You Need Dysphoria To Be Trans? | Kat Blaque
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- Опубліковано 25 лис 2024
- I think sometimes we try to define others through our own feelings and I don't always believe that makes a lot of sense.
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I honestly don't understand why people are upset that things are easier now. Isn't that the goal? Isn't that what trans people fought for?
@Justin Overstreet yeah that makes sense to me. It's pretty sad to be honest. I think the best way to deal with those feeling would be to look on the positive side of things. Remember that the future generations won't go through the same hardships that you did
@@ceciliaellis662 a lot of it is the fear that acceptance might be limited. It's not necessarily "you didn't earn it" it is also "you will make it impossible for *me* to reach acceptance.
@@samkadel8185 what do you mean by that? I think I understand to some degree, I just want to be sure
@@ceciliaellis662 I mean that one fear some trans people have is that if trans people behave too outside the norm, then cis people will find it so hard to accept any trans people that the "good" trans people will also seem like freaks.
Basically I was describing the sentiment of "oh YOURE why cis people hate us" but in more words
@@samkadel8185 oh I see! That's a really good point
I used to be very judgmental of pretty much everyone in the LGBT community that were open with their gender and sexuality. I was so upset about every aspect of me, being trans and bisexual, and lashed out at anyone who didn't fit in my restrictive rules for all of these identities. Like, if you were a bisexual woman who leans more towards men I would think of you as a trender and think angrily that you're not bi. If you weren't a man or a woman and somewhere else on or off the binary I would think of you as a trender.
That was when I was in middle school, I have evolved a lot since then. After having nonbinary friends and realizing that everything doesn't need to be so restrictive, people are all different, I calmed down. I now live by, as long as people aren't harming others or themselves, they can do whatever they want. If I get upset by what someone does but they're not doing anything wrong, I let it go. It has made me a lot less stressed out and I have become way less judgmental. I'm about to graduate high school and I'm very proud of my personal progress.
Huzzah, a JoJo fan I see here
I know I'm late, but I want you to know that I was the same when I was young. Not entirely the same, but I was very "everything is black and white" about most things, including mine and other's bisexuality. It wasn't until college and joining an actual bi-pride group that I began to open up to the idea that... well, not everything is black and white. Just because someone has a bit of an attraction to the same sex but still mostly leans toward the opposite doesn't make them less bisexual than me, etc..
So, you have a lot more personal progress, epiphanies, and adjustments to look forward to. And you'll look back on this time in your life 5 years from now and think, "wow, I've come so far from who I was then."
Enjoy the process, the learning, the discovery. Even enjoy the parts that scare you, like maybe changing an opinion you thought was "good".
It's all worth it in the end.
Good luck!
oof same but it came late for me haha, I'm 21 right now and I've been starting with this change like three years ago, anyways, congratulations! :D
Yanno, i always told people im straightish(ive had had a female crush before, but i lean heavily towards men) because i dont wanna really explain to people why i date a guy, and why i most likely will date a guy, and why, if given the choice, id say id date a guy, because its very hard for me to like girls, theres only one irl people to had made me fall for her... And like 5 million animated ones when i was younger lol
Proud of you. I used to be the same way, internalized trans and homophobia. I used to get irrationally angry every pride month because they got to be happy and be who they really are and I was still in the closet. I'm now out, a trixic non binary (nblw), and I'm both happier and more scared than I've ever been, since coming out in the Southern US has its downsides (you get a hate crime, you get a hate crime, EVERYONE GETS A HATE CRIME!!). I've received backlash, yeah, but mostly from people who's opinions don't really affect me (like the local pastor, he literally called lgbtq+ disgusting). I've also received backlash from more important ppl in my life, like my older brother and my grandmother. She's a lot more accepting nowadays, but my brother has a lot of progress to make. He's a VERY radical Trump supporter, says lots of slurs and hates any non white cishet ppl. Although a little while back he said the only gay wedding he'd ever attend is mine, so, I guess I'm somehow better than other lgbtq+ ppl bc I'm related to him? Ugh, his logic makes no sense. I'm rambling, I'm stop now. Tldr: proud of you for improving, I used to be the same, now I accept my genuine self and am a lot happier.
I'm a trans guy. My one thing about medical transitioning is that it really needs to be approached as a long term goal and not as the first action in someone's transition journey. Surgery and certain hormone changes are PERMANENT. Moving too fast in the medical direction is harder to back away from if you find out later on that you weren't actually ready, or what you thought would help didn't (or made it worse!). Socially transition first, find as many non-invasive ways to make yourself feel more your gender. You may still feel you need to proceed with surgeries or hormones later, but taking time to get there is healthier psychologically. Talk to a counselor, do a personal inventory, pros and cons of all the aspects of transition, do your research on what to expect in order to qualify for the various aspects (IE In Canada surgery is covered under the federal medical program for transition purposes, but without the hormones or letters from the correct doctors it's elective plastic surgery and you pay).
How do I know this? I did this, I saw several doctors, had multiple counselling sessions, and have had 7 surgeries of varying lengths, some of which literally saved my life, and only the most recent one having anything to do with transition (I had top surgery in January).
I disagree, quite honestly. Before I started hormone treatment my life was a living hell and I was completely crippled by dysphoria. No amount of social transitioning was going to take away the fact that having male hormone levels and all the medical realities which resulted from that were what was causing to wish I was dead.
I waited nearly 2 years before I could start hormone treatment completely convinced I would kill myself before I turned 25. All those feelings had disappeared within a month of starting hormones.
@@DotRD12 I had suicidal Ideation before transitioning also, but getting that recognised IS part of the process of getting approved for transition. I was already over 30 before transitioning, so I understand where you are coming from, but proceeding without fully understanding what you are going through, or getting the wrong treatment because of any number of reasons can make things infinitely worse.
I'm glad you no longer have suicidal thoughts, but it's not healthy to jump into treatments outside of supervision of professionals. I understand that in the US, working outside the medical system is faster, easier, cheaper, etc. but the US medical system works better for people with money instead of helping the people who actually need help, so the US system is heavily broken.
@@lorenzwinterhoff8049 Thing is, what you consider a healthy waiting time could have easily been the literal death of me. I’m also not from the US, so I pretty much had no save alternatives to just waiting. Putting people through the trauma I went through and possibly having them end their lives “to make sure transition is what they want” is a horrible option.
@@DotRD12 Fair enough. I'm sorry you had a bad time. If society were more accepting of trans-folks things would be so much easier/better. I stand by waiting as long as you can, but I never said everyone should wait forever. Social transition first, get the appointments for psychological assessment done sooner, do things safely, but if it's that much of an issue, long waits shouldn't be a barrier either. It's certainly a balancing act trying to decide when, what and how to go through the steps you need medically, spiritualily, mentally and socially.
I'm not saying "wait 10 years to get X", I'm saying get the least invasive things first, and if you need to continue with more, be careful and do your research, get the long term supports in place first. Get the simple things done that you don't need anyone elses help for. The more you can do before going the surgery route, the better, in part because those simple things provide foundational evidence to support you getting surgery covered by your country's health services.
I hope you have a better time now than you had in the past. Peace.
@@DotRD12 I think he meant surgeries more than hormones but also I think his main point was to not get them illegally before it's legal for your age to, wherever you live and to be in the supervision of medical professionals
It's so insane to me how some people expect all trans people to have the same views and experiences with gender considering even cis people don't have uniform ideas about gender.
esp when you cross examine it with race and class and culture
I agree I mean I experience why gender different to most hyper feminine women. I feel free wearing a suit and having undercut and wearing sneakers. ( I know it not same trans I'm trying illustrate a point). My gender and gender expression aren't same as like other women.
Honestly it's insane to me that people look at any demographic and just see it as this monolithic thing.
@@queenapryllm8454 I dont experience a gender identity at all. I consider myself a woman because I have a female body and I no longer experience dysphoria about it, but I dont feel a deep personal attachment to my gender.
especially when it's coming from trans people who have said they're not like other trans people and trans shouldn't be a monolith. it just screams insecurity in their self.
i don’t understand how kalvin thinks he should have a say about the experiences of non-binary people because he’s not non-binary??? why would a non-binary person have to hate their chest inherently when there’s no “ideal” non-binary body type and no real way of passing? we’re not transitioning to men. i’m sick of the image of non-binary people being straight up Masculinity Lite™️
It’s probably because he thinks cis approval means he’s right
He actually made a video about coming out as non binary first 😙
Bc trans individuals like him have this image of a cookie cut masculine looking person. I know many individuals who are non binary, but don’t transition and I know a non binary individual who is trans masculine and on t rn.
I must say me as a non-binary person, I hate my chest so much I can't even go take a shower at times and the removal is a necessity for me. Every non-binary person is different so you should respect that. Some like their body, some don't. That's why they're non-binary, not binary or trinary(?).
Shae Collins of course! i’m just saying that he makes it seem like a necessity to hate a specific part of your body for u to fit into the non-binary label even though its an umbrella term. i agree everyone’s experience is different and i feel you lowkey, i have a similar thing with my hips.
I think people confuse gender dysphoria and gender disassociation. If someone feels that their gender doesn't align with the one they were given, they are trans. They don't have to hate their body or their voice or their presentation, they just have to not feel like the gender they were given. Period.
This is so well said
So, the difference between gender dysphoria and gender disassociation is what happens when you feel a disconnect with your gender, right? People with dysphoria, as far as I understand, feel anxious and uncomfortable in their own bodies because of the gender discnnect, whereas people with just gender disassociation don't feel like what they were assigned at birth. Is that right? I'm cis, so I don't really have first-hand experience ^^;
❤
gender dysphoria is the thing that tells you wether youre comfortable with your gender or not. there are many different forms of it and it comes and goes. dysphoria is the way you feel when someone uses the wrong pronoun, or the way your hate how your hands look. Its the way you criticize how you walk or talk. The way you see yourself vs what you really are. The way you wish you could live your live vs the way you actually do. Dysphoria is the feeling that tells you that something is wrong. You don't fix what isn't broken, and you don't change yourself when you're happy with who you are.
gender dysphoria and "gender disassociation" ARE the same thing. Literally when you google gender disassociation a lot of what's brought up is strictly gender dysphoria...
The fact that you are able to sense that you are trans, i.e. "gender disassociation", literally IS gender dysphoria. If you don't have dysphoria, then you would have no sense that you're gender identity doesn't equal AGAB.
Waving around the devil’s trident the whole time is eeeeverything to me
Fr tho!
Blair White. Kat Blaque. Just the names are like opposites, and I'm amazed at Kat's ability to make it into a yin yang.
X Wilson they share bdays too lmao
Blaire has a blog channel called Blaire Black
They even have the same birthday.
