Something about the way this video is animated is just so unsettling. Like, the way the girl moves just looks so unnatural in every way, I don't know... It's like some weird uncanny valley stuff goin' on and it's just so good man
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship this song really does speak the truth on how it feels to try to find love again, when you're finally treated like a actual person again it's heartbreaking, almost too good to be true. You don't want to believe it's real, you've been put in a mindset of worthlessness
same here. this song seems painful to me. ik how my 1st lover horribly treated me and that's why this song is relatable. sadly, even tho after 2y i found friends and new relationship, i found myself being thankful for bare minimum with my new narcissistic lover. circle repeated itself again, cuz i was too much traumatised already, and i got abusive relationship again. bitter type of pain.
Yeah I agree with this. About a month ago I was in a very abusive relationship. A lot of people I talked to always to me to end it off but I never did because before with a previous relationship, I had been brought down to a state of worthlessness to where I had zero self respect. When I came into the one after that, the feeling of her actually treating me like a normal person had me paranoid. I was always paranoid of things but being with herat the start made it worst due to how greatly she treated me. It almost felt like it was too good to be ture. almost fake. But I psuhed those feelings aside and went with it. I had a lot of things wrong in my head from the ex before but this one made me feel happy around her. It was almost like a drug. If I wasn't near her for a second I felt like my life was crumbling and my anxiety was tearing me apart for the whole time of us being apart. She was just the sweetest person on the planet and I loved her for it. But it then just went downhill a few months into the relationship all of a sudden and that's where the verbal and mental abuse came in. She had anger issues. And bad ones at that. She would get angry at the smallest things. Some people would make her angry but shr would someowhat be patient with them. me on the other hand, regardless if I meant to or not (99% of the time I unkowingly do), she let's out the worst on to me. I get cursed at, insulted, you name it, she's done it. then she would threaten to break up. there were times she has broken up with me because of it but we always got back together. She wasnt as aggressive with it as my ex before her, but it did make things immensly worse. My anxiety and paranoia were just going haywire. In a way, she indirectly made me feel like I wasn't shit without her. I felt that if i wasn't with her, I would be in such a bad state to where I probably woulnd't be around. Obviously that never happened and i'm glad to have the people around me that helped me through the break up. I ruined friendships because of that relationship and I horrible for the friends that I ended up losing. Luckily we became friends again but the guilt just eats me alive every single time. I've just gotten better at hiding it so no one would worry. Idk why i rambled on about that... my bad 😆
I have never felt so disturbed by a PV before. The way she morphs and rubs her face just translated for me the tone of anxiety and pain from the song - I was getting chills!
after 2:27 makes me feel anxious, but before 2:27 I can handle the song. I just don’t really like the eyes in the wall part, it’s so creepy, yet impressive.
The way she’s ‘grabbing her bangs’ (as some people in the comments said) is really meaningful to me, because sometimes when you’re panicking, you grasp at nothing. You grasp for any kind of leverage, because you feel as if you’re falling. I like how Kikuo added that detail.
“Can’t ignore the horrors that I’ve seen.” 2:54 (subtitles) By her “grabbing her bangs”/scratching her face, it could be a method of s3lf h@rm, trying to cover/blind her vision so she doesn’t see anymore trauma like that. My uncle has worked at a clinic and has had at least two patients forcefully sent in with scratches on their eyes and face, they’ve both said the same thing; (or similar, as trauma is not always the same) “I don’t want to get better. I don’t want to see anymore.” It gives me chills whenever he tells that story. And it’s heartbreaking to hear that there are such coping mechanisms out there.
Severe Trauma survivor’s usually have the tendency of attempting to claw out their eyes bc they don’t want to see their trauma, which is why she’s scratching her face
It don't know why, but every Song from Kikuo just has such a special feeling to it, it goes from panic attack vibes to sad emotional parts or creepy parts. I think this is a really rare kind of music, where you can just feel the whole emotions and anxietys with the characters in the Song. I love it
Kikuo is a master with these sorts of songs, and another vocaloid producer who touched such sad subjects but made such magnificent songs with those subjects, (insanity meets harmony if you must,) is the late Wowaka. His most famous piece is 'Rolling Girl' which was a song about a girl who was driven to suicide by those around her. The vocals are beautiful gut the song is heart wrenching.
This is what I like most about his song, like the music is really upbeat and happy sounding but his lyrics are total opposite.this is something which make his music really unique.
hanatan is truly a powerful singer, and the instrumental really brings that out- the end of the pv reminds me of someone being h//nged and i dont like it
I barely know any Japanese but the emotion in the singer’s voice is so strong and the visuals really pull it together. I’ll probably be listening to this on repeat for days 😭
I just realized that the sylable count in the English subtitles matches the Japanese vocals almost perfectly. I am so impressed, wow. It even lines up in tempo and everything.
[Verse 1] Yorisotte tada soba ni ite Tokei no hari ga susunde yuku Atataka na sono shiawase o Watashi no karada ga uketsukenai [Interlude] A, a [Verse 2] Kara no kara no sora ni aita ana no yō Kara no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa Furukizu darake no ibitsu na katachi [Pre-Chorus] Yugande iru no desu [Chorus] Chi darake no ai dake o kudasai Fuan de konagona ni waresō de Dakara setsunai yo [Verse 2] Yasashikute dakara honto wa Itsumademo tsuzuite hoshii Sasayaka na kono shiawase o Watashi no kokoro wa ukeirenai [Bridge] Hinekurete iru no desu Shikata ga nai no desu Gaman shite gaman shite Betsujin no yō na kizuato darake desu [Chorus] Chi mamire no kuchizuke o kudasai Kowareta hitogawari ga hoshii no Chi darake no ai dake oh kudasai Fuan de barabara ni kudakesō Dakara Samishii yo Zutto
Does anyone else think that the story depicts a girl who feels uncomfortable with having a healthy relationship because of abuse from her childhood instead of a relationship? I think the imagery (background in the beginning, outfit) resembles more of a child than adult.
Honestly, that's kinda how I see it because I relate to it, a lot. I'm in a good relationship, I'm being treated well, but the love doesn't hurt like I always thought it was supposed to. Now I can't help wanting him to hurt me, because that's what love always was, to me. Pain. Helplessness. Submission. I don't know how to accept this gentleness. The eyes reminded me of the paranoia abuse can cause, always expecting to be hurt.
That’s how I interpret it, then again I interpret songs like this to my personal experience, others might interpret differently (aah bad grammar sorry, it’s late in Germany, and I forgot how to speak English for a sec sorry)
He estado investigando todas las canciones que ha tenido kikuo, y tal vez no me guste alguna, pero verdaderamente no he encontrado ninguna canción mala, lo cual es bastante sorprendente...
Reading the comments, I can't help but disagree and say that perhaps the girl is someone whom is recovering from a previous abusive dependent relationship, thus why she 'cannot accept such a gentle love'. She's in a healthy relationship now and because her partner is treating her right, she doesn't know what to do because she's used to someone abusing her. Something like that.
I believe it is something like that. She's so used to her former toxic relationship that she can't accept the relationship she is in now. Another theory people say is that she hangs herself? One evidence is that she says she needs someone to substitute to live. To sum it up, she likes the feeling she has with her present lover but because she is so used to her former relationship, she ends up killing herself? Also, it's probably noticable that she's harming herself due to the fact that she can't accept being in a better relationship.
The translyrics on the video are a bit off. Not completely inaccurate: it captures the tone well and flows well enough, just lost the nuance in trying to make it rhyme. Originally, the translated line by HnY was closer to "Like these wounds belong to someone else." (I'm not good at interpreting lyrics, so have a go at it.)
I completely agree with your comment as I recognize myself in this song. I've always been mistreated in love and sadly: I got used to it. Now that I am in a wonderful and loving relationship I sometimes found myself wondering why my partner loves me, how could he be nice or even respectful towards me? I just can't accept it... I still think that I don't deserve happiness. Hopefully I'm doing better, learning how to be happy again with the help of my precious love. (And for anyone who's dealing with abuse, even if you are scared: Talk to someone who listens to you, Get some help. You can't let someone steal your body, your mind and your life. I've been there too: I believe in you, stay strong
I think the saddest part of this whole song for me is the fact that her center of gravity in the swaying is her neck. Meaning shes already hanging by her neck the whole time shes in the video.. Im not sure what this could symbolize, but its what runs chills down my spine every time i watch this Edit: even more chilling, the only times she has most control over her body (ie, not hanging by her neck), shes having clearity moments in her brain which cause her to scratch at her face and cut herself. Absolutely chilling
I remember listening to this song while i was in a shitty relationship, this song kept playing in my head while i suffered depression and was on the edge of suicide, almost as if my brains warning me about something to come... listening to it now it hits different..
Aside from the jokes and meaning that people are talking about in the comments. Can we appreciate the fact that the person singing this has a beautiful voice?
@@savannahwiliams7203 No. No he did not. Kikuo does not have a single Music Video he made himself. Hanamushi made the music video, and has made many other videos for other Vocaloid producers. Most of the MV's in Kikuo's songs are made by Si_ku.
My analysis of the whole shabam: The main character, the lady, is not currently in an abusive relationship; she is actually trying to recover from one. After the old unhealthy relationship, she has found herself a new lover, one that is kind and treats her gently. However, her heart "shakes and says it can't accept that gentle happiness" (0:22), signifying that she is used to her old abusive relationship and something twisted inside of her is making her want to go back to that kind of love rather than accept the happiness she is currently feeling (maybe she is stuck in the mentality that she is not "worthy" of her current kind lover, which the tearing of her face and body signifies, or her past relationship could have twisted her to the extent that that is what she now sees as love). The main character is struggling with her conflicting emotions of her past and present, leaving her filled with a feeling of emptiness, or a covered hole (0:52). Her consciousness of these conflicting feelings is seen through her internal monologue and her physical destruction of herself, maybe trying to make herself snap out of it or simply going insane from all these conflicting feelings she's having, doing anything to make them stop. She can't stop this feeling of wanting to go back to her abusive relationship from consuming her, with enough not being enough (1:40). This want is constantly hurting her (1:55) in both senses that she wants it to stop, but what method will appease her? Being happy or going back? What can she do? What is she able to do? All these questions leave her going crazy, just wanting to get the pain and suffering out somehow and figure out an answer to her future. She _wants_ her future to be a happy one with the kind lover, but her heart is "...set to set intent apart" (2:10), or in other words, set to push her away from what she is trying to do (her intent) which is to be happy. Her heart either does not want or accept the kindness she is now getting, causing her to panic and revert back to what she is used to, or her abusive relationship. She knows she is broken, as can be seen from the rest of the video. She says she only wants kisses stained in red (3:17), which we can assume is blood maybe from her abuser abusing her or just from violence in general. In the end, this want to go back to what she's used to wins over, and she decides to leave her happy relationship. However, she does not return to the abusive one because she knows it's not good; it's just the thing that's keeping her apart from being happy. Because of this fact and her knowledge that she is too twisted to be happy, she is sent on being alone, "for life" (4:11). As to the reason why she keeps hurting herself, maybe she feels she deserves it for her unnatural feelings toward abuse and how she isn't able to accept genuine love. Or her internal conflicts are just driving her mad enough that she does not want to feel anything anymore; just emptiness. Maybe it will be better for her that way. I hope this helped some of you analyze the song, and if it didn't, then leave your opinion on what you thought it meant down below! Thanks :))
One of the details that I love about this is song is the mood and imagery that it has, I’ve heard that this song is about an abusive relationship and so it makes sense the way that at the start the singing and imagery is calm (like on the start of a relationship, when it’s all lovely and happy) and then it slowly turns dark and uncomfortable (when the relationship is not what you expected and it ended up being a horrible experience)
i'd also like to think the bandage on the OC's face that keeps appearing since the song gets darker are victim trying to not see what's going on and ignore it until the wounds are too bad so the bandage falls off by itself
That's exactly how it feels when I listen to this. Everything from my previous relationship flashed into my head and all i could do was just cry. it was very traumatic, especially since I've been in two abusive relationships back to back. Started off great. Ended miserably.
