AITA for not wanting to contact my son after he was the one who abandoned me? Dusty Thunder Reacts
Вставка
- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- Dusty Thunder covers r/AITA (and other Reddit stories) and provides reactions to each story.
www.dusty-thun...
linktr.ee/dust...
AITA for not wanting to contact my son after he was the one who abandoned me?
bit.ly/3LKxb93
r/AITA #aita #redditstories #aitareddit #reddit reddit aita stories #drama #familydrama #redditreadings #redditreader #storytime #amitheahole #aitareactions #redditreactions #storyreactions #reactions #relationshipadvice #raita #relationship_advice #redditrelationshipadvice #redditaitastories #dustythunder #ascon #asconscale
He will absolutely disappear until he needs money again.
She made the right choice.
My question now is: Has he abandoned his father and step mother because they don't have the money?
That is a great question.
You know the answer is no. He has a resentment against the mother for no reason.
She didn't fail them as a Mother and Wife, they failed her as a Husband and Son.
This is awful. Poor OP. I hope the son doesn’t find the funds for the law school; people with no empathy like him shouldn’t go into law.
That's a really good point, I didn't think about that.
Who would call this woman a bad mother? Her ex was a bad father and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Sounds like the son and his father gaslit her into thinking she’s the bad guy. “I know some will think I’m a bad mother and will also think I’m a narcissist”.
@@twinkstar7738 yep, sometimes people are like cancer and you have to cut them out of your life before they take you down with them. She will probably need a lot of therapy to accept that, but it isn’t her fault it happened.
@@twinkstar7738 I mean, she was posting it on the internet, and the internet is full of presumptuous jackasses looking for an excuse to knock someone down a peg. There were probably already people insisting this was all her fault and she had every reason to expect more of that. She indicates that at the very least someone had already assumed the only time she tried to contact her son was on his eighteenth birthday and gave her crap for that.
@@Vox-Multisit was crazy! Because if they pay attention! Or read the story, they would see, she tried her best! That she would try to contact her son, he shut her down! He told the courts, he wants nothing to do with her. Just because he was a child! He was 15! You can’t force someone that age, to do something they don’t want to. She said she let him go at the age 18. Since he’s the child, and the woman with no job, and dad met a young hot woman, she most of been a old hateful hag. Nah! Children’s towards their parents, but it’s something people don’t want to talk about. She should thank her lucky stars! They are out her life!
Look she said, he told her, he wanted nothing to do with her, and he said yeah I know. All he wanted was money
I also wonder if the kid is just a sociopath. Dusty mentioned it but I'd take it farther. He finds out his Dad is cheating so blackmails him for a phone? Tells his mother he picked father for the lifestyle? Damn. And then contacts mother ONLY to ask for money? DAMN. That is one cold-hearted little shit.
I feel bad for OP. I know I'd worry too that maybe I could have helped this kid turn out better. But he was psycho before he even chose to stop having any relationship with her.
So sad. But also be careful, peeps! Someone like this might be your next co-worker or boss or somebody you are dating. Just get out if you have those suspicions.
Poor OP. That’s insane. She definitely made the right decision in not giving him that money. Imagine raising someone and having them turn around and tell you that you aren’t good enough for them. I hope he can’t find the funds for law school. He shouldn’t be a lawyer.
This is a learned behavior. He will meet a woman someday and do the same thing to his wife, dad did to his mother. There is no fixing him now. It's sad.
No, truly intelligent woman would date anyone like Op's son. I'm sorry, but they wouldn't.
@@jaleesagreene6800 unfortunately if he is a sociopath (which it definitely seems like), they can be very superficially charming when they want to be, so it would be possible that people would date him. He would just not really care for them.
Or he will get cheated on by a golddigger and finally see why his dad was wrong… or just blame women for all of his problems
"You couldn't afford the life I wanted." and yet here you are with your hand out because daddy dearest couldn't either.
He must of been following her moves, because he said, i know you have it, you can afford it, and you own me.
