Once i started feeling drained by him i took a step back. He was truly giving nothing since he had nothing of substance to give. Still i continued with him and of course he started the final discard all the while saying he missed me..... He did'nt have the capacity to understand what that actually meant .....total mind trip
@@taraQcoo7814you will. And it may take you some time because that is how trauma bond works. Undoubtedly there is one day you wake up and realize this is what you needed, because you do not want any part of the fake life of manipulation that person had planned for you. Keep getting the education and one day you will see why you wouldnt want them if they were served in a platter in front of you. Deep down you know you dont want them back for the disloyalty against you. You only miss the fake illusion that they used to control you
It's amazing the clarity received when we have been out for awhile. From loving, hurt, jealous, betrayed, sad---to Clean, clear, focused, thriving and happy. Time has allowed for us to see the toxic sess pool we were in and how we never thought the rumination and angst would ever go away. But when it did/does, the road ahead is so nice and peaceful. Ya look back on that emotionless, unaffectionate dumpster fire and even laugh now. You ask yourself--"What the hell was I thinking?"...Thanks Ben, great content again!!!!
They only care about themselves,when you with them they just drain you,they be so needy for your attention,it give you time to think,and the peace and not being in his space feeling, confused, unappreciated,i can go on and on,you feel better when there out your life,single is beautiful
Appreciate you sharing your story. It must have been really tough. I'd love to invite you to our free masterclass where you can learn how to break free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
My ex was very open about his trauma & how broken he was. And there were times where he was very vulnerable. My biggest issue was the inconsistency. One day he was one way (I was the best thing ever), the next totally different (I was a piece of shit & the reason our relationship was a mess was bc of me). This went on for 7 years (5 we lived together & 3 engaged). There was a balance for a while that made it ok (in my head; it was never really ok). The good was outweighing the bad but over time, that flipped and at the end it was bad pretty much all the time. My fault, of course. The night that we actually talked about the fact that we were definitely done and he was going to be moving out, he talked a lot about how he knew he was the problem, he wasn’t “wired for this”, that he loved me & he loved the kids (mine from a previous marriage, that he was really great with, overall, and I do believe he really loves them), that the only reason we lasted as long as we did was bc I tried as hard as I did and that he knew he needed to leave before he caused any more damage than he already had. I also did get a very specific apology regarding that his biggest regret was the way he talked to me when he was angry/drunk/etc. I’ve taken away from it that I’m sure he meant some of it, but after we broke up and he moved out, it didn’t take long for all that shit behavior and name calling to start up again. I haven’t had to go no contact because he’s actually done it. I haven’t seen or talked to him in about a month which has definitely made things easier. He apparently quit drinking (which is huge & Im genuinely happy for him, if he did) and I definitely had a , “really?? Now??” moment but these videos have been a tremendous help to me to remind me of what’s really going on, what I need to do for myself and to remember that despite things like this that he said & all the great times we had & all the what ifs, he is still who he is at his core and nothing will make he and I work. Losing the “maybe someday” thought process has been HARD but necessary. Some days are better than others but I’m getting there.
Indeed. You realise that it was your loving gaze that made them special. If emotional wounds showed as bodily wounds, we wouldn't touch them with a barge pole.
I was with my ex for 8 years, lots of pain and hurt and hoping he could see how much he was hurting me over those 8 years. I didn't want to give up, I just couldn't take hoping he would change the ways that deeply hurt me. Love isn't supposed to hurt all the time, but at one time I did thing enduring that pain for him WAS showing my love. It still hurts that I had to walk away, I did truly love him. I offered to go to therapy with him, even separately if he preferred - I didn't just see him as the entire problem and I had no faults. But it was absolutely impossible for him to admit he needed therapy, or wanted it. I couldn't continue the toxic cycle anymore. What a gift that Ben is self aware and put in the work, for his sake and his wife. I think its beautiful that there are those that can see where they need to change, and ...just try. I didn't wish to completely change my ex, there was things about him that I loved about him. But the abusive ways, cheating, lying, manipulating and hurting..I couldn't bear that the rest of my life as a sacrifice for him. I realized I needed to go get well on my own Wishing everyone well here on their healing journey
No they don't. Miss the guilt tripping, and manipulation, yes. The pride, the few moments I behaved the way they wanted. And from time to time, the good looks and appeal I had...
