I hope I'm speaking for the masses when I say this - I don't care what content you put up next, I just enjoy you for who you are. And if some content changes come with that then so be it! I read your article and my heart feels for you. I've really been grasping my head around how not to keep beating ourselves up for being human. Because I do it too. There are so many things I'd love to talk about and address but really I guess what's most important for me to say is that I'm really, really glad that you're feeling better. And from one perfectionist to another, I admire your strength for what it took to put yourself out there even though I'm sure you still might feel like a rough draft version of who you're aspiring to be. Sending you warm vibes and love through my phone waves ❤️🌻
I think for future content you should post whatever it is that you're PASSIONATE about. If it's makeup - great. If it's Veganism - great. But either way you must make sure you love putting out the content and UA-cam all together because if you don't, then you won't be moving forward and you will remain unhappy. If UA-cam isn't the place for you - though we would all miss you - then you shouldn't continue with it. Also side note if you are struggling with mental illness you should know that smoking marijuana will only enhance your battle with it! Please keep getting all of the help that you need and take your time, just keep everyone updated as best you can and the people that truly care will be patient. Lastly, to everyone commenting, NOBODY can judge until they have walked a thousand miles in your shoes. I'll always be a fan and will respect and love whatever decisions you make for the future.
“Transformation isn’t sweet or bright. It’s a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the untruths you’ve carried in your body. A complete uprooting before becoming.” I love this quote, you'll get through this. You're beautiful and not just your looks, I read that post and it really resonated with me, I wish you the best on your journey to self love.
If only you could see yourself from my eyes. I just got done reading your blog post and when you were talking about buying new equipment to make it look professional and more perfect, i was thinking "NOOOOO!" I LOVE youtube videos so much more when they are more personal and not the cookie-cutter way of youtube nowadays. You could be posting a video using your phone and bad lighting and I would watch it and enjoy it. I don't enjoy watching videos that are clean cut and professional all of the time. I would rather be inspired by your words and how you could care less about what your video looks like. I love you Alison and I hope you read this and truly believe it.
Payton Michelle so true. I wish everyone could see themselves as other people see them. She is one of a kind and I wish she could see that. I'm the same way though. I'm constantly down on my self. we are our very own worst critics. Hopefully anyone who is struggling with that will be able to love themselves as others love them one day. it's a LONG and HARD process but I believe it's worth it
Payton Michelle hii Payton I read your comment and totally agree with you. I have a channel and I love filming videos although I do not have a great set up or precessional camera/lighting.. I hope you can check it out if your interested :)
Dear Alison I read your blog post. I'm so happy you are alive and that you feel you're moving forward. Don't give up! You're a strong person and will overcome this eventually. Sometimes we have to lose everything, have everything stripped from us and be just by ourselves in order to learn to love & accept us again. It will take a long time to heal and it will be step by step but whatever you do never stop moving and never give up your hopes. Don't be hard on yourself, be kind & generous and forgive yourself for the things you're feeling guilty about. Don't be scared to ask for help when you need it! Just know that there are so many people out there who are batteling mental illnesses everyday. You're not alone in this and we got your back! Lots of love 💕
i read your blog post and i'm in tears. this is going to be such a long comment but i hope you maybe take time to read it. as i read your blog post, i knew all too well what it was going to lead up to. i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about a year ago. i had depression and anxiety already but something in me just... changed. my mood, my relationships, everything just completely took a 360. i'm thankful i never turned to drugs or alcohol, but my behavior was out of control. my moods were awful one day and the next i'd feel absolutely empty and in a trance, and then i'd be fine. sometimes this even happened in the span of a day or even an hour. i lost friends. i lost my very best friend (who i am so blessed to say is back in my life now.) i tried to find happiness in a guy. it was the biggest mistake i ever made. it was the most painful and messy relationship i've ever been in and though the guy actually ended up cheating, i blame myself a lot for it and leading him to do that because of how i treated him sometimes. i latched on to people. i self harmed. not only would i leave marks on my body, but i would go days without taking my medication and start experiencing withdrawal because i felt like i deserved it. i was at a point where i had absolutely no one but my mom. i felt so alone and i longed to have friends and people in my life again because being alone scared me. so that's where i decided to come forward and ask for help. i began therapy and was diagnosed. here i am today, still having my bad days, but it's not even close to as bad as i was this time last year. i'm in such a better place and mindset and i know how to deal with things and my thoughts better. i also started going back to church this year to an amazing place where from the moment i stepped in, i knew my relationship with God was changing for the better. i can understand completely what you've been going through. i've supported you for as long as i can remember and i will continue to.
I really needed this. Someone very close to me, has the same disorder, I got choked up reading this knowing how it is for him. I am so happy to see you moving forward and it helps me to know that if you can learn to be happy again and love yourself again, then he can too. Thank you so much for posting this! I love you, and keep doing what is best for you!
Read your blog post & it blew me away. You're so strong and brave for even sharing your story with us. Thankyou Alison, I hope you do continue to make videos because you're so talented but obviously only if you feel comfortable even to do so. Stay strong!! 😘 xx
Recovery looks so good on you. (and so does that hair color). Wishing you all the love, happiness and yummy vegan meals in whatever path you take next. And thanks so much for the documentaries you recommend on snapchat, I personally have learned so much!
It's truly heartbreaking what you wrote on your post. I can't believe all the struggles you went through and this might not matter but I'm sorry for those struggles you had. Watching your videos years ago, I thought I had you all figured out but once 2013 started I saw a different side of you that I hadn't seen before. I still stayed around your channel knowing that you changed but I always held onto hope that the Alison I once knew would come back. I don't think you'll ever be the Alison I first saw, but I think one day you'll resurface as a better you.
JazzMarie Pascual Sometimes we never go back to the person we once were. And she shouldn't feel the pressure to become the person she once were, she has to find herself and figure out who she truely is. She has changed completely and that is okay. She has been through alot and it will take time to heal but I'm a 100% sure that she will come out as a stronger & better person.
Thank you for sharing.. I read the whole thing and tried not to cry.. I'm so sorry you have been going through all of that! But it sounds like you are a strong person.. you haven't given up! Just keep pushing, I'm very proud of you!
Alison, I have been watching you for awhile, and after reading your story I truly resonated with you, and I find you incredibly brave for sharing your profound story. You are absolutely not alone in this, as I struggle to find healing as well. You are an absolute inspiration and your story provides me with a sense of connection and hope--Thank you for finding such courage to share your journey. Sending you my best. -Amanda
Just read your blog post. You are so fucking brave and strong, and even though I'm a stranger that has barely commented on your content in my four or five years of being subscribed to you, I want you to know that I'm proud of you and are rooting for you. Please take your time getting back into UA-cam, there'll still be people here when you're really and truly ready to come back. All the best in your recovery, gorgeous. 💛
What you wrote is so raw, beautiful, and sad all at the same time. I'm thankful to be subscribed to someone that isn't afraid to show their flaws. I'm sorry you've been dealing with so much but I have full faith in you. You're not "just another UA-camr" and I genuinely feel you're here to stay and make your mark on the world. Stay positive. ❤
Alison, you inspired me the moment I saw your videos. The tape trick to get a clean cut, I litterally learned from you. (even though everyone does it) to experiment outside of the box with makeup and feel confident. Even though the struggles you go through now seem so hard just know you are still inspiring me to be strong. whatever hits you in the fucking face. just to be standing and breathing of what you went though is true courage. I hope you read this. hope you find happiness. I won't be unsubscribing ever because I know that gives you hope. you're a brave, encouraging. wonderful woman. stay stong and I will be right here supporting you though it all.
I started following you when I was 12, and currently I'm a month from turning 19 and I just wanted to say that I will always support you send as many good vibes as I can your way. You deserve peace of mind and happiness, and I'm so proud of you for having the courage to continue to fight for yourself. You're so strong and you inspire me to continue to fight for myself each day. You always showed me there's no cap on growing and learning, changing is always happening. I hope everything gets better for you, you're worth it! Stay strong we will always be here for you ❤️❤️❤️
I read your blog post and I am happy things are getting better and that you reached out for help and seeking treatment. I too went through a dark period where I was suicidal and not working/going to school. It was hard getting out of that hole but I did. You can to. My advice is to not only continue UA-cam but go out into the world with your life of makeup. You are really talented and I think you would be a great makeup artist for weddings and proms ect. That would be an added source of income in addition to UA-cam that you could sustain long term! I also feel like being around people can help you feel less depressed. Rather then being alone all the time. You will get there just take baby steps. These things take time.
