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I'm so Thankful for you creating this Video!! because this basic principle is destroying my Chinese friend's Life!! And I have to save them from this! Because she has a Bright Future!!
THANK YOU you've put what i've been feeling for a long time into words. Filial piety just creates a rich breeding ground for abusive behaviour. It requires children to be eternally grateful to their parents for doing the bare minimum of raising them, and then SURPRISE when that child grows up to have their own ideas and goals that don't align with the parents' vision, they bring up the fact that they sacrificed so much to take care of them in order to guilt trip them into submission. Emotional abuse much? And this is just a pet peeve of mine, but you see this a lot in chinese dramas where in cultures that don't have the concept of filial piety, they are portrayed as these immoral people who jump at the chance to abuse their elders. Basically implying that without filial piety, this is how chinese society would turn out. And sorry to break it to the writers but even with filial piety, there's still plenty of elder abuse in asian societies. Only there's the added bonus of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse against younger folk being waved off as something normal
My asian friend told me, this is the way of the asian parent, its my way or my way and I will beat the crap outta you if I have to....immediate compliance is demanded and failure to comply is the biggest crime you can commit. I wonder how high is the suicide rate in the asian community
Completely agree!! Filial piety is a big thing in Indian culture too, and I definitely know people who stick by their abusive families because immense guilt prevents them from prioritizing their own well-being and drawing boundaries.
Under filial piety parents have no real incentive to provide love or care to their children because the parents know their kid will be obliged to take care of them in the future whatsoever. There's no need for parents to build any family bond at all and East Asian parents can beat or abuse their kids all they want. The child however cannot leave this relationship until the parents pass away. In this sense a society built on filial piety is a society built on serial slavery: each person is born into slavery by becoming someone's kid, he or she eventually becomes a slaver when the parents pass away and the person starts having his or her own children, and the cycle continues. Hard truth.
I disagree. True filial piety is mutual. The parents are obligated to care, love and cultivate there children into model citizens. Of course that is theory, in practice, children often exploit the love and genorosity of there parents and parents often abuse the humility and submisson a child is ought to have. Ultimatley the concept is pure, tainted by the selfishness of man.
@@zhangzongchang1057 Filial piety is NOT mutual in any way. This is what people believe it should be. 99% of elderly people believe their children owe them something
@@gloomysunday8242 the do owe them something. They owe them respect and obediance. But the elder also owe the children. That is what I said in the previous comment.
conventional morality dictates that such behavior is typically labelled as "shit parenting" by society in general. you are a failure of a parent if you don't even love your own kids (i hope this is obvious, it's a pretty universal concept). in a more removed sense, the idea that parents will not care for their children is in itself absurd on multiple levels (disregarding certain abusive outliers, most of those are just fucked up beyond the scope of my understanding), especially in a society that has developed a collectivist way of thinking. the essential principle behind filial piety is to repay the kindness of your elders, not unconditional obedience (although that is a common misinterpretation, deliberate or accidental). and yes, the circumstances you have described can and do happen, but it is no different from any other resulting from the flaws of human nature. i do not wish to accuse you of deliberately misinterpreting the concept, but that is precisely what you would appear to be doing, evaluating a principle based solely on its failings when tested by the most extreme of human depravity.
@@zhangzongchang1057 They owe them nothing, because they did not ask their parents to be born(they couldnt have even asked in the first place). You cant owe sb without borrowing from them or have an explicit consent that acknowledges creation of the debt. Without debt, there is not debtor. Its the decision of the parents to birth the child, not the other way around, thats why the children dont owe them. If anything, its the parents that should be responsible for selfishly creating something(the child). Lets face it, its their selfishness that creates the child. People dont need children in order to live now, do they?
Filial piety frustrates the shit out of me. It feels like I am guilted into taking care of my parents rather than wanting to do so myself. I can feel the resentment in me grow.
i am Chinese Indonesian and i lived with it....It feels like i am in hell not at home anymore...With the event of my dad and mom divorced when i was junior high. My damn Hitler dad always did that abusive filial piety bullshit. And yeah until college right now i still can't express my opinion about how bullshit sometimes my dad's advice is. Even when i tried to deny, he got fckin mad like hell. Also my father always gone mad ape even i did a tiny small fixable mistake. Damn ridiculous, and also throwing more mocks than praises since i was a kid. It consumes my sanity a lot, and i still don't know how i am still breathing until now. I don't have a freedom, i wanna live by myself and work part time, and he denied. Idk anymore
@@geraldevan6628 I'm Chinese Canadian, pretty much the same story except I have an abusive mother instead of father. Yeah, filial piety should not be unconditional: it should be earned. The only thing unconditional should be a parents love for their children, not the other way around! Life is hell, but it's not our fault: it's theirs. Life dealt us a bad hand by giving us shit parents. But as long as I have the ability to get myself out, I'll bear this hell until I manage to escape.
Thanks for making this video, i came from Indonesia and this filial piety is very contrast in South East Asian too. But this thing is contributed to Narcistic Parents which i feel is very toxic, my parents were overcontrol my life since i was a kid and made my future in their decision. And also the stupidity of hierarchy, when my father made stupid decision that impacted my family's economy that as a son i called "You're smart but it's useless if you don't have attitude" when i told him the best approach to solve this problem. This culture made parents neglect any children's opinion and become tyranny even in the arguments when i give them facts and logic answers, they always deny it and call me with that phrase. The next thing about love, yes i grew up in "transactional love" not in "unconditional love" parents, since a kid i always feel threaten when i want something from my parents because it feels like you have a "debt" to them and you must pay off with your achievement in school like having the best grades, if not they will regretful and threaten me to never give me anything i want in the future. For f*ck sake, i'm literally exhausted living in this culture.
So sorry to hear about your experience but I’m sure this exists in a lot of families. It’s exhausting to have controlling parents.They always make you feel invalid and you could never live up to their expectations. It’s ironic though since meeting this society’s standard is already hard enough. I believe some Asian adults would be a lot happier if their parents gave them unconditional love in their childhood.
Spot-on! Also worth mentioning is that Sinic/Confucian cultures also practice ancestor veneration. And instead of believing an a perfect and just God like in Judeo-Christian/Western cultures, the East regard deceased ancestors as gods who are not only to be respected, but also worshipped. By disobeying or otherwise fail to cater to the whims of parents, grandparents, elders, and when older siblings and relatives, one would surely incur their wrath once these senior family members die and "become gods," who have the ability to supernaturally influence the mortal lives of their posterities. Also... emphasis on filial piety fosters a sense of interdependency, which results in unhealthy dependency, and ultimately HELPLESSNESS.
Ancestor veneration is a very good point. It is the worship of our previous generations reinforce the filial piety system, makes it difficult for us to make changes or even have a voice in the family. In filial piety, the glorification of sacrifice for your parents/grandparents/children/husbands put everyone into this unhealthy dependency relationship. I feel like this is one of the reasons that sometimes the senior family members have too much expectations of their children cause they feel like they've sacrificed so much into taking care of them. It is the "debt" concept in filial piety that twisted the family relatonships.
Same here. Unless your are hurting someone or yourself, I don't think anyone their parents' arbitrary whims and follow every word for word. Back in the days, in my culture, kids were expected to take care of their kids. I love my mother and my aunt. They did so much for my brother and I after our father abandoned us. In that sense, I will take care of my mother and aunt in their old age. But when they request me to get married and have children, i don't do it. My cousin, ego got married early, said that I'm hurting my mom and aunt like this. But I don't care. I'm good to my mom and aunt in my way. I don't need to show my love and gratefulness for them by getting married.
I agree with you, who in the world should just obey someone just because they popped out of their bellies? that is totally BS. People should FOLLOW those who are right, not those that "seem" "authoritative" in the eyes of the "society"
I know how you feel. I would have to watch this video to understand the bullshit that has been actually going on. Apparenty things don't improve if the children happens to have a disability or impairments, being physical or neurological. The level of expection always remains the same and a burden for them.
@@birdieculture I think it's generally a good thing for children to respect their parents. But I also think that the parents also have a responsibility to act morally.
The story about the father burying the son to save the grandmother... he could have still found the gold if he was digging a grave for the grandmother instead... just sayin’ 😂
Gold or no gold, I would rather sacrifice the grandmother. I'm very comfortable with the idea of telling grandma she doesn't get to eat if it means rationing food for my child. Our culture is always the other way around and needs to be rejected with a vengeance.
Although I’m coming from the perspective of a black woman, living in the US and have found that I come from a mother who likely has NPD, I believe filial piety to be alive and well in the US also. Although it didn’t occur to me that it benefits the government, I was well aware that, when I’ve seen ads concerning elder care, firstly, one feels that, as the adult child, you’ve automatically been stamped as “caregiver”. Secondly, the questions pop up as to “how you’re going to pay for your parent’s elder care.” Surely, someone is going to jump in and say what an irresponsible, unloving daughter I am, to not take care of 100% of my mother’s eldercare, but know ahead of time, that I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion. But, it seems that the cute thing they have sneak up on you, because it is often not talked about, is BOOM, whatever life you’ve had going, career, family, etc. You’re parents are now elderly so, at worst, you may have to give up that career, including pay, healthcare and your own retirement, dispose of the worldly goods you have and move in with your parents, who may have booted you out when you were 18, because bottom line is that they didn’t need you back then. But, now that they do, the door is open and you can, now, start devoting the remainder of your existence to them. Whatever happens to you? Well, we’re not going to talk about that. We’re not even going to mention that there may be no SS, by the time you retire. We’ll just pat you on the head, tell you you did a great job caring for your parents, as the dutiful child and you may, then, be at the mercy of the system, unless you able to snatch up the remainder of your own children’s lives. How deep does this go? On the home front, when it comes to filial piety, which is highly probable in narcissistic families, like mine, filial piety reigns king. Adult or not. Even nearing retirement yourself or not, you’re not to think anything your parents don’t tell you to think or do anything your parents don’t tell you to do. You’re their indentured servant, there to serve them - preferably at the expense of your life, with the hopes that you will suffer and fail, epically, under such rule. My mother is a covert, malignant abusive narcissist who may have the beginning stages of dementia now. But, she is still more capable than I am of abuse. As a result, I have no idea what she’s going to do as, narcissists, just about never a get psychological help. So, as the child of a narcissistic parent, you have 2 options. Stay and engage because of filial piety or, take the recommended route from the psychological profession, disengage and leave.
Sorry to hear that your mom is a NPD. I feel like any parent that has personality disorder is very difficult to deal with. Like you said, it's never easy to make a decision as the child of a narcissistic parent. I hope you have other genuine emotional support and psychological help to overcome all the traumatic experience from early years.
yuanProduction thank you. But, unlike most children of parents with NPD, there were no issues until about a decade ago, which really didn’t explode until 2 years ago and I’m in my mid-fifties. I believe my mother has onset dementia, in addition to NPD. Unfortunately, the ONLY help she is willing to accept is destroying me and, likely my sister. So, she will be left to whatever the authorities decide for her.
