51 Jokes (in Four Minutes)
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- Опубліковано 11 вер 2024
- How many jokes can you tell in four minutes? It's hard to squeeze 'em in, but here Hank is telling 51 jokes (all submitted by nerdfighters) in less than four minutes. Hank's cd SO JOKES: www.dftba.com
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Nerdfighteria
effyeahnerdfigh...
effyeahnerdfigh...
/ nerdfighters
nerdfighteria.i...
A Bunny
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I told my dad the "What happens if you throw a hand grenade in a French Bathroom" one and he said the Battle of Waterloo
OverEngineerer You can change the joke to Belgian bathroom and that would probably work.
this has 5.1 million views lmao
A blind man walks into a bar a table and a chair
Nice
I don't get it..,
James Kinny He literally walked INTO the bar.
I STILL DONT GET IT
James Kinny I really do not know how to explain it. =/
A solider who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned vetran
funny but horrible.
I give credit to the vlogbrothers
Hahaha, ThanksIHateIt
*soldier
*veteran
but nice joke
A rope enters a restaurant. The host says "We don't serve ropes here." So the rope walks out, ties itself in a knot and cuts off it's ends and enters again. The host asks "Are you a rope?" The rope replies: I'm a frayed knot."
I think the rope should say , no I knot
No, it sounds like I'm afraid I'm not! Good joke though :) xx
Immy Hill Norris thanks
This is amazing
My great-uncle what's this joke so much she actually has a license plate that says
FRYNOT
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees
Have you ever seen elephant in a cherry tree?
A: See, it works!
how do you get an elephant into a cherry tree?
plant a sapling under him and tell him to wait 50 years
how do you get an elephant out of a cherry tree?
tell him to sit on a leaf and wait for fall
why are alligators long and flat?
they got too close to the cherry tree
What is an elephant's favourite thing to do?
Paint their balls red and clime cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries.
I felt like I had built that house wrong, but couldn't quite put my finger on the problem. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Hahahahaha 😂😂😂
2 elves walked into a bar, the dwarf laughed and walked under it
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have ducked.
I don't get it
+st jimmy It's a play on words using the double meaning of the word "bar" as in a place to drink alcoholic beverages and a cylinder for structural support. It comes from traditional jokes that start with a number of things walk into a bar (as in drinking place) and then humour ensues, the humour of this joke however comes from the fact that the people are instead walking into a bar (as in pole).
+Steve Jones Interesting interpretation. I always thought it's a joke on the double meaning of "walking into" something: either physically entering a building, or walking towards something until you make physical contact with it.
Steve Jones and masterimbecile, you guys make the joke so funny! haha
This is the first vlogbrothers video I'd ever seen. I came across it while searching for jokes in late 2009, and I've been obsessed ever since. Thank you for everything
Why can't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.
Why is Isabella like a skeleton (normal one not wither skeleton btw)
Both are never seen without their bows.
Only phineas and ferb fan will get it
What happens when you throw a piano over a military base?
A flat Major
+Collin Barker So My friend Richard is in the military and he got a big promotion.
He's called Major Dick now
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a prime number and prime numbers can be intimidating.
img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-03-27/1238190025881.jpg
No cas, it's because seven eight nine.
No, because seven had a gun.
Because Seven has cold, dead eyes.
No. Because seven is a six offender...
I have one:
Are you cold? Go stand in the corner.
It's ninety degrees.
Ok I'll leave. 😂😂😂
+Julianne Luong Because it's 90 degrees! :-);
Cool.
I can't share any good jokes because all the good jokes I know come from these videos
Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?
Neither did she.
Sounds like Candace Flynn.
(From a certain show)
The especially ironic part about the detector that detects everything except for irony is that no matter how it's built, I don't think it would be hard to change it so that it worked. If it goes off all of the time except when it detects irony, one only needs to have a second part built on that goes off whenever the detector isn't going off, then mute the detector. I'm over thinking this, aren't I?
Or you could just reprogram so it goes off whenever it wouldn't go off before and that it will not go off whenever it would before.
but then the joke wouldnt be ironic -_-
This was my immediate reaction as well
What do we want?