Kat should make sub channel Kat Whight
Frick no
Some of you don't seem to understand the part about "people dont have experiences that are the same as mine but it isnt an excuse to invalidate them." You can't just decide whether someones actually trans. Would you like it if someone picked apart your gender presentation or feelings and took one little part as an excuse to misgender you? Even if you don't understand or dont feel the same way, it costs nothing to just respect how they identify. Putting pressure on people to pass or feel a certain way is elitism and it eventually hurts even people WITH dysphoria even If you say "you have it so you're good." It confuses binary and nonbinary trans people who are gender nonconforming because they worry they're not "dysphoric" enough. Dysphoria is an individual experience and no two people experience it the same so how can we possibly decide on a "standard" that doesnt exclude people? Plus, male, female and intersex bodies are not a monolith and for example some cis men with higher estrogen levels can naturally grow breasts while some cis women have really high testosterone and both get harassed for not looking how they "should". We should really stop stigmatizing the exploration of gender and bullying people into passing. If you wanna be called a certain pronoun and name, it's just language and language is fluid. It shouldnt be the big deal everyone makes it out to be, and trans people are better off that way. Literally anyone who doesn't fit the mold is better off that way. CIS people are better off that way.
What's that saying? "There are 2 types of people in the world: the ones that think 'Nobody should have to suffer like I suffered' and the ones that think 'I suffered, so everyone else should have to suffer too'" Sounds like the Buck Angels of the world are the latter type. I'm really glad to hear you're the first type 😈
Just out of curiosity, what's the deal surrounding Buck Angel? I've heard people mention him in regards to some kind of controversy surrounding him, but I haven't heard people bring up specific examples of what he's done.
Star Kid check out Contras newest vid.
Elizabeth Schweizer I think she’s completely misrepresenting Buck Angels stance.
I think Britney Spears said: There's only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe
justdontlovemyself I didn’t say contra mis represented Buck. I said kat did. She’s basically saying he’s just mad it’s easy for people to have access to hormones now which is a pretty ridiculous accusation and more she doesn’t have to address his actual stance which might have some validity like that there is real danger in misdiagnosis and treatment of a non trans person.
I’m a trans man and I have never cut my hair and I don’t wear particularly masculine clothing. I feel very feminine so everyone of course thinks I’m faking, its disappointing. Thankfully I’m 7 months into taking hormones :))
Congratulations on the hormones dude !
Good for you ☺️
Yay!!
I completely get you lol. I am afab and I have a lot of bottom dysphoria but I still don’t mind with being perceived as a girl...
But you dont need to accept other validation than your own... thats my opinion, every gender and personality expression is not related to your appearance or habits, you are free
😈 For Halloween, I'm going as a 31-year-old man who is comfortable with who he is and has his life together! T_T
Lol *hug*
M00D
I've tried watching both their channels but it hit too close to home for me. I'm a cis woman but I never felt 100% woman. I never knew how to categorize myself. And then just recently found out I have hirsutism (elevated testosterone).
Suddenly my life makes a lot more sense. Especially after I started gaining weight and I started to feel more and more manly. Apparently as we gain weight our testosterone increases. I'm happy being who I am but I've gotten a lot of bull from people telling me I'm not woman enough and I need to be more of a lady. Never once felt like that was me. And those who subscribe to a strict binary really depress me cause I just don't fit into that world view. It leaves no room for someone like me.
I don't blame them for wanting to feel validated but I can't watch their stuff. I've already dealt with people treating that way and it's too depressing.
Even if you aren't lesbian, I have found alot of comfort in Butch fashion and am part of a Butch fashion group on Facebook and it's the only pure thing on that site.
@@vitazissel3671 Thanks! I'll have to check it out. 😊
I never know what I'll feel like wearing so that would help.
Your experience is totally valid. Their view of gender is incredibly misogynistic & stereotypical. You are a valid woman at every moment no matter how masculine you feel sometimes or how your hormone levels differ. Masculine doesn't mean male & femininity doesn't mean female, they're just root words to help describe a more nuanced subject. Never let these asshats devalue your experience as a woman (& if any trans people that don't always feel 100% leaning in presentation or feeling to the gender you are read this, that goes for you too)
As someone who has PCOS in combination with hirsutism and is balding from the amount of testostorone in my body, the feeling of not feeling lady like is not something that's caused by hirsutism? That's just your personality and what you prefer. Their channels also never said that you can't be a woman if you're butch, if you actually watch their videos they've clarified it many times. They talk about trans people, that's it, you are not one so why take their words and be hurt
Same! I’m a cis women and I’ve always felt more manly then other girls. Even more protective with girls and equal to men my size type of attitude. I do also have naturally higher testosterone then estrogen. So I fully understand.
I understand where Blair and Kalvin are coming from, but eh. Honestly when I was trying to sort out my own gender issues as a teen, I saw their videos first. And I really backed away from addressing a lot of my own dysphoria because I didn't feel like I fit the same boxes they did. I'm just now getting to the point with counseling where I can address these issues but I would've been able to do so sooner if I didn't have viewpoints thrown at me from other trans people like this. The stuff they put out can be harmful to younger people trying to understand their own gender, and honestly some people don't immediately recognize dysphoria as that initially.
The same thing happened to me!!
Me too, I'm having alot of doubts about my own gender identity because I dont completely fit the gender norms and my dysphoria isn't as bad as Kalvins so I pushed it away because I was scared of being a trender. But the thing is only want to transition for myself, I dont want any attention and I dont think being trans is a cool thing to try out. I'm scared more than anything
The same thing happened to me, but instead of youtube it was a friend of mine who had come out as a trans guy before me and since I thought I was cis at the time, our friend group all kind of treated him as the One Trans Authority because he was the only trans person we knew. It really messed up my own journey because he was so abrasive towards "trenders" that I was afraid I would lose all my friends if I came out as nonbinary. Thankfully I have better friends now, but I still hate what his attitude did to me.
That was the same for me. I don't really label myself but if I did, I would say I'm non-binary and for the longest time, I would distance myself from transness because they would say that you needed to medically transition to be trans or have dysphoria. I don't really have dysphoria about my chest, only that in some outfits where I do want to pass off more masculine, I would use tape, or intend to have sex change, so I would always say that there's no way that I am trans and people need to stop referring to me as such despite the very definition being right there lol I'm still accepting the fact that I am in fact trans but it's a process of unlearning as I still don't quite feel comfortable with the term just yet.
this happened to me
I'm so tired of being nonbinary and having to hide from most of the trans community because I don't know just how many of them are going to be mad at me for existing. It sucks.
I spent a very long long time working to lessen my previously crippling dysphoria, now it hardly bothers me. But I'm still more comfortable as nonbinary. I don't get upset when someone calls me otherwise, because I'm secure in my identity and don't need others to validate me. But that upsets people, and I wish it wouldn't.
My question is, with no hate, i just don't understand it, how does a nonbinary person feel dysphoria?
@@mashedbrotato927 Well, it depends from person to person. For me I just can't seem to associate with any binary gender, makes me uncomfortable when someone calls me it. But it isn't to the point where I'm depressive about it. I just feel more comfortable like this.
So you feel social dysphoria but no physical dysphoria?
@@mashedbrotato927 I used to, but trained myself out of it. But I'm not the same as everyone else.
@@mashedbrotato927 I'm non-binary as well (gender neutral) and I personally do feel physical dysphoria. For me it's the case that I feel bad about the female parts of my body, but I wouldn't want male parts to replace them. My ideal body is completely androgynous and sexless: no genitalia, no female chest, no facial hair, etc. Basically, nothing that hints towards me having a biological sex. Of course, that's just my experience.
*turns off adblocker just for Kat*
This is allyship
@@KatBlaque I can't believe I just single handedly ended trans oppression.
I went through 2 years of state mandated conversion therapy to be approved. and as soon as I was approved, they changed the rules.
I was a little bitter. Yes I was.
Thing is about Buck Angel, his age does not down play his actions. He outed a trans woman, started a website to “fund” transitioning surgery and whatnot to have it shut down for scamming people. He’s NOT a good person, imo he’s like caitlyn jenner. She’s has done a lot to get to where she is, but she has horrible political views that we shouldn’t put her on a pedestal.
Yeah I agree.
Yo, both these accusations are quite distorted!
The 'pyramid scheme' accusation is false. This is where it comes from: In 2013, Emi Koyama compared his (failed) company "Transgasm" to a "pyramid scheme", but she made it clear that the "people running it probably do not even think of it as a scam: they probably think that they are doing good for the community". In other words, it was not intentionally a pyramid scheme. It is also questionable whether the company really was a pyramid scheme, or whether it could have worked given the popularity of crowdfunding these days. Long story short, Transgasm was not a true pyramid scheme, but a failed business model.
The 'outed a trans woman' accusation needs to be put in context: Between '13 to '16, Buck Angel went to several tabloids to confirm the rumors that Lana Wachowski liked to dress in women's clothes. Much like other accusations floating around at the time, he speculated whether she was trans, but admitted he did not really know. This was before Lana Wachowksi was out as a trans woman. Some argue that this counts as outing Wachowski as a "cross-dresser", but I'd argue that it's not really outing her because the rumors about her were already circulating. The people who actually outed Wachowski were arguably Liz Smith (exposing she was on HRT) and some other reporters, for revealing when she changed her name. In any case, the most important part about this story is that it was not a black-and-white situation. Wachowski had an affair with Buck Angel's wife, Ilsa Strix. She even took Strix down the red carpet, knowing that full well that Strix was married to Buck Angel. The affair caused Buck Angel's marriage to end in an ugly divorce, leaving him feeling like he lost everything. ...Long story short, it was petty and unscrupulous of Buck Angel to go to the press about Wachowski. But it was also unscrupulous and disrespectful of Wachowski to have an affair with Buck Angel's wife. Not mention the uneven power dynamics between them: Wachowski was extremely wealthy, privileged, and sheltered, compared to Buck Angel, due to the success of the Matrix. It's sad that a trans women were affected by these tabloids, but I don't appreciate how this accusation has spread without placing it in proper context.
@@Jason-vq4yk
I've been living under a rock apparently so all I heard was "buck angel did a lot for the trans community" and now I'm hearing how horrible he is. I don't know what to believe honestly at this point. If what you say is true then that's very sad that ppl think so horribly now. My biggest fear is being misunderstood.
"They have different political views than me so they're a bad person."
Your description of Buck Angel reminded me of something. When the Me Too movement took off some older women from the industry came out and talked about how it wasn't such a big deal and you should just take it as a compliment.
There was a lot of outrage, but I saw that as a defense mechanism. If you've spend your whole career just dealing with sexual harassment day in and day out, you need to deal somehow, and saying it's not too bad is one way.
To then be told it's definitely not ok can shake your sense of self a bit, and might make you lash out. You think, I made it this far despite all this, why are you complaining?
I could imagine older trans people having similar feelings. They fought so hard just to get to participate in the gender binary, and now lots of people are saying that's not enough, the way you look at things is wrong, and maybe that's hard to deal with after all your years of struggling.
It doesnt make it all ok, but I think it's worth trying to figure out where people are coming from from.
This. It is ABSOLUTELY a defense mechanism that happens a lot with prolonged abuse. Your brain starts to 'crave' the abuse or at the very least minimize it as a way to survive, especially if it's ongoing. Of course, this doesn't excuse any harm these people do (just like how a lot of abusers were once victims themselves- you have to break the cycle).
