I grew up in a family where we were taught that your actions affect everyone and I was always told that I was the reason why a lot of things happened so I guess that is why I feel responsible for the other people feel
I don't remember my dreams but often wake up covered in sweat. For awhile, I woke up trying to catch my breath, heart pounding, thankfully that has passed
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I asked the first question, thank you so much Kati for taking the time to answer it; the support you offer really does make a huge difference. In terms of where my over-responsibility comes from - as a child I was made to feel that my mum's mental health struggles were my fault. If I misbehaved, mum struggled and I would be blamed. If my sisters misbehaved, it was because I wasn't looking after them properly, that would cause mum to struggle and I would be punished. If I didn't do well at school, or get dinner for my sisters, or keep them quiet while mum was resting. It's taken me well over 40 years and several years of therapy to begin to accept that those things weren't actually my fault and that I didn't deserve to be punished the way I was but trying to work out what I should feel responsible for is proving challenging.
So glad you could reach out here, well done. Suicidal thoughts are way more common than is realised. My therapist describes the feeling it brings as 'disgusting' and she's so calm about it, which in itself has hugely reduced the frequency and intensity, along with gently processing the underlying trauma. I wasn't every day level so may be different for you, but I really didn't want meds for a variety of reasons. Having someone close to me understand the importance of checking in was a breakthrough, finding this therapist was likewise. I found that very few health professionals understood and many made it worse. The moment I found anyone who understood, I felt seen and supported. It took a year and many trials of different sources of help until I found the right therapist and even then it was so hard I nearly gave up. If there is any chance that trauma is at the heart of it then this will need the right relationship to heal, ultimately, rather than drugs. (These videos of Kati's and others were a great bridge until I got that). But no judgement - daily thoughts would be horrific - agree that you need support and possibly short term meds ASAP. You've made an awesome step, reaching out here. I hope that's helped even if just for today. A therapist once told me to welcome these thoughts as the clever protective mechanism that they are but to recognise you don't have to act on them. Not sure I could ever welcome them! But understanding I wasn't mad or bad for having them really helped. They are a sign of overwhelm and that we need more support. Your job is to keep going in finding the right support for you.
many of us struggle with a similar but complex problem - a giant wave of emotion that has been stirred up from some unwanted trauma [trauma = moment(s) of extreme stress and emotion] - but we can't live our best lives by letting this tsunami wave of emotion hit us and we can't and don't want to just focus on this wave because it will just keep coming back hitting us not letting us get back up while we're down leaving us unable to recover -- thats why we need to figure out the different emotions inside the wave so we can lessen the impact it has on us and we can learn to handle this wave and overcome our trauma and the power it has over us - during the day as well as at night cuz our brain never stops and there's always going to be those brain waves
My mom blatantly told me the other day “I want you to please me” or “I want you to want to please me” I feel she doesn’t deserve it because why should I give her the gratification of praise when I’ve been distraught over the last 13 years when I went and was having intimate experiences for the first time I was told not to express my exhilaration to anyone?
I do sometimes have nightmares about horror movies, and sometimes I have good dreams about me accomplishing something huge, but most it's nightmares about traumas I've experienced, it happening again
Yeah, that is vaginismus. My body clamps down a lot when it feels like it's being invaded. It makes even touching my own self painful sometimes. Gyno appointments, I mostly avoided my entire adult life because they were so painful. Unfortunately from what ive read about it, treatment sounds like a nightmare, especially since im a SA survivor. I never sought out treatment for it because of this. From what ive read the recommended treatment for it is visits to a sex therapist and basically exposure therapy where you kinda push yourself through the pain while experiencing pleasure to try to rewire your brain to associate it with pleasure while also using dialators to progressively introduce larger and larger insertables to stretch yourself out. To me this sounds like a misogynistic mansplaining nightmare of how to heal trauma like "you've gotta train your body to accept penetration" . There has got to be a better way. For me, I'm content with non-penetratable sexual gratification (It helps that I don't date men) and for things like gyno appointments my therapist prepares me well for it, I ask for another person to be in the room so I don't feel cornered, I explain to the doctor exactly what triggers me and I have a wonderful doctor that says that I can be the captain of my own ship and direct her as to if/when I need to pause or stop altogether. Knowing I can stop it at any time is extremely helpful. I also practice visualization and breathing techniques to keep myself grounded and present, and it is very helpful for the nurse to like, touch my arm or somethingso that I have gentle physical contact I can focus on, and have her say something like "you are here, you are safe, and you can stop at any time" The doctor takes her time and tells me everything she's going to do before she does it, and if something is painful she tries to either do it as quickly as possible, or allow me breaks, or sometimes we will just stop and call it a day without any judgement. My biggest advice is to find a trauma informed gyno. Mine is from planned parenthood, which I chose because the doctors there see lots of patients that have had sexual trauma. I hope this helps for anyone nervous about going to the gyno. Find someone who can be patient and listen to your body.