Julie Diana that's great advice. And I totally agree, being alone with yourself can be dangerous and unhealthy sometimes. You're stuck with your thoughts and human interactions really help you to get out of your head for a little.
yes and you start to feel more alone and depressed. Iv'e been there. Thats why youtube on it's own wouldn't be a good option for ppl prone to depression.
I've been a silent watcher of yours for a while, and I never comment on videos. You are so brave and strong for opening up your soul to the world and sharing what you have so far. I will always tune in when I see you have new videos and that won't end. Do what you have to do for yourself. Take as much time as you need. I'll be thinking of you! I've always been so inspired by you and other UA-camrs to start my own videos but the dark hole you can get sucked into on this platform truly a little scary. sending you love and light my friend
You are STILL one of my favorite UA-camrs! You are so talented and I often looked to your tutorials to create beautiful makeup looks. No one is perfect and through struggle, comes strength. Keep up the great work! You have so much to give the world. :)
so so so proud of you sweet girl. thank you for sharing your growth with us and growing in confidence in who you are. its so easy to stay in our damaging routines and it takes a huge amount of effort to make positive change. I know how incredibly trying that is and its incredible to see you glowing and stable and healthy again. stay gold. you're awesome. ❤
Alison, Focus on your journey. Do not let the thoughts of others navigate your self discovery. You are in a place now where you can let spring in and feel change and growth. Like a new blossoming bush, we would never expect the same rose every year. Evolution is beautiful. Growth is uncomfortable but the end result is worth it. I hope one day not too far off you are able to look back and see what that growth looks like. I hope your discovery comes peacefully. All the best Alison, Allie
I couldn't really care less about the amount of videos and makeup tutorials you're posting. I care that you're taking care of yourself. I love you, glad you're "well" haha and I hope you only continue to improve. Do what's right for you and for your journey. 🐋💕
You're absolutely amazing and so brave, thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. I can relate a little too well, but know that you're not alone in this world. I'm just happy you got the help that you needed, I look forward to the return of your tutorials/videos & I'll be thinking of you daily ♡
I just finished reading your blog post! So heartbreaking, I truly hope you get better soon! I've missed you, but take time to concentrate on yourself it's the best thing you can do! Love you so much ❤
I just read your blog post and I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed at the age of 12 (I'm 27 now) & I can tell you that the longer you work on managing it the better it gets. It still sucks and I wish I could tell you that it goes away but it doesn't and it's something that I constantly explain to my friends/family/etc. what it is and how much emotional stress it puts me through along with my other disorders but what I can tell you is it does get easier... it does get better... it won't always feel like it's controlling your life & when bad days come around (and they do) you'll be able to handle it like a pro.
Thank you for your incredible blog post! I can relate to you on many points. I've been following you for so long and even though I know you won't be reading this for a while you just have to know that we care about you. It's good to know that you are getting the tools that can help you try to overcome this. I applaud you for taking the time to just be you, take however long you need. You are amazing Allison, and I can't wait to see you make your comeback! We are all here when you are ready! Love you!
Alison!!! I'm so proud of you for putting this out there. I read your blog post and I wish you nothing but the best.. I want to see you succeed and win! It is such a personal thing to deal with and I hope you hear the positive messages from thousands of your friends family and FANS. Life is a learning process and everyday is a new day. Take it one day at a time, but just KEEP MOVING FORWARD! You have to be happy in this life and you are meant to be just that. You deserve the world. I've watched you for years and it breaks my heart that you have been through what you have.. and I will watch you come out on top! I know you will! JUST HERE TO SPREAD LOVE, PEACE, AND POSITIVITY! Keep up the therapy and do what helps YOU. This is YOUR life and YOU come first. LOVE LOVE LOVE!! -a fan who believes in your happiness
Okay. This was heavy. I am off now, setting my computer on a loop of all your videos trying to get you some more views. Sending you love and support from the other side of the world.
Alison, I've been with you since you've had 22k. I just want to say I love you and will always support you. find yourself, love yourself, take all the time you need. It was nice seeing your beautiful face! I wish you all the best, love
Stay strong !! I just read your post and though I don't know you personally, your UA-cam family is always here for you! That was incredibly brave for you to let us into your life. A lot of people give a glimpse of themselves which usually is the happy glam side but to see this side is very eye opening. Be strong and power through this!!!!
Hey beautiful, I know that you're struggling. I am so proud of you. Doing this was a huge milestone for you. Keep your head up darling. You are much stronger than you think, I promise. Forever a loyal follower. ❤️
is anyone subscribed to liz meghan I heart makeup ?? she's been gone for a couple months too and has some of the same problems. she hasn't posted anything anywhere :/
Solana Munoz I hope they both stay off UA-cam I think it's not healthy for them and they are in a sensitive state and need to focus on them, so sad seeing people struggle 😔🖤
I want to say that I admire you because of how brave you are for telling us about your life. Keep going girl! You're strong and I'm so happy that you're feeling hope. Blessing during this process.
Just wanted to say I read your whole blog post and wish you peace, happiness, strength and clarity on your journey to finding yourself and molding yourself into the person you want to be. ❤️ much love!!
Run. Run your heart out. It's the best from of therapy in the world. Lift weights for stress. Exercise babe. It could really help you. It helped me with my anxiety and depression. Run until you can't run anymore!
I read your entire blog and I just wanna say that you're so fucking strong. To go through what you have and to still have hope and feel inspired and have positivity is incredible and inspiring. I wish the best for you and that you find happiness because you deserve it.
sending u love and healing thoughts and hopes 💗 thank u for being so honest i really appreciate, im really sorry for everything you've gone through, i hope u continue to heal and learn so u can come back as a new healthy and happy you. i'm proud of u for overcoming your anxiety to post this and your blog post :,) thanks for keeping us all updated with the ferret snaps, i love them hahah
Just finished reading your blog!! Thank you for much for sharing it must have been hard to write about it. I will be waiting for your videos when your ready to post them. Good luck with everything you are doing. Your very strong!!
For you to share all of that is so immensely brave. It's also so inspiring to me who has been through something similar and trying to get myself back on my feet. I'm so, so happy that you have been receiving help, you deserve the world and more. Take as much time as you need, and look after yourself. Ps, your hair is wonderful
Been hoping that everything was ok. Glad you are getting better and hope that the road to recovery becomes easier....your blog and that you put yourself out there like that is inspiring. Keep up the work....we love you!
Keep your head up girl..we all have our own struggles and it takes lots of strength to put your story out there and let people know what you're going through so people who relate can understand that it's okay to go get help and fight your inner demons.. you're a true inspiration and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who gets in my own head while trying to make it seem as though everything is okay. But it's even more comforting to know that when we put our minds to something we can truly better ourselves. You really seem to be doing better .. soso proud of you 💕
I think it's funny all the comments saying she needs to leave UA-cam cause her heart is not in it. It's HER channel. She doesn't need comments telling her what you think she should do. If you are sick of it, instead of complaining, there is a very simple option. Unfollow and go follow Glamlifeguru. She posts makeup videos 5 days a week. Get your fix somewhere else. I am happy that Alison is getting healthy and will do what is best for her. It really is pathetic to leave nasty comments over her not posting about makeup.
You are a blessing to all those who are around you both virtually and physically. You are an amazing individual and I have so much respect for you. Being able to be as vulnerable as you have been is truly an inspiring thing. The road you have traveled to get to where you are would be hard for even those who think they are strong. You are amazing my friend.
I hope she doesn't come back to UA-cam just for income.. it's all about the passion and love behind it, and I don't think she sees herself doing it anymore.
i read her blog post. thats why she wasnt making videos because she said she was never happy with the content she made and just didnt love making youtube videos anymore. shes going through some pretty rough shit rightnow something i wish upon no one to go threw. but shes getting better everyday and ive very glad because i dont want her to be another person that lets their mental illness get the better of them, its nothing to fuck around with. im just very happy she said shes feeling better and has found things to help her improve and keep her sane. sorry for my rant ive been subscribed to her for a longgggg time and have watched her change, i just really wish the best for her from here on.