@@ombricshalazar3869 but, the reality is that this likely requires some form of engagement with her, which breaks no contact. I also consider that, while many feel I should do the filial thing, she long decided not to do the parental thing. In fact, she was the narcissistic parent that decided, “Well, you may be fooled by the fact that I am your mother, but I’m not. I’m your enemy. But, by the time you figure that out, your life will be much over and there’s little you can do about that.” She told me 3 years ago, that she’d always just used me so, I told her, “What will you do now, that you’ve run out of using?” While I, as an older woman in my fifties now, do not need my mother’s love, like a child, I’m of the frame of thought that it is, first and foremost, the parent’s responsibility to recognize they are a parent. That, if they do not do so, the child need not. That, the role my mother played, was not as much a parent, but a predator and, for that, I do not owe her, whatever canonization to sainthood, the world bestows upon her, for feeding and sheltering me, after she gave birth. On the care side of things, from what I am told, and unless my sister decides to be in Hell with her, since it is my sister she wanted to give the early inheritance of a free house to - for all of the work I did, in my sister’s absence, for decades, that my mother will become a ward of the state and her assets will be acquired, in the interest of her care. So, should that come to pass, it is not as if she will go uncared for. While my sister and remaining family members might become enraged at the loss of assets in inheritance, that is OK as, they would have no empathy over the loss of my life, in caring for this malignant, destructive person, who would ruin the remainder of my life, if I provided the opportunity. For me, I can move on, from all of these people, honoring what is still left of my life. I well-realize that it isn’t the way the “game” is typically played though. Most targets of narcissistic parents and the mobbing that goes on, usually leaves a burnt out scapegoat, that goes to their grave quietly and beaten to a pulp by it all, because they never knew things were supposed to be different. They never heard of narcissism and they were imply raised, from childhood up, that someone, perhaps themselves, were to be the sacrificial lamb, for the parents and any enlisted flying monkeys and enablers. I am proud to say that I threw a wrench in that mechanism and, while most think of me as cruel, and even when I go a bit numb and soften up, because I desperately loved my mother, I reconstitute, with the understanding of what all of them wanted for me - a dark, abysmal, painful existence and demise. For that, I owe her and them, even less than those who don’t care about me at all. One one needs to understand, as per Little Shaman, as well, is that no contract is just that. It isn’t checking in, to make sure you’re OK. It isn’t making sure your affairs aren’t in order. It isn’t being pulled into doing a bit more and boundaries? Well, they’ll have to be kinda soft, ‘cause, hey, it’s mom. You owe nothing to someone who doesn’t appreciate you and well-understanding the destruction that narcissistic behavior causes, is to understand the reason for solid boundaries and absolute no contact. Not doing so, leaves you open and engaged and that’s not even talking about all of the blind enablers (and I’ve seen them), who will say and do whatever they can, to jam you right back in there, because they don’t know any better and don’t want to know any better. They’ll actually watch your life unravel, look you dead in the eye and ask you, “Yeah but, how’s your mother doing?” Absolutely programmed.
well explained about Filial Piety and outstanding short video, I see a lot of filial piety in the Philippines and your video answered my family main source of problem.
From Indonesia here, and I confirm that this too is a pretty 'normal' in South East Asia to conform on that culture too. Well, not as harsh as East Asian though. There's a lot of proverbs like "Many children many money" and/or "Children are parents' income in the future". It often backfires when the children don't act like what the elders want to do.
I'm black and parents in the black community also expect for their children to be their cash cows in the future. My mother often tells me when I make it big to not forget her and to take good care of her. HA! 🥲
That video demonstrates how half of if not the worse half of East Asian cultures and tradition does not compute well with modern society, especially in the United States.
This is amazing! The explanation is plausible as the filial piety BS has been bothering me for years and till these days. However, my parents are still trying to "educate" me by using this BS even I am almost 30. Luckily, I live in another country that has a different culture. To be honest, I don’t feel much love and care from my parents when I grew up. Instead, I needed to do plenty of stuff to obey or please them. (If I don’t do it, they’ll yell at me for being “useless” and “incompetent”). What’s more, If I pointed out what they did wrong, they would give me thousands of excuses to mess up my mind. If I kept arguing, I would get slapped in my face. Such a relief watching this video, thanks for posting!
This is up for debate, I come from a family where filial piety is considered an essential belief, but no one takes it for granted. My grandfather has 5 children, each takes turns to take care of him after my grandma passed and he became handicapped. Because of the sense of filial piety, everyone assumes the responsibility to visit him, bathe him, prepare food and take him out for walks and do check ups. It ensures my grandfather receives care and love unconditionally, especially when things are difficult, coz after all taking care of a handicapped old man takes a toll on you and the children are not bond by law to take care of him. They could just put him in a nursing home and forget about him. When you appreciate your parents’ effort raising you, you want to reciprocate that effort when you are capable to take care of them when they get old. I think that’s basically what filial piety tries to acknowledge . I guess my point is, filial piety shouldn’t be forced on anyone, BUT showing respect and appreciation to parents is not bullshit. When you become a parent, you will love to see your kids feeling thankful for all the hard work you put in raising them. But it is something that should emerge naturally over time. For kids at a young age, discussing filial piety is premature. The best thing parents could do is setting a example for kids, demonstrating filial piety with their elderlies. In terms of communicating through disagreements, I wouldn’t say filial piety leads to unconditional obedience - this might be true in the old days, but in modern society, wise parents wouldn’t assume absolute dominance on all subject matters. They can force you to wear a helmet when riding a bike, that’s fine, because respecting your life is the right thing to do, even if you don’t agree. But for discussions with no obvious right answer, kids deserve their opinions to be heard. if the parents ask you to give in because of filial piety, you should tell them that filial piety doesn’t just come with anyone, the parents need to first earn it.
I have no problems with taking care of one's parents when they're old even if they were bad people or treated me badly. I'm just extremely against being obligated to obey one's parents in adulthood.
I think you misattribute the meaning of love and self-motivated family support with filial piety which is an obligation and duty. Clearly, you are blessed with a family that doesn't have parents who consistently disrespect you and expect you to still be unconditionally obliging to their demands. You missed the point of the video by basing it solely on your own personal experience.
I have no problem at all about helping helpless people, but I just cannot accept the fact that the whole reason that I am doing this is because of filiel piety or that I have to do it, the reason why I am doing this is because I have the equal amount of love for my family just as how they love me, even though what I am doing may not get paid, that is totally fine, but if the part of equal respect for my dignity and freedom choices that I deserves to get also lost because I need to do what filiel piety is forcing me to do, I cannot accept it, I will definitely choose to try my best to help helpless people, but it needs to be under the condition that it is my own choices and because it's not their fault to be helpless, not that when they are having the ability to do their own simple stuffs and I still have to do it for them.
I think because of this shit I hate both of my parents, but I respect them to the point of not talking to them anymore, to avoid more and more hurt. I’m saving a lot, working and living alone so at the point of self dependence when I get old so I don’t have the necessity to sacrifice anyone on my own behalf. Restrain people’s liberty for my healthcare would be hell for me.
Unfortunately filial piety alienates families. Living alone doesn’t mean you have to be alone though. Good luck with your solitary plan and hopefully good friends and partners come along the way.
I have tried getting through to mine for twenty years and it was still twenty too many, and at that point it was better to cut them off and never speak to them again. They had many chances and a very long time to change and be better but they didn't so it has to be this way.
Ironically, it is this very structure that built the very society (as coercive as it may have seem) we live in. It is videos like this that will spark new conversation about our human nature and potential to continue our next level of evolution - as individuals and as a ‘family’ ;) And I love the transition to Mao’s image at 4:45... brilliant.
I love your comment so much and absolutely agree with you. With more and more people talking about it, we can keep pushing our potentials to the next level, where human beings can comfortably be themselves. Thanks for sharing the thought!
god i feel that. my mom was trhankfully one who broke the cycle after her own complicated relationship with her parents and was very clear on telling me that while decency and basic manners is mandatory, respect and admiration is something to be earned. however my father and grandmother are traditionalists, and despite playing little to no roles in raising me emotionally or in terms of instilling good values, they still expect utmost respect XD. my mom's teachings stuck though.
I agree with this since I was young, now I know what I choose is correct, this doesn't mean I have to treat my family badly, this means I want a kind of love that is mutual and equal, not only that children respect their family, but also their family should respect their children at the same time, a equal kind of love is still a kind of love that exist, what I don't like about this whole concept or behavior is simply that it's not equal in many aspects but still being called a kind of good concept, I just don't get why.
Yeeeeeeessssssss! This is so brilliant! You did such a great job addressing all the issues with filial piety. I never thought i would ever hear an Asian person address this issue because of how deeply ingrained it is in Asian culture. As an African that was raised amongst cultures that also value filial piety to the detrimement of individuals it drives me mad that people don't see this and think living like this is normal. No one in our families love or know each other like you said in the video and yet people think living like this is normal😢
Please, please, please post this to Youku and all of the Chinese video sites!! That population of 1 billion needs to know the truth about filial piety!
Considering i lost my bestfriend to this .yea i don't appreciate it at all altho i don't mean any disrespect to culture. But i can't have people stop me from passions...its in many Chinese homes in my experience living here . But i can't judge because this is pretty rampant in black culture too
I'm new to the concept of filial piety and didn't get to know about it until I started getting to know women who are from China living here in the states, but I can completely confirm as a black man filial piety completely exists in black household in varying degrees.
The idea that Westerners abandon their parents is very far-fetch, yes those situation does happen but it's very often caused by toxic relationships. Rather their parental relationship is based on give and take, mutual respect. They have boundaries which they will never cross unless invited and children are given the opportunity to voice their dissent and choices.
I feel like The Story of Ming Lan criticizes hierarchical structures, not just in the family but also in the surrounding society. Maybe I read too much into the show, but it did an excellent job of portraying how the enforced hierarchies destroyed families and marriages, and how people need to trust and respect one another as equals in order to have successful relationships. It seemed to be a very consistent theme and relevant to the core message of the show. In fact, the real reason why Ming Lan does not end up with Yuan Ruo is because, even though Yuan Ruo is so kind, he is also unable to see Ming Lan as an equal to himself and doesn't really listen to the things she says; he is unable to look outside of his privileged upbringing to understand her struggles. Meanwhile, Gu Tingye trusts her, understands her, and respects her as an equal to himself, and that is why their marriage is ultimately successful. Additionallu, her parents and her sister Mo Lan have unhealthy relationships full of toxicity and distrust because of the enforced hierarchies, and Ming Lan's childhood family life was also unhealthy because of this.
It’s really a double edged sword, like most human concepts. Take wealth for example: you can make money or goods enough to feed your whole family, or are you actually taking opportunities from less fortunate?