A cure for ADHD!
When do we want it?
SQUIRREL!
man 1: Can you tie a knot?
man 2: I cannot!
man 1: You cannot, or you can knot?
+Ghost. Fantics stop it piglet!
Yes!
+Michal Isaac piglet?
your joke is from winnie the pooh...
'fraid not, my friend. fraid knot.
DID YOU HEAR HARRY POTTER FELL DOWN A HILL?
JK! he was rowling.
haha yes!
Oh. My. God. So about 3 years ago I randomly saw this video and have continued to use some of the jokes to this day. I've been marathoning a lot of vlogbrothers videos just because, and I can't believe this was Hank! Awesome video!
Ahh I had a really great boomerang joke.....eh it will come back to me
DON'T JOKE ABOUT MOLESTATION... It's a TOUCHY subject
Oo oo, I just made up a joke, What did the wind turbine say to Hank Green? - I'm a big fan.
What's the difference between someone who fell from the first floor and someone who fell from the 20th floor?
One goes BOOM "aaaaaahhhh"
The other goes "aaaaaaahhhh". BOOM
one on the first floor falls and cries?
one on the 20th floor screams and dies?
Isn't this the same joke he made in the video.. ?
What did they call Batman and Robin after they were run over by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon
I should not have laughed so hard at that.
Eon Myers i dont get it.
"A baby seal walks into a club *laughs*" dayum hank, das dark.
Diego Sanchez, i don't get it, lol
Bogdan Savchenko
People club baby seals to death. It’s for their fur.
Also, this has been my favorite joke for about 15 years now. Every time I watch this, I’m always amazed that he tells it. And it’s beautiful every time.
Aiden Lee oh, I get it now :D
One time, one of my friends started telling the seagull joke, and I got so exited that I actually knew the answer, that I replied in a frenzy, "CUZ BAYGULLS...THEY'RE NOT...umm, yeah." They all gave me weird looks while I rolled on the floor laughing at myself :)
Two chemists go to a bar and the first chemist says to the bar tender: "ill have a glass of H2O"; the second chemist says"Ill have a glass of H2O too". They drink their drinks and the second chemist dies.
How nerdy am I that I got that 😂
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elephino. (Hell if I know)
What is Professor Robert Langdon's favorite musical instrument? The cymbal.
Nice
*Claps* Yes yes yes
glorious
"What did the UA-camr say when he came in fifth in a race?" is still my favorite joke of all time.
I don't get it... Why?
+Jonathan Landry What does it mean?
First
Dipak Yadav - ppl on UA-cam get notified that one of their fav channels has a new video so they hurriedly click on it & comment “First”. If it’s a popular channel several ppl do this so the likelihood that they are first isn’t great. More than likely they placed third, fourth, fifth, etc. Still don’t get it? Sorry, not the easiest joke to explain but I tried. Have a good day.
"Hey shrodinger did you know you have a dead cat in your box?"
"Well it is now."
It's simple.
Q:Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer ball team?
A:Cause she ran away from the BALL .
Yeah, so true Hayley. And the fact that she had a pumpkin for a coach didn't help much, either!
Read at your own risk:
What did Cinderella do when she reached the ball?
She gagged.
Ededsđsse
There's a fat guy in a bakery ready to make his purchase. In order to predict his volume change we need to know the value of pi.
Why are there no knock knock jokes about America? Because Freedom rings.
I shall leave now.
Pulled the camping one on my friend and he almost agreed to go
Just tell him how you really feel.
Oh man, I got recommended this again, 12 years later. Happy recommend anniversary Hank.
Ironically the broken irony detector would work perfectly fine.
Haha, this comment deserves more upvotes!
How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Over 9000!
How long does it take a DBZ character to change a lightbulb?
Over 9000 episodes!
two chemists walk in a bar,
the first chemist says: i'd like some h2o
the second chemist says: i'd like some h2o too
the second chemist died
knock knock.
who's there?
doctor.
doctor who?
oh you know him too?
-
annika
-
friendsinfandoms
Where does the king keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a six offender.
because 7 had an extra penis
If a female dog abandons her puppies on the street, is she littering?
