Situationships Suck.
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- If you're an avid social media user, or on any dating app, you've probably heard the term "situationship". This confusing type of relationship has become so mainstream that many articles have been written about this new cultural phenomenon. Let's talk about it.
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Situationship, definition: I'll stick with you until I can find someone better for me.
One thousand percent
Situationships.. Throuples.. I've never heard so many made up words in my life!😂
Perfect definition.
@@leonna-jojo the left love making up words like “Hate Speech” and Weaponized it to stifle Free Speech.
Even relationships and marriages are that way now
I don't know why people our age have strayed away from the idea that the best goal of a relationship is getting married and having kids
Because it's not cool enough 🙄🙄🙄 but with all the loneliness and meaninglessness of that lifestyle is beginning to show, I think it may just make a comeback 😄😄😄 silver lining 🤷🤷
Responsibility isn’t "fun"
I mean, weddings and kids are expensive and wage growth is nowhere near the insane inflation, so it's understandable lol
I believe many of them can't afford it. They know if they have kids they will live a life of poverty. So they don't and convince themselves all this stuff to feel better.
Many of the young females who realize this at least are just dating older guys who have the finances available. You see this in the data of how many males in their eary 20s are single versus females.
@@darkriku12 Weddings don't have to be expensive. Who said you need a fresh, new, fancy white dress and a diamond ring? Who says you need a fancy venue? Who says you need to feed your guests an entire dinner and alcoholic drinks? And kids don't have to be expensive either. Less toys, and don't try to save up to pay for their college tuition.
"Situationships" are what happens when people want the benefits of a relationship without the accountability and sacrifice that comes with having one.
No, me and this boy love eachother but he’s dating someone right now so that’s why we’re just in a relationship, it’s more complicated than you think and believe me I wish it wasn’t just a situation ship, I want it to go Further, I want the commitment
@@Reflux_Eso hes cheating???
@@victoriancarwash4393 not exactly, it’s complicated, bf knows abt me he just tends to ignore my existence 🤷♂️
@@Reflux_E The only complicated thing about it is that you have a hard time defining what it is. But to anyone else it sounds like either he has an open relationship with his partner, allowing him to pursue others; Or it's poly. Otherwise you're just a side hoe.
@@Reflux_Eisn’t it the definition of emotional cheating? 😢
It’s amazing how apparently we have labels for everything that happens in life.
Dont get me wrong, the word situationship sounds stupid but the fact that we try to make a term for something common so that we can explain it by a single word rather than a full sentence is a totally expected and normal thing to do. Thats how language works.
like the Germans or other languages.
People in situationships are just learning the more they F around the more they're gonna find out.
Labels are made when isolated events become repeated events.
It’s not good enough to have labels. We of course need NEW labels! Cool labels. Hip labels. For the same thing as legacy labels, as if the younger generation discovered a new thing. Which they didn’t but desperately want to think they did. Most stupid, new, hip, terms like this go away because they run out of cool hipness and vanish into the vacuous language bin of history. 😅
I am 53. I read about this just about two days ago. Back in my day, we called it a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. 😂😂😂😂😂
We called it friends with benefits lol
I call it the same thing I always have. A pathetic waste of time.
I am 39, and when I was 19-20 we called it "a little intermezzo" in my mother tongue. I think those ambiguous relationships with a lack of serious intentions have always existed under different names. Gen-Z didn't invent it, but like all generations needs to realize when to jump ship and when to make a decision on what relationship you want and not accept anything less, even if that means you will be flying solo for a longer time.
🤣🤣🤣
HAHAHAHAA, Grandpa making my day!
Here's a better definition of "situationship"
To be soul crushingly lonely while not being alone.
This
So, a lot like marriage.
@tomcavanaugh5237 If you and your partner are degenerates, then yes.
To be alone without one to love is to waste the body.
To be not alone without one to love is to waste the soul.
Perfect.
On our first date, my now husband and I talked about everything we were looking for in a relationship. A couple weeks after we started dating I said “we’re only dating each other, right?” And he said “I’m only dating you.” And I said “alright, awesome. Me, too.” We got engaged 5 months later, married 8 months after that. Don’t waste time with people that don’t have the same values. Put it all on the table, if they’re uncomfortable with that, move on.
💯 💯 💯
Agree 100%!! Just be up front so neither of you guys waste time!
Very happy for you two, I went on date was honest and went to the friend zone immediately, but years ago when I was in my "bad boy era" letting the girls find out my honest intentions instead just being honest right away I never went to the friendzone. Hopefully I find someone with the same values as me being honest in the beginning
Not everyone is a clear thinker. Most people enjoy putting obstacles in their way
Personally I wouldn't be comfortable getting engaged until I was dating someone for at least a year. It takes time to really get a solid read on someone, and while people aren't necessarily trying to be dishonest, there is a bit of a facade or cleaned up version of someone in the early stages of dating, and I personally feel like I'd need to get to know the person after a wide variety of experiences and exposure to their various temperaments. Shoutout to the pepple who have made it work in such a short time, but man, maybe it's trust issues, but I couldn't do that.
“All relationships end”
Well that’s super encouraging for this woman’s clients who want to get married eventually.
Women file for divorce 80% of the time, mostly no fault divorce. - Signed, a recently no fault divorced guy because my ex wife was unhappy.
@@brent4073 It might come as a shoke to you, but not all women are the same. There are uncommitted and terrible women in the world, and there are amazing women. The fact that one woman divorced after two years of having affairs because she no longer felt like it, says nothing about another woman's level of commitment to marriage.
@@brent4073 Women are realizing being married is as pointless and unfulfilling as having a career.😂😂
@@יעלוייסברג I've seen both types. Most of them are the divorce type. They base everything off emotions rather than duty, which gives them leave to eject. My mom and sister are thedevoted types. I've missed out on two girls like that so far, and that's because I was unfairly skeptical, but nearly all of the other girls I've gone out with are flakes. There's nothing keeping them from following all the colors of the wind, society even encourages their irresponsibility.
Men aren't any better, they're out to conquer every hole they find. We're trained to pursue sex as a maturation token as well as to improve social standing. We're taught that there's nothing wrong with lusting after a woman's body. Zero consequences!
It's all a set of lies most men and most women are falling for.
@@c.wsnow_, and this attitude is why you're one unhappy SOB.