Ever lose the TV Remote? I mean like really lose it? I mean like couch upside-down cushions out middle of the living room floor 5-minutes before the frikkin Super Bowl? That sinking sensation experienced as everybody's beginning to show up is "how" narcissists "miss" their Empaths. Do you miss the remote personally, do you like it? Or just what it does for you and how it makes TV time much less work.
Yes ,iv wandered this a million times since the whole thing seems like it was never real post relationship. It seems like it was never real to begin with !
Oh he misses me. He has no one else in his life. Unless he’s driving himself, mowing the lawn, cooking etc. And he’s never cleaned a toilet in his life. Yay! No contact for 19 months
I am missing him sooooo much. He has a brilliant and quick witted comedic mind. He can riff like a stand up comedian for hours making me laugh like I never have before in my entire life. (And I’m 68) I met him on Xmas day and what a present he was! We were drawn together like magnets in such a powerful way. It was as if I’d know him before. The connection was mainly mental at first then he woke my sexuality (which I thought had died, literally at my age and no partners for many years) that was such a surprise. I hadn’t expected that at all. Actually, Meeting him was such an incredible surprise. He started to disrespect me very early on and I have a fairly secure sense of what’s right in relationships so I ended it early. He got me back though. I missed him and was so in love and awe of him….. till the next time when he overstepped the line again so I cut communication again. This time it lasted 3 months but he was on my mind day and night so I eventually rang him because I missed him so much. But again, this time he said things that were worse than before and disregarded me so I said goodbye for the last time. But then asked if we could talk and he said to never contact him again and to respect his decision. So sad as I truly did love him. I adored him and would have done anything for him and that power that he had over me was scary. He was scary as well because he seemed to have no boundaries or limits. He would say anything that came into his mind. That’s s why he was such a good comedian. I miss the laughter, the strength he imparted and the electric attraction. I know it would never have worked because I have too much self respect to allow his abuse. But it’s sad still to have to lose a person who had so much to offer. I guess the good part of him was as deep as the bad……and I couldn’t accept the bad 💔
I felt this way exactly. There was something weird that happened the day after having sex with him. I was in an interesting involved conversation And out of nowhere my hearing started to fail and this strange feeling came over me. As if it was his presence. And i heard him talking to me. Mind you. I was in a very involved interesting conversation when this happened. After the moment passed. The conversation was still going. But i was definitely freaked out by this.
You did the right thing in walking away but I understand completely the “electric attraction” and how this contrasts so strongly with the abusive side of your partner. I’m sure you will meet a lovely person who truly loves you, so please don’t give up. Sending love
He discarded me after a YEAR of telling me I was the love of his life, he'd never find anyone as good as me, i was his rock etc. He moved on after literally 2 weeks! Now he's telling everyone he regrets being with me and told me she is 100x better than me because she's Christian and I'm not. I tolerated so much abuse from him just for him to go on with his life like I never existed. He excuses all his bad behaviour on the fact that I'm not Christian. I feel so incredibly betrayed. I wasted a year of my life just for him to move on in 2 weeks and block me. It's not fair that he's fallen in love and is happy. I didn’t deserve this
Wow. You are validating everything that i've been thinking. As much as they are projecting their shame and guilt onto you, we tend to project our own feelings onto them. So i thought he was "connected" to me, because i felt connected to him. But no, he really never cared about me one bit. No way. He only cared about what he was able to get out of me.
Ben, you're videos are so helpful. Truth is very very painful but it's always good to know the truth than to keep on repeating the same mistakes again and again.
Thank you. I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
I'll give you some insight into the behavior of my ex, as objectively as i possibly can. He hid me from his family and friends. The first sign that something was wrong with his behavior was when he told me 'not to fall in love' with him, although he could already see i was in love with him. Second thing that happened - he went to the engagement party, and told me I wasn't invited. Third thing - it was his birthday, and i booked really nice hotel so that we could go for really nice dinner. He, on the other hand, told me he had already booked a snow resort with his three other male friends for his birthday. I wasn't invited. Forth thing - he blocked me from talking to his daughters, as one of them got rather attached to me. At this point i was so in love with him, i didn't know how to deal with his behavior and started getting very, very distressed and very confused. Fast forward to last week, I saw him again. This time i realized it was just completely unproductive to continue to communicate with him. The whole thing was just wrong for me, as the cost of loving him had become too high. In that moment i realised i truly never wanted to see him again. I now just need to work on myself and do my best to live my best life without him.
