How To Deal With a Toxic Family
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- Опубліковано 14 чер 2024
- Do you suspect that you might have toxic family members? Whether it's your parents, your siblings, or your cousins, toxic family members can be anyone in close proximity who has an influence over your physical and emotional space. In this video, we discuss strategies to deal with toxic family members so that you can lead a mentally more stable life.
PLEASE CONSIDER SHARING THIS VIDEO WITH SOMEONE WHO MIGHT NEED IT.
Writer: Daila Ayala
Script Editor: Denise Ding
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Daniela Herrera
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
#howto
REFERENCES:
Campbell, S. (2020, February 28). Do You Have Toxic Family Members? Here Are Some Ways To Deal With Them. Mind Body Green. www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/heres-how-to-deal-with-toxic-family-members
McQueen, J., & Smith, M. W. (2021, April 14). Toxic Family Members: How to Deal With Them. WebMD. www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/handle-toxic-family
Young, K. (2020, August 6). Toxic People: 16 Practical, Powerful Ways to Deal With Them. Hey Sigmund. www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people-16-practical-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-them/
Many of you in our community section requested "HOW TO" videos. This is one of our first to help you overcome problems you may be dealing with. Even though our aim is not to help you solve the problem, but hopefully, these tips can do some good.
Big W
Thank you :)
Thank u i've been dealing with this 😞😔
Thanks for the video 😌
Thank you so much. You guys so amazing. Glad meet u all at 2020!
When I grow up, I will run away from my toxic family and make my dreams come true,
👏❤️
Iv tryed to do that doesn't work out to well family always tries to come and attack you no matter how good you're doing. No matter if you even go to a different country and just say f*** it, they will still try to find out where you live and try to pick at your life to make your life a living hell. I've had this all happen to me. I left Ontario to move to Alberta. I was doing so well making such good money. I had my own house and everything. It took one month for a it to all fall apart. That's how poison my family is now. I'm back at where I was when I was 21 years old and now I hate my life and I don't know where I am going. The only place I do know where I'm going is slowly getting closer to that hole where I'm just going to lay in and not wake up from. And that's sad if you have your life going down that way. It's really sad as I write this. I'm crying because I wish there was somebody there just to show me the light at the end of the tunnel
@@mikemichaelson2929 you will be fine
go and find something motivated you
As you said you make such amount money ,house and Everything.come on So your family is not a big problem.you can fix it and figure out🤩
All the best ❤️ Stay safe
I'm sure you can do it!
“family is supposed to be defined by love and support”
that broke me 💔
Me to
Same here
Same😔
😔😔
same
I can’t wait to be able to financially support myself omg and leave
ong ong my parents divorced but I don't live with either and I live with my grandpa and he has mental problems so I hate my life so much I just wanna move out and start a fresh new life
Same here honestly 😭
Same, fr
Even after that they take money from me and make me feel dependent on them which is very bad
@@spookyypodcasttry your best to hide your money, so you can save up and leave and be free
My parents are VERY good at gas lighting and guilt tripping. My biological mother especially is a professional at manipulation. To the point I had to cut her from my life for the sake of my mental health. My therapist assured me I made the right choice. That my parents behaviour towards me isn't my fault.
You got this!
I'm also studying a certificate on mental health now. Hopefully it'll lead me to become a therapist. One that's affordable to those who struggle with money.
I hope you are doing ok I wish you the best in all you do ❤️🩹
My brother is very annoying, and everyone might say, oh it's just the basics of siblings. It's not. He hits me, raises his voice at me, and acts like he's my dad. I absolutely had when I tell my parents and they just act normal. Do something don't just sit on your "face book". I'm struggling with a very bad brother and you're completely chill about it! Are you serious! Parents are supposed to calm you down. Not ignore you down. It's so irritating when I have to live like that
@@durability. I’m very sorry to hear that :( I hope the best of luck to you I hope everything gets better in time
“D-o-l-l-h-o-u-s-e
I see things that nobody can’t see”
When other people say that your family is nice when behind closed curtains, they show their true colours
melanie 🤎
thanks, now I wanna listen to dollhouse again!
@Gothicmiracle sound like you have my aunt
"Plastic. Go back to being plastic"
When you are forced to or put on a smile and people think life's good, when in reality you want to scream and show their true colors. But sometimes you can't do it on your own
@Gothicmiracle she's manipulative a gossiper to the core She'll talk about people sun up to sun down treats us like shit especially my brother saying his voice is annoying and she hates dealing with children often tell him to shut up been dealing with that since August of last year we finally left may 31st
Here are my tips that works for me
1_just stay away from them and don't be around them and focus on yourself.I promise you will be happier than ever. surround yourself with people you love and they actually care about you.
2_NEVER EVER share your feelings,failures or goals with them.They're gonna use it against you later,shaming you and making fun of you and telling you that you can't achieve those goals so you'll give up.Remember they don't want you to grow and do better than them.
3_If they constantly criticize everything about you don't listen and don't believe them.I swear 100% of what they say is not true at all.They just say those things to make you feel bad and lower your self esteem and confidence so they'll feel better about themselves.
Thanks for this
for tips #1 (from personal experience), i did stay away from my dad, it just made sense to me to just do as little interaction as possible w him. but he usually just force himself in my personal space, like barging in my room not knocking. other than that, there have been 2 times where he would try to argue w me on why im so close w my aunts or uncles and not w him, reasoning that he's my dad and he should be closer w me than the others. he's so frustrating. any tips for this??
@@jyoxyzlook up: “narcissistic dad/men and how to deal with them” trust me he sounds like a typical narcissist!
Hi pls reply to this ur third point is correct however my grandmother has successfully with using this *ucking thing persuaded my father to 2 marriage pls tell what should i do i am 17 cannot have bank account no one can help society is toxic also
@@SurveyCorps-zs8dh Hi
It's really hard to evaluate someone's situation and give advice to them but I try my best.
Well I'm so sorry for what you're going through specially at this young age. I'm sure this situation is really having a bad effect on your life and you might feel very angry and just confused because you're really young and don't know what to do.
