Вставка
- Опубліковано 10 вер 2024
- #actuallyautistic #autisticadult #manicpixiedreamgirl #mpdg
TikTok: @kkprinsloo
I am not your manic pixie dream girl.
In fact, I’m not even sure I am a girl anymore
I’ve messed with my hair in every which way
I pace when I’m nervous
I hate small talk and I ask you deep questions
Yeah, I talk a lot
But sometimes I don’t, when words don’t work
I have an entire closet full of costumes
I rave and make Kandy on the weekends
I write poetry and short stories that aren’t seen by many
I collect books, and art supplies and paint jelly fish when the mood strikes
I jump at loud noises
I have to write down my thoughts or they keep me up all night
I sing and hum and pace to help calm myself
I can seem awkward or blunt
I have many tattoos
I forget to eat and drink water
I have a disarticulated skeleton model
I’ve done stand up and improv comedy
I was a professional performing artist
I tested for my shorts in Muay Thai
I hyperfocus on projects and hate to get interrupted
I get dizzy and nauseous from smells and wearing my hair in a ponytail and while driving in a car and after going to the grocery story and…oh yeah…from forgetting to eat all day
I watch the same TV shows and movies over and over again
I have lots of wigs and wings
I like to play dress up and wear fuzzy onesies
Sometimes I hiss at the sun because how dare it be so bright
I have custom fangs
I watch the water fall on the shower wall for hours
I shut down when my senses are overloaded
I sob when my emotions take over, dry heaving with thick heavy tears until I pass out from fatigue
My body feels like it’s full of sand
I have to recover after socializing
I have a limit to most sensory stimuli or I need a lot of it
I have a masters degree but have yet to do anything with it
I failed to get into medical school but I’m trying again
I am all of these things and more
Because I am an entire person
I am not your manic pixie dream girl
I’m not going to send you on a scavenger hunt throughout the city to find me
I’m not going to tap dance when I’m nervous (although I do know how)
And I’m certainly not going to make you battle all of my angry ex boyfriends
Or be your epic romance to help you find yourself
I am not a fantasy
You like me when I’m fun
You love me when I’m exciting
But when the mask slips
And it always does
All of a sudden in a few months I am “just not the girl you fell in love with”
You are correct
I am not that girl
That girl never existed
You never loved me
You loved a fantasy
I am not your manic pixie dream girl
I am not too much
I am not a spaz
I am not cringy
I am not annoying
I am a person
I am an autistic person
I have major depressive disorder
I am worthy of love
I don’t exist for you
I exist for me
I love the Ramona Flowers reference. And the ending was perfection
WOW this was a poem so beautiful, sad, deep , all in once. I can relate so much!
Great video! I just added it to my playlist of autistic creators talking about autism.
Also, I personally call that thing where people treat me like a fun manic pixie to experience in small doses the novelty effect. It feels really crappy, but it definitely helps identify which people are real friends and which are spectator acquaintances.
♥️♥️ thank you and yes I agree!
Amazing Kayla very well explained, so powerful, loved the pictures. Yes you are worthy to be loved. Your amazing , i love you my friend
🥺🥺❤️🙏🏼
Love it Kayla. Very relatable!! 💕
🙏🏼❤️ appreciate that. I don’t share my poetry often
Nice poem!
YEAH! Represent the female side of ASD
Wow! I can't stop to watch it! Me encanta!
I really relate.
Yay!
I love this. Thank you!
This is a beautiful poem! You and Samantha Drage are such creative artists! 😀
Good for you. However, I think that this kind of video is why people who have children with high support needs for autism dislike adults who have Aspergers telling them how wonderful it is to be autistic. I’m a late diagnosed adult and even I found this poem to be pretty ‘wanky’ tbh 😉✌️
You have NO idea what my support needs are and I don’t identify with the label Aspergers. I’ve literally had guys tell me I’m like their quirky fantasy from a movie they like. Like to my actual face. Ive been told I was a fantasy. I’ve been told “once the mask comes off” that I’m not the girl they fell in love with. The poem is expressing the frustration of being fetishized, which women on the spectrum have been because of this trope. And that this trope hurts autistic girls/women/people who identify as female. This poem wasn’t about how awesome I think I am or that I don’t struggle…if you’ve seen any of my other videos or actually read it in the description box you’d know that’s not the case. nor was this poem saying in any way shape or form that I feel awesome about myself.
I think maybe you have a really negative view of autism and you should look within yourself.
Found your comment to be pretty “wanky” to be honest.
We should be looking to unite not judge each other. Literally no one is telling parents with autistic children how awesome it is to be autistic. Most of the autistic people I know/watch have a great empathy for them and Stephanie Bethany even made several videos about them and several surveys and so on. And this poem is not wanky, at least I see it as a vulnerable and beautiful expression of Kayla's feelings. I think it would make a great channel trailer too 🤩
@@kikitauer thank you 🙏🏼❤️ and that’s a great idea