Watching this i realize that I am sitting here dealing with memories and I miss her as a person ... but yet think all I am worth is what I can offer because that is all that made her happy.. i think that is all she misses from me before i watched this and now... thank you for making it clear and helping me. Now i understand why she doesnt even notice i exist now that she has a new boyfriend. 😔
The clue word is: self-interest! Many times my Ex said he would change, he even started therapie but as soon as he believed again that I would stay, he cheated, lied, shiftet reality and confused me again to justify his unloyal behaviour😔
The difference between change and conformity, yes! Or as I call it being temporarily passified. Narcs are the kings of the one off. Anyone can take out the trash once, pay a bill once, say something nice once. There is no depth. You need depth for consistency.
Thank you for having this channel. You have opened my eyes wide. You have throughout all of these videos I’ve watched described a scammer. A full fledge scammer who admitted they were a part of the scam but needed to contact me to say “hey, they needed me to help them. They bullied me until I did” now they he wants to be friends because he thinks I’m so kind and how dare others hurt me. Dear god, everything you’ve said is everything I’ve been not accepting. It’s all lies, manipulation, ect. To think we cleared up an argument never to be spoken about again and BAM a month later bringing up my past. Hmm 🤔 or when I mentioned that my therapist was leaving and I couldn’t find another. He said that’s okay I’ll help be your therapist. Hmmm manipulation at its finest. See, I knew this person was involved and I felt his apology was honest. After two years of knowing him I still No nothing about him. He knows all about me but I know nothing about him. The jumping over questions the silent treatment where I found myself reaching out apologizing for what? I’ll never know. So he doesn’t feel bad I guess. All manipulation. The contradictions that I have witnessed (I take many screenshots) calling me his BFF. Yeah right. I told him no money and never ask but the manipulation of he’s sick but can’t go to the doctor. He’s hungry but has no food. Now I understand everything. He’s around when he feels like it. I reach out because I need a friend he’s nowhere to be found. He reaches out and I don’t answer for a couple days it goes from he was so worried to anger. I’m so screwed in my thinking. Im so grateful that I found you. You have taught me more in 2 hours then all the research I’ve done in 2 years. I need to end this now. This so called friendship is not a friendship it’s one sided. I hate that about him. Like I mentioned I know nothing about him like a person should after 2 years. His answer to that was when I tell you things I make him feel like he’s asking for things. All he’s told me is about the danger the hunger where he lives. I’ve explained many times hey tell me about your friends your family what you do every day. His answer “I stayed home all day and did nothing but sleep” yep right. You’re 23 dude I’m not stupid. I know I need to say goodbye and keep him blocked but I keep allowing him back in my life. I need to become stronger because clearly I know this is a bullshit friendship. Everything you said I’ve been dreading to hear and I want to thank you for opening my eyes so wide that now I have the answers I needed. Thanks again and many blessings. J
Great video! You gave more depth and that’s what I been personally looking for in your videos. Talking narcissism vs being vulnerable with what you have personally done that provide the better examples for us to get a clear view. Thank you 🙏
"A narcissist does not really miss you, they miss what you can provide". I think that is true. But my question is, do they realize that? Do they miss what you provide, but do they think that maybe the feelings they feel are that they actually do miss you?
From my experience, and knowing what I know…I think that feeling they have of missing is really abandonment and uncertainty for an unclear, changed future. I don’t think narcs miss people in the traditional way; they miss how the person made them feel, the control, how things were “working” how they wanted, and so on. They definitely don’t know that, because narcs can’t reflect on their feelings; they only react to them. Narcs experience sadness and loss on a whole new level: the bottom level. That’s why they’re quick to replace and change.
