Kumail Nanjiani - Hogwarts Should Have Taught Math

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  • Опубліковано 31 гру 2024

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  • @jobob47
    @jobob47 5 років тому +2756

    there are 3 of us.... oh wait, the door just opened. brilliant.

    • @ivanxz5884
      @ivanxz5884 5 років тому +9

      joe bob 47 oHHHHHHHH I just got the joke now ty

    • @KyleBrand
      @KyleBrand 5 років тому +4

      Just heard that one. Brilliant!

    • @nken8844
      @nken8844 5 років тому +3

      I'm sorry, I don't get the joke, can you explain it for me?

    • @epanecka
      @epanecka 5 років тому

      @@nken8844 math

    • @nken8844
      @nken8844 5 років тому

      @@epanecka hm?

  • @wearblackclothes
    @wearblackclothes 5 років тому +5173

    When you can kill but the crowd is already dead

    • @ashwinpawar5325
      @ashwinpawar5325 5 років тому +121

      But it wasn't that funny bro...the crowd was responding well

    • @manuginobilisbaldspot424
      @manuginobilisbaldspot424 5 років тому +77

      He’s not that funny

    • @shubhambhandari1138
      @shubhambhandari1138 5 років тому

      I am the crew

    • @cjpatz
      @cjpatz 5 років тому +33

      Don’t they speak French in Montreal? That might have been the case. They get excited when he mentions movie and game titles though!

    • @ohiasdxfcghbljokasdjhnfvaw4ehr
      @ohiasdxfcghbljokasdjhnfvaw4ehr 5 років тому +33

      seriously, what the hell was that? montreal doesn't get comedy I guess.

  • @diegomorones-castillo2225
    @diegomorones-castillo2225 5 років тому +2245

    Legit, I feel like I'm watching the pilot of The Twilight Zone (2019); he gives these smart jokes, but no one reacts, he gives one hashtag relatable joke and the crowd loves it.

    • @chemtrail2269
      @chemtrail2269 5 років тому +27

      Diego Morones-Castillo well yeah people are retarded

    • @kiah9085
      @kiah9085 5 років тому +23

      He was actually in the first episode of the new twilight zone and that was the plot of it. "The second amendment starts the words with 'a well regulated'"

    • @stirlingarcher7972
      @stirlingarcher7972 5 років тому +33

      Oswen yes, he was referencing that

    • @KairuHakubi
      @KairuHakubi 5 років тому +1

      eew. that doesn't sound like something I want to watch.

    • @JohnDoe-tg6yu
      @JohnDoe-tg6yu 5 років тому +8

      What smart jokes are you talking about? I didn't hear any...

  • @keeanoagustiadi241
    @keeanoagustiadi241 6 років тому +2925

    Square Root joke was gold XD

    • @ryo-kai8587
      @ryo-kai8587 5 років тому +63

      Great joke, clever set-up, but it's the completely nonchalant and unpredictable delivery that really sells the punch line. I love jokes like that!

    • @dontaskdude682
      @dontaskdude682 5 років тому

      666th like

    • @ryo-kai8587
      @ryo-kai8587 5 років тому

      @@dontaskdude682 I can verify this

    • @alfblackandred1647
      @alfblackandred1647 5 років тому +5

      But how did they know the number 3 and not 9?

    • @liana7529
      @liana7529 5 років тому

      Alf BlackandRed i thought that too, not many people probably noticed that detail though

  • @jasonflay8818
    @jasonflay8818 5 років тому +3442

    Whew.... That crowd suuuucked

    • @TheBeelzboss
      @TheBeelzboss 5 років тому +94

      There wasn't much to react to

    • @doublecrossedswine112
      @doublecrossedswine112 5 років тому +48

      @Tala Habern Yes, telling someone to google a language is next level subtle.

    • @josephchen920
      @josephchen920 5 років тому +72

      They laughed the appropriate amount for how funny his jokes were. Enough to get some noise, not hilarious.

    • @TheBeelzboss
      @TheBeelzboss 5 років тому +13

      @Tala Habern no, they just weren't very good...

    • @JohnDoe-tg6yu
      @JohnDoe-tg6yu 5 років тому +26

      The crowd sucked? I love stand up comedy and this video came suggested so I'm like, yeah, let's try a new one. It started, it finished, nothing happened and I didn't even chuckle. I'm sorry, but with this act, if it were longer he was 5 minutes away from bombing. He wasn't funny really, most of the jokes were not very well thought out, no good punchlines, he himself didn't have any energy in him, he didn't seem genuine. Simply said, a pretty weak performance for a comedian.

  • @jamersbazuka8055
    @jamersbazuka8055 4 роки тому +133

    "This game took 3 years to make... all they had to do was google 'Pakistan language.'"
    What a roast. ❤

  • @CuriousGoodsJessica
    @CuriousGoodsJessica 7 років тому +1624

    He was great on SNL. He seems like one of those people who are just likeable, smart but not cruel, like that one friend everybody has that you always hope will be at the party

    • @blazedandconfused477
      @blazedandconfused477 6 років тому +7

      That's just your white guilt talking.

