I have a nonverbal autistic brother. He's the kind where his mental state is that of a 5 years old, so most things would be difficult for him to do. Since we are only 2 years apart, growing up with him was a bit difficult for me as a child. There were times when we were still kids where I get annoyed/mad at him for something he really just can't help. He was more difficult to deal with when he was younger, but when he got older he became more calm. So, it wasn't as difficult to care for him anymore. Fortunately, my parents truly try their best to also give me the attention that I need, and I understand that my brother would be a priority for most things. But there is this fear in me deep down that I will always have to care for my brother, because when my parents are gone, who would be with my brother? My parents tells me that I should not worry about it and that they would look for a way to care for him in the future. So, I'm in this constant state of limbo of feeling guilty that in truth, I don't want to get older only caring for my brother. I feel like a terrible sibling for even thinking about it. I try to change that way of thinking that I'm fine with taking care of my brother because he's my family. But there's just that fear in me I can't stop. I'm currently 21 years old an still living with my family. I've always had this suspicion that I might have some sort of mental disability too. But I'm scared of having it confirmed since that just meant that I might not be truly fit to take care of my brother in the future. My mother asks me if I'm open to be diagnosed and I would always change the subject. I have experienced things, that I would rather try to forget but it would always keep crawling back to me. I've also just learned about the term of a "glass child" recently, and everything I've read about it made so much sense to my experiences. Growing up to always give leeway to a family member's needs since they need it more than you, being more empathetic, and all those sorts. You grow up hiding everything because you do not want to be a "burden" to your family, when they already have to put most of their energy to another family member that needs it. I love my family but I really hate the circumstances that I had to live through.
Finally! Someone talks about this exact circumstance. This was my experience too. A lot of it is misogyny, and some parents resent the fact that she have autistic kids and take out thier rage on the kids they think are allistic. They tend to hold us to extremely higher standards because they really have no experience with average children.
i agree with what you said about sibling abuse being overlooked. it's not taken very seriously at all. i have so many social issues because of my sibling's manipulative behavior and violent fits. so yeah, you're not alone with that.
Dana, you really impress me, you communicate the whole autistic experience really well. (lol, at least to your phone). I’m glad you have people now who listen and care about what you have to say after a childhood of not being heard. I wanted you to know, i heard everything and i’m deeply heartbroken for the little girl Dana. i am so thankful that you live in an age when there is awareness of autism in females. i see how self aware you are and how you take care of yourself, despite not having family support. you have a tremendous grasp on living Nerodivergent. i’m 61, and only in the last 6 months have i found this community through channels like yours. and yes, i am self diagnosing myself, but it’s about time somebody did! I had a diagnosis of ADHD in my thirties but adding the autism with it makes complete sense of my life. I always wondered why I did what I did. You could probably appreciate this, I live in U.S. and in 2003 I met a man from England with this sexy accent, and he was here on a three month visa. I fell head over heels. He told me everything I wanted to hear so after three months, I told him I would join him in England. Well that was a disaster. I came back to the US didn’t know what the shit I was going to do. I left a marriage for this guy. So i went to counseling, still considering to take him in if he could get back to the US. my counselor said, good thing there’s an ocean between the two of you, you do know he’s a narcissist, right? My stomach did a flop. What? I had no idea. Damn that Manchester accent!
Thank you for sharing. I grew up in the 1970's in a large family. At that time, I think the only people actually diagnosed where the stereotypical autistic boy that people envision when the word autism is mentioned. Asperger's was a thing I guess. Anyway, I remember frequent melt downs that my mom just wrote off as temper tantrums I guess. Having 10 kids kind of makes the issues of just one not that important. Anyway, growing up in the 70's required a great deal of masking - even for NT people. I mean, if you showed any vulnerability you became a target.
I'm pretty sure my autism being neglected is what led to me having schizoeffective disorder. A small part of me feels like it's karma to my parents- they cried when I told them (not in front of me). But I suspect they're still in denial.
as much as i know that thinking about what could have been doesnt help i do resent how everything had to turn out. however, as you said, processing everything does make me feel better
I have a younger brother with diagnosed autism and adhd (I have diagnosed adhd but my parents refuse to take me to get tested for autism) he has always gotten support even though I have the exact same issues he has. And although I am the older sibling he has hurt me so much physically and emotionally which is always ignored, I believe it is not his fault and I love my family very much but I am in a position where I'm simply struggling to do anything. I don't get the extra support I need and my issues are overlooked by my brothers. I may potentially send this video to my parents because I have tried to discuss this so many times but they always take offence to it.
