We all go through trauma in different ways brother, I’m so glad we are starting to open up to one another bc we are not alone! Sending healing vibes and love your way ❤
It’s even harder when you have to also grieve the loss of the siblings you’ll never have because the mother y’all share screwed all of you up and manipulated you all so badly for so long that you’re all enemies because it’s easier and more socially acceptable to blame/punish each other than it is to trace it all back to the source. Missing out on a healthy mom has been hard, but missing out on siblings who never had a chance at being healthy *because* of our unhealthy mom has been painfully sobering.
Wow. You truly just put into words what I’ve never been able to say….My experience that defines the relationship with my siblings and I 😞 Wow. Thank you. I have to screenshot this and really sit with these words. Thank you again.
I was shocked to come across this video, but even more shocked to read this comment! This is exactly what I’ve been going through for years with my siblings, but the trauma is so deep that they don’t understand what it means to have togetherness. It hurts because I have children and I hate that they don’t have family outside of myself and their dad.
Same I use to be shocked as a young adult my friends would go visit their mothers I thought it was normal for a mom to be cruel and a daughter to not want anything to do with them as an adult my daughters love spending time with me ❤
The world is changing so much we are finally talking about the role our moms play in our hurt. In my family speaking about what moms do wrong were shunned by so many. The dead beat fathers or involved fathers are not the only villians.
Literally yesterday, came to the realization that my mother had shaped who I was when I was younger and now I’m trying to find who I really am without her, without her influence, without her control, without her anger and disapproval… just myself
Bless you Lady. I have been there. You are not alone. Make lists of things you like and pick at least one activity everyday. It could be a bubble bath or making spaghetti for yourself in a way that you love and your mom hated. Go slow. You will find your way. 🤗
I'm not a black woman but as a black man. I've been grieving my parents since I was 15 when I was old enough to get a job. Up until that point, they provided home and food but growing up not knowing you matter, that your entrance into this world matters takes you down a separate path. I had to stop and start this video so much because bc it triggered me. Beautiful video
You matter so much more than you know king 👑. Take all your hurt and use it as fuel to be all you can and I bet everything you’ll be the best dad ever, doing the opposite of what your parents did to you ♥️.
@BeauMonroe blessings king. 1. My sons name is Beau! 2. Good luck on your healing journey. Im a man as well and I wont even start this video. Came straight to the comments+
I'm pretty deep in my grieving. It's not a sad process, not altogether. It's alienating, liberating, and discombobulating. It's everything and yet it's nothing I can pinpoint. Sometimes I say the word "momma" and I immediately disconnect from the moment cuz who even is that 😭 Hugs to all my girlies missing their mothers ❤
I can relate to this. My mother always wanted to destroy me. This year she literally had me arrested in hopes that it would ruin my teaching career. The first time I was called a bitch was by her. She’s the only person who has ever called me a hoe and a slut. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree she didn’t show up, my masters degree and she didn’t show up. I had 3 children by c-section and I was alone. Because of that I had a husband who never loved me because I never knew what love felt like. In trying to forgive, I allowed her to live with me. She was jealous. She wanted me to lose my home and my career. I still have a son to raise. I had to let go. She was just the vehicle l rode in to do what I am called to do in this world. I am over it.
I'm not a black woman. I identify as a black sheep, and I certainly have this Mother's wound. A wound recently aggravated in ways I thought were done! 💫 Thanks for sharing! I'm sitting with ya'll 😊
This process has been painful but so damn liberating! I’m doing all the things I’ve wanted to do as a child. Taking pottery and dance classes, taking myself on fancy dates and ordering the most expensive things 😅 and telling myself I deserve it because I do. We have to give ourselves the childhood we never had. ❤
I’ve been 13 yrs no contact. I’ve had to grieve for the mom I’ll never have but I also had to grieve the grandmother my children will never have. I’m in a much better place now, I’ve built my community and my own family. I am the mother I wish I had.
I was abandoned by my mother at age 7 and left in the care of my angry father with a drinking problem. I'm 42 now but it was just at 40 when it really dawned on me that she doesn't want me in her life, no matter how many times throughout the years that I have tried to forge a relationship. That is when the grieving began. I had to make the decision to stop trying. The thought of it still easily brings me to tears. I'll never understand it but I hope to get to a place where I can accept it. I'm working with a therapist now. Sending my love to all of you. I know your pain and I'm so grateful that we are doing this work together.
I can relate. I had a 2 parents household but my mother never wanted to know me as a daughter. I lacked guidance and I'm still on my femininity journey. It's so hard to learn how to walk in a jungle as a kid when no one is having your back or guiding you with advices. I've learned to accept to pain, the absence and the help I'll never get. I somehow managed to reach a point where I'm working on being the woman she never had the strength to be for me and my sister. When we lack love in our families, we seek it in the world, but the world ends up abusing us only for us to understand that we are the light in the darkness. We are love. I forgave her. The past mistakes and the present pain. I'm also healing myself and her immaturity, walking in towards my own femininity. I know she didn't have this knowledge we have access to. This world is so cruel to women in general. So I'm learning to make better decisions for me, my family, knowing that our world is becoming wild, especially for us women. We have to be feminine, but also providers, and think about our protection. Praying for your healing and sending you love ❤️
@@kantik2118 I am so sorry that you can relate to this particular kind of pain. I am also so very proud of all the effort you have and are continuing to put into healing and being a light in this world. Perhaps we have been through this so that we can fully learn with intentionality how to be women so that we can teach/mentor the generations of younger women coming behind us. Sending you a warm hug 🫂 and love ❤️. You are an amazing woman and human being!
Moved out of my parents' house 3.5 years ago, achieved no contact/extremely limited contact. But my life imploded so now I'm back under her roof and all these wounds are being triggered again. I need this reminder, thank you for this.
I thought I had fully accepted the reality of things and the fact that she just is the way she is...but I find myself regressing since I've been back. Time for re-entry into the grieving process
My mother moved out around the same time, and I never realized the amount of peace and quiet I now have 🙃 but my life has been a struggle, ever since and has me questioning if I should allow her back in. But I just don’t see that for myself 😫 I know she don’t like me
@@iconoclastic-fantasticyou will be back on your feet soon . This is the final step before the REAL new blessed spiritual evolution journey . Sending love light healing abundance n peace ❤️💫trust me I just went through it!
This is a species thing. We all can relate to this. We (myself included) have had to grieve losing my mother. Knowing she’ll NEVER show up the way I want her to. She’ll NEVER support me in the way I’d hope. The grief will continue forever. The grief will evolve with time and eventually, when you’re in the middle of your grief you’ll then smile. A ray of sunshine will break through the clouds and you’ll start seeing her as another being that is going through their own trauma their own issues, problems and worries. I’ve accepted the fact that she will never change and that is OK. This is the time to hold your own hand. Be your own mother. Love yourself unconditionally. ❤
My mother has been dead for over 17 1/2 years. She wanted me to be who I wasn't. I must let go of what I wanted her to be because she's gone. I learned to care for everyone else except myself. Now, it's time for me. Excellent Video!!!❤
See, I thought I had healed this part of me but as I sit here listening to the podcast I am crying. Little me is crying in pain and big me has not taken care of her. I am a Hmong woman and I have not met a Hmong woman advocate that talks about these family wounds in the way you do. I am inspired to take on this duty and change peoples lives by becoming a Hmong Woman Advocate. This journey goes to the little me and all the littles hiding away frightened and alone. Thank you for this Blessing.
there are so many Hmong people here in California definitely more in northern California I wonder if there are any resources.. my best friends growing up were Hmong sisters :) sending you love and welcoming you into any space you feel comfortable to heal in 💗☀️🌊
I had to accept that my mother has more jealousy for me than love and now we have absolutely NO relationship…it does bring sadness occasionally bc its not natural to not talk to the person who carried you and raised you but i have to look out for my mental health my mental health comes first…thanks for this video
I felt this. My mom provided a home and food but nothing else. Our house was devoid of love but she doted on my little sister. I was the scapegoat & black sheep. As I developed, I became her competition. It was sickening! I NEVER felt loved. EVER! I felt robbed for not having a mother & I hurt myself for years. I was an addict for 21 years. I finally accepted that I was safe without dealing w her & went no contact. I had to in order to save myself.❤TY FOR YOUR HEART AND THIS WORK.