    • @Itsamallard
      @Itsamallard 6 років тому +79

      Blazed and Confused that’s just your racism responding 😘

    • @KairuHakubi
      @KairuHakubi 6 років тому +29

      They had to work really hard to make him hateable in Silicon Valley, and it still _only just barely worked_

    • @twylacastaneda7117
      @twylacastaneda7117 5 років тому +5

      Omg you gotta watch silicon valley

    • @matiasneptuniano2127
      @matiasneptuniano2127 5 років тому +8

      @Gmoney3nt "derp"

  • @kikigood7567
    @kikigood7567 5 років тому +718

    The audience blows, that's why he keeps telling them they're great

  • @jauxro
    @jauxro 5 років тому +412

    "He doesn't have the strength of twenty men. He has the _sadness_ of twenty men." oh noooooo 😂

    • @JohnDoe-xl2dx
      @JohnDoe-xl2dx 8 місяців тому

      "But good thing movies are fake, right?
      No, this one is real. *Good Night* "

  • @MazzMasserati
    @MazzMasserati 7 років тому +2197

    This guy is freaking hilarious, Why's the crowd so reserved?

    • @AmanSharma-tx8od
      @AmanSharma-tx8od 6 років тому +63

      MazMazda3 cus he's not funny...

    • @timshields5554
      @timshields5554 6 років тому +141

      because they are Canadian

    • @najabs123
      @najabs123 6 років тому +28

      Aman sharma cus ur indian

    • @anshumansharma6334
      @anshumansharma6334 6 років тому +21

      cuz he's not at all hilarious. "the three of us" was the only thing that made my facial muscles move

    • @C0mm0nS3ns3
      @C0mm0nS3ns3 6 років тому +12

      Montreal ya know its french

  • @originaliam4527
    @originaliam4527 6 років тому +256

    The reason no doors were locked with maths is because the teachers don't know maths either. They went to the same school with no maths

  • @flyhyjayboy
    @flyhyjayboy 5 років тому +75

    That crowd didn't deserve him. He was hilarious.

  • @johnjacob688
    @johnjacob688 5 років тому +90

    I like the way he sets up his jokes. Its almost like they're not going to be funny and then bam, you're laughing.

  • @sweetanila26
    @sweetanila26 5 років тому +1222

    In Harry Potter they studied history of magic and hermione studied arithmancy but yeah they didn’t do basic maths - that’s for muggles lol

    • @briannasloves4119
      @briannasloves4119 5 років тому +7

      also history of magic :)

    • @katiearbuckle9017
      @katiearbuckle9017 5 років тому +53

      But Harry & Hermoine were also going to a Muggle School for 6 years. Cause Dursleys Muggles he HAD TO GET AN EDUCATION DUE TO Dumbledore saying 'raise him as your own.' And Hermoine well Parents were probably expecting a Dentist not a Witch.

    • @sweetanila26
      @sweetanila26 5 років тому +3

      Katie Arbuckle I agree luckily they got a better education at Hogwarts ☺️

    • @crystalraf
      @crystalraf 5 років тому +15

      That’s why they were still living in the Dark Ages.

    • @sweetanila26
      @sweetanila26 5 років тому +1

      Furyan Auror that’s true. I guess they prob just did a spell to be good at math or something lol.

  • @xZippy
    @xZippy 5 років тому +685

    "I love Harry Potter!"
    [crowd suddenly breaks their silence.]
    Ugh.

  • @jare3959
    @jare3959 7 років тому +806

    CoD logic. "All brown people speak Arabic right?"

    • @KairuHakubi
      @KairuHakubi 6 років тому +7

      that's their goal!

    • @ganingdaim6857
      @ganingdaim6857 6 років тому +6

      Kairu Hakubi oh hell no...

    • @syedshakaibanwar2698
      @syedshakaibanwar2698 6 років тому +13

      Fuck outta here, we still speak bastardized Urdu in Karachi, Arabic is only spoken by a VERY small population, like smaller than Pushto.

    • @soumyashreebiswal14
      @soumyashreebiswal14 6 років тому +1

      Hell no ! Watch Hasan Minhaj

    • @gabbar51ngh
      @gabbar51ngh 5 років тому

      That's true.

  • @schvanger
    @schvanger 5 років тому +141

    lol, zero audience reaction until he mentions Harry Potter (3:41)

    • @spirit469
      @spirit469 5 років тому +5

      Thank you for the timestamp :D

  • @humeyramine
    @humeyramine 5 років тому +828

    Jokes were good but the transitions weren't, that might be why the crowd was off

    • @jamesdaniels8007
      @jamesdaniels8007 5 років тому +41

      Well he did have a limited amount of time to get through all of them sooooo........

    • @christmastiger
      @christmastiger 5 років тому +44

      It's seems like a specific "It's for Nerds" theme and he had 7 minutes so that was probably the best any one of us could do with that theme and time frame

    • @humeyramine
      @humeyramine 5 років тому +20

      It's not about the time frame, the bad transitions mean he didn't practice enough. If he did he'd find ways to slide in from topic to topic, heck I did it while watching

    • @jamesdaniels8007
      @jamesdaniels8007 5 років тому +22

      @@humeyramine The bad transitions didn't ruin it for me, I laughed so mission accomplished

    • @humeyramine
      @humeyramine 5 років тому +5

      @@jamesdaniels8007 well lucky you then

  • @ebinjayan
    @ebinjayan 6 років тому +582

    This was so painful wtf is wrong with the audience. I think he's one of the funniest and he doesn't deserve a half assed crowd like this. Did they even know that he was performing? I feel like they don't even know who he is

    • @zeynepdagci8563
      @zeynepdagci8563 6 років тому +4

      jason sumburg
      Maybe they don't laugh because he is not funny to them.... but they are laughing all the time

    • @Stoney-Jacksman
      @Stoney-Jacksman 5 років тому +26

      so if they knew who he is they would laugh more? wtf is that for celeb worshiping cuntism?