@@cursed_f0r_life._ I never saw the bandages fall off They actually stayed And I think it conveys how the damage cannot be fixed as she tries to get rid of the pain(aka the bandages)
Um... 14 year olds? Edit: okay the reason I commented this is because of gacha Probably a stupid reason but I've seen so much shit in the toxic side of the gacha community I know, because I was in the community I used to seeing those things.. so I'm sorry about my comments here
@@PussyLicker-eg7sj This song is so damn dark. Do they even know? They're probably 14 year olds who find this song so " Relaxing ". It's a song about a Toxic relationship/Abuse It literally gave me the chills when i listen to this.. i do not find this comforting ._. Kikuo makes creepy-a** Vocaloid songs.
The lyrics, those inhuman movements she does, the unsettling musical parts, the eyes that stares at her while she falls in despair. All in this song is the perfection of having a mental breakdown for an overwhelming sadness.
The saddest part for me is the fact there’s a faint shadow of a rope in the top of her head.. And the fact the center of gravity of how she sways is mainly her neck…. Meaning she’s already hanging…. Someone mentioned this too..
@@agachansilencekyaCan you respond to this comment so I know you’re still alive? I may just be another stranger on the internet but I just want you to know you have to keep trying. You cannot give up.
@@agachansilencekya Please stay here. Stay and try to make your life better for you and as hard as it seems you can do it. There will be hard times but you have to keep pushing through.
I saw this yesterday and thought to myself, “I’m never watching this again.” Today, I felt an odd urge to listen to some kikuo music and lo and behold, this song was the first thing on my recommended. We’re too far in, y’all. There is no escape.
eh imo this one isn't so creepy for me the creepiest is the 'chiri chiri juso' vid... idk i remember my first time watching that and i just felt really, really uncomfortable, the visuals and the music..
@@ghostscales8120 oh well I guess everyone has their definition of creepiness, I find the MV of this song creepy , and the one of chiri chiri judo weird but not creepy.
this literally screams "too used to abusive relationship I'm gonna hurt myself now because I don't know how to react to this kind of relationship and even though you love me and I love you I don't love myself bandage bandage scars blood sadness emotionally exhausted" Edit: hi everuone who finds this comment, thank you all for wishing me well, im perfectly fine LOL im sorry if this came out as venting i was just interpreting what the song meant thank you all for the likes and the kindness though, i appreciate it !! Edit again: oh goodness, 1.2k likes, mum i'm famous
The song is meant to leave you with a sense of unease and helplessness because that is what most people feel like directly after escaping long term abuse. If they’re self destructive they’ll want to be comfortable and happy but their emotions are still likely volatile after the previous relationship and being self destructive doesn’t go well with unpredictable emotional swings. Trust issues seems to get the big green checkmark too. She’s shown developing scars because she’s just now starting to process the trauma that she went through with all the emotional weight attached. It’s meant to be representative of how she feels she’s falling apart and needs something even temporary just to bring her back out of it. It’s really hard to explain but when you’re just out of that situation and you’re emotionally volatile one moment you’ll be completely fine, you’ll start to feel your mood lowering almost as if your happiness is all slipping away, and the next moment you’ll be lashing out at yourself and anyone you see as a threat. I personally understand all of those feelings and I can confirm the most likely outcome was suicide. When you’re without hope and constantly panicking about everything because you feel like you’ve lost your grip on reality (that the reality that you have lived is not normal or okay) and all the processing and lonely nights crying feeling like everyone would be better off if you just ended everything and the pain would all be over. I personally understand every last bit of it, i’ve lived it and i’m just now moving away from the painful process of realization into the part where I think all of the things over that I can still remember and find a way through all of it. For those of you who resonate as strongly as I do with this song I hope your recovery is coming along well and just know no matter what that you are never alone, we all love you and we’ll all be here for you when you’re in your darkest moments and you just need someone to reach out to, talk to, share some fun jokes with, or just sit in the presence of another to be comfortable. No one had ever done that for me and I felt like less than absolutely nothing so I want to give you that reassurance that I never felt from reading those stupid ‘everything gets better u just gotta grit ur teeth and take it’ inspirational quotes. I understand, I’ll tell you right now, no matter how long it hurts just push forward through all that emotional fog even if it takes days or years even when you’re at the edge of nothing remember you’ve come this far and remember that you cannot give up after everything. If you need it take a break however long you need, just remember that you’re important, everyone loves you even when you doubt that love someone who loves you will never want to break you. And one day I promise if you do just try to hold on you’ll look back, like I am right now, and you’ll realize, just as I have here, that the fog clears slowly as you go and one day you’ll see clearly again, maybe not perfect but clear.
Thank you for making this comment, genuinely. I relate to most of this, and even tho I believe my tramua is very small, it did help me realize how much it still affects me
Thank you so much for writing this, my emotionally abusive father just passed away and so i am stuck in this hazy part of my life where the lack of constant abuse makes me terrified i hate it so much its like i need it in my life that without the trauma and constant pain i am nothing so it means a lot. to hear this from somebody else. i thought for so long i was alone but its extremely comforting to know i am not
@@username-userr - I know the pain of an empathy head and heart and i’m still struggling with depression and panic disorder. But it gets easier as it goes. I know not to tell someone in recovery that it just gets better, it takes some work and time, and your feelings about all of this should never be invalidated. Once you start to come out again you’ll start to realize who you want to be as a person and I hope you’ll have someone in your life to be there when you’re down. I wish you well, no matter what you’re going through know you aren’t alone and if you need to talk through that stuff there’s people who understand and who will listen.
@@cinderheartmeow6032 thank you and i wish you well too, it allmeans a lot and hopefully i can look back on this part of my life and let out a sigh of relief that it is over
everyone talked about the voice and the ambience while i'm here getting goosebumps because of the animation, when the girl starts glitching its just so weird to me but pleasing
I think the background is actually her face and whenever she's scratching or covering it the back shows what she's doing to herself,The last part probably was her skin falling apart due to self harm and then her face is fully covered in the bandages.
*ROMAJI* yorisotte tada soba ni ite tokei no hari ga susunde yuku atataka na sono shiawase o watashi no karada ga uketsukenai ā ā kara no kara no sora ni aita ana no yō kara no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa furukizu darake no ibitsu na katachi yugande iru no desu chi darake no ai dake o kudasai fuan de konagona ni waresō de dakara setsunai yo yasashikute dakara honto wa itsumademo tsuzuite hoshii sasayaka na kono shiawase o watashi no kokoro wa ukeirenai hinekurete iru no desu shikata ga nai no desu gaman shite gaman shite betsujin no yō na kizuato darake desu chi mamire no kuchizuke o kudasai kowareta hitogawari ga hoshii no chi darake no ai dake o kudasai fuan de barabara ni kudakesō dakara samishii yo zutto
Here is a better translation: We're just simply laying side by side The hands of the clock keep ticking on But such a warm happiness Is something my body can't accept. Like a gaping hole in the void of the sky Is my body similarly empty and my heart that should be fragile Contorts into a shape filled with old wounds. I am so horribly twisted.... Please only give me a bloody love It feels like my anxiety is tearing me into a thousand pieces That's why It keeps hurting.... Because you're so gentle, I wish this would last forever But such a modest happiness Is something my heart staunchly rejects. I am so terribly twisted.... There's no helping it..... Bear with it, bear with it.... But I'm covered in wounds as if they belong to someone else. Please give me a blood-stained kiss I want a broken substitute to take over for me Please only give me a bloody love My anxiety is tearing me apart That's why I'll stay lonely.... Forever
This seems like the middle of I'm Sorry I'm Sorry, where she gets in a relationship with a male who doesn't abuse her and r4p3 her, which her father did, which she mistook for "love". So she thinks the male doesn't love her.
@@pyle4775 yeah but she escaped and was in a healthy relationship for awhile before running back and being killed. This song seems to be from the perspective of her during the time she was in the healthy relationship, before she ran baxk
This video is honestly brilliant, the way she starts off “clean” at first and ridden of bandages but as time goes on and she continues to scratch her face and cry, the bandages completely take over her body and she can’t even see because of the bandage over her eyes
I think the rubbing and scratching on her face is a metaphor for self harm, and how she says she can’t accept her partners gentle love because maybe she thinks she doesn’t deserve happiness and that’s why she hurts herself
I really love how you can almost tell what its about by just looking at the mv, it is nice, pastel and pink covered in flowers when it suddenly fades into a rotted tile. In the first part of the lyrics when the setting chamges it says "Aah, like a pit opened in the empty void that is the sky" as we begin to see the tile start to crumble, as if opening something new. The second portion is "my husk of a body and heart that should be tender are" as she starts twitching and grabbing at/itching her fave, as if shes uncomfortable in her skin. "Distorted forms covered with old wounds" is the next part, she begins to do a motion that somewhat looks like shes crying or trying to cry, as if shes in pain, she also vegins twitching more here as if she were being distorted, and right before the next part of the lyric, a bandage appears over her right eye. The next lyric being "completely perverted" as she suddenly calms down and starts swaying, as if the enjoys the sexual attention. And then the lyric "please only give me love that is dripping with blood" continues, as she continues to grab at her face and another bandage appears on her left arm, she quickly appears closer to the screen as the rotted tile fades to a blood red and the edges of the screen are faded with black while tons of blood drips down behind her, she is also much more twitchy here, possibly the most twitchy she gets in the entire mv, the blood red background give us a hint to the lyrics as dose the bandage on her arm, but how she is panicing is rather unsettling, just as how the voice and bgm are in this part, the following lyric is "anxiety has me as if im crumbling to bits" the shakiness/panicing is a very obvious sign of the anxiety, but instead of the crubling background like before, instead, its shaking violently, as if someone was trying to make it crumble, same goes for the next lyric "and its so excruciating" as another bandage appears over her other eye, and the entre mv, vocals, and bgm start to calm down, as if she finds it comforting, the regular brown tile is back and she begins swaying again as the following lyric appears; "to tell the truth, because youre so gentle" as if she finds nothung wrong with how she is being hurt, and how she finds abuse to be 'gentle' "i wish this could go on forever" is the next lyric, possibly further proving my point in how she finds comfort to the sexual attention. "This tiny bit of happiness - my heart is unable to accept it" possivly trying to say that she does not know true love, and only knows abuse and torture, after that lyric, the bgm starts to get violent again and she starts twitching once more, getting more and more extream with every twitch, "the fact is, im completely twisted" the song says next, as she starts to do the crying motion again, now im not sure if she means 'twisted' in a mental way, or a physical way, as she does state many times that she "enjoys the pain"in some ways, but whenever she twitches, her head if often brought down to her stomach, and her arms flail while her body begins to distort. Some of the rotting tiles begin to fall. "The fact is nothing can be done" she begins twitching again, while doing the same crying motion. "Endure it. Endure it" more tiles begin to fall and she starts violently twitching again, as if shes panicing once more. "Im so riddled with scars its like im a different person" can further prove that she sees nothing wrong with the abuses that shes receiving, instead caring about her appearance. Yet by then she stops twitching and she finally puts her arms back down to her sides and keeps swaying, until the entire song/mv becomes violent again, she comes closer to the screen and grabs at her face again, revealing that now both or her arms are badaged, but the different thing about this outburst of the mv is now there are eyes peeking out from the other side of the tile "please give me kisses smeared with blood" proving how she views love as something violent. "Im broken. I desperately want a substitute in my place"the eyes are twitching just as she is, as if they were looking for something in a panicked way "please give me love that is dripping in blood" as the blood in the backround starts pouring again. "Anxiety has me as if im being broken apart to pieces" she is still grabbing at her face. The blood starts dripping faster. "And so i am lonely" possibly stating that her abuser hes left her for good since she cant keep herself together(reference to another lyric) "forever more" the mv starts calmjng down, her entire fave is bandaged up and she puts her arms back down, she eyes dissappear and she begings swaimg again as the mv moves down to show her bandaged legs Now, i saw a comment that said that she was swaying whenever she calmed down because she jad already hung herself before the song/mv even takes place, i really love this. The end portion where it shows as low as her ankles
This interpretation is making me think this is the same character featured in ごめんねえごめんえね. Although this could be about a different person considering ごめんねごめんね is based around a little girl who was r4p3d and abused by specifically her father, there IS a possibility it could be her, because I don't think Kikuo/Kikuohana confirmed the meaning behind it. People all have different perceptions of this song.
