Gary Delaney | Ruthless One Liners
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- Опубліковано 10 січ 2022
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My favorite of Gary's one liners - "I went to a friend's funeral yesterday. The poor bastard drowned. All of us mates of his got him a wreath in the shape of a life preserver ... Well, it's what he would've wanted".
My favorite is when he's on top of a girl having a good time untill she opened her eyes fuck she's coming around.or I'm always worried when a girl sees me naked for the first time at the park one day she's going to get up and run away.
People need to remember, offensive jokes are meant to do that. They are not the views of the comedian telling them. We need more people like Gary.
He needs to put in a few jokes about Muhammad and the LGBTQ wingers.
shut up
@@brianhardrada1297 and monarchy ( espeially thai King)
They are not the views of the comedian? Now you ruined them!
I do so love this kind of comedy. Very Jimmy Carr but not at the same time.
Yes we need more. A lot more.
Everybody was complaining about Garys jokes so for him to tell them again is pretty brave well done Gary
The issues with this comment is "everybody" actually means a tiny minority. We are at the stage now where a single or a few complaints on the pathetic, sad Social Media is reported to such a scale, anyone would think the majority of people are offended, which is simply not true. If anything, do what Gary has just done, keep repeating them. The ones who are offended seem to be the ones filled with hate, not the comedians.
you shut up
M&97@@awm1527 mm,t?
89⁹8k(
@AWM So true. The latest is "Snoop Doggs fans are up in arms because he slapped a female stage performers arse on stage as part of a show"......
Sure, because Snoop Dogg's fans expect nothing but the utmost respect for women from an OG rapper, so it makes total sense that they would complain about that...
The media claiming "fans" are complaining is almost always completely false lol
He has perfect voice to these "offensive" jokes. And the fackt that the mount of his material is just enormous is unbelieveble! Absolutely brilliant stuff.
I love the way he sometimes doesn’t finish the joke as he’s laughing too much
It's good to see a comedian genuinely laugh at his own jokes
@@MrDaddyGazz Or just laugh at his own jokes!!
@@thesnowdens His laugh is a lighter version of Jimmy Carr's.
We need more Gary's in the world...love it. 🤣🤣🤣👍🏻
The "I pulled a sickie" took a while to sink in but when it dawned on me I almost broke wind I laughed so much :-)
I embarrassed to admit it went over my head
Have you made it to the end of Gary's routine yet ?
@Andrew Day his timing is terrible. But he means he either wanked off, or picked up a sick person.
It's nothing more than humor. I found these to be brilliant!!
Gary we saw you in Aberdeen about 5 years ago. You were absolutely brilliant you talked to us after the show and you was a gentleman 👍🏻👍🏻
Why would anyone go to a gig knowing that they might be offended? Keep up the good work Gary
Fisting a ventriloquist! Haahaha made me laugh right out of the gate
this is the most I`ve physically laughed at a comedian in years...thank you
One of my friends lost his son and on the _day_ of that tragedy, he turned up for tennis, explaining it was either that or stay at home and cry. He chose to take his mind off the misery, doing something he loved. Afterwards, some of the players (unaware of the event) were telling jokes. My friend started laughing and for those precious few minutes, he was able to get away from the nightmare of what he'd suffered, thanks to comedy. It was therapeutic and enabled him to get through a difficult period that most of us can't even contemplate.
Humour isn't ever offensive, unless you _choose_ to be offended. If this friend could be cheered up by humour, 12 hours after being given the worst news possible, then we all can. Personally, I'd support a law that jailed anyone complaining about jokes. In this dysfunctional and miserable world, we need more ironic and "offensive" jokes, not less. Those who would say otherwise are enemies of happiness and don't belong in normal society.
When I was at Gramnar school, in the 60s, we mercilessly lampooned each other. This is where and how, we learnt our debating and riposte skills. Nowadays, kids are so insulated from everything that they have no ability to reply to any remark. We're breeding an entire generation that is unequipped to respond to anything. All thanks to the miserable and sanctimonious "degenerate puritans" (sic) who tout themselves as the arbiters of good taste.