I've never dated anyone but I already know that I want to date only for marriage. No dating and living together, no friends with benefits, no situationship, nothing but dating, engaged, married.
Amen. Dating ain’t Biblical. Let God show you the person He chooses. Can’t go wrong that way 🙏🏽 God bless! 💎
I’ve always heard its better to live together before marrying. You learn a lot about the person that way. You learn if you can actually live with them.
@@roxysparks5003 that’s completely false. Look up the actual statistics on that and you will see. The rates of divorce are much higher for couples who shacked up first. Don’t listen to what you hear from people who are just giving their own opinions based on their own very personal experiences. Do real research to find out the truth. And study the Bible cause that’s pure truth! 🙂🙏🏽😇 God bless 💎
@@roxysparks5003 actually statistically living together before marriage is a great predictor of a marriage failure. It's creates the perception that it's "until I find something better" instead of "until that death do us part". That implies that you will stick with the person no matter what, good and bad moments and not only until is convenient.
@@VitorHugoOliveiraSousaIt depends on what culture those statistics are from. Me and my wife are both 1st generation Chinese immigrants, both virgins until marriage, and she moved into my house for 2 years before we married. She cooked, cleaned, basically got some practice in as wife-in-training for those 2 years. We actually didn't consummate our marriage until a week after the wedding. We made out and did other things, got comfortable over time. There wasn't a rush, just a slow buildup in familiarity and comfort leading to marriage. This is common among Chinese. Of course, the difference with westerners is that they think it's socially acceptable to then just leave and monkey-branching to someone else after living together, instead of the inevitable marriage. With that wrench of uncertainty thrown in, it's no wonder you'd want to tie the knot asap, as if to somebody like that, marriage would be the end of monkey-branching. In China, if you're a woman who's 26 and not married, you're officially "leftover woman." This has nothing to do with youth and fertility - 26 is still a woman's prime. It has to do with the concern of "what man did you live with before and why aren't you married? That alone is enough proof that there's something wrong with you and I don't want to deal with it if I have the choice." There's the socially accepted assumption that breakup = failure = character flaw. There's stigma attached to it. My wife says Americans are "without shame."
As a representative of Generation X, I’ve never heard of a situationship. I sounds like friends with benefits where one partner is more attached than the other.
That’s exactly it. It’s horrible
It's more like an extended version of "Summer Fling" than friends with benefits though because I feel like with the latter both parties know and agree to the terms of the relationship.
It's like bisexual vs pansexual 🤣🤣🤣🙄🤦
Yep. We used to call this "hanging out". And then friends with benefits.
@@enigmaticallis3110 ❤😂
When the article said "All relationships end", it was telling. I don't know how many people have this view, but I really think this is the defeatist attitude that's led to a lot of where we are now. "All relationships end, so let's not even bother, we'll just hook up and go our separate ways". I'm crushed for this generation and how alone they'll be when they're older.
I agree. It was very strategically placed in that article. Yeah, all relationships DO end.... but the best end when you're in your old age and well.. you know. Marriage rocks
This generation is done! Lets do our best to teach our daughters not to act this way.
Agreed
All friendships may end b/c well end is right in the word. But we’ll Relationships not so much
Yep
As time goes on the more faith I've lost in my own generation and the more I realise I'm a lot more traditional than I would've ever considered myself to be. Your channel is a breath of fresh air for me.
Don't let the world change you! Nothing wrong with traditional I'm sure you're a person with their shit together! Good luck on the search for someone else real.
I had never heard of a situationship until now. You explained it well, Brett!
its when people want sex with whoever they want, whenever they want
@@doop445 ya know we have a word for that but I feel UA-cam would delete my comment for it
@@doop445except...they dont want to deal with consequinces and take rensponsability.😁
@@doop445 either that or i start doing smack got get my high somewhere
Its a trap sir
The only “situationship” I can really get behind is in high school. I had a great rule that I couldn’t date until I was 18, which I never saw as an issue or hindrance to development. I met a great guy in high school who also wanted to focus on his studies, but we both really liked each other as friends and both and romantic interests, so we decided to wait until I turned 18 to date. I’m so glad we did because it built that strong bond of friendship, trust, and independence that a lot of my friends who were dating did not have. Now we’ve been together for 3 years and we’re still so in love with each other and plan on getting married once we’re financially stable! It’s stupid to have a situationship as an adult, but it has its place for the younger generation, I believe.
I think that’s really perceptive. It keeps high schoolers from getting too invested physically before looking at the emotional component and also from obsessing over a relationship that has ended because, at that time, it felt like the end of the world. It encourages you to get to know people without having your entire future on it.
I didn't have any rules in my home growing up, because me being the sister was parenting, but I advised my sisters that the relationships you have in high school can be things of convenience because you'd still be going to highschool even if you weren't dating. One of my sisters set up what I thought was a reasonable effort standard of one date night a week, decently dressed, paid for by helping out at home or volunteering, and had a limit on they were going to spend. She married her 2nd boyfriend. The other sister just decided to have fun with dating.
im doning the sme just tht covid drgged it
Indeed that Is what I was thinking. This kind of stuff sounds reasonable for teenagers when You still don't have organized your life. Adults though? It is just pathetic.
A 9 month situationship consumed my life for not only those 9 months but 2 YEARS after it ended. My now fiancé never once made me guess anything and has had to have so much patience with me when it comes to learning how a man is to truly treat and respect a woman. I love him so much for that.
Same!!! I'm engaged now too, but my situationship was about the same length and it took me so long to finally heal from it! I think it's lack of closure and the fact people made me feel invalidated because we were never in a real relationship anyway. But the feelings on my end were real and I did so much for the man but I was always told "I'm not ready for a relationship right now! Thank god we're both out of that situation because no one deserves that.
can relate to a certain extent. It took nearly 2 years to completely moved on from a 4 month situationship that occurred in one of the most unstable time of my life. Back then, the term wasn’t as mainstream as it is now. so naturally, I had a hard time figuring out what just happened. One of the lessons I learned was that if two people want any kind of relationship between them to work ( doesnt have to be a romantic one) then they would find a way to make it work.