I think if your grandmother is controlling and you're father is making decisions based on her that could be really hard for you because you can't control what they do. If you can't change their mind and they don't listen to you all you can do is enduring.
I recommend you to start trying to be independent as a person specially financially and just in general. Start doing things that will help you make money in the future and pursue your own career because the only way to stay away from a toxic family is to be financially independent.
Do things that will help you grow as a person like exercising,reading and healthy relationships. These are gonna give you power.
I highly recommend going to therapy. It's unbelievably helpful and it's going to change your life forever. A good therapist can help you navigate your life in complicated family situations like this.
My dad passed away last May. We didn't have the typical father son relationship but I took care of him. I felt bad but losing him didn't hurt me as much as I thought it would. I just lived through the toxicity.
Wow. My condolences
Sorry for your loss.. I'm happy now that you have the space for yourself and your own growth.
RIP to him, the feeling much be confusing. Bless your heart
same situation, sorry for your loss. It’s just hard to accept we won’t have any type of relationship and the way he passed
Finally you are free and get to move on. Condolences and Congrats. Your life has just begun. Stay beastly.
My best advice is, if the toxicity is bad enough (maybe even illegal), it's better to shed tears from walking away than it is to bear scars from sticking around. And that comes from personal experience
Waiting till you're old enough to move out can harden you to where you inadvertently stick around longer. Just speaking from personal experience though
True
Same here. I gave up. Dad's not worth my tears!(though he's the cause of my tears!)
the sad thing is i keep arguing and justifying myself in the hopes of them realizing the error of their ways. it sucks because i should know the consequences of my choices given i graduated in psychology and should be able to predict what they'll do. it's funny because i always get gaslit in return. the inner child in me keeps wanting to go to them hoping for change but recently i've been starting to understand and that the better choice is to set my boundaries and leave.
So proud of you for that first step. You got this. There's a life after them and that's with the chosen family, friends that become part of u along the way
so true , i feel like i have graduated in psychology without having a degree because I can predict how they would react! SO SCARY.
@@rittss99 you don't even need the degree to know what they're up to because all of what they try to gaslight and guilt trip us with is just one script built on deception and manipulation. it gets pretty boring in the long run right?
Hector you were behaving rationally to an irrational situation. Setting boundaries is hard but so worth it
@@hectorsumaoang2320 I dont know they love me but their inner demons.. they do such things which they even do not understand that those things screw me up.
Having a toxic father has made me toxic myself without realizing.
I hope you're doing better now
Im have my Toxic father ruined the family member.
We must be better than that. The fact that you can admit that already makes you better than him.
Me also.. My lovely dad is one. He actually spoilt most of my targets, specifically related to my career. But I can't keep blaming him. There will be some points in every problem, in how to deal with it. The point is we have to be empathetic towards ourselves and learn what to do. But tackling a complex pathological- any type of- narcissists will be exhausting. You will never have peace of mind. You will never cease thinking about ways to deal. At some times you lose your cool. You react.
With narcissistic people, anything is a problem.😮🤦♀️
I'm not toxic, but I am not taking the blame for his being an asshole!
We have every right to protect ourselves from those who manipulate and emotionally abuse us. At one point we loved our toxic family members and wanted them in our lives more than anything else. Yet at too many points in time, we sacrificed our happiness to serve theirs, shut our mouths when we desperately wanted to speak up, and did what they wanted because doing that was easier than dealing with their drama. We must understand that our toxic family members have simply walked us to the door we're now choosing to shut.
Oh my God, you said it better. That's how I feel exactly. They even have the audacity to pretend they care as if they're sorry but not ready to change. Fucked up people for a family. I don't count them in my life anymore, they're just like any stranger I say hello to, and then goodbye.
Ain't that the truth! !
Well said!
The first sentence is especially true. The oppressed do indeed have the rights to heroically stand up before the oppressor and use the sword of the critical word to deflect and mortify his terror. That is a completely just and therefore necessary act.
That's sadly true. It's hard, but don't let it crush you. Find help if neccesary.
i regret ever telling my mother about feeling anxious and depressed. we have been have a toxic relationship for years and it’s lead up to a point where I’ve never felt so fragile and vulnerable. every time there’s a problem, i shake anxiously and cry, not from anger but from the immense stress and energy being sucked away from me. after watching this, i think it will help me. I’ve been too busy trying to defend myself and wasting every bit of energy because of the arguments. I’ve even lost so much energy from trying to defend myself that I’ve had to cancel many of my plans in order to just take a breather. i hope this helps and if anyone else is reading this and is going through a toxic relationship, i wish u the best on your journey. 💟
Ive never loved either of my parents tbh. It's a feeling more common than u think. It's just a weight, a burden of their shit on me thats all i feel
You got this there’s nothing wrong with cutting toxic people out even if they are family. Your peace and happiness matters more
Feeling abused
Your gun will always be for you
0:00 intro
0:36 1、make clear boundaries for yourself
2:00 2、distance
3:45 3、don't argue or justify
4:53 4、hold strong to yourself
6:14 5、find support
6:52 ending
Thanks for putting this together comrade!
Thank you!
Any tips for making boundaries for myself when my family likes to take sh*t personally?
@@KaylaThePisces 😀
Thank you. 👍
My toxic mother couldn't provide me motherly love but your voice has given me the motherly love I was missing
Happy to hear that. Sending much love to you, ur not alone.
From a fellow broken child of a toxic mom
😢
My mom is a huge narcissist and a bully and she attacks all of my methods of calming myself. I don't hang around her because even spending an hour with her is enough to break me down. But I try to keep set boundaries, especially about physical contact.
I have a very toxic mom and a passive dad and I can't wait for the time that I'll move out of this place. I got screamed at by my mom few hours ago at a public place and it was so humiliating. I'm used to it but it still hurts... she wonders why I'm not close to her when she's the problem all along. she keeps on gaslighting me that I'm a bad child when she's the one who has a very foul mouth. Even people say that she has a very bad way of saying things and the hard part: she always thinks she's right, and everyone around her is wrong. I used to fight back but right now, I just keep quiet whenever we argue and sometimes leave her. It's the best way not to escalate fights.