Op is not a bad mother. Good for her for standing her ground cuz you know damn well that hurt her to tell him no but that's amazing strength.
OP is not an A-hole. Her story did raise a red flag that didn’t get mentioned and should serve as a warning to parents. She said that she never told her son “no” while he was growing up. No matter how great the kid is, there will always be circumstances where telling them no is needed. Now add that to a child who may already be leaning towards a-hole territory, and a monster is created.
OP certainly is not solely responsible for him becoming the way he is (especially since she wasn’t involved in his life after he was 15) but man, you’ve got to set boundaries with your kids. I’m glad she’s doing it now.
She thought she was doing the right thing
Poor OP! The son acts like he’s actually got some sort of mental disorder for him to see people as only objects and things he can benefit from.
Yep, a sociopath
This is the thing that sucks about parenting that no one mentions.
You can love and care for them all you can, parent them to the best of your abilities, and they still turn into a pos.
Its best if OP keeps him out of her life. He's a jerk and OP would gain nothing positive.
Oh the heartbreak the OP has faced! She made the right decision. The thought of this happening just is sickening. My son got mad at me and didn’t speak to me for 2 weeks and it almost killed me. I cannot imagine.
Gods give that woman a hug. I hope the other child she had with the new hubby loves her the way she deserves
This kid is just like his dad. She has no responsibility here except love him anyway. She owes him nothing. My heart as a mom hurts for her.
Oh goodness. Poor OP. I'm heartbroken for her.
I really feel for OP. I just can't imagine being bought for a cell phone.
Sadly her relationship with her son has no hope. Maybe there was never a real relationship on his part. From what OP said, her son is incapable of empathy, he only cares about himself. My heart breaks for her 💔 I hope she can heal and have a happy life with her family.
At 25 years old he is old enough to get a job and paying for himself to go to grad school. I feel heartbroken for OP 😢
Or!! This is a crazy one, he can ask the best mom in the world! Since sm hw is the best, she can pay for it. She is the best.
His massive entitlement will prevent him from realizing that. If he's anything like my ex, he'll just figure out a way to get other people to finance his life, even when he's poor, homeless, and unemployed. He'll probably even have sob stories about how 'evil' his mom is to milk enough sympathy for a handout.
He probably didn’t get the grades to get a scholarship and can’t get in without the 20k
I feel sorry for op’s sons future wife. Because he’s gonna treat her the same way.
Yeah I think he would kick her poor butt, I think he would have violent tendencies
He doesn't seem charismatic enough to attract a partner; he'd probably have to be blindingly hot or rich to marry anyone imo
You mean wives don't you? He's bound to go through several. Although, if he finds one rich enough he might stay in the marriage.
This kid is just like my little brother. If you can't or won't give him money, he has zero use for you. He calls my 84-year-old grandma every month to beg for money. He doesn't ask how she is. He doesn't call just to check up on her. She gives it to him and doesn't hear from him again until the next time he needs money. I've been trying to convince her to stop accommodating him for years. She's just too kind...and he knows it.
He’s a narcissistic sociopath. We can only birth them and hope for the best, but we can’t always protect them from being the people they become, sadly
I wouldn’t call him a Narcissist. We narcissist have feelings, we do care about others, we just care a little bit more for ourselves. We would still show up, at our parents house, he we just be little twats the whole time, then play the victim.
This guy right here! Is a sociopath!
😢I feel so bad for OP. That "son" is so awful! 🥺
I literally have no idea why someone would call her a narcissist.
Because they’re slow. Probably just learned a new word, I wanted to use it in a sentence. I guess when it comes to kids, and if they hate one parent, and love the other, they must of did something wrong. Or if the child doesn’t want nothing to do with mom, she must be evil, because kids pick moms all the time. We have people like that committing. Not thinking, at 15 he’s his own person, he knew what he wanted, and mom couldn’t afford it. He is a spoiled pos, and like he said, his friends thought his sm wh was hot and cool, and all the cool kids liked him for that. He was just shallow. People like that we can change. But since he was the child, it’s all moms fault.