Does that mean that's the way you feel about your wife??? Because I've witnessed The Narcissist go to counseling just like you but if you don't love someone you just don't love that person so all the going to counseling and trying to change doesn't change the narcissism that lives within that person they are who they are no matter what counseling they do well what changes they try to make
Mine will only miss my slave labor. Lawn mowing snow shoveling .etc. I am not talking little suburb stuff. I mean 8 hours to mow our country home.i am sure my lifetime of work will look like crap soon.😢
Great video! TY so much Ben. MIN 1:20 Growing up in a narc family whole life: Sense of worth.. Also now I've really had to step back from relationship due to CPSTD, energy, sensitivity and didn't want to disappoint friends, but be a good, reliable, sincerely caring friend. Sometimes narc abuse can wear a personal down, I didn't who I am, etc. TY again for this.❤ You are doing such good work, have great insight 👍 I need to catch up on your podcast with you and your wife.. it is very good. Thank her as well.. ❤
While i am watching your video , my narcissistic ex writes to me saying “ he misses me “ , crazy right ?!😮😢he used me , abused me , lied to me and cheated on me … and i left … and now he “ misses “ me, i don’t think sooooo…
It’s tough when they reach out like that, especially after all you’ve been through. Remember, healing and moving forward is your priority. For more support and insights, join our free Masterclass here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass Stay strong! 💪🌟
Only when he has to deal with his own shit … mortgage payment (not late), water heater breaks, mow the lawn, clean out the refrigerator, bugs in the house, HOA dues, putting bleach in the septic. The list is long and I’m smiling not having to deal with everything and his controlling, raging behavior. Plus he was smelling like a nursing home and he has an oily head, so the bedding always smelled and looked gross. Also, the constant watching of old Westerns on TV, over and over. There’s a lot I don’t miss. 🎉
Such a deep dysfunction I don’t get how so many npds there are because it’s so extreme. I thought mine was one in a. Million. She’s so common now I can see but wtf. She didn’t have a horrible childhood from my vantage point. Certainly better than mine.
If she Is Younger Than About 40, And Not Traumatized, you Can Blame The Education We Truly Have No Idea Of The Level Of DamAge That System And The Media And Matrix That Has Been Done
I know my ex narc came from a professional family. Father was a doc mom a nurse and siblings doing well. I don't understand 😕. Must be a child of Satan
Am sure they will in my opinion but will find out later on. Maybe in jail figures it all out . I am happy with the fact my belief in Jesus and no religion but loving Jesus is the one of the only reasons l live and want others to get better. I am Here for a big purpose. Not expose but to help . I am learning all the time . Intelligence has a little to do with it. Trauma is a big one from a youngster. I went through trauma and trying to get higher in the spiritual sense. I believe l have. He didn't believe that change can happen. Back in past. It's ok to go back in past because that's how we learn. He hasn't figured that out yet. May he get help such as yours. I hope so anyway. ❤
In my experience, you don't exist unless you're in front of them, so no they don't miss you at all when you're not.
That part!!
And sometimes you don't even exist when you are next to them haha
That simply isn’t true because if that were the case they wouldn’t waste there time hovering and trying to come back in people’s lives
@@Starry_Dupree Probably just because they want their supply back....
That sounds like a borderline personality disorder and a lot of NPD vids and actions overlap with BPD as they are very similar
Once i started feeling drained by him i took a step back. He was truly giving nothing since he had nothing of substance to give. Still i continued with him and of course he started the final discard all the while saying he missed me..... He did'nt have the capacity to understand what that actually meant .....total mind trip
Mine would use my money to wine and dine his skanks....smdh
The good thing is: Once the traumabond lifts YOU don't miss the Narc 😄👋
100%
AND THAT FEELS WONDERFULL!!!
O my God I can't wait to get there
@@taraQcoo7814you will. And it may take you some time because that is how trauma bond works. Undoubtedly there is one day you wake up and realize this is what you needed, because you do not want any part of the fake life of manipulation that person had planned for you. Keep getting the education and one day you will see why you wouldnt want them if they were served in a platter in front of you. Deep down you know you dont want them back for the disloyalty against you. You only miss the fake illusion that they used to control you
sure do not. I miss him not. and love my freedome
I focus more on me than the Narc - the Narc is a symptom of my deeply wounded self .
When I left him he said he felt like half of him was missing - I said I took my half back !
😂 check mate!!!!
Wow bravo !
Love it 💖
Amaizing clarity in this video. Crystal clear.