I've lost all motivation for relationships because of the situationship, it is the most hurtful devastating relationship you will ever have, if you happen to fall in love with someone who can't make a dam choice
The plethora of choice makes this all just so difficult
I agree it’s really annoying and frustrating and putting your heart ,soul and feelings that I’ve never felt for anyone and really both decided to be friends even though we develop feelings for each
That’s why if I have been talking to someone for a month and he still can’t decide if he wants to date me or not, I end it. A month is enough time to know if you want to move forward with the other person or not. Saves more of your time and heart.
The solution is clear and forward communication. Put it out there and put the ball in their court. If they don't want to commit fter expressing the desire to do so, move on. Clear and honest communication of one's desires and intentions are the single best way to avoid finding yourself in a "situationship" because, by definition, they depend on a complete failure and unwillingness to communicate and risk confrontation between different interests.
@@kymarie20 do you let them sleep with you or not? just curious, as that could affect his decision (and prob not in a great way)
If you go into a relationship with the idea that "all relationships end" then you're never going to have any long term and healthy relationships in the first place.
It's one of those "technically true" cynical things to say - because *technically* even totally happy, healthy marriages eventually end - when one spouse dies.
Using that fact to justify floating in limbo rather than define your relationship and move forward is, however, completely asinine.
Agreed
Who’s Bret Dating?? Curious
Not at all. When I love I love as if we were going to be together forever, I'm open to marriage too. But we can't ignore the truth and numbers prove that love is not meant to be forever... yeah it would be amazing but we need to be honest with ourselves and know that the chances of it lasting forever are slim to none....
I dont think it makes relationships any less special, just more realistic.
@@lyvsix yet many people are happily married to the day they die.
I don't think the numbers prove that at all. Divorce rate is something like 40-50% in the US. Meaning a lot of people are in relationships which last long term.
Lol yep. I wish I knew all this before I ended up in a "situationship" for 4 years. I was naive and had low self esteem. I fell for all the maybes, excuses and 'I love you's, thinking I was crazy and it was normal.
Luckily, I met my current partner after speaking for a week about our values and aspirations. We knew on our first date that we wanted to be in a relationship. We know we want marriage and kids. It's been the happiest and least stressful 2 years of my life so far. I didn't realise everything I was missing out on in the past.
About a year ago I started taking myself more serious and started living by the standards that I want for myself and for my next girlfriend and that I would see in my future wife and I’ve noticed the people that I attract have changed and it’s actually helped me live a much happier and healthier life
This is what I want to do too! Best of luck to you!
Yes agree , you don't waste your time anymore and it's easier to walk away
proud of you for doing this friend! good luck on your journey
Wow good for you! I had something similar happen to me. When my last relationship ended, I gained a lot of clarity on what I wanted/didn’t want in my next partner. I started dating my current boyfriend a few months later and I believe he’s the man I’m going to marry. When you know what you want, it’s easy to say no to what you don’t want.
Situationships are exactly the opposite of what God intended. Wasted a year of my life. learned a lot and ended up leaving the “situationship” for my husband.
BEST decision of my life ❤
your sky wizard isn't real.
@@coltonsmith3270 she didn't say anything about a sky wizard. You play too much Skylanders ya six-year-old. 😆
Same! My situationship lasted 8 months, I called it quits and literally met my husband a month later!
@@coltonsmith3270 you’re not real.
@@coltonsmith3270 you're wrong.
Amala said it right “talking to someone for six months(situation) without being official means they are scared of commitment” situation ships are incredibly stupid
replacing 'fucking someone' with 'talking to someone' is also stupid and cowardly
Exactly, which will likely make them more trouble than they're worth investing in. If they can't commit to the relationship they'll likely take 20 years to commit to marriage or kids if you do end up together.
For a majority, yes, But for specific cases like my own, no. I disagree with the situationship thing because I know most people have no intentions of commitment and simply want the benefits, but as someone who is also in a situationship myself, for me at least, it has nothing to do with the fear of responsibility and commitment like most of this generation. It’s quite a bit more complicated. So as much as I agree with the “scared of commitment” I understand there ARE exceptions to it.
A situationship is like the ultimate "You really should just talk it out" scenario. Like the only way to really be in one seems to be not talking it out and agreeing to terms.
The guy at the beginning of the video totally described my past relationship. We dated for about 5-6 months where we were basically boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was really using that time to really know her, her values, friends, wishes, etc.. when I mentioned the seriousness of the relationship she dropped out BY TEXT.
It really sucks how much people just doesn’t care that much for other people
These kind of people just hurt feelings of others cuz they are scared of commitment. Just focus on yourself and build yourself . Ignore bs . ❤
Sorry to hear that dude. I pretty much got divorced over text 😂
Its like a pool of elementary school kids dating. Thats what its starting to feel like. Its very childish.
Lol you got strung along and used for attention by a 304 and you call it a relationship. Simp
Pro Tip for those in the dating market: If you have a dating/relationship coach who asserts that "all relationships end", it is time to fire that coach, go outside, touch grass, and talk to people who have a brain between their ears.
Back in my day (I've always wanted to say that!) we used the term "talking". That meant you were not yet dating, but you were interested in the person and were spending time together. That phase usually lasted less than a month (assuming you had time for a couple dates in that time period). If you cannot figure out if you want to date someone seriously in that time frame, you already have your answer (hint: it is no).
The girl who described a healthy situtationship as basically a relationship is just a defining moment for millennials and zoomers.
Our generation is so convinced that we know better than our parents that we start doing the opposite of them, realize it sucks, make small adjustments over time, and eventually come full circle then claim we made somekind of major discovery.
Not only on dating. You guys always want to lecture and educate millenials. It's all right, I guess. Part of growing up
It’s funny and sad how true this is lmao
‘As I Please’ ~George Orwell
“SOMEWHERE or other-I think it is in the preface to Saint Joan-Bernard Shaw remarks that we are more gullible and superstitious today than we were in the Middle Ages, and as an example of modern credulity he cites the widespread belief that the earth is round. The average man, says Shaw, can advance not a single reason for thinking that the earth is round. He merely swallows this theory because there is something about it that appeals to the twentieth-century mentality.
Now, Shaw is exaggerating, but there is something in what he says, and the question is worth following up, for the sake of the light it throws on modern knowledge. Just why do we believe that the earth is round? I am not speaking of the few thousand astronomers, geographers and so forth who could give ocular proof, or have a theoretical knowledge of the proof, but of the ordinary newspaper-reading citizen, such as you or me.
