"My Husband with Dementia Knows Something Is Wrong"
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2023
- It’s our mission to make dementia caregiving easier for families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, frontotemporal dementia, lewy body dementia, vascular dementia, or any other type of dementia. We do so by making free educational training videos like this so that anyone with an internet connection can access this information.
In this video, I chat with an amazing Careblazer who is caring for her husband with Alzheimer's disease. She shares how she was able to get her husband to stop doing the finances AND take a bath! I hope she serves as inspiration and hope that change is possible.
To join Judi and other amazing Careblazers inside the Care Course, you can sign up for a free class to learn more at: www.careblazers.com/a/43407/D...
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Managing Stress and Burnout: • DEMENTIA SELF-CARE AND...
Dealing with Challenging Behaviors:
• DIFFICULT DEMENTIA BEH...
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare
I been trying o get help in the last 4 yrs. and i have not gotten it I been having
hardship time. My husband is always on the floor he falls a lot. and he does not le me get no help
I just can help him like i use to because i am sick myself. I just feel like walking away and not turning back
Finances were my husbands forte.....he used to actually do investing.
I saw things not being taken care of.
Luckily we had 99% of all the bills on automatic payment.
Taking driving away was hard taking the bills paying away is hard but necessary
Dr. Natalie, this was so strange for me to rewatch our interview.... I did not remember all the comments we both made during the time we spent talking. Thank you for allowing me to chat with you and watch it later..... I really like holding up the mirror and analyzing what happened and how we got there. /thank you. Will the interviews be available for us to re-watch them again. I loved Lizzie's video also. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.... Judi
This video will be here forever for you to rewatch as much as you want 💖 thank you for sharing your story.
thank you Judith for sharing your experience with us.
Thanks! Judi is a mindful buffet of actions led with respect, heart and courage.
I ❤ Judi I ❤Judi! I had to pull the car over and cry tears of profound brilliance. Oh my this is the best video and I needed to hear this today! Thank you for adding a few more tools to my careblazer tool box. Andrea huntington beach California
Wow, i can say how awesome it was hearing your journey with your husband's care.
I frequently deal ,frustratingly, with people telling me “oh, just let him….” and I find myself explaining to them that this is not about my opinion, this is about his safety AND this is about how much it will cost us ( on a limited budget) if I let him go ahead and destroy a piece of equipment (like our $1400 leaf vacuum) if I don’t stop him. Why do I find myself justifying myself to them?!
Quickly learning not to argue or try to explain! Especially if it doesn't make a difference. I'm also realizing that my mom is not able to think "rationally" so I am not going to expect that from her. Her safety is no longer within her ability. It's our responsibility from this point on.
Once someone passes the POA is void. So if you need to take care of a payments, bills or any business, don't mention the LO has pass if they don't ask.
Judi is delightful. Her husband is so lucky he has such an intelligent caregiver.
When my mother lived alone, she would take her bills and put them in a plastic bag and then in boxes. She was facing foreclosure! Her caretaker let me know it was time for me to take over her bills.
I opened up a separate account for my spouse that is overdraft protected by a savings account. My husband is still mobile and loves shopping. He uses voice software to order online. My husband is also aware of his dementia and because of his IQ and his work life he knows how to cover it up really well.
Mine just said, put me on an ice flo in Alaska.. I'm good for nothing anymore... 😢😢😢
It must be fate for me to see this today as I’m having to face up to taking over our finances which I have never had to do. Judy has the advantage of being able to understand investments etc. I don’t and it’s really worrying for me. My husband ‘shuffles paperwork’ all the time too now so it’s obvious that it’s almost time for me to take over. I’m grateful that I can come to this channel to find good advice in the future
I had to get a financial attorney to help with money.
My husband was great at it. But not now...
My goodness! For a long life and the stress in her current situation, she seems younger than her age. She's calm and together.
