This is exactly how I parent my kids with my ex. I basically take him out the equation and when the kids are with him, I don't worry about it. Luckily I'm not overly controlling so however he parents as long as the kids are safe, I'm good. And we've always kept all communication about the kids.
I am the same way with my ex. When we first ended it everything used toget to me cause she doesn’t think past tomorrow, and she would have my child involved in her dumb decisions, but as the years have gone on , as long as my child is happy and not hurt or in danger I could give 2Fs what she’s up too. When he’s with her , he’s with her. When he’s with me , he’s with me. I’m like you you, not overly controlling. She is though so it used to be a nightmare dealing with her in the earlier years lol
I got caught years ago, pregnant, I was omg, sooooo young. He scarred me badly mentally about having his child, I actually never wanted any more children after that. He was in no contact with his son. I gave him the opportunity to bond with his first son and he declined. He put me through pure hell as a single parent, (no child support from the court) I moved on with my life in 1981 . By 1983, I got my tubes tied. Only had 1 child after that I never wanted any more children. I raised a beautiful son that is so educated. He scared me so badly, I never wanted another kid. Narcissists can really ruin you.
My husband told me that if I leave him that he won’t be apart of our daughters life. At first this used to hurt, but now I think it would be best for him not to. I’m aware that it’s one of his tactics to keep me from leaving. Mentally I’ve already checked out.
My husband and I parent differently. He's not emotionally available at home, but he's a "great" and available dad in public. Whereas I love my kids and fill my day and time with them. Therefore, I'm the preferred parent, and I know it makes my husband jealous.
Legit just got told this today and he was SO MEAN about it. Called me less of a parent and more his friend but I've been told by the majority of the families that I'm more strict and follow through with things needing to be done. I felt awful because our son heard this and told his dad that he loves me because I listen and wants to be with me more because he trusts me. His dad proceeded to tell him he was wrong in feeling that way and to understand I don't have custody and he can decide if he comes to my home or not. Like it was rough
Your work is truly medicine, Lee. The self aware perspective is necessary because most channels concerning narcissists are filled with hate. But that’s my child they despise! I will love my son forever. And pray for his healing until I die. We just can’t be in a relationship in our current conditions. Your content gives this alienated parent hope that my child can one day heal. 💜🙌🏾💜
The best way I have found to co-parent with any narcissistic parent is: to keep it business official. If they act like they the don't have time for their kid, then up your kids time with activities to build and nurture your kiddos futures. Do family counseling for you and the kids, if you are divorced or separated I encourage you just to do the counseling with you and your child, so you have healthy ways of knowing how to talk with your child about the issues without putting a blaring emphasis on the other parent.
Lee, I sure hope my adult son comes across your content one day. He loves being a self aware narcissist as well. But he learns about his personality disorder as a means to creating trauma bonded relationships. He alleges to love being a dark anti-hero. He literally watches UA-cam videos to learn how to better control supply. I can’t believe he came from my womb. He’s been blocked over a year now. So yeah, you give me hope Lee. I appreciate you brother. Keep growing. Good teaching. Love from the 313. 💜💜💜
Yes my narcissistic ex husband doesn’t want to coparent with me either. I’ve accepted it. I went no contact forever. We just can’t coexist. I’ve tried everything (all of the strategies you’ve mentioned), back and forth to court, NOTHING worked. Hopefully our son will understand. It’s so unfortunate.
How did you go no contact ?? How CAN you go no contact ?? Don't you have to keep in touch with thr child's school and health stuff ?? I am trying to go little to no contact, but the ex is always threatening me with " you don't tell me this or that I'm taking you to court " and I'm like dude, you abused me for 6 years, I want nothing to do with you, but I have to talk to you because of our 4 year old
Yep! You want to see the true monster in a narc? Have their baby. Theres no joy in them, we basically ruined their life and trapped them...well on my case.
You are so right they find a way to try to control your emotions. He knows I need help, knows I’m struggling, doesn’t help much, yet he is out living his best life lol it’s getting easier I only talk when necessary
I had to mentally prepare for parallel parents after realising that co-parenting did not exist. I was still doing alot for the kids when they went over (preparing their meals, snack and water) whilst he did the minimum with them. I put boundaries in place and stopped doing it all. To add he hadn't financially supported them for a few months at this time with no plan to reimburse me. Then switched to wanting them as and when it worked with him. As the lack of consistency for anxiety triggering I would say no if they weren't available or the times requested didn't work for them. He wrote me an email 3 days before my bday stating that as I would control contact and not allow him to see them when he wanted to, he would see them when their older (they are 6 and 2 now) and wished them a good life. I've worked alot on myself and would have before felt to bend to his every wimp like I used to, hence poor boundaries. Would also say frequently to the eldest that he would pick them up next week which wouldn't happen (whilst adding that it would depend on what u would say), he never requested. Feel very sad for my kids but what can be done by me??? Also didn't say anything when our youngest turnt 2 and no attention paid to them for Christmas. He blames me but I know now that it's not me, its either his way or nothing.
