50 MORE JOKES in FOUR MINUTES

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  • Опубліковано 26 жов 2024
  • In which Hank tells jokes, a lot of them, in as little time as possible.
    Also...I'm living in a hotel room.
    HERE ARE A LOT OF LINKS TO NERDFIGHTASTIC THINGS:
    Shirts and Stuff: dftba.com/artis...
    Hank's Music: dftba.com/artis...
    John's Books: amzn.to/j3LYqo
    ======================
    Hank's Twitter: / hankgreen
    Hank's Facebook: / hankimon
    Hank's tumblr: / edwardspoonhands
    John's Twitter: / realjohngreen
    John's Facebook: / johngreenfans
    John's tumblr: / fishingboatproceeds
    ======================
    Other Channels
    Crash Course: / crashcourse
    SciShow: / scishow
    Gaming: / hankgames
    VidCon: / vidcon
    Hank's Channel: / hankschannel
    Truth or Fail: / truthorfail
    ======================
    Nerdfighteria
    effyeahnerdfigh...
    effyeahnerdfigh...
    / nerdfighters
    nerdfighteria.i...
    A Bunny
    (\(\
    ( - -)
    ((') (')

КОМЕНТАРІ • 3,7 тис.

  • @jaspercheeto7959
    @jaspercheeto7959 7 років тому +47

    He's so precious can I keep him

  • @AustinNebbia
    @AustinNebbia 10 років тому +32

    Oh God, it's been 4 years and the Mickey Mouse one still gets me every time.

  • @proefslak
    @proefslak 8 років тому +205

    Knock.
    Knock.
    Knock knock.
    Knock knock knock.
    Knock knock knock knock knock.
    Who's there?
    -Fibonacci

  • @alexaliona
    @alexaliona 10 років тому +47

    Here's one: Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? because all they said was "Bach, Bach, Bach"

  • @ShrubRustle
    @ShrubRustle 10 років тому +99

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
    Um, a boomerang, you just threw it wrong.

  • @jessiebeaver2875
    @jessiebeaver2875 10 років тому +70

    If George Washington was alive today, what do you think he would say?
    SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THIS CASKET!!!

    • @68corvette08
      @68corvette08 3 роки тому +3

      A better punchline would be "Does anyone have a shovel"?

  • @matbluvenger
    @matbluvenger 11 років тому +21

    Continuing my pilgrimage. My favorites in this set of jokes:
    9 is awesome, mostly due to Hanks Mickey impression.
    31 made me do a spit-take.
    42 because it's hilarious and... ya know... 42...
    46 due to the accuracy
    48 is a great spin on a classic that had me laughing to hard I had to pause the video.

  • @funnelwebgamer3353
    @funnelwebgamer3353 8 років тому +25

    2 Irish, a Canadian, 4 Greeks, a Malaysian, half of the population of the UK, an Egyptian, 9 Austrians, a Chinese businessman and 3 Americans walk into a high end restaurant. The maitre d refused them entrance. He said, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

    • @Geometroid1
      @Geometroid1 8 років тому

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... that may be the funniest joke on here

    • @Geometroid1
      @Geometroid1 8 років тому +1

      They can't get in without a "tie".. like a cravat

  • @nerdsshalldominate
    @nerdsshalldominate 10 років тому +161

    that mickey mouse voice was impressive.

    • @Beacuzz
      @Beacuzz 10 років тому +5

      It is still one of my favorites!

  • @Boggedchesties
    @Boggedchesties 9 років тому +62

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Doctor.
    Doctor Who?
    I am the best at puns.

  • @dylansullivan380
    @dylansullivan380 4 роки тому +4

    I love coming back to these videos after 10 years and finally getting all of them

  • @cdavid2200
    @cdavid2200 9 років тому +66

    "The calendar's days are numbered"
    Me-well yeah obviously...OH MY GOD!

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      +TGL SuperStarMan ?

    • @cdavid2200
      @cdavid2200 8 років тому

      Shadow Dragon 1056 Basically it took me while to get the joke.

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      what is the joke?!

    • @cdavid2200
      @cdavid2200 8 років тому

      Shadow Dragon 1056 They are numbered, (first, second third, etc...) and the expression "your days are numbered"' means your days will end.