I hope and pray that I get to move out of this depressing family and fulfill the life that I want to live, without them (especially my mom)
Same
Its sucks she always make me feel so bad and sad
Sometimes i just pray to god saying i wanne die just make me pass away
Same :( lets be strong .. we are in this together
I know you left this comment a while ago but I truly hope you'll find the strength to take that big leap of faith and leave that toxic place, or that maybe you have already found it.
I am taking that big step myself right now and I think that our situations might be quite similar, it's not easy because probably just like yours my mom made me feel like a useless human being that couldn't do nothing on her own. Find that little voice inside of you that tells you that you're worthy, of love, of happiness, success, everything; I know it's faint but listen to it, reinforce it and then, once you feel ready enough jump, fly away and never look back.
I hope you'll find happiness too because believe me, you deserve it ❤️
My dad lost his shit at me over something nobody told me was happening, and my sister actually said, deadpan, to my face, “If yelling at you is what it takes you to do things, maybe we should do it more often.” I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see how toxic my family is. They are not capable of basic human empathy and they will never change. The best thing I can do is go to my job and make enough money to move out and cut off all contact with them forever.
The saddest thing is you can't escape , if you are lucky you can move out early. There is no other seloution. Stay strong
i feel like theres no hope.
You'll probably not see this but thank you so so much.
It's like you knew this is what I'm going through.
My dad is extremely toxic and mom too.
I really needed to be able to cope with this and you posted at the right time.
Love you psych2go!
Thanks a ton!
💖✨
P.S - also to all those people who liked my comment, thank you!! I'm so grateful to you guys.
PLEASE take care y'all!! If there's someone going through something similar, remember it's gonna be fine soon. Good times are coming! Stay strong people!
* Sending you love and hugs *
The situation is pretty same here! Ik how hard it is. If you have another supportive relative, just talk with them maybe they can help you if you live together with your toxic parents as your happiness matters (only if you're comfortable okay)
Anyways hope it will get better🌸🖤
@@peanut_butterr you're so sweet! Thank you 💖
And i hope you overcome this too! You can do this!!!
* Sending you love and hugs *
@@ramennkimchi.5346 So do you🥰 it's getting better (a little) here somehow but most of the time I do mind my own business lol
Remember to take care of yourself (while eating ramen and kimchi🍜💜) as you deserve all the happiness
Sending hugs💕🍃
@@peanut_butterr aww thank you!!! ❤️ I mind my business here too. And yes it's getting better but when it gets worse, i just try not to get affected much and accept my feelings even if they're negative
@übel hey no don't say this. Ik it's so hard. I went through this phase for two years but regardless of the time, trust me if you keep going it will actually get better.
And I'm speaking out of experience. After going through so much of shit, i learnt to ignore and just love myself on my own.
And the humiliation part, i went through that during my childhood when my parents hadn't been toxic and it was trash because it really messed with my childhood and my mental growth.
But hey you, this is a sign! A sign that you need to keep moving on. And life's gonna be tough but so are you. And I'm so proud of you for making it this far but it's not time to end it yet. Keep going!
If you push a bit forward, things will really get better. That's how it worked for me and I'm so much happier now.
Depression happens when you lack happy hormones. So when you feel down, try to recharge yourself by doing calming things you like to do. Read a book in bed or watch a movie or do whatever that keeps you calm.
Please don't leave this world yet because i know for a fact that it will get better! And when it does, you'll really be proud of yourself.
And always reach out for help online if you need. There can be a lot of counsellors to help you out.
And counselling really really helps! I've done counselling myself and it made me feel so much better about myself.
So take care love! It's not time to end your life. There are so many more things to do for a stunning person like you! 💖
Never clicked so fast😭 currently dealing with this right now.
So true tho
Hope all is fine.. tomorrow.
@@Psych2go thanks..me too🙏
My mother is a gaslighter and I believe a narcissist. She was never encouraging, she always said how I needed to improve even if I won! She still says I never appreciated anything she did for me as a child, and I’m 40yrs old! I’ve chosen to stay away, although I can’t say it’s changed my life dramatically because she is my only immediate family I have left. My brother committed suicide and my father died 5 months later and over a year ago I got a divorce after 18yrs, so needless to say I’m working on a lot. Thanks for the videos.
*How to Deal with a Toxic Family*
1. Make clear boundaries for yourself. (0:36)
2. Distance. (2:00)
3. Don't argue or justify. (3:44)
4. Hold strong to yourself. (4:53)
5. Find support.(6:14)
I know how hard it could be to go through something this difficult, please everyone stay strong, you are worth of it all, and you do matter, trust me! ❤
@Lyrical Voltaic I'm really sorry to know that you had to go through much. But still no matter what they say or blame you for, that's not true. You matter hon, remember that, though sadly not everyone's gonna appreciate it, but it's them, they didn't understood your value, nothing's your fault.
And it's amazing to know that you're willing to fight, you can definitely get through this too, just look at how far you've made it already, I'm sorry that you might have not heard it enough but I'm proud of you, it takes so much strength and will to keep going even after so much, just keep pushing for a bit more, then ofc you can get through this all.
I wish you the absolute best in life, keep up the spirit and stay strong and don't forget to take care of yourself.
It's gonna be worth it, and one day when you would be where you want to be then you'll back and then you will be able to say I've made it, I did it.
Don't listen to them, I know it's hard, harder than any words can describe it. But all this is definitely gonna make you a better and stronger version of yourself.
You've got this! Keep fighting!
Remember that everything is gonna be okay, never give up, I know you can do this!
Much strength and love to you! ❤️
@@Psych2gohow do I get a therapist as an 11 year old?
