What I don't understand is why men and women consider marriage/relationships an obstacle in front of their travels, experiences - except sexual, or career? I've been married for 8 years and I see my husband as a "partner in crime" instead of someone that stops me..
my sister says the same thing.. she says, my husband is my best friend i happen to have sex with, and it's the best life i could ever have imagined XD i hope i'll have the same luck one day
I've never understood that either! A significant other should be a partner and best friend to share life's joys and pains with. I'm beginning to think those who feel otherwise are just inherently selfish. Sadly I've dealt with my fair share of guys with that selfish type of mindset.
allydea Not everyone does. My sister's husband (who originally hated the idea of marriage and children) proposed to my sister after only 4 months of dating. They are both happily married and love to do things together and are growing together as a couple. I think that when you find the love of your life, things like marriage and commitment come easier and become essential.
allydea this is so true, women can fall into that trap too. Since I live and work in D.C, everyone seems to introduce themselves as if they are having an informal job interview or don't approach you. Online is another story...that's when you get the ones "I'm not looking for anything serious, want to hook up?"
pcarebear1 Oh my god, I live in downtown Seattle and work in tech and it's the exact same story! I'm originally from a smaller town and miss the simplicity and sincerity of small town people. It definitely carries over to dating as well.
this comment might be too late, but guys and gals just make sure that they respect your investment if you are the one that's investing. Some people accept it for free with no remorse
I'm 37 and I've been married 16yrs and we've been together for 18yrs. And I'm still getting to know her till this day. Your mind changes as you age and that's a great thing. We have three beautiful girls and my wife and I talk about how the lack of commitment on both females and males in this day in age might affect our kids We are teaching our kids to be independent, but we also teach our girls to have respect for themselves and who ever they decide to be with.
I love how Matthew said: "You don't just trust people, you allow people to earn your trust." and "measure them based on their investment, not based on what you want them to be." I wish I had seen this earlier, so I wouldn't have made these mistakes. Big lesson learned with a broken heart. Now I'm better, and these words became my golden rules. Thank you, Matthew!
Same for me. This advice comes one week too late. We broke up on last St Valentin because he didn't want a committed relationship. I'm devastated and heartbroken now.
Loneliness is a self imposed disposition. You can be alone and be doing great. Peace, freedom, health, wealth, and happiness. You only need a woman because other people think you do. Doing what you want and when you want and maintain your health. You dont need to commit to anything. Every woman carries a judge in her back pocket that will believe anything she says. It makes no difference how many decades you can give love and dedication. You can find yourself across the courtroom losing your home and kids and many assets. That sweet cuddly gal you give years to can stick the knife in your back with ruthless aggression. Picture that judge standing right behind her where ever you go.
You're only lonely if you haven't yet realized that solitude is a blessing cos you've learned to be content without yourself and you don't need external validation.
It's like what Miranda says in Sex and the City... lol. You find the guy when his light is on. 😏 "Charlotte is gushing about how she met this guy and how it is fate and all that... Miranda: It’s not fate… His light is on. That’s all. Charlotte: What light? Miranda: Men are like cabs. When they're available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever. And they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that's the one they'll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck."
Yeah, the reason you're having to watch dating videos on UA-cam, Gabrielle, is because you take advice from hollywood tv series literally. Try actually going out and meeting people.
Ladies watch Matt's response @4:30min. Matt is absolutely correct. Many men are actually not commitment-phrobe. But there are so many thing that men want to Accomplish (travel around the world, make $100,000, buy fancy sports cars) before we settle down. Men's "DreamClock" are ticking, we want "extra time" to achieve them before we settle down and give up on our dream pursuit. This is no different than a Professional Women choosing between starting a family vs going for partnership. There is an unfortunate cost to everything. The OLDER generation never had the option to chase after their dream, so they settle down and married young. We are both BLISSED (opportunity) and CURSED (not commit) at the same time. It is a 2 way sword.
Matthew, thank you so much for the insight you provided in this interview. I have clearly been choosing men at the wrong stages of life (haven't achieved desired goals, or are dealing with newly divorced mid-life crises). Your comments are an epiphany for me. Hopefully I can adapt and learn to ask the right questions. Thank you.
Ever since 1913 when the revenue act was passed. It is to make slaves out of the American people. Both men and women are slave to the state when you get married.
@@jmurphsilver4946 wrong. A man marries wife+state. Wife and state will make sure the man is under control and in case of divorce the state will demand a man to pay to a woman. Men are completely unprotected in marriages.
A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The state laws follow the same concept. 1) he must keep her in the same life style. 2) he must pay alimony for years. 3) he loses house and children. 4) he pays child support 5) he pays medical insurance 6) he pays life insurance in case he kills himself. Many men do. 7) furniture, TV, dog, appliance goes with the house. He loses it all. 8) extra bills the insurance does not cover, he must pay. 9) he gets 100 % of the credit card debt because she was your wife and the husband is responsible for the wife's bills. 10. She is responsible for nothing. She is female. If you get a female judge, it will be worse. No man on earth should take this deal. Thank goodness of the red pill knowledge.
This video was so useful for me. I still am recovering from a 'break up' with a guy I truly wasn't seeing for very long. No matter how many times I wanted to end things between us, I allowed myself to believe there was still a chance after yet another date where he made me feel special. We had one argument and then it was over - the day I finally told him I had had enough of him flirting with other women (physically) in front of me and his lack of investment in the relationship. Instead of hating him I know now that he just isn't ready for commitment and I am.
Matthew sounds like a panderer who doesn’t want to tell the woman that she is probably the reason her options won’t commit. Someone is coming after steve harvey’s job. Todays women give 0 reason to commit outside of having a kid if the man wants that…. His home isnt his anymore, he can’t request anything or desire anything from her without looking “sexist” or “toxic masculinity” they basically give men 0 reason to want to commit & you all go on with the feminist brainwashed tactics of only blaming the man
@Ms. Molly In this study they also found that when not married, breakups were initiated by women and men equally, but the women initiate a majority of divorces (breakups within a marriage). Possibly due to financial incentives
Well, divorces are initiated by women because they realise at some point that being married is not all that ... Women are brainwashed by society into the fairytale that marriage will make them happy ... & social pressure for women to get married is very high ... so they get married (most probably to a man they’ve SETTLED for ...). In Europe there is no financially incentive to getting divorced for women ... still they initiate most of the divorces ... That can only imply that the return over investment (in marriage) is not worth it for women ... Let that sink in !
James Coley Well, thanks but no thanks for the ring ... not all women all delusional & desperate ... Advise to all women: Have your own life together & see through the myth of “marriage + kids will make you happy” .... It won’t ... It’s just a choice .... & you will have to live with the consequences of that choice ...There’re many paths you could take in life ...
A maturity thing? Damn your off. The more mature I get the more I realize how risky it is for a man to marry or have children. If women want men to commit, stand up for men and change the racket that is family court.
OMG THAT IS SO TRUE! MEn won't be able to commit if they feel like they haven't fully experienced life yet. At the end of the day THE RIGHT GUY AT THE WRONG TIME IS STILL THE WRONG GUY.
I also believe that sky-high divorce rates play into this trend of non-commitment. I also notice that videos like this place all the blame on men. Let's not pretend that women are faultless, and recognize that both men and women are not as interested in commitment.
Meh. I think men have the better end of the deal. Ofc not all women want commitment but society does drill the old 'you must get married bitches your eggs are getting old.' I honestly think because we live longer now and men can settle down whenever...... Also the fact that people think settling down means kids......
The point of this video actually isn't blaming the men. But the one who asked about those questions on that video was a girl, of course she asked some stuff about men same if you think the other way around since you said lets just say men and women are not interested in commitment (which i agree).
The only advantage men have is something you alluded to, that men become more attractive as they age inasmuch as they acquire more status, power, and $ with time, and that the opposite is true for women. But other than that the woman has all the advantages. All you have to do is look your best and make good decisions, and judging by the divorce rate, you seem to have a lot of trouble with that second part
Men aren't afraid of commitment. We're afraid of being financially and emotionally disemboweled in divorce court. We've seen it happen to our dads and friends...we refuse to let it happen to us.
Choose better. And when you get in a marriage, put your ego aside and help her around the house. Otherwise in 10 years your wife will resent you for wasting the better years of her life (and her body) for the family. She will take everything you have.
@@ninagrace-lee8323 bla bla. Fish cannot choose wisely as baits are very attractive before marriage and completely different afterwards. Also, it doesn't matter even if you were ideal husband or wife, you will be blamed.
@@ninagrace-lee8323 as a guy i think it might be better not to choose and live single since obviously the rewards are not worth the risks. It's not only a good choice but also a logical one to begin with.
Problem is, most people never achieve all their goals. The media teaches us to aspire to lifestyles of the rich & famous. How many of us ever actually get there? Finally, around age 50 it seems, men just want a companion, kids, etc. and settle down. But they want a 26-yr old. It's a crazy, messed up world right now.
Some men want a companion well before age 50. Men are hard-wired biologically to seek youth, which equates with longer and better fertility. Women seek confidence, social status and other alpha traits that indicate good genetics and an ability to provide.
Men do not necessary seek younger women, sure they look better but only total idiot will expect 20 year younger woman to be good companion who will share same values and she will be pretty hard to handle. So men only select young women for sex but not serious relationships
You make such a good point about the difference between being with someone that you can share good news with, and just having a bunch of guys that don't even care about you. I swear it's so frustrating to have a phone full of people, but nobody actually gives a s*** about me.
Actually its because men have woken up. We live in a progressive society where women happily cherry pick patriarchy. Guys are still expected to make all the first moves, put way more time, money and effort into the relationship, to build to a...marriage...where things get worse for him. Less independence, lower quality sex life, and even more financial obligations and entitlements to her. And then guys look at the divorce stats. Since no fault divorce: 70% of all divorces are called for by the wife. 70% of that 70% the women file for "marriage disatisfaction". Know what that is? She got bored. You know all the cliche excuses women use to end a relationship, that are entirely self centered. Yeah well this relationship ending comes with a huge pay day. 97% of alimony goes to the ex wife. 95% of child support. Oh oh and for an equal society 95% of the time the women win the majority or sole custody battle for the kids. Studies have shown women are more likely to cheat and or have a back up plan person in their fold of friends too. Studies have show less women cook, or know how and more guys are picking up that responsibility too...odd...studies arent showing women increasing in mowing lawns or fixing the roof. So more responsibility is constantly shifted from women to men, while the legal right and financial entitlement go from men to women. Yeah, if that sounds fucked up its because it is. So men are looking at all of this and wondering why the fuck they should sign that death contract, or give up so much of their life to a gender that is only increasing in its hypergamus nature and a legal system that punishes men for entering into a marriage.
Yo ma man, I've been trying to google the stats on what you said, but can't find that stuff. Can you share a link or some study that shows these statistics? I'm really interested, because that's some scary shit.
I love how this is framed as a maturity issue and not a legal issue. Marrying, cohabiting or having kids with someone presents financial and mental wellbeing risks.
I've had women ask me what my life is missing, and I've told them my life is great. This is a dealbreaker for them. It's almost like they don't want a man who is happy in life. They want a man who's lost and needs a map (the woman), a man who's stupid and needs a teacher (the woman), a man who's broken and needs a repairman (the woman). I have zero interest in a relationship where I'm incomplete without the other person. I want a relationship where I'm simply a better version of myself with this woman. If you are pursuing someone who can't make it through tomorrow without you then both of you have issues.
Maybe you’re reading into it too much and all they want to hear is Love and companionship is missing in your life ! They are probably thinking , “ well what do you need me for then ?”.