This is so much work im burnt
I was really worrying about how I was going to switch daddy to disposable underwear after he got a new medication that caused bowel problems, but I just decided to go ahead and buy some and introduced them to him as “ new underwear “.
He didn’t have any problems wearing them and it has saved me a lot of laundry!!!
Still working on getting his days and nights straightened out so we both sleep at the same time .
Thank you Judi for your openness and Natilee for arranging interviews like this.❤ 7:53
Sending hugs and prayers. facility owners and investors do not care about their residents, our vulnerable elderly population. Do not apologize for expecting the BASIC care and courtesy for your loved one!❤🙏🙏
I'm up @5:50 in the morning watching this video because I have seen signs of dementia in my husband of 30Years. He's 58 & has not been diagnosed but I see so many signs. Took him to the doctors, they did a brain scan but found nothing. I'm going back with some information, hoping that they will do more to help us. Thank you for this video.
Ask for neuropsychological testing
Thank you@@DementiaCareblazers
Hi guys. I'm coming to the end of my care blazing journey. I had to laugh at some of Judi's comments because I have been there so many times. I've read the same books, gone through so many of the stages. I have had so many ups and downs and figured a lot of things out. One of the best things I did is see the elder law attorney and always advise anyone to do so. Thanks so much to you, Teepa, and all the rest of you out there. You all have gotten me through this and remain mentally and physically intact. Bless you all
Sending you love!
I agree 100% about Elder Law!
Peace to you at the end of your journey.
Judy and other friends, most libraries have movies you can check out at no charge, all sorts of topics, even children's movies can be interesting to people with dementia. It can fill in some time especially on rainy days.
I think we love them and want to respect him, I can keep trying to get him to do something, to the point that he's ready
Hi Dr Natalie we had a unfortunate incident today here in Australia where a 95 year old lady with dementia armed herself with a knife 🔪 in a care facility police were called and she was tasered fell to the floor and later died 😢just wish there was a better way to handle that situation
Oh my goodness!!! This is heartbreaking!!! 😢
Early reports were she died but she is in end of life care
@@stevenblack3092 she died.
@@martyleu2149 yes I heard just a very sad story there is a investigation into how and why so hopefully some good can come out of it
“Something’s seriously wrong. I think I have dementia.”
“Just leave me out in the woods and let me die.”
Well that’s heartbreaking. It’s one thing to lose what makes you, you gradually, it’s another thing entirely to be aware of what’s happening to you.
Oh my goodness.
Just last night I put paper beside my bed. (I reached into the printer and pulled out a sheet.) Thank goodness I had a pen on my nightstand, because I didn’t have the will to stand up. (Our printer is beside my bed.) It was so helpful to do a “brain dump/list” for the next day.
Judi, thank you so much for sharing. I got teary-eyed when you said that you have dark times. I binge watch videos like this too.
Both of my parents (89 and 91) have dementia. (My dad very advanced, my mom on his heals.)
They are in an assisted living home, but things are still hard.
My dad is compliant and knows that he can’t remember things. My mom is stubborn and unaware of her limitations. My dad is in the skilled nursing side, my mom in assisted living, but needs to move to the memory floor.
I went to a baby shower a couple of weeks ago, my mom was invited too, but I just didn’t have the heart to take her. I needed a break. I felt like a terrible daughter, but was so encouraged by the support I received from other daughters at the shower who have walked this walk.
Both of us have been invited to a bridal shower this Saturday. I will take her this time. I feel a little more “recharged.”
You are not terrible for doing enjoyable things for yourself! You deserve a break now and then!
Thank you Judy.
My BFF is going through a lot of problems with her mom and even though she's not diagnosed with any dimensional Alzheimer's I think everything Judy just said can be applied generally to just difficult people and when her son pulled her aside..... I get it cause I'm just like her I don't want to tell a lie but I can see where we have to make things easier on ourselves because if they don't know what's happening.