Thank you for telling your story. I am happy for you that you realised that you had to break away to help your self and self nurture. I wasted alot of time trying to be close to my mum and wanting my mum to love me like she loved other people's children. She didn't want to know. I suffered because of how my mum treated me, on so many levels. I am asking the lord to heal me from all of this pain.
As a person whom was abandoned/neglected by the woman whom birthed me. That till this day, I do not have any connection to or with her. I ended up in the foster care system as a child into my teens all the way into my twenties. When I ultimately was emancipated, I had a lovingly foster family as a child, after coed and then, all boys Boarding School. I ultimately met, a phenomenal women who would become. The mom/mother I never ever had, at 17 😥💝😪 she ultimately adopted me. Sadly if not devastatingly passed right before Christmas in 2021.💔 I am still crushed no one will ever love, or care for me like she did, it’s even been quite painful remaining in this world parentless in an age group where most have their parents. If not one or even a loving step parent, without her along with my biological dad whom tried. Though addiction tragically took him, the deep grief I feel is insurmountable if not personally painfully lonesome.😢😪😥 Thank you for your platform here, though I’m not a black woman as a black man, some scars, grief, etc never truly goes away.😪💔😢 I feel lastly that in this life, there are some whom suffer more than others unfortunately and unfairly truthfully.💔
Thank you. This helped me realize I’m a lot farther along the healing process than I started. I’ve reached the stage of “stop trying to convince everyone I’m over it, the relationship is good as is” lol I’m no longer explaining why my distance makes sense 😊
Waking up to the realization of how much the mother wound held me back has been liberating. Now that I'm healing, I have boundaries for myself and how much access I give to her. I have let go of any expectations from her. My life is more peaceful.
I’m not black but I spent a majority of my adult life around black church mothers. And i have 3 biracial children. This podcast crosses color lines because I can relate to so much of what you are sharing.
I disagree with saying that we shouldnt have had expections for our mothers. A mother and a father are responsible for the life and child they bring into this world, to care, to nurture, to guide, to love and to support. If someone can't give those things to their children then they should not have children at all.
I absolutely agree as someone who was abandoned neglected and ended up. Sadly if not traumatically in the foster care system and so on.😥😪😥 Though I had a phenomenally loving adopted mom, whom ultimately adopted me, whom sadly if not devastatingly passed not too long ago. I miss her tremendously.💔
I feel so seen in this segment. I always felt like I'd be heavily judged by others for not having a relationship with both parents. My mother was abusive and neglectful and my father was emotionally unavailable. It always felt as if their actions or lack of, was somehow a reflection of the unworthy person they saw me as. I feared others finding this out about me and would fabricate stories, painting a picture of a loving family especially to others I wanted respect & favor from. It felt like a dirty little secret ive been carrying around for years that has affected personal & professional connections. I am now accepting that my parents actions especially my mother's, has nothing to do with me and i can now let go and give myself the permission to live life on my own terms. Speaking my truth freely and openly has been the first step to my recovery. Thank you Jennifer for creating this safe space to do so❤
My mother was consistently soothed by the thought of me having a hard time in life. I had to distance myself to succeed. She was toxic. She wanted me to have the bare minimum only whenever I would seem to be heading a little further away from that she would try to sabotage it. She would feel down even when she found out I would take Uber- saying why not the bus- and it’s the way she said it too… as if my growth made her sad It’s only when my sister brought something similar happening to her as well that I realised I was not dreaming- I was seeing was I thought I was seeing. I love her She is my mother But I no longer want her involved in anything I care about/value She is my mother but my relationship with her in my head is no different than a colleague you know wants you fired and would get you fired 1st chance they get-but you have to work with them everyday. That summarises how I handle my mom today.
Someone said I didn’t come here by mistake.. My healing journey has been painful no doubt.. However I needed this to help understand things I had no idea about or why I felt the way I felt ..See I never knew my birth mother,so my entire year I struggled with who I am. Finally getting to a point where I accepted the reality.. I’m at a point where I need to be accountable for my actions and stop feeling sorry for myself…So I’m glad I’m here and Thank you Jennifer Arnise ❤ for being the light I needed…
I have been grieving my mother since 2020, when I finally saw the quality of her character. I finally turned a corner May of this year. It felt like a literal spiritual death and rebirth process. The part of me who was seen through the eyes of my “mom-ster” had to die and I was reborn as an autonomous person. I am my own mother now, and I am so much better at it.
I definitely relate to the feeling of freedom that comes from healing the mother wound. The first big freedom I felt was no longer having to pretend affection and nostalgia on Mother's Day and other holidays. Now I feel a lot of freedom around not having to live up to family or societal standards about how I am supposed to show up in the relationship with my mother or feeling like I need to continue living a life that is about saving her from addiction and mental health issues - I am not here to rescue her from herself, I have a right to life in my own right.
I am so grateful for your channel. I went no contact with my mom years ago and it was so taboo. I realized years ago that I would never have the mother that I needed. I realized she’s incapable of being a good mother. That thought hurts but it hurt worse believing she’d one day change and become what I needed. I will say my life is so much better without my mother’s toxic behavior in my life. Thanks again for speaking on the mother wound!
I know God guided me to your channel today. All these yrs, I have been feeling NOBODY understands the pain I go through with NOT having a mother but having a mother since age 11. I have wasted so many yrs talking to the wrong people. At 49yrs I'm finally at a place where I'm really trying to HEAL from a Narcissistic parent. This has been so hard. It has made me NOT trust anyone. My mother has manipulated so many people with buying them things to turn them against me. My mother has tried to have Sexual relationships with my past boyfriend and my son father. She laughed at me being molested when I was 12yrs old and blamed me. ...Anyway...I won't flood this chat BUT I am happy to have found your channel and other women here who resonates.
I’m in the stage now. 11 months no contact with my mother. There are days when I think this impasse has gone too far. Let me make yet another effort to send a message. There’s some guilt there. But then I remember how we left it almost a year ago. It was me who left the last message, it was me who left the door open saying I wanted to work on having a healthy family dynamic. I invited her to do the work. Radio silence! She expected me to call/message a few days later like ‘normal’ but for me that was the last straw. Again I’m the one making effort, the one pointing out the unhealthy dynamics and I get no effort/interest back. She was just content with me being her supply. Now I think/feel the anger I had has diminished. I feel an emptiness that I’m trying to fill with caring for myself and by strengthening the relationships with my chosen family. Thanks so much for this podcast/work. It’s helping more than you know❤
At 57-years-old, I finally allowed myself to understand the truth - she's never going to change. And now I truly am an orphan because I had to let my father go too about 20 years ago because he was/is an abusive alcoholic. Neither one of my parents cared enough to try. Neither one will ever change. It's a hard pill to swallow. And yet, there is freedom in some way. My circle is very small, so small that it can't even be considered a circle anymore. My mother was one of three in my circle. Now there are only two of us - me and my daughter.