The Chinese government also implemented a law that requires children to visit their parents at least once a year, or be prosecuted by their parents. Saudi Arabia... they have this guardianship system, enforced by law.
Family relationships should base on love and respect. You know something is seriously wrong when the government’s hands are omnipresent in people’s personal lives.
This video explains filial piety with profanity and filled with defamations. It explains what is filial piety, but doesn't give reasons why those would be bad, it ignores the context it was built and contains lies of someone that ignored by ignorance or malice everything that Confucius teached us about it, which is clear on 5:33. This video is apparently made by a rebbelious teenager/young adult that got mad at his parents.
When watching kdrama or cdrama I am gobsmacked about how those parents would be diagnosed with various personality disorders where I live. In Crush the main FL even beats an autistic boy for tampering with her husbands fishes. As if the boy would know. In Love at night a father beats his son who's way past 20 to the point of bleeding. Several times. In Something in the rain the mother is so abusive I can't stand it. And in Forecasting love and weather the dad... Like it's absolutely insane what parents or grownups are allowed to do. Borderline, narcissistic, antisocial personality disorder etc etc etc. I find it absolutely horrific that the culture promotes those things. It's disgusting!
I don't see think that Filial Piety should be seen in opposition to love. I think that there are many different kinds of love; romantic love between spouses, Fraternal/Sororal love between siblings, and Filial love between parent and child. Lots of people just dump their elderly parents off in nursing homes and never visit them, and that's wrong. What Confucius calls Filial Piety is simply an articulation of the ideal parent/child relationship, where the parent has a duty so show love and empathy to the child, so that the child may learn and repeat that behavior back to their parents and the rest of society. It does become a problem when the parent does not love or support the child, and the child is expect to still love and honor the parent. I think the 24 Filial Exemplars is, overall, a bad book that takes the concept to an unequal and unhealthy extreme.
Pretty sure it started off with good intention, but then some people used it for bad. Just like chivalry. Also gender equality. Etc. start with good intention, but there are others who try to squeeze in the bad.
Imagine doing that as the only child under China’s one child policy, having to support both aging parents and then being told that “we don’t do one child anymore you need to have more children” 💀 And then the government’s financial aides for the second child is a single $150-ish check 💀💀💀
Its core is good but again easily abused and outdated. Just like religion imo, take all the good and leave the bad. Also fuck that debt. I didn't ask to be fucking born, i will do it because of the love and care you gave not because you gave birth to me.
I am not Chinese, but I believe in filial piety. I have washed my parents feet btw. I am single, never married, and no children. I live with my elderly parents and am their caregiver along with my sister and brother. I believe in honoring the elderly, especially parents. I have seen too many widows in nursing homes against their will and it is sad. I believe if you are able, you should take care of your parents.
I have noticed this in Chinese people I know but never fully understood it. It's interesting how it was written about in ancient China. I think maybe some parents could kind of abuse this and caused resentment in their children, but I don't think it's completely bulshit I think it does have some positives that comes out of it actually.
If our parents/elder practising it wrong, doesnt mean the teaching is wrong. Some parents only focus on work/ food on table and no learning/advice due to no chance/ time. No time for themselves make them dull hearted. If you read carefully the si zhu, you start to understand yourself this concept and the impact in life(meaning / value"of life) if done by junze(confucius saying for gentleman) parents and junze child.
I don't know if this is filial piety in the back of my mind or it's actually logically right but I feel wrong to not being able to spend time with my parents because I want to pursue my dreams. And I, being not much talented need to give all of my time to even have a chance. Is there a law in China to "visit parents often" still in action? Do you consider it right ? Or am I just being selfish? 😣
Hey yuan, thank you so much for making this video! You really spoke my mind (and many other Asian kids') in such an articulate manner. But how could we try to convey this message to our parents, or rather if they are stubborn and insist on maintaining this "traditional value", how could we cope with this? Currently, I'm just distancing myself, engaging with them as little as possible, minimising any chance of conflict by being cold. I still hope one day our relationships would mend, but I don't see hope anytime soon. Sorry if I asked too much I just want to get my feelings off my chest haha.
Hey! Sorry for the late reply! I’ve been thinking about your question throughout these days and I don’t think I found the perfect answer. What motivated me to do this video is that when I searched related content on UA-cam, most of them are addressing the significance of filial piety in the family. I want to show some different perspectives. And I’m really glad that you like it! I feel like it’s really important for parents and children to realize the difference between filial piety and love. Most of the time our parents want to put us into the mould they like instead of acknowledging the fact that we want different things. I’d say communication is the key to solve the problem, and your behaviour is also important. Sometimes when they see you becoming independent and having a great life after you making your own choices, they might be willing to open the conversation. Another tip I think might help is that opinions from other people are also important too. For example if you find someone they like or they think are important to persuade them, that could be helpful as well. In my case I get along with my mom a lot more than my dad, so whenever I need support I know I have to win my mom first. I don’t know the situation in your family but every family has their own issue and it’s never an easy thing to make mends. Not everyone knows the right way to love people. Please don’t get too upset if your parents are the traditional type. You are not alone. But I hope one day your parents could understand you a bit more💪💪💪💪💪
Unfortunately I think it's impossible to challenge filial piety - any disagreement would simply be dismissed as being 'unfilial' as you are lower on the hierarchy than your parents. No or low contact is probably the only way to get by.
@@Andytizer There's another way to challenge filial piety: by taking advantage of the collectivist nature of most Asian cultures. Many Westernized Asians have issues with filial piety, esp the part about obeying one's parents in adulthood as opposed to taking care of them in old age. If you banded together with your brothers, sisters, and cousins who all want to challenge filial piety, it becomes easier to topple it.
@ roguenoir Yeah? My dad was so filial he didn't even give me a brother or sister, cause he would rather take care of his mommy, carrying her in and out, and I will never forgive him on that alone. The only way I will end this, is to ignore them for life, and being childless for life if they can't be born to someone OUTSIDE of this culture.
Filial piety is not that bullshit, but the bullshit things is that you can not have equal relationship, or rights that you deserve, every time you fight for it is wrong and unfilial.
I'm on the fence with this. I hate it for the same reason she stated, but also like for these reason she stated. Like everything else it has it's really good aspects, but also the really bad. If we could pick out the good I feel like it could evolve into something more than what it is. This is an open ended question. Do you think filial piety has a direct correlation with Asian's push in success in academics and the notion of hardwork. If so, will it have a direct impact if decided to abandoned completely ?
i absolutely despise the idea that we are forced to believe that we owe our parents for caring for us. That stuff is the BARE MINIMUM they have to do as a parent bc that is what they obliged to when they chose to give birth to us. We didn't ask to be born, whatever damage they inflict on us is 100% THEIR FAULT and we don't owe them ANYTHING for that. Whether we want to give back to them or not totally depends on how we feel we've been treated in life and whether we feel like they deserve the best for being good parents.
Hello Yuan, I think your thoughts on 孝顺are completely wrong. What you are calling „bullshit“ has nothing to do with 孝顺. What you were describing is merely what nowadays society in china has done with it. It is far more deep that, Confucianism is philosophy and a way of life. In nowadays society everything is misinterpreted. Bad teachers are teaching it like 孝顺 means you should obey and care for for your parents. But the actual meaning is more like mutual respect and caring for each other and being a family. My parents raised me, were good to me, I grew up and now I am giving back, which I really do with all my heart and not because I have to but because I want to. This Philosophy is not a rule, but more a way of thinking. But I agree with you that the way many families are using it, is Bullshit. But that is not what 孝顺 actually is.
I know a thing or two about filial piety. Your view is completely wrong. You are considered "unfilial" if you are a man and you and your wife are unable to produce a male heir. Why do you think in China a few generations back we had so many families with 6 or 7 girls, and ONE son--usually the youngest one. Couples were under tremendous pressure to produce a mail heir. And why do you think Chinese society has been so "boy good, girl bad" for centuries??? Why do you think all the orphanages in China are filled with girls????? Now you know why.
@@Lp78Ch I’m not saying that China is doing it right! Most people in China have lost the way of Confucius, not practicing it the proper way. You know what I mean? The actual Confucianism is a good thing, due to misuse it is misinterpreted by the general public. Go into a Confucianism monastery and talk to actual practitioners. I know that you think about the way the Chinese people are using it, and have been using it for decades. But that is not right.
it is bullshit because you can have unprotected sex and get a servant/slave who never asked for it. And then expect to be worshipped in return for following the bare minimum of what is legally/morally required for child care, and sometimes not even that.
I do not disagree with all that said. Nevertheless, knowing them as bullshit or being instilled to behave in this manner, there is a right & a more balance approach to executing Filial Piety or what you rather address as 'love'. The elders and the lower in a healthy family know the balance between themselves. E.g. there are many ways on our contributions of Filial Piety. Correcting the elders with the mindset as told by you, is also a part of Filial Piety while we love & care for them within our capacity. Unless there are those who didn't want to commit entirely or those who didn't allow their spouses to commit and elders who insisted Filial Piety as what you just described. My mother knew I love her at a time I had no money to contribute among siblings. I offered my love through caring for her, talked & spent a lot of time with her, gave her strength & comfort when she was afraid or worried. If you think these are bullshit again, then, I think it is not possible you can love anyone n not be loved by anyone in return!
Towards the end, your argument that filial piety sustains a political regime actually sounds quite convincing. To some extent, I'm rather convinced that it actually is the case. However, to simply disavow filial piety and call it bullshit also discredits the underlying, most fundamental value that it holds. It is something that most would appreciate, that you would return what you have been given. Just as you would return a favour of a friend who has done something to help you, it's also a concept in a similar vein. It can be very distorted and many younger Asians are starting to pushback against the concept of giving birth to ensure that they'd be taken care of when they're old. But this does not mean these younger generation are suddenly abandoning their parents and family, going off to build their own family, entirely isolated. As another comment said, 孝不是愚孝... To simply write off a value by drawing extreme and outdated examples seems rather misleading, especially to people who may not come from this cultural background. That said, I can't comment on how this is in Mainland China but many Chinese diaspora and other Asian communities no longer practice filial piety in the ways you've described in this video
Actually filial piety is a good virtue. However like other virtues, it had been misused and manipulated for selfish reasons. It makes parents and the elderly behaving selfishly, treating their children as life insurance as well achieving their dreams through their children. There are many parents who did not perform their duties as parents and yet expect their children to look after when they are old on grounds that they own their existence to them. They demand respects while never gives any in return. Also parents often practices favoritism. They treat one child with love and attention while neglecting others despite they are all born from the same parents. Despite of all the misgivings, filial piety still teaches good values not only to children but also the parents. If parents did their duties as well as treating their children with respect, only then they deserve the love and respect from their children.