Thank you for this message, Like you said every narcissist is different. My daughter is disabled. Trying to coparent with my ex is difficult. When I try to ignore him he find way to break my silence with anger. Just last week he thrown out my clothes, and put holes in my mattress and he also messes up the room. He really upset that I have move on to a new relationship. I will look up BIFF so I get more help. Thank you so much. To everyone have a bless day.
Lee, thank you for the educational video! I did this with my first kid's father for a while. Now on to the second. Great points. Appreciate you! Keep up the great work with educating.
I'm being dragged into court for taking that she feels wasn't mine. The kid is 9 years old. I don't want her to hurt my child more than what she does. So I never filed on her for not following parenting plan. So when parenting plans one time compared to the 4 times she did it. Now I have a court date. She teaching me every day. Like he said I will have grand children still going through this. Love Peace Respect
This is so true, he refused to co parent with me. Said he wanted a contact for our child, I gave him her number and still he doesn’t bother 🤷🏾♀️ I don’t get it.
I had a husband who didn’t care about kiddos so I had to play the mask because NOBODY would agree treating kids like garbage is good for your image . I had to play that card but be careful because sometimes they know you are using the kid card because they know they don’t want to pay or play because kids can be boring . It’s brutal but a must to make them accountable to parenting . In my case, abuse was physical and sexual so once he was out I had to get strong to make sure financially he does his part … lawyers aren’t affordable for most folks so you best work with a team of people to help you hold the line if you can’t afford for a lawyer to do all communication . I didn’t have a partner who used the kids . He didn’t want to be bothered with them but that meant financially too so I had to work to balance his neglect with the fact it was emotionally safer for kids to not be around him . It’s brutal ! I agree with Lee DO NOT ADD a kid to a narcissistic relationship . I had 4 … one with special needs . I have radical acceptance and I laugh a bit now at his tactics . Stay strong and ask others about your reality to make sure you are making good choices for your kids . ❤ to all you out there in my shoes … bless you ❤
I went through the same thing JD. He made parenting very painful, I never did it again, even when I got married, I refused to have a child from my new husband. I just could not do it, I was so afraid, and my husband understood how devastating it was for me. When my son's dad died??? I refused to even contact the family and give condolences, because I was already detached from him.
@@sweetoneloves6811 thank you for that … needed to hear that I wasn’t alone . Still in a divorce process with youngest turning 15 but no end because we have a special needs son and legally he must be responsible so I have to keep going a few more years . Closer but not quite done … sad we have to wish our children’s childhood away because we are living in fear or panic about what the other parent can do…my son actually asked his sisters if they would go to his funeral or cry . He said he didn’t think he would cry ( he is my special needs kid) and his sisters and I knew it was bad if he could question whether he would cry or not if his dad died .
He uses them to hurt me. And now after 12 years he suddenly want custody. I pray to God every day.. the lies the gaslighting manipulation. Parallel parenting doesn’t work. He uses even the way my daughter hair is done to attack me. I left him 12 years ago.. 12 he still doesn’t leave me alone
4:35 my man was about to say “Don’t get it fucked up” lol I’ve been following for a long time Lee and I’m glad to see your channel has grown to where it is today. I’ve been away from my Narcissistic ex for almost 2 years now and life is so much better. If you’re reading this and you’re in this type of relationship, YOU ARE YOUR WAY OUT Much love ✌🏾
I think it depends if they want therapy of any sort, are not jerks about child support ( male/female spouse paying), willing to go to court for custody or visits, care enough to actually care for the kids more than be a neck beard ( like seen on reddx) learning better, and not neglect or abuse generally meeting what kids need. There should be boundaries for kids wellbeing and safety.