6 months no contact and now i see him for what he truly is.......FAKE
Thanks Ben 😊
It's amazing the clarity received when we have been out for awhile. From loving, hurt, jealous, betrayed, sad---to Clean, clear, focused, thriving and happy. Time has allowed for us to see the toxic sess pool we were in and how we never thought the rumination and angst would ever go away. But when it did/does, the road ahead is so nice and peaceful. Ya look back on that emotionless, unaffectionate dumpster fire and even laugh now. You ask yourself--"What the hell was I thinking?"...Thanks Ben, great content again!!!!
as f
I personally don't think they miss you, because they don't care. They really don't care about you as a person.
They only care about themselves,when you with them they just drain you,they be so needy for your attention,it give you time to think,and the peace and not being in his space feeling, confused, unappreciated,i can go on and on,you feel better when there out your life,single is beautiful
Appreciate you sharing your story. It must have been really tough. I'd love to invite you to our free masterclass where you can learn how to break free from toxic relationships. Just head over to www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass.
My ex was very open about his trauma & how broken he was. And there were times where he was very vulnerable. My biggest issue was the inconsistency. One day he was one way (I was the best thing ever), the next totally different (I was a piece of shit & the reason our relationship was a mess was bc of me). This went on for 7 years (5 we lived together & 3 engaged). There was a balance for a while that made it ok (in my head; it was never really ok). The good was outweighing the bad but over time, that flipped and at the end it was bad pretty much all the time. My fault, of course. The night that we actually talked about the fact that we were definitely done and he was going to be moving out, he talked a lot about how he knew he was the problem, he wasn’t “wired for this”, that he loved me & he loved the kids (mine from a previous marriage, that he was really great with, overall, and I do believe he really loves them), that the only reason we lasted as long as we did was bc I tried as hard as I did and that he knew he needed to leave before he caused any more damage than he already had. I also did get a very specific apology regarding that his biggest regret was the way he talked to me when he was angry/drunk/etc.
I’ve taken away from it that I’m sure he meant some of it, but after we broke up and he moved out, it didn’t take long for all that shit behavior and name calling to start up again. I haven’t had to go no contact because he’s actually done it. I haven’t seen or talked to him in about a month which has definitely made things easier. He apparently quit drinking (which is huge & Im genuinely happy for him, if he did) and I definitely had a , “really?? Now??” moment but these videos have been a tremendous help to me to remind me of what’s really going on, what I need to do for myself and to remember that despite things like this that he said & all the great times we had & all the what ifs, he is still who he is at his core and nothing will make he and I work. Losing the “maybe someday” thought process has been HARD but necessary. Some days are better than others but I’m getting there.
You’re very very strong. I congratulate you
This couldn’t have come at a better time. I needed the reality check today
Indeed. You realise that it was your loving gaze that made them special. If emotional wounds showed as bodily wounds, we wouldn't touch them with a barge pole.
NO. They are not able to. They have feelings like a doll on batteries... Non.
I was with my ex for 8 years, lots of pain and hurt and hoping he could see how much he was hurting me over those 8 years. I didn't want to give up, I just couldn't take hoping he would change the ways that deeply hurt me. Love isn't supposed to hurt all the time, but at one time I did thing enduring that pain for him WAS showing my love.
It still hurts that I had to walk away, I did truly love him. I offered to go to therapy with him, even separately if he preferred - I didn't just see him as the entire problem and I had no faults. But it was absolutely impossible for him to admit he needed therapy, or wanted it. I couldn't continue the toxic cycle anymore.
What a gift that Ben is self aware and put in the work, for his sake and his wife. I think its beautiful that there are those that can see where they need to change, and ...just try.
I didn't wish to completely change my ex, there was things about him that I loved about him. But the abusive ways, cheating, lying, manipulating and hurting..I couldn't bear that the rest of my life as a sacrifice for him. I realized I needed to go get well on my own
Wishing everyone well here on their healing journey
Pray The Same For you 🙏
No they don't. Miss the guilt tripping, and manipulation, yes. The pride, the few moments I behaved the way they wanted. And from time to time, the good looks and appeal I had...
Ever lose the TV Remote? I mean like really lose it? I mean like couch upside-down cushions out middle of the living room floor 5-minutes before the frikkin Super Bowl? That sinking sensation experienced as everybody's beginning to show up is "how" narcissists "miss" their Empaths. Do you miss the remote personally, do you like it? Or just what it does for you and how it makes TV time much less work.
best canned response to all of these topics..."They do not care". Once you face that, the trauma bond is broken...