@@MrLantean If a virtue and system can be so easily perverted and twisted for authoritarian means and is, by design, authoritarian itself, then no, it is a shit virtue.
@@RedSunUnderParadise Everything can be easily twisted and perverted for authoritarian means. Religions had been used by authorities to control the masses. During WW2, Japan military authorities had perverted and twisted the samurai bushido code to instill discipline of the soldiers. Only virtues like honor, discipline and fearless of death are emphasized while ignoring others like mercy, kindness and compassion.
@@MrLantean But you forget, Many of your examples have considerable levels of Authoritarianism themselves and are thusly in desperate need of critique. The Bushido code stressed absolute loyalty and subservience to their Lords whilst still allowing them to opress their "Inferiors". Religion, particularly abrahamic faiths, hinduism and ancestor worship, among others, are memes that abhor non conformity and lead to atrocious hierarchies(I.E. the Dalit). These virtues had Authoritarianism and toxic collectivism baked into their core.
I come first, then my significant other, then my kids in that order. Rinse and repeat. Filial piety has normalized malignant narcissism and emotional abuse. They think their kids (and your kids) exist to serve and worship them, you are an investment and their retirement plan who will take care of them when they're old, they can never admit to being wrong, you are not allowed to be your own independent person with your own wants or goals cause they will decide everything for you even as an adult, browbeat and shame you for being ungrateful for all they sacrificed for you or not living up to their expectations of which you never will cause the goalposts are always moved and you are never good enough. It needs to be repudiated and denounced. All this elder worship makes about as much sense as saving an 80 year old on the Titanic before an 8 year old.
Wow, I wonder what your parents think about this. I think filial piety is the ancient belief if respecting the sacrifice that your elders made for the younger generation. I fell a sense of great honor to help care for my elderly parents. They gave everything to me and my brothers so that we could have a better life. We do the same for our kids. I hope my kids understand and respect my love and guidance. I educate,y children, discipline my children, and sacrifice my own happiness so they can be happier, Healy their and more prosperous than myself. In the end, I hope they love and respect me and hope to take care of me in my old age. It in financial sense, or even in a day to day physical sense. But visiting me and making sure I am safe and comfortable in my old age. Really is that too much to ask for?
Non filial societies aren't also doing that well. look at high divorce rates. I would respect my parents and ancestors( of course not extremes of that). Its notot such a bad thing though.
孝不等于愚孝 水能载舟 亦能覆舟，凡事有个度。 （I guess she live in a sad family or having a sad childhood . . . ） 孝 is kinda love too, it’s tolerant and patient too. My family all respect this and always put my grandpa as priority. No matter how much quarrel I had with my mum or I used to hate my mum while I was kid but due I seen how my auntie uncle treated my grandparents and I was been influenced and tend to understand my mum instead of just only think of myself. Then I communicate with my mum and get a balance in between. A lot of them I realise she was right, after years. The century is changing, the concept are modifying based on the century too. But the key is to understand the code value in deep rather than just deny . Ahahahahaha I guess your video is much more bullshit and negative.
Every good principle can be abused by intemperate people, that abuse can then be used by immoral people to escape their obligations. When I worked as a social worker I cared for children whose parents sold the children's arses to supplement the family budget. My parents were not perfect but my dad didn't shake me into retardation and my mother didn't make me sell my booty for bread. For that they will have my support and my gratitude in their old age. The balance is that even if they were perfect parents doesn't mean I would live my life according to their every whim. Parents have a reasonable expectation of care during their old age but every good principle can be abused by extremists
Remember Karma, everyone will get old. 記住業力... 每個人都會變老。Chinese tradition did not teach people to foolish filial, you need to study more Confucius analects. 中國的傳統沒有教人們愚孝, 多讀一點論語 You need the wisdom to understand what filial piety is 要有智慧才會懂得孝道是什麼
Filial Piety is NOT "BS", as this very young lady suggests. It has been at the foundation of Eastern cultures for many centuries. If there is any "BS" being spewed out here, it is coming from the narrator.
you know that most parents wants the best for their kids, that's it. the result is not under the parent's control. Confucius filial piety respect for parents is necessary. the most important thing is love. LOL.... ask a son if he can save only 1 person, will he save his hot babe or his dad.
Yes, Confucius (or at least his later disciples) stressed the proverbial Fellation of those in power. Never to question them, never to evaluate the boons or cons. "Most parents want what's best for their children" Cool, they have lofty motives, but gave you considered their methods cause more harm and will potentially alienate the from said children?
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I'm so Thankful for you creating this Video!! because this basic principle is destroying my Chinese friend's Life!! And I have to save them from this!
Because she has a Bright Future!!
wow you are pretty smart for a women.
Prunus Mume why can’t I be a woman and smart at the same time
@@yuanProduction HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDDXDX
THANK YOU you've put what i've been feeling for a long time into words. Filial piety just creates a rich breeding ground for abusive behaviour. It requires children to be eternally grateful to their parents for doing the bare minimum of raising them, and then SURPRISE when that child grows up to have their own ideas and goals that don't align with the parents' vision, they bring up the fact that they sacrificed so much to take care of them in order to guilt trip them into submission. Emotional abuse much?
And this is just a pet peeve of mine, but you see this a lot in chinese dramas where in cultures that don't have the concept of filial piety, they are portrayed as these immoral people who jump at the chance to abuse their elders. Basically implying that without filial piety, this is how chinese society would turn out. And sorry to break it to the writers but even with filial piety, there's still plenty of elder abuse in asian societies. Only there's the added bonus of emotional, verbal, and financial abuse against younger folk being waved off as something normal
My asian friend told me, this is the way of the asian parent, its my way or my way and I will beat the crap outta you if I have to....immediate compliance is demanded and failure to comply is the biggest crime you can commit.
I wonder how high is the suicide rate in the asian community
你就是个Bullshit
Completely agree!! Filial piety is a big thing in Indian culture too, and I definitely know people who stick by their abusive families because immense guilt prevents them from prioritizing their own well-being and drawing boundaries.
Under filial piety parents have no real incentive to provide love or care to their children because the parents know their kid will be obliged to take care of them in the future whatsoever. There's no need for parents to build any family bond at all and East Asian parents can beat or abuse their kids all they want. The child however cannot leave this relationship until the parents pass away. In this sense a society built on filial piety is a society built on serial slavery: each person is born into slavery by becoming someone's kid, he or she eventually becomes a slaver when the parents pass away and the person starts having his or her own children, and the cycle continues. Hard truth.
I disagree. True filial piety is mutual. The parents are obligated to care, love and cultivate there children into model citizens. Of course that is theory, in practice, children often exploit the love and genorosity of there parents and parents often abuse the humility and submisson a child is ought to have. Ultimatley the concept is pure, tainted by the selfishness of man.
@@zhangzongchang1057 Filial piety is NOT mutual in any way. This is what people believe it should be. 99% of elderly people believe their children owe them something
@@gloomysunday8242 the do owe them something. They owe them respect and obediance. But the elder also owe the children. That is what I said in the previous comment.
conventional morality dictates that such behavior is typically labelled as "shit parenting" by society in general. you are a failure of a parent if you don't even love your own kids (i hope this is obvious, it's a pretty universal concept).
in a more removed sense, the idea that parents will not care for their children is in itself absurd on multiple levels (disregarding certain abusive outliers, most of those are just fucked up beyond the scope of my understanding), especially in a society that has developed a collectivist way of thinking. the essential principle behind filial piety is to repay the kindness of your elders, not unconditional obedience (although that is a common misinterpretation, deliberate or accidental).
and yes, the circumstances you have described can and do happen, but it is no different from any other resulting from the flaws of human nature.
i do not wish to accuse you of deliberately misinterpreting the concept, but that is precisely what you would appear to be doing, evaluating a principle based solely on its failings when tested by the most extreme of human depravity.
@@zhangzongchang1057 They owe them nothing, because they did not ask their parents to be born(they couldnt have even asked in the first place). You cant owe sb without borrowing from them or have an explicit consent that acknowledges creation of the debt. Without debt, there is not debtor. Its the decision of the parents to birth the child, not the other way around, thats why the children dont owe them. If anything, its the parents that should be responsible for selfishly creating something(the child). Lets face it, its their selfishness that creates the child. People dont need children in order to live now, do they?
Filial piety frustrates the shit out of me. It feels like I am guilted into taking care of my parents rather than wanting to do so myself. I can feel the resentment in me grow.
Imagine filial piety in an abusive dysfunctional family
i am Chinese Indonesian and i lived with it....It feels like i am in hell not at home anymore...With the event of my dad and mom divorced when i was junior high. My damn Hitler dad always did that abusive filial piety bullshit. And yeah until college right now i still can't express my opinion about how bullshit sometimes my dad's advice is. Even when i tried to deny, he got fckin mad like hell. Also my father always gone mad ape even i did a tiny small fixable mistake. Damn ridiculous, and also throwing more mocks than praises since i was a kid. It consumes my sanity a lot, and i still don't know how i am still breathing until now. I don't have a freedom, i wanna live by myself and work part time, and he denied. Idk anymore
Like mine. That’s why I had to run away.
Run away. It will be hard, but it will work
@ALEX W. You're right... Thanks for the helpful advice man, i appreciate it.
@@geraldevan6628 I'm Chinese Canadian, pretty much the same story except I have an abusive mother instead of father. Yeah, filial piety should not be unconditional: it should be earned. The only thing unconditional should be a parents love for their children, not the other way around! Life is hell, but it's not our fault: it's theirs. Life dealt us a bad hand by giving us shit parents. But as long as I have the ability to get myself out, I'll bear this hell until I manage to escape.
Thanks for making this video, i came from Indonesia and this filial piety is very contrast in South East Asian too. But this thing is contributed to Narcistic Parents which i feel is very toxic, my parents were overcontrol my life since i was a kid and made my future in their decision. And also the stupidity of hierarchy, when my father made stupid decision that impacted my family's economy that as a son i called "You're smart but it's useless if you don't have attitude" when i told him the best approach to solve this problem. This culture made parents neglect any children's opinion and become tyranny even in the arguments when i give them facts and logic answers, they always deny it and call me with that phrase. The next thing about love, yes i grew up in "transactional love" not in "unconditional love" parents, since a kid i always feel threaten when i want something from my parents because it feels like you have a "debt" to them and you must pay off with your achievement in school like having the best grades, if not they will regretful and threaten me to never give me anything i want in the future. For f*ck sake, i'm literally exhausted living in this culture.