I do, and it's my late grandma. Even though she's already dead, I still couldn't forget and forgive her toxic behavior towards me. She even don't realize that she's toxic until she died, because she doesn't wanted to be blame for her actions and don't think that mental health issues are exist. I already make a clear signals to cut ties on her, but my extended family like my aunts and uncles didn't accept it and didn't realize her toxic behavior is endangered my mental health. As the results, I was diagnosed with 5 personality disorders: Paranoid, Avoidant, Dependent, Schizoid, and Borderline Impulsive. I'm still in my therapy for my personality disorders, and it's still a long journey of healing for me
Same 😔
Same here..
You got this!
My whole family except my dad is always guilt tripping me I constantly say to myself “I hate myself” while crying after my family gas lights me or just fat shames me or anything like that this helped me a lot thank you❤
I wish I could embrace every morning, and make the sentence my modus operandi of greeting and saying goodbye to you for the day which would read "God! You are so beautiful".
@@MarjanBaddestxoI’ve been going through this for years. I leave go back it’s so abusive when it’s your whole family.., over 30 ppl. Now I have ptsd which they don’t care keep abusing e m can’t get them stop.,I become sensitive now so easily triggered I’m told if I heal my trigger I wouldn’t be affected by them. How do u heal wounds ppl pleasing being afraid being alone.. how did u do it
Finding support or new ppl that aren’t narc is hard
I can relate sometimes I feel that I am not good enough. And if you are eating a healthy diet and trying your best that is all that matters.😊
Some things that helped me in the past:
1. Writing (It felt like I could grasp my own feelings through writing. As a kid, I was forbidden to find a therapist, so I needed other safespaces to find comfort in, such as writing and reading. It also helped me with my lack of empathy towards myself)
2. School (I think for me, school has been an anchor where I learned more about values than I could at home. Gaslighting was a thing back than, so I grew up kinda isolated and vulnerable. The only other place I could meet people without punishment was school. Sometimes you are even forbidden to see your own grandparents. The struggle is real and pushing through it alone isn‘t always working)
3. Siblings (Sometimes it doesn‘t work out, but in other cases it does. My parents were trying to hurt us by having a good time with one kid while they were mad at the other. But often you both have similiar struggles just with other subjects. My mother used to argue about completely different things. But the principle behind her actions were most of the times the same. Now, my siblings and I find trust in each other. No friend of mine is able to understand me the way they do)
4. Oversharing isn‘t a bad thing (I often wanted to overshare but felt bad for it at the same time. If I told someone I could not stop apologizing for it. But you need to know that you aren‘t the only one who thinks you are treated badly. Self doubts are so hard, but knowing others agree that you are not the problem can help in dark times.)
Hopefully I could help a little bit. (Sorry for my english. I am not a native speaker. :))
this helped me a lot. thank you.
ty!!!
Thanks!
Valuable tips ;)
Luv you,, it does help
Dealing with a toxic family is hard asf. I've been struggling to deal with them for years! I can't want to start my part time job, finish school, get a job, and get out of here. I also want to get out of our religion because it's also toxic and it's affecting my mental health. I can't wait to be free and find my inner peace soon.
@übel I really don't know what to say, but I am hoping that there will be a way for you to be free from them. You don't have to end your life. Living in this world is very hard, but I know that one day, you will find your own happiness and escape from your family. I'm rooting for you!
@Warpig My family is toxic because they are forcing me to marry someone from my religion and I don't want to. Because the guy that they like for me is 10 years older than me and he's sexualizing me. They want me to just follow them without asking, my uncle is backstabbing us and telling lies to our relatives on their side. After getting a degree and a job, they want me to give all of my money to them and to my relatives or else they will tell me that I don't care about them. They are many things why my family is toxic but I can't say all of them
same situation... im 24 but dealing with it but i wish that everyone suffering will see the light one day ❤
If you are going to choose a religion try being a Muslim and study a bit about Islam
I just told my spouse yesterday that his mother is toxic and I can’t deal. She continually cross my boundaries while at the same time thinks she deserves respect. Her behavior is repulsive and I don’t have the time to argue with a person who doesn’t know how to respect my boundaries.
Hi there, i am an autistic child. I am the scapegoat of my family. My mother keeps venting her frustrations on me and all of her anger and stress. One time, she even accidentally steps on my foot, and instead of apologizing, she said “You should have move your foot aside, coz your foot is too big.”
JUST in time!!
I was having a huge issue with my family being toxic with me. As if I'm a monster to them (which I'm not). Thank you so much, Psych2GO Team! 😆
I believe u will become a good person and useful in the future😊
@@EzoneM25 Auww thanks for the big hug. I think I didn't deserve it tho😀
You're not alone. Many people out there did the same way as u did. Well, good luck!
@@PearlRose0405 I appreciate it all! I'll do my best! God bless! 😂🫂💖💖
@@EzoneM25 Yeah, thanks. You too😍
Sorry to hear that. Glad this video came just in time!
0:35 - Make clear boundaries for yourself
1:59 - Distance
3:44 - Don't argue or justify
4:52 - Hold strong to yourself
6:14 - Find support
Thank you! 👀❤️
@übel lol same
Very good. Finally i told my brother. I was thinking of disappearing. Now my brother is starting to act like he cares a little. But i am not going to be gas lighted. Determined to break away. Scared but need better people in my life. Thank you for your channel. No matter how long it takes enough abuse from family is enough. God Bless❤️❤️❤️
@beliss bot
This is exactly what I need right now. I've moved to another country, but my family can still destroy my mental condition with just a phone call, They cajoled me into giving them something important to me, destroy it and then tell me it's not important at all. I feel so insecure that I probably won't go back to see them for a few years because I am afraid they will destroy other things that are important to me.
I always felt like I was the only one with such problems. Feels so relieved to see people come out through the medium of this channel.
True. My dad made me believe I was the problem.
I love how I was a "plan b" for my family, my brother didn't listen to my parents, so the put all the pressure on me. I have to bear the whole family, all their expectations, and everyone's expectations. I'm not good enough for them, or me.