My brother was this "glass child". In nowadays terminology he would be ASD Level 2. He needed a lot of help during he was going to school from my Mum and Dad is narcissistic, he just lived his life and quite voluntarily missed most of our childhood while Mum spend her whole free time helping my brother. I was not diagnosed during my school years because I luckily managed good enough to not have problems with grades, teachers or misbehaving in class and Mum did not have time for me to see my obvious ASD and ADHD traits. I always have to solve my problems on my own and discovered that I am Autistic at 32 and just a few days ago after learning more about ADHD I can see what it caused me in primary school, now at my job and how i live when i am alone. So thanks for this relatable content 👍
Can i ask if you have a job?or what you want to do? Is UA-cam your job, or a side hustle/hobby? (No hate, im unemployed at the moment and even struggle with homelessness - i doubt ill be employed again in the near future because of reasons...)
Is there a chance your brother had cptsd though? Not that it would justify him assaulting you, and it must have added to your pain if your parents sided with him. In my experience at work people feel like they can do and say, or shout whatever and whenever and im blamed for getting upset and being apparently too sensitive. Whereas if i ACCIDENTALLY say or do the wrong thing im linched for it Your dad is wring, knowledge isnt power, its who you know. Just build a support network or you will fail in life. With a support network people can literally do bad things and get away with it so obviously that shows its most important
Some people give parents too much leeway. Granted that parenting is an extremely hard job. But that doesn't excuse them of abuse.
And allowing your brother to abuse you is neglect on your parents part.
My father is a child molester and some people try to force me to forgive him. Forgiveness is on my terms not anyone else's.
I have a nonverbal autistic brother. He's the kind where his mental state is that of a 5 years old, so most things would be difficult for him to do. Since we are only 2 years apart, growing up with him was a bit difficult for me as a child. There were times when we were still kids where I get annoyed/mad at him for something he really just can't help. He was more difficult to deal with when he was younger, but when he got older he became more calm. So, it wasn't as difficult to care for him anymore.
Fortunately, my parents truly try their best to also give me the attention that I need, and I understand that my brother would be a priority for most things. But there is this fear in me deep down that I will always have to care for my brother, because when my parents are gone, who would be with my brother? My parents tells me that I should not worry about it and that they would look for a way to care for him in the future. So, I'm in this constant state of limbo of feeling guilty that in truth, I don't want to get older only caring for my brother. I feel like a terrible sibling for even thinking about it. I try to change that way of thinking that I'm fine with taking care of my brother because he's my family. But there's just that fear in me I can't stop.
I'm currently 21 years old an still living with my family. I've always had this suspicion that I might have some sort of mental disability too. But I'm scared of having it confirmed since that just meant that I might not be truly fit to take care of my brother in the future. My mother asks me if I'm open to be diagnosed and I would always change the subject. I have experienced things, that I would rather try to forget but it would always keep crawling back to me.
I've also just learned about the term of a "glass child" recently, and everything I've read about it made so much sense to my experiences. Growing up to always give leeway to a family member's needs since they need it more than you, being more empathetic, and all those sorts. You grow up hiding everything because you do not want to be a "burden" to your family, when they already have to put most of their energy to another family member that needs it. I love my family but I really hate the circumstances that I had to live through.
Finally! Someone talks about this exact circumstance. This was my experience too. A lot of it is misogyny, and some parents resent the fact that she have autistic kids and take out thier rage on the kids they think are allistic. They tend to hold us to extremely higher standards because they really have no experience with average children.
i agree with what you said about sibling abuse being overlooked. it's not taken very seriously at all. i have so many social issues because of my sibling's manipulative behavior and violent fits. so yeah, you're not alone with that.