That's why they can just get with anyone because the connection isn't deep.
Yes ,iv wandered this a million times since the whole thing seems like it was never real post relationship. It seems like it was never real to begin with !
He absolutely misses my supply; I was indoctrinated & conditioned by my narc parents to be a people pleaser.
Oh he misses me. He has no one else in his life. Unless he’s driving himself, mowing the lawn, cooking etc. And he’s never cleaned a toilet in his life. Yay! No contact for 19 months
I am missing him sooooo much. He has a brilliant and quick witted comedic mind. He can riff like a stand up comedian for hours making me laugh like I never have before in my entire life. (And I’m 68) I met him on Xmas day and what a present he was! We were drawn together like magnets in such a powerful way. It was as if I’d know him before. The connection was mainly mental at first then he woke my sexuality (which I thought had died, literally at my age and no partners for many years) that was such a surprise. I hadn’t expected that at all. Actually, Meeting him was such an incredible surprise. He started to disrespect me very early on and I have a fairly secure sense of what’s right in relationships so I ended it early. He got me back though. I missed him and was so in love and awe of him….. till the next time when he overstepped the line again so I cut communication again. This time it lasted 3 months but he was on my mind day and night so I eventually rang him because I missed him so much. But again, this time he said things that were worse than before and disregarded me so I said goodbye for the last time. But then asked if we could talk and he said to never contact him again and to respect his decision. So sad as I truly did love him. I adored him and would have done anything for him and that power that he had over me was scary. He was scary as well because he seemed to have no boundaries or limits. He would say anything that came into his mind. That’s s why he was such a good comedian. I miss the laughter, the strength he imparted and the electric attraction. I know it would never have worked because I have too much self respect to allow his abuse. But it’s sad still to have to lose a person who had so much to offer. I guess the good part of him was as deep as the bad……and I couldn’t accept the bad 💔
I felt this way exactly.
There was something weird that happened the day after having sex with him.
I was in an interesting involved conversation
And out of nowhere my hearing started to fail and this strange feeling came over me.
As if it was his presence.
And i heard him talking to me.
Mind you. I was in a very involved interesting conversation when this happened. After the moment passed. The conversation was still going.
But i was definitely freaked out by this.
This description is eerily familiar.
Sounds like the nevrotic gap between the lover/husband...
You did the right thing in walking away but I understand completely the “electric attraction” and how this contrasts so strongly with the abusive side of your partner. I’m sure you will meet a lovely person who truly loves you, so please don’t give up. Sending love
@@HilaryYorkshire Thank you so much for your kind wishes 🕊️🩵🙏🏽
He discarded me after a YEAR of telling me I was the love of his life, he'd never find anyone as good as me, i was his rock etc. He moved on after literally 2 weeks! Now he's telling everyone he regrets being with me and told me she is 100x better than me because she's Christian and I'm not. I tolerated so much abuse from him just for him to go on with his life like I never existed. He excuses all his bad behaviour on the fact that I'm not Christian. I feel so incredibly betrayed. I wasted a year of my life just for him to move on in 2 weeks and block me. It's not fair that he's fallen in love and is happy. I didn’t deserve this
You do realize he is just trying to convince himself of that?
Wow. You are validating everything that i've been thinking. As much as they are projecting their shame and guilt onto you, we tend to project our own feelings onto them. So i thought he was "connected" to me, because i felt connected to him. But no, he really never cared about me one bit. No way. He only cared about what he was able to get out of me.
Absolutely right. Thank you.
Thanks for watching!
I broke no contact to just have to it all over again and leave again after 3 day’s nothing changed
Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com
Thank you for helping provide clarity and understanding 🖤
Glad it was helpful!
Ben, you're videos are so helpful. Truth is very very painful but it's always good to know the truth than to keep on repeating the same mistakes again and again.