Same here, comrade. Hold strong! There will be better days. Cheers
Yea they put thw blame on me for everything everytime even if my sibling does anything wrong..its me who is facing all the blame
My family is so loving and caring. My mum asked me first before I came out which is huge. It's heartbreaking to hear that some get little to none support or rejection. I still feel like a black sheep but I'm ok with it
That is special. If I came out to my parents it'd be world War III.
Good for you. But why watch this if you aren't struggling with this issue?
glad to hear your family is amazing!
@Harlo I feel like I'm a black sheep too in my family😔
@@Kalis_Kitchen I know others which are in this situation. I'm an empath so I want to know other people's struggle. I just want to help.
When you turn 18 and run very far away! I don’t need toxicity people in my life.
I remember a friend of mine once told me “Would you rather be part of a family that loves you unconditionally? Or will only love you when it benefits them?”. The more you know the more you’ll grow
Of course unconditional love.
My mom swears yells and hits me
I told my brother, and he said it was my fault for acting out. I’m starting to believe it honestly
No, it's not yours
Same here :)
there is never any reason for a parent to preform physical violence on their child, even if you do act out the punishment is 1000% disproportional
My mom does the same thing and i ASSURE YOU, it's not ur fault!!
I'm grateful to have a younger sister who accompanies my journey in life in this toxic and poor family, but I also feel sorry for her. Because at first I thought our life is like that because we are poor, but it's not. Even after I made enough money, it was still tough. Thank you sister for being born. 🍀
Sorry for not being able to help much, sorry for still not being able to change our family. Hopefully someday you will meet someone who can build a family that supports each other.
Ever since I was born, I've been living in an toxic environment my whole life. I would usually hear arguments pretty much everyday being the norm and would sometimes hear my mum stating multiple times saying she'd k*ll herself ever since I was young and still to this day I'd hear this too. I've got a manipulative, toxic, narcissistic abusive brother with an ego, who would always try to instigate things with me and constantly harass me, calling me names for a reaction, for e.g calling me r*tarded and mental for being in my room and on the computer all day even though he's the reason why I'm like this and when I do lash out and call him out on it, he'd say I'm being disrespectful and gets mad at me even though he literally instigated the whole thing trying to get a reaction out of me. Also other than the usual name calling and instigating, I was being gaslighted, humiliated by talking about my flaws and shamed regularly, spreading rumors and secrets to friends and other family members or strangers in general while he tries to make himself look cool towards others, being tormented physically and mentally being threatened, being manipulated and degraded as if he was talking to a dog or slave. He'd also always asks my mum for favours on getting him things such as cigarettes, liquor, food, etc all while she's spending out of her own pocket when he literally has HIS OWN CAR AND MONEY (He would also go out with his gf and her kids to restaurants and going out all the time spending his own money but he would never go out himself to get his own things). Also whenever my mum makes a mistake or gets something wrong, he would ridicule her and call her the most nastiest names while having an outbreak over it and if you dare to ask him to get stuff himself, he'd get angry and try to blame it on you. Also with the added stress of me being the potential "man of the house", I would have to work twice as hard to help provide for my family and I would have to somehow get rid of my brother from my life which is hard to do so. Now with having all this in my life I've became a bit reserved and quiet so I did struggle a bit with connecting to people and making friends with how little trust I have. This has all resulted in me feeling empty, emotionless and having suicidal thoughts many times throughout the years (including being at the very young age of around 8)...
I hope you r doing ok
How are you now? I hope you’re okay
This is precisely what i needed to watch despite being qualified within dvsa and narcissism and I'm a survivor
Happy healing
This channel reminds me of a channel I used to watch as a teen when I needed direction. The name slips my mind right now but, thank you for making this kind of content! I know there's a kid out there who needs the support.
Maybe you are thinking of the UA-cam channel "watchwellcast" perhaps?
you got this
Something I've done is learn about the etymology of certain words. Find out what they really were meant to define and not the modification society has turned it into. Two that have really helped me are "weird" and "perfect". Weird meaning uncontrollable by fate and perfect meaning 100% completion of something done.
Perfect is completely attainable, but blown out of proportion. Weird is one of the greatest things you could ever be, but people hate having no control.
Weird, huh? Hope this helps 🙏
As someone who deals with a toxic family member, this is a lot of help. Thanks❤
Being unresponsive helps me get over my narcissist mother. It is so hard for me because I always look up to her since I was young but then I realize when my father died why they can't agree on opinion of each other or even solve a problem together, one of the main reason is she always focus on negative side. What she always see are mistakes along with it she makes comparisons and she never cares if she hurts our feelings, she will tell someone(seeking validation from her friends) about our family problems rather than discussing/fixing it together. I remember before that when we are arguing I always make sure say an apologize word but from her, I never heard the word "sorry".
Timestamps!
0:00 Intro
0:36 1. Make clear boundaries for yourself
2:00 2. Distance
3:44 3. Don't argue or justify
4:53 4. Hold strong to yourself
6:14 5. Find support
6:40 Outro
Good luck and stay strong! Hope these helped
ty!
I don't feel that my family is toxic just overbearing, protective and controlling I feel my happiest when I'm alone in my room at night watching anime and feeling free from life and imaging myself in then then when I put my phone down I get bombarded with my hatred for life and just wanting to escape from it. I feel so depressed knowing that I will never have a life as interesting as these fictional characters and that makes me feel worse.
Dose anyone relate?
For any who has to live with a toxic family
The 3 quotes that helped me deal with my own trauma
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”
- Marcus Aurelius. Meditations 2.11
''But life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future.”
― Seneca
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems”
― Epictetus
yes! ty
Dear @Psych2Go I cannot express how greatful I am that you shared this video today
My father is very toxic and abusive, and this morning I was feeling very terrible about the stiuation in my home.. so thank you, this really helped
love you!