    • @twylacastaneda7117
      @twylacastaneda7117 5 років тому +2

      I think it's a dry bar

    • @markblaze10
      @markblaze10 5 років тому +13

      It's almost as if humor is subjective and different people have different taste.

    • @ShishakliAus
      @ShishakliAus 5 років тому +5

      Audience laughed more than I did. Ie: at all

  • @sumedhatiwari_
    @sumedhatiwari_ 5 років тому +186

    "Oh somebody left the light bulb on
    Aaaaaaa…''
    Hilarious

    • @iliketuna9326
      @iliketuna9326 5 років тому

      that was dumb

    • @BertleMcGertle
      @BertleMcGertle 5 років тому

      @@iliketuna9326 how old are you?

    • @iliketuna9326
      @iliketuna9326 5 років тому

      @@BertleMcGertlewtf does that have to do with anything? I didn't think the joke was funny, just like a lot of the audience didn't laugh either. Deal with it like an adult instead of this childish "how old are you" nonsense

    • @BertleMcGertle
      @BertleMcGertle 5 років тому

      @@iliketuna9326 hahaha very mature of you

    • @iliketuna9326
      @iliketuna9326 5 років тому

      @@BertleMcGertle care to explain what is so mature about you asking how old I am for not thinking a joke is funny? Go ahead man I'll wait..

  • @BullC6
    @BullC6 5 років тому +45

    " 3 of us, we should split up...wait the door just opened" genius.

  • @hkatherine2288
    @hkatherine2288 4 роки тому +42

    When he started talking about movies that traumatized him when he was a kid, I thought to myself, "Ah, the Elephant Man at age 8. That's why I'm like this." And then he says the Elephant Man! I wonder how many children can no longer enjoy the scent of rain thanks to that movie.

    • @davidphetteplace4769
      @davidphetteplace4769 4 роки тому +1

      Ms. Struggle so many movies I should not have seen as a child had to f me up for awhile. "Hey I know you're 10, but here's the Crow. Try NOT to be an ackward goth through your teen years now!"

    • @hkatherine2288
      @hkatherine2288 4 роки тому

      @@davidphetteplace4769 Haha, yes! My parents also let me watch Jurassic Park when I was about 6, ending my childhood fascination with dinosaurs. I could have been a paleontologist by now.

    • @hkatherine2288
      @hkatherine2288 4 роки тому +1

      @Who let the virus out? Woof woof woofhan It is a reference to a Cody Ko video. I hope someone's username isn't enough to make you depressed; it's only a joke.

    • @sahej6939
      @sahej6939 3 роки тому

      It was some peanut butter movie that messed me up

  • @bialynia
    @bialynia 5 років тому +447

    "All they had to do was google: Pakistan language"
    America: believes everyone in the world will consume everything it makes
    Also America: thinks no one will notice if they use the wrong language

    • @bialynia
      @bialynia 5 років тому +21

      @@JohnM-sw4sc Yes, a lot of American stuff is consumed around the world. But still, Americans tend to overestimate just how much and at the same time, despite believing that the entire world is watching them, many never feel the slightest need to take it into consideration :)

    • @kevinnelson6070
      @kevinnelson6070 5 років тому +4

      It doesn't matter to America, their content is gonna be consumed anyway, I mean, here we are.

    • @bialynia
      @bialynia 5 років тому +4

      @Josh D "many", "a lot" "tend to". Pity to the fools who cannot understand their own language ;)

    • @bialynia
      @bialynia 5 років тому

      @Josh D That's a meme you dummy :D You're pulling a "you can't generalise" argument on a joke :D But if you really want to be serious about it, fine. Putting an entire nation into one category doesn't necessarily mean believing something is true for every single individual. I'm simply allowing a democratic country to be represented by its majority. What I'm talking about here is a very very common attitude that every non-American citizen of the world has to put up with. And this time when I say "every" I definitely mean it. Everyone who came in touch with American culture experienced it. If you happen to be American you may not believe me, that's fine. But I'll be happy if you could consider the possibility that I might know what I'm talking about :)

    • @bialynia
      @bialynia 5 років тому

      @Josh D I used a meme to comment a comedy act :) Then someone felt like addressing the issue in a more serious tone and I answered accordingly. If you did not understand that my first comment was a joke, I understand it might have been confusing, but now you know and if you insist on getting out of your way to feel offended over something so petty despite my explanation, I can only apologise for hurting your feelings unintentionally and leave because we won't be able to communicate beyond this. If you understand, we can continue discussing it seriously, it's a broad and interesting topic and many mutually enlightening things can be said when both sides are calm.

  • @fayfay7423
    @fayfay7423 5 років тому +306

    Im a simple dork I see Hogwarts I click.