I think that sounds healthy…But I’m guessing those women took it to mean you don’t need love/companionship, and heard it as rejection. I mean, I don’t need it either, I’ve been single for years and am just fine (female)…but I’d *prefer* someone to share life with- just not marry lol! Funny that the reverse of this equation is a man assuming women just want to marry/divorce/take all his money. IDK if marriage is even in the cards for me, but tbh that’s cuz my view is v different now at 47. Been there, done that, had to pay MY ex, I didn’t get diddly squat haha. I think Matt would tell us we probably could all do well to not generalize the way all we humans do 🤷🏻♀️😊
Psychologically speaking, the more options you have, the harder to choose is. If you had to choose a lifetime partner from 10 women/men and that's all you get, you will end up choosing one of them; yet now, you have thousands of people in your area at the swipe of your fingers on a dating app; and a hundred more in a club, so you're always opened for something new as "what if there's something better". The human mind nowadays has a lack of perception on our own deficiencies and as Matthew said, we feel entitled to the best out there. Most of us don't even know what "the best" even is, as "the best" in our heads may be hugely different from "the best for me/what I need". So people often look at the wrong people for the wrong reasons and then would be like "there's not enough good men/women out there". By the way, the upper mentioned psychological trait is the reason why reality shows always produce one or a few couples, and some may last a while but others may split in a very short period of time. This is also why people with narrowed choice in possible partners - people who work too much, who are isolated socially due to their jobs: career people, actors, singers, etc, always end up with someone they met through their work, but it's almost never really definite for them. People in such isolated circumstances tend to be more emotional and to have this desperation about having to be with someone and making the best of it, while they're would often skip on very important character traits that will bite them in the a** afterwards. The opened option people are on the other side of the spectrum, where they always have another chance and another choice and another year to choose, so they don't even worry if they miss something important or if they have an actual goal of marriage and family. The healthy correct spot is right between those two: when you know you have to choose eventually, that you have a time period that you are bound by, that you know what you want and you will go on searching just as long as you find the person who fits let's say 70% of what you want. You have to know that you can't have the whole 100%, and that there's no 110% or 120%. You have to also know that we should be able to compromise in and repair our relationships, instead of throwing the towel at the first thing that doesn't fit our idea. But our generation likes throwing things away when they don't work as expected. If the dishwasher stops working, it might be a problem with the filter and we need to repair it or call a mechanic. Our generation would just throw it away and buy a new one. Maybe if we could switch that mentality, we'd find happiness sooner and for longer. Oh, and people are really subconsciously scared of relationships - the idea to spend your entire life - the next 30, 40, 50, 60 years with the same person... That sounds like eating only your favorite food for the rest of your life: today it's fine, maybe it will still be fine in a year, but in 10 years you will be sick of that taste. People don't like that restriction although they function better under restrictions. It's a very interesting phenomenon. Marketing uses that all the time and people simply bite the bait every time. They just don't realize it as it's something so horrifying - to be bound to one person only, one house, one bed, one vacation site... People want more, yet they tend to take action only when they're restricted.
it's funny because I'm pretty different from most men I'm 36 and I'm wanting a real relationship with a women that can value you me and not just be in it for a while and that's really difficult to find most women say they want a serious relationship but they really don't just check there's phones full of back up guys
This is one of the extremely few instances where I slightly disagree with one of Husseys points made: When a guy likes a girl enough he will want to keep her for himself no matter what point in his life he is. If he likes her enough he will invite her to travel to those countries he's never been to with him, he will find time for her as he's continuing his education or going for the degrees he wants , etc. Whatever his purpose, if he will want to have her in his life. And that is universally the same for both genders; women will find time if they like the guy enough too. SOOOOO I believe instead of using that energy and time to ask questions of "Are you at a time in your life where you are looking for a relationship", bla blah blah etc INSTEAD you should use that time and energy to better yourself and make yourself a more saught after/desirable man/women so they will like you enough to want you in their lives. BOTTOM LINE: Even the busiest person in the world will make time for those they want to make time for. PERIOD. CHEERS EVERYONE!
jpaulglobal what if a guy talks to a girl for over 1.5 yrs yet still maintains he can’t do long distance and doesn’t see it going long term? Then what’s he after? Seeking attention? Or commitment issues?
You're wrong. If he is not ready for a relationship he will devaluate her as much as he idealised her before. Don't always take yourself as a measure. What a bullshit you're talking about. I just read your whole comment. If someone has commitment issues, it's not other peoples fault.
I don't really agree with the definition of maturity put forth here. Maturity isn't doing what other people want you to do and it isn't settling down and making a commitment. It's becoming independent. It is being an adult and acting like an adult. That's all it is. If a man doesn't want to settle down it doesn't make him immature, it just means he doesn't want to settle down. He isn't somehow broken for not being in a long term relationship. Not wanting to "commit" doesn't make him a child in a man's body. He's just someone who doesn't want to be in a serious relationship, and that's his choice. And the same thing goes for women. Nobody should be obligated to do anything they don't want to. Also the definition of entitlement is iffy. Entitlement is thinking you deserve something regardless of weather or not you work for it. What is described here is ambition. Unobtainable ambition maybe, but ambition none the less. And you should be glad for that ambition. If men weren't ambitious, we'd all still be living in mud huts and getting eaten by sabertooth tigers.
Skippy19812 couldn’t agree with you more, in our culture women are used to having the privilege to define what it is to be a man, so they define the terms. And this suits them, Which means men fall into line with their agenda or sexual strategy. In short as men we should Never let a women define what is to be a mature man.
No guy is going to want a relationship with you if you set the terms of that relationship and they're unfavourable to them. It seems pretty obvious. There was a time (basically the decades between 2nd wave feminism and the 2008 crisis) when you could find a guy so clueless that he felt the only value he had resided in his ability to bring happiness to a woman. These days are over, men are no longer willing to selflessly give themselves to women and accept ever restricting rules on how they can behave. For people to sign a contract, the terms need to be fair to both parties. Relationships need to be mutually beneficial or they don't materialise. The western world has become so centered on what women want that men have basically gone on commitment strike.
start self reflecting and find out why they wont commit instead of pushing everything on to them this "im perfect and if something goes wrong its not my fault" attitude many women seem to have makes you seem really entitled and not ready for a relationship at all
Whenever I hear something like that I immediately think: Then you should probably give one of those poor guys on your own SMV level a chance that you have probably denied or not even seen as "real" men for years. Women have absolutely inflated standards nowadays that render huge portions of perfectly fine men invisible - simply because of the abundance of men online. Simultaneaously they fail to realize how fast their own value is sinking ...
There are complexities to all questions about relationships. Its still sound advise when you look at the bottom line here. He needs to earn trust. Not give it n see what happens. AlsoThe thing with bad boys isnt just that they are more interesting. They go after you, make you feel wanted. Good guys dont do that. Its a conundrum for sure. But girls are confused too.
@@Ericatrue2.0 Good guys are given conflicting messages. They are given the impression that their attentions are not wanted (read: #metoo/street harassment, etc.), but at the same time are encouraged to "just go for it" even at the risk of making a woman feel uncomfortable. On top of that, the media, our mothers and women at large tell us they want one thing (good dudes who treat them right), but end up gravitating towards the opposite (fuckboys), especially when they're young and at their most sexually desireable. If we would just tell young men the truth about what really turns most women on (which is not politically correct) everyone's lives would be much easier. Just tell the truth.
@@nathanmorgan3647 lol men persue younger women because they want to manipulate them and older women gave higher standarts. Better to be single for everyone then
Евгения Михайловна “Men pursue younger women because they want to manipulate them.” That’s a lot of projection there. “and older women have higher standards.” And less of what men ACTUALLY want in exchange.
Very simple, because a serious relationship means spending a loooot of time and money and energy, and unless you like so so much that person, you are not going to be willing to do that. And eventually there will be drama and problems for things like: - You want to be alone in your house but your partner wants you to go with his/her friends. Whatever decision is made, one of the parts will be very unhappy. - You are very happy living alone, but your partner wants to live together. - You have things to do but your partner try to convince you that you can actually sacrifice some of those things in order to spend more time together. - Your partner wants to have kids, and does not realize how much that decision will change/screw your life forever. Have you ever heard someone say "My life was so boring and sad when I was single, but now that I married her I am the most happy man in the world?" I don't think so. Have you ever heard someone complain about his marriage? All the time!
I tried to be optimistic to one of my married friends, tried to tell him it must be very nice to have someone so close and have children that will push you to strive harder in life, that it will be worth it in the end, he shits on those compliments lol. I still think he is joking about all his woes of married life.
This is a very important factor that needs to be more appreciated by anybody who's dead set on fast tracking to the married life. The numerous compromises involved are going to have to be offset by some advantages, I think too few people have the ability to look inwardly and ask "Is what I'm offering worth their time effort and compromising their independent life for" Too many people think their partner is afraid of commitment, they never stopped to ask if they were worthy of being committed too.
I've asked why they broke up but they didn't want to talk about it. It's difficult when they are unavailable and it's true that you have to catch them at the right time, or you just end up listening to endless excuses of why they don't want to commit this time around.
See whenever I hear a woman equate "commitment" with "growing up" I immediately tune her out. I'm done. And many men are the same. Because what you're doing is removing marriage from the realm of choice and growth, and changing it to a reward for whatever it is that women do that makes them feel they deserve it. Not only is that unfair to men, but it's sabotaging a marriage before it even begins.
+CapAnson12345 It isn't that marriage is a reward for women. Women equate marriage as being established in life. They want to settle down and know that one person is committed to just them. Also, marriage for a woman can also mean that you respect her enough to marry her and not drag her along for years. That you choose her over all women. So it isn't to make them feel they deserve it, but rather a way to show her that you only want her for life. You should never feel like you are pushed into marriage. If that is the case you should not even be in a relationship if that is not your ultimate goal. Women usually play for keeps because mostly they want to settle down and have children and feel secure. I'm sure she was talking about a male who was too busy going around the answer she wanted and not being straight with her and she was equating it with he needed to grow up. Which in turn waiting to long to give an answer will ultimately destroy a relationship that was good and she'll move on eventually and not wait on you to make up your mind.
That's all well and good. But it's still a government stamp on a piece of paper that is highly disadvantageous to men to undo. That's very expensive "proof". I can only speak for myself.. but having learned from my mistakes.. if a woman can't accept some other evidence of my commitment.. then she's not the one for me.
+CapAnson12345 Wait. So you are telling me you never want to get married because it's an expensive "proof"? This is clearly not what I said. I've been through the expensive "proof" twice. I'd still marry again. To me it isn't a government paper, it's a right you share with the other person. Unfortunately, in order for him/her to be legally binding to what you leave behind in death belongs to her/him you deny her/him that piece of you. It may be a government document and true it IS just that but it's also a piece that you show you give your all. At least that's how I see it. As a women gone through two abusive marriages. I've often thought of never getting married again simply just was you say. It's expensive "proof", but in reality, I believe it's a cop out due to fear. It's how you handle the fear and move forward that counts. If you're honing in only the fear then that in itself should be looked at. I see it as "I don't want to get hurt again so I must protect myself. " When you do that you deny your partner from the get go of your whole self because you still have your guard up. I hope one day someone will be worthy enough for you.
+CapAnson12345 Being afraid or refusing to be in a relationship isn't the same as being married. I get people who don't want to get married, it's their choice. On the other hand, refusing to date people just because "you can party and relashionships are boring and limiting" - that's how I imagine men/women who don't want to commit... I don't see any way how is marriage a reward because that sounds like a dead end, but ok. Maybe some people see it that way.
Yeah…I handle it by not being pressed about what non-committing men are doing. I’m going wherever I’m loved and treated the way I want. It’s hard to meet the right person. But, I been single so long that there’s a contentment that I have in my singleness. That being said, if a man wants to be for the streets, he can go and stay there. I can love you all day. But, I love myself and peace more. Free yourself and leave me alone. Let the man that wants to commit come my way.
You sound like the person that will end up cheating on her husband because someone else made her feel special, divorce her husband, take the kids and assets, and tell your kids negative things about their father. Not saying you are, but you sound like it with the “I’m going wherever I’m loved”. That’s not commitment to a relationship, that’s selfishness 🤷🏻♂️
@@Steph1 And you sound stupid. Just because you choose yourself doesn’t make you a cheater or that you’re just going to leave. However, if you’re not committing to me, why would I even think to commit to you when that would entail to the rest of my life in which my relationship with a man and creating children is an investment? Make it make sense. Y’all want women to be doormats to men and their Shenanigans so bad. 🙄 Why invest with a man who won’t invest in me? I will take you with a grain of salt and leave you where you stand because you told me you didn’t want me. Plain and simple.
Im a guy but I must say that you sir hit the nail right on the head with you assessment of guys. I was one of those guys you described. Hopefully more men will listen to your videos because we can learn a great deal.
Youssef Hamidi thanks for being one of those guys that aren't shitting on the ideas he discussed just because they feel like they paint certain men in a not so pleasant light. I was reading all kinds of misogynistic comments and reading yours was a breath of fresh air.