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      still dont get it

  • @unecomedy13
    @unecomedy13 10 років тому +26

    What do you call a broken window you need to fix?
    A pane.

  • @coldbrrains
    @coldbrrains 9 років тому +45

    What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
    Dr. Dre
    That joke killed me. XD

    • @alwinpriven2400
      @alwinpriven2400 8 років тому

      +IncredibleChris can you explain?

    • @coldbrrains
      @coldbrrains 8 років тому

      +Alwin Priven Dr. Dre and and Snoop Dogg are both rappers and have made multiple songs together. Which would mean that they rap (or "rhyme") together. And Dr. Dre is black, or in this case brown. The joke is obviously trying to get you to think the answer is poop.

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      +IncredibleChris oh XD that is so funny

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      +IncredibleChris and ty

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      ***** ?

  • @kikibirdball
    @kikibirdball Рік тому +1

    I can't tell y'all how many times ive come back to rewatch this video when im sad. Look at baby Hank! Sending love ❤️

  • @cruznunez9981
    @cruznunez9981 9 років тому +31

    What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?
    AN UDDER FAILURE! (heheheh, udder, utter?)

  • @EREJones
    @EREJones 10 років тому +16

    He actually mentioned Wales! Still getting over that.

  • @jazzaiyana
    @jazzaiyana 10 років тому +5

    I loved 14, 21, 38, and 42
    and your Mickey impression is so spot on! :D

  • @riniilango2355
    @riniilango2355 10 років тому +4

    "Waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup?"
    "I think it's the backstroke, sir."

  • @thomthum2000
    @thomthum2000 9 років тому +36

    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    Still no eye deer.

    • @andrewxc1335
      @andrewxc1335 9 років тому +1

      What do you call a deer with no eyes, wearing lifts? (Stilt no-eye deer [note: that's a Massachusetts / New Hampshire back-woods accent])
      What do you call a cow with two legs longer than the others? (Lean beef)
      What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground beef)
      What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your pool? (Bob)
      What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? (Russell)
      What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging in front of your window? (Curt 'n' Rod)

    • @8898samuel
      @8898samuel 9 років тому

      Worthless.

    • @hammah0029
      @hammah0029 9 років тому

      ***** yvonnedesousa.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/8499889901_f81fc65d25_z.jpg

    • @gaminggumball2706
      @gaminggumball2706 9 років тому

      Thomthum2000 actually the joke is. What do you call a deer with no eyes no eyed deer

    • @g59alen72
      @g59alen72 9 років тому

      Hoo dini

  • @DJRAMO4LYF
    @DJRAMO4LYF 10 років тому +6

    was the plum/ elephant one a reference to the first 50 jokes video where you were listing how to kill elephants of different colours and said that there was no such thing as a purple elephant? i read way to much into that, but it is still interesting

  • @markgaarder4571
    @markgaarder4571 10 років тому +20

    37 would have been better if you'd said "only one, but it takes them three seasons"

    • @Kahadi
      @Kahadi 10 років тому +1

      that would be repeating one told in an older video he did ("how many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb? only one, but it takes at least six episodes")

  • @DoubleA1296
    @DoubleA1296 8 років тому +8

    So I'm gonna start off this comment by saying that I had never even known that vlogbrothers existed outside of one of my friends writing in my yearbook my senior year of high school, "DFTBA" and i didn't even know what that meant at the time. (Also knowing that John Green wrote Paper Towns because the movie recently came out.) BUT I was re-watching a CGP Grey video a while back- December 12th around 1:30 a.m. to be exact -about why pennies are useless and at the end of the video he had a link to a video of someone else raging about pennies as well...and it was John Green! I found myself very much liking this style of video and I decided to go to the channel and see what the channel was all about. So I started to watch the story from the Brotherhood 2.0 videos from 2007...and instantly became obsessed with the channel! So I have been watching all of their videos in chronological order and am now at this particular video. I haven't actually watched any other material on this channel yet besides everything else that came before this. (I haven't even touched the newest material from this past year yet.) I am, on average, watching approximately 20-25 videos per day and maybe more if I have some free time. (I'm on winter brake from college so "free time" pretty much means when I'm not working or practicing guitar or reading books.) So yeah! Just thought I'd put this comment on a popular video from the channel and see what happens. I'll comment on videos on occasion as I go along. That's all for now and holy crap I have to pee. Peace out! HOO HAH...NERDFIGHTERS!! (You couldn't see it but I just did the hand gestures right after I typed that.

