Caring for a husband with dementia and delirium: Mary's story of humor and hope
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)
Imagine not knowing something was wrong with your loved one until one day they woke you up in the middle of the night and told you to get out of their bed because they didn't recognize who you were?
That's how Mary came to learn something was wrong with her husband.
Mary is an amazing Careblazer who cares for her husband with dementia. He's had multiple medical infections requiring her to give him IV antibiotics and handle periods of delirium.
Her hope and positive outlook is inspiring. I hope you are just as inspired by her story as I was.
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CHECK OUT MY POPULAR PLAYLISTS
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare
What words of support do you have for Mary?
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Keep up the amazing attitude Mary! I love that you were determined to ADVOCATE & even stay with your husband during his nursing home trials. PLUS .. you figured out WHEN to let him be there without you so that you could take care of YOURSELF!
I’m hoping that you are proud of yourself for figuring out what YOU NEED.. even learning that you want to wear wigs! Incredible! I’m with you! I’m doing what works for ME and what my limits are!
Thank you for letting us know you’ve had the burnouts and you’ve come out on the other side! Blessings and hugs to you Mary!
Thank you for bringing up the whole concept of getting legislation to support in-home family caregivers! We need to be advocating and helping each other!
How precious that you are aware that he needs hugs and “I love you”s as often as possible!! I have found that a new challenge too. My LO needs to hear it more too. As much as possible! I didn’t even realize it till last year. It’s hard sometimes because I’m frustrated and she is too. But then when I say the words everything shifts!
Mary…u r doing a fantastic job….I wish I had someone to come over for a few hours a day what a help that would be but I take what I can get….u t an inspiration!
I love hearing others journies, it's comforting to know I'm not alone.
I took care of my police officer husband for 5 years.Although I went through it with courage and a smile I broke down when he died. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Linda- Please know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers as you heal. Even when we have lost our LO in death our journey requires work to care for ourselves and allow ourselves all the stages of grief. Sounds like you, like me, try to keep up the smile and courage. Give yourself love and time. Nobody knows all the trials you’ve been through. I’m sure there are a revolving emotions. Hugs!
I am sorry for your loss of your husband, former police officer. But know that he is no longer struggling with life, and trying to deal with his condition, dementia.
My husband has the affliction, Alzheimer's, too. I will probably go through the same emotions as you in a few more years. But right now , looking ahead, l think it will be a releif for both of us. It is sad, but this is probably a fact. Again, my sympathy goes out to you, even though l don't know you. Suzi Q ( an allias name l go by).
I have never heard of dementia friendly restaurant! Mary, you are amazing - and I needed to hear you. I am 73 and my husband is 87.
All I can say is "Laughter is the best medicine." Keep taking that medicine as long as you can!❤
Oh my goodness. I do not know how this came up in my feed tonight. I can so relate with Mary. My husband and I are just starting this journey and for the most part I think I am in denial. Six months ago he had severe open heart surgery and in a week he had to be resuscitated. Due to all of this his dementia took a dive. He is on insulin so I have to make sure he can do this correctly. I have previously been involved in a lot of things and have also had to cut back. Thank you Mary for your story. Loved your poem.
Mary's story is a journey of strength and hope, but also humorous and sad. Thank you Mary for sharing you journey.
Having Peace in my home and my husband having a "good" day with a sense of accomplishment is a priority.
Omg…did I need this today…my husband is in very early stages of dementia and I’m learning so much about it…last night was horrible with him only to find out he has an infection…..didn’t know this was normal…this interview did me so much good…thank u!!
I’m 69 and my wife is 67. She has had memory issues for over 5 yrs. Her sister noticed before I did. She has been in denial the entire time and gets very angry if I tell her something is wrong. She no longer drives or cooks or cleans. She won’t shower and none do her clothes end up in the laundry. She’ll wear clothes 24/7 for three days then fold them and put them away. I have to sneak them out of her room to wash them. Stress level has caught up with me. Heart problems are real. The hardest part is learning how to deal with the stress.
My wife (56) has had two showers this summer, which she initiated. That’s two more than she had all last year. The previous time was a disaster, with her getting angry and breaking the shower. The best approach, if possible, is to give a sponge bath in another room. Her PCA during the year is able to wash her hair in the sink, every couple of weeks-it took almost a year to get to that point. My wife called her a lesbian when she tried to bath her. (I haven’t bothered to try that this summer) My advice for your stress-let it go! Don’t get upset and recognize that you will have to adapt to her. Try not to agitate her or you will run into trouble. Try not to get upset when she forgets little things like that she is married or the names of her kids, etc. My wife is pretty happy now that she has no stressors. There is no future or past for her. Music and ice cream are good!
@@stephencarroll230 thank you for the support
Be with him…where he is. Quote of the day!!
Exactly! I agree!
The judge said no contact and he can't be in our home either
Great interview!
She is a remarkable lady and would be a great therapist and she understands the importance of having a great sense of humor! Her husband is very lucky to have her!
God bless her soul!
I take care of my X husband and he forgets we are not married some time. He expects things of me that I no longer want any part of. He has no one else to care for him so I feel obligated for now. I don't know how Mary has such a good attitude, I am not able to do that.. This has to be the hardest thing I have done in my life. I was a caregiver to others in the past and working a shift and going home is so different than being here 24/7 or should I say 36 hours. This was so helpful, thank you for sharing.
Mary you have a strong,open, sense of security. Your husband is very blessed to have you in his corner. Thank you for sharing.❤
Great attitude! You’re doing it correctly!
I love your attitude towards your husband. You can see how much you love him. You can laugh thru this and I want to be able to do that. Thank you for your story so much.