And what if the one puppy she gives birth to is a male?
Would it then be called a “sun of 🅰️ 🏴”? (I never swear, so I’m not gonna here, but you can guess as to what the rest of the joke would be xD)
Someone needs to make a great book of Hank's jokes
So true
Here's a joke for u. Q: What did Snow White say when she was waiting for her pictures? A: Someday my prints will come.
gg
What did the poor, blind, deaf, orphan get for Christmas? Cancer.
...What'd he get for his birthday? Nothing, he didn't live that long.
Crystal Ponessa that is so bad. i love it!
Genius.
Both of you.
:D
Crystal Ponessa No, for his birthday he got to go to West Africa! I'll let you work that one out.
Tabetha Pigman I hate you for making me laugh at that! XD
I'm supposed to be studying XD
Chibi Prussia nice joke
nerd BF: hey want to go chemistry next?
Nerd GF: but we dont have chemistry anymore?
nerd BF: thats why Im breaking up with you...
What do you call a protractor having a bad day? A CONtractor! Hahaha bad joke. XD
What do you call a contractor having a good day?
Beacuzz ummm a protractor
Two chemist walk into a bar. The first chemist asks for some H20 and the 2nd chemist said "I'll have some H20 too." The other chemist died.
H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide
a dog walks into a bar and says "how about a drink for a talking dog?"
the bartender says "sure, the toilet's down the hall."
Two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second guy would have ducked.
I've watched all of Hank's joke videos at least 20 times each and he still kills me every time! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well, it depends on if it's cool enough.
i have watched this video about 10 times, and just got the no pun in ten did joke
ohhhh shitt xD
What do you call an Irish man sitting out on your front porch in the rain?
Patty O'Furniture
you know a video is old when it says the subscribe button is yellow
What kind of bees produce milk?
BOO-BEES!
What's the square root of 69?
Eight something. (Ate something, haaa...)
Nice
or (-69)^(1/2) = i eight something..
Thanks :) And I'm going to assume you're right rather than do the math :p
***** #winning Math is sexy!
Johnny was a chemist, but Johnny is no more, for what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
"DARTH VADER PULLS LUKE CLOSE TO HIM... My microphone"
This was the first vlogbrothers video I ever saw. My nerd fighting career began here! Now 8 years later I'm rematching all the videos!
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
I'm worried that you have gone so far on a tanget that you have become undefined.
I got that second read through.
when a number zero kills everything it turns into a number 8 that lies in bed all day because it became sick and twisted.
What do you call and elephant that doesn't matter. Irrelephant
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
that was my favorite joke as a kid. now... it's lame as all outdoors. I still would LMBO at it to this day cause how lame it is.
Maybe we can taco bout it?
Here's a blond joke.
A blonde woman walks down the street and sees two other blonds rowing a boat through a field of wheat. Fed up, the first blonde walks over to them and says "You two are idiots! Disgracing the good name of blonds... you're the reason we're laughingstocks! If I could swim, I would get you two!"
Is it strange that I'm blond, but I still find blond jokes funny?
-what's the difference between butter and an elephant?
-I don't know, what?
-well, if you don't know, I hope you don't do the grocery shopping
how do you get an elephant into a fridge?
open the door, put in the elephant, close the door
how do you get a giraffe into a fridge?
take out the elephant
how do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?
the door's broken, there's footsteps in the butter, and the giraffe is in there
how do you fit four elephants into a Volkswagon Beetle?
two in the front, two in the back
how do you fit five elephants into a Volkswagon Beetle?
two in the front, two in the back, one in the glove compartment
how do you fit a giraffe into a Volkswagon Beetle?
take out an elephant
why did Tarzan wear sunglasses?
so the elephant wouldn't recognize him
what did the elephant say when he saw Tarzan walking over a hill?
nothing, he didn't recognize him
Loved the Mary Poppins joke and the vegetarian zombie one had me ROTFL XD
Tivona S. Have you ever laughed so hard that you literally rolled on the floor? I have.
+Reuben Oakley I have.. IN SCHOOL!