Thank you. I'm here to support you on your healing journey. If you need assistance, please schedule a one-on-one session with me at www.rawmotivations.com
Nope cuz if he missed me,he wouldn't have done the shady stuff he does
2 Words Ben ........" NAILED IT " ! Many Thanks , 👍💪🙏
I'll give you some insight into the behavior of my ex, as objectively as i possibly can. He hid me from his family and friends. The first sign that something was wrong with his behavior was when he told me 'not to fall in love' with him, although he could already see i was in love with him. Second thing that happened - he went to the engagement party, and told me I wasn't invited. Third thing - it was his birthday, and i booked really nice hotel so that we could go for really nice dinner. He, on the other hand, told me he had already booked a snow resort with his three other male friends for his birthday. I wasn't invited. Forth thing - he blocked me from talking to his daughters, as one of them got rather attached to me. At this point i was so in love with him, i didn't know how to deal with his behavior and started getting very, very distressed and very confused. Fast forward to last week, I saw him again. This time i realized it was just completely unproductive to continue to communicate with him. The whole thing was just wrong for me, as the cost of loving him had become too high. In that moment i realised i truly never wanted to see him again. I now just need to work on myself and do my best to live my best life without him.
Mine started saying the quiet part out loud. He said I could be his “Life fixer”but not his girlfriend. I declined that offer.
I will listen to this one more than once. Thank you so much, Ben! I needed this reminder!
WIsh you the best!
Watching this i realize that I am sitting here dealing with memories and I miss her as a person ... but yet think all I am worth is what I can offer because that is all that made her happy.. i think that is all she misses from me before i watched this and now... thank you for making it clear and helping me. Now i understand why she doesnt even notice i exist now that she has a new boyfriend. 😔
They miss how they felt about I in the beginning too and what u get out of u
The clue word is: self-interest!
Many times my Ex said he would change, he even started therapie but as soon as he believed again that I would stay, he cheated, lied, shiftet reality and confused me again to justify his unloyal behaviour😔
The difference between change and conformity, yes! Or as I call it being temporarily passified. Narcs are the kings of the one off. Anyone can take out the trash once, pay a bill once, say something nice once. There is no depth. You need depth for consistency.
Thank you for having this channel. You have opened my eyes wide. You have throughout all of these videos I’ve watched described a scammer. A full fledge scammer who admitted they were a part of the scam but needed to contact me to say “hey, they needed me to help them. They bullied me until I did” now they he wants to be friends because he thinks I’m so kind and how dare others hurt me. Dear god, everything you’ve said is everything I’ve been not accepting. It’s all lies, manipulation, ect. To think we cleared up an argument never to be spoken about again and BAM a month later bringing up my past. Hmm 🤔 or when I mentioned that my therapist was leaving and I couldn’t find another. He said that’s okay I’ll help be your therapist. Hmmm manipulation at its finest. See, I knew this person was involved and I felt his apology was honest. After two years of knowing him I still No nothing about him. He knows all about me but I know nothing about him. The jumping over questions the silent treatment where I found myself reaching out apologizing for what? I’ll never know. So he doesn’t feel bad I guess. All manipulation. The contradictions that I have witnessed (I take many screenshots) calling me his BFF. Yeah right. I told him no money and never ask but the manipulation of he’s sick but can’t go to the doctor. He’s hungry but has no food. Now I understand everything. He’s around when he feels like it. I reach out because I need a friend he’s nowhere to be found. He reaches out and I don’t answer for a couple days it goes from he was so worried to anger. I’m so screwed in my thinking. Im so grateful that I found you. You have taught me more in 2 hours then all the research I’ve done in 2 years. I need to end this now. This so called friendship is not a friendship it’s one sided. I hate that about him. Like I mentioned I know nothing about him like a person should after 2 years. His answer to that was when I tell you things I make him feel like he’s asking for things. All he’s told me is about the danger the hunger where he lives. I’ve explained many times hey tell me about your friends your family what you do every day. His answer “I stayed home all day and did nothing but sleep” yep right. You’re 23 dude I’m not stupid. I know I need to say goodbye and keep him blocked but I keep allowing him back in my life. I need to become stronger because clearly I know this is a bullshit friendship. Everything you said I’ve been dreading to hear and I want to thank you for opening my eyes so wide that now I have the answers I needed. Thanks again and many blessings. J
Ben. Thank you! You are a blessing. Thank you for sharing this information. We need the truth because we've been conned.
Great video! You gave more depth and that’s what I been personally looking for in your videos. Talking narcissism vs being vulnerable with what you have personally done that provide the better examples for us to get a clear view. Thank you 🙏
Thank you. Trying to continue to work on them
I called him out to his family and friends. F them
They only miss the benefits you provide...depending on the new supply(s) might not miss that either.. your ass does NOT matter to them.