Thank you for this, psych2go. I come from a very dysfunctional family, and really have no one I'm close to. I'm estranged from most of my immediate family, and rarely see anyone else. I always wish that I could move to England and start a new life because there's nothing and no one really keeping me here (except my precious furkids, and they would go with me, of course). 😔 But I don't have the means to move out of the country from the States. I just wish I could find friends and support of some type. It's a very lonely and scary existence dealing with everything in life on my own. I'm also "older", and I fear that any support will mainly cater to young adults or kids, as though somehow when you're my "age" you're expected to have outgrown the trauma.😞❤️
You got this!
I grow in a toxic family which parents didn't respect my boundaries and I was constantly criticized for being an introvert. However, when I grow up, I see the defects in their thinking and start to shape my own point of view. I think that I will never be such kind of person in my future.
I lost my father a while ago due to colon cancer and it was only when I moved back to my home country and away from my close family that I did realise the level of abuse that both my parents had been providing since my childhood.
And myself I was becoming toxic too. Luckily now I have therapy and have cut loose of most of my family. My half-sister is the only one I'm truly open to. I love my mother but I do need to keep some boundaries for both our sakes.
I do believe my family did what they did towards me and my half-sister out of love and not being fully aware of their abuse but still. My father and his wife openly abused my half-sister on her overweight, while she was a child under their care. And my father always wanted me to be strong and resilient while I was born with a lot health issues and he constantly boycotted me receiving the health care I needed and undermined my self-esteem but calling me weak. My hope is that if I'm ever given the privilege of being a father, I will no repeat the mistakes of my parents and will truly listen to my kids.
This came right on time!! Thank you! I believe I made the right decision to have no contact with my older sisters. I have a great relation with my mother and younger siblings. Thank you!
That's the way to elevate
My brother is very toxic and controlling, we’ve not spoke for about 2 years until the traumatic moment when my dad passed away few months ago, but I can see he’s trying to get his control back of my life, basically trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do with my life. It’s so upsetting that your family members don’t care about you, but we don’t deserve that type of treatment We all deserve love, happiness and respect! 💕
Having compassion for toxic family of origin can lead you down a very destructive path in life. Have courage and cut them out sooner then later..this is a quantum world.
i am 16 and almost 17 now
my parents since i was child made it their life mission to make me jealous by either giving my brother all the love and support i ever asked for
or going to my friends and saying "we wish you were that daughter that we never had." right in front of me
i basically teached myself threw my life how to make myself happy, i met a lot of toxic people in life and it wasnt fun, and I would've appreciated it if my parents helped me with it instead of putting me more down after knowing about it.
so i basically stopped asking for their help
i teached myself how to be happy without anyone cuz most people backstab me
i just really want to grow up and cut all lines with my family for once
Every thing will happen good to u don't take their words at all they are just making ur self esteem low
Hey I am also 16 and will 17 in December and I am also suffering from this situation
When I tried to keep distance my mother start making me jealous by loving my younger sis in front of me
But now I am not hungry for their love I don't want their love
I will give them every happiness when I grow up but I will go somewhere I can live alone and enjoy myself
Same as me but am. 14
Hope you 'll definitely be able to cut boundries with family because it's important and if not done , then it will put you in constant feeling of insecurity like me .
Suffered from toxic parents and grandma. Mostly grandma. But I had a way of making her to stop. I just pointed out her insecurities and her past in abusive relationship and made an example of that. Then I left home. Apparently it worked a bit, because I'm not a black sheep anymore. But will see in the future. Usually these kind of people don't change.
This helps me a lot! and the NO CONTACT, or LOW CONTACT advice is the most effective for me. They invalidate my feelings ALWAYS so I just want to love them but from a distance. It's more peaceful to me.
hugs to all of us struggling with toxic family or siblings.
Make clear boundaries? The boundaries that they never respect?? And when I freak out about it, its somehow over-reacting and disrespectful? Yeah I'm gonna make those boundaries.
This is such an accurate depiction of my experience. Thank you for sharing this supportive reminder for us to stay strong!
Thank you so much for this video! I have a toxic brother, who I see rarely now, thankfully. But this video lets me know that I’ve been doing everything right to protect myself.
You got this!
Ahhh, unfortunately this is gonna get so many views, but that’s the way many grew up, hope you’re all doing well 🔒
Thanks for watching!
We're ok despite the toxicity in the so called family. We're done with them. Just living our best lives
I love how soft spoken you are so I can listen to you in my room or around my family
Thanks a lot! This really helps! I am struggling with depression and anxiety for years. Therapists help, but here in Germany topics like toxicity / narcissism are often "ignored" by mental health professionals, and they say, this is "not scientifically based psychology" or something like that. You really have to search for a time until you find someone who helps you understand what is really going on in your family system. Your videos really help people who struggle! THANK YOU!!!
I feel at peace when I set clear boundaries and distance myself from my family. I wish I'd realised this sooner because my life would have been so much better. I guess better late than never. Age comes with wisdom.
Thank you so much for this video. I live with my mother(bc I'm still not 18🥲)and she is so toxic. She insults me and I am always the problem. She is perfect and all the problems come from me. She though me how my future family should not look like. I am insecure with myself and I know that it is because of her...I am sending love for all people/kids that are in a toxic relationship with their parents. You are never alone❤️🙏
Not sure if anyone has commented this yet but: absolutely do give the person/people who are creating toxicity in your life access to your mental wellbeing, whether that means going to a friend or trusted colleague with your struggles. With what I am currently dealing with, past personal interests or conflicts are brought up as a point as to why I'm in the wrong in a situation having nothing to do with said past occurance (it's very draining). By no means should you feel that you are not able to talk about things without them being used against you at random. Make sure that you remeber that you are loved and can absolutely make it through this. I'm rooting for you💜
the line "you have to break yourself to rebuild yourself again" right at the end runs deep and is perhaps the holy grail of this lesson. very well said. one of the best things ive heard in a long time.
I'm so sorry to people going through the hard, rough, tough times since they were younger and until now. We can't get rid of this but we can reduce it.
Such a blessing when I found many people with huge kindness here but the saddest thing is they're getting hurt from their families😔 Someone is right, nice people always getting hurt.