    • @pradnyakamble3958
      @pradnyakamble3958 5 років тому +3

      Me too

    • @rupkathabanerjee5461
      @rupkathabanerjee5461 5 років тому +4

      Exactly, I wouldn't have clicked it it weren't for Hogwarts

    • @seekouttruth
      @seekouttruth 5 років тому +1

      I clicked to argue that hogwarts had arithmancy which i think is mathematics

    • @lorettajacobs8256
      @lorettajacobs8256 5 років тому +3

      @@seekouttruth They also have history of magic which teaches history but from their perspective.

    • @seekouttruth
      @seekouttruth 5 років тому +1

      @@lorettajacobs8256 yes history of magic it is

  • @tyriannadaine
    @tyriannadaine 5 років тому +51

    "good thing movies aren't real"
    "oh this one is"

  • @Belikewatermyfriend2631
    @Belikewatermyfriend2631 5 років тому +659

    All they had to do was google Pakistan language 😂

    • @dynamicworlds1
      @dynamicworlds1 5 років тому +17

      I enjoyed the joke, but the sad thing is that most of the time the way that kind of thing happens is someone does it the right way the first time (or at least notices and tries to correct it) only to be overruled by a bean counter (who thinks being in charge of the pursestrings of the project means he should be making creative decisions) who insists on talking down to the audience.
      Most of the _rest_ of the time is said bean counter overworking the whole department such that small, repetitive jobs like street signs get pushed off onto an intern who has to do way too many of them to have time pay attention to more than the exact guidelines given (such as: here's an arabic font and list of street names. Make sure all the streetsigns for all the maps are labeled by lunch without reusing names or having the same street labeled more than 1 way)

    • @ivantu1823
      @ivantu1823 5 років тому +11

      Trust me, not even Indians know the difference. I live in UAE and people constantly ask me if my daughter is learning Urdu. It is supposed to be Arabic.

    • @RTAV108
      @RTAV108 5 років тому +10

      As a matter of fact, Urdu was developed in India under the sultanate invasion and rule which is a mix of Farsi and Hindi, that’s why Pakistan speaks Urdu.

    • @haythamfaisal8113
      @haythamfaisal8113 5 років тому +11

      @@RTAV108 Yes, As more matter of fact, Both Hindi & Urdu is derived from Hindustani Language in the northern part of the subcontinent and both have developed in the same time. As Hindi is the lingua franca of India and makes 41% of the population as native speaker 1L, Urdu is the lingua franca of Pakistan and the first language for 8% of the population. Still modern Urdu and Hindi speakers have the ability to understand each other the only difference is the influence of Persian words on Urdu (Urdu in Persian means Camp) and heavier Sanskrit words on Hindi and the writing system as Hindi is written in Devanagari and Urdu is written in Persian based Nastaʿlīq.

    • @BasilJJ
      @BasilJJ 5 років тому +1

      I think because they use Arabic letters

  • @CharlieSpecter
    @CharlieSpecter 5 років тому +21

    Just for laughs is considered a prestigious comedy show, yet every clip I’ve seen for JFL. The crowd is lifeless

  • @kristalrej
    @kristalrej 5 років тому +324

    the elephant man jokes were so funny, the crowd didnt get it :(

    • @iliketuna9326
      @iliketuna9326 5 років тому +1

      uh they got it the jokes just sucked. oh hohohohoho elephant man is a super hero GET IT? HE HAS A NAME LIKE BATMAN OR SPIDERMAN! The sadness of 20 men HAHAHAHA GET IT? IT'S A REALLY SAD STORY!

    • @CaroleJ.V
      @CaroleJ.V 5 років тому +1

      yea i was sad too, I also love that film. it’s both heartfelt and heartbreaking

  • @shethewriter
    @shethewriter 7 років тому +453

    Wow tough crowd

    • @nickcasillas3395
      @nickcasillas3395 6 років тому +12

      They seemed to enjoy it.

    • @siemens8456
      @siemens8456 6 років тому +3

      Theyre nerds

    • @cryptonian7706
      @cryptonian7706 6 років тому +7

      wow bad jokes

    • @owaismuhammad2116
      @owaismuhammad2116 5 років тому +3

      @@cryptonian7706 your Indian and you missed some jokes

    • @rvk4b3
      @rvk4b3 5 років тому

      @@owaismuhammad2116 are you bringing India vs Pakistan comments in here 😁

  • @melbabennett8191
    @melbabennett8191 6 років тому +41

    So refreshing to see someone who can be funny without talking about sex or making dirty jokes. If u can still be funny the you are a true comedian.

    • @g2timmywonka
      @g2timmywonka 2 роки тому

      He's not that funny doing stand up he's really only funny in movies

  • @AsheshDubey
    @AsheshDubey 5 років тому +66

    That Harry Potter joke was too much for me😂😂🤣

  • @acatindisguise
    @acatindisguise 3 роки тому +6

    the call of duty language thing is so real. this is why i thought it was so cool in far cry 4 when they actually had people speaking in tamil in one of the indian cities. not even hindi but tamil. super cool

  • @nikkihoms
    @nikkihoms 5 років тому +44

    This Venue is the worst. Why don’t Canadians laugh????