I’m so sorry. I can relate to your story on so many levels. You are not alone. It took a therapist to tell me I was basically an orphan then & now although I grew up with both my parents in the home. It was heartbreaking to hear, but I knew it was true. I’m going through the grieving process and it hasn’t been easy but I know it’s part of the journey. We got this and I truly believe on the other side is the life we dream about! ❤️
Thank you Holy Spirit for sending this message my way. For assuring me that I'm not in a room all by myself❤ This topic is my biggest trigger, difficult to discuss, but my behavior at times says it all. I had to run this video back 3 times already💯 This was real raw and relatable.Thank you Sis for being obedient and willing to share and encourage me to grow through my grief. For the precious gems you shared on how to parent myself, not only for my own healing, but so that I break chains and plant positive seeds in my own daughter💐 He's truly an on time God🙌🏾 May He continue to God use you for His glory, in Jesus name🙏🏾
I have anxiety deep within me, where i rock and rub my knees. I noticed as I absorb this I was relaxing my body. For I know grief shows in the body. Thank you for this video.
The way I dealt with this was understanding that my mom is a person. I decided to accept she was never going to be what I thought she was. And understanding that our relationship being what I want is up to me. I decided to let the past go and set the new rules. She could either have a relationship with me within those rules, or not. Luckily, she has decided to operate within those rules. But the power to hurt me and break me down is gone.
As a therapist, I appreciate this podcast! I have shared this with my clients who are working through issues with their mothers, and I thank you for this content!
I’m currently in transition from breaking bad habits and creating good habits while living under the roof of my mother who I learned all these bad habits from… and I can just feel the envy coming from her because I’m operating differently….. I’m doing my best to ignore it and keep it pushing.
Thank you so much for this. All these years I kept trying to change for her to like and accept my authentic self. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that may never happen. Bless you Sis!🙏🏾❤️
That, “that’s called lying and manipulation” through gritted teeth w/ the let’s get down to the nitty gritty stare… hit home! That’s how raw we have to start being with ourselves about ourselves in order to truly heal these wounds.
This made me cry😭 not sure why because I already been through the whole grief process and the finding me and coming home to my true self and learning to parent and love me, it wasn’t even a sorrowful cry I guess just a cry I needed to release of such gratitude for being able to find my way through such darkness and sometimes I still can’t believe I’m doing this and I’m showing up as I am and I give all praise to The Most High God for that calling on my life to grieve and heal so that I can be free in Christ. This gave Clarity and explicates things the more, Jennifer Arnise has put words to my very life’s work. She is a voice for so many ✨! Beautiful episode, thank you 🌸 ☺️
Thank you so much for this! Sometimes we do need to release. Healing is actually never totally over. It is an ongoing process. I’m so glad you’re doing the work.❤
I accept my mom, I forgave her but I won’t deal with her. I’m done with the rollercoaster ride, the jealous and envious ways, the betrayal and lack of care. I’m good!!I know she has hate for me so I stay away. All is well. 2 narcissistic parents with hate for their flesh and blood will always be a strange mystery.
I really am moved by your content. I have been through the foster care system. 38 years old today. I am now in therapy and processing and grieving the things I realized happened to me while simultaneously enjoying to mental free space that is opening up. Its weird but amazing. New subscriber. Thank you for taking the task to share!
I loved what you said about grieving the mother you want but will never truly have. True healing is being able to forgive your mother and still speak to her. 10 years of not talking to her will emotionally hinder you even more than the pain of not being loved by her the way you would want. This is just something I’ve learned along my journey with my mother.
Everyone has their journey. Not everyone's path is forgiveness so they can have a relationship with their mother. And there's no one right way. I'm happy you found yours.
😢 the video I didn't search for. It literally came to me Thank you so much I Needed this. while choosing to Heal from my mother wounds instead of carrying it in every season like I use to always Do. Its hard work but the baggage doesn't belong in my heart & spirit anymore.
it's not just a black mother wound. I'm biracial, my mother's Italian, and I will say foreign mothers are lacking as well so this could be applied to any mother wound really. and I have an absent father that adds to the pain like many others viewing... "grief creates a birthplace for something" - I'm going to try to remember this b/c I grieve/cry regularly over how some people have their parents, and I will never have the same, not now, not in the past, not ever. it's hard to make friends when I can't relate to how their loved... I'm praying for us sisters going through this.
When my Dad fell ill, I realized my mother had not changed. I accepted the fact my mother has a mental illness and she makes poor decisions about her life, which she took out on me and my sister. It is my sister who desires to have that loving mother. I have come to terms with it. I severed my relationship with my mother. I do not hate my mother, and I forgive her, but as far as I am concerned, she is dead to me. I make no bones about it. I continue to be there for my sister. The mystical part is that I have met women who have come into my life with wisdom and nurturing. I refuse to let anyone be the barometer of my worth. I do positive affirmations every day and realize I am not perfect, but I work on myself daily to love myself first and foremost.
Wow This Is Deep. Although The Woman That Was a Instrument In Giving Me Birth. Still Lives. In The Physical. She’s De@d. To Me. Sense Age 4 She Abused Me. Age 60 I Accepted This Reality That I Will Never Ever Have a Relationship With Her. I Finally Let Go. This Dark Night Of The Soul Was Brutal The Sooner U Realize This The Sooner U Heal. My Mother a Narcissist Left Me Depleted. I’m Hoping Wishing Praying For Kind Souls I Can Be Friends With. Because I Have No Friends And Had To Walk Down This Journey Alone! I Feel It Was For The Best! I Made It! It’s Time For Me To Live! In Freedom What This Lady Speech is Facts! My Mother is No More. To Me. I Already Experience Her Funeral. This Was a Big Part Of My Healing! This Not Coming From Bad Place Or Hatful Place It Jus Is☘️. To All Young Girls Take Heed Now Or U Look Up And You’ll Be 60 Realizing U Must Let Go Come Out Mental Prison. I’m Free! This Process Takes Time So Show Yourself Self- Compassion! U Can Make It Im a Living Proof!
I just came across your content last week. I appreciate your knowledge and sharing so vulnerably. I am very close to my mom but I know I had suffered as a child going through it with her. I’m trying to understand her and me better now at age 52. Your words truly help!!!!
Thank you. This episode was refreshing and liberating after last night, in which I felt deep exhaustion after lots of crying (which I don't do very much). I'm grateful for your podcast. This is important. 💞
24 year old black women I grew up in foster care and when i reached my 20s I started to realize who my mother truly is and who she will never be to me. I am healing and I am going to make it in this world without my mother
As a black man, this is really hard to accept and come to terms with. I’ve encountered this scenario recently. A mother should protect and not choose others over you. It’s interesting trying to navigate and it’s always a brick wall to communicate with. It helps to see others going through this, while I’m just starting my grieving process.