Thank you for bringing this up. My sister told me the same thing when I experienced minor sexual harassment at work. She is 15 years older than me, worked in a very corporate very male dominated space (she literally didn't have a single other woman in the team and she's also got a lot of internalised misogyny). She told me that 'He's a guyyyyy, guys do that. Now that you've told HR, he might lose his job.' But she had to deal with so much of it, it's probably so weird to her now that people actually take it seriously.
as someone who was emotionally abused and was never able to get real help or get out of my situation (im still in it, just a little bit longer until i can drag myself out of this situation, but even then ill be completely alone and have to fend for myself and just have to deal with all the trauma of not ever getting the help i knew i needed), this exact thing is something i _still_ have to try to fight against in my daily life. it hurts so bad to have been ignored and to just have had to have rotten away in my situation, and then to see others get help and get out. i want to be angry, because why are they able to be so much better off when ive had to suffer so much? i'm still _here,_ so why do they get to have it so much easier? but that mindset is so, so bad, and i dont want to have it. i hate thinking that way, and the truth is _nobody_ should suffer and i should be _happy_ for the people who are able to get out. sorry to get so personal, i'm not sure what my reasoning for writing this comment was, it was just something i really related to and i guess my perspective on it is a bit different. but yeah, i suppose what im trying to say is that that mentality is something that i held and still am trying to overcome and be better than.
@@_lexi hey, I understand this comment is from over a year ago but I just wanted to say I’m proud of your honesty and introspection, that you’re able to recognise this in yourself and say, “I don’t want to do this, this isn’t helpful.” It takes guts and is often painful to admit so I admire you for having that courage. I hope you’re doing well/ okay and I wish you strength and continual healing as you keep growing & bettering yourself & unlearning shit. Lots of love for you, random stranger 💙💙💙 even if you never see this haha
i was today years old when I found out kat blaque was trans.
Happy 5 months bro
@@yaboi5858 😂
Same
Same
I found out just now
"Fish or brick we're all the same." The power that has. The intelligence that has. The influence that has. The international implications that has.
Chanel Noir *that that has
Periodt she ate that
@@anunfortunatememe it can be either
The flavor
Fishing brick?
Honestly nothing pisses me of more than to see someone endure some type of oppression then turn around and do the same to someone within their community.
Yeah same. I lose sympathy for victims when they become abusers themselves and refuse to change
Yes Kassandra its extremely annoying. It shouldnt happen you'd think it wouldnt but it does
I used to be huge truscum until I realized that it wasn't any of my business to police other people and my thoughts and actions were hurting people instead of helping.
But you’re allowed to state logic, there’s nothing offensive or insulting about that
@@SuperSymbiote1 I'll state some logic. I think dysphoria is just discomfort, which won't always occur when one's gender identity is mismatched. There's different ways trans identities can be expressed. For example, gender euphoria, where one feels at one with themselves when they present as their desired gender.
This is my story. uwu
@@SuperSymbiote1 its logical to simply mind ya business.
Stardoo Galaxie I do..and it’s not as simple as that
I’m a truscum because I care about people too much 😅 people unknowingly giving themselves gender dysphoria is awful
Honestly, listening to Calvin and Blaire remind me of how I denied myself transition for several years because the discourse around transition when I first encountered it back in 2005. I took that information, and I buried it. I thought because I was attracted to men, I couldn't be trans. I thought that because I enjoyed a level of fem presentation, I couldn't be trans. I was so uncomfortable though, and so finally in 2012, I started to open up and seek medical transition. At the same time, I felt super pressured to "Butch up" my presentation to prove to those around me I was infact trans. I transitioned in a job that I kept for the good health benefits, but despite how hard I tried, I still couldn't convince people to accept my name and pronouns. I was also living at home with parents who saw me grow up with fem tendencies and pushed me to say I absolutely couldn't be trans because of that.
In that time, I desperately clung to the idea that if I performed gender right, eventually I could be stealth. And you know what? I did it. I had to live at a recovery house for 6 months back in 2017, and was in a bunk room with 3 other guys, and I was completely stealth as a non op trans man. It was to a point where they would talk about a non stealth trans guy right in front of me, while I was changing my shirt, and I wouldn't get any push back.
It was fucking surreal. Today, despite being off hormones and still non op, I still pass 98%, and frankly I'm learning that I am most comfortable when I am more visibly queer. I also find myself having to work through all that baggage about fearing myself to be "trans trender" and detransitioning when I do that.
But I am just so so tired of fighting with the idea that I should know what gender is and that I need cis people to validate my gender. I am here for trans and queer people finding more ways to support each other and make spaces for ourselves.
And yes, 😈 I have more to say, but I need to take a step back and think for a bit. Thank you for your empathy for these people, but I also want to look into how their discourse can do harm when it isn't challenged by the trans community as a whole. Just thinking.
To preface, I am a minor, so that has most definitely affected my experience. As a young trans person on hrt, I understand that I'm very lucky that I have a supportive family and professionals willing to help me, but it still took me years to get on hormones. I was required to pass a gender assessment and get a letter of approval from a gender therapist after regular sessions with her, get approval from my (menal health) therapist, and go over the effects, risks, etc. of hrt before signing off to request a prescription. I'm so glad that there is a system in place for me and other trans people to get the help we need, but people seem to underestimate the amount of checking and double checking healthcare workersdo to make sure hrt is safe and necessary measure before we can get it.
Tbh, as far as I've heard with detransitioners, a lot never went into therapy or had a gender therapist that just pushed them into transitioning with no questions asked, and honestly I wish there was more professionals like that ones that handled your experience, so that so many wouldn't end up regretting transitioing because they weren't actually trans
I saw a post about dysphoria once and it said something like ‘Being trans is more about gender euphoria than dysphoria', which I think is an excellent observation.
Can u elaborate?
@@Kneezus53 Being trans is much more about feeling right when people call you your preferred pronouns/name/see you the gender you are rather than about you feeling like shit about yourself.
It can be true for some but I know a lot of trans people who are extremely self loathing no matter what. I feel bad for them and hope they find a way to act out of self love.
Thats pretty true for me. I felt right when I changed my nane on youtube and am training my voice to sound more masc cause it feels right. Getting more masc clothes cutting my hair. It just truely felt more like me than the version who was attracted to.pretty clothes at one point.
I think both Blaire and Kalvin both come from a place of convincing society as a whole that binary, passing trans people are not a threat to the status quo. Conceptually I think it does make some sense - telling people you don't have to ask pronouns, you don't have to avoid gendered language, the world doesn't have to change to make space for us - that makes people feel good.
The world doesn't have to change for trans people though. Trans people only make up less than a percentage of the world's population. Trans people have to learn to adapt and live in the world, not the other way around.
Joselyn Leo and what happens when trans ppl adapt and violent transphobia still exists?? when trans ppl are still facing discrimination but don't say anything?? a marginalized community shouldn't have to bend for the majority just to make them feel comfortable
@@zachsucks2633 Transphobia will ALWAYS exist. The same way racism will ALWAYS exist, and sexism will ALWAYS exist. You can't eliminate these things because willful ignorance will always be a thing. Has been since the dawn of humanity, and will continue to be a thing until humanities inevitable death. Is it awful, yes! I don't think any person who has their mind in the right place thinks that that's ok. But it's reality. Can we help change it? Of course! We have been by making our problems visible to the world. I know it's a difficult concept for people to understand, especially younger people who didn't live in a world where trans issues weren't mainstream, but I did live in that world and I can tell you things are MUCH better off now than they were back then and they will continue to improve.
Besides, you expect the whole world to bend for the minority? You expect 99% to bend for 1%? I mean no disrespect, but that is a very naive outlook of how the world works. We have to adapt to the world. We can change it, but ultimately we have to adapt as well. Adaptation is humanities greatest strength.
@@llGemini19 Great comment.
I think a lot of us can see the root cause for this mentality is pain, that is, internalized hate projected on people who are just as vulnerable, if not, more.
I can acknowledge the pain there but I cannot sit comfortably with their mockery of other folks exploring their gender. It's such a toxic and unhealthy way to make sense of one's own dysphoria.
They are like school bullies: Got treaten bad at home for who they are and what they do so the go to another place and controle and bully "weaker" ppl who are in cvery simular positions cause they don't know how to deal with their inner pain and fears just to feel stronger and therfor safer (look i share harmful views with you transphobes and bullied them now I'm safe right?)
word!!
@@sgtmech well theres a lot to unpack in that mess (esp your apparent nbphobia). epic, dude.
@@sgtmech what makes you assume that some NB people don't have dysphoria, or don't transition?
@@_b.4596 Assume? It's not an assumption. Hell, youtube is FULL of videos of those saying they have no dysphoria, and how GREAT it is to be trans. Makeup and a change of clothes isn't transition, it's a hobby. It's not done because it makes their lives better, but because it's "fun'. I love and live with a trans woman i plan to marry, and I have the utmost respect for those that make the massive changes in their lives in an attempt to just be happy with themselves. And yes, I understand there are legitimate NB people out there...but they're a much smaller minority than one would be led to believe, due to the massive unflux of trenders. Sorry, but you'll never get me to believe transitioning is a "fun" experience, or that doing so without dysphoria is anything more than a whim.
Calvin and Blaire are the reason my heart skipped a beat before I clicked on this video. I got into Calvin by watching videos that had nothing to do with non-binary people and one day one of his reaction videos to "trans trenders" hit me in the gut. honestly I felt so betrayed that I'm scared to hear other trans youtubers opinions on it. I can't click a video like this without thinking "is this going to reveal another trans transphobe and ruin my day" thank the stars I managed to find another reasonable person to get content from. love you kat!
once my friend sent me a video of calvin talking bout this 'trans trender' and my heart stopped. i soon after had a identity crisis again thinking i was fake. since then i avoid all his videos.
@@shadowmare9620 Imagine a person on the internet controlling how you feel about your identity. Get a grip and take some responsibility for yourself.
and what about it offended you?
@@madisoncrum9212 It quite easily happens. And they say they didn't watch any more of his videos after..
*kalvin
sometimes blair and kalvin almost talk about non binary people the way terfs do about transwomen its so bizarre
Rachel Romero it’s probably because they both think we’re hijacking their oppression or experience to our own benefit like terfs think that trans men are trying to escape misogyny and not wanting to go through the hardships of womanhood and they think trans women are just trying to get a victim card or intrude on women’s and truscum think that nonbinary/not dysphoric trans people are just cis people wanting a victim card or treating it like a trend or they think that we’re binary trans people who are just confused or too scared to transition
It's the nature of oppression. You want so badly to be accepted by your oppressors that you self-flagellate and find a group worse off than you to hate.
@@comradescar6547
That's a good point. The TERFs believe trans-women are invalid, because they're afraid they're just men trying to reap the benefits of feminism. The truscum believe NBs are invalid, because they're afraid that NBs are just trying to reap the benefits of being trans.
true!
@@curioussoul6059 what "benefits of feminism", would a male get by becoming a trans woman; I haven't heard that explanation before.