I have Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome which can overlap with symptoms of Vaginismus. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I've had chronic pelvic pain for 2+ years, my meds help but to a point, and some days are just brutal-- either physically, mentally, or both.
My first girlfriend was like this to the nth. She didn't have any kind of SA, but physical touch in general was very uncomfortable for her. I understood where she was coming from because I do have SA in my history. After weeks of contemplating the situation, I came to a possible solution. I asked her if we could do an experiment. My suggestion was to place my hand on a part of her that was comfortable for her. Then, she would do the same with me. After that, we would move our hands until it became uncomfortable, just holding in that position for a few minutes. It took months, but eventually, we were comfortable touching each other on any part. When we started to attempt intercourse, it was just as slow. Even the slightest hint of her feeling uncomfortable and we would stop. I was more concerned about her trusting me rather than the act itself. The first time penetration was successful was very intense for her, so we stopped, and I drew her a nice, warm bubble bath. It wasn't so much about "exposure." It was about her, and what she felt was safe. She wanted to do this. The problem was that it was painful and uncomfortable. Even when we got into a rhythm, it was hard for her to enjoy it. So, I started doing some research on how I could be better for her. It took some exploration, but I eventually found what worked for her, and our sex life drastically changed. She was not only more responsive and receptive, she would even request/initiate. Saying it has to be about exposure is kind of wrong. You're sharing the most intimate action that you can with another human being. Especially when you've got SA in your past. Rather than jumping the gun and trying to force it, try doing what I did. Build up the trust, take your time, allow yourself to say "no" when it's too much. If you trust someone, your body is more likely to be relaxed around them. Don't expect it to be immediate. Don't try to rush things. Take exactly as much time as you need. There is no limit.
To the girl who’s friend was molested. Definitely reach out to her. My mom told her church friend about my brother molesting me. Though she didn’t express it that way. To whatever extent it was as if it was wanted on my part. She didn’t want to talk to me after that. I couldn’t figure out what happened for over a decade. We just really weren’t friends anymore. I have no friends from childhood and very few family. My mom made me the scapegoat and it’s hard not to have anyone believe you or want to associate with you. Please talk to her and just be her friend like you were before.
My son passed away 1.5 years ago I love him so much I think I was a good mom but I can’t stop thinking I failed my son. He moved away from me two years before he passed away. I feel guilty that I didn’t move by him I thought he was ok. Do u have any suggestions for me?
I have nightmares most nights, some are related to my trauma in some weird way, but most are just me being hunted by someone, or me running from something - if i don't have nightmares, ill have stress dreams instead where I'm constantly hurrying to get to somewhere and forgetting stuff, or I'm like chronically late for something super important, some nights its often a thing in my day to day calendar, so when i wake up, I'm extremely stressed because i thought i was way late to that meeting, that is like 5 hours away..