I am grieving the "soft love, the sweet love and kindness of a mother's love" that I'll never have. I am making peace with being trained by tough love, notice I said trained because she didn't raise me. She trained me with soo much tough love. I don't know the lady that carried me, I know of her. 💔😔
Thank you for breaking down the importance of not having to forgive if you genuinely don't feel that way. Its a theme of my life for the past 6 years that has indeed changed my life!
Black Man here!!! I’m so glad that I came across this. I think the algorithm brought it up because I keep looking at videos of Madam Kamala Harris. You are saying everything that needs to be said. I had to give up on both of my parents when I was a child when my mom tried to stab my dad for being who he always was (a player) and got me caught up in the middle. Once I realized that I had to be the parent I wished I had the lights turned on for me. Sadly, it didn’t turn on for others in my community. We only had like three dads in my neighborhood and one of them was a single dad. And the moms were tripping because they wanted their sons to be their husbands and they were always in competition with their own daughters. I could see all this shit clearly but people thought I was crazy. Then I mastered two Black women who were carrying all this stuff from their parents. I would almost beg them to WTFU. I never told the first one, but her own dad told me to get a side piece. When he said that I knew me and her were screwed. The second, her mom stole a bunch of money from us. Both of them used to be crying about their parents and I couldn’t tell them nothing because they thought I was just trying to be some kind of way. And it isn’t just Black women. I wish your channel existed back in the day. But, I do think we should forgive because all of us are effed up because the legacy of slavery. I think you can forgive and have this realization. I did.
I love that you’re speaking on this. So many people will benefit from this blessings to you. My mother passed when I was 10. Met step mom at 11. Step mother wounds that I have healed through therapy. Sad thing for her is it’s been 35 years and she is still the same. Grateful for self love ❤
Thank you for your powerful video. I too had to reprogram myself from my mother. I’ve noticed the pattern and not accepting accountability for how she raised my sister and I. During my healing process I had to walk away and go no contact for a year. I learned to set boundaries in order to have a peace of mind.
Good morning. So happy to have found this. I've known for awhile about my mother but never set boundaries. She is toxic and triangulates her children. Even though I was never the triangle willingly. My mother told me months ago children are meant to be used That was the confirmation obviously I needed. I set boundaries that will not be moved. I am not responsible for her happiness etc but thought I was....thank you. I was just scrolling to select my gospel or meditation music this morning and found you.
This was so uplifting. Your analogies are wonderful. My favorite mentioned on today’s show was how grieving births something new. I’ve been grieving my family with particular emphasis on my mother and though I’m often hit with an inexplicable sadness and unease, I have let the feelings come and hearing you say something new is being birthed is like a eureka moment. It suddenly hit me this week that the real me is emerging and that I am FREE. I actually got off lucky 🍀 as I no longer have anyone doubting my dreams or syphoning my money and power. I used to think being an orphan was a pitiful sentence but with the right perspective I’ve realized it was just the thing I needed to fly. I’m not 100% yet but my God does it already feel like I’m a new man. And exactly as you said, I can now give all the things I never had to myself and be the mom I thought I needed to my future kids and partner.
Everything she's describing at the 21:00 mark are acts of self love. I'm learning to treat myself as if I'm the 3-year-old 5, 6, 7 year old me. We want what's best for our little ones, why not do that for ourselves...?
This makes me appreciate the blessing of the mother and grandmother (rip) I have. Stay strong and connected to the most high no matter the parents you were issued.
I remember lying in bed, and it hit me. I realized this is who she is. She was not medically sick, but the jealousy and hate this are not healable. She hated me and turned others against me, and she attacked me. I cried and cried. It was a hard realization
It’s only been a couple of days and I still can’t stop crying about it because it’s such a painful loss. Thank you for this amazing podcast, grief is exactly what I am feeling 😢
Thank you so much for this video. I admitted to my support group 2 weeks ago that my mother is who she is and will never change... And I'm okay with that. This video is confirmation that I'm on the right track of healing. Thank you for all that you do ✌🏾
This was recommended to by the divine....I am truly grateful to be here...I send you all love and healing who know the pains of the wounds...I made up my mind lastnight to close the door for the last time...after no contact. I Heal And Release ..
Visit www.jenniferarnise.com to join my Mother Wound Group Coaching Program TODAY!
me coming across this is not a mistake
Same today is my Mothers B Day
It is not!❤
❤
I thought the sameeee
Same
I know the intended audience is women, but as a black man, I find this podcast helpful. Thank You, Jennifer!
glad you're here and finding healing with the rest of us! im a black nonbinary person, and i too am taking vigorous notes :)
I’m so glad you finding value also. Take all you need
Same here
I'd like to say welcome, take your shoes off, get comfortable, and let us all heal together. I love you guys. ❤
We all go through trauma in different ways brother, I’m so glad we are starting to open up to one another bc we are not alone! Sending healing vibes and love your way ❤
It’s even harder when you have to also grieve the loss of the siblings you’ll never have because the mother y’all share screwed all of you up and manipulated you all so badly for so long that you’re all enemies because it’s easier and more socially acceptable to blame/punish each other than it is to trace it all back to the source. Missing out on a healthy mom has been hard, but missing out on siblings who never had a chance at being healthy *because* of our unhealthy mom has been painfully sobering.
Wow. You truly just put into words what I’ve never been able to say….My experience that defines the relationship with my siblings and I 😞 Wow. Thank you. I have to screenshot this and really sit with these words. Thank you again.
Its in the Mexican culture as well.
I was shocked to come across this video, but even more shocked to read this comment! This is exactly what I’ve been going through for years with my siblings, but the trauma is so deep that they don’t understand what it means to have togetherness. It hurts because I have children and I hate that they don’t have family outside of myself and their dad.
It's healing time. For us all ✨️💥🙏🏽
So sad:( Hope you take care of yourself and your offsprings.. if you have any.
Dr. Phil said, "Sometimes you have to give yourself what you wish you would've gotten from someone else."
7 years no contact and grateful for my freedom and peace. I became the mother to my children that i never had growing up.
Same I use to be shocked as a young adult my friends would go visit their mothers I thought it was normal for a mom to be cruel and a daughter to not want anything to do with them as an adult my daughters love spending time with me ❤
Yessssssss ❤❤❤❤
I felt this to my core. It resonated believe you me. 💕
❤❤❤❤
Thank you, Jesus. That's what we do. We don't continue on with the generational patterns.
I wish you well.
The world is changing so much we are finally talking about the role our moms play in our hurt. In my family speaking about what moms do wrong were shunned by so many. The dead beat fathers or involved fathers are not the only villians.
Yes . Grateful for this fresh awareness. It's helping
Its a new day for sure!
Powerful.
we all have healing to do.
I feel Seen and truly Valued in the most purest and raw form.. So Grateful for this Healing and Wholeness!! 🥹💕💕💕❤️🔥
Literally yesterday, came to the realization that my mother had shaped who I was when I was younger and now I’m trying to find who I really am without her, without her influence, without her control, without her anger and disapproval… just myself
Bless you Lady. I have been there. You are not alone. Make lists of things you like and pick at least one activity everyday. It could be a bubble bath or making spaghetti for yourself in a way that you love and your mom hated. Go slow.