Glad to not be alone, but sorry you went through it too! Its really not right how normalised it is for siblings to just be awful
Dana, you really impress me, you communicate the whole autistic experience really well. (lol, at least to your phone). I’m glad you have people now who listen and care about what you have to say after a childhood of not being heard. I wanted you to know, i heard everything and i’m deeply heartbroken for the little girl Dana. i am so thankful that you live in an age when there is awareness of autism in females. i see how self aware you are and how you take care of yourself, despite not having family support. you have a tremendous grasp on living Nerodivergent. i’m 61, and only in the last 6 months have i found this community through channels like yours. and yes, i am self diagnosing myself, but it’s about time somebody did! I had a diagnosis of ADHD in my thirties but adding the autism with it makes complete sense of my life. I always wondered why I did what I did.
You could probably appreciate this, I live in U.S. and in 2003 I met a man from England with this sexy accent, and he was here on a three month visa. I fell head over heels. He told me everything I wanted to hear so after three months, I told him I would join him in England. Well that was a disaster. I came back to the US didn’t know what the shit I was going to do. I left a marriage for this guy. So i went to counseling, still considering to take him in if he could get back to the US. my counselor said, good thing there’s an ocean between the two of you, you do know he’s a narcissist, right? My stomach did a flop. What? I had no idea.
Damn that Manchester accent!
Thank you for sharing. I grew up in the 1970's in a large family. At that time, I think the only people actually diagnosed where the stereotypical autistic boy that people envision when the word autism is mentioned. Asperger's was a thing I guess. Anyway, I remember frequent melt downs that my mom just wrote off as temper tantrums I guess. Having 10 kids kind of makes the issues of just one not that important. Anyway, growing up in the 70's required a great deal of masking - even for NT people. I mean, if you showed any vulnerability you became a target.
I'm pretty sure my autism being neglected is what led to me having schizoeffective disorder. A small part of me feels like it's karma to my parents- they cried when I told them (not in front of me). But I suspect they're still in denial.
as much as i know that thinking about what could have been doesnt help i do resent how everything had to turn out. however, as you said, processing everything does make me feel better
and it helps to hear about other experiences to understand and feel less alone, so thank you for sharing:)
I have a younger brother with diagnosed autism and adhd (I have diagnosed adhd but my parents refuse to take me to get tested for autism) he has always gotten support even though I have the exact same issues he has. And although I am the older sibling he has hurt me so much physically and emotionally which is always ignored, I believe it is not his fault and I love my family very much but I am in a position where I'm simply struggling to do anything. I don't get the extra support I need and my issues are overlooked by my brothers. I may potentially send this video to my parents because I have tried to discuss this so many times but they always take offence to it.
My brother was this "glass child". In nowadays terminology he would be ASD Level 2. He needed a lot of help during he was going to school from my Mum and Dad is narcissistic, he just lived his life and quite voluntarily missed most of our childhood while Mum spend her whole free time helping my brother. I was not diagnosed during my school years because I luckily managed good enough to not have problems with grades, teachers or misbehaving in class and Mum did not have time for me to see my obvious ASD and ADHD traits. I always have to solve my problems on my own and discovered that I am Autistic at 32 and just a few days ago after learning more about ADHD I can see what it caused me in primary school, now at my job and how i live when i am alone. So thanks for this relatable content 👍
Wouldn't you be the glass child because you were ignored and your brother got all the attention?
I understood the term otherwise,, so I am not sure 🤷♂@@Catlily5
Can i ask if you have a job?or what you want to do? Is UA-cam your job, or a side hustle/hobby?
(No hate, im unemployed at the moment and even struggle with homelessness - i doubt ill be employed again in the near future because of reasons...)
Is there a chance your brother had cptsd though? Not that it would justify him assaulting you, and it must have added to your pain if your parents sided with him.
In my experience at work people feel like they can do and say, or shout whatever and whenever and im blamed for getting upset and being apparently too sensitive. Whereas if i ACCIDENTALLY say or do the wrong thing im linched for it
Your dad is wring, knowledge isnt power, its who you know. Just build a support network or you will fail in life. With a support network people can literally do bad things and get away with it so obviously that shows its most important
My brother isn't neurodivergent but same thing happened to me (minus the physical stuff, we're about the same size)