I feel this so much. I was discharged from the military, not because I'm trans, but because I have dysphoria. At 23, I lost the career I had been preparing for since I was 13, because of my dysphoria. So I do often find myself unable to relate to trans people who don't have dysphoria, or who don't transition. I never have and never will claim that they aren't trans, but it makes things very difficult for me to accept that we're experiencing the same phenomena that falls under the same word. It's something I'm still dealing with, and it's frustrating when I don't feel able to express wrong feelings without being accused of something. So thank you for making this video, being open about who are and where you've come from, and for providing a platform to talk about these things with compassion. [devil]
trans people predate medically transitioning. trans people existed before gendered medical concepts like chromosomal and hormonal sex
I am LIVING for that black lipstick on you.
Spoonie Justice Warrior PERIODD
Kalvin made a video attacking a friend of mine who is dfab and my friend has been receiving death threats on a daily basis ever since. My friend has always struggled with mental health, suicidal thoughts etc and now every day dozens of people are telling him to kill himself. Even a year later it is still happening and I haven't been able to see Kalvin the same again.
Kalvin never told anyone to go and leave hate none the less death threats to anyone! If anything he says the opposite, that he DOESN't suppport that. You can't always control what your fans do.
Your friend should shut down social media for a while, it really helps
@@lilsaam I understand where you are coming from but Kalvin has done this long enough to know what comes of it. He says things that are aggressive, demeaning and rude all throughout his video but expects his fans not to go and do the same? The problem is that he puts people on public blast and makes a mockery of them. At this point he knows very well that this can make someones life a living hell and he continues to do it. He needs to bear that responsibility because he should know better, that's just my opinion. My friend uses social media for work and unfortunately it isn't an option to shut it down in the long run.
Miranda Drumm how is that Kals fault
@@lilsaam You can't control fans, but u can influence em, and u can, u know, not let the cat out of the bag for them to chase around with swords...he has a responsibility, especially on a big platform, and he's abusing it and is an adult yet isn't mature or accountable for his uncourteous behaviour.
Buck Angel's reaction smacks of a very typical abused/abuser reaction: "life was difficult for me, so it should be difficult for those who come after me". Its a pretty consistent and pretty terrible approach to dealing the the abuse that was heaped on one personally... by continuing that cycle of abuse against others for whom things might be a bit easier. You see it across a variety of social situations... people who have been brutalized in some way will happily dish that shit out on others in order to attain a warped sense of justice for their own pain. There is absolutely nothing defensible about this approach to one's own trauma/difficulties. 😈
Kalvin seems like he doesn't want to be seen as cis. He wants to be seen as "one of the good ones" as a trans person. Which is where the hostility comes from (superficial gain). 😈
Kalvin is 18, he's fairly young and easily influenced
Marshall Wayne he can still be held accountable for his actions .
@@marshallwayne9270 I hope he gets better
"I see so much of myself in blaire white"
just noticed they also have the same birthday
Oh that's interesting, Kat is exactly 3 years older than Blaire
They were also both born in california 😂😂
I got spooked when I heard that at first 😂😂
Also your picture is kiryu! AWESOME!
yet their differences are night and day....Blaque and White, if you will
@@osmosiswright9924 omfgggggggg
dfab transmasculine person here, and certified dysphoric, whatever kind of qualification that might be. I agree in feeling the want/need to be empathetic towards both Blaire and Calvin. I can't say I've watched their videos, because quite frankly, the amount of contempt they have for the people they're reacting to makes me deeply uncomfortable from title/thumbnail alone. However, I do understand that in the end, they are hurting, and they're seeing people around them claiming to be the same thing but not hurting the way they are/have been, and that ticks them off. I just hope that they'll grow as people and realise that kindness and solidarity are the way to go, because I now see CIS people cite THEM as "proof" that "even trans people think you need dysphoria to be trans". Just.... Transmedicalism and truscum man... It makes my brain hurt. We're supposed to be one community in solidarity, and yet we don't even allow each other the peace of identifying the way we want.
I hope so too
I think you should actually try to watch a Kalvin Garrah video. It’s important to understand a wide range of views. He bases his points in facts rather than feelings which upsets a lot of people but it’s necessary.
@@breezybearwaters there's nothing "fact over feeling" about mocking and laughing at minors on the internet in my opinion. I try to keep a wide range of perspectives in mind and I do watch creators that I don't agree with. However, Kalvin's attitude towards the "trenders" he mocks makes me very uncomfortable, so I'd rather stay away from him for both our sakes.
Esther Maarsman exactly! I watch you tubers who are transmeds that aren’t jerks about their beliefs
@@alyssapinon9670 mmhm, I can and do disagree with creators, but if a creator actively makes me feel uncomfortable, unwelcome and generally unsafe I'm not gonna watch them because I don't want to snap and leave hate on their channel. While I'd feel better in the moment, their fans would make my life worse and I would make theirs worse by being a jerk, and I'm generally not about that life.
😈 If trans authenticity is defined by dysphoria, then the truest trans person is the one who is dead, because they're too dysphoric to live another day. I love us all too much to set such a morbid standard.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
1 person isn't MORE trans than the other you just are or you aren't.
You don’t need to have bad dysphoria to "really" be trans. You just need to have dysphoria, period. Even if it isn't "that bad," it's still dysphoria. It wouldn't make sense if someone who didn't experience any dysphoria labeled themselves as trans. That’s like someone diagnosing themselves with OCD just because they like organizing things.
@@pewpewpew3212
Exactly! And additionally, some people have body dysmorphia or just dont like their body and think they're trans. It isnt the same thing!
Wow. Yeah okay, fair.
I totally understand this. I had a conversation for several hours with a trans medicalist on Instagram. I talked about my transition and it was difficult for this young person to understand how comfortable I am in my gender. I had been turned away from doctors for wanting hormones not just because I am trans, but being black as well I started transitioning around the same time as you Kat. It is great that we are able to have access and I understand that there is so much trauma for folks who are trans medicalist. The thing that makes me so sad is that the only way to be trans is to suffer from their perspective. Like Kat said so many trans folks pave the way for younger trans and GNC folks to feel confident to have rights and access. I'm concerned that both of these UA-camrs are trying so hard to appeal to cis folks when we know that not a lot of them will support us. I'm curious if there are trans medicalist of color cause this seems like a very white trans concept. Okay my rambling is done. 😊😈
I read over your comment and I’m confused are you saying you were comfortable in your original gender or you are comfortable now in your current gender ?
@@Thatcaramelchic I am comfortable with my current gender.
I know there’s a few transmedicalists who are people of color, but I don’t think I’ve seen many who have been able to capitalize off of it like Blair White, Kalvin Garrah, and other white youtubers. Either that or some do, but they get less attention than the white people making the same content.
But yeah I definitely see where you’re coming from, cause a lot of standards transmeds hold seem to be centered in whiteness (ie men must have short hair, women must have long hair). But in some Indigenous cultures men grow their hair long, and Black women with a certain hair texture can grow their hair long but it’ll always look “short” because of how their hair grows. Additionally, ideas about men having more body hair and women having less body hair can’t be applied to many south Asian women, for example, who tend to have more body hair compared to white women (but really, anyone who says women shouldn’t have body hair is just gross).
And personally I feel like my relationship w/ the dysphoria thing is different for me as a person of color, like my height doesn’t bother me much considering I’m half Chinese & east Asian men aren’t known for being tall lol.
That’s not quite what you were looking for but like that’s my 2 cents anyway, hope some of this was helpful?
Youve had DOCTORS turn you away not just because you don't have dysmorphia and because of your colour..That disgusts me and I am so sorry that you have had to face this. If I overheard someone putting you down in public am I right to speak up or will that make a white savior when you are perfectly capable of defending yourself. In my mind regardless of who you are i would want to help someone being bullied so I'm curious to learn what would help and what would hurt. Please anyone chip in!! Thank you and I hope things go more smoothly for you in your journey in future ❤❤❤
@@sarah-annecarney5458 What does dysmorphia have to do with anything?
I recently discovered im somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum. I'm a lesbian. "Gender confusion" is very common (historically and currently) among lesbians. To want to present masculinely, to detach yourself from womanhood, and to still stay tied to your lesbianism are all really common trends among lesbians. When people like Kalvin dismiss gnc nonbinary people, or to dismiss he/him lesbians without properly researching their history, i feel it forces people to experience gender in a very rigid way. Gender is too complex to understand in a brief, quick explanation. Nonbinary Lesbians are something of their own, an experience unique to only lesbians, and non-lesbians would likely not understand that 100%. (ps, loved the video 😈)
Many ppl associated lesbianism with womanhood tho
As a cis bi - would you be willing to talk about what it means to be a he/him lesbian? I think I can wrap my head around the concept, but want to make sure I'm not making the wrong assumptions.
A lesbian is an adult woman. A non-binary is by their own definition not a woman. Unless the definition of lesbianism has changed I can't see the reconciliation.
@@Neo_Geisha I'm not non-binary, so take this with a pinch of salt.
From my understanding, gender is a scale. At one end you have men, at the other, women. Non-binary people can:
...be somewhere in the middle of the scale, but closer to one end than the other...
...OR, they might slide up and down the scale, feeling differently on different days...
...OR, they might be exactly in the middle (gender neutral)...
...OR, they might not be on the scale at all (agender)...
...OR, they might consider themselves to have a gender, but it to be a third type of gender - not a lack of a gender, but something that doesn't fit on the man/woman spectrum.
It's a broad church!
So I suppose non-binary lesbians must be a type of non-binary person that feels they have at least some woman-ness is them, even if they aren't 100% a woman 100% of the time; they might feel close to being a woman but not 100% (so they're somewhere in the middle of the gender scale, but closer to the woman end), or they might feel like a woman only some of the time (if they slide up and down the scale).
I don't KNOW that this is the answer, and I'm curious to find out as well! This is just my best guess. Ideally, it would be nice to hear the answer from an actual non-binary lesbian, but I also know that it can be tiring having to explain your identity to people again and again - it ends up feeling like you're having to justify your very existence/who you are! Feeling like your identity is being called into question is really horrible. It's like having the foundations of who you are getting shaken up. But if any non-binary lesbian does have the energy to explain, that would be appreciated!
@@jp9707 Thank you for the input. I'd appreciate answers from non-binaries as well. I'd never refer to a non-binary as a "lesbian" because that would be inherently invalidating their identity.
Videos like this are why I love your channel. It's a nuanced, adult perspective.
😈 Honestly your take of "most cis people will never give a fuck" has helped me let go of some of the need for cis approval that I had still been hanging on to. I still do hope that maybe one day that will change though.
You're beautiful, you're wonderful, you are worthy snd you're so right you don't need our acceptance or anybodies for that matter. You matter and I too hope society just learns to accept each person for who they are and what they love as long as its not harming anyone.
Same tbh
completely same. ive never truly been a transmed but there were SO many years that i spent utterly despising myself and doing everything possible to appeal to cis people, even legally changing my name to something i deeply regret. its so ingrained and hard to get rid of the need for cis approval but its slowly dissolving
Sarah-Anne Carney unfortunately you do need the acceptance- in a sense The majority of the world are bio male and female. I am only saying this cause as a black woman Id love to not care but the world won’t change if we just leave racists alone...
😈 I used to watch Kalvin religiously. His views about trans trenders is what reassured me that I wasn’t genderqueer. His tiny boxes were what allowed me to deny my own gender for a long time. It makes me sad to think that there are others out there like me who are watching Kalvin and Blair to suppress their own transness :/
I had the same experience !