I don't mean to be out of line or personal and this question may have been answered already somewhere else. I do follow all your socials and have for a while also, but I guess my question is that I wonder what your ex thinks of all this? And all about your healing journey after what all y'all went through. I just try to imagine what if my ex got into good therapy & did the work & started up a platform helping all these people from exactly what he did to me. If that makes sense lol I know I would have some super validation from it, but yea anyways was just curious what your ex says or thinks about all this or if you've already shared about that story and I missed it. Either way, thank you for all your blunt & open honesty! I know we ALL appreciate you! ❤
My BD begged me to has his child even when I knew I did want a second kid . Now I see it was a trap . I LOVE MY SON BLESS TO HAVE MY B3 . But I’m learning ….. now . I have to go no contact with him … he just 😈 evil .. LIKE HE SAY HE’s TEACHING ME A LESSON 🥲🙃
The narcissist parent in the equation I know continually takes the moms (2 of them) back to court. Two children (one from each relationship) are in counseling. One was court ordered from the emotional and physical abuse. How do you take care of that when the courts don’t seem to care about the long term effects?
I had to learn the hard way. I had to get a third party and cut all communication with him. I wish I would have learned this before I had a baby by him. I would have ran for my life.
Omg this is what im going through now. My son is 4. He dis everything in the beginning that a narcissist would do. Within the second month he was saying he was in love with me and even had a ring to purpose. 3rd month got pregnant all the feelings was just memories after while. He went back to his ex that he basically stop seeing when he met me which i thought. A yr or two the bought a house, a month in a half ago they just got married and guess what? The same ring he tried giving me he gave her. Just trifling. I wish i can out his a$$ on this platform but imma keep it cute
@@MentalHealness he has a girlfriend he move on and everything he told me he dont care about me dont care what i do and when i move on he is going to be crazy
This is exactly how I parent my kids with my ex. I basically take him out the equation and when the kids are with him, I don't worry about it. Luckily I'm not overly controlling so however he parents as long as the kids are safe, I'm good. And we've always kept all communication about the kids.
I am the same way with my ex. When we first ended it everything used toget to me cause she doesn’t think past tomorrow, and she would have my child involved in her dumb decisions, but as the years have gone on , as long as my child is happy and not hurt or in danger I could give 2Fs what she’s up too. When he’s with her , he’s with her. When he’s with me , he’s with me. I’m like you you, not overly controlling. She is though so it used to be a nightmare dealing with her in the earlier years lol
I got caught years ago, pregnant, I was omg, sooooo young. He scarred me badly mentally about having his child, I actually never wanted any more children after that. He was in no contact with his son. I gave him the opportunity to bond with his first son and he declined. He put me through pure hell as a single parent, (no child support from the court) I moved on with my life in 1981 . By 1983, I got my tubes tied. Only had 1 child after that I never wanted any more children. I raised a beautiful son that is so educated. He scared me so badly, I never wanted another kid. Narcissists can really ruin you.
My husband told me that if I leave him that he won’t be apart of our daughters life. At first this used to hurt, but now I think it would be best for him not to. I’m aware that it’s one of his tactics to keep me from leaving. Mentally I’ve already checked out.
Smh this is what my bd told me
My husband and I parent differently. He's not emotionally available at home, but he's a "great" and available dad in public. Whereas I love my kids and fill my day and time with them. Therefore, I'm the preferred parent, and I know it makes my husband jealous.
Same with me !!! Wow, I'm glad someone is dealing with the same thing and it's not uncommon
Legit just got told this today and he was SO MEAN about it. Called me less of a parent and more his friend but I've been told by the majority of the families that I'm more strict and follow through with things needing to be done. I felt awful because our son heard this and told his dad that he loves me because I listen and wants to be with me more because he trusts me. His dad proceeded to tell him he was wrong in feeling that way and to understand I don't have custody and he can decide if he comes to my home or not. Like it was rough
Your work is truly medicine, Lee. The self aware perspective is necessary because most channels concerning narcissists are filled with hate. But that’s my child they despise! I will love my son forever. And pray for his healing until I die. We just can’t be in a relationship in our current conditions. Your content gives this alienated parent hope that my child can one day heal. 💜🙌🏾💜
The best way I have found to co-parent with any narcissistic parent is: to keep it business official. If they act like they the don't have time for their kid, then up your kids time with activities to build and nurture your kiddos futures. Do family counseling for you and the kids, if you are divorced or separated I encourage you just to do the counseling with you and your child, so you have healthy ways of knowing how to talk with your child about the issues without putting a blaring emphasis on the other parent.
I love this recommendation, God bless. Thank you
Lee, I sure hope my adult son comes across your content one day. He loves being a self aware narcissist as well. But he learns about his personality disorder as a means to creating trauma bonded relationships. He alleges to love being a dark anti-hero. He literally watches UA-cam videos to learn how to better control supply. I can’t believe he came from my womb. He’s been blocked over a year now. So yeah, you give me hope Lee. I appreciate you brother. Keep growing. Good teaching. Love from the 313. 💜💜💜
Wow!
Great idea - parallel parenting.
