Ask Sheila: My Long-Term Boyfriend Won't Propose!
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- Опубліковано 5 лис 2018
- What do you do if a guy you've been dating for years won't propose? If he doesn't want to marry you, should you move on? Let's talk about it today!
See the longer post, with other links, right here:
tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2018...
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
Do not try to convince him. Cut your losses now, and start making the life you want. You were happy before him. You will be happy again.
Amen 🙏🙏🙏
And get some cats lol
What if you weren't happy before him :'(
@@jflsdknf if you love the wrong one this much imagine how much more you are going to love Mr right.
When you look to find a spouse, look for someone who strives to seek God in all they do. cultural norms and traditions come and go, But the Word of the Lord endures forever. First, early in the relationship connection, express your desire to avoid premarital sex. When you express your desire to want to honor God with your sexuality before marriage, this won’t be a shock to a real Christian. That is just a basic biblical command all true Christians want to follow. Sexual intimacy is an expression of love that brings happiness and unity into a marriage. It is also the power by which married couples can “multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). Intimacy is a blessing that can lead to the incomparable joy of children as part of the eternal family unit.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
"Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."
But if you say this to someone who is just pretending to obey the Bible, they will leave you quickly because they will not be willing to wait until marriage for sex. Someone can deceive you with words. But when you see their obedience to the Lord that matches their words, then you know they are trustworthy. They need to be visibly producing the fruits of the Spirit because this is a mark of a true Christian. Anyone can claim to be a Christian. And we can’t know someone’s heart. So the Bible says we are to evaluate people by their actions. Christians will not be perfect, but they will be bearing fruit that is evidence of their true salvation.
Galatians 5:22-26
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
Hebrews 13:4
"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
Men would be up for marriage if easy sex wasn't so available without it. Make men wait for sex until marriage ladies !
Those are the same type of men who will cheat after they get married.They are only interested in the chase.
Men know damn well that most women don’t make Chad and Tyrone wait for sex.
They don’t put it on layaway for the men they genuinely desire.
And Chad and Tyrone invested nothing but got all of her sexual best regardless.
Then a man comes along who other women also want, who is handsome, good provider, signals good husband, father and parental investment.
And you are going to make that guy wait for sex.
Female logic is backward AF.
Make it make sense.
How many times does this man have to move away from her before she gets it. He doesn’t want to be with her and is too weak to say so. So I don’t think his character is all that. He’s weak.
Exactly how I feel. I left at year 9 and now this year will be year 11. Now he wants to get married and now I can’t get over or get past that it took him this long. It’s always about finances as well. My exact situation. He’s always about his career and finances which = stress. 35 (me) and he’s 36. How crazy it’s such a similar story.
I've learned that all those "reasons" are just excuses from men who are terrified of getting married. Period
Thanks for posting this. I am struggling in my current relationship and I think this video really help put some words to some feelings I have, and things I need to make sure work out if I'm going to be in this for the long haul.
Sheila... I know you and I would be such good friends in real life!!! You have great insight. I have an older daughter, it’s been tough... have a 6, almost 7 year old...and I’m I grandma to a 2 yr old.
So much we could talk about!!!!!
Many blessings, you are fun, insightful and smart! I struggle with any relationship with God...
100% agree!!
Boyfriends should become fiancées and than husbands if you are going through a courtship process and everything works out well.
When you look to find a spouse, look for someone who strives to seek God in all they do. cultural norms and traditions come and go, But the Word of the Lord endures forever. First, early in the relationship connection, express your desire to avoid premarital sex. When you express your desire to want to honor God with your sexuality before marriage, this won’t be a shock to a real Christian. That is just a basic biblical command all true Christians want to follow. Sexual intimacy is an expression of love that brings happiness and unity into a marriage. It is also the power by which married couples can “multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). Intimacy is a blessing that can lead to the incomparable joy of children as part of the eternal family unit.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
"Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."