I used to watch Kalvin because I thought he was representative of the trans community. I thought he was progressive, yet rational and not like "those trans people." Now I just feel like he is another anti-SJW that loves to hate people that fit in less than him. It's sad because he has this branding that he can't escape even if he changes his mind with age.
Same! Kalvin was one of the first trans youtubers I started to watch, but I actually went from not really liking him to being kind of a transmed myself and agreeing with his videos when I was at a really bad place when it comes to dysphoria to basically the same opinion Kat has. I know where he's coming from, I get it. When I was like 15 and questioning my gender, him saying "yeah a real trans person wouldn't do this because they'd be dysphoric" and I was dysphoric about said thing, it made me feel valid and like I'm not faking it. So I get it, it sorta helped me when I was in a really bad place. But I had to realize at some point that just because someone experiences gender differently than me doesn't mean that my suffering and transness is somehow less valid. Just because someone doesn't mind having their cleavage exposed and I would rather kill myself than live the rest of my live with breasts (oh no i didn't call it a chest! that means I don't have Dysphoria) doesn't mean I'm "actually trans" and they're just being a trender. I started liking him less and less and a person he reacted to commiting a suicide attempt and him still not realizing that what he's doing is wrong was the last drop and while I see why some people still support him, I hope they'll realize that what he's doing just isn't okay.
I can understand the perspective, of why someone may have problematic views. Buck Angel, and the lot. But, at the same time, while I might understand that, I'm not going to go out of my way to be understanding of them. Especially, considering that they have a platform. When you are talking shit, to say just a small group of people that is one thing. But, when you perpetuate these old ideas, these ultimately, harmful ideas, it's not just cisgender people who are going to take it. A lot of younger folks discovering for themselves what it means to be Trans, or even questioning their gender, will too. I also know that, while those ideas may have existed when they were transitioning, (older transfolk) many older Trans-folk (at least those I've met, and know personally) are open to changing that perspective, and are aware of the change for the better. I think it's important to be empathetic, and to understand where hate, and how ignorance is bred, but also important to not make excuses for them. I do not believe that is what you are doing, in the slightest. But, I suppose I'm a little more aggressive on this, and passionate because these ideas do effect me a little more than yourself. As a Trans-guy, who does have dysphoria, but has not taken HRT, or had any surgeries, according to a lot of what they say about people like me, I'm the one they would attempt to gate keep out. While again, I understand it was a lot harder to be Trans, as you know it still isn't easy, and that for those who struggled...I feel like, I'm happy for the young trans people who were able to come out, and transition, rather than holding back for being possibly bitter that I couldn't.
I wholeheartedly agree. It makes sense why they feel the way they do, but they should still have the presence of mind to realize that this is progress. Trans kids and adults in 2019 shouldn’t have to suffer the way they did just because they did.
See, this is exactly the idea I was working towards with my rambling personal story. It was exactly opinions of trans people like Calvin and Blaire and Buck that kept me in the closet. That because I don't experience binary gender, I shouldn't even try to transition. They are the reason that when I needed to access hormones for gender reassignment, I effectively put myself into a different closet in the search for cis validation. That closet isn't killing me as fast as the first one did, and now that I can be stealth as a man I feel safer to explore this side of myself. But in order to do so, I am still in the process of breaking down the fear that if I weary pink Crocs and don't bind when I leave the house that it somehow means I'm a trans trender and that I am bad for some reason.
Now when I find myself in the position to help new trans folks in my life, I am super empathetic to anyway they choose to present, and let them know it is ok for their understanding of gender to change over time. I let them know that if they change their mind, or find a presentation the works better for them, it doesn't negate the realness of their previous presentations.
That fear that if you don't know 100%. That you shouldn't even try to transition kept me in the closet and wanting to die, and I don't want to see anyone else ever having to go through that if I can help them.
lea1up With all due respect what would you transition to if you don’t experience any gender binary? Why is it a problem to just identify as non binary and not group yourself as trans when you don’t fit the definition?
Sums up my feelings on this as well (tho as a cis person I know I shouldn't be the loudest voice here). I totally get why Blaire might act the way she does, in the same way I get girls who say they're "not like the other girls" (totally sexist, but I get why they'd think that way and want to portray themselves like that). As a woman, I cannot condone these girls but neither can I condemn them. However, I must call them out on it. If they have a large platform, I will be upset about it. If people consistently try to reach out to them and explain why perpetuating their views hurt not only the people they individually call out, but the community as a whole, and they still act that way, I will be sad and probably upset.
The root of the problem is not really them but us cis people. However, by speaking to a large community of trans and cis people, they may be validating cis people in their transphobia and ofc hurting the trans community in the process. That is to say, they aren't helping the situation. It's unfortunate because us cis people shouldn't be reliant on trans people "changing our minds" to become more accepting or anything, but that's often the way it goes in these things. The priviledged/opressor will not do the work themselves.
@@breezybearwaters Well there would still be a transition away from one of the accepted genders right?
Also, words are fluid. Trans has come to mean (at least in my circles) someone who does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. The word may stem from "transition" (no idea tbh), but its meaning has diverged (which is normal for all sorts of words to do). I don't see any harm in using the word that way either, and it's generally understood that way as well.
as a young trans guy one of the first trans youtubers i started watching was kalvin, and it was before his “i used to be a nonbinary sjw” video, but i stuck around to watch his content for another two years and as guilty as i feel for having subscribed to that ideology i’d like to say that it almost felt like i was trapped, and i’m sure there are a lot of young trans people feel the same way. it was strange because i thought that if i was trans in the “right” way, my problems would eventually go away and i’d be normal - in reality, this mindset not only preys on young dysphoric trans people but it makes dysphoria worse. i became dysphoric about things i wouldn’t have even thought of before, like the way i flipped people off- kalvin mentioned once in one of his trans cringe reaction videos that only “trenders” flip people off with their thumb tucked in? it’s all very irrational. it stunted my development as a trans person and i feel like i lost so much time i could have been exploring my identity and personality to transmedicalism. it doesn’t just hurt the people who it targets, but the people who believe in that stuff are suffering too, and most of them are kids from my experience - like the 14-17 range.
I just remember when Kalvin met up with Arielle to "cleanse" her from all the "transhate" she had gotten and he knew who you were and something came up with you being critical of Arielle. He thought you were cis, Arielle informed him about you being trans. I kind of chuckled at that, like, if you are going to critique "cisgirls" for lecturing Arielle on transissues, maybe make sure you now they are cis before..? x'D
I used to be very truscummy. Like, very extreme, and essentially transphobic. Thankfully I grew out of that. As much as I understand and can rationalize their perspective, and how it comes from insecurity, I just cannot bear to watch their content anymore. The way they insult and degrade people different from them is extremely off putting to me.
To say watching Blaire's content didn't help me back then to rationalize my own feelings and experiences would be a lie. It did help me a lot, but it doesn't do anything for me anymore.
I can relate to their insecurity a lot, but the way they go about it just puts me away. It's likely because it reminds me of who I used to be, since I regret a lot of the things I've said and done in the past.
i can't watch it either. i used to be that insecure and hate myself that much and it's incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch people go through that and take that out on others. it just makes me sad and mad. so i've avoided watching any of their content as well and just trust the thumbnails i see in my recommended videos sometimes and the stuff people have told me lmao.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I was in your exact position. I’m so much happier in the absence of that toxic mindset.
I've had the same experience, now I realize something as complex as human psychology can never be rationalized to neurotypical "normal" people with a single dogmatic truth you've convinced yourself is the objective scientific answer. It's okay to not know, and to accept things you don't understand, within reason.
@Tlilticoatl Art That is a good point, I've never considered that.
Kat, I can see the similarities between your's and Blair's early experiences. To me, I think that where you diverged is that you have been able to heal and transcend the kind of internalized transphobia that she clings to because of how introspective and empathetic you are and how much your focus is on self-healing whereas for Blair, I do not see this. I feel like she instead searches for examples of how she is "better" than other ppl to make herself feel better and distract herself from her own painful feelings about herself. She projects her judgement of what is "good and right" onto everyone else that's non gender conforming then uses her platform to tear others down that are not like her.
I have a lot of empathy for her and why she does this but I still think she does a lot of damage and becomes a "credible" source for transphobes to further hate.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I disagree. people who don't like transgender people will not watch blair, its as simple as that
@@soywho9837 I really wish I could see it this way, but in my opinion, life isn't that simple or black and white. I think that Blair's nuanced way of sugarcoating hate makes it much more palatable for transphobes who don't like to identify as transphobes. She makes it easy to use her skewed reality to justify really transphobic beliefs and behaviors.
Just because someone holds horrible beliefs does not mean they will not participate and engage with Blair's flavor of content, especially if it reinforces their own biases.
I find that in general it's not the loudest haters that create the most hell for people but the ones who claim to be "open minded" "not racist" etc. while perpetrating hate and gaslighting their victims.
@@AstroKasper I watch Blair and enjoy the content but if that makes me a transphob then ill accept it
@@soywho9837 I think you misunderstand. I'm not calling "anyone who watched Blair" a transphobe. I'm just saying that some of her statements and beliefs are skewed to be able to be used by transphobes to justify discriminatory gender stereotypes and expectations. if you enjoy her content but are not participating in those types of beliefs and behaviors then obviously you are not a transphobic. that's not my call to make as i don't know you.
@@AstroKasper well ok but I hold some of her beliefs that may be considered transphobic, like that you can't completely change your gender (although thats proven as transwoman cant have babies).
"I don't want to live in a world that forces trans girls into sex work to get hormones."
The true tea, right there. 😈 (I didn't have the purple one)
Me neither. That’s why socialized healthcare and medical acceptance of trans people is the answer. Not eliminating all medical and psychological checks before transition.
It is the purple one on my screen?
I researched all the costs for what I'm gonna have done in my transition and it will cost 35 to 90 thousands dollars! Imagine living in a country that profits off of people making steps to not want to kill themselves...oh wait.
@@Sawdustinthemakeup Welcome to Europe where we have Universial Healthcare! Sure, it would still cost a lot depending on the country, but it wouldn't be nearly as expensive.
@@ojigbo
Trans kids are selling sex to afford hormones and surgery in Copenhagen, Denmark.
And we do have "universal healthcare", but it's still transphobic and the process of getting help is horribly degrading.
From my experience most fights over "can you be trans without dysphoria" boils down to semantics. A lot of people who are in the category of "you don't need to be dysphoric to be trans" mean something closer to "you don't need to hate yourself / your body / be depressed", that you don't need to have negative feelings to be trans.
This comes from the understandable idea that dysphoria must be negative feelings, but the positive desire to be of the opposite sex is dysphoria as well. Anecdotally this was true for me and DSM5 recognizes it as such.
Given a large number of people misunderstand dysphoria, it can help to have the "you don't need to be dysphoric to be trans".