Brilliant comment. Totally agree.
Ian Rivlin, I too was in elementary and middle school in the mid sixties. I remember well the hilarious and sometimes ruthless things we would say to each other. We did in fact learn to sharpen our wit, and to grow a thicker skin . Most of these snowflake college kids and young adults would melt down , begging for a safe space as we unloaded a fusillade of withering insults. This comedian is killer funny. Some of the jokes are over the line , but none of it makes me angry or offended. He is brilliant.
Ian Rivlin: Superbly put!! I totally agree!! Political correctness has got out of hand and is screwing society and interpersonal relationships!!
100% behind you brother and very well articulated.
Well, there is a golden rule "punch up, not down". I learned it the hard way after assaulting a random special kid the other day.
Superb. Genuine comedy. Loved every minute of it.
Your laugh between jokes...... priceless!😂😂😂😂😂
Bloody brilliant!, we need more jokes like this in the world!!.
He was one of the funnier parts of Mock the Week when he was a regular.
The "dont forget poo bags" one gets me every time😂😂😂😂
Great stuff. Love these one-liners.
He's exactly right to do this. When I was a child my grandmother used to remind my sister and I to say "Please"and "Thank you" etc. She was very prim and proper. One day my uncle walked into the sitting room while she was knitting and tore off a thunderous fart. She looked up and prompted him "I beg your pardon" he replied "Oh, sorry. Didn't you hear it the first time?' and did it again. I got a smack for laughing.
my sister and me
@@no-one-in-particular r/confidentlyincorrect I would be the correct usage there.
@@eddyblackmore2834 No, it isn't, "me" is correct. If it were only the one person involved, you would say "my grandmother used to remind me". The inclusion of the sister does not change the case.
Shouldn’t that be called ‘Behead and Shoulders’
Absolutely love dark jokes but this took it too far - into the absolutely fucking hilarious territory 🤣
shut up
Didn't realise you could go too far!!
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying? The 2nd hour is free
@@anarchy9974 I fucking really appreciate that joke by the way hahahaha
Thank god some people still have a sense of humour, brilliant
One of my friends lost his son and on the _day_ of that tragedy, he turned up for tennis, explaining it was either that or stay at home and cry. He chose to take his mind off the misery, doing something he loved. Afterwards, some of the players (unaware of the event) were telling jokes. My friend started laughing and for those precious few minutes, he was able to get away from the nightmare of what he'd suffered, thanks to comedy. It was therapeutic and enabled him to get through a difficult period that most of us can't even contemplate.
Humour isn't ever offensive, unless you _choose_ to be offended. If this friend could be cheered up by humour, 12 hours after being given the worst news possible, then we all can. Personally, I'd support a law that jailed anyone complaining about jokes. In this dysfunctional and miserable world, we need more ironic and "offensive" jokes, not less. Those who would say otherwise are enemies of happiness and don't belong in normal society.
@@NoosaHeads For me I served in forces for 22 years and as you can imagine there were some difficult times during which we used humour as part of the way way to deal with them, laugh or cry as the saying goes. A joke is ultimately that, a joke, no one really would laugh at some of the topics in a real situation of sadness but as you have said it is just a joke and in the modern world you can’t seem to say anything without offending someone. I am glad that some people agree and can see it for what it is. I can’t even imagine how I would cope in your friends situation and although I am sure he will never get over it I hope your friend is doing ok.
Free speech at its finest!
i hope there will always be comedians who are willing to do accept whatever criticism they may get in order to make the rest of us laugh. Keep it up brother.
some of those jokes were savage and i loved 'em
He’s having so much fun.
Brutal and absolutely hilarious 😂
I love comedians who laugh at their own jokes.
My favourite stand up !
Priceless!
Absolute quality Mr D 😂😂😂
Phenomenal as always
That's the funniest thing I've seen in a while🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Brutally wonderful.
I want to get intouch with Gary just to thank him for making me laugh
He is good at replying on his own vids. He replied to me.