As for the Flat Earth theory, I believe I could refute it. If you stand by the seashore on a clear day, you can see the masts and funnels of invisible ships passing along the horizons. This phenomenon can only be explained by assuming that the earth’s surface is curved. But it does not follow that the earth is spherical. Imagine another theory called the Oval Earth theory, which claims that the earth is shaped like an egg. What can I say against it?
Against the Oval Earth man, the first card I can play is the analogy of the sun and moon. The Oval Earth man promptly answers that I don’t know, by my own observation, that those bodies are spherical. I only know that they are round, and they may perfectly well be flat discs. I have no answer to that one. Besides, he goes on, what reason have I for thinking that the earth must be the same shape as the sun and moon? I can’t answer that one either.
My second card is the earth’s shadow: when cast on the moon during eclipses, it appears to be the shadow of a round object. But how do I know, demands the Oval Earth man, that eclipses of the moon are caused by the shadow of the earth? The answer is that I don’t know, but have taken this piece of information blindly from newspaper articles and science booklets.
Defeated in the minor exchanges, I now play my queen of trumps: the opinion of the experts. The Astronomer Royal, who ought to know, tells me that the earth is round. The Oval Earth man covers the queen with his king. Have I tested the Astronomer Royal’s statement, and would I even know a way of testing it? Here I bring out my ace. Yes, I do know one test. The astronomers can foretell eclipses, and this suggests that their opinions about the solar system are pretty sound. I am therefore justified in accepting their say-so about the shape of the earth.
If the Oval Earth man answers-what I believe is true-that the ancient Egyptians, who thought the sun goes round the earth, could also predict eclipses, then bang goes my ace. I have only one card left: navigation. People can sail ships round the world, and reach the places they aim at, by calculations which assume that the earth is spherical. I believe that finishes the Oval Earth man, though even then he may possibly have some kind of counter.
It will be seen that my reasons for thinking that the earth is round are rather precarious ones. Yet this is an exceptionally elementary piece of information. On most other questions I should have to fall back on the expert much earlier, and would be less able to test his pronouncements. And much the greater part of our knowledge is at this level. It does not rest on reasoning or on experiment, but on authority. And how can it be otherwise, when the range of knowledge is so vast that the expert himself is an ignoramous as soon as he strays away from his own speciality? Most people, if asked to prove that the earth is round, would not even bother to produce the rather weak arguments I have outlined above. They would start off by saying that ’everyone knows’ the earth to be round, and if pressed further, would become angry. In a way Shaw is right. This is a credulous age, and the burden of knowledge which we now have to carry is partly responsible.”
I'm guessing it would have been the rule since ages; the older generation guides the younger with their experience, and the younger generation looks up to them.
Currently, mills and zoomers have vilified the older generation as this evil and oppressing force that must not be listened to. Sure, we have a lot of differences and in some places the 'generation gap' is huge, but still.
Coming from a teen btw
this is what every generation did in the history of ever. it's a normal cycle. the details of the cycle are fucked (which i balame on technology primarily) but it's not unusual
Petition for Dailywire to sell some merch with Bretts "Go touch grass" on it. Always cracks me up when she says it. Would definitely wear that t-shirt! 😃
Yes!
I’m all for this
Agreed! One of her best catchphrases!
Lol, I don't need to touch grass I mow 3 times a week lol
I hate situationships. Really horrible. I had one unfortunately and I hope it will never, ever, happen again. I am 33 and it's really hard to find someone who isn't afraid and who is serious
I was in a situationship 1 time(not hooking up though) and it was absolute misery. The utter emotional unclarity and unwillingness to communicate what the hell they wanted from the other person just made it agonizingly unbearable. I can’t make you happy and feel loved if I don’t know what the hell you want because you refuse to talk to me about it.
Same! Worst thing ever
Almost the same as dating an emotionally unavailable person. Not much different.
I went through a two year situationship TWICE
with two different people. Both were terrible
You are either in an intimate relationship or you aren’t. This is one of the MANY incredibly simple concepts that people in my generation (Gen Z) just can’t seem to figure out.
Yep. One relationship is challenging enough but then you add Tom & Harry dick
The try to make the rules like they have this stance then make themselves and the world believe they were the first to ever come up with the idea. They have this arrogance and "brilliance." (so they think)
This
Yea it’s strange to date people and not have marriage as the goal. Why date at all? 15+ years ago people who didn’t want to get married simply had one night stands and didn’t date.
@@mastersnet18wait but some people don’t want marriage right
Situationships are nothing short of a nightmare. When there's no definition, all that's left is confusion and CONSTANT stress. What is the point of being with someone who doesn't even care enough about you to be in an actual relationship with you? What does that say about how little they respect you? Be in or out.
It feels like people nowadays are scared of commitment. Ill never understand why people drag out talking stages like this 💀 im so glad me and my boyfriend made it official after two weeks of talking
I am guessing it's the sexual revolution. It promised us everyone will be free and happier. It seems like we are trying so hard to really separate sex and relationships to live up to that idea. However, we cannot do that, we want more.
@@kubetail12 thats definitely true. Its such a toxic progressive idea that circles right back to worse issues
Because women tend to hold out for something better, while attractive men like sleeping around.
Situationships traumatized me. I’m very happy to be (almost) married now and out of this dating pool.
Life is too short to waste time with someone you have no intention of being with long-term or who plans to leave you as soon as someone better comes along.
My now husband and I hashed out what we wanted in a relationship and where we wanted to be within the first few dates. He had been hurt badly in his last relationship and I was afraid of commitment, but neither of us wanted to waste time and energy. We chose to be transparent and committed. It's not easy (no relationship is), but it is so worth it. I've never felt happier or more loved.
I actually met my husband on Tinder and I was very up front about what I wanted and so was he. Not to say we didn’t have bumps on the road but I’m glad I met him. My husband is the exception not the rule though.. Tinder is a cesspool of doom and disappointment most of the time
I met my husband through online gaming, and like you I found an amazing man I love dearly… and I totally do not recommend girls in general try what I did, lol.