I’ve been watching all your LoveLife series these days and I have to say you are so great at explaining the core issue of each problem the caller has. It’s amazing. You are so wise and great on communication! Thanks for all the insights, Matt. I am so happy I found you. :) Looking forward to learning more from you.
Marriage is not important if you already are happy, I've seen great relationships ruined because the woman wanted the wedding and was annoying about it
*Gotta admit that this guy is very clever and I appreciate him for that. He knows all the valid reasons why smart men won't commit anymore but he tells her what she wants to hear because he realises that he can't bite the hand that feeds.*
beautiful video. very useful also for me as a man. "look for guys in the right stage of their lives instead of trying to convert guys who are in the wrong stage of their lives". Priceless and very very profound..... Thanks Matt!
There is an interesting duality to this.. In my early twenties/late teens I was more interested in committed relationship.. As years go by... I now am not.. However I also am not Into "hookup culture".. I don't find it cool to just sleep with different girls constantly.. I'm far more grown up than I was then.. I prefer the build my own life for the sake of self.. Not so I can afford dates with women.. Honestly.. Most women I've dated contribute and some even pay in full(even on the first date)! So I'm not the mgtow crybaby who is out trying to avenge every woman who he feels did him wrong. However.. I personally feel that there is a higher love.. That doesn't require commitment.. Commitment and love are not the same thing. Sex and love are not the same thing. Having a meaningful relationship does not necessarily mean monogamy or commitment.
FESTER... Women resent non-monogamy because women want to control men by limiting our sexual options. Lots of traditional men are the same way, but lately I find that guys in my circles seem more open to polyamory... It's odd.
Right off the bat, the women states that men "Don't want to grow up." What exactly does she mean by that statement? That they need to drop everything and commit to constantly being at her command? Commitment? In the past, companies would brag that they employed "Cradle to Grave", the hiring process was rigorous, but they made a commitment to you and in return expected a similar commitment from the employee. Today? The hiring process is just as rigorous (perhaps more so) but a company will discard good employees after a quarter or two of sinking profits. No Commitment on their part so why should they expect commitment from their employees? That economic environment has trickled down to dating and marriage. In the past, men and women would marry for life, courtship was rigorous, but they made a solid commitment to each other for better or worse, until death do us part. Today? Dating is superficial, engagement a fast track to starting a family for all the wrong reasons, and marriage is an employer/employee relationship wherein the Boss (Her) fires the employee (him) after a quarter or two of sinking profits. We need to re-think this whole process. Birth control, feminism, equality, social media, and technology have turned society inside out and our social mores and legal system haven't evolved fast enough to cope with the vast changes of the past 70 years.
We can commit - look at how many men do 20 years in the military. When 50% of marriage ends in a turnstile divorce with 93% of marriages ending in under 10 years (the average being 7 years, 3 years if you don't have children) - and when the divorce hits, the man loses everything - the house, the car, 1/2 assets, 1/2 his retirement, maybe his company, and is pinned under alimony, child support and keeping her in a 'life that she has come accustomed to'. f- that. #MGTOW is on the rise - because divorce is a shit show and the only way to avoid it is to COMMIT to never getting married.
That's such a good point about men being able to commit, all kinds of people literally commit their entirely lives to their passion/job/career. Even occupations where they risk their lives. That alone should show that it's obviously not a question of maturity.
Matthew sounds like a panderer who doesn’t want to tell the woman that she is probably the reason her options won’t commit. Someone is coming after steve harvey’s job. Todays women give 0 reason to commit outside of having a kid if the man wants that…. His home isnt his anymore, he can’t request anything or desire anything from her without looking “sexist” or “toxic masculinity” they basically give men 0 reason to want to commit & you all go on with the feminist brainwashed tactics of only blaming the man
I committed to a very sweet girl in 1981. By 1990 she was sleeping with multiple men when I was home with two young children. The courts made me homeless and broke in one week and oweing $200,000 in child support. I told my son to only marry when he has a rock solid pre nup. Women turn on the husband quickly. They also have no conscience in divorce court. Go to court and sit in the back and just listen. These couples all had great sex before marriage.
@@dwaefwgfrwgcommiting to a job, to the gym is not the same as commiting to a woman. Stop talking nonsense. So why aren't men commiting to women?. Men make themselves busy to make excuses for not commiting. 😂
5:00 OH MY GOSH that makes so much sense thank you. This is probably exactly what’s happening with my man. He feels like he hasn’t accomplished enough so he wants to be single for a bit to find himself and not just have me as his only accomplishment (sadly true to him at least which I disagree I think he’s a very smart man and has a lot of amazing talents he just needs to pursue)
The truth is marriages are a terrible deal for men as you can lose half of your shit and even your kids. That is the truth why men avoid it like the plague. This guy is just keeping up the bullshit instead of telling the truth. Men have little to gain from a marriage
Matthew, as always, makes some good points. Please also consider how committing your life to someone is a really big deal for both women and men. And (from a male point of view) with the divorce rate and an ever long list of high profile divorces, imagine what kind of risks a man is expected to take should it happen to him. It's not just a matter of just him having to "grow up", or "man up." No one goes into marriage expecting it to fail. Yet half do. Where else in life can a person be blithely expected to take such a permanently ruinous risk?
Men also choose better, not just a pretty face, ask her the hard questions as well, be picky don’t throw your pearls to swines either, make sure she worthy to be by your side as well make sure she can help you turn a house into a home this go’s both ways.
very awesome advice. now that i look at it, i was really pushing commitment on the last guy i dated. we have to realize, some men simply aren't ready yet.
@zadose That's fine. I'm 51 never married and no kids I know of. There is not one single positive in being married that even remotely begins to offset the landslide of negatives. Marriage is an outdated useless institution. I will never understand why anyone would give another single person that much control of their life.
@zadose lol way to admit you don't actually enjoy spending time with him and only value a man potentially as a gateway to the status you crave. Gotta say that's pretty vain...
This is the simpiest advice. This feels like Derrick Jaxin, where he just tells women what they want to hear. Tell this woman the truth! It's not that men aren't willing to commit. It's that the men that you CHOOSE to date, don't want to commit to YOU. You're remedies here are 1) choose different men to pursue, or 2) become a better woman. Like seriously, how can he advise her from the perspective that she is clearly a great woman when he knows nothing about her. She might be a horrible human being. She may be dumb as a rock. She may have no ambition but to sit on the couch and have someone take care of her. Not saying she's any of these things, but he doesn't know this. So how can your advice not start with, "what do you bring to the table besides your vagina?" If a man had presented the same question to anyone, the advice would begin with...well what kind of work do you do, what do you look like, are you in shape....etc etc. It would begin by assuming that if you can't get the women you want, you have to fix you first. But when it's women, the assumption is that the problem is men in general. That's bs.
Besides her vagina? SEXIST. It is NOT bs, it is true. BS, men don't work on themselves. Women do. That is ALL women do, guys have not started that yet.
Marc Rogers question why would you end anything that is good and enhances your life. Please explain? Unless your job is transferring....which you can’t control
Marc Rogers you can better yourself while still being in a relationship. I don’t get why being with someone should stop you from anything. Maybe only if that person in extra demanding not understanding and insecure but otherwise just no. Life in general is about bettering yourself whenever you can, single or not.
I’d assume what Marc means is ending a relationship that seems to be good and perfect, but you clearly found reasons to be discontent with it due to things you find lacking in your own life. While that shouldn’t necessarily take away from the relationship itself, sometimes it can be hard to really learn to appreciate it until you take some more time to figure out yourself first.
You're right and you're wrong. Most men are completely sex starved, the notion that sex is readily available to men is laughable. Only a minority of males have a lot of sex, the majority get very little. It's the 80/20 rule (Pareto principle) at work: 20% of the men at the top of the "socio-sexual hierarchy" get 80% of the female attention. The bottom 80% compete for 20% of female attention so the competition is insanely fierce. Nearly 1/3 of American men below 40 has not had sex in the last year, a number that has tripled over the last decade. I have no idea where women get the idea that most men get laid. Most men don't because most women have impossible standards. What is true is that, in the past, a man was entitled to sex in his marriage so he was willing to compromise on everything else to get that. Now that all this is gone and you have a 90% of getting divorce raped if you split up, marriage is just no longer attractive. In fact, it's the dumbest contract a man can ever sign.
I would say everything he said it's true, but we have to add in the factor that with the new feminism things have changed. Last century there were gender roles, men were in charge of the money and supporting a family, women were in charge of the house and raising kids, and also there was no sex before marriage, there weren't any respectable ladies who gave them sex without the commitment, so guys had to get married. Now with all the dating apps, which are like catalogs, sex is open for anybody at anytime, and now you'll see women giving all the perks of marriage (kids, sex, house, etc) for free. Also the mentality of the women has changed, we've been endoctrinated to think that men are just accessories, and women can be very very evil when it comes to getting revenge or making somebody's life miserable, so if in any case she's not happy or feels let down, well... Poor guy. So I guess men have realized there's nothing in for them that they can't get anyways. Also if you take God out of the picture, well, marriage is just a piece of paper. So I guess those are some of the reasons.
First, a lack of self satisfaction that says I am happy with myself, which leads to second, the lack of desire to share your world with another, and a third factor, no trust in others because most people are looking for what they can take from others to complete themselves, not give what they have to offer. It’s a vicious cycle.
Expectations are the mother of all frustration and women's expectations of men have never been higher or as confusing. Until there is a better contract for partnership expect men to be less and less interested in marriage. Most young men have witnessed first hand a father or friends life destroyed by an unwanted divorce. If someone says to me a man is afraid of commitment , all i hear is he is smart. Men should take time to find a high quality woman. There are a few out there who will add to your life not simply leach off it.
The last three girls I've dated basically told me they don't wanna date anymore because if they do, then they won't be able to have other sexual partners.
I see the perspective some commenters have on marriage, it being a financial risk and a legal burden. It's like signing a contract that involves the government and ends up making things all the worse if your partner goes cold on you. But I guess that's a risk you have to take if you're truly committed. It's trust in the other person: that they won't go cold on you, that they love and respect you and always will until the end of your lives together. To me, as a woman, marriage is a promise to love and respect each other forever. I take the vows people say very literally and perhaps a little too seriously.."to love and to hold until death do us part." It's a very romantic perspective that has nothing to do with practicality. Maybe that's a bad thing because it is so naive, but I also think its kind of a beautiful perspective that I wish I could share with the other person. Once you promise, you can't go back on your word. I know that's a pretty robotic and probably unrealistic thing to say...but promises are meant to be upheld no matter the difficulties you might face in the future. To me, marriage satisfies an emotional need, it is a symbol, yes, but a very important one of commitment and trust. If you are unable to take that leap of faith, then I think either you are not ready as a person, maybe never, or you haven't found the right person capable of allaying your fears. They should be trustworthy and someone you want to commit to.
LIFE BY ITSELF is complicated....We change so much as the years go by....So I say look at the bright side of everything in your life and go with the flow.
Something that surprisingly many girls don't seem to know, most guys won't mary a girl who's had a "extensive " past; multiple partners prior to them. I remember my aunt would ask my uncle whos to this day isn't married, when will he get married, as he'd reply;" what for? They already give it up for free"
Great video Matt!! I like Matt's comments on looking for a guy who is in the right stage of his life. If you meet someone and they are struggling and unhappy, that might be how your relationship ends up, struggled to death and very unhappy!! Good question, have you gotten everything out of your system? Very honest and straight to the point question. You cannot trust anyone until they earn it. I say this all the time.
Commitment is a synonym for investment. Men, for the most part, do not invest in women because we are all aware that we will get nothing in return other than the high potential of getting burned. We don't commit because there is nothing in it for us. What could there possibly be in it for us? Love? Love is a chemical instinct that all living things are born with in order to spur reproduction, that is all. We are drawn to pair up and mate with women just as animals are drawn to find mates. This is just a hard wired instinct we are all born with; but, as humans, we like to believe we are above our baser instincts, and this includes our sexual instincts. Sure they are fun and yes finding a mate feels great, but so does meth and crack. We are supposed to be intelligent enough to distinguish between what feels good in the moment and what is going to have negative long term repercussions on our life. Relationships with women are just not worth it and they have a demonstrable negative effect on men's quality of life. We aren't avoiding relationships and marriage _"just because."_ We have a plethora of serious and valid reasons for refusing to commit and being childish and immature sufferers of Peter pan syndrome is the least of them.