I am waiting on my father's getting testing and diagnosis. But because he has multiple health problems and a recent pnemonia his memory and confusion has been more intense. I am having to repeat myself as to why he can't have his car keys or why he cant have his fire arms back to his care. Idk how to handle it. He ask almost everyday. It isn't easy. I know this will continue to ask but he gets a big frustrated. As his mental health is has declined it also hard for be to disconnect the worry about what i need to do to help my parents. I know Friday my father doesn't go out because of his religious beliefs so i can a chance to be with my partner and kids but i couldn't stop worrying what else needs to be out in order. I already suffer from anxiety. Idk why my husband isn't helping me when it come to speaking about my constant anxiety. It's been days without speaking to any family that would understand my dad's condition. Goes back to the feeling alone feeling. I don't want to become depressed myself but as you can see idk how to manage everything from help, take a break when i ain't with my parents and also vent out........ Sorry this comment was alot
I had problems with my mum driving when it wasnt safe so me and my sisters had to hide the car keys .... its not easy ... i used to say i could drive to give her a rest and look at the lovely scenery xxx
@@theaweavers8576 ty for sharing and i am glad that works for you guys that is great. Unfortunately I lost my battle with car keys just yesterday. He got very aggressive and needed to call the police because my father is 200 something point and is 6ft tall. Unfortunately the keys lasted in my custody for only a week.
Thank you Judi❤. I’m new to Careblazers. I’m an only child. My mom has dementia and lives in a memory care facility. She doesn’t walk anymore, communicate, dress, needs help eating. She is also on diapers. No memory of our visits. No real memory of anything. She has funds in the bank to for her care as although not forever. I keep asking….how long will this continue.
Since your husband liked reading so much has he tried audiobooks now?
I had someone coming in to "HELP" me..... And then when he was comfortable, I need to run to the store a minute , she is going to stay with you....
I want to serve my husband well. I want to care for his mom as she declines, and want to care for him (if it's me in that position) when ne declines. This is such a great example of offering dignity and grace. Loving people well.
So similar to my situation financially. Except, I don't have a business background. This seems to be infrequently discussed in the alz. field, despite the fact that this is the longest and most expensive disease. Thanks for sharing your situation.
Enjoyed Judy’s story and advice. And have enjoyed your advice over these past several years on Careblazers.. I wanted you to know that my lovely husband, George, finally died of Alzheimers on May27th after seven years during which I (with the help of my son) cared for him. I have been keeping a journal which is now complete and I would like to share it with you: The title: “No One is Prepared for Alzheimers, One Family’s Story” I intend to publish this journal as the purpose is to be totally honest and thorough about this enormous challenge that caregivers face and the emotional price that is paid when you take on this challenge. No sugar coating, Let me know if you would like to read this soon to be published book/journal
Thank you for sharing. We are all trying to make our loved one safe n sound.
Miss Judy,
So glad you have an inquiring nature. I was about to comment that you introduce people in the house for you. To help you around the house and you commented about asking someone how to have someone come in.
Stay strong. As a daughter caring for her parent I so can relate to your journey. You don’t know me, but in thought I and I am sure many others are with you in support.
I get that feeling in my stomach too and react to things I wish I could be calm and respond differently.
Dear Judi -
Thank you so much for sharing.
Judi and her husband both seem very sharp, especially for their age. Her husband is very lucky to have such an intelligent spouse/caretaker. Wishing them both well. ❤️
I was caregiver for my father in law and mother in law both with different kind of dementia. I learn a lot. Both pass away and know I take care of my Dad and Mom. Daddy brain cancer and vascular dementia and my mom surviver of breath cancer and heart failure. Is been different for me other challenge. I started prepare my self and my husband because he have mental challenge with PTS and Bipolar. Than mean in one point I going to be my husband caregiver. I believe that is the more difficult. I love this video. I want to be part of this support group.
Like tip about stepping away. I discovered this, too.