2:21 OMG THIS SOUND FREAKS ME OUTTTTT it makes me so uncomfortable, while watching the animation it's even worse. The music, lyrics and image really go well together and make me feel something. Not to mention Hanatan's voice... She just gives me chills everytime.
I must vent a moment; A few months back, around 5, I ended a year long relationship ship with a 27 year old man. He is the most horrible man I know. I won't say my age, but I am still a minor. I met this boy a month after, and we've been in a relationship for three months now. I must say, I feel safe with him, and I'm so happy, but I simply can't forget what happened to me and it makes me feel weird. I simply cannot explain how this video and song makes me feel. Edit: thank you all for the support, sincerely.
Personally I believe this isn’t about recovery at all I think this is about pure manipulation Let’s say this person in the song is in an abusive relationship but refuses to believe because of the good partsTheir partner hurts,scars and causes more pain then ever but somehow get them to stay by always acting like the good guy in the end. She refuses to accept that “gentle happiness” because she knows it to be all fake but still doesn’t know how to escape and has nobody to run to. She keeps herself into believing that the abuse isn’t abuse and she has to take it to have the “good times” so she tries to make herself enjoy the pain too.
every of there songs always reminds me cp. The character depicted is of a pretty doll who looks like a child, innocent and pretty. Later horrendous stuff happens to her, and she gets scared. The scars never healed, depicting from the character. I also wanna introduce the idea od catabolism. Most songs I hear like these always tie back to r@pe, abuse, child neglect, or cannibalism. Shit that is not widely talked about in Japan's society.
Translated that and I got this: Cuddle up and stay by my side The hand of the clock advances Warmth that happiness My body can not accept Ah Ah It looks like a hole in the sky of Kara's sky Kara's body should be fragile An irregular shape full of old wounds It is distorted Please give me only the blood full of blood I'm afraid I will crack shatter in anxiety So do not panic So easy that so I want you to continue forever This modest happiness I can not accept my heart It is twitching It can not be helped Be patient and endure There are lots of scars like another person Please give me a bloody kiss. I want a broken human goat. Please give me only the blood full of blood I'm afraid to break apart with uneasiness That's why I'm lonesome.
It will end. Everything is gonna be better and you’re gonna feel happy, in this world there are 7 billion people and out of them there is at least 100 people who would actually die for you. Do stuff that makes you feel good, get a hobby. Even at some times having your favorite meal in the middle of the day while listening to your favorite songs can help make you happy. Make yourself a handmade gift in your favorite color, buy gifts for yourself, draw what you’re feeling right now and burn the paper as if your burning those feelings, write your feelings in one word on a balloon and pop it or if it’s helium let it go in the sky. There are accounts you can vent to in Instagram, you can try them. If you don’t have a pet get yourself one if you can, they really make you forget about all the problems you have by loving you as a thanks for taking care of them. And never forget to love yourself, after all, this is you who’s been worrying about you and your feelings and wishing for them to go. Say “thank you me” to yourself in the mirror and smile. It will be alright. You will be happy again soon
No, it never ends for me, I'll never be free from my past, it'll always creep up from out of nowhere, and ruin everything for me, and the people I love the most.
You pause at 1:20 The US lyric says “staring at me” while the UK lyric says “Completely perverted” and if you put those two together you get “staring at me completely perverted” I didn’t see this at first and I’m glad I kind found it because it sounds/looks like a Easter egg 😅
Has anybody else noticed that at the end when she sways, it kinda looks like a hung body without the noose? Just wondering... // By the way. Great job , Kikuo!
I broke up with a sociopath 7 months ago. I'm going to therapy because he love bombed me, then mistreated me, made me believe i was crazy, a liar, a bad girlfriend. He manipulated me, i stopped eating, i stopped seeing my friends, i barely talked to my family and left school, he told me he was the only person in the world that could understand me and that would ever love me. When i started feeling bored and frustrated, i decided to go to college and starting to hang out with my classmates. He left me the day the covid quarantine started, the told me i was crazy, a liar, a bitch and blocked me everywhere. I still crave for love and affection, but i also feel that I don't deserve to be loved and have to be punished for being bad. This song relates so bad, I don't only feel this way with guys who flirt with me, but also when my friends or family are complimenting me, i feel that they're lying and are going to hurt me terribly. I'm sorry if my redaction is wrong, english's not my first language, i just needed to speak about this, it hurts a fucking lot, i feel like i will never recover from this.
I really understand. I didn't lived the same things, but I feel the same.. I can't feel only happy when someone compliment me. It hurts. It hurts a lot, to know too that I can't feel happy in those moments. Sorry for my English too, I'm french and I didn't used Google Translation so it's not perfect. I hope you will one day feel better, really.
Romaji 🌽: Yorisotte tada soba ni ite tokei no hari ga susunde yuku atatakana sono shiawase o watashi no karada ga uketsukenai a kara no kara no sora ni aita ana no sora no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa furukizu-darake no ibitsuna katachi yugande iru no desu chi-darake no ai dake o kudasai fuande konagona ni ware-sode dakara setsunai yo yasashikute dakara honto wa itsu made mo tsudzuite hoshi sasayakana kono shiawase o watashi no kokoro wa uke irenai hinekurete iru nodesu shikata ga nai nodesu gaman shite gaman shite betsujin no yona kizuato-darakedesu chimamire no kuchidzuke o kudasai kowareta hitogawari ga hoshi no chi-darake no ai dake o kudasai fuande barabara ni kudake-so dakara sabishi yo zutto
This is like... Idk why, but, is like that part of gomene gomene where the lil girl said that she had scape from her father and a Onii-chan helped her during a time. However, she felt like there was something wrong with her since she thought that an abussive and horrible love was the normal, because the guy who helped her was treating her with a real normal love. I don't know if I explained myself neither if this story is connected to gomene. I just know that it is a good song.
Lyrics: Side by side we lie, happy in each other's grasp Tending our together, never ever ticking hands Yet my mending heart, safely placed inside your arms Shakes and says it can't accept that gentle happiness Ah.. Ah, like a vacant sky recovered to be covered with a hole Both my defenseless core and empty form resemble such an air Where they're contorted and distorted, cut with cuts that never close Staring back at me Please leave me bleeding lovesick for the sickest sort of love On edge I bet, I bet "enough" can't be enough to hold me up No, it just keeps me hurting... Still, your gentle ways fill my heart and make me wish We could stay like this for forever and a day All the while my heart, set to set intent apart Panics and forbids that bit of modest happiness Hideously twisting with a feeling Can't ignore the horrors that I've seen Bandage and manage, yeah I'm trying But the cuts stick to my skin time after time Are they even mine...? Please only loan me kisses if your lips are dressed in red I need a break, a breaking substitute to live instead Please leave me bleeding lovesick for the sickest sort of love That kind of kind, I know it shows how broken I've become Yes, it's why I'll be lonely For life...
Something I barely noticed, but at the end, when the camera moves to the lower part of her body, you see her legs are still dangling... Like there was no floor...? Just something I noticed, not sure if there was any significance to it lol
@@adorifish please do not call s//cide "the Sayori thing" . it's a very real thing that affects many people , including me . even if you're joking , please , just don't .
@@underagechildgaming9938 you know what? I’m just gonna delete the reply. I don’t like saying “s*icide” directly (but I just did) because I couldn’t think of anything else,I understand what I did wrong,have a good day/night etc. ma’am/sir
I been abused all my life, not sexually but mentally and psychology by my family. I have never noticed it before but for some years I'm noticing that I feel comfortable around abusive people, fights and toxicity. People who show kindness and try to be gentle with me scare me. I'm 24, educated, recently got a job with residence and it was a dream come true because I've been trying to escape all my life but when I got there, I got so scared by the respect and kindness they showed me. I couldn't sleep and was trembling and my anxiety came all over me telling me they would do something terrible to me and ran away just after three days and came back to my abusers. I still live in this house where all I get is pain, insults and humiliation but I feel safe. I wanna runaway, I cry ever night and regret every morning but there's nothing I can do. I know I have to get out of it but now I'm unable to find a job with residence. These kind of chances come once in a lifetime for messed up fated people like me. I don't what to do.
I'm not much help but I know exactly what you mean. I've been in a emotionally and mentally abusive household for years as well. Whenever someone says something kind it feels wrong to me, it makes me panic because i expect an insult and it never comes. I've had to run out of a place to cry in my car because someone got me a sandwich or something. Its incredible what you can train someone to do over years. It's not much but I hope I could at least show that you aren't alone. You can do this. Ive found writing down a list of things to keep fighting for helps a little, even if its somethings small like a certain tree you like to look at or a food you like. Just anything that brings you joy. I try to refresh it every other week if I can and tack it on the ceiling above my bed, and force myself to read it when I wake up. Just anything to keep myself going until the end of the day. I know its not much but I hope it does something. You got this
I'm very bad with words so I apologize in advance if what I'm saying don't make sense. I used to be scared of enjoying the good things in life because it feels like something bad is gonna happen and because of that, I spent my pre-teen years being gloomy to avoid getting hurt. Looking back at it, I hurted myself more by avoiding them TvT And then, I remember this saying my former psychologist told me, "if there are good things, bad things are bound to happen to balance things up or how good things never last, so does bad things. Everything is temporary. A second can feel like forever whilst 1 hour can feel like one second. What I'm trying to say is,,, Try to enjoy/appreciate the good moments you have without anticipating the bad ones too much. Because if you do, you'll end up spending your remaining good time worrying about the bad stuff. Thats why, if possible, don't worry too much. Easier said than done but you'll never know right? You've made it this far in your life, wouldn't it be sad for you to just abandon your hardwork? But also, nothing wrong with restarting everythinh. Its a matter of your comfort. If the bad comes down to bad, then let it happen, and figure things out together so you can get by the gloomy moments faster!! I hope it makes semse 😓
Reading this made myself realize I feel the exact same way, it’s a mest up comfort way, staying with your abuser or keeping contact with them although you know it’s wrong and it’s at the same time eating you away but it’s all you’ve ever known, it’s scary and terrifying but also you can’t break away from it. A month ago my ex from my freshman year (I’m going to be a senior now) recently reached out to me to apologize and try having a friendship and I accepted because i had this weird sense of comfort in still wanting to be connected to them because I myself am a neglected child so having this anttention and abuse was comforting in a mest up way. My ex basically SA me and used my trauma and fear of abandonment against me in doing things that were very uncomfortable for me but I thought in the back of my head, this is ok..it’s what love is, isn’t it?
This reminds me of the game called "my eyes deceive." It's a game where you play as a young girl trapped in a man's basement, but she's been there all her life. She believes the man to be her father, and he might be, but he makes her take an unknown medication every night. She has nightmares as she sleeps, and the only things she eats are things in the paper bag that appear every morning. By the end of the game, in the bad ending, the girl wakes up... And this line appears on a black screen: "Why is my belly all big and round?" I will never forget that experience and feel like crying every time I think about it.