Now could somebody be trans without experiencing any discomfort with their birth sex as well as no desire to change anything at all? I'd find it hard to say yes to that but in reality I've yet to come across that but come across far more stuff that reads as either misunderstanding, or just plain nervousness; it was very hard for me early on to be loud and clear that I had dysphoria and it wasn't until awhile into my hormonal transition that I could say things with 100% certainty. Not forcing people to diagnose themselves makes this tough process easier.
I find the "needing dysphoria to be trans (and therefore to start hormones)" thing to be very weird for a similar reason. Before hormones, I couldn't have even articulated much of anything. Yes, I felt I had dysphoria, but I had no idea how much I had or how deep it went. I was barely even capable of talking about trans issues in regard to myself. I didn't know what my own identity was. I could come off confused sometimes because I was in pain and in conflict. If I had waited for all that to clear up before going on hormones, I would not have gotten to go on hormones. This is partly why I didn't start hormones until I could access them via informed consent rather than a therapist's letter. I didn't feel like a man before hormones, I felt like an amorphous blob of suffering. Now I just feel like a person. But that wasn't the trans narrative I was supposed to have.
As a DMAB person, I have had a lot of dysphoria about my body and gender and due to the misunderstanding about gender dysphoria I believed and romanticised as an impressionable teenager that the only way to "fix" myself and the way i felt was to medically transition. When I had just started HRT I was full of fear and regret because I knew I wasn't supposed to be a woman but I felt I had gone too far and the transmedicalists online that I had as friends made me believe I would only ever be loved and valid if I presented as a binary woman.
As a non-binary person, not needing dysphoria to be trans helped me understand in a different way. Medical transition wasn't the way to treat dysphoria for me, I was never truly happy or euphoric during the few years i presented as female. In the last 2 years I've stopped taking hormones and slowly purged toxic ideas about my gender that had me stuck for so long; I've never been happier. However I do still have days where I am unable to leave the house because of debilitating gender dysphoria.
Doesn't this describe Trisha Paytas?
Exactly! Alot of the fights over disphoria are about gender disphoria. Alot of people don't even know social disphoria is a thing. So some people think they have no dysphoria when in reality they experience social dysphoria
Right, thanks for correcting me. I forget that term even exists sometimes because gender disphoria is the term used to describe body disphoria only
I think the bullying and her spreading of outright transphobic lies about regret and how trans children are treated makes me unable to watch Blaire's videos anymore. I used to more or less share her perspective before I accepted that I was a non binary person. I don't think I ever bullied people the way she does though.
In the end her content does more to help conservative and terf narratives than it does trans people even if she doesn't personally support those people.
Bullying where???
@@SpookyTGhost she criticizes people's personal attributes (way of speaking, dressing, looks etc) instead of their ideas, she gets very aggressive and rude when contradicted and doesn't let people actually engage in a conversation with her. She doesn't want a discussion and never has, she just wants a platform to spread misinformation.
Rhys Grammling when has she made fun of someones looks?
Her bullying of other trans people is well known and well documented. She even publicly apologised to Riley Dennis for it though only after Riley revealed that she was on HRT. She has not as far as I am aware publicly apologised to the other people she has bullied.
I was one of her earliest subscribers from before her channel blew up but her nasty behaviour became too much for me and I haven't watched her videos in a long time. Maybe she doesn't make that kind of content anymore I wouldn't know and I also don't really care.
@Aisling just because somebody disagrees with you doesn't mean they're ignorant, what a lame thought
The amount of empathy you have is so refreshing.. I've been so used to seeing hate that this legitimately sad that this isn't more common.
-😈-
Kalvin often says about how he would never reffer to his body parts as [insert whatever words], so other people that do must not really be trans. But (if I remeber right) Kalvin is open about his birth name and has said it on camera. That would make me very dysphoric. If I used his logic but directed at him I could say "well that would make me too dysphoric, so if you do if then you're not a rreeeaaalll tran like me". (But I know that's not logical so I wouldn't)
I think also some people use humor sometimes to cope with their feelings? Like for me, I dislike using terms associated with women for my chest, but jokingly refering to it that way helps me cope for some reason. Like "hey can somebody come get these, the waiter gave me [ *insert term* ] by accident and now I'm honnestly too shy to say anything". It helps me get those feelings off my chest, pun intended 😉
Well, Kalvin is just trying to survive in a capitalism, so can't put all the blame on him for making totally illogical claims when that's what gets the approval/money of the cis folks :P
@@curioussoul6059 Trying to survive in a capitalism?
This is known as the"No true Scotsman" fallacy.
Are you dumb... his entire point is that you need dysphoria. You have it so your good. His point is just people who constantly refer to themselves with terms they dont identity with
There's two kinds of people; those who struggle and think "I don't want anyone to have to suffer as I did" and those who struggle and think "no one deserves to suffer less than I had to". 😈
Actually, kalvin has said in his videos that he just particularly had a very bad case of gender dysphoria. He said that other transgender people absolutely dont have to have as much dysphoria as him.
My boyfriend makes videos on UA-cam about being transgender, his intention is always to educate others and himself without being hurtful. It’s no ones job to tell someone else how they should be as a trans person but as you said, I completely understand where they are coming from. I am a cis woman with body dysmorphia with an ED and I have struggled with accepting that not everyone’s ED manifests the same physically. I love your content SO MUCH, from a fellow Kat to another ☺️💕
I absolutely love your take on this. I’ve seen Kalvin’s videos in the past and they got me so hot. 🤬 to me he is very toxic to the trans community. I clicked on your video wanting you to GO IN on him. But approaching this with empathy and breaking down his perspective is better. Thanks KAT!
when I saw how young Kalvin is I was like "oh wow you're a baby" thats not to invalidate his experience or views but I think its important to take into account
Amy Trevaskis I agree people get super mad at him and get super aggressive but he’s only a teenager.
Amy Trevaskis I’m the same age as Kalvin. Mocking trans people on camera and then indirectly sending your fans to harass them is gross and wrong. 19 year olds aren’t dumb. They know how the world works. They’re outta high school and young adults. I think people see him that way because he’s a white boy. 19 is not a child. That’s just not how that works.
Leah Hart I’m the same age as him so I guess I view this “he’s only a teenager” thing as ridiculous. 19 isn’t as young as people are making it seem
@@quirkyblackenby 19 is definitely as young as people are making it seem. Revisit this idea again in 10 years and I guarantee your perspective on this will have changed considerably. I know you probably think I'm wrong here, but when I was 19 I thought the same as you do. You know "how the world works", but only in the short time span and small slice of the world you've been exposed to so far. That does vary, and some teenagers are more worldly than others, of course, but on average - no.
@@quirkyblackenby the brain isn't done developing until someone is around 24. People can change a LOT during those years. long term planning is one of the last things to develop. it's not that teenagers are dumb or don't know right from wrong. its just harder to see the "bigger picture". There are exceptions, of course. And there's some people who NEVER learn it lol.
When you said Blair and Calvin were too concerned with how straight/cis people see trans people that really struck a cord with me. I personally really enjoy Blair’s videos and hearing her perspective even though I may not agree with some (or a lot) of what she says. But what you just said makes total sense when it comes to her content, as a conservative passing trans woman. I really like how you analyze her content without just tearing her down because y’all have different views. You have a lot of maturity when it comes to dealing with people you may not agree with, and I respect that a lot.
I’ve been following and watching Blaire White for about 2+ years now, and for the most part I agree with most of what she says. However, recently within this year I’ve been watching many of your True Tea videos and appreciate the different perspective. Almost always I find myself disagreeing with your perspective, but I always am able to learn and grow from listening to the conversations you have. Thank you so much for these videos!!
side note: I really thought you were going to bash Blaire in this video lololol. I respect the disagreement you have with her.
Me too
Same 😆
This is what I want to see more of tbh. Learning and growing, even if you end up disagreeing.
yes same. her video has made me think of things a little differently when it comes to how i react to people i don’t agree with.
I would like to see you and Blaire talk, not a debate, just talking about this.
It's honestly a shame Blaire dislikes Kat I'd love to see them just have a chat over some tea :(
@@pantherette113 Blaire would do that
debates are overrated, conversations help both parties grow
Considering she just made a video about her, I'll bet Blair will either make a response or do one of her "debate" videos.
How do u know blair dislikes kat?
As a trans person, this really helped me understand different views and experiences... Especially when you explained how one’s own dysphoria can change the way they react to other trans people, and how a lot of gender conforming trans people (I’ll admit, including myself) can be bothered by trans people who do not try to “pass” or are more comfortable in their assigned bodies. You are absolutely right, everyone experiences gender differently and we shouldn’t be worrying so much about how cis people will percieve us. Thank you!!!
Your point about Kalvin ironically having millions of views online and wanting to be stealth is so good. I think it really points out how his main reason for transmedicalism isn't actually him just wanting to live a safe life, it's just reflective of his own insecurity about his passability and rather than critiquing his own life and actions, he lashes out and attacks the trans people that cis people also find "cringey." It's typical cis bootlicking.
Louder sis
Yes let's insult people, horrah?🤨😄
@@jacklynbrown1768 If you're referring to insulting people like kalvin garrah then hell yeah. He dishes it out all the time, he should be able to take it.
@@scoutcoker9813 alrighty but don't go off saying you're being a nice person. If you go through with just being yourself then I really don't care what you do or what you believe as long as it's not harming people.
@citlalli gonxales bring in the insults, I love them 🤗
I’m not gonna lie, it was this very moment that I realized that Blair White wasn’t just a cis woman with an intense hatred of trans people. I thought this whole time she was cis from the way she talked and what I’d heard from her.
That's understandable
I’ve been a Blaire fan, and when I heard from others saying that she was transphobic without explaining anything, I thought they were just nuts. I really appreciate you being to convey this sentiment so well and so concisely to where a dumbdumb like me can understand. That fish on the bench picture made me feel so bad for thinking even remotely with that mindset.
I still have deferring opinions of course, but you definitely helped me gain a new perspective on this whole thing, so thank you!
Kalvin and Blaire very recently made a video mocking Milo Stewart, a non-binary person who was just trying to make LGBT related content and who has been on this platform for many years, the video predominantly constitutes them misgendering and bullying them for merely existing. Like, I sincerely don't understand what sick twisted pleasure they got out of mocking that poor person.
@@Phenrex Let's not pretend Milo isn't ridiculous and is immune to be the object of ridicule.
@@someinteresting lol what? Ridiculing and mocking people isn't exactly great if you are someone with a HUGE platform which will encourage people to harass/bully someone with a comparatively small platform.
@@someinteresting milo is simply existing. they’re not doing anything wrong. kalvin and blair are bullying them, simple.
@@Phenrex milo made some ridiculous videos and I think it was manly their opinion that Blair was mocking. Like their video about how we are all racist and homophobic in some ways. Using world like that instead of just explaining that we all have a bias is ridiculous and is just an inflammatory thing too say
You could turn these true teas into a podcast. Love your dating stories btw.
I've been thinking about it. Id have to figure out monetization
@@KatBlaque You can put ads and sponsors just for the podcast. I dont think people would mind.
@@tj843 Can confirm; would listen.
Thirded!!
@@tj843 I know that, but getting those sponsors isn't always easy
It's going to be almost impossible for Blaire and Kalvin to grow out of their beliefs now their income is dependant on them and they've spent so much time publicly defending them.