  • @KartikMokashi
    @KartikMokashi 10 років тому +18

    37-
    Only one but it takes 1 season and Krillin dies.

  • @OlanKenny
    @OlanKenny 10 років тому +20

    What do you call a plastic king? A ruler.

    • @deinemudda6104
      @deinemudda6104 Рік тому

      Where does the king keep his armys?
      Up his sleevies .

  • @Feminismisfornobody
    @Feminismisfornobody 9 років тому +5

    That wales one took me a while... even though i about a 30 minute drive away from it.

  • @Pining_for_the_fjords
    @Pining_for_the_fjords 7 років тому +2

    Two cows are in a field. One says _"Moooooooooo!"_ the other says _"Damn, I was about to say that!"_

  • @NovelsRoses
    @NovelsRoses 7 років тому +4

    21- 24 are the elephant jokes!! they are the best!

  • @Akumu74
    @Akumu74 8 років тому +16

    How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One but it takes 7 episodes.

  • @MaiseNow
    @MaiseNow 2 роки тому

    The "because [they're] DEAD" gets me every time it happens lmfao

  • @zmanrockz6358
    @zmanrockz6358 8 років тому +5

    "No more reading!"
    I died

  • @Lordofzeldafed
    @Lordofzeldafed 10 років тому +3

    hank would make a great dad.

  • @Geometroid1
    @Geometroid1 8 років тому +4

    If the Vlogbrothers started dancing would that be.. Vlogrithms?

  • @Annaie1234
    @Annaie1234 10 років тому +6

    How do you know if you have 4 elephants in your fridge? There's a Mini Cooper out front

  • @AudioMetaphor
    @AudioMetaphor 10 років тому +5

    That Mickey Mouse voice was phenomenal! ^_^

  • @Mac2point1
    @Mac2point1 11 років тому +1

    I laughed all the way through.this guy is very good I love the way he tells them

  • @CarstenSvendsen
    @CarstenSvendsen 10 років тому +23

    Lol, what do you call a fish with no eye?
    Fsh....

    • @The-Athenian
      @The-Athenian 10 років тому +2

      That was my favorte too xD

    • @geraldfrost4710
      @geraldfrost4710 3 роки тому

      What do you call a pig with three eyes?
      A piiig.

  • @chibiprussia5574
    @chibiprussia5574 10 років тому +7

    What's the cheapest meat you can buy?
    Deer balls, they're under a buck

  • @chillsahoy2640
    @chillsahoy2640 8 років тому +3

    Professor Robert Langdon's favorite musical instrument? The cymbals.

  • @youdontneedtoknow8031
    @youdontneedtoknow8031 9 років тому +7

    Have you heard about that new flavour of wine? It's pretty grape

  • @morganfiona8378
    @morganfiona8378 11 років тому +5

    I like Zeno's Paradox, but I only halfway understand

  • @AliztheAwesom1
    @AliztheAwesom1 10 років тому

    oh gosh. You know you're exhausted when 13 is your favorite. i laughed out loud. Literally.

  • @LilyTheSmol
    @LilyTheSmol 8 років тому +6

    Actually it only takes one DBZ character to change a lightbulb, but it'll take 'em four episodes...

  • @allyse9865
    @allyse9865 11 років тому +3

    OVER 9,000!!!

  • @neonrhyme
    @neonrhyme 5 років тому

    Hank, I still tell joke #23 AT LEAST weekly and it is my favorite joke of all time. Thank you.

  • @cinegeekchannel
    @cinegeekchannel 10 років тому +3

    How do you make lady gaga cry?
    ... Pok her face
    xD LAUGHED SO HARD, cause you know... Poker face...

  • @jadehall5856
    @jadehall5856 10 років тому +5

    Old mathmatitions don't die they just loose a few of their functions

  • @DeepFizzyPurple
    @DeepFizzyPurple 10 років тому +1

    after watching three of these i don't know whether to laugh or hit my head against the table.

  • @JoseAlvarez-kz7wu
    @JoseAlvarez-kz7wu 10 років тому +9

    i don't get the footprints in butter thing

  • @bengski68
    @bengski68 8 років тому +4

    An arr-key = anarchy. Took me forever to get it.