Yorisotte tada soba ni ite Tokei no hari ga susunde yuku Atatakana sono shiawase wo Watashi no karada ga uketsukenai Aaa Aa Aa Aa Aa Aa Aaa Aaa Kara no Kara no sora ni aita ana no you Kara no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa Furukizu darake no ibitsu na katachi Yugande iru no desu Chi darake no ai dake wo kudasai Fuan de konagona ni waresou de Dakara setsunai yo Yasashikute dakara honto wa Itsumademo tsuzuite hoshii Sasayaka na kono shiawase wo Watashi no kokoro wa ukeirenai Hinekurete iru no desu Shikata ga nai no desu Gaman shite gaman shite Betsujin no you na kizuato darake desu Chi mamire no kuchizuke wo kudasai Kowareta hito ga wari ga hoshii no Chi darake no ai dake wo kudasai Fuan de Bara Bara ni kudakesou Dakara samishii yo Zutto
to me, i think this is a girl first being into a relationship after being in an abusive one. she speaks that she basically cant handle sweet, kind love and prefers the sickest sort of love. at 3:50 she says "i know it shows how broken i've become" which i think means shes been abused, been broken down, been left. she then proceeds to say "yes, it's why ill be lonely" since she cant handle love. i think it becomes to much for her to handle, the true love, and hangs herself one thing to add, i think shes hurting herself because she longs for the abuse she got in her past relationship. bruises, cuts, scratches, whatever it was. she longs for it since she couldn't handle the new love she was receiving, she had become accustomed to the abuse from her past lover edit: just thought of something. the horrors shes seen, i think she means the abuse that happened to her. the blood that was taken from her by her past lover haunts her and she cant stop thinking about it, cant stop seeing it, so she tries to claw out her eyes hoping the images will go away
i dont know how i find kikuo,i cant pick up a feeling when i listen to his songs,but im sure i know how im feeling,its weird.i guess i find his songs comforting though??
I saw a comment here somewhere that said the girl hanged herself because her center of gravity is her neck. I completely agree but i also just wanted to add that her aggressive jerking (time 2:20) happens when a person is hanged (in a way where they only die in 10-20mins, not instantly). Also because didnt die instantly could prove that she hung herself, not someone else hung her. Idk if im reading too much into this, but i just wanted to share this small theory :)
" if you're raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house, you will find him even when he is not there"
That's deep. For me its a woman, my mom.
I am still being raised by a broken and angry man
And sometimes you slowly see yourself becoming the angry man
I am the angry man
Its been years and I still have to double check my deadbolt and listen for angry footsteps.
Something about the way this video is animated is just so unsettling. Like, the way the girl moves just looks so unnatural in every way, I don't know... It's like some weird uncanny valley stuff goin' on and it's just so good man
Pretty sure the style is achieved by animating only using tweening? I’m not an expert though so take it with a grain of salt, haha.
it looks almost like a doll
@XxXxXNoucha the strong angelXxXxX I don't see what that has to do with anything but okay. Boobs are good I guess.
@XxXxXNoucha the strong angelXxXxX She doesn't really have any though? I still don't get what you mean.
@@mcemilyca it's her dress i guess
I used to think she was crying into her hands but now I'm older I can tell she's scratching at her face
Why is she scratching her face?
@@just_me_dalila probably her putting/trying to remove the bandages.
or self h*rm.
@@fleurenheit329 I think is self harm
or puling her hair of
I think it's rolling
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship this song really does speak the truth on how it feels to try to find love again, when you're finally treated like a actual person again it's heartbreaking, almost too good to be true. You don't want to believe it's real, you've been put in a mindset of worthlessness
same here. this song seems painful to me. ik how my 1st lover horribly treated me and that's why this song is relatable. sadly, even tho after 2y i found friends and new relationship, i found myself being thankful for bare minimum with my new narcissistic lover. circle repeated itself again, cuz i was too much traumatised already, and i got abusive relationship again. bitter type of pain.
Yeah I agree with this. About a month ago I was in a very abusive relationship. A lot of people I talked to always to me to end it off but I never did because before with a previous relationship, I had been brought down to a state of worthlessness to where I had zero self respect. When I came into the one after that, the feeling of her actually treating me like a normal person had me paranoid. I was always paranoid of things but being with herat the start made it worst due to how greatly she treated me. It almost felt like it was too good to be ture. almost fake. But I psuhed those feelings aside and went with it. I had a lot of things wrong in my head from the ex before but this one made me feel happy around her. It was almost like a drug. If I wasn't near her for a second I felt like my life was crumbling and my anxiety was tearing me apart for the whole time of us being apart. She was just the sweetest person on the planet and I loved her for it. But it then just went downhill a few months into the relationship all of a sudden and that's where the verbal and mental abuse came in. She had anger issues. And bad ones at that. She would get angry at the smallest things. Some people would make her angry but shr would someowhat be patient with them. me on the other hand, regardless if I meant to or not (99% of the time I unkowingly do), she let's out the worst on to me. I get cursed at, insulted, you name it, she's done it. then she would threaten to break up. there were times she has broken up with me because of it but we always got back together. She wasnt as aggressive with it as my ex before her, but it did make things immensly worse. My anxiety and paranoia were just going haywire. In a way, she indirectly made me feel like I wasn't shit without her. I felt that if i wasn't with her, I would be in such a bad state to where I probably woulnd't be around. Obviously that never happened and i'm glad to have the people around me that helped me through the break up. I ruined friendships because of that relationship and I horrible for the friends that I ended up losing. Luckily we became friends again but the guilt just eats me alive every single time. I've just gotten better at hiding it so no one would worry. Idk why i rambled on about that... my bad 😆
@@as1rosnipps40 Hope you're okay now dude
You really put into words what i felt, i trusted again only to be blinded by lies.
THIS
I have never felt so disturbed by a PV before. The way she morphs and rubs her face just translated for me the tone of anxiety and pain from the song - I was getting chills!
Same
DubiousTemp sameee tooo shivers me to the bone
The aggressive face scratching/rubbing part made me so anxious
after 2:27 makes me feel anxious, but before 2:27 I can handle the song. I just don’t really like the eyes in the wall part, it’s so creepy, yet impressive.
@@ok-xg3cb I saw her neck long
The way she’s ‘grabbing her bangs’ (as some people in the comments said) is really meaningful to me, because sometimes when you’re panicking, you grasp at nothing. You grasp for any kind of leverage, because you feel as if you’re falling. I like how Kikuo added that detail.
The MV wasn't made by Kikuo lmfao
“Can’t ignore the horrors that I’ve seen.”
2:54 (subtitles)
By her “grabbing her bangs”/scratching her face, it could be a method of s3lf h@rm, trying to cover/blind her vision so she doesn’t see anymore trauma like that. My uncle has worked at a clinic and has had at least two patients forcefully sent in with scratches on their eyes and face, they’ve both said the same thing; (or similar, as trauma is not always the same) “I don’t want to get better. I don’t want to see anymore.”
It gives me chills whenever he tells that story. And it’s heartbreaking to hear that there are such coping mechanisms out there.
i'm autistic and i pull at my hair when i'm overwhelmed
Isn't she scratching her face tho
Severe Trauma survivor’s usually have the tendency of attempting to claw out their eyes bc they don’t want to see their trauma, which is why she’s scratching her face
It don't know why, but every Song from Kikuo just has such a special feeling to it, it goes from panic attack vibes to sad emotional parts or creepy parts.
I think this is a really rare kind of music, where you can just feel the whole emotions and anxietys with the characters in the Song.
I love it
Topolino Hofer I totally agree😔❤️
Hanatan's voice helps
Kikuo is a master with these sorts of songs, and another vocaloid producer who touched such sad subjects but made such magnificent songs with those subjects, (insanity meets harmony if you must,) is the late Wowaka. His most famous piece is 'Rolling Girl' which was a song about a girl who was driven to suicide by those around her. The vocals are beautiful gut the song is heart wrenching.
I like cool and depressed songs
This is what I like most about his song, like the music is really upbeat and happy sounding but his lyrics are total opposite.this is something which make his music really unique.
1:53 the voice crack is on spot. It shows more personality into the character that endured abuse.
たまに女の子が荒ぶるとこ超怖い………
身体が言うこときかなくなってしまった様になるの恐怖……
the mv is so simple but im so fucking disturbed???? the song is amazing though, hanatan’s voice is hauntingly beautiful. truly a skilled vocalist
Hanatan is amazing!!!
hanatan is truly a powerful singer, and the instrumental really brings that out-
the end of the pv reminds me of someone being h//nged and i dont like it
@@herrforehead6033 i think she hung herself at the end. but hey kaede!
@@hedevastated yeah, thats it. oh and hey hey weird name i dont wanna say! can i call you glory instead?
@@herrforehead6033 yes ofc!
I barely know any Japanese but the emotion in the singer’s voice is so strong and the visuals really pull it together. I’ll probably be listening to this on repeat for days 😭
Hanatan is an amazing singer, her voice is so powerful :'3
I did and I was depressed for three days straight, would not recommend if you have mental health issues 😅😅😅
@@EnlightenmentEntertainment23 felt this
@@EnlightenmentEntertainment23 I have mental issues and this calms me down :)
@@melanieswife13 yooo same! Idk why but it calms me down
"dad why is my sister's name Daisy?"
"because ur mother loved daisies"
"thank you dad"
"no problem, きくおはな - ヒトガワリ"
I'm confused. Do you dislike ひとがわり？
@@missmiliagujo no i love it
@@Mariiishere oh ok.
I wasn't sure since the punchline is usually that the kid asking isn't loved.
@@missmiliagujo the punchline is that the 2. kid is named after dad's favourite thing but its usually not a good name to give lmao
@@g8ts985 it's rare I see someone online who says 2. instead of 2nd.
Nice to meet you
Hantan and kikuo, probably the most iconic duo in the world.
srsly kikuos songwriting and hantans vocals are prefect together
Agreeable.
But as iconic as Omori and his knife?
I love your pfp
@@theSkin_of_a_Killer_Bella ANOTHER OMORI FAN???
what this is Hanatan????? no wonder the vocalist sounded familiar!
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HER VOICE
IKR IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL
Because everyone know hanatan is a goddess of singing
SERIOUSLYYYYY THERES SO MUCH EMOTION
Hanatan can easily sing songs of different genres/types in a really beautiful way. Heres one of my favourite
ua-cam.com/video/_Ay46hP7CjI/v-deo.html
HANTANS VOICE GIVES ME SO MUCH SEROTONIN, EVEN THO SHE SINGS A LOT OF MORBID AND SAD SONGS 😃
I just realized that the sylable count in the English subtitles matches the Japanese vocals almost perfectly. I am so impressed, wow. It even lines up in tempo and everything.
There’s also a literal translation if you select the UK version :)
@@moaPro that’s the US one, UK is the singable ones
the singable lyrics are the US ones
it says so at the corner of the screen at the begining
@@acciismusoh whoopsies
Oktavia made the English lyrics and sings them beautifully! Please check out her English cover!
[Verse 1]
Yorisotte tada soba ni ite
Tokei no hari ga susunde yuku
Atataka na sono shiawase o
Watashi no karada ga uketsukenai
[Interlude]
A, a
[Verse 2]
Kara no kara no sora ni aita ana no yō
Kara no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa
Furukizu darake no ibitsu na katachi
[Pre-Chorus]
Yugande iru no desu
[Chorus]
Chi darake no ai dake o kudasai
Fuan de konagona ni waresō de
Dakara setsunai yo
[Verse 2]
Yasashikute dakara honto wa
Itsumademo tsuzuite hoshii
Sasayaka na kono shiawase o
Watashi no kokoro wa ukeirenai
[Bridge]
Hinekurete iru no desu
Shikata ga nai no desu
Gaman shite gaman shite
Betsujin no yō na kizuato darake desu
[Chorus]
Chi mamire no kuchizuke o kudasai
Kowareta hitogawari ga hoshii no
Chi darake no ai dake oh kudasai
Fuan de barabara ni kudakesō
Dakara
Samishii yo
Zutto
Woah dude tysm
Woah, thanks!
thank uu
YIPEEE
I need the eng name for this song🙏
i may be wrong, but the eyes behind the wall when it breaks makes me think that it's the same girl from "i'm sorry, i'm sorry"
Someone also said that too, then someone made a theory about it being the same girl from "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Is that gommene gommene?
@@moistbeans4242 yes
She is
I think this song is actually called I'm sorry, I'm sorry too
I get a Silent Hill vibe from this song
Thank u for destroy my Vision.
#Baka
Olá moço
wait yeah the graphic
Some of the visuals like the decaying walls made me think of SH but the music is way different
Does anyone else think that the story depicts a girl who feels uncomfortable with having a healthy relationship because of abuse from her childhood instead of a relationship? I think the imagery (background in the beginning, outfit) resembles more of a child than adult.