I experienced unwanted sexual stuff (no penetrations though) as a kid (by another kid), and i have Vaganismus as a result, and i found a gynecologist that had experience with that sort of stuff, and told them that i "cannot even get a finger in myself" and they took really good care of me, my anxiety and the appointment, held my hand during the process, lots of lube, warmed up the thingy so its not cold. A 100% tell you OBGYN that you have a hard time with the procedure and they will be nice about it
For the person walking through abuse by proxy through the church - We are a family, or should be. In the Bible we're referred to as one "body", or family quite often. You're hurting and angry because it's an abuse toward your sisters (probably female most often, but maybe brothers too)...OUR sisters. My sisters too. I've been watching documentaries on cults and fundamentalist Baptists...and my heart is aching, and I didn't even go to one. I've been around evangelical non-denom churches, and they're bad enough sometimes, but there's a lot of abuse coming out about super legalistic churches lately. You care deeply because we're supposed to. Matthew 18:6
Dear Kati, I have a question for you! I'm sorry to take your time up with this question, but I want an honest, objective opinion and I love following your videos and thank you for the work you do. Would you think suicide would be the right choice in the right circumstances? Let me explain. I have severely quiet BPD, severe MDD, GAD, PTSD, C-PTSD, PMDD, BED, and horribly chronic Suicidal Ideations. I have been dealing with these since I was thirteen. And a history of verbal, emotional, mental, some sexual (but its not that bad honestly), and sometimes physical abuse. I also deal with a lot of physical pain. Diagnosed with Psoriatic arthritis at 20, idiopathic progressive polyneuropothy at 19, and now an unknown neurological/muscular disease (they are thinking stiff person syndrome but are not certain) at 33. I am in constant physical pain that I cannot control. I have no support. My family is the source of my trauma so I cannot rely on them. I was parentified by the age of 4 or 5 and have been my parents personal therapist since they got together at the age of 8.5. And I don't have friends or anyone else to reach out to. I am the one that everyone comes to to solve their problems, actually. All I have are my two cats. They are the only reason I'm here. But they are both sick. They only have a couple years left to live. And, honestly, once they pass away, my reasons to live die along with them. I've told my therapist this. She has been my rock. I've tried all the things. I have been on all different varieties of meds throughout my life with absolutely no effect (literally like a placebo, pain meds and anesthesia don't effect me either. My body is just an anomaly). I've tried TMS and Spravato with no success and because there is no improvement insurance discontinued treatment after 4 months. I have not tried ECT because there is no treatment around me that has an all female team and i refuse to work with male clinicians in any way, shape, or form (i have an EXTREME fear of men. See sexual abuse above) I've been in PHPs, IOPs, and inpatient after a failed suicide attempt at 18. I'm tired. I'm in pain. The only reason I'm here is my cats. Once they are gone, I want to leave too. And I've been trying to leave my therapist so that I don't hurt her when this happens. I don't want to be seeing her and have to force her to make that call. I don't WANT her to make that call. I know I will be horribly lonely because she is the only person I have talk to, but I am just trying to protect her. She is very annoyingly stubborn, though, and trying to keep me as a patient. So, my question is, given these set of circumstances, would you think it would be...acceptable, I guess, (because I know, as a therapist you would never think suicide is 'right') to choose suicide over more pain and suffering? I see no hope when I've exhausted all the options for treatment. Honestly, if it makes a difference, for how much I have considered and planned, I know that the only person who would actually miss me for any length of time would be my therapist. She seems to be the only one who cares. My family would put on a show, but would make it about them in the end anyways. I haven't made a difference in anyone else's life enough that it would matter. My therapist can't have an objective opinion because she is too close to the situation. We are too close and have been together too long. She is basically like the mom I wish I had, except in therapist form. I am so very sorry if you've taken the time to read all of this and that it's so long. But I am also extremely grateful if you choose to answer it because I am desperate for an objective opinion. And I value the work that you do and all the videos that you make for us. Sincerely in search of an answer, B
"And I don't have friends or anyone else to reach out to. I am the one that everyone comes to to solve their problems" But if you don't have friends, who are those people coming to you? just your parents? if that's the case, it may be time to go outside of your confort zone and actively meet new people, it will help.
I had a lot of night terrors as a kid, but most of that was due to the fact dad an would would let us watch whatever we wanted to as long as it wasn't porn, which is why im a huge horror fan today not to mention dad would make us wat h all horror movies a lot so we wouldn't be scared of them when we got older. Glad he did, Used to have a few dreams of me being a killer, but most was just weird dreams lol But i dont believe dreams effect you but only for a few moments nothing to worry about once you got up had a big full meal an a shitload of soda or big glass of Nestlé chocolate milk, love the powered stir flavor, hate the Hershey liquid as it burned my throat for some reason 😊
If you’d never have checked underneath the bed just once as a child you would still feel a sense of relief every time your feet hit the floor below as you got into bed or successfully got out of bed as you dodged the untrue monster that was thought to dwell beneath it. As a child it’s conscious but without being solved it becomes subconscious. We need must put closure to the things that have us unknowingly knee jerk into the wrong reactions and locations.
I grew up in a family where we were taught that your actions affect everyone and I was always told that I was the reason why a lot of things happened so I guess that is why I feel responsible for the other people feel
I don't remember my dreams but often wake up covered in sweat. For awhile, I woke up trying to catch my breath, heart pounding, thankfully that has passed
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Learned the long hard way to no longer be a people pleaser. Thank you therapy & support groups!