Thanks so much for this video! It really speaks to where I’m at right now with my husband, and just this morning I was trying to help him with his finances and filing and he struggles yet he’s still not willing to let go of it. This video has given me some ideas on how to pursue it a little differently. Thank you so much, Dr Natalie and Judi!
Good idea to practice responses to be prepared for when you will need them.
+Judith was amazing. I totally identified with her - I too can be a control freak and I too want to correct a comment that is wrong - Wonderful interview. Thank you both so much.
Judi - You are awesome!! Thank you and Dr Natali🤗
Judi is amazing. Tough break though. I wish them luck.
Thanks Judie and dr. Natalie. This was very informative. My dad has dementia and it is very trying on my mom as she has health challenges as well. This tips on fiancés was perfect as I am going to their apartment this afternoon to take over the bills. Dads missed several bills now and it’s time. You gave excellent examples to place the blame vs. putting the blame on them . I look forward to continue following and spreading the word to my mom and sister.
I’ve stumbled across this site just as my mum has moved into our house following the death of my dad earlier this year. I’m hoping this will help with my patience! I have a 3 year old so it’s already tested 😂 coping mechanisms and strategies will help
Thank you, Judy and Dr Natali, for sharing this story. "Other people's stories" are the best help I have right now.
Thank you. This is a great interview. Judi is a rock star! She had given me so much inspiration!
Thank you Judi and Dr Natali. This video has been very helpful. My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's onset and I first noticed things weren't right about four years ago. It is so good to have a support group like this. A lot of the interview was very helpful for me! Thanks 🙏
great interview. mahalo nui. I appreciate your candor.
I’m definitely interested in the new grief group!! I’ve got the grief-need more support. I continued to be a Careblazer since my Mom died, so the new topic will help!
So encouraging ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your story!! My husband has PPA (primary progressive Aphasia). He was diagnosed in Feb. of this year after a false diagnosis of early on set Alzheimer's. We are both fairly young to be dealing with this, he is 60 and I am 57. I am trying to learn what i need to do and to handle all this. It is so hard!! I am looking for any support groups for care givers.
Thank you for these videos with the careblazers. It can feel isolating at times caring for loved ones but hearing such relatable stories from the other side of the world is strangely comforting.
I'm so grateful to have this lifeline ❤️
Your channel has been so helpful through my many years-long journey with my mother's dementia. She passed away last month... and I just wanted you to know how much I've appreciated the support and education you offer. Medicine has little to offer (at least for now) -- so learning how to navigate through this heartbreaking disease has been a lifesaver. I've recommended your channel so many times to other caregivers. With gratitude... ❤
Sending you love and hope you are surrounded by support as you move forward in this next chapter without your mom. 💖
So sorry for your loss. God bless you and your future.
Good to hear how well that Judi is handling "in sickness and in health" of her wedding vows. Gleaning so much from this video and will definitely watch this one again.
I really enjoyed listening to Judi’s experience caring for her husband. I can relate to everything she shared. I’m caring for my husband 3/1/2 years now. Dr. Natalie your information has helped me so much. Thank you.
This is an amazing interview. Thank you both so much for being so honest, vulnerable and candid. This is such a difficult disease to navigate.
Oh wow! One of your best talks! Thank you to both of you!
Absolutely staring and shuffling at paperwork.....yep the debits and credits is frustrating...
The tv remote.yes omg.
This was brilliant. Thank you both so much, Dr Natali for arranging and hosting and Judi for kindly and patiently sharing her experiences. I can see many of hers in mine but with my mother. I am just at the point of hopefully getting financial and medical powers of attorney but hope it isn't too late ie it has been delayed too long for them to be valid, not through my making, but my mother's. If so this will cause major major problems.