@@cedar4539 In the beginning?
The beginning really does remind me of childhood innocence too, but then the background turns black which might represent abuse?
It could also be like Helicopter Parenting. By that I mean that they're keeping their eyes on the girl 24/7.
Honestly, that's kinda how I see it because I relate to it, a lot. I'm in a good relationship, I'm being treated well, but the love doesn't hurt like I always thought it was supposed to. Now I can't help wanting him to hurt me, because that's what love always was, to me. Pain. Helplessness. Submission. I don't know how to accept this gentleness.
The eyes reminded me of the paranoia abuse can cause, always expecting to be hurt.
That’s how I interpret it, then again I interpret songs like this to my personal experience, others might interpret differently (aah bad grammar sorry, it’s late in Germany, and I forgot how to speak English for a sec sorry)
なんで一つとして駄作がないんだろう、きくおさんの作る曲は。
ここまでずっと傑作しか作ってきてない、天才としか言いようがない。
✔
努力の結晶ですよね！
ほんとに素敵な曲しかありません…！！
Basado
作曲を始めるまでは音楽理論の知識すらなかったそうです。そして彼のスタイルはとてもユニークなので、すぐに彼だと分かります。彼は間違いなく天才と言えるでしょう。また、このコメントがうまく書かれていない場合は申し訳ありません。翻訳者と一緒にこれを書いています
He estado investigando todas las canciones que ha tenido kikuo, y tal vez no me guste alguna, pero verdaderamente no he encontrado ninguna canción mala, lo cual es bastante sorprendente...
Reading the comments, I can't help but disagree and say that perhaps the girl is someone whom is recovering from a previous abusive dependent relationship, thus why she 'cannot accept such a gentle love'. She's in a healthy relationship now and because her partner is treating her right, she doesn't know what to do because she's used to someone abusing her. Something like that.
I believe it is something like that. She's so used to her former toxic relationship that she can't accept the relationship she is in now. Another theory people say is that she hangs herself? One evidence is that she says she needs someone to substitute to live. To sum it up, she likes the feeling she has with her present lover but because she is so used to her former relationship, she ends up killing herself? Also, it's probably noticable that she's harming herself due to the fact that she can't accept being in a better relationship.
And she must be doing self damage to herself because she may feel the need to be abused
But i dont understand the part "are they even mine"
The translyrics on the video are a bit off. Not completely inaccurate: it captures the tone well and flows well enough, just lost the nuance in trying to make it rhyme.
Originally, the translated line by HnY was closer to "Like these wounds belong to someone else."
(I'm not good at interpreting lyrics, so have a go at it.)
I completely agree with your comment as I recognize myself in this song. I've always been mistreated in love and sadly: I got used to it. Now that I am in a wonderful and loving relationship I sometimes found myself wondering why my partner loves me, how could he be nice or even respectful towards me? I just can't accept it... I still think that I don't deserve happiness.
Hopefully I'm doing better, learning how to be happy again with the help of my precious love.
(And for anyone who's dealing with abuse, even if you are scared: Talk to someone who listens to you, Get some help. You can't let someone steal your body, your mind and your life. I've been there too: I believe in you, stay strong
And she's harming herself as a result of the previous damage maybe? Because she's scratching herself and wearing bandages in the video.
This song feels like anxiety, emptyness, childhood trauma and lonlyness
Ur profile r u ok?
@@shaggykotaro3333 ^ questions, concerns
@@shaggykotaro3333 they might be experiencing abanissues like abandonment mee
Me high
Ur pfp tho
I think the saddest part of this whole song for me is the fact that her center of gravity in the swaying is her neck. Meaning shes already hanging by her neck the whole time shes in the video.. Im not sure what this could symbolize, but its what runs chills down my spine every time i watch this
Edit: even more chilling, the only times she has most control over her body (ie, not hanging by her neck), shes having clearity moments in her brain which cause her to scratch at her face and cut herself. Absolutely chilling
that’s absolutely terrifying. i never even realized this
Gives a new meaning to "It's too late" and "I choose to be alone for eternity" and all those weird spasms, It could be post-mortal ones...
That... that explains why the swaying felt so unnerving for me the whole time then... Damn
@@hachikoek it’s just the animation style, your going a little bit off tangent
@@rev2654 *you're
I remember listening to this song while i was in a shitty relationship, this song kept playing in my head while i suffered depression and was on the edge of suicide, almost as if my brains warning me about something to come...
listening to it now it hits different..
I really hope you’re in a better place now. You aren’t alone, if you seek help you’ll find it. Keep trying, it will be okay ❤
Fr…
Transparent.
u stoopid
Aside from the jokes and meaning that people are talking about in the comments. Can we appreciate the fact that the person singing this has a beautiful voice?
It's the vocals for me
hanatan is the best
yes
Yes
At first this lookes so beautiful and innocent im laighing because of how much it changed also i agree with you her voice is beautiful
Everybody's talking about the singer, who is indeed talented, but what about the composer? The melody and ambience are perfect
Hanatan is the singer and Kikuo made the music and video
@@savannahwiliams7203 No. No he did not. Kikuo does not have a single Music Video he made himself. Hanamushi made the music video, and has made many other videos for other Vocaloid producers. Most of the MV's in Kikuo's songs are made by Si_ku.
@@Tamanegi-PIn the description it says that Kikuo made it..? Soo...
Edit- I forgot the "I'm confused part" and the very end
@@raceen9729 the music and lyrics were made by him, just not the visuals
@@Tamanegi-P actually he did some music videos, like for gommene gommene and more songs of him
My analysis of the whole shabam:
The main character, the lady, is not currently in an abusive relationship; she is actually trying to recover from one. After the old unhealthy relationship, she has found herself a new lover, one that is kind and treats her gently.
However, her heart "shakes and says it can't accept that gentle happiness" (0:22), signifying that she is used to her old abusive relationship and something twisted inside of her is making her want to go back to that kind of love rather than accept the happiness she is currently feeling (maybe she is stuck in the mentality that she is not "worthy" of her current kind lover, which the tearing of her face and body signifies, or her past relationship could have twisted her to the extent that that is what she now sees as love).
The main character is struggling with her conflicting emotions of her past and present, leaving her filled with a feeling of emptiness, or a covered hole (0:52). Her consciousness of these conflicting feelings is seen through her internal monologue and her physical destruction of herself, maybe trying to make herself snap out of it or simply going insane from all these conflicting feelings she's having, doing anything to make them stop.
She can't stop this feeling of wanting to go back to her abusive relationship from consuming her, with enough not being enough (1:40). This want is constantly hurting her (1:55) in both senses that she wants it to stop, but what method will appease her? Being happy or going back? What can she do? What is she able to do? All these questions leave her going crazy, just wanting to get the pain and suffering out somehow and figure out an answer to her future.
She _wants_ her future to be a happy one with the kind lover, but her heart is "...set to set intent apart" (2:10), or in other words, set to push her away from what she is trying to do (her intent) which is to be happy. Her heart either does not want or accept the kindness she is now getting, causing her to panic and revert back to what she is used to, or her abusive relationship.
She knows she is broken, as can be seen from the rest of the video. She says she only wants kisses stained in red (3:17), which we can assume is blood maybe from her abuser abusing her or just from violence in general. In the end, this want to go back to what she's used to wins over, and she decides to leave her happy relationship. However, she does not return to the abusive one because she knows it's not good; it's just the thing that's keeping her apart from being happy. Because of this fact and her knowledge that she is too twisted to be happy, she is sent on being alone, "for life" (4:11).
As to the reason why she keeps hurting herself, maybe she feels she deserves it for her unnatural feelings toward abuse and how she isn't able to accept genuine love. Or her internal conflicts are just driving her mad enough that she does not want to feel anything anymore; just emptiness. Maybe it will be better for her that way.
I hope this helped some of you analyze the song, and if it didn't, then leave your opinion on what you thought it meant down below!
Thanks :))
I barely ever comment, but this, I feel as if this is exactly what it’s about. I agree with you fully!
let's add that she hangs herself at the end, or the whole song is the process between the moment she hangs herself, the agony and finally death
What a perfect, detailed explanation of this song.
Mindblow I don’t think that she hang herself. It’s just that she’s swaying. O_O
@@-lolipopbfb-1282 her feet are swaying, she is either a ghost or floating, or hanged
One of the details that I love about this is song is the mood and imagery that it has, I’ve heard that this song is about an abusive relationship and so it makes sense the way that at the start the singing and imagery is calm (like on the start of a relationship, when it’s all lovely and happy) and then it slowly turns dark and uncomfortable (when the relationship is not what you expected and it ended up being a horrible experience)
i'd also like to think the bandage on the OC's face that keeps appearing since the song gets darker are victim trying to not see what's going on and ignore it until the wounds are too bad so the bandage falls off by itself
That's exactly how it feels when I listen to this. Everything from my previous relationship flashed into my head and all i could do was just cry. it was very traumatic, especially since I've been in two abusive relationships back to back. Started off great. Ended miserably.
it’s about getting into a loving relationship after being used to abuse and being unable to understand how it works
@@cursed_f0r_life._
I never saw the bandages fall off
They actually stayed
And I think it conveys how the damage cannot be fixed as she tries to get rid of the pain(aka the bandages)
At first, this seemed cute.
Yeah, I was fooled big time.
It's Kikuo what you expect fam
It was the same for everybody with you on DR 1 Maizono xD
Wait... people really thought of me that way? I don’t know what to say... ahaha...
We've been bamboozled
Love your user, as you can see by mine. And I agree.
Am I the only who finds this song somehow so calming and comforting? I hear it like everytime I have a breakdown and it just feels so comforting.
Your not the only one this songs makes me feel so much better 😭 than I usually would that's why I've been binge playing it for a couple days now
i agree :)
Um...
14 year olds?
Edit: okay the reason I commented this is because of gacha
Probably a stupid reason but I've seen so much shit in the toxic side of the gacha community I know, because I was in the community
I used to seeing those things.. so I'm sorry about my comments here
@@Lampfinder1619 BRUUUH
@@PussyLicker-eg7sj
This song is so damn dark.
Do they even know? They're probably
14 year olds who find this song so
" Relaxing ". It's a song about a Toxic relationship/Abuse
It literally gave me the chills when i listen to this.. i do not find this comforting ._.
Kikuo makes creepy-a** Vocaloid songs.
The lyrics, those inhuman movements she does, the unsettling musical parts, the eyes that stares at her while she falls in despair. All in this song is the perfection of having a mental breakdown for an overwhelming sadness.
What’s the English Singh for this name?
@@ilovematcha3432 The name of the song is "substitute". By the way, you have available subtitles on many languages to understand the lyrics.
The saddest part for me is the fact there’s a faint shadow of a rope in the top of her head.. And the fact the center of gravity of how she sways is mainly her neck…. Meaning she’s already hanging…. Someone mentioned this too..
that explains why at the end, it looks like shes hanging
Sewerslide after the t0x1c relationship, d4mn....
I might even do the same .......
@@agachansilencekyaCan you respond to this comment so I know you’re still alive? I may just be another stranger on the internet but I just want you to know you have to keep trying. You cannot give up.
@@sadcreepyclown I'm here
@@agachansilencekya Please stay here. Stay and try to make your life better for you and as hard as it seems you can do it. There will be hard times but you have to keep pushing through.
I saw this yesterday and thought to myself, “I’m never watching this again.”
Today, I felt an odd urge to listen to some kikuo music and lo and behold, this song was the first thing on my recommended.
We’re too far in, y’all. There is no escape.
TheCheesecakeCalico _ i mean it’s a scary video but goddamn this song is good
I said to myself ım not watching these songs again but ı keep listening ı dunno why, TwT
:((
My recommendations rn is a lot of kikuo and a sprinkle of danganronpa 😺
I'm having an earworm. This song sticks in my head. Somehow, the voice of the lady in the song soothes me.
