tube. He's amazing and will show you the steps to get started on tapping points. He does the tapping slowly so there's no being overwhelmed with something new. It's gentle and easy. Please try this, it saved my life. Literally.
Thank you so much.
I was actually ignored and neglected. But I still define romantic love as enmeshment. Why?
13:00 HA! Run this line to most black parents and see what happens..They come up with the line "YOU live under MY roof!".. how do you counter that? 🤔
Wild Child_ You move OUT. Easier said than done, I know! Black parents (mainly MOMMAS) are NOTORIOUS for that!
Can you give an example of feelings driving thought processes? Why is subjectivity dangerous and objectivity is better?
So the problem is not that they don't want their children to grow up, but that they believe they're doing something good?
"aw, crisis or talking about someone else" "we'll stop that, lol" they know they are talking behind peoplle's back and wait till some one comes into room to start mumbling over the phone. This video is more about going with the flow, despite the word triangularation makes sense.Check out the center more directly.
Is family therapy methodology based on religion or Spirituality?
It feels addictive.
Human body is 70% water* Good talk though.
I sent you an email
Theyre evil demons and generational curses