I asked a guy the questions. We were a couple for 6 months until he abruptly broke up with me telling me that he feares commitment. He also told me he never wanted a relationship but simply likes the idea of one and he knew that if he told me the truth, I'd not date him or respect him as he could tell I'm girlfriend material so he decided to lie so he could spend time with me. At the end, even if you ask those questions, it doesn't matter... If he's inmature, hell still do inmature things that will shock you.
@@abderrahimyoestoy3100 what is this gonna be now? The tipical 'oh so you slept with him, so what did you expect' cause I'm only here for the productive answers and no crap. Yes, we slept together.. I mean.. Don't know abt anyone being in a relationship of 6 months and avoiding intimacy sooo what's the deal with your question?
Commitment: willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something that you believe in. (Cambridge dictionary). No matter what. Women wants me to commit to provide for her, to work the rest of my life and give her at least 90% of my income and time to improve her lifestyle. That's all good if what I get in exchange is something I believe in. Are you worth it? What do I get in exchange?
@pink girl It is about social visibility. There are millions of male widowers and single fathers all over the world the same way as women widowers and single mothers. But, you don't see men complaining about having to take care of their household and kids at the same level women do. There are several reason for that, to mention a couple: 1. "Replacement value": It is easier for a male widower or single dad to hire a nanny, maid, housekeeper or company and sex to fulfill all functions that he lost. It is harder for a female widower or single mother to find somebody willing to work hard to get resources just to go back home and give it to another adult to support her and her kids. 2. Simple economics: If we are talking about a traditional family, let's say. married couple with 2 kids were he works and she takes care of the house and kids. If she dies, he now has to support only 3 people instead of 4, so it is 1 less head, probable 1 employee (that's if they didn't had a housekeeper or a maid before). If he dies, now she went from supporting 0 to support 3 plus the household chores that she already had. You can't hire somebody to give you money and resources. You can see that on US court statistics. 96% of all women that get child custody also ask for Child Support while only 13% of all males that get child custody asks for child support. Women require child custody and child support while men only cares for the custody, most don't care about the money as long that they get their kids.
Yes a woman you love is worth. My goodness a woman risk her life giving birth to your children. You’re not the only special kind of gender. Get a grip.
@@wingardiumleviosa2004 women risk her life giving birth? where? In 1st world countries, maternity mortality rates are between 15 to 22 deaths/100000 births, and most of those deaths are due to complications like obesity, coronary issues, etc. You have a higher risk of death by riding a car every day than to giving birth. Also, giving birth is a female decision (meaning, she is taking the risk at her own will), men have no reproductive rights. It doesn't matter if I want the kid or not, it is up to her if the child is born or not. If a woman wants to abort or complete the pregnancy process, she can and will do it, it doesn't matter what the father thinks. Also, even if she decides to have the kid, we are not allowed to verify the child's relation to us with a paternity test without her consent or a court order. So, even if the child is born, we don't have a choice to participate on the child bearing process or not, we are force to believe the mother's word and we are held responsible for the child for the next 18-21 years
@@Milo298 The woman is taking a risk. You can paint it however you want in your mind. There can even be complications with a baby. Regardless, giving birth is walk in the park. Take a couple seats back. I’m also going to assume you meant vehicles not (cards) as you say are “risky.”
@@wingardiumleviosa2004 it's not "how I paint it on my mind", those are WHO's statistics. My point is, if she decides to take the risk (as small as it is on a young healthy woman), it 's her decision, no man can force a woman to get pregnant or to have a child. Don't blame it on him.
It's too late. Women can't become marriage material, they are born that way. Once those walls start getting smashed and the aging process begins, there is no going back.
She blamed men IMMEDIATELY. It was almost instinctive with the Peter Pan thing. Also, did she ask herself the same question she’s asking here all the times she QUIT commitments? Does she take care of her looks? Is she submissive or basically another man with a high pitched voice? I could go on forever. And then she grasped on to that “maturity” branch as soon as she could (shifting blame again). I was with my ex for 6 years. I was not hesitant to commit ONLY to her. What did she do? Push marriage on me over and over and over. INSTEAD of just fixing the things that bothered me and inspiring me to propose. And then she started going out with her friends, and being weird, and then SHE LEFT. See that? She’s still unmarried. She coulda been married to me by now. Maybe. But nope. And now, I have a younger one, a better one, whom I’d marry in an instant. Why? SHES NOT DIFFICULT. She cooks. She’s thoughtful. She cleans. She fvcks. She doesn’t go out. THATS someone u make a wife. Who was she raised by? Her FATHER.... That shits extinct. They’re not women anymore. And there are no more fathers cuz women started leaving fathers. So now men aren’t the way they’re supposed to be either. And guys like THIS... encourage them to see themselves (this particular young woman) as this superior being men should be “earning”. It goes both ways if u want “commitment”. Just like we have to take women initiating almost ALL break ups and ALL divorces right on the chin like ain’t sht happen and she you never existed in her life.. If no man is committed to u by the time you’re in your early to mid 30s, it’s your fault. And i should add...... Commitment doesn’t NEED to mean a marriage license. If u trust each other juuuust enough to STILL need a CONTRACT between u 2, and people U DONT EVEN KNOW.... just to be with one another, and be THERE for one another, then you shouldn’t be together in the first place. Don’t get rid of good men just because they haven’t proposed to u. A friend of une has been with his wife 15 years. Waited 10 to propose. 10. TEN. They adore each other to this day. They’re always together.
Women have higher pitch voice. Telephone frequency in the upper band is limited. Hence it's most likely the frequency used by the telephone exchange is in limited band. Which sounds similar.
We are not afraid for the most part, we are basically fed up with the system! It's not worth the energy or the consequences. Being alone (not lonely) is so much easier! Your life is in your own hands, with a woman...well , it's on hers, the courts and anyone else , including the other guy! From experience I would tell young man to work and build that wealth and PROTECT that wealth. Listen to the older men that have lived it and learned the lessons thru heartbreak and financial crisis. You don't just lose your assets you worked for, your heart is shattered and you see your kids only when is convenient for her. Getting older is a blessing because you have now acquired the knowledge and you recognize those flags. It gets better, just stay single as long as you can.
All well put. I have friends who met the love of their life in their 60s. They are deeply in love with each other. They travel, are well established, and are having the best time they have ever had in life. These couples will be together 'til the end. You never know when love is going to show.
I love and repsect myself too. Currently I'm studying. I have been in real love not long ago..it just feels so nice . Sharing things and memories... omg what a time. So I wanna feel that again sometime. But in the meantime I'll focus on myself.
💥 and just like that! I really appreciate listening to you. You’re really good! Don’t trust ppl blindly… you allow ppl to earn your. How much effort are you going to put in.
@@brittanychapman5438 Because SEX is number 1 in a relationship. That's ALL that women bring to the table. So if you're not offering that, why would he want to commit to you???
What I don't understand is why men and women consider marriage/relationships an obstacle in front of their travels, experiences - except sexual, or career? I've been married for 8 years and I see my husband as a "partner in crime" instead of someone that stops me..
my sister says the same thing.. she says, my husband is my best friend i happen to have sex with, and it's the best life i could ever have imagined XD i hope i'll have the same luck one day
I've never understood that either! A significant other should be a partner and best friend to share life's joys and pains with. I'm beginning to think those who feel otherwise are just inherently selfish. Sadly I've dealt with my fair share of guys with that selfish type of mindset.
allydea Not everyone does. My sister's husband (who originally hated the idea of marriage and children) proposed to my sister after only 4 months of dating. They are both happily married and love to do things together and are growing together as a couple. I think that when you find the love of your life, things like marriage and commitment come easier and become essential.
allydea this is so true, women can fall into that trap too. Since I live and work in D.C, everyone seems to introduce themselves as if they are having an informal job interview or don't approach you. Online is another story...that's when you get the ones "I'm not looking for anything serious, want to hook up?"
pcarebear1 Oh my god, I live in downtown Seattle and work in tech and it's the exact same story! I'm originally from a smaller town and miss the simplicity and sincerity of small town people. It definitely carries over to dating as well.
Measure them on their investment and not what you want them to be. Got it.
That's right! that's my takeaway from all the great advice I am getting from Matthew
agree
Seems even investment is too hard too.
this comment might be too late, but guys and gals just make sure that they respect your investment if you are the one that's investing. Some people accept it for free with no remorse
wow...he just convinced me to stay single lol
Right?!
same lol
Same here.
True
😿 Dating causes me full blown anxiety .... 🤷🏼♀️
“Find the guy at the right stage of his life. How? Ask him the tough questions!” This is veryyyy helpful! Thank you Matthew 🔥
I like my personal space, simple, I'll deal with you temporarily but in the end I return to my base with no outside pollution
I'm 37 and I've been married 16yrs and we've been together for 18yrs. And I'm still getting to know her till this day. Your mind changes as you age and that's a great thing. We have three beautiful girls and my wife and I talk about how the lack of commitment on both females and males in this day in age might affect our kids We are teaching our kids to be independent, but we also teach our girls to have respect for themselves and who ever they decide to be with.
Good for u. I love my freedom too much.
I love how Matthew said: "You don't just trust people, you allow people to earn your trust." and
"measure them based on their investment, not based on what you want them to be." I wish I had seen this earlier, so I wouldn't have made these mistakes. Big lesson learned with a broken heart. Now I'm better, and these words became my golden rules. Thank you, Matthew!
Women only love for, resources, time, sex, have a baby, that's it. Just leave women
So are you in an amazing relationship now?
Same for me. This advice comes one week too late. We broke up on last St Valentin because he didn't want a committed relationship. I'm devastated and heartbroken now.
Loneliness can be dreadful.
Marriages can be dreadful.
However, in marriages you can also lose your entire life in court.
Loneliness is a self imposed disposition. You can be alone and be doing great. Peace, freedom, health, wealth, and happiness. You only need a woman because other people think you do. Doing what you want and when you want and maintain your health. You dont need to commit to anything. Every woman carries a judge in her back pocket that will believe anything she says. It makes no difference how many decades you can give love and dedication. You can find yourself across the courtroom losing your home and kids and many assets. That sweet cuddly gal you give years to can stick the knife in your back with ruthless aggression. Picture that judge standing right behind her where ever you go.
You're only lonely if you haven't yet realized that solitude is a blessing cos you've learned to be content without yourself and you don't need external validation.
You can also be lonely in a marriage with the person right next to you
@@rushfan9thcmd you sound like a fucking hallmark card.
@@rushfan9thcmd One of the best comment on women i have ever read.
I just want a relationship with peace. I don't want to come home to another job at the end of my long day.
The woman on the phone sounded so intelligent. I'd love to have a conversation with her :) and Matthew is brilliant as always.
It's like what Miranda says in Sex and the City... lol. You find the guy when his light is on. 😏
"Charlotte is gushing about how she met this guy and how it is fate and all that...
Miranda: It’s not fate… His light is on. That’s all.
Charlotte: What light?
Miranda: Men are like cabs. When they're available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and they decide they're ready to settle down, have babies, whatever. And they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that's the one they'll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck."
sacrosanct, sex and the city had a lot of wisdom - He is Just not That Into you changed my life around
Yeah, the reason you're having to watch dating videos on UA-cam, Gabrielle, is because you take advice from hollywood tv series literally. Try actually going out and meeting people.
I'm a guy and I can tell you that is 100 % accurate !! :)
and you're watching dating advices for women on youtube and slander them in the comments
it's you who needs "going out and meeting people."
Where's the slander..? Yes I'm a dating coach so it's in my interest too look at these videos..
Ladies watch Matt's response @4:30min. Matt is absolutely correct. Many men are actually not commitment-phrobe. But there are so many thing that men want to Accomplish (travel around the world, make $100,000, buy fancy sports cars) before we settle down. Men's "DreamClock" are ticking, we want "extra time" to achieve them before we settle down and give up on our dream pursuit. This is no different than a Professional Women choosing between starting a family vs going for partnership. There is an unfortunate cost to everything. The OLDER generation never had the option to chase after their dream, so they settle down and married young. We are both BLISSED (opportunity) and CURSED (not commit) at the same time. It is a 2 way sword.
well put!
This is one of the most accurate analysis I’ve ever read.