So sorry to hear about your experience but I’m sure this exists in a lot of families. It’s exhausting to have controlling parents.They always make you feel invalid and you could never live up to their expectations. It’s ironic though since meeting this society’s standard is already hard enough. I believe some Asian adults would be a lot happier if their parents gave them unconditional love in their childhood.
well, I'm feel it too
Spot-on! Also worth mentioning is that Sinic/Confucian cultures also practice ancestor veneration. And instead of believing an a perfect and just God like in Judeo-Christian/Western cultures, the East regard deceased ancestors as gods who are not only to be respected, but also worshipped. By disobeying or otherwise fail to cater to the whims of parents, grandparents, elders, and when older siblings and relatives, one would surely incur their wrath once these senior family members die and "become gods," who have the ability to supernaturally influence the mortal lives of their posterities.
Also... emphasis on filial piety fosters a sense of interdependency, which results in unhealthy dependency, and ultimately HELPLESSNESS.
Ancestor veneration is a very good point. It is the worship of our previous generations reinforce the filial piety system, makes it difficult for us to make changes or even have a voice in the family. In filial piety, the glorification of sacrifice for your parents/grandparents/children/husbands put everyone into this unhealthy dependency relationship. I feel like this is one of the reasons that sometimes the senior family members have too much expectations of their children cause they feel like they've sacrificed so much into taking care of them. It is the "debt" concept in filial piety that twisted the family relatonships.
As they often say: how a piece of shit like you will be able to face your ancestors in the afterlife??
That’s like our version of hell 💀
Same here. Unless your are hurting someone or yourself, I don't think anyone their parents' arbitrary whims and follow every word for word.
Back in the days, in my culture, kids were expected to take care of their kids.
I love my mother and my aunt. They did so much for my brother and I after our father abandoned us. In that sense, I will take care of my mother and aunt in their old age.
But when they request me to get married and have children, i don't do it.
My cousin, ego got married early, said that I'm hurting my mom and aunt like this. But I don't care. I'm good to my mom and aunt in my way. I don't need to show my love and gratefulness for them by getting married.
As a Chinese girl who never obedient to parents and were thought unfilial, I just want to say your perspective is just GREAT.
I agree with you, who in the world should just obey someone just because they popped out of their bellies? that is totally BS. People should FOLLOW those who are right, not those that "seem" "authoritative" in the eyes of the "society"
I know how you feel.
I would have to watch this video to understand the bullshit that has been actually going on.
Apparenty things don't improve if the children happens to have a disability or impairments, being physical or neurological. The level of expection always remains the same and a burden for them.
@@birdieculture I think it's generally a good thing for children to respect their parents. But I also think that the parents also have a responsibility to act morally.
The story about the father burying the son to save the grandmother... he could have still found the gold if he was digging a grave for the grandmother instead... just sayin’ 😂
hahahhahahaha yeah you are right! I’ve never thought this way. 😂😂😂 you just created a new chapter
Lets suppose there was no gold....... oh my
Gold or no gold, I would rather sacrifice the grandmother. I'm very comfortable with the idea of telling grandma she doesn't get to eat if it means rationing food for my child. Our culture is always the other way around and needs to be rejected with a vengeance.
Although I’m coming from the perspective of a black woman, living in the US and have found that I come from a mother who likely has NPD, I believe filial piety to be alive and well in the US also.
Although it didn’t occur to me that it benefits the government, I was well aware that, when I’ve seen ads concerning elder care, firstly, one feels that, as the adult child, you’ve automatically been stamped as “caregiver”. Secondly, the questions pop up as to “how you’re going to pay for your parent’s elder care.”
Surely, someone is going to jump in and say what an irresponsible, unloving daughter I am, to not take care of 100% of my mother’s eldercare, but know ahead of time, that I don’t care about anyone else’s opinion.
But, it seems that the cute thing they have sneak up on you, because it is often not talked about, is BOOM, whatever life you’ve had going, career, family, etc. You’re parents are now elderly so, at worst, you may have to give up that career, including pay, healthcare and your own retirement, dispose of the worldly goods you have and move in with your parents, who may have booted you out when you were 18, because bottom line is that they didn’t need you back then. But, now that they do, the door is open and you can, now, start devoting the remainder of your existence to them. Whatever happens to you? Well, we’re not going to talk about that. We’re not even going to mention that there may be no SS, by the time you retire. We’ll just pat you on the head, tell you you did a great job caring for your parents, as the dutiful child and you may, then, be at the mercy of the system, unless you able to snatch up the remainder of your own children’s lives.
How deep does this go? On the home front, when it comes to filial piety, which is highly probable in narcissistic families, like mine, filial piety reigns king. Adult or not. Even nearing retirement yourself or not, you’re not to think anything your parents don’t tell you to think or do anything your parents don’t tell you to do. You’re their indentured servant, there to serve them - preferably at the expense of your life, with the hopes that you will suffer and fail, epically, under such rule.
My mother is a covert, malignant abusive narcissist who may have the beginning stages of dementia now. But, she is still more capable than I am of abuse. As a result, I have no idea what she’s going to do as, narcissists, just about never a get psychological help. So, as the child of a narcissistic parent, you have 2 options. Stay and engage because of filial piety or, take the recommended route from the psychological profession, disengage and leave.
Sorry to hear that your mom is a NPD. I feel like any parent that has personality disorder is very difficult to deal with. Like you said, it's never easy to make a decision as the child of a narcissistic parent. I hope you have other genuine emotional support and psychological help to overcome all the traumatic experience from early years.
yuanProduction thank you. But, unlike most children of parents with NPD, there were no issues until about a decade ago, which really didn’t explode until 2 years ago and I’m in my mid-fifties. I believe my mother has onset dementia, in addition to NPD. Unfortunately, the ONLY help she is willing to accept is destroying me and, likely my sister. So, she will be left to whatever the authorities decide for her.
@HanselManCan sorry if it’s a major concern for you.
i feel like the filial thing to do in this case is not to deal with her bullshit but to help her get care from a professional
@@ombricshalazar3869 but, the reality is that this likely requires some form of engagement with her, which breaks no contact. I also consider that, while many feel I should do the filial thing, she long decided not to do the parental thing. In fact, she was the narcissistic parent that decided, “Well, you may be fooled by the fact that I am your mother, but I’m not. I’m your enemy. But, by the time you figure that out, your life will be much over and there’s little you can do about that.” She told me 3 years ago, that she’d always just used me so, I told her, “What will you do now, that you’ve run out of using?” While I, as an older woman in my fifties now, do not need my mother’s love, like a child, I’m of the frame of thought that it is, first and foremost, the parent’s responsibility to recognize they are a parent. That, if they do not do so, the child need not. That, the role my mother played, was not as much a parent, but a predator and, for that, I do not owe her, whatever canonization to sainthood, the world bestows upon her, for feeding and sheltering me, after she gave birth.
On the care side of things, from what I am told, and unless my sister decides to be in Hell with her, since it is my sister she wanted to give the early inheritance of a free house to - for all of the work I did, in my sister’s absence, for decades, that my mother will become a ward of the state and her assets will be acquired, in the interest of her care. So, should that come to pass, it is not as if she will go uncared for. While my sister and remaining family members might become enraged at the loss of assets in inheritance, that is OK as, they would have no empathy over the loss of my life, in caring for this malignant, destructive person, who would ruin the remainder of my life, if I provided the opportunity. For me, I can move on, from all of these people, honoring what is still left of my life.
I well-realize that it isn’t the way the “game” is typically played though. Most targets of narcissistic parents and the mobbing that goes on, usually leaves a burnt out scapegoat, that goes to their grave quietly and beaten to a pulp by it all, because they never knew things were supposed to be different. They never heard of narcissism and they were imply raised, from childhood up, that someone, perhaps themselves, were to be the sacrificial lamb, for the parents and any enlisted flying monkeys and enablers. I am proud to say that I threw a wrench in that mechanism and, while most think of me as cruel, and even when I go a bit numb and soften up, because I desperately loved my mother, I reconstitute, with the understanding of what all of them wanted for me - a dark, abysmal, painful existence and demise. For that, I owe her and them, even less than those who don’t care about me at all.
One one needs to understand, as per Little Shaman, as well, is that no contract is just that. It isn’t checking in, to make sure you’re OK. It isn’t making sure your affairs aren’t in order. It isn’t being pulled into doing a bit more and boundaries? Well, they’ll have to be kinda soft, ‘cause, hey, it’s mom. You owe nothing to someone who doesn’t appreciate you and well-understanding the destruction that narcissistic behavior causes, is to understand the reason for solid boundaries and absolute no contact. Not doing so, leaves you open and engaged and that’s not even talking about all of the blind enablers (and I’ve seen them), who will say and do whatever they can, to jam you right back in there, because they don’t know any better and don’t want to know any better. They’ll actually watch your life unravel, look you dead in the eye and ask you, “Yeah but, how’s your mother doing?” Absolutely programmed.
well explained about Filial Piety and outstanding short video, I see a lot of filial piety in the Philippines and your video answered my family main source of problem.
From Indonesia here, and I confirm that this too is a pretty 'normal' in South East Asia to conform on that culture too. Well, not as harsh as East Asian though.
There's a lot of proverbs like "Many children many money" and/or "Children are parents' income in the future". It often backfires when the children don't act like what the elders want to do.
I also came from Indonesia (I'm not Chinese-Indonesian), and sometimes my parents do the abusive version of filial piety
I'm black and parents in the black community also expect for their children to be their cash cows in the future. My mother often tells me when I make it big to not forget her and to take good care of her. HA! 🥲
That video demonstrates how half of if not the worse half of East Asian cultures and tradition does not compute well with modern society, especially in the United States.
It doesn't and sets us up for failure and a lifetime of unhappiness.
This is amazing! The explanation is plausible as the filial piety BS has been bothering me for years and till these days. However, my parents are still trying to "educate" me by using this BS even I am almost 30. Luckily, I live in another country that has a different culture. To be honest, I don’t feel much love and care from my parents when I grew up. Instead, I needed to do plenty of stuff to obey or please them. (If I don’t do it, they’ll yell at me for being “useless” and “incompetent”). What’s more, If I pointed out what they did wrong, they would give me thousands of excuses to mess up my mind. If I kept arguing, I would get slapped in my face. Such a relief watching this video, thanks for posting!
haha glad to know that I’m not the only one who thinks this way! Thanks for sharing your story :)
Thank you for articulating the thoughts I often have about my extended family, coming from a south asian background
Thanks for making this video. I needed this.
If this vid can make you feel better I’m glad!
@@yuanProduction Yes, I needed to hear it from another Chinese person. It's hard to overcome a lifetime of brainwashing...
This is up for debate, I come from a family where filial piety is considered an essential belief, but no one takes it for granted. My grandfather has 5 children, each takes turns to take care of him after my grandma passed and he became handicapped. Because of the sense of filial piety, everyone assumes the responsibility to visit him, bathe him, prepare food and take him out for walks and do check ups. It ensures my grandfather receives care and love unconditionally, especially when things are difficult, coz after all taking care of a handicapped old man takes a toll on you and the children are not bond by law to take care of him. They could just put him in a nursing home and forget about him. When you appreciate your parents’ effort raising you, you want to reciprocate that effort when you are capable to take care of them when they get old. I think that’s basically what filial piety tries to acknowledge . I guess my point is, filial piety shouldn’t be forced on anyone, BUT showing respect and appreciation to parents is not bullshit. When you become a parent, you will love to see your kids feeling thankful for all the hard work you put in raising them. But it is something that should emerge naturally over time. For kids at a young age, discussing filial piety is premature. The best thing parents could do is setting a example for kids, demonstrating filial piety with their elderlies.