You will find your way. 🤗
I'm not a black woman but as a black man. I've been grieving my parents since I was 15 when I was old enough to get a job. Up until that point, they provided home and food but growing up not knowing you matter, that your entrance into this world matters takes you down a separate path. I had to stop and start this video so much because bc it triggered me. Beautiful video
You matter so much more than you know king 👑. Take all your hurt and use it as fuel to be all you can and I bet everything you’ll be the best dad ever, doing the opposite of what your parents did to you ♥️.
@@AlisonChristian-bq4ws Poetically sound and eloquent. Thank you.
Hugs to you. 💕❤️🩹
@BeauMonroe blessings king. 1. My sons name is Beau! 2. Good luck on your healing journey. Im a man as well and I wont even start this video. Came straight to the comments+
❤
I'm pretty deep in my grieving. It's not a sad process, not altogether. It's alienating, liberating, and discombobulating. It's everything and yet it's nothing I can pinpoint. Sometimes I say the word "momma" and I immediately disconnect from the moment cuz who even is that 😭
Hugs to all my girlies missing their mothers ❤
It really is allllll those things. You get it
Sending you love and support sweetheart ❤️🫂🥺
I can relate to this. My mother always wanted to destroy me. This year she literally had me arrested in hopes that it would ruin my teaching career. The first time I was called a bitch was by her. She’s the only person who has ever called me a hoe and a slut. I graduated with my bachelor’s degree she didn’t show up, my masters degree and she didn’t show up. I had 3 children by c-section and I was alone. Because of that I had a husband who never loved me because I never knew what love felt like. In trying to forgive, I allowed her to live with me. She was jealous. She wanted me to lose my home and my career. I still have a son to raise. I had to let go. She was just the vehicle l rode in to do what I am called to do in this world. I am over it.
Keep your head up ❤❤❤❤
I'm not a black woman. I identify as a black sheep, and I certainly have this Mother's wound. A wound recently aggravated in ways I thought were done! 💫
Thanks for sharing! I'm sitting with ya'll 😊
What about being a unicorn instead black sheep?! That’s what I am😊 You are worthy.. “show up for yourself!”
@@shehopeful I love this
This process has been painful but so damn liberating! I’m doing all the things I’ve wanted to do as a child. Taking pottery and dance classes, taking myself on fancy dates and ordering the most expensive things 😅 and telling myself I deserve it because I do. We have to give ourselves the childhood we never had. ❤
It is painful and liberating!
This is absolutely amazing. I love this for you so much!🎉
I totally agree! I’ve been working on this and its as you’ve described. My inner child is happier and easing into peace.
That sounds like fun❤
Amen ✌🏾
I’ve been 13 yrs no contact. I’ve had to grieve for the mom I’ll never have but I also had to grieve the grandmother my children will never have. I’m in a much better place now, I’ve built my community and my own family. I am the mother I wish I had.
I feel this
all that and more
I was abandoned by my mother at age 7 and left in the care of my angry father with a drinking problem. I'm 42 now but it was just at 40 when it really dawned on me that she doesn't want me in her life, no matter how many times throughout the years that I have tried to forge a relationship. That is when the grieving began. I had to make the decision to stop trying. The thought of it still easily brings me to tears. I'll never understand it but I hope to get to a place where I can accept it. I'm working with a therapist now. Sending my love to all of you. I know your pain and I'm so grateful that we are doing this work together.
I can relate. I had a 2 parents household but my mother never wanted to know me as a daughter. I lacked guidance and I'm still on my femininity journey.
It's so hard to learn how to walk in a jungle as a kid when no one is having your back or guiding you with advices.
I've learned to accept to pain, the absence and the help I'll never get.
I somehow managed to reach a point where I'm working on being the woman she never had the strength to be for me and my sister.
When we lack love in our families, we seek it in the world, but the world ends up abusing us only for us to understand that we are the light in the darkness. We are love.
I forgave her. The past mistakes and the present pain. I'm also healing myself and her immaturity, walking in towards my own femininity. I know she didn't have this knowledge we have access to.
This world is so cruel to women in general. So I'm learning to make better decisions for me, my family, knowing that our world is becoming wild, especially for us women.
We have to be feminine, but also providers, and think about our protection.
Praying for your healing and sending you love ❤️
Sending you my love. You are love❤️ You are valuable. You are whole
@@kantik2118 I am so sorry that you can relate to this particular kind of pain. I am also so very proud of all the effort you have and are continuing to put into healing and being a light in this world. Perhaps we have been through this so that we can fully learn with intentionality how to be women so that we can teach/mentor the generations of younger women coming behind us. Sending you a warm hug 🫂 and love ❤️. You are an amazing woman and human being!
@@shameer3044 Thank you so much for your loving kind words. Slowly I am coming to believe them. God bless you 💗.
@@iamalady461 ♥️
Moved out of my parents' house 3.5 years ago, achieved no contact/extremely limited contact. But my life imploded so now I'm back under her roof and all these wounds are being triggered again. I need this reminder, thank you for this.
I thought I had fully accepted the reality of things and the fact that she just is the way she is...but I find myself regressing since I've been back. Time for re-entry into the grieving process
My mother moved out around the same time, and I never realized the amount of peace and quiet I now have 🙃 but my life has been a struggle, ever since and has me questioning if I should allow her back in. But I just don’t see that for myself 😫 I know she don’t like me
i’m so sorry. ❤️ praying you get through this
@@iconoclastic-fantasticyou will be back on your feet soon . This is the final step before the REAL new blessed spiritual evolution journey . Sending love light healing abundance n peace ❤️💫trust me I just went through it!
Yes mam same thing happened to me. Praying for you and myself❤️❤️
This is a species thing. We all can relate to this. We (myself included) have had to grieve losing my mother. Knowing she’ll NEVER show up the way I want her to. She’ll NEVER support me in the way I’d hope. The grief will continue forever. The grief will evolve with time and eventually, when you’re in the middle of your grief you’ll then smile. A ray of sunshine will break through the clouds and you’ll start seeing her as another being that is going through their own trauma their own issues, problems and worries. I’ve accepted the fact that she will never change and that is OK. This is the time to hold your own hand. Be your own mother. Love yourself unconditionally. ❤
You are my UA-cam therapist ❤🥹
❤❤❤
My mother has been dead for over 17 1/2 years. She wanted me to be who I wasn't. I must let go of what I wanted her to be because she's gone. I learned to care for everyone else except myself. Now, it's time for me. Excellent Video!!!❤
It’s time for you!❤
See, I thought I had healed this part of me but as I sit here listening to the podcast I am crying. Little me is crying in pain and big me has not taken care of her. I am a Hmong woman and I have not met a Hmong woman advocate that talks about these family wounds in the way you do. I am inspired to take on this duty and change peoples lives by becoming a Hmong Woman Advocate. This journey goes to the little me and all the littles hiding away frightened and alone. Thank you for this Blessing.
We’re all learning that this healing journey never ends. Sending you lots of love
there are so many Hmong people here in California definitely more in northern California I wonder if there are any resources.. my best friends growing up were Hmong sisters :) sending you love and welcoming you into any space you feel comfortable to heal in 💗☀️🌊
I had to accept that my mother has more jealousy for me than love and now we have absolutely NO relationship…it does bring sadness occasionally bc its not natural to not talk to the person who carried you and raised you but i have to look out for my mental health my mental health comes first…thanks for this video
Thank you!!! I’m healing from both parents that I never had.
Same, I wish you health and peace on your journey.