Family is like a shelter. Protect from anything and comfort them. When the shelter has broken and many other issues, ofc it totally unsafe and triggered our mental and physical.
Parents should get educated for themselves with learning how to be good parents, instead of thinking about desires and promise each other that going through together and take care the kids but- Ergh!
I'm so sorry I became so emotional now but the sad truth is it happens in reality, not only in the books, drama, movies and etc.
Thanks Pearl for saying that, it hurts to mention that the poisonous snake is your toxic mom and the father who is her ally and mentally unavailable. It feels like I've been in survival mode since birth because I was all by myself emotionally and I had to grow up so quick and be mature. It sucks that home is not my safe place but I'm planning on making my own small first safe home .🖤🌹
It's ok but become emotional. Some parents don't want to heal so they continue fucking up our chances of getting better and healing by projecting their fears onto us, being manipulative/gaslighting and control freaks
I remember I asked you people to make this video almost 1 yr ago, its late but meaningful, well I want to share something, I have a family which is neither villainously toxic nor supportive ...& this confusion of being in the middle way is way more frustrating , because you cant cut them off and again you cant share everything properly, you cant make them the villain of life and you cant ignore their well wishes either. I think this phenomenon has been built up the confusive persona in me and fear to be very close to people. I don't know sometimes how to cope up with it. I don't know how to be immune with their toxic fights b/w them , their belief systems & many more things. But 1 thing is for sure, if noone can take care of your emotional health then we should repair the heart ourselves.
Boundaries? Some relatives are cunning and know how work around it and or physically threaten you.
There was an old video of having to deal with abusive family members that you live with and it was more appealing and specific with the methods
Your voice is so kind and soothing. Thanks for this video… Im currently struggling with my family. I feel like there’s no way out but for me to distance myself even tho I don’t want to 😢
We were having a kind of group therapy last day at school and i got to know so many of my friends have unhealed trauma and most of them caused by toxic family members. fortunately, i have 0 experience in dealing with toxic family members and hence me being the therapist friend, couldnt help them yesterday. I had no idea how to solve this issue. The maximum which i could do is to assure them that i will always be there to listen to their problems no matter what. I reached home and searched up this vdo. Thanks psych to go !! I will be able to send this to mt friends for them to see 🌸
I really wish I had someone to speak to whenever I felt a certain way about how my mother was treating me while I was growing up, but instead all those horrible feelings piled up throughout the years and have left me crippled. I am the youngest child out of 3 and whatever they say about the youngest being the most spoiled and all those stuffs, it didn't apply to me, I grew up hating my body, I constantly felt inferior compared to my siblings and even cousins, I didn't have anyone to give me the boost of confidence I needed and instead all I got was being treated unfairly, body shamed and constantly "humbled" for acknowledging my own achievements. I have reached a point where I just feel broken, and I have lost all motivation for life. The last thing I told my mother was " You are the type of parent that should have only had 2 children" and as much as it hurts and as much as I always tried to be there for my family members, none of them were there for me and I don't feel like I belong in this place.
I cannot describe how much I appreciate your channel
your timing is so perfect :( love this channel, 4 yrs of being subscribed 🤞🏼💓
Father and brother are both pathological liars and narcissistic.
Best thing I could do?
Block them and move on.
You can’t negotiate with them and all their “promises” to change always fall short.
After I did that my life feels so much better. So yeah don’t let others take time off your life.
Good luck everyone.
I'm so happy to see everyone commenting differently things. Today, I blocked all my family, mother, senior brother, and younger brother. After I did that, I thought the whole world was against me. I feel like dying or running away, but thank God my husband is beside me and telling me everything will be alright. That I'm not alone, he will always be there for me. I know it's hard, but it will be worth it. Thank you for this video
This was so good. Going through every single one of these issues. I appreciate this channel.
I think my family’s quite toxic but also not. Ever since the pandemic, I often blame my parents for giving me a life. In my eyes, they are not worthy of my attention and I didn’t care about disappointing them by my low grades.
However, just few probably months ago I think I got more matured and I can finally see them suffering.
My father is showing signs of depression, he used to be so gentle but after pandemic he’s always angry at little things, probably due to the pressure of having to look for money to feed us everyday and having to survive in this kind of situation.
My older sister whose responsibility is as heavy like my father’s is also showing signs of depression. I think we all know how heavy the responsibilites of the older child is, plus the responsibilities of the mother went to her (since my father & mother broke up, they are not married, and my mom cheated while she’s at another country).
My 5 years old little sister, who has to go through our anger issues, depression and my father & sister fighting over little things, are what I am worried about. I’m worried of her rebelling in such a young age, with such an environment I think it’s not impossible. I can feel the fear in her heart whenever someone else in the house are arguing with loud noises everywhere, and yes it’s everyday. She grew up without my mother in her side, who’s supposed to be her no. 01 friend.
I really want to help my little sister, but I can’t seem to. I can be considered the calm one in the family, I don’t have any anger issues or anything about my emotions going out of control but the thing is i’m too lazy. I just want to rest in peace. I want to live in peace. Every movements takes up literally all of my energy. I feel unmotivated. I’m somehow trying to be more responsible when it comes to school but having to see my assigned works and homeworks makes me frustrated leading to me not doing it. I don’t know what to do. Is my family the toxic one or me?
You got this!
I unfortunately can't escape this toxic household for a while but I've been doing things like this for a while, reaching out, setting boundaries and stuff
Be a dry Texter and a dry talker , it cuts off all of the reaction they get from you, and also try not to get mad when they do something bad to you, just act like you don’t care until they leave , act like you like them until you move out , and also try to not do anything to frustrate them, but it’s okay if they still get mad . this is what I do and it works for me , I hope this helps ❤️
@@AAARRTTTT I'll try that, thank you
Thank you for making this video. It’s reassuring to come back to this video every time I have to deal with the toxic family member and knowing that I’m fine and I’m doing the right thing.
