Pushing Away Joy
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- Опубліковано 12 вер 2024
- A snippet from my newsletter, The One Feeling I Didn’t Allow: When Joy Feels Risky: andreagibson.s...
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Ms Gibson. I wanted to tell you you are such a true inspiration, and the poet that can one day reach the level of. Your writing is raw and pure.
I wanted to share this with you. I don't know if you'll ever see this, but I want to show you these. Inspired by a year with no grudges, and the pharmacists respectively. Blessed be, and no worries if you don't get a chance to read, so.... here it goes. The first one isn't titled.
We live in incredible tension every day.
Shaking ourselves awake, even though that's the last thing you want to do.
I get you.
I do too.
It's not sun hitting your body like the strength a supernova, tearing you piece by piece.
While you're on your knees, praying for relief.
It's no measure of a person's worth to pretend to smile.
It's a ghost that hides on your lips.
Haunting you inside, and you feel weak if you swallow your pride.
When you take the sky on your back with the best intentions, you realize your punished, because they forgot to mention
That everyone's pain has weight.
Stack it up and you could break.
Only carry what you can hold
Let everything's else unfold.
I don't want to fight anymore, now I want to unite.
People have given up, but their heart beats still inside.
Everyone has realized how unfair life is,
And how even free will comes with limited choices,
but you have to find reason where madness lies.
The world won't end with our lives.
Time still passes, and the drums keep beating,
but with all this pain we're seeding I don't know
Be it ourselves or others, either way.
Every day's a new day.
Smile for each frown you see.
Turn it around with me.
Join my fight please and build away.
So that we can have peace 100 years from today.
Poem 2
Pain needs no audience
Someone once told me I cut for attention
Said that every scratch was not a cry for help
But a cry to an audience
Said that my tears were empty
And the blood that dripped into tiny puddles six inches from my bed
Was giving me the attention I craved
While inside I was screaming at the monsters to get out of my head
Trapped in a quagmire of shame
That deep inside my heart had withered away
That my soul was a soulless husk
Bound by the chains of eternity
Squeezing my heart until it felt like it was about to explode
I wanted deep down to know
That there were others like me
Feeling the same pain that I felt
Then as I lay me down to sleep
Closing my eyes for eternity
I felt the ripcord of destiny pull me back
Securing itself around my neck
You want pain
Then stay awake
Face the world with a heavy heart
Spit in the face of your fears
And become the man you are meant to be
Can you see the flowers are more than a metaphor
Can you see the forest and its trees
Can you see the sun
Beating down on you like an abusive parent
It won’t always be easy
But please stay with me they say
We live in a day where every cry is treated equally
Attention suffering or pain like hell
I live to tell you that I know your pain
Don’t lock away the sun so you can suffocate in the darkness
Believe in your heart of hearts that there is no one like you
See everything through even when
It feels like fire is burning your soul and skin
And open up like a window
So you can stand there and see
The beauty around you and me
Inspired by Andrea Gibson’s the nutritionist Thanks to Chris Bay for coming up with the name © Jul 2019, Nick Cortinas
Thank You Andrea. 🙏
This totally resonates. I push away joy. I'm not sure why I do as much as I do? Not sure what I am scared of, or watch badge I think I earn in choosing suffering over joy? Maybe it's that I feel like you have to choose between joy and suffering, rather than allowing both to exist simultaneously without negating the validity of the other? One thing is for certain, I'm the only one losing out. Thank you for making me think about it. And just thank you for everything.
You cannot run from love nor run away from grief for joy slips in between and leaves much like a thief. Despite you biting of your nose just to spite your face I bet you'll find that whats in store and yet to come decides your fate. So love and grief are partners and if you want to feel the joy of love look upon the faces of the ones you love
I so relate. Thank you xx
Needed this... Resonates, completely! Andrea, you are the Light! Thank you for YOU! 🩵
Just decided last night to make this aspect of myself top priority for endeavoring toward growth
I feel this myself-thank you for expressing it so clearly!
I hear you, I do. But, I have to say, theres so much joy in your words. In every poem, even the sadest, darkest of your poems there is so much joyful light shining through *
I needed to hear this tonight. Thank you for sharing this Andrea! ❤
Meee too. ....
What does it look like --how do you recognize that it is joy you are pushing away. Please can you give an example? No pressure to be poetic. Just what does it look like? And when you see it, how do you say, "Hey! Come over here! I am ready to experience you now!" Can you please give a real-life example of seeing around/past a feeling which was standing in the way of joy? Thanks! Love your work/art/poetry --it has helped me so much.
I can’t speak for Andrea, or course, but I think used to push away joy by reminding myself of worries when something good happened to me. So for example, if I was having a great time with a friend, I might have started thinking something like “this won’t last for very long, and if I have too much fun, it’ll be harder to go back to mundane life tomorrow.” Also, I might’ve avoided activities that I thought would be “too” joyful if I was concerned about experiencing that feeling. Noticing when one is doing that is helpful, as Andrea said!
Personally, once I noticed it AND decided I wanted to experience joy more, I tried to tune into what I was doing and be more “in the moment,” although that might sound cliche. I do find that I’m able to be more present and enjoy my joy more these days!
Anyway, I hope that helps 💙
andrea, you know me by another name, its nick w. :) i hope you stay happy. i prayed to god that your cancer gets healed a few nights ago, umm you might be unhappy with god, but i figure a prayer doesnt hurt just incase! :D anyways, you're my hero hehe. no, seriously, you are awesome :)
💜🙏🏼💜
I love you
How do you notice it?