    • @Flynn94
      @Flynn94 4 роки тому +1

      It’s just the size of the room, it’s hard to get a consistent reaction with that many people

  • @uttaraasthana504
    @uttaraasthana504 5 років тому +41

    hogwarts taught Arithmancy which was wizard maths

    • @batenthusiast7515
      @batenthusiast7515 5 років тому +10

      Living The Drama but we never see anyone but Hermione take it

    • @yaelthesnail
      @yaelthesnail 5 років тому +6

      As an elective.

    • @ashleywu894
      @ashleywu894 5 років тому +1

      Arithman is actually about calculating odds

    • @andyk7544
      @andyk7544 5 років тому +1

      Ashley Wu which is math

    • @barnesfalcon1762
      @barnesfalcon1762 5 років тому +1

      Also taught courses like Muggle studies which would have some history from a Wizards perspective. There were several courses that were sadly not seen in the movies but were in the books.
      Good Joke though.

  • @sakshi5435
    @sakshi5435 5 років тому +63

    Actually, Arithmacy was taught at Hogwarts.
    In Hermione’s words, it was ‘predicting the future with numbers’, and was her favourite subject. Taught by Professor Vector, it involved a lot of complicated homework and was a necessary subject for anyone hoping to ever work as a curse-breaker at Gringotts bank. (source: pottermore)
    So was History...and Muggle studies was also taught

    • @jhonshephard921
      @jhonshephard921 5 років тому +9

      Wait Hogwarts taught machine learning?

    • @MuttFitness
      @MuttFitness 5 років тому +10

      Arithmancy isn't really the same as arithmetic in any way.

    • @sakshi5435
      @sakshi5435 5 років тому +2

      @@jhonshephard921 haha!! But numbers it did! And definitely square roots!! But it was used to code bank vaults! So.. yeah..same

    • @sakshi5435
      @sakshi5435 5 років тому +1

      @@MuttFitness of course..it must be customised to cater wizards requirements.. But it did involved coding.. Highly used in banks.
      So, one did needed to solve numbers to open a vault.

    • @jhonshephard921
      @jhonshephard921 5 років тому +1

      @@sakshi5435 so more like encryption than ML?

  • @cu7695
    @cu7695 6 років тому +11

    Ravenclaw entrance needs riddles instead of passwords. So it's covered

  • @positrondecay4784
    @positrondecay4784 5 років тому +10

    This is awesome!! It's clean and genuinely hilarious!!

  • @utubit22
    @utubit22 7 років тому +437

    I'm starting to wonder if comedians on the verge of blowing up are intentionally given lifeless crowds. I feel sorry for the dude. He's funny as shit. in all fairness tho, his delivery and transitions were terribly off here tho.

    • @brunomillalaf8553
      @brunomillalaf8553 7 років тому +27

      they don't do a good job at recording the crowds audio sometimes

    • @infiltr80r
      @infiltr80r 7 років тому +5

      He's shit alright but not funny. Don't recall when I last heard an original joke. Also, American crowds are high on sugar and just hyper for no reason. Rest of the world doesn't get excited that easily.

    • @marnaouf
      @marnaouf 6 років тому +11

      It's because it's a shortened 7 minute set. He has to shorten his bits to work in the short time while he usually takes longer with them. You see the same thing happen with comedians on late night shows. Ghats why they seem a bit off a lot of the time. Escpecially when they have more of a storytelling style

    • @infiltr80r
      @infiltr80r 5 років тому

      @@dx315 Pretty much. US is an economic experiment of sorts. You have agencies like the FDA which are run by the same people that worked/will work for the food companies. It's all about making money, safety is quite irrelevant.

    • @JezzyDaizy
      @JezzyDaizy 5 років тому

      I too think he's hilarious but I also do agree that America is sugared tf up and they are on edge allllll theee timeeeeeee!

  • @rebeccahempleman
    @rebeccahempleman 5 років тому +18

    I’m really proud of him. Like he’s in a marvel movie. A frickin marvel movie. Good for you man. I honestly didn’t expect it but I can’t wait to see what he does because I’m sure it’s gonna be great.

  • @B-max.
    @B-max. 7 років тому +379

    You can tell he's a little nervous but a decent performance none the less.

  • @raddest.radish
    @raddest.radish 7 років тому +76

    That call of duty thing makes me so mad. Lazy, ignorant fools on that development team 😑

    • @dynamicworlds1
      @dynamicworlds1 5 років тому +3

      I enjoyed the joke, but the sad thing is that most of the time the way that kind of thing happens is someone does it the right way the first time (or at least notices and tries to correct it) only to be overruled by a bean counter (who thinks being in charge of the pursestrings of the project means he should be making creative decisions) who insists on talking down to the audience.
      Most of the _rest_ of the time is said bean counter overworking the whole department such that small, repetitive jobs like street signs get pushed off onto an intern who has to do way too many of them to have time pay attention to more than the exact guidelines given (such as: here's an arabic font and list of street names. Make sure all the streetsigns for all the maps are labeled by lunch without reusing names or having the same street labeled more than 1 way)

  • @sarahf2042
    @sarahf2042 5 років тому +5

    omg that whole set was amazing. but especially the elephant man bit

  • @redwoodcottageart
    @redwoodcottageart 5 років тому +6

    I just thought Hogwarts should teach math when I was reading HP to my kid the other day!!
    Of course Kumail thought it first, lol, love this!

  • @bdbly
    @bdbly 6 років тому +43

    Hahahaha, I’ve never thought about the fact that they don’t learn normal academics at Hogworts!