I asked the first question, thank you so much Kati for taking the time to answer it; the support you offer really does make a huge difference.
In terms of where my over-responsibility comes from - as a child I was made to feel that my mum's mental health struggles were my fault. If I misbehaved, mum struggled and I would be blamed. If my sisters misbehaved, it was because I wasn't looking after them properly, that would cause mum to struggle and I would be punished. If I didn't do well at school, or get dinner for my sisters, or keep them quiet while mum was resting. It's taken me well over 40 years and several years of therapy to begin to accept that those things weren't actually my fault and that I didn't deserve to be punished the way I was but trying to work out what I should feel responsible for is proving challenging.
My question was answered in this video and I would just like to say thank you Kati. Talking about suicidality is so important to talk about.
So glad you could reach out here, well done. Suicidal thoughts are way more common than is realised. My therapist describes the feeling it brings as 'disgusting' and she's so calm about it, which in itself has hugely reduced the frequency and intensity, along with gently processing the underlying trauma.
I wasn't every day level so may be different for you, but I really didn't want meds for a variety of reasons. Having someone close to me understand the importance of checking in was a breakthrough, finding this therapist was likewise. I found that very few health professionals understood and many made it worse. The moment I found anyone who understood, I felt seen and supported. It took a year and many trials of different sources of help until I found the right therapist and even then it was so hard I nearly gave up. If there is any chance that trauma is at the heart of it then this will need the right relationship to heal, ultimately, rather than drugs. (These videos of Kati's and others were a great bridge until I got that). But no judgement - daily thoughts would be horrific - agree that you need support and possibly short term meds ASAP. You've made an awesome step, reaching out here. I hope that's helped even if just for today. A therapist once told me to welcome these thoughts as the clever protective mechanism that they are but to recognise you don't have to act on them. Not sure I could ever welcome them! But understanding I wasn't mad or bad for having them really helped. They are a sign of overwhelm and that we need more support. Your job is to keep going in finding the right support for you.
many of us struggle with a similar but complex problem - a giant wave of emotion that has been stirred up from some unwanted trauma [trauma = moment(s) of extreme stress and emotion] - but we can't live our best lives by letting this tsunami wave of emotion hit us and we can't and don't want to just focus on this wave because it will just keep coming back hitting us not letting us get back up while we're down leaving us unable to recover -- thats why we need to figure out the different emotions inside the wave so we can lessen the impact it has on us and we can learn to handle this wave and overcome our trauma and the power it has over us - during the day as well as at night cuz our brain never stops and there's always going to be those brain waves
I’m kind of a people pleaser.its kind of bad..and being a person like me with autism is not easy
Thank you for answering my add on for last question! It felt really validating.
My mom blatantly told me the other day “I want you to please me” or “I want you to want to please me”
I feel she doesn’t deserve it because why should I give her the gratification of praise when I’ve been distraught over the last 13 years when I went and was having intimate experiences for the first time I was told not to express my exhilaration to anyone?
I do sometimes have nightmares about horror movies, and sometimes I have good dreams about me accomplishing something huge, but most it's nightmares about traumas I've experienced, it happening again
Yay a new video
Yeah, that is vaginismus. My body clamps down a lot when it feels like it's being invaded. It makes even touching my own self painful sometimes. Gyno appointments, I mostly avoided my entire adult life because they were so painful. Unfortunately from what ive read about it, treatment sounds like a nightmare, especially since im a SA survivor. I never sought out treatment for it because of this. From what ive read the recommended treatment for it is visits to a sex therapist and basically exposure therapy where you kinda push yourself through the pain while experiencing pleasure to try to rewire your brain to associate it with pleasure while also using dialators to progressively introduce larger and larger insertables to stretch yourself out. To me this sounds like a misogynistic mansplaining nightmare of how to heal trauma like "you've gotta train your body to accept penetration" . There has got to be a better way.
For me, I'm content with non-penetratable sexual gratification (It helps that I don't date men) and for things like gyno appointments my therapist prepares me well for it, I ask for another person to be in the room so I don't feel cornered, I explain to the doctor exactly what triggers me and I have a wonderful doctor that says that I can be the captain of my own ship and direct her as to if/when I need to pause or stop altogether. Knowing I can stop it at any time is extremely helpful.