@@luthasunspell8365 💯
Being in a situationship was literally one of the most stressful and anxiety producing things I've gone through in my life. I never knew if I should be caring as much as I was and I expected too much even though we agreed not to date yet continued to act like "friends with benefits." It was emotionally and mentally exhausting. Once you realize that someone isn't right for you, you should immediately draw boundaries and not hold onto a false hope that it could develop into something more. That "chill" aspect does not allow for security and stability, which is what we actually want, especially us women
I’m part of generation Z when I was in my teens and early 20s that was called “leading someone on” and it never ended well for either person. 😑
I have been in situationship for almost 2 years and let me tell you it is neither fun nor an amazing experience. It is a recipe of utter confusion. Well if you are wondering, no I didn't wanted to be in a situationship but the other person just "couldn't commit" and we somehow agreed on going with the flow. I was a dumbass to put myself through this situation and really disrespected myself by agreeing to a situationship as I had genuine feelings for this person. I was Ghosted during this time, I was not valued (of course), I was manipulated etc etc. I was totally drained. And yes I finally took decision to walk away.
Things like this make me so happy to be a Zoomer who got married when I was 20. I've never had to deal with any of this crap. Prayers for all my fellow Gen Z peers who are still in the dating scene. 🙏
You'll be back after you divorce your husband in 5-6 years lol
Hey!! Nice to see another "married at 20" person in the comments. Good for you. ^^
@@pocnit All I hear from your comment is jealousy. Even just in raw statistics daphrose has a much better chance of staying with her (his? Sorry, hard to tell online sometimes 😅) spouse than not.
I'm another married at 20 woman and coming up on my 13 year anniversary this year. And it has been a blissful 13 at that.
@Pocnit my mom married my dad when she was 20 and him 25. Still married 32 years later 🤷🏽♀️not religious either
"Dating scene" weird we are not waiting to get picked up
Mutually exclusive situtationship sounds like a relationship in which neither of sides has a courage to ask the other one to be their partner nor break it up properly. 😅
As someone who's been searching for a relationship but keeps ending up with people who are only down with situationships, dump them. Dump them and never look back because there's someone out there who's gonna actually want you long term
I'm embarrassed to be apart of this generation. "situationships" aren't a thing, you either are dating, or you aren't, people need to figure that out, or they won't be able to be in a relationship.
The term first appeared in a semi-jokey post in 2010 on Baggage reclaim. It was a throwaway, non-serious thing, that has been building into a "serious" term over the past couple years thanks to someone who found the term, and decided to claim she'd invented it, and then used it to oblivion.
if you cant commit, dont try to go looking for it.
@@youkilledma1211 exactly. It's not that hard
@@youkilledma1211 I highly disagree with the whole situationship thing, but Im in one myself. For me, personally, it has nothing to do with a lack of commitment. It’s an entirely different situation involving several factors. I do plan to make it official eventually, but since I have yet to do so, and we are no where near a friendship, it is still under the “situationship” category. I am in an actual ‘committed situationship’. Thoughts?
Additionally, I did not look for love. It simply happened between a friend and I.
@@emptyempty4238 well the real question would be do you want to make it official? or do you love your friend/partner? and if so, I think it would be wise to sit down with your friend/partner and ask them if you two are in a relationship or atleast ponder the idea of being in a relationship. really just ask what your friend/partner thinks. I hope this helped
So basically a "situationship" is a 10 month long first date. 🤣
🌹
More like a 10 month long 4th date. Had sex, now what?
Bingo 😅
My friend's been in a situationship for a year now. They've apparently even told each other that they love each other, yet they still aren't officially together or in a "relationship", solely because he doesn't want to be. I know she really cares about him and only wants to be with him, but I'm genuinely worried for her. I just don't see how this could end well.
Its fucked up to say i love you and not commit damn
You’re a good friend. She should leave him
If he doesn't want a real relationship then it is pointless and she will only feel " less than or not enough" very sad because she should want something real with someone that really cares about her.
Situationship sounds alot like two kids having a crush on eachother and because they know they shouldn't cross certain lines, it just becomes nonexistent after a time.
Thats why when ur young you keep everybody as a friend, nothing more.
and if your in marriage age, go for marriage, stop wasting time.
I just said similiar and didnt see your comment. Yeah, its like elementary school kids liking eachother but only crushing.
@@proper.role.model.819 For real, people just need to grow up
"Situationship" is how a player convinces you they are "committing" so you'll agree to be a steady side piece.
To be honest, this is one reason why I am not looking into dating right now and why I still haven't been in actual relationship at 21. People nowadays don't it want a committed relationship and are more into hookup culture than anything. 🤷
Same, I'm 22. Never been in a relationship and I feel like I missed my chance because everyone just wants to hook up, not to commit and it's annoying.
Find yourself a good one that's willing to openly speak about their past. Fuck settling down for some 50 body count hoe that wants to "try something serious"
I was in a situationship with one of my best friends and honestly it was terrible. I felt like shit the whole time, I seriously lied to myself about how it would end and it obliterated my confidence. Luckily I met my husband not too long after and he showed me how someone who loves you should treat you.
I experienced something like this actually, it was my most toxic “relationship” I ever had with anyone.. we were good friends who got close exactly how Brett explained and then things got sexual. He didn’t want to date but told me we were exclusive. Then I repeatedly found him “cheating” on me and it made me extremely depressed, because we were never officially dating he always hung that over my head even though we agreed to not see other people. Anyways I’m happy now years later but it’s hard to have this without feelings developing
Yep! Even if you agree to something stupid to attempt to be cool or a people-pleaser you are often later feeling dejected when you discover that whole bit was simply to eliminate their guilt about having no loyalty or respect for you
I was in a situationship for 2.5 years. Never again. Worst thing I could have ever done for my self esteem.
Never really thought about it too much before, but after watching this, I'd say I'm in a situationship. And I 110% agree, it's not worth it. Too much stress, not enough knowing where it's gonna go, and there's clearly something there which makes it even worse. To anyone reading this, if you find yourself falling into this and you don't want to be part of it, get out asap
Whenever the media says “… and that's a good thing,” it's a bad or stupid thing, usually both.
I'm Gen X... I'm very proud of that! I love Brett's content! Well done!
I'm a millennial who now identifies as gen x🤣🤣🤣
I'm Gen X as well and raised Gen Z kids. Thank goodness my kids have "old fashion" values that I've taught them and both kids are in meaningful and loving monogamous relationships.
Well if the X fits....