I love her voice, it can be hauntingly sweet and so mightily powerful at the same time
How does this comment not have replys
Oh hello friendoooe and lol I thought the same thing
@@grimwoof it does now
@@avocadobean2751 yeet
@@grimwoof brother 👍
This is one of the creepiest MVs I've ever seen in a Kikuo song.
And I'm completely in love with it.
eh imo this one isn't so creepy
for me the creepiest is the 'chiri chiri juso' vid... idk i remember my first time watching that and i just felt really, really uncomfortable, the visuals and the music..
@@ghostscales8120 oh well I guess everyone has their definition of creepiness, I find the MV of this song creepy , and the one of chiri chiri judo weird but not creepy.
I think its I'm sorry I'm sorry.
what i think is most creepy about it is that her head and body just keep like twitching
I listened to this song with a friend who committed suicide six months ago... It's so painful to listen to it again.
Sorry that happened :(
Condolences
Oh..
I am very sorry for your loss.
I can't imagine the trauma coming from listing to this.
Stay strong man
I’m sorry :(
Yeah i can understand the lingering anxiety coming from the song. I hope you feel a lot better
Why am I listening to Kikuo songs at midnight again? This can’t be good for my mental health...
Same here...midnight seems to be the time I listen to Kikuo, Maretu, and Masa...how did my life come to this? xD
Say thanks to UA-cams recommendations, they brought me here too!
Fuck it ,me too
11:48... close enough
@@jaedaschuyler8632 im still a kid and im listening to this XD
god is real and he is making collabs with hanatan
Hell fucking yes!!!!! :3
Trueee
- what's is your religion ?
- i'm kikoustian
may i join?
i wanna be kikuostian too!! :>
this literally screams "too used to abusive relationship I'm gonna hurt myself now because I don't know how to react to this kind of relationship and even though you love me and I love you I don't love myself bandage bandage scars blood sadness emotionally exhausted"
Edit: hi everuone who finds this comment, thank you all for wishing me well, im perfectly fine LOL im sorry if this came out as venting i was just interpreting what the song meant
thank you all for the likes and the kindness though, i appreciate it !!
Edit again: oh goodness, 1.2k likes, mum i'm famous
@Fennnyy Bennett best boy, he deserves all the love
@Fennnyy fact
are you okay
@@purepainsugar I don't think so, but everything's a-okay
@@boukendabouken1505 i hope things get better, stay safe
This woman's voice is beautiful and it suits kikuos music so well wow
The vocalist is Hanatan :] btw
@@xiiaxioh ty i was wondering who it was, i srsly love the voice
Yes, like is she an oprah singer?
The song is meant to leave you with a sense of unease and helplessness because that is what most people feel like directly after escaping long term abuse. If they’re self destructive they’ll want to be comfortable and happy but their emotions are still likely volatile after the previous relationship and being self destructive doesn’t go well with unpredictable emotional swings. Trust issues seems to get the big green checkmark too.
She’s shown developing scars because she’s just now starting to process the trauma that she went through with all the emotional weight attached. It’s meant to be representative of how she feels she’s falling apart and needs something even temporary just to bring her back out of it.
It’s really hard to explain but when you’re just out of that situation and you’re emotionally volatile one moment you’ll be completely fine, you’ll start to feel your mood lowering almost as if your happiness is all slipping away, and the next moment you’ll be lashing out at yourself and anyone you see as a threat.
I personally understand all of those feelings and I can confirm the most likely outcome was suicide. When you’re without hope and constantly panicking about everything because you feel like you’ve lost your grip on reality (that the reality that you have lived is not normal or okay) and all the processing and lonely nights crying feeling like everyone would be better off if you just ended everything and the pain would all be over.
I personally understand every last bit of it, i’ve lived it and i’m just now moving away from the painful process of realization into the part where I think all of the things over that I can still remember and find a way through all of it.
For those of you who resonate as strongly as I do with this song I hope your recovery is coming along well and just know no matter what that you are never alone, we all love you and we’ll all be here for you when you’re in your darkest moments and you just need someone to reach out to, talk to, share some fun jokes with, or just sit in the presence of another to be comfortable.
No one had ever done that for me and I felt like less than absolutely nothing so I want to give you that reassurance that I never felt from reading those stupid ‘everything gets better u just gotta grit ur teeth and take it’ inspirational quotes. I understand, I’ll tell you right now, no matter how long it hurts just push forward through all that emotional fog even if it takes days or years even when you’re at the edge of nothing remember you’ve come this far and remember that you cannot give up after everything. If you need it take a break however long you need, just remember that you’re important, everyone loves you even when you doubt that love someone who loves you will never want to break you. And one day I promise if you do just try to hold on you’ll look back, like I am right now, and you’ll realize, just as I have here, that the fog clears slowly as you go and one day you’ll see clearly again, maybe not perfect but clear.
Thank you for making this comment, genuinely. I relate to most of this, and even tho I believe my tramua is very small, it did help me realize how much it still affects me
Thank you so much for writing this, my emotionally abusive father just passed away and so i am stuck in this hazy part of my life where the lack of constant abuse makes me terrified
i hate it so much its like i need it in my life that without the trauma and constant pain i am nothing
so it means a lot. to hear this from somebody else. i thought for so long i was alone but its extremely comforting to know i am not
@@username-userr - I know the pain of an empathy head and heart and i’m still struggling with depression and panic disorder.
But it gets easier as it goes. I know not to tell someone in recovery that it just gets better, it takes some work and time, and your feelings about all of this should never be invalidated.
Once you start to come out again you’ll start to realize who you want to be as a person and I hope you’ll have someone in your life to be there when you’re down.
I wish you well, no matter what you’re going through know you aren’t alone and if you need to talk through that stuff there’s people who understand and who will listen.
@@cinderheartmeow6032 thank you and i wish you well too, it allmeans a lot and hopefully i can look back on this part of my life and let out a sigh of relief that it is over
I think the eyes mean she’s paranoid from all the abuse-or idk self harming ^w^
曲も歌声もMVも不気味なのに美しい...
kikuo is the definition of "comfort the disturbed"
and disturb the comforted which paired with comfort the disturbed adds up to art
kikuo is art 😮
everyone talked about the voice and the ambience while i'm here getting goosebumps because of the animation, when the girl starts glitching its just so weird to me but pleasing
i think her face is itchy
HHAHAHSJDJDJX
lmaooo
👀very
I- 😭✋
I- JAIL!
怖くて見たくないって思うのに何回もきてしまう。
それな
小学三年生の時めっちゃ見て小学六年生になった時に怖くなって見るのやめて中学生になって怖いもの見たさで今見てる
このmvなんでこんな怖いんやろな.....
mvがこわいのでspotifyに入れました
С кем не бывает
No hablo taka taka
@@hansiquiroz3224 y a quién vergas le importa?
I think the background is actually her face and whenever she's scratching or covering it the back shows what she's doing to herself,The last part probably was her skin falling apart due to self harm and then her face is fully covered in the bandages.
P.S the skin goes back to normal because she's healing again,but she doesn't want that because she's too used to being hurt
@@Itchytoeswell it does look like epithelial cells
*ROMAJI*
yorisotte tada soba ni ite
tokei no hari ga susunde yuku
atataka na sono shiawase o
watashi no karada ga uketsukenai
ā
ā
kara no kara no sora ni aita ana no yō
kara no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa
furukizu darake no ibitsu na katachi
yugande iru no desu
chi darake no ai dake o kudasai
fuan de konagona ni waresō de
dakara setsunai yo
yasashikute dakara honto wa
itsumademo tsuzuite hoshii
sasayaka na kono shiawase o
watashi no kokoro wa ukeirenai
hinekurete iru no desu
shikata ga nai no desu
gaman shite gaman shite
betsujin no yō na kizuato darake desu
chi mamire no kuchizuke o kudasai
kowareta hitogawari ga hoshii no
chi darake no ai dake o kudasai
fuan de barabara ni kudakesō
dakara samishii yo zutto
Thank you SO much! You are a blessed being!
Thanks browski
Thanks
I'm just gonna comment here so I can come back when I want to, thanku!
Me: **trying to sing Kikuo songs**
My neighbor who understand japan a lot: I-
My neighbour is like r u in drug?
The demon who was summoned: *Hey there neighbor*
RIP
A r e y o u i n d r u g
*you're neighbor understand Japanese?*
Here is a better translation:
We're just simply laying side by side
The hands of the clock keep ticking on
But such a warm happiness
Is something my body can't accept.
Like a gaping hole in the void of the sky
Is my body similarly empty and my heart that should be fragile
Contorts into a shape filled with old wounds.
I am so horribly twisted....
Please only give me a bloody love
It feels like my anxiety is tearing me into a thousand pieces
That's why
It keeps hurting....
Because you're so gentle,
I wish this would last forever
But such a modest happiness
Is something my heart staunchly rejects.
I am so terribly twisted....
There's no helping it.....
Bear with it, bear with it....
But I'm covered in wounds as if they belong to someone else.
Please give me a blood-stained kiss
I want a broken substitute to take over for me
Please only give me a bloody love
My anxiety is tearing me apart
That's why
I'll stay lonely....
Forever
@@YayYayItsJay Hitogawari means substitute
Thank you very much
This seems like the middle of I'm Sorry I'm Sorry, where she gets in a relationship with a male who doesn't abuse her and r4p3 her, which her father did, which she mistook for "love". So she thinks the male doesn't love her.
@@slushyyyyyy1811 the girl in gommene gommene is dead bro
@@pyle4775 yeah but she escaped and was in a healthy relationship for awhile before running back and being killed. This song seems to be from the perspective of her during the time she was in the healthy relationship, before she ran baxk
THIS SONG MAKES ME WANT TO GAUGE MY EYES OUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH OMG
SO REAL.
This video is honestly brilliant, the way she starts off “clean” at first and ridden of bandages but as time goes on and she continues to scratch her face and cry, the bandages completely take over her body and she can’t even see because of the bandage over her eyes
間奏の音というかメロディが
自分にとってすごく新鮮で
ふわっと気が抜ける感じが好きです。
+
I think the rubbing and scratching on her face is a metaphor for self harm, and how she says she can’t accept her partners gentle love because maybe she thinks she doesn’t deserve happiness and that’s why she hurts herself
it isn't a metaphor, it is self harm
I really love how you can almost tell what its about by just looking at the mv, it is nice, pastel and pink covered in flowers when it suddenly fades into a rotted tile. In the first part of the lyrics when the setting chamges it says "Aah, like a pit opened in the empty void that is the sky" as we begin to see the tile start to crumble, as if opening something new. The second portion is "my husk of a body and heart that should be tender are" as she starts twitching and grabbing at/itching her fave, as if shes uncomfortable in her skin. "Distorted forms covered with old wounds" is the next part, she begins to do a motion that somewhat looks like shes crying or trying to cry, as if shes in pain, she also vegins twitching more here as if she were being distorted, and right before the next part of the lyric, a bandage appears over her right eye. The next lyric being "completely perverted" as she suddenly calms down and starts swaying, as if the enjoys the sexual attention. And then the lyric "please only give me love that is dripping with blood" continues, as she continues to grab at her face and another bandage appears on her left arm, she quickly appears closer to the screen as the rotted tile fades to a blood red and the edges of the screen are faded with black while tons of blood drips down behind her, she is also much more twitchy here, possibly the most twitchy she gets in the entire mv, the blood red background give us a hint to the lyrics as dose the bandage on her arm, but how she is panicing is rather unsettling, just as how the voice and bgm are in this part, the following lyric is "anxiety has me as if im crumbling to bits" the shakiness/panicing is a very obvious sign of the anxiety, but instead of the crubling background like before, instead, its shaking violently, as if someone was trying to make it crumble, same goes for the next lyric "and its so excruciating" as another bandage appears over her other eye, and the entre mv, vocals, and bgm start to calm down, as if she finds it comforting, the regular brown tile is back and she begins swaying again as the following lyric appears; "to tell the truth, because youre so gentle" as if she finds nothung wrong with how she is being hurt, and how she finds abuse to be 'gentle' "i wish this could go on forever" is the next lyric, possibly further proving my point in how she finds comfort to the sexual attention. "This tiny bit of happiness - my heart is unable to accept it" possivly trying to say that she does not know true love, and only knows abuse and torture, after that lyric, the bgm starts to get violent again and she starts twitching once more, getting more and more extream with every twitch, "the fact is, im completely twisted" the song says next, as she starts to do the crying motion again, now im not sure if she means 'twisted' in a mental way, or a physical way, as she does state many times that she "enjoys the pain"in some ways, but whenever she twitches, her head if often brought down to her stomach, and her arms flail while her body begins to distort. Some of the rotting tiles begin to fall. "The fact is nothing can be done" she begins twitching again, while doing the same crying motion. "Endure it. Endure it" more tiles begin to fall and she starts violently twitching again, as if shes panicing once more. "Im so riddled with scars its like im a different person" can further prove that she sees nothing wrong with the abuses that shes receiving, instead caring about her appearance. Yet by then she stops twitching and she finally puts her arms back down to her sides and keeps swaying, until the entire song/mv becomes violent again, she comes closer to the screen and grabs at her face again, revealing that now both or her arms are badaged, but the different thing about this outburst of the mv is now there are eyes peeking out from the other side of the tile "please give me kisses smeared with blood" proving how she views love as something violent. "Im broken. I desperately want a substitute in my place"the eyes are twitching just as she is, as if they were looking for something in a panicked way "please give me love that is dripping in blood" as the blood in the backround starts pouring again. "Anxiety has me as if im being broken apart to pieces" she is still grabbing at her face. The blood starts dripping faster. "And so i am lonely" possibly stating that her abuser hes left her for good since she cant keep herself together(reference to another lyric) "forever more" the mv starts calmjng down, her entire fave is bandaged up and she puts her arms back down, she eyes dissappear and she begings swaimg again as the mv moves down to show her bandaged legs
Now, i saw a comment that said that she was swaying whenever she calmed down because she jad already hung herself before the song/mv even takes place, i really love this. The end portion where it shows as low as her ankles
This interpretation is making me think this is the same character featured in ごめんねえごめんえね.