"A narcissist does not really miss you, they miss what you can provide". I think that is true. But my question is, do they realize that? Do they miss what you provide, but do they think that maybe the feelings they feel are that they actually do miss you?
From my experience, and knowing what I know…I think that feeling they have of missing is really abandonment and uncertainty for an unclear, changed future.
I don’t think narcs miss people in the traditional way; they miss how the person made them feel, the control, how things were “working” how they wanted, and so on.
They definitely don’t know that, because narcs can’t reflect on their feelings; they only react to them.
Narcs experience sadness and loss on a whole new level: the bottom level. That’s why they’re quick to replace and change.
They find someone who provides those things and then you're dog meat
Does that mean that's the way you feel about your wife??? Because I've witnessed The Narcissist go to counseling just like you but if you don't love someone you just don't love that person so all the going to counseling and trying to change doesn't change the narcissism that lives within that person they are who they are no matter what counseling they do well what changes they try to make
Mine will only miss my slave labor. Lawn mowing snow shoveling .etc. I am not talking little suburb stuff. I mean 8 hours to mow our country home.i am sure my lifetime of work will look like crap soon.😢
They do only to a certain extent
Thank you so much
No problem
Great video! TY so much Ben. MIN 1:20 Growing up in a narc family whole life: Sense of worth.. Also now I've really had to step back from relationship due to CPSTD, energy, sensitivity and didn't want to disappoint friends, but be a good, reliable, sincerely caring friend. Sometimes narc abuse can wear a personal down, I didn't who I am, etc. TY again for this.❤ You are doing such good work, have great insight 👍 I need to catch up on your podcast with you and your wife.. it is very good. Thank her as well.. ❤
No he does not, I'm sure he misses the lifestyle and benefits I brought to our marriage....Do I miss him? F-NO!
Well for sure, I don't miss him.
While i am watching your video , my narcissistic ex writes to me saying “ he misses me “ , crazy right ?!😮😢he used me , abused me , lied to me and cheated on me … and i left … and now he “ misses “ me, i don’t think sooooo…
It’s tough when they reach out like that, especially after all you’ve been through. Remember, healing and moving forward is your priority. For more support and insights, join our free Masterclass here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass Stay strong! 💪🌟
@@RawMotivations Thank you, i really appreciate your kind words🙂
Only when he has to deal with his own shit … mortgage payment (not late), water heater breaks, mow the lawn, clean out the refrigerator, bugs in the house, HOA dues, putting bleach in the septic. The list is long and I’m smiling not having to deal with everything and his controlling, raging behavior. Plus he was smelling like a nursing home and he has an oily head, so the bedding always smelled and looked gross. Also, the constant watching of old Westerns on TV, over and over. There’s a lot I don’t miss. 🎉
Such a deep dysfunction I don’t get how so many npds there are because it’s so extreme. I thought mine was one in a. Million. She’s so common now I can see but wtf. She didn’t have a horrible childhood from my vantage point. Certainly better than mine.
If she Is Younger Than About 40, And Not Traumatized, you Can Blame The Education
We Truly Have No Idea Of The Level Of DamAge That System And The Media And Matrix That Has Been Done
I know my ex narc came from a professional family. Father was a doc mom a nurse and siblings doing well. I don't understand 😕. Must be a child of Satan
Nope
Will a narc admit to you or themselves to some of wrong things they have done
I believe they missed bothering you?
No they do not miss you unless they want simething from you
Am sure they will in my opinion but will find out later on. Maybe in jail figures it all out . I am happy with the fact my belief in Jesus and no religion but loving Jesus is the one of the only reasons l live and want others to get better. I am Here for a big purpose. Not expose but to help . I am learning all the time . Intelligence has a little to do with it. Trauma is a big one from a youngster. I went through trauma and trying to get higher in the spiritual sense. I believe l have. He didn't believe that change can happen. Back in past. It's ok to go back in past because that's how we learn. He hasn't figured that out yet. May he get help such as yours. I hope so anyway. ❤
You’re right-in so many ways. One suggestion? Please remove your background art. It greatly distracts. Your words are beautiful, alone.
So u never cared about ur wife and kids?
What did you want from ur wife?