Same.
Same
I've been blessed to become a grandmother but I find myself still grieving a mother relationship...I need this podcast in my life
I felt this. My mom provided a home and food but nothing else. Our house was devoid of love but she doted on my little sister. I was the scapegoat & black sheep. As I developed, I became her competition. It was sickening! I NEVER felt loved. EVER! I felt robbed for not having a mother & I hurt myself for years. I was an addict for 21 years. I finally accepted that I was safe without dealing w her & went no contact. I had to in order to save myself.❤TY FOR YOUR HEART AND THIS WORK.
Thank you for telling your story. I am happy for you that you realised that you had to break away to help your self and self nurture. I wasted alot of time trying to be close to my mum and wanting my mum to love me like she loved other people's children. She didn't want to know. I suffered because of how my mum treated me, on so many levels.
I am asking the lord to heal me from all of this pain.
@@kazkazzie3906same, but God is good❤
As a person whom was abandoned/neglected by the woman whom birthed me. That till this day, I do not have any connection to or with her. I ended up in the foster care system as a child into my teens all the way into my twenties. When I ultimately was emancipated, I had a lovingly foster family as a child, after coed and then, all boys Boarding School. I ultimately met, a phenomenal women who would become. The mom/mother I never ever had, at 17 😥💝😪 she ultimately adopted me. Sadly if not devastatingly passed right before Christmas in 2021.💔 I am still crushed no one will ever love, or care for me like she did, it’s even been quite painful remaining in this world parentless in an age group where most have their parents. If not one or even a loving step parent, without her along with my biological dad whom tried. Though addiction tragically took him, the deep grief I feel is insurmountable if not personally painfully lonesome.😢😪😥 Thank you for your platform here, though I’m not a black woman as a black man, some scars, grief, etc never truly goes away.😪💔😢 I feel lastly that in this life, there are some whom suffer more than others unfortunately and unfairly truthfully.💔
Omg. Why do we always think we are alone? This is so needed in my phase of healing. ❤
Thank you. This helped me realize I’m a lot farther along the healing process than I started. I’ve reached the stage of “stop trying to convince everyone I’m over it, the relationship is good as is” lol I’m no longer explaining why my distance makes sense 😊
You are doing an amazing job!
This‼️‼️‼️ I am here
Waking up to the realization of how much the mother wound held me back has been liberating. Now that I'm healing, I have boundaries for myself and how much access I give to her. I have let go of any expectations from her. My life is more peaceful.
I’m not black but I spent a majority of my adult life around black church mothers. And i have 3 biracial children. This podcast crosses color lines because I can relate to so much of what you are sharing.
I disagree with saying that we shouldnt have had expections for our mothers. A mother and a father are responsible for the life and child they bring into this world, to care, to nurture, to guide, to love and to support. If someone can't give those things to their children then they should not have children at all.
I absolutely agree as someone who was abandoned neglected and ended up. Sadly if not traumatically in the foster care system and so on.😥😪😥 Though I had a phenomenally loving adopted mom, whom ultimately adopted me, whom sadly if not devastatingly passed not too long ago. I miss her tremendously.💔
I feel so seen in this segment. I always felt like I'd be heavily judged by others for not having a relationship with both parents. My mother was abusive and neglectful and my father was emotionally unavailable. It always felt as if their actions or lack of, was somehow a reflection of the unworthy person they saw me as. I feared others finding this out about me and would fabricate stories, painting a picture of a loving family especially to others I wanted respect & favor from. It felt like a dirty little secret ive been carrying around for years that has affected personal & professional connections. I am now accepting that my parents actions especially my mother's, has nothing to do with me and i can now let go and give myself the permission to live life on my own terms.
Speaking my truth freely and openly has been the first step to my recovery.
Thank you Jennifer for creating this safe space to do so❤
I'm so sorry you went through that and you are on this healing journey!
Look at you being so brave and beautiful. You go, girl.
My mother was consistently soothed by the thought of me having a hard time in life. I had to distance myself to succeed. She was toxic. She wanted me to have the bare minimum only whenever I would seem to be heading a little further away from that she would try to sabotage it. She would feel down even when she found out I would take Uber- saying why not the bus- and it’s the way she said it too… as if my growth made her sad
It’s only when my sister brought something similar happening to her as well that I realised I was not dreaming- I was seeing was I thought I was seeing.
I love her
She is my mother
But I no longer want her involved in anything I care about/value
She is my mother but my relationship with her in my head is no different than a colleague you know wants you fired and would get you fired 1st chance they get-but you have to work with them everyday.
That summarises how I handle my mom today.
Thank you for sharing, I will definitely utilize your example by treating her just like a colleague.
Boy can I relate.
Yup, they never wish you well💔
Someone said I didn’t come here by mistake.. My healing journey has been painful no doubt.. However I needed this to help understand things I had no idea about or why I felt the way I felt ..See I never knew my birth mother,so my entire year I struggled with who I am. Finally getting to a point where I accepted the reality.. I’m at a point where I need to be accountable for my actions and stop feeling sorry for myself…So I’m glad I’m here and Thank you Jennifer Arnise ❤ for being the light I needed…
I have been grieving my mother since 2020, when I finally saw the quality of her character. I finally turned a corner May of this year. It felt like a literal spiritual death and rebirth process. The part of me who was seen through the eyes of my “mom-ster” had to die and I was reborn as an autonomous person. I am my own mother now, and I am so much better at it.
❤❤
My grief came from her not being that mother I wanted her to be, but not being that mother to me that she should have been.
I definitely relate to the feeling of freedom that comes from healing the mother wound. The first big freedom I felt was no longer having to pretend affection and nostalgia on Mother's Day and other holidays. Now I feel a lot of freedom around not having to live up to family or societal standards about how I am supposed to show up in the relationship with my mother or feeling like I need to continue living a life that is about saving her from addiction and mental health issues - I am not here to rescue her from herself, I have a right to life in my own right.
You are speaking directly to my today’s experience with my mom and I am 52!
I’m glad you’re finding value and tools in your journey
Thank you. If I say more, I will cry.
I am so grateful for your channel. I went no contact with my mom years ago and it was so taboo. I realized years ago that I would never have the mother that I needed. I realized she’s incapable of being a good mother. That thought hurts but it hurt worse believing she’d one day change and become what I needed. I will say my life is so much better without my mother’s toxic behavior in my life. Thanks again for speaking on the mother wound!
How one was always afraid to speak out such feelings, I'd always thought I was a bad person/daughter for having such thoughts. Wow! What an awakening!
You are not a bad person! Youre a human being with emotions and needs that deserve to be heard an attended to.
I know God guided me to your channel today. All these yrs, I have been feeling NOBODY understands the pain I go through with NOT having a mother but having a mother since age 11. I have wasted so many yrs talking to the wrong people. At 49yrs I'm finally at a place where I'm really trying to HEAL from a Narcissistic parent. This has been so hard. It has made me NOT trust anyone. My mother has manipulated so many people with buying them things to turn them against me. My mother has tried to have Sexual relationships with my past boyfriend and my son father. She laughed at me being molested when I was 12yrs old and blamed me. ...Anyway...I won't flood this chat BUT I am happy to have found your channel and other women here who resonates.