I swear my math professor has used most of these
Miranda What a great math professor
It's 2021 and people still need to see this.
What is blue and not heavy?
Light blue!
What is orange and not heavy?
Light orange!
What is black and not heavy?
An Ethiopian!
+Larry Sigman thats racist, but a good yet bad joke
There was A kid named Ed and He had to use the bathroom and teacher said say the alphabet he said a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z and his teacher said were is the p? it's going down my leg.
+Ryo Andeta padmaputra jerk
Racism......
THATS NOT RIGHT😠
a french teath stole some pantings unfortnetly
he dint have any monet for de gas to make the van gogh
What do you get when you drop a piano on a military base?
Ab Major
Knock knock. Who's there? Glasses. Glasses who? No. Brass. THAT WAS A MERLIN JOKE INVOLVING GEORGE!!!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartenders says, "why the long face?"
Two cats decide to have a swimming race, one english cat, named Onetwothree, and a french cat, named Undeuxtrois. Which cat wins the race?
The Onetwothree cat, because the Undeuxtrois cat sank
HHHKOK06 I see what you did there (ah, yes, French jokes).
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, Olive or Twist?
u know how olive oil is made out of olive and vedgible oil is made out of vedgabiles what is baby oil made of?
vegetable*****
Read the ingredients. That's the answer.
Why did Paul McCartney cross the road?
Because he ISN'T DEAD!
And Stalin is slowly creeping under your beat to enforce communism on you..........
I don't know why UA-cam recommended a 12 year old volgbrothers video to me, but thanks, I definitely needed that!
It's not just the jokes that make me laugh as well as cheerful, it's also, maybe even more so, the way Hank tells them:'D
Did you invent the airplane? Because you're wright for me?
What starts with "M", ends with "arriage", and was the happiest day of my life? Miscarriage.
Holy fuck!
winner!
Sub my Channel
Is ThIs LoSs?
The nice thing about this is getting to watch this 10 years later after watching it for the first time as a kid and finally getting all the jokes
Why can't Robbin Williams ride a bike?
BECAUSE HE'S DEAD!
Waaaaaaaaaay too soon
i am the biggest asshole for laughing at dis
Emma Cory i dont get it bro
Dude like WAY to soon.
That was dern sure too soon, man... too soon
I don't get that UA-camr one?
+Twisttid Mind I think its because everyone always comments on videos thinking they're the first one, but by the time they write their comment saying "First" theres already a bunch of comments posted
This is 12 years old……….. I am old
Q: what do you call a person with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean
A:dead
Q:If John has 50 candy bars and eats 30 what does john have?
A:diabetes...John has diabetes
What's long hard and full of seamen
A submarine
How do you make a 7 even?
You take away the s in seven.
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, was quite thin and frail, a very spiritual person and his diet was peculiar so he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
What do root vegetables yell at parties?
Turn up the beat! (Turnip the beet)
Define absolute zero.
Resistance is futile.
Ok. From what I’ve learned/heard about it on UA-cam and stuff,
absolute zero is the coldest possible tempurate for anything, but it doesn’t occur naturally as far as we know, but scientists in labs have made it happen. However, I’ve also heard that some scientists can’t quite reach it though.
Long joke that no one will read: 3 blonds are walking on a trail in the forest. And then they see a sign next to a cliff saying if you jump off and yell what you want to be. You will become that thing. Well one blonde jumped off a yelled pony. And then she became a pony. The second blond jumped off and yelled tiger. And then she turned into a tiger. Well the last blonde ran and tripped and fell. And in the air she yelled SHIT. So she became a pile of SHIT. (Bad joke I know dont judge)
BAYGULLS
Right now I don't have wifi, so to continue my stroll through vlogbrothers' history I'm sitting in a bar with wifi - not a good place when you want to laugh out loud endlessly!
Want did the rug said to the Christmas tree
Hey you're balls are hanging 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I would rather drop the piano on a military camp, because A flat major only has four flats, while A flat minor has seven.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Man, it's hot in here..." The second muffin's eyes go wide and it shouts, "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
The 51 joke video has 5.1mil views and oh I am so happy