Incredible post, Alison. Thank you for sharing. I'm wishing you strength on your journey! Life and our minds are fucking crazy, so much more so than anyone gives credit. Take as much time as you need and don't worry what others might say or think. Ultimately, you're the only one with the perspective you have. Do what is best for you. Much love! ❤️
Reading your blog post and I just want to hug you! So proud of you for doing what feels right for YOU. Thats what matters. Keep going girl, we love to watch you grow!
be positive and stay beautiful! Jeremiah 29:11" for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." you got this girl. I can't say I know what your going through but I'll definitely be praying! keep that beautiful head high. I know you said you were having spiritual reasoning but in doubt I always give my worries and problems to the Lord. it may not make sense now but we will see later. There's a bigger picture and maybe this is your new platform. maybe this is what needs to be talked about. it shouldn't be a hushed topic. you are so strong and I'm proud of you for writing all of it out! one of my really good friends Stephanie Nance wrote a book called "Balance of Control" it's on Amazon. She went through a similar situation and it's all about balance and finding your happy medium. you are cared about and you are loved!
Were here for you Alison. I have prayed for you and your struggles many times and will continue to. ( not just saying that) And although your relationship with Christ is not really in play now, understand how much He loves you and that he is ALWAYS there for you. He never expects perfection from us, only us. The greatest thing about a relationship with Christ is that we don't have to deal with things alone. Lean on Him and throw up your worries and anxieties to him. That helps me knowing I can do that. Take care Alison! We love you! ❤️ keep getting better!
I couldn't agree more. Being a Jesus follower isn't a part time job, and it sure as heck isn't an easy one either. I believe that the biggest struggles come upon the strongest people; you are one the stronger people Alison. Seeing that you are on here, sharing your life, whether it is in a happy place or a sad. It's truly inspiring. We know that you and Jesus aren't meeting half way right now, but he will always be in the same place he was before. We love you bunches, and do what makes you happy (that goes for the content of your videos as well, I know that a bunch of us will stay, just so that we can stick with you gorgeous). Heaps of love and prayers are going your way!!! xx
She doesn't need prayer... If prayer was something that worked like a mailing service, there would be no starving children in this world... Telling Alison to depend on Jesus to help with her mental illness is about as effective as giving her a watermelon and telling her that it is magic. Religion is partly to blame for what she is going through - so I heed caution in perpetuating it.
You're right, prayers can't solve her problem (the main reason is that she is unable to believe in God) but who has enough strength to truly be a Christian is free to show his/her support. She had a big crisis and she can't recognize her self anymore. Religion was only one of her references. All of them vanished. I think she will be happy just seeing that, even in a long time, there are people who care about her and that are hoping she will get better soon. Ps. Sorry for my bad English.
This was a video about mental health and getting better, do not down someone elses beliefs just because they aren't the same as your own. Just because you don't believe in prayer or God doesn't mean other people don't and they can't express their concern or beliefs for Allison the way they choose. We are all here to support her and be as understanding as we can, other people have different ways of showing that.
I just finished your blog post... and i just want to say ill be sending positive vibes your way. I know you will find it in you to put up some amazing content in the future. I never stopped following you for a reason! You're an amazing artist and person. I cant wait to see what you have to show the world! Stay positive love 💙
Alison I know you are not Christian anymore but I prayed that you would see and answer back this comment.You should listen to the song (thy will be done -Hillary Scott) listen to the whole thing.My sister suffers with the same thing that you do and this song helped her I hope it can help you-sincerely Hayley❤️
I am so happy I read what you wrote. You may not see this but I connected with you on such a deep level. Everything you said made sense. Especially trying to make every sentence perfect and true. The reliance on weed is something I deal with to help my depression and anxiety. That dark hole.. I've been there so many times. Every mood stabilizer I've tried and don't want to be reliant on them. I'm so happy to find someone else is also on this journey to find happiness. Not happy that you are going through this but happy that you put it out there and if anything you touched me by your words. Thank you ❤
I went and read your blog post ♡ I had a spiritual awakening last year and I completely understand the guilt and confusion that comes with changing or even questioning your faith. As far as the other stuff, I habe no way to relate or remotely comprehend what you're going through, BUT I hope you get better. I hope you keep moving forward with this positive direction you seem to be moving in ♡ I look forward to seeing your videos in the future ♡ blessed be
I read this & it made me cry. Ive been subscribed to you for sooooo long!!! I loce yoy Alison, you will never see yourself the way others do. We know you're strong!!! You are beautiful, please know you are extremely beautiful & so loved. 💘💘💘💘 I hope you feel better. Sending positive vibes your way love!!!!!! 💞💞💞💞
hope you get better soon! I read your tumbler and it makes me sad to know how much pain you are in. but glad your getting the help you need. you were my first youtuber i ever watched, and i will be happy when you come back happy and better. best of luck to you! ♡
I love you and your blog post was an amazing read. You're extraordinary and I'm so happy and proud of how far you've come. You are an inspirational person for so many, and you have such an important message. I'm glad you're finally getting better, love you lots
Reading that blog almost made me cry. I relate to it in some ways that I won't get into, but it's comforting knowing someone out there is going through some of the same things as me and is finally seeing the light. It keeps me motivated to stay alive and wait and have patience for the better days to come. Thank you for sharing your story, it truly touched my heart, and I'll never forget about you. You are a beautiful and strong person. Please, never give up. ❤️
I read your blog and it touched my heart. I couldn't imagine how hard this is for you . I hope one day you find peace and happiness. You are so strong and brave opening up to the world. 💛 I know this will help others out there going through the same or maybe similar. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I wouldn't wish this upon anybody. Just know we're here for you and we want you to take good care of yourself first and take all the time you need! Love you💛
I'm excited for your future too. I'm so happy for you that you're finding yourself again, and social media can make that hard. I've followed you for a while now, and you actually taught me how to do my makeup. I'm happy to watch your videos, but I think it's more important to know you're living a life that makes YOU happy. I don't feel like you owe us anything, because you've already given this channel so much. you're amazing. it's hard to put out there things that are so personal, but you did it. I know I'm one of many of your subscribers who just want you to do what makes you happy. We love you!
Your strength is so inspiring. I struggle from both mental illness and addiction and I know how hard and life-consuming it can be, especially when one is interchangeable with the other. You have a voice like no other through social media and it's so inspiring that you're courageous enough to speak out to all 873,000+ followers of yours. You go girl! 873,000+ people have your back.
Your blog was beautifully written. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you and still is like for you. I'm happy you are getting help and finding yourself and what makes you happy! I will patiently what to see your beautiful face pop up in my subscription box and happily watch whatever you post! Continue to heal yourself, find yourself so you can live in this world happily and not waste the time you have here! Sending love and we'll wishes to you 😘 You sharing your story with us is very brave and will help someone that is going through the same things that you are and that's pretty amazing in its self!
I think you are amazing and have a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing what you have been going through. I love your raw honesty and believe it will touch so many lives. I know everybody's journey is different but I can relate to a big portion of yours. Bless you sweet Alison. I look forward to any content you decide to come back with. ❤🌼
You are perfect! You mentioned ted talks & "self help" books being your outlet & that is so healthy & you have to find an outlet that works best for you when you have no where to turn I believe you are one of the best makeup artists on UA-cam! I really feel that bc you are SO talented & was the reason why I followed you. Even w all the people on UA-cam in 2017 you are still one of my favorites that I believe to be the best & most talented makeup artist Stay strong, happiness & your life is worth so much more than what you have been dealing w
I just read your blog post. I am so sorry that you've been going through all that. I've (for the most part) come through my darkest days and know that battle way too well. I've watched your channel for years and have always loved your content, sponsored or not. I'm thankful that you're doing better, because I would love to see more videos from you, but at your time and pace. Keep up the amazing work, you're doing great! Much love from an og subscriber from Australia 💜
Alison, you were the first beauty UA-camr I ever subscribed to and the first video of yours I watched was you helping your "sister" Shmalison on how not to get ready for a date. I laughed and laughed at your humor and your silliness and confidence and from that day on I was hooked. I watch your videos over and over again because I love your presence, your energy, and you, and it rips my heart in half to see such a beautiful soul so crushed by her own mind. You aren't just another UA-camr to me and I sincerely hope you know that. Myself as well as so many others love you and support you and yearn for you to find yourself again wholly so that you can love yourself as much as we do. I'm overjoyed to see you taking these beautiful positive steps in a brighter direction and I cannot wait to see the magic that you will continue to create for us from here on out. ♥️
Your blog post was the realist and most beautiful thing I've read in a long time. I could go on and on about how much courage you have for telling your story, and how I hope your story will help so many other people. If you post anything else from here on out, all I want is videos of your pets 💜 especially your ferrets. I know one of them was sick recently, so I hope that ferret is ok 😓
I applaud you for being so open. People can be cruel and if you don't deal with it, mental illness is hard to understand. You're an inspiration and i look forward to following your journey. I struggle with mental illness and its nice to know i'm not alone. Sending positive vibes your way. You got this!!!