I also practice visualization and breathing techniques to keep myself grounded and present, and it is very helpful for the nurse to like, touch my arm or somethingso that I have gentle physical contact I can focus on, and have her say something like "you are here, you are safe, and you can stop at any time"
The doctor takes her time and tells me everything she's going to do before she does it, and if something is painful she tries to either do it as quickly as possible, or allow me breaks, or sometimes we will just stop and call it a day without any judgement.
My biggest advice is to find a trauma informed gyno. Mine is from planned parenthood, which I chose because the doctors there see lots of patients that have had sexual trauma. I hope this helps for anyone nervous about going to the gyno.
Find someone who can be patient and listen to your body.
I have Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome which can overlap with symptoms of Vaginismus. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I've had chronic pelvic pain for 2+ years, my meds help but to a point, and some days are just brutal-- either physically, mentally, or both.
My first girlfriend was like this to the nth. She didn't have any kind of SA, but physical touch in general was very uncomfortable for her.
I understood where she was coming from because I do have SA in my history. After weeks of contemplating the situation, I came to a possible solution.
I asked her if we could do an experiment. My suggestion was to place my hand on a part of her that was comfortable for her. Then, she would do the same with me.
After that, we would move our hands until it became uncomfortable, just holding in that position for a few minutes.
It took months, but eventually, we were comfortable touching each other on any part.
When we started to attempt intercourse, it was just as slow. Even the slightest hint of her feeling uncomfortable and we would stop.
I was more concerned about her trusting me rather than the act itself. The first time penetration was successful was very intense for her, so we stopped, and I drew her a nice, warm bubble bath.
It wasn't so much about "exposure." It was about her, and what she felt was safe. She wanted to do this. The problem was that it was painful and uncomfortable.
Even when we got into a rhythm, it was hard for her to enjoy it. So, I started doing some research on how I could be better for her.
It took some exploration, but I eventually found what worked for her, and our sex life drastically changed. She was not only more responsive and receptive, she would even request/initiate.
Saying it has to be about exposure is kind of wrong. You're sharing the most intimate action that you can with another human being. Especially when you've got SA in your past.
Rather than jumping the gun and trying to force it, try doing what I did. Build up the trust, take your time, allow yourself to say "no" when it's too much.
If you trust someone, your body is more likely to be relaxed around them. Don't expect it to be immediate. Don't try to rush things. Take exactly as much time as you need. There is no limit.
To the girl who’s friend was molested. Definitely reach out to her. My mom told her church friend about my brother molesting me. Though she didn’t express it that way. To whatever extent it was as if it was wanted on my part. She didn’t want to talk to me after that. I couldn’t figure out what happened for over a decade. We just really weren’t friends anymore. I have no friends from childhood and very few family. My mom made me the scapegoat and it’s hard not to have anyone believe you or want to associate with you. Please talk to her and just be her friend like you were before.
My son passed away 1.5 years ago I love him so much I think I was a good mom but I can’t stop thinking I failed my son. He moved away from me two years before he passed away. I feel guilty that I didn’t move by him I thought he was ok. Do u have any suggestions for me?
Everything suits on you !
I have nightmares most nights, some are related to my trauma in some weird way, but most are just me being hunted by someone, or me running from something - if i don't have nightmares, ill have stress dreams instead where I'm constantly hurrying to get to somewhere and forgetting stuff, or I'm like chronically late for something super important, some nights its often a thing in my day to day calendar, so when i wake up, I'm extremely stressed because i thought i was way late to that meeting, that is like 5 hours away..
I experienced unwanted sexual stuff (no penetrations though) as a kid (by another kid), and i have Vaganismus as a result, and i found a gynecologist that had experience with that sort of stuff, and told them that i "cannot even get a finger in myself" and they took really good care of me, my anxiety and the appointment, held my hand during the process, lots of lube, warmed up the thingy so its not cold.
A 100% tell you OBGYN that you have a hard time with the procedure and they will be nice about it
Would you please do time stamps for your Q&A content?
I get nightmares and or dreams almost every night as I have for over 20 something years
For the person walking through abuse by proxy through the church -
We are a family, or should be. In the Bible we're referred to as one "body", or family quite often.
You're hurting and angry because it's an abuse toward your sisters (probably female most often, but maybe brothers too)...OUR sisters. My sisters too.
I've been watching documentaries on cults and fundamentalist Baptists...and my heart is aching, and I didn't even go to one. I've been around evangelical non-denom churches, and they're bad enough sometimes, but there's a lot of abuse coming out about super legalistic churches lately.