In terms of communicating through disagreements, I wouldn’t say filial piety leads to unconditional obedience - this might be true in the old days, but in modern society, wise parents wouldn’t assume absolute dominance on all subject matters. They can force you to wear a helmet when riding a bike, that’s fine, because respecting your life is the right thing to do, even if you don’t agree. But for discussions with no obvious right answer, kids deserve their opinions to be heard. if the parents ask you to give in because of filial piety, you should tell them that filial piety doesn’t just come with anyone, the parents need to first earn it.
I have no problems with taking care of one's parents when they're old even if they were bad people or treated me badly. I'm just extremely against being obligated to obey one's parents in adulthood.
Beautifully explained.
I think you misattribute the meaning of love and self-motivated family support with filial piety which is an obligation and duty. Clearly, you are blessed with a family that doesn't have parents who consistently disrespect you and expect you to still be unconditionally obliging to their demands. You missed the point of the video by basing it solely on your own personal experience.
I have no problem at all about helping helpless people, but I just cannot accept the fact that the whole reason that I am doing this is because of filiel piety or that I have to do it, the reason why I am doing this is because I have the equal amount of love for my family just as how they love me, even though what I am doing may not get paid, that is totally fine, but if the part of equal respect for my dignity and freedom choices that I deserves to get also lost because I need to do what filiel piety is forcing me to do, I cannot accept it, I will definitely choose to try my best to help helpless people, but it needs to be under the condition that it is my own choices and because it's not their fault to be helpless, not that when they are having the ability to do their own simple stuffs and I still have to do it for them.
If it is filial piety then they don’t do it out of love it is a duty. Maybe they see your grandpa as a burden in their lives
I think because of this shit I hate both of my parents, but I respect them to the point of not talking to them anymore, to avoid more and more hurt. I’m saving a lot, working and living alone so at the point of self dependence when I get old so I don’t have the necessity to sacrifice anyone on my own behalf. Restrain people’s liberty for my healthcare would be hell for me.
Unfortunately filial piety alienates families. Living alone doesn’t mean you have to be alone though. Good luck with your solitary plan and hopefully good friends and partners come along the way.
yuanProduction wow thanks for Your motivación. Keep going with the content. It’s amazing
I have tried getting through to mine for twenty years and it was still twenty too many, and at that point it was better to cut them off and never speak to them again. They had many chances and a very long time to change and be better but they didn't so it has to be this way.
Ironically, it is this very structure that built the very society (as coercive as it may have seem) we live in. It is videos like this that will spark new conversation about our human nature and potential to continue our next level of evolution - as individuals and as a ‘family’ ;)
And I love the transition to Mao’s image at 4:45... brilliant.
I love your comment so much and absolutely agree with you. With more and more people talking about it, we can keep pushing our potentials to the next level, where human beings can comfortably be themselves. Thanks for sharing the thought!
Sure but did it have too be?
god i feel that. my mom was trhankfully one who broke the cycle after her own complicated relationship with her parents and was very clear on telling me that while decency and basic manners is mandatory, respect and admiration is something to be earned.
however my father and grandmother are traditionalists, and despite playing little to no roles in raising me emotionally or in terms of instilling good values, they still expect utmost respect XD. my mom's teachings stuck though.
your mom sounds like a wonderful person!!
@@yuanProduction she was far from perfect but she had the self awareness to admit to it and try to improve. So yeah, I'm really lucky!
I agree with this since I was young, now I know what I choose is correct, this doesn't mean I have to treat my family badly, this means I want a kind of love that is mutual and equal, not only that children respect their family, but also their family should respect their children at the same time, a equal kind of love is still a kind of love that exist, what I don't like about this whole concept or behavior is simply that it's not equal in many aspects but still being called a kind of good concept, I just don't get why.
I mean I agree with this video.
Enjoyed the analysis! Keep it up!
You forgot to mention the "evil stepmothers" so prevalent in the 24 filial piety paragons. I always thought those stories were misogynistic.
Yeeeeeeessssssss! This is so brilliant! You did such a great job addressing all the issues with filial piety. I never thought i would ever hear an Asian person address this issue because of how deeply ingrained it is in Asian culture. As an African that was raised amongst cultures that also value filial piety to the detrimement of individuals it drives me mad that people don't see this and think living like this is normal. No one in our families love or know each other like you said in the video and yet people think living like this is normal😢
Please, please, please post this to Youku and all of the Chinese video sites!! That population of 1 billion needs to know the truth about filial piety!
Considering i lost my bestfriend to this .yea i don't appreciate it at all altho i don't mean any disrespect to culture. But i can't have people stop me from passions...its in many Chinese homes in my experience living here . But i can't judge because this is pretty rampant in black culture too
I'm new to the concept of filial piety and didn't get to know about it until I started getting to know women who are from China living here in the states, but I can completely confirm as a black man filial piety completely exists in black household in varying degrees.
Spot on! Love wins. Manipulation doesn’t.
I just searched "filial piety", and this expressed the precise thoughts that i have being attempting to put together ,
Perspective, merci beaucoup.
Thank you for saying that! Really glad to see there are people have the similar thoughts on this matter.
IMHO the ideal is finding a healthy balance. Not extreme xiào nor western's tendency of disregard for one's own parents
The idea that Westerners abandon their parents is very far-fetch, yes those situation does happen but it's very often caused by toxic relationships. Rather their parental relationship is based on give and take, mutual respect. They have boundaries which they will never cross unless invited and children are given the opportunity to voice their dissent and choices.
@@vehx9316 you're right, it was a bit of an hyperbole on my part
i remember watching sky castle and being like, damn, i'm glad my taiwanese/japanese mother isn't like that
I feel like The Story of Ming Lan criticizes hierarchical structures, not just in the family but also in the surrounding society. Maybe I read too much into the show, but it did an excellent job of portraying how the enforced hierarchies destroyed families and marriages, and how people need to trust and respect one another as equals in order to have successful relationships. It seemed to be a very consistent theme and relevant to the core message of the show. In fact, the real reason why Ming Lan does not end up with Yuan Ruo is because, even though Yuan Ruo is so kind, he is also unable to see Ming Lan as an equal to himself and doesn't really listen to the things she says; he is unable to look outside of his privileged upbringing to understand her struggles. Meanwhile, Gu Tingye trusts her, understands her, and respects her as an equal to himself, and that is why their marriage is ultimately successful. Additionallu, her parents and her sister Mo Lan have unhealthy relationships full of toxicity and distrust because of the enforced hierarchies, and Ming Lan's childhood family life was also unhealthy because of this.
Have you watched "go ahead"? It's on Viki. It is a fresh perspective on traditional Chinese families. I highly recommend.
I totaly agree with your video, so glad I found kindred spirit here :)
It’s really a double edged sword, like most human concepts. Take wealth for example: you can make money or goods enough to feed your whole family, or are you actually taking opportunities from less fortunate?
I swear this leads to tiger mom and dads.
The Chinese government also implemented a law that requires children to visit their parents at least once a year, or be prosecuted by their parents.
Saudi Arabia... they have this guardianship system, enforced by law.
Saudi is the worst . Thankyou for pointing this out . the world needs to knoe
The Chinese government can't be bothered to care for it's elderly. The cretinous despots are too busy buttfucking the Uyghurs.
Family relationships should base on love and respect. You know something is seriously wrong when the government’s hands are omnipresent in people’s personal lives.
This video explains filial piety with profanity and filled with defamations. It explains what is filial piety, but doesn't give reasons why those would be bad, it ignores the context it was built and contains lies of someone that ignored by ignorance or malice everything that Confucius teached us about it, which is clear on 5:33. This video is apparently made by a rebbelious teenager/young adult that got mad at his parents.
When watching kdrama or cdrama I am gobsmacked about how those parents would be diagnosed with various personality disorders where I live.
In Crush the main FL even beats an autistic boy for tampering with her husbands fishes. As if the boy would know. In Love at night a father beats his son who's way past 20 to the point of bleeding. Several times.
In Something in the rain the mother is so abusive I can't stand it. And in Forecasting love and weather the dad...
Like it's absolutely insane what parents or grownups are allowed to do.
Borderline, narcissistic, antisocial personality disorder etc etc etc.
I find it absolutely horrific that the culture promotes those things. It's disgusting!
I don't see think that Filial Piety should be seen in opposition to love. I think that there are many different kinds of love; romantic love between spouses, Fraternal/Sororal love between siblings, and Filial love between parent and child. Lots of people just dump their elderly parents off in nursing homes and never visit them, and that's wrong. What Confucius calls Filial Piety is simply an articulation of the ideal parent/child relationship, where the parent has a duty so show love and empathy to the child, so that the child may learn and repeat that behavior back to their parents and the rest of society.
It does become a problem when the parent does not love or support the child, and the child is expect to still love and honor the parent. I think the 24 Filial Exemplars is, overall, a bad book that takes the concept to an unequal and unhealthy extreme.
a lot of Asian parents did the abusive version of filial piety and damn.....It's hell
Pretty sure it started off with good intention, but then some people used it for bad.
Just like chivalry. Also gender equality. Etc. start with good intention, but there are others who try to squeeze in the bad.
Just because filial piety is a form of "love"(a rather Orwellian, macabre expression of it) doesn't inherently equate it as a good.
it's financial insane to expect someone to be able to split their income among 3 generations having to support their kids & their parents.
Imagine doing that as the only child under China’s one child policy, having to support both aging parents and then being told that “we don’t do one child anymore you need to have more children” 💀
And then the government’s financial aides for the second child is a single $150-ish check 💀💀💀
Interesting topic + excellent explanation + insightful review of the topic + Chinese accent = top tier educational video!
lmao this comment is hilarious! Thanks for the compliment!
滿前衛的思想
所有的年輕人都應該看看
Its core is good but again easily abused and outdated. Just like religion imo, take all the good and leave the bad.
Also fuck that debt. I didn't ask to be fucking born, i will do it because of the love and care you gave not because you gave birth to me.
Considering just how evil, callous, and abusive APs can be, I'd say they owe ME.
I am not Chinese, but I believe in filial piety. I have washed my parents feet btw. I am single, never married, and no children. I live with my elderly parents and am their caregiver along with my sister and brother. I believe in honoring the elderly, especially parents. I have seen too many widows in nursing homes against their will and it is sad. I believe if you are able, you should take care of your parents.