I'm Gen X and I just started having kids (2 and 4)... glad I skipped two whole generations (millennials and Gen Z). Wonder what my kids will be called lol
@@shaunsteele6926 That's very cool actually. I heard one time what this generation will be called but totally forgot it. In my opinion, it's all about how parents raise their kids, no matter what generation they live in. 2 and 4 years old are such fun ages, my kids are 2 years apart too. These are the best times when they're young and fun. All the best.
You're totally correct, Brett. I don't think anyone enjoys situationships. I was really good friends with a girl, and we got super close and were spending a lot of time together. It got to the point where our mutual friends assumed we were together, and that made her freak out and she gradually ghosted me over several months. We were basically in a 2-year long 'situationship', and it was so confusing and took me a long time to get over. It was a terrible experience, but it at least taught me to be vocal about my intentions, and to make sure the other person does the same. I don't see how any so-called 'relationship experts' can look at this as emotionally healthy for anyone.
This makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong for not wanting to rush into a serious relationship
Have you ever been in a situationship? It mostly always ends up badly, someone gets hurt and the other person is just living their regular life .. “it’s a situationship for one person and nothing for the other”
I wouldn't quite say that I have been in a situationship before, but I definitely have been in something that was pretty darn close to being one. It was terrible because I really liked the dude, but he wasn't ready to be in a relationship due to personal reasons and didn't want to enter into one with all the emotional baggage he had, so we stayed friends. However, I spent the entire friendship wanting to be more than that, so it became this vicious cycle of telling myself "We're just friends, don't read into it. We're just friends, don't read into it." Eventually I moved on, and the reason why I say it wasn't quite a situationship was because I know that he never meant to torture me that way and he probably wasn't even aware of it in the first place. With all of that being said, you best believe that it made me really mad and perplexed to hear that psychologists and therapists -- of all people -- are saying that situationships are "fine and freeing". It's only "fine and freeing" for one person, but for the other one, it's hell on Earth.
You're either in a relationship or you're not in a relationship. If you happen to be in a situationship, that should be a warning sign that either a) you have to communicate with each other about the situation you have found yourselves in and agree and act upon whatever you guys decide (stay friends or start dating); or b) someone is being used because the other one just wants to feel something or wants the feelings of being in a relationship without actually being in one (basically that person is being used)
I was not expecting to go on a rant here, but that really riled me up lol
I am 25 and this shocks me. Wtf. I have never heard or have seen anything like this. The fact that proffesionals lack values and common sense that my friends had 5 years ago. Sad. Pathetic. I feel like anyone who lives their life in correlation with the online trends and norms live in a parallel universe.
The phrase is new, but the actions are not. I was single throughout the '90s. It was common enough for a girl to assume she was in an exclusive relationship because of the way the guy acted. He never asked for exclusivity. He never used his words to express interest. She just assumed.
Things like calling & talking most nights, spending a lot of one-on-one time together, kissing.
I even knew some who the guy would insist they weren't dating and the woman would say "We are dating". So, weird.
I was in a "situationship" my junior year of high school. At first, it just seemed like him and I were becoming really close friends, but then we started getting more emotionally involved and even a little bit physically. At the time, I didn't really know what to expect or what was going on, but I remember wondering if he was gonna ask me out officially soon or what. This event, similar to prom but more formal, came up, and he and I were gonna go together. He played lacrosse even though he claimed he hated it and had a lacrosse tournament the same weekend but wasn't planning on going so he could go with me... I thought maybe he'd ask me then... but literally less than a week before the formal event, he canceled on me to go to the tournament, and I had to third wheel some of my other friends. We got in a huge fight after because he ditched me last minute for something he claimed wasn't important to him. It's also important to note that whenever we hit a rough spot in our unconfirmed relationship, he would bring up his ex and remind you he broke up with because she was too clingy. (Red flag). Anyway, after the school year, he ghosted me completely which was hard because I was so invested at seemingly in love with this person that it felt like he had stabbed me in the back, twisted the knife, and poisoned me just for good measure. Situationships are emotionally dangerous and easily leave you vulnerable both physically and mentally. It's not as "fun," as anybody thinks. Even if you want it It's not that simple to keep a guard against a relationship. It's like standing behind paper as someone is trying to shoot you, falsely assuming it will protect you from the shots fired. Don't do it, even if you "want to." You're lying to yourself.
The modern dating scene is like a huge car pile up on the motorway, carnage everywhere and upsetting to see but you can’t help but stare in wonder at how this happened.
perfect analogy 👌
The prefect movie plot
I’m Gen-X… when I was a teenager it was basically clear you’re together from the first time you kissed🤷🏻♀️ or you got asked if you want to be girl/boyfriend.
It was simple, it was clear.
When I was dating as an adult I was very clear that my end goal is a committed relationship. Yes, dating, having fun etc is part of the process but if you can’t decide if you want to have an exclusive relationship with me a couple of months in, I am moving on. A yes is a yes; a maybe is a no. Bye boy. NEXT!
Before watching this, I was one of the people who had no idea what a situationship was. After watching this, I feel very old (I'm 33), but in this case I'm ecstatic that I missed out on this whippersnapper thing. So glad to be happily married and not dealing with this kind of BS.
As a younger millennial, I can safely say situationships aren't just a Gen Z thing but they really, really suck. Nothing worse than being in a "situationship", only for the other person to start dating someone else (which has happened to me twice). Makes dating really hard
It took me 29 years to find the right woman. Love, support, respect and common goals needs to be put first. But it has to come both way. After 6 months, if your partner did not gave you that. I don't think it will
On an unrelated note, congrats on passing Matt Walsh on subscribers Brett! Such a crazy milestone when put into perspective but you both are doing amazing work
Situationships honestly sound so stressful and horrible
I had the same feeling about millennials. I felt like everyone paired up in late teens/early 20s and everyone that was left were people who didn't want to commit, wanted to "tRaVeL" or whatever first. They were never sure and I always felt like it was a waste of my time in the end. Now I'm approaching 30s, most of the high school sweet hearts are broken up and I finnaly met someone who's willing to commit and want marriage and family. It's been wild. I'm definitely eternally grateful for my boyfriend.
Millennial myself. Def seen exactly what you described play out both thru high school and after. I think I was in college when I did start hearing about situationship. It’s been around for a while
I feel like our generation was more into relationships than Gen Z. Remember promise rings and virginity pledges?
I have honestly never heard this term before.