@@LucreziaGirelli thank you
Matthew, thank you so much for the insight you provided in this interview. I have clearly been choosing men at the wrong stages of life (haven't achieved desired goals, or are dealing with newly divorced mid-life crises). Your comments are an epiphany for me. Hopefully I can adapt and learn to ask the right questions. Thank you.
Look into marriage 'law' and you've got your answer. You marry the state. You don't marry your partner. Fix it.
Ever since 1913 when the revenue act was passed. It is to make slaves out of the American people. Both men and women are slave to the state when you get married.
@@jmurphsilver4946 wrong. A man marries wife+state. Wife and state will make sure the man is under control and in case of divorce the state will demand a man to pay to a woman.
Men are completely unprotected in marriages.
You don't have to marry someone to be in a relationship.
A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The state laws follow the same concept.
1) he must keep her in the same life style.
2) he must pay alimony for years.
3) he loses house and children.
4) he pays child support
5) he pays medical insurance
6) he pays life insurance in case he kills himself. Many men do.
7) furniture, TV, dog, appliance goes with the house. He loses it all.
8) extra bills the insurance does not cover, he must pay.
9) he gets 100 % of the credit card debt because she was your wife and the husband is responsible for the wife's bills.
10. She is responsible for nothing. She is female.
If you get a female judge, it will be worse. No man on earth should take this deal. Thank goodness of the red pill knowledge.
This video was so useful for me. I still am recovering from a 'break up' with a guy I truly wasn't seeing for very long. No matter how many times I wanted to end things between us, I allowed myself to believe there was still a chance after yet another date where he made me feel special. We had one argument and then it was over - the day I finally told him I had had enough of him flirting with other women (physically) in front of me and his lack of investment in the relationship. Instead of hating him I know now that he just isn't ready for commitment and I am.
Matthew sounds like a panderer who doesn’t want to tell the woman that she is probably the reason her options won’t commit. Someone is coming after steve harvey’s job.
Todays women give 0 reason to commit outside of having a kid if the man wants that…. His home isnt his anymore, he can’t request anything or desire anything from her without looking “sexist” or “toxic masculinity” they basically give men 0 reason to want to commit & you all go on with the feminist brainwashed tactics of only blaming the man
Did you marry the love of your life by now?
Lmao
Character development. Great
Technically women initiate 70% - 80% of divorces. I hear women talk a lot about getting married but I never hear them talking about becoming a wife.
@Ms. Molly A study dated from August 2015 by the American Psychological Association
@Ms. Molly In this study they also found that when not married, breakups were initiated by women and men equally, but the women initiate a majority of divorces (breakups within a marriage). Possibly due to financial incentives
Well, divorces are initiated by women because they realise at some point that being married is not all that ... Women are brainwashed by society into the fairytale that marriage will make them happy ... & social pressure for women to get married is very high ... so they get married (most probably to a man they’ve SETTLED for ...). In Europe there is no financially incentive to getting divorced for women ... still they initiate most of the divorces ... That can only imply that the return over investment (in marriage) is not worth it for women ... Let that sink in !
jane smith Gee and with an attitude like that what could we do but put a ring on it.
James Coley Well, thanks but no thanks for the ring ... not all women all delusional & desperate ... Advise to all women: Have your own life together & see through the myth of “marriage + kids will make you happy” .... It won’t ... It’s just a choice .... & you will have to live with the consequences of that choice ...There’re many paths you could take in life ...
A maturity thing? Damn your off. The more mature I get the more I realize how risky it is for a man to marry or have children.
If women want men to commit, stand up for men and change the racket that is family court.
Precisely!
I think you’ve missed the point of the video by laser focusing on the negative aspects
katsan32 think what you want, I think you missed the point of my entire statement.
Move to another country that is not driven by a bonkers legal system.
Preach 🙌🏻
OMG THAT IS SO TRUE! MEn won't be able to commit if they feel like they haven't fully experienced life yet. At the end of the day THE RIGHT GUY AT THE WRONG TIME IS STILL THE WRONG GUY.
No, we won't EVER commit because we've finally wised up. We can get everything we want from women without the need to commit, so why would we?
The same girl you marry isn't the same girl you divorce.
The woman changes dramatically.
Fact!
My dad told me that once. And it shocked me to the core.
truer words were never spoken, my ex sure proved that. 19 yrs later she's nothing like she was when we got married.
Ain't that the truth 💯!
I also believe that sky-high divorce rates play into this trend of non-commitment. I also notice that videos like this place all the blame on men. Let's not pretend that women are faultless, and recognize that both men and women are not as interested in commitment.
Meh. I think men have the better end of the deal. Ofc not all women want commitment but society does drill the old 'you must get married bitches your eggs are getting old.'
I honestly think because we live longer now and men can settle down whenever......
Also the fact that people think settling down means kids......
pinkqueenscookie What makes you think men have the better end of the deal?
The point of this video actually isn't blaming the men. But the one who asked about those questions on that video was a girl, of course she asked some stuff about men same if you think the other way around since you said lets just say men and women are not interested in commitment (which i agree).
The only advantage men have is something you alluded to, that men become more attractive as they age inasmuch as they acquire more status, power, and $ with time, and that the opposite is true for women. But other than that the woman has all the advantages. All you have to do is look your best and make good decisions, and judging by the divorce rate, you seem to have a lot of trouble with that second part
Serginho Athirson Women don't have the advantage. Men have all the time in the world to settle down, women do not.
Men aren't afraid of commitment. We're afraid of being financially and emotionally disemboweled in divorce court. We've seen it happen to our dads and friends...we refuse to let it happen to us.
It’s deeper, if my eyes can’t see these hypergamous deceitful insatiable demons 24/7, I simply can’t trust them with any commitment.
- Financial agreement
Modern fair way
Choose better. And when you get in a marriage, put your ego aside and help her around the house. Otherwise in 10 years your wife will resent you for wasting the better years of her life (and her body) for the family. She will take everything you have.
@@ninagrace-lee8323 bla bla. Fish cannot choose wisely as baits are very attractive before marriage and completely different afterwards. Also, it doesn't matter even if you were ideal husband or wife, you will be blamed.
@@ninagrace-lee8323 as a guy i think it might be better not to choose and live single since obviously the rewards are not worth the risks. It's not only a good choice but also a logical one to begin with.
A lot of things he said can be applied to women as well.
Problem is, most people never achieve all their goals. The media teaches us to aspire to lifestyles of the rich & famous. How many of us ever actually get there? Finally, around age 50 it seems, men just want a companion, kids, etc. and settle down. But they want a 26-yr old. It's a crazy, messed up world right now.
Some men want a companion well before age 50. Men are hard-wired biologically to seek youth, which equates with longer and better fertility. Women seek confidence, social status and other alpha traits that indicate good genetics and an ability to provide.
Men do not necessary seek younger women, sure they look better but only total idiot will expect 20 year younger woman to be good companion who will share same values and she will be pretty hard to handle.
So men only select young women for sex but not serious relationships
BlackKidWithTheGlasses Because a 50 year old man is no prince charming either? Plus a 50 year old woman is not a 'hag' nor a 26 year old a princess.
dunnotck1 youre probably 50
Mudenge Mukundwa 23 year old here, I'm tired of 50 year old men romanticly approaching me like it's normal, it's not.
You make such a good point about the difference between being with someone that you can share good news with, and just having a bunch of guys that don't even care about you. I swear it's so frustrating to have a phone full of people, but nobody actually gives a s*** about me.
Actually its because men have woken up. We live in a progressive society where women happily cherry pick patriarchy. Guys are still expected to make all the first moves, put way more time, money and effort into the relationship, to build to a...marriage...where things get worse for him. Less independence, lower quality sex life, and even more financial obligations and entitlements to her. And then guys look at the divorce stats.
Since no fault divorce: 70% of all divorces are called for by the wife. 70% of that 70% the women file for "marriage disatisfaction". Know what that is? She got bored. You know all the cliche excuses women use to end a relationship, that are entirely self centered. Yeah well this relationship ending comes with a huge pay day. 97% of alimony goes to the ex wife. 95% of child support. Oh oh and for an equal society 95% of the time the women win the majority or sole custody battle for the kids.
Studies have shown women are more likely to cheat and or have a back up plan person in their fold of friends too.
Studies have show less women cook, or know how and more guys are picking up that responsibility too...odd...studies arent showing women increasing in mowing lawns or fixing the roof. So more responsibility is constantly shifted from women to men, while the legal right and financial entitlement go from men to women.
Yeah, if that sounds fucked up its because it is.
So men are looking at all of this and wondering why the fuck they should sign that death contract, or give up so much of their life to a gender that is only increasing in its hypergamus nature and a legal system that punishes men for entering into a marriage.
@Mayo Dog ye if i were a man :( id feel so much pressure. i mean every disney movie is a man sweeping a woman off her feet.
Who hurt you?
Hahaha, just playin. Preach!
Yo ma man, I've been trying to google the stats on what you said, but can't find that stuff. Can you share a link or some study that shows these statistics? I'm really interested, because that's some scary shit.
Statistics source?
So true
I love how this is framed as a maturity issue and not a legal issue. Marrying, cohabiting or having kids with someone presents financial and mental wellbeing risks.
I love how he’s patient and he doesn’t try to talk over the person that’s calling in he actually waits and listen
I've had women ask me what my life is missing, and I've told them my life is great. This is a dealbreaker for them. It's almost like they don't want a man who is happy in life. They want a man who's lost and needs a map (the woman), a man who's stupid and needs a teacher (the woman), a man who's broken and needs a repairman (the woman). I have zero interest in a relationship where I'm incomplete without the other person. I want a relationship where I'm simply a better version of myself with this woman. If you are pursuing someone who can't make it through tomorrow without you then both of you have issues.
Fact bro, Tho My parents are in a great relationship and I don't understand divorce and what would drive a woman to do that to a man.
Maybe you’re reading into it too much and all they want to hear is Love and companionship is missing in your life ! They are probably thinking , “ well what do you need me for then ?”.
I think that sounds healthy…But I’m guessing those women took it to mean you don’t need love/companionship, and heard it as rejection. I mean, I don’t need it either, I’ve been single for years and am just fine (female)…but I’d *prefer* someone to share life with- just not marry lol! Funny that the reverse of this equation is a man assuming women just want to marry/divorce/take all his money. IDK if marriage is even in the cards for me, but tbh that’s cuz my view is v different now at 47. Been there, done that, had to pay MY ex, I didn’t get diddly squat haha. I think Matt would tell us we probably could all do well to not generalize the way all we humans do 🤷🏻♀️😊
I am the female version of you
couldn't agree more. 😊❤
Psychologically speaking, the more options you have, the harder to choose is. If you had to choose a lifetime partner from 10 women/men and that's all you get, you will end up choosing one of them; yet now, you have thousands of people in your area at the swipe of your fingers on a dating app; and a hundred more in a club, so you're always opened for something new as "what if there's something better". The human mind nowadays has a lack of perception on our own deficiencies and as Matthew said, we feel entitled to the best out there. Most of us don't even know what "the best" even is, as "the best" in our heads may be hugely different from "the best for me/what I need". So people often look at the wrong people for the wrong reasons and then would be like "there's not enough good men/women out there". By the way, the upper mentioned psychological trait is the reason why reality shows always produce one or a few couples, and some may last a while but others may split in a very short period of time. This is also why people with narrowed choice in possible partners - people who work too much, who are isolated socially due to their jobs: career people, actors, singers, etc, always end up with someone they met through their work, but it's almost never really definite for them. People in such isolated circumstances tend to be more emotional and to have this desperation about having to be with someone and making the best of it, while they're would often skip on very important character traits that will bite them in the a** afterwards. The opened option people are on the other side of the spectrum, where they always have another chance and another choice and another year to choose, so they don't even worry if they miss something important or if they have an actual goal of marriage and family. The healthy correct spot is right between those two: when you know you have to choose eventually, that you have a time period that you are bound by, that you know what you want and you will go on searching just as long as you find the person who fits let's say 70% of what you want. You have to know that you can't have the whole 100%, and that there's no 110% or 120%. You have to also know that we should be able to compromise in and repair our relationships, instead of throwing the towel at the first thing that doesn't fit our idea. But our generation likes throwing things away when they don't work as expected. If the dishwasher stops working, it might be a problem with the filter and we need to repair it or call a mechanic. Our generation would just throw it away and buy a new one. Maybe if we could switch that mentality, we'd find happiness sooner and for longer. Oh, and people are really subconsciously scared of relationships - the idea to spend your entire life - the next 30, 40, 50, 60 years with the same person... That sounds like eating only your favorite food for the rest of your life: today it's fine, maybe it will still be fine in a year, but in 10 years you will be sick of that taste. People don't like that restriction although they function better under restrictions. It's a very interesting phenomenon. Marketing uses that all the time and people simply bite the bait every time. They just don't realize it as it's something so horrifying - to be bound to one person only, one house, one bed, one vacation site... People want more, yet they tend to take action only when they're restricted.