I’m in the stage now. 11 months no contact with my mother. There are days when I think this impasse has gone too far. Let me make yet another effort to send a message. There’s some guilt there. But then I remember how we left it almost a year ago. It was me who left the last message, it was me who left the door open saying I wanted to work on having a healthy family dynamic. I invited her to do the work. Radio silence! She expected me to call/message a few days later like ‘normal’ but for me that was the last straw. Again I’m the one making effort, the one pointing out the unhealthy dynamics and I get no effort/interest back. She was just content with me being her supply.
Now I think/feel the anger I had has diminished. I feel an emptiness that I’m trying to fill with caring for myself and by strengthening the relationships with my chosen family. Thanks so much for this podcast/work. It’s helping more than you know❤
I am healing from my Mother Wound, and it is so good to have these discussions.
Thank You! I'm now able to sit peacefully in the space of distance between my mother and I without guilt or shame💜
Finally , a productive podcast
At 57-years-old, I finally allowed myself to understand the truth - she's never going to change. And now I truly am an orphan because I had to let my father go too about 20 years ago because he was/is an abusive alcoholic. Neither one of my parents cared enough to try. Neither one will ever change. It's a hard pill to swallow. And yet, there is freedom in some way. My circle is very small, so small that it can't even be considered a circle anymore. My mother was one of three in my circle. Now there are only two of us - me and my daughter.
I’m so sorry. I can relate to your story on so many levels. You are not alone. It took a therapist to tell me I was basically an orphan then & now although I grew up with both my parents in the home. It was heartbreaking to hear, but I knew it was true. I’m going through the grieving process and it hasn’t been easy but I know it’s part of the journey. We got this and I truly believe on the other side is the life we dream about! ❤️
Same at 58. She's living in my house, though. She's on her way to a nursing home. She's making me mentally ill.
I’m not black…. But I’m loving this. Thank you❤ you described exactly what I’m going through
I’m black and Mexican , my mom is Mexican but I still relate and really love this podcast
Thank you Holy Spirit for sending this message my way. For assuring me that I'm not in a room all by myself❤ This topic is my biggest trigger, difficult to discuss, but my behavior at times says it all. I had to run this video back 3 times already💯
This was real raw and relatable.Thank you Sis for being obedient and willing to share and encourage me to grow through my grief. For the precious gems you shared on how to parent myself, not only for my own healing, but so that I break chains and plant positive seeds in my own daughter💐 He's truly an on time God🙌🏾 May He continue to God use you for His glory, in Jesus name🙏🏾
This is the first time I've seen a video that helps me with unforgiveness in such an edifying way.
I have anxiety deep within me, where i rock and rub my knees. I noticed as I absorb this I was relaxing my body. For I know grief shows in the body. Thank you for this video.
Sending you big hugs
The way I dealt with this was understanding that my mom is a person. I decided to accept she was never going to be what I thought she was. And understanding that our relationship being what I want is up to me. I decided to let the past go and set the new rules. She could either have a relationship with me within those rules, or not. Luckily, she has decided to operate within those rules. But the power to hurt me and break me down is gone.
As a therapist, I appreciate this podcast! I have shared this with my clients who are working through issues with their mothers, and I thank you for this content!
I’m currently in transition from breaking bad habits and creating good habits while living under the roof of my mother who I learned all these bad habits from… and I can just feel the envy coming from her because I’m operating differently….. I’m doing my best to ignore it and keep it pushing.
I love your commentary! It’s better than going to counseling with therapists that cannot relate to me.
I have faith for the restoration between mothers and their daughters/sons (myself included), in Jesus' name. ❤
Thank you so much for this. All these years I kept trying to change for her to like and accept my authentic self. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that may never happen. Bless you Sis!🙏🏾❤️
You are so welcome!
Same
Im a white gay man, so i may not be the intended audience, but this popped up just as my relationship with my mother ended
Thank you for this video
So sorry too for what you’re going through and are dealing with, in regards of ending your relationship. With your mother.❤️🩹
My God this hit heavy! The title alone got me crying right now.❤
That, “that’s called lying and manipulation” through gritted teeth w/ the let’s get down to the nitty gritty stare… hit home! That’s how raw we have to start being with ourselves about ourselves in order to truly heal these wounds.
This made me cry😭 not sure why because I already been through the whole grief process and the finding me and coming home to my true self and learning to parent and love me, it wasn’t even a sorrowful cry I guess just a cry I needed to release of such gratitude for being able to find my way through such darkness and sometimes I still can’t believe I’m doing this and I’m showing up as I am and I give all praise to The Most High God for that calling on my life to grieve and heal so that I can be free in Christ. This gave Clarity and explicates things the more, Jennifer Arnise has put words to my very life’s work. She is a voice for so many ✨!
Beautiful episode,
thank you 🌸 ☺️
Thank you so much for this! Sometimes we do need to release. Healing is actually never totally over. It is an ongoing process. I’m so glad you’re doing the work.❤
@@Jenniferarnisethank you yes ma’am I wholeheartedly agree. It is an ongoing daily process.
I accept my mom, I forgave her but I won’t deal with her. I’m done with the rollercoaster ride, the jealous and envious ways, the betrayal and lack of care. I’m good!!I know she has hate for me so I stay away. All is well. 2 narcissistic parents with hate for their flesh and blood will always be a strange mystery.
Good job you will be enough alone❤❤❤❤❤
I really am moved by your content. I have been through the foster care system. 38 years old today. I am now in therapy and processing and grieving the things I realized happened to me while simultaneously enjoying to mental free space that is opening up. Its weird but amazing. New subscriber. Thank you for taking the task to share!
this video couldn’t come at a better time! thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, well appreciated ✨
You’re welcome love❤
Jennifer,
Can you please discuss the topic of picking friends from a mother wound before relazing it and how to peacefully release those ties?
I’ve already recorded it and it should be live in the next few weeks🎉
I’m SOBBING inside. Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.
I loved what you said about grieving the mother you want but will never truly have. True healing is being able to forgive your mother and still speak to her. 10 years of not talking to her will emotionally hinder you even more than the pain of not being loved by her the way you would want. This is just something I’ve learned along my journey with my mother.
Everyone has their journey. Not everyone's path is forgiveness so they can have a relationship with their mother. And there's no one right way. I'm happy you found yours.
@@JenniferarniseIf your mother is toxic such as mine it’s better for my mental health to have no contact.
Wow. I’m about to cry but imma hold back this popped up out of no where. The title alone teared me up.
😢 the video I didn't search for. It literally came to me Thank you so much I Needed this. while choosing to Heal from my mother wounds instead of carrying it in every season like I use to always Do. Its hard work but the baggage doesn't belong in my heart & spirit anymore.
it's not just a black mother wound. I'm biracial, my mother's Italian, and I will say foreign mothers are lacking as well so this could be applied to any mother wound really. and I have an absent father that adds to the pain like many others viewing... "grief creates a birthplace for something" - I'm going to try to remember this b/c I grieve/cry regularly over how some people have their parents, and I will never have the same, not now, not in the past, not ever. it's hard to make friends when I can't relate to how their loved... I'm praying for us sisters going through this.
So glad I found this podcast
I found this very helpful in healing myself from a toxic mother daughter relationship
Thank you Jennifer. You articulate this space so beautifully. I see you. All love being sent to you 💗🙏🏼
Thank you so much!