💯
Yes my narcissistic ex husband doesn’t want to coparent with me either. I’ve accepted it. I went no contact forever. We just can’t coexist. I’ve tried everything (all of the strategies you’ve mentioned), back and forth to court, NOTHING worked. Hopefully our son will understand. It’s so unfortunate.
How did you go no contact ?? How CAN you go no contact ?? Don't you have to keep in touch with thr child's school and health stuff ?? I am trying to go little to no contact, but the ex is always threatening me with " you don't tell me this or that I'm taking you to court " and I'm like dude, you abused me for 6 years, I want nothing to do with you, but I have to talk to you because of our 4 year old
Try reaching out to a domestic violence advocate for councel and resources ❤
Yep! You want to see the true monster in a narc? Have their baby. Theres no joy in them, we basically ruined their life and trapped them...well on my case.
You are so right they find a way to try to control your emotions. He knows I need help, knows I’m struggling, doesn’t help much, yet he is out living his best life lol it’s getting easier I only talk when necessary
I had to mentally prepare for parallel parents after realising that co-parenting did not exist. I was still doing alot for the kids when they went over (preparing their meals, snack and water) whilst he did the minimum with them. I put boundaries in place and stopped doing it all. To add he hadn't financially supported them for a few months at this time with no plan to reimburse me. Then switched to wanting them as and when it worked with him. As the lack of consistency for anxiety triggering I would say no if they weren't available or the times requested didn't work for them. He wrote me an email 3 days before my bday stating that as I would control contact and not allow him to see them when he wanted to, he would see them when their older (they are 6 and 2 now) and wished them a good life. I've worked alot on myself and would have before felt to bend to his every wimp like I used to, hence poor boundaries. Would also say frequently to the eldest that he would pick them up next week which wouldn't happen (whilst adding that it would depend on what u would say), he never requested. Feel very sad for my kids but what can be done by me??? Also didn't say anything when our youngest turnt 2 and no attention paid to them for Christmas. He blames me but I know now that it's not me, its either his way or nothing.
Thank you for this message, Like you said every narcissist is different. My daughter is disabled. Trying to coparent with my ex is difficult. When I try to ignore him he find way to break my silence with anger.
Just last week he thrown out my clothes, and put holes in my mattress and he also messes up the room. He really upset that I have move on to a new relationship. I will look up BIFF so I get more help. Thank you so much. To everyone have a bless day.
you’re welcome
Lee, thank you for the educational video! I did this with my first kid's father for a while. Now on to the second. Great points. Appreciate you! Keep up the great work with educating.
Glad it was helpful!
I wish I saw this 10 years ago
🙌🏾💯
"Parallel Parenting"
💯💯
I decided that I do not ever want to speak to him ever. All communication regarding our son will be through our parents.
I'm being dragged into court for taking that she feels wasn't mine. The kid is 9 years old. I don't want her to hurt my child more than what she does. So I never filed on her for not following parenting plan. So when parenting plans one time compared to the 4 times she did it. Now I have a court date. She teaching me every day. Like he said I will have grand children still going through this. Love Peace Respect
🙌🏾
This is so true, he refused to co parent with me. Said he wanted a contact for our child, I gave him her number and still he doesn’t bother 🤷🏾♀️ I don’t get it.
😩
Thanks!
No problem!
I had a husband who didn’t care about kiddos so I had to play the mask because NOBODY would agree treating kids like garbage is good for your image . I had to play that card but be careful because sometimes they know you are using the kid card because they know they don’t want to pay or play because kids can be boring . It’s brutal but a must to make them accountable to parenting . In my case, abuse was physical and sexual so once he was out I had to get strong to make sure financially he does his part … lawyers aren’t affordable for most folks so you best work with a team of people to help you hold the line if you can’t afford for a lawyer to do all communication .
I didn’t have a partner who used the kids . He didn’t want to be bothered with them but that meant financially too so I had to work to balance his neglect with the fact it was emotionally safer for kids to not be around him .
It’s brutal ! I agree with Lee DO NOT ADD a kid to a narcissistic relationship . I had 4 … one with special needs . I have radical acceptance and I laugh a bit now at his tactics . Stay strong and ask others about your reality to make sure you are making good choices for your kids . ❤ to all you out there in my shoes … bless you ❤
I went through the same thing JD. He made parenting very painful, I never did it again, even when I got married, I refused to have a child from my new husband. I just could not do it, I was so afraid, and my husband understood how devastating it was for me. When my son's dad died??? I refused to even contact the family and give condolences, because I was already detached from him.