This one is heartbreaking. Kid is as much of a narcissist as his dad is.
the father is the villain period
The part where OP asks her son “did I ever say no to you”
That’s pretty much how you get kids who treat you like atms. The son obviously values what he can get out of a situation rather than relationships. He’s very materialistic and that was obviously modeled by his dad. However I also get the feeling on both sides this kid never heard the word no. OP sounds like she tried to be his friend rather than set boundaries which while doesn’t come from a bad place it can backfire.
100% agree. Mom obviously loved him intensely, but didn’t teach him right. Love is not the only thing that makes well-rounded adult.
Her love language was probably gift giving. Was she wrong for that… maybe a little bit. She could’ve teach him, along the way, to show him how you get what you want.
My heart breaks for her. It’s scary. You can sacrifice so much & kids can view things so wrong sometimes. Really sad
That poor woman! I feel awful for op!!!
Incredibly said and sickening. The level of entitlement
Dusty, he was closely taught by his father so my guess is narcissist. Such a shame. Poor OP.
She should have just got up and said he's on his own and not to contact OP again. 😢
Shame on any commenters on Reddit who shamed this poor poor mom… I am a mom to a seven year old boy and this is killing me to hear…. I hate being so empathetic 😩😩😩 this child is a narcissistic sociopath
She OWES it to her?? How does he reason that? Even by his own logic of she wasn’t worth anything because she had nothing, he thinks she owes me money??? He chose rich daddy. He needs to live with that choice.
The audacity to say that she owes him!
What a POS!! “I didn’t care about you because you didn’t have money, now dad doesn’t have money so I’m willing to contact you again for money.”
Poor OP in dealing with her worse fear. I don't think therapy will help either. I think life will have to given her son a to rock bottom, in order for him to realize the pain he's caused. Though, my last words to him would've been, "You rejected me when I scraped what little blessings I could give you. Today, I reject you when you want the bounty of blessings I have now."
Wow. Wow. Wow. I can't even imagine!
He sounds like a sociopath. Daddy's ATM ran out and now he's after his mother's money.
Because of my own family situation, I tend to instinctively side with the child in most situations. Even I can't make any excuses for the son (or the exhusband of course) or vilify the mother at all. My heart is broken for her. I am so so sad that this happened to her. I pray that her new family is everything she deserves and loves her unconditionally. OP you are not the AH. You never could be. This isn't on you.
Either the son is a sociopath or something happened in his childhood that made him worry about money more than family ties. Different environments can help create a child and it seems like he was heavily influenced by his friends. If they sent him to some rich snooty school it would explain why he is the way he is. I do not entirely blame the ex, and I can not excuse OP for how her son turned out either, as she had a heavy hand in how the son was raised, and it sounds like neither parent did much to counter the toxic environment they sent him into.
Honestly, if I was in her situation I would have bit the bullet and contacted my ex to talk about what is going on with the son. I am willing to bet that the ex decided to cut off the son because he was becoming too much, and probably did not want to be an ATM either. If the son was an addict at the time of the divorce it could also be a reason why he chose his dad over his mom. Not only would have a way to keep his drug supply ongoing, but it would be easier to hide his addiction. It could also explain some of his behavior at their reunion too. Something is going on in his life, and I am willing to bet that the money he is asking for is not for school. She really needs to talk to her ex.
Seems like he should be embarrassed of his father, not his mother. Hopefully her 3 daughters get her through!
The Kid ONLY cared about money.. Hell Nah, not a penny.
Get a school loan kid, see ya!
This poor woman!
His only male role model was a cheating ah who encouraged him to participate in his bs at an impressionable age. Maybe this was his way of coping with it. But as we become adults we decide what kind of adult we are going to be and his choice was to follow in the footsteps of his ah dad. Op is not the ah. She tried to have a relationship with him for years and was rejected because of her financial challenges and now he has the nerve to come to her because of his financial challenges. Sorry son, grow up and get a job. She owes him nothing. You made your choice, live with it.