    • @trombonedrama
      @trombonedrama 8 років тому

      Thank you so much!

    • @JamesOKeefe-US
      @JamesOKeefe-US 5 років тому

      Thank you, I didn't get it either until your comment :)

  • @alleigh25
    @alleigh25 11 років тому

    At this point, I think the humor in the "because [s]he's dead!" punchline is the fact that Hank has used it about six times.

  • @Reign14forever
    @Reign14forever 8 років тому +6

    We need a joke video hank this world is depressing

  • @Chaoticplushie
    @Chaoticplushie 10 років тому +10

    After the feather and the chicken I was done.

  • @camistired4035
    @camistired4035 11 років тому

    Aha. Oh Hank. You have made my day much better.

  • @Luigiman-rc9fi
    @Luigiman-rc9fi 7 років тому +3

    I'm reading a great book on glue, I just can't put it down.

    • @geraldfrost4710
      @geraldfrost4710 3 роки тому

      I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. i just can't put it down.

  • @JamesDurbin101
    @JamesDurbin101 10 років тому +8

    I was gonna post a vegetable joke but I realized that it was too corny.

  • @ClimbaRock5
    @ClimbaRock5 6 років тому +1

    The joke videos are pure joy

  • @gracesmith3774
    @gracesmith3774 9 років тому +13

    How many calories in Caeser dressing?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    27
    Do yah get it XD
    Because Julius Caeser was stabbed 27 times in the chest

  • @ffionwynjones1153
    @ffionwynjones1153 10 років тому +4

    Thank you!, HANK KNOWS WALES EXISTS
    my faith in americans is restored

  • @katie7739
    @katie7739 11 років тому

    I may be a dork but I laughed for nearly ten minutes after reading this. Thank you

  • @mrbear4111
    @mrbear4111 10 років тому +3

    Ok I got one.... why can't the bicycle stand on its own??..... it was 2 tired!

  • @lordvivec9896
    @lordvivec9896 8 років тому +5

    I had to pause the video and stare at the wall for a second after that Mickey Mouse one....

    • @Shadow_Dragon_1056
      @Shadow_Dragon_1056 8 років тому

      +Lord Vivec well isnt it obvious?
      srsly how did you wonder? meh maybe i am just good at figuring stuff out...

    • @lordvivec9896
      @lordvivec9896 8 років тому +3

      Shadow Dragon 1056
      I wasn't trying to figure it out. It was just so bad (good) that I had to take a break and contemplate life. :p

  • @tonyvalle2310
    @tonyvalle2310 Рік тому +1

    You know what Mrs Lincoln said to Mr Lincoln on that fateful night? It's not gonna kill you to take me to theater is it?

  • @vladtepes97
    @vladtepes97 8 років тому +4

    false advertising: this is only 49 more jokes. you did the "fsh" joke in the other video too.

    • @QweRinatrtY
      @QweRinatrtY 7 років тому +3

      nah, this video is older than the other video

  • @Fahrenheitluverxoxo
    @Fahrenheitluverxoxo 10 років тому +3

    omg the dragon ball z one!

  • @puertorrriquena
    @puertorrriquena 11 років тому

    I loved the stamp one. It's crazy watching the most recent one then watching this one and he's so much younger or maybe just seems that way...

  • @josh18230
    @josh18230 10 років тому +4

    Testicle! Oh...

  • @adammartin703
    @adammartin703 9 років тому +13

    why did the sperm cross the road?
    because i wore the wrong damn socks today.

  • @haeleigh
    @haeleigh 11 років тому +1

    I laughed so hard at the elephant jokes! My favorites were 21-24

  • @starshipjive411
    @starshipjive411 9 років тому +13

    How many DBZ characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1 but it'll take 29 episodes to do it.

    • @syddlinden8966
      @syddlinden8966 8 років тому +1

      This. XD So true. Love that show...

  • @ootorikyouya4170
    @ootorikyouya4170 9 років тому +3

    Try reading this loud and fast
    Eye
    Yamm
    Stew
    Peed

  • @byshannonjames
    @byshannonjames 9 років тому +1

    He made a joke about Wales in this, Hank I love you!