Btw Dr Natali you do speak really rather fast. I have noticed it before but would never had said if Judi hadn't raised it too and you acknowledged that you do. Maybe take a few deep breaths and slow up a bit? Is this a possibility rather than having to adjust settings whenever or where ever? It would make your videos longer obviously but I think so much more listenable. Sometimes you lose me as well and I don't want to be lost.
It's the docs passion for the subject. And people raised in the north just talk fast, they simply do! I wouldn't ask her to change one thing.
I did the same thing with my husband's accounts once he could no longer keep a checkbook. I also "intercept" requests for donations that he would make. He would make small donations that over the course of a year that mounted up to a substantial amount. This no matter the list we made to specify the important charities that were the only ones that he actually supported. I'm making an appointment with an elder attorney for financial power of attorney.
Judi, you sound like me. I'm a bit obsessive and am slowly learning that everything doesn't have to be "correct".
Thank you and Natalie for this information.
Thank you Dr N. And Judi. So helpful and comforting. I'm juggling so many things right now. Working on slimming down commitments and choose what is good for me. What works for us as well. Thank you again for all you do.
This has been a fantastic education thank you Judi and Dr Natali. Thank you again.ymy prayers. prayers.
Go out to you.
💖💖
I'm new to everything here - the dementia caring and this/these groups too. How do I find the rest of these videos on dementia please? I found this wonderful!
Got to the top of the page, and you will see the channel icon (picture). Click on it, and it will take you to the channel page. You'll see all the videos there to choose from. 😊
Wonderful approach. How optimistic she is. !
Thank you Judi this video hit me. I am going through the same thing that you are you have been so helpful, thank you
This lady and HWA mirrors my own situation! Great talk
Thank you Dr. Natali for all you do! You have been so very helpful.
Some very important information here. I have done most of these things but good to know to check as to power of attorney.
A power of attorney isn't as helpful as you think. Banks will flat out reject them for unrealistic reasons. I'm POA for my uncle and I simply sign his name on checks or I create online accounts to manage his affairs. Good luck to you!
@cr8685 ten years ago I was POA for my mom and could do anything needed. I think everything has become tightened for those things. I need to check in regards to VA things. We live in a community property state, so ita bit easier. We have a daughter on our bank accounts and seems to best we can do.
My husband had neuropsych testing last week and we meet to go over results next week. Some days I feel like there is something wrong with ME that I am seeing all this stuff, and maybe he doesn’t really have this? But usually the same day something else comes up that makes it clear there is a problem. At the same time he’s telling people “I have dementia.” Or “I have Alzheimer’s.” (Which has been ruled out.) We have POA in place now. Bank accounts I’m signer on. We have the issue of having several adult kids with disabilities we have adopted who live with us and need care. We have started the very long process of moving the kids to group homes, with the plan to sell our house and move to somewhere much smaller that I can manage on my own when he is no longer here. And yet, there will be another hour, or day, where surely this is not what’s happening and I’m somehow exaggerating his symptoms.
Thank you so much Dr.Natali & Judi for this amazing interview. I can relate to so many of your challenges Judi.I was able to pick up some of the tips from both of you. I am so grateful for the Careblazer course and all the members with whom I feel very connected.
Wonderful interview. Thank you.
This is just what my husband is like now so I have had to get power of attorney he was such a good husband doing things for me never had to think of bills.but he is going to mind clinic soon he has not been officially been diagnosed so know I’m not alone so many people like this thanks because you have brought up so many helpful things one day I will have to get some one in if it gets worse
I wish I knew 😪 all about this few years ago 😢
Thanks for the tip about not arguing, or feeling a need to speak truth
Mad respect for you careblazers! i am so impressed!
This videos are so helpful! Thank you Judi!
This is really, really helpful. Thank you!
Just found your group and have already learned so much. Thank you
I really enjoyed listening to Judi. Thanks for your videos I am learning a lot.
This was very informative. Thank you for sharing this dear caregivers story ❤❤
I have to say thank you for your channel and guest. This made so much sense I had to subscribe. I related to so much here, my parents are older with these issues and it helps to know what I’m experiencing isn’t as unusual as I thought.