Wow. I am so sorry for the struggles you have been going through. Ive suffered from depression throughout my life, feeling lonely and trying to harm myself years back. Its the worst feeling. I am one of your subscribers who 100% understands what you are feeling and why you havent been posting, why u did post and what u posted. I support you all the way. I know what that feels like and I am so proud of u for going 7hrs a day to get better. That's amazing. You should definitely be proud of urself hunny. I love u girl and just know that things get better even when they feel the absolute WORST! I love u and I am so ready for you to upload again, when YOU are ready. Will definitely pray for you, xo
Thank you so much for writing that. You have reached many people, including myself and it is comforting to know I am not the only one. I began hurting myself in December and luckily got the help I needed from my family. I as well think I have BPD and so I understand where your head is at. I fortunately find great comfort and happiness in filming but if you need time and a break then of course that's what you should do! Thank you for sharing the extremely personal story, I know it has given me some hope that I will find the help I need and that there are some people out there who will understand me (it always feel like no one does). Thinking about you and hoping you find your inner peace 💓
i am honestly so so proud of you. i have been to a similar place as this and i'm just so proud, this took so much courage and i genuinely want to say it hit me in such a way, you put your words so beautifully and i just can't wait to see what you have in store because it will be amazing and you will be able to see your growth and it will be great. ily 💗
coming from a similar place, i know how hard it is, thank you for being strong enough to tell your story. it helps knowing other people deal with the same problems. i know it doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you. I'll keep supporting you and watching you succeed and overcome all your problems. much love
Just want to say you're an strong brave beautiful person. I admire your bravery for posting your post. Your post made me realize that I need to get better treatment for my severely depression and to get tested out on more stuff because your post basically describe how I'm feeling lately. Thank you so much for posting and inspiring when you didn't intend too. Sending positive vibes your way and if you ever need to talk about your problems or anything we are all here for you, especially me since I know how it is !
Your my favorite girl. Stay strong I hope you get through this!!! We all love you here and we miss you. I always love your videos you're so beautiful and honest 💗
thank you so much for telling your story!! i too have a debilitating mental illness that consumes my life!! how brave of you to share your story!! you are beautiful and strong and extremely talented. you are probably my favorite you tube makeup channel!! im so glad you got the diagnosis and the right treatment. our brains can really fuck us up!! anyway, love to you honey!! im sure im not alone in saying we will support you!! take your time in healing! life IS so fucking hard!!!!! you got this!! lots of love❤️
As someone who's struggled with mental illness for years I understand you. If I can give you any advice it is to stay busy. Nothing is worse than being alone and stuck in your mind keep a strictly routine and spend some of your day outside. It makes a world of difference
I just read your blog post and I am crying. I'm sorry I'm not the type of fan to check up on UA-camrs, and I'm sorry. I always felt that sitting back enjoying their content, supporting them when they had collabs that interested me, and letting them just live their life was adequate. however I'm now realizing that sometimes that is perfectly adequate but sometimes that will fall short. This is a big crazy world and sometimes all it takes is one small gesture to help brighten someone's day. I wish you all the best and I wish that you would let me know what I can do for you. Even if it does end up just being the silent loyal supporter who will be here when you post months after not posting. Take your time and make sure you're focusing on you. I love you Allison and I wish you all the best and I always have.
Just read your blog post & I've been feeling the same way so I'm incredibly inspired by how you pushed back against your mental illness & continue to fight against it! You're awesome 😊
I just read your entire blog post and I'm so proud of you for making this video. You're so immensely brave and I love you so much. Take however much time you need.
Congratulations on getting help! When I went to a psych hospital, it's a day I now celebrate every year for bringing light to my life. There is seriously like an 18 month period of which I don't remember because I was just living in a world that was grey and the only way to escape it was sleep. Continue the good work and be proud of how far you've come.
I had a time in my life where I was cutting and I hated myself. I am so proud of you for overcoming your struggles. You have so much support and love, and I truly hope you can start making videos that you genuinely enjoy creating. We love you so much and are all here for you😊❤
your post its just hard.. I'm so sorry for all the shit that you've been through.. I'm happy you're alive and trying and fighting to be happy . So much love from Spain, love you with all my soul💚
I started watching you in 2014. You were the one who introduced me to the makeup/beautyguru world. And I binge watched everyone of your videos on all 3 of your UA-cam channels lol. I followed your tumblrs, and IG, and even as I started diving down the beauty guru rabbit hole, you were ALWAYS my favorite and I ALWAYS loved you and your videos the most. A huge part of me felt like you and I had SOOOO much in common and a big part of me felt it was because we're both Cancers.. lol, but honestly Alison after reading your blog post and keeping up with you these past years, I always knew we related in THAT way too. Reading your blog post reminds me soooooo much of many similar things I've gone through as well, and honestly the point is: I'm proud of you, I'm happy for you, I'm praying for you, and have nothing but love and respect for your beautiful soul. Mental illness is a nasty struggle, I know it firsthand and I've dealt recently with my mom trying to commit suicide because of her own struggles with it as well. She is alive and literally transforming before my eyes and her medical miracle is the reason I finally found God. Because I know there's no doubt in my mind He's the reason she's alive, but my point in saying this is also because I know too what it's like to go into that existential crisis when dealing with pressure of being a "good Christian" on top of life and mental illness. So trust me Alison, I get you so much it's scary.. but that's why I'm soooooo happy to see everytime you post a video, or a snap or a tumblr post. You're staying alive, you're fighting the fight. Just hang in there love have faith and listen to your heart. You have a lot of people who love you. You always will 😘
i hope more than anything that you can be at the most peace possible with yourself and your struggles. thank you for sharing your story even though you never had to, i couldn't begin to imagine how nerve wracking it had to be for you. but with that being said, i hope you realize how loud your voice is for people suffering from mental illness whose voices are too soft to be heard. your story spoke volumes about the strength you obtain as a human being and i could not be more proud, not even just as an outsider getting just a small glimpse in, but just proud of you and what you overcome on a daily basis. even half a step in the right direction is progress, even if it took a month to take half a step. bless you, truly. all my love xx
Alison, I read your blog post and I am absolutely blown away. You've been through some shit and its so inspiring to see you overcoming it. You are a very strong women and I only wish the best for you. I hope this is the beginning of something great, you deserve the best.
I love you Allison, you were the first beauty blogger I ever subscribed to and watched, I will 100% always be here for you and stand right by you. You have been an inspiration to me for years and still continue to be someone I look up to❤
sending you so so so much LOVE for your journey and for your immense courage for sharing. i dont know you personally but have been here for years, you are a beautiful unique soul and have so much light in you. keep doing what you gotta do girlfriend, you have got this!
I hope I'm speaking for the masses when I say this - I don't care what content you put up next, I just enjoy you for who you are. And if some content changes come with that then so be it! I read your article and my heart feels for you. I've really been grasping my head around how not to keep beating ourselves up for being human. Because I do it too. There are so many things I'd love to talk about and address but really I guess what's most important for me to say is that I'm really, really glad that you're feeling better. And from one perfectionist to another, I admire your strength for what it took to put yourself out there even though I'm sure you still might feel like a rough draft version of who you're aspiring to be. Sending you warm vibes and love through my phone waves ❤️🌻
SYLVIA RAJ Beautifully said
SYLVIA RAJ that was so beautiful 😊 hope you find happiness Alison and you to Sylvia 😊😊
SYLVIA RAJ. soooooooooooo much love!!!
I think for future content you should post whatever it is that you're PASSIONATE about. If it's makeup - great. If it's Veganism - great. But either way you must make sure you love putting out the content and UA-cam all together because if you don't, then you won't be moving forward and you will remain unhappy. If UA-cam isn't the place for you - though we would all miss you - then you shouldn't continue with it.
Also side note if you are struggling with mental illness you should know that smoking marijuana will only enhance your battle with it!