Welcome to my world! Lost my bookend kids (oldest and youngest) to my narc ex because he had money and the pain is unbearable, but you have to push through...
Everyone defending the mother...there are major red flags there. I would be interested in the other side of the story. She sounds super toxic. The dad sounds like a jerk, but she was projecting things onto her son and using him to fill a void that she should never have expected him to fill. He may have fair reasons for choosing to live with his dad.
After listening again, I actually think the whole story is made up.
Such a sad story Like father, like son. She owes him nothing at this point. And, if she gave him the money he’d run away as soon as he got it. Again, so sad.
If you only stick to people when they can benefit you soon you wont have people left in your life to benefit from. Horrible to think someone can be so entitled.
At first I was like well he was a kid and stuck between two parents one cheating and trying to keep his silence. Then the more I heard the more I am like nope he is an entitled brat and he doesn’t deserve a mom like her who wanted to spend time with him and truly cared.
Just because you give birth to a child..DOESN'T mean you will like who they turn out to be.
Sometimes it's your fault, sometimes it's the other parents, sometimes your child just turns out not to be a person you DON'T like all on their own accord.
I am trying my best to raise my currently 10 year old son to not be greedy, to be kind to others, to see value in non material things.. HOWEVER.. It is up to HIM what kind of man he ends up being. I pray it's a GOOD man. One that would not look at his then elderly parents as an ATM. I know he will never know how hard I tried to give him everything he NEEDS as a disabled mom on a limited income. Some of the self sacrifices I CHOSE to make so he could have SOME extras, and try to help him with HIS future( like his college america account for college or a home purchase)
Surely as an Adult, I will ONLY hear of what he didn't have. When I do tho.. I will know I FAILED.. And didn't teach him the MOST important lesson..To be self reliant.
I feel so bad for op & want to giver her a hug. I'm not a parent but, the idea of bringing a child into this world, loving said child unconditionally & doing everything you can for them. Only for the kid to grow entitled & money hungry, to the point of leaving you for your cheating (but wealthier than you) ex. That's gotta be devastating. I hope she gets the therapy, love & support she needs to move on from this.
The narcissist is the son. Best thing you could do was walk away.
Son is even worse than the dad.
It sounds like a mix of sociopathic tendencies. I am not a mental health expert, know someone like this. If OP's son was going to have any chance of learning to value people they would have had to start therapy for it at a young age and they clearly didn't.
This guy is F’ed in the world if he thinks everyone he knows owes him a hand out. Life is unfair buddy and I hope he learns it the hard way
Son's a sociopath
I'm not a parent, so I don't know: how did she not see what a little shit her son was? He was certainly soulless as a teen, I don't think that behavior comes from nowhere.
something is definitely mentally wrong with that kid. you find out your dad is cheating, and instead of telling your mother, you extort your dad for a new phone? i don't say this lightly but that's some serious sociopath shit. his reaction to her rejection is telling me that that little shit only cared about the monetary advantage of being on his father's good side, he couldn't care less about how good of a parent either of them were or are. but that's just my opinion...
No no No, he will only interact with you when you bring him cash.
No
Just what the legal profession needs is another narcissist. Yay.
This one’s so absurd it has to be fake, right?
He can get student loans….
He’s not your son anymore. He doesn’t even sound human.
Sometime people are really just born rotten.
I would tell him maybe he should ask the best mom in the world to pay for his college😂😂😂😂 because remember I I ain’t $h!+
Both the ex husband and the son sound narcissistic AF. The ex husband buying the son’s silence about his affair and the son wanting to know the mother he turn his back on just to get that sweet green? Yeah, OP is better off without the pair of them. As much as it hurts her. Concentrate on you lovely new non-toxic family 😊
Im sorry op doesnt know the meaning of a narcisist or bad mother, cuz she is neither, yet she believes so.