    • @naerwyn239
      @naerwyn239 5 років тому +3

      Haha My friends and I would all joke about that. But they do teach Arithmancy, and we always assumed normal Maths and things were taught at home... such a plot hole, though. XD

    • @JoyceEchessa
      @JoyceEchessa 5 років тому

      @@naerwyn239 Yeah, there had to be some stuff that was taught at home. I mean, the kids start wizarding school at age 11 and they get in already knowing how to read and write. Plus, what's expected of the kids is also fairly rigorous-they would be given long essays to write for homework-nothing that someone just starting to learn would be able to do. So it is assumed that they got some education before starting Hogwarts (or whichever wizarding school). Kids born in wizarding families were probably home-schooled, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were some smaller schools that offered some elementary education to non-muggle born kids. It's highly unlikely that all magical parents would be able to home-school their kids.

    • @lepidoptery
      @lepidoptery 3 роки тому

      @@naerwyn239 arithmancy's an elective for nerds, though, harry and ron don't wind up taking it, and presumably a bunch of other non-terrible students don't either. you'd almost think this were set in america where lots of high schoolers graduate without necessarily having a firm grasp on algebra....
      you feel like they'd need to be good at math with how their money is set up but maybe there's just a calculator spell so they don't need to know how to do basic arithmetic. like ppl have calculators on their phones now.
      they do get taught history of course. terribly, but that's not weird either....

  • @pthegirl
    @pthegirl 7 років тому +106

    I just love his accent.

    • @johnwilles4636
      @johnwilles4636 5 років тому +8

      His voice is just pleasing in general.

  • @martinacosta3821
    @martinacosta3821 5 років тому +7

    i feel you man, one time i was watching a series and from some reason one of the character wanted to go to my country and help (third world country), but when they came "here" there was one animal that we don't have in this country but it is famous as national animal in another country near by, and i was like, ok they clearly didn't even google my country and just pointed at some place in the map and said lets go there, how hard can it possible be to just research a little bit?

  • @nationalistindian5823
    @nationalistindian5823 6 років тому +13

    there are 3 of us,, oh wait the door just opened hahahahahah

  • @jackiehatton6
    @jackiehatton6 5 років тому +1

    ayyy little mark little audio sample at the end what a treat

  • @dextergray1670
    @dextergray1670 6 років тому +45

    Imagine your hometown being a C.O.D map. Thats insane

    • @Taffoman
      @Taffoman 3 роки тому

      I really like internet. There can be some really interesting moments when you can meet people around the world "Hey! I'm a vet from Afganistan, I hear you are too. I served in Marines. Where did you serve?" "the taleban.." -oh...

  • @rydemk4168
    @rydemk4168 5 років тому +6

    “Here’s the first time I remember crying”
    “Crying harder than I ever had before”

  • @bobsmith-gp4hk
    @bobsmith-gp4hk 5 років тому +4

    That square route joke was clever as hell

  • @a_solo_yolo
    @a_solo_yolo 6 років тому +13

    I’m obsessed with his voice and accent. So fricking cute omg.

  • @AlisonChains13
    @AlisonChains13 5 років тому +36

    "oh wait the door just opened" 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

  • @theyneverlearn3679
    @theyneverlearn3679 5 років тому +1

    0:41 Freddy knew what he was doing.

  • @geinikan1kan
    @geinikan1kan 7 років тому +48

    That last bit about Call of Duty is funny. At the same time it is a subtle reminder that computer games are often still based on military simulations, and it is an industry with subtle and not so subtle links to American militarism.

  • @brain_apostrophe_t
    @brain_apostrophe_t 5 років тому +6

    Imagine just chillin in the time cube with Prismo

  • @jessicacaraballo645
    @jessicacaraballo645 5 років тому +5

    I lost the ability to smell rain had me crying laughing

  • @theamici
    @theamici 5 років тому +1

    Considering how incredibly useful mathematics is in specifying how to exercise power, it's a no-brainer really that it should be taught at Hogwart. Just knowing things like radious and circumference could be very useful in defining the reach of an area of effect spell. Learning higher maths could be even more useful in creating precise spells.

    • @sakshi5435
      @sakshi5435 5 років тому +1

      Actually, it was taught iat Hogwarts. It is called Arithmacy.
      In Hermione’s words, it was ‘predicting the future with numbers’, and was her favourite subject. Taught by Professor Vector, it involved a lot of complicated homework and was a necessary subject for anyone hoping to ever work as a curse-breaker at Gringotts bank.

  • @maitrejoker508
    @maitrejoker508 6 років тому +4

    All I hear is Prismo from Adventure Time, omg, I loved his role in the show!

  • @PlubusDomis
    @PlubusDomis 4 роки тому +1

    I'm glad you're getting this message out to the masses. I'm willing to bet many American veterans see that mistake as well, a hashtag and a clever article will viral exponentially

  • @jiyaagarwal835
    @jiyaagarwal835 5 років тому +3

    Just watched MIB International...can’t help imagining Pawny speaking in place of Kumail!
    😂😂😂

  • @mikeshea2456
    @mikeshea2456 2 роки тому +2

    This is every comedian's nightmare: when you KNOW you're crushing but the audience didn't get the memo.