Wow, what a truthful enlightening point about people not wanting to commit to things in general.
it's funny because I'm pretty different from most men I'm 36 and I'm wanting a real relationship with a women that can value you me and not just be in it for a while and that's really difficult to find most women say they want a serious relationship but they really don't just check there's phones full of back up guys
Women now have so many options, how many would delete all their social media accounts and back up guys for commitment?
Lol and your phone ?
Your phone is probably full of other women’s messages and photos 😂
Any man who says he is different is probably not.
Its strangely satisfying listening to someone say the uncomfortable truths that need to be said and not caring what people think.
This is one of the extremely few instances where I slightly disagree with one of Husseys points made: When a guy likes a girl enough he will want to keep her for himself no matter what point in his life he is. If he likes her enough he will invite her to travel to those countries he's never been to with him, he will find time for her as he's continuing his education or going for the degrees he wants , etc. Whatever his purpose, if he will want to have her in his life. And that is universally the same for both genders; women will find time if they like the guy enough too. SOOOOO I believe instead of using that energy and time to ask questions of "Are you at a time in your life where you are looking for a relationship", bla blah blah etc INSTEAD you should use that time and energy to better yourself and make yourself a more saught after/desirable man/women so they will like you enough to want you in their lives.
BOTTOM LINE:
Even the busiest person in the world will make time for those they want to make time for. PERIOD.
CHEERS EVERYONE!
jpaulglobal what if a guy talks to a girl for over 1.5 yrs yet still maintains he can’t do long distance and doesn’t see it going long term? Then what’s he after? Seeking attention? Or commitment issues?
You're wrong. If he is not ready for a relationship he will devaluate her as much as he idealised her before. Don't always take yourself as a measure. What a bullshit you're talking about. I just read your whole comment. If someone has commitment issues, it's not other peoples fault.
I'm so addicted to listening to Matt. His passion for luv and people makes it enjoyable to listen to him.
Just keep in mind, he's totally confirmed MGTOW.
@@DavidWilliams-nb3cj what is that?
I don't really agree with the definition of maturity put forth here.
Maturity isn't doing what other people want you to do and it isn't settling down and making a commitment. It's becoming independent. It is being an adult and acting like an adult. That's all it is. If a man doesn't want to settle down it doesn't make him immature, it just means he doesn't want to settle down.
He isn't somehow broken for not being in a long term relationship. Not wanting to "commit" doesn't make him a child in a man's body. He's just someone who doesn't want to be in a serious relationship, and that's his choice.
And the same thing goes for women. Nobody should be obligated to do anything they don't want to.
Also the definition of entitlement is iffy. Entitlement is thinking you deserve something regardless of weather or not you work for it. What is described here is ambition. Unobtainable ambition maybe, but ambition none the less.
And you should be glad for that ambition. If men weren't ambitious, we'd all still be living in mud huts and getting eaten by sabertooth tigers.
Skippy19812 couldn’t agree with you more,
in our culture women are used to having the privilege to define what it is to be a man, so they define the terms. And this suits them, Which means men fall into line with their agenda or sexual strategy.
In short as men we should Never let a women define what is to be a mature man.
Act like an adult means: "Making decisions as best as you can and accept the results as something of you own making. Then you grow on that ."
Great video Matt
Thank you. I can’t find a boyfriend because of commitment issues from them. It’s like no guy wants relationships anymore.
Read the comments there you will find the answer you need to know not the one you want to hear. Huge difference.
No guy is going to want a relationship with you if you set the terms of that relationship and they're unfavourable to them. It seems pretty obvious. There was a time (basically the decades between 2nd wave feminism and the 2008 crisis) when you could find a guy so clueless that he felt the only value he had resided in his ability to bring happiness to a woman. These days are over, men are no longer willing to selflessly give themselves to women and accept ever restricting rules on how they can behave.
For people to sign a contract, the terms need to be fair to both parties. Relationships need to be mutually beneficial or they don't materialise. The western world has become so centered on what women want that men have basically gone on commitment strike.
You going be okay just move with the time & keep your head up they got us fucked up .
start self reflecting and find out why they wont commit instead of pushing everything on to them
this "im perfect and if something goes wrong its not my fault" attitude many women seem to have makes you seem really entitled and not ready for a relationship at all
Whenever I hear something like that I immediately think: Then you should probably give one of those poor guys on your own SMV level a chance that you have probably denied or not even seen as "real" men for years.
Women have absolutely inflated standards nowadays that render huge portions of perfectly fine men invisible - simply because of the abundance of men online. Simultaneaously they fail to realize how fast their own value is sinking ...
What about the guys who wanted meaningful relationships (when they were young), but always got screwed over in favor of the Bad Boy?
There are complexities to all questions about relationships. Its still sound advise when you look at the bottom line here. He needs to earn trust. Not give it n see what happens. AlsoThe thing with bad boys isnt just that they are more interesting. They go after you, make you feel wanted. Good guys dont do that. Its a conundrum for sure. But girls are confused too.
@@Ericatrue2.0 Good guys are given conflicting messages. They are given the impression that their attentions are not wanted (read: #metoo/street harassment, etc.), but at the same time are encouraged to "just go for it" even at the risk of making a woman feel uncomfortable. On top of that, the media, our mothers and women at large tell us they want one thing (good dudes who treat them right), but end up gravitating towards the opposite (fuckboys), especially when they're young and at their most sexually desireable. If we would just tell young men the truth about what really turns most women on (which is not politically correct) everyone's lives would be much easier. Just tell the truth.
@@nathanmorgan3647 lol men persue younger women because they want to manipulate them and older women gave higher standarts. Better to be single for everyone then
@@qmulus1 the truth - easier to be a lesbian
Евгения Михайловна “Men pursue younger women because they want to manipulate them.”
That’s a lot of projection there.
“and older women have higher standards.”
And less of what men ACTUALLY want in exchange.
Very simple, because a serious relationship means spending a loooot of time and money and energy, and unless you like so so much that person, you are not going to be willing to do that.
And eventually there will be drama and problems for things like:
- You want to be alone in your house but your partner wants you to go with his/her friends. Whatever decision is made, one of the parts will be very unhappy.
- You are very happy living alone, but your partner wants to live together.
- You have things to do but your partner try to convince you that you can actually sacrifice some of those things in order to spend more time together.
- Your partner wants to have kids, and does not realize how much that decision will change/screw your life forever.
Have you ever heard someone say "My life was so boring and sad when I was single, but now that I married her I am the most happy man in the world?" I don't think so. Have you ever heard someone complain about his marriage? All the time!
I tried to be optimistic to one of my married friends, tried to tell him it must be very nice to have someone so close and have children that will push you to strive harder in life, that it will be worth it in the end, he shits on those compliments lol. I still think he is joking about all his woes of married life.
This is a very important factor that needs to be more appreciated by anybody who's dead set on fast tracking to the married life.
The numerous compromises involved are going to have to be offset by some advantages, I think too few people have the ability to look inwardly and ask "Is what I'm offering worth their time effort and compromising their independent life for"
Too many people think their partner is afraid of commitment, they never stopped to ask if they were worthy of being committed too.
I've asked why they broke up but they didn't want to talk about it. It's difficult when they are unavailable and it's true that you have to catch them at the right time, or you just end up listening to endless excuses of why they don't want to commit this time around.
That's because anytime a man is vulnerable he is shamed for it
See whenever I hear a woman equate "commitment" with "growing up" I immediately tune her out. I'm done. And many men are the same. Because what you're doing is removing marriage from the realm of choice and growth, and changing it to a reward for whatever it is that women do that makes them feel they deserve it. Not only is that unfair to men, but it's sabotaging a marriage before it even begins.
+CapAnson12345 It isn't that marriage is a reward for women. Women equate marriage as being established in life. They want to settle down and know that one person is committed to just them. Also, marriage for a woman can also mean that you respect her enough to marry her and not drag her along for years. That you choose her over all women. So it isn't to make them feel they deserve it, but rather a way to show her that you only want her for life. You should never feel like you are pushed into marriage. If that is the case you should not even be in a relationship if that is not your ultimate goal. Women usually play for keeps because mostly they want to settle down and have children and feel secure. I'm sure she was talking about a male who was too busy going around the answer she wanted and not being straight with her and she was equating it with he needed to grow up. Which in turn waiting to long to give an answer will ultimately destroy a relationship that was good and she'll move on eventually and not wait on you to make up your mind.
That's all well and good. But it's still a government stamp on a piece of paper that is highly disadvantageous to men to undo. That's very expensive "proof". I can only speak for myself.. but having learned from my mistakes.. if a woman can't accept some other evidence of my commitment.. then she's not the one for me.
+CapAnson12345 Wait. So you are telling me you never want to get married because it's an expensive "proof"? This is clearly not what I said. I've been through the expensive "proof" twice. I'd still marry again. To me it isn't a government paper, it's a right you share with the other person. Unfortunately, in order for him/her to be legally binding to what you leave behind in death belongs to her/him you deny her/him that piece of you. It may be a government document and true it IS just that but it's also a piece that you show you give your all. At least that's how I see it. As a women gone through two abusive marriages. I've often thought of never getting married again simply just was you say. It's expensive "proof", but in reality, I believe it's a cop out due to fear. It's how you handle the fear and move forward that counts. If you're honing in only the fear then that in itself should be looked at. I see it as "I don't want to get hurt again so I must protect myself. " When you do that you deny your partner from the get go of your whole self because you still have your guard up. I hope one day someone will be worthy enough for you.
Oh I'm fearful, that is for sure.
+CapAnson12345 Being afraid or refusing to be in a relationship isn't the same as being married. I get people who don't want to get married, it's their choice. On the other hand, refusing to date people just because "you can party and relashionships are boring and limiting" - that's how I imagine men/women who don't want to commit... I don't see any way how is marriage a reward because that sounds like a dead end, but ok. Maybe some people see it that way.
This guy is filling women's minds with "feel good" bullshit that they want to hear
Thats how he gets his MILLIONS. Matt makes his money from womens emotions. He hustles women
That's what YOU think!
Yup, in the same vein as Steve Harvey, Dr. Phil and others, their business is pandering to their audience, which is predominantly female.
Yeah I noticed that too.
Oh well, at least we know what sort of BS we can expect.
Just tell women what they want to hear. Most of them aren't "thinkers" they rely on emotion
*Commitment is no longer desirable in our society*
There I just saved you 8 minutes
Yeah…I handle it by not being pressed about what non-committing men are doing. I’m going wherever I’m loved and treated the way I want. It’s hard to meet the right person. But, I been single so long that there’s a contentment that I have in my singleness. That being said, if a man wants to be for the streets, he can go and stay there. I can love you all day. But, I love myself and peace more. Free yourself and leave me alone. Let the man that wants to commit come my way.
Exactly
You sound like the person that will end up cheating on her husband because someone else made her feel special, divorce her husband, take the kids and assets, and tell your kids negative things about their father.
Not saying you are, but you sound like it with the “I’m going wherever I’m loved”. That’s not commitment to a relationship, that’s selfishness 🤷🏻♂️
@@Steph1 And you sound stupid. Just because you choose yourself doesn’t make you a cheater or that you’re just going to leave. However, if you’re not committing to me, why would I even think to commit to you when that would entail to the rest of my life in which my relationship with a man and creating children is an investment? Make it make sense. Y’all want women to be doormats to men and their Shenanigans so bad. 🙄
Why invest with a man who won’t invest in me? I will take you with a grain of salt and leave you where you stand because you told me you didn’t want me. Plain and simple.
Im a guy but I must say that you sir hit the nail right on the head with you assessment of guys. I was one of those guys you described. Hopefully more men will listen to your videos because we can learn a great deal.