But if you say this to someone who is just pretending to obey the Bible, they will leave you quickly because they will not be willing to wait until marriage for sex. Someone can deceive you with words. But when you see their obedience to the Lord that matches their words, then you know they are trustworthy. They need to be visibly producing the fruits of the Spirit because this is a mark of a true Christian. Anyone can claim to be a Christian. And we can’t know someone’s heart. So the Bible says we are to evaluate people by their actions. Christians will not be perfect, but they will be bearing fruit that is evidence of their true salvation.
Galatians 5:22-26
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
Hebrews 13:4
"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
When you meet a guy you feel like is good make your intentions crystal clear from the beginning that you’re looking for marriage and if you don’t get that within a certain time frame you’re walking away point blank pd . Treat him well but don’t bend over backwards for him without a proposal because then he’ll get comfortable. Do not live with a man before you marry, he’ll get comfortable , you’re doing everything a wife does without actually being a wife. Do not have a baby with this man before you get married or at least engaged with a certain nonrefundable upcoming wedding date bc then you’ll be stuck being a baby momma for life. And while you’re dating him and the time frame you put in your head is coming up, ask him what his plans are months ahead. If he responds w “I don’t know” or I’m not sure about marrying you right now, cut your losses and walk away immediately. If he’s actually serious he’ll come running back with a ring. If not, you know where you stand.
Finally don’t believe these men when they say they need to get their finances in check before getting married. That’s why I said as you get older, the less time you wait. Men know what they want by a certain age. You can just go to the courthouse and get married, and hold the wedding off for later if finances are the real issue. But don’t waste your youth with a man who is never going to marry you and keeps making excuses as to why he can’t. Our time is valuable and so many women make this mistake and regret it later on.
May I address the 800 kilo gorilla in the room: They're sleeping together aren't they? So many Christian Councillors have this problem. It is the easy question with the predictable out come. Francis Chan made this observation (In a different format) & the room went icy cold. Not popular but none the less accurate...
An aside... how do you look like sisters?!😲😁
Never sign a legally binding contract with someone who benefits from breaking that contract. If only 50 percent of parachutes opened, I wouldn't go skydiving.
Get a prenup. Have separate bank accounts. If you’ve gotten screwed over in a marriage, that’s ur fault. Lol
@@TheHG12 many courts throw out prenumps, separate bank accounts rarely work. I've never been married, never will. I don't even cohabitate. Nice 3 month relationships, eventually they want more and we break up, and I'm cool with that
@@Dude-vb4ul The prennup will stand up if both parties have different lawyers. When only one lawyer is involved it isn't clear which person the lawyer is representing. With one lawyer the court will assume that the husband had legal representation and the wife did not so the contract is non-binding.
The high divorce rate is due to people who have multiple marriages that end. In the United States, currently 22% of women and 21% of men have ever been divorced in their lives (divorced once or more) and 11% of women and 9% of men are currently divorced (not remarried). The odds are in your favor for first time marriages.
This seems to be the mindset of so many men lately. In that case, women, don't provide wife duties including sex until a man marries you.
Why get married? Divorce cost a fortune. There's a 40-50% rate of divorce statistically. You can loose half your assets or more. There's even no fault divorce, so you can divorce for any reason. You even have to alimony, if you make more
Don't divorce:)
Get a prenup. Very, very easy. Get a good lawyer and figure it out.
@V Law I mean get a pre-nup if you’re really worried about that. But also if you live with someone for 7 years or more you are common law married and they are entitled to many things after a breakup. So you can never have any sort of long term relationship then that involves cohabitating. Sucks to be you.
@V Law which states don’t have a place for common law marriages in their laws? Also, if you are so happy and content in the life you have chosen why do you take time to condemn others choice in life? For as many reasons there are to not get married theres a same amount of reasons to get married. It’s up to the person & what they want. You don’t have to stay with someone who doesn’t want to get married if you do and vice versa.
And there's a 70% rate of failure with commonlaw cohabitating relationships without marriage. Anyone who asks "why get married" I think they have to be a teenage boy who's about to spew the "she's going to take my money" trope.
Why should he have to get married if you love him be with him.