Ugh I could not agree moreee!! I was basically in a situationship on and off for YEARS waiting for it to be something more. The whole time was so anxiety provoking and I had so many meltdowns. The “situationship” guy tried to make it “cute” calling us “lovers” when I pushed to define it. And acted like I only wanted the title as some type of prize, making me feel like I was crazy… but it was actually quite gaslighting
I was in a situationship for THREE YEARS. I wanted the relationship and he wasn't sure... but he didn't want to let go either. By some miracle, we have now been in a committed relationship for 6 months and it's only now, when I look back on those first three years, that I see the emotional and mental hell I was in: trying to convince him, to be good enough, to say or do the right thing to finally make him commit. Even though we are together now, I would never do that again and if I had the chance to do it over, I would walk away after that first month when he said we should just be friends. The hell I put myself through and the scars I have from it aren't worth it.
Three years to be a boyfriend? That’s nuts.
This what happens when you let sex positivity gets out of control. People forget what relationships look like.
People have become animals, driven by sex, pleasure and short term satisfaction, respect to all the people who work hard for a goal in the long term they know will pay off
I absolutely love how you have such passion about this. You’re right, they are a nightmare. I hadn’t heard of a situationship until I’ve ended up in one. The confusion and insecurity it causes is unbelievable. Then trying to get out is messy. I’m 45. X
We’ve had a term for this in Indonesia way longer than situationship has been around: HTS - hubungan tanpa status, which literally translates to connection without status. And, unfortunately, I was in a situationship for about 10 years. It sucked. Ain’t no way anyone is encouraging them! Now I’m happily engaged with a guy who was interested in setting expectations and boundaries with me from the beginning.
I've completely given up on dating and have isolated myself emotionally 😂
My now husband and I dated for 6 months before we got engaged We didn't get into the physical aspect of our relationship until we had been together for a year. We wanted to focus upon the friendship aspect of our relationship before we threw sex into the mix . I have always believed that when you start off a relationship with the physical that. When that part of your relationship has Downs There's nothing keeping your relationship together and it falls apart. But when you use friendship as your foundation your relationship is more likely to last. We have now been married for 13 years been together for 15. We have had lots of up-and-down but the fact that we are friends 1st and lovers 2nd is What Has kept our relationship together.
I thought a situation ship was a relationship that happened out of nowhere that you weren’t expecting. I feel ashamed calling my relationship one 😂
a situationship is incredible in the moment, then you come back to real life and realize you’ve been in one and stay hurting for a month
As a 40+ year old father of 2 girls I watch you to help me prepare for the future. The dating scene has changed quite a bit since my time….
Good luck.. you may wanna start taking your daughter to golf courses and finding husbands for them. I wished my dad did
This generation is a massive embarrassment of immature adults who refuse to grow up 😶 I’m just not dating until my mid twenties.
Maybe situationships are part of the reason why people have such a tough issue with boundaries nowadays.
I hate that I somehow landed in this boat like I thought I was above this.
I'm so happy some of us have still experienced traditional dating/love in this day and age
I was in two situationships in college. Never sexual as we went to a Christian university but went out with two guys pretty exclusively. The first one told me that he wasn't ready to date. Ended up getting a friend of mine pregnant, married her a year later and cheated on her, got another girl pregnant, divorced my friend and married his baby mama. The second guy wanted to have dinner with me to discuss what we were, ghosted me three times so I just never talked to him again. He is a local pastor now and married a nice girl. But looking back I realized that he needed a woman to take care of him like a child. I'm not talking like a "help meet" wife, I'm talking he was very emotionally immature.
Now I've been married almost 7 years to a man I met at church who was upfront about his feelings. One toddler and one on the way. Situationships are not real relationships.
Damn two kids, condolences
Society has been slowly deteriorating for a while, we went from:
Courtship -seeing someone for the purpose of marriage, a clear goal in mind)
Relationship - being with someone with commitment but no guarantee
Dating - casualling seeing each, open for dating others
Situationship - just occasionally occupying each others company until something better comes along 😢
Just realised that I was in a similar sinario with a guy.... and I wasn't sure if we were actually a couple and then he just ... stopped talking to me.
It wasn't fun realising I wasted a year trying to make a relationship work out (although it was not truly a real relationship)
I hope I actually find a guy who wants to have a real relationship, and a future together.
* edit - for context
I know I was responsible for not making it work out but there was a lot more going on with him as well. We were both going through different life changes and my previous relationship was not the best experience so I was fearful of it repeating itself, and he was still mourning over someone close to him at the time we both caught feelings for each other. We weren't ready mentally and weren't the most mature minded then. As far as I know he's getting the help he needed.
I'm recovering and getting out into the world, and pushing past my stupid fears.
That's your fault. You haven't made it clear. Clarity from the beginning is how adults start relationships
@@thatElene well I should have known he wasn't ready/mentally well for a relationship. He wasn’t exactly dating me either. Once I had a talk with him about making it work and that would require change in my life and his own, to better ourselves and get our crap in order if we wanted it. He agreed but then started dating another girl, and when that didn't work out... I became a rebound... I said I wasn’t OK with it but after a long phone call I thought we'd worked it out. Probably should have mentioned it in the comment above but I loved the guy, he wasn’t ready for a committed relationship and I haven't heard anything from him since then . And we're both young, 19(me)and 20(him) and quite frankly I know what I had done wrong, but I learned not to be quiet and terrified of what I need to say.
@@thatElene BTW I do agree with your statement, as I said we both weren't ready and I was scared of getting into another relationship (past problems), I'm trying to get out into the world for work and to make proper effort as a contributing member of society and to not be scared of speaking up on anything. Sorry if I didn't make it clear in the comment. Hopefully you're having a good day . 👍
@@Glynn1087 I understand you. I myself was a bit shocked when a guy asked me right away what my intentions are, how many partners did I have and if I want to have kids in the future ☺️ I was confused because there was no clarity before in other starting relationships (they've all failed). The guy told me he wanted to have a healthy traditional family and don't want to waste his time any more. It might sound harsh and non romantic at first but I realised that it's the right way to find a human who wants exactly the same as you. I'm 30 now and honestly I've waisted at least 10 years of my life waiting for the wrong people to decide and commit. When I was your age I thought I had all the time, but time runs very quick so we need to make right decisions. I wish you all the best of luck 💖💖💖🤞
@@thatElene thanks for that.