I agree with that statement. It comes across as not genuine to me.
I have noticed this in Chinese people I know but never fully understood it. It's interesting how it was written about in ancient China. I think maybe some parents could kind of abuse this and caused resentment in their children, but I don't think it's completely bulshit I think it does have some positives that comes out of it actually.
2:21-2:35
Ive experienced this a million times in my family, its an absolute and archaic rule with no way around their wound up heads.
Best to move out.
Best to not treat your kids or other members of the household that way.
1:53 Which film is this from? Txh for the video. Edit: the slap.
South Asian families do this crap too. My dad wasn't here for me my entire life and now demands a big chunk of my salary
If our parents/elder practising it wrong, doesnt mean the teaching is wrong.
Some parents only focus on work/ food on table and no learning/advice due to no chance/ time.
No time for themselves make them dull hearted.
If you read carefully the si zhu, you start to understand yourself this concept and the impact in life(meaning / value"of life) if done by junze(confucius saying for gentleman) parents and junze child.
视频好棒，有考虑制作一个中文配音版本吗？想与父母一同观看
可以呀 我最近在剪别的 剪完的话可以录一个
03:43
我不會說孝道使婦女處於不利地位。
問道奇慈禧太后。 她也可以是嚴厲的獨裁者。
不要迷戀女性不能虐待的陷阱。 有些人可能會殘忍和虐待。
根據情況，男人也會受到壓迫。
在嚴格的等級制度和極權社會中，男人和女人都受到壓迫。
There is no love in it. Please let everyone know this!
As a half Chinese, I wash my hands of my "Culture".
I don't know if this is filial piety in the back of my mind or it's actually logically right but I feel wrong to not being able to spend time with my parents because I want to pursue my dreams. And I, being not much talented need to give all of my time to even have a chance.
Is there a law in China to "visit parents often" still in action?
Do you consider it right ?
Or am I just being selfish? 😣
Hey yuan, thank you so much for making this video! You really spoke my mind (and many other Asian kids') in such an articulate manner. But how could we try to convey this message to our parents, or rather if they are stubborn and insist on maintaining this "traditional value", how could we cope with this? Currently, I'm just distancing myself, engaging with them as little as possible, minimising any chance of conflict by being cold. I still hope one day our relationships would mend, but I don't see hope anytime soon. Sorry if I asked too much I just want to get my feelings off my chest haha.
Hey! Sorry for the late reply! I’ve been thinking about your question throughout these days and I don’t think I found the perfect answer.
What motivated me to do this video is that when I searched related content on UA-cam, most of them are addressing the significance of filial piety in the family. I want to show some different perspectives. And I’m really glad that you like it!
I feel like it’s really important for parents and children to realize the difference between filial piety and love. Most of the time our parents want to put us into the mould they like instead of acknowledging the fact that we want different things. I’d say communication is the key to solve the problem, and your behaviour is also important. Sometimes when they see you becoming independent and having a great life after you making your own choices, they might be willing to open the conversation. Another tip I think might help is that opinions from other people are also important too. For example if you find someone they like or they think are important to persuade them, that could be helpful as well. In my case I get along with my mom a lot more than my dad, so whenever I need support I know I have to win my mom first.
I don’t know the situation in your family but every family has their own issue and it’s never an easy thing to make mends. Not everyone knows the right way to love people. Please don’t get too upset if your parents are the traditional type. You are not alone. But I hope one day your parents could understand you a bit more💪💪💪💪💪
Unfortunately I think it's impossible to challenge filial piety - any disagreement would simply be dismissed as being 'unfilial' as you are lower on the hierarchy than your parents. No or low contact is probably the only way to get by.
@@Andytizer There's another way to challenge filial piety: by taking advantage of the collectivist nature of most Asian cultures. Many Westernized Asians have issues with filial piety, esp the part about obeying one's parents in adulthood as opposed to taking care of them in old age. If you banded together with your brothers, sisters, and cousins who all want to challenge filial piety, it becomes easier to topple it.
@@yuanProduction 追求正直，尊敬与平等的敢于发出不同观点的人，尊敬你，说的太棒了
@ roguenoir Yeah? My dad was so filial he didn't even give me a brother or sister, cause he would rather take care of his mommy, carrying her in and out, and I will never forgive him on that alone. The only way I will end this, is to ignore them for life, and being childless for life if they can't be born to someone OUTSIDE of this culture.
Better hope Zhong Xina doesn't find this... He's gonna narc for more Bing Chilling
Also happens on Southeast Asian parents as well 😭😭😭
Filial piety is not that bullshit, but the bullshit things is that you can not have equal relationship, or rights that you deserve, every time you fight for it is wrong and unfilial.
I'm on the fence with this. I hate it for the same reason she stated, but also like for these reason she stated. Like everything else it has it's really good aspects, but also the really bad. If we could pick out the good I feel like it could evolve into something more than what it is.
This is an open ended question. Do you think filial piety has a direct correlation with Asian's push in success in academics and the notion of hardwork. If so, will it have a direct impact if decided to abandoned completely ?
“愚孝” 不等于 “孝顺” 你把他俩合一起讲了
不出所料，又是把已经死掉的僵尸从墓穴里拉出来批判。
其实世间还有许多家长以孝顺来紧紧控制孩子。上不正，下何为？所以这种观点对某些家庭背景的人是很受用的。总觉得孝这个概念容易被误解。人们对待传统文化总是先看外在的习俗和形式，却不深考核心内容。缺的是教育。
i absolutely despise the idea that we are forced to believe that we owe our parents for caring for us. That stuff is the BARE MINIMUM they have to do as a parent bc that is what they obliged to when they chose to give birth to us. We didn't ask to be born, whatever damage they inflict on us is 100% THEIR FAULT and we don't owe them ANYTHING for that. Whether we want to give back to them or not totally depends on how we feel we've been treated in life and whether we feel like they deserve the best for being good parents.
Hello Yuan, I think your thoughts on 孝顺are completely wrong.
What you are calling „bullshit“ has nothing to do with 孝顺. What you were describing is merely what nowadays society in china has done with it.
It is far more deep that, Confucianism is philosophy and a way of life. In nowadays society everything is misinterpreted. Bad teachers are teaching it like 孝顺 means you should obey and care for for your parents.
But the actual meaning is more like mutual respect and caring for each other and being a family.
My parents raised me, were good to me, I grew up and now I am giving back, which I really do with all my heart and not because I have to but because I want to.
This Philosophy is not a rule, but more a way of thinking.
But I agree with you that the way many families are using it, is Bullshit.
But that is not what 孝顺 actually is.
你也是个不懂装懂的，在想象你脑子里美好的“孝”。孔子（儒家）的孝的定义，不是什么父母子女双方的爱/尊重/关心，而是对“父权”的绝对服从。
I know a thing or two about filial piety. Your view is completely wrong. You are considered "unfilial" if you are a man and you and your wife are unable to produce a male heir. Why do you think in China a few generations back we had so many families with 6 or 7 girls, and ONE son--usually the youngest one. Couples were under tremendous pressure to produce a mail heir.
And why do you think Chinese society has been so "boy good, girl bad" for centuries??? Why do you think all the orphanages in China are filled with girls?????
Now you know why.
@@Lp78Ch I’m not saying that China is doing it right!
Most people in China have lost the way of Confucius, not practicing it the proper way. You know what I mean?
The actual Confucianism is a good thing, due to misuse it is misinterpreted by the general public.
Go into a Confucianism monastery and talk to actual practitioners.
I know that you think about the way the Chinese people are using it, and have been using it for decades. But that is not right.
>Filial Piety
>Mutual Respect
Lmao
You know the video got a point when someone in the comments was triggered so badly they blatantly call it “wrong”
I wonder why this channel has few subscribers despite being here for so long
it is bullshit because you can have unprotected sex and get a servant/slave who never asked for it. And then expect to be worshipped in return for following the bare minimum of what is legally/morally required for child care, and sometimes not even that.
I do not disagree with all that said. Nevertheless, knowing them as bullshit or being instilled to behave in this manner, there is a right & a more balance approach to executing Filial Piety or what you rather address as 'love'. The elders and the lower in a healthy family know the balance between themselves. E.g. there are many ways on our contributions of Filial Piety. Correcting the elders with the mindset as told by you, is also a part of Filial Piety while we love & care for them within our capacity. Unless there are those who didn't want to commit entirely or those who didn't allow their spouses to commit and elders who insisted Filial Piety as what you just described. My mother knew I love her at a time I had no money to contribute among siblings. I offered my love through caring for her, talked & spent a lot of time with her, gave her strength & comfort when she was afraid or worried. If you think these are bullshit again, then, I think it is not possible you can love anyone n not be loved by anyone in return!
Agree
you are right!
Do the same for Confucianism
Towards the end, your argument that filial piety sustains a political regime actually sounds quite convincing. To some extent, I'm rather convinced that it actually is the case. However, to simply disavow filial piety and call it bullshit also discredits the underlying, most fundamental value that it holds. It is something that most would appreciate, that you would return what you have been given. Just as you would return a favour of a friend who has done something to help you, it's also a concept in a similar vein. It can be very distorted and many younger Asians are starting to pushback against the concept of giving birth to ensure that they'd be taken care of when they're old. But this does not mean these younger generation are suddenly abandoning their parents and family, going off to build their own family, entirely isolated. As another comment said, 孝不是愚孝... To simply write off a value by drawing extreme and outdated examples seems rather misleading, especially to people who may not come from this cultural background. That said, I can't comment on how this is in Mainland China but many Chinese diaspora and other Asian communities no longer practice filial piety in the ways you've described in this video
Actually filial piety is a good virtue. However like other virtues, it had been misused and manipulated for selfish reasons. It makes parents and the elderly behaving selfishly, treating their children as life insurance as well achieving their dreams through their children. There are many parents who did not perform their duties as parents and yet expect their children to look after when they are old on grounds that they own their existence to them. They demand respects while never gives any in return. Also parents often practices favoritism. They treat one child with love and attention while neglecting others despite they are all born from the same parents. Despite of all the misgivings, filial piety still teaches good values not only to children but also the parents. If parents did their duties as well as treating their children with respect, only then they deserve the love and respect from their children.
@@MrLantean
If a virtue and system can be so easily perverted and twisted for authoritarian means and is, by design, authoritarian itself, then no, it is a shit virtue.
@@RedSunUnderParadise Everything can be easily twisted and perverted for authoritarian means. Religions had been used by authorities to control the masses. During WW2, Japan military authorities had perverted and twisted the samurai bushido code to instill discipline of the soldiers. Only virtues like honor, discipline and fearless of death are emphasized while ignoring others like mercy, kindness and compassion.