Please keep getting all of the help that you need and take your time, just keep everyone updated as best you can and the people that truly care will be patient.
Lastly, to everyone commenting, NOBODY can judge until they have walked a thousand miles in your shoes.
I'll always be a fan and will respect and love whatever decisions you make for the future.
Courtney Marshall Yes. She needs to read this!
Courtney Marshall spoken like a great human being with a heart! I completely agree
Courtney Marshall This is so sweet and sincere!
actually a lot of people benefit from using marijuana to help with mental illness, don't talk down on it
Well said.
“Transformation isn’t sweet or bright. It’s a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the untruths you’ve carried in your body. A complete uprooting before becoming.”
I love this quote, you'll get through this.
You're beautiful and not just your looks, I read that post and it really resonated with me,
I wish you the best on your journey to self love.
That was beautiful and I needed it right now,thank you
If only you could see yourself from my eyes. I just got done reading your blog post and when you were talking about buying new equipment to make it look professional and more perfect, i was thinking "NOOOOO!" I LOVE youtube videos so much more when they are more personal and not the cookie-cutter way of youtube nowadays. You could be posting a video using your phone and bad lighting and I would watch it and enjoy it. I don't enjoy watching videos that are clean cut and professional all of the time. I would rather be inspired by your words and how you could care less about what your video looks like. I love you Alison and I hope you read this and truly believe it.
Payton Michelle so true. I wish everyone could see themselves as other people see them. She is one of a kind and I wish she could see that. I'm the same way though. I'm constantly down on my self. we are our very own worst critics. Hopefully anyone who is struggling with that will be able to love themselves as others love them one day. it's a LONG and HARD process but I believe it's worth it
Payton Michelle I agree!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Payton Michelle 4
Payton Michelle perfect! !!! we love you Alison
Payton Michelle hii Payton I read your comment and totally agree with you. I have a channel and I love filming videos although I do not have a great set up or precessional camera/lighting.. I hope you can check it out if your interested :)
Dear Alison I read your blog post. I'm so happy you are alive and that you feel you're moving forward. Don't give up! You're a strong person and will overcome this eventually. Sometimes we have to lose everything, have everything stripped from us and be just by ourselves in order to learn to love & accept us again. It will take a long time to heal and it will be step by step but whatever you do never stop moving and never give up your hopes. Don't be hard on yourself, be kind & generous and forgive yourself for the things you're feeling guilty about. Don't be scared to ask for help when you need it! Just know that there are so many people out there who are batteling mental illnesses everyday. You're not alone in this and we got your back! Lots of love 💕
i read your blog post and i'm in tears. this is going to be such a long comment but i hope you maybe take time to read it. as i read your blog post, i knew all too well what it was going to lead up to. i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about a year ago. i had depression and anxiety already but something in me just... changed. my mood, my relationships, everything just completely took a 360. i'm thankful i never turned to drugs or alcohol, but my behavior was out of control. my moods were awful one day and the next i'd feel absolutely empty and in a trance, and then i'd be fine. sometimes this even happened in the span of a day or even an hour. i lost friends. i lost my very best friend (who i am so blessed to say is back in my life now.) i tried to find happiness in a guy. it was the biggest mistake i ever made. it was the most painful and messy relationship i've ever been in and though the guy actually ended up cheating, i blame myself a lot for it and leading him to do that because of how i treated him sometimes. i latched on to people. i self harmed. not only would i leave marks on my body, but i would go days without taking my medication and start experiencing withdrawal because i felt like i deserved it. i was at a point where i had absolutely no one but my mom. i felt so alone and i longed to have friends and people in my life again because being alone scared me. so that's where i decided to come forward and ask for help. i began therapy and was diagnosed. here i am today, still having my bad days, but it's not even close to as bad as i was this time last year. i'm in such a better place and mindset and i know how to deal with things and my thoughts better. i also started going back to church this year to an amazing place where from the moment i stepped in, i knew my relationship with God was changing for the better. i can understand completely what you've been going through. i've supported you for as long as i can remember and i will continue to.
hannah ❤️
hannah keep kicking ass and working towards your happiness. Be strong for those who can't 💜
💙
I really needed this. Someone very close to me, has the same disorder, I got choked up reading this knowing how it is for him. I am so happy to see you moving forward and it helps me to know that if you can learn to be happy again and love yourself again, then he can too.
Thank you so much for posting this!
I love you, and keep doing what is best for you!
Read your blog post & it blew me away. You're so strong and brave for even sharing your story with us. Thankyou Alison, I hope you do continue to make videos because you're so talented but obviously only if you feel comfortable even to do so. Stay strong!! 😘 xx
Recovery looks so good on you. (and so does that hair color). Wishing you all the love, happiness and yummy vegan meals in whatever path you take next. And thanks so much for the documentaries you recommend on snapchat, I personally have learned so much!
It's truly heartbreaking what you wrote on your post. I can't believe all the struggles you went through and this might not matter but I'm sorry for those struggles you had. Watching your videos years ago, I thought I had you all figured out but once 2013 started I saw a different side of you that I hadn't seen before. I still stayed around your channel knowing that you changed but I always held onto hope that the Alison I once knew would come back. I don't think you'll ever be the Alison I first saw, but I think one day you'll resurface as a better you.
JazzMarie Pascual Sometimes we never go back to the person we once were. And she shouldn't feel the pressure to become the person she once were, she has to find herself and figure out who she truely is. She has changed completely and that is okay. She has been through alot and it will take time to heal but I'm a 100% sure that she will come out as a stronger & better person.
MayJade001 I 100 percent agree
Thank you for sharing.. I read the whole thing and tried not to cry.. I'm so sorry you have been going through all of that! But it sounds like you are a strong person.. you haven't given up! Just keep pushing, I'm very proud of you!
Alison,
I have been watching you for awhile, and after reading your story I truly resonated with you, and I find you incredibly brave for sharing your profound story. You are absolutely not alone in this, as I struggle to find healing as well. You are an absolute inspiration and your story provides me with a sense of connection and hope--Thank you for finding such courage to share your journey. Sending you my best. -Amanda
Just read your blog post. You are so fucking brave and strong, and even though I'm a stranger that has barely commented on your content in my four or five years of being subscribed to you, I want you to know that I'm proud of you and are rooting for you. Please take your time getting back into UA-cam, there'll still be people here when you're really and truly ready to come back. All the best in your recovery, gorgeous. 💛
What you wrote is so raw, beautiful, and sad all at the same time. I'm thankful to be subscribed to someone that isn't afraid to show their flaws. I'm sorry you've been dealing with so much but I have full faith in you. You're not "just another UA-camr" and I genuinely feel you're here to stay and make your mark on the world. Stay positive. ❤
Alison, you inspired me the moment I saw your videos. The tape trick to get a clean cut, I litterally learned from you. (even though everyone does it) to experiment outside of the box with makeup and feel confident. Even though the struggles you go through now seem so hard just know you are still inspiring me to be strong. whatever hits you in the fucking face. just to be standing and breathing of what you went though is true courage. I hope you read this. hope you find happiness. I won't be unsubscribing ever because I know that gives you hope. you're a brave, encouraging. wonderful woman. stay stong and I will be right here supporting you though it all.
I started following you when I was 12, and currently I'm a month from turning 19 and I just wanted to say that I will always support you send as many good vibes as I can your way. You deserve peace of mind and happiness, and I'm so proud of you for having the courage to continue to fight for yourself. You're so strong and you inspire me to continue to fight for myself each day. You always showed me there's no cap on growing and learning, changing is always happening. I hope everything gets better for you, you're worth it! Stay strong we will always be here for you ❤️❤️❤️
I read your blog post and I am happy things are getting better and that you reached out for help and seeking treatment. I too went through a dark period where I was suicidal and not working/going to school. It was hard getting out of that hole but I did. You can to. My advice is to not only continue UA-cam but go out into the world with your life of makeup. You are really talented and I think you would be a great makeup artist for weddings and proms ect. That would be an added source of income in addition to UA-cam that you could sustain long term! I also feel like being around people can help you feel less depressed. Rather then being alone all the time. You will get there just take baby steps. These things take time.
Julie Diana that's great advice. And I totally agree, being alone with yourself can be dangerous and unhealthy sometimes. You're stuck with your thoughts and human interactions really help you to get out of your head for a little.
yes and you start to feel more alone and depressed. Iv'e been there. Thats why youtube on it's own wouldn't be a good option for ppl prone to depression.