Sadly quite true
Based on clips I have seen of their videos, Kalvin's persona is like some weird hybrid of the douchey frat guy and the whiny "nice" guys and the stuck-up "Mr. Know-it-all" while Blaire's persona is a hybrid of Queen Bee and the NLOG and the trans "cool" girl. I thought Blaire said she quit being an alt-right UA-camr some time ago, but then you still see her making those types of videos. To me, it sounds like they internalized some of the toxic beliefs they grew up hearing, saw an opportunity to make money out of it, and are addicted to the amount of money and attention they could get from making those kind of conent and the type of "support" they get from their "fans".
@@medtle1 medtle1 Lol what types of videos has Blaire made recently that's "alt-right"? Exposing child predators? Yeah she might as well be the posterchild for the alt-right am I right
@@KatBlaque wow... the hypocrisy
@Jay Hoe's Important Business Overseas I think you misunderstood the original comment. If Blaire white suddenly started arguing that non binary folks were valid, she would lose a lot of her support. I haven't built a platform based on my lack of support for certain people. I've built a platform on self reflection, education and admitting that sometimes you're wrong. Blaire very boldly positions herself as someone who is right and righteous and that means that her changing her position would greatly impact her bottom line. That's just reality. I don't make money based on having unmovable stances.
nah, they're honestly more worried about people *medically and surgically* changing their bodies when that may not be the right choice for them. It's not about being a "valid" trans person or not, it's about making the right decisions for yourself. these people kalvin garrah critiques are a lot of the time people who end up realizing transitioning was a mistake for them. They want to get the information out that transitioning can be a great thing for some people, but there are some people who think they know they're transgender, but in the end they realize they shouldn't have transitioned.
My only problem with what you are saying, is the part where you were talking about "living your truth now, you may be right, you may be wrong, but you're doing whats right for you right now." I feel like someone who is your age and has gone through transitioning should realize that medical transition is not something to be taken so lightly. I agree that people should always live their truth, but when it comes to transitioning, it's a big deal. We're talking about chemically and surgically altering your body here. You need to think about how it's going to affect you in the future, not just right now. You need to be sure it's the right decision for you. And while i appreciate your thoughts and empathies for people to live their truth and that everyone is valid no matter their experience, when it comes to medically transitioning, it needs to be taken more seriously. Like if someone doesn't have gender dysphoria, we need to think about WHY they feel the need to transition. Because there is a difference between people who have an intrinsic feeling of being born in the wrong body, and someone who just feels uncomfortable right now. Someone who just feels uncomfortable right now is likely to change their mind in the future. And it could leave them with enormous feelings of regret and hardship, and transitioning might have never helped them. If this is just a matter if identity, and has nothing to do with altering your body, then sure, identify however you like. I personally don't see how identifying as transgender would be significant to a person who doesn't have gender dysphoria or any desire to transition, but if it makes them happy then sure, go for it. But thinking in psychology, your happiness and confidence should not come from a label like this, it should come from yourself and your own uniqueness. But I don't know, I just feel like saying one doesn't need gender dysphoria to be transgender is not really taking this seriously. It's a serious thing, and should be regarded with thought and consideration. Any identity is fine, but we have to realize that identities are subject to change. Your intrinsic sense if self in regards to your body and gender are not subject to change. if they do change, it is because you are not looking deep enough into yourself. Self awareness is key to understanding your gender.
The only good comment on this ENTIRE video,i was able to find,was yours💕💕
Glad I’m not the only one how had the same issue towards her sentiment.
There’s too many risks to take when transitioning and it should NEVER be taken that lightly. It’s dangerous!
@@SpookyTGhost Amen sis
Most of the arguments I've seen had nothing to do with transition, a lot just don't like that there are trans ppl without dysphoria. But yeah, that part can be a big problem. Mostly only in certain communities tho. People STILL get touchy around my identity despite me having no intentions to transition. I don't identify as nonbinary just to get a good dopamine rush, it's just because I'm more comfortable w/it. I'm not putting myself in any sort of danger. I don't see the issue.
Clap clap clap clap. I think the same as you, i dont even know what more to say
The other problem I had with what she was saying is about money, I mean, I dont know how is it in your country, but in mine most of the hormones that you can take by identifying as trasgender are mostly paid by the govement, we need some kind of way to indentifying what exactly is being trans, how its deffined, why, not only for you not only feel good, but because a lot of statutional things depend on that. What do we do about criminals now indentifying as the other gender?, what do we do about people taking hormones?
Dont get me worng, I am all out supporting transgender people, I know 2 of my best friends who are, I even housed one of them for months after having serious trouble about his gender with his family, but because of that, because I try to get and support what is he going thought this things are so important to discuss and talk, and just calling yourself transgender, medicating because its how you feel right here right now its not enough.
I hope my comment is not taken in a bad way, English is not my main language and I dont exactly know how can it be interpreted, What I tried to say its that, I respect the opinion of the lovely lady that did this video, but I agree with the commenter in these, the only problem or concern I have is that it doesnt only affect one self, it affect the society too and those who live in them, and by asking for aceptance, people have to understand, and I think that is something that Blaire and Kalvin and others really try to show.
As a straight white cis male ally, when I was first making an effort to understand trans people the transmedicalist arguments were very useful for me. I got on board with the ideas of disphoria and medically transitioning because that was what was easier to grasp with the tools society had given me. So people like Buck Angel were a good entry point. I'm now very much not in line with that viewpoint, I don't think you need disphoria to be trans, non-binary folks are 100% valid, but I think those ideas can be a good intro as long as a person has an open enough mind to move past them and keep learning.
Now obviously my acceptance of a trans person's lifestyle isn't really important. People don't need to cater their arguments to convert me, and truscum are very harmful. But I also can't get that mad at Buck when I know that pictures of him with "should this guy be in a women's restroom" on it were a significant stepping stone for how I got to the views I have now.
Don't normally comment but I thought I might have some level of insight this time. 😈
That little brick girl character on the mug was so cute. I would definitely be her friend
of course I would! I just have to figure out how to turn into a cute cartoon character too
Somewhere a Christian is watching this while having a heart attack because of a trans woman in a devil costume.😂 they gon watch the whole video tho😴
I haven't liked Blaire White since she was on Hate Thy Neighbor and saying that women are more privileged than men and feminism is "cancer."
There have been a few videos of hers i have agreed with, but for the most part, she is just soo misguided and so many things she says are so problematic.
The type of privilege that Blaire has is literally in her name.
Being Random this is truth. Living as a WHITE trans woman is a different experience
@@cunt2868 Indeed. Not only is she pretty(ish), she passes very well. So those are two more privileges for you.🤷🏽♀️
She reads Hispanic to me.
Sabrina Cuadra I would’ve never have guessed Hispanic plus she’s white passing
I believe that the reason that Blaire and Kalvin are concerned with “what cis people think” is not that they are seeking cis approval, it’s that being read as male or female, respectively, triggers their dysphoria
In her own way, blaire is very conservative. It seems to me she doesnt get anything that isnt female or male
i think it's a hard line to draw, because they also reflect a cis perspective on gender.. not necessarily in their own gender expression/identity, but in their judgment of those who don't have any need/want to reflect one socially perceived side of a gender binary ! or those who have no financial capability to "pass" ! that sucks !! i would argue that by projecting their own dysphoria onto other members of the community is more damaging than it is helpful (and gives voice to cis people's transphobia in some senses)
I'm genderqueer and I really enjoyed your insight about being okay with not understanding everyone's experiences. I'm autistic and struggle to understand lots of social constructs, like gender. I often think about how I experience the world very differently. I wish people would be okay with that, and say "I don't understand how you experience the world but I love you as a fellow human otherwise." If people were okay with not understanding but still trusting people, people like me would be so much happier.
😈 you made excellent points about how they are free to make their points due to the amount of boundary-breaking work trans people did before them. Trans people fought and died against assimilation and complacency alike, because they understood all trans folk as a collective soul to be protected.
Beeing older myself I never understood that mindset that "it used to be hard for us to do something so it has to be hard for you as well". The main motivation for all activism and political work I did in my life was to make life easier for the next generations. Gatekeeping was and will always be bullshit.
And no, we don't should give older people a pass for "coming from a different time".
Educate yourself Sally before you grace the world with your outdated views.
"Educate yourself Sally before you grace the world with your outdated views." gjiohKGLHFDGIOFJk;gffdgfgh
I love Blaire.....but come to you for a different perspective, so thank you for providing that for me! Just because we don't agree on everything, doesn't mean we can't learn from and respect each other!
Same here. I don't necessarily agree with everything that was said in the video, but it was nice to see other's opinions on the topic. It's not great to see people being disrespectful and even violent towards those who don't share their opinion, but seeing how you're handling it as well as others makes me have hope.
I’m the opposite! And it’s nice to have Blair because I feel she does a great way of explaining her viewpoints and she’s funny! But kat has truly someone I have followed for years and her journey has lead mine for a long time!
Exactly, I'm surprised people are critiquing Blaire and even say she has internalized transphobia and that's just proof that people can't accept and respect other's individual perspectives. So because she's Trans and has different perspectives, she hates herself? Make it make sense.
@@LightandDarkSavior wasn’t Blaire white the one to make videos on Janae Marie that were filled with lies, support for JK Rowling’s blatant transphobia, making fun of other transgender people to appeal to her cis audience, support for trump, saying that non binary people don’t exist?
@@shanayahayes6394 i was extremely disappointed abt the janae marie thing, and i havent looked into jk rowlings actual controversy so idk my thoughts on that. i think she used to be a trump supporter but idk where she stands now ?? also watch her most recent video on nb people for her thoughts on that. i wouldnt consider myself a fan of hers but i agree with her content somewhat
I do feel like there should be some judgement made against kalvin and some hesistance to watch his content because he's literally putting real people on display to mock. He's directly contributing to people being harassed. I understand why he has his perspective, but I wish you were a little more critical of him reacting to videos of innocent trans people leading his fanbase to directly attack people. It's more than just him indirectly being hurtful through ideology, he's directly bullying and hurting others.
Blaire White's content I'm less familiar with so I won't say anything. But at what point of someone being bigoted against nb people do we make a harsher value judgement? Why is Buck Angel being horribly transmisogynist worse than Kalvin being linked to someone's suicide attempt?
I also want to say that while they have trauma, so do all the nonbinary people being harassed and publicly shamed by people like them. Growing up on the internet being NB it wasn't uncommon to be thrown into some Reddit thread and torn to shreds by cis people and truscum. Kalvin is doing the same throwing innocent people under the bus and subjecting them to harassment. Not saying Kat ignored this or anything just wanting to talk about some of the material harm of transmed ideology.
I agree. Buck, Kalvin and Blair have caused and continue to cause real harm to people and the trans community. Where is the empathy for the people that are being mocked and attacked by Kalvin and others like him?
@@weirdomermaid Right... I feel a little frustrated that people emphasize having sympathy for these people over holding them responsible for hurting people. I think Kat's empathetic response is really kind and valuable, but I wish it was also a little harsher directly talking about how their actions effect people. Them laughing at terfs doesn't undo them laughing at a many times more nb and non passing trans people.