Although this could be about a different person considering ごめんねごめんね is based around a little girl who was r4p3d and abused by specifically her father, there IS a possibility it could be her, because I don't think Kikuo/Kikuohana confirmed the meaning behind it. People all have different perceptions of this song.
@@kuusariithey rly look alike tho
dude wrote the whole essay 😭😭
did u really have to write a summary of the song&video 😭 that's basically what this is
@@doecakee they put their soul into it 😭
2:21 OMG THIS SOUND FREAKS ME OUTTTTT it makes me so uncomfortable, while watching the animation it's even worse. The music, lyrics and image really go well together and make me feel something. Not to mention Hanatan's voice... She just gives me chills everytime.
O yea ı hate that too :'v
Omg it freaks me out too!
I like it ! She wiggles :)
I’m sorry - im so stupid 😂🦶🏼
I loved that part .It's music for my ears .
きくおさんの曲って時間を感じさせない
最後まで聞いても短いと思えてくる
から、きくおはな無限ループしてます
(￣∀￣)
I must vent a moment;
A few months back, around 5, I ended a year long relationship ship with a 27 year old man. He is the most horrible man I know.
I won't say my age, but I am still a minor.
I met this boy a month after, and we've been in a relationship for three months now. I must say, I feel safe with him, and I'm so happy, but I simply can't forget what happened to me and it makes me feel weird.
I simply cannot explain how this video and song makes me feel.
Edit: thank you all for the support, sincerely.
I hope you're ok
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you are safe and happy :)
@@marienonoli4990 me too💔
I hope everything is fine now. Please be safe
I'm glad you are with someone better now, stay safe :3
This song help me so much when I have a breakdown... I don't feel awfull when hear it, it calms me down
Жиза
Тоже
Sometimes people find comfort in the music that tends to be rather unsettling for most audiences. It's okay, and I hope you're okay
Howww dose it make you calm down 😶😶
Well.. Art does disturb the comforted and comfort the disturbed! ^^
It's so creepy when her body waves jerks around, it's so cool. Can't wait for the vocaloid version of this!
Just like a Silent Hill monster. Even the music reminds me of Yamaoka Akira's soundtracks.
was there ever a vocaloid version?
There's not
@@Garb4ge :(
@@sadisticgirl_ so sad =(
Personally I believe this isn’t about recovery at all I think this is about pure manipulation
Let’s say this person in the song is in an abusive relationship but refuses to believe because of the good partsTheir partner hurts,scars and causes more pain then ever but somehow get them to stay by always acting like the good guy in the end. She refuses to accept that “gentle happiness” because she knows it to be all fake but still doesn’t know how to escape and has nobody to run to. She keeps herself into believing that the abuse isn’t abuse and she has to take it to have the “good times” so she tries to make herself enjoy the pain too.
i agree, thats what i was thinking also
Basically gaslighting
every of there songs always reminds me cp. The character depicted is of a pretty doll who looks like a child, innocent and pretty. Later horrendous stuff happens to her, and she gets scared. The scars never healed, depicting from the character. I also wanna introduce the idea od catabolism. Most songs I hear like these always tie back to r@pe, abuse, child neglect, or cannibalism. Shit that is not widely talked about in Japan's society.
@@dariya1873 some people said that you cant vent in Japan, is it true?
@@mehgemenymhge8566 I mean you can, but no one would care or take you seriouslu
歌詞です！
寄り添って ただそばにいて
時計の針が 進んでゆく
あたたかな その幸せを
わたしの身体が 受けつけない
ああ
ああ
カラのカラの空にあいた穴の よう
カラの身体 脆いはずの心 は
古傷だらけの いびつな形
歪んで いるのです
血だらけの 愛だけをください
不安で 粉々に割れそうで
だから 切ないよ
やさしくて だからほんとは
いつまでも 続いて欲しい
ささやかな この幸せを
私の心は 受けいれない
ひねくれて いるのです
しかたが ないのです
我慢して 我慢して
別人のような 傷跡 だらけです
血まみれの 口づけをください
壊れた ヒトガワリが 欲しいの
血だらけの 愛だけをください
不安で バラバラに 砕けそう
だから 寂しいよ ずっと
ありがとうございます！
Translated that and I got this:
Cuddle up and stay by my side
The hand of the clock advances
Warmth that happiness
My body can not accept
Ah
Ah
It looks like a hole in the sky of Kara's sky
Kara's body should be fragile
An irregular shape full of old wounds
It is distorted
Please give me only the blood full of blood
I'm afraid I will crack shatter in anxiety
So do not panic
So easy that so
I want you to continue forever
This modest happiness
I can not accept my heart
It is twitching
It can not be helped
Be patient and endure
There are lots of scars like another person
Please give me a bloody kiss.
I want a broken human goat.
Please give me only the blood full of blood
I'm afraid to break apart with uneasiness
That's why I'm lonesome.
ないす
助かります！
怖さ倍増で更に眠れねぇ…
これを聴きながら泣いてしまいました
Is it just me or has kikuo's music starting to sound darker???
Not Active I mean, after “Gomenne” a few years back, it doesn’t get much worse
And its so freaking beautiful
Death Claw nope she was sending msg
@@anonymouslyforgotten5592 disgusting.
@@bug.581 hes being sarcastic lmao.
Don't you hate it when demon eyes are watching you from behind while you're trying to fix your bangs? Me too, and I don't even have bangs.
LOL
Update: I have bangs now. Got them during my last haircut.
@@missseaweed2462 Nice ;)
@@christinek4351 Thanks, haha.
Lmao
everyone: deep analysis
me: haha noodle hair
Now that’s a deep analysis
She looks like Armen (I think that's how you spell his name) from Attack on Titan
Armin, but yea your kinda right ;)
Now I can’t unsee see it oh god
Lmao
ようやくトラウマを克服できた
おめでとうございます！大変だったでしょうね！
最初女の子の目が閉じてんのかなーって思ってよく見てたら微かに目を開けててめっちゃ虚ろな目をしてる 絵と歌を照らし合わせると深い
小麦粉
@Valeria Valentina JAJAJAJ
🎉
this song hits so much differently when it actually is what you're going through, it really never ends, does it?
It will end. Everything is gonna be better and you’re gonna feel happy, in this world there are 7 billion people and out of them there is at least 100 people who would actually die for you. Do stuff that makes you feel good, get a hobby. Even at some times having your favorite meal in the middle of the day while listening to your favorite songs can help make you happy. Make yourself a handmade gift in your favorite color, buy gifts for yourself, draw what you’re feeling right now and burn the paper as if your burning those feelings, write your feelings in one word on a balloon and pop it or if it’s helium let it go in the sky. There are accounts you can vent to in Instagram, you can try them. If you don’t have a pet get yourself one if you can, they really make you forget about all the problems you have by loving you as a thanks for taking care of them. And never forget to love yourself, after all, this is you who’s been worrying about you and your feelings and wishing for them to go. Say “thank you me” to yourself in the mirror and smile. It will be alright. You will be happy again soon
Hopefully it ends soon, for both of us and everyone else.
We don't really know what they're going through tho?
@@myfarts It’s all up to interpretation
No, it never ends for me, I'll never be free from my past, it'll always creep up from out of nowhere, and ruin everything for me, and the people I love the most.
花たんさんが歌ってるのももちろん好きなんだけど、はやくボカロVer.聞きたい。きくお様の曲は感情篭ってない機械音が歌うのが好き。(伝われ)
めっちゃ分かります！！
今回はでないのかな…
You pause at 1:20 The US lyric says “staring at me” while the UK lyric says “Completely perverted” and if you put those two together you get “staring at me completely perverted” I didn’t see this at first and I’m glad I kind found it because it sounds/looks like a Easter egg 😅
En español dice "y no se como aliviarme.... mi cuerpo pide un amlr que sangre haría correr"
@@fxd894Honestamente las versiones en español están un poco mal traducidas lol
最初の美しい感じから一転一気に闇落ちする感じがたまらない…そして少女の動きもえぐくてイイね！
The singers voice is filled with so much emotion though
Has anybody else noticed that at the end when she sways, it kinda looks like a hung body without the noose? Just wondering...
// By the way. Great job , Kikuo!
uh
Dakota Tyler oh fuck it kinda does
I was thinking the exact same thing...
Now i can't unsee it...
I was actually coming here from Oktavia's cover to see if anyone else had noticed it.
Her goddess voice.. is so heavenly.. 😭
I want her voice so much
I broke up with a sociopath 7 months ago. I'm going to therapy because he love bombed me, then mistreated me, made me believe i was crazy, a liar, a bad girlfriend. He manipulated me, i stopped eating, i stopped seeing my friends, i barely talked to my family and left school, he told me he was the only person in the world that could understand me and that would ever love me. When i started feeling bored and frustrated, i decided to go to college and starting to hang out with my classmates. He left me the day the covid quarantine started, the told me i was crazy, a liar, a bitch and blocked me everywhere. I still crave for love and affection, but i also feel that I don't deserve to be loved and have to be punished for being bad. This song relates so bad, I don't only feel this way with guys who flirt with me, but also when my friends or family are complimenting me, i feel that they're lying and are going to hurt me terribly.
I'm sorry if my redaction is wrong, english's not my first language, i just needed to speak about this, it hurts a fucking lot, i feel like i will never recover from this.
Thank you so much for your support, you're really sweet, i cried while reading your response, i hope you have a great day, again, thank you❤️
I really feel you even. Being in love is something I'm terrified with because of the possible outcomes.
I really understand. I didn't lived the same things, but I feel the same.. I can't feel only happy when someone compliment me. It hurts. It hurts a lot, to know too that I can't feel happy in those moments.
Sorry for my English too, I'm french and I didn't used Google Translation so it's not perfect.
I hope you will one day feel better, really.
@@l.oubliable thank you Samarah, I hope you feel better soon too
you weren’t dating a sociopath. don’t throw people with cluster b disorders under the bus when talking about an abusive person.
Miku: Who are you?