+Youssef Hamidi unlike you not all men are stupid
+Youssef Hamidi me thinks you are not a guy. Something in the way you posted your response.
Youssef Hamidi thanks for being one of those guys that aren't shitting on the ideas he discussed just because they feel like they paint certain men in a not so pleasant light. I was reading all kinds of misogynistic comments and reading yours was a breath of fresh air.
Doug Joseph bitter, eh?
Doug Joseph No. I’m lucky to know decent guys
I’ve been watching all your LoveLife series these days and I have to say you are so great at explaining the core issue of each problem the caller has. It’s amazing. You are so wise and great on communication! Thanks for all the insights, Matt. I am so happy I found you. :) Looking forward to learning more from you.
3:07 … did somebody just fart?
I heard it too!
yess it was definitely a fart😂
its not fart she was saying :mmm
nouf x Hahah you might be right. Totally sounded like a fart though.
never occurred to me that it sounds like a fart until i read your comment.
Key for popularity among women is not to tell the truth... well done
Marriage is not important if you already are happy, I've seen great relationships ruined because the woman wanted the wedding and was annoying about it
I like how he types the name in his phone so he doesn't forget in the begining.
*Gotta admit that this guy is very clever and I appreciate him for that. He knows all the valid reasons why smart men won't commit anymore but he tells her what she wants to hear because he realises that he can't bite the hand that feeds.*
beautiful video. very useful also for me as a man. "look for guys in the right stage of their lives instead of trying to convert guys who are in the wrong stage of their lives". Priceless and very very profound..... Thanks Matt!
There is an interesting duality to this.. In my early twenties/late teens I was more interested in committed relationship.. As years go by... I now am not.. However I also am not Into "hookup culture".. I don't find it cool to just sleep with different girls constantly.. I'm far more grown up than I was then.. I prefer the build my own life for the sake of self.. Not so I can afford dates with women.. Honestly.. Most women I've dated contribute and some even pay in full(even on the first date)! So I'm not the mgtow crybaby who is out trying to avenge every woman who he feels did him wrong. However.. I personally feel that there is a higher love.. That doesn't require commitment.. Commitment and love are not the same thing. Sex and love are not the same thing. Having a meaningful relationship does not necessarily mean monogamy or commitment.
FESTER... Women resent non-monogamy because women want to control men by limiting our sexual options. Lots of traditional men are the same way, but lately I find that guys in my circles seem more open to polyamory... It's odd.
Right off the bat, the women states that men "Don't want to grow up." What exactly does she mean by that statement? That they need to drop everything and commit to constantly being at her command?
Commitment? In the past, companies would brag that they employed "Cradle to Grave", the hiring process was rigorous, but they made a commitment to you and in return expected a similar commitment from the employee. Today? The hiring process is just as rigorous (perhaps more so) but a company will discard good employees after a quarter or two of sinking profits. No Commitment on their part so why should they expect commitment from their employees?
That economic environment has trickled down to dating and marriage. In the past, men and women would marry for life, courtship was rigorous, but they made a solid commitment to each other for better or worse, until death do us part. Today? Dating is superficial, engagement a fast track to starting a family for all the wrong reasons, and marriage is an employer/employee relationship wherein the Boss (Her) fires the employee (him) after a quarter or two of sinking profits.
We need to re-think this whole process. Birth control, feminism, equality, social media, and technology have turned society inside out and our social mores and legal system haven't evolved fast enough to cope with the vast changes of the past 70 years.
Wow. You're great at summarizing this succinctly. Good job.
Men typically get the raw deal in marriage. Truly.
How so?
how?
Matthew! I just ADORE the way you break things down! TY!
We can commit - look at how many men do 20 years in the military. When 50% of marriage ends in a turnstile divorce with 93% of marriages ending in under 10 years (the average being 7 years, 3 years if you don't have children) - and when the divorce hits, the man loses everything - the house, the car, 1/2 assets, 1/2 his retirement, maybe his company, and is pinned under alimony, child support and keeping her in a 'life that she has come accustomed to'. f- that. #MGTOW is on the rise - because divorce is a shit show and the only way to avoid it is to COMMIT to never getting married.
That's such a good point about men being able to commit, all kinds of people literally commit their entirely lives to their passion/job/career. Even occupations where they risk their lives. That alone should show that it's obviously not a question of maturity.
Matthew sounds like a panderer who doesn’t want to tell the woman that she is probably the reason her options won’t commit. Someone is coming after steve harvey’s job.
Todays women give 0 reason to commit outside of having a kid if the man wants that…. His home isnt his anymore, he can’t request anything or desire anything from her without looking “sexist” or “toxic masculinity” they basically give men 0 reason to want to commit & you all go on with the feminist brainwashed tactics of only blaming the man
I committed to a very sweet girl in 1981. By 1990 she was sleeping with multiple men when I was home with two young children. The courts made me homeless and broke in one week and oweing $200,000 in child support. I told my son to only marry when he has a rock solid pre nup. Women turn on the husband quickly. They also have no conscience in divorce court. Go to court and sit in the back and just listen. These couples all had great sex before marriage.
@@georgesontag2192she wasn't that sweet then, it was was what 'you' perceived as sweet.
@@dwaefwgfrwgcommiting to a job, to the gym is not the same as commiting to a woman. Stop talking nonsense. So why aren't men commiting to women?. Men make themselves busy to make excuses for not commiting. 😂
Is it just me or did the caller lady on the radio fart @3:07?? LOLZ.
Both parties need to want the same thing in a relationship. Dissect all you want, people just need to be straight up and say what they are after.
5:00 OH MY GOSH that makes so much sense thank you. This is probably exactly what’s happening with my man. He feels like he hasn’t accomplished enough so he wants to be single for a bit to find himself and not just have me as his only accomplishment (sadly true to him at least which I disagree I think he’s a very smart man and has a lot of amazing talents he just needs to pursue)
The truth is marriages are a terrible deal for men as you can lose half of your shit and even your kids. That is the truth why men avoid it like the plague. This guy is just keeping up the bullshit instead of telling the truth. Men have little to gain from a marriage
@@swinfeflue by all means, let the fear stop you…
Matthew, as always, makes some good points. Please also consider how committing your life to someone is a really big deal for both women and men.
And (from a male point of view) with the divorce rate and an ever long list of high profile divorces, imagine what kind of risks a man is expected to take should it happen to him.
It's not just a matter of just him having to "grow up", or "man up." No one goes into marriage expecting it to fail. Yet half do. Where else in life can a person be blithely expected to take such a permanently ruinous risk?
Men also choose better, not just a pretty face, ask her the hard questions as well, be picky don’t throw your pearls to swines either, make sure she worthy to be by your side as well make sure she can help you turn a house into a home this go’s both ways.
I swear to god every time I watch ***** I feel that im getting smarter ........thanks dude you rock ^_^
+railn j sander If you like this guy, you should try reading a book. It will blow your mind.
uchibenkei lol true and yes I do but what he brings to the table is different and I like,,I hope you use your own advice too ^_^
very awesome advice. now that i look at it, i was really pushing commitment on the last guy i dated. we have to realize, some men simply aren't ready yet.
Did you find one now that was ready?
Relationships are an expensive pain in the ass waste of time
Ya damn right about that!
@zadose That's fine. I'm 51 never married and no kids I know of. There is not one single positive in being married that even remotely begins to offset the landslide of negatives. Marriage is an outdated useless institution. I will never understand why anyone would give another single person that much control of their life.
@zadose lol way to admit you don't actually enjoy spending time with him and only value a man potentially as a gateway to the status you crave. Gotta say that's pretty vain...
This is the simpiest advice. This feels like Derrick Jaxin, where he just tells women what they want to hear.
Tell this woman the truth! It's not that men aren't willing to commit. It's that the men that you CHOOSE to date, don't want to commit to YOU. You're remedies here are 1) choose different men to pursue, or 2) become a better woman. Like seriously, how can he advise her from the perspective that she is clearly a great woman when he knows nothing about her. She might be a horrible human being. She may be dumb as a rock. She may have no ambition but to sit on the couch and have someone take care of her. Not saying she's any of these things, but he doesn't know this. So how can your advice not start with, "what do you bring to the table besides your vagina?"
If a man had presented the same question to anyone, the advice would begin with...well what kind of work do you do, what do you look like, are you in shape....etc etc. It would begin by assuming that if you can't get the women you want, you have to fix you first. But when it's women, the assumption is that the problem is men in general. That's bs.
They prefer a comforting lie over a harsh truth. Women don't want to fix their problems, they want to complain and have their viewpoint reaffirmed.
That is so fucking true dude
Besides her vagina? SEXIST. It is NOT bs, it is true. BS, men don't work on themselves. Women do. That is ALL women do, guys have not started that yet.
@@somethingsomething8511 SEXIST AND WRONG. Women do fix their problems, guys don't.
@@marcinkoczot2059 ACTUALLY, IT IS FUCKING FALSE, BUD.
Ending a relationship (even a good one) to better yourself IS NOT a bad thing
Marc Rogers question why would you end anything that is good and enhances your life. Please explain? Unless your job is transferring....which you can’t control
Marc Rogers you should not have to end a good relationship in order to work on yourself. Doesn't make any sense.
Marc Rogers you can better yourself while still being in a relationship. I don’t get why being with someone should stop you from anything. Maybe only if that person in extra demanding not understanding and insecure but otherwise just no. Life in general is about bettering yourself whenever you can, single or not.
I’d assume what Marc means is ending a relationship that seems to be good and perfect, but you clearly found reasons to be discontent with it due to things you find lacking in your own life. While that shouldn’t necessarily take away from the relationship itself, sometimes it can be hard to really learn to appreciate it until you take some more time to figure out yourself first.
Jelle Smits No, but you'll definitely have more time on your plate.
Omg! I’m a single guy in my 30s living in NYC and this guy is 100% CORRECT
a HUGE part is that in the past men married to have sex which is a main motivator for them...now they dont necessarily have to and so they dont
You're right and you're wrong. Most men are completely sex starved, the notion that sex is readily available to men is laughable. Only a minority of males have a lot of sex, the majority get very little. It's the 80/20 rule (Pareto principle) at work: 20% of the men at the top of the "socio-sexual hierarchy" get 80% of the female attention. The bottom 80% compete for 20% of female attention so the competition is insanely fierce. Nearly 1/3 of American men below 40 has not had sex in the last year, a number that has tripled over the last decade.
I have no idea where women get the idea that most men get laid. Most men don't because most women have impossible standards.
What is true is that, in the past, a man was entitled to sex in his marriage so he was willing to compromise on everything else to get that. Now that all this is gone and you have a 90% of getting divorce raped if you split up, marriage is just no longer attractive. In fact, it's the dumbest contract a man can ever sign.
Great advice. Find somebody that is in the settling down phase. There will be lots of competition for these guys so become your best self.
I would say everything he said it's true, but we have to add in the factor that with the new feminism things have changed. Last century there were gender roles, men were in charge of the money and supporting a family, women were in charge of the house and raising kids, and also there was no sex before marriage, there weren't any respectable ladies who gave them sex without the commitment, so guys had to get married. Now with all the dating apps, which are like catalogs, sex is open for anybody at anytime, and now you'll see women giving all the perks of marriage (kids, sex, house, etc) for free. Also the mentality of the women has changed, we've been endoctrinated to think that men are just accessories, and women can be very very evil when it comes to getting revenge or making somebody's life miserable, so if in any case she's not happy or feels let down, well... Poor guy. So I guess men have realized there's nothing in for them that they can't get anyways. Also if you take God out of the picture, well, marriage is just a piece of paper. So I guess those are some of the reasons.
@jimmyjones05 there are still good traditional women out there that think, but sadly we're few 😕
First, a lack of self satisfaction that says I am happy with myself, which leads to second, the lack of desire to share your world with another, and a third factor, no trust in others because most people are looking for what they can take from others to complete themselves, not give what they have to offer. It’s a vicious cycle.
Expectations are the mother of all frustration and women's expectations of men have never been higher or as confusing.
Until there is a better contract for partnership expect men to be less and less interested in marriage. Most young men have witnessed first hand a father or friends life destroyed by an unwanted divorce.
If someone says to me a man is afraid of commitment , all i hear is he is smart.
Men should take time to find a high quality woman. There are a few out there who will add to your life not simply leach off it.