  • @bigstan23
    @bigstan23 5 років тому +6

    He said that they have been wonderful but you can actually see the disappointment on his face

  • @farwanqv
    @farwanqv 6 років тому +3

    Kumail you have nailed it.

  • @abbyhellman6074
    @abbyhellman6074 5 років тому +15

    Arithmacy was like Math, I guess

    • @SailorBleachNaruto
      @SailorBleachNaruto 5 років тому

      Abby Hellman I think So Too, and they do study history of magic 🤷🏽‍♀️

    • @haleydunning3819
      @haleydunning3819 5 років тому +1

      is ancient runes wizard slang for math?

    • @ivantu1823
      @ivantu1823 5 років тому

      ​@@haleydunning3819 No ancient runes is a pre-English/Latin language of UK specifically, Ireland.

  • @sarvin4471
    @sarvin4471 6 років тому +2

    Omg the ending was so funny! And so true. I hate that kind of ignorance most. It shuts out full parts of the world, filled with so many different beautiful peoples and cultures.

  • @johhnycash1515
    @johhnycash1515 7 років тому +237

    kumail: I love Harry Potter!
    Me: frantically presses the like button

  • @jerminator356
    @jerminator356 5 років тому +1

    Kumail is one of my favorite comedians.

  • @daddyneednewshoes344
    @daddyneednewshoes344 5 років тому +7

    if you have seen his episode of twilight zone 2019 then you know how many people he killed with these jokes

  • @60foru12
    @60foru12 5 років тому +2

    That joke about Call of Duty hit home for me

  • @IvoryBell
    @IvoryBell 5 років тому +9

    The jokes are awesome, but there's something about the delivery I find distracting. I dont know. May just be that it was a tough crowd and that can be difficult to perform in front of.

  • @HighAsHeckPriestess
    @HighAsHeckPriestess 3 роки тому

    The freddy Kruger joke has long been a fave of mine🤣🤣

  • @dudedysseus
    @dudedysseus 5 років тому +161

    Why in God's name is there an apostrophe in "Hogwarts"?

    • @kirstiefaith9502
      @kirstiefaith9502 5 років тому +5

      THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING

    • @FahadAyaz
      @FahadAyaz 5 років тому

      Thank you! 😘

    • @lwaves
      @lwaves 5 років тому +5

      Very true but if you want to be really picky, there should also be an 's' after math. Hogwarts is a UK school, so they'd only teach maths, not math. ;-)

    • @IanCookUS
      @IanCookUS 5 років тому +2

      @@lwaves Kumail is not speaking British English though

    • @lwaves
      @lwaves 5 років тому

      @@IanCookUS Well, I wasn't being serious but how he speaks wouldn't change that. It's still technically wrong. The reference point is the school and it's location, not himself or his location. If it was football, not math/maths, he'd be talking about a very different sport using your way of thinking. As I say though, it was only meant light-heartedly, not seriously. :-)

  • @LadyJenevia
    @LadyJenevia 4 роки тому

    At first I thought the title said “Hogwarts Should Have Taught Meth” and my first reaction was “I can’t wait to see how Kumail creates this punchline.” 🤣

  • @AbhinavBhattacharya1908
    @AbhinavBhattacharya1908 6 років тому +5

    Students at Hogwarts did actually study about Maths and other normal subjects under 'Muggle Studies'.

  • @MuhammadAli-jd2ut
    @MuhammadAli-jd2ut 5 років тому

    "Your hometown is now a battlefield" xD fucking gold

  • @DursunX
    @DursunX 5 років тому +231

    what! they got the language of Pakistan wrong?
    next you'll tell me they left a starbucks cup in GOT 🤦🏻‍♂️

    • @SSchithFoo
      @SSchithFoo 5 років тому +9

      False equivalence dumbass. One is disrespectful towards a whole country and a culture and is unacceptable. Other is a small mistake.

    • @sars910
      @sars910 5 років тому +2

      @@DursunX in all honesty, GoT S8 had much bigger problems than a coffee cup.

    • @DursunX
      @DursunX 5 років тому

      @@sars910 (full disclosure- i didnt watch all GoT)

    • @DursunX
      @DursunX 4 роки тому

      @Soon Forgot get a life

  • @dezflores471
    @dezflores471 4 роки тому

    Square root of nine! Omg that killed me! Lol love HP! Very clever joke! Well done Sir!

  • @shivika1000
    @shivika1000 5 років тому +8

    They did teach math in Hogwarts. It was called arithmancy, but it was an elective like divinitation and care of magical creatures. And they did teach history, in the class called history of magic, taught by a ghost, Prof Binns.

    • @akashshukla3581
      @akashshukla3581 5 років тому +2

      just came to the comments to see if someone is talking about this.

    • @Firegen1
      @Firegen1 5 років тому +1

      So many reasons why that annoys me. One JKs Rowling knows that maths is a core of the English Baccalaureate in the UK. She bloody grew up with the old system. We would never make maths an elective unless studying pure mathematics. Fictional world or no she missed a chance to do some in jokes about British education. Asinus ad lyram. Twitter capitis.

  • @Guyver2391
    @Guyver2391 4 роки тому +1

    So this is from 2009 or early 2010, and he deserved so much more laughs.