When my Dad fell ill, I realized my mother had not changed. I accepted the fact my mother has a mental illness and she makes poor decisions about her life, which she took out on me and my sister. It is my sister who desires to have that loving mother. I have come to terms with it. I severed my relationship with my mother. I do not hate my mother, and I forgive her, but as far as I am concerned, she is dead to me. I make no bones about it. I continue to be there for my sister. The mystical part is that I have met women who have come into my life with wisdom and nurturing. I refuse to let anyone be the barometer of my worth. I do positive affirmations every day and realize I am not perfect, but I work on myself daily to love myself first and foremost.
Wow This Is Deep. Although The Woman That Was a Instrument In Giving Me Birth. Still Lives. In The Physical. She’s De@d. To Me. Sense Age 4 She Abused Me. Age 60 I Accepted This Reality That I Will Never Ever Have a Relationship With Her. I Finally Let Go. This Dark Night Of The Soul Was Brutal The Sooner U Realize This The Sooner U Heal. My Mother a Narcissist Left Me Depleted. I’m Hoping Wishing Praying For Kind Souls I Can Be Friends With. Because I Have No Friends And Had To Walk Down This Journey Alone! I Feel It Was For The Best! I Made It! It’s Time For Me To Live! In Freedom What This Lady Speech is Facts! My Mother is No More. To Me. I Already Experience Her Funeral. This Was a Big Part Of My Healing! This Not Coming From Bad Place Or Hatful Place It Jus Is☘️. To All Young Girls Take Heed Now Or U Look Up And You’ll Be 60 Realizing U Must Let Go Come Out Mental Prison. I’m Free! This Process Takes Time So Show Yourself Self- Compassion! U Can Make It Im a Living Proof!
It's healing time for all of us. Amen ✨️💥🙏🏾
I just came across your content last week. I appreciate your knowledge and sharing so vulnerably. I am very close to my mom but I know I had suffered as a child going through it with her. I’m trying to understand her and me better now at age 52. Your words truly help!!!!
I’m so glad. The more you understand yourself you’ll naturally understand her.
Thank you. This episode was refreshing and liberating after last night, in which I felt deep exhaustion after lots of crying (which I don't do very much). I'm grateful for your podcast. This is important. 💞
24 year old black women I grew up in foster care and when i reached my 20s I started to realize who my mother truly is and who she will never be to me. I am healing and I am going to make it in this world without my mother
I can’t tell you how much this was needed for me, I cried all last night and literally woke up and was like let me come back to your videos
As a black man, this is really hard to accept and come to terms with. I’ve encountered this scenario recently. A mother should protect and not choose others over you. It’s interesting trying to navigate and it’s always a brick wall to communicate with.
It helps to see others going through this, while I’m just starting my grieving process.
I am grieving the "soft love, the sweet love and kindness of a mother's love" that I'll never have. I am making peace with being trained by tough love, notice I said trained because she didn't raise me. She trained me with soo much tough love. I don't know the lady that carried me, I know of her. 💔😔
That forgiveness piece! I had that revelation not too long ago. Thank you for confirming what real forgiveness is.
This is what I needed. Thank you… I treated it like a burial of a friend.
Thank you for breaking down the importance of not having to forgive if you genuinely don't feel that way. Its a theme of my life for the past 6 years that has indeed changed my life!
Black Man here!!! I’m so glad that I came across this. I think the algorithm brought it up because I keep looking at videos of Madam Kamala Harris. You are saying everything that needs to be said. I had to give up on both of my parents when I was a child when my mom tried to stab my dad for being who he always was (a player) and got me caught up in the middle. Once I realized that I had to be the parent I wished I had the lights turned on for me. Sadly, it didn’t turn on for others in my community. We only had like three dads in my neighborhood and one of them was a single dad. And the moms were tripping because they wanted their sons to be their husbands and they were always in competition with their own daughters. I could see all this shit clearly but people thought I was crazy. Then I mastered two Black women who were carrying all this stuff from their parents. I would almost beg them to WTFU. I never told the first one, but her own dad told me to get a side piece. When he said that I knew me and her were screwed. The second, her mom stole a bunch of money from us. Both of them used to be crying about their parents and I couldn’t tell them nothing because they thought I was just trying to be some kind of way. And it isn’t just Black women. I wish your channel existed back in the day. But, I do think we should forgive because all of us are effed up because the legacy of slavery. I think you can forgive and have this realization. I did.
I love that you’re speaking on this. So many people will benefit from this blessings to you. My mother passed when I was 10. Met step mom at 11. Step mother wounds that I have healed through therapy. Sad thing for her is it’s been 35 years and she is still the same. Grateful for self love ❤
Honestly...I have no idea how I got here but it was not an accident.
I'm so happy I found you and your podcast!
Thank you for your powerful video. I too had to reprogram myself from my mother. I’ve noticed the pattern and not accepting accountability for how she raised my sister and I. During my healing process I had to walk away and go no contact for a year. I learned to set boundaries in order to have a peace of mind.
Good morning. So happy to have found this. I've known for awhile about my mother but never set boundaries. She is toxic and triangulates her children. Even though I was never the triangle willingly. My mother told me months ago children are meant to be used That was the confirmation obviously I needed. I set boundaries that will not be moved. I am not responsible for her happiness etc but thought I was....thank you. I was just scrolling to select my gospel or meditation music this morning and found you.
This was so uplifting. Your analogies are wonderful. My favorite mentioned on today’s show was how grieving births something new. I’ve been grieving my family with particular emphasis on my mother and though I’m often hit with an inexplicable sadness and unease, I have let the feelings come and hearing you say something new is being birthed is like a eureka moment. It suddenly hit me this week that the real me is emerging and that I am FREE. I actually got off lucky 🍀 as I no longer have anyone doubting my dreams or syphoning my money and power. I used to think being an orphan was a pitiful sentence but with the right perspective I’ve realized it was just the thing I needed to fly. I’m not 100% yet but my God does it already feel like I’m a new man. And exactly as you said, I can now give all the things I never had to myself and be the mom I thought I needed to my future kids and partner.
This just showed on my feed. The title alone cuts DEEP😢
Everything she's describing at the 21:00 mark are acts of self love. I'm learning to treat myself as if I'm the 3-year-old 5, 6, 7 year old me. We want what's best for our little ones, why not do that for ourselves...?
This makes me appreciate the blessing of the mother and grandmother (rip) I have. Stay strong and connected to the most high no matter the parents you were issued.
I remember lying in bed, and it hit me. I realized this is who she is. She was not medically sick, but the jealousy and hate this are not healable. She hated me and turned others against me, and she attacked me. I cried and cried. It was a hard realization
You telling your story, makes me feel seen. Listening to you made me have so many revelations about the relationship I have with my mom.
It’s only been a couple of days and I still can’t stop crying about it because it’s such a painful loss. Thank you for this amazing podcast, grief is exactly what I am feeling 😢
❤😢
Thank you so much for this video. I admitted to my support group 2 weeks ago that my mother is who she is and will never change... And I'm okay with that. This video is confirmation that I'm on the right track of healing. Thank you for all that you do ✌🏾
Same ❤❤❤❤❤
This was recommended to by the divine....I am truly grateful to be here...I send you all love and healing who know the pains of the wounds...I made up my mind lastnight to close the door for the last time...after no contact. I Heal And Release ..
I am a white woman, but I am sure this will apply. Love to all of us grieving the mother that never loved us, it is such a pain.
My sympathies to you SISTER , our unique pain unites us.