Mary is awesome! Love her energy and her approach to life. May God continue to give her the strength to continue and care for her husband.
What a remarkable person. Mary, you are an inspiration ❤️.
This was a great video. My father has dementia and he is so much like this woman's husband. My mom is just about nuts.
Poem was very heart felt and beautiful. The grief is real even though the person is still there physically
What a great lady Mary is and a very caring wife. ❤
Mary, thanks for cheering us up. And I love your hair!
Thank you Mary for sharing so many aspects of life through the transitions..& all of your efforts to TRY new things and WHEN TO GIVE UP on OLD EXPECTATIONS. I am grateful to you for being willing to talk about your journey!
It's heartbreaking this disease my husband would like listening to music together so that is what I would do with him to calm his anxiety
She is just wonderful,I love her sense of humour,it’s seems like the only way to go ,for your sanity and his,what a great lesson to us all if possible. I am really going to lighten up. I really thank you wholeheartedly . XXXXXXXXXXX
I really love these videos. I would love to see the perspective of someone who is taking care of a parent, please 🙏🏻. So far I’ve only seen spouses.
Ep 8 is of a lady caring for her father, and doing a great job. And if you are stay strong, because it's a whole different animal.🙏
God bless her character, to be humorous. It's not easy, especially if the pacient is closed in himself and isolete himself from you and everybody.
Fantastic lady wonderful video! God Bless her. Amazing job. Thank you for sharing this.
Mary.. you are amazing. I love your humor but also the hard truths that you share. The tips and the example of Advocating you have done.
I totally agree! There should BE at least 1 month respite care! Caretakers definetly need it. I feel like I am falling apart from burnout! Other diseases get taken care of, why not dementia?
You have a lot more patience than I have. My husband, also has Alzheimer's , and l see him from time to time, but not often now, because he han to be moved to another facility, because he was escaping from the facility. I talk to him on the phone as often as possible, the staff cannot always get a cell phone to him, because of their busy schedule. I miss our life as it was when he didn't have symptoms, and l cannot adjust, honestly. We were together for over 50 years. I miss how our life was.
How do you find a dementia-friendly restaurant??? I really enjoyed this video and the positive mindset/humor of this guest…. Her patience and workable attitude to deal with such a tough situation in a marriage is impressive.
My husband imagines snow on so Cal rooftops, we’re skiing. He just had open abdominal surgery, diverticulitis with abscess, for a year this infection caused bizarre effects, I infused my husband with antibiotics too ( big deal) (Why does my stomach hurt?) So I’m not the only one either.
My heart goes out to you
So very jovial and a take it lightly attitude. So nice.
Wow! Mary's attitude is inspiring and refreshing. It has been a challenge for me to keep a sense of humor while caregiving but I'll try to take a page out of Mary's book.
The videos changed my life too!
You seem so young and vibrant. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Mary you are doing a wonderful job. I like how you try to keep things light and humorous, I try to do that too, it just keeps the mood light and friendly. How do you find a dementia friendly restaurant?
wow... I could have used Mary's story as my own..!
Mary, you are so encouraging!
Im so glad I found this channel. My mum got diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment a couple of years ago and apart helping with some of her finances and taking her to appointments she's stayed very independent and went to shops etc. A month ago she had a fall and bleed on brain and still isn't out yet. Mobility is slowly improving but she is suffering from delirium and it's so hard to see and hear how scared, upset and confused she is. Thanks for your videos it's really helping me to understand her illness and what I can do to help her.
I cannot even fathom what you are going through, you have alot of positivity and strenght!
My story is almost the same …, just listening to this story .., is just so reassuring that we can go through it with a good sense of humour and joy. Thank you
I love your sense of humour! I always have gone through life with one. Now I see that it can be so helpful in dealing with our sad situation. Although I’ve never sailed, your poem gave me a very real mental picture of this journey. Thank you and keep smiling!
Thanks for sharing!
This is so helpful and amazing. My husband doesn't know me. I'm just his friend.
I've begged for help .Noone stepped up til 2 weeks ago. Mine was diagnosed 7 yrs ago. Mine has vascular dementia and sundowner syndrome 58 yrs old and goes back to 17 yrs old in his mind.
I am glad you are starting to have some support!
Well things have blown up. They told my daughter to call police and he went court the other day. It got postponed til in November and now can't be at our home and can't be around me. Now it cold and he is alone and sleeping in his van. Makes me cry and heart broken. I'd rather he was here
Thank you Mary for sharing your journey. I've always been a strong and positive person, but dealing with watching my love disappearing before my eyes has been so hard. You hv helped me realize that I need to find that person again for both of us. Blessings and Smiles
What a beautiful poem! You are so brave! I’m proud of you for sharing it!
She is 73?!?! Wow!!! She looks and sounds 53!! What an amazing wife she is to her husband ❤
AWESOME VIDEO
That interview really touched me. My situation is so very similar to mine, and it was finally someone I could relate to…
This one was so good. It is terrible that we have all kinds of health insurance, but dementia caregiver support isn’t a part. 50:53 Her idea of one month a year of respite being provided by our 50:55 health care system is crucial.
Thanks for this video Careblazer :)
I know this may seem silly, but when I cared for my mum, when things got really hard, I bought party plates that could be thrown and making washing up easier...we only had to wash our cutlery after we ate😂❤
It helped so much!! Just the little things...
Very helpful. ❤
Between my hair thinning due to getting older and the amount of time it takes me to wash and dry my hair I listened up when she mentioned wigs to save time.
Did your insurance or Medicare cover the neuropsych testing? Thank you.
Are you able to go out and leave him home alone?