  • @abellopez.
    @abellopez. 7 років тому +35

    6.5% of all thumbs were down, 93.5% thumbs up of the 42,000 people who had an opinion. 29 people felt compelled to comment on how they felt about it (as of 11/19/17).
    I still hate Nickelback.

  • @copypaste1358
    @copypaste1358 5 років тому

    I cant stop looking at his side burns tho, so mesmerizing

  • @AH-tm9no
    @AH-tm9no 5 років тому +18

    I always wondered about the mathematics in hogwarts too

    • @amitabhsharma3916
      @amitabhsharma3916 5 років тому +3

      There's arithmancy though. I forget what the subject actually is about, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with numbers. Granted there's nothing with basic mathematics

  • @GlennDavey
    @GlennDavey 4 роки тому +1

    "You guys are wonderful"

  • @adeeness
    @adeeness 5 років тому +4

    Who's here after he got super buff for Eternals?😂

  • @rafthethinker4948
    @rafthethinker4948 6 років тому +1

    That square root joke was gold

  • @sergiolobato1798
    @sergiolobato1798 5 років тому +17

    Funny but work on those transitions bro!

  • @sophovot5079
    @sophovot5079 5 років тому +1

    kumail delivering ice cold takes straight from 2003

  • @Hatchiko
    @Hatchiko 5 років тому +11

    History they do. Professor Bins

    • @BlueEyedBrunette
      @BlueEyedBrunette 5 років тому +1

      History of Magic- so wizarding history, so the history of Goblin Wars but not World Wars.

  • @pearlywhites3025
    @pearlywhites3025 5 років тому +1

    This guy was my favorite on Portlandia

  • @Mike-wp2qj
    @Mike-wp2qj 5 років тому +8

    Damn Montreal audience😂, y'all really dropped the ball

  • @ryzemidsauce3668
    @ryzemidsauce3668 4 роки тому

    1:18 the Background scared the shit out of me

  • @cmw12
    @cmw12 5 років тому +3

    There absolutely are “light-bulbs” in the ocean. Bioluminescence, anyone?

  • @Molybdaenmornell
    @Molybdaenmornell 5 років тому

    Totally. I've always thought this. There was a whole "Pride goes before the fall"-story of perceived wizarding superiority and irrelevance of "Muggle" skills waiting to be told in Harry Potter and their lack of conventional education could have been a plug point. I've always thought Dumbledore and McGonnagall probably knew their fair share of algebra, natural history and social sciences but most of the rest were fairly ignorant. Maybe JK has answers to this, perhaps that maths was a part of various other courses. If it were just a total kid's story with the premise "magic aces everything", that might not have been popular with the readership, but there are plenty of things magic doesn't deal with in HP: evil, death, hunger, lovesickness, inequality of power, WW2, the whole world of "Muggle problems".
    If you think about it, that's also questionable. It's pretty elitist of HP to focus on a tiny minority of people spread all over the world just because they're the only ones with special skills. When they do talk about Muggles, they're usually/often treated with respect, but they never matter much. There is not one positive Muggle who is central to the story. And the one place where Harry asks Hagrid why they hid from the Muggles, he says "We're best left alone", explaining that they'd want all their problems solves. Well, of course they would! And if you can solve them better than everyone else, you jolly well should. I think power leads to responsibility and this is a case of a powerful minority largely cordoning itself off from ordinary people's troubles. I'd have liked to see wizards going out there to deal with climate change and war. It might appear "wiser" for JK to leave the big problems of our time unsolved by witches and wizards (since that might make them seem too easy and push belief), but if you think about it, she's already put her foot in that by allowing magic into the story at all.
    Magic and plausibility/relatability are a tricky combo anyway. Several moments in HP strike me as attempts to make it more relatable by curtailing the power of magic, e.g. one of the exceptions to Gamp's first law of transfiguration telling us that you can't create "food". It's a strange idea to have a natural law including the term "food" in it, given what a broad, multi-faceted category that is, so I had a trouble suspending disbelief at that, but would you want to write a story where no-one can ever be hungry? People wouldn't connect to that. So JK goes for the implausible to stay relatable.

  • @rahilaiftekhar9834
    @rahilaiftekhar9834 5 років тому +4

    Not to be a buzz kill. But they do have history of magic and arithmancy

    • @optimisms
      @optimisms 5 років тому

      history of magic probably doesn't include the holocaust and arithmancy deals with the magical properties of numbers not arithmetic, algebra, and calculus

  • @antjobert
    @antjobert 4 роки тому

    Ok, to clarify: Urdu is a language that is almost identical to Hindi (i.e. the Hindi spoken in India) and Urdu IS written with the Arabic script. So yes, Arabic is a different language from Urdu. But Arabic and Urdu look identical to someone who can't read that script. Just clarifying that this was not as egregious of an error as one might assume.

  • @gillianjones6629
    @gillianjones6629 5 років тому +3

    I'm not here to watch the video, I'm just here to *Hogwarts

  • @pac-ice-tan806
    @pac-ice-tan806 4 роки тому

    Kumail: starts talking about Call of duty
    Me: now I'm interested

  • @kshipra7053
    @kshipra7053 5 років тому +4

    Actually..... Hermione does take a subject called Arithmancy at Hogwarts 🙃🙃

  • @footofjuniper8212
    @footofjuniper8212 5 років тому

    Good set.