Unpopular opinion: it is a red flag when a parent uses a child to fill a void. I knew that son wasn’t going to be well rounded the moment she said that she would never be alone again because of her son. She may have loved him with every fiber of her being, but what she was projecting on him was unhealthy and didn’t give him the opportunity to develop properly. Same thing happens when a mom has a “mini me” daughter. Because the daughter is raised as a best friend instead of a child, they don’t learn appropriate life lessons so when they reach adulthood, they typically go wild and don’t know how to relate to their mother anymore.
This of course does not excuse the son from his terrible behavior as an adult, because you can always wake up and realize you’re an asshole and change. It’s just that a good parent can help balance the damage done by a bad parent, and this obviously wasn’t happening since she was so blindsided.
I had the same exact thought hearing that and am glad someone else touched on that.
The “special bond” and “rejected” comments were weird too. I love my kid to pieces but my job as his parent is to raise him into a healthy adult, he isn’t there to fill some void.
Or maybe you took it that way, she could’ve met it, in a loving mother way. Just because there are a lot of mothers that have this emotional incest, doesn’t mean this was it. Because of those people, a mother non father, can express deep love and feelings, without being called weird, and blaming them for something. I had those same thoughts, when I had my son, I have a part of me, and my husband, everything will always be ok, I won’t be alone, I have lifetime friend, knowing damn well they will grow up, move out, and have their own life’s. I know I will always have them In my life. She could’ve meant it in the most innocent way, but some people have to twist things up, because of sick 💩 that has happened.
Not a single cent!
Well, doesn't life just started sucking for him? 😂😂😂😂
Question: Did the father buy Op's love too?
Honestly I can't help but feel like she was a bad mother, only because he turned into such a spoiled PoS.
I don't actually think she was a bad mom, just saying her son is the absolute worst. Realize that sounded less sarcastic than I meant it to sound.
She seems too perfect of a victim. I want to hear the other side.
I have been getting a weird feeling since this story started circulating but wasn’t going to say anything unless I saw someone else pick up on it too. I think you’re right that something is off. The way OP writes is almost like how someone writes a novel - she notes expressions and body language and exact dialogue like it’s happening in the present tense. What’s more - how horrible the son is and how she keeps going between saying how hurt she is and how much she adores her son (and she kind of just shrugs at her daughters) to me at least suggests that there’s either some sort of exaggeration going on or it’s fictionalized… especially as she’s very self-focused (“you can imagine how heartbroken I felt”).
One of the biggest things that stood out to me though was her just… casually mentioning that people would call her a narcissist. Unless that happened in the comments of the original post (I haven’t checked yet) that phrase is unwarranted and is very emblematic of someone playing the victim. It’s a way of trying to put that idea out of a reader’s mind and get people to instinctively reassure the person who says it that they’re not a narcissist.
I can’t say 100% that any of this is fake or written to be on the mom’s side when the truth is something else completely… but something does feel very, very wrong here. I hope I’m jumping at shadows but… I also won’t be surprised if later on people talk about learning about it all being a lie.
You are not a bad mom or a narcissist. Your son was poisoned against you by your ex and their money. This is not your fault. It is a parent's worst nightmare to lose a child, especially if they are still alive and you don't know why.
This son is a tragic human… disgusting
🧡
The son is now old enough to get himself a job and save up his money he needs. O.P. dear you did all you could with what you had at the time
The son needs to pull up his big boy pants and find out the world will never hand you stuff you will have to work for it .
O.P = is a lucky lady , focus on the now please and not what your son chose
He made his bad .........
The son is and will always be and stay unhappy maybe even poor .but that was his choice
Unpopular opinion, I feel like this is a bit extreme for a kid that used to be so close to their mother, I feel we are missing some important context. Something might have happened to this kid for getting so defensive so easily
I’m sus about the step mom and why would he be bragging about step mom at school…idk, I have a weird weird feeling we are missing something
He should work his a$$ Off and go to school.
This kind of things aren't too new, often happens with kids if other parent has better income/lifestyle than other.
It is just extreme, this story🤷♂️
Do you take stories here? Because I have one, if you want.
You can submit your story at dusty-thunder.com. 🙌⚡🙌
This is story is not new. Dusty is recycling😳