He replies on Instagram
what is wrong with you. shut up
Absolutely brilliant
l've known about this cat for just a few days and l'm smitten with him. l'm not sure what i'm more gobsmacked by... the brilliantly tasteless jokes or his wonderful, amazed laughter between them! l came ohm an hour ago, in a shite mood, and NOW l FEEL GREAT! The beer and the cookie and the gin and the smokes account for mebbe 47.38571% of that. Dave who?
The dolphin one at 6.15 ish had me thinking for a few seconds....then I spat my drink out!! 🤣
7.35-8 had me ☠️
I've only heard Gary on Mock the Week. This was so refreshing as I love offensive jokes and a bit of swearing!
The Emo joke is my favourite.
I'm a THIN, American Man, and for the last bunch of years, I've been watching ALL SORTS of stand up shows from Jimmy Carr, Sarah Millican, Mock the Week, stand up show's in the UK Apollo, and now I found YOURS!! Your jokes would TOTALLY offend an average American, but I've never been accused of being average, more.... abnormal then anything really! LOL I just wanted to say, KEEP THE JOKES COMING Mr. Delaney, YOUR AWESOME!!!
Funnily enough, you listed his wife in there.
@@davidfoster8318 That's so true David. He and Jimmy Carr have been married for quite a few years now.
Sarah Millican is his wife...and much funnier.
I could watch this for days..
Sitting on a plastic raft in Stanmore Bay NZ. I lived in a beach house for around 3-4 months aged 20 in 2013. Wow I miss them days. Listening to this song brings that memory back.
Excellent as always
I like it a lot...Gary is GREAT
Fukin brilliant made me laugh out loud a lot
These are fantastic
I’m supposed to be going to sleep for work but I’m creased at this 🤣🤣🤣
Love it!!
Gifted funny smart comedian
He is truly evil love it 😂👍
Him and Tim Vine are my favourite characters for one liners
Yeah. Also Stewart Francis... Steven Wright... Kevin Schwartz...
Milton Jones too
Excellent work
Would love to see Gary Lineker's reaction to this performance.
🤣🤣🤣 Paul's laughing at the end
These are amazing
So good. So very good.
Just seen him tonight at a sell out show in Lancaster.....howling!🤣🤣🤣
100% top comic keep it up Gary 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍👍
Pure class.
There's always that joke when you say "OH, oh jesus, yup that's the one that got me!"
Gary, these are brilliant observations of like.
Bin Laden was on the show Ready Steady Cook,,he made a Big Apple Crumble.
Waving her bucket 🤣🤣
Absolute superb comedian and everyone needs to remember it’s really just word play
Some real gems in there
Quality!!!
Mountbatten had dandruff ....
They found his head n shoulders on the beach 😅😅
Defo mixed one liners there 😂
Didn't know if I was knob for laughing a certain one's 🤷♂️
Love it
Brilliant stuff
Awesome! 🤘🎸😎
Absolute genius.
Nice to see gary.
The Jimmy carr of wish laugh got me the most 😂
Awesome!!! :)
The only reason I'm complaining about this is because I want to hear more of them.
"Shoulders" lol
Keep up the jokes lov them
Superb😂😂
I love this guy.
Brilliant
Bloody Brilliant 🤣
Absolutely fucking awesome 🤣🤣🤣👍
Freedom of speech. Beautiful 😍
Absolutely brilliant!! Doesn’t give a fuck, just how comedians should be I think
Funny fella....didn't know James wade did comedy aswell as darts...
Haha that’s what I was thinking
Excellent
Saw this guy several years ago. Very funny.
Superb 🙏
cheered me up more than i thought child death would
He would be amazing at a comedy roast session 😂
I get offended by jokes all the time. Bad jokes that is, that miss the mark! These are not that. Gary is hilarious. 😂
Lov your jokes
This is on the edge but this guy’s funny 👏🤣
I love you Gary Delaney
Gary is fucking brutal. Love him ❤
freaking hilarious!!
I think Gary is brilliant. It`s a joke, the only people who get offended are those who want to be offended. I visualize all his jokes and that is what his humour is all about. He`s a top comedian. I can`t wait to see him. Gary keep being yourself !!