@Mayo Dog you don't know me sir enough to make any such assumptions about me. I am aware of what the risks are. It does not apply to me. I am college educated and have my own shit. I can only speak for myself and my personal experiences and my family. Like I said there are women who marry for love and then there are women who marry for other reasons, I'm speaking based on my experiences and what I have witnessed personally in my life. I cannot see myself getting into marriage to take what someone has got, I have what I have and I'm comfortable with that, why would I want yours too. Women who marry for financial stability obviously have a different agenda. I'm aware of what those statistics are. The top reasons based on their percentile are:
Lack of intimacy, infidelity, abuse, lack of compatibility, physical appearance, addictions, getting married at an early age, and finally getting married for the wrong reasons. Some of y'all men really so hurt that after divorce you sit and think that money was all she ever thought when y'all got married, it's a shame because people who have that as a priority you'd know from dating them, often times the marriage didn't work out for other reasons but yall so hurt because she went with half that it's so etched in your head that money is what she wanted. If as a man you've ever thought about that and the aspect of that prior to getting married, don't get married and let your significant other know that you don't wish to get married and why, don't string someone along because you aren't sure, likewise if you're a woman thinking about marriage for financial stability don't get married. Leave marriages for people who are sure. Marriage is about building a life together, two whole persons building each other up not how much you can take, take from a person. Often times you see this when one or both parties are not ready, prepared or put together with themselves on their own. Anyways there is so much more information about that, I ain't able talk about this rn. You can go read it up.
And why doesn't he want to get married?
Women don't want to be your girlfriend their entire life. Why would you want to just be your life partner's boyfriend forever? It's an akward dynamic for everyone involved, outsiders looking in too. Not to mention the legal benefits you both would be denied. What happens if she dies suddenly? You have no right to her assets at all. If she goes into a coma, her mom can say sorry you can't see her. Her mom wants to pull the plug? Too bad. Even if you have been together your entire lives without marriage, after one of you passes, do you know how stressful going through the interment process is having to prove you were more than just her boyfriend? It takes 6+ months just to prove you as her boyfriend should have the legal rights to have a say at her funeral. Those are just a few examples. Society is designed around long term, committed couples marrying.
My boyfriend of 7 years (everything's perfect besides he) doesn't believe in marriage. In his opinion it doesn't change anything except a line on a pape, it's an unnecessary romance act...
If you plan to marry and have no children then I guess he has a fair point unless you want tax benefits or medical insurance on your spouses plan. If you do plan to have children then please read this files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1079374.pdf
@@msi8311 sorry for the late response, UA-cam showed me your comment just now. I don't know if I want to have children or not (nor do I know if that's biologically even possible). I work and can perfectly care for my own, so I'm not interested in taking advantage of him. Furthermore I don't think that children are necessary to be married. Or did I not get your point? I'll not download the PDF file from your link because I don't know if the source is safe (sorry for possible mistakes, I'm not a native speaker).
99% of times it's really because he wants to be comfortable and doesn't want to have to commit to you. You lose, he gets the wife without any risk and if something happens to him you get zero support unless your state has commonlaw marriage.
@@jflsdknf gladly this wasn‘t the case here, he proposed to me (no, I didn‘t force him and had no clue). He waited because he wanted to make it perfect (he had an exact plan in mind all this time and had to change/work on a few things to make it happen) :-)
@@T4ST4TUR3NT0CHT3R I'm so glad for u
God, women(most) take this way too serious. If your partner isnt thinking about marriage as they dont see any point in it, they can still be fully committed to you. If you cant take their word of telling you they are fully committed to you, then you dont trust then and hence shouldnt be with them. You dont need to be married.
Lmao, it's the one that don't won't to get married that have the trust issues.
@tmntfan6423 How so? What if the person who doesn't want to get married just doesn't wasn't to in general and doesn't see the point in it but is still fully committed to their parter, exactly.
@@BLADE_RISE But why not get married if it will make your partner happy?
@tmntfan6423 I'm not saying you shouldn't get married at all. I'm saying that if you personally don't see the point in marriage and your partner does, then it's solely your partner's job to propose marriage and then you can do what you like.