I've been a silent watcher of yours for a while, and I never comment on videos. You are so brave and strong for opening up your soul to the world and sharing what you have so far. I will always tune in when I see you have new videos and that won't end. Do what you have to do for yourself. Take as much time as you need. I'll be thinking of you! I've always been so inspired by you and other UA-camrs to start my own videos but the dark hole you can get sucked into on this platform truly a little scary. sending you love and light my friend
You are STILL one of my favorite UA-camrs! You are so talented and I often looked to your tutorials to create beautiful makeup looks. No one is perfect and through struggle, comes strength. Keep up the great work! You have so much to give the world. :)
so so so proud of you sweet girl. thank you for sharing your growth with us and growing in confidence in who you are. its so easy to stay in our damaging routines and it takes a huge amount of effort to make positive change. I know how incredibly trying that is and its incredible to see you glowing and stable and healthy again. stay gold. you're awesome. ❤
Alison,
Focus on your journey. Do not let the thoughts of others navigate your self discovery. You are in a place now where you can let spring in and feel change and growth. Like a new blossoming bush, we would never expect the same rose every year. Evolution is beautiful. Growth is uncomfortable but the end result is worth it. I hope one day not too far off you are able to look back and see what that growth looks like. I hope your discovery comes peacefully.
All the best Alison,
Allie
I couldn't really care less about the amount of videos and makeup tutorials you're posting. I care that you're taking care of yourself. I love you, glad you're "well" haha and I hope you only continue to improve. Do what's right for you and for your journey. 🐋💕
You're absolutely amazing and so brave, thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. I can relate a little too well, but know that you're not alone in this world. I'm just happy you got the help that you needed, I look forward to the return of your tutorials/videos & I'll be thinking of you daily ♡
I just finished reading your blog post! So heartbreaking, I truly hope you get better soon! I've missed you, but take time to concentrate on yourself it's the best thing you can do! Love you so much ❤
I just read your blog post and I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed at the age of 12 (I'm 27 now) & I can tell you that the longer you work on managing it the better it gets. It still sucks and I wish I could tell you that it goes away but it doesn't and it's something that I constantly explain to my friends/family/etc. what it is and how much emotional stress it puts me through along with my other disorders but what I can tell you is it does get easier... it does get better... it won't always feel like it's controlling your life & when bad days come around (and they do) you'll be able to handle it like a pro.
We give a shit. We care. We love you back.
Thank you for your incredible blog post! I can relate to you on many points. I've been following you for so long and even though I know you won't be reading this for a while you just have to know that we care about you. It's good to know that you are getting the tools that can help you try to overcome this. I applaud you for taking the time to just be you, take however long you need. You are amazing Allison, and I can't wait to see you make your comeback! We are all here when you are ready! Love you!
Alison!!! I'm so proud of you for putting this out there. I read your blog post and I wish you nothing but the best.. I want to see you succeed and win! It is such a personal thing to deal with and I hope you hear the positive messages from thousands of your friends family and FANS. Life is a learning process and everyday is a new day. Take it one day at a time, but just KEEP MOVING FORWARD! You have to be happy in this life and you are meant to be just that. You deserve the world. I've watched you for years and it breaks my heart that you have been through what you have.. and I will watch you come out on top! I know you will! JUST HERE TO SPREAD LOVE, PEACE, AND POSITIVITY! Keep up the therapy and do what helps YOU. This is YOUR life and YOU come first. LOVE LOVE LOVE!! -a fan who believes in your happiness
Your bare face looks sooooo beautiful
Okay. This was heavy. I am off now, setting my computer on a loop of all your videos trying to get you some more views.
Sending you love and support from the other side of the world.
Alison, I've been with you since you've had 22k. I just want to say I love you and will always support you. find yourself, love yourself, take all the time you need. It was nice seeing your beautiful face! I wish you all the best, love
Stay strong !! I just read your post and though I don't know you personally, your UA-cam family is always here for you! That was incredibly brave for you to let us into your life. A lot of people give a glimpse of themselves which usually is the happy glam side but to see this side is very eye opening. Be strong and power through this!!!!
Hey beautiful, I know that you're struggling. I am so proud of you. Doing this was a huge milestone for you. Keep your head up darling. You are much stronger than you think, I promise. Forever a loyal follower. ❤️
is anyone subscribed to liz meghan I heart makeup ?? she's been gone for a couple months too and has some of the same problems. she hasn't posted anything anywhere :/
Solana Munoz this reminded me of liz
Solana Munoz I hope they both stay off UA-cam I think it's not healthy for them and they are in a sensitive state and need to focus on them, so sad seeing people struggle 😔🖤
Ugh I know so sad! :(
i miss her too!
The NZ you tuber?
I want to say that I admire you because of how brave you are for telling us about your life. Keep going girl! You're strong and I'm so happy that you're feeling hope. Blessing during this process.
Just wanted to say I read your whole blog post and wish you peace, happiness, strength and clarity on your journey to finding yourself and molding yourself into the person you want to be. ❤️ much love!!
Run. Run your heart out. It's the best from of therapy in the world. Lift weights for stress. Exercise babe. It could really help you. It helped me with my anxiety and depression. Run until you can't run anymore!
Didn't even recognize her
I read your entire blog and I just wanna say that you're so fucking strong. To go through what you have and to still have hope and feel inspired and have positivity is incredible and inspiring. I wish the best for you and that you find happiness because you deserve it.
sending u love and healing thoughts and hopes 💗 thank u for being so honest i really appreciate, im really sorry for everything you've gone through, i hope u continue to heal and learn so u can come back as a new healthy and happy you. i'm proud of u for overcoming your anxiety to post this and your blog post :,) thanks for keeping us all updated with the ferret snaps, i love them hahah
ily always. ♥️
OMG I couldn't recognize her when I saw her in my subscriptions
Just finished reading your blog!! Thank you for much for sharing it must have been hard to write about it. I will be waiting for your videos when your ready to post them. Good luck with everything you are doing. Your very strong!!
For you to share all of that is so immensely brave. It's also so inspiring to me who has been through something similar and trying to get myself back on my feet. I'm so, so happy that you have been receiving help, you deserve the world and more. Take as much time as you need, and look after yourself.
Ps, your hair is wonderful
I didn't even recognize you, holy crap. You look so different 😱❤
Life is hard, you are right and Everyone handles things differently. Never give up. ❤️ Sending happy thoughts.
Been hoping that everything was ok. Glad you are getting better and hope that the road to recovery becomes easier....your blog and that you put yourself out there like that is inspiring. Keep up the work....we love you!
Keep your head up girl..we all have our own struggles and it takes lots of strength to put your story out there and let people know what you're going through so people who relate can understand that it's okay to go get help and fight your inner demons.. you're a true inspiration and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who gets in my own head while trying to make it seem as though everything is okay. But it's even more comforting to know that when we put our minds to something we can truly better ourselves. You really seem to be doing better .. soso proud of you 💕
i think she lost a lot of weight. I hope she's alright ❤
I think it's funny all the comments saying she needs to leave UA-cam cause her heart is not in it. It's HER channel. She doesn't need comments telling her what you think she should do. If you are sick of it, instead of complaining, there is a very simple option. Unfollow and go follow Glamlifeguru. She posts makeup videos 5 days a week. Get your fix somewhere else. I am happy that Alison is getting healthy and will do what is best for her. It really is pathetic to leave nasty comments over her not posting about makeup.
Sending all the good vibes your way💜 so happy to see you've found the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing through!!
You are a blessing to all those who are around you both virtually and physically. You are an amazing individual and I have so much respect for you. Being able to be as vulnerable as you have been is truly an inspiring thing. The road you have traveled to get to where you are would be hard for even those who think they are strong. You are amazing my friend.
Wow!! You're so naturally beautiful!!
I hope she doesn't come back to UA-cam just for income.. it's all about the passion and love behind it, and I don't think she sees herself doing it anymore.
go read her blog post. she explains it all there and she might surprise you.
I obviously did read it.
Maria Lipson she mentions she wants to come back for other reasons besides income
i read her blog post. thats why she wasnt making videos because she said she was never happy with the content she made and just didnt love making youtube videos anymore. shes going through some pretty rough shit rightnow something i wish upon no one to go threw. but shes getting better everyday and ive very glad because i dont want her to be another person that lets their mental illness get the better of them, its nothing to fuck around with. im just very happy she said shes feeling better and has found things to help her improve and keep her sane. sorry for my rant ive been subscribed to her for a longgggg time and have watched her change, i just really wish the best for her from here on.