You care deeply because we're supposed to.
Matthew 18:6
Dear Kati,
I have a question for you! I'm sorry to take your time up with this question, but I want an honest, objective opinion and I love following your videos and thank you for the work you do.
Would you think suicide would be the right choice in the right circumstances?
Let me explain. I have severely quiet BPD, severe MDD, GAD, PTSD, C-PTSD, PMDD, BED, and horribly chronic Suicidal Ideations. I have been dealing with these since I was thirteen. And a history of verbal, emotional, mental, some sexual (but its not that bad honestly), and sometimes physical abuse.
I also deal with a lot of physical pain. Diagnosed with Psoriatic arthritis at 20, idiopathic progressive polyneuropothy at 19, and now an unknown neurological/muscular disease (they are thinking stiff person syndrome but are not certain) at 33. I am in constant physical pain that I cannot control.
I have no support. My family is the source of my trauma so I cannot rely on them. I was parentified by the age of 4 or 5 and have been my parents personal therapist since they got together at the age of 8.5. And I don't have friends or anyone else to reach out to. I am the one that everyone comes to to solve their problems, actually.
All I have are my two cats. They are the only reason I'm here. But they are both sick. They only have a couple years left to live. And, honestly, once they pass away, my reasons to live die along with them.
I've told my therapist this. She has been my rock. I've tried all the things. I have been on all different varieties of meds throughout my life with absolutely no effect (literally like a placebo, pain meds and anesthesia don't effect me either. My body is just an anomaly). I've tried TMS and Spravato with no success and because there is no improvement insurance discontinued treatment after 4 months. I have not tried ECT because there is no treatment around me that has an all female team and i refuse to work with male clinicians in any way, shape, or form (i have an EXTREME fear of men. See sexual abuse above) I've been in PHPs, IOPs, and inpatient after a failed suicide attempt at 18.
I'm tired. I'm in pain. The only reason I'm here is my cats. Once they are gone, I want to leave too. And I've been trying to leave my therapist so that I don't hurt her when this happens. I don't want to be seeing her and have to force her to make that call. I don't WANT her to make that call. I know I will be horribly lonely because she is the only person I have talk to, but I am just trying to protect her. She is very annoyingly stubborn, though, and trying to keep me as a patient.
So, my question is, given these set of circumstances, would you think it would be...acceptable, I guess, (because I know, as a therapist you would never think suicide is 'right') to choose suicide over more pain and suffering? I see no hope when I've exhausted all the options for treatment.
Honestly, if it makes a difference, for how much I have considered and planned, I know that the only person who would actually miss me for any length of time would be my therapist. She seems to be the only one who cares. My family would put on a show, but would make it about them in the end anyways. I haven't made a difference in anyone else's life enough that it would matter.
My therapist can't have an objective opinion because she is too close to the situation. We are too close and have been together too long. She is basically like the mom I wish I had, except in therapist form.
I am so very sorry if you've taken the time to read all of this and that it's so long. But I am also extremely grateful if you choose to answer it because I am desperate for an objective opinion. And I value the work that you do and all the videos that you make for us.
Sincerely in search of an answer,
B
"And I don't have friends or anyone else to reach out to. I am the one that everyone comes to to solve their problems"
But if you don't have friends, who are those people coming to you? just your parents? if that's the case, it may be time to go outside of your confort zone and actively meet new people, it will help.
Kati, do you offer therapy services or are you on UA-cam for other purposes? I’m curious to know if you’re someone I can seek therapy from
I had a lot of night terrors as a kid, but most of that was due to the fact dad an would would let us watch whatever we wanted to as long as it wasn't porn, which is why im a huge horror fan today not to mention dad would make us wat h all horror movies a lot so we wouldn't be scared of them when we got older. Glad he did, Used to have a few dreams of me being a killer, but most was just weird dreams lol But i dont believe dreams effect you but only for a few moments nothing to worry about once you got up had a big full meal an a shitload of soda or big glass of Nestlé chocolate milk, love the powered stir flavor, hate the Hershey liquid as it burned my throat for some reason 😊
you're pretty
❤😅
If you’d never have checked underneath the bed just once as a child you would still feel a sense of relief every time your feet hit the floor below as you got into bed or successfully got out of bed as you dodged the untrue monster that was thought to dwell beneath it. As a child it’s conscious but without being solved it becomes subconscious. We need must put closure to the things that have us unknowingly knee jerk into the wrong reactions and locations.