I am so grateful that you made this video and glad that i came across it. I was going through a hard time but i have a major exam to focus on. With all the drama around me I was feeling at the loss about how to manage the emotions and if my emotions were even justified. Have been watching your videos for the past 2 hours and have finally calmed down. So, thank you for this video.
Following these will take time and maybe one day one may get use to it. But in the end what hurts the most is that, that one support that truly matters to a child in the entire world is the support from family and when even that is no longer there, one can feel so so lonely at times. You know that feeling you get on sharing good and happy memories with only your family, I kind of crave those, but I'd never tried to let that surface because the moment I do, my family thinks they have control over me and starts taking financial, emotional, career decisions for me. So I guess this 'letting go' of them is the most difficult process.
I just stay in my room most of the time cos I can't deal with the arguing :(
Thank you so much for this video. It really helps reaffirm what I already knew, but today is a big day for me... So I needed this reminder. Much love and thank you so much for all you do. 💜
After leaving my family and moving on my own, I no longer talk to my mom because every time I allow her to get close to me, she always finds ways to exploit me or use me. As for my father, I do respond to his messages but it's mostly just about other stuff and very little about me.
They always tried to turn me into someone who I'm not and along the way, lost a sense of who I really am. I will no longer put up with that.
My parents are good people. But they don't realise that they are hurting me. I told them that these things hurt. They become defensive after that. My mother still doesn't have enough maturity to face situations like this. They force things on me that society thinks is right. They forget what cost I have to pay for that. I have been dealing with lot of things right now. Its overwhelming. I don't have enough time either. But I run away from reality. Having a imaginative world full of happiness. Procrastinating.... Its so sad. I forgave my parents long ago. I confronted them too. But its too hard to move on. The scars are too deep. I feel like I'm losing myself. I was good at academics. I had lots of hobbies. Big dream. Wanted change the society. But stuck here inside my prison. I'm married too. Doing nothing other than house work that too forsake of him. My friends seeing me after long time they told me that they can't its the same me. Not physical appearance. I want to pursue something. I feel dead without doing something. But lack preservence and patience. I don't know what to pursue either. Lots of things on the way, like my parents wants a child before anything,money and there are not a lot of scope in what I'm interested. I'm not even confident in myself to spend my husbands money on my journey to myself. I was always interested in science and medicine so I brought a lot of books and classes for medical entrance exam. It was too hard due to big gap(5yr) after I completed my school. I gave up after a month. I tried painting too. But gave up. Not inspired enough. Always ends up crying blaming past. I want the old me. Don't know how to get her back. Can't affords psychiatric treatment. Don't think I need it either. I Lost believe in myself. I always had high hope, even reached the goal making negative people questioning. I was always told back then that I was too optimistic. But now I am a pessimistic person. I don't know what to do with my life. I want to be someone. I don't want only to be someone wife, someone's daughter. I want my own identity. I don't know what to do.
I will move away from my toxic family. They better not come cry for money when they get old
the drawings and your calming voice really help me swallow the information. thanks.
Yes great information! Please remember with toxic people especially family members it will always be about them... it is a transactional relationship not reciprocal. You wouldn't drive a ½ running car or eat off a broken plate! Relationships are similar!
So insightful
yes!
I'm so glad that y'all are talking about toxic families!
Thank you. This video felt like a warm hug
My sibling is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. The entire family loves this person and wants the best, though they're always talking about how dysfunctional our family is. Earlier this year, that became a self-fulfilling prophecy; this person is no longer welcome at our parents' home (I live with my partner in their guest house, so that includes my home) and they can only associate with my mom and sister on a very limited basis. I don't trust myself to interact with them except via Facebook because I reached the breaking point long ago, and have a long, messy history with frustrating situations that I choose not to involve them in anymore. It's a helpless feeling, though life really is easier when we're not constantly walking on eggshells.
my father doesn't like me
my elder brother doesn't help me
my mum doesn't care
my sister leaves me alone when it gets hard
I don't know but I feel it's so toxic of them
and the freedom i want could only be accomplished if i study in this jail called home i get scholarship to a medical college
the subject i never wanted to learn
the thing that hurts the most is when they make fun of me being emotion and i literally have nobody to talk to... its just them i have in my life and they are being toxic
i swear to myself i would do my best i would give my everything and get what i want... the freedom and i will never return to this place
I SWEAR
Thank you very much for this video. My dad is pretty toxic be doesnt care about me or my life, grades or anything he just wants that the kids go to his hous. He even sued my mother after all she did and after 3 years… he finally won he made my mom a bit more toxic. ( he did not actually won but he totally changed her ).
To everybody who has a toxic family: stay strong, there always is end to everything☺️
You got this!
Thank you! been waiting for this ❤️
My siblings were horrible, horrible, super bullies. Now, they've kicked me out of the family completely and they tell everyone it's my fault. I'm a bad person and make up lies about me. I'm trying to heal and in therapy but I'm 37 and their abuse, emotional, verbal, physical and sexual still affects me today. Whats worse is i take care of my elderly parents so i cannot completely get away from them and im constantly rejected by them
the best story i have is one time when i stayed at my bestfriends house for a week and a half cause my parents and got into it. my bestfriends parents who are like 2nd parents to me never asked till the day i went back home what happened. i told them the full story as i realized i had let down my parents by not keeping my grades up in highschool so i would have to take a more unconventional route to a better university and that my parents got mad at me one day for wanting to visit the campuses, sayin it was a waste of time and money because they knew i wasn't gonna put 100% into trying to get there, and that i told them i was doing everything i could to undo my past mistakes, but i eventually blamed myself and left because i felt as i had let them down. it wasn't till finally they told me right out what they did was toxic and no parent should use that to make their child feel the way i did. they said it was the fact they used my previous mistakes to make me feel as a disappointment and not take the time to help me learn and try and fix it. they used it to belittle me, make me feel as if everything i do from this point on wouldn't be good enough. now i'm on okay speaking terms with my parents, speak to them here and there but it hurts even more that i blame myself and still can't hate them even after everything they did. i still find a way to make it my fault