@@MrLantean
But you forget, Many of your examples have considerable levels of Authoritarianism themselves and are thusly in desperate need of critique. The Bushido code stressed absolute loyalty and subservience to their Lords whilst still allowing them to opress their "Inferiors". Religion, particularly abrahamic faiths, hinduism and ancestor worship, among others, are memes that abhor non conformity and lead to atrocious hierarchies(I.E. the Dalit). These virtues had Authoritarianism and toxic collectivism baked into their core.
Return what these kids have been given? Hmm, are you sure about that?
sounds like someone needs to phone mom
I come first, then my significant other, then my kids in that order. Rinse and repeat. Filial piety has normalized malignant narcissism and emotional abuse. They think their kids (and your kids) exist to serve and worship them, you are an investment and their retirement plan who will take care of them when they're old, they can never admit to being wrong, you are not allowed to be your own independent person with your own wants or goals cause they will decide everything for you even as an adult, browbeat and shame you for being ungrateful for all they sacrificed for you or not living up to their expectations of which you never will cause the goalposts are always moved and you are never good enough. It needs to be repudiated and denounced. All this elder worship makes about as much sense as saving an 80 year old on the Titanic before an 8 year old.
I learned the character for filial piety and now I am looking up what a hell it even is.
I cannot express how gross this concept feels to me. It goes against all my “values”. Its why i could probably never live in china
被老妈道德绑架使我来到这里。
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Destroy the 4 olds
柯博文表示不喜歡這部影片
Wow, I wonder what your parents think about this. I think filial piety is the ancient belief if respecting the sacrifice that your elders made for the younger generation. I fell a sense of great honor to help care for my elderly parents. They gave everything to me and my brothers so that we could have a better life. We do the same for our kids. I hope my kids understand and respect my love and guidance. I educate,y children, discipline my children, and sacrifice my own happiness so they can be happier, Healy their and more prosperous than myself. In the end, I hope they love and respect me and hope to take care of me in my old age. It in financial sense, or even in a day to day physical sense. But visiting me and making sure I am safe and comfortable in my old age. Really is that too much to ask for?
Agreed
Time has changed and culture needs to resolve too.
Father burying son alive for his mother...This seems familiar with Abraham sacrificing his sons for God. Talk about blind loyalty devoid of love
I already 🎉🎉🎉 before
Non filial societies aren't also doing that well. look at high divorce rates. I would respect my parents and ancestors( of course not extremes of that). Its notot such a bad thing though.
Controlled fillial piety is the best way to make sure abuse of power doesn't happen.
For the love of high divorce rates mean people are leaving abusive relationship you dumb fuck
you even don't know what filial piety really means
常回家看看就是孝了 没你说的那么夸张
Bullishit it truely is, like socialism.
孝不等于愚孝
水能载舟 亦能覆舟，凡事有个度。
（I guess she live in a sad family or having a sad childhood . . . ）
孝 is kinda love too, it’s tolerant and patient too. My family all respect this and always put my grandpa as priority. No matter how much quarrel I had with my mum or I used to hate my mum while I was kid but due I seen how my auntie uncle treated my grandparents and I was been influenced and tend to understand my mum instead of just only think of myself. Then I communicate with my mum and get a balance in between. A lot of them I realise she was right, after years.
The century is changing, the concept are modifying based on the century too. But the key is to understand the code value in deep rather than just deny . Ahahahahaha
I guess your video is much more bullshit and negative.
Agree
This video is bullshit
Every good principle can be abused by intemperate people, that abuse can then be used by immoral people to escape their obligations.
When I worked as a social worker I cared for children whose parents sold the children's arses to supplement the family budget.
My parents were not perfect but my dad didn't shake me into retardation and my mother didn't make me sell my booty for bread.
For that they will have my support and my gratitude in their old age. The balance is that even if they were perfect parents doesn't mean I would live my life according to their every whim.
Parents have a reasonable expectation of care during their old age but every good principle can be abused by extremists
You'll never know until you reach old age..
yep, another typical sentence used to incorporate moral hijacking.
youre either your mom or dad nothing else
Omg your video can be very misleading!!
Not correct
Remember Karma, everyone will get old. 記住業力... 每個人都會變老。Chinese tradition did not teach people to foolish filial, you need to study more Confucius analects. 中國的傳統沒有教人們愚孝, 多讀一點論語 You need the wisdom to understand what filial piety is 要有智慧才會懂得孝道是什麼
照你的觀點，妳如果養了寵物狗，妳會希望牠可以獨立思考，就算妳照顧了牠的一生，妳還是得祝福牠有一天離家出走
妳知道妳的盲點嗎？
妳的盲點是到今天還用古代的孝順定義去評斷現在的孝順
現在更多人的孝順，來自於從小看父母辛苦奔波，只為自己平安健康長大的感恩
更多人的孝順來自於愛，不與父母針鋒相對的糾正他們的錯只因我們也不會在發現朋友的錯誤的時候針鋒相對的糾正他們
別以為這種挑戰傳統美德的觀念就是獨立思考
有時後傳統觀念已經進化，轉換成更適合現在的做法，只是依然用以前的名字在稱呼這些行為，請妳也要與時俱進
真的，妳的影片只顯示妳很傳統
現在的人已經用愛為出發點，演繹了現代的孝順了
要把我的觀點套在寵物狗身上也太牽強了吧... 我理解你的意思 現在的孝順觀念和以前確實不一樣了 不同的家庭對孝順的定義也不一樣 像你說的 很多人的孝順來源於對父母的愛 愛是建立在相互尊重相互支持的基礎之上的 但是不懂得如何去正確的愛別人尊重別人的人 還是很多的 孝順雖然是建立在對父母的愛的基礎之上的 但是根本而言仍是一個父母要求孩子去回饋去感恩的單方面的概念 因此很多父母也會利用這個概念對小孩作出感情綁架，道德綁架的要求 我做這個影片的原因是因爲我認爲如何學習正確的愛人是非常重要的 而不是一味的利用傳統的道德價值觀去壓榨別人 把別人變成自己理想中的東西 不過大家都有自己的想法是很正常的事情 歡迎探討歡迎留言
个人认为这就是问题所在 现在的孝顺即便比以前更加优良 但是我个人认为还是没有达到一个平等的状态 如同你所说的，现代的孝顺是儿女对父母感恩的一种心理，虽说比以前程度要低，但是现在的孝顺就不说这个词本身，其所代表的含义仍然还是在强调不平等关系的应该有合理存在，所以我认为还是不应该被同意的，我也不认为传统什么都是不好的，我也不认为反对传统就是好的，一样东西是否是好的看得就是事实怎么样。对于好的传统当然要发扬，对于传统中不应该支持的东西，如果一个人真心愿意正直，善良，诚实，公平而坚强地爱着他的文化和用这个文化的生活方式生活的人们的精神财富，他应当公平公正地识别出来这种糟粕并尽力用最好的方式去改变他，而不是把传统或者现代的东西的其中一种完全当成好的去纵容，并一棒子打死另外一边的大部分内容，这样无论支持哪一方通常来说都是不合理的，这就是我的看法。
yuanProduction 加油！我同意你的觀點！「孝順」這個議題讓我想到Crazy Rich Asians電影裡的楊紫瓊，她在戲外接受訪問時被問到關於「孝順」以及一些華人文化的價值，她說她想讓世界看到「孝順」是華人引以為傲的價值。我完全無法同意，因為就如同你在影片中提到的，有太多太多年輕人只會「順應」父母、長輩的意思做出人生的決定，而這是非常愚昧、沒有意義的！「孝順」本身就是強調「順」也就是obedience，換言之，這是提倡「階級」、「長幼」而非對等的愛與尊重！但因為孔子儒家文化，被包裝成一種值得被傳承的「價值」。只能說，孝順該是被淘汰了，對等的愛與尊重才是我們應該正視的！
@@unepolyglottefolle1820 是的 沒錯 我很認同你說的 對等的愛和尊重才是最重要的。 而不是拿傳統文化和價值觀進行道德上的綁架。 我認爲這是很多父母和小孩關係不好的重要原因之一！
孝道以“敬順”為原則,是很有智慧的做法.從人性來說，一般人被尊重，就心生歡喜，被忽視，就會心生不滿，品德再不好的父母，小孩尊此原則，家庭生活氛圍也會比較和樂.從恩愛情而言，父母是我們來到這世界上,第一個對我們有恩德的人，我們恭敬他們，隨順其心意，使其歡喜，不生憂惱心，不生心病，得身心健康良藥，是我們可以做到的孝行.從性質來分析，萬事萬物皆有其特性，天覆蓋萬物，但有不測風雲，地承載萬物，性質堅固不動，父母於小孩如同天與地，在其中生長，敬順是最上的方式，能常得風調雨順，和樂的家庭生活，如果非要跟變化不定的性質計較，這樣只會讓自己心受苦，若老是想改變地的特性，只是做對立蠻幹的愚行，逆天地性質行事，生活也會因此風雲色變，身心皆不得安穩.從諸佛菩薩救渡眾生的事業來看，去除眾生的貪瞋癡慢疑五毒，使其恢復本淨，和樂融融，隨順眾生，使其常住歡喜心，不起苦惱心，怨尤心，怨懟心，愁苦心，瞋心，仇恨心，也是佛菩薩勤修的善功德之一.關於埋兒奉養母親的故事，我的看法是，它強調凡事以父母為第一順位，即使遇到很大障礙，妻兒皆可捨，也以父母為重的精神與做法，是很大的孝行，能感動上天，得到善神的守護與幫助.一般孩子養不了，通常是送人，不會把他殺了，是不是真得有如此莽夫，就不得而知.
这是我见过最片面的分析
真s比
Filial Piety is NOT "BS", as this very young lady suggests. It has been at the foundation of Eastern cultures for many centuries.
If there is any "BS" being spewed out here, it is coming from the narrator.
Just because it’s part of the culture doesn’t mean it’s right or humane.
@@kenzoslice I absolutely agree with that
And that’s why eastern cultures tend to be not democratic
I hope you are an old person. If you are not, then I feel sorry for you
@@gloomysunday8242 Better hope he is not an abusive parent
@@insideout9824 He probably is. This is a given
Or a very submissive and indoctrinated son who will never be successful
you know that most parents wants the best for their kids, that's it. the result is not under the parent's control. Confucius filial piety respect for parents is necessary. the most important thing is love. LOL.... ask a son if he can save only 1 person, will he save his hot babe or his dad.
不要不懂装懂。孔子/儒家有强烈的政治参与意识和社会责任感，当然要替“君”着想。 儒家的孝跟爱/尊重，没有任何关系，仅仅是单纯替上位者说话。
I invite you to study the Classic of Filial Piety. You'd be shocked by how much it is NOT about filial piety, but about the government.
Yes, Confucius (or at least his later disciples) stressed the proverbial Fellation of those in power. Never to question them, never to evaluate the boons or cons. "Most parents want what's best for their children" Cool, they have lofty motives, but gave you considered their methods cause more harm and will potentially alienate the from said children?