.
Incredible post, Alison. Thank you for sharing. I'm wishing you strength on your journey! Life and our minds are fucking crazy, so much more so than anyone gives credit. Take as much time as you need and don't worry what others might say or think. Ultimately, you're the only one with the perspective you have. Do what is best for you. Much love! ❤️
Reading your blog post and I just want to hug you! So proud of you for doing what feels right for YOU. Thats what matters. Keep going girl, we love to watch you grow!
be positive and stay beautiful! Jeremiah 29:11" for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." you got this girl. I can't say I know what your going through but I'll definitely be praying! keep that beautiful head high. I know you said you were having spiritual reasoning but in doubt I always give my worries and problems to the Lord. it may not make sense now but we will see later. There's a bigger picture and maybe this is your new platform. maybe this is what needs to be talked about. it shouldn't be a hushed topic. you are so strong and I'm proud of you for writing all of it out! one of my really good friends Stephanie Nance wrote a book called "Balance of Control" it's on Amazon. She went through a similar situation and it's all about balance and finding your happy medium. you are cared about and you are loved!
Lauren Whitehead amen 🤗 love Jeremiah 29:11 God will turn her pain into her testimony
Were here for you Alison. I have prayed for you and your struggles many times and will continue to. ( not just saying that)
And although your relationship with Christ is not really in play now, understand how much He loves you and that he is ALWAYS there for you. He never expects perfection from us, only us. The greatest thing about a relationship with Christ is that we don't have to deal with things alone. Lean on Him and throw up your worries and anxieties to him. That helps me knowing I can do that.
Take care Alison! We love you! ❤️ keep getting better!
I couldn't agree more. Being a Jesus follower isn't a part time job, and it sure as heck isn't an easy one either. I believe that the biggest struggles come upon the strongest people; you are one the stronger people Alison. Seeing that you are on here, sharing your life, whether it is in a happy place or a sad. It's truly inspiring. We know that you and Jesus aren't meeting half way right now, but he will always be in the same place he was before. We love you bunches, and do what makes you happy (that goes for the content of your videos as well, I know that a bunch of us will stay, just so that we can stick with you gorgeous). Heaps of love and prayers are going your way!!! xx
She doesn't need prayer... If prayer was something that worked like a mailing service, there would be no starving children in this world... Telling Alison to depend on Jesus to help with her mental illness is about as effective as giving her a watermelon and telling her that it is magic. Religion is partly to blame for what she is going through - so I heed caution in perpetuating it.
Emily I couldn't have put it better myself!
You're right, prayers can't solve her problem (the main reason is that she is unable to believe in God) but who has enough strength to truly be a Christian is free to show his/her support. She had a big crisis and she can't recognize her self anymore. Religion was only one of her references. All of them vanished. I think she will be happy just seeing that, even in a long time, there are people who care about her and that are hoping she will get better soon. Ps. Sorry for my bad English.
This was a video about mental health and getting better, do not down someone elses beliefs just because they aren't the same as your own. Just because you don't believe in prayer or God doesn't mean other people don't and they can't express their concern or beliefs for Allison the way they choose. We are all here to support her and be as understanding as we can, other people have different ways of showing that.
I just read your blog post, thank you for sharing. You're a beautiful, strong person and you have so many people rooting for you, including myself. ❤
I just finished your blog post... and i just want to say ill be sending positive vibes your way. I know you will find it in you to put up some amazing content in the future. I never stopped following you for a reason! You're an amazing artist and person. I cant wait to see what you have to show the world! Stay positive love 💙
Alison I know you are not Christian anymore but I prayed that you would see and answer back this comment.You should listen to the song (thy will be done -Hillary Scott) listen to the whole thing.My sister suffers with the same thing that you do and this song helped her I hope it can help you-sincerely Hayley❤️
Hayley Q that song is great!
What you need is Jesus Christ he is the cure for all your problems !!!
Girl meets Glam ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Did you ever really listen, did you ever read her blog post? Just stop!
Very glad to see your face again!!! Happy you are on a brighter path. Loved your blog. So raw and so so real...
I am so happy I read what you wrote. You may not see this but I connected with you on such a deep level. Everything you said made sense. Especially trying to make every sentence perfect and true. The reliance on weed is something I deal with to help my depression and anxiety. That dark hole.. I've been there so many times. Every mood stabilizer I've tried and don't want to be reliant on them. I'm so happy to find someone else is also on this journey to find happiness. Not happy that you are going through this but happy that you put it out there and if anything you touched me by your words. Thank you ❤
I went and read your blog post ♡ I had a spiritual awakening last year and I completely understand the guilt and confusion that comes with changing or even questioning your faith. As far as the other stuff, I habe no way to relate or remotely comprehend what you're going through, BUT I hope you get better. I hope you keep moving forward with this positive direction you seem to be moving in ♡ I look forward to seeing your videos in the future ♡ blessed be
I read this & it made me cry. Ive been subscribed to you for sooooo long!!! I loce yoy Alison, you will never see yourself the way others do. We know you're strong!!! You are beautiful, please know you are extremely beautiful & so loved. 💘💘💘💘 I hope you feel better. Sending positive vibes your way love!!!!!! 💞💞💞💞
hope you get better soon! I read your tumbler and it makes me sad to know how much pain you are in. but glad your getting the help you need. you were my first youtuber i ever watched, and i will be happy when you come back happy and better. best of luck to you! ♡
I love you and your blog post was an amazing read. You're extraordinary and I'm so happy and proud of how far you've come. You are an inspirational person for so many, and you have such an important message. I'm glad you're finally getting better, love you lots
Reading that blog almost made me cry. I relate to it in some ways that I won't get into, but it's comforting knowing someone out there is going through some of the same things as me and is finally seeing the light. It keeps me motivated to stay alive and wait and have patience for the better days to come. Thank you for sharing your story, it truly touched my heart, and I'll never forget about you. You are a beautiful and strong person. Please, never give up. ❤️
I read your blog and it touched my heart. I couldn't imagine how hard this is for you . I hope one day you find peace and happiness. You are so strong and brave opening up to the world. 💛 I know this will help others out there going through the same or maybe similar. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I wouldn't wish this upon anybody.
Just know we're here for you and we want you to take good care of yourself first and take all the time you need!
Love you💛
I'm excited for your future too. I'm so happy for you that you're finding yourself again, and social media can make that hard. I've followed you for a while now, and you actually taught me how to do my makeup. I'm happy to watch your videos, but I think it's more important to know you're living a life that makes YOU happy. I don't feel like you owe us anything, because you've already given this channel so much. you're amazing. it's hard to put out there things that are so personal, but you did it. I know I'm one of many of your subscribers who just want you to do what makes you happy. We love you!
Your strength is so inspiring. I struggle from both mental illness and addiction and I know how hard and life-consuming it can be, especially when one is interchangeable with the other. You have a voice like no other through social media and it's so inspiring that you're courageous enough to speak out to all 873,000+ followers of yours. You go girl! 873,000+ people have your back.
Your blog was beautifully written. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you and still is like for you. I'm happy you are getting help and finding yourself and what makes you happy! I will patiently what to see your beautiful face pop up in my subscription box and happily watch whatever you post! Continue to heal yourself, find yourself so you can live in this world happily and not waste the time you have here! Sending love and we'll wishes to you 😘 You sharing your story with us is very brave and will help someone that is going through the same things that you are and that's pretty amazing in its self!