He is smart. He knows marriage laws. Divorce can ruin a man, and women can easily do it
You’re an idiot
Seeing as how most Western women have unstable infantile mentality, its a bigger risk.
And women are getting more and more independent, forgoing men altogether. So it’s a win-win!
@@elisew1783 No I am not. Do you know how much you loose in divorce, and 70-80% of divorced are initiated by women
Divorce is not easy for anyone except the very wealthy n heartless
Men don't beggin to reach their peak until 35 years old. Women waist resources.
Also -- and I'm just putting this out there -- she could propose to him. Like, actually propose, not just nag him about getting married.
A man is the initiator of love, so call me old fashioned, but a man should propose.
@La Reina “the balls to propose”. I see why many men aren’t getting married. There’s no benefit for men.
No way ! Lmao that screams desperate
And you think a man whose been that stubborn this far out will just give in to that? No way
First of all, most women rule out marriage entirely until they are old and well past their sexual and fertility prime, like age 29+.
Second, the benefits of marriage for men are underwhelming to say the least.
For women it’s clear - legal and financial security, protection, long term provisioning, social status, social validation.
If it goes bad, then she has the full force of the feminist family courts and the government as a safety net. She will get the kids, the house, unaudited child support and lifetime alimony.
What does the husband get but a life of wage slaving for ingratitude, attitude and essentially no sex?
The least respected, most ridiculed and reviled positions in western society right now are none other than husband and father. They are a punchline.
Men don’t want this job anymore. And women can’t sell it to them anymore either.
It’s really not good for women that we live in an age of data and the internet where other men share their experiences, and when millions of men become aware of the legal and financial risks, immense burden, lack of appreciation and the underwhelming benefits.
This is why marriage is as dead as a doornail.
Congrats on the feminism and the misandry ladies,
It’s really working.
Congrats on the myopic, victim stance... I hear it’s fueling the MGTOW splendidly, meanwhile missing the whole boat.
You obviously do not understand the powerful impact men have on women...if you have such a distorted paradigm...
And, to be fair, I hear some of your complaints of the courts etc. The family courts are a joke. I’ve seen horribly abusive fathers get custody...and ridiculously neglectful mothers get custody.. so we are in agreement, that needs to change.
The disconnect between men and women is pervasive and real...the expectations out of whack for both... neither approaching marriage in the realm of serving the other, living in a loving manner...rather than from fear and ego.
I 100% let my exes determine time with children, amount of child support etc...despite my ability to go to court and demand more.
My bottom line was what was best for the child & taking the high road.
I never set out to “get a man”...
I truly wanted to love and be loved, connect, grow... it’s not my fault they were not at that level.
I look back and know I conducted myself with complete integrity.
Please know many of my friends did not go the route you mentioned... they ended up giving up the house (yes they bought the majority of it) to the man and paid child support etc... so while you’re in your particular forums and the associated paradigms, know that other worlds exist. Worlds where the women are generous, get taken advantage of....the men rarely paying much, nor seeing their children...moms working overtime so kids can participate in sports etc (yep, did that).
It’s not all as you believe...
And to add a note... for your general education...
I was an adventurous woman, down for sex often... but guess what?!? Porn helped kill my exes libido etc & I believed I was undesirable etc until out of the relationship and oh WOW, I realized I wasn’t invisible... so, know where you men are investing your time and energy...it pays off, good and bad
Mêlée Placid He is right though. Just look at the incentives and benefits - legal and financial - of marriage for women and compare those to men.
There is no comparison.
It’s not compelling anymore for men.
Nor for women really.
The only women who want to get married and form a family now tend to be old (30+), unhealthy, overweight, high ride count and jaded. Or they are divorced single mothers.
Of course there are exceptions. Maybe your case. But they only succeed in proving the rule.
mfriedrich2012 youre a fucking loser in all honesty. You have no sense of love of a family or relationship thats really the problem in your life. Your father was burdened thats all I read, lol
Johann Schultz excuse me bitch? I aint overweight and unhealthy at 32? Most of you dried raisons your age are 26 already?