@@sweetoneloves6811 thank you for that … needed to hear that I wasn’t alone . Still in a divorce process with youngest turning 15 but no end because we have a special needs son and legally he must be responsible so I have to keep going a few more years . Closer but not quite done … sad we have to wish our children’s childhood away because we are living in fear or panic about what the other parent can do…my son actually asked his sisters if they would go to his funeral or cry . He said he didn’t think he would cry ( he is my special needs kid) and his sisters and I knew it was bad if he could question whether he would cry or not if his dad died .
He uses them to hurt me. And now after 12 years he suddenly want custody. I pray to God every day.. the lies the gaslighting manipulation. Parallel parenting doesn’t work. He uses even the way my daughter hair is done to attack me. I left him 12 years ago.. 12 he still doesn’t leave me alone
Thank you for this advice, wonderful to have a game plan, seriously you helped me so much with this one, blessings to your family and yourself.
4:35 my man was about to say “Don’t get it fucked up” lol I’ve been following for a long time Lee and I’m glad to see your channel has grown to where it is today. I’ve been away from my Narcissistic ex for almost 2 years now and life is so much better. If you’re reading this and you’re in this type of relationship, YOU ARE YOUR WAY OUT
Much love ✌🏾
I think it depends if they want therapy of any sort, are not jerks about child support ( male/female spouse paying), willing to go to court for custody or visits, care enough to actually care for the kids more than be a neck beard ( like seen on reddx) learning better, and not neglect or abuse generally meeting what kids need. There should be boundaries for kids wellbeing and safety.
🤣🤣🤣 "Imagine co grandparenting with a narcissist" you stupid funny man 🤣 Great points
😂😂
@@MentalHealness hey question what advice would you give to someone going to court with someone like this
What do they do when they start brainwashing the kid to hate you?
I don't mean to be out of line or personal and this question may have been answered already somewhere else. I do follow all your socials and have for a while also, but I guess my question is that I wonder what your ex thinks of all this? And all about your healing journey after what all y'all went through. I just try to imagine what if my ex got into good therapy & did the work & started up a platform helping all these people from exactly what he did to me. If that makes sense lol I know I would have some super validation from it, but yea anyways was just curious what your ex says or thinks about all this or if you've already shared about that story and I missed it. Either way, thank you for all your blunt & open honesty! I know we ALL appreciate you! ❤
im cool with my oldest sons mom & still married to the same person this entire journey
My BD begged me to has his child even when I knew I did want a second kid . Now I see it was a trap . I LOVE MY SON BLESS TO HAVE MY B3 . But I’m learning ….. now . I have to go no contact with him … he just 😈 evil .. LIKE HE SAY HE’s TEACHING ME A LESSON 🥲🙃
Great video as always. Can you use this BIFF method with other narcissist? Like stranger whom is narcissist?
possibly
The narcissist parent in the equation I know continually takes the moms (2 of them) back to court. Two children (one from each relationship) are in counseling. One was court ordered from the emotional and physical abuse. How do you take care of that when the courts don’t seem to care about the long term effects?
Make something about resilience, i have a 3 years son .My husband is kind of narsistic
Am I tripping or do narcissist really not want you to be cool with your child’s stepparent?
I go to court tomorrow with my ex for my daughter and I’m trusting in god I wish I had some way to not even look at him I just want it peace
I had to learn the hard way. I had to get a third party and cut all communication with him. I wish I would have learned this before I had a baby by him. I would have ran for my life.
It’s impossible. My ex and I were ordered to a software program, so ALL our conversations are documented. Don’t do it!!
💯
Omg this is what im going through now. My son is 4. He dis everything in the beginning that a narcissist would do. Within the second month he was saying he was in love with me and even had a ring to purpose. 3rd month got pregnant all the feelings was just memories after while. He went back to his ex that he basically stop seeing when he met me which i thought. A yr or two the bought a house, a month in a half ago they just got married and guess what? The same ring he tried giving me he gave her. Just trifling. I wish i can out his a$$ on this platform but imma keep it cute
Co grand-parenting is hilarious 😂😂😂😂. If they couldn’t co parent, I highly doubt they would be able to co grandparent.
😂😂😂
Your little baby has your same stern resting face!! 😂🤨
😂
I go trapped badly my ex is a narcissist he is so controlling we are in court now my baby is 8 months im glad he move on he trapped me tho
💯🙏🏽
@@MentalHealness he has a girlfriend he move on and everything he told me he dont care about me dont care what i do and when i move on he is going to be crazy
Thank god my ex is 22 years older😂 he’ll be too old to fight with my by the time grands are in the pic thank god
🙏🏽🙌🏾
Kids these days don’t know about spirit fingers 👐
😆
💕💕💕💕