Judi seems to be doing all the right things for her husband and her finances and I commend her for her good decisions. Now she has the worry of her husbands emotional health as well. I do hope she has a good support system in place as regards her children and her friends.
This was one of the most informative videos I've experienced. It was the one I could most relate to. How do I get in the support group?
Love this help TY
You are both so awesome! My 98-year young mother was a master seamstress until a couple years ago. She's not aware she has dementia and doctor doesn't want to put her through the stress of evaluation. We're guessing level 6. Not sure what type. Being tactile she spends a lot of time coloring with pencils. I can relate to Judi in that I believe in accuracy and correctiness. I am having a hard time making up things to gain her compliance. I feel badly when I'm frustrated with lack of good results. But through you I'm learning! Yes baby steps in hygiene and task completion. Thank you both for all of this. Wishing you all the best.
Judi ROCKS!
That’s brilliant,
I love this woman, she sounds so me & her husband sounds so like mine...
Play music you both like. My husband And I
i liked to dance and laugh a lot! I liked I that a lot! I sure miss him, but we had fun! .... In his reality!
Financial Power of attorney isnt all that great. Banks will reject them. Having a terrible time with trying to act as my Uncles POA. Maybe with spouses it is different.
Sometimes banks will require their own forms even though the financial power of attorney is legal :( I'm sorry you are facing this.
"Take me to the woods and let me die." It doesn't work that way? For some of us it could. If I ever developed dementia, I would definitely want to die and might make it happen, but that's everybody's personal de cision.
Los Angeles I her let's GET TOGETHER I was just in Whittier/ Norwalk.... Dude let's unite!!
It must be easier when the power of attorney is a spouse. Being a step child it has been a nightmare. Social security has her dead. What a legal nightmare
My husband said just leave me out in the woods.
😢 heartbreaking.
What do you do when the person you care for completely refuses to shower, clean ?
Where do I find details on the support group? I'd like to know more.
You can email us at support@careblazers.com for more info 💖
This woman is me..... Dang
Will you be doing any sort of video explaining/exploring the topic of right to end of life decisions in dementia patients, such as the Death with Dignity act? Do you have any particular stances on it?
I did an interview with a Care Course member who felt strongly that this should be in place. I'm not sure when it will be posted, but sometime soon, Stay tuned!
Huge ethical and spiritual problems with that.
@@minoozolala One could say there's huge ethical and spiritual problems with subjecting someone to unnecessary prolonged suffering and a life they would not have consented to, as well.
When you have patients or loved ones who, in brief moments of lucidity, beg you to kill them or leave them somewhere to die, heartbreaking is an immense understatement.
It's too late for those who are already mentally incompetent to consider and decide on that option for themselves, but for future generations who are terrified of becoming so far gone and becoming burdens to their families or the healthcare system, people should have the right to a humane and painless end to life included in their advanced directives.
@@tierna5372 "subjecting someone to unnecessary prolonged suffering" - no one is "subjecting" anyone to suffering or a life they wouldn't have wanted. It's just how the person's life unfortunately turned out. And surely you are aware that just about everyone on the planet has had times - sometimes extended periods, months, even years - in their lives when they wished they didn't have to be alive, so a few "brief moments" doesn't provide any sort of justification for killing someone.
Anyone who is "terrified" of future dementia, etc., has options already: sign a DNR (do not revive), set up a reliable Power of Attorney and detail one's wishes regarding future care, buy long-term care insurance and/or arrange for a place to live in advance, etc. Hospice and palliative care are great with assessing and offering needed medications for pain and anxiety relief. You're right, none of us wants to end up demented, but nothing justifies killing oneself or another.
@@tierna5372 I agree with you 1,000%. Thank goodness for the states that do have the Death With Dignity Act in place. People should have the right to choose.
Did he get mad