Hanatan: *I’m you, but better*
😭😭TRUE THO
Her name is Hanatan btw (at least her artist name is)
Miku ily but I have to agree hanatan have a better voice than you
yurica/hanatan
HAHDHAHSHA
Romaji 🌽:
Yorisotte tada soba ni ite
tokei no hari ga susunde yuku
atatakana sono shiawase o
watashi no karada ga uketsukenai
a
kara no kara no sora ni aita ana no
sora no karada moroi hazu no kokoro
wa
furukizu-darake no ibitsuna katachi
yugande iru no desu
chi-darake no ai dake o kudasai
fuande konagona ni ware-sode
dakara setsunai yo
yasashikute dakara honto wa
itsu made mo tsudzuite hoshi
sasayakana kono shiawase o
watashi no kokoro wa uke irenai
hinekurete iru nodesu
shikata ga nai nodesu
gaman shite gaman shite
betsujin no yona kizuato-darakedesu
chimamire no kuchidzuke o kudasai
kowareta hitogawari ga hoshi no
chi-darake no ai dake o kudasai
fuande barabara ni kudake-so
dakara sabishi yo zutto
何回見ても目閉じてるのかとんでもなく虚ろに開いてるのかわからん
拡大したらちょっと開いてた
This is like... Idk why, but, is like that part of gomene gomene where the lil girl said that she had scape from her father and a
Onii-chan helped her during a time. However, she felt like there was something wrong with her since she thought that an abussive and horrible love was the normal, because the guy who helped her was treating her with a real normal love.
I don't know if I explained myself neither if this story is connected to gomene. I just know that it is a good song.
@Elsa Tatara i think in gomene gomene she died at the end but i was traumatized too lmao
When her father brought the men over i believe they gang raped her to death
Yeah, cuz at the end the many eyes are the different faces she saw when the father brought her home
@@fartmaster69420 I wouldn’t say to death, I would say she knew her life would never be good so she said goodbye to her hope and dreams
@Adel Eng Sheng Jun Student let me have this I need to feel better
本当にもう流石すぎて
きくお様どんだけ神曲を出したら気が済むんだ(褒め言葉)
まったく、神曲のせいで宿題終わらん（褒め言葉）
saito hajime ほんとそれなですこれを聴くのを優先してしまいます😇
i liked on purpose ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
この優しさと病みが混ざった感じめちゃくちゃ好き
花たんさんの歌声も綺麗すぎて きくおさんの曲にも合いすぎてて、何もかも素晴らしい
それな
Lyrics:
Side by side we lie, happy in each other's grasp
Tending our together, never ever ticking hands
Yet my mending heart, safely placed inside your arms
Shakes and says it can't accept that gentle happiness
Ah..
Ah, like a vacant sky recovered to be covered with a hole
Both my defenseless core and empty form resemble such an air
Where they're contorted and distorted, cut with cuts that never close
Staring back at me
Please leave me bleeding lovesick for the sickest sort of love
On edge I bet, I bet "enough" can't be enough to hold me up
No, it just keeps me hurting...
Still, your gentle ways fill my heart and make me wish
We could stay like this for forever and a day
All the while my heart, set to set intent apart
Panics and forbids that bit of modest happiness
Hideously twisting with a feeling
Can't ignore the horrors that I've seen
Bandage and manage, yeah I'm trying
But the cuts stick to my skin time after time
Are they even mine...?
Please only loan me kisses if your lips are dressed in red
I need a break, a breaking substitute to live instead
Please leave me bleeding lovesick for the sickest sort of love
That kind of kind, I know it shows how broken I've become
Yes, it's why I'll be lonely
For life...
Oh, I think that’s the American English option
@@chemii.OH MY GOD I DIDNT KNOW TYSM😭😭 I thought he just updated them
this is more deep than the united kingdom subtitles 🥲
花たんさんの歌がまた狂気さを引き立てるというかもう鳥肌が立ちまくりでした(´；ω；`)圧巻です！
Something I barely noticed, but at the end, when the camera moves to the lower part of her body, you see her legs are still dangling... Like there was no floor...? Just something I noticed, not sure if there was any significance to it lol
@@adorifish please do not call s//cide "the Sayori thing" . it's a very real thing that affects many people , including me . even if you're joking , please , just don't .
The gravitational physics from the start of her body animation looks like she's getting hanged. :0 which I couldn't stand to watch
@@adorifish just because you want to die doesnt give you an excuse to joke about it
@@underagechildgaming9938 you know what? I’m just gonna delete the reply. I don’t like saying “s*icide” directly (but I just did) because I couldn’t think of anything else,I understand what I did wrong,have a good day/night etc. ma’am/sir
Tbh this song feels like a su//cide note
I been abused all my life, not sexually but mentally and psychology by my family. I have never noticed it before but for some years I'm noticing that I feel comfortable around abusive people, fights and toxicity. People who show kindness and try to be gentle with me scare me. I'm 24, educated, recently got a job with residence and it was a dream come true because I've been trying to escape all my life but when I got there, I got so scared by the respect and kindness they showed me. I couldn't sleep and was trembling and my anxiety came all over me telling me they would do something terrible to me and ran away just after three days and came back to my abusers.
I still live in this house where all I get is pain, insults and humiliation but I feel safe. I wanna runaway, I cry ever night and regret every morning but there's nothing I can do. I know I have to get out of it but now I'm unable to find a job with residence. These kind of chances come once in a lifetime for messed up fated people like me. I don't what to do.
I'm not much help but I know exactly what you mean. I've been in a emotionally and mentally abusive household for years as well. Whenever someone says something kind it feels wrong to me, it makes me panic because i expect an insult and it never comes. I've had to run out of a place to cry in my car because someone got me a sandwich or something. Its incredible what you can train someone to do over years.
It's not much but I hope I could at least show that you aren't alone. You can do this.
Ive found writing down a list of things to keep fighting for helps a little, even if its somethings small like a certain tree you like to look at or a food you like. Just anything that brings you joy. I try to refresh it every other week if I can and tack it on the ceiling above my bed, and force myself to read it when I wake up. Just anything to keep myself going until the end of the day. I know its not much but I hope it does something. You got this
I'm very bad with words so I apologize in advance if what I'm saying don't make sense.
I used to be scared of enjoying the good things in life because it feels like something bad is gonna happen and because of that, I spent my pre-teen years being gloomy to avoid getting hurt. Looking back at it, I hurted myself more by avoiding them TvT
And then, I remember this saying my former psychologist told me, "if there are good things, bad things are bound to happen to balance things up or how good things never last, so does bad things. Everything is temporary. A second can feel like forever whilst 1 hour can feel like one second. What I'm trying to say is,,,
Try to enjoy/appreciate the good moments you have without anticipating the bad ones too much. Because if you do, you'll end up spending your remaining good time worrying about the bad stuff. Thats why, if possible, don't worry too much. Easier said than done but you'll never know right? You've made it this far in your life, wouldn't it be sad for you to just abandon your hardwork? But also, nothing wrong with restarting everythinh. Its a matter of your comfort. If the bad comes down to bad, then let it happen, and figure things out together so you can get by the gloomy moments faster!! I hope it makes semse 😓
Shit this sounds kinda bad you gotta find another place.
Reading this made myself realize I feel the exact same way, it’s a mest up comfort way, staying with your abuser or keeping contact with them although you know it’s wrong and it’s at the same time eating you away but it’s all you’ve ever known, it’s scary and terrifying but also you can’t break away from it. A month ago my ex from my freshman year (I’m going to be a senior now) recently reached out to me to apologize and try having a friendship and I accepted because i had this weird sense of comfort in still wanting to be connected to them because I myself am a neglected child so having this anttention and abuse was comforting in a mest up way. My ex basically SA me and used my trauma and fear of abandonment against me in doing things that were very uncomfortable for me but I thought in the back of my head, this is ok..it’s what love is, isn’t it?
Fuerzas amiga
This reminds me of the game called "my eyes deceive." It's a game where you play as a young girl trapped in a man's basement, but she's been there all her life. She believes the man to be her father, and he might be, but he makes her take an unknown medication every night. She has nightmares as she sleeps, and the only things she eats are things in the paper bag that appear every morning. By the end of the game, in the bad ending, the girl wakes up... And this line appears on a black screen: "Why is my belly all big and round?" I will never forget that experience and feel like crying every time I think about it.
OMG I KNOW THAT GAME IT'S SO DISGUSTING AND SAD
Ikr??? When I was going through it it took me a second to realize what was happening but when I did I instantly started crying
女の子がこの世のものじゃない動きしてて不安になる けど 中毒
Sí.
No te entendi ni verga no se japonés
ok :)
Esta chica es aterradora con movimientos extraños
Pero esta cancion es adictiva
(Usé traducción)
ま じ そ れ な
きくおさんと花蟲さんとか神かよ
Yorisotte tada soba ni ite
Tokei no hari ga susunde yuku
Atatakana sono shiawase wo
Watashi no karada ga uketsukenai
Aaa Aa Aa Aa Aa Aa Aaa
Aaa
Kara no Kara no sora ni aita ana no you
Kara no karada moroi hazu no kokoro wa
Furukizu darake no ibitsu na katachi
Yugande iru no desu
Chi darake no ai dake wo kudasai
Fuan de konagona ni waresou de
Dakara setsunai yo
Yasashikute dakara honto wa
Itsumademo tsuzuite hoshii
Sasayaka na kono shiawase wo
Watashi no kokoro wa ukeirenai
Hinekurete iru no desu
Shikata ga nai no desu
Gaman shite gaman shite
Betsujin no you na kizuato darake desu
Chi mamire no kuchizuke wo kudasai
Kowareta hito ga wari ga hoshii no
Chi darake no ai dake wo kudasai
Fuan de Bara Bara ni kudakesou
Dakara samishii yo Zutto
Yes
aaaaa thank you
its been 6 years and this still hits
個人的にごめんねごめんねの子みたいに思えたなぁ…聞けば聞くほど可哀想に思えてくる
確かに⁉(ﾟдﾟ)似てる！
きちみゆ
虐待を愛だと思ってましたもんね…
優しいお兄さんを受け入れられなかった女の子
2年前の米に失礼します
続編みたいな扱いですかね、血だらけの愛とかストーリー的にごめんねごめんねだし
聞いたら怖くて寝られないって分かってるのに聞いてしまう...
何かこの女の子古い人形の
匂いがしそう…なんて
髪が固くて肌がふにふにしてそう。
Dude Hanatan KILLED it on the vocals
to me, i think this is a girl first being into a relationship after being in an abusive one. she speaks that she basically cant handle sweet, kind love and prefers the sickest sort of love. at 3:50 she says "i know it shows how broken i've become" which i think means shes been abused, been broken down, been left. she then proceeds to say "yes, it's why ill be lonely" since she cant handle love. i think it becomes to much for her to handle, the true love, and hangs herself
one thing to add, i think shes hurting herself because she longs for the abuse she got in her past relationship. bruises, cuts, scratches, whatever it was. she longs for it since she couldn't handle the new love she was receiving, she had become accustomed to the abuse from her past lover
edit: just thought of something. the horrors shes seen, i think she means the abuse that happened to her. the blood that was taken from her by her past lover haunts her and she cant stop thinking about it, cant stop seeing it, so she tries to claw out her eyes hoping the images will go away
That explains why eyes are looking at her and why she keeps on clawing at them.
Kikuo's songs scare me because it reflects my anxiety 😭
Same😭
i dont know how i find kikuo,i cant pick up a feeling when i listen to his songs,but im sure i know how im feeling,its weird.i guess i find his songs comforting though??
Yeah
not a real g
real g do not get scared with stupid anime videos
Same-
3:27 When that wall of flesh appeared I started vibing. This song is pretty good also the lyrics and her movement is unsettling.
I saw a comment here somewhere that said the girl hanged herself because her center of gravity is her neck. I completely agree but i also just wanted to add that her aggressive jerking (time 2:20) happens when a person is hanged (in a way where they only die in 10-20mins, not instantly). Also because didnt die instantly could prove that she hung herself, not someone else hung her.
Idk if im reading too much into this, but i just wanted to share this small theory :)