I think you are amazing and have a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing what you have been going through. I love your raw honesty and believe it will touch so many lives. I know everybody's journey is different but I can relate to a big portion of yours. Bless you sweet Alison. I look forward to any content you decide to come back with. ❤🌼
You are perfect! You mentioned ted talks & "self help" books being your outlet & that is so healthy & you have to find an outlet that works best for you when you have no where to turn
I believe you are one of the best makeup artists on UA-cam! I really feel that bc you are SO talented & was the reason why I followed you. Even w all the people on UA-cam in 2017 you are still one of my favorites that I believe to be the best & most talented makeup artist
Stay strong, happiness & your life is worth so much more than what you have been dealing w
I just read your blog post. I am so sorry that you've been going through all that. I've (for the most part) come through my darkest days and know that battle way too well. I've watched your channel for years and have always loved your content, sponsored or not. I'm thankful that you're doing better, because I would love to see more videos from you, but at your time and pace. Keep up the amazing work, you're doing great! Much love from an og subscriber from Australia 💜
Alison, you were the first beauty UA-camr I ever subscribed to and the first video of yours I watched was you helping your "sister" Shmalison on how not to get ready for a date. I laughed and laughed at your humor and your silliness and confidence and from that day on I was hooked. I watch your videos over and over again because I love your presence, your energy, and you, and it rips my heart in half to see such a beautiful soul so crushed by her own mind. You aren't just another UA-camr to me and I sincerely hope you know that. Myself as well as so many others love you and support you and yearn for you to find yourself again wholly so that you can love yourself as much as we do. I'm overjoyed to see you taking these beautiful positive steps in a brighter direction and I cannot wait to see the magic that you will continue to create for us from here on out. ♥️
Your blog post was the realist and most beautiful thing I've read in a long time. I could go on and on about how much courage you have for telling your story, and how I hope your story will help so many other people. If you post anything else from here on out, all I want is videos of your pets 💜 especially your ferrets. I know one of them was sick recently, so I hope that ferret is ok 😓
I applaud you for being so open. People can be cruel and if you don't deal with it, mental illness is hard to understand. You're an inspiration and i look forward to following your journey. I struggle with mental illness and its nice to know i'm not alone. Sending positive vibes your way. You got this!!!
Wow. I am so sorry for the struggles you have been going through. Ive suffered from depression throughout my life, feeling lonely and trying to harm myself years back. Its the worst feeling. I am one of your subscribers who 100% understands what you are feeling and why you havent been posting, why u did post and what u posted. I support you all the way. I know what that feels like and I am so proud of u for going 7hrs a day to get better. That's amazing. You should definitely be proud of urself hunny. I love u girl and just know that things get better even when they feel the absolute WORST! I love u and I am so ready for you to upload again, when YOU are ready. Will definitely pray for you, xo
Thank you so much for writing that. You have reached many people, including myself and it is comforting to know I am not the only one. I began hurting myself in December and luckily got the help I needed from my family. I as well think I have BPD and so I understand where your head is at. I fortunately find great comfort and happiness in filming but if you need time and a break then of course that's what you should do! Thank you for sharing the extremely personal story, I know it has given me some hope that I will find the help I need and that there are some people out there who will understand me (it always feel like no one does). Thinking about you and hoping you find your inner peace 💓
i am honestly so so proud of you. i have been to a similar place as this and i'm just so proud, this took so much courage and i genuinely want to say it hit me in such a way, you put your words so beautifully and i just can't wait to see what you have in store because it will be amazing and you will be able to see your growth and it will be great. ily 💗
coming from a similar place, i know how hard it is, thank you for being strong enough to tell your story. it helps knowing other people deal with the same problems. i know it doesn't mean much, but I'm proud of you. I'll keep supporting you and watching you succeed and overcome all your problems. much love
Just want to say you're an strong brave beautiful person. I admire your bravery for posting your post. Your post made me realize that I need to get better treatment for my severely depression and to get tested out on more stuff because your post basically describe how I'm feeling lately. Thank you so much for posting and inspiring when you didn't intend too. Sending positive vibes your way and if you ever need to talk about your problems or anything we are all here for you, especially me since I know how it is !
Your my favorite girl. Stay strong I hope you get through this!!! We all love you here and we miss you. I always love your videos you're so beautiful and honest 💗
thank you so much for telling your story!! i too have a debilitating mental illness that consumes my life!! how brave of you to share your story!! you are beautiful and strong and extremely talented. you are probably my favorite you tube makeup channel!! im so glad you got the diagnosis and the right treatment. our brains can really fuck us up!! anyway, love to you honey!! im sure im not alone in saying we will support you!! take your time in healing! life IS so fucking hard!!!!! you got this!! lots of love❤️
your health is way more important than any of us! i truly love u, been a fan for many years, stay strong & healthy❤
As someone who's struggled with mental illness for years I understand you. If I can give you any advice it is to stay busy. Nothing is worse than being alone and stuck in your mind keep a strictly routine and spend some of your day outside. It makes a world of difference
I just read your blog post and I am crying. I'm sorry I'm not the type of fan to check up on UA-camrs, and I'm sorry. I always felt that sitting back enjoying their content, supporting them when they had collabs that interested me, and letting them just live their life was adequate. however I'm now realizing that sometimes that is perfectly adequate but sometimes that will fall short. This is a big crazy world and sometimes all it takes is one small gesture to help brighten someone's day. I wish you all the best and I wish that you would let me know what I can do for you. Even if it does end up just being the silent loyal supporter who will be here when you post months after not posting. Take your time and make sure you're focusing on you. I love you Allison and I wish you all the best and I always have.
Just read your blog post & I've been feeling the same way so I'm incredibly inspired by how you pushed back against your mental illness & continue to fight against it! You're awesome 😊
I just read your entire blog post and I'm so proud of you for making this video. You're so immensely brave and I love you so much. Take however much time you need.
Congratulations on getting help! When I went to a psych hospital, it's a day I now celebrate every year for bringing light to my life. There is seriously like an 18 month period of which I don't remember because I was just living in a world that was grey and the only way to escape it was sleep. Continue the good work and be proud of how far you've come.
I had a time in my life where I was cutting and I hated myself. I am so proud of you for overcoming your struggles. You have so much support and love, and I truly hope you can start making videos that you genuinely enjoy creating. We love you so much and are all here for you😊❤
your post its just hard.. I'm so sorry for all the shit that you've been through.. I'm happy you're alive and trying and fighting to be happy . So much love from Spain, love you with all my soul💚
I started watching you in 2014. You were the one who introduced me to the makeup/beautyguru world. And I binge watched everyone of your videos on all 3 of your UA-cam channels lol. I followed your tumblrs, and IG, and even as I started diving down the beauty guru rabbit hole, you were ALWAYS my favorite and I ALWAYS loved you and your videos the most. A huge part of me felt like you and I had SOOOO much in common and a big part of me felt it was because we're both Cancers.. lol, but honestly Alison after reading your blog post and keeping up with you these past years, I always knew we related in THAT way too. Reading your blog post reminds me soooooo much of many similar things I've gone through as well, and honestly the point is: I'm proud of you, I'm happy for you, I'm praying for you, and have nothing but love and respect for your beautiful soul. Mental illness is a nasty struggle, I know it firsthand and I've dealt recently with my mom trying to commit suicide because of her own struggles with it as well. She is alive and literally transforming before my eyes and her medical miracle is the reason I finally found God. Because I know there's no doubt in my mind He's the reason she's alive, but my point in saying this is also because I know too what it's like to go into that existential crisis when dealing with pressure of being a "good Christian" on top of life and mental illness. So trust me Alison, I get you so much it's scary.. but that's why I'm soooooo happy to see everytime you post a video, or a snap or a tumblr post. You're staying alive, you're fighting the fight. Just hang in there love have faith and listen to your heart. You have a lot of people who love you. You always will 😘
Always gonna be here for you no matter what! You're the best Alison and we love you!! Xoxo
i hope more than anything that you can be at the most peace possible with yourself and your struggles. thank you for sharing your story even though you never had to, i couldn't begin to imagine how nerve wracking it had to be for you. but with that being said, i hope you realize how loud your voice is for people suffering from mental illness whose voices are too soft to be heard. your story spoke volumes about the strength you obtain as a human being and i could not be more proud, not even just as an outsider getting just a small glimpse in, but just proud of you and what you overcome on a daily basis. even half a step in the right direction is progress, even if it took a month to take half a step. bless you, truly. all my love xx
Alison, I read your blog post and I am absolutely blown away. You've been through some shit and its so inspiring to see you overcoming it. You are a very strong women and I only wish the best for you. I hope this is the beginning of something great, you deserve the best.
I love you Allison, you were the first beauty blogger I ever subscribed to and watched, I will 100% always be here for you and stand right by you. You have been an inspiration to me for years and still continue to be someone I look up to❤
sending you so so so much LOVE for your journey and for your immense courage for sharing. i dont know you personally but have been here for years, you are a beautiful unique soul and have so much light in you. keep doing what you gotta do girlfriend, you have got this!