Hey Matthew...I have simply fallen in love with you.You are so intelligent and you give the most practical answer to any question.
The last three girls I've dated basically told me they don't wanna date anymore because if they do, then they won't be able to have other sexual partners.
Narcissistic sociopaths those bitches have never been faithful in their relationships
God damn.
@@armandohenriquez2103 A little salty, are you? Women can enjoy casual relationships too, regardless of your beliefs.
Tumbler sounds like you got yourself a type there 😬
That makes no sense
I see the perspective some commenters have on marriage, it being a financial risk and a legal burden. It's like signing a contract that involves the government and ends up making things all the worse if your partner goes cold on you. But I guess that's a risk you have to take if you're truly committed. It's trust in the other person: that they won't go cold on you, that they love and respect you and always will until the end of your lives together. To me, as a woman, marriage is a promise to love and respect each other forever. I take the vows people say very literally and perhaps a little too seriously.."to love and to hold until death do us part." It's a very romantic perspective that has nothing to do with practicality. Maybe that's a bad thing because it is so naive, but I also think its kind of a beautiful perspective that I wish I could share with the other person. Once you promise, you can't go back on your word. I know that's a pretty robotic and probably unrealistic thing to say...but promises are meant to be upheld no matter the difficulties you might face in the future.
To me, marriage satisfies an emotional need, it is a symbol, yes, but a very important one of commitment and trust. If you are unable to take that leap of faith, then I think either you are not ready as a person, maybe never, or you haven't found the right person capable of allaying your fears. They should be trustworthy and someone you want to commit to.
People want all the benefits of, time tested, relationships, marriages, that take years to refine but in weeks or months.
So wise beyond your years Matthew. Very inspiring
She interrupted him. Dude no wonder he don’t want you, you ain’t patient. His face was priceless. Like this beee!!!
LIFE BY ITSELF is complicated....We change so much as the years go by....So I say look at the bright side of everything in your life and go with the flow.
Something that surprisingly many girls don't seem to know, most guys won't mary a girl who's had a "extensive " past; multiple partners prior to them. I remember my aunt would ask my uncle whos to this day isn't married, when will he get married, as he'd reply;" what for? They already give it up for free"
true :)
I was dumped for being a virgin😅 so idk
Great video Matt!! I like Matt's comments on looking for a guy who is in the right stage of his life. If you meet someone and they are struggling and unhappy, that might be how your relationship ends up, struggled to death and very unhappy!! Good question, have you gotten everything out of your system? Very honest and straight to the point question. You cannot trust anyone until they earn it. I say this all the time.
Scientists have figured out a type of food that completely kills sexual intimacy in a relationship ... that food is called. WeddingCake.
Andy Marshak 😂😂😂😂
Arе уоu mаking thеeeеsе mistаkes with уоur mаn? twitter.com/98d6c4d508a177041/status/822777194636152832 Whу Тhе Моdеrn ММММan Wооооn t Cоmmit аnd Whаt Yоu Cаn Dо Аbоut It ММММatthеw Hussеу Gеt Тhе Guу
LOL
Brutal 😂
How to make a pussycat to cow? Marry it
Loved those generous nuggets of wisdom thank you Matthew always love to listen to your great and helpful advice :)
Commitment is a synonym for investment. Men, for the most part, do not invest in women because we are all aware that we will get nothing in return other than the high potential of getting burned. We don't commit because there is nothing in it for us. What could there possibly be in it for us? Love? Love is a chemical instinct that all living things are born with in order to spur reproduction, that is all. We are drawn to pair up and mate with women just as animals are drawn to find mates. This is just a hard wired instinct we are all born with; but, as humans, we like to believe we are above our baser instincts, and this includes our sexual instincts. Sure they are fun and yes finding a mate feels great, but so does meth and crack. We are supposed to be intelligent enough to distinguish between what feels good in the moment and what is going to have negative long term repercussions on our life. Relationships with women are just not worth it and they have a demonstrable negative effect on men's quality of life. We aren't avoiding relationships and marriage _"just because."_ We have a plethora of serious and valid reasons for refusing to commit and being childish and immature sufferers of Peter pan syndrome is the least of them.
Your videos are becoming a checklist for me Matt!
matthew's feelings sway a woman's feelings.. and doesn't take into account facts. well played matthew.
I asked a guy the questions. We were a couple for 6 months until he abruptly broke up with me telling me that he feares commitment. He also told me he never wanted a relationship but simply likes the idea of one and he knew that if he told me the truth, I'd not date him or respect him as he could tell I'm girlfriend material so he decided to lie so he could spend time with me. At the end, even if you ask those questions, it doesn't matter... If he's inmature, hell still do inmature things that will shock you.
so you slept with him?
@@abderrahimyoestoy3100 what is this gonna be now? The tipical 'oh so you slept with him, so what did you expect' cause I'm only here for the productive answers and no crap. Yes, we slept together.. I mean.. Don't know abt anyone being in a relationship of 6 months and avoiding intimacy sooo what's the deal with your question?
@@boniboni7015 no i just asked you to understand your situation
@@boniboni7015 so are you a western woman?
@@abderrahimyoestoy3100 ok and now that you got your answer, how do you understand this?
Commitment: willingness to give your time and energy to a job, activity, or something that you believe in. (Cambridge dictionary). No matter what. Women wants me to commit to provide for her, to work the rest of my life and give her at least 90% of my income and time to improve her lifestyle. That's all good if what I get in exchange is something I believe in. Are you worth it? What do I get in exchange?
@pink girl It is about social visibility. There are millions of male widowers and single fathers all over the world the same way as women widowers and single mothers. But, you don't see men complaining about having to take care of their household and kids at the same level women do. There are several reason for that, to mention a couple:
1. "Replacement value": It is easier for a male widower or single dad to hire a nanny, maid, housekeeper or company and sex to fulfill all functions that he lost. It is harder for a female widower or single mother to find somebody willing to work hard to get resources just to go back home and give it to another adult to support her and her kids.
2. Simple economics: If we are talking about a traditional family, let's say. married couple with 2 kids were he works and she takes care of the house and kids. If she dies, he now has to support only 3 people instead of 4, so it is 1 less head, probable 1 employee (that's if they didn't had a housekeeper or a maid before). If he dies, now she went from supporting 0 to support 3 plus the household chores that she already had. You can't hire somebody to give you money and resources. You can see that on US court statistics. 96% of all women that get child custody also ask for Child Support while only 13% of all males that get child custody asks for child support. Women require child custody and child support while men only cares for the custody, most don't care about the money as long that they get their kids.
Yes a woman you love is worth. My goodness a woman risk her life giving birth to your children. You’re not the only special kind of gender. Get a grip.
@@wingardiumleviosa2004 women risk her life giving birth? where? In 1st world countries, maternity mortality rates are between 15 to 22 deaths/100000 births, and most of those deaths are due to complications like obesity, coronary issues, etc. You have a higher risk of death by riding a car every day than to giving birth.
Also, giving birth is a female decision (meaning, she is taking the risk at her own will), men have no reproductive rights. It doesn't matter if I want the kid or not, it is up to her if the child is born or not. If a woman wants to abort or complete the pregnancy process, she can and will do it, it doesn't matter what the father thinks.
Also, even if she decides to have the kid, we are not allowed to verify the child's relation to us with a paternity test without her consent or a court order. So, even if the child is born, we don't have a choice to participate on the child bearing process or not, we are force to believe the mother's word and we are held responsible for the child for the next 18-21 years
@@Milo298 The woman is taking a risk. You can paint it however you want in your mind. There can even be complications with a baby. Regardless, giving birth is walk in the park. Take a couple seats back. I’m also going to assume you meant vehicles not (cards) as you say are “risky.”
@@wingardiumleviosa2004 it's not "how I paint it on my mind", those are WHO's statistics. My point is, if she decides to take the risk (as small as it is on a young healthy woman), it 's her decision, no man can force a woman to get pregnant or to have a child. Don't blame it on him.
Tell it, Matthew Hussey! Spilling out pure truthes here! Btw I love your channel.
Interesting how the answer is never “become marriage material.”
Yes it is. He talks about it all the time. This was only one question
It's too late. Women can't become marriage material, they are born that way. Once those walls start getting smashed and the aging process begins, there is no going back.
@@BossItUp911 “Women are marriage material” yep
She blamed men IMMEDIATELY. It was almost instinctive with the Peter Pan thing. Also, did she ask herself the same question she’s asking here all the times she QUIT commitments? Does she take care of her looks? Is she submissive or basically another man with a high pitched voice? I could go on forever.
And then she grasped on to that “maturity” branch as soon as she could (shifting blame again). I was with my ex for 6 years. I was not hesitant to commit ONLY to her. What did she do? Push marriage on me over and over and over. INSTEAD of just fixing the things that bothered me and inspiring me to propose. And then she started going out with her friends, and being weird, and then SHE LEFT. See that? She’s still unmarried. She coulda been married to me by now. Maybe. But nope.
And now, I have a younger one, a better one, whom I’d marry in an instant. Why? SHES NOT DIFFICULT. She cooks. She’s thoughtful. She cleans. She fvcks. She doesn’t go out. THATS someone u make a wife. Who was she raised by? Her FATHER.... That shits extinct. They’re not women anymore. And there are no more fathers cuz women started leaving fathers. So now men aren’t the way they’re supposed to be either.
And guys like THIS... encourage them to see themselves (this particular young woman) as this superior being men should be “earning”. It goes both ways if u want “commitment”.
Just like we have to take women initiating almost ALL break ups and ALL divorces right on the chin like ain’t sht happen and she you never existed in her life.. If no man is committed to u by the time you’re in your early to mid 30s, it’s your fault. And i should add...... Commitment doesn’t NEED to mean a marriage license. If u trust each other juuuust enough to STILL need a CONTRACT between u 2, and people U DONT EVEN KNOW.... just to be with one another, and be THERE for one another, then you shouldn’t be together in the first place. Don’t get rid of good men just because they haven’t proposed to u. A friend of une has been with his wife 15 years. Waited 10 to propose. 10. TEN. They adore each other to this day. They’re always together.
Why do the women’s voices always sound the same? Btw great content always Matthew 🔥👌🏻
Women have higher pitch voice. Telephone frequency in the upper band is limited. Hence it's most likely the frequency used by the telephone exchange is in limited band. Which sounds similar.
We are not afraid for the most part, we are basically fed up with the system! It's not worth the energy or the consequences. Being alone (not lonely) is so much easier! Your life is in your own hands, with a woman...well , it's on hers, the courts and anyone else , including the other guy! From experience I would tell young man to work and build that wealth and PROTECT that wealth. Listen to the older men that have lived it and learned the lessons thru heartbreak and financial crisis. You don't just lose your assets you worked for, your heart is shattered and you see your kids only when is convenient for her. Getting older is a blessing because you have now acquired the knowledge and you recognize those flags. It gets better, just stay single as long as you can.
That moment when Matthew kind of held back what he wants to say to give the caller the turn to speak. 😍
All well put. I have friends who met the love of their life in their 60s. They are deeply in love with each other. They travel, are well established, and are having the best time they have ever had in life. These couples will be together 'til the end. You never know when love is going to show.
Tina Huston true..but I don't want it to be when I'm 60. But true love is worth everything though
In the meantime, I'm very much in love with myself and am well entertained with my endeavors. No wasting any time here.
I love and repsect myself too. Currently I'm studying. I have been in real love not long ago..it just feels so nice . Sharing things and memories... omg what a time. So I wanna feel that again sometime. But in the meantime I'll focus on myself.
MGTOW. is spreading like a wildfire!🔥🔥
Aijaijaaij let's go Mgtow!
Also WGTOW
💥 and just like that!
I really appreciate listening to you. You’re really good!
Don’t trust ppl blindly… you allow ppl to earn your. How much effort are you going to put in.
then he hits you with a "if things happen it'll happen"
I'm guessing that's about as painful as a "let's just be friends" would be? :)
“We’ll see - I don’t like to plan anything. Let’s just see what happens”
my ex of 5 years just old me "if you put my effort in and have sex more, we can get married" um....WTF
@@brittanychapman5438 Because SEX is number 1 in a relationship. That's ALL that women bring to the table. So if you're not offering that, why would he want to commit to you???
This was one of the best MH videos I've seen! Thank you :)