THIS.
if i recall correctly kalvin became buddy-buddy with a terf on twitter because she was “actually chill” and it was then people started to realize that hey kalvin is actually bad
I appreciate the openness to listening to other views. I’m probably not gonna give Blair the views cause it hurts my soul, but understanding where the come from is important. Especially for people like Buck Angel...I remember when he was a revered figure in our community. 😈
Except for the whole outing Lana Wachowski 6 years before she came out b/c of spite for Lana being with his ex wife.
Kat: "Usually I drink tea"
Also Kat: *drinks wine in every other true tea video*
🍷🍷🍷
Anyone who's ever known a trans person who has been outed knows that most cis won't accept trans people regardless of stealthiness. In fact, I'd argue there are more cis people willing to accept trans people only if they're open-minded than there are cis people willing to accept only stealth trans people. That's why it's crucial for us cis people to have these conversations with our families and friends so that when their co-worker/friend/child/parent is outed they will be kind and loving and not whisper cruel things behind their hands.
So you make cis people out to be something they aren't to make victims where there are none. No, we don't need to have these conversations to accept someone living their lives and not bothering anyone else.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard. Most cis people couldn't care less.
I really like how you encourage people to watch Kalvin and Blaire to at least potentially understand their point of view. Even if they may not agree. I try my best to watch video topics with different perspectives. 😈
Pvrple Heart did Kalvin actually acknowledge the existence of nb people or did I imagine it?
Autumn Potato I think his issue was more people using binary pronouns (him/her) while not having going through the full transition
@Autumn Potato I think he accepts a tiny minority of non binary people. Like say agender people, transmasc and transfemme identified people, and people generally with a static identity that's often more comprehensible to him.
He makes fun of people with other identities from what I see. Genderqueer, genderfluid, polygender people I think he rejects.
Screw that they both suck to me. I’ve watched enough of their videos to see it’s just a rabbit hole of buffoonery and I don’t need that in my recommendations.
@@dandelion6617 exactly
as a non binary person, i never thought abt perspectives (like blaires and kalvins) as being under the gaze of cis ppl!! tysm for sharing ur thoughts and producing this vid
As a person really trying to make sense of my identity after feeling that I'm not always comfortable with being AMAB, this video offered some valuable perspective and was very reassuring!
I still have to catch up on the rest of your recent uploads but this one was definitely a priority for me. So thank you for making it and the rest of the uploads on your channel!
Also, 😈
For me, back when I was very truscum/transmed I was very early into my transition and super insecure about myself and my gender identity. So alot of watching Calvin Garrah and talking about transpeople who didn't experience or express gender the same way as I did was about putting them down for not adhering to the cisnormative ideas of gender in the same way that I did to validate myself as a 'real transman'
Oh my god! Kat, thanks for this masterpiece of a video! You've really opened my eyes. I'm a young trans man that had thought similarly to those you've mentioned in this video, especially Kalvin. I normally try to avoid trans-related, well everythin cause they make me angry and uncomfortable but I just had to watch your video and girl, with every passin second I felt exposed, but it's a good thing! I had let my insecurities blind my sight and left that bullshit to fester. I let my experiences cloud my judgements upon others. Thank you for this clarity! ✊✊ LET'S JUST LIVE, WHO GIVES A DAMN?!
it's a lot like being a person of color you suddenly become 'ambassador' for your entire race! and that is a lot of pressure!! trans ppl aren't a monolith just like poc arent!!
Always remember and never forget that you are beautiful and you are loved. Bye
Momma Kat I love how despite us growing up so differently we come to such similar conclusions
Devil face
It took me a while but once I realized Blaire White was just really insecure a lot more of her content made sense. Hope she learns not to put so much pressure on herself , and therefore not project onto others
Something I noticed in her videos supporting terf's firm belief behind the "science" of trans people, she almost sounded that she's only trying to convince herself instead of the audience. Her tone and words of agreement are so...inauthentic? Idk if that's the right word, but she gives away this vibe of trying to fit herself into the box of acceptance.
I usually never comment because I very little to add. But I will say, I think your commentary is always very honest and introspective.you are very insightful and leave me with something new to think about in each video
Also, kinda crazy how all these people claiming to be advocates for the trans community are the first ones to get angry that things get easier for the next generation. 😈
I don’t think it’s about it being easier. It’s more about that there isn’t enough conversation done with people who believe that they’re trans which leaves the opportunity for many people to slip through the cracks. People who receive hormones and then obtain reverse dysphoria along with the realization that they aren’t actually trans. This isn’t just adults either, this scenario is starting to spread to teenagers and children with the lack of care that is put into diagnosing the trans label for some places. Yes, it should be realistically obtainable for people with dysphoria to receive their hormones without so much suffering but it also shouldn’t be seen as a process that you don’t need to take seriously
Champ2002 your comment doesn’t refute what I said at all, it’s almost completely irrelevant. I was saying “advocates” are supposed to be fighting for us and you chose to go on a “trans trender” rant.
Bigolbitch if that’s how you read it
Champ2002 because that’s what you said.
Champ2002 That’s totally how they read that, haha!
I'm still after 7 years of first learning about, coming out, being uncertain about/denying I was trans, and then finally accepting I am trans, trying to understand & form my own opinion on so much involving trans topics.
I've been back and forth between what people would consider "sjw's", and what people call "truscum".
I kinda find myself inbetween atm. But who knows how things will change. I do like the freedom to listen to both & think for myself tho. I'm really tired of people being so quick to labelling & attacking or even threatening you over pickng sides.
I do atm definitely believe in the neuroscientific studies that show there's a connection & pattern to trans people's s'exually dimorphic structures being more similar to the opposite of the rest of their biological gender. Which is the reason many struggle with gender dysphoria.
But as someone who's in the past identified with gender neutral & gender fluid, and I can still relate to the feelings. And from listening to other people who both identify under non-binary identities, or who do identify as binary trans, but feel little to no dysphoria, it's made me think more on why it differs from person to person.
I'm not claiming it as truth, but my guess is maybe some of the s'exually dimorphic structures in each individual are either more inbetween or a different combination that creates a non-binary experience. Or why some might be more dysphoric than others. Just like how some intersex people have different combinations of chromosomes & primary/secondary s'ex characteristics.
So while a part of me atm still can't understand how one can be trans with absolutely no form of gender dysphoria, I don't feel it's my place to say it's impossible.
I do tho see some people explaining their experiences of being trans with no dysphoria, but it can sound like they misunderstand what gender dysphoria is. And think it has to be an extreme case of depression & disgust with their body.
To me, at least, I understand it as simply feeling a disconnect/discomfort with primary/secondary s'ex characteristics. But it doesn't have to be severe, or necessarily that they feel the need/want to change every aspect of their body to the opposite gender.
But I dunno, I'm still observing & learning. Both what it means to me & others.
Really resonated with your perspective here.
Like Kat, I transitioned early in life and live stealth (unintentionally). I was around 1-2 years into physical transition when online discussion of gender dysphoria rlly took off, and so I definitely chose the side of what's called transmedicalism today. However as I became an adult, I grativated away from that view and am somewhere in the middle too, for solidarity's sake and to be more compassionate to my fellow humans.
With that said, I would love to see more neuroscientific discoveries. There has to be reasons this phenomenon is experienced so broadly. The grey matter in the brain study isn't as definitive as I once thought, but I would love to see more examples.
The way gender is being experienced is different today than it ever has. And from what I believe, it will keep changing. Though I am a binary man, the idea of feeling 100% your gender 100% of the time is unhelpful. I'm not convinced most people, trans or cis people, experience gender like that. Gender has social utility and being human is being a social animal.
Sorry for hijacking the comment w/ my unorganized thoughts ✌️ Peace
Kalvin gives me toxic masculinity vibes. That's why I stopped watching him. I feel neutral towards Blair.
Blaire uses kids' abuse as a way to make views and attack the trans community. Instead of talking about how bad the abuse is in her videos, she talks about how bad the trans community is for letting it happened. Even in her last video (about a kid being forced to transition because of his mom) she just rambled about how bad it is to let kids transition, completly ignoring the fact that this situation HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH KID TRANSITIONING BECAUSE THEY ARE TRANS. I really don't like all of that about her. And, in debate, she just insults others while Kalvin is more calm. I really don't like all of that about her =/
nekosysteme kids shouldn't be transitioning though. not medically anyway
@@nekosysteme kids shouldn't be medically transitioning though so...
Blaire constantly bullies people and spreads misinformation. She made one mother of a trans kid, (who isn't doing anything medically, they are simply just presenting) sound like she was an established trans activist forcing her kid to be trans and was "pimping out her kid". In reality the mother didn't know anything about gender dysphoria and transgender things until her "son" started saying they felt like a girl. All Blaire had to do was read into it, but no. She used it as an opportunity to spread lies to get her personal views out there. People have yet to call her out on this lie except for one youtuber, creationist cat.
@@addangel no kid transitions medically. Stop believing such a ridiculous lie.
Quote of the day "fish or brick, were all the same" LOVE THAT
I love you so much. I am neither a poc or a trans person and I absolutely love the open and honest conversations you have about your own growth. It's so interesting to hear an honest perspective from someone that I can't relate to on many levels. Your conversations can really help people grow. Did I mention I just love this channel?
Compassion for people's perspectives is one thing, but the problem is that Kalvin and Blaire have both directly attacked real trans people in videos and caused harm to those people. At that point the problem isn't about ideas or perspectives, it's about them actively hurting real people in the real world.
I was telling one of my nonbinary friends about Kalvin and how I feel like this kid's gonna be really embarrassed of the videos he is making in the future. The videos I made, the experiences Ive had, and people I have met, have changed in less than a decade and I cannot believe me 5 years ago is related to me today. So I do have empathy for Kalvin, but it only goes so far because this kid had the money and the support to go through his transition and to shit on those who dont transition or want to really disgusts me.
This is really insightful and well done. I tend to forget that Kalvin is still young, even if he’s a bit older than me and that these are people who are struggling with dysphoria. I try to stay calm and logical, but watching this has made me realize that honestly I was listing Kalvin and Blaire as just bad people. I don’t know enough about who they are to prove that. And they have time to grow and change. As a non-binary person, it hurts to have them say that I am not valid and I am lying (especially with my hardcore imposter syndrome, I already sometimes think that I might be lying to myself or doing something for attention even though I know that this identity makes my happier). It’s important to go beyond hurt if I want to discuss this topic, or even continue to delve into it more.
I remember I used to be so dysphoric just like Calvin. I used to be mad that trans guys were having sex before t and would blame them for making us look ridiculous. Not gunna lie after I started to date my boyfriend (who is also trans) and had sex with him, I felt like my body was my own for once and I actually enjoyed my body. So while I do have chest dysphoria and other shit I feel awful about, I’m so happy I got to finally experience something I could call my own for once. And now that I’m on t, I feel so empowered and attractive for once. I’m not saying trans guys have to have sex to feel good about themselves (it’s not for everyone), I do believe part of blaming other trans guys is solely just insecurity and self hate. That’s definitely a place I came from.