  • @Mc_Vomit
    @Mc_Vomit 11 років тому +1

    I lost it at "Cargo beep beep and run over ALLLL those ether bunnies" xD

  • @amanda-n
    @amanda-n 11 років тому

    You are sooooo adorable, I squeed at the knock-knock jokes.

  • @shamidkpzd
    @shamidkpzd 11 років тому +1

    Minnie's been f*cking Goofy? MY CHILDHOOD IS A LIE.
    Also your Mickey impression was dead on.

  • @gabriellefigueroa-diaz8982
    @gabriellefigueroa-diaz8982 9 років тому

    Number 10 started to make me laugh so hard, that people looked at me like I was crazy.

  • @domsusefulstuff
    @domsusefulstuff 8 років тому

    Lol at the Mickey voice and joke. Bravo!!!

  • @crystalclare1000
    @crystalclare1000 12 років тому

    Your Mickey impression is pretty spot on! lol that's almost wrong!

  • @james-yb5zt
    @james-yb5zt 9 років тому

    I loved them all, but especially #8, #12, and #13.

  • @ArkAngel1i
    @ArkAngel1i 11 років тому

    omg had to pause it because of joke number nine and i woke up my whole family too....totally worth hearin that joke again

  • @kch237
    @kch237 11 років тому +1

    My favorite DBZ joke: "How many DBZ characters does it take to change a light bulb?" "Just one, but it'll take him four episodes".

  • @sarahearl2211
    @sarahearl2211 11 років тому +1

    Love all the elephant jokes :)

  • @deathsheir2035
    @deathsheir2035 11 років тому +2

    "OVER 9000!" But it's going to take them 6 episodes

  • @Bwkjam
    @Bwkjam 12 років тому

    Some of these I have to think about for a second and it's going so fast I can't ha ha.

  • @birthdayparadox6375
    @birthdayparadox6375 11 років тому

    A couple of repeats, Hank...Still awesome.

  • @dt28469
    @dt28469 11 років тому +1

    The dalai lama walks into a pizza shop and orders a pizza. The clerk says, 'what do you want on it', the dalai says 'make me one with everything'.

  • @mgpisces
    @mgpisces 12 років тому +1

    I love your mickey mouse impression!! so great!

  • @evilbabyorphanage11
    @evilbabyorphanage11 11 років тому

    I love easter bunny knock knock jokes. I discovered them a few years ago and... yeah. I'm kinda obsessed with them.

  • @daveteves
    @daveteves 11 років тому

    What's brown and rhymes with Snoop ??
    Pooo..?? ...
    It's Dr. Dre.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I cracked up more than I should have.

  • @puppysfurme
    @puppysfurme 12 років тому

    I love jokes 18-24 because I'm a particular fan of multi-part jokes. :D

  • @Bearsca
    @Bearsca 12 років тому

    Thanks for pointing that out! I hadn't realised it. It at least adds a lot to the joke.

  • @GrenadesandDaisies
    @GrenadesandDaisies 11 років тому +1

    Decartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him, "could I get you something to drink?" Decartes says, "i think... not." Then he disappeared.

  • @nicholascooper945
    @nicholascooper945 8 років тому +1

    *Inhales extremely* AAAAAAASUPERNEWINFECTIOUSSTRAINOFCHRONICRUNNYNOSES!

  • @terrimoore8879
    @terrimoore8879 8 років тому +2

    How can there be 450 thumbs down, this guy is hilarious!! And in a Paris Hilton no less!

  • @jangwoo24
    @jangwoo24 11 років тому

    #30's my fav, couldn't tell it to anyone without bursting into gales of laughter. Also 33-36 were hilarious cuz of how annoyed Hank was.

  • @Guitar1nHand
    @Guitar1nHand 10 років тому

    I love the fact that he not only mentions Wales, but knows how to get there :L :P

  • @blackkittyfreak
    @blackkittyfreak 10 років тому +1

    Awesome Mickey impression!

  • @SaveTheFuture
    @SaveTheFuture 12 років тому

    Wow. That OVER 9,000 really blew me away!

  • @bobsteves9835
    @bobsteves9835 11 років тому +1

    O: Holy cow. Those elephant jokes from the 101 Elephant Jokes book! xD

  • @ZydosTheDrake
    @ZydosTheDrake 12 років тому

    What do punk-rock pirates use to open doors?
    AN-AR-KEY
    Hank.. I love you