It strange how much he did want it to work out, he wanted a family of his own at some point, and quite frankly I did too. But regardless I have time to meet someone who is ready.
And again thank you for your words.
I was in a situationship 3 years ago, it still makes me sad thinking about that guy. I really wanted to be in a relationship with him but I knew it wasn’t going to work so I led him on and I still full incredibly bad for it to this day.
People are in situationships because they have been traumatised from real relationships and social pressure to get into ones. So they enter situationships because they are afraid of getting screwed over and losing their time in relationship with someone who is incompetent to be in one. And oh boy do we know a lot of people who claim they want relationships but end up being neglectful, cheaters, liars, manipulators, abusers who are posing for the society that they did their homework, showing off to people and then bailing u for someone else.
“Situationships” are the root of the problem in the dating scene. We need to teach the new generations to learn how to be serious when looking to be in a relationship. It’s perfectly normal to decide to commit to each other for life on the 1st meeting if you find someone you’re compatible with.
In retrospect, a lot of my relationship anxiety was me experiencing emotional flashbacks from my cptsd (held hostage at 3yo and again in 2014) while being in situationships, with fawning as my coping mechanism. Basically trying to play it cool and afraid to appear clingy, suppressing my needs. I came out devastated, my self esteem in the gutter, from each of these interactions. So I really hate it when our culture panders and normalizes emotional unavailability. I grew up thinking the situationship was the normal 1st step to any relationship (this is what pop culture teaches us), but it never would evolve into something solid. To my surprise, I learned this is what codependency looks like and secure people are the ones who are okay saying they want to get married early into dating and any other needs they have. Yes, it will repel some prospective partners, but that's a good thing.
Married now to a man who never made me doubt his love for me and makes sure I feel okay to speak my mind and voice my needs ❤.
Brett, I love when you start going on a rant right after watching a video because you talk so fast and you are so sarcastic and funny its hilarious!
A situationship is a relationship where (usually) the guy either wants to keep his options open or has commitment issues. Trust me, I'm a guy that was in multiple situationships in college a couple years ago!
Exactly! When it’s the opposite it’s usually a girl who just likes the attention and the dude is a simp beta cuck lol
It's baffling to think Brett was ghosted, looks like a lot of the people with the capacity for something truly good in a relationship just don't end up in one😄 What a world we live in.
I’m a millennial who met my husband when I was 21, and therefore just missed the advent of tinder and all dating apps. The way things have devolved in the dating world horrifies me. At the time I told my now husband that I didn’t hang out alone with a man unless it was a date, and that’s what got him- a total commitment-phobe- to ask me out. He said he started feeling stupid trying to arrange group things when he really just…wanted to hang out with me alone!
my friend was telling me about his "situationship" and they both clearly really really like each other, and they're mutually exclusive and they go on dates and do everything a normal couple would do. and I think the only reason he's afraid to commit to the titles "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is because he might get deployed. as if calling it something else will allow him to manipulate himself when they have to say goodbye.
100%. My friend was active duty marine corps and completely ghosted me before deployment. We reconnected after and he confessed that its not uncommon for men to cut ties before deployment, as it helps them "cushion the blow" if something were to happen.
I'm 29 and I watch your videos haha 😅. Married expecting my first baby but sadly in my younger years I had guys who wouldn't tell me what we were... and it sucked and was confusing and I regret all those "relationships"
I'm 44 and I watch her videos, too! I'm married and I've never been in a "situationship". Never heard of a "situationship" until now.
Me too, 29 but with 3 children and married. I found myself in one of these "situationships" it was friends with benefits except we never did anything sexual.
This reminds me of a guy who only thought love was a chemical reaction in the brain and that it was useless and a waste of time. His mom must of never shown him what love is?
i was in a situation ship last year, trust me, it sucks. it’s stressful and you are always so confused, it’s over now, but it still stresses me out when people ask what we were.
To play devil’s advocate, I think the reason why situationships are a thing a lot of the time is because people are too guarded with themselves emotionally; which is understandable. Relationships call for people to be emotionally vulnerable, and that can be a scary thing.
Sounds like a easy way to be openly manipulated and emotionally abused.
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 how so?
@@ishmaelwilliams842 if there's no establishment of a relationship or commitment, they can technically do whatever behind your back without being in the wrong for doing so while manipulating and gas lighting you into thinking you need to do more to prove your emotions in very subtle ways. They can trick you into thinking your lack of communication over what's happening validates them treating you horribly, there's so many different ways.
@@apatheticxmindsetx3549 that’s exactly why people are guarded with their feelings and get into situationships. People do all those things regardless of whether they’re in a relationship or not.
@@ishmaelwilliams842 that literally makes no sense. If a relationship is established and openly shown to freinds, family and people in general, any manipulation or harmful behavior shows someone's actual character and can actually tell a lot about a person who is constantly doing wrong in a relationship. This, no one's going to really acknowledge or validate the problems. There was never any commitment or boundaries actually established or any sense of partnership so if you get screwed over, you are not a victim of anything done against you. No one in the comments are suggesting they were guarding their feelings. If anything, they are acting like a victim of exactly what I'm talking about
I will never understand why people get romantically involved with someone for essentially no long-term or healthy reason? Literally just attraction and validation? People just want that immediate gratification from somebody without having to actually commit to them. You don't need a situationship, you need therapy.
I was in a "Situationship" for a whole school year with someone my freshman year of college. Three months after I ended it I met my husband.
This is because a lot of ppl have Avoidant Attachment styles, which makes them avoid relationships and just want hookups or being in the honeymoon phase, but not wanting to deal with anything serious.
I think its actually for all attachment styles. Because all 3 insecure attachment styles are not emotionally available and open for real commitment. Which is marriage!!
If you are anxiously attached, you also may end up in a situationship and I think the most people who are in this have disorganized attachment style….I was in one too after a 9 year relationship ended and after just 3 years I realized that my 9 year relationship was also somehow a situationship , but with a little bit commitment. Because obviously we cared for each other, shared our life together and it was somehow like a marriage, but without the responsibilities of one. And still we didn’t get married for no valid reason except attachment issues, but only dated to marry in the beginning….
Shoutout to the guys that had